1 00:00:01,871 --> 00:00:10,097 ♪ Nutri-Grain bar and a Mountain Dew ♪ 2 00:00:10,097 --> 00:00:12,055 [farts] 3 00:00:12,055 --> 00:00:14,710 It's my goldfish's birthday. 4 00:00:14,710 --> 00:00:17,365 I should be having the time of my life, but I'm troubled. 5 00:00:17,365 --> 00:00:19,758 I don't think Klaus's boys are having a very good time. 6 00:00:19,758 --> 00:00:21,282 I know! 7 00:00:21,282 --> 00:00:23,806 Big Ed is being a little quiet. 8 00:00:23,806 --> 00:00:26,156 Courtney has barely touched his blunt. 9 00:00:26,156 --> 00:00:29,551 And Vance hasn't thrown a single bottle cap in my cleavage. 10 00:00:29,551 --> 00:00:31,074 Something is off. 11 00:00:31,074 --> 00:00:33,207 I haven't had one fart cupped and thrown at me. 12 00:00:33,207 --> 00:00:34,338 [farts] 13 00:00:34,338 --> 00:00:35,992 They're just farting normals. 14 00:00:35,992 --> 00:00:37,559 [grunting] 15 00:00:37,559 --> 00:00:39,300 Hey, Klaus, do you think maybe 16 00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:40,953 someone else could get a turn? 17 00:00:40,953 --> 00:00:42,607 No way! 18 00:00:42,607 --> 00:00:44,609 No one is touching this piñata but me! 19 00:00:44,609 --> 00:00:46,176 [grunts] 20 00:00:46,176 --> 00:00:49,049 I know it sounds crazy, but does Klaus not know how to share? 21 00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:51,442 [chain saw revs] 22 00:00:51,442 --> 00:00:52,791 Skittles! 23 00:00:52,791 --> 00:00:55,403 Stay back! This candy is all mine! 24 00:00:55,403 --> 00:00:57,709 We spent months planning this party, 25 00:00:57,709 --> 00:01:01,017 and Klaus is ruining it by being Klaus! 26 00:01:01,017 --> 00:01:02,540 Let's do the cake. 27 00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:04,455 That's good, his boys love cake. 28 00:01:04,455 --> 00:01:07,110 Who wants cake?! 29 00:01:07,110 --> 00:01:08,503 Put away those plates. 30 00:01:08,503 --> 00:01:10,809 This is just for me, thank you very much. 31 00:01:12,376 --> 00:01:14,944 It's my birthday and my cake. 32 00:01:14,944 --> 00:01:16,728 Klaus, you're not gonna eat this whole cake. 33 00:01:16,728 --> 00:01:18,556 Oh, yeah? 34 00:01:18,556 --> 00:01:21,385 [munching] 35 00:01:23,779 --> 00:01:27,652 [gags] 36 00:01:27,652 --> 00:01:30,960 This is especially hard because I hate confetti cake. 37 00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:32,353 [gags] 38 00:01:32,353 --> 00:01:34,529 Courtney, I cannot believe this is your favorite. 39 00:01:37,619 --> 00:01:39,447 Don't go, boys! 40 00:01:39,447 --> 00:01:42,537 I was just about to bring out the bong decorating station! 41 00:01:42,537 --> 00:01:44,756 TOGETHER: Naw, son. 42 00:01:44,756 --> 00:01:46,149 Uh-oh. 43 00:01:46,149 --> 00:01:49,544 You know the boys say "sup" when they're happy? 44 00:01:49,544 --> 00:01:52,590 "Naw, son" is the exact opposite. 45 00:01:52,590 --> 00:01:55,332 Naw, son! 46 00:01:55,332 --> 00:01:58,205 [patriotic music plays] 47 00:01:58,205 --> 00:02:00,816 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 48 00:02:00,816 --> 00:02:04,907 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 49 00:02:04,907 --> 00:02:08,084 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 50 00:02:08,084 --> 00:02:11,783 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 51 00:02:13,916 --> 00:02:17,354 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say 52 00:02:17,354 --> 00:02:19,661 - ♪ Good-- - ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 53 00:02:19,661 --> 00:02:20,531 Aah! 54 00:02:22,490 --> 00:02:25,362 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 55 00:02:29,540 --> 00:02:32,064 Can't sleep? Me neither. 56 00:02:32,064 --> 00:02:35,198 I'm just so damn worried about Klaus and his boys! 57 00:02:35,198 --> 00:02:36,678 We can't sleep either. 58 00:02:36,678 --> 00:02:39,550 We're worried that Mr. Klaus is gonna lose his boys! 59 00:02:39,550 --> 00:02:41,726 Did you know that Courtney dis-invited Klaus 60 00:02:41,726 --> 00:02:43,075 to his daughter's quinceañera? 61 00:02:43,075 --> 00:02:45,077 I did not know that. 62 00:02:45,077 --> 00:02:48,385 He's been so much less annoying since his Tampa boys moved here. 63 00:02:48,385 --> 00:02:50,431 We have to teach Klaus the importance of sharing 64 00:02:50,431 --> 00:02:51,997 before he loses them! 65 00:02:51,997 --> 00:02:55,697 And has to bring his electronic drums back to the house. 66 00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:59,222 I can still hear him not keeping beat. 67 00:02:59,222 --> 00:03:01,398 [piano playing] 68 00:03:05,010 --> 00:03:07,361 I love how you've kept up with your piano. 69 00:03:07,361 --> 00:03:08,449 How long has it been? 70 00:03:08,449 --> 00:03:09,580 600 years. 71 00:03:09,580 --> 00:03:10,886 [piano plays] 72 00:03:10,886 --> 00:03:13,193 And I'm finally gonna have my first recital. 73 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:14,629 Thing is, like all musicians, 74 00:03:14,629 --> 00:03:16,848 I'm much better when I don't take drugs. 75 00:03:16,848 --> 00:03:18,502 [piano plays] 76 00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:21,244 I need someone to make sure I don't do any drugs this week. 77 00:03:21,244 --> 00:03:22,724 I'm your man. 78 00:03:22,724 --> 00:03:25,509 I've kept Toshi off bath salts for almost six months. 79 00:03:25,509 --> 00:03:28,164 That's great. Let's celebrate this arrangement. 80 00:03:28,164 --> 00:03:29,687 [bong shatters] 81 00:03:29,687 --> 00:03:32,212 No way, no drugs. 82 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,910 It's times like this I'm glad I had Rogu install a... 83 00:03:34,910 --> 00:03:36,781 secret zip line! 84 00:03:36,781 --> 00:03:38,174 Aaaah! 85 00:03:38,174 --> 00:03:39,871 [thud] 86 00:03:39,871 --> 00:03:41,090 Oooh. 87 00:03:41,090 --> 00:03:43,223 Rogu procrastinate. 88 00:03:43,962 --> 00:03:46,791 ♪ 89 00:03:46,791 --> 00:03:50,491 Sharing turns a regular meal into an experience. 90 00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:53,755 With sharing, I can try a little of Jeff's patatas bravas 91 00:03:53,755 --> 00:03:55,322 and Francine's calamari. 92 00:03:55,322 --> 00:03:58,412 And they can both taste my balls! 93 00:03:58,412 --> 00:04:00,196 Dad, they're called croquettes. 94 00:04:00,196 --> 00:04:02,285 So sharing is when you get less of what you want 95 00:04:02,285 --> 00:04:05,941 because you're a chump-- sounds pretty stupid to me. 96 00:04:05,941 --> 00:04:08,857 Mr. Klaus, how can you not know the value of sharing? 97 00:04:08,857 --> 00:04:11,120 Didn't you learn this stuff on Sesame Street? 98 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,383 I never watched that Big Birdshit. 99 00:04:13,383 --> 00:04:15,907 Growing up in Germany, we had a real kids show, 100 00:04:15,907 --> 00:04:17,822 Gernot and Strudel. 101 00:04:17,822 --> 00:04:22,392 Well, they must've done an episode about sharing. 102 00:04:22,392 --> 00:04:25,569 You would think so, wouldn't you? 103 00:04:25,569 --> 00:04:27,615 [thunder crashes] 104 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:32,097 Ahh, gotta drain the ol' lizard. 105 00:04:32,097 --> 00:04:33,882 Don't touch my grub, hippies! 106 00:04:35,971 --> 00:04:36,972 Guys, this is great! 107 00:04:36,972 --> 00:04:38,626 All we have to do is find 108 00:04:38,626 --> 00:04:40,845 the "sharing" episode of his stupid show! 109 00:04:40,845 --> 00:04:44,022 Easy-breezy- tomato-soup-and-grilled-cheesy. 110 00:04:44,022 --> 00:04:45,546 I don't know, guys. 111 00:04:45,546 --> 00:04:47,678 Did you notice how he ominously looked out that window 112 00:04:47,678 --> 00:04:49,289 when we brought up the "sharing" episode? 113 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,639 You're worried because... he looked out a window? 114 00:04:51,639 --> 00:04:53,902 Why do you think they make windows? 115 00:04:53,902 --> 00:04:55,817 Stop being weird, Hayley. 116 00:04:55,817 --> 00:04:57,166 Look at me! 117 00:04:57,166 --> 00:05:00,343 I'm looking through the magic window! 118 00:05:00,343 --> 00:05:02,693 Oh, no, now I have an ominous! 119 00:05:02,693 --> 00:05:04,739 [laughter] 120 00:05:04,739 --> 00:05:05,609 [doors open] 121 00:05:07,394 --> 00:05:09,831 I know that look. Roger's jonesing. 122 00:05:13,704 --> 00:05:15,271 What the? 123 00:05:21,059 --> 00:05:23,279 Baby carrots? 124 00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:27,109 Dr. Slippy's Lock Pick Switcharoo Carrots Kit. 125 00:05:27,109 --> 00:05:28,328 [ding!] 126 00:05:32,244 --> 00:05:34,290 Oh, God, his drums are back! 127 00:05:34,290 --> 00:05:37,032 I thought we had more time! 128 00:05:37,032 --> 00:05:40,209 Here we go, I found a clip of the Gernot and Strudel show. 129 00:05:40,209 --> 00:05:43,386 [drums playing off-beat] 130 00:05:43,386 --> 00:05:45,780 [theme music playing] 131 00:05:45,780 --> 00:05:50,001 Es ist Zeit, die Show zu starten! 132 00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:52,395 ♪ 133 00:05:52,395 --> 00:05:54,832 German Wikipedia or "Viko-pedia!" 134 00:05:54,832 --> 00:05:57,487 says the show takes place in the "magical world 135 00:05:57,487 --> 00:05:59,576 of an old coat hanger factory." 136 00:05:59,576 --> 00:06:02,449 Gernot is a worm and the flawless leader. 137 00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:04,668 Worm boss. Tight. 138 00:06:04,668 --> 00:06:07,105 Next there's Kommandant Strudel Goofel-berry. 139 00:06:07,105 --> 00:06:08,150 A sassy hippo. 140 00:06:08,150 --> 00:06:11,675 [laughs] Is there another kind? 141 00:06:11,675 --> 00:06:12,981 HAYLEY: Then there's a two-headed blob, 142 00:06:12,981 --> 00:06:14,809 Uschi and Booshi. 143 00:06:14,809 --> 00:06:17,899 Uschi represents the sadness of the failed fall harvest. 144 00:06:17,899 --> 00:06:20,467 And Booshi represents the brief moment of happiness 145 00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:22,904 that washes over you before death. 146 00:06:22,904 --> 00:06:26,124 Finally there's a talking file cabinet, Doctor Du-Du Dankers, 147 00:06:26,124 --> 00:06:28,562 who represents the perfection of the organizational skills 148 00:06:28,562 --> 00:06:30,564 that every German child dreams of, 149 00:06:30,564 --> 00:06:33,131 but nightmarishly never achieves. 150 00:06:33,131 --> 00:06:35,438 [gasps] There's the episode on sharing! 151 00:06:35,438 --> 00:06:36,744 [mouse clicks] 152 00:06:36,744 --> 00:06:39,399 Huh, not available for download. 153 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:42,184 That's strange. That's the one episode you can't download. 154 00:06:42,184 --> 00:06:43,490 Damn it! 155 00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:45,753 Why does God love kicking us in the dick?! 156 00:06:45,753 --> 00:06:48,582 Well, if we can't download the episode, 157 00:06:48,582 --> 00:06:50,453 I guess we'll just have to... 158 00:06:50,453 --> 00:06:52,586 perform it ourselves! 159 00:06:52,586 --> 00:06:54,152 Well, it took three days, 160 00:06:54,152 --> 00:06:57,417 but I'm glad we finally heard the end of your sentence! 161 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,467 I must still be dreaming. 162 00:07:04,467 --> 00:07:07,731 Gernot, is that really you? 163 00:07:07,731 --> 00:07:10,430 Check out this insane worm voice I came up with. 164 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:12,606 [as Roger] This is no dream, Klaus. 165 00:07:12,606 --> 00:07:14,782 We're gonna teach you how to share! 166 00:07:14,782 --> 00:07:17,132 No, Stan! Nuh-uh. 167 00:07:17,262 --> 00:07:19,874 ♪ 168 00:07:19,874 --> 00:07:24,182 Oh, my God, you guys are doing my favorite show! 169 00:07:24,182 --> 00:07:28,752 It's Gernot, Uschi, Booshi, Strudel, and Du-Du! 170 00:07:28,752 --> 00:07:31,494 [goofy voice] It's good to see you too, Klaus! 171 00:07:31,494 --> 00:07:33,278 We're here to teach you about sharing! 172 00:07:33,278 --> 00:07:34,845 Oh, don't be silly! 173 00:07:34,845 --> 00:07:37,152 You can't start with the big lesson of the day. 174 00:07:37,152 --> 00:07:38,980 That's the end of the show. 175 00:07:38,980 --> 00:07:41,156 First you have to do the opening song, 176 00:07:41,156 --> 00:07:42,331 then the numbers jamboree, 177 00:07:42,331 --> 00:07:43,767 the message from the legislature 178 00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:45,769 about new government regulations, 179 00:07:45,769 --> 00:07:48,772 the grammar gulag, a reading of the crop yields, 180 00:07:48,772 --> 00:07:52,036 and the time for undeserved spanking. 181 00:07:52,036 --> 00:07:54,517 [Italian accent] I can't-a believe-a what I'm a-hearing. 182 00:07:54,517 --> 00:07:57,520 I a-guess we have to do the whole show-a-ghetti. 183 00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:59,261 Why are you doing an Italian accent? 184 00:07:59,261 --> 00:08:03,483 I can do a-Italy or [normal voice] I can do Jeff. 185 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:04,962 Italy's good. 186 00:08:04,962 --> 00:08:08,226 [Italian accent] No, Italy is-a the best! 187 00:08:08,226 --> 00:08:09,793 ♪ 188 00:08:09,793 --> 00:08:11,926 ♪ Gernot and Strudel 189 00:08:11,926 --> 00:08:15,451 ♪ Children are weak and have very small brain ♪ 190 00:08:15,451 --> 00:08:17,148 ♪ Gernot and Strudel 191 00:08:17,148 --> 00:08:20,108 ♪ Your body can be trained to not feel pain ♪ 192 00:08:20,108 --> 00:08:22,893 ♪ The Ministry of Culture has approved ♪ 193 00:08:22,893 --> 00:08:25,592 ♪ Your watching of this show 194 00:08:25,592 --> 00:08:29,247 ♪ If you catch your parents with rock music ♪ 195 00:08:29,247 --> 00:08:32,860 ♪ Let the government know 196 00:08:32,860 --> 00:08:36,341 ♪ You'll work in a factory till the day you die ♪ 197 00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:39,562 ♪ Tears are for the French, you are not allowed to cry ♪ 198 00:08:39,562 --> 00:08:46,438 ♪ 199 00:08:48,615 --> 00:08:51,356 ♪ 200 00:08:51,356 --> 00:08:53,141 ♪ Gernot and Strudel 201 00:08:53,141 --> 00:08:56,536 ♪ Children are weak and have very small brain ♪ 202 00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,581 ♪ Gernot and Strudel 203 00:08:58,581 --> 00:09:01,410 ♪ Your body can be trained to not feel pain ♪ 204 00:09:03,499 --> 00:09:06,720 We near the end of the show. 205 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:09,549 And one step closer to death's embrace. 206 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:13,161 And that means it's time for the lesson of the day! 207 00:09:13,161 --> 00:09:16,425 Strudel has had success in the government lottery 208 00:09:16,425 --> 00:09:19,123 and has won a potato. 209 00:09:19,123 --> 00:09:21,169 I'm very hungry, Strudel. 210 00:09:21,169 --> 00:09:23,171 May I share your potato? 211 00:09:23,171 --> 00:09:25,652 A-no you cannot-a. 212 00:09:25,652 --> 00:09:30,091 I'm a-greedy and I will not a-share this potato with you. 213 00:09:30,091 --> 00:09:31,701 Mangia! 214 00:09:31,701 --> 00:09:33,137 I am dying. 215 00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:35,400 And now I am dead. 216 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:37,402 Strudel, you Dummkopf! 217 00:09:37,402 --> 00:09:40,057 You should have shared with him! 218 00:09:40,057 --> 00:09:42,364 Sharing is so important! 219 00:09:42,364 --> 00:09:45,889 I-- I understand now. 220 00:09:45,889 --> 00:09:48,631 I feel terrible for not sharing in the past. 221 00:09:48,631 --> 00:09:50,981 I want to start sharing right away! 222 00:09:54,245 --> 00:09:55,899 Water. 223 00:09:55,899 --> 00:09:58,859 Please, Jeff, allow me to share my water with you. 224 00:09:58,859 --> 00:10:01,426 Drink, my boy. Drink from my bowl. 225 00:10:02,384 --> 00:10:04,473 [gulping] 226 00:10:04,473 --> 00:10:06,257 Lots of pulp in this water. 227 00:10:06,257 --> 00:10:07,519 That's not pulp. 228 00:10:11,436 --> 00:10:12,699 We've had some ups and downs, 229 00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:14,788 but you've kept me off drugs for three days. 230 00:10:14,788 --> 00:10:18,661 And surprisingly I'm not having any cravings! 231 00:10:18,661 --> 00:10:25,450 ♪ 232 00:10:27,714 --> 00:10:33,371 ♪ 233 00:10:35,809 --> 00:10:42,554 ♪ 234 00:10:44,992 --> 00:10:51,955 ♪ 235 00:10:56,917 --> 00:11:03,924 ♪ 236 00:11:09,059 --> 00:11:10,582 Aren't we going to keep doing the show? 237 00:11:10,582 --> 00:11:12,715 Why? You already learned to share. 238 00:11:12,715 --> 00:11:14,761 Oh. That's too bad. 239 00:11:14,761 --> 00:11:19,026 But I guess when the show's over, it's over. 240 00:11:19,026 --> 00:11:21,202 Unless... 241 00:11:21,202 --> 00:11:24,553 the show must go on. 242 00:11:24,553 --> 00:11:25,989 [thunder crashes] 243 00:11:25,989 --> 00:11:28,426 [laughing maniacally] 244 00:11:32,126 --> 00:11:34,476 - Uh, are we gonna talk about that? - Talk about what? 245 00:11:34,476 --> 00:11:36,652 You didn't notice how Klaus looked out the window and-- 246 00:11:36,652 --> 00:11:38,567 Again with this window business! 247 00:11:38,567 --> 00:11:40,961 Geez, Hayley, broken record much? 248 00:11:40,961 --> 00:11:42,832 Didn't you hear him laughing like-- 249 00:11:42,832 --> 00:11:44,616 Now you're worried because he laughed? 250 00:11:44,616 --> 00:11:46,749 He's got a great sense of humor! 251 00:11:46,749 --> 00:11:49,230 Babe, give it a rest. 252 00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:52,494 You're embarrassing me in front of my friends. 253 00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:57,151 ♪ 254 00:11:57,151 --> 00:11:59,109 STAN: What's going on? 255 00:11:59,109 --> 00:12:02,547 FRANCINE: Ugh, the hell did I drink last night? 256 00:12:02,547 --> 00:12:05,289 HAYLEY: Oof, my heads-- 257 00:12:05,289 --> 00:12:06,682 wait, heads? 258 00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:10,947 JEFF: I feel strange. 259 00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,255 Where's the zipper? 260 00:12:14,255 --> 00:12:16,126 I can't get this thing off! 261 00:12:16,126 --> 00:12:17,954 Wait, I think... 262 00:12:17,954 --> 00:12:20,391 We've been turned into puppets! 263 00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:22,306 Damn it, I'm the worm. 264 00:12:22,306 --> 00:12:24,091 At least you don't have two heads! 265 00:12:24,091 --> 00:12:25,657 Two heads are better than one! 266 00:12:25,657 --> 00:12:27,355 If one of them isn't a shithead! 267 00:12:27,355 --> 00:12:30,053 [gasps] 268 00:12:30,053 --> 00:12:31,968 Klaus! Did you do this? 269 00:12:31,968 --> 00:12:35,755 I did! And I have wonderful news. 270 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:38,932 You're all going to keep doing the show for me! 271 00:12:38,932 --> 00:12:40,803 Why don't we start with one of the episodes 272 00:12:40,803 --> 00:12:42,849 about properly cleaning your butthole? 273 00:12:43,414 --> 00:12:45,895 ♪ 274 00:12:45,895 --> 00:12:47,810 Smells like Sup Bud in here. 275 00:12:47,810 --> 00:12:48,855 What's Sup Bud? 276 00:12:48,855 --> 00:12:50,813 Nothing, bud, what's up with you? 277 00:12:50,813 --> 00:12:52,249 Will you both shut up?! 278 00:12:52,249 --> 00:12:54,338 How did you do this, Klaus? 279 00:12:54,338 --> 00:12:56,471 Dr. Weitzman at the CIA did it. 280 00:12:56,471 --> 00:12:59,039 The CIA has puppet technology? 281 00:12:59,039 --> 00:13:01,171 Oh, yeah, the CIA is always installing puppets, 282 00:13:01,171 --> 00:13:02,651 all over the globe. 283 00:13:02,651 --> 00:13:05,393 Fozzie Bear was the Shah of Iran for seven years. 284 00:13:05,393 --> 00:13:07,221 Klaus, we don't like being puppets! 285 00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:09,266 - Really? - Yes! 286 00:13:09,266 --> 00:13:13,444 I'm craving a hand up my ass in a very unnerving way. 287 00:13:13,444 --> 00:13:15,969 And I really hate this dang worm leash. 288 00:13:15,969 --> 00:13:17,361 Stop the complaining! 289 00:13:17,361 --> 00:13:18,972 The Gernot and Strudel show 290 00:13:18,972 --> 00:13:21,409 is the most important thing in the world to me! 291 00:13:21,409 --> 00:13:23,063 And if you don't perform whenever I want, 292 00:13:23,063 --> 00:13:25,195 I'm going to read you a list of things 293 00:13:25,195 --> 00:13:26,980 that aren't important to me. 294 00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:29,852 He's bluffing. No one keeps a list of that. 295 00:13:29,852 --> 00:13:31,506 Championship bull riding. 296 00:13:31,506 --> 00:13:34,901 Mustard. Non-helium balloons. 297 00:13:34,901 --> 00:13:36,859 - Stop, stop! - Then sing! 298 00:13:36,859 --> 00:13:38,295 [all sigh] 299 00:13:38,295 --> 00:13:40,645 ♪ Gernot and Strudel 300 00:13:40,645 --> 00:13:43,735 ♪ 301 00:13:43,735 --> 00:13:45,259 Well, I did it. 302 00:13:45,259 --> 00:13:48,175 I got you here clean and sober for your piano recital. 303 00:13:48,175 --> 00:13:50,481 Thank you, Steve. 304 00:13:50,481 --> 00:13:51,526 - I think you're up. - [applause] 305 00:14:00,361 --> 00:14:03,930 [Franz Liszt's "Liebestraum No. 3" playing] 306 00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:05,366 I know him. 307 00:14:05,366 --> 00:14:07,977 He's sometimes my uncle but always my friend. 308 00:14:07,977 --> 00:14:09,370 DELMONICO: I feel you, dude. 309 00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:12,895 He's sometimes my friend, but always my customer. 310 00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:14,114 Delmonico?! 311 00:14:14,114 --> 00:14:15,811 Please tell me you're here as a friend. 312 00:14:15,811 --> 00:14:17,160 I cannot. 313 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:18,858 It's strictly business today. 314 00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,163 I delivered the piano. 315 00:14:20,163 --> 00:14:21,469 Oh, good. 316 00:14:21,469 --> 00:14:23,427 It's basically made out of drugs. 317 00:14:23,427 --> 00:14:25,603 - Oh, no! - Oh, yeah! 318 00:14:25,603 --> 00:14:28,606 I coated the white piano keys with ecstasy. 319 00:14:28,606 --> 00:14:30,608 The black keys are black tar heroin. 320 00:14:30,608 --> 00:14:33,046 The sheet music is blotter acid paper. 321 00:14:33,046 --> 00:14:36,832 The bench he's sitting on is actually a meth suppository. 322 00:14:36,832 --> 00:14:39,530 And the whole thing is dusted with cocaine and ketamine. 323 00:14:40,575 --> 00:14:45,885 ♪ Da, da, da-da-da 324 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:51,194 ♪ Da, la, da-da, da-dee 325 00:14:51,194 --> 00:14:53,370 ♪ Da, da, da-da 326 00:14:58,941 --> 00:15:00,943 ♪ Da-da-da-da 327 00:15:00,943 --> 00:15:04,164 ♪ Da, da, da-da-da 328 00:15:05,643 --> 00:15:07,210 [cheers and applause] 329 00:15:07,210 --> 00:15:09,865 What? How is everybody liking this?! 330 00:15:09,865 --> 00:15:11,954 Oh, they're all my customers. 331 00:15:12,694 --> 00:15:14,696 [grunting] 332 00:15:14,696 --> 00:15:16,132 This isn't working! 333 00:15:16,132 --> 00:15:18,047 We'll never break out of this cage! 334 00:15:18,047 --> 00:15:19,701 I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. 335 00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:22,530 This is not a great situation we find ourselves in. 336 00:15:22,530 --> 00:15:23,705 I've got this dang-- 337 00:15:23,705 --> 00:15:27,013 Stop complaining about your worm leash! 338 00:15:27,013 --> 00:15:29,102 I'm a [bleep] file cabinet! 339 00:15:29,102 --> 00:15:31,843 We have a theory about what's going on with Klaus. 340 00:15:31,843 --> 00:15:33,889 When we re-created the show for him, 341 00:15:33,889 --> 00:15:37,458 we must have triggered some unresolved trauma. 342 00:15:37,458 --> 00:15:39,547 Something happened to Klaus with this show. 343 00:15:39,547 --> 00:15:43,507 And we need to get him to share his trauma with us. 344 00:15:43,507 --> 00:15:45,074 Another type of sharing. 345 00:15:45,074 --> 00:15:46,380 Yeah. 346 00:15:46,380 --> 00:15:48,730 And maybe that'll snap him out of this. 347 00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:51,820 Whoa, babes, I couldn't follow any of that! 348 00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:53,909 - Awww. - Come here, you! 349 00:15:56,868 --> 00:15:58,174 Yuck. 350 00:15:58,174 --> 00:16:00,220 KLAUS: It's true. 351 00:16:00,220 --> 00:16:02,962 Something terrible did happen. 352 00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,876 No, I-I can't talk about it. 353 00:16:04,876 --> 00:16:06,139 It's too painful. 354 00:16:06,139 --> 00:16:07,444 You can do it. 355 00:16:07,444 --> 00:16:10,752 I, this stupid worm, believe in you. 356 00:16:10,752 --> 00:16:13,363 [breathes deeply] 357 00:16:13,363 --> 00:16:16,584 I was eight years old, and I was in the audience 358 00:16:16,584 --> 00:16:19,979 for my favorite show in the whole world. 359 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:23,547 But what started off as the best day of my life 360 00:16:23,547 --> 00:16:25,854 became the worst. 361 00:16:25,854 --> 00:16:27,987 I was thrilled when I was called up onto stage 362 00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,466 at the end of the show. 363 00:16:29,466 --> 00:16:31,686 At the time, I had a big crush on Uschi, 364 00:16:31,686 --> 00:16:34,080 so of course I got an erection. 365 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,429 And when I was a child, 366 00:16:35,429 --> 00:16:37,909 I had a very sharp penis. 367 00:16:37,909 --> 00:16:40,173 It wasn't big but it was honed, 368 00:16:40,173 --> 00:16:41,565 like a paring knife. 369 00:16:41,565 --> 00:16:44,220 Anyways, I got a little baby boner 370 00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:46,570 and accidentally poked Uschi's puppeteer 371 00:16:46,570 --> 00:16:48,398 with my tiny dagger 372 00:16:48,398 --> 00:16:50,270 and she fell off the stage and was... 373 00:16:50,270 --> 00:16:52,272 electrocuted. 374 00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:54,665 Strudel and Du-Du rushed to save her. 375 00:16:54,665 --> 00:16:59,018 And they too were immediately electrocuted. 376 00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:01,368 As the studio filled with the smell of burnt flesh 377 00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:03,587 and polyester fur, 378 00:17:03,587 --> 00:17:07,939 me and my for-some-reason- still-hard baby boner 379 00:17:07,939 --> 00:17:11,552 could only watch in shame. 380 00:17:11,552 --> 00:17:13,989 Gernot was the lone survivor... 381 00:17:13,989 --> 00:17:16,687 until that evening when he shot himself in the face. 382 00:17:16,687 --> 00:17:19,821 The episode was banned and never aired. 383 00:17:19,821 --> 00:17:22,171 They replaced all the puppeteers and kept making episodes, 384 00:17:22,171 --> 00:17:24,347 but it was never the same. 385 00:17:24,347 --> 00:17:26,697 I loved that show more than anything, 386 00:17:26,697 --> 00:17:29,787 and I was the one that destroyed it. 387 00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:31,528 Jesus, Klaus. 388 00:17:31,528 --> 00:17:33,748 And that's why you became a fish? 389 00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:35,576 What? No. 390 00:17:35,576 --> 00:17:37,839 That's how I became traumatized. 391 00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:40,929 But after sharing it, I feel so much better. 392 00:17:40,929 --> 00:17:42,409 Thank you. 393 00:17:42,409 --> 00:17:45,238 Is there anything I can do for you? 394 00:17:45,238 --> 00:17:47,631 I guess you could let us out of this cage. 395 00:17:47,631 --> 00:17:49,851 And I wouldn't mind having my worm leash removed. 396 00:17:50,634 --> 00:17:52,158 [buzzer] 397 00:17:52,158 --> 00:17:54,856 Oh, baby, that's the stuff. 398 00:17:54,856 --> 00:17:56,249 Oh, and also, 399 00:17:56,249 --> 00:17:58,947 I think we'd all like to not be puppets anymore. 400 00:17:58,947 --> 00:17:59,817 TOGETHER: Mm-hmm. 401 00:17:59,817 --> 00:18:01,558 Oh, shoot. 402 00:18:01,558 --> 00:18:03,299 We don't have time to get to Dr. Weitzman 403 00:18:03,299 --> 00:18:05,040 before he leaves for his summer job-- 404 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:08,435 selling clever T-shirts on the Atlantic City boardwalk. 405 00:18:08,435 --> 00:18:10,915 I can't be stuck being a worm all summer! 406 00:18:10,915 --> 00:18:13,135 I already put down my deposit for boogie boarding camp! 407 00:18:13,135 --> 00:18:14,745 We could get there in time 408 00:18:14,745 --> 00:18:16,921 if we took a shortcut through the Langley Dunes. 409 00:18:16,921 --> 00:18:18,532 But how? 410 00:18:18,532 --> 00:18:20,838 Those dunes are famously treacherous. 411 00:18:20,838 --> 00:18:23,667 I know! My boys have badass ATVs! 412 00:18:23,667 --> 00:18:24,755 Let's go! 413 00:18:26,670 --> 00:18:27,671 [grunting] 414 00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:33,155 I refuse to be fat shamed. 415 00:18:35,244 --> 00:18:36,767 I called it a "worm leash." 416 00:18:36,767 --> 00:18:38,900 It was very uncomfortable. 417 00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:41,903 You can still see the little indent it made on my felt. 418 00:18:41,903 --> 00:18:45,341 Do you really think your boys will let us use their ATVs? 419 00:18:45,341 --> 00:18:47,169 They seem mad at you. 420 00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:49,389 You really don't understand 421 00:18:49,389 --> 00:18:52,174 how truly tight I am with my boys. 422 00:18:52,174 --> 00:18:53,262 No way! 423 00:18:53,262 --> 00:18:54,785 You don't share, man. 424 00:18:54,785 --> 00:18:56,439 Okay, maybe I didn't use to. 425 00:18:56,439 --> 00:18:59,138 But I've learned how to share! 426 00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,835 And I brought you something. 427 00:19:00,835 --> 00:19:01,923 - A cake?! - A piñata?! 428 00:19:01,923 --> 00:19:03,446 You're both right. 429 00:19:03,446 --> 00:19:07,189 I brought a broken piñata filled with old cake! 430 00:19:08,756 --> 00:19:10,584 Mmm. Sup. 431 00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:15,197 Sup. 432 00:19:15,197 --> 00:19:17,417 That means they're boys again! 433 00:19:17,417 --> 00:19:19,767 Francine, I'm a worm, not an idiot. 434 00:19:19,767 --> 00:19:21,595 ♪ Go crazy 435 00:19:21,595 --> 00:19:25,686 ♪ Yeah, soo, we gone, huh, stop, we good, stop ♪ 436 00:19:25,686 --> 00:19:28,210 ♪ Chill, we on, yeah, scale, let's go ♪ 437 00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:31,387 [all cheering] 438 00:19:31,387 --> 00:19:32,606 ♪ Take, huh, let's go, huh 439 00:19:32,606 --> 00:19:34,390 ♪ Set, let's roll 440 00:19:35,609 --> 00:19:37,393 Oh, no-- cliff. 441 00:19:37,393 --> 00:19:39,134 How are we going to get down? 442 00:19:39,134 --> 00:19:40,831 Easy! We're puppets. 443 00:19:40,831 --> 00:19:42,355 We don't have any bones! 444 00:19:45,619 --> 00:19:47,621 Wait, I have bones! 445 00:19:48,230 --> 00:19:49,927 [crack] 446 00:19:49,927 --> 00:19:51,494 Uh, waiter? 447 00:19:51,494 --> 00:19:55,324 There's some bones in my fish. 448 00:19:55,324 --> 00:19:57,413 Come on, we're so close. 449 00:19:57,413 --> 00:19:58,588 Crap, forgot about the river 450 00:19:58,588 --> 00:20:00,764 that runs through the Langley Dunes! 451 00:20:00,764 --> 00:20:04,507 What a complex and exciting ecosystem this town has! 452 00:20:04,507 --> 00:20:06,683 But how are we gonna get across?! 453 00:20:06,683 --> 00:20:08,511 I got this! 454 00:20:08,511 --> 00:20:11,079 Everyone on my back! 455 00:20:11,079 --> 00:20:12,646 ♪ Straightenin', straightenin', whoo ♪ 456 00:20:12,646 --> 00:20:14,691 ♪ Straightenin', yeah, straight ♪ 457 00:20:14,691 --> 00:20:16,432 ♪ Straightenin', straightenin', soo ♪ 458 00:20:16,432 --> 00:20:18,042 ♪ Straightenin', yeah 459 00:20:18,042 --> 00:20:19,653 ♪ Straight, don't nothing get straightenin' ♪ 460 00:20:19,653 --> 00:20:20,088 ♪ But straightenin', hey, don't nothing get ♪ 461 00:20:20,088 --> 00:20:22,177 [humming] 462 00:20:24,875 --> 00:20:28,009 Dr. Weitzman! We need our bodies back! 463 00:20:28,009 --> 00:20:29,532 Sure thing! 464 00:20:29,532 --> 00:20:31,317 I actually have your bodies right here! 465 00:20:32,883 --> 00:20:34,363 Nothing gross! 466 00:20:35,538 --> 00:20:37,279 I've actually been using them as a sofa. 467 00:20:38,106 --> 00:20:39,760 [zapping] 468 00:20:43,677 --> 00:20:46,767 Aww, I kinda miss having two heads. 469 00:20:46,767 --> 00:20:49,770 Guys, I hate to say it, I kinda miss the worm leash. 470 00:20:49,770 --> 00:20:52,076 I feel like we're forgetting something. 471 00:20:52,076 --> 00:20:53,513 Where's Klaus? 472 00:20:53,513 --> 00:20:56,733 KLAUS: Wazzup! 473 00:20:56,733 --> 00:20:58,213 Bye! Have a beautiful time!