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1
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Gosh, I love to... I love to shop.
2
00:01:43,136 --> 00:01:44,660
I mean, no... I love to go camping.
3
00:01:44,737 --> 00:01:46,932
One time this boyfriend
was cheating on me,
4
00:01:47,006 --> 00:01:49,474
and a week later he lost his job,
5
00:01:49,542 --> 00:01:51,567
and then his car got wrecked,
6
00:01:51,644 --> 00:01:53,509
and then a tree fell on his house.
7
00:01:53,580 --> 00:01:55,445
It has to be at least five tattoos
8
00:01:55,515 --> 00:01:57,073
or five piercings. I don't care.
9
00:01:57,150 --> 00:01:59,015
If not, don't even bother talking to me.
10
00:01:59,085 --> 00:02:01,383
Been sober for six... sixty... six hours.
11
00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:02,421
Yeah, six hours.
12
00:02:02,489 --> 00:02:03,888
I have a lot of cats.
13
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:06,187
I like sex. I actually do like it.
14
00:02:06,259 --> 00:02:09,387
And I have sex
with guys just for fun.
15
00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:12,260
Although I am from Utah,
so I guess I may be biased
16
00:02:12,332 --> 00:02:15,096
to prefer someone that's maybe Mormon.
17
00:02:15,168 --> 00:02:16,692
That would make my grandma happy.
18
00:02:16,769 --> 00:02:18,828
I'm a professional body painter,
19
00:02:18,905 --> 00:02:21,669
so pretty much I just
roll around naked in paint.
20
00:02:21,741 --> 00:02:24,972
I'm actually in the process
of developing a human slingshot
21
00:02:25,044 --> 00:02:27,137
so I can do walls and houses.
22
00:02:27,213 --> 00:02:30,444
I used to be Miss Teen USA.
23
00:02:30,517 --> 00:02:32,951
I'm terribly afraid of crabs.
24
00:02:33,019 --> 00:02:34,213
Not the S TD...
25
00:02:34,287 --> 00:02:36,414
Well, the S TD, too, I guess.
26
00:02:38,424 --> 00:02:41,018
Hi, my name is Debbie.
27
00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:44,222
And I'm looking for
a very handsome guy
28
00:02:44,297 --> 00:02:47,289
that's funny, smart.
29
00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:48,425
Rich couldn't hurt.
30
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,164
That's great.
31
00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:54,103
That's fantastic.
32
00:02:56,776 --> 00:02:58,471
All right.
Thanks for calling, all right?
33
00:02:58,545 --> 00:03:00,035
Bye.
34
00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:03,241
Dude, that was Sigourney, the girl I
met at the casting agency last week.
35
00:03:03,316 --> 00:03:06,046
Is that some sort of new
kind of dating service?
36
00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:08,747
No, no, man. The casting agency
where my sister works.
37
00:03:08,821 --> 00:03:11,847
And there was this huge rejects bin
filled with headshots.
38
00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:13,119
So what did you do?
39
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,094
As I'm sifting through, I find this one
that has Playboy credits.
40
00:03:16,162 --> 00:03:18,062
She's beautiful. I'm like, I have to,
41
00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:19,758
have to talk to this girl.
42
00:03:19,832 --> 00:03:22,960
So I'm writing it down and everything,
and this janitor walks in.
43
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:25,004
- What are you doing? Listen...
- This is my job.
44
00:03:25,071 --> 00:03:27,062
- No, no, no. L... I want...
- This is my job.
45
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:28,539
- I want these.
- It's my job.
46
00:03:28,608 --> 00:03:30,303
I take the trash bag
home, right?
47
00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:31,604
And I call that girl.
48
00:03:31,678 --> 00:03:32,872
I told her, listen,
49
00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:35,176
even though she was rejected
by the casting agency,
50
00:03:35,248 --> 00:03:36,510
I wanted her.
51
00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:38,278
I wanted to cast her
in my music video.
52
00:03:38,351 --> 00:03:41,184
What music video?
53
00:03:41,254 --> 00:03:44,189
Richie, if I want,
I can easily make a music video.
54
00:03:44,257 --> 00:03:45,724
Isn't this girl gonna freak out
55
00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:47,692
when she finds out
you're not making one?
56
00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:50,320
No. Listen, like I said,
if I really, really have to,
57
00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:51,420
I'll make the frickin' video.
58
00:03:51,497 --> 00:03:53,829
- How?
- With your camera.
59
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:56,061
Oh, that's if I let you
use my digital camera.
60
00:03:56,135 --> 00:03:57,466
You're not gonna let me use it?
61
00:03:57,537 --> 00:03:59,437
You're running
a fake casting agency
62
00:03:59,505 --> 00:04:03,271
so you can lie to some women
and sleep with them.
63
00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:04,605
That's borderline genius, man.
64
00:04:04,677 --> 00:04:06,736
That's a brilliant idea!
65
00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:09,338
Think about it, man!
Think about what you just said.
66
00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:11,508
This is the way for...
for you and me
67
00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:12,983
to meet the girl of our dreams.
68
00:04:13,052 --> 00:04:14,679
All we have to do is, like,
69
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:16,813
place an ad in one of those
actor trade paper things,
70
00:04:16,889 --> 00:04:19,414
and, man, we'll have
a ton of prospects.
71
00:04:19,492 --> 00:04:22,256
We'll have tons and tons of
beautiful women knocking on our door.
72
00:04:22,328 --> 00:04:23,989
I mean, you'll end up
finding your girlfriend.
73
00:04:24,063 --> 00:04:26,531
Who knows, maybe your wife.
It's a great idea, man.
74
00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:28,226
And we should do it.
75
00:04:28,301 --> 00:04:30,098
Listen, it's like a personal ad.
76
00:04:30,169 --> 00:04:34,765
All we're doing is casting someone
to play the perfect person for you.
77
00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:36,274
You're happy lying to women,
78
00:04:36,342 --> 00:04:38,173
and now you want me
to lie to them, too.
79
00:04:38,244 --> 00:04:40,337
When the girl really gets
to know you, Richie, okay?
80
00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:42,472
When the girl gets
to really, really know you,
81
00:04:42,548 --> 00:04:44,778
she's gonna think you met by chance.
82
00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:46,978
That is meant to be.
83
00:04:48,521 --> 00:04:50,284
Look at this. It's beautiful.
84
00:04:50,356 --> 00:04:52,256
It's amazing. The ad is really working.
85
00:04:52,325 --> 00:04:54,122
Look at... Oh!
86
00:04:54,193 --> 00:04:55,956
These girls are gorgeous, man.
87
00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:58,520
This is disgusting. No. No.
88
00:04:58,598 --> 00:05:00,122
What do you think of this?
89
00:05:00,199 --> 00:05:02,133
I think that you're a psycho.
90
00:05:02,201 --> 00:05:03,429
No, listen.
91
00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:04,834
When you look at these photos, okay?
92
00:05:04,904 --> 00:05:06,667
I'm showing you, there's
a lot of red flags here.
93
00:05:06,739 --> 00:05:08,639
Her eyebrows are super, super thick.
94
00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:10,266
Her nose, this girl? Look at it.
95
00:05:10,343 --> 00:05:11,640
Looks like a Saint Bernard.
96
00:05:11,711 --> 00:05:13,008
You've got to look really carefully here.
97
00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:14,410
Look. See? Right there?
98
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,380
The hair on her arms?
She's very hairy.
99
00:05:16,449 --> 00:05:17,814
It's disgusting.
100
00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:19,215
Sherman, I get the point.
101
00:05:19,285 --> 00:05:20,309
I'm doing this for you, man.
102
00:05:20,386 --> 00:05:21,512
When's the last time you got laid?
103
00:05:21,587 --> 00:05:23,020
Why do you need to know?
104
00:05:23,089 --> 00:05:25,114
Exactly. I want to use
your video camera.
105
00:05:25,191 --> 00:05:26,658
Why do you need my video camera?
106
00:05:26,726 --> 00:05:29,024
- For the auditions.
- What auditions?
107
00:05:29,095 --> 00:05:31,222
And we're gonna actually need
an office space, too.
108
00:05:31,297 --> 00:05:33,424
I mean, with, like,
a waiting room or something.
109
00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:35,831
Why don't we just add in
a Jacuzzi and a sauna?
110
00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:37,028
We'll do a weight room.
111
00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:38,001
Maybe some vaulted ceilings.
112
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:39,436
That'll be nice. A wet bar?
113
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:41,530
Listen, in order to do this right, Richie,
114
00:05:41,607 --> 00:05:43,802
it has to be a legitimate operation.
115
00:05:43,876 --> 00:05:45,002
- A legitimate operation.
- Right.
116
00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:46,602
Right, right, for a fake casting agency.
117
00:05:46,679 --> 00:05:47,839
That's great.
118
00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:50,075
We need an office space,
whether it's fake or not.
119
00:05:50,149 --> 00:05:51,081
And who's gonna pay for that?
120
00:06:02,261 --> 00:06:03,819
I don't hear anything.
121
00:06:04,931 --> 00:06:05,863
Hello.
122
00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:07,490
Yes?
123
00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:10,596
Glenn?
124
00:06:10,670 --> 00:06:11,694
Yes.
125
00:06:11,771 --> 00:06:14,535
You are such a freak, man.
126
00:06:14,607 --> 00:06:16,802
Everyone I know says
hello or something
127
00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,207
after they answer the phone.
128
00:06:19,512 --> 00:06:21,639
Glenn? Hello? Are you there?
129
00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:23,147
Yes.
130
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:26,117
What are you doing, man?
You're doing it again.
131
00:06:26,185 --> 00:06:28,153
You're giving me no indication
that you're there.
132
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:32,320
Did the phone stop ringing?
133
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,019
Yes, it stopped ringing.
134
00:06:34,093 --> 00:06:37,392
Well, then you can assume
that someone picked up the phone.
135
00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:40,330
I can't believe I'm having this
conversation with you, Glenn.
136
00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:45,435
What the hell is wrong
with you, man?
137
00:06:45,505 --> 00:06:48,599
What's wrong with you,
whoever you are?
138
00:06:48,674 --> 00:06:51,472
Glenn, we need to talk to you
about renting some office space.
139
00:06:53,112 --> 00:06:55,876
All right.
140
00:06:55,948 --> 00:06:56,972
Let's talk, then.
141
00:07:34,086 --> 00:07:36,816
- Reject.
- All right, see ya.
142
00:07:36,889 --> 00:07:39,949
Hey, Sherman, you realize
that you're throwing out girls
143
00:07:40,026 --> 00:07:42,620
you would normally
try to pick up in a bar, right?
144
00:07:42,695 --> 00:07:45,630
Richie, the whole point of this
is to get supreme quality ass.
145
00:07:45,698 --> 00:07:47,427
Okay.
146
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:49,695
Uh, how about this one?
147
00:07:49,769 --> 00:07:51,498
She looks like Lucy Liu.
148
00:07:51,571 --> 00:07:53,334
She's hot. Keep her. Right?
149
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:55,499
- Look how hot she is.
- All right. Here.
150
00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:56,633
It's a good keeper.
151
00:07:56,709 --> 00:07:58,176
Look at this.
152
00:07:58,244 --> 00:08:00,644
A Hilary Duff look-alike.
She's beautiful.
153
00:08:00,713 --> 00:08:01,975
Keep her, right?
154
00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:04,676
- Yeah, keep her.
- Absolutely. Look at her.
155
00:08:04,750 --> 00:08:06,342
This looks exactly
like Morgan Fairchild.
156
00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:08,717
What, does everybody
have to look like somebody?
157
00:08:08,788 --> 00:08:09,720
Look.
158
00:08:09,789 --> 00:08:13,316
Sherman, it is Morgan Fairchild.
159
00:08:13,392 --> 00:08:14,620
Marina Del.
160
00:08:14,694 --> 00:08:17,925
I don't know who she looks like,
but, you know, she's cute.
161
00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:20,693
In the casting business we say,
"Turn her over. "
162
00:08:20,766 --> 00:08:23,496
Uh, okay.
163
00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:25,696
Casting directors
and producers look at this.
164
00:08:25,771 --> 00:08:27,261
They look at the actor's credits.
165
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,638
But we look at this section right here.
166
00:08:29,709 --> 00:08:31,301
Special skills.
167
00:08:31,377 --> 00:08:34,676
"Swimming, cooking, rollerblading,
168
00:08:34,747 --> 00:08:36,977
working with
underprivileged children. "
169
00:08:37,049 --> 00:08:38,914
- What does that mean?
- That she likes kids.
170
00:08:38,985 --> 00:08:40,816
Exactly. You're catching on.
171
00:08:40,887 --> 00:08:42,878
- It's like a personal ad.
- Absolutely.
172
00:08:42,955 --> 00:08:44,388
- So we keep her.
- Absolutely.
173
00:08:46,292 --> 00:08:47,691
All right.
174
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:49,387
All right, look at this girl.
175
00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:51,430
- She's got her sizes right on the front.
- Oh, man.
176
00:08:53,633 --> 00:08:55,066
You don't know
what that means?
177
00:08:55,134 --> 00:08:55,964
You never did that?
178
00:08:57,503 --> 00:08:59,471
It's when you stick
your face in between
179
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:02,099
two substantially large breasts
180
00:09:02,174 --> 00:09:03,539
and you blow really, really hard,
181
00:09:03,609 --> 00:09:06,373
and you shake your head
side to side like that.
182
00:09:06,445 --> 00:09:08,879
The combination of the air
and the movement
183
00:09:08,948 --> 00:09:11,508
causes a sound...
a slapping sound...
184
00:09:11,584 --> 00:09:14,610
that goes in your eardrum,
and that sound is prrrunsky.
185
00:09:17,690 --> 00:09:19,817
- Turn her over.
- You should try it.
186
00:09:21,661 --> 00:09:22,923
Weightlifting.
187
00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:24,792
Mud wrestling, martial arts.
188
00:09:24,864 --> 00:09:26,729
Horse riding. I mean,
absolutely. Bring her in.
189
00:09:26,799 --> 00:09:28,767
No, no, no.
Army tank mechanic.
190
00:09:28,834 --> 00:09:30,062
Tractor and Caterpillar driver.
191
00:09:30,136 --> 00:09:32,127
- I say we toss her.
- Yeah, whatever.
192
00:09:32,204 --> 00:09:33,466
Oops, sorry.
193
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:37,000
She's a prunsky.
194
00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:38,236
Yes, she is.
195
00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:41,073
What's that?
196
00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:43,980
Hey, I saw that, Glenn.
197
00:09:44,050 --> 00:09:45,915
I think she's a keeper.
I'm gonna call her.
198
00:09:45,985 --> 00:09:47,612
No, you're not.
199
00:09:47,687 --> 00:09:50,212
What time do you want
to start calling tomorrow?
200
00:09:50,289 --> 00:09:52,314
What do you mean? We call them right now.
201
00:09:52,391 --> 00:09:53,824
Can't call them now. It's too late.
202
00:09:53,893 --> 00:09:55,087
Richie, it's not too late.
203
00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:57,061
These girls are out-of-work actresses.
204
00:09:57,129 --> 00:09:59,461
I mean, these are their office hours.
They're desperate.
205
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:02,194
Oh, great. Then we should
call them right now.
206
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:03,394
- Let's do that.
- Do it.
207
00:10:03,469 --> 00:10:04,663
What do you think about her?
208
00:10:04,737 --> 00:10:05,795
- She's hot.
- She's a keeper, right?
209
00:10:05,871 --> 00:10:07,270
- She's a keeper. Great.
- Call her.
210
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:08,272
- Let's call her.
- Call her.
211
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:09,706
It's 2:00 in the morning.
212
00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:12,835
It's a perfect time to call
and schedule an audition for next week.
213
00:10:12,912 --> 00:10:14,209
That's great.
214
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,372
We'll call her.
215
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,279
Oh, good.
It's... It's ringing.
216
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:18,783
It's ringing.
217
00:10:18,851 --> 00:10:22,150
Hi... Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I wake you up? So sorry.
218
00:10:22,221 --> 00:10:25,622
Um, My name's Richie Rey,
and I'm producing a film,
219
00:10:25,691 --> 00:10:27,625
and we got your headshot,
220
00:10:27,693 --> 00:10:29,888
and we chose it out of hundreds...
221
00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:31,725
no, no, thousands
of submissions...
222
00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:34,994
and... based upon your
special skills being so,
223
00:10:35,067 --> 00:10:36,659
um, special,
224
00:10:36,736 --> 00:10:39,296
and we'd like you
to come in and audition.
225
00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:41,499
Oh, fantastic. Yeah, uh...
Oh, one last thing.
226
00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:43,337
Can you bring some form
of birth control, please?
227
00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:44,899
Give me the phone.
228
00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:47,343
The director actually just walked in,
229
00:10:47,413 --> 00:10:49,711
and he would like
to speak with you.
230
00:10:49,782 --> 00:10:51,374
His name is Glenn, uh...
231
00:10:51,450 --> 00:10:54,078
Glenn... His name's Glenn... Dale.
232
00:10:55,921 --> 00:10:57,445
Mr. Dale. Here he is.
233
00:10:59,725 --> 00:11:02,558
Hello. This is Mr. Dale.
234
00:11:05,531 --> 00:11:08,295
Hello?
235
00:11:08,367 --> 00:11:09,356
She's hung up.
236
00:11:09,435 --> 00:11:10,766
Nice.
237
00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:17,037
You know, if she had caller I.D.,
we would be in big trouble right now.
238
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:22,409
Glenn, it was
a make-believe phone call.
239
00:11:23,916 --> 00:11:25,281
Not to her.
240
00:11:35,661 --> 00:11:38,152
I left the seat up. Excuse me.
241
00:11:48,841 --> 00:11:50,570
I try to be considerate.
242
00:11:56,015 --> 00:11:58,108
Excuse me.
243
00:11:58,184 --> 00:11:59,515
That was me.
244
00:12:01,854 --> 00:12:03,515
Over the sheets, too.
245
00:12:05,024 --> 00:12:06,218
Not good.
246
00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:13,254
- Okay.
- Cool.
247
00:12:13,332 --> 00:12:14,264
You're gonna go places.
248
00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:15,823
Cool. Put this on my tab.
249
00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:20,294
Hi. Excuse me.
250
00:12:20,372 --> 00:12:21,396
I was just wondering
251
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:24,773
if you had any, uh, casting papers
252
00:12:24,844 --> 00:12:27,813
or something that could
sort of help me.
253
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:30,508
Here's the Casting Call.
254
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,517
Go out there and kill 'em, kid.
255
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,178
- Oh, $3.00?
- 3 bucks.
256
00:12:36,856 --> 00:12:37,948
I know you're gonna do it.
257
00:12:38,023 --> 00:12:39,957
Thanks.
258
00:12:40,025 --> 00:12:41,890
- Let me know how you make out.
- Okay.
259
00:12:41,961 --> 00:12:44,691
Women always ask questions.
260
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:47,062
Wait! I got it!
261
00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:48,430
I got it!
262
00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:53,336
Hi, I'm calling to schedule you
for an audition for an independent film.
263
00:12:53,405 --> 00:12:56,101
I mean, chicks love
independent films, right?
264
00:12:56,175 --> 00:12:57,506
That's perfect!
265
00:12:57,576 --> 00:12:58,907
That's absolutely perfect!
266
00:12:58,978 --> 00:13:00,570
That means we don't have
to have a script.
267
00:13:00,646 --> 00:13:02,273
We don't have to have a schedule.
268
00:13:02,348 --> 00:13:03,542
We don't have to have a budget.
269
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:04,981
Nothing. No money.
270
00:13:05,050 --> 00:13:07,075
That's it! No pay.
271
00:13:07,153 --> 00:13:11,556
Just a golden opportunity
to be in an independent film.
272
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:14,218
That's perfect!
Independent filmmakers.
273
00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:15,453
We're independent filmmakers.
274
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:16,688
That's it.
I'm calling right now.
275
00:13:16,762 --> 00:13:18,491
- Who should we call?
- What about... Yeah.
276
00:13:18,564 --> 00:13:19,656
- This girl, number 1.
- Holly?
277
00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:21,131
- Yeah.
- Girl number 1. All right.
278
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,760
This is gonna work. Here we go.
279
00:13:23,836 --> 00:13:26,066
Richie Rey on the line. Please hold.
280
00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:27,628
Go. Talk.
281
00:13:27,706 --> 00:13:29,367
- Talk!
- Speakerphone.
282
00:13:32,678 --> 00:13:34,168
Hi, this is Richie Rey.
283
00:13:35,681 --> 00:13:37,171
Thank you for answering the phone.
284
00:13:37,249 --> 00:13:39,308
We'd like to have you in
for an audition.
285
00:13:39,385 --> 00:13:40,317
Cool. For what?
286
00:13:40,386 --> 00:13:41,512
For an independent film.
287
00:13:41,587 --> 00:13:43,418
Ooh, an indie. What's it called?
288
00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:44,683
Perfect For Me.
289
00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:46,247
What's the vibe? It sounds karmic.
290
00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:48,520
Yeah, it's... It's got
some funny stuff in it.
291
00:13:48,594 --> 00:13:50,721
Then sometimes it's not funny at all.
292
00:13:50,796 --> 00:13:52,627
- Right.
- Sad, really.
293
00:13:52,698 --> 00:13:54,689
Then it gets kinda creepy.
294
00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:56,735
But it's... it's mainly funny.
295
00:13:56,802 --> 00:13:57,894
Because it's a comedy.
296
00:13:57,970 --> 00:13:59,631
- Who's producing?
- Me...
297
00:13:59,705 --> 00:14:02,139
and Sherman Oaks,
298
00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:04,608
with Glenn Dale directing.
299
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:06,406
What should I wear?
300
00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:11,443
Uh, dress like a ho.
301
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:14,543
A ho? Sure. Okay, peace.
302
00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:16,053
I told you!
303
00:14:17,990 --> 00:14:21,016
Yes! Good work.
That was awesome.
304
00:14:21,093 --> 00:14:22,856
I told you it would work. I told you.
305
00:14:33,906 --> 00:14:35,134
Casting. Perfect For Me.
306
00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:36,640
This is Marina Del.
307
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:39,405
Marina, I was just looking at your picture.
308
00:14:39,478 --> 00:14:41,446
I'm sorry.
309
00:14:41,513 --> 00:14:43,105
I'm... I'm just a little bit nervous.
310
00:14:43,182 --> 00:14:44,649
I've never done this before.
311
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:47,880
This is actually my first time, too.
312
00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:48,885
Casting?
313
00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:51,682
Well, it's the first time...
314
00:14:51,757 --> 00:14:53,588
first time, uh,
315
00:14:53,659 --> 00:14:55,490
you know, dealing with the casting...
316
00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:58,086
you know, the movie thing.
317
00:14:58,163 --> 00:14:59,858
You're funny.
318
00:14:59,932 --> 00:15:01,331
I hope you're the director.
319
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,300
L... I'm not, but I'm glad that I'm funny.
320
00:15:03,369 --> 00:15:04,358
Oh, well.
321
00:15:05,437 --> 00:15:07,962
Wishful thinking, I guess.
322
00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:09,473
Um, okay, cool.
323
00:15:09,541 --> 00:15:10,838
Well, I'll see you then.
324
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,434
Bye.
325
00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:15,476
Director.
326
00:15:15,547 --> 00:15:17,572
Hey, Glenn.
327
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:18,582
You definitely...
328
00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:19,811
You want to be the director...
329
00:15:19,885 --> 00:15:21,978
You wanna swap with me?
Director, producer?
330
00:15:23,355 --> 00:15:25,482
I'm not the swapping kind.
331
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:02,923
I think he's the director!
332
00:16:13,005 --> 00:16:15,872
What do you like in a relationship?
What do you need?
333
00:16:15,941 --> 00:16:17,909
Number 1 rule: Honesty.
334
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,205
Honesty's a big thing.
335
00:16:19,278 --> 00:16:20,939
- Honest.
- No man can lie to me.
336
00:16:21,013 --> 00:16:23,413
So honesty... plus a big wiener.
337
00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:25,712
Man lie to me, that's it. That's just it.
338
00:16:25,784 --> 00:16:28,810
If you can get past that little prick.
339
00:16:28,887 --> 00:16:32,186
If this was an audition for a porno, like,
what would you do?
340
00:16:32,257 --> 00:16:33,986
I can get myself
down here into a pretzel.
341
00:16:35,294 --> 00:16:36,693
I'm not gonna do that.
342
00:16:39,398 --> 00:16:41,423
Just, like, mellow out
343
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,525
and smoke some dope.
344
00:16:43,602 --> 00:16:47,504
My teacher says that I should really be
working on my sexuality.
345
00:16:47,573 --> 00:16:51,134
And so he's gonna have me do
these private coachings with him.
346
00:16:51,210 --> 00:16:52,871
He has me do them naked.
347
00:16:52,945 --> 00:16:54,537
Do you think I could have gotten the job
348
00:16:54,613 --> 00:16:56,808
if I did it this way?
349
00:16:56,882 --> 00:16:58,941
Probably. So let me try.
350
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,747
Pretend that he's here,
because he's not here.
351
00:17:00,819 --> 00:17:02,411
So I can't actually do it.
352
00:17:02,488 --> 00:17:04,786
But he just takes down his pants,
353
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:06,051
and then I'm like...
354
00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:12,021
Something like that.
355
00:17:12,097 --> 00:17:13,758
It's the rollerhead look.
356
00:17:15,167 --> 00:17:16,464
Just gonna grab you like this,
357
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:17,900
and we're gonna go for a roll.
358
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:19,801
Preferably younger.
359
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:23,069
I love the frat boys
with their little paddles.
360
00:17:23,142 --> 00:17:25,235
Or a man with long hair like Tarzan.
361
00:17:25,310 --> 00:17:26,971
- Can you get out?
- Um, no.
362
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,638
I like it when a guy
tries to impress me.
363
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:29,772
I think I...
364
00:17:33,152 --> 00:17:34,744
- I'm sorry.
- And I broke my coccyx.
365
00:17:34,820 --> 00:17:36,754
I don't know what's worse:
A guy with a little wiener,
366
00:17:36,822 --> 00:17:39,848
or a guy with a little wiener
who tells you he has a big one.
367
00:17:39,925 --> 00:17:41,825
As if you're never
gonna find out the truth?
368
00:17:46,331 --> 00:17:47,559
Listen to that.
369
00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:50,625
You can always tell the size of it
by the sound of the pee.
370
00:17:50,702 --> 00:17:52,693
No, no. It's directly proportionate.
371
00:17:52,771 --> 00:17:55,672
The deeper the sound, the bigger it is,
and vice versa.
372
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:56,901
I thought it was the hands.
373
00:17:56,975 --> 00:17:58,840
I thought it was
how low their voice is.
374
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:00,208
I thought it was the nose.
375
00:18:00,279 --> 00:18:02,839
Forget the nose, forget the feet,
forget the hands.
376
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:03,939
It's the force of the pee.
377
00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:05,176
The force of the pee?
378
00:18:07,453 --> 00:18:08,886
The force of the pee.
379
00:18:08,954 --> 00:18:11,548
And by the way, that is so not circumcised.
380
00:18:11,623 --> 00:18:13,591
Stinky pee-pee.
381
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,195
Excuse me.
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
382
00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:23,495
Excuse me. Listen, I'm the writer.
383
00:18:23,569 --> 00:18:24,831
- I really gotta go.
- Yeah, but...
384
00:18:24,903 --> 00:18:26,996
The faster I go, the faster you guys
will be out of here.
385
00:18:27,072 --> 00:18:28,767
Thanks.
386
00:18:28,841 --> 00:18:29,830
So rude.
387
00:18:30,742 --> 00:18:32,209
All right.
388
00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:34,609
Force of the pee.
389
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,409
I'll show you girls force of the pee.
390
00:18:38,884 --> 00:18:40,511
Come on, buddy.
391
00:18:40,586 --> 00:18:41,644
Don't let me down, all right?
392
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:43,585
Come on. Come on.
393
00:18:43,655 --> 00:18:45,418
What the heck
is taking him so long?
394
00:18:45,491 --> 00:18:47,118
Men are selfish.
395
00:18:47,192 --> 00:18:48,352
He better have lifted the seat,
396
00:18:48,427 --> 00:18:51,624
and he better put it down
when he's done!
397
00:18:51,697 --> 00:18:53,562
Let's go! Speed it up in there!
398
00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:22,190
Hi.
399
00:19:22,261 --> 00:19:23,626
It's all yours, ladies.
400
00:19:32,204 --> 00:19:33,967
Go to the bathroom!
401
00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:42,278
Once upon a midnight dreary,
402
00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:44,577
while I pondered weak and weary,
403
00:19:46,151 --> 00:19:47,209
But they should probably just be
404
00:19:47,286 --> 00:19:48,651
with someone who likes little wieners.
405
00:19:50,656 --> 00:19:54,057
Do you find that you're sexually promiscuous?
406
00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:57,254
You right there? Oh, I
could snap you in half.
407
00:20:01,466 --> 00:20:05,334
How much work these guys
are really getting done
408
00:20:05,404 --> 00:20:08,464
if they are the whole day
sitting around watching TV?
409
00:20:08,574 --> 00:20:09,563
Oh, yeah.
410
00:20:11,343 --> 00:20:13,811
Oh, yeah! Oh!
411
00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:15,938
Oh! Oh! Give it to me!
412
00:20:16,014 --> 00:20:18,812
How about my ass?
You like my ass?
413
00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:20,351
Show us your ass. Lift up your skirt.
414
00:20:20,419 --> 00:20:22,011
Can you lift up your skirt while you pogo?
415
00:20:22,087 --> 00:20:23,918
Sleazy, sleazy, sleazy.
416
00:20:23,989 --> 00:20:25,422
All they want are these.
417
00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:29,523
Your breasts are...
418
00:20:29,595 --> 00:20:31,324
I'm willing to bet they're real, right?
419
00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:34,092
You get a producer, they say,
"Oh, come over my house for an audition. "
420
00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:36,031
"Oh, it's at your house? Really?
Okay, I'll try, you know. "
421
00:20:36,101 --> 00:20:38,001
You walk in. "Here, have a drink. "
422
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:41,699
It's as if they're holding auditions
just to pick up a chick.
423
00:20:41,773 --> 00:20:43,604
No.
424
00:20:43,675 --> 00:20:45,438
That he was, like, making a film,
425
00:20:45,510 --> 00:20:48,035
and I really thought I
was auditioning for him.
426
00:20:48,113 --> 00:20:52,174
This business is mostly run by men
who are mostly scumbags.
427
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:55,118
And then he's, like, slapping my head.
I was like, "What are you doing?"
428
00:20:55,187 --> 00:20:56,381
Like, my hair was on fire.
429
00:20:56,455 --> 00:20:57,615
I can feel it.
430
00:20:57,689 --> 00:20:59,680
This gig is about a look...
who you look like,
431
00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:00,952
as in the flavors of the days.
432
00:21:01,026 --> 00:21:03,358
Do any trampoline work?
433
00:21:03,428 --> 00:21:06,226
Men are ruled by their overwhelming
desire to have orgasms.
434
00:21:06,298 --> 00:21:07,731
Is there a bikini under that skirt?
435
00:21:07,799 --> 00:21:09,960
What the fu... Who is this guy?
436
00:21:10,035 --> 00:21:12,265
Men, agent, manager, blah.
437
00:21:12,337 --> 00:21:15,534
Unless they're doing more for me
than I can do for myself, see you.
438
00:21:15,607 --> 00:21:16,938
It beats waiting tables.
439
00:21:17,009 --> 00:21:17,941
Forget that.
440
00:21:18,010 --> 00:21:19,875
I gave up waiting tables a long time ago.
441
00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:21,537
Now I work for a company
called Pure Romance.
442
00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:23,410
Oh, let me show you guys
some of my stuff.
443
00:21:23,482 --> 00:21:26,918
Your happiness is my touch
444
00:21:28,754 --> 00:21:30,984
And that's why I hope
you'll understand
445
00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:35,586
Why I've got this knife in my hand
446
00:21:37,396 --> 00:21:39,956
I'm killing you
447
00:21:44,603 --> 00:21:48,130
Because you lied
448
00:21:49,274 --> 00:21:50,400
- What is...
- Feel that?
449
00:21:50,475 --> 00:21:54,775
And it has a fabulous intense bullet
that's bedded right in the shaft.
450
00:21:54,846 --> 00:21:58,509
All men suck, and they should die
451
00:21:59,885 --> 00:22:02,649
All they do is cheat and lie
452
00:22:05,090 --> 00:22:06,990
And you can use it
anywhere or anyplace.
453
00:22:07,059 --> 00:22:08,390
I like to use it while I'm driving.
454
00:22:08,460 --> 00:22:09,722
What's with the dog?
455
00:22:09,795 --> 00:22:12,355
I'm sorry. Really I never do this,
456
00:22:12,431 --> 00:22:14,058
but he...
457
00:22:14,132 --> 00:22:16,566
- I really didn't have anywhere else...
- No, it's fine.
458
00:22:16,635 --> 00:22:17,966
L... Uh...
459
00:22:18,036 --> 00:22:19,731
His name is Mr. Teets.
460
00:22:21,406 --> 00:22:23,931
You know me from the phone.
461
00:22:24,009 --> 00:22:26,068
Oh, right. Hey! How are you?
462
00:22:26,144 --> 00:22:27,634
- Good, good.
- Good to see you.
463
00:22:27,713 --> 00:22:29,544
Uh, you can just
take a seat there.
464
00:22:29,614 --> 00:22:30,774
Okay, great.
465
00:22:30,849 --> 00:22:33,010
Um, okay.
So I prepared a monologue.
466
00:22:33,085 --> 00:22:34,677
- I can just...
- You won't need it.
467
00:22:34,753 --> 00:22:36,778
- Oh, really?
- No. Are you ready?
468
00:22:36,855 --> 00:22:39,119
Well, yeah. What are we doing?
469
00:22:39,191 --> 00:22:41,625
I'm just gonna actually ask you
a couple of questions...
470
00:22:41,693 --> 00:22:43,251
- Okay.
... and all you have to do is answer.
471
00:22:43,328 --> 00:22:44,260
Okay.
472
00:22:44,329 --> 00:22:46,593
So what do you...
473
00:22:46,665 --> 00:22:48,530
Are you rolling? Okay.
474
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,933
Uh, what do you
look for in a man?
475
00:22:52,003 --> 00:22:56,804
Well, someone who loves
my dog as much as I do.
476
00:22:56,875 --> 00:22:59,241
Um, someone who has passion.
477
00:22:59,311 --> 00:23:02,280
Somebody who...
478
00:23:02,347 --> 00:23:03,473
supports my dreams
479
00:23:03,548 --> 00:23:06,608
and encourages me to go after them.
480
00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:09,817
Somebody not like my current boyfriend.
481
00:23:12,257 --> 00:23:14,851
Well, sounds like it's over to me.
482
00:23:14,926 --> 00:23:17,417
Uh, it depends on who you ask.
483
00:23:17,496 --> 00:23:20,659
Well, thank you
so much for coming in.
484
00:23:20,732 --> 00:23:23,701
- Oh, I'm done?
- Yeah, that's... that's all we...
485
00:23:23,769 --> 00:23:25,430
- That's all that we need.
- Sure.
486
00:23:25,504 --> 00:23:26,971
- This has been an awkward experience.
- It's fine.
487
00:23:27,038 --> 00:23:29,370
It was my first time, so...
488
00:23:29,441 --> 00:23:31,432
- It was very nice.
- You made it pleasurable.
489
00:23:31,510 --> 00:23:34,274
All night long.
490
00:23:34,346 --> 00:23:35,574
They always kind of want,
491
00:23:35,647 --> 00:23:37,945
you know, to flip you this way, turn you...
492
00:23:38,016 --> 00:23:39,677
All day.
493
00:23:39,751 --> 00:23:41,343
Everywhere.
494
00:23:42,521 --> 00:23:44,716
Hi, I have a 3:30.
495
00:23:44,790 --> 00:23:45,950
Perfect For Me?
496
00:23:51,997 --> 00:23:53,828
Okay, take 2.
497
00:23:53,899 --> 00:23:55,628
Hi, I have a 3:30.
498
00:23:55,700 --> 00:23:57,065
Perfect For Me.
499
00:23:58,069 --> 00:23:59,434
I'm the director.
500
00:24:05,410 --> 00:24:07,378
Ooh. Hi.
501
00:24:09,781 --> 00:24:11,476
You okay?
502
00:24:13,118 --> 00:24:14,380
He's fine.
503
00:24:24,095 --> 00:24:26,996
- Okay, uh, sorry about that.
- That's okay.
504
00:24:27,065 --> 00:24:28,089
We're gonna ask you...
505
00:24:30,368 --> 00:24:31,562
Glenn, are you done?
506
00:24:33,538 --> 00:24:34,869
Hi.
507
00:24:34,940 --> 00:24:36,999
Just have a seat right there.
508
00:24:37,075 --> 00:24:38,099
Okay.
509
00:24:39,711 --> 00:24:41,679
Is it contagious?
510
00:24:43,748 --> 00:24:47,548
What are the types of things
that you look for in a man?
511
00:24:47,619 --> 00:24:51,749
The three C's: Cash, cock,
and companionship.
512
00:24:51,823 --> 00:24:54,621
Not necessarily in that order.
513
00:24:54,693 --> 00:24:56,354
I mean, any woman who says
514
00:24:56,428 --> 00:25:00,364
that a great, hard,
long banging from a man
515
00:25:00,432 --> 00:25:02,798
isn't the most beautiful,
516
00:25:02,868 --> 00:25:04,199
magical,
517
00:25:04,269 --> 00:25:07,261
downright pleasurable
experience on earth
518
00:25:07,339 --> 00:25:08,931
has either not experienced it
519
00:25:09,007 --> 00:25:11,567
or is a hard-core lesbo.
520
00:25:11,643 --> 00:25:13,838
Don't you think?
521
00:25:15,981 --> 00:25:17,915
What did she say?
522
00:25:17,983 --> 00:25:19,814
I don't know, but nice tits.
523
00:25:21,820 --> 00:25:23,253
Thank you.
524
00:25:23,321 --> 00:25:25,118
- Nice meeting you guys.
- Nice meeting you.
525
00:25:25,190 --> 00:25:26,521
You should see a doctor about that.
526
00:25:26,591 --> 00:25:30,049
- She's incredible.
- Amazing.
527
00:25:30,128 --> 00:25:32,528
She's the kind of girl
you could bring home to Mom.
528
00:25:32,597 --> 00:25:33,996
Right, Glenn?
529
00:25:35,967 --> 00:25:40,631
Can you please tell us
what you think about men?
530
00:25:40,705 --> 00:25:42,172
Men? Well, now,
531
00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:45,107
I don't understand why they think
532
00:25:45,176 --> 00:25:48,543
that bodily functions
are so hysterically funny.
533
00:25:48,613 --> 00:25:49,545
You know?
534
00:25:49,614 --> 00:25:52,276
Like burping and farting.
535
00:25:52,350 --> 00:25:54,341
And they're always talking about how big
their last poo-poo was.
536
00:25:54,419 --> 00:25:56,910
I'm a producer.
You wanna be in a movie?
537
00:25:59,624 --> 00:26:01,421
You had a great audition.
538
00:26:01,493 --> 00:26:03,723
Oh... thank you very much.
539
00:26:03,795 --> 00:26:05,319
So, yeah, I'm thinking about
540
00:26:05,397 --> 00:26:07,422
one of the lead roles
for you in our movie.
541
00:26:07,499 --> 00:26:09,160
A lead role?
542
00:26:09,234 --> 00:26:10,326
I can't believe it.
543
00:26:10,402 --> 00:26:11,767
I think it's gonna be important
544
00:26:11,836 --> 00:26:12,962
to spend time with you.
545
00:26:13,038 --> 00:26:15,336
Get to know each other.
546
00:26:15,407 --> 00:26:19,002
It helps me in rewriting the script,
547
00:26:19,077 --> 00:26:20,772
you know, to get that information
548
00:26:20,845 --> 00:26:24,576
and infuse that information
with your character.
549
00:26:24,649 --> 00:26:27,379
- I love the way you work.
- Yeah? Me, too.
550
00:26:27,452 --> 00:26:29,249
- Sí.
- Me, too.
551
00:26:29,321 --> 00:26:31,050
Tell me about yourself.
552
00:26:31,122 --> 00:26:32,749
Oh, okay, bueno.
553
00:26:32,824 --> 00:26:36,316
I love pizza, and I love music.
554
00:26:37,562 --> 00:26:39,530
Really? I'm a singer
and a songwriter.
555
00:26:39,598 --> 00:26:40,530
- No.
- Yeah.
556
00:26:41,466 --> 00:26:44,663
That's funny. I actually...
I happen to have...
557
00:26:44,736 --> 00:26:46,533
one of my CDs actually on me.
558
00:26:48,607 --> 00:26:49,767
Special for you.
559
00:26:49,841 --> 00:26:51,308
Oh, that is so sweet.
560
00:26:51,376 --> 00:26:52,934
Thank you very much.
561
00:26:53,011 --> 00:26:55,605
You know, I should hook you
up with my boyfriend.
562
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:57,011
Who?
563
00:26:57,082 --> 00:26:59,880
Oh, I think you and him
will connect huge.
564
00:26:59,951 --> 00:27:01,248
He's amazing.
565
00:27:01,319 --> 00:27:02,718
You will love him.
566
00:27:02,787 --> 00:27:05,517
You know what? L... I
actually... I gotta take this.
567
00:27:05,590 --> 00:27:07,148
- It might be a while.
- Oh.
568
00:27:07,225 --> 00:27:09,819
So here... here you go.
569
00:27:09,894 --> 00:27:11,361
You'll get the rest, right?
570
00:27:11,429 --> 00:27:13,124
No, no, no, no. Perfect timing.
571
00:27:13,198 --> 00:27:14,358
All right.
572
00:27:14,432 --> 00:27:15,729
Keep in touch with yourself, okay?
573
00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:18,530
Yeah. No.
574
00:27:18,603 --> 00:27:20,400
- Keep in touch with this.
- What... What are you doing?
575
00:27:20,472 --> 00:27:21,803
- Sit down!
- What the hell are you...
576
00:27:23,975 --> 00:27:26,307
- Stand up when I talk to you.
- What the...
577
00:27:30,615 --> 00:27:33,675
No, Tarzana is a lady.
578
00:27:33,752 --> 00:27:35,811
But you don't know who you mess with.
579
00:27:35,887 --> 00:27:37,718
What's your problem?
580
00:27:40,759 --> 00:27:41,885
You'll be meeting with the director.
581
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:43,723
His name is Glenn Dale.
582
00:27:43,795 --> 00:27:46,787
Okay? You're scheduled in.
583
00:27:46,865 --> 00:27:48,492
Thank you.
584
00:27:48,566 --> 00:27:51,399
You're all set.
Lunch with Laurel Canyon.
585
00:27:51,469 --> 00:27:53,699
Hey! We are kicking ass, brother.
586
00:27:53,772 --> 00:27:55,069
What happened to you?
587
00:27:55,140 --> 00:27:57,131
What? Oh, nothing.
588
00:27:57,208 --> 00:27:59,369
I, uh, just... you know,
just cut myself shaving.
589
00:27:59,444 --> 00:28:03,005
Listen, more importantly,
I got a lunch date with Rollerhead.
590
00:28:03,081 --> 00:28:05,845
But I hope it doesn't mess up my
dinner date with little Miss Reseda.
591
00:28:05,917 --> 00:28:08,215
Lunch and dinner?
You have two dates in one day?
592
00:28:08,286 --> 00:28:09,719
- Yeah.
- You're a freak.
593
00:28:09,788 --> 00:28:12,120
No, listen man,
when are you gonna just give in
594
00:28:12,190 --> 00:28:14,124
to that primal being of yours
595
00:28:14,192 --> 00:28:15,682
and just, you know, review the tapes
596
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:16,988
and go out on some dates?
597
00:28:17,062 --> 00:28:20,293
Even our boy Glenn here
has got a little rendezvous set up.
598
00:28:20,365 --> 00:28:21,593
- Come on.
- You're still telling these girls
599
00:28:21,666 --> 00:28:22,598
that we're making a movie.
600
00:28:22,667 --> 00:28:23,599
Yeah!
601
00:28:23,668 --> 00:28:24,726
But we're not making a movie.
602
00:28:24,803 --> 00:28:26,065
Richie, don't sweat it.
603
00:28:26,137 --> 00:28:27,934
Nobody in Hollywood who says
they're gonna make a movie
604
00:28:28,006 --> 00:28:29,234
ever makes one.
605
00:28:29,307 --> 00:28:30,296
You're stressing out, man.
606
00:28:30,375 --> 00:28:32,206
- Relax.
- Okay.
607
00:28:34,379 --> 00:28:35,778
Look, even if...
608
00:28:35,847 --> 00:28:38,281
I guess if you have a date,
I should get a date, huh?
609
00:28:40,051 --> 00:28:41,985
I'm gonna go masturbate.
610
00:28:43,455 --> 00:28:44,649
I didn't need to know that, Glenn.
611
00:28:44,723 --> 00:28:47,123
Does the carpet match the drapes?
612
00:28:47,192 --> 00:28:48,921
Well, maybe I don't have carpet.
613
00:28:48,993 --> 00:28:50,961
Maybe I wax the floors.
614
00:28:51,029 --> 00:28:53,463
All they ever think about is their prick.
615
00:28:53,531 --> 00:28:54,759
And, you know, I... I...
616
00:28:54,833 --> 00:28:56,630
It's not that I've
been hurt or anything.
617
00:28:56,701 --> 00:28:58,566
It's not that I'm some sort of psycho.
618
00:28:58,636 --> 00:29:01,366
...and kept telling me,
"You're gonna be my wife.
619
00:29:01,439 --> 00:29:02,736
You're gonna have my babies. "
620
00:29:02,807 --> 00:29:04,104
And, "Don't you like it
621
00:29:04,175 --> 00:29:05,836
when the cum squirts all over your eggs?"
622
00:29:05,910 --> 00:29:07,571
And I'm like, "What are you talking about?"
623
00:29:07,645 --> 00:29:09,272
So I basically pushed him off of me,
624
00:29:09,347 --> 00:29:11,713
and I noticed that
he did come on me.
625
00:29:11,783 --> 00:29:13,842
He poked a hole in the condom.
626
00:29:13,918 --> 00:29:17,149
Um, I can go...
627
00:29:17,222 --> 00:29:18,746
- Both ways?
- Yes.
628
00:29:18,823 --> 00:29:22,281
In real life, or for a movie?
629
00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:23,918
What's the difference?
630
00:29:23,995 --> 00:29:26,589
Well, last week I shot
a national commercial,
631
00:29:26,664 --> 00:29:28,655
and today I have three auditions
for some TV pilots,
632
00:29:28,733 --> 00:29:31,361
and next week I have a spot
on The Bold and The Beautiful,
633
00:29:31,436 --> 00:29:32,835
which I'm like,
634
00:29:32,904 --> 00:29:34,769
really positive move for me.
635
00:29:34,839 --> 00:29:37,239
- That's great.
- Oh, and I just met Rover Murdick.
636
00:29:37,308 --> 00:29:41,836
And he wants to do an entire project
around my aura.
637
00:29:41,913 --> 00:29:43,778
So I'm, like, really
blessed about that.
638
00:29:43,848 --> 00:29:46,646
Very, very blessed about that.
639
00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:50,012
How are you?
640
00:29:51,990 --> 00:29:54,185
I don't get it. What do you mean?
641
00:29:54,259 --> 00:29:56,159
How am I physically?
642
00:29:56,227 --> 00:29:58,661
Like my core? My being?
643
00:29:58,730 --> 00:30:00,823
I asked you to tell me
more about yourself,
644
00:30:00,899 --> 00:30:03,424
and you told me how your
business is going, and...
645
00:30:03,501 --> 00:30:05,560
So I was just curious
how you're doing, you know.
646
00:30:05,637 --> 00:30:07,229
I get it. I get it. Yeah.
647
00:30:09,474 --> 00:30:11,635
Well, I have allergies
bordering on chronic asthma
648
00:30:11,709 --> 00:30:13,939
and a nasty yeast infection.
649
00:30:14,012 --> 00:30:17,140
And my publicist is doing this really
great endorsement tie-in thing with it.
650
00:30:17,215 --> 00:30:18,705
Oh, here's the thing.
651
00:30:18,783 --> 00:30:20,978
Mercury is in retrograde right now,
652
00:30:21,052 --> 00:30:22,417
so...
653
00:30:22,487 --> 00:30:23,715
even if you offered me the part,
654
00:30:23,788 --> 00:30:24,755
I can't do it.
655
00:30:24,823 --> 00:30:26,188
I'm sorry.
656
00:30:26,257 --> 00:30:28,157
I'm sorry. Did you say
that... that they're doing
657
00:30:28,226 --> 00:30:32,390
a promotional campaign
on your little problem down there?
658
00:30:32,463 --> 00:30:34,090
Sort of like that, yeah.
659
00:30:34,165 --> 00:30:35,860
How does that work?
660
00:30:35,934 --> 00:30:38,528
Well, it's, um,
Vagina Awareness Week.
661
00:30:39,470 --> 00:30:40,937
Let's see...
662
00:30:41,005 --> 00:30:43,599
somebody who's passionate.
663
00:30:43,675 --> 00:30:46,508
Somebody who has dreams
and ambition
664
00:30:46,578 --> 00:30:48,307
and supports mine.
665
00:30:51,516 --> 00:30:53,780
Lenny, hey, hi.
666
00:30:53,852 --> 00:30:55,513
"Lenny, hi?"
667
00:30:55,587 --> 00:30:56,849
Where the hell are you?
668
00:30:56,921 --> 00:30:59,822
Lenny, I explained everything
669
00:30:59,891 --> 00:31:02,257
about my game plan
in the note I left you.
670
00:31:03,628 --> 00:31:05,721
"Had to go. Know you'll understand.
Love, Marina. "
671
00:31:05,797 --> 00:31:06,729
That note?
672
00:31:06,798 --> 00:31:08,425
Uh, that's the one.
673
00:31:08,499 --> 00:31:10,592
You know how hard it is
to find a great assistant?
674
00:31:10,668 --> 00:31:13,466
I'm sorry, but, uh, even though I love you,
675
00:31:13,538 --> 00:31:14,527
you're fired.
676
00:31:14,606 --> 00:31:17,234
I'm gonna be an actress.
677
00:31:17,308 --> 00:31:18,570
If it kills me,
678
00:31:18,643 --> 00:31:20,474
I'm gonna do this.
679
00:31:20,545 --> 00:31:22,274
Meant to be we,
680
00:31:22,347 --> 00:31:25,145
or not meant to be we.
681
00:31:25,216 --> 00:31:26,774
I prefer to exist alone
682
00:31:26,851 --> 00:31:29,046
rather than partake
in a meaningless love.
683
00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:31,953
I seek completeness.
684
00:31:32,023 --> 00:31:35,015
And I shall one day shareth it,
685
00:31:35,093 --> 00:31:38,119
wheneth my true king thy come,
686
00:31:38,196 --> 00:31:40,664
and I your true queen shall be done.
687
00:31:40,732 --> 00:31:42,359
Never me,
688
00:31:43,835 --> 00:31:44,859
always we.
689
00:31:47,739 --> 00:31:49,536
Bravo, bravo.
690
00:31:50,975 --> 00:31:53,273
You liked it?
691
00:31:53,344 --> 00:31:54,811
Yeah.
692
00:31:54,879 --> 00:31:56,676
What the hell was it?
693
00:31:56,748 --> 00:32:00,479
Oh, it was just something I wrote
on my way across country.
694
00:32:00,551 --> 00:32:04,351
So how do you like Hollywood so far?
695
00:32:04,422 --> 00:32:06,413
So far, so good.
696
00:32:06,491 --> 00:32:09,460
It'll be better when my dog and I
have a place we can call home.
697
00:32:09,527 --> 00:32:11,825
Where are you living now?
698
00:32:11,896 --> 00:32:15,161
Oh, well, it's kind of embarrassing.
699
00:32:15,233 --> 00:32:17,167
Oh, really? What,
are you in Orange County?
700
00:32:19,103 --> 00:32:20,661
I've been sleeping in my car.
701
00:32:20,738 --> 00:32:23,002
Well, that's not embarrassing.
702
00:32:23,074 --> 00:32:24,302
- Right.
- No, it's really not.
703
00:32:24,375 --> 00:32:25,433
L... You know...
I've...
704
00:32:25,510 --> 00:32:27,341
I've slept in... in my car before.
705
00:32:27,412 --> 00:32:30,040
And I don't know about you,
but I... I had fun.
706
00:32:30,114 --> 00:32:31,638
It's... It's kinda like camping.
707
00:32:31,716 --> 00:32:34,310
Okay, good.
708
00:32:52,537 --> 00:32:54,300
What's the clapping for?
709
00:32:54,372 --> 00:32:56,499
The song is over.
710
00:32:59,444 --> 00:33:00,502
What song?
711
00:33:00,578 --> 00:33:03,706
On the sound system.
712
00:33:05,116 --> 00:33:06,344
Right.
713
00:33:11,489 --> 00:33:14,151
So, how's it going with the movie?
714
00:33:19,564 --> 00:33:21,191
Glenn?
715
00:33:22,133 --> 00:33:25,034
We listening to the music again?
716
00:33:25,103 --> 00:33:29,039
I had a dream last night
that Don Knotts tried to kill me.
717
00:33:31,275 --> 00:33:32,503
That's disturbing.
718
00:33:32,577 --> 00:33:33,942
It was.
719
00:33:34,012 --> 00:33:35,411
I bet.
720
00:33:36,814 --> 00:33:38,907
Especially since he is so beloved.
721
00:33:40,385 --> 00:33:41,409
Right.
722
00:33:43,721 --> 00:33:44,949
Do you like me?
723
00:33:45,456 --> 00:33:47,356
Oh, wow.
724
00:33:47,425 --> 00:33:49,825
You know, I don't know you so well, Glenn.
725
00:33:49,894 --> 00:33:52,089
That's kind of hard
to comment on right now.
726
00:33:52,163 --> 00:33:53,790
Do you hate me?
727
00:33:53,865 --> 00:33:55,833
No.
728
00:33:55,900 --> 00:33:57,595
But if you give me a minute...
729
00:33:58,970 --> 00:34:00,335
Well, if you don't like me
730
00:34:00,405 --> 00:34:02,066
and you don't hate me,
731
00:34:02,140 --> 00:34:03,471
you love me.
732
00:34:03,541 --> 00:34:05,475
Excuse me?
733
00:34:05,543 --> 00:34:08,273
Well, first you like someone,
then you love someone.
734
00:34:08,346 --> 00:34:10,576
Then you hate someone.
735
00:34:11,716 --> 00:34:14,708
Love is in between like and hate.
736
00:34:14,786 --> 00:34:17,619
So, you don't like me,
737
00:34:17,688 --> 00:34:19,053
you don't hate me.
738
00:34:21,059 --> 00:34:22,321
You love me.
739
00:34:25,029 --> 00:34:26,621
Wow.
740
00:34:27,865 --> 00:34:29,298
- Okay.
- Okay.
741
00:34:29,367 --> 00:34:30,459
Okay.
742
00:34:32,170 --> 00:34:35,264
- Hello?
- I didn't hear your phone ring.
743
00:34:35,339 --> 00:34:38,900
It's... It's on silent.
It's just this little light.
744
00:34:38,976 --> 00:34:41,001
Yeah. No, I'm here.
745
00:34:41,079 --> 00:34:43,513
Yeah, sure. No problem.
746
00:34:43,581 --> 00:34:45,242
Yeah, like, I can be there in ten minutes.
747
00:34:45,316 --> 00:34:46,908
Yeah, okay. Thanks. Bye.
748
00:34:46,984 --> 00:34:49,646
Oh, drag. I gotta go to work.
749
00:34:49,720 --> 00:34:51,210
Sucks. Hate it there.
750
00:34:51,289 --> 00:34:52,517
But, you know, it pays the bills,
751
00:34:52,590 --> 00:34:54,490
so I'm sorry, I gotta go.
752
00:34:54,559 --> 00:34:55,787
Can I help you?
753
00:34:56,794 --> 00:34:58,022
- Can I help you?
- Help me?
754
00:34:58,096 --> 00:35:00,997
- Yeah.
- No. No, I think I'm good.
755
00:35:01,065 --> 00:35:04,034
But, well, thanks anyway.
756
00:35:04,102 --> 00:35:07,003
Okay? See you.
757
00:35:07,071 --> 00:35:09,869
Thank you for wearing
those shoes.
758
00:35:09,941 --> 00:35:14,139
You know, the auditions?
759
00:35:14,212 --> 00:35:16,874
Right, so we're still
in audition mode?
760
00:35:16,948 --> 00:35:20,042
What, did you think this was
some sort of date?
761
00:35:20,118 --> 00:35:22,484
Oh, I don't know.
762
00:35:22,553 --> 00:35:23,611
L...
763
00:35:23,688 --> 00:35:25,553
Would you go
on a date with me?
764
00:35:25,623 --> 00:35:29,218
I mean, maybe if you weren't
the producer of this movie.
765
00:35:29,293 --> 00:35:32,421
If my boyfriend promises
to eat at my restaurant
766
00:35:32,497 --> 00:35:35,295
and my restaurant only,
767
00:35:35,366 --> 00:35:38,802
that I'm open 24 hours a day,
7 days a week.
768
00:35:41,072 --> 00:35:43,302
Your style is so, like, rock star.
769
00:35:43,374 --> 00:35:45,899
- Really? L... I play music, too.
- No way.
770
00:35:45,977 --> 00:35:48,571
- I'm a singer and a songwriter as well.
- That's so amazing.
771
00:35:48,646 --> 00:35:50,238
I actually have one of my CDs on me.
772
00:35:50,314 --> 00:35:51,338
- You do?
- Yeah.
773
00:35:54,152 --> 00:35:55,483
Here. Special for you.
774
00:35:55,553 --> 00:35:57,282
Lucky girl. I get to listen to this?
775
00:35:57,355 --> 00:35:58,720
- Keep it. It's yours.
- Thank you.
776
00:35:58,789 --> 00:35:59,915
- Absolutely.
- This is so crazy,
777
00:35:59,991 --> 00:36:01,356
because actually
I'm a singer as well.
778
00:36:01,425 --> 00:36:03,552
- You are?
- I know I didn't tell you at the audition, but...
779
00:36:03,628 --> 00:36:04,686
- Really?
- Yeah.
780
00:36:04,762 --> 00:36:06,730
I have a recording studio
back at my apartment.
781
00:36:06,797 --> 00:36:07,821
- That's so cool.
- Yeah.
782
00:36:09,033 --> 00:36:10,694
Cheers.
783
00:36:14,739 --> 00:36:17,037
Whoo! Oh, that's so hard to do.
784
00:36:17,108 --> 00:36:18,075
Yeah, it's hot in here.
785
00:36:18,142 --> 00:36:19,939
Yeah.
786
00:36:20,011 --> 00:36:21,569
Yeah.
787
00:36:21,646 --> 00:36:24,376
Wow.
788
00:36:24,448 --> 00:36:26,780
Look at you.
789
00:36:26,884 --> 00:36:28,215
Yeah, look at me, right?
790
00:36:29,287 --> 00:36:30,584
Look at me.
791
00:36:30,655 --> 00:36:32,213
Yeah.
792
00:36:32,290 --> 00:36:35,691
So, listen, I'm gonna...
I'm gonna play the axe here.
793
00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:36,988
- Okay.
- All right?
794
00:36:37,061 --> 00:36:38,722
This is the song that's
gonna be in the video.
795
00:36:38,796 --> 00:36:39,785
Oh, cool.
Okay.
796
00:36:39,864 --> 00:36:42,697
1! 2! 3! 4!
797
00:36:52,843 --> 00:36:55,038
Under the covers, foggin' up the sheets
798
00:36:55,112 --> 00:36:57,103
Under the covers finding
somethin' good to eat
799
00:37:04,755 --> 00:37:07,246
- Yes.
- Oh! Wait, Sherman! No. I don't know...
800
00:37:07,325 --> 00:37:09,225
Sherman, wait. Sherman, wait.
801
00:37:09,293 --> 00:37:10,692
I don't... We shouldn't do this
802
00:37:10,761 --> 00:37:13,821
because I don't want you to lose respect
for me as an artist.
803
00:37:13,898 --> 00:37:15,297
- Hold on! Okay, wait, wait.
- I respect you.
804
00:37:15,366 --> 00:37:16,333
We're artists. We're open-minded.
805
00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:17,924
Wait a second. What about...
806
00:37:18,002 --> 00:37:20,800
Shouldn't we wait till the wrap party
at least or som...
807
00:37:20,871 --> 00:37:22,930
Okay, hold on. Wait, wait, wait, Listen.
808
00:37:23,007 --> 00:37:25,567
Don't you... Oh... I...
Do you have a girlfriend?
809
00:37:25,643 --> 00:37:26,871
- No.
- Are you sure?
810
00:37:26,944 --> 00:37:28,411
- I would never cheat.
- Oh. Oh.
811
00:37:28,479 --> 00:37:30,709
Wait, are you gonna
call me tomorrow?
812
00:37:32,016 --> 00:37:33,745
Are you gonna call me,
or you... Oh!
813
00:37:33,818 --> 00:37:34,842
- Oh, my!
- Oh, my God!
814
00:37:34,919 --> 00:37:35,908
Oh!
815
00:37:39,590 --> 00:37:41,217
Oh, Sherman.
816
00:37:56,941 --> 00:37:59,967
Oh. Hey, what are you
doing here?
817
00:38:04,148 --> 00:38:05,172
Okay.
818
00:38:05,249 --> 00:38:06,773
Well, it's really good to see you.
819
00:38:10,655 --> 00:38:12,555
All right, why don't you go,
820
00:38:12,623 --> 00:38:14,056
I don't know,
grab a table or something,
821
00:38:14,125 --> 00:38:15,490
and I'll get you a drink, okay?
822
00:38:15,559 --> 00:38:18,289
I want a prunsky.
823
00:38:18,362 --> 00:38:21,092
Prunksy? I don't know what that is.
What's in that?
824
00:38:24,135 --> 00:38:27,400
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
No prunskies here, buddy.
825
00:38:29,206 --> 00:38:30,468
Thank you.
826
00:38:32,777 --> 00:38:34,938
Hi. I'm not interrupting
something, am I?
827
00:38:35,012 --> 00:38:36,536
No, no, no. Come on in.
828
00:38:36,614 --> 00:38:38,741
You guys remember
Reseda Camarillo.
829
00:38:38,816 --> 00:38:40,181
Good to see you guys again.
830
00:38:40,251 --> 00:38:42,344
- How you doing? Good to see you.
- Hi, baby.
831
00:38:45,790 --> 00:38:47,781
- Good to see you.
- Hi.
832
00:38:47,858 --> 00:38:50,850
I just wanted you to know
that I made dinner reservations
833
00:38:50,928 --> 00:38:52,919
- at Augo's at 8:00.
- Okay.
834
00:38:52,997 --> 00:38:55,465
Is that good for you?
Do you think he'll be done by 8:00?
835
00:38:55,533 --> 00:38:57,364
Will he be done at 8:00?
836
00:38:57,435 --> 00:39:00,131
- We had some budget cuts, okay?
- Yeah.
837
00:39:00,204 --> 00:39:03,002
And we have to eliminate
some parts in the movie.
838
00:39:03,074 --> 00:39:06,840
Yeah, I'm really, really sorry.
839
00:39:06,911 --> 00:39:08,879
What does that mean?
840
00:39:08,946 --> 00:39:11,915
We had to cut your part
out of the movie, okay?
841
00:39:11,982 --> 00:39:13,677
- My part out of the movie?
- Yes. Yes.
842
00:39:13,751 --> 00:39:17,118
I am so sorry. I am...
It's out of my control.
843
00:39:17,188 --> 00:39:19,622
But I... I slept with you.
844
00:39:19,690 --> 00:39:22,250
And I appreciate that. I really do.
845
00:39:22,326 --> 00:39:23,258
I mean,
846
00:39:23,327 --> 00:39:26,091
what am I supposed to say?
847
00:39:26,163 --> 00:39:27,391
Thank you.
848
00:39:27,465 --> 00:39:29,831
I broke up with my boyfriend.
849
00:39:29,900 --> 00:39:31,390
So get back together with him.
850
00:39:31,469 --> 00:39:34,097
It's not that complicated.
Really. It's not too late.
851
00:39:34,171 --> 00:39:36,264
I never sleep with anybody
on the first date,
852
00:39:36,340 --> 00:39:37,898
and I think I'm in love with you.
853
00:39:39,110 --> 00:39:41,271
Hold on for a second.
I gotta take this.
854
00:39:41,345 --> 00:39:43,939
Oh, God.
855
00:39:44,014 --> 00:39:46,141
Hello?
856
00:39:47,785 --> 00:39:49,150
You owe me.
857
00:39:49,220 --> 00:39:50,653
Oh, my God.
858
00:39:55,192 --> 00:39:56,318
- Hi.
- Hey.
859
00:39:56,394 --> 00:39:58,123
I'm Nikita.
I'm here for the auditions.
860
00:39:58,195 --> 00:40:00,254
- They're over.
- Yeah.
861
00:40:00,331 --> 00:40:02,765
Do you play the guitar?
862
00:40:07,705 --> 00:40:09,673
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
863
00:40:09,740 --> 00:40:11,640
Oh, wow.
864
00:40:11,709 --> 00:40:12,937
Oh, my God. There's something
865
00:40:13,010 --> 00:40:15,001
about a man that can
play an instrument
866
00:40:15,079 --> 00:40:17,343
that just makes me... hot.
867
00:40:17,415 --> 00:40:18,609
Ooh, yeah.
868
00:40:18,682 --> 00:40:21,048
Listen, um...
869
00:40:21,118 --> 00:40:23,177
Let me walk you to your car. I have an idea.
870
00:40:23,254 --> 00:40:24,949
- Oh.
- Okay?
871
00:40:25,022 --> 00:40:26,649
But what about the audition?
872
00:40:26,724 --> 00:40:29,249
I, uh... Even though
we're in callbacks,
873
00:40:29,326 --> 00:40:31,089
I'll read you, okay?
874
00:40:31,162 --> 00:40:33,062
- In the car?
- No, no, no, no.
875
00:40:33,130 --> 00:40:34,188
A little later.
876
00:40:34,265 --> 00:40:37,598
And maybe something
can happen between us.
877
00:40:37,668 --> 00:40:40,193
We just, you know... We can't do it here.
878
00:40:40,271 --> 00:40:41,295
Do you know what I mean?
879
00:40:41,372 --> 00:40:43,203
- Okay? Okay, yeah.
- Yeah?
880
00:40:43,274 --> 00:40:44,571
Definitely.
881
00:40:44,642 --> 00:40:46,007
All right? Audition time. You ready?
882
00:40:46,076 --> 00:40:48,340
Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, not that easy.
883
00:40:48,412 --> 00:40:50,676
You need to play a song
for me on your guitar,
884
00:40:50,748 --> 00:40:52,340
and then I'll audition.
885
00:40:52,416 --> 00:40:54,680
Oh, if it's for you? I'll
do anything for you, baby.
886
00:40:54,752 --> 00:40:56,344
Anything, okay?
887
00:41:28,419 --> 00:41:30,216
Oh, my God!
888
00:41:32,389 --> 00:41:35,381
Oh, my God. I almost climaxed.
889
00:41:35,459 --> 00:41:37,086
That was good, right?
890
00:41:37,161 --> 00:41:39,061
Yes, it was.
891
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:46,026
Have you ever had an orgasm
while playing the guitar?
892
00:41:47,438 --> 00:41:49,998
Well, you know, there is this sort of, uh,
893
00:41:50,074 --> 00:41:52,235
euphoria that comes over
you when you play, you know?
894
00:41:52,309 --> 00:41:53,241
No, no, no.
895
00:41:53,310 --> 00:41:54,402
I mean an actual, like...
896
00:41:54,478 --> 00:41:56,105
orgasm.
897
00:41:56,180 --> 00:41:57,238
No.
898
00:41:57,314 --> 00:41:59,612
Well, let's take care of that, Papi.
899
00:41:59,683 --> 00:42:01,344
You're a great girl, you know that?
900
00:42:01,418 --> 00:42:03,147
Okay.
901
00:42:10,895 --> 00:42:12,385
L... Listen... I... I can't...
902
00:42:12,463 --> 00:42:13,794
No, play! Play!
903
00:42:13,864 --> 00:42:16,059
- L... I can't do it.
- Keep playing. It's beautiful.
904
00:42:17,201 --> 00:42:18,532
Listen, I, uh...
905
00:42:18,602 --> 00:42:20,695
- I... I can't do it. It... It...
- Play it, bitch!
906
00:42:23,507 --> 00:42:24,804
- Listen, I...
- Play that fucking guitar.
907
00:42:24,875 --> 00:42:26,206
I can't split my brain up.
908
00:42:26,277 --> 00:42:28,302
I can't...
909
00:42:30,881 --> 00:42:32,314
You can come in my hair.
910
00:42:35,319 --> 00:42:36,718
We found what we're looking for,
911
00:42:36,787 --> 00:42:39,551
and you, you,
and you got the part.
912
00:42:39,623 --> 00:42:41,284
- Oh, my God!
- What? Shut up!
913
00:42:41,358 --> 00:42:42,916
Oh, my God! Congratulations!
914
00:42:42,993 --> 00:42:44,824
Oh, my God. Without...
Wait, I didn't even read.
915
00:42:44,895 --> 00:42:46,453
The new cast for Perfect For Me.
916
00:42:46,530 --> 00:42:50,432
- Oh, My God!
- Oh, my gosh. That was so easy.
917
00:42:50,501 --> 00:42:54,232
Got champagne. Congratulations, guys.
It's gonna be fun.
918
00:42:54,305 --> 00:42:56,000
So when do we get a script?
919
00:42:56,106 --> 00:42:57,835
Richie?
920
00:42:57,908 --> 00:43:00,638
The script is at the printers.
921
00:43:00,711 --> 00:43:02,201
Yeah, the printers. Exactly.
922
00:43:02,279 --> 00:43:03,906
Cool.
923
00:43:03,981 --> 00:43:05,949
Okay.
924
00:43:06,016 --> 00:43:09,611
- So what is it about?
- It's about women.
925
00:43:09,687 --> 00:43:11,245
- Yeah, women.
- And men?
926
00:43:11,322 --> 00:43:12,584
No, no men.
927
00:43:12,656 --> 00:43:14,419
I don't do girl on girl.
928
00:43:14,491 --> 00:43:15,458
Oh, I do.
929
00:43:18,862 --> 00:43:20,853
So when do we start shooting?
930
00:43:20,931 --> 00:43:23,491
Uh, soon.
931
00:43:23,567 --> 00:43:25,091
Yes, it's right around the corner.
932
00:43:25,169 --> 00:43:26,796
We're shooting around the corner?
933
00:43:26,870 --> 00:43:28,599
The studio in Hollywood.
934
00:43:28,672 --> 00:43:30,970
We're gonna...
The big one where everyone shoots.
935
00:43:31,041 --> 00:43:32,872
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
936
00:43:32,943 --> 00:43:35,468
I wish that there were more producers
like you guys, 'cause you rock.
937
00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:40,816
Copy down every line
of the English subtitles,
938
00:43:40,884 --> 00:43:42,249
and that's our script.
939
00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:45,283
That's a lot of work, man.
940
00:43:45,356 --> 00:43:46,983
So we'll make Glenn do it.
941
00:43:47,057 --> 00:43:50,220
It's so obscure, no one's gonna know
where we got it from.
942
00:43:50,294 --> 00:43:51,659
I'm proud of you.
943
00:43:51,729 --> 00:43:53,890
It took a while, but you are finally here.
944
00:43:53,964 --> 00:43:55,693
Good work. All right.
945
00:43:58,235 --> 00:43:59,702
You want a pad and a pen?
946
00:44:01,772 --> 00:44:05,799
I'm Leland Briskin. Don't judge me
by this ridiculous badge.
947
00:44:05,876 --> 00:44:08,504
It was taken off a dead
tour guide some time ago.
948
00:44:08,579 --> 00:44:11,571
But pay attention to what
I'm about to tell you.
949
00:44:11,649 --> 00:44:14,015
First of all,
hang very close together.
950
00:44:14,084 --> 00:44:17,110
You're not to annoy
the stars at any time.
951
00:44:17,187 --> 00:44:18,984
Action.
952
00:44:19,056 --> 00:44:20,455
Did any of you ever
remember the film...
953
00:44:20,524 --> 00:44:23,516
probably many of you are
too young, gazing about...
954
00:44:23,594 --> 00:44:24,925
Sunset Boulevard?
955
00:44:24,995 --> 00:44:26,929
I can tell you, I was a director.
956
00:44:26,997 --> 00:44:29,591
Well, not a full director.
957
00:44:29,667 --> 00:44:32,261
I was an A.D., and I was damn good.
958
00:44:32,336 --> 00:44:34,361
I had too many affairs.
959
00:44:34,438 --> 00:44:37,430
Anyway, don't use your cameras.
960
00:44:37,508 --> 00:44:39,373
And the stars,
961
00:44:39,443 --> 00:44:42,241
if they appear to be odd to you,
962
00:44:42,312 --> 00:44:44,007
to be a little bit different,
963
00:44:44,081 --> 00:44:46,675
a little off-bubble, as we say,
964
00:44:46,750 --> 00:44:48,479
don't bother them.
965
00:44:48,552 --> 00:44:51,077
They're here for a reason: To shoot.
966
00:44:51,155 --> 00:44:53,623
Sometimes each other,
I suppose. I don't know.
967
00:44:53,691 --> 00:44:54,589
Yes, what is it?
968
00:44:54,658 --> 00:44:56,785
How do you make a film?
969
00:44:56,860 --> 00:44:57,952
"How do make a film?"
970
00:44:59,463 --> 00:45:01,488
Now stop it.
971
00:45:01,565 --> 00:45:03,795
By the way, I'm not supposed to take tips,
972
00:45:03,867 --> 00:45:05,357
but I want something.
973
00:45:12,576 --> 00:45:14,806
Gosh, the lighting
is just perfect, you see.
974
00:45:14,878 --> 00:45:16,505
Just overhead.
Look up, my dear.
975
00:45:16,580 --> 00:45:18,480
Don't do everything you're told.
Yes, I'll look up.
976
00:45:21,151 --> 00:45:22,846
Stop for a moment.
977
00:45:22,920 --> 00:45:26,117
The arch here was used
in The Fall of the Roman Empire,
978
00:45:26,190 --> 00:45:27,487
and they brought it back from Rome,
979
00:45:27,558 --> 00:45:28,991
where they shot also in Spain,
980
00:45:29,059 --> 00:45:31,289
and left this exact place
where all those...
981
00:45:31,361 --> 00:45:32,794
I can't remember all the actors...
982
00:45:32,863 --> 00:45:34,660
but isn't it marvelous, you see?
983
00:45:34,732 --> 00:45:36,165
And they, of course, painted over it.
984
00:45:39,703 --> 00:45:40,863
Robin Hood was shot...
985
00:45:40,938 --> 00:45:43,202
I don't know if you
remember Errol Flynn...
986
00:45:43,273 --> 00:45:44,672
fantastic actor...
987
00:45:44,742 --> 00:45:47,302
And, of course, Olivia de Havilland,
Basil Rathbone...
988
00:45:47,377 --> 00:45:48,571
It was all shot inside.
989
00:45:54,852 --> 00:45:56,911
Oh, it's them. Hi.
990
00:45:56,987 --> 00:45:58,978
Yeah, we're out front.
991
00:45:59,056 --> 00:46:00,785
Okay. Okay, bye.
992
00:46:00,858 --> 00:46:02,291
What are you doing on the phone?
993
00:46:02,359 --> 00:46:03,621
Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry.
994
00:46:03,694 --> 00:46:05,423
How rude. It's the second
time I've caught you.
995
00:46:05,496 --> 00:46:07,794
First it was the watch,
and now you're talking on the phone.
996
00:46:07,865 --> 00:46:09,025
Do you have a cell phone?
997
00:46:09,099 --> 00:46:10,862
Yes, I do. But it's in my pocket.
998
00:46:10,934 --> 00:46:12,959
I don't care to see it.
999
00:46:13,036 --> 00:46:14,970
- Well, I wasn't going...
- Yes, what does he want?
1000
00:46:15,038 --> 00:46:16,869
Could we use the bathroom?
1001
00:46:16,940 --> 00:46:18,965
I'm a Christian Scientist.
I don't have to go at all.
1002
00:46:19,042 --> 00:46:20,509
Thank God, they just called.
1003
00:46:20,577 --> 00:46:21,976
They're gonna come
and get us out front.
1004
00:46:22,045 --> 00:46:23,103
- What's going on?
- I don't know.
1005
00:46:23,180 --> 00:46:24,613
They said our names
weren't in the system.
1006
00:46:24,681 --> 00:46:25,670
So embarrassing.
1007
00:46:25,749 --> 00:46:30,413
Richie, come here.
1008
00:46:30,487 --> 00:46:33,115
- Come on, let's go. Act like you belong.
- I want to finish the tour.
1009
00:46:33,190 --> 00:46:34,589
This is where Lassie took a dump.
1010
00:46:34,658 --> 00:46:36,387
Hey!
1011
00:46:36,460 --> 00:46:39,258
Hey! How you doing? What's up guys?
1012
00:46:39,329 --> 00:46:42,093
Yeah. What are you talking about?
1013
00:46:42,166 --> 00:46:43,565
You gotta be kidding me.
1014
00:46:43,634 --> 00:46:45,101
You tell him he's an asshole.
1015
00:46:45,169 --> 00:46:47,501
And you tell him I said that
to his face, all right?
1016
00:46:47,571 --> 00:46:49,766
I am so sorry. It's been a crazy day.
1017
00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:53,173
Yeah, lots of big
Hollywood meetings in there.
1018
00:46:53,243 --> 00:46:54,904
Wow.
1019
00:46:54,978 --> 00:46:57,208
We were hoping you guys
could, like, show us around.
1020
00:46:57,281 --> 00:46:59,681
Maybe show us, like, your office and...
1021
00:46:59,750 --> 00:47:02,446
Oh, yeah. You're gonna see
plenty of the studio
1022
00:47:02,519 --> 00:47:03,952
- when you're shooting.
- Right.
1023
00:47:04,021 --> 00:47:05,318
You're probably gonna get sick of it,
1024
00:47:05,389 --> 00:47:06,981
'cause you're gonna
be living here so much.
1025
00:47:07,057 --> 00:47:09,821
But, um, we actually
have to go, you girls,
1026
00:47:09,893 --> 00:47:11,986
because, uh, we're running late
to another meeting,
1027
00:47:12,062 --> 00:47:13,290
so I'm really sorry.
1028
00:47:14,364 --> 00:47:16,264
What the devil's going on?
1029
00:47:16,333 --> 00:47:17,732
I'm talking to you over there.
1030
00:47:17,801 --> 00:47:19,735
How dare you go off limits!
1031
00:47:19,803 --> 00:47:21,794
I think that old guy
is calling you guys.
1032
00:47:21,872 --> 00:47:23,897
I've begged you, begged you
and all the rest...
1033
00:47:23,974 --> 00:47:25,066
Just ignore him. He's crazy.
1034
00:47:25,142 --> 00:47:26,200
Excuse me for a second.
1035
00:47:26,276 --> 00:47:27,368
He's not talking to...
1036
00:47:27,444 --> 00:47:28,911
...not to go wander
out into the streets.
1037
00:47:28,979 --> 00:47:30,071
Do you understand that?
1038
00:47:30,147 --> 00:47:31,671
You are delusional!
1039
00:47:31,748 --> 00:47:33,443
That's a big word for a little chap.
1040
00:47:33,517 --> 00:47:37,214
You are not working
on this picture, okay?
1041
00:47:37,287 --> 00:47:39,687
- I gave you a chance...
- I told you never to break away.
1042
00:47:39,756 --> 00:47:40,688
What the devil's your name?
1043
00:47:40,757 --> 00:47:43,351
- Sherman Oaks!
- I won't have it.
1044
00:47:43,427 --> 00:47:45,122
- Oh, God.
- Is there a problem?
1045
00:47:45,195 --> 00:47:47,561
Yes. This young chap,
Sherman Oaks.
1046
00:47:47,631 --> 00:47:49,064
Isn't that something for you?
1047
00:47:49,132 --> 00:47:52,568
This guy stole the lighting grid
on my last picture,
1048
00:47:52,636 --> 00:47:54,968
- and we fired him!
- I want this man arrested.
1049
00:47:55,038 --> 00:47:56,972
He's unwilling to accept it, okay?
1050
00:47:57,040 --> 00:48:00,806
And he's making terrorist threats to my
crew and more importantly to my family!
1051
00:48:00,878 --> 00:48:02,778
I love that scene.
1052
00:48:02,846 --> 00:48:04,541
God, you were good for the first time.
1053
00:48:04,615 --> 00:48:06,674
- See what I'm saying? He's delusional.
- Excellent.
1054
00:48:06,750 --> 00:48:08,980
This man's out of his mind.
Get your hands off me.
1055
00:48:09,052 --> 00:48:11,145
I'm not gonna stand for this stuff!
1056
00:48:11,221 --> 00:48:12,711
Sorry, sir. We'll take it from here.
1057
00:48:12,789 --> 00:48:14,051
- What do you mean?
- Come on, Leland.
1058
00:48:14,124 --> 00:48:16,285
Just a moment.
I know what you're saying.
1059
00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:17,918
We're doing a prison picture, aren't we?
1060
00:48:17,995 --> 00:48:20,122
Honey, I've never seen you like this.
1061
00:48:20,197 --> 00:48:21,755
And it is sexy.
1062
00:48:21,832 --> 00:48:23,060
Do you think you guys are okay?
1063
00:48:23,133 --> 00:48:24,430
Yeah, everything's fine.
1064
00:48:24,501 --> 00:48:25,763
It's a tough business,
1065
00:48:25,836 --> 00:48:27,394
but, you know, you gotta love it.
1066
00:48:33,176 --> 00:48:34,200
Cheers.
1067
00:48:43,020 --> 00:48:44,510
Me, too.
1068
00:48:44,588 --> 00:48:46,078
Look, he's still working on it.
1069
00:48:46,156 --> 00:48:48,488
- It's a little strong.
- I'll show you how to do it.
1070
00:48:48,558 --> 00:48:49,786
Watch this.
1071
00:48:55,565 --> 00:48:56,862
Where are we going?
1072
00:49:20,123 --> 00:49:21,988
Richie, I... I gotta go.
1073
00:49:22,059 --> 00:49:24,084
L... I can't.
1074
00:49:33,337 --> 00:49:35,134
What are you
working on right now?
1075
00:49:35,205 --> 00:49:37,935
His movie, Perfect For Me.
1076
00:49:38,008 --> 00:49:39,805
- Perfect For Me.
- Yeah, it's an independent.
1077
00:49:39,876 --> 00:49:41,571
- Yeah, they all are.
- And I'm the lead.
1078
00:49:41,645 --> 00:49:42,669
You're the lead?
1079
00:49:42,746 --> 00:49:43,872
Gosh, that's beautiful.
1080
00:49:43,947 --> 00:49:45,881
- Well, one of the leads.
- Naturally.
1081
00:49:48,819 --> 00:49:51,481
This is dedicated to Laurel Canyon.
1082
00:49:54,524 --> 00:49:56,583
I have a growing obsession with you.
1083
00:49:59,696 --> 00:50:01,891
I have a growing obsession inside me.
1084
00:50:01,965 --> 00:50:03,432
I want to be with you.
1085
00:50:04,601 --> 00:50:06,967
It's like an involuntary muscle.
1086
00:50:07,037 --> 00:50:08,129
Flexed.
1087
00:50:08,205 --> 00:50:10,469
Engorged with its load.
1088
00:50:10,540 --> 00:50:11,564
It's got to explode!
1089
00:50:14,578 --> 00:50:17,843
Dreams are forever
in this game that we play.
1090
00:50:17,914 --> 00:50:20,712
I can't give you up.
You won't go away.
1091
00:50:21,885 --> 00:50:23,546
Is it fate?
1092
00:50:23,620 --> 00:50:27,112
It is I... Glenn.
1093
00:50:27,190 --> 00:50:29,021
I think it's a good time to get outta here.
1094
00:50:29,092 --> 00:50:32,323
The door, the door,
what's behind the door?
1095
00:50:32,396 --> 00:50:34,261
Behind the door, another door.
1096
00:50:34,331 --> 00:50:36,026
Behind the door, another door.
1097
00:50:43,373 --> 00:50:44,806
Behind the door!
1098
00:50:46,543 --> 00:50:47,908
Another door.
1099
00:50:49,546 --> 00:50:51,912
When a love burns this bright,
1100
00:50:51,982 --> 00:50:53,711
they call it starlight.
1101
00:50:54,785 --> 00:50:56,912
I have a growing
obsession inside me.
1102
00:51:10,300 --> 00:51:11,858
This is a little uncomfortable.
1103
00:51:11,935 --> 00:51:13,061
We should applaud here.
1104
00:51:13,136 --> 00:51:15,263
Yeah, fuck that. I'm outta here.
1105
00:51:20,477 --> 00:51:24,538
Obsessive-compulsive has
such a negative connotation to it,
1106
00:51:24,614 --> 00:51:26,605
when really we're the ones
who are willing to show
1107
00:51:26,683 --> 00:51:29,550
what human behavior is really like.
1108
00:51:31,021 --> 00:51:35,617
You know, all the ones that hide
their idiosyncratic eccentricities,
1109
00:51:35,692 --> 00:51:38,160
those are the ones to be afraid of,
1110
00:51:38,228 --> 00:51:40,696
'cause they're walking time bombs.
1111
00:51:40,764 --> 00:51:42,061
You liked it?
1112
00:51:43,800 --> 00:51:45,597
I didn't like it.
1113
00:51:45,669 --> 00:51:48,137
I didn't hate it.
1114
00:51:48,205 --> 00:51:50,139
I see your insanity.
1115
00:51:51,575 --> 00:51:53,475
I love it.
1116
00:51:55,879 --> 00:51:57,312
Prunsky?
1117
00:52:02,385 --> 00:52:05,513
The words that you spoke.
1118
00:52:05,589 --> 00:52:09,081
It was a very memorable moment.
1119
00:52:09,159 --> 00:52:11,218
- Thank you, Richie. Thank you.
- You're welcome.
1120
00:52:11,294 --> 00:52:13,194
You know, when I was 12,
1121
00:52:13,263 --> 00:52:16,755
I was in love with a girl my age.
1122
00:52:16,833 --> 00:52:19,893
I was awkward then.
1123
00:52:19,970 --> 00:52:23,531
Got so I couldn't speak to her at all.
1124
00:52:23,607 --> 00:52:26,906
So I got myself some chloroform,
a blanket, and some tape...
1125
00:52:26,977 --> 00:52:28,706
Um... Glen...
1126
00:52:29,679 --> 00:52:31,943
please don't tell me any more.
1127
00:52:32,015 --> 00:52:34,347
It could be incriminating.
1128
00:52:34,417 --> 00:52:35,782
Yes.
1129
00:52:36,887 --> 00:52:39,048
That looks like Mr. Teets.
1130
00:52:40,056 --> 00:52:42,820
It is Mr. Teets.
1131
00:52:42,893 --> 00:52:44,827
It's... And Marina.
1132
00:52:44,895 --> 00:52:48,160
Excuse me, sir.
Excuse me, sir.
1133
00:52:48,231 --> 00:52:49,357
Hello! Hello.
1134
00:52:49,432 --> 00:52:51,229
There's a woman in the car.
1135
00:52:51,301 --> 00:52:53,895
- You can't tow the car.
- I don't speak English.
1136
00:52:53,970 --> 00:52:54,902
What happened?
1137
00:52:54,971 --> 00:52:56,029
I don't speak English.
1138
00:52:56,106 --> 00:52:58,904
Mama, come.
Come. She's coming.
1139
00:52:58,975 --> 00:53:01,068
Come with me. You come.
1140
00:53:04,648 --> 00:53:06,616
Fresh handkerchief?
1141
00:53:06,683 --> 00:53:08,548
Thank you.
1142
00:53:08,618 --> 00:53:10,552
You're welcome.
1143
00:53:10,620 --> 00:53:12,383
It's okay. You can come in.
1144
00:53:12,455 --> 00:53:13,387
All right.
1145
00:53:13,990 --> 00:53:15,048
Hello.
1146
00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:20,124
- Can you put that away?
- Why?
1147
00:53:20,197 --> 00:53:23,098
'Cause I said I wanted to act,
not end up on the internet.
1148
00:53:23,166 --> 00:53:24,895
This is part of the movie.
1149
00:53:25,969 --> 00:53:27,903
Your personal movie, maybe.
1150
00:53:27,971 --> 00:53:30,769
All right. You could just drink it
straight out of the bottle.
1151
00:53:30,840 --> 00:53:32,364
- That's fine.
- Sick!
1152
00:53:32,442 --> 00:53:35,377
Don't watch me when I spit. You promise?
1153
00:53:35,445 --> 00:53:37,777
- Okay.
- I'm serious.
1154
00:53:37,847 --> 00:53:40,611
All right. I won't watch you when you spit.
1155
00:53:40,684 --> 00:53:42,345
You rinse and then...
1156
00:53:45,789 --> 00:53:46,949
That's really gross.
1157
00:53:47,023 --> 00:53:49,514
I know! I told you not to watch me.
1158
00:53:49,593 --> 00:53:51,322
That's nice.
1159
00:53:51,394 --> 00:53:56,127
You know, you're welcome to use my bed.
1160
00:53:56,199 --> 00:53:58,531
I won't be in it, of course.
1161
00:53:58,602 --> 00:54:00,399
I could sleep on the sofa.
1162
00:54:00,470 --> 00:54:02,404
I should get dressed.
1163
00:54:02,472 --> 00:54:04,337
Do you want to help me?
1164
00:54:05,442 --> 00:54:07,273
Just hold this like that.
1165
00:54:07,344 --> 00:54:09,039
Oh, hold it... Okay.
1166
00:54:10,280 --> 00:54:12,145
All right.
1167
00:54:12,215 --> 00:54:13,910
Okay, hold on.
1168
00:54:13,984 --> 00:54:16,646
Bottoms are on. Are you peeking?
1169
00:54:17,721 --> 00:54:20,189
- Me?
- Yeah.
1170
00:54:20,257 --> 00:54:23,283
Do you feel pretty steady there?
1171
00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:25,123
Oh, yeah.
1172
00:54:25,195 --> 00:54:26,492
All right.
1173
00:54:26,563 --> 00:54:28,292
You can drop it now.
1174
00:54:28,365 --> 00:54:30,333
Okay, on 3. 1, 2...
1175
00:54:35,238 --> 00:54:36,500
So...
1176
00:54:38,975 --> 00:54:40,670
What?
1177
00:54:40,744 --> 00:54:43,042
Well, here we are.
1178
00:54:43,113 --> 00:54:44,341
Yeah?
1179
00:54:46,082 --> 00:54:48,073
In my bathroom.
1180
00:54:48,151 --> 00:54:50,176
Richie, if you're gonna kiss me,
you should just kiss me.
1181
00:54:50,253 --> 00:54:51,277
Okay.
1182
00:55:02,899 --> 00:55:03,957
Okay.
1183
00:55:06,102 --> 00:55:07,729
Right.
1184
00:55:07,804 --> 00:55:09,965
Then that happened.
1185
00:55:10,040 --> 00:55:13,271
So I'm gonna go...
1186
00:55:13,343 --> 00:55:14,935
- sleep in my bed.
- Yeah.
1187
00:55:15,011 --> 00:55:18,412
And you're gonna go in your car.
1188
00:55:18,481 --> 00:55:20,949
Get into my Element.
1189
00:55:22,452 --> 00:55:26,582
- Okay. Good night.
- All right. Thanks for the shower.
1190
00:55:26,656 --> 00:55:28,453
- Thank you. Yes.
- Bye.
1191
00:55:33,663 --> 00:55:35,756
She's in her car in my driveway sleeping.
1192
00:55:37,434 --> 00:55:39,493
I'm gonna tell her the truth, man.
1193
00:55:39,569 --> 00:55:40,831
Yes.
1194
00:55:40,904 --> 00:55:42,428
What if I hurt her, you know?
1195
00:55:42,505 --> 00:55:45,565
I don't want to... If I tell her the
truth, she might freak out the other girls
1196
00:55:45,642 --> 00:55:47,837
And I don't wanna ruin
what's going on for you guys.
1197
00:55:47,911 --> 00:55:51,472
Oh, my God. Yes.
1198
00:55:51,548 --> 00:55:53,539
Oh, yeah. You like that?
1199
00:55:53,616 --> 00:55:55,914
Oh, just take it in. Do you like it?
1200
00:55:58,455 --> 00:55:59,752
It's just something I gotta tell you.
1201
00:55:59,823 --> 00:56:02,621
The casting agency,
it's more like, uh...
1202
00:56:02,692 --> 00:56:04,421
like a dating service thing.
1203
00:56:13,737 --> 00:56:15,568
Good morning!
1204
00:56:18,041 --> 00:56:20,339
Uh... Lenny... Richie...
1205
00:56:23,513 --> 00:56:25,845
Richie is the producer
of the film I'm working on.
1206
00:56:25,915 --> 00:56:27,883
Oh, right! Yeah. Hi.
1207
00:56:27,951 --> 00:56:30,283
I'm her boyfriend.
1208
00:56:33,523 --> 00:56:36,287
Oh, so this is what a producer does.
1209
00:56:44,434 --> 00:56:45,765
What are you doing?
1210
00:56:45,835 --> 00:56:48,065
That's it. I'm out.
1211
00:56:48,138 --> 00:56:49,867
What do you mean you're out? Hey! Come on!
1212
00:56:49,939 --> 00:56:52,066
We're having a little bit
too much fun here, Richie!
1213
00:56:52,142 --> 00:56:53,632
Listen, listen, listen!
1214
00:56:53,710 --> 00:56:56,770
This is making a big difference
in my life, Richie, okay?
1215
00:56:56,846 --> 00:56:58,871
Stopl Listenl
1216
00:56:58,948 --> 00:57:01,075
I already have a second
film lined up with thisl
1217
00:57:01,151 --> 00:57:03,142
Stopping this would be insanel
What are you doing?
1218
00:57:03,219 --> 00:57:06,245
No, the insane thing is that you're
just in it to get your jollies off.
1219
00:57:06,322 --> 00:57:10,053
You realize that you are always thinking
about your penis.
1220
00:57:10,126 --> 00:57:12,321
It's all about the penis
for you, isn't it?
1221
00:57:12,395 --> 00:57:13,987
There's a name for that disease.
1222
00:57:14,063 --> 00:57:16,759
It's called castration anxiety.
1223
00:57:16,833 --> 00:57:20,030
Oh, gosh, Sherman, I had no idea.
1224
00:57:20,103 --> 00:57:21,263
Listen, you're just, like...
1225
00:57:21,337 --> 00:57:23,328
You're just fired up by that guy Lenny.
1226
00:57:23,406 --> 00:57:24,896
Lenny is not the issue.
1227
00:57:24,974 --> 00:57:27,772
Lenny is a reminder that these girls
are only hanging out with us
1228
00:57:27,844 --> 00:57:29,209
because they think
we're making a movie
1229
00:57:29,279 --> 00:57:31,213
- We are making a moviel
- We not making a moviel
1230
00:57:31,281 --> 00:57:32,543
Can you hear yourself?
1231
00:57:32,615 --> 00:57:34,310
Come onl Don't you remember?
1232
00:57:34,384 --> 00:57:36,443
We started this so we could find girls who
were meaningful.
1233
00:57:36,519 --> 00:57:37,952
- Oh, meaningful. Come onl
- You know what?
1234
00:57:38,021 --> 00:57:41,047
Your sex-fest is over, jackass!
1235
00:57:43,726 --> 00:57:45,785
How are we gonna get
out of this mess, huh?
1236
00:57:45,862 --> 00:57:47,295
Sherman Oaks!
1237
00:57:47,363 --> 00:57:50,025
God's gonna punish us
for the things that we've done
1238
00:57:50,099 --> 00:57:51,760
when we least expect it.
1239
00:57:51,835 --> 00:57:53,530
God!
1240
00:57:53,603 --> 00:57:56,436
You know, I'm gonna
tell Marina the truth.
1241
00:57:56,506 --> 00:57:58,337
That's my choice.
1242
00:57:58,408 --> 00:58:01,377
And I suggest that you guys
do the same for your girls.
1243
00:58:01,444 --> 00:58:05,437
I like Laurel. I don't
want to tell her the truth.
1244
00:58:05,515 --> 00:58:08,416
Glenn...
1245
00:58:08,485 --> 00:58:11,318
it's time to grow up, man.
1246
00:58:11,387 --> 00:58:12,979
What am I talking about?
1247
00:58:13,056 --> 00:58:15,388
It's time for both of us to grow up.
1248
00:58:15,458 --> 00:58:17,358
It's a good script, Richie.
1249
00:58:21,130 --> 00:58:24,224
Okay, and take the rest of the money
and dump it in the Nikkei.
1250
00:58:24,300 --> 00:58:26,427
I feel a surge coming.
1251
00:58:26,503 --> 00:58:28,368
- We're all set.
- Okay. Thank you.
1252
00:58:28,438 --> 00:58:29,700
NASDAQ's dead.
1253
00:58:29,772 --> 00:58:31,239
Are you sure about this acting thing?
1254
00:58:31,307 --> 00:58:32,740
Are you still on the phone?
1255
00:58:32,809 --> 00:58:35,403
I am. I'm off, but he's on hold.
I'm on hold. You are...
1256
00:58:35,478 --> 00:58:38,413
Just take it out of your ear, okay?
1257
00:58:38,481 --> 00:58:40,108
Take it out!
1258
00:58:40,183 --> 00:58:42,674
You're never listening to me.
1259
00:58:42,752 --> 00:58:45,243
California is the Granola
State, you know that?
1260
00:58:45,321 --> 00:58:47,516
Fruits, nuts, and flakes.
You gotta be careful out here.
1261
00:58:47,590 --> 00:58:49,080
Here's where I'm staying.
1262
00:58:49,158 --> 00:58:51,126
You can have turned-down sheets
and nice pillows,
1263
00:58:51,194 --> 00:58:52,525
or you can sleep in the truck
1264
00:58:52,595 --> 00:58:54,290
and hand out your headshot
on Hollywood Boulevard.
1265
00:58:54,364 --> 00:58:55,797
I want you to think about that.
1266
00:58:55,865 --> 00:58:58,356
Teets?
1267
00:58:59,035 --> 00:59:00,832
Teezo!
1268
00:59:00,904 --> 00:59:02,496
What, are you claiming the bed already?
1269
00:59:02,572 --> 00:59:05,200
He's a cool guy, but let's get
to know him a little bit better
1270
00:59:05,275 --> 00:59:06,742
before you start moving in, okay?
1271
00:59:06,809 --> 00:59:07,969
Come on!
1272
00:59:10,146 --> 00:59:11,738
Come here!
1273
00:59:24,961 --> 00:59:27,259
Oh, sorry.
1274
00:59:27,330 --> 00:59:30,731
Hey, uh... what is this?
1275
00:59:30,800 --> 00:59:33,268
It's a internet dating service.
1276
00:59:33,336 --> 00:59:36,134
It's PerfectForMe. Com
1277
00:59:36,205 --> 00:59:41,199
Is... Is this part of
the audition process?
1278
00:59:41,277 --> 00:59:44,110
Am I... being filmed right now?
Is this a joke?
1279
00:59:44,180 --> 00:59:47,616
Okay. Um...
1280
00:59:47,684 --> 00:59:50,949
Look, the casting agency...
1281
00:59:51,020 --> 00:59:56,424
uh, was... was created in the hopes...
that we would find our... soul mates.
1282
00:59:56,492 --> 00:59:59,723
What?
1283
00:59:59,796 --> 01:00:03,129
The casting agency...
1284
01:00:03,199 --> 01:00:07,397
was created in the hopes
that we would find our soul mates.
1285
01:00:07,470 --> 01:00:11,031
So what you're saying is...
1286
01:00:11,107 --> 01:00:13,075
That the casting agency was created
1287
01:00:13,142 --> 01:00:15,133
in the hopes that we would
find our soul mates.
1288
01:00:15,211 --> 01:00:17,202
Oh, God.
1289
01:00:17,280 --> 01:00:18,474
What about the movie?
1290
01:00:18,548 --> 01:00:21,278
What movie?
1291
01:00:22,719 --> 01:00:25,552
I can't believe that I let myself like you!
1292
01:00:25,622 --> 01:00:28,022
I mean, all this time,
everything you said to me!
1293
01:00:28,091 --> 01:00:30,889
I trusted you! And everything...
1294
01:00:30,960 --> 01:00:33,292
I don't even know what to say!
1295
01:00:33,363 --> 01:00:35,490
I'm so shocked by this whole situation!
1296
01:00:35,565 --> 01:00:36,793
- I didn't think...
- Don't talk!
1297
01:00:36,866 --> 01:00:39,357
Just don't talk! L...
1298
01:00:39,435 --> 01:00:41,903
I don't know!
1299
01:00:41,971 --> 01:00:43,233
Can I talk now?
1300
01:00:49,278 --> 01:00:51,439
Thank you.
1301
01:00:51,514 --> 01:00:54,677
Look, Marina...
it's a mating call.
1302
01:00:54,751 --> 01:00:57,083
That's what it is. It's a mating call.
1303
01:00:57,153 --> 01:01:00,145
What? What are you talking about?
1304
01:01:00,223 --> 01:01:03,215
The casting call.
It was my mating call, you know?
1305
01:01:04,827 --> 01:01:06,226
Okay, you're crazy.
1306
01:01:06,295 --> 01:01:08,092
Yeah... No, I'm not cra...
1307
01:01:08,164 --> 01:01:09,461
I'm leaving. I'm leaving, okay?
1308
01:01:09,532 --> 01:01:11,557
- Bye!
- Bye.
1309
01:01:11,634 --> 01:01:14,364
...as an artistl
Hold onl Okay, wait, waitl
1310
01:01:31,020 --> 01:01:32,885
Marina, it's Nikita.
1311
01:01:32,955 --> 01:01:35,355
Okay, girls, I'm just gonna give it to you
straight, okay?
1312
01:01:35,425 --> 01:01:37,086
I'm not an actress.
1313
01:01:37,160 --> 01:01:39,060
I was assigned to investigate this case
1314
01:01:39,128 --> 01:01:42,222
because we got complaints
from some of the girls that came in
1315
01:01:42,298 --> 01:01:44,163
and auditioned for the guys.
1316
01:01:44,233 --> 01:01:48,101
"Complaints were filed against the
producers of the film Perfect For Me:
1317
01:01:48,171 --> 01:01:51,197
Richie Ray, Sherman Oaks,
and Glenn Dale. "
1318
01:01:51,274 --> 01:01:52,332
What?
1319
01:01:52,408 --> 01:01:53,670
"Actresses came in, auditioned,
1320
01:01:53,743 --> 01:01:55,335
"was invited to lunch,
was promised a part,
1321
01:01:55,411 --> 01:01:58,244
"got personally and intimately
involved with one of the guys.
1322
01:01:58,314 --> 01:02:01,249
"Then she was told
that because some financing fell through,
1323
01:02:01,317 --> 01:02:02,909
she was no longer in the film. "
1324
01:02:02,985 --> 01:02:04,452
And you're positive?
1325
01:02:04,520 --> 01:02:07,250
I mean, you're positive that these
are our guys from our movie?
1326
01:02:07,323 --> 01:02:10,190
If you look here,
the only "Perfect For Me" that exists
1327
01:02:10,259 --> 01:02:13,717
is a PerfectForMe. Com
internet dating service,
1328
01:02:13,796 --> 01:02:15,991
which I found on Dogpile. Com
1329
01:02:16,065 --> 01:02:18,590
I don't normally use the internet to date
'cause I don't need to.
1330
01:02:18,668 --> 01:02:20,260
I can't believe these guys!
1331
01:02:20,336 --> 01:02:21,735
And you'd be surprised.
1332
01:02:21,804 --> 01:02:23,567
This isn't the only time
things like this happen.
1333
01:02:23,639 --> 01:02:26,005
They happen all over the place,
all over the country.
1334
01:02:26,075 --> 01:02:28,305
Okay, so what do we do?
How do we get them back?
1335
01:02:28,377 --> 01:02:30,504
If you girls want in on this,
1336
01:02:30,580 --> 01:02:32,275
and you want to help me
with that, that's fine.
1337
01:02:32,348 --> 01:02:34,578
But I'm gonna bring these guys down.
1338
01:02:34,650 --> 01:02:35,742
You guys, I don't know.
1339
01:02:35,818 --> 01:02:37,251
I know a guy that breaks legs for cheap.
1340
01:02:37,320 --> 01:02:38,810
Well, good. We may need to hire him.
1341
01:02:38,888 --> 01:02:40,617
- I don't...
- Marina! You need to take care of yourself.
1342
01:02:40,690 --> 01:02:42,351
You're straight off the bus.
1343
01:02:42,425 --> 01:02:43,619
You don't know anything
about this business.
1344
01:02:43,693 --> 01:02:44,955
It's dirty and it's ugly.
1345
01:02:45,027 --> 01:02:46,824
I can't even believe
I was fooled by these guys.
1346
01:02:46,896 --> 01:02:48,295
Well, I can believe you were fooled by it.
1347
01:02:48,364 --> 01:02:50,889
- Are you in?
- I mean...
1348
01:02:50,967 --> 01:02:52,958
Marina, are you in?
1349
01:02:53,035 --> 01:02:54,696
I guess I am, yeah.
1350
01:02:54,771 --> 01:02:56,500
You guess you're in?
1351
01:02:56,572 --> 01:02:57,937
I'm in.
1352
01:02:58,007 --> 01:03:00,601
I mean, I'll do
what you need me to do.
1353
01:03:03,546 --> 01:03:05,605
- Power out.
- Fuck those guys.
1354
01:03:05,681 --> 01:03:09,310
Listen, Richie, the girls
just called, all right?
1355
01:03:09,385 --> 01:03:10,613
They want to rehearse.
1356
01:03:10,686 --> 01:03:12,381
I say we do it, man.
1357
01:03:12,455 --> 01:03:16,050
Oh, that's... that's
a fantastic idea, Sherman.
1358
01:03:16,125 --> 01:03:17,990
In fact, why do we need
to rehearse?
1359
01:03:18,060 --> 01:03:19,493
Why don't we just shoot the movie?
1360
01:03:19,562 --> 01:03:21,189
You know what? Hold on.
1361
01:03:21,264 --> 01:03:24,563
I'm getting a beep, okay?
I'll be... Hold on.
1362
01:03:24,634 --> 01:03:26,829
- Hello?
- Hi. It's Marina.
1363
01:03:30,740 --> 01:03:31,764
Marina...
1364
01:03:31,841 --> 01:03:34,241
Richie, look,
I get what you were saying.
1365
01:03:34,310 --> 01:03:36,005
I understand the whole
"mating call" thing.
1366
01:03:36,078 --> 01:03:38,979
I mean, it's a little crazy, but...
1367
01:03:39,048 --> 01:03:41,949
I get it. And, um...
1368
01:03:42,018 --> 01:03:43,451
I'm not gonna tell anybody about this.
1369
01:03:43,519 --> 01:03:44,986
I think we should just
keep it between us.
1370
01:03:45,054 --> 01:03:47,022
But seriously,
1371
01:03:47,089 --> 01:03:50,081
I think you should
make this movie, Richie.
1372
01:03:50,159 --> 01:03:51,990
I really think that you
have a great script.
1373
01:03:52,061 --> 01:03:53,187
You have a great cast.
1374
01:03:53,262 --> 01:03:56,060
We're dedicated, and you
have the money, so...
1375
01:03:56,132 --> 01:03:58,657
It's... It's a good script.
1376
01:03:58,734 --> 01:04:02,192
I really think you should consider it.
1377
01:04:02,271 --> 01:04:05,206
But, you know, as far as we go,
there's no hard feelings.
1378
01:04:05,274 --> 01:04:06,241
I'm not mad.
1379
01:04:06,309 --> 01:04:07,867
Really?
1380
01:04:07,944 --> 01:04:10,037
Yeah.
1381
01:04:10,112 --> 01:04:12,603
Can you... Can you hold on?
1382
01:04:14,183 --> 01:04:17,277
Sherman. Hey,
how does tomorrow sound?
1383
01:04:17,353 --> 01:04:19,947
Well? Did he fall for it?
1384
01:04:20,022 --> 01:04:21,717
I think so.
1385
01:04:21,791 --> 01:04:23,258
That wasn't half bad, that acting job.
1386
01:04:23,326 --> 01:04:25,794
"Tizzyanna, I love
the lettuce on your lips. "
1387
01:04:25,862 --> 01:04:28,092
"Don't try to confuse me.
Marcello is mine. "
1388
01:04:28,164 --> 01:04:29,188
Script is awesome.
1389
01:04:29,265 --> 01:04:30,994
What we really feel like it needs
1390
01:04:31,067 --> 01:04:34,696
is just some more steamy
kind of sexual stuff.
1391
01:04:34,770 --> 01:04:37,204
Yeah, I mean, it'll really
help sell the film, guys.
1392
01:04:37,273 --> 01:04:39,104
I mean, especially
in the foreign market.
1393
01:04:39,175 --> 01:04:41,234
And I'm totally open to nudity.
1394
01:04:41,310 --> 01:04:43,642
Yeah, we wanna do, like,
some hard-core stuff.
1395
01:04:43,713 --> 01:04:47,012
When do we start shooting?
1396
01:04:47,083 --> 01:04:49,278
I guess what we're trying to say
1397
01:04:49,352 --> 01:04:50,842
is that, you know, we understand
1398
01:04:50,920 --> 01:04:52,820
that there aren't really men in the film.
1399
01:04:52,889 --> 01:04:56,689
What would be great is
if we could maybe use you guys
1400
01:04:56,759 --> 01:04:57,953
to practice the sex on.
1401
01:05:00,029 --> 01:05:02,623
We want to have sex with you guys
and videotape it.
1402
01:05:04,634 --> 01:05:05,760
I...
1403
01:05:05,835 --> 01:05:08,395
Okay, wait, wait.
1404
01:05:08,471 --> 01:05:10,735
Why do you want to do that?
1405
01:05:10,806 --> 01:05:13,536
Richie, the girls have a great idea here.
1406
01:05:13,609 --> 01:05:14,576
I mean...
1407
01:05:14,644 --> 01:05:16,544
Well, we just, you know,
1408
01:05:16,612 --> 01:05:20,946
want to watch it back and make sure
that it's good and...
1409
01:05:21,017 --> 01:05:22,848
And then have more sex.
1410
01:05:22,919 --> 01:05:25,979
Right? And watch it
and practice harder
1411
01:05:26,055 --> 01:05:28,046
and harder and again and again.
1412
01:05:28,124 --> 01:05:30,319
Uh, with us?
1413
01:05:30,393 --> 01:05:31,792
Oh, yeah, Over and over.
1414
01:05:31,861 --> 01:05:34,887
Like, in and out, and, you know,
whatever you guys are into.
1415
01:05:34,964 --> 01:05:36,329
I'm open to lots of things.
1416
01:05:36,399 --> 01:05:38,663
I've had sex with a midget,
so I'm game.
1417
01:05:38,734 --> 01:05:39,826
That's fantastic.
1418
01:05:39,902 --> 01:05:42,336
It's really common on movies.
1419
01:05:42,405 --> 01:05:44,100
A lot of times they have sex counselors,
1420
01:05:44,173 --> 01:05:47,609
and you guys would be, like...
kind of like our sex, like...
1421
01:05:47,677 --> 01:05:49,008
- counselors.
- Mentors.
1422
01:05:49,078 --> 01:05:52,206
Yeah, so then when we shoot the film,
it'll be, like, amazing sex.
1423
01:05:52,281 --> 01:05:54,875
Some of the juiciest movies had really
memorable sex scenes.
1424
01:05:54,951 --> 01:05:57,181
I don't know if you guys
saw Fatal Attraction or...
1425
01:05:57,253 --> 01:05:59,016
Like Water For Chocolate.
1426
01:05:59,088 --> 01:06:01,079
- End Of The Affair.
- Good one. Good one.
1427
01:06:01,157 --> 01:06:02,988
- Last Tango In Paris.
- Deep Throat.
1428
01:06:03,059 --> 01:06:06,153
Platoon.
1429
01:06:07,596 --> 01:06:09,029
Agony And The Ecstasy.
1430
01:06:14,303 --> 01:06:16,100
- Can't wait.
- Okay, boys.
1431
01:06:16,172 --> 01:06:19,505
This is your room and your key,
and this is our room.
1432
01:06:19,575 --> 01:06:21,372
And you're not allowed
to come out of your room
1433
01:06:21,444 --> 01:06:23,605
until we come and get you, okay?
1434
01:06:23,679 --> 01:06:26,773
We're just gonna go in
and, uh... wash up.
1435
01:06:26,849 --> 01:06:30,307
Maybe we should wash
our genitals as well.
1436
01:06:30,386 --> 01:06:31,785
- Do that.
- Okay.
1437
01:06:31,854 --> 01:06:32,980
Let's go.
1438
01:06:34,924 --> 01:06:37,518
Marina.
1439
01:06:37,593 --> 01:06:39,720
Is this what you really want?
1440
01:06:41,630 --> 01:06:44,292
What are you talking about?
1441
01:06:44,367 --> 01:06:45,698
Marina, come on!
1442
01:06:57,646 --> 01:07:00,342
What do you think is
really going on here?
1443
01:07:00,416 --> 01:07:03,408
Richie, sometimes you just
gotta learn to follow, man.
1444
01:07:03,486 --> 01:07:05,181
Women, they like that.
1445
01:07:05,254 --> 01:07:07,779
Makes them feel like they're in control.
1446
01:07:07,857 --> 01:07:10,417
Sherman, they are in control.
1447
01:07:10,493 --> 01:07:12,791
There are no towels in here.
1448
01:07:17,867 --> 01:07:19,164
Hello?
1449
01:07:19,235 --> 01:07:22,932
Are you boys ready for us
to come over and rock your worlds?
1450
01:07:23,005 --> 01:07:26,099
All right. Listen, how are we doing this?
1451
01:07:26,175 --> 01:07:28,700
Are you girls coming in
one at a time or what?
1452
01:07:28,778 --> 01:07:30,177
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
1453
01:07:30,246 --> 01:07:32,544
We're gonna all come in
at the same time.
1454
01:07:32,615 --> 01:07:35,243
It's gonna be like a train.
1455
01:07:35,317 --> 01:07:37,342
I gotcha.
1456
01:07:37,420 --> 01:07:39,513
We're on! Take off your clothes!
1457
01:07:43,526 --> 01:07:45,926
They must never get laid.
1458
01:07:45,995 --> 01:07:47,553
Look at them. Never!
1459
01:07:47,630 --> 01:07:49,723
Because this is pathetic. This is so bad.
1460
01:07:49,799 --> 01:07:51,960
Are you taping this?
I want a copy of this.
1461
01:07:52,034 --> 01:07:55,333
Sherman, you can just take all three girls.
1462
01:07:55,404 --> 01:07:57,736
I can't do this.
1463
01:07:59,175 --> 01:08:00,665
I'll be thinking about you, Richie.
1464
01:08:00,743 --> 01:08:02,108
So which one was it?
1465
01:08:02,178 --> 01:08:05,147
Which one was what?
1466
01:08:06,882 --> 01:08:10,545
Which one of the guys was the one
that slept with that girl?
1467
01:08:10,619 --> 01:08:13,417
Why?
1468
01:08:13,489 --> 01:08:15,957
I don't know. I just...
1469
01:08:16,025 --> 01:08:17,117
curious, I guess.
1470
01:08:17,193 --> 01:08:18,182
It was Sherman.
It was Sherman...
1471
01:08:18,260 --> 01:08:21,354
the little fucking cocksucker, okay?
1472
01:08:22,498 --> 01:08:23,897
How do I look?
1473
01:08:23,966 --> 01:08:25,399
Sherman, you should know
1474
01:08:25,468 --> 01:08:27,732
nothing's gonna happen between us.
1475
01:08:27,803 --> 01:08:29,896
I know. Relax, man.
1476
01:08:32,675 --> 01:08:34,939
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
1477
01:08:37,213 --> 01:08:39,511
Come on in! It's open!
1478
01:08:40,516 --> 01:08:42,108
This where they're making a movie?
1479
01:08:42,184 --> 01:08:45,210
Uh, Yeah. We're making it
with girls, though.
1480
01:08:45,287 --> 01:08:47,312
We are girls!
1481
01:08:47,389 --> 01:08:49,152
Wrong room.
1482
01:08:49,225 --> 01:08:51,318
No, this looks like
the right room to me,
1483
01:08:51,393 --> 01:08:53,588
but, hey, I thought there
was gonna be three of them.
1484
01:08:53,662 --> 01:08:54,890
- Two will do.
- Oh, yeah.
1485
01:08:54,964 --> 01:08:56,864
Action!
1486
01:08:56,932 --> 01:08:58,422
- Oh, yeah!
- No! No!
1487
01:08:58,501 --> 01:09:00,901
- Let's go! Party, baby!
- No! Get off me!
1488
01:09:00,970 --> 01:09:04,462
No! No! No! No!
1489
01:09:08,811 --> 01:09:10,073
Cue the cops!
1490
01:09:13,549 --> 01:09:15,176
Police!
1491
01:09:18,988 --> 01:09:23,152
Freeze! Put the whip down
and step away from his ass!
1492
01:09:27,429 --> 01:09:28,691
I didn't do anything.
1493
01:09:28,764 --> 01:09:30,425
Jackpot.
1494
01:09:30,499 --> 01:09:32,057
- Come on.
- I didn't do anything.
1495
01:09:32,134 --> 01:09:33,692
- Let's go, buddy.
- What are you doing?
1496
01:09:33,769 --> 01:09:35,100
- Right out the door.
- I'm innocentl
1497
01:09:35,171 --> 01:09:36,160
Yeah, rightl
1498
01:09:40,910 --> 01:09:42,275
I'll never survive in here, man.
1499
01:09:42,344 --> 01:09:44,312
You got to protect me.
1500
01:09:44,380 --> 01:09:45,608
You're gonna love it here.
1501
01:09:45,681 --> 01:09:46,909
What are you talking about?
1502
01:09:46,982 --> 01:09:48,643
I'm in jail.
1503
01:09:48,717 --> 01:09:50,878
You're a big man. I'm a fragile man.
1504
01:09:50,953 --> 01:09:52,386
I'm gonna get eaten up here.
1505
01:09:52,454 --> 01:09:54,183
I'm gonna get eaten up alive in this place.
1506
01:09:54,256 --> 01:09:56,554
You like baseball?
1507
01:09:56,625 --> 01:09:57,614
What?
1508
01:09:57,693 --> 01:10:00,719
Baseball. You like baseball?
1509
01:10:00,796 --> 01:10:02,787
Yeah, I like baseball.
1510
01:10:02,865 --> 01:10:04,526
You're gonna love Mondays.
1511
01:10:04,600 --> 01:10:07,933
We play baseball
all day long on Mondays.
1512
01:10:08,003 --> 01:10:09,129
That's cool.
1513
01:10:09,205 --> 01:10:11,935
- You like bowling?
- What?
1514
01:10:12,007 --> 01:10:13,998
Yeah. Yeah, I love bowling.
1515
01:10:14,076 --> 01:10:15,304
You're gonna love Tuesdays.
1516
01:10:15,377 --> 01:10:17,174
We bowl all day long on Tuesdays.
1517
01:10:17,246 --> 01:10:19,578
With the female inmates, too!
1518
01:10:19,648 --> 01:10:21,582
- Really?
- Yeah.
1519
01:10:21,650 --> 01:10:23,880
That's cool. That's good.
1520
01:10:23,953 --> 01:10:25,443
- Tell me something.
- What?
1521
01:10:25,521 --> 01:10:27,648
- You like sucking dick?
- What? No!
1522
01:10:27,723 --> 01:10:29,418
- You like getting rammed up the butt?
- No!
1523
01:10:29,491 --> 01:10:31,118
Of course not! God!
1524
01:10:31,193 --> 01:10:33,627
You're gonna hate Wednesdays.
1525
01:10:52,615 --> 01:10:53,809
Let's have a little quiet.
1526
01:10:53,882 --> 01:10:56,442
I have reviewed
the testimony at hand.
1527
01:10:56,518 --> 01:11:00,750
I must inform you all
that under California law
1528
01:11:00,823 --> 01:11:03,951
the maximum penalty
for this crime of fraud
1529
01:11:04,026 --> 01:11:07,325
is 10 to 15 years' imprisonment
1530
01:11:07,396 --> 01:11:10,456
and a fine of up to $250,000
1531
01:11:10,532 --> 01:11:13,160
with no possibility for parole.
1532
01:11:14,770 --> 01:11:16,067
We need to buy some time.
1533
01:11:19,541 --> 01:11:20,838
Uh, Your Honor, may I...
1534
01:11:20,909 --> 01:11:22,240
Yes, you may.
1535
01:11:22,311 --> 01:11:26,304
I'd like to request a 24-hour stay
1536
01:11:26,382 --> 01:11:29,010
so that my clients
may prevent evidence...
1537
01:11:29,084 --> 01:11:30,813
Present or prevent?
1538
01:11:30,886 --> 01:11:32,478
Forgive me. Let me correct myself.
1539
01:11:32,554 --> 01:11:36,012
So my clients may present evidence
to support the fact
1540
01:11:36,091 --> 01:11:39,959
that they indeed had every
intention of making a movie.
1541
01:11:40,029 --> 01:11:41,462
Objection, Your Honor.
1542
01:11:41,530 --> 01:11:43,589
The defendants have
demonstrated malice
1543
01:11:43,666 --> 01:11:45,998
and fraudulent intent with cause,
1544
01:11:46,068 --> 01:11:48,366
and I move to impose
a summary sentence...
1545
01:11:48,437 --> 01:11:50,166
Your Honor, summary sentence?
1546
01:11:50,239 --> 01:11:53,367
Are we in some foreign country
here, Your Honor?
1547
01:11:53,442 --> 01:11:56,775
I had to wait an hour and a half for you
to spit out what you just said!
1548
01:11:56,845 --> 01:11:59,370
Quiet in Mendel's court!
1549
01:11:59,448 --> 01:12:01,541
Solomon Mendel does not stand
for this kind of noise!
1550
01:12:01,617 --> 01:12:03,084
Don't interrupt the judge!
1551
01:12:03,152 --> 01:12:04,414
I apologize for... I apologize...
1552
01:12:04,486 --> 01:12:05,646
Are you a wise guy?
1553
01:12:05,721 --> 01:12:07,154
- Me?
- Yeah, you.
1554
01:12:07,222 --> 01:12:08,189
No.
1555
01:12:08,257 --> 01:12:10,157
You seem to be a wise guy, Mr. D.A.
1556
01:12:10,225 --> 01:12:11,954
Don't be wise with me.
1557
01:12:12,027 --> 01:12:12,994
Thank you, Your Honor.
1558
01:12:13,062 --> 01:12:13,926
You're very welcome.
1559
01:12:13,996 --> 01:12:16,521
Bail will be set at $10,000 each.
1560
01:12:16,598 --> 01:12:18,259
It's not negotiable,
1561
01:12:18,334 --> 01:12:20,268
so don't ask me if I want
to be in your movie.
1562
01:12:20,336 --> 01:12:23,567
Defendants will have 24 hours
in which to present evidence to this court
1563
01:12:23,639 --> 01:12:26,039
until we reconvene
here tomorrow at 9 A. M.
1564
01:12:26,108 --> 01:12:28,042
And I mean sharp!
1565
01:12:28,110 --> 01:12:29,634
I don't want 5 after 9.
1566
01:12:29,712 --> 01:12:30,906
I don't want 10 after 9.
1567
01:12:30,979 --> 01:12:33,914
If you're gonna have your oatmeal,
have it at 8:00 in the morning.
1568
01:12:33,982 --> 01:12:36,109
Get here before 9.
You understand that?
1569
01:12:36,185 --> 01:12:37,482
9 A. M. It is, Your Honor.
1570
01:12:37,553 --> 01:12:38,713
5 to 9 is even better.
1571
01:12:38,787 --> 01:12:41,255
Your Honor, I can explain tomorrow.
1572
01:12:41,323 --> 01:12:42,756
It'll all be clear tomorrow.
1573
01:12:42,825 --> 01:12:45,020
You don't have to apologize,
just lose a couple of pounds.
1574
01:12:45,094 --> 01:12:48,530
Let's go, ladies.
Back to the day spa.
1575
01:12:48,597 --> 01:12:50,121
Sorry. This is all my fault, guys.
1576
01:12:50,199 --> 01:12:52,599
- I came clean with Marina. I'm sorry.
- Let's go!
1577
01:12:52,668 --> 01:12:55,136
I'm sorry.
1578
01:12:59,908 --> 01:13:02,069
You better come up with something
by tomorrow, Mr. Rey,
1579
01:13:02,144 --> 01:13:03,270
or we are gonna go down.
1580
01:13:03,345 --> 01:13:05,472
Not me. You. You guys are
gonna go down big-time.
1581
01:13:44,086 --> 01:13:46,054
I've got JVC flat screensl
1582
01:13:46,121 --> 01:13:47,952
I've got Pioneer Pure Visionl
1583
01:13:48,023 --> 01:13:49,888
I have flat screensl
1584
01:13:53,796 --> 01:13:55,263
Policel
1585
01:13:57,533 --> 01:14:01,196
Perfect. My life is a reality show.
1586
01:14:14,483 --> 01:14:21,514
All rise for the honorable
Judge Solomon Mendel.
1587
01:14:21,590 --> 01:14:24,616
Good morning. Morning.
1588
01:14:24,693 --> 01:14:28,493
Sorry I'm late.
My hybrid wouldn't start.
1589
01:14:28,564 --> 01:14:30,691
It's a pain in the neck. It's a good car.
1590
01:14:30,766 --> 01:14:31,892
I'm getting good mileage.
1591
01:14:31,967 --> 01:14:34,401
It's my wife's car.
1592
01:14:34,470 --> 01:14:35,801
Had some problems with it.
1593
01:14:35,871 --> 01:14:37,862
It usually goes like that.
1594
01:14:37,940 --> 01:14:39,805
I'm getting 40 miles to the gallon.
1595
01:14:39,875 --> 01:14:41,843
It's a great car. Great car.
1596
01:14:41,910 --> 01:14:44,276
If they'll ever end this Iraqi thing,
1597
01:14:44,346 --> 01:14:46,405
maybe I'll get something
other than this car.
1598
01:14:46,482 --> 01:14:47,779
But I still like the car. Anyway...
1599
01:14:47,850 --> 01:14:49,681
Mr. Public Defender,
1600
01:14:49,751 --> 01:14:52,549
are your clients ready
to present their evidence?
1601
01:14:52,621 --> 01:14:53,815
Where is he?
1602
01:14:53,889 --> 01:14:56,790
Uh, yes. Your Honor, at this time,
1603
01:14:56,859 --> 01:14:58,292
I would like to, um...
1604
01:14:58,360 --> 01:15:01,420
I would like to request
a 15-minute recess.
1605
01:15:01,497 --> 01:15:02,862
15 minutes? We just got here!
1606
01:15:02,931 --> 01:15:04,228
Objection, Your Honor.
1607
01:15:04,299 --> 01:15:05,630
He's starting this all over again!
1608
01:15:05,701 --> 01:15:07,100
Your case is that you have no case!
1609
01:15:07,169 --> 01:15:08,796
Sustained!
1610
01:15:08,871 --> 01:15:10,065
Do you hear? Are you deaf?
1611
01:15:10,138 --> 01:15:11,730
- Sorry, Your Honor.
- All right?
1612
01:15:11,807 --> 01:15:16,471
I see no other way to go here
but to proceed forth with a verdict.
1613
01:15:18,146 --> 01:15:25,279
In the case of California vs.
The Producers of Perfect For Me,
1614
01:15:25,354 --> 01:15:28,448
I find the defendants guilty as charged.
1615
01:15:29,925 --> 01:15:32,052
Wait, wait, wait a second.
1616
01:15:33,195 --> 01:15:34,184
Excuse me.
1617
01:15:36,098 --> 01:15:37,360
Sorry.
1618
01:15:37,432 --> 01:15:39,593
What's going on? What's this?
1619
01:15:39,668 --> 01:15:42,432
I hope this outburst has something
to do with your defense!
1620
01:15:42,504 --> 01:15:44,335
Yes, it does, Your Honor.
Yes, it does.
1621
01:15:44,406 --> 01:15:48,570
At this point, I would like to
submit to the court Exhibit A.
1622
01:15:48,644 --> 01:15:50,305
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
1623
01:15:50,379 --> 01:15:51,710
Is that a flat screen?
1624
01:15:51,780 --> 01:15:55,910
Yeah, this is a flat screen
JVC, 1500 pixel 32-inch
1625
01:15:55,984 --> 01:15:57,576
with hi-def upgradeable.
1626
01:15:57,653 --> 01:15:59,348
I was thinking of getting one.
1627
01:15:59,421 --> 01:16:00,445
- Go ahead. Proceed.
- Good, Your Honor.
1628
01:16:00,522 --> 01:16:01,853
It's a fantastic set.
1629
01:16:01,924 --> 01:16:03,482
Your Honor, we'd like to show a tape.
1630
01:16:03,559 --> 01:16:05,083
This is highly irregular, Your Honor.
1631
01:16:05,160 --> 01:16:06,855
I know it's irregular, but let's get to it.
1632
01:16:06,929 --> 01:16:08,328
Your Honor, we'd like to show a tape
1633
01:16:08,397 --> 01:16:11,025
which will, I believe,
exonerate my defendants.
1634
01:16:11,099 --> 01:16:12,566
I believe it will, Your Honor.
1635
01:16:12,634 --> 01:16:14,534
Mr. Rey, please show the tape.
1636
01:16:23,745 --> 01:16:27,340
The final cast was selected
based upon their overall qualities
1637
01:16:27,416 --> 01:16:30,783
that set them apart
from everyone else that we auditioned.
1638
01:16:30,852 --> 01:16:33,150
I do remember my first audition.
1639
01:16:33,221 --> 01:16:36,349
I was, um... I think I was 5,
1640
01:16:36,425 --> 01:16:39,792
and it was for, um,
Coppertone suntan oil.
1641
01:16:39,861 --> 01:16:41,419
Well, I just went to Manhattan
1642
01:16:41,496 --> 01:16:42,690
'cause I lived in Jersey,
1643
01:16:42,764 --> 01:16:45,824
and, um, I got a job on a cruise ship
for six months in the Caribbean.
1644
01:16:45,901 --> 01:16:47,425
They said, "Get down
in your bathing suits. "
1645
01:16:47,502 --> 01:16:50,335
And I was like, "Oh, my God.
I don't have a bathing suit on. "
1646
01:16:50,405 --> 01:16:51,929
And I was, like, "I'm perfect for this. "
1647
01:16:52,007 --> 01:16:53,941
'Cause I was tanned,
always at the beach, and...
1648
01:16:54,009 --> 01:16:56,068
Yeah, I just stripped down
and got down in my undies.
1649
01:16:56,144 --> 01:16:59,375
Every day is an audition for me, so...
1650
01:16:59,448 --> 01:17:01,313
I had to strip. I started very early.
1651
01:17:01,383 --> 01:17:04,443
So I danced on a cruise
ship, and I got so fat
1652
01:17:04,519 --> 01:17:06,919
because I only danced two days a week,
on Tuesday and Friday.
1653
01:17:06,989 --> 01:17:08,513
Rolls hanging out.
1654
01:17:08,590 --> 01:17:11,684
And after, like, five months,
they fired me 'cause I got too fat.
1655
01:17:11,760 --> 01:17:15,526
I did Tony n' Tina's Wedding
off-Broadway.
1656
01:17:15,597 --> 01:17:16,825
It was very cool.
1657
01:17:16,898 --> 01:17:19,025
That was my first official show.
1658
01:17:19,101 --> 01:17:23,868
And I decided to go, um,
in roller skates
1659
01:17:23,939 --> 01:17:25,566
because I wanted to go very different.
1660
01:17:25,641 --> 01:17:26,903
I was so excited.
1661
01:17:26,975 --> 01:17:29,273
I was like, "This is it. This is it. "
1662
01:17:29,344 --> 01:17:31,744
I went, "This is it?"
1663
01:17:31,813 --> 01:17:33,474
I was like...
1664
01:17:33,548 --> 01:17:35,880
I was just like this big, fat, porky dancer.
1665
01:17:35,951 --> 01:17:38,579
And this beautiful blonde,
like, came on the ship,
1666
01:17:38,654 --> 01:17:40,884
and they literally, like, threw me off.
1667
01:17:40,956 --> 01:17:42,287
I promise I won't bite you.
1668
01:17:42,357 --> 01:17:43,619
I'm just gonna grab you like this,
1669
01:17:43,692 --> 01:17:45,421
and we're gonna go for
a little bit of a roll.
1670
01:17:45,494 --> 01:17:49,760
I want a man who I can treat
like the king that he is.
1671
01:17:49,831 --> 01:17:53,130
Ohl Give it to mel Give it to me, babyl
1672
01:17:54,970 --> 01:17:57,905
I got, like, a revelation from God
when I was a little girl,
1673
01:17:57,973 --> 01:18:00,703
and it said, "You are
meant to be a star. "
1674
01:18:00,776 --> 01:18:03,108
They were funny.
1675
01:18:03,178 --> 01:18:07,274
They were beautiful, talented,
and smart and soulful.
1676
01:18:07,349 --> 01:18:11,445
They were perfect.
It's just like the ad says.
1677
01:18:26,168 --> 01:18:27,635
On behalf of the boys,
1678
01:18:27,703 --> 01:18:31,605
I would like to apologize to
Marina and Laurel and Nikita
1679
01:18:31,673 --> 01:18:34,403
for not being able to let
you in on the secret
1680
01:18:34,476 --> 01:18:36,842
that we were shooting a reality show
1681
01:18:36,912 --> 01:18:39,608
and that the casting agency
was not real.
1682
01:18:44,619 --> 01:18:46,450
What is this, The English Patient?
1683
01:18:46,521 --> 01:18:48,785
With this new evidence,
1684
01:18:48,857 --> 01:18:51,758
I move that we find my defendants
not guilty, Your Honor.
1685
01:18:51,827 --> 01:18:53,795
This is ridiculous, Your Honor.
1686
01:18:53,862 --> 01:18:56,854
It's possible. I'm pondering this.
1687
01:18:57,866 --> 01:19:02,599
In light of the new evidence,
I find the defendants...
1688
01:19:02,671 --> 01:19:04,195
not guilty as charged.
1689
01:19:17,953 --> 01:19:19,511
Curiosity, rubber neck,
1690
01:19:19,588 --> 01:19:21,852
freak-show thing I'm
experimenting with here.
1691
01:19:21,923 --> 01:19:23,754
Well, hello there.
1692
01:19:23,825 --> 01:19:26,293
I'm Melanie, and I'm from Texas.
1693
01:19:26,361 --> 01:19:29,125
I have a beautiful sister and...
1694
01:19:29,197 --> 01:19:30,494
we can all three go out.
1695
01:19:30,565 --> 01:19:32,897
Wow. I gotta tell you
I am, like, so happy
1696
01:19:32,968 --> 01:19:34,560
that you finally emailed me.
1697
01:19:34,636 --> 01:19:38,231
I totally had a feeling today
that you were gonna definitely email me.
1698
01:19:38,306 --> 01:19:41,070
Sometimes I'm psychic.
I mean, it's scary.
1699
01:19:41,143 --> 01:19:43,873
So I got your picture.
You are totally hot.
1700
01:19:54,322 --> 01:19:56,313
What are you doing here, Richie?
1701
01:19:56,391 --> 01:19:59,224
Hey, Mr. Teets.
1702
01:19:59,294 --> 01:20:00,625
I screwed up big-time.
1703
01:20:00,695 --> 01:20:03,459
You forgive me, though,
don't you? Yeah.
1704
01:20:03,532 --> 01:20:05,500
Your mommy got her revenge.
1705
01:20:05,567 --> 01:20:10,766
But you tell your mommy
that I'm sorry and that I miss her.
1706
01:20:14,242 --> 01:20:15,971
How could you do that?
1707
01:20:16,044 --> 01:20:17,909
I was just talking to Mr. Teets.
1708
01:20:17,979 --> 01:20:19,537
No, I'm not talking about that.
1709
01:20:19,614 --> 01:20:22,082
I'm not talking about all of
the reality-show bullshit.
1710
01:20:22,150 --> 01:20:24,050
Marina, don't you understand?
1711
01:20:24,119 --> 01:20:25,984
You're the one that I've been looking for.
1712
01:20:26,054 --> 01:20:27,351
Someone... like you.
1713
01:20:27,422 --> 01:20:28,582
Not someone like you. You!
1714
01:20:28,657 --> 01:20:32,115
What do I have to do,
produce another movie?
1715
01:20:32,194 --> 01:20:34,185
Hey! Look who's here! Cecil B. DeMille.
1716
01:20:34,262 --> 01:20:35,889
Where's the food plate?
1717
01:20:35,964 --> 01:20:38,558
By the way, when's that
movie coming out? 3 to 5?
1718
01:20:38,633 --> 01:20:39,895
That's what I thought.
1719
01:20:39,968 --> 01:20:42,459
Good boy, Mr. Teets.
That's a good boy.
1720
01:20:42,537 --> 01:20:44,869
Give me a kiss.
1721
01:20:44,940 --> 01:20:48,171
All right. Time to break him free.
1722
01:21:02,157 --> 01:21:04,648
Your bags...
1723
01:21:04,726 --> 01:21:07,320
Yeah, I'm not going anywhere.
1724
01:21:07,395 --> 01:21:10,694
I don't need a man in my life
just to follow my dreams, Richie.
1725
01:21:14,069 --> 01:21:15,969
Okay.
1726
01:21:23,745 --> 01:21:25,770
You give up so easily.
1727
01:21:25,847 --> 01:21:28,645
You're not even gonna,
like, try to fight for me?
1728
01:21:28,717 --> 01:21:31,447
Convince me? Maybe...
1729
01:21:31,519 --> 01:21:33,817
flowers would be nice.
1730
01:21:33,889 --> 01:21:36,221
Unless chivalry is completely dead to you
1731
01:21:36,291 --> 01:21:38,418
and you just don't believe
in that type of thing.
1732
01:21:38,493 --> 01:21:40,324
That's fine.
1733
01:21:40,395 --> 01:21:43,592
I mean, clearly, I'm not
the girl of your dreams.
1734
01:21:43,665 --> 01:21:46,065
Clearly that you wanna
keep looking, I guess.
1735
01:21:46,134 --> 01:21:47,829
You're right. I do want to keep looking.
1736
01:21:47,903 --> 01:21:50,770
I guess there are other people out there
that might be perfect for you.
1737
01:21:59,881 --> 01:22:02,213
I'll take that as a no?
1738
01:22:18,800 --> 01:22:20,927
Next.
1739
01:22:21,002 --> 01:22:22,993
Hello.
1740
01:22:23,071 --> 01:22:25,266
Next.
1741
01:22:25,340 --> 01:22:26,671
No, thank you.
1742
01:22:28,610 --> 01:22:31,010
Next.
1743
01:22:34,149 --> 01:22:37,482
Hello. I'm Nikita. I'm the producer.
1744
01:22:37,552 --> 01:22:38,541
Nice to meet you.
1745
01:22:38,620 --> 01:22:39,552
How old are you?
1746
01:22:39,621 --> 01:22:41,282
- 25.
- Perfect.
1747
01:22:41,356 --> 01:22:43,688
Would you mind just
spinning around for me?
1748
01:22:43,758 --> 01:22:46,192
The project's called Fresh Meat.
1749
01:22:51,132 --> 01:22:53,191
Azione.
1750
01:22:53,268 --> 01:22:55,532
Sola. Sola.
1751
01:22:55,603 --> 01:22:57,503
Sempre sola.
1752
01:22:58,740 --> 01:23:00,799
Stop.
1753
01:23:06,147 --> 01:23:07,842
Okay, I think we're gonna use that take.
1754
01:23:07,916 --> 01:23:10,350
That was really... That was the one.
1755
01:23:20,462 --> 01:23:22,259
- He didn't like it?
- No, no, no.
1756
01:23:22,330 --> 01:23:24,628
It's perfect. Don't worry.
1757
01:23:24,699 --> 01:23:26,599
- Perfect.
- You sure? I can do it again.
1758
01:23:31,473 --> 01:23:33,202
I've been diagnosed.
1759
01:23:35,243 --> 01:23:38,337
Um, I'm a sex addict.
1760
01:23:38,413 --> 01:23:40,745
I mean, don't...
don't tell anybody about it, please.
1761
01:23:40,815 --> 01:23:42,112
Just 'cause I'm...
1762
01:23:42,183 --> 01:23:44,344
I'm, really, you know,
shy about that, actually.
1763
01:23:44,419 --> 01:23:45,909
- A sex addict?
- Yeah.
1764
01:23:45,987 --> 01:23:47,420
That's funny. Next thing
you're gonna tell me
1765
01:23:47,489 --> 01:23:49,286
that you're starting a therapy group
1766
01:23:49,357 --> 01:23:52,849
so you can meet girls
who are also sex addicts.
1767
01:23:57,032 --> 01:23:58,465
That's a great idea.
1768
01:26:55,243 --> 01:26:58,235
Subtitled By J.R. Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA
1769
01:26:59,235 --> 01:27:09,235
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