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RED vs. BLUE
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SEASON ONE
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Hey.
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Yeah?
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You ever wonder why we're here?
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It's one of life's great
mysteries, isn't it.
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Why are we here?
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I mean, are we the product of...
some cosmic coincidence or, is
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there really a God...
watching everything? You know, with a plan
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for us and stuff. I don't know
man, but it keeps me up at night.
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...
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...
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What? I meant why are we
out here, in this canyon?
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Oh, uh... yeah.
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What was all that stuff about God?
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Uh... hm? Nothing.
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You wanna talk about it?
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No
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You sure?
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Yeah.
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Seriously though, why are we out here?
Far as I can tell, it's
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just a box canyon in the middle of
nowhere, with no way in or out.
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Mhm.
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And the only reason that
we set up a red base here,
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is because they have a
blue base over there.
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And the only reason they
have a blue base over
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there is because we
have a red base here.
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Yeah, that's because we're
fighting each other.
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No no, but I mean, even if we were to pull
out today, and they were to come take our
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base, they would have
two bases in the
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middle of a box canyon.
Whoop de fucking do!
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What's up with that anyway?
I mean, I signed on to fight
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some aliens. Next thing I
know Master Chief blows
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up the whole Covenant armada,
and I'm stuck in the
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middle of nowhere, fighting
a bunch of blue guys.
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What're they doing?
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What?
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I said what're they doing now?
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God damn, I'm getting so sick
of answering that question!
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Hey you have the fucking rifle, I
can't see shit. Don't bitch at
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me because I'm not going to just
sit up here and play with my dick
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Okay, okay look: They're just
standing there, and talking, okay?
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That's all they're doing.
That's all
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they ever do, is just stand
there and talk.
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That's what they were doing last
week, that's what they
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were doing when you asked
me five minutes ago.
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So five minutes from now, when
you ask me "What're they
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doing?" my answer's gonna
be "They're still just
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talking, and they're still
just standing there!"
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...What're they talking about?
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You know what?
I fucking hate you.
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Talk about a waste of resources.
I mean, we should be out there
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finding new and intelligent forms of life.
You know, fight them.
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Yeah, no shit. That's why
they should put us in charge.
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Ladies!
Front and center, on the double!
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Fuck
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Yes sir!
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Hurry up ladies, this ain't
no ice cream social!
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Ice cream social?
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Stop the pillow-talk you two. Anyone want
to guess, why I gathered you here, today?
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Um, is it because the war's over
and you're sending us home?
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That's exactly it, private.
War's over. We won.
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Turns out you're the big
hero, and we're gonna
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hold a parade in your honor.
I get to drive the
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float, and Simmons here,
is in charge of CONFETTI
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I'm no stranger to sarcasm, sir.
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God dammit private, shut
your mouth or else I'll
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have Simmons slit your
throat while you're asleep!
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Oh, I'd do it too.
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I know you would Simmons... good man.
Couple of things today, ladies:
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Command has seen fit to increase our ranks
here at Blood Gulch Outpost Number 1.
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Crap, we're getting a rookie.
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That's right dead man. Our new recruit will
be here within the week. But today, we
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received the first part of
our shipment from Command.
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Lopez...
bring up the vehicle.
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Shotgun!
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Shotgun!
Fuck!
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May I introduce, our new light
reconnaissance vehicle. It has
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four inch armor plating, maaag
buffer suspension, a mounted
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machine gunner position, and
total seating for three.
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Gentlemen, this is the M12-LRV!
I like to call it the Warthog.
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Why 'Warthog' sir?
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Because M12-LRV is too hard
to say in conversation, son.
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No, but... why 'Warthog'?
I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig...
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Say that again?
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I think it looks more like a puma.
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What in sam hell is a puma?
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Uh... you mean like the shoe company?
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No, like a puma. It's a big cat.
Like a lion.
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You're making that up.
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I'm telling you, it's a real animal!
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Simmons, I want you to
poison Grif's next meal.
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Yes sir!
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Look, see these two tow hooks?
They look like tusks.
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And what kind of
animal has tusks?
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A walrus.
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Didn't I just tell you to
stop making up animals?
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What is that thing?
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I don't know, but it looks like uh...
looks like they got some
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kinda car down there. We'd better
get back to base and report it.
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A car?
How come they get a car?
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What are you complaining about man? We're
about to get a tank in the very next drop.
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You can't pick up chicks in a tank.
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Oh, you know what, you could bitch
about anything, couldn't you.
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We're gonna get a tank, and
you're worried about chicks.
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What chicks are we gonna pick up man!?
For in.., and secondly, how
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are we gonna pick up chicks in
a car that looks like that?
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Well what kind of car is it?
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I don't know, I've never seen
a car that looks like that
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before, it looks like a uh...
like a big cat of some kind.
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...what, like a puma?
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Yeah man, there ya go.
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So unless anybody else has any more
mythical creatures to suggest as a name
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for the new vehicle, we're gonna stick
with 'the Warthog'. How about it Grif?
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No sir, no more suggestions.
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Are you sure?
How 'bout Bigfoot?
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That's okay.
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Unicorn?
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No really, I'm... I'm cool.
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Sasquatch?
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Leprechaun?
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Hey, he doesn't need any help man...
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Phoenix!
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Huh... Christ.
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Hey Simmons, what's the name of that
Mexican lizard, eats all the goats?
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Uh, that would be the Chupacabra, sir!
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Hey Grif! Chupathingie, how 'bout that?
I like it! Got a ring to it...
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Hey that's not exactly what happened.
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Yes it is. You said "I'm not going
to the Vegas Quadrant," and
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then the next thing I know you're
in an escape pod headed for-
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Excuse me uh, sirs.
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Sirs?
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Ah crap.
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I was told to report
to Blood Gulch Outpost
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Number One and speak to
whoever's in charge?
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Sorry man, Sarge is at
Command getting orders.
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Ain't nobody in charge today.
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Actually private, he left me
in charge while he's gone.
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You are such a kiss-ass.
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Also, he told me if I had any trouble
from you I should...
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"Git in the Warthog, 'nd
crush yer head like a tomato-can."
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That's the worst impression
I've ever heard.
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Okay rookie, what's your story?
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Private Donut reporting for duty, sir.
I'm ready to fight some aliens.
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Couple things here, rookie. First
off, private Donut? I think
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somebody needs a new nickname.
Secondly, what's with the armor color?
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This is the standard issue red.
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Yeah, I know. Listen.
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Only two kinds of people wear standard issue armor:
officers and recruits.
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And since you're not threatening to gut me
like a fish, you're probably not an officer.
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Well, he's wearing red armor...
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No, my armor is maroon. Your armor is red.
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Well, how do I get a different color armor?
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I bet the blues don't have to
put up with this kind of crap.
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So I say to the guy, "how're
you gonna get the tank down to
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the planet?" And he goes, "I'll
just put it on the ship"
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and I go, "if you've got a
ship that can carry a tank,
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why not just put guns on the
ship and use it instead?"
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Hey kid.
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You're ruining the moment. Shut up.
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Oh. Okay. You got it man!
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You know what? I could blow up the
whole God damn world with this thing.
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Okay, Private Donut, here's the deal.
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I just refuse to call him Private Donut!
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We've got a very important mission for you.
You think you can handle it?
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Absolutely!
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We need you to go to the store, and
get two quarts of Elbow Grease.
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Yeah and um, pick up some
Headlight Fluid for the Puma too.
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The what?
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He means the Warthog.
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You do know where the
store is, right rookie?
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What? Yeah, yeah, of course I do.
Sure, no problem.
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Well, get going then.
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Other way.
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I knew that. Just, got
turned around, that's all.
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How long do you think until he
figures out there's no store?
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I say, at least a week.
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Elbow Grease, how stupid do they think I am?
Once I get back to
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base with that Headlight Fluid,
I'm gonna talk to the Sargeant.
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You know what? Forget what I said before.
We can definitely pick
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up chicks in this thing. Probably
two or three chicks a piece.
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Oh man, listen to you. What're
you gonna do with two chicks?
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Church, women are like Voltron. The more
you can hook up, the better it gets.
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You think that we were too mean to the kid?
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Nah, he'll just wander around
on the cliffs for a few hours.
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What's the worst
that could happen?
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Finally, there it is.
OH SWEET, THEY SELL TANKS!
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Yeah I'll let you in on a
little secret, I've uh...
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I've actually got
a girl back home.
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Oh yeah?
Girlfriend or wife?
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No, man, she's just my girlfriend, ya know?
We were gonna get
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married, but I got shipped out, and...
ah, you know how it works.
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Oh, well, you gonna marry
her when you get back?
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I'm not gonna get married.
My dad always said
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"Why buy the cow when you can
get the milk for free?"
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Hey rookie... did you just
call my girlfriend a cow?
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No, I think he called her a slut!
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I'll tell you what newb, I could sit out
here and listen to you insult my girlfriend
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all day long, but as it turns out, I got
a lot more important job for you to do.
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Great.
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See, we've got this General.
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Right, the general guy.
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Who likes to come by and make
random inspections of bases.
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So what I'm gonna have you
do, is I'm gonna have
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you go in the base, and stand
right next to the flag
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at attention, just in case
he decides to come by.
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When is he coming by?
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00:11:39,787 --> 00:11:43,246
We never know. Could be today,
could be a week from now.
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You want me to stand at
attention for a week?
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You know, you don't sound very grateful.
This is the most important
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job at the whole base. You're gonna
be right there with the flag.
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What's so important about the flag?
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Oh, come on, don't they teach
you guys anything in training?
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They didn't tell us anything about a flag.
Why is it so important?
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Because it's the flag, man,
you know, it's the f...
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it's the flag, it's...
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Tucker, you tell him why
the flag is so important.
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Well, it's... it's complicated.
Wuh... It's blue, we're blue
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It's just important, okay, trust us.
So when the General comes
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by, the first thing he's gonna
want to do is inspect the flag.
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Right.
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So just go in there, you know, far
away from us, and wait for him.
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Uh how will I know when I see him?
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There's only three of us
out here, rookie. He's
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gonna be the guy that doesn't
look like one of us.
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Now get in there,
and don't come out!
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Man, that guy is dumber than you are.
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You mean he's dumber than you are.
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Wow, Tucker, that was a great come-back.
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Uh, mister Church?
Sir?
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Oh my God, WHAT!?
Tucker, I swear, I'm gonna kill him!
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Sorry about calling your girl a slut...
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00:13:04,747 --> 00:13:10,079
ROOKIE! SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP,
YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY, GET IN THERE!
234
00:13:10,229 --> 00:13:11,873
Uh-huh huh huh huh
235
00:13:12,220 --> 00:13:14,001
Tucker, are you laughing at me?
236
00:13:14,049 --> 00:13:16,783
Excuse me, sir, can I ask you a question?
237
00:13:16,784 --> 00:13:23,421
Dear God in Heaven, rookie, if I turn
around, and you are not inside, I...
238
00:13:23,735 --> 00:13:26,011
I can't be held responsible
for what I'm gonna do to you!
239
00:13:26,150 --> 00:13:26,904
What did I do?
240
00:13:27,005 --> 00:13:27,505
One...
241
00:13:27,694 --> 00:13:28,764
Aw, gimme a break.
242
00:13:29,018 --> 00:13:29,638
TWO!
243
00:13:29,765 --> 00:13:30,433
Fine.
244
00:13:34,359 --> 00:13:36,197
Wow... you got here fast.
245
00:13:36,388 --> 00:13:39,148
Why is everyone so freakin'
rude in this canyon.
246
00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:41,289
I'm not sir, what can I do for you?
247
00:13:41,437 --> 00:13:44,516
Finally, someone with a
little respect around here.
248
00:13:44,596 --> 00:13:47,760
Yes Sir! I assume you're
here because of this...
249
00:13:48,185 --> 00:13:50,305
Wait, is this all you have?
250
00:13:50,598 --> 00:13:52,204
Uh, yes sir, that's it!
251
00:13:52,605 --> 00:13:57,518
Aw man, this figures. Shit.
What about Elbow Grease?
252
00:13:57,713 --> 00:13:58,555
Uhhmmmm...
253
00:13:58,749 --> 00:14:00,231
Headlight Fluid?
254
00:14:00,351 --> 00:14:02,559
No, all we have is this flag.
255
00:14:02,915 --> 00:14:06,300
Well, I can't go back empty handed...
I guess I'll take that.
256
00:14:06,870 --> 00:14:10,538
Sure... that makes sense. I guess.
257
00:14:11,427 --> 00:14:15,350
Man, they're gonna give me so much shit for
coming back with just this stupid flag.
258
00:14:15,351 --> 00:14:18,141
Well, enough gabbing out
of us, let's take this bad
259
00:14:18,142 --> 00:14:20,635
boy out for a spin. Go
ahead and hop in, Tucker.
260
00:14:20,780 --> 00:14:23,362
Me? I can't drive that thing.
261
00:14:23,459 --> 00:14:25,639
You're telling me you're
not Armor Certified?
262
00:14:25,918 --> 00:14:28,808
I ca-I don't even know how to
use the fucking sniper rifle.
263
00:14:28,997 --> 00:14:30,316
Don't you know how
to drive that?
264
00:14:30,317 --> 00:14:35,006
No! Holy Crap!
WHO IS RUNNING THIS ARMY!?
265
00:14:35,427 --> 00:14:42,313
Hey! Just wanted to let you know, the
General stopped by, and picked up the flag!
266
00:14:42,536 --> 00:14:47,941
Yeah. Okay. Whatever moron!
Why would they give us a tank, if nobody here
267
00:14:47,942 --> 00:14:53,106
knows how to drive the damn thing?
...wait a second... what did he just say?
268
00:14:56,042 --> 00:14:59,369
Let me get this straight...
you gave this guy our flag.
269
00:14:59,925 --> 00:15:00,704
Is that bad?
270
00:15:00,705 --> 00:15:04,546
Bad? Oh no, that's not bad.
Next time he comes over, why
271
00:15:04,547 --> 00:15:06,821
don't you just help him blow
up the whole God damn base?
272
00:15:07,488 --> 00:15:08,395
There, there he is.
273
00:15:08,632 --> 00:15:15,690
Where... oh, yeah, oh, I got him. He's
sneaking around back behind the cliffs.
274
00:15:15,948 --> 00:15:18,271
He must be one smart son of a bitch.
275
00:15:18,812 --> 00:15:23,645
Oh, man, I am so freakin' lost.
Where the hell is the base?
276
00:15:23,646 --> 00:15:28,453
Oh, shit... Hey Tucker, look
at his armor. It's Red.
277
00:15:28,972 --> 00:15:31,275
Oh man, that means it's their Sargeant.
278
00:15:31,510 --> 00:15:36,476
Well, that makes sense. At least now
we know how he got by our defences.
279
00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:40,355
Uh you know, he came in the back
door where you guys were standing.
280
00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:42,031
Yeah, okay, well let's take him out then.
281
00:15:42,370 --> 00:15:46,360
Roger that.
Okay, say goodnight Sarge.
282
00:15:49,672 --> 00:15:50,911
Son of a bitch!
283
00:15:51,982 --> 00:15:52,946
Aw crap.
284
00:15:55,002 --> 00:15:55,844
...what?
285
00:15:56,177 --> 00:15:59,661
You're really not very good
with that thing, are you.
286
00:16:00,123 --> 00:16:05,309
Hey! It's me! Don't shoot! I'm the
guy that bought the flag, remember!?
287
00:16:05,688 --> 00:16:09,445
Oh great, now he's taunting us.
That's just embarassing.
288
00:16:09,446 --> 00:16:13,951
Alright, that's it, I've had it.
Rookie, you stay here. Me and Tucker,
289
00:16:13,952 --> 00:16:16,775
we'll head through the teleporter,
we'll cut him off at the pass.
290
00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:17,687
Right!
291
00:16:17,688 --> 00:16:19,592
Tucker, you ready? Let's go.
292
00:16:20,015 --> 00:16:22,497
There is no way I'm going
through that thing.
293
00:16:22,678 --> 00:16:25,318
Tucker, we don't have time for this.
Why would
294
00:16:25,319 --> 00:16:27,238
they give us a teleporter
if it doesn't work?
295
00:16:27,343 --> 00:16:30,922
I don't know, why would they give
us a tank that no one can drive?
296
00:16:31,081 --> 00:16:33,810
We already tested the teleporter, remember?
297
00:16:33,956 --> 00:16:35,662
We threw rocks through it!
298
00:16:35,803 --> 00:16:39,708
Yeah, and, so what? The rocks came
out the other side, didn't they?
299
00:16:39,894 --> 00:16:43,201
Yeah, but they were all hot,
and covered with black stuff.
300
00:16:43,615 --> 00:16:45,203
Oh, so I guess that's
what this is all about
301
00:16:45,204 --> 00:16:47,571
then, you're afraid of
a little black stuff.
302
00:16:47,572 --> 00:16:51,058
Yes. I am. I am afraid of black stuff.
303
00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:54,451
Tucker, I almost hate to do this to you.
304
00:16:54,614 --> 00:16:55,594
You wouldn't...
305
00:16:55,738 --> 00:16:59,703
You know, I look at it this way: either
A, we go through there, and get the
306
00:16:59,704 --> 00:17:05,422
flag back, or B, we stay here, and I
get to kill you. Either way, I win.
307
00:17:05,837 --> 00:17:08,787
For the record, I want you to
know, rocks aren't people.
308
00:17:08,927 --> 00:17:11,602
Duly noted. Now get in there.
309
00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:17,519
Crap... Alright. One, two...
310
00:17:32,769 --> 00:17:35,610
...Huh, he didn't come
out the other side...
311
00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:40,731
Yeeeaaaahhhhh, I've uh, I've decided
I'm not gonna use the teleporter.
312
00:17:42,917 --> 00:17:45,448
Okay, Rookie, you stay here!
I'll be back with the flag!
313
00:17:46,356 --> 00:17:48,354
I still have no idea what
you're talking about.
314
00:17:48,774 --> 00:17:50,005
I didn't hear any shots.
315
00:17:50,006 --> 00:17:54,151
I'm telling you, it was four shots.
Like bam, bam, bam.
316
00:17:54,389 --> 00:17:56,681
Wait a second, that's only three bams.
317
00:17:56,925 --> 00:18:02,137
Bam. Wait a second, we've got a
blue guy on the move out there.
318
00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:03,334
Where's he headed?
319
00:18:04,218 --> 00:18:09,325
Oh crap... It... it's Donut.
And he's got something...
320
00:18:10,267 --> 00:18:10,907
It looks like...
321
00:18:12,637 --> 00:18:14,955
Simmons. get the Warthog.
322
00:18:15,203 --> 00:18:16,222
Heh, you mean the Puma?
323
00:18:16,924 --> 00:18:17,424
Freeze!
324
00:18:19,192 --> 00:18:22,054
Hey, why the hell are you shooting at me?
You coulda hit me, dick!
325
00:18:22,405 --> 00:18:25,359
Can it. Don't try to play
stupid with me, Sarge I know
326
00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:28,035
who ya are We've been spying
on you for three weeks now.
327
00:18:28,220 --> 00:18:31,284
I just got here two hours ago. And
I'm not a Sargeant, I'm a Private.
328
00:18:31,618 --> 00:18:33,138
Wait a minute you're not the Sargeant!
329
00:18:33,287 --> 00:18:35,037
Yeah, that's what I just said.
330
00:18:35,276 --> 00:18:37,580
Well then how the hell did you
manage to steal our flag?
331
00:18:37,715 --> 00:18:40,812
Steal? I have no idea what the
hell you're talking about!
332
00:18:41,068 --> 00:18:41,624
THREE!
333
00:18:41,658 --> 00:18:42,479
JESUS!
334
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:44,788
HOLY SHIT! Who is this guy?
335
00:18:44,841 --> 00:18:48,912
What in the hell!? Tucker? Is that you?
336
00:18:48,913 --> 00:18:50,908
How did you get up here ahead of me?
337
00:18:51,104 --> 00:18:52,642
And what's with that black
shit on your armor?
338
00:18:52,812 --> 00:18:54,476
Hey. Freeze Sarge!
339
00:18:54,595 --> 00:18:57,629
Would you stop calling me a
Sargeant, I'm still just a Private.
340
00:18:57,731 --> 00:19:05,731
The Sarge is still a Private? Oh. My. God.
The teleporter sent me back in time.
341
00:19:05,944 --> 00:19:08,343
Sorry Lopez, we need the jeep.
342
00:19:08,523 --> 00:19:09,355
I'll take gunner...
343
00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:13,219
...Let's roll...
344
00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:15,180
How do you turn off the
fucking radio in this car?
345
00:19:14,542 --> 00:19:16,582
Don't worry Lopez, I'll bring
her back in one piece.
346
00:19:17,168 --> 00:19:20,623
Look, I know you don't know me, but you
have to believe what I'm about to tell you.
347
00:19:20,716 --> 00:19:26,491
Some time in your future I get stationed
here in Blood Gulch, and we meet. And this
348
00:19:26,492 --> 00:19:31,256
guy here, he gets promoted to Sargeant of
the Red Army, and we spy on them. And they
349
00:19:31,257 --> 00:19:35,533
get this new jeep, and I'm like "There is
no way you can pick up chicks in a tank!"
350
00:19:36,026 --> 00:19:39,216
Tucker? What the fuck
are you babbling about?
351
00:19:39,420 --> 00:19:43,747
I know all this sounds crazy, but he
eventually becomes a Sargeant, and then
352
00:19:43,748 --> 00:19:47,320
one day we get a tank, and he comes and
steals a flag while we're distracted.
353
00:19:47,321 --> 00:19:48,864
Is this guy a retard?
354
00:19:49,259 --> 00:19:54,756
Red? Shut up. Tucker? Listen to me.
Ya haven't gone back in time, okay?
355
00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:59,699
This is the guy who stole the flag,
he's just not the Sargeant. Turns out,
356
00:19:59,827 --> 00:20:03,629
he's just some dumb rookie, who happens
to have the same color armor as him.
357
00:20:03,849 --> 00:20:05,731
He got in somehow, just g...
358
00:20:05,832 --> 00:20:09,062
For God's sakes,
WHAT IS THAT MUSIC!?
359
00:20:09,418 --> 00:20:10,654
Woohoo!
360
00:20:10,904 --> 00:20:13,381
Holy-Son of a bitch! Run! Jesus! Run!
361
00:20:13,581 --> 00:20:15,233
The jeep followed me back in time!
362
00:20:17,595 --> 00:20:19,638
Ah! Git! The ah! Eeh!
363
00:20:19,639 --> 00:20:21,290
What the hell is going on here?
364
00:20:21,291 --> 00:20:24,161
You know what, I honestly
have no idea what's going on.
365
00:20:24,162 --> 00:20:26,934
I think everyone in this
canyon is absolutely insane.
366
00:20:27,405 --> 00:20:28,331
How did you get their flag?
367
00:20:28,332 --> 00:20:30,061
I don't know, I just asked for it.
368
00:20:30,325 --> 00:20:31,458
Wait, that worked?
369
00:20:32,245 --> 00:20:34,072
I guess. Is it not supposed to?
370
00:20:34,305 --> 00:20:36,765
I don't know, we, we never
even thought to try that.
371
00:20:36,766 --> 00:20:39,035
Just take the flag to the
base, I'll explain there.
372
00:20:39,036 --> 00:20:40,772
Not until someone tells
me what the fuck is goi-
373
00:20:40,773 --> 00:20:42,314
There's no time to explain, rookie!
Just take the
374
00:20:42,315 --> 00:20:44,760
flag, and go to base! I'll
explain everything there.
375
00:20:44,976 --> 00:20:46,151
Fine...!
376
00:20:49,617 --> 00:20:51,513
Hungh, back to our base, dumbass!
377
00:20:51,821 --> 00:20:54,894
Uh, I know, I just got
turned around, that's all.
378
00:20:58,605 --> 00:20:58,971
Oh man, that's not good.
379
00:20:58,972 --> 00:21:00,702
Oh my God that jeep has a really big gun.
380
00:21:04,981 --> 00:21:10,264
Stay here... Tank... Stay here...
Tank... Ah, screw it.
381
00:21:16,915 --> 00:21:20,398
Well, we'll just wait here. That thing's
gotta run outta bullets some time...
382
00:21:26,362 --> 00:21:28,362
My God, doesn't that thing
ever run out of bullets?
383
00:21:28,385 --> 00:21:31,702
You know, in hindsight, we
should have brought the tank.
384
00:21:32,129 --> 00:21:37,063
Hey, Tucker, what good is a tank gonna do
us if nobody here knows how to drive it?
385
00:21:37,538 --> 00:21:40,555
Yeah, I can see how hiding behind
a rock is a much better strategy.
386
00:21:41,790 --> 00:21:46,616
Well, yeah, but... oh man, I guess
I gotta give that one to ya.
387
00:21:52,358 --> 00:21:55,360
Hello, and thank you for
activating the M808V
388
00:21:55,361 --> 00:21:58,858
Main Battle Tank. You
may call me Sheila.
389
00:21:59,264 --> 00:22:02,740
Hello. Sheila. Big tank lady.
390
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,633
Would you like me to run
the tutorial program?
391
00:22:05,943 --> 00:22:08,328
Oh, that'd be very nice. Thank you.
392
00:22:08,329 --> 00:22:14,352
Tutorial program activated. This program
is intended to instruct non-certified
393
00:22:14,353 --> 00:22:17,959
personnel in the use of
the Scorpion class tank.
394
00:22:19,136 --> 00:22:20,619
Let's begin with some driving.
395
00:22:21,387 --> 00:22:22,095
Okay.
396
00:22:22,726 --> 00:22:26,412
Simmons. SIMMONS!
397
00:22:29,116 --> 00:22:30,749
Man, that thing is loud.
398
00:22:32,949 --> 00:22:33,611
WHAT?
399
00:22:34,676 --> 00:22:36,647
Come on, let's sneak around the
back of the rock and get 'em out.
400
00:22:37,123 --> 00:22:38,467
OKAY.
401
00:22:38,468 --> 00:22:41,956
Keep it down! Jesus. Let's go, before
they figure out what's going on.
402
00:22:42,399 --> 00:22:45,309
Now that you've mastered
driving the M808V,
403
00:22:46,161 --> 00:22:48,347
let's move on to some
of the safety features.
404
00:22:48,790 --> 00:22:50,758
No, no, wait, go back!
405
00:22:51,684 --> 00:22:54,282
Why are there six pedals if
there are only four directions?
406
00:23:00,608 --> 00:23:02,618
(whispering) Psst, hey,
they stopped firing.
407
00:23:03,307 --> 00:23:04,456
Why are you whispering?
408
00:23:04,633 --> 00:23:06,832
(whispering) Uhm... I don't know.
409
00:23:08,585 --> 00:23:11,281
Aw, crap, I don't think we're gonna
be able to get around this way.
410
00:23:11,691 --> 00:23:14,409
Tell me again, uh, why did
we get out of the jeep?
411
00:23:14,410 --> 00:23:17,884
Well, I guess it was this or sit there
and watch you shoot rocks all day long.
412
00:23:17,980 --> 00:23:19,765
Well at least that was fun.
413
00:23:23,527 --> 00:23:27,819
Hoolyy crap. What in God's
name is that thing?
414
00:23:29,574 --> 00:23:32,259
Tucker, don't be stupid. They're
just trying to draw us out.
415
00:23:33,834 --> 00:23:36,119
No they're not, look: they left the jeep.
They're gone.
416
00:23:37,492 --> 00:23:39,974
Well, I don't know about this.
It seems pretty fishy, but...
417
00:23:40,518 --> 00:23:42,383
alright screw it,
let's go get it.
418
00:23:44,625 --> 00:23:47,650
Dude hold still. I don't think it sees us.
419
00:23:55,244 --> 00:23:56,540
Why is it just sitting there?
420
00:23:57,168 --> 00:24:01,660
Just trying to mess with our heads.
Let's get back to the Warthog.
421
00:24:02,143 --> 00:24:05,430
This tank is equipped with
an auto-fire sequence, that
422
00:24:05,745 --> 00:24:08,618
can be activated by pressing
the auto-fire button.
423
00:24:09,020 --> 00:24:11,836
Auto-fire, auto-fire, here, here!
No, wait...
424
00:24:12,454 --> 00:24:14,094
okay that's more a
switch than a button...
425
00:24:15,915 --> 00:24:19,384
Okay, you ready? Let's
do this on three. One...
426
00:24:19,603 --> 00:24:23,145
Wait. On three? Or three and then go?
427
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:26,357
On three. It's always
faster to go on three.
428
00:24:26,358 --> 00:24:28,413
Okay, okay. On three.
429
00:24:28,414 --> 00:24:28,941
Here!
430
00:24:29,109 --> 00:24:33,444
Tutorial deactivated.
Auto-fire sequence activated.
431
00:24:33,817 --> 00:24:34,483
Ready?
432
00:24:34,484 --> 00:24:35,825
Acquiring target.
433
00:24:36,262 --> 00:24:38,344
I'm going for the jeep. Cover me.
434
00:24:38,345 --> 00:24:38,845
One...
435
00:24:42,489 --> 00:24:43,577
Target acquired.
436
00:24:44,784 --> 00:24:46,851
Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit...
437
00:24:46,852 --> 00:24:47,352
Two...
438
00:24:48,130 --> 00:24:49,082
Target locked.
439
00:24:51,329 --> 00:24:51,829
Three!
440
00:24:53,106 --> 00:24:54,936
Oh, you back-stabbing cock bite!
441
00:24:54,937 --> 00:24:56,719
Firing main cannon.
442
00:24:59,724 --> 00:25:00,642
Son of a bitch!
443
00:25:00,643 --> 00:25:01,560
SON OF A BITCH!
444
00:25:02,113 --> 00:25:03,133
Son of a bitch!
445
00:25:03,764 --> 00:25:05,057
Firing main cannon.
446
00:25:07,844 --> 00:25:08,876
Firing main cannon.
447
00:25:08,877 --> 00:25:09,377
Dammit!
448
00:25:11,993 --> 00:25:13,347
Firing main cannon.
449
00:25:15,799 --> 00:25:17,188
Hey dude, the jeep blew up.
450
00:25:17,403 --> 00:25:20,056
No kidding. Thanks for the update, Tucker.
451
00:25:20,057 --> 00:25:21,533
Firing main cannon.
452
00:25:21,534 --> 00:25:24,294
Hey, I have a great idea.
Let's get out of the
453
00:25:24,295 --> 00:25:26,840
jeep, and sneak around
the back of the rock.
454
00:25:28,388 --> 00:25:29,594
Great plan you idiot!
455
00:25:32,352 --> 00:25:35,789
All targets eliminated.
Acquiring new target.
456
00:25:36,848 --> 00:25:39,523
Hey Tucker, look at this,
man: it's the rookie!
457
00:25:39,675 --> 00:25:42,323
And he brought tank out
to scare off the reds.
458
00:25:42,573 --> 00:25:43,471
What? No way!
459
00:25:44,422 --> 00:25:48,469
Hey rookie, good job man! Why didn't you
tell us you knew how to drive the tank?
460
00:25:49,288 --> 00:25:50,581
New target acquired.
461
00:25:51,707 --> 00:25:53,825
That's not a target. That's Church.
462
00:25:54,284 --> 00:25:58,418
Yeah, that's right, it's me, Church!
What's going on, man!
463
00:25:58,797 --> 00:25:59,651
Target locked.
464
00:26:00,225 --> 00:26:04,794
What? No. Target unlock. Unlock!
Please help me nice lady.
465
00:26:05,463 --> 00:26:07,208
Firing main cannon.
466
00:26:07,343 --> 00:26:08,442
Uh oh...
467
00:26:08,913 --> 00:26:09,520
Uh oh...
468
00:26:09,829 --> 00:26:13,023
What? Oh, son of a bi-
469
00:26:16,088 --> 00:26:21,148
Holy fuck! Church, are you okay?
Talk to me, Church!
470
00:26:22,106 --> 00:26:24,679
You shot Church, you
team-killing fucktard!
471
00:26:24,969 --> 00:26:27,488
Auto-fire sequence deactivated.
472
00:26:27,489 --> 00:26:30,187
Tucker! ...Tucker!
473
00:26:30,188 --> 00:26:32,616
Church! It's going to be okay, man.
474
00:26:32,617 --> 00:26:36,985
No. Ah... I'm na, I'm
not gonna make it.
475
00:26:37,176 --> 00:26:41,374
Tucker, there's something
I need to tell you.
476
00:26:42,242 --> 00:26:42,885
What is it?
477
00:26:42,886 --> 00:26:46,929
I just want you to know,
I always hated you.
478
00:26:47,543 --> 00:26:49,360
I always hated you the most.
479
00:26:49,361 --> 00:26:52,070
Yeah, I know you did. Now
hurry up and die, you prick.
480
00:26:52,211 --> 00:26:56,367
Okay. Hierh! Blueah.
481
00:26:59,617 --> 00:27:00,370
What happened?
482
00:27:00,371 --> 00:27:05,148
Big... Tank... Shooting... Whooooh!
483
00:27:06,020 --> 00:27:08,648
Damn, man, we only ran
like three hundred feet.
484
00:27:08,868 --> 00:27:10,477
You are really out of shape.
485
00:27:10,976 --> 00:27:12,555
Fuck... You...
486
00:27:12,832 --> 00:27:13,928
Where's your car?
487
00:27:14,236 --> 00:27:17,517
General Patton here had a great
strategy to leave it behind.
488
00:27:18,009 --> 00:27:20,170
Hey, it would have worked if
that tank hadn't shown up.
489
00:27:20,699 --> 00:27:25,721
You lost the jeep? Oh man, Lopez
is gonna be pissed. Where is it?
490
00:27:28,808 --> 00:27:29,705
What the hell?
491
00:27:32,039 --> 00:27:32,859
Holy crap! What the hell is that thing?
492
00:27:33,328 --> 00:27:34,495
That's the tank!
493
00:27:35,285 --> 00:27:38,295
Hey uh, Grif uh, you wanna hold
the flag for a little bit?
494
00:27:38,296 --> 00:27:39,890
No, keep that away from me!
495
00:27:42,298 --> 00:27:43,698
Why do you keep firing at the jeep?
496
00:27:44,106 --> 00:27:45,161
Because it's locked on!
497
00:27:45,348 --> 00:27:46,658
Target locked.
498
00:27:46,659 --> 00:27:47,584
Well unlock it.
499
00:27:47,834 --> 00:27:50,198
Last time I unlocked it, I KILLED CHURCH!
500
00:27:50,685 --> 00:27:54,007
Oh, right... keep shooting the jeep then.
501
00:27:54,817 --> 00:27:58,679
I hate to be the one to point this
out guys, but I think we're screwed.
502
00:27:59,311 --> 00:28:02,005
Yeah. I have to agree with
the rookie on this one.
503
00:28:02,683 --> 00:28:07,249
Blood Gulch Outpost Number One.
Come in, Blood Gulch
504
00:28:07,250 --> 00:28:10,784
Outpost, come in. Do you read me?
This is Sargeant-
505
00:28:10,785 --> 00:28:12,796
Oh my God, Sarge, is that you?
506
00:28:12,797 --> 00:28:17,627
Roger that, Private. I am currently
in-bound to your position from Command.
507
00:28:17,903 --> 00:28:19,780
Sir, this is Simmons.
508
00:28:20,178 --> 00:28:23,348
Hello Simmons. I hope everything's
gone alright while I've been gone.
509
00:28:23,637 --> 00:28:26,588
Actually sir, things are kind of
hectic right now. The new rookie
510
00:28:26,589 --> 00:28:29,831
arrived, and somehow he managed to
infiltrate the blue base, and now
511
00:28:29,832 --> 00:28:32,976
we have their flag, the Warthog
is damaged, one of their guys is
512
00:28:32,977 --> 00:28:36,542
dead, and there's this huge fucking
tank about to destroy our base.
513
00:28:42,020 --> 00:28:43,732
...Am I talkin' to the right base?
514
00:28:44,115 --> 00:28:47,200
Sarge, we, are going, to die here.
515
00:28:47,714 --> 00:28:53,257
Well then hold tight boys. I think I gotta
solution to your little 'tank' problem.
516
00:28:54,354 --> 00:28:55,300
Uh oh.
517
00:28:58,770 --> 00:29:02,596
Hey Caboose, you might wanna get
out of the tank. Like right now.
518
00:29:02,982 --> 00:29:04,783
I can't figure out how
to get this thing open!
519
00:29:04,981 --> 00:29:06,202
Night vision engaged.
520
00:29:06,701 --> 00:29:07,788
Rookie, get out now.
521
00:29:08,466 --> 00:29:13,696
Okay, open the duh, okay, I, Sheila,
will you please open the door?
522
00:29:13,835 --> 00:29:15,830
Driver canopy open.
523
00:29:16,540 --> 00:29:20,347
Thank you for using the
M808V main battle ta-
524
00:29:21,517 --> 00:29:23,618
Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap
running, running, running.
525
00:29:24,443 --> 00:29:26,357
Man, that was close.
526
00:29:26,633 --> 00:29:28,870
Look at your tank though.
527
00:29:29,742 --> 00:29:37,742
I'm scared Dave. Will I dream?
Daisy... Daaaaiisyyyyyy...
528
00:29:39,012 --> 00:29:42,814
Sheeeeiilaaaaa! Noooooo!
529
00:29:42,815 --> 00:29:48,058
What? No! Sheila! Sheila!
Wait... who's Sheila?
530
00:29:49,153 --> 00:29:53,230
Sheila's the lady in the tank.
She was my friend...
531
00:29:54,129 --> 00:29:56,729
Oh, dude! I knew you could
pick up chicks in a tank!
532
00:29:59,833 --> 00:30:03,372
Come in Blue Command. This is Blood
Gulch Outpost Alpha. Do you read me?
533
00:30:04,039 --> 00:30:06,770
Okay, that is the last of it,
your armor is clean now.
534
00:30:07,213 --> 00:30:09,438
Did you get all the black stuff off?
535
00:30:09,439 --> 00:30:11,675
This is Blue Command, come in
Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha.
536
00:30:11,948 --> 00:30:13,941
Hello! Command! We need help.
537
00:30:14,315 --> 00:30:16,655
Roger that, Blood Gulch,
what is your request?
538
00:30:17,106 --> 00:30:19,694
I don't know what the technical
military term is for it,
539
00:30:19,695 --> 00:30:22,514
but uh, we're pretty fucked up down here.
We need men!
540
00:30:23,196 --> 00:30:25,821
...Dude, how long have you
guys been down there?
541
00:30:26,247 --> 00:30:29,543
No, no no, naw, it-not like that.
We need more men to help us.
542
00:30:30,113 --> 00:30:32,143
Roger that. Did you get the tank we sent?
543
00:30:32,738 --> 00:30:34,663
Yeah, that got blown up too.
544
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:36,940
Wow. Sucks to be you.
545
00:30:37,230 --> 00:30:38,065
Yeah, we know.
546
00:30:38,066 --> 00:30:40,684
Okay, here's what I can do.
The nearest blue
547
00:30:40,685 --> 00:30:42,747
forces can be there in
sixteen days, or I-
548
00:30:42,954 --> 00:30:45,820
Sixteen days!? That's almost two weeks!
549
00:30:45,966 --> 00:30:49,425
Or I can hire a nearby freelancer and
get him there within a few hours.
550
00:30:49,643 --> 00:30:51,735
I like the 'in an hour' one.
551
00:30:51,985 --> 00:30:55,647
Yeah, me too. Roger that Command,
we prefer the quicker solution.
552
00:30:55,648 --> 00:30:57,923
10-4 Blood Gulch, we
will contact freelancer
553
00:30:57,924 --> 00:31:00,821
Tex, and have him there post-haste.
Command out.
554
00:31:01,165 --> 00:31:02,885
Whoever he is, make sure he can fix a tank.
555
00:31:03,444 --> 00:31:04,245
What's a freelancer?
556
00:31:04,425 --> 00:31:07,473
Freelancers are independant,
they're not red or blue. They're
557
00:31:07,474 --> 00:31:10,259
just guns for hire, who'll fight
for whoever has the most money.
558
00:31:10,538 --> 00:31:12,837
Like a mercenary.
559
00:31:12,838 --> 00:31:15,036
Right. Or like your mom,
when the rent's due.
560
00:31:16,257 --> 00:31:17,058
...oh, that's funny.
561
00:31:17,608 --> 00:31:18,913
Yeah, you didn't think
that was too obvious?
562
00:31:19,107 --> 00:31:21,040
No no, no no, that was, that was good.
563
00:31:21,041 --> 00:31:25,483
Tucker... Tuuuckerrr...
564
00:31:25,692 --> 00:31:26,876
Who the hell are you?
565
00:31:27,105 --> 00:31:33,313
I am the ghost of Chuuuurch... and
I've come back with a waaarniiing...
566
00:31:34,081 --> 00:31:38,517
You're not Church... Church is blue.
You're white.
567
00:31:38,741 --> 00:31:43,808
Rookie, shut up, man. I'm a freakin' ghost!
Have you ever seen a blue ghost before?
568
00:31:45,584 --> 00:31:46,609
Yeah, that's definitely him.
569
00:31:46,610 --> 00:31:48,290
Now I gotta start all over again... (ahem)
570
00:31:49,407 --> 00:31:55,968
Tucker... Tuuuckerrr... I've
come back with a waaarniiing...
571
00:31:56,304 --> 00:31:57,903
Is it really necessary to do the voice?
572
00:31:58,135 --> 00:31:59,673
Yeah, it's kinda annoying.
573
00:32:00,208 --> 00:32:03,302
Fine. Okay, here's the deal.
I've come back from the
574
00:32:03,303 --> 00:32:06,418
dead to give you a warning about Tex.
Don't let -
575
00:32:06,419 --> 00:32:07,331
What's the warning?
576
00:32:07,332 --> 00:32:10,117
Shut up for one second, and I'll tell you.
577
00:32:10,525 --> 00:32:11,140
Oh, sorry.
578
00:32:11,141 --> 00:32:14,630
Seriously, man, I mean, I'm coming
back from the great beyond here.
579
00:32:14,631 --> 00:32:17,117
You think this is easy?
It's not. It's
580
00:32:17,118 --> 00:32:18,884
not like I just, you know
just pop in and out whenever
581
00:32:18,885 --> 00:32:20,771
I feel like it, it takes
a lot of concentration.
582
00:32:21,243 --> 00:32:21,812
Sorry.
583
00:32:21,813 --> 00:32:24,506
I mean, it's bad enough that you
killed me to begin with, but now
584
00:32:24,507 --> 00:32:26,856
I come back and I can't even get
a word in edgewise, man...
585
00:32:28,617 --> 00:32:31,514
Okay. Here's the deal.
586
00:32:31,515 --> 00:32:32,416
Is this the warning?
587
00:32:32,697 --> 00:32:36,842
Alright, that's it, I swear to
God, Caboose, your ass is haunted.
588
00:32:37,333 --> 00:32:39,295
When we're done here,
I'm gonna haunt you.
589
00:32:39,750 --> 00:32:41,230
Yeah, you're even starting to bug me.
590
00:32:41,655 --> 00:32:44,791
Okay, Tucker. You remember that
I told you I was stationed on
591
00:32:44,792 --> 00:32:48,176
Sidewinder before they transfered
me here to Blood Gulch, right?
592
00:32:48,177 --> 00:32:48,512
No.
593
00:32:48,513 --> 00:32:51,228
Sidewinder, isn't that the ice planet?
594
00:32:51,229 --> 00:32:52,113
Yes.
595
00:32:52,114 --> 00:32:53,528
Cool, what was that like?
596
00:32:53,887 --> 00:32:55,945
Um... it was cold.
597
00:32:55,946 --> 00:32:57,143
That's it? Just cold?
598
00:32:57,342 --> 00:33:00,723
What do you want from me, a poem?
It's a planet made
599
00:33:00,724 --> 00:33:05,515
entirely out of ice. It's
really, fuckin', cold.
600
00:33:05,841 --> 00:33:06,962
Would you just let him talk?
601
00:33:07,582 --> 00:33:10,345
Alright, well, one day
when I was there,
602
00:33:10,586 --> 00:33:13,888
everything was just like normal.
I remember, I was
603
00:33:13,889 --> 00:33:16,485
out on patrol with my partner Jimmy.
That Jimmy
604
00:33:16,486 --> 00:33:18,559
was a real good kid,
everybody liked him.
605
00:33:18,829 --> 00:33:20,309
Do you think I was a good kid Church?
606
00:33:20,384 --> 00:33:25,109
Tucker, don't get jealous man, just
listen to the story, okay? Like I said,
607
00:33:25,110 --> 00:33:28,846
guys were hanging around, waitin' for
some action, bitching about the cold...
608
00:33:29,016 --> 00:33:31,163
Man, it's fucking cold.
609
00:33:31,164 --> 00:33:32,627
I hope we get some action.
610
00:33:32,628 --> 00:33:34,459
Anyway, Jimmy was in the
middle of telling me
611
00:33:34,460 --> 00:33:36,235
all about this girlfriend
he had back home.
612
00:33:36,705 --> 00:33:40,779
Yep, soon as I get back, I'm gonna get
down on one knee and ask her to marry me.
613
00:33:40,952 --> 00:33:42,858
And that's when Tex showed up.
614
00:33:45,203 --> 00:33:48,625
Private Mickey was the first to go.
He was halfway across the base
615
00:33:48,626 --> 00:33:51,082
when all of a sudden he just
started screaming bloody murder.
616
00:33:51,294 --> 00:33:53,084
Bloody murder! Bloody murder!
617
00:33:53,326 --> 00:33:55,443
The whole thing was over
before it even started.
618
00:33:58,617 --> 00:34:02,189
Poor Jimmy was the last one to go.
Tex walked up to him, pulled
619
00:34:02,190 --> 00:34:05,238
Jimmy's skull right out of his head
and beat him to death with it.
620
00:34:05,432 --> 00:34:08,300
Wait a second... how do you
beat someone to death with
621
00:34:08,422 --> 00:34:11,579
their own skull? That doesn't
seem physically possible.
622
00:34:12,203 --> 00:34:14,048
That's exactly what Jimmy kept screaming.
623
00:34:14,163 --> 00:34:16,281
This doesn't seem physically possible!
624
00:34:16,948 --> 00:34:19,026
Eeeeggh, blehhhhh.
625
00:34:19,027 --> 00:34:24,246
Bottom line is: these freelancers, they're
bad news, and Tex is one of the worst.
626
00:34:24,247 --> 00:34:26,620
If he's such a badass,
why didn't he kill you?
627
00:34:26,621 --> 00:34:30,225
To tell you I don't know why I'm not dead.
Could've killed me at any point.
628
00:34:31,482 --> 00:34:34,472
But maybe it's because Tex and I have
run in to each other once before.
629
00:34:34,473 --> 00:34:35,220
Where?
630
00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:39,562
You uh, you remember that girl I
told you about back home? Well,
631
00:34:39,770 --> 00:34:43,535
let's just say that Tex is the real
reason why we never got married.
632
00:34:43,922 --> 00:34:46,363
Guys, I'm fading fast and I
don't know when I'll be back.
633
00:34:46,775 --> 00:34:49,768
Just listen to my warning: don't
let Tex get involved here.
634
00:34:49,769 --> 00:34:50,444
Okay.
635
00:34:50,445 --> 00:34:55,186
I mean it Tucker. No fighting, no
scouting, nothing. You'll regret it
636
00:34:56,215 --> 00:34:58,786
So, Tex and Church were
after the same girl.
637
00:34:59,574 --> 00:35:01,123
I told you his girlfriend was a slut.
638
00:35:11,022 --> 00:35:13,061
And then I thought, you
know, we could sneak
639
00:35:13,062 --> 00:35:15,347
around the side while they
were hiding behind the
640
00:35:15,348 --> 00:35:18,372
rock, but uh, well that's
when the tank showed up
641
00:35:18,373 --> 00:35:21,439
and, shit just started blowin' up.
I don't know.
642
00:35:23,850 --> 00:35:29,721
Grif, do you have any Godly idea how
much this piece of equipment costs?
643
00:35:30,419 --> 00:35:35,155
Ah, I don't know, what like uh, ten,
ten twenty, twenty-five bucks, maybe?
644
00:35:36,049 --> 00:35:37,850
Uh, yeu, you're gonna
kill me now, aren't you.
645
00:35:37,943 --> 00:35:41,771
Tell you what, Grif, I'm a fair man.
I'll give you a ten second
646
00:35:42,258 --> 00:35:45,139
head start here before I let Lopez
do anything he wants to ya.
647
00:35:46,211 --> 00:35:50,529
Guys, I just want you to know. I'm
really, really sorry here, and
648
00:35:50,530 --> 00:35:53,130
Five Mississippi. Six Mississippi.
649
00:35:53,596 --> 00:35:55,589
Okay uh, I guess I better get going then.
650
00:35:59,127 --> 00:36:01,368
Hey guys, that's not funny.
Somebody could get hurt here.
651
00:36:03,867 --> 00:36:07,630
That's basically it sir, they have
five guys over there and a big jeep.
652
00:36:08,087 --> 00:36:09,673
And your flag.
653
00:36:10,493 --> 00:36:11,609
Right, that too.
654
00:36:14,639 --> 00:36:18,404
Uh, hey, Tex? I don't know what
it's been like at your other bases,
655
00:36:18,791 --> 00:36:22,118
but we try not to use other
soldiers as target practice here.
656
00:36:24,436 --> 00:36:26,040
I'm scared.
657
00:36:28,498 --> 00:36:31,595
So, you've got the Special
Forces black armor, I see.
658
00:36:32,058 --> 00:36:33,818
Were you in the Special
Forces at some point?
659
00:36:36,173 --> 00:36:39,563
Yeah, I used to have black armor too.
It was black
660
00:36:39,564 --> 00:36:41,533
because I got this stuff
all over it from th-
661
00:36:42,022 --> 00:36:44,155
Oh, okay, you gotta go? I'll see you later.
662
00:36:45,568 --> 00:36:47,774
I don't think he likes you.
663
00:36:48,609 --> 00:36:49,593
Thanks.
664
00:36:51,533 --> 00:36:52,859
Where are you going?
665
00:36:53,524 --> 00:36:58,634
Red base. Kill everybody.
Get the flag back.
666
00:37:00,385 --> 00:37:07,666
Uh... Okay! We'll just stay here
and guard the trans... porter...
667
00:37:09,329 --> 00:37:11,999
So, Sarge thought my strategy
had merit, but was poorly
668
00:37:12,362 --> 00:37:16,749
executed, probably because
somebody didn't believe in it.
669
00:37:16,750 --> 00:37:19,363
Bullshit. He told me he
thought you were a retarded
670
00:37:19,364 --> 00:37:21,484
monkey, and he's gonna suspend
your weapon privileges.
671
00:37:22,026 --> 00:37:25,796
Hey since I captured the flag, d'you think
they'll give me my own color armor now?
672
00:37:26,251 --> 00:37:28,116
What do you mean 'captured'?
You thought you
673
00:37:28,347 --> 00:37:29,867
were buying it at the
store, you idiot.
674
00:37:30,377 --> 00:37:31,762
Still, you think there's a shot?
675
00:37:31,763 --> 00:37:34,444
Maybe they'll give you Grif's armor,
since he destroyed the Warthog.
676
00:37:34,705 --> 00:37:38,267
Hyeah, heh-wait... you don't... you
don't think they'd do that, do you?
677
00:37:39,300 --> 00:37:42,736
Try connectin' that hose to
that metal thingie there.
678
00:37:43,015 --> 00:37:45,322
I think that's what's
makin' that rattle.
679
00:37:46,982 --> 00:37:48,781
Ah think I'll let you do it.
680
00:37:52,762 --> 00:37:54,883
What the... What was that?
681
00:37:55,771 --> 00:37:58,415
Simmons, what's going on?
What's over there?
682
00:37:59,071 --> 00:38:00,632
I thought I saw something for a second.
683
00:38:04,301 --> 00:38:07,502
Hey rookie, tuck the flag somewhere safe
until we can figure out what's goin' on.
684
00:38:08,050 --> 00:38:10,615
Good idea. I was sick of
carrying this thing anyway.
685
00:38:13,362 --> 00:38:14,609
Did you hear that?
686
00:38:14,610 --> 00:38:15,433
Yeah.
687
00:38:15,434 --> 00:38:17,677
(whispering) Hey! What's going on?
688
00:38:21,198 --> 00:38:22,215
What the fuck?
689
00:38:22,555 --> 00:38:24,422
What?
690
00:38:24,839 --> 00:38:25,599
What is that thing?
691
00:38:26,022 --> 00:38:26,628
What thing?
692
00:38:26,629 --> 00:38:28,217
There's something on your head...
693
00:38:28,513 --> 00:38:30,337
What, is it a spider? Get it off!
694
00:38:30,338 --> 00:38:32,851
No, it's not a spider, it's, like a...
blue thing.
695
00:38:34,235 --> 00:38:36,153
What, like a blue spider? Get it off!
696
00:38:36,154 --> 00:38:41,055
It's not a spider, calm down. It's
some kinda, fuzzy pulsating thing.
697
00:38:41,056 --> 00:38:43,089
That doesn't sound much
better than a spider.
698
00:38:43,366 --> 00:38:44,201
Does it hurt?
699
00:38:44,202 --> 00:38:44,702
No...
700
00:38:45,142 --> 00:38:46,558
Maybe we should try to take it off.
701
00:38:46,559 --> 00:38:48,198
Good idea. Go for it.
702
00:38:48,476 --> 00:38:52,864
Me? By "we" I meant "you." Asshole.
703
00:38:52,865 --> 00:38:55,860
Well somebody needs to get it off.
Look, it might be dangerous.
704
00:38:57,285 --> 00:38:58,280
Son of a bitch!
705
00:39:01,170 --> 00:39:02,106
Son... where'd he go?
706
00:39:03,087 --> 00:39:04,807
Don't kill me, I'm too good looking to die!
707
00:39:06,423 --> 00:39:10,221
Man... he is really kicking their asses.
708
00:39:10,222 --> 00:39:13,337
How come I never get the
fucking sniper rifle?
709
00:39:15,500 --> 00:39:18,250
I'm really glad Tex is on
our team and not theirs.
710
00:39:18,783 --> 00:39:20,263
Sure makes things a lot easier on us.
711
00:39:20,619 --> 00:39:25,522
Yeah. I think switching Tex
for Church was a good trade.
712
00:39:25,523 --> 00:39:28,802
It definitely seems like your killing
Church is starting to work out for us.
713
00:39:29,412 --> 00:39:31,958
Ya know ya think so? You
know, I was gonna say
714
00:39:31,959 --> 00:39:36,141
something but uh, well
you know, uh... nuh...
715
00:39:37,358 --> 00:39:38,340
Did Tex get in the base?
716
00:39:42,248 --> 00:39:42,748
Yeah.
717
00:39:45,454 --> 00:39:47,596
Blue team, flag returned.
718
00:39:48,363 --> 00:39:50,147
What the... who said that?
719
00:39:50,148 --> 00:39:53,671
Sorry, that was me. I uh,
I guess I had something
720
00:39:53,672 --> 00:39:56,548
stuck in my throat. Your
flag is back, by the way.
721
00:39:56,943 --> 00:39:58,569
Hey... it's Church.
722
00:39:59,253 --> 00:40:01,133
Yeah, it's me. Hey Caboose.
723
00:40:01,134 --> 00:40:03,664
Hey Church, what're you up to?
724
00:40:04,022 --> 00:40:07,620
Caboose, ah-huh-huh, I'm not really
here to make small-talk, okay?
725
00:40:08,059 --> 00:40:09,779
How'd you guys manage
to get your flag back?
726
00:40:10,284 --> 00:40:14,464
Wh, what? Oh, th, that flag?
We've always had that.
727
00:40:14,813 --> 00:40:17,458
Tucker, who do you think
you're trying to fool?
728
00:40:17,459 --> 00:40:20,496
Hey wait a second...
Where's Tex?
729
00:40:21,154 --> 00:40:23,383
I'm not really sure, he
said he was gonna go to
730
00:40:23,384 --> 00:40:26,325
the store, something
about uh, Elbow Grease.
731
00:40:26,326 --> 00:40:30,293
Oh great. This is so typical!
What was the one
732
00:40:30,294 --> 00:40:33,179
thing I told you guys the
last time I appeared?
733
00:40:33,602 --> 00:40:35,590
That Sidewinder is cold!?
734
00:40:35,892 --> 00:40:40,621
Nuhhhh, what was the other
one thing I told you?
735
00:40:40,945 --> 00:40:42,408
Not to let him get involved?
736
00:40:42,630 --> 00:40:44,736
Right. And what did you do?
737
00:40:45,693 --> 00:40:47,664
We let him get involved.
738
00:40:47,665 --> 00:40:50,104
And not just a little
involved, how involved?
739
00:40:50,415 --> 00:40:52,861
Very, very involved.
740
00:40:53,299 --> 00:40:53,983
Freeze.
741
00:40:57,552 --> 00:40:58,911
Drop your weapon.
742
00:41:00,767 --> 00:41:02,060
Hey buddy.
743
00:41:02,538 --> 00:41:03,188
What.
744
00:41:03,189 --> 00:41:06,896
You really better hope the
first one knocks me out.
745
00:41:09,578 --> 00:41:14,578
Ow, what the... My freakin' head. Jesus.
746
00:41:16,391 --> 00:41:20,237
He's hurt, Grif. He'll make it, but
we need to get him some help fast.
747
00:41:21,269 --> 00:41:24,234
Yeah, yeah hold on one second.
What happened here?
748
00:41:24,235 --> 00:41:25,577
W-First Donut's head
749
00:41:25,578 --> 00:41:30,498
exploded, and then you fainted, and then
some black thing showed up and started-
750
00:41:30,499 --> 00:41:34,578
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. I did not
faint, something knocked me out.
751
00:41:34,969 --> 00:41:38,375
Okay fine, keep lying to yourself.
Whatever helps you sleep at night.
752
00:41:38,903 --> 00:41:41,435
Man, just go find Sarge, we
need to get Donut outta here.
753
00:41:42,813 --> 00:41:47,195
Yeah sure, oh, and uh, I'm fine
by the way, thanks for asking.
754
00:41:47,894 --> 00:41:50,148
Whatever, noone likes you anyway.
755
00:41:51,806 --> 00:41:59,806
Yep, he's definitely captured... Or dead...
Captured or dead...
756
00:42:00,651 --> 00:42:04,011
Or captured and dead!
757
00:42:04,012 --> 00:42:06,757
Oh, well that's just perfect!
758
00:42:06,758 --> 00:42:10,357
What? What is your problem? Why do
you even care if he's captured,
759
00:42:10,358 --> 00:42:13,147
I thought you hated that guy anyway,
for stealing your girlfriend?
760
00:42:14,076 --> 00:42:18,487
I never said I hated Tex.
I just said that
761
00:42:18,488 --> 00:42:21,465
she was the reason why
we never got married.
762
00:42:21,466 --> 00:42:22,652
She?
763
00:42:23,179 --> 00:42:25,683
Sarge, we need to get Donut
air-lifted outta here.
764
00:42:26,154 --> 00:42:30,165
Could you put that in a memo, and
entitle it "Shit I already know!"
765
00:42:30,527 --> 00:42:34,397
Get on the horn with Command!
Well, look who's up.
766
00:42:34,629 --> 00:42:36,398
Rise 'n' shine, buttercup.
767
00:42:41,151 --> 00:42:48,015
Oh great... you broke my voice filter.
You cock biting fucktards!
768
00:42:48,624 --> 00:42:52,851
Ah-ha! I knew it! Only a chick
could give me a headache this big!
769
00:42:52,852 --> 00:42:54,787
How long have you
guys been out here?
770
00:42:54,788 --> 00:42:57,536
Let me get this straight... you're
telling me that the guy that
771
00:42:57,537 --> 00:43:00,929
showed up here, scared the living
shit out of us, shot at Caboose
772
00:43:01,191 --> 00:43:04,437
and beat the hell out of the reds wasn't
a guy at all? That he was a chick?
773
00:43:04,802 --> 00:43:07,128
And on top of that, she
was your ex-girlfriend?
774
00:43:07,579 --> 00:43:10,040
In a nutshell, yes.
That's an excellent summary.
775
00:43:10,476 --> 00:43:13,116
I should have known...
She didn't like me...
776
00:43:14,236 --> 00:43:16,584
Girls, never, like me.
777
00:43:16,585 --> 00:43:18,638
Caboose, I don't think anybody likes you.
778
00:43:18,874 --> 00:43:20,268
I like me...
779
00:43:20,269 --> 00:43:22,771
I don't think I've seen a girl
that mean before. Are you sure
780
00:43:22,772 --> 00:43:27,064
she's a chick? And not a guy?
Or like, part guy part shark?
781
00:43:27,594 --> 00:43:29,919
I'm pretty sure I'd know
if Tex was a guy. And I'm
782
00:43:29,920 --> 00:43:32,395
definitely sure I would
know if she was part shark.
783
00:43:32,396 --> 00:43:37,397
Way, oh, wait oh wait. If she's a
girl, then why is she named Tex?
784
00:43:37,398 --> 00:43:40,234
Uh... because she's from Texas.
785
00:43:42,016 --> 00:43:45,985
Trust me, it makes sense. And
you can't blame her for being
786
00:43:45,986 --> 00:43:48,857
so aggressive. It's not entirely
her fault to begin with.
787
00:43:48,858 --> 00:43:52,871
Right. You should blame God. First
he makes hangovers, and now, half
788
00:43:52,872 --> 00:43:55,598
women, half sharks that
won't even sleep with me.
789
00:43:55,913 --> 00:43:57,512
Thanks for nothing, God!
790
00:43:57,513 --> 00:44:00,812
Will you shut up with that? She
got recruited in to some kind of
791
00:44:00,813 --> 00:44:04,915
weird experimental program back
during basic where, they infused her
792
00:44:04,916 --> 00:44:08,359
armor with this really aggressive A.I.
I'm not really sure how it all
793
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:11,771
works, but all I know is it made
her meaner and tougher than hell.
794
00:44:11,954 --> 00:44:16,619
A.I... What's the A stand for?
795
00:44:16,851 --> 00:44:17,924
Artificial.
796
00:44:19,596 --> 00:44:20,919
...What's the I-
797
00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:22,532
Intelligence.
798
00:44:22,533 --> 00:44:24,750
Ooohhhhhhhhh what was the A again?
799
00:44:24,751 --> 00:44:25,969
Let's move on.
800
00:44:25,970 --> 00:44:31,141
So, the military put this program in her
head, and that program made her a killer.
801
00:44:31,471 --> 00:44:34,788
But underneath it all she's really
just a sweet, down-home girl?
802
00:44:34,789 --> 00:44:37,871
Oh hell no. She's always been
a rotten bitch, it's just
803
00:44:37,872 --> 00:44:40,476
now she's a rotten bitch with
cybernetic enhancements.
804
00:44:40,477 --> 00:44:43,134
Wow. Sounds like you really won
the lottery with that one.
805
00:44:43,491 --> 00:44:45,981
Good catch there
buddy, she's a keeper.
806
00:44:46,671 --> 00:44:49,831
So how're you doing, Caboose? Are you
following any of this whatsoever?
807
00:44:49,842 --> 00:44:55,922
I think so... That guy
Tex is really a robot, and
808
00:44:55,923 --> 00:45:02,211
you're his boyfriend. So that makes you...
a gay robot.
809
00:45:03,665 --> 00:45:07,546
Yeah... that's right... I'm a gay robot.
810
00:45:08,697 --> 00:45:11,001
So, you're a girl, huh?
811
00:45:13,335 --> 00:45:14,928
Just ignore him, that's what I do.
812
00:45:15,319 --> 00:45:17,849
Not so tough now that we
unloaded your weapon, are ya...
813
00:45:18,144 --> 00:45:21,088
Hey punk, I don't need
a weapon to kill you.
814
00:45:21,089 --> 00:45:23,667
Yeah, right. What're you
gonna do, punch me?
815
00:45:25,393 --> 00:45:26,892
Aaah, not the face!
816
00:45:26,893 --> 00:45:31,480
Well don't worry, because I have a great
plan for how we're gonna rescue Tex.
817
00:45:31,481 --> 00:45:36,755
A plan? Oh, man, I hate plans. That
means we're gonna have to do stuff.
818
00:45:37,142 --> 00:45:40,340
Can't we just have a strategy,
or ...mission statement?
819
00:45:40,341 --> 00:45:43,472
I just need you guys to run a
distraction, while I spring Tex.
820
00:45:43,895 --> 00:45:47,956
Distraction? Heh. That
sounds a lot like "decoy."
821
00:45:48,319 --> 00:45:51,419
The way I see it, the reds have
absolutely no idea how many
822
00:45:51,420 --> 00:45:54,408
freelancers we have out here.
So all I need from the two
823
00:45:54,409 --> 00:45:56,820
of you, is to run around in
the middle of the canyon,
824
00:45:57,059 --> 00:46:00,129
wearing black armor, while I
sneak in the back of the base.
825
00:46:00,642 --> 00:46:04,798
Sounds good. But Church, where the hell are
we gonna get two suits of black armor?
826
00:46:07,959 --> 00:46:09,695
...Oh fuckberries...
827
00:46:13,341 --> 00:46:14,631
Are you okay, Tucker?
828
00:46:14,632 --> 00:46:15,611
Yeah, I'm fine.
829
00:46:17,593 --> 00:46:18,778
Come on Caboose!
830
00:46:19,048 --> 00:46:20,392
Does it hurt?!
831
00:46:20,393 --> 00:46:21,539
No, not at all!
832
00:46:22,130 --> 00:46:24,436
Okay! Here I come!
833
00:46:26,291 --> 00:46:27,545
Does it hurt for real?
834
00:46:27,546 --> 00:46:29,428
Oho, yeah. Big time.
835
00:46:32,265 --> 00:46:33,923
Owwchie.
836
00:46:35,587 --> 00:46:37,030
You lied to me.
837
00:46:37,031 --> 00:46:42,832
Ah, dammit. Lopez. C'm'ere. Do
you see something out there?
838
00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:48,123
There's no L in it, it's pronounced both.
839
00:46:48,124 --> 00:46:50,890
That's what I'm saying. Bolth.
840
00:46:50,891 --> 00:46:51,594
Both.
841
00:46:51,595 --> 00:46:54,072
You sound like such an
ass the way you say it.
842
00:46:54,073 --> 00:46:58,593
Grif! Quit your yammering and get
your kicker up here. Need some help.
843
00:46:59,171 --> 00:47:01,955
Got more of them Special Ops
fellas headed toward the base.
844
00:47:02,274 --> 00:47:06,504
As in... more than one? Uh,
maybe we should both go, sir.
845
00:47:06,839 --> 00:47:08,144
Both.
846
00:47:08,145 --> 00:47:10,499
Seriously man, like an ass.
847
00:47:10,972 --> 00:47:14,639
Well, well. Another brilliant
idea from the thinktank.
848
00:47:14,930 --> 00:47:16,414
Why don't you both come up.
Leave
849
00:47:16,415 --> 00:47:19,333
the prisoner alone. We
could just put her on
850
00:47:19,334 --> 00:47:21,501
the honor system, have
her guard herself.
851
00:47:21,502 --> 00:47:22,398
Good point sir.
852
00:47:22,637 --> 00:47:25,155
YOU'RE GOD DAMN RIGHT IT IS!
Now get your ass up
853
00:47:25,156 --> 00:47:27,638
here, we got just enough
time for me to spraypaint
854
00:47:27,639 --> 00:47:32,183
the bullseye on your back...
Ah, by bullseye I
855
00:47:32,443 --> 00:47:36,793
of course mean camouflage.
Now move it, cupcake.
856
00:47:37,573 --> 00:47:39,791
Yeah... I'll be right up.
857
00:47:40,365 --> 00:47:44,953
Hey Tucker, come in man, are you there?
This is Church, it's working. The orange
858
00:47:44,954 --> 00:47:50,610
one is coming out of the base. I repeat,
the orange one is coming out of the base.
859
00:47:51,084 --> 00:47:52,054
Roger that.
860
00:47:52,055 --> 00:47:54,943
Oh, oh oh oh, Tucker, Tucker Tucker.
Is that, is that Church?
861
00:47:55,151 --> 00:47:59,426
Tell him, that I... I said...
for me to say hi?
862
00:47:59,427 --> 00:48:02,120
Whoa wait wait, hey. What?
I missed that, Caboose
863
00:48:02,121 --> 00:48:04,916
was talking to me. Shut
up man, I'm on the radio.
864
00:48:05,756 --> 00:48:07,408
I said, just keep movin-
865
00:48:07,409 --> 00:48:09,375
I'm not yelling, I'm just
telling you to let me
866
00:48:09,376 --> 00:48:12,377
finish talking to Church...
No, I'll tell him
867
00:48:12,378 --> 00:48:16,144
you said 'hi' later. No you
can't talk to him. How
868
00:48:16,145 --> 00:48:18,301
could you possibly talk
to him on my headset?
869
00:48:18,624 --> 00:48:23,417
Oh my God. I can't believe I
actually died for this war.
870
00:48:25,117 --> 00:48:26,471
I don't see any...
871
00:48:26,751 --> 00:48:28,988
Uh uh, yep, there's one.
872
00:48:31,784 --> 00:48:33,751
Why is he just standing there?
873
00:48:33,752 --> 00:48:37,003
Caboose, get behind the rock.
They can still see you.
874
00:48:37,004 --> 00:48:40,837
They can't see me. I can't see them!
875
00:48:41,008 --> 00:48:43,420
That's because you're facing the rock.
876
00:48:43,719 --> 00:48:45,057
Oh. Right.
877
00:48:46,049 --> 00:48:48,197
Real smooth, dipshit.
878
00:48:48,198 --> 00:48:52,356
They're definitely Special Ops.
I ain't seen troop movements
879
00:48:52,357 --> 00:48:55,827
this coordinated since my days
on Sidewi... geekagerger!
880
00:48:55,947 --> 00:48:57,825
Sir, are you okay?
881
00:48:58,729 --> 00:49:01,185
Uh, who you talking to, Red, me?
882
00:49:01,501 --> 00:49:06,641
No. I'm talking to Lopez. Because,
you know, that's real rewarding.
883
00:49:08,517 --> 00:49:09,976
Hey, what'd I tell you about that?
884
00:49:10,062 --> 00:49:16,245
Oh, uh I, I'm fine, that's... I'm
just so mad about, these uh, God
885
00:49:16,246 --> 00:49:20,181
damn blues out here. 'tslike I'm
so God damn mad, I could spit!
886
00:49:23,702 --> 00:49:27,098
...Um, sir? Did you just
spit inside your own helmet?
887
00:49:27,099 --> 00:49:29,902
Uh, yeah. I guess I did.
888
00:49:29,903 --> 00:49:31,192
Permission to speak freely, sir?
889
00:49:31,193 --> 00:49:32,115
Go ahead.
890
00:49:32,116 --> 00:49:33,557
That's really fucking gross.
891
00:49:33,558 --> 00:49:34,560
Hey Tucker?
892
00:49:34,561 --> 00:49:35,372
What?
893
00:49:35,787 --> 00:49:39,997
I'm having a really good time...
with... you.
894
00:49:39,998 --> 00:49:41,295
That's great, Caboose.
895
00:49:41,296 --> 00:49:44,703
Yeah, it's like we're real soldiers.
896
00:49:45,025 --> 00:49:47,240
Would you please go hide
behind another rock?
897
00:49:49,233 --> 00:49:51,640
Hey man. What's up yo?
898
00:49:51,911 --> 00:49:55,816
Uh... hey... what's going on out there sir?
899
00:49:56,213 --> 00:49:59,937
What's uh, why, nothin'. Why would
you ask if something's wrong?
900
00:49:59,938 --> 00:50:02,665
I think that's a perfectly normal
question in a time of war.
901
00:50:02,943 --> 00:50:07,003
Yeah well, I don't know. You're
starting to act kinda suspicious
902
00:50:07,004 --> 00:50:11,412
there, ...other red guy. So
I'm keeping my eye on you.
903
00:50:11,413 --> 00:50:13,312
Sarge, I'm starting to think that-
904
00:50:13,587 --> 00:50:15,393
Ow, geez, the back of my head!
905
00:50:15,394 --> 00:50:16,776
What the hell are you doing!?
906
00:50:17,307 --> 00:50:20,542
Tex! It's me, Church!
I've come to rescue you.
907
00:50:20,738 --> 00:50:22,472
You're kind of short to be Church.
908
00:50:22,634 --> 00:50:25,423
What? Oh yeah, right. The armor.
909
00:50:25,424 --> 00:50:33,281
Harurgh! What in sam Hell?
Where the-Who spit on my visor?
910
00:50:33,653 --> 00:50:37,173
Tex, there's not much time to explain, so I'm
just gonna give you the summary here, okay?
911
00:50:37,324 --> 00:50:41,788
I'm a spirit now, and I'm trapped in the physical world.
I possessed this red guy, so that
912
00:50:41,789 --> 00:50:45,969
I could sneak in to the base and rescue you,
while the rest of our guys run around out
913
00:50:45,970 --> 00:50:48,010
in the middle of the canyon,
dressed in black armor,
914
00:50:48,152 --> 00:50:50,032
that they got from going through
the teleporter.
915
00:50:50,885 --> 00:50:51,385
...Okay.
916
00:50:51,653 --> 00:50:56,003
What... that's it? Okay? You're
not surprised by any of this?
917
00:50:56,248 --> 00:50:58,970
No, it pretty much all makes sense.
918
00:50:58,971 --> 00:51:01,498
Not even the whole "Church
is a ghost" thing?
919
00:51:01,499 --> 00:51:02,822
That didn't do anything for ya?
920
00:51:02,823 --> 00:51:05,166
I can see right through
you, it's pretty obvious...
921
00:51:05,723 --> 00:51:08,444
Okay, well, let me hop back in
this guy and we'll get outta here.
922
00:51:09,694 --> 00:51:10,548
Harurghk!
923
00:51:11,069 --> 00:51:12,229
What're you doing?
924
00:51:12,230 --> 00:51:20,230
One of the reds has Tex. I'm going to
shoot him, and kill him, and free Tex.
925
00:51:21,675 --> 00:51:26,426
Then Church will forgive me for
killing him, and we will be friends.
926
00:51:28,022 --> 00:51:31,374
Oh, come on, you don't actually
believe any of that, do you?
927
00:51:31,748 --> 00:51:35,632
Ohhh, we're gonna be best friends.
928
00:51:36,023 --> 00:51:39,019
Alright, I'll make one more
distraction, then you run up
929
00:51:39,020 --> 00:51:44,940
to the teleporter, and escape.
Ready? One... Two... Three!
930
00:51:45,665 --> 00:51:52,907
What the? Where did my body go?
Oh, you've gotta be KIDDING me!
931
00:51:52,908 --> 00:51:53,995
Tucker did it!
932
00:51:55,472 --> 00:51:56,549
(echoing) Hello?
933
00:52:03,855 --> 00:52:06,605
Hello?
I said hello?
934
00:52:08,569 --> 00:52:11,011
Hel-o. Is anybody out here?
935
00:52:12,201 --> 00:52:15,712
Holy cow, would you stop yelling? I'm here.
936
00:52:17,632 --> 00:52:19,073
What is this place?
937
00:52:19,544 --> 00:52:25,153
Well, that's... kinda hard to explain.
Uhm...
938
00:52:25,154 --> 00:52:28,971
You were shot in the head, buddy.
So, here you are.
939
00:52:29,832 --> 00:52:30,954
Am I dead?
940
00:52:31,295 --> 00:52:35,749
Are you dead, well, yeah,
that's how I ended up here.
941
00:52:35,963 --> 00:52:37,873
Are you some kinda Angel?
942
00:52:38,275 --> 00:52:39,826
Aheh heh heh... am I an angel..
943
00:52:40,930 --> 00:52:45,008
Uh, yeah, actually, I am, I'm an Angel.
Um, do you wanna go to Heaven?
944
00:52:45,009 --> 00:52:47,068
'Cause it's, like,
ten bucks to get in.
945
00:52:47,069 --> 00:52:51,738
Well I uh, I didn't really bring any,
I mean, my wallet's back in the car.
946
00:52:51,739 --> 00:52:54,650
Hey you don't have it there, huh?
Well uh, that's too bad.
947
00:52:55,748 --> 00:52:58,137
Pretty crappy reason to be
damned to Hell for an eternity.
948
00:52:58,138 --> 00:52:59,451
I don't remember dyin'
949
00:52:59,932 --> 00:53:03,708
Yeah, that's my fault too. I was...
sort of possessing your
950
00:53:03,709 --> 00:53:06,914
body at the time that you were shot.
Sorry about that.
951
00:53:06,915 --> 00:53:09,221
Hold on a second, that ain't fair.
952
00:53:09,222 --> 00:53:13,799
Not fair? Yeah, join the fricking club.
I got shot by my own tank.
953
00:53:14,376 --> 00:53:15,774
Target locked.
954
00:53:16,437 --> 00:53:21,244
Oh ha ha, very funny Sheila. Shut up. You
know I still haven't forgiven you. I didn't
955
00:53:21,245 --> 00:53:26,359
say you could talk to me yet. Go there and
get, go, get, go for the base. Shoo, shoo!
956
00:53:31,747 --> 00:53:35,997
Sarge! Don't you give up on me soldier,
do you hear me? I'm ordering you!
957
00:53:35,998 --> 00:53:38,505
Who is that? Who's there?
958
00:53:38,506 --> 00:53:40,141
Looks like your guys are
trying to save you.
959
00:53:40,142 --> 00:53:43,872
You gotta breathe, man! You gotta
pull through! Come on, Sarge!
960
00:53:44,204 --> 00:53:47,104
That is not the way you were
trained to do that, Private!
961
00:53:47,330 --> 00:53:48,535
He can't hear you.
962
00:53:48,536 --> 00:53:51,931
Grif, this isn't working. We
have to try something else.
963
00:53:51,932 --> 00:53:54,046
If he gives you mouth
to mouth, I'm leaving.
964
00:53:55,308 --> 00:53:57,008
...Maybe you should give
him mouth to mouth.
965
00:53:57,009 --> 00:53:58,226
I'm leaving.
966
00:53:58,227 --> 00:54:01,169
I can't believe how hard
they're trying to save me.
967
00:54:01,170 --> 00:54:04,718
Why wouldn't they? I mean, my team
didn't, but, why wouldn't yours?
968
00:54:04,719 --> 00:54:06,477
I thought they didn't like me.
969
00:54:06,803 --> 00:54:09,990
Aw, don't sell yourself short.
I don't even know ya, and
970
00:54:09,991 --> 00:54:12,626
here I am about to guide you
to Heaven for only five bucks.
971
00:54:12,627 --> 00:54:17,439
Hold on, if you're an Angel, how
come you ain't got no wings?
972
00:54:17,440 --> 00:54:19,895
Because nobody rang a
bell, ah heh heh heh.
973
00:54:19,896 --> 00:54:21,712
Seriously, do you have
the money or don't you?
974
00:54:21,713 --> 00:54:26,399
Oh I feel the worst about Grif.
I always made fun of him.
975
00:54:27,361 --> 00:54:31,458
I never even told
him, he was my son.
976
00:54:31,459 --> 00:54:34,198
No way, the orange guy is your son?
977
00:54:34,199 --> 00:54:37,836
Naw, I just wanted to screw
with him one last time.
978
00:54:37,837 --> 00:54:41,638
But now I'll never
get that chance.
979
00:54:42,100 --> 00:54:44,751
He's breathing! We saved Sarge!
980
00:54:44,752 --> 00:54:45,907
I'm what?
981
00:54:45,908 --> 00:54:46,836
He's what?
982
00:54:47,666 --> 00:54:51,416
Well I'll be a monkey's... they saved me.
983
00:54:52,470 --> 00:54:56,470
What? No, come back! We
need to even the sides!
984
00:54:56,471 --> 00:55:02,570
Thanks for your help, wingless Angel fella!
Will I remember any of this?
985
00:55:03,371 --> 00:55:05,494
Yes, but only if you give me two dollars!
986
00:55:08,450 --> 00:55:11,895
There. What... what happened here?
987
00:55:12,312 --> 00:55:15,850
Sir, you got shot in the head, so
we gave you CPR and saved you, sir.
988
00:55:16,028 --> 00:55:19,095
I always believed in you, Simmons.
989
00:55:19,096 --> 00:55:22,416
Uh, actually, it's Grif
you should thank sir.
990
00:55:22,417 --> 00:55:23,307
He did all the work.
991
00:55:23,625 --> 00:55:24,715
Grif?
992
00:55:25,031 --> 00:55:25,951
Yes sir.
993
00:55:27,091 --> 00:55:31,766
Grif, why in Hell would you
give somebody CPR for a bullet
994
00:55:31,767 --> 00:55:35,897
wound in the head!? That
doesn't make a lick of sense.
995
00:55:36,090 --> 00:55:38,873
You're welcome, sir.
996
00:55:39,124 --> 00:55:44,775
I mean it's all so damn inconsistent. What would you do if
they stabbed me in the toe, rub my neck with aloe vera?
997
00:55:47,318 --> 00:55:49,745
Dude, this is sweet! Command
was so happy that I got
998
00:55:49,969 --> 00:55:52,589
the blue flag, they gave
me my own color armor!
999
00:55:55,667 --> 00:55:57,126
Uh... hey Donut?
1000
00:55:57,480 --> 00:55:57,955
What?
1001
00:55:57,956 --> 00:55:59,824
Um, about your armor...
1002
00:56:00,039 --> 00:56:01,306
What about it?
1003
00:56:01,307 --> 00:56:07,477
How do I put this... Your armor is, um...
It's a little, um...
1004
00:56:08,407 --> 00:56:10,090
Grif, uh, you wanna
help me out here?
1005
00:56:10,349 --> 00:56:13,067
It's pink. Your armor is fricking pink!
1006
00:56:13,383 --> 00:56:16,547
Yeah, that's it. Pink.
1007
00:56:16,728 --> 00:56:18,680
Pink, my armor's not pink.
1008
00:56:18,826 --> 00:56:19,823
Pink.
1009
00:56:19,824 --> 00:56:21,672
Yeah, definitely pink.
1010
00:56:22,002 --> 00:56:26,208
You guys are colorblind. Why
would they give me pink armor?
1011
00:56:26,463 --> 00:56:28,649
Hey, donask, dontell.
1012
00:56:28,965 --> 00:56:31,230
Heh, that's not funny.
1013
00:56:31,231 --> 00:56:33,787
It's a little funny.
1014
00:56:33,788 --> 00:56:38,127
Look at it, it's not pink. It's like uh...
a lightish red.
1015
00:56:38,690 --> 00:56:41,700
Guess what: they already have
a color for lightish red.
1016
00:56:41,701 --> 00:56:43,511
You know what it's called?
Pink.
1017
00:56:44,859 --> 00:56:46,058
I hate you guys.
1018
00:56:46,944 --> 00:56:51,492
Well hello, dirtbags... and
a fine hello to you, madam.
1019
00:56:51,678 --> 00:56:53,312
It's light red.
1020
00:56:54,366 --> 00:56:56,421
Don't get your panties
in a wad there, Barbie.
1021
00:56:57,822 --> 00:56:59,329
Do you have a package for me?
1022
00:56:59,731 --> 00:57:00,548
Yessir.
1023
00:57:00,669 --> 00:57:01,730
Excellent.
1024
00:57:01,731 --> 00:57:04,080
They said this speech unit
should work with Lopez.
1025
00:57:05,260 --> 00:57:06,617
Speech unit?
1026
00:57:06,618 --> 00:57:07,476
Here you go.
1027
00:57:07,834 --> 00:57:11,252
Affirmative. Command was
fresh out of speech modules
1028
00:57:11,253 --> 00:57:14,181
when I first started
building Lopez, but once I
1029
00:57:14,182 --> 00:57:17,276
get this baby installed,
I'll finally have someone
1030
00:57:17,277 --> 00:57:21,355
intelligent to talk to...
No offense, Simmons.
1031
00:57:21,927 --> 00:57:23,808
Oh, don't worry, I know who you meant sir.
1032
00:57:23,809 --> 00:57:26,358
Wait a second, Lopez is a robot?
1033
00:57:26,359 --> 00:57:29,044
Of course he is. You didn't
notice that he never talks?
1034
00:57:29,045 --> 00:57:31,424
I just thought he was a really quiet guy.
1035
00:57:31,982 --> 00:57:36,580
And the fact that he sleeps standing up and
drinks motor oil didn't get your attention.
1036
00:57:36,581 --> 00:57:39,139
Well I, I did think the motor
oil thing was a bit odd...
1037
00:57:39,699 --> 00:57:41,681
Uh, I just thought he was
trying to impress me.
1038
00:57:41,947 --> 00:57:45,780
Hey, sir. You really should ground
yourself before handling that card.
1039
00:57:46,063 --> 00:57:46,981
How come?
1040
00:57:46,982 --> 00:57:49,204
Because static could damage the card.
1041
00:57:49,205 --> 00:57:52,687
Come on. That's an urban legend they
use to sell those stupid bracelets.
1042
00:57:53,791 --> 00:57:57,272
And I suppose pop rocks and soda's
gonna make my stomach blow up!
1043
00:57:57,599 --> 00:57:58,540
Yow!
1044
00:57:58,816 --> 00:58:01,176
Sir. I won't say I told you so, sir.
1045
00:58:01,531 --> 00:58:05,774
Good. I'd hate to make Strawberry
Shortcake here my new favorite Private.
1046
00:58:05,910 --> 00:58:08,702
It's not pink, it's lightish red!
1047
00:58:10,163 --> 00:58:16,093
Ah, man, uh, you know, this
stuff does not come off easy?
1048
00:58:16,619 --> 00:58:20,698
Yeah, this was a lot easier when
we were cleaning just my armor.
1049
00:58:20,699 --> 00:58:25,457
Yeah, I know that, that's I think because
you know uh, you didn't do anything.
1050
00:58:26,009 --> 00:58:28,520
I'm sorry, what? It's
kind of hard to hear you
1051
00:58:28,521 --> 00:58:30,554
over the sound of your
constant team-killing.
1052
00:58:30,828 --> 00:58:34,526
Ah, ah, aaahhhh ha ha
ha ha ah yeah, ah yeah
1053
00:58:34,527 --> 00:58:38,834
aha, ahhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Don't make me mad.
1054
00:58:38,835 --> 00:58:43,403
So, what happened to me anyway? I recall
something about a spider on my head?
1055
00:58:43,542 --> 00:58:45,587
Right. That was a grenade.
1056
00:58:45,588 --> 00:58:50,197
And the last thing I remember, is a
loud bang, and then Simmons fainting...
1057
00:58:50,519 --> 00:58:52,007
Ha! Told you so!
1058
00:58:52,014 --> 00:58:53,300
I did not faint.
1059
00:58:54,106 --> 00:59:00,242
Done and done. Lopez. Activate speech unit!
1060
00:59:02,243 --> 00:59:09,059
Buenos días. Y la gracias da por activar
mi función del discurso. Soy el número de
1061
00:59:09,060 --> 00:59:12,476
modelo cero uno cero uno uno tres...
1062
00:59:12,477 --> 00:59:14,957
Am I the only one not
understanding any of this?
1063
00:59:15,297 --> 00:59:16,982
Me llamo es Lopez.
1064
00:59:16,983 --> 00:59:20,843
Lopez, he just said Lopez!
I understood that.
1065
00:59:21,173 --> 00:59:22,611
I can speak Spanish!
1066
00:59:23,142 --> 00:59:26,896
Lopez. Speak, English.
1067
00:59:27,641 --> 00:59:33,117
Mi procesador Inglés tiene malfunctioned.
Sé habla solamente español.
1068
00:59:33,319 --> 00:59:37,588
Huh, I think you shorted out his
speech unit with that static, sir.
1069
00:59:38,366 --> 00:59:41,148
Maybe Princess Peach here
picked up the wrong model.
1070
00:59:41,275 --> 00:59:44,297
Seriously dude. For the last time.
Not pink.
1071
00:59:44,298 --> 00:59:50,562
Lopez. I order you to speak
a language we understand.
1072
00:59:50,804 --> 00:59:51,973
Negativo.
1073
00:59:51,974 --> 00:59:59,974
Well this is just dandy. Lopez. How,
do, we, fix, your, speech, u, -nit?
1074
01:00:03,047 --> 01:00:06,324
Why are you talking so slow?
He understands us just fine.
1075
01:00:06,325 --> 01:00:08,202
Maybe you should try
listening slower.
1076
01:00:08,491 --> 01:00:11,123
Lopez, would you like to shoot Grif?
1077
01:00:11,220 --> 01:00:13,566
Sí señor. Gracias.
1078
01:00:15,494 --> 01:00:17,560
As far as I'm concerned,
I'm square with you.
1079
01:00:18,079 --> 01:00:22,172
I saved you from a life of imprisonment.
How the hell are you square with me?
1080
01:00:23,632 --> 01:00:26,885
Because I didn't kill
you back at Sidewinder.
1081
01:00:28,240 --> 01:00:29,910
You know, I don't really
see how not killing
1082
01:00:29,911 --> 01:00:32,859
somebody is the same thing
as doing them a favor.
1083
01:00:33,732 --> 01:00:37,161
Well, if you don't appreciate it,
I could just kill you right now.
1084
01:00:37,162 --> 01:00:40,892
No you can't, I'm already dead, bitch!
I guess the joke's on you!
1085
01:00:40,893 --> 01:00:48,893
Stop it! Stop fighting. Can't you see that
you're tearing us apart? WHAT ABOUT US?
1086
01:00:50,093 --> 01:00:51,415
What about you?
1087
01:00:51,690 --> 01:00:58,018
We helped you too. And what do we get?
Nothing!
1088
01:00:58,019 --> 01:00:59,155
Well yeah, but...
1089
01:00:59,156 --> 01:01:01,443
Yeah, but nothin'. He's got a point.
1090
01:01:01,724 --> 01:01:03,468
I did help them get the flag back.
1091
01:01:03,753 --> 01:01:07,565
Yeah, but you were paid to do that. We
rescued you as a favor. We could have just
1092
01:01:07,566 --> 01:01:10,738
let you rot in the red army prison, it
wouldn't have made any difference to us.
1093
01:01:11,315 --> 01:01:14,962
Fine, I'll stay here as long as it
takes to help you guys win this thing.
1094
01:01:15,724 --> 01:01:19,692
As soon as I have, I'm outta here.
What do you need me to do?
1095
01:01:20,112 --> 01:01:23,453
I have no idea. If you knew how to fix
a tank, I would have you do that.
1096
01:01:23,918 --> 01:01:24,899
...okay.
1097
01:01:25,398 --> 01:01:30,713
Wait, you know how to fix Sheila?
...I love you.
1098
01:01:30,714 --> 01:01:34,675
Entonces la décias "tu nos
pesos más, yo peso más."
1099
01:01:34,676 --> 01:01:38,174
Entonces pusieron los de
nuestros cuerpos sobre la
1100
01:01:38,175 --> 01:01:41,597
escala y fue determinado quién
tenía el peso más grande.
1101
01:01:41,709 --> 01:01:46,092
Después de eso me llamarían
Lopez la Pesado.
1102
01:01:46,444 --> 01:01:49,485
Man. First he doesn't
talk at all, and now we
1103
01:01:49,486 --> 01:01:51,421
can't get him to shut up.
What's he saying?
1104
01:01:51,728 --> 01:01:52,942
What're you asking me for?
1105
01:01:53,088 --> 01:01:57,797
Well you know, because you're of
uh, a Latino persuasion.
1106
01:01:57,983 --> 01:02:00,700
Simmons isn't a Spanish name, you dumbass.
I'm Dutch Irish.
1107
01:02:00,832 --> 01:02:01,926
But I thought-
1108
01:02:01,927 --> 01:02:02,630
What.
1109
01:02:02,765 --> 01:02:04,197
Eh, never mind.
1110
01:02:06,538 --> 01:02:07,663
...I'm from Iowa.
1111
01:02:07,664 --> 01:02:08,860
Nobody cares!
1112
01:02:12,557 --> 01:02:15,108
Okay, take it easy guys,
when I was over at
1113
01:02:15,109 --> 01:02:16,982
the red base, I saw that
they've already got
1114
01:02:16,983 --> 01:02:19,825
their jeep fixed. So
whatever you do, don't let
1115
01:02:19,826 --> 01:02:22,875
'em see us before we get
Sheila back online.
1116
01:02:23,582 --> 01:02:27,833
Okay, okay. Even if we get
Sheila fixed, how are we going
1117
01:02:27,834 --> 01:02:30,829
to turn her over, I mean it's
not as if we could just lift!
1118
01:02:32,527 --> 01:02:36,311
Oh.
She is a very strong lady.
1119
01:02:37,082 --> 01:02:39,550
I'm the one that's the least visible,
so I'm gonna head up here to higher
1120
01:02:39,551 --> 01:02:43,472
ground, I'll keep an eye on the red base.
If I see anything, I'll let you know.
1121
01:02:43,737 --> 01:02:45,564
Great, I'll come with you!
1122
01:02:45,854 --> 01:02:47,635
That kinda defeats the purpose, Caboose.
1123
01:02:48,452 --> 01:02:53,013
Okay. What if I'm really... really...
1124
01:02:53,935 --> 01:02:54,757
quiet?
1125
01:02:55,299 --> 01:02:58,394
Do you even understand what
the term 'visibility' means?
1126
01:02:58,395 --> 01:03:03,005
Ah hah hah, uhh.... good one Church.
1127
01:03:03,006 --> 01:03:04,911
Seriously. You don't know
what it means, do you.
1128
01:03:05,083 --> 01:03:06,354
Uh no.
1129
01:03:07,337 --> 01:03:11,624
Caboose, just stay here man, and try not to
swallow your tongue or anything like that.
1130
01:03:12,498 --> 01:03:15,244
Just watch the red base, and
tell us if you see any movement.
1131
01:03:17,749 --> 01:03:21,030
So, I suppose if you're helping us,
you're not as mean as I thought.
1132
01:03:21,619 --> 01:03:25,568
I wouldn't say I'm mean, I just
get hired to do mean things.
1133
01:03:25,569 --> 01:03:27,025
Yeah, but you like it.
1134
01:03:27,892 --> 01:03:30,166
Well I think it's important
to enjoy what you do.
1135
01:03:30,167 --> 01:03:37,118
So let's say I paid you to kill Caboose.
You would still do it, right?
1136
01:03:37,119 --> 01:03:38,887
Even though you're
supposed to be helping us?
1137
01:03:39,860 --> 01:03:44,007
Is this a hypothetical discussion,
or should we start talking numbers?
1138
01:03:44,008 --> 01:03:46,241
Yeah, I don't wanna talk
about this any more.
1139
01:03:46,242 --> 01:03:47,460
Hey Tucker!
1140
01:03:47,461 --> 01:03:48,130
What!?
1141
01:03:48,131 --> 01:03:50,771
What the hell is my body
still doing up here?
1142
01:03:50,772 --> 01:03:53,536
That's part of being dead, Church.
Your body doesn't really move
1143
01:03:53,537 --> 01:03:56,806
around much any more. Maybe you haven't
fully grasped the concept yet.
1144
01:03:56,807 --> 01:03:58,806
Alright, well let me
rephrase that then. Why
1145
01:03:58,807 --> 01:04:01,349
in the hell haven't you
buried my body yet?
1146
01:04:01,350 --> 01:04:05,152
Buried? With what? All we
have are pistols and rifles.
1147
01:04:05,490 --> 01:04:07,811
What do you want me to
do, shoot you a grave?
1148
01:04:07,812 --> 01:04:09,826
Well then how about
shipping me back home. You
1149
01:04:09,827 --> 01:04:12,367
know, let the loved ones
pay a little respect.
1150
01:04:12,368 --> 01:04:16,150
Well Church, here's your girlfriend.
Tex, as one of
1151
01:04:16,151 --> 01:04:19,259
Church's loved ones, would you
like to pay your respects?
1152
01:04:22,300 --> 01:04:25,404
That was a stirring eulogy.
Rest in peace, good buddy!
1153
01:04:34,669 --> 01:04:35,744
I am not happy about this.
1154
01:04:36,368 --> 01:04:43,149
I have an idea... I have an idea!
1155
01:04:43,150 --> 01:04:46,474
Yeah, we heard you the first time,
Caboose, we were just ignoring you.
1156
01:04:46,475 --> 01:04:49,541
Since you possessed that
red guy, and took control
1157
01:04:49,542 --> 01:04:54,620
of him, why don't you just
possess your own body?
1158
01:04:55,030 --> 01:04:59,208
Oh I see, so that way I would be
living inside of my own dead body.
1159
01:04:59,671 --> 01:05:00,189
Yes.
1160
01:05:00,300 --> 01:05:05,303
Unable to move, just, laying there,
rotting in the sun for all eternity.
1161
01:05:05,304 --> 01:05:06,395
Yes.
1162
01:05:06,396 --> 01:05:08,887
Okay Caboose, I'll be sure
to get right on that.
1163
01:05:09,375 --> 01:05:11,360
I think you are a mean ghost.
1164
01:05:11,361 --> 01:05:12,558
Dude, you really stink.
1165
01:05:13,302 --> 01:05:13,802
What?
1166
01:05:14,222 --> 01:05:15,960
Your body, it stinks.
1167
01:05:16,329 --> 01:05:20,156
Tucker, the first chance we get,
you are going to bury my body.
1168
01:05:20,599 --> 01:05:23,343
Quit your bitching, nothing's
going to happen to it.
1169
01:05:23,344 --> 01:05:26,642
It's a freaking indignity!
My body fought hard for
1170
01:05:26,643 --> 01:05:29,726
this army, and it deserves
to be laid to rest.
1171
01:05:30,161 --> 01:05:33,828
Get over it, you're already dead.
What's the worst that could happen now?
1172
01:05:34,246 --> 01:05:40,497
Hey, Church, look, birds!
Why are they flying around in circles?
1173
01:05:40,498 --> 01:05:41,892
Nuh, God.
1174
01:05:42,695 --> 01:05:49,410
Okay, I'll go again. I spy
something, that begins with...
1175
01:05:49,411 --> 01:05:50,312
Dirt.
1176
01:05:50,313 --> 01:05:51,643
Damn! How did you-
1177
01:05:51,644 --> 01:05:53,975
Well, because you did rock last time.
That's
1178
01:05:53,976 --> 01:05:56,470
all that's out here,
is rock and dirt.
1179
01:05:57,285 --> 01:05:59,394
Yeah, this canyon sucks.
1180
01:05:59,395 --> 01:06:01,971
How long do you figure
until Tex fixes the tank?
1181
01:06:02,244 --> 01:06:05,194
Not much longer, she said it's
going pretty well. The gun's
1182
01:06:05,195 --> 01:06:07,239
almost working, and then
she'll get it moving again.
1183
01:06:07,240 --> 01:06:08,981
Oh, that's just fantastic.
1184
01:06:09,495 --> 01:06:11,000
Why would that upset you?
1185
01:06:11,001 --> 01:06:13,202
Because as soon as she gets
the tank online, she's gonna
1186
01:06:13,231 --> 01:06:15,854
use it against the reds,
and they're all gonna die.
1187
01:06:15,977 --> 01:06:17,670
The reds dying is a good thing.
1188
01:06:17,938 --> 01:06:23,293
No Tucker, it's not a good thing. As soon
as we beat the reds, Tex is outta here.
1189
01:06:24,042 --> 01:06:27,282
And I still haven't figured out a way
to get that A.I. out of her head.
1190
01:06:27,283 --> 01:06:28,924
A.I.
1191
01:06:28,925 --> 01:06:32,553
Shut up, Caboose. And if I don't
get it out before she leaves...
1192
01:06:32,554 --> 01:06:34,443
If she leaves you won't
ever find her again.
1193
01:06:34,444 --> 01:06:35,269
Right.
1194
01:06:35,270 --> 01:06:36,453
So what're you gonna do?
1195
01:06:36,715 --> 01:06:39,619
I guess I'm gonna do the
only thing that I can do.
1196
01:06:40,013 --> 01:06:42,677
I have to warn the reds
before she fixes the tank.
1197
01:06:42,769 --> 01:06:44,305
You're switching sides?
1198
01:06:44,306 --> 01:06:46,759
Sorry guys. I don't have much choice.
1199
01:06:47,195 --> 01:06:54,067
Church, uh, wha, what happens
when the reds out here, to stop
1200
01:06:54,384 --> 01:06:59,365
Tex, and then they come also
with guns and they find us?
1201
01:06:59,661 --> 01:07:03,389
I'll try to help you as best I can.
Good luck guys.
1202
01:07:04,366 --> 01:07:07,058
Does this mean I should
try to kill Church now?
1203
01:07:07,059 --> 01:07:10,732
I tell you what. Kill me.
I promise not to come back.
1204
01:07:12,874 --> 01:07:16,009
Hey! Look at this!
1205
01:07:16,383 --> 01:07:17,193
No.
1206
01:07:17,194 --> 01:07:20,680
They have, a girl. They have a girl!
1207
01:07:20,838 --> 01:07:21,918
A what?
1208
01:07:21,919 --> 01:07:24,499
A girl, a girl! Look, pink armor!
1209
01:07:24,712 --> 01:07:27,388
Oh man, how come they get a girl?
1210
01:07:27,823 --> 01:07:30,089
Uh, you guys realize
that I'm a chick, right?
1211
01:07:30,090 --> 01:07:33,009
And that I'm
standin' right here?
1212
01:07:33,010 --> 01:07:36,161
Yeah Tex, but when we say a
girl, we mean a girl girl.
1213
01:07:36,659 --> 01:07:38,300
And what the hell does that mean?
1214
01:07:39,046 --> 01:07:39,546
Nothing!
1215
01:07:41,995 --> 01:07:44,888
Wait a second. If Tex heard
that, do you think she
1216
01:07:44,889 --> 01:07:47,434
heard Church's secret plan
to warn the reds about her?
1217
01:07:47,435 --> 01:07:53,141
I don't know... but I think
I know how to find out.
1218
01:07:54,866 --> 01:08:01,628
Hey... Tex! Uh... Did you
hear Church's secret plan
1219
01:08:01,629 --> 01:08:06,636
to tell the reds that you
were fixing the tank?
1220
01:08:12,063 --> 01:08:17,472
I don't think she knows...
1221
01:08:24,274 --> 01:08:24,957
Hey.
1222
01:08:25,193 --> 01:08:25,995
Yeah?
1223
01:08:26,173 --> 01:08:27,649
You ever wonder why we're here?
1224
01:08:28,661 --> 01:08:33,132
No. I never, ever wonder why we're here.
Semper Fi, bitch.
1225
01:08:33,570 --> 01:08:34,912
Keegakergerk!
1226
01:08:34,982 --> 01:08:36,713
What? What's wrong with Lopez?
1227
01:08:36,714 --> 01:08:37,618
I don't care.
1228
01:08:37,619 --> 01:08:39,542
Hey, Lopez, uh... you okay man?
1229
01:08:48,963 --> 01:08:50,690
Um... Sure...
1230
01:08:56,827 --> 01:08:59,894
Aw, crap. Caboose, she's
almost done fixing Sheila.
1231
01:08:59,895 --> 01:09:02,145
I better radio Church and
tell him what's going on.
1232
01:09:02,304 --> 01:09:06,866
Oh, oh, oh, Tucker please, Tucker,
Tucker, Tucker, Tucker, Tucker, please-
1233
01:09:06,867 --> 01:09:08,944
Yes, you can be the one who radios Church.
1234
01:09:09,113 --> 01:09:10,619
Thanks man.
1235
01:09:11,728 --> 01:09:18,390
Calling Church. Come in Church.
This is your
1236
01:09:18,391 --> 01:09:22,367
close, personal friend,
Private O'Malley.
1237
01:09:22,368 --> 01:09:25,267
O'Malley? You said your name was Caboose.
1238
01:09:25,268 --> 01:09:27,358
I never said that, you guys did!
1239
01:09:27,359 --> 01:09:28,815
Why didn't you correct us?
1240
01:09:28,939 --> 01:09:31,072
Because I didn't want to be difficult.
1241
01:09:31,435 --> 01:09:36,727
Come in Private Church. Do you copy.
Soldier unit Tex
1242
01:09:36,728 --> 01:09:41,128
almost has the armor vehicle
situation rectified.
1243
01:09:41,484 --> 01:09:46,798
Okay. We require verification of your...
mission...
1244
01:09:46,962 --> 01:09:51,710
ness. (clears throat) How
is your progression?
1245
01:10:01,250 --> 01:10:02,776
...He says he wants to talk to you.
1246
01:10:03,028 --> 01:10:06,885
Thank you for activating the
M808V Main Battle Tank.
1247
01:10:07,053 --> 01:10:10,167
Oh shit. We got trouble.
1248
01:10:10,322 --> 01:10:14,419
Un tanque... grrrande.
1249
01:10:14,420 --> 01:10:18,990
Hey. I think if you're gonna live in this
country, you should speak the language.
1250
01:10:18,991 --> 01:10:21,291
What country? We're on an alien planet.
1251
01:10:21,292 --> 01:10:22,531
What're you, a Communist?
1252
01:10:23,571 --> 01:10:24,682
Son of a bitch!
1253
01:10:24,683 --> 01:10:25,480
Son of a bitch!
1254
01:10:25,556 --> 01:10:27,316
¡MADRE DE DIOS!
1255
01:10:27,814 --> 01:10:30,543
Okay, I'm getting really
sick of asking people
1256
01:10:30,544 --> 01:10:32,184
what's going on through
that sniper rifle.
1257
01:10:32,373 --> 01:10:34,069
Church is getting mad at us.
1258
01:10:34,270 --> 01:10:37,181
Ohhhhh. Well that's a nice change of pace.
1259
01:10:37,454 --> 01:10:40,889
Simmons. I'm coming around
in the Warthog. Get
1260
01:10:40,890 --> 01:10:43,480
ready to take the gunner
position when I come by.
1261
01:10:43,481 --> 01:10:44,456
Roger that.
1262
01:10:45,386 --> 01:10:47,204
I'll uh... I'll stay here.
1263
01:10:47,509 --> 01:10:50,327
Yeah. Stay here, and
guard this cement ramp.
1264
01:10:50,328 --> 01:10:52,191
It's vital to our success.
1265
01:10:54,213 --> 01:10:55,378
Alright, I'm on board.
1266
01:10:55,379 --> 01:10:57,195
Alright, here's the plan-
1267
01:10:57,583 --> 01:10:58,747
JUNEBUG!
1268
01:11:02,110 --> 01:11:05,403
Wow, back so soon? You
guys win the war already?
1269
01:11:06,011 --> 01:11:09,025
Yeah, uh, did you want to finish
telling me the plan now, Sarge?
1270
01:11:09,026 --> 01:11:14,472
If we survive this, I'm gonna
kill both of ya. Slowly.
1271
01:11:15,833 --> 01:11:19,220
Uh, hey Simmons? By the way.
The ramp is secure.
1272
01:11:19,221 --> 01:11:20,704
Target locked.
1273
01:11:21,782 --> 01:11:23,754
Hey, what're you guys doin' up here!?
1274
01:11:23,755 --> 01:11:25,415
That chick in the black armor's back!
1275
01:11:25,416 --> 01:11:28,511
What chick, the one that stuck
the grenade to my head?
1276
01:11:28,512 --> 01:11:29,564
That's the one.
1277
01:11:29,565 --> 01:11:32,890
The same chick whose fault it is that
I'm stuck in this light red armor?
1278
01:11:32,891 --> 01:11:35,939
Donut, I understand the need
to safeguard your masculinity,
1279
01:11:35,940 --> 01:11:39,129
but really dude. It's a whole
lot faster just to say pink.
1280
01:11:39,130 --> 01:11:41,938
Ohhuw. Oh I been waiting for this.
1281
01:11:42,272 --> 01:11:46,447
Hey Bitch! Remember me!? I
saved something for ya!
1282
01:11:56,563 --> 01:11:59,728
Man, that girl's got a really good arm.
1283
01:11:59,998 --> 01:12:02,287
Aw crap!
1284
01:12:02,830 --> 01:12:06,718
Hell yeah! Three points, you dirty whore!
1285
01:12:08,880 --> 01:12:10,485
¡Dios mío, no!
1286
01:12:11,891 --> 01:12:13,279
¡Tejas, Tejas!
1287
01:12:13,521 --> 01:12:15,369
Uh... where's Lopez going?
1288
01:12:15,575 --> 01:12:22,627
To fight the enemy, head on, in hand
to hand combat. Mano e mano.
1289
01:12:22,628 --> 01:12:28,865
What a brave little compadre. Lopez,
I never understood a word you said.
1290
01:12:28,866 --> 01:12:34,645
But I do know one thing. You
hated Grif, and that's the
1291
01:12:34,646 --> 01:12:41,379
most important thing there is.
Adios, amigo... Adios.
1292
01:12:41,854 --> 01:12:43,342
Shouldn't we help him?
1293
01:12:43,343 --> 01:12:47,461
Naw... That would just ruin the moment.
1294
01:12:48,486 --> 01:12:53,084
Church, is that you? It,
it's gone, Church.
1295
01:12:53,156 --> 01:12:58,738
The A.I., it's gone. Thank you.
Heeeee, bleah...
1296
01:12:58,739 --> 01:13:02,017
Crap. Church is gonna be pissed,
and now he's got a body
1297
01:13:02,018 --> 01:13:05,394
to kick our ass. Come on
Caboose, let's get back to base.
1298
01:13:05,558 --> 01:13:08,887
I told you, my name isn't Caboose...
1299
01:13:11,100 --> 01:13:14,892
My name... is... O'Malley...
1300
01:13:14,917 --> 01:13:19,728
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GV