It's Zeroman! Ba da, ba da.
Save our city!
Ba da, ba da.
Taste sweet freedom, my minnowy minions,
and join me in my army of the deep!
Freeze, Salmonella.
Zeroman!
Do you have any idea what jostling that bag does
to little fishes? It makes them woozy
and their bulgey eyes to bulge even more.
Now put the fish down and step away.
Your time is at hand, my fishies.
Save me, save your queen!
So many tiny fins!
I think we all know what's wrong with this picture.
If Zeroman had ducked here and thrown a head fake there,
he could have rolled left, then picked Salmonella off
as she passed in the car, avoiding injury
and serious embarrassment.
Yes. Excellent. Top notch chalk talk there, Ty.
You would've made a terrific man at action.
But instead, he's stuck down here. Hey, Zeroman.
Watching others do what he can only dream of doing.
Too bad.
And it's doubly too bad that Ty can't share his invaluable
insight at this weekend's superhero summit.
The one time each year when superheroes and villains alike
vow to cease hostilities in order to hone their craft.
And have room service. We sure are gonna miss you, Ty.
Gary, we talked about this.
No eager untrained sidekicks allowed.
So instead, I guess you're stuck down here,
watching others do what you can only dream of doing.
Too bad.
Welcome to the hotel. I hope you enjoy your stay.
I'm hotel clerk Clark. If you have any questions,
feel free to ask.
I have a question, Clark.
Why is this taking so long?
Patience, Impatient Guy.
Man, can we just check in and get to our rooms
while we're still young?
And let this be a first lesson to us all.
A superhero is always patient, ever vigilant in his wait
for truth, justice, and room keys.
The next two days are designed to help us make the
best collective we that we can be, and-
Enough already, we get the point.
I mean, just look at this place.
I don't think we could have picked a more perfect,
out-of-the-way think tank, completely closed off
from the outside world. Free of distractions of any kind.
Booya!. Rusty and his gang of nuts are in da house.
Zeroman!
Rusty Woodenwater.
What are you and your band of no-goods doing here?
Well, I could ask you the same thing.
Well?
Oh, is it me? We booked this fine family establishment
for our superhero summit.
Impossible. We booked this rundown dive
for our own supervillain summit.
Well, that's just great.
I'm not staying at the same convention with them.
They don't even have proper name tags.
Name tags. We don't need no stinking name tags.
You know I'm Taco Bill. I know he is Zeroman.
Let Zeroman go, Mr. Taco-
Oh, I wish you had a name tag.
Drop it or I'll blow you away.
Holster your hostilities and remember what we're here for.
And Rusty, have you and your cojones
forgotten about the truth?
He's right. We did agree to lay off the hostilities
until after the weekend.
But the weekend doesn't officially begin
until we've checked in. Right?
Well, technically, yes.
The name is Woodenwater. Rusty Woodenwater.
Consider me and my party officially checked in.
You just gotta do it quick.
Gee, I thought that suit made you, like,
impervious to pain and stuff.
It does, Gullible Guy. But the alien weave
has always been a little thin in certain areas.
All right, super friends. Lights out.
Time to tuck yourselves in. We have a busy day tomorrow.
Lights out? This sucks!
It's only eight o'clock.
You heard me, Impatient Lab.
Man!
Don't make me come in there and slap the sleeper on you.
Ah, sweet silence. It's nice that Rusty and his fast crowd
have listened to reason. I'm sure we'll have
no further tomfoolery from them. Crazy rotten kids.
Fire alarm! Fire alarm! Come on, everybody, out!
No pushing. No shoving. Just like we practiced.
Hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop!
We made it! Once again, our razor sharp reaction time
has allowed us to slip through death's icy grasp,
and in good time, too.
We're all so glad that everyone got out,
because we sure wouldn't wanna miss anyone.
Would we, gang?
I love flaunty conventions. I really do.
That tears it!
It's time to take out the trailer trash!
Not on my watch, friends. We've taken a sworn oath
to refrain from engaging our enemies.
We cannot retaliate, no matter how foolish
and immature they may be.
I'm telling management.
I haven't had this much fun at someone else's expense
since Ralph Benmergui got canceled.
You got that right, kid. But I can't help thinkin'
how ripe for picking Fair City must be right now,
with no superheroes in town, and all.
It's a golden criminal opportunity, all right.
Even though every criminal we know is here.
Not exactly, my good men. For this very moment,
a mysterious tour bus should be bowling into the heart
of unprotected Fair City, ferrying a gifted young newcomer
to our dark art.
So who is this crooked rookie?
Oh, just a little someone that I've taken under my wing.
A tragically hip shock and roll high schooler
that travels by the name of...
Van Walen!
Hello, Fair City!
Are you ready to rock?
I say, look there, Marjorie.
It's one of those rock and or rollers.
I believe you're right, Miles.
There goes the neighborhood.
You can say that again, stuffy dudes!
Righteous!
Right on! Party on!
Precisely what I had in mind, my loyal Dead Head fans.
Now, let's trash this jaunt!
Oh my. Oh dear. There's trouble!
Trouble right here in Fair City.
Must call for help! Fire off the Zero signal.
Finally some peace and quiet.
Oh, great. This is just perfect.
I bet the mayor got lost again.
Hi, Ty. Glad to see you finally come out of the closet.
Gary, what are you doing here?
Don't you have disposable income to go spend freely?
Gobs of it. But when the call to action goes up,
this is the only place to be.
There are gray flaming holds flying everywhere.
Isn't that great?
No, it's supposed to be all quiet this weekend.
Though knowing the mayor, I'm sure it's nothing.
That's right, nothing a boy can't handle!
Just keep your shirt on until I find out
what this is all about. Come in, mayor.
Oh, at last. Are you there?
I can't see you!
That's because I don't want you to.
We've been over this.
He has a life outside of this, you know.
Not much of a life, but it's a life.
So what is it this time, mayor? Got your head stuck
in the railing again? A stubborn pickle jar
that needs opening? What?
It can't be anything really urgent, because every villain
and crook is out of town.
Every known villain.
Righteous!
Whoa, but my note.
Mr. Woodenwater's scoutin' you
right now, dude. It's your big chance,
so you stay gnarly, and you get it right, okay?
Rusty W is dependin' on me!
There you are, little list. And it is written
in the form of a soon-to-be classic
Man Walen wailin' song
that goes like this.
Dear man, blow their minds with your Axco blaster.
I can be their lord and master. Set your sights
on city hall. Rock the mayor and the rest will fall.
Do it loud, and do it right, and you will tour
with me for life!
We can't take any chances. The safety of the city
is at stake. We have to call Zeroman.
Zeroman? Why bother Zeroman when you've got me?
O Boy!
O Boy?
Oh, boy.
That's right, O Boy. You remember, Mayor.
Zeroman's trusty second and wiley ward.
Oh, right! O Boy.
Oh boy, oh boy, we're saved!
Zeroman's wiley O Boy will handle this.
O Boy won't be handling anything.
He's not field tested or wiley. Just very annoying.
We're calling Z-man on the emergency number
he left on the fridge. Right now.
Oh, great. Just perfect.
What number? What?
Nice job, O Boy. Now we have no way to call Zeroman
even if we want to.
I don't know about you guys, but I'm feeling
like a badder and more complete supervillain already.
You got that right, kid. We're definitely becoming
the worst we's that we can be.
Don't you mean we that we can be?
Bowango!
We can do it, Ty!
I have a life outside of this, my own secret identity
to protect. What am I supposed to do?
Whip up some quick and dirty superhero persona,
just like that?
I know you want it, Ty. I'll get you
any fashion designer you want. Your choice of materials.
It doesn't have to be dirty at all.
Just quick! I think there's someone at the front door!
Knock, knock!
Knocking on your front door!
Did you hear that? He's destroying city property,
and now he's coming to destroy me!
Oh, will someone please leap into action?
Your mayor really, really needs you!
So what do you say, partner? Shall we suit up?
[Ty And so it came to pass that a new avenger
was born. Spawn of cruel necessity and lithe of limb
from years of yoga. This dark angel of mercy
had not one life, nay. But nine. For I am the kitten
in the lap of kindness, bouncing on the wooly balls
of bad guys the world over as...
Hellcat!
And Holy Cow!
Strike up the band, man. Because this cat has claws.
Superfriends, I fear the sanctity of
our no-hostilities truce has been broken.
For it was during a surprise foot locker inspection
that I found whoopee cushions, fake doggy doo, fire ants,
and the most damning evidence of all,
detailed instructions on how to plastic wrap
the toilet seat of an unsuspecting toilet seat sitter.
He did say sitter, right?
Yeah, that's right. We were planning a counter-attack.
You caught us red-handed in pink uniform.
Look what they did to our laundry.
I don't know about the rest of you guys,
but they're gonna pay for this. It was brand new.
No, I implore you, Impatient Guy.
Don't let one red sock spoil it for the whole bunch.
And believe me when I say that I feel your pain.
For I, too, am up to here with their shenanigans.
On that, you have my word and testaminny, uh, mony.
I swear if Rusty persists on spoiling our good guy time,
we'll pack up our pink belongings and go home.
He said what?
Do you have any idea what this means?
It means that if Zeroman goes home early,
my plan is ruined. He'll pull the plug
on the whole Man Walen experience.
Oh, right. Your coming home party.
So, as much as it kills me to say this,
from here on out, we have to be good bad guys
on our best behavior, and no more pranks.
I, like, know you're in here, Mayor MacWald.
There's no use hidin'!
For in a few scared bars, you, too, will become
part of my ever-expanding Dead Head family.
I'll assume you didn't get the memo,
but there aren't supposed to be any villains
in town this weekend.
Oh, I wouldn't play that if I were you, man.
And as for this one-man show of yours,
consider it canceled.
By Hellcat and Holy Cow.
Hellcat!
And Holy Cow?
You're like, kidding, right?
Misguided and misinformed.
That's a losing combination, eh, Holy Cow?
I guess.
And my guess is that it's time for this particular show
to hit the-
Holy cow crap!
They say that timing is everything in this game,
little cow boy. But isn't your little kitty, like,
supposed to land on his feet?
Ty, you took that full in the head.
Are you OK? Good to go, buddy?
Say something! Speak to me!
Oh yeah, let's rock. I am so totally stoked
at this juncture my little bovine dude.
Oh yeah.
Are you ready to rock?
Hey, nice set of strings.
Is that a Vancaster 3000 axe guitar
with solid platinum bridges and a built-in whammy bar?
It is, my fellow rock dude.
Good to see that it is being appreciated.
Now, prepare for your stairway to heaven.
Whoa, I hear you, man.
But what if I told you I could outfit the Man Walen
experience with the latest in rock equipment?
My little bovine dude, let's get ready to rock.
Okay, look sharp. Here he comes.
And so to sum up, if you are not prepared to do the time,
then why not just don't do the crime. That's all I'm saying.
My feeling exactly, Rusty.
And I must say, it's terrific to see your team finally
playing ball, which is why I'm here.
You know, after we wrap up this exercise
to improve our other super senses, I was wondering
if you'd like to help us put these sturdy bats
to good use in a team-building game of softball.
Rusty, please?
Put it outta your minds, gang. Stay strong.
We're in this together.
And give us the strength of will not to smite
our stupid enemies. In this, we beg you.
Amen.
Ah, prayer, eh, Rusty? The last refuge
of a desperate man.
Hey, is that an anti-personality feet-seeking stunt gun?
With over and under muscle confounders. Feel the weight.
We were wondering if you'd mind holding these for us
while we take a quick knee for a team prayer.
No, absolutely not. We couldn't.
For gosh sakes, kid. We're only inhuman!
This had better be worth it. That's all I have to say.
Holy Cow. Thanks for the hookups.
The Mitchell 10,000 is amazing.
And the venue is stellar!
Hello, Fair City! Are you ready to rock?
Crank it, dude. Let's see what this amp can do!
I say, Miles. You look horrible.
As do you, Marjorie. What say we go medieval
on a pizza pie?
Oh, dudes. Look what you did to my guitar!
My gnarly, nuke-fueled axe! It's gonna be
in the shop for, like, ever!
You can spend that time thinking about what you've done.
It's the juvie hole shame for you, son.
So what do you say, partner? Why bother Zeroman
when you've got me? Victory is ours!
Not yet, Holy Cow. We have but one task left to perform.
Really? A parade in our honor?
Getting the key to the city?
Actually, we have to clean this mess up
before you-know-who gets home. I'll sweep, you mop.
Thank God it's over. This has been the longest two days
of my life and I've done press and Moose Jaw.
It was a rocky start, but I have to say,
in the end it turned into a worthwhile weekend.
Oh you do, do you? You have to say that?
Well, that's easy for you to say, because I just
found out my big homecoming plans fell through!
Which means I went through all this,
spent an entire weekend with Zero Dick
and a squad of dorks and wads for nothing!
I'll show you dorks and wads!
For the love of God, Zeroman. How much longer
do you expect us to take this abuse from him?
Patience, Impatient Guy. The truce isn't officially over.
At least until we've checked out.
Isn't that right, Rusty?
Well, technically, yes.
Clark! Zeroman here, notifying one and all
that my party and I have officially checked out.
Ah, nuts.
I really do spoil these kids. Hold on, there.
That's no way to take a punch.
Now here, let me show you!
Boy, it sure is good to be back.
The old hometown hasn't changed a bit.
Why should it happen? You were only gone for two days.
Yeah, we just played music, tried on some new outfits.
Brought the city back from the brink
of total annihilation, you know.
Same old, same old.
The music is mighty interesting.
Would you turn it up a bit?
♪ Zero! ♪
♪ Man! ♪
♪ Here comes Zeroman! ♪
♪ Zeroman! Countdown has started. ♪
♪ Looking for a hero man! ♪
♪ Five, four, three, two, one, here comes Zeroman! ♪