♪ It's Zeroman ♪
♪ Ba-da-ba-da ♪
♪ It's Zeroman ♪
♪ Ba-da-ba-da ♪
♪ It's Zeroman ♪
♪ Ba-da-baa-Daa ♪
♪ It's Zeroman ♪
♪ ba-da ba-da ♪
♪ Save the city ♪
♪ ba-da baa-daa ba ♪
[mysterious music]
[funky music]
Oh.
[Leslie panting]
Ooh yeah.
Oh baby.
Ooh, look at the headlights one.
Cherry, gee she's hot. [bed frame banging]
I'll bet she really- oh yeah.
Yes sir, Leslie, you can ride her.
Now the cows come home, boy.
[Mother] Leslie!
Mother, you're home early.
What's that you're hiding?
Don't tell me you're looking at
those dirty farm magazines again.
Yes, mother. I am.
Because I'll never give up on my dream
to one day buy that little hobby farm, in the country.
Won't we, Freddy?
[imitates Freddy] That's right, Les.
And what's that?
You know, I have a strict no pets rule,
not even stuffed ones!
It's just Freddy, Mommy.
The closest thing I've had to a pet
since you baked my turtle
into the cake on my sixth birthday.
The war was over.
Our boys were coming home, I had a few drinks.
It was an accident.
It's okay, mother.
Thanks to self-discipline and hours of shock therapy,
I'm over Zippy.
[horns blaring] [neck cracking]
And the need to have a pet.
[neck cracking]
Good.
Because unless they've been carefully prepared
and rolled in flour, there'll be no animals in this house.
Don't you worry, mother, I don't need a pet.
Why would I need a pet when Sammy the Hamster
gives me all the love I need?
♪ Here comes Sammy ♪
♪ Yes siree ♪
♪ Special friend to you and me ♪
♪ He drives cars ♪
♪ Ski boats too ♪
♪ wearing clothes like me and you ♪
[Leslie sighs]
♪ Sammy Hamster ♪
♪ Ha-ha-hee ♪ [Leslie snoring]
♪ Watch his show or he'll hate you ♪
[TV static]
That, dear friends, was Sammy Hamster.
Everyone's favorite furry friend.
But tonight, Sammy is missing and presume rat napped!
True to form, [whistle blowing]
Fair City police are baffled.
And as of yet, no ransom!
Demands have been made to the producers of the show.
Who can only wait and hope that their Sammy comes home.
[producers crying]
Rusty, I gotta tell ya,
where's the honor in this?
Puttin' the grab on a gerbil.
Actually Don,
he's a hamster.
And very famous.
This little fella should net you handsome ransom.
Ransom?
Who needs a ransom? I'm already rich.
No, boys.
This time I have something far more bold
and cutting edge in mind.
This little fella is going to be the death of Zeroman.
[Don] No Hampshire's gonna whack Zeroman.
And...
...Action!
[fast paced music] [hamster growling]
Uh-oh- Ah!
Well, look at that little guy go.
I take it all back!
That's give 'em the ol' how do ya do!
[Ron screaming]
As you can see, Don,
my hanssassin has been trained to kill
at the mere mention of the secret codeword.
The stage is now set for my greatest performance ever.
One that will cement my criminal celebrity,
as the man who eliminated the mighty man of zeal,
on national TV.
He-he-he-he-he.
[Ron's screams continue]
[Don laughing]
Hey I-I like to be a team player,
but for the love of God,
is there any way to stop this demonstration?
[screaming] Ooh!
Stop!
Make it stop!
And...
...Cut!
Oh. Ooh.
[Don] Would you look at that.
So, you can shut 'em off just by sayin' cut?
Uh-huh.
And you can set 'em off by sayin', what again?
Oh.
[Rusty] Oh, I believe it was, action.
[fast paced music] [hamster growling]
Aah! No!
Beauty.
♪ Mother's little Leslie love sortin', sortin' ♪
♪ Mother's little Leslie love sortin' mail ♪
Ooh!
[laughs] A package.
For Zeroman, from an a-non-ya-ma-hoos fan.
[laughing] Why, it's just-
just like Christmas.
Only with presents.
[Leslie laughs]
Cheddar cheesus!
Ooh, it's what I've always wanted.
Les, what's wrong?
I was reading when your bio level spiked.
Pulse and blood pressure rising, what's happening?
Are you alright?
I've never been better, Ty.
One of my devoted fans sent me a present.
It's my very own hamster.
Les, what have I told you about
opening anonymous gifts of vermin?
You don't know where they've been.
Now, put it down and don't touch it
until it's been checked for explosives.
And wet tail.
Well, hang standard procedure, Ty.
Can't you see this little fella's starved for attention?
Who knows how long he's been on that box?
Yes siree, I'm getting me some squirmin' vermin,
fuzzy-wuzzy love action, right now.
[Leslie chuckles]
[energetic music] [hamster growling]
What was that?
I- Oh!
I think he's having a bad dream.
Ooh, ah.
Ah-aah!
Yikes! What's wrong with it?
I dunno?
Maybe he's not used to the touch of a gentle hand,
or a kind word,
or baby talk.
[Hamster growling continues]
Cheddar Cheesus, what are they feeding you?!
Ooh wow- oh!
[horn music blaring]
[Leslie screaming]
[hamster chattering and growling]
Stop killing me!
Aah!
Les, what's happening? Are you alright?
Les?!
Les!
[computer static]
Come in, Les!
Les!
Come in!
Oh, whoa.
Les, oh! You're alive!
Yes. Yeah, still alive.
But in severe pain. Ow-ooh!
Thank Goodness!
About you being alive, I mean,
not about you being in pain.
So, what happened to the hamster?
Well, I'm no expert,
but clearly he's suffering from issues of abandonment
or was tormented by a middle child and is lashing out?
No, I mean, how did you subdue it?
Oh, I just slapped a really tiny sleeper on it.
He should be out for hours or at least 'til I get him home.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on.
You're bringing that here?
It's clearly psychotic.
If it wasn't for the super suit under your uniform,
it would've been curtains.
[laughing] Nonsense, Ty.
My uniform would make terrible curtains.
Especially in the state it's in now.
I mean, you could have been killed.
By the hamster. It's a euphemism.
I don't care what country he comes from, Ty.
All I know is that he's sick and mixed up
and needs our help.
And dammit, we're gonna give it to 'em.
Fine. Fine.
But if you won't listen to me, what about your mother?
What's she gonna say When you bring that home?
Uh, I-I'm sorry.
[Leslie imitating static]
You're-you're breaking up.
[Leslie mimicking static]
Can't hear you.
[Leslie imitating static]
Doesn't she have a no pets rule, Les?
Huh? Doesn't she?
Eh- Nope.
[Leslie imitating static]
I-I can't hear you.
La-la-la.
[Leslie imitating static]
Signing off now.
[computer static]
[Mayor] Hello and welcome dear voters, to this-
[Mother] Freeze, mister!
Ah!
Mother.
It's the yawning lotus position.
Yoga improves my flexibility.
[Leslie shivers]
I-I can see that.
What's that you're hiding there?
Oh, nothing.
Just bulge, cripply natural bulge.
Nothing to see.
I-I'll be in the bathroom for a while.
Not on my watch. Come back here!
[Mother grunting]
[grunting continues]
Can't an active man have a little privacy?
[Mother grunts]
Not until I see what's causing that suspicious bulge.
Never.
Never-never.
Ah!
[thump]
[Mother and hamster screaming]
You rat, it's a rat!
I said no pets in this house.
What part of backing your turtle
into the birthday cake don't you get, boy!
He's not a rat, he's a stray!
And he's alone and deeply disturbed!
And I'm keeping him!
Kids. Now that I think of it,
I've seen that stupid buck toothed expression before.
In breaking news,
the producers of the Sammy Hamster Happy Hour,
categorically deny rumors
that a teamster sat on the beloved entertainer.
And so they have offered a $50,000 reward.
All we can do now is pray.
50,000? For one lousy hamster?
Maybe my son isn't as stupid as the child expert thought.
[bright music]
[Computer] Genetic bone print accepted.
Engaging Poop Shoot.
[rapid beeping]
So, where is it?
Oh, would you look at that?
The Poop Shoot gave him his own little suit.
[light bubbly music]
Isn't that cute?
All right. It is kinda cute.
But I think you're missing the big picture here.
Sammy The Hamster has disappeared.
My beloved Sammy, friends to you and me?
No, can't be. How did this happen?
Did the cat get him?
No, he's fine.
I know because he's Sammy!
No, he's Bucky.
I know because I named him.
Didn't I, Bucky? Didn't dadums name you?
Yes. Yes. He sure did.
Look, think about it.
Sammy goes missing, then a hamster, who looks just like him,
mysteriously shows up in Zeroman's care.
It's obvious!
Yes. But to the untrained eye, Ty,
all hamsters look alike. Like babies.
Look, I know how much you love animals.
But he doesn't belong to you.
And you have to give him back.
[alarm beeping]
Great flaming holes.
Would you look at that, we've got trouble.
I'd love to say him debate this further, Ty,
but I'm Zeroman and that is the call to action.
[hamster growling]
Don't give me that.
You know exactly what you're doing.
But you have to face it sooner or later.
So just stop acting like such a baby and cut the crap!
[alarm continues beeping]
I'm still not listening to you.
And you are the baby.
Me, the man of action.
[suspenseful music]
[Ty] Cut it out!
[Leslie] Man of action.
[hamster growls]
[Ty] Cut it out!
No Bucky, you stay here with a women folk.
The thick of action is no place for you.
[hamster growls]
ah, ooh.
[Leslie screaming]
Sweet holy sucking fit. He's going psycho!
[Leslie] But why?
Did I step on his tail? Was it something I said?
Yes. Yes, you're right.
There's a definite verbal gerbil pattern here.
Uh. Verbal gerbil.
[Leslie chuckles]
[hamster growling] [Leslie screams]
He's right for the face, cut to the chase.
There! You see?
Something's triggering these murderous rages.
I blame his diet then.
I'm not opposed to taking legal action
against the hamster food people.
I- ooh, ow.
[Leslie grunting] [hamster growling]
Call my lawyer!
No no. Z-man, you've done it!
Action, must be the word that triggers his outbursts.
Ow. Ooh. Terrific!
Any thoughts on what might cut them off?
You just said the magic word!
What? Action?
[hamster growling]
No, cut! Cut!
Here, I'll write them down for you.
Try not to get ink in the gashes, I hate that.
Hello?
Is anybody going to answer those flaming O's?
Sorry, Mayor.
We were having trouble with our hamster.
He's being, uh, uncooperative.
Ahem. Yes, I heard they can be that way.
Ahem. Anywho, it seems Rusty's at it again.
This time he's threatening to blow up
the big bronze statue of Zeroman.
Erected in Fair City Square.
Oh, and the unveiling is tomorrow.
Along with the presentation of the key to the city.
Only I can prevent the fall of my own bronze erection.
Out, out, and away!
[energetic upbeat music]
Ow! Oh god, my eyes!
Sammy?
Oh, Sammy?
Moron!
Hey, moron!
[crash]
[thump]
Bravo!
What a classic entrance!
And right on queue too.
In this scene, our Zero-hero
is about to suffer a public demise.
And I'm going to own the exclusive film and video rights.
They laugh at me in the actor lab!
they at me in villas anonymous!
Now I'm laughing!
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
I'm laughing ha-ha-ha!
Must've been a lot funnier back then.
What's this statue ever been to you, Rusty?
Besides completely overshadowing your own statue.
You fool! It's not the statue I want,
it's your death on film for all to see!
All right. Play time's over, Rusty.
Now, back away from...
...that thing, that will make the statue go boom.
No chance Zero-hero.
And, is that a hamster in your pants?
Or are you just glad to short me?
[Rusty chuckling]
I thought of that myself.
Excuse me a moment. will you?
Ahem, no.
No-Uhuh, no, no.
Why, you little rascal.
Ha, he hates it when I go anywhere without him.
And I should know,
because I trained him never to let you out of his sight.
After kidnapping Sammy, earlier this week.
Look, you're really not helping.
You are such a buzz kill.
Well then, you really are Sammy.
You've been living a lie all this time.
[wallowing] Oh no, no!
Say it's not true! No, Bucky!
Bucky!
All right, we're rolling!
Zeroman's big public demise, Take one!
[upbeat music]
[explosives blasting]
Timber!
[statue creaking]
[kittens meowing]
Whoa, beauty save by number zero.
[Rusty] And we're getting it all film.
[rusty laughs maniacally]
[grunting] Must hold it,
keep my bum from making a big boom-boom.
And...
...Action!
[hamster growling]
Beautiful.
I love my life. I really do!
[rusty laughs maniacally]
No, Sammy. Down, boy.
You don't really wanna chew on my [indistinct] do ya?
No, no. It's me, your friend.
Your friend!
Ah, ah! Woo!
[Leslie grunting] [hamster growling]
[Leslie screaming]
[hamster chattering and growling]
Oh yeah! Ooh yeah!
Talk about your classic moments in cinema.
Are we getting this? Keep rolling.
Ah! Oh-ow!
Can't hold you both off much longer.
Must say super secret magic codeword.
The codeword is coo-coo-coo-coo-c-kumbaya, my lord.
Ah!
This looks like a job for Ty.
I need Ty.
Come in! Ty! Over!
What is it? I'm working here.
And did you know that Sammy's missing?
[Leslie] [stammering] Yes. I-I I'm aware.
Apparently it's all over the news.
[Leslie grunting]
He's right here.
Who? Rusty?
No! Sammy, and Rusty, and those two other guys.
[hamster growling]
Why didn't you say?!
Say the codeword. Say the codeword!
[Leslie] I would,
but I'm having a little trouble reading my handwriting.
By that I mean, what's written here on my hand, in writing.
It's cut!
The codeword is cut!
Come on! Get on with it!
We're running out of film, here.
Yeah, Sammy cut the comedy and just go for it!
Ah!
Nice going, genius. You said cut.
Action!
[hamster growling]
I did not say cut...
...did I?
[Rusty screaming]
Action.! Action!
I said action!
[hamster chattering and growling]
I mean, I think I'd know I said cut.
No, don't stop! Go!
Action!
I'm the guy who says action,
I'm action guy!
Action!
Aaaah-tion!
Cut! Cut!
[lighthearted flute music]
Stamp it, no take backs.
Ooh. No fair!
[statue creaking] - [Leslie] Out, out, and away!
Oh, this is just perfect.
He's getting away!
That lucky son of a-
[crash]
[upbeat music]
Zeroman, where are you?
Zeroman, come in.
Come in, Zeroman.
Zeroman, here. Villain's vanquished, crisis averted.
I'm returning to base with, with-with...
...Sammy.
Over and out.
[Rusty] I hate that man.
[Don] Ah, puck-head's not so bad,
once you get used to him.
[Rusty] Not Ron, Don.
I'm talking about Zeroman.
Now we have to figure out another public place that we know,
that he's gonna go to,
in order to carry out my plan to kill him on film.
Are you boys about finished here?
I need to start settin' up for the big ceremony tomorrow.
They'd givin' Zeroman the key to the city.
They are?
Well that's what very public event I wouldn't wanna miss.
Maybe I'll even bring my camera.
[all three laughing]
Well, I just got off the phone with Mayor MacWald.
Everybody is thrilled that Sammy's okay.
And his producers think that ceremony tomorrow
would be a great place to announce a safe return.
Figures, stupid publicity, grabbing stupid heads.
All they care about are headlines, not Sammy.
[sighs] You're doing the right thing, you know.
Sammy doesn't belong to you. He has to go home.
I know, Ty. You're right.
Mm, Ty's always right.
And, it's better to have loved to pet and lost it,
than to never have loved to pet at all, I guess.
Yeah, sure.
Whatever.
Where are you going?
I'm going to say goodbye
and spend out last night together.
[Leslie crying]
[light fluttery music]
Good morning, Leslie.
Time to rise and shine and face the music,
you sick numster nupper, you.
[men yelling]
[window clattering]
It's going to be all right, son.
These men are here to help you get the help you need!
And 50 grand will really help.
[suspenseful music]
[in unison] Ah!
Hello and welcome, dear voters, to this,
a special presentation to Zeroman,
for all he's done in our beloved Fair City.
The latest being the safe recovery
of our favorite star, Sammy.
[crowd whooping and cheering]
[bouncy upbeat music] - Nuts. Get your hot nuts!
Big warm, salty nuts, nuts in a bag here.
Get 'em all or hot and salty.
We're too far away, ain't we?
How's Sammy going to hear ya shout action?
Not to worry, Don.
Thanks to the micro food pellet bomb I fed to Sammy,
in anticipation of just such a moment,
I won't have to shout action to set him off.
The bomb is triggered to go off at the me mention
of the codeword, key.
[Rusty laughing maniacally]
Boy, that's convenient.
This being a key to the city ceremony.
I'm here, Todd MacWald, present you, Zeroman, with this.
Say it...
...Say it.
[Mayor] A token of our appreciation.
This symbol of our thanks.
This, shiny opener, to our city's heart.
Say it!
Boy, you wouldn't think we'd have to wait so long
to hear someone say key at a key to the city ceremony,
would ya?
[Mayor] This wonderfully crafted
and molded shiny, metal thing.
Thank you, Mayor. Even though justice is my only reward,
I accept this golden, uh, door device
and we'll probably carry it with the,
the other pieces of toothy metal that I start my car with.
[crowd cheering]
That's it! It's over!
Nothing ever works out for me.
And I want you all to know that it's Sammy here,
and the horrific citizens of our fair city
that hold the key to my heart.
[suspenseful music] [hamster beeping]
Hello! We have ignition.
What has Rusty feeding that thing?
[Leslie] Ty, are you seeing this?
Sammy Doesn't look so good.
Holy crap! It's his stomach!
Sammy's gonna explode!
He's a tiny, cuddly bomb!
A bomb?!
Quick, Ty.
How will we stop it? The heimlich maneuver?
Mouth to mouth?
There's no time to be kissing hamsters!
You've gotta get rid of him!
You mean?
[Ty] Throw him away!
Heave the hamster, right now!
Okay. Goodbye, my pet.
My goodbye.
Forgive me! Aah!
Uh-oh.
Boy, who coulda seen this coming?
[hamster beeping rapidly]
[Hamster bomb exploding]
[somber music]
No!
I'm sorry, Sammy.
I couldn't save you. It was all my fault.
Oh, good night, sweet bro, wherever you are.
[Leslie crying]
[door creaking]
Sammy!
You're alive!
The tiny bomb inside you didn't blow you up!
Did it, sweet Sammy?
Oh, did that big, bad bomb not go off? Oh.
Well, I'll be.
Little fella musta pooped it out before it went off.
[Leslie] And you thought it was a dirty habit.
This is incredible. What publicity!
Just think of the numbers this'll bring.
How could we thank in Zeroman?
We'll give you points, royalties, a piece of the action.
[hamster growling] Just name it and it's yours.
[producers screaming]
[chuckling] actually, this will do nicely.
[Leslie laughing maniacally]
[bright energetic music]
♪ Zero ♪
♪ Man ♪
♪ Here comes Zeroman ♪
♪ Zero ♪
♪ Man ♪
♪ The countdown has started ♪
♪ Looking for a hero man ♪
♪ Five, four, three, two, one ♪
♪ Here comes Zeroman ♪