♪ It's Zeroman ♪
♪ Bada bada ♪
♪ It's Zeroman ♪
♪ Bada bada ♪
♪ It's Zeroman ♪
♪ Bada bada ♪
♪ It's Zeroman ♪
♪ Bada bada ♪
♪ Save the city ♪
♪ Bada bada ♪
He's known only as Zeroman.
Fair City's resident superhero
and staunch defender of justice.
But who is this elderly man of zeal?
And why is he so darn super?
Answers to these questions,
and a glimpse of the man behind the glasses,
right here on Your Daily Dirt.
Ah, oh oh, whoa.
Oop.
First of all,
thank you for coming, Zeroman.
It's my pleasure Bucky.
I'm sure I speak for all our viewers
when I say what's with the glasses?
Aren't superheros supposed to have supervision?
Well, not when they reach my age,
but all kidding aside,
they belonged to my late father
and I wear them to conceal my secret identity.
They are pretty big.
I mean, they take up your whole face.
Dad had a large head.
And thick.
They make your eyes look all wonky.
Doesn't it bother you?
The only thing that bothers me is wrongdoing Bucky,
and novelty furniture,
and pretty much everything in the dairy case.
In case you're just tuning in,
this is an intimate sit down with Zeroman.
Just watch this cat in action folks.
What huh?
Ah.
Whoa! Oop.
Wow. Let's go to the phones.
I have Muriel from Glace Bay.
Hello Muriel.
Hey there Zeroman.
How's it going?
Do you have a question Muriel?
Why in Pat's pocket book
do you call yourself Zeroman, aye?
And where you'd get them there super powers and all?
I took the name Zeroman because I have zero tolerance
for evilness and bad guys, Muriel.
And as for how I got my powers, I'd rather not say.
Why not?
Because than just anybody could go out
and get themselves a super suit
and be super enhanced like me.
Fair enough.
Well, that's all the time we have.
I'd like to thank our special guest, Zeroman.
Fair City's most famous favorite son
since faded child star turn bad guy,
Rusty Woodenwater.
Rusty who?
Goodnight.
Whoo!
Whee!
Rusty who?
I'll show them Rusty who.
They'll rue the day they ever heard
they forgot the name of Rusty Woodenwater.
He's everywhere I tell ya,
he's even more famous than me.
It's not fair.
That should be me
up there not him!
That super suit is mine,
not his.
It's a crying shame I'm telling ya.
Giving TV time to pretty boys like that
instead of good comedian kids like you.
Jeepers.
I don't think I've seen him this upset
since they canceled his show.
Oh, now you've done it.
I thought I told you never to mention that.
Sorry Rusty.
Sorry isn't a solve for insensitivity, Rob.
You know I've been carrying around a lot of pain
since that terrible day.
I need a cashew.
Where are my cashews?
Give the kid a nut!
Where are the kids nuts?
Soon, the people of Fair City will pay for tuning me out.
Oh, yes, because the means to my evil comeback
is being delivered to me as we speak.
Hi Les, great day for delivering the mail, huh?
Every day in the service of our government
is a great day, Sally.
Say, did you happen to catch Zeroman on TV last night?
I must have missed it.
Oh, well, he seems like quite a guy.
I guess.
And remarkably flexible for a man of his years.
You know, the talk around town is that
I'm supposed to be Zeroman's girl,
but for all the times he's saved my life
I hardly even know him.
In fact, I'm really interested in someone else.
Oh, well, well I, but I, I don't have time
for chit chat when delivering the peoples mail, Sally.
What I mean to say is,
you could be really close to somebody,
like we are right now,
and still not know anything about them
or how they feel or have any idea
who they really, really are.
Sally, I have something to tell you.
Yes, Les?
A secret so important in telling
that I've been dying to tell you.
So tell me.
Okay, here goes.
Sally Uberchick, I Les Button,
am in actual fact the one they call-
Moron! Hey, moron!
Hey, have you got a package for me or what?
Go on Les, what did you wanna tell me?
Come on, pops. Let's go.
We're not getting any younger.
Later, Sally.
I'm not about to let anxious Joe Public down.
One package addressed to Mister Rusty Woodenwater.
It's here!
At long last, my day of reckoning is at hand.
That parcel looks suspicious Les,
did you let the canine unit inspect your mail bag
before you left?
Well, I'm not a big fan
of dogs sniffing my bags, Sally.
I'm sure he just, sent a way for a nice
therapeutic model kit or, or, or, or something.
Haven't you son?
Actually, if you must Know, it's an atomic detonator.
A coffee maker. He, he means coffee maker.
An atomic coffee maker?
So the kid likes strong coffee.
What's the matter with that?
Say no more.
Have a good day citizens.
Hello? Mayor McWod?
Guess who just became a nuclear power?
You have 24 hours to make good of my demands
or I'll blow your Fair City away.
Ciao.
Great, good God in heaven.
Fair City is in peril.
Send out the call
for Zeroman.
Les Look, it's the universal cry for Zeroman.
Great flaming hole.
That means there's trouble.
Well, gotta run.
Hold it, Les.
Why is it that every time we see a giant flaming hole
you have to rush off?
Why, that's, that's simple, Sally.
Whenever I see a giant flaming hole
it always makes me think of the pain
and the itch of hemorrhoids and I have to go reapply.
You're kidding.
Gee, you think Zeroman saw it?
He has to. Keep trying!
Hi, mom, I'm home.
Not feeling too good. Gotta go. Bye.
Oh, don't mind him.
He'll be in there for hours.
Ty, come in Ty.
This is Les, what's the poop? Over.
Les, the mayor's been trying
to get in touch with you, man to man.
Well, that's quite flattering, but uh-
Just get your butt down here.
Ew!
Why is nothing happening?
I don't know.
I'm trying to relax.
With the SCAT scanner?
Try jiggling the handle.
Genetic bum print accepted.
Commencing poop shoot.
Whoa.
What's, oh.
Whee!
Ow, ooh. Oh, oh, ah.
Mayor Mcwod, Zeroman here, ever near.
Zeroman.
Rusty Woodenwater is at it again.
What's the scamp up to this time?
He's got his hands on an atomic bomb is what
and he's threatening to nuke Fair City unless-
Unless what? What, what's wrong?
This always happens at the good part.
Something's jamming our signal, something big.
It would have to be something, something very big,
bigger than a, a, a, a bread box
and, and metal like a, a bus.
Oh my stars.
It's a bum.
You mean a bomb.
No. A bum.
And it's prairie dogging.
Prairie dogging.
And poised to pitch it's nuclear load all over Fair City.
But why?
What could Rusty possibly hope to achieve?
Mayor's people are faxing Rusty's demands of it right now.
Boy, they're good.
All right, aside from a bunch of really senseless demands,
Rusty wants the mayor to return him to his rightful place
on network TV.
No surprise there.
And-
And, and what? Out with it lad.
And Zeroman or else.
So it's me, he wants is it?
Darn good thing our mayor elect
doesn't easily knuckle under to such senseless demands.
And so under my executive order,
Zeroman will be hunted down and sacrificed
for the good of all.
And now without any further unpleasantness,
it is my pleasure to introduce
the Rusty Woodenwater Welcome Back Review.
♪ Forget all your troubles ♪
♪ Tune into Rusty ♪
♪ I'm going to take all your rights away ♪
♪ Shout uncle, uncle ♪
♪ Give into Rusty ♪
♪ I'll just blow you up today ♪
Hi, and welcome to my show!
For the next 24 hours I'll be the only thing on TV.
At the end of which I promise to unmask Zeroman
or end the show with a bang.
An atomic bang.
Either way.
♪ Shout uncle, uncle ♪
♪ Give into Rusty ♪
♪ Today is your judgment day ♪
Geez, I can't believe that mayor
is knuckling under so fast.
I can't believe rusty is on every channel.
What happened to my soaps?
Who spins pie plates anymore?
Well, I for one, won't just stand by
as that bitter man child takes away
the rights of your viewing public.
This ends now.
What are you doing?
Turning myself in for the good of all.
Okay, but after you're gone
and rusty has the super suit,
who will protect the world from him then, huh?
Don't help me, I should know this.
Look. My advice to you is to call his bluff.
There's no way he's gonna set off that big A bum.
Trust me, just sit tight
and try to take your mind off Rusty for the next 24 hours.
Okay.
I'm gonna need something stronger than this.
Hmm, I gotta get this watch fixed.
Has it been 24 hours already?
I'm as fresh as a daisy.
You're a one man show wrecking crew out there kid.
If I don't pull a 70 share, I will kiss my sister.
So are we all set for the big finish?
Do we have Zeroman?
We don't have Zeroman?
The whole show only depends on me
unmasking Zeroman on the air.
My fans are expecting it!
We're trying Rusty. Really, we are.
Chief Helga has her men scouring the city for him,
but he is hiding or something.
Hiding? Why is he hiding?
His Fair City is in peril.
He should be acting, not hiding.
Nothing ever works out for me. Nothing.
He thinks that you're bluffing.
You must draw him out, find his weakness, and exploit it.
Wow. That sounds wonderful there Helga.
And I have just the thing.
The strain of inaction, too great.
I can't do nothing
any longer.
Yes you can.
I'm telling you Rusty is bluffing, bluffing.
Uh oh, it looks like Rusty just upped the stakes.
Sally!
Oh, what fresh heck is this?
Sweet Sally Uberchick stuck to the cheek of my big bum,
whatever will Zeroman do?
Will he risk everything to save her,
or will he chicken out and turn the other cheek,
so to speak?
Stay tuned, only time will tell.
Now, okay. That's it.
Nobody sticks Sally to the cheek
of a big shiny atomic bum and gets away with it.
He's bluffing.
If it's Zeroman he wants-
Just a ploy to lure you in.
Its Zeroman he's gonna get.
But hey, don't listen to me.
I'm never right.
Out, out,
and away.
Oh my God.
Yeah!
Thank you, thank you so much.
Alright, Rusty.
Play time's over in about three seconds,
I'm gonna turn you over the bent knee of justice
and spank that atomic bum of yours
into a sound stinging submission.
Is that so?
Well aren't you forgetting something?
No, I'm, I don't think so.
Turned off the stove, fed the turtles and-
I have Sally.
Mom, I can't talk right now I'm all tied up.
Yes, it has everything to do with Zeroman.
No, we won't be having children soon.
Look, I've gotta go. He's here.
It's me. Sally, hi, hi Sally.
Doesn't she look terrific.
Yes, those big cheeks do give her rather rutty glow.
And unless you surrender I'll blow her up,
along with everyone else in your precious Fair City.
Poop. Ty was right.
Ty's always right
I win!
Ow!
Ladies and gentlemen of Fair City,
as promised for the first and only time ever
I bring you
the unmasking of Zeroman.
Ow!
Ah!
Your glasses Zeroman and the suit,
or the girl dies.
Never fear, Z-man has a plan.
Zero don't try anything.
Terrific!
No!
Ha, you missed me.
Nice try, Zero Hero.
What?
Look what you did, you idiot.
My atomic bum remote control is broken.
Now even I can't stop the countdown if I wanted to.
Yeah, But why would you want to you're evil.
Evil yes, but not stupid.
You mean all this time you were-
Bluffing.
Do I look like I wanna die in a nuclear explosion?
Do you have any idea how destructive they are?
Hello?
Poop, Ty was right.
Ty's always right, again.
I only told you I was gonna set it off to lure you here
so I could get my suit back and kill you.
But now we're all gonna die, thanks to you.
Nice going, Zeroman.
Yeah, thanks Zeroman.
Gee, I'm sorry, gang.
If there's any way I could stop this, I would.
Well, for starters, you could fly up there
and deactivate it.
Yeah, but it won't be easy.
You'll have to crack the bum open
to get in it's sensitive insights.
Child's play. Never fear, Zeroman is here ever near.
Calm yourself Sally.
I'm here to rescue you,
whisk you to safety.
Hurry Zeroman!
Time is running out!
It's no use,
it it's so big and cold and unreceptive.
Our only hope is to muffle the explosion.
Look around for something big and absorbent.
I'm I'm sorry.
I, I don't carry cash or personal items into battle, Ty.
So I can't really afford anything exorbitant right now.
I said absorbent.
Terrific.
Perfect. Put it on, quick.
I feel a little silly, but thick with confidence.
Ah, no! Not on you, put it on the bomb.
Oh, that makes much more sense.
10.
Do you think it'll hold?
It has to, Sally. It has to.
9.
Sally, I have something to tell you.
Something about you - 8.
and me, and Les and me.
7.
I have something I'd like to say too, Zeroman.
About Les and me and you, - 6.
but mostly Les.
What about you and me and, and Les?
5.
Do you two ever talk about me?
4.
Sally! I can tell you for a fact that
yes we do. - 3.
Although it's usually me doing the talking.
- 2. - Oh, well,
could you get a message to Les for me?
- If you have a - 1.
message for him, I'll make sure he gets it.
Initiation.
Aww.
Well,
Rusty said he was gonna bring the house down.
Rusty? Where are you?
Rusty!
It's no use, chief.
He's gone.
Wait, come back.
You're my ride.
Oh no, those poor evil guys.
Do you think they're, you know?
Positive homo sapiens?
No!
Dead?
Yes!
No Sally, not dead, just gone.
Having slipped away to do evil another day.
It's their way.
Okay, it's safe to come out now, they're gone.
And so is my secret lair.
Ah, don't be such a whiner.
Some dry wall a little pink,
and this place to be as good as new kid.
Well, I don't know how secret it'll be,
or was, I mean everybody knew about it.
Well, what was I supposed to call it?
My public lair?
Anything but secret.
This stalwart post will serve us well.
Until we rise from the ashes
and become the scourge of Fair City once more.
And bring Zeroman to his knees.
For I am spite, I am evil.
I am Rusty Woodenwater.
My nuts.
♪ Zero ♪
♪ Man ♪
♪ Here comes Zeroman ♪
♪ Zero ♪
♪ Man ♪
♪ Countdown has started ♪
♪ Looking for a hero man ♪
♪ 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, ♪
♪ Here comes Zeroman ♪