1
00:00:01,016 --> 00:00:04,006
[instrumental music]

2
00:00:07,001 --> 00:00:08,021
[crickets chirping]

3
00:00:11,004 --> 00:00:12,014
I don't know why

4
00:00:12,016 --> 00:00:15,006
but this painting
always makes me laugh.

5
00:00:15,014 --> 00:00:17,024
Punch? Judy? Wrap it up.

6
00:00:17,018 --> 00:00:20,008
It'll look nice
in the bathroom.

7
00:00:20,016 --> 00:00:21,996
(Batgirl)
'Bathroom?'

8
00:00:24,003 --> 00:00:25,013
[handcuffs clicks]

9
00:00:27,020 --> 00:00:28,020
I consider the bathroom

10
00:00:29,001 --> 00:00:31,001
more of a library
than art gallery.

11
00:00:32,005 --> 00:00:33,005
[growls]

12
00:00:33,008 --> 00:00:34,008
Judy!

13
00:00:36,011 --> 00:00:38,011
Huh-uhh!

14
00:00:39,002 --> 00:00:40,012
Unh-uhh!

15
00:00:42,009 --> 00:00:43,019
Someone should frame that move

16
00:00:43,021 --> 00:00:46,021
because it was a masterpiece.

17
00:00:46,022 --> 00:00:48,022
The kids are here

18
00:00:48,021 --> 00:00:51,011
but where's the den mother?

19
00:00:51,010 --> 00:00:52,020
Huh?

20
00:00:52,021 --> 00:00:55,011
Hey! Whoa!

21
00:00:55,009 --> 00:00:56,019
Have you seen my latest piece?

22
00:00:57,001 --> 00:00:59,011
It's called bat-bits on canvas.

23
00:00:59,007 --> 00:01:00,017
Ha, ha, ha!

24
00:01:01,016 --> 00:01:03,006
[explosion]

25
00:01:09,019 --> 00:01:12,019
[theme music]

26
00:01:24,010 --> 00:01:27,010
vroom

27
00:01:28,022 --> 00:01:30,002
[Batclaw fires]

28
00:01:32,005 --> 00:01:33,005
screech

29
00:01:33,007 --> 00:01:34,007
boom

30
00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:45,019
[music continues]

31
00:02:06,011 --> 00:02:08,001
[instrumental music]

32
00:02:09,001 --> 00:02:12,001
[explosion]

33
00:02:13,003 --> 00:02:14,013
[gasping]

34
00:02:15,014 --> 00:02:16,024
Unh!

35
00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:19,005
beep beep beep

36
00:02:19,010 --> 00:02:21,010
Oops! Gotta run.

37
00:02:21,015 --> 00:02:23,015
Ha, ha, ha!

38
00:02:23,018 --> 00:02:26,018
Ah-ha, ha, ha!

39
00:02:26,019 --> 00:02:28,999
Don't look at me like that.
I'm going to be late!

40
00:02:29,021 --> 00:02:32,001
vroom

41
00:02:32,006 --> 00:02:33,996
[explosion]

42
00:02:34,005 --> 00:02:37,005
Ahh-ha ha ha!

43
00:02:42,021 --> 00:02:45,011
[police radio chatter]

44
00:02:47,005 --> 00:02:48,015
[siren wails]

45
00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:54,996
Looks like Joker's
gonna need some new goons.

46
00:02:55,005 --> 00:02:56,015
See if you two
can pick up his trail.

47
00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,000
I'll join you shortly.

48
00:02:58,004 --> 00:02:59,024
Where are you going?

49
00:02:59,018 --> 00:03:02,008
I have to deal with a whole
other kind of craziness.

50
00:03:03,009 --> 00:03:04,009
[Batclaw fires]

51
00:03:13,023 --> 00:03:16,003
Hurry, hurry!
Can't miss it!

52
00:03:18,002 --> 00:03:20,012
- Yes!
- 'Here's Harley!'

53
00:03:20,016 --> 00:03:23,016
[audience cheers]

54
00:03:26,020 --> 00:03:29,000
Mwah! Hiya, folks.

55
00:03:29,004 --> 00:03:32,014
Time for an hour of love
and laughter with me

56
00:03:32,009 --> 00:03:34,009
Dr. Harleen Quinzel.

57
00:03:34,013 --> 00:03:37,013
[cheering]

58
00:03:39,007 --> 00:03:41,007
With Valentine's Day
right around the corner

59
00:03:41,015 --> 00:03:44,015
Harley's here
with helpful advice.

60
00:03:44,018 --> 00:03:45,018
Talk to me.

61
00:03:45,021 --> 00:03:47,001
(male #1)
'Uh, hi, Harley.'

62
00:03:47,004 --> 00:03:49,014
'Uh, there's this girl I like--'

63
00:03:49,009 --> 00:03:50,019
Three words, Romeo.

64
00:03:50,020 --> 00:03:52,020
Flowers, flowers, flowers.

65
00:03:52,019 --> 00:03:54,019
And never take "No"
for an answer.

66
00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:56,021
Have a good 'un, puddin'.

67
00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:59,020
What's your query, deary?

68
00:03:59,020 --> 00:04:01,010
(female #1)
'Dr. Quinzel, last week'

69
00:04:01,009 --> 00:04:02,019
'you told a girl named Monica'

70
00:04:02,020 --> 00:04:03,020
'to ignore her parent's wishes'

71
00:04:03,023 --> 00:04:05,023
'and go out
with a guy named Stan.'

72
00:04:05,019 --> 00:04:10,009
I remember.
Two sweet, crazy kids in love.

73
00:04:10,009 --> 00:04:11,019
- 'I'm Monica's mother!'
- Ehh!

74
00:04:11,022 --> 00:04:13,012
'Where do you come off
telling her..'

75
00:04:13,012 --> 00:04:15,022
Umm, heh, sorry, folks.

76
00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:17,012
Just some nutcase.

77
00:04:17,015 --> 00:04:20,005
[whispering]
I told you to screen
those calls.

78
00:04:20,011 --> 00:04:22,001
We'll be right back.

79
00:04:22,006 --> 00:04:24,006
Think loving thoughts.

80
00:04:27,013 --> 00:04:29,013
Pop psychology at its worst.

81
00:04:29,015 --> 00:04:31,015
That girl's theories
are unfounded.

82
00:04:31,018 --> 00:04:33,008
Her professional manner's
a joke.

83
00:04:33,007 --> 00:04:36,017
And her training,
if any, is shoddy at best.

84
00:04:36,018 --> 00:04:38,018
I love this show!

85
00:04:38,022 --> 00:04:41,022
The girl's more screw-loose
than me!

86
00:04:44,016 --> 00:04:47,016
Oh, Jimmy Herbert,
Network Bigwig.

87
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,010
What brings you
to the set today?

88
00:04:50,012 --> 00:04:53,012
Let me guess.
In search of fashion advice?

89
00:04:53,011 --> 00:04:57,001
Speaking of advice, what kind
are you giving these people?

90
00:04:57,004 --> 00:04:59,024
Are you questioning me?

91
00:04:59,018 --> 00:05:00,998
Everyone who has
an online degree

92
00:05:01,006 --> 00:05:03,996
in psychology,
please raise your hand.

93
00:05:05,011 --> 00:05:06,021
Oh, okay.

94
00:05:06,019 --> 00:05:08,009
Then, how about we let
the professionals

95
00:05:08,010 --> 00:05:10,010
do their job.
Alright, hon?

96
00:05:10,011 --> 00:05:12,011
This show is supposed
to help people.

97
00:05:12,008 --> 00:05:13,998
You've turned it into a circus.

98
00:05:14,005 --> 00:05:15,015
I know!

99
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:17,010
And you wanna talk circus?

100
00:05:17,009 --> 00:05:19,019
Wait till you see
my Valentine's Day special.

101
00:05:19,023 --> 00:05:22,013
Look. There won't be
a Valentine's Day

102
00:05:22,009 --> 00:05:23,019
special if you keep this--

103
00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:25,023
Oopsies! Gotta get back.

104
00:05:25,023 --> 00:05:27,023
Latersville.

105
00:05:27,021 --> 00:05:31,011
Welcome back.
I've got a real treat for you.

106
00:05:31,008 --> 00:05:34,018
'An exclusive,
very intimate one-on-one'

107
00:05:34,020 --> 00:05:37,020
'with Gotham's most elusive
bachelor..'

108
00:05:38,009 --> 00:05:40,009
...Bruce Wayne!

109
00:05:40,012 --> 00:05:42,012
[applause]

110
00:05:42,013 --> 00:05:45,013
Mmm, what's cookin',
good-lookin'?

111
00:05:45,007 --> 00:05:46,017
- Well, Dr. Quinzel--
- Ah!

112
00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:49,010
- Oof. Uhh!
- Call me Harley.

113
00:05:49,007 --> 00:05:51,007
- Everyone does.
- Okay, Harley.

114
00:05:51,016 --> 00:05:53,006
I'd like to talk about
the Wayne Foundation's

115
00:05:53,016 --> 00:05:55,016
Charity Drive for crime victims.

116
00:05:55,020 --> 00:05:58,010
Oh, civic-minded, too.

117
00:05:58,014 --> 00:06:01,004
But let's talk
about your love life.

118
00:06:01,004 --> 00:06:03,024
Now, Harley. You promised
I'd have a chance to promote

119
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,010
the charity drive.

120
00:06:05,009 --> 00:06:06,999
[snoring]

121
00:06:08,007 --> 00:06:11,017
We want the juice, Bruce.

122
00:06:11,019 --> 00:06:15,019
This is your secret life,
Bruce Wayne!

123
00:06:15,017 --> 00:06:17,017
[cheering]

124
00:06:19,021 --> 00:06:21,011
[alarm ringing]

125
00:06:23,003 --> 00:06:24,023
[glass shatters]

126
00:06:24,017 --> 00:06:26,017
- Uh-oh.
- Bruce?

127
00:06:26,017 --> 00:06:27,997
Oh, yeah.

128
00:06:28,002 --> 00:06:30,022
You remember Kiki,
don't you, Brucey?

129
00:06:30,021 --> 00:06:32,021
[audience jeering]

130
00:06:32,019 --> 00:06:34,009
Uucch!

131
00:06:34,012 --> 00:06:35,022
Well, she remembers you

132
00:06:35,021 --> 00:06:37,021
and she's dishing the dirt!

133
00:06:38,001 --> 00:06:40,011
[audience jeering]

134
00:06:40,012 --> 00:06:42,002
He-heh.

135
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:44,022
He's faced some pretty
nasty sneak-attacks

136
00:06:44,017 --> 00:06:45,997
but nothing like this.

137
00:06:46,005 --> 00:06:47,015
We have to save him.

138
00:06:47,019 --> 00:06:48,019
It's too late, Robin.

139
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:50,010
There's nothing we can do.

140
00:06:50,015 --> 00:06:52,015
So we're having a nice dinner,
and suddenly, he's all

141
00:06:52,020 --> 00:06:54,020
"I have to see
to some important business."

142
00:06:54,022 --> 00:06:58,012
Out Bruce Wayne runs,
leaving me to pay the check.

143
00:06:58,015 --> 00:06:59,995
[audience boos]

144
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:01,013
[sobbing]

145
00:07:01,010 --> 00:07:03,000
Oh, terrible.

146
00:07:03,005 --> 00:07:04,005
Just terrible.

147
00:07:04,014 --> 00:07:06,014
[giggling]

148
00:07:06,007 --> 00:07:09,007
About time someone
stuck it to that rich oaf.

149
00:07:09,016 --> 00:07:12,006
How about we take
some calls now?

150
00:07:13,002 --> 00:07:14,012
[cellphone dials]

151
00:07:15,023 --> 00:07:18,023
Hi-hi, you're on
"Heart-to-heart with Harley."

152
00:07:18,017 --> 00:07:20,017
(Joker as Mr. J)
'Evening, Harley. Mr. J here.'

153
00:07:20,020 --> 00:07:22,010
'Frequent watcher,
frequent caller.'

154
00:07:22,012 --> 00:07:23,022
'Great show tonight!'

155
00:07:23,022 --> 00:07:26,012
Mr. J, my favorite caller.

156
00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:28,013
Nice to hear from you again.

157
00:07:28,013 --> 00:07:30,013
Well, I just wanted
to say men like Bruce Wayne

158
00:07:30,015 --> 00:07:32,005
deserve to be baked
into a giant pie

159
00:07:32,011 --> 00:07:34,021
and then launched
into the side of a building.

160
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:37,010
Figuratively speaking,
of course.

161
00:07:37,007 --> 00:07:39,017
[giggling]

162
00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:44,011
Gotta say, your mind works
in interesting ways, Mr. J.

163
00:07:44,011 --> 00:07:46,011
I've had enough of this.
I'm outta here.

164
00:07:46,015 --> 00:07:49,005
Uh-oh. Hey!

165
00:07:49,009 --> 00:07:50,019
Hold your horses, Brucey.

166
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:52,010
We're not done yet.

167
00:07:52,009 --> 00:07:54,019
Oh, yes, you are.
I'm sorry, Mr. Wayne.

168
00:07:54,019 --> 00:07:55,999
Neither this woman
nor this show

169
00:07:56,003 --> 00:07:57,023
will ever trouble you again.

170
00:07:57,022 --> 00:08:00,012
You're no psychologist.
You're a joke.

171
00:08:00,015 --> 00:08:02,005
- But--
- 'You're off the air!'

172
00:08:02,007 --> 00:08:03,997
Wha.. No!

173
00:08:07,017 --> 00:08:09,997
Oh, the poor kid!
Yanked in mid-show.

174
00:08:10,003 --> 00:08:12,013
She'll be an emotional wreck!

175
00:08:14,010 --> 00:08:17,020
Someone should
take advantage of that.

176
00:08:27,012 --> 00:08:28,022
Face it, Harley.

177
00:08:28,022 --> 00:08:31,002
No one's ever gonna
take you seriously

178
00:08:31,003 --> 00:08:33,013
as a psychologist.

179
00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:36,022
They just can't see past
my playful exterior.

180
00:08:38,004 --> 00:08:40,014
Story of my life.

181
00:08:41,004 --> 00:08:42,024
[doorbell rings]

182
00:08:45,012 --> 00:08:47,022
- Hello?
- 'Dr. Quinzel?'

183
00:08:47,019 --> 00:08:50,999
(Joker)
'Forgive the intrusion,
but I just had to meet you.'

184
00:08:51,005 --> 00:08:53,015
'I'm your number-one fan.'

185
00:09:01,012 --> 00:09:03,022
I'm Mr. J.

186
00:09:05,021 --> 00:09:07,011
Huh?

187
00:09:12,021 --> 00:09:16,001
Must admit, I'm surprised
that you wanted to hang out.

188
00:09:18,019 --> 00:09:21,999
Most ladies would find
my lifestyle...eccentric.

189
00:09:22,006 --> 00:09:25,996
Oh, I may act goofy on TV
but I'm still a doctor.

190
00:09:26,005 --> 00:09:28,005
Extreme personalities
intrigue me.

191
00:09:28,013 --> 00:09:30,023
'And an extreme personality
like yours'

192
00:09:30,019 --> 00:09:33,009
might be the ticket
to getting back my old show

193
00:09:33,010 --> 00:09:36,000
and maybe finally some respect.

194
00:09:37,001 --> 00:09:38,001
Ohh.

195
00:09:38,006 --> 00:09:39,016
So you're stringing
old Mr. J along

196
00:09:39,019 --> 00:09:41,009
just to write
some tell-all book?

197
00:09:41,013 --> 00:09:44,023
I'll split the profits
with you 50-50.

198
00:09:46,011 --> 00:09:47,021
Ahh-ha, ha, ha!

199
00:09:47,022 --> 00:09:50,002
You've got moxie.

200
00:09:50,002 --> 00:09:53,002
I feed moxie to the hyenas.

201
00:09:53,004 --> 00:09:54,024
[whistles]

202
00:09:54,017 --> 00:09:55,997
[chattering]

203
00:09:56,002 --> 00:09:58,022
[growling]

204
00:10:01,021 --> 00:10:04,001
[gasp]

205
00:10:04,003 --> 00:10:05,013
Sit!

206
00:10:05,016 --> 00:10:06,016
[whimpering]

207
00:10:09,010 --> 00:10:11,000
You're good.

208
00:10:11,004 --> 00:10:14,004
Now, what do you say
we sit down and, you know

209
00:10:14,003 --> 00:10:17,003
have a heart-to-heart
with Harley.

210
00:10:18,011 --> 00:10:19,011
Hmm.

211
00:10:21,016 --> 00:10:23,016
Oh, where do I begin?

212
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,020
I guess for as long
as I remember

213
00:10:28,019 --> 00:10:31,999
I always wanted
to make people laugh.

214
00:10:32,002 --> 00:10:33,022
I see.

215
00:10:39,005 --> 00:10:40,015
The neighbors say
they saw the doctor

216
00:10:40,017 --> 00:10:42,017
leave freely with Mr. J.

217
00:10:43,001 --> 00:10:44,021
Wonder what he could want
with her.

218
00:10:44,018 --> 00:10:47,008
He saw a vulnerable person
he could manipulate.

219
00:10:47,007 --> 00:10:49,017
Someone good for a few laughs,
until he got bored.

220
00:10:49,019 --> 00:10:50,999
And join us again next week

221
00:10:51,006 --> 00:10:53,016
when Batman analyzes
the Freudian implications

222
00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:55,009
of Penguin's umbrella.

223
00:10:57,019 --> 00:11:01,009
[sniffles]
It's bad enough
the Network said

224
00:11:01,007 --> 00:11:03,997
I wasn't a real psychologist.

225
00:11:04,005 --> 00:11:06,015
They said I was a joke.

226
00:11:06,023 --> 00:11:09,013
I happen to like jokes.

227
00:11:12,015 --> 00:11:14,015
Besides, there are worse names.

228
00:11:14,017 --> 00:11:16,997
I know. I've been called them.

229
00:11:17,004 --> 00:11:20,014
Guess we have
a few things in common, huh?

230
00:11:24,012 --> 00:11:27,012
You know what two sad sacks
like us need?

231
00:11:27,012 --> 00:11:29,012
A night on the town!

232
00:11:29,016 --> 00:11:32,996
I don't know. That seems awfully
unprofessional.

233
00:11:33,002 --> 00:11:35,022
Consider it research
for your book.

234
00:11:35,017 --> 00:11:36,017
But what if--

235
00:11:36,017 --> 00:11:37,017
You're seen associating with

236
00:11:37,019 --> 00:11:39,019
a certified criminal whack-job?

237
00:11:40,020 --> 00:11:43,000
A costume!

238
00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:45,013
That way,
no one will know it's you.

239
00:11:47,011 --> 00:11:48,021
Ha, ha!

240
00:11:57,009 --> 00:11:58,009
bling

241
00:12:02,001 --> 00:12:04,011
(Joker)
'Harleen Quinzel becomes'

242
00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:06,005
'Harley Quinn!'

243
00:12:10,012 --> 00:12:11,022
bling

244
00:12:12,013 --> 00:12:14,013
[whistles]

245
00:12:14,015 --> 00:12:15,015
[pants]

246
00:12:16,010 --> 00:12:18,010
[dramatic music]

247
00:12:20,021 --> 00:12:23,001
♪ Comb your hair
and paint and powder ♪

248
00:12:23,004 --> 00:12:25,014
♪ You act proud
and I'll act prouder ♪

249
00:12:25,007 --> 00:12:27,007
♪ You sing loud
and I'll sing louder ♪

250
00:12:27,010 --> 00:12:29,020
♪ Tonight we're setting
the woods on fire ♪

251
00:12:29,017 --> 00:12:31,017
♪ You're my gal
and I'm your feller ♪

252
00:12:31,022 --> 00:12:34,002
♪ Dressed up in
your frock of yeller ♪

253
00:12:34,002 --> 00:12:36,012
♪ I look swell
but you look sweller ♪

254
00:12:36,009 --> 00:12:37,999
♪ Settin' the woods on fire ♪

255
00:12:38,005 --> 00:12:40,005
♪ We'll take in
all the honky-tonks ♪

256
00:12:40,013 --> 00:12:42,013
♪ Tonight we're havin' fun ♪

257
00:12:42,016 --> 00:12:44,016
♪ We'll show the folks
a brand-new dance ♪

258
00:12:44,022 --> 00:12:47,002
♪ That never has been done ha ♪

259
00:12:47,005 --> 00:12:49,005
♪ I don't care
who thinks we're silly ♪

260
00:12:49,010 --> 00:12:51,010
♪ You be Daffy
and I'll be Dilly ♪

261
00:12:51,012 --> 00:12:53,022
♪ We'll order up
two bowls of jelly ♪

262
00:12:53,021 --> 00:12:56,011
♪ Settin' the woods on fire ♪

263
00:12:56,012 --> 00:12:59,002
♪ La-la la la
la la la la la la ♪

264
00:12:59,006 --> 00:13:05,006
♪ La la la la la la la ♪

265
00:13:05,013 --> 00:13:08,003
♪ La la la la la la la la ♪

266
00:13:08,003 --> 00:13:09,023
Ha, ha, ha!

267
00:13:09,021 --> 00:13:10,021
♪ La la la la ♪

268
00:13:11,001 --> 00:13:14,011
♪ La la la la la la la ha ♪

269
00:13:14,016 --> 00:13:16,016
♪ I don't care
who thinks we're silly ♪

270
00:13:16,018 --> 00:13:18,018
♪ You be Daffy
and I'll be Dilly ♪

271
00:13:18,019 --> 00:13:20,019
♪ We'll order up
two bowls of jelly ♪

272
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,000
♪ Settin' the woods on fire ♪

273
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:24,013
[laughing]

274
00:13:25,020 --> 00:13:27,000
No riders!

275
00:13:27,006 --> 00:13:30,006
[tires screeching]

276
00:13:30,008 --> 00:13:31,008
Ooh!

277
00:13:32,023 --> 00:13:34,023
Ha, ha, ha!

278
00:13:35,012 --> 00:13:38,002
Aaa-h-h-h!

279
00:13:38,005 --> 00:13:39,005
[Batclaw fires]

280
00:13:43,016 --> 00:13:46,006
- Ha, ha, ha!
- Aah-h-h!

281
00:13:47,015 --> 00:13:48,995
Huh? What was that?

282
00:13:49,002 --> 00:13:51,012
Hi, folks. Don't mind us.

283
00:13:51,007 --> 00:13:52,997
Aah!

284
00:13:53,006 --> 00:13:54,016
Some fun, eh, kid?

285
00:13:54,021 --> 00:13:57,021
Has anyone ever survived
a night out with you?

286
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,010
There's a first time
for everything.

287
00:14:02,013 --> 00:14:04,013
Leave him alone!

288
00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:06,010
Uhh. Aah!

289
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,000
Unh!

290
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:11,016
(Batman)
'Dr. Quinzel?'

291
00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:16,008
Call me Harley Quinn.

292
00:14:16,012 --> 00:14:17,012
What are you doing?

293
00:14:17,016 --> 00:14:19,006
- 'Joker's a psychopath.'
- Huh?

294
00:14:19,008 --> 00:14:22,018
Better than what you are.
A third wheel.

295
00:14:23,012 --> 00:14:25,012
Huh.

296
00:14:25,007 --> 00:14:28,007
Hold this for me,
will you? Thanks.

297
00:14:28,009 --> 00:14:29,019
- Aah!
- Aah-ahh!

298
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,020
Here's our floor!

299
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,010
Hu-ahh!

300
00:14:35,002 --> 00:14:36,022
Aa-h-h!

301
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:40,010
Fear not.
Salvation is at hand.

302
00:14:40,009 --> 00:14:43,009
Aa-h-h-h!

303
00:14:43,011 --> 00:14:45,021
(Joker)
A little trick
I borrowed from Penguin.

304
00:14:45,017 --> 00:14:47,017
Remind me to send him a fish.

305
00:14:50,011 --> 00:14:51,021
[explosion]

306
00:14:51,019 --> 00:14:53,019
Ahh-ha ha ha ha!

307
00:14:56,001 --> 00:14:58,001
[breathing heavily]

308
00:15:05,020 --> 00:15:07,010
Authorities are at a loss
to explain

309
00:15:07,013 --> 00:15:10,003
how the diamond was stolen
from the high-security vault

310
00:15:10,005 --> 00:15:12,005
and a police investigation
is underway.

311
00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:14,022
'In other news, there is still
no official word'

312
00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:18,021
'on the bizarre transformation
of Dr. Harleen Quinzel.'

313
00:15:18,022 --> 00:15:20,002
Huh?

314
00:15:20,004 --> 00:15:21,014
According to eyewitness
accounts

315
00:15:21,013 --> 00:15:23,023
the doctor has been sporting
a new look

316
00:15:23,021 --> 00:15:26,021
while keeping time
with Gotham's most wanted wacko.

317
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:29,000
Noted TV psychologist
Elliott Blaine

318
00:15:29,004 --> 00:15:30,024
offered this observation.

319
00:15:30,018 --> 00:15:34,018
It's no surprise that
Dr. Quinzel jumped the track.

320
00:15:34,021 --> 00:15:36,021
She was a sad, needy person

321
00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:39,008
who tried to fill the void
in her own soul

322
00:15:39,010 --> 00:15:43,020
by dispensing superficial
relationship advice to others.

323
00:15:44,001 --> 00:15:45,001
What?

324
00:15:45,002 --> 00:15:46,012
I'll have a full profile

325
00:15:46,014 --> 00:15:50,024
of Dr. Quinzel tonight
on my prime-time special.

326
00:15:50,017 --> 00:15:52,007
Ar-r-r-h-h-h!

327
00:15:55,007 --> 00:15:57,007
Unh! You big phony!

328
00:15:57,014 --> 00:16:01,014
That was supposed to be
my Valentine's special!

329
00:16:01,010 --> 00:16:02,020
Unh!

330
00:16:02,019 --> 00:16:04,019
Happy Valentine's Day, kid.

331
00:16:04,023 --> 00:16:06,023
I brought you something.

332
00:16:06,023 --> 00:16:08,013
What?

333
00:16:12,007 --> 00:16:13,017
bling

334
00:16:15,001 --> 00:16:16,011
Pretty.

335
00:16:16,011 --> 00:16:18,021
Aww, I wanted
to give you a present

336
00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:20,018
for all the fun
we've been having.

337
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,000
What is it that you want?

338
00:16:23,019 --> 00:16:25,019
Unh! That's what I want?

339
00:16:25,022 --> 00:16:27,022
To get even
with those jerks.

340
00:16:27,023 --> 00:16:31,013
I was trying to help people,
and now I'm the bad guy?

341
00:16:31,016 --> 00:16:34,006
More of an accomplice, actually.

342
00:16:34,020 --> 00:16:36,000
Unh!

343
00:16:37,019 --> 00:16:39,019
They should all suffer.

344
00:16:42,005 --> 00:16:43,015
Sounds like a hoot!

345
00:16:46,003 --> 00:16:48,013
What we have
with Harleen Quinzel

346
00:16:48,012 --> 00:16:50,012
is a textbook case of a woman

347
00:16:50,013 --> 00:16:53,013
deluded by a fantasy image
of herself

348
00:16:53,014 --> 00:16:55,014
as a healer and caregiver.

349
00:16:55,008 --> 00:16:59,008
(Harley)
'Hey, doc! I've got
a text-bookcase for ya!'

350
00:17:00,003 --> 00:17:01,013
Uhh!

351
00:17:01,015 --> 00:17:02,015
[grunts]

352
00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:04,020
[audience screaming]

353
00:17:07,004 --> 00:17:08,024
Hi-hi, Gotham!

354
00:17:09,001 --> 00:17:13,011
Harley's back,
for a special farewell show.

355
00:17:18,009 --> 00:17:19,009
Unh!

356
00:17:19,010 --> 00:17:21,010
[screaming]

357
00:17:21,011 --> 00:17:22,011
[explosion]

358
00:17:24,017 --> 00:17:26,007
[growling]

359
00:17:26,014 --> 00:17:27,024
[gasping]

360
00:17:29,023 --> 00:17:31,013
(Joker)
'Yoo-hoo.'

361
00:17:32,017 --> 00:17:34,017
Keep your seats, people.

362
00:17:34,018 --> 00:17:37,018
The little lady's
just warming up.

363
00:17:38,001 --> 00:17:41,001
Aww, that's right, puddin'.

364
00:17:41,006 --> 00:17:43,016
I'm going to set
the record straight

365
00:17:43,022 --> 00:17:48,022
then finish my broadcasting
career with a big bang.

366
00:17:50,006 --> 00:17:51,006
- Let's go.
- What?

367
00:17:51,012 --> 00:17:53,012
We can't wait
for the commercial?

368
00:17:53,009 --> 00:17:55,009
[bats squealing]

369
00:17:57,013 --> 00:18:00,023
So, you didn't like my show?

370
00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:04,024
Well, try this one.

371
00:18:04,019 --> 00:18:05,999
[whistles]

372
00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:08,002
[growling]

373
00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:11,014
"When Animals Attack
People I Hate."

374
00:18:11,016 --> 00:18:13,006
It's a comedy.

375
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,010
[chattering]

376
00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:18,002
Huh! Hah!

377
00:18:19,019 --> 00:18:21,999
You're cancelled. Again.

378
00:18:23,010 --> 00:18:25,000
Ar-r-r-r.

379
00:18:28,016 --> 00:18:29,996
[acid sizzling]

380
00:18:32,014 --> 00:18:33,024
Huh!

381
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,020
Aww, thanks, sweetie.

382
00:18:38,019 --> 00:18:42,009
Now drag her outside
and Joker gas her or something.

383
00:18:42,010 --> 00:18:45,000
You ordering me around?

384
00:18:45,005 --> 00:18:46,015
Don't go too far.

385
00:18:46,017 --> 00:18:50,007
I've indulged you
only because it amused me.

386
00:18:50,007 --> 00:18:51,017
Yes, sir.

387
00:18:53,007 --> 00:18:55,007
Hee, hee, hee.
You little imp.

388
00:18:55,015 --> 00:18:57,005
I could never stay mad at you.

389
00:18:59,002 --> 00:19:00,012
[giggling]

390
00:19:02,022 --> 00:19:04,002
Uh-oh.

391
00:19:05,004 --> 00:19:06,014
- Ugh!
- Aah!

392
00:19:06,010 --> 00:19:08,010
Uhh, uhh. Ah!

393
00:19:10,015 --> 00:19:11,015
- Uhh.
- Uhh.

394
00:19:11,020 --> 00:19:13,010
Rr-r-r-r!

395
00:19:13,008 --> 00:19:15,008
- Uhh.
- Don't move.

396
00:19:15,015 --> 00:19:16,015
Very funny.

397
00:19:16,020 --> 00:19:19,010
Unh! Aah!

398
00:19:19,011 --> 00:19:23,001
You bats won't pull the plug
on my special.

399
00:19:23,002 --> 00:19:24,012
[explosion]

400
00:19:24,015 --> 00:19:25,015
[screaming]

401
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:30,022
What have you done?

402
00:19:30,020 --> 00:19:32,020
They sent me down in flames.

403
00:19:33,001 --> 00:19:35,011
So I'm returning the favor.

404
00:19:35,015 --> 00:19:38,015
Ehh-ha, ha, ha!

405
00:19:38,021 --> 00:19:40,011
There are three more bombs

406
00:19:40,016 --> 00:19:42,006
planted around this building.

407
00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:45,005
Once they go,
all Gotham broadcasting

408
00:19:45,008 --> 00:19:46,018
comes tumblin' down!

409
00:19:46,023 --> 00:19:48,023
Show the man, Harley!

410
00:19:51,009 --> 00:19:52,009
Ahh!

411
00:19:52,011 --> 00:19:53,021
Not gonna happen.

412
00:19:54,009 --> 00:19:55,009
Uh-unh.

413
00:19:57,005 --> 00:19:58,015
Unh.

414
00:19:59,014 --> 00:20:00,024
Ya-a-h-h!

415
00:20:01,018 --> 00:20:04,008
[explosions]

416
00:20:04,008 --> 00:20:06,008
I'm okay. Help the audience.

417
00:20:06,010 --> 00:20:07,010
Unh!

418
00:20:07,010 --> 00:20:08,010
[screaming]

419
00:20:14,020 --> 00:20:15,020
Unh.

420
00:20:15,021 --> 00:20:16,021
[explosion]

421
00:20:18,005 --> 00:20:19,015
This way, people.

422
00:20:24,001 --> 00:20:25,021
Time to make tracks, boys.

423
00:20:25,019 --> 00:20:26,019
[whistling]

424
00:20:26,020 --> 00:20:28,000
[hyena chattering]

425
00:20:32,013 --> 00:20:34,013
So long, little Harley Quinn.

426
00:20:34,012 --> 00:20:35,022
It's been fun!

427
00:20:35,017 --> 00:20:36,017
[metal creaking]

428
00:20:39,021 --> 00:20:41,011
[giggling]

429
00:20:42,017 --> 00:20:43,997
[clattering]

430
00:20:54,015 --> 00:20:56,005
[sirens wailing]

431
00:20:58,020 --> 00:21:01,020
The Joker doesn't care
about anyone but himself.

432
00:21:01,019 --> 00:21:03,999
He never has,
and he never will.

433
00:21:04,004 --> 00:21:07,014
You'd think a psychologist
would know better.

434
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:23,000
Huh?

435
00:21:27,019 --> 00:21:30,009
[squeals]
Ha, ha, ha!

436
00:21:33,023 --> 00:21:36,013
[giggling continues]

437
00:21:36,008 --> 00:21:39,008
[laughter]

438
00:21:44,022 --> 00:21:47,022
[theme music]