1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,170 PREVIOUSLY ON "BOSTON LEGAL"... 2 00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:04,305 I WAS REFERRED TO A SEX THERAPIST, A SURROGATE. 3 00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:07,875 I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET WITH HER. I'M RETIRED. I'VE REMARRIED, 4 00:00:07,908 --> 00:00:10,644 AND MY HUSBAND HAS PROBLEMS 5 00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,380 WITH HIS WIFE BEING A SEXUAL SURROGATE. 6 00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:15,483 I-I'M SURE YOU HAVE A NAME, BUT I'M NOT MUCH INTERESTED. 7 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,218 YOU SCARE ME. SEE ME SHUDDER? 8 00:00:17,251 --> 00:00:20,321 TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF. I'LL MAKE YOU SHUDDER. 9 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,556 DO YOU THINK YOU COULD MAYBE SQUEEZE ME IN? 10 00:00:22,590 --> 00:00:25,659 I'M VERY SORRY, BUT YOU WON'T BE MAKING PARTNER. 11 00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:27,995 JERRY ESPENSON DESERVES TO BE MADE A PARTNER. 12 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:32,333 HE'S NOT A RAINMAKER, ALAN. HE'S TOAST, WEIRD TOAST. 13 00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:36,204 *** 14 00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:42,176 LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, 15 00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:44,245 AND YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST. 16 00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:45,513 OKAY. 17 00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,348 OBAMA'S TROUBLE WITH WOMEN 18 00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:51,018 HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE HILLARY SUPPORTERS, 19 00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:53,020 MOST OF WHOM ARE LESBIANS, BY THE WAY, 20 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:55,423 AND YOU CAN QUOTE ME ON THAT. (laughs) I THINK I WON'T. 21 00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:57,858 IT COMES FROM BILL. BILL? 22 00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:00,094 SEE, HE'S BEEN WITH A LOT OF WOMEN. 23 00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:04,398 LEFT MOST OF THEM WITH A BAD TASTE IN THEIR MOUTH. (laughs) 24 00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:07,101 (laughs) 25 00:01:07,135 --> 00:01:09,437 SO, UH, JERRY, 26 00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:11,205 YOU AND I ARE HAVING A DRINK. 27 00:01:11,239 --> 00:01:13,941 WHAT'S THE DEAL? 'CAUSE I THINK YOU'RE WEIRD. 28 00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:15,443 OKAY. 29 00:01:15,476 --> 00:01:18,712 I COME UP FOR PARTNER THIS FALL, MR. CRANE. 30 00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:20,214 CALL ME DENNY. NO, DON'T. 31 00:01:20,248 --> 00:01:24,118 AND WHEN I DO... I EXPECT YOUR FULL SUPPORT. 32 00:01:24,152 --> 00:01:28,122 WHY WOULD I WANT A WEIRD GUY FOR A PARTNER? 33 00:01:28,156 --> 00:01:30,124 BECAUSE I'VE EARNED IT. 34 00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:34,962 AND TO GET IT, I'M GOING TO NEED YOUR SUPPORT. 35 00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:38,232 HERE'S MY QUESTION TO YOU-- DO YOU REALLY WANT IT? 36 00:01:38,266 --> 00:01:39,567 YES, I DO. 37 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,469 BECAUSE BEING A PARTNER IN A LAW FIRM 38 00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:43,637 ISN'T ALL IT'S CRACKED UP TO BE. 39 00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:46,440 BUT THE MONEY'S GOOD, RIGHT? 40 00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:48,242 WHO ARE YOU? 41 00:01:48,276 --> 00:01:50,644 OH, I'M PART OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD CRIME WATCH. 42 00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:53,914 THE WAY THIS WORKS IS, YOU WATCH, I COMMIT THE CRIME. OH, MY GOD. 43 00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,116 NOW-- NAH, NO, NO. THERE'S NO TALKING. 44 00:01:56,150 --> 00:02:00,454 YOU JUST GIVE ME YOUR WATCH AND WALLET NOW. 45 00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:02,590 HERE'S MY PROBLEM-- 46 00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:04,492 YOU'RE BLACK. OH, MR. CRANE! 47 00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:05,959 WHAT? 48 00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:08,429 I'M DENNY CRANE. I'M A BIG SHOT. 49 00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:10,664 SO AM I. 50 00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:12,666 IF YOU KILL ME, THE HEADLINE'S GONNA BE, 51 00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:15,102 "BLACK GUY KILLS WHITE BIG SHOT," 52 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,505 AND THAT'S THE LAST THING WE NEED 53 00:02:17,538 --> 00:02:18,806 WHEN WE'RE TRYING 54 00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:21,675 TO ELECT AN AFRICAN-AMERICAN AS PRESIDENT. DEAR GOD. 55 00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:24,278 HOW ABOUT IF I JUST BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT RIGHT NOW? 56 00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:27,448 THAT DOESN'T WORK FOR ME. WORK FOR YOU? DENNY, PLEASE. 57 00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,283 HEY... 58 00:02:29,317 --> 00:02:32,520 ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. (chuckles) ALL RIGHT. 59 00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:34,388 WATCH. 60 00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:37,225 WALLET. 61 00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:39,827 GUN. KNEE. 62 00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:41,362 AAH! RIGHT FOOT. 63 00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:42,496 AAH! LEFT FOOT. 64 00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,332 AAH! OH! 65 00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:46,467 GAH! OH! 66 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:49,203 THANK GOD FOR GUNS, HUH, JERRY? 67 00:02:49,237 --> 00:02:51,839 ONLY IN AMERICA... 68 00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:55,376 SWEET LAND OF LIBERTY VALANCE. 69 00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:59,012 *** 70 00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,018 BOOM. 71 00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:11,725 (makes popping noise) 72 00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:25,539 (Shirley) ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? 73 00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:28,008 WELL, OF COURSE I'M ALL-- WHY WOULDN'T I BE ALL RIGHT? 74 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:32,012 IT WAS JUST AN ATTEMPTED MUGGING AND NO-- AND YOU ABSOLUTELY HAD TO SHOOT HIM. 75 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:34,682 I SHOOT PEOPLE ALL THE TIME. YOU HAD TO SHOOT HIM THREE TIMES. 76 00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:36,584 UH, IF YOU SAY SO. IN BOTH FEET. 77 00:03:36,617 --> 00:03:39,219 MR. CRANE? 78 00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:42,256 I TOLD YOU EVERYTHING LAST NIGHT. YES, AND WE APPRECIATE THAT, SIR. 79 00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:45,058 BUT UNFORTUNATELY, WE HAVEN'T BEEN SENT TO GET YOUR STATEMENT. 80 00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:48,262 WHAT IS IT THEN, AUTOGRAPH? 81 00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:50,931 NO, SIR. I APOLOGIZE, BUT WE'RE HERE TO ARREST YOU. 82 00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:53,867 ARREST ME?! WHAT'S GOING ON? 83 00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:57,070 LOOK, IF IT WAS UP TO ME, MR. CRANE HERE WOULD-- WHAT ARE THE CHARGES? 84 00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:59,873 POSSESSION OF A CONCEALED FIREARM. OH, PLEASE. 85 00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:02,075 YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS. THIS MAN WAS MUGGED. 86 00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:05,078 I REALIZE THAT. I ALSO REALIZE THAT HIS HAVING A GUN 87 00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:07,715 HELPED US CATCH A GUY WE BEEN LOOKIN' FOR, 88 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:10,117 BUT THE LAW IS THE LAW, AND MR. CRANE BROKE IT. 89 00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:12,620 PLEASE PLACE YOUR HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK, SIR. 90 00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:14,388 THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE. 91 00:04:14,422 --> 00:04:17,124 YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT. I KNOW MY RIGHTS, 92 00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:19,092 AND LET ME TELL YOU, I'M NEVER SILENT. 93 00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:21,295 EVERYTHING ABOUT ME MAKES NOISE. (passes gas) 94 00:04:21,329 --> 00:04:25,165 *** 95 00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:32,272 I WANT THOSE BACK WHEN WE'RE DONE. 96 00:04:32,306 --> 00:04:35,142 *** 97 00:04:40,147 --> 00:04:43,283 *** 98 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,657 THE ARRAIGNMENT IS AT 10:30. I'M ON MY WAY. 99 00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:52,125 UH, HE DOESN'T WANT YOU, ALAN. EXCUSE ME? 100 00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:54,762 HE THINKS YOU'RE TOO ANTI-GUN. 101 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,830 OH. 102 00:04:56,864 --> 00:04:58,999 DID HE SAY WHO HE DID WANT? 103 00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:02,135 ANGELINA JOLIE, BUT THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. 104 00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:04,304 CARL, DO YOU THINK YOU COULD GO? 105 00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:07,007 ME? I'M NOT PRO-GUN. 106 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:10,143 PLEASE. (knock on door) 107 00:05:10,177 --> 00:05:11,479 ALAN. 108 00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:14,147 JOANNA. HELLO. 109 00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:17,651 SORRY TO DISTURB. I HAVE A BIT OF AN EMERGENCY. 110 00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:20,153 MY EX-HUSBAND, UH, 111 00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:22,189 HE'S TRYING TO TAKE MY DAUGHTER. 112 00:05:22,222 --> 00:05:25,859 HE SAYS MY BEING A SEX SURROGATE MAKES ME AN UNFIT MOTHER. 113 00:05:25,893 --> 00:05:28,328 HOW OLD IS SHE? 10. 114 00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:31,031 AND I'VE ONLY WORKED PART-TIME SINCE SHE WAS BORN. 115 00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:32,299 I'VE BEEN PRETTY MUCH STAY-AT-HOME. 116 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:35,636 HAVE YOU HAD SOLE CUSTODY? NO, SPLIT, BUT HE'S GOING FOR SOLE. 117 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:39,473 I WOULDN'T GET TO HAVE HER AT ALL. OKAY, LOOK, LET ME SET UP A MEETING WITH HIS ATTORNEY. 118 00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:43,043 HE CAN'T WIN THIS, CAN HE? LET ME JUST TALK-- 119 00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:47,681 SHE'S MY LITTLE GIRL. JOANNA, YOU'RE NOT GONNA LOSE HER. 120 00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:50,651 *** 121 00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:53,320 (woman) "3-2-8-8-8-- 122 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,155 "THE COMMONWEALTH vs. DENNY CRANE, 123 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:59,326 ON THE CHARGE OF POSSESSION OF A CONCEALED WE--" YOUR HONOR, CARL SACK FOR THE DEFENDANT. 124 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:02,229 WE'LL WAIVE THE READING. FOR GOD SAKE, WHAT HAS HE DONE NOW? 125 00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:04,532 WHAT'S HE DONE, YOUR HONOR, IS TO HAVE THE TEMERITY 126 00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:06,667 TO DEFEND HIMSELF AGAINST AN ARMED ASSAILANT. 127 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:09,169 THE CHARGE IS FOR POSSESSION OF A CONCEALED FIREARM, 128 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,672 NOT SHOOTING. I HAVE A CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS. 129 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:14,742 ASK THE SUPREME COURT. THE SUPREME COURT DID NOT GIVE HIM THE RIGHT 130 00:06:14,775 --> 00:06:18,078 TO CONCEAL A FIREARM WITHOUT A CARRY PERMIT. I GOT A NOTE FROM DICK CHENEY. 131 00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:21,348 MR. CRANE, YOU ARE ACCUSED OF BREAKING THE LAW. 132 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:24,184 YOU WILL STAND TRIAL. IS THAT CLEAR? 133 00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,186 YOUR HONOR, SHOULDN'T YOU RECUSE YOURSELF? 134 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:30,023 AFTER ALL, I DID TELL YOU TO BITE ME THAT TIME. WHEN? 135 00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:33,594 IT WAS, UH... OH, COME TO THINK OF IT, UH, NOW, ACTUALLY. 136 00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:35,228 BITE ME. 137 00:06:35,262 --> 00:06:38,198 YOU CANNOT, CANNOT, CANNOT, CANNOT ANTAGONIZE THE JUDGE. OH, PLEASE. 138 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:42,202 YOU KNOW THE JURY WILL TAKE ITS CUES FROM HIM. WHAT'S GOING ON? 139 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,538 WE GO TO TRIAL. UH, JERRY. 140 00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:46,039 YOU'LL BE SECOND CHAIRING. 141 00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:49,543 WON'T I BE A WITNESS? I WANT YOU AS COCOUNSEL. 142 00:06:49,577 --> 00:06:51,044 WHO BETTER TO CLOSE 143 00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:53,781 THAN SOMEBODY WHO STARED DOWN THE BARREL OF THE GUN? 144 00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:55,549 YOU WANT HIM TO CLOSE? 145 00:06:55,583 --> 00:06:56,917 WHY NOT? 146 00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:59,052 DENNY, DO YOU WANT TO GET OFF OR NOT? 147 00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,589 MY PLACE OR YOURS? 148 00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:04,091 BRING THE OUTFIT. 149 00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:07,795 DENNY, I'M NOT REALLY COMFORTABLE ARGUING THIS ONE. 150 00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:10,130 JERRY, YOU WANT TO MAKE PARTNER? 151 00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:13,266 YOU GOTTA TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM. 152 00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:22,576 *** 153 00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:24,077 IT'S AN UNSTABLE ENVIRONMENT. 154 00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:26,313 SHE'S A PERV, AND WE'RE NOT BUDGING. 155 00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:29,249 OKAY, FIRST-- AND DON'T TRY ANY OF YOUR DISGUSTING STRATEGIES 156 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:32,252 TO UNSETTLE ME. WELL, WHO'S TO SAY WHAT'S DISGUSTING? 157 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,421 I COULD OFFER TO CLOSE MY EYES AND SUCK ON YOU 158 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,490 AS IF YOU WERE A GIANT LOVE PEACH. 159 00:07:36,524 --> 00:07:38,626 I'M GIVING YOU 30 SECONDS TO STATE YOUR CASE, 160 00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,928 AND THEN I'M OUT THE DOOR. 161 00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:43,764 EMMA-- AND DON'T CALL ME BY MY FIRST NAME. 162 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:47,167 DANIELLA'S DOING VERY WELL WITH THE CURRENT CUSTODY ARRANGEMENT. 163 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:50,270 SHE'S HEALTHY, HAPPY, VERY ACTIVE. 164 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,339 SHE GETS STRAIGHT A's IN SCHOOL. 165 00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:56,009 HER MOTHER SELLS HER BODY AS A SEX WORKER. SHE'S NOT A SEX WORKER. 166 00:07:56,043 --> 00:07:58,145 SHE'S A CERTIFIED HEALTH PROFESSIONAL 167 00:07:58,178 --> 00:07:59,780 WHO OFFERS SEX SURROGACY 168 00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:03,617 AS ONE OF MANY THERAPEUTIC APPROACHES TO HELP PEOPLE 169 00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:05,786 SUFFERING WITH A DYSFUNCTION. 170 00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,788 I UNDERSTAND YOU WERE ONE OF HER CLIENTS. 171 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,289 YES. 172 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:12,292 SHE TAUGHT ME SEVERAL THINGS I'D LOVE TO PASS ON TO YOU. 173 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,461 SHOULD WE JUST GET A ROOM? DISGUSTING. 174 00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:17,798 LOOK, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT A 10-YEAR-OLD GIRL HERE. 175 00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:20,467 I CAN'T HAVE YOU AROUND HER. MARTIN, THE SHARED CUSTODY-- 176 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,636 IF YOU AND I DON'T SEE EYE TO EYE, 177 00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:24,805 WE CAN'T MAKE DECISIONS TOGETHER. 178 00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,807 I'M AFRAID OF YOUR INFLUENCE, 179 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,842 OF THE IMPACT YOU MIGHT MAKE ON HER. 180 00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:32,145 I-I-I JUST CAN'T HAVE IT. 181 00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:35,482 WE'LL SEE YOU IN COURT, STUD MUFFIN. 182 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,050 (exhales) 183 00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:39,386 WHOA! OOH, TENDERLOIN. 184 00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:42,990 TEASE. 185 00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:46,193 *** 186 00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:58,706 *** 187 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:03,577 YOUR EX-HUSBAND WILL TESTIFY FIRST, THEN YOU. 188 00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:05,178 OKAY. 189 00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:07,380 WE'LL TRY TO AVOID HAVING TO CALL DANIELLA, 190 00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:08,515 BUT SHE'LL LIKELY 191 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:11,685 HAVE TO AT LEAST TALK TO A JUDGE IN CHAMBERS. 192 00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:13,687 OKAY. 193 00:09:13,721 --> 00:09:15,422 JOANNA, IT WOULD TAKE A LOT 194 00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:19,359 FOR A JUDGE TO DENY A MOTHER CUSTODY OF ANY KIND. 195 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,929 MOST MOTHERS DON'T DO WHAT I DO. 196 00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:23,731 THERE'S THAT. 197 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,536 ALAN... 198 00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:32,272 HOW ARE YOU DOING? 199 00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:34,608 (chuckles) ME? FINE. WHY? 200 00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:36,276 JUST ASKING. 201 00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:40,047 JOANNA, YOU NEVER JUST ASK. WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT? 202 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,281 (clicks tongue) 203 00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:43,784 WELL, YOUR DIALOGUE WITH OPPOSING COUNSEL 204 00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:47,554 WAS ESPECIALLY AGGRESSIVE... 205 00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:48,789 SEXUALLY AGGRESSIVE. 206 00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:52,259 THAT WAS JUST LAWYER'S GAMESMANSHIP. 207 00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:55,729 THE LANGUAGE I HEARD WAS... NOT SIMPLY FOR ANOTHER LAWYER. 208 00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:58,231 IT WAS FOR A WOMAN. 209 00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:00,734 SAY WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND, JOANNA. 210 00:10:00,768 --> 00:10:01,735 OKAY. 211 00:10:01,769 --> 00:10:03,403 WELL, I'VE NEVER SAID IT BEFORE, 212 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:06,473 BUT THERE'S A PART OF YOU THAT'S ALWAYS BEEN SEXIST. 213 00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:08,976 BUT NOW YOU SEEM TO BE LOSING THE ABILITY, 214 00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:10,978 EVEN THE INCLINATION, 215 00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:13,446 TO CONNECT WITH A WOMAN IN A NONSEXUAL WAY. 216 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:17,617 WHAT USED TO BE A PART IS BECOMING THE WHOLE. 217 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,454 YOU KNOW, GIVEN THAT 218 00:10:21,488 --> 00:10:24,424 YOUR LIFE WITH YOUR DAUGHTER IS ABOUT TO BE DECIDED, 219 00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:27,594 I WOULD THINK THE LAST THING YOU'D WANT TO DO RIGHT NOW 220 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:30,097 IS TO DISTRACT ME. 221 00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,332 NO, YOU'RE RIGHT. 222 00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:34,001 I APOLOGIZE. 223 00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:40,040 LET'S GO. 224 00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,612 WE PULLED THREE GUNS OFF HIM AT THE SCENE. 225 00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:48,448 THEN WHEN WE WENT TO ARREST HIM THE NEXT DAY, 226 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,350 HE HAD FIVE MORE GUNS ON HIM. 227 00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:53,286 HE ALSO HAD A LITTLE PROPANE THING THAT WASN'T LEGAL. A PROPANE THING? 228 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:56,356 YEAH, IT WAS A DEVICE STRAPPED TO HIS BUTTOCKS. 229 00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:58,191 BASICALLY, HE COULD BREAK WIND 230 00:10:58,225 --> 00:11:00,127 AND TURN HIS ASS INTO A BLOWTORCH. 231 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,663 AND DID HE HAVE ANY CARRY PERMITS FOR THESE WEAPONS? 232 00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:05,198 NO, SIR, HE DID NOT. 233 00:11:05,232 --> 00:11:08,702 WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED HAD MR. CRANE NOT BEEN ARMED? 234 00:11:08,736 --> 00:11:11,371 OBJECTION. CALLS FOR SPECULATION. 235 00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:13,306 YOUR HONOR, THIS OFFICER HAS 15 YEARS EXPERIENCE 236 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,208 WITH CRIMINALS AND THEIR CONDUCT. 237 00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:17,044 HE HAS FOUNDATION TO SPECULATE. 238 00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:21,148 I'LL ALLOW IT. (Carl) SO HOW DO YOU THINK IT WOULD'VE GONE DOWN? 239 00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:24,051 I'M SURE HE WOULD'VE BEEN MUGGED. POSSIBLY KILLED? 240 00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:27,988 POSSIBLY, BUT IT'S ALSO POSSIBLE-- THANK YOU, OFFICER. YOU'VE ANSWERED MY QUESTION. 241 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,890 OH, ONE MORE THING, OFFICER, HONESTLY, 242 00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:33,160 WHEN YOU ARRESTED MR. CRANE, DID YOU WANT TO? 243 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:36,063 OBJECTION! THAT ONE'S SUSTAINED. 244 00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:37,831 OH, YOUR HONOR, IF I MAY... 245 00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:41,034 WHAT? BY SUSTAINING THE OBJECTION, THE JURY WILL NEVER LEARN 246 00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:43,170 THAT THE OFFICER REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO ARREST ME, 247 00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:46,706 WHICH HE REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO DO. (bangs gavel) 248 00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:49,843 I'M SORRY, BUT HER SEX JOB MAKES HER AN INAPPROPRIATE PARENT. 249 00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:51,912 OBJECTION TO THE TERM "SEX JOB." 250 00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:53,847 IT'S INACCURATE AND MAKES ME GIGGLE. 251 00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:57,250 MR. SHORE, YOU TURN THIS COURTROOM INTO A PLAYGROUND, 252 00:11:57,284 --> 00:12:01,721 AND I'M GONNA COME DOWN THERE AND BEAT THE CRAP OUTTA YOU. 253 00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:04,024 MS. PATH, PLEASE. 254 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,359 AND WHILE THIS WOULD BE A CALL TO ACTION 255 00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:08,528 AT ANY POINT IN DANIELLA'S LIFE, 256 00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,697 IT IS OF EVEN MORE PRONOUNCED CONCERN 257 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,099 AT HER CURRENT AGE, YES? 258 00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:15,602 YES. GIRLS ARE ENTERING PUBERTY EARLIER AND EARLIER. 259 00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:19,206 THIS IS A VERY FORMATIVE TIME FOR HER. A TIME WHEN HER MORAL 260 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,574 AND BEHAVIORAL FOUNDATIONS ARE PUT INTO PLACE 261 00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:24,444 ABOUT SO MANY THINGS, ABOUT SEX. 262 00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:27,280 KIDS LEARN FROM WHAT THEIR PARENTS SAY, 263 00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:29,049 FROM WHAT THEIR PARENTS DO, 264 00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:31,118 EVEN FROM THEIR UNSAID ATTITUDES. 265 00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:33,453 IN FACT, 60% OF 8 TO 11 YEAR OLDS 266 00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:36,556 SAY THEIR MOTHERS ARE THEIR NUMBER ONE RESOURCE 267 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:40,260 FOR ISSUES LIKE SEX, H.I.V. AND A.I.D.S., ALCOHOL, DRUGS-- 268 00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:43,096 AREN'T YOU A LITTLE ENCYCLOPEDIC BALL OF FIRE? 269 00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:45,598 MR. SHORE, DO I HAVE TO COME DOWN THERE? 270 00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:48,401 JUDGE, I'M ACTUALLY A FAN OF CORPORAL PUNISHMENT, 271 00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:51,104 ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES FROM THE RUGGED HANDS... 272 00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:54,241 BUT THAT'S JUST ME. 273 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,276 (sighs) MS. PATH, PLEASE CONTINUE. 274 00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:59,312 WHAT'S YOUR MAIN ISSUE, MARTIN? 275 00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:02,282 MY EX-WIFE, IN DOING WHAT SHE DOES, 276 00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:04,151 IS GIVING DANIELLA 277 00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:06,153 AN EXCESSIVELY PERMISSIVE TAKE ON SEX. 278 00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:09,156 SHE'S SAYING TO MY DAUGHTER, "IT'S OKAY TO BE SEXUAL 279 00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:11,825 WITH PEOPLE YOU DON'T LOVE FOR MONEY." 280 00:13:11,859 --> 00:13:13,460 (Alan) STUDIES SHOW 281 00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:16,429 THAT THE MORE OFTEN PARENTS DISCUSS SEX WITH THEIR KIDS 282 00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:19,299 IN AN OPEN AND COMFORTABLE MANNER, 283 00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:22,970 THE LESS LIKELY THE KIDS ARE TO HAVE SEX EARLY AND CASUALLY. 284 00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:26,139 THIS GOES WAY BEYOND DISCUSSION. IT'S ALSO BEEN FOUND 285 00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:29,943 THAT THE PARENT NEEDS TO INITIATE THESE EXCHANGES, 286 00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:33,146 UH, AS 77% OF TEENAGERS 287 00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:35,949 SIMPLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO BRING IT UP. 288 00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:37,617 SHOULDN'T YOU COUNT YOURSELF LUCKY 289 00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:40,287 THAT YOU HAVE A TRAINED PROFESSIONAL IN THE FAMILY, 290 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,655 SOMEONE SKILLED-- A LITTLE TOO SKILLED. 291 00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:46,326 YOU WERE AWARE THAT JOANNA WAS A SEX SURROGATE 292 00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:49,196 WHEN YOU MARRIED HER? WELL, YES, BUT-- 293 00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:50,830 DID IT TURN YOU ON? OBJECTION. 294 00:13:50,864 --> 00:13:53,133 OVERRULED. DID IT TURN YOU ON? 295 00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:56,970 ONCE YOU BECOME A PARENT, YOU LOOK AT THINGS DIFFERENTLY. THAT'S A YES, IT TURNED YOU ON? 296 00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:59,339 I TOLD HER I WANTED HER TO QUIT. 297 00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,975 WE WANTED TO START A FAMILY, WHICH WE DID, 298 00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:05,212 AND SHE QUIT FOR A WHILE, BUT THEN SHE WENT BACK TO WORK. 299 00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:07,214 AH. SO WOMEN SHOULD ONLY WORK 300 00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:09,349 UNTIL THEY BECOME WIVES AND MOTHERS 301 00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:11,318 BECAUSE THAT'S THEIR REAL CALLING, 302 00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,220 AND A CAREER IS JUST SOMETHING TO DO 303 00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:15,989 UNTIL THEIR REAL LIVES START, WHICH IS MOTHERING. 304 00:14:16,023 --> 00:14:17,991 I DIDN'T ASK HER TO QUIT CURING CANCER... 305 00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:21,161 (chuckles) OR QUIT TEACHING KIDS TO BE CONCERT VIOLINISTS. 306 00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:24,564 I ASKED HER TO GIVE UP THE ORGASM WORKSHOPS. 307 00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:27,234 MOVE TO STRIKE. OVERRULED. 308 00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:34,241 SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU, MR. SHORE? 309 00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:37,577 *** 310 00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:43,850 SHE THREATENED TO BEAT YOU UP? YES. 311 00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,185 THE JUDGE? YES. 312 00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,354 AND THE LAWYER. SHE'D BEAT ME UP IF SHE COULD. 313 00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:50,057 THE LITTLE ONE WHO SLAPPED ME AROUND? YES. 314 00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:52,059 OH, SHE'S A FIERY NUMBER. 315 00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:54,227 SHE'D WEAR YOU OUT AT NIGHT, I'LL BET. 316 00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:57,197 DENNY, DO YOU THINK YOU AND I ARE SEXIST? 317 00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,531 US? 318 00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:00,400 WE DO TEND TO OBJECTIFY WOMEN. 319 00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:03,103 THEY LOVE THAT, ALAN. THEY'D BE MAD IF YOU DIDN'T. 320 00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:05,605 DO YOU THINK YOU TREAT WOMEN AS YOUR EQUAL? 321 00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:07,540 I'M DENNY CRANE. 322 00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:10,543 THERE'S NO MAN MY EQUAL, MUCH LESS A WOMAN. 323 00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:11,945 AH. 324 00:15:11,979 --> 00:15:15,048 YOU KNOW WHO THE REAL SEXISTS ARE IN THIS COUNTRY, ALAN? 325 00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:18,618 IT'S THE WOMEN. IT'S THE WOMEN MEDIA WHO TORE UP HILLARY, 326 00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:20,720 WOMEN WHO CRITICIZED HER PANTSUITS, 327 00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:24,091 SAID SHE WASN'T PRETTY ENOUGH, SHE SHOULD BE SOFTER, SEXIER. 328 00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:26,059 ME? HELL, JUST GIVE ME THE WORD, 329 00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:29,896 I'LL THROW HER ACROSS MY DESK. YOU'RE SUCH A LIBERTARIAN. 330 00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,231 ALAN, YOU AND I 331 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,400 ARE THE LAST PEOPLE WHO COULD BE CALLED SEXIST. 332 00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:37,137 WE LOVE WOMEN, ALL WOMEN, EVEN THE FAT ONES. 333 00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:41,074 HELL, SOMETIMES I EVEN PREFER THE FAT ONES. 334 00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:43,110 WHAT? 335 00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:44,811 *** 336 00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:53,320 *** 337 00:15:57,690 --> 00:16:00,760 TALKING IS THE PREDOMINANT ELEMENT OF SURROGATE THERAPY-- 338 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:04,931 UM, SHARING INFORMATION, PROVIDING EMOTIONAL SUPPORT, 339 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,666 DEVISING COPING SKILLS. 340 00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:09,836 THERE ARE NONEROTIC BODY AWARENESS EXERCISES, 341 00:16:09,869 --> 00:16:12,772 SENSORY EXPLORATIONS AND RELAXATION TECHNIQUES. 342 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:16,476 AND YET, THESE FOLKS DEPICT YOU AS A STRUMPET 343 00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:18,278 WITH A PLAQUE ON THE WALL. 344 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,280 LESS THAN 15% OF MY TIME WITH CLIENTS 345 00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,782 IS SPENT ENGAGING IN SEXUAL ACTIVITIES. 346 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:25,952 THE GOAL IS TO REORIENT, TO REEDUCATE 347 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:29,189 SO THAT INTIMACY IS POSSIBLE, COMFORTABLE AND HEALTHY. 348 00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:31,858 BUT IS IT PRIMARILY ABOUT SEXUAL TECHNIQUE? 349 00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:34,127 IT'S PRIMARILY ABOUT INTIMACY, 350 00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:36,796 WHICH OFTEN GOES WAY DEEPER THAN SEX. 351 00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:40,367 SOME WOMEN ARE SELF-LOATHING AND USE SEX AS AN AFFIRMATION, 352 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,335 WHICH, OF COURSE, COMPLETELY BACKFIRES. 353 00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:44,837 I HAVE MANY MEN WHO LOVE THEIR WIVES, 354 00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:50,343 BUT NEVERTHELESS, HATE WOMEN ON SOME LEVEL. 355 00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,380 UH... 356 00:16:53,413 --> 00:16:55,515 AND... (stammers) 357 00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:58,685 YOU WENT BACK TO WORK AFTER YOUR DIVORCE BECAUSE? 358 00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:01,688 I WAS EAGER TO BE AN EXAMPLE TO MY DAUGHTER 359 00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:03,923 OF AN INDEPENDENT, SELF-SUFFICIENT WOMAN. 360 00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:09,162 FOR THE MOST PART, THAT WENT VERY WELL. 361 00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:12,499 WOULD YOU LIKE TO EXPLAIN THAT LITTLE PERSONAL SHOT AT ME? 362 00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,667 EXCUSE ME? THAT COMMENT ABOUT MEN HATING WOMEN? 363 00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:17,036 THAT COMMENT WASN'T SOMEWHAT DIRECTED AT ME? 364 00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:20,373 NO. I HAVE MANY MALE CLIENTS WHO ARE REPULSED BY FEMINISM. 365 00:17:20,407 --> 00:17:22,742 IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, ALAN. 366 00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:25,678 BUT THE FACT THAT IT HIT A NERVE IS-- OF COURSE IT HIT A NERVE! 367 00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:28,181 YOU'VE GOT MY ANTENNAE UP. THEN ASK YOURSELF WHY. 368 00:17:28,215 --> 00:17:30,383 JOANNA, I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE MEN 369 00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:33,019 WHO HATES WOMEN OR IS REPULSED BY FEMINISM. 370 00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:35,555 I KNOW THAT. I'M NOT. I'M... 371 00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:45,098 LOOK, DO YOU WANT ME TO WIN YOUR DAUGHTER BACK? I DO. 372 00:17:45,132 --> 00:17:47,900 THEN DON'T UNSETTLE ME WITH... 373 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,707 YOU KNOW, ALAN, YOU ONCE TOLD ME, WHEN YOU MEET A WOMAN, 374 00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:56,776 THE FIRST QUESTION YOU ASK YOURSELF IS, 375 00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:59,379 "WOULD I OR WOULDN'T I, AND HOW WOULD IT BE?" THAT'S THE FIRST QUESTION 376 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,381 EVERY HETEROSEXUAL MALE ASKS HIMSELF. 377 00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,049 WE'RE BUILT THAT WAY. 378 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,285 AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION, IT'S NOW MORE LIKE 379 00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:07,754 THE THIRD OR FOURTH QUESTION I ASK MYSELF. 380 00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:10,790 THAT DOESN'T MEAN I HATE WOMEN. 381 00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:13,226 WHEN I KNOCKED ON YOUR DOOR THE OTHER DAY, YOU SAID HELLO 382 00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:15,228 AND MENTALLY UNDRESSED ME IN A HEARTBEAT. 383 00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:17,830 I DO THAT WITH ALL... PEOPLE. 384 00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:21,401 YOU LOOKED FANTASTIC. 385 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,903 *** 386 00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:26,406 THE GUY PULLED A GUN ON ME. I PULLED MINE ON HIM. 387 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:29,642 YES. THE ISSUE HERE ISN'T SELF-DEFENSE SO MUCH AS-- BUT IT WAS SELF-DEFENSE. 388 00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:32,078 ABSOLUTELY. I MEAN, IF I DIDN'T HAVE MY GUN-- 389 00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,147 YOU'D BE DEAD. GONE. FINIS. 390 00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:36,082 I HAD TO SHOOT. BOOM. SAVED MY LIFE. 391 00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:37,750 AND JERRY'S. DIDN'T SHOOT TO KILL. JUST TO WOUND. 392 00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:39,652 TOOK A KNEE. AND TWO FEET. (both) BOOM. 393 00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:42,489 AND BOOM. OBJECTION! YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY? 394 00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:44,491 FUNNY? UH, DID YOU HAVE A CHUCKLE 395 00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:46,593 THE LAST TIME SOMEBODY PULLED A GUN ON YOU? 396 00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:50,463 THIS CASE IS ABOUT CONCEALING A HANDGUN ON THE PERSON, 397 00:18:50,497 --> 00:18:52,465 NOT ABOUT SELF-DEFENSE. 398 00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:54,267 THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE CAN IGNORE THE REALITY 399 00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:57,170 THAT IF MR. CRANE DIDN'T HAVE HIS CONCEALED WEAPON... DEAD. 400 00:18:57,204 --> 00:18:58,671 GONE. FINIS. BOOM. 401 00:18:58,705 --> 00:19:01,007 BOOM. AND BOOM. OBJECTION! 402 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:03,676 STOP IT! 403 00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:05,778 YOU THINK YOU HAVE A CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT 404 00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,680 TO CONCEAL A WEAPON WITHOUT A CARRY PERMIT? 405 00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:09,816 I HAVE A RIGHT TO KEEP A GUN AT HOME. 406 00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,984 THE COURT SAYS SO. YOU WERE ON THE STREET. 407 00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:15,154 A MAN'S HOME IS WHERE HIS HEART IS. IN MY CASE, THE PENIS. 408 00:19:15,188 --> 00:19:18,658 DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY PEOPLE DIE FROM GUN VIOLENCE 409 00:19:18,691 --> 00:19:20,827 IN THIS COUNTRY? YEAH, YEAH. LET'S MAKE A LAW-- NO CARRYING GUNS. 410 00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:23,196 I'M SURE THE CRIMINALS WILL OBEY IT. SHOW ME WHERE IN THE CONSTITUTION 411 00:19:23,230 --> 00:19:26,799 IT SAYS YOU CAN WALK THE STREETS ARMED WITHOUT A CARRY PERMIT. 412 00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:29,869 THE CONSTITUTION SAYS WHATEVER THE SUPREME COURT SAYS IT SAYS. 413 00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:31,871 AS FOR WHAT THE SUPREME COURT SAYS, 414 00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:34,474 THAT ALL DEPENDS ON WHO'S PRESIDENT. MOVE TO STRIKE. 415 00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,209 YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A LEGAL GENIUS TO KNOW 416 00:19:36,243 --> 00:19:39,145 THAT IF YOU'VE GOT A PRESIDENT IN OFFICE WHO LIKES GUNS 417 00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:42,849 AND A VICE PRESIDENT WHO LIKES TO HUNT... LAWYERS AND QUAIL 418 00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:44,984 AND A SUPREME COURT JUSTICE WHO HUNTS WITH HIM, 419 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,186 YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT 420 00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:50,557 TO SHOOT BAD GUYS IN THE KNEE. 421 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:58,030 *** 422 00:19:58,064 --> 00:20:01,234 I SWEAR TO YOU, THE MAN DOESN'T HAVE ALZHEIMER'S. 423 00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:03,035 HE USES THE MAD COW 424 00:20:03,069 --> 00:20:05,738 AS AN EXCUSE TO DO WHATEVER THE HELL HE WANTS, 425 00:20:05,772 --> 00:20:08,074 WHETHER IT'S DROPPING HIS PANTS OR SHOOTING PEOPLE. 426 00:20:08,107 --> 00:20:11,244 HE HAD A PET SCAN. IT SHOWED HE HAS PLAQUE ON HIS BRAIN. 427 00:20:11,278 --> 00:20:12,679 SAYS WHO? HE'S DENNY CRANE. 428 00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:15,582 YOU DON'T THINK HE COULD RIG A PET SCAN? 429 00:20:15,615 --> 00:20:17,684 I'M TELLING YOU, THE MAN KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING. 430 00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,719 IS HE GOING TO WIN HERE? 431 00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:22,555 THAT I DON'T KNOW. WE DON'T REALLY HAVE A DEFENSE. 432 00:20:22,589 --> 00:20:25,592 CAN YOU... EXPLAIN THE WISDOM 433 00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:28,861 IN LETTING JERRY CLOSE? 434 00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:29,862 DENNY'S WISDOM. 435 00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:32,432 SINCE JERRY WAS ALSO A VICTIM, HE'S MOST ABLE 436 00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:35,034 TO PUT THE JURY IN DENNY'S SHOES THAT NIGHT. 437 00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:38,070 SHIRLEY. CARL. 438 00:20:38,104 --> 00:20:40,607 SHIRLEY, UM, 439 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,742 DO YOU FIND ME TERRIBLY SEXIST? 440 00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:44,076 (laughing) 441 00:20:44,110 --> 00:20:45,578 THIS ISN'T FUNNY. 442 00:20:45,612 --> 00:20:47,280 (continues laughing) 443 00:20:47,314 --> 00:20:48,915 ANSWER THE QUESTION. 444 00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:54,787 BEFORE I RESPOND, COULD YOU ANSWER A QUESTION FOR ME? 445 00:20:54,821 --> 00:20:58,057 ARE YOU FINISHED FIDDLING WITH MY CHEERLEADER OUTFIT? 446 00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,726 (chuckles) I-I... 447 00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:03,396 THAT'S JUST... A TEXTILE FETISH. 448 00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:05,598 (laughing) ALAN. 449 00:21:05,632 --> 00:21:08,635 I RESPECT WOMEN, EVERY PART OF A WOMAN. 450 00:21:08,668 --> 00:21:11,137 I'D SAY ESPECIALLY THE PARTS. 451 00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:12,639 THAT'S RIGHT. SO... 452 00:21:12,672 --> 00:21:14,907 THAT ISN'T TRUE, SHIRLEY. 453 00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:16,643 IS IT? 454 00:21:16,676 --> 00:21:20,246 ALAN, YOU KNOW YOU ARE AN ICONIC LETCH. 455 00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:21,981 IF IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL ANY BETTER, 456 00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:25,918 SOMETIMES EVEN I LIKE BEING OGLED BY YOU. SO DO I. 457 00:21:25,952 --> 00:21:30,323 I THINK THE PROBLEM YOU'RE HAVING IS... 458 00:21:30,357 --> 00:21:33,426 YOU FEEL REDUCED BY THE LABEL. 459 00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:35,428 YOU'RE NOT A SIMPLE MAN. 460 00:21:35,462 --> 00:21:38,130 YOU'RE EXTREMELY COMPLICATED, BRILLIANT, 461 00:21:38,164 --> 00:21:40,833 FUNNY, PROFOUNDLY LAYERED, 462 00:21:40,867 --> 00:21:45,938 BUT FUNDAMENTALLY, YOU ARE, AN... INCORRIGIBLE, 463 00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:49,041 IRREPRESSIBLE DOG... 464 00:21:50,510 --> 00:21:52,979 WITH A TEXTILE FETISH. 465 00:21:55,548 --> 00:21:58,518 I LOVE THIS PLACE. 466 00:22:00,019 --> 00:22:01,488 (laughs) 467 00:22:01,521 --> 00:22:03,623 *** 468 00:22:07,527 --> 00:22:12,198 *** 469 00:22:25,244 --> 00:22:26,846 JERRY? 470 00:22:26,879 --> 00:22:28,681 DENNY. 471 00:22:28,715 --> 00:22:31,150 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 472 00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:33,853 STANDING ON MY DESK. 473 00:22:33,886 --> 00:22:35,855 FOR ANY PARTICULAR REASON? 474 00:22:35,888 --> 00:22:39,492 I'M HAVING AN OUT-OF-BODY EXPERIENCE. 475 00:22:39,526 --> 00:22:41,494 I'M LOOKING DOWN ON MYSELF 476 00:22:41,528 --> 00:22:44,997 AS I DELIVER MY COMPELLING CLOSING. 477 00:22:45,031 --> 00:22:49,402 COME ON OFF THE DESK THERE, BIG FELLA. 478 00:22:49,436 --> 00:22:52,171 HERE, COME TO PAPA. (chuckles) 479 00:22:52,204 --> 00:22:55,174 (chuckles) (laughs) 480 00:22:55,207 --> 00:22:58,010 YOU WANT TO DO WELL HERE, DON'T YOU? I DO. 481 00:22:58,044 --> 00:23:00,179 'CAUSE LAWYERS WHO GET ME OFF TEND TO MAKE PARTNER, 482 00:23:00,212 --> 00:23:02,348 ESPECIALLY WOMEN LAWYERS. (laughs) (laughs) 483 00:23:02,381 --> 00:23:05,017 STOP LAUGHING, JERRY. 484 00:23:05,051 --> 00:23:08,888 I NOTICE YOU TWIDDLING THE WOODEN CIGARETTE. 485 00:23:08,921 --> 00:23:12,191 MAKES YOU FEEL CONFIDENT, DOES IT? IT HELPS. 486 00:23:12,224 --> 00:23:15,562 HMM. LOOK WHAT I GOT HERE. 487 00:23:15,595 --> 00:23:17,430 A WOODEN CIGAR. 488 00:23:17,464 --> 00:23:19,065 IT'S YOURS... 489 00:23:19,098 --> 00:23:21,734 IF YOU DO A GOOD JOB, 490 00:23:21,768 --> 00:23:23,703 AND BY DOING A GOOD JOB, JERRY, 491 00:23:23,736 --> 00:23:25,905 YOU PERSONALLY CAN ENSURE THAT EVERY AMERICAN 492 00:23:25,938 --> 00:23:28,575 HAS THE RIGHT, THE PRIVILEGE OF CARRYING A GUN. 493 00:23:28,608 --> 00:23:31,878 HOW MANY LAWYERS HAVE THAT OPPORTUNITY... 494 00:23:31,911 --> 00:23:33,580 (military band playing march) 495 00:23:33,613 --> 00:23:35,214 TRULY, JERRY? 496 00:23:35,247 --> 00:23:37,750 (music continues) 497 00:23:37,784 --> 00:23:41,053 DOES YOUR MOM EVER BRING ANY OF HER CLIENTS HOME? 498 00:23:41,087 --> 00:23:42,054 NO. 499 00:23:42,088 --> 00:23:44,557 DANIELLA, WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU KNOW 500 00:23:44,591 --> 00:23:46,058 ABOUT YOUR MOTHER'S JOB? 501 00:23:46,092 --> 00:23:48,728 I-I KNOW SHE'S A SEXUAL SURROGATE. 502 00:23:48,761 --> 00:23:51,798 AND YOU KNOW WHAT A SEXUAL SURROGATE DOES? 503 00:23:51,831 --> 00:23:54,734 SHE TREATS PEOPLE WITH, LIKE... SEX PROBLEMS 504 00:23:54,767 --> 00:23:57,770 AND PROBLEMS TRUSTING AND STUFF. 505 00:23:57,804 --> 00:24:01,073 AND YOU KNOW THE NATURE OF THAT TREATMENT? 506 00:24:01,107 --> 00:24:02,609 SHE TALKS TO THEM, 507 00:24:02,642 --> 00:24:04,944 SOMETIMES SHE HAS SEX WITH THEM. 508 00:24:04,977 --> 00:24:08,414 (sighs) HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT? 509 00:24:08,447 --> 00:24:11,651 I DON'T KNOW. UM... O-OKAY, I GUESS. 510 00:24:11,684 --> 00:24:14,453 I MEAN... IT'S A LITTLE WEIRD, 511 00:24:14,487 --> 00:24:16,255 BUT IT'S HER JOB. 512 00:24:16,288 --> 00:24:19,592 DANIELLA, CAN YOU TELL ME A LITTLE BIT ABOUT 513 00:24:19,626 --> 00:24:21,761 WHAT LIFE IS LIKE AT HOME WITH YOUR MOTHER? 514 00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:25,632 IT'S... I DON'T KNOW, NORMAL, I GUESS. 515 00:24:25,665 --> 00:24:27,767 UM, IT'S HOME. 516 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:30,269 AND WHAT DO YOU AND YOUR MOM DO TOGETHER? 517 00:24:30,302 --> 00:24:32,104 LOTS OF STUFF. WE LIKE TO HIKE. 518 00:24:32,138 --> 00:24:35,007 WE LIKE TO PLAY A LOT OF GAMES-- YOU KNOW, HEARTS, MONOPOLY. 519 00:24:35,041 --> 00:24:37,777 SHE'S ONE OF THE COACHES ON MY SOCCER TEAM. 520 00:24:37,810 --> 00:24:40,780 OH. BUT MOSTLY, SHE KINDA NAGS ME TO DO MY HOMEWORK 521 00:24:40,813 --> 00:24:42,849 AND STOP PLAYING "GUITAR HERO." (chuckles) 522 00:24:42,882 --> 00:24:46,185 DO YOU EVER TALK ABOUT YOUR MOTHER'S JOB WITH HER? 523 00:24:46,218 --> 00:24:47,987 SOMETIMES. 524 00:24:48,020 --> 00:24:51,157 DANIELLA, I KNOW THIS IS AN UNFAIR QUESTION, 525 00:24:51,190 --> 00:24:54,193 BUT I AM GOING TO ASK IT. 526 00:24:54,226 --> 00:24:55,962 DO YOU HAVE A FEELING 527 00:24:55,995 --> 00:24:59,131 ABOUT LIVING EITHER MOSTLY WITH YOUR MOM 528 00:24:59,165 --> 00:25:01,834 OR YOUR DAD? 529 00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:07,039 WE ARE A NATION OF LAWS, AND MR. CRANE BROKE THE LAW. 530 00:25:07,073 --> 00:25:11,010 HE CARRIED A CONCEALED WEAPON-- EIGHT OF THEM, ACTUALLY. 531 00:25:11,043 --> 00:25:13,680 HE HAS NO DEFENSE NOR HAS HE OFFERED ONE. 532 00:25:13,713 --> 00:25:18,685 HIS ONLY PLAY WOULD BE TO CHALLENGE THE EXISTING LAW. 533 00:25:18,718 --> 00:25:20,820 HE NO DOUBT THINKS 534 00:25:20,853 --> 00:25:23,489 THE RECENT SUPREME COURT RULING EMPOWERS HIM. 535 00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:25,324 IT DOES NOT. THE RULING SAID 536 00:25:25,357 --> 00:25:27,994 THAT AN INDIVIDUAL HAS THE RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS. 537 00:25:28,027 --> 00:25:30,730 IT DOES NOT SAY HE HAS A RIGHT TO CONCEAL THEM, 538 00:25:30,763 --> 00:25:33,566 NOR DOES IT HOLD THAT THE STATE CAN'T IMPOSE 539 00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:36,703 REASONABLE RESTRICTIONS ON THAT RIGHT. 540 00:25:36,736 --> 00:25:39,839 AND THIS RESTRICTION IS VERY REASONABLE. 541 00:25:39,872 --> 00:25:43,843 30,000 AMERICANS ARE KILLED BY GUNS EVERY YEAR. 542 00:25:43,876 --> 00:25:45,177 TO PUT THAT IN PERSPECTIVE, 543 00:25:45,211 --> 00:25:48,347 WE HAVE LOST CLOSE TO 4,000 SOLDIERS 544 00:25:48,380 --> 00:25:50,049 IN IRAQ DURING THE WAR. 545 00:25:50,082 --> 00:25:52,852 KIDS ARE KILLED ON THE STREET WALKING TO SCHOOL. 546 00:25:52,885 --> 00:25:55,688 PEOPLE ARE SHOT DEAD IN THEIR HOUSES, THEIR PLACES OF WORK. 547 00:25:55,722 --> 00:25:57,523 DO WE REALLY NEED ANOTHER VIRGINIA TECH 548 00:25:57,556 --> 00:26:01,027 TO REALIZE THAT THIS COUNTRY HAS A PROBLEM WHICH IS EPIDEMIC? 549 00:26:01,060 --> 00:26:04,530 THERE ARE NOW MORE FIREARMS IN HOMES THAN PETS. 550 00:26:04,563 --> 00:26:06,866 DOES THE DEFENSE REALLY MEAN TO SUGGEST 551 00:26:06,899 --> 00:26:08,868 THAT FOLKS BE ALLOWED TO WALK AROUND 552 00:26:08,901 --> 00:26:10,870 CONCEALING THEIR FIREARMS? 553 00:26:10,903 --> 00:26:13,740 OR IS IT JUST THAT DENNY CRANE IS ABOVE THE LAW? 554 00:26:13,773 --> 00:26:17,209 OR MAYBE, AS HIS TESTIMONY SUGGESTS, 555 00:26:17,243 --> 00:26:20,546 IT'S ALL IN GOOD FUN. 556 00:26:20,579 --> 00:26:22,281 WHY BE SO CONCERNED 557 00:26:22,314 --> 00:26:27,920 ABOUT SOMETHING AS TRIVIAL AS HUMAN LIFE? 558 00:26:39,932 --> 00:26:43,770 JERRY, YOU HAVE TO GET UP NOW. 559 00:26:49,508 --> 00:26:51,477 HUMAN LIFE? HUMAN LIFE? 560 00:26:51,510 --> 00:26:54,413 CAN WE JUST PLEASE DISPENSE WITH THE HUMAN LIFE JINGLE? 561 00:26:54,446 --> 00:26:57,583 IT'S SO BORING. OF COURSE WE'RE ALL PRO-HUMAN LIFE. 562 00:26:57,616 --> 00:27:03,422 SHOW OF HANDS. HOW MANY IN FAVOR OF PEOPLE NOT BEING DEAD? 563 00:27:03,455 --> 00:27:07,093 BUT LET'S FACE IT. WE LOVE GUNS. 564 00:27:07,126 --> 00:27:10,096 GO TO THE MOVIES, FOR PETE'S SAKE, TURN ON YOUR TV. 565 00:27:10,129 --> 00:27:12,164 WE'RE A PISTOL-TOTIN', GUN-LOVIN' PEOPLE. 566 00:27:12,198 --> 00:27:13,766 REMEMBER, WE STARTED THIS COUNTRY 567 00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:15,668 WITH THE SHOT HEARD ROUND THE WORLD, 568 00:27:15,702 --> 00:27:18,838 NOT A "LEGISLATION." AM I RIGHT? (laughs) 569 00:27:18,871 --> 00:27:21,107 LOOK, DENNY CRANE IS A LAWYER HIMSELF, A SCHOLAR. 570 00:27:21,140 --> 00:27:23,509 IN FACT, IF THERE ARE TWO LEGAL MINDS 571 00:27:23,542 --> 00:27:26,278 THAT WERE EVER IN PERFECT SYNC IN THIS COUNTRY, 572 00:27:26,312 --> 00:27:28,280 IT WOULD BE THOSE OF ANTONIN SCALIA 573 00:27:28,314 --> 00:27:30,683 AND DENNY CRANE. 574 00:27:30,717 --> 00:27:34,286 CHECK THEIR D.N.A.--TWINS SEPARATED AT BIRTH, I TELL YOU-- 575 00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:36,188 DENNY AND TONY, TONY AND DENNY. 576 00:27:36,222 --> 00:27:38,357 CAN YOU IMAGINE DENNY CRANE ON THE SUPREME COURT? 577 00:27:38,390 --> 00:27:40,993 WOW. SCALIA, ROBERTS, THOMAS, ALITO AND CRANE-- 578 00:27:41,027 --> 00:27:42,829 TALK ABOUT BIRDS OF A FEATHER. 579 00:27:42,862 --> 00:27:44,463 JERRY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 580 00:27:44,496 --> 00:27:47,333 WHAT AM I DOING? I'M CELEBRATING THE ACTIONS OF MY CLIENT. 581 00:27:47,366 --> 00:27:50,136 I'M ACKNOWLEDGING THAT HE, ALONG WITH THE SUPREME COURT-- 582 00:27:50,169 --> 00:27:51,637 NOT ALL, BUT THE BIG FIVE-- 583 00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:53,873 ARE SMARTER THAN ANY OTHER SUPREME COURT WE'VE EVER HAD. 584 00:27:53,906 --> 00:27:56,876 I MEAN, NO OTHER SUPREME COURT IN OUR 200-YEAR HISTORY 585 00:27:56,909 --> 00:28:00,046 COULD FIND A RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS FOR NONMILITARY PURPOSES, 586 00:28:00,079 --> 00:28:02,181 BUT SUDDENLY--PRESTO! 587 00:28:02,214 --> 00:28:05,852 THANK GOD FOR THE BIG FIVE, I TELL YOU. 588 00:28:07,419 --> 00:28:09,989 "A WELL REGULATED MILITIA 589 00:28:10,022 --> 00:28:12,324 "BEING NECESSARY TO THE SECURITY OF A FREE STATE, 590 00:28:12,358 --> 00:28:14,994 "THE RIGHT OF THE PEOPLE TO KEEP AND BEAR ARMS 591 00:28:15,027 --> 00:28:16,829 SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED." 592 00:28:16,863 --> 00:28:18,364 IT TURNS OUT 593 00:28:18,397 --> 00:28:24,236 THE TRICK IS TO JUST IGNORE THE FIRST 13 WORDS. 594 00:28:24,270 --> 00:28:25,671 HOME FREE. 595 00:28:25,704 --> 00:28:29,341 SEE, BIG TONY CALLS THIS "THE PREFATORY CLAUSE." 596 00:28:29,375 --> 00:28:31,677 PREFATORY-- I GUESS THAT MEANS "WORTHLESS." 597 00:28:31,710 --> 00:28:36,015 AND THIS IS THE OPERATIVE CLAUSE. 598 00:28:36,048 --> 00:28:37,683 (chuckles) OF COURSE. 599 00:28:37,716 --> 00:28:39,886 ALL THIS NONSENSE ABOUT THE RIGHT BEING NECESSARY 600 00:28:39,919 --> 00:28:41,087 FOR A WELL REGULATED MILITIA, 601 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:44,223 THEY PUT THAT IN FOR FUN, THOSE FOUNDING FATHER JOKESTERS. 602 00:28:44,256 --> 00:28:45,591 (laughs) 603 00:28:45,624 --> 00:28:47,760 WE WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY TAKE THIS PART SERIOUSLY. 604 00:28:47,794 --> 00:28:49,762 HOW COULD ALL THOSE STUPID SUPREME COURTS 605 00:28:49,796 --> 00:28:52,264 OVER THE LAST 200 YEARS HAVE FALLEN FOR THAT? 606 00:28:52,298 --> 00:28:55,434 MAY I HAVE A WORD WITH COCOUNSEL-- NO, YOU MAY NOT. SIT DOWN, HACKY SACK. 607 00:28:55,467 --> 00:28:58,370 AND ENOUGH WITH THIS "WE'RE A NATION OF LAWS" CRAPOLA. 608 00:28:58,404 --> 00:29:00,406 PLEASE, WE'RE A NATION OF POLITICS. 609 00:29:00,439 --> 00:29:02,374 AM I RIGHT? AM I RIGHT? 610 00:29:02,408 --> 00:29:04,543 THE LAWS ARE SIMPLY DEVICES TO SERVE OUR IDEOLOGIES. 611 00:29:04,576 --> 00:29:07,079 FOR EXAMPLE, THIS COURT, WHICH IS THE SMARTEST 612 00:29:07,113 --> 00:29:09,581 IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD, TRUMPETED INDIVIDUAL LIBERTIES 613 00:29:09,615 --> 00:29:11,583 TO PROTECT GUNS. (imitates trumpet fanfare) 614 00:29:11,617 --> 00:29:14,887 BUT AS FOR INDIVIDUAL LIBERTIES FOR CRIMINAL DEFENDANTS? 615 00:29:14,921 --> 00:29:17,256 (chuckles) WHO NEEDS 'EM? AND THEN IN THE GUANTáNAMO CASE, 616 00:29:17,289 --> 00:29:19,258 BIG TONY SAID INDIVIDUAL LIBERTIES BE DAMNED 617 00:29:19,291 --> 00:29:21,093 WHEN IT MEANS MORE HUMAN LIVES MIGHT BE LOST, 618 00:29:21,127 --> 00:29:23,562 BUT IN THE GUN'S CASE, IT'S HAIL, HAIL INDIVIDUAL LIBERTIES, 619 00:29:23,595 --> 00:29:25,731 EVEN THOUGH MORE HUMAN LIVES MIGHT BE LOST. 620 00:29:25,764 --> 00:29:27,266 THAT'S CONSISTENT. 621 00:29:27,299 --> 00:29:29,268 SEE, BIG TONY KNOWS THE SCORE. 622 00:29:29,301 --> 00:29:31,603 LOOK TO YOUR POLITICS. 623 00:29:31,637 --> 00:29:34,740 THAT'LL TELL YOU WHAT THE LAW IS. 624 00:29:34,773 --> 00:29:36,608 (whispers) JERRY. PIPE DOWN, SACKY-BOY. 625 00:29:36,642 --> 00:29:39,111 THESE ARE SMART JUDGES, THESE SUPREEMIES. 626 00:29:39,145 --> 00:29:42,314 AND, BOY, ONCE WE GOT THE NEWBIES, ROBERTS AND ALITO, 627 00:29:42,348 --> 00:29:43,749 THE PREEMIES-- 628 00:29:43,782 --> 00:29:46,585 THE POSSIBILITIES ARE JUST BOUNDLESS. 629 00:29:46,618 --> 00:29:49,421 THEY DON'T HAVE TO BE BOUND BY THE CONSTITUTION 630 00:29:49,455 --> 00:29:51,123 OR THE FOUNDING FATHERS. 631 00:29:51,157 --> 00:29:54,460 SEEMS THEY'RE NOT EVEN BOUND BY THEIR OWN PRINCIPLES. JERRY. 632 00:29:54,493 --> 00:29:57,329 CONSIDER... THEY ALWAYS SAY POLITICAL QUESTIONS 633 00:29:57,363 --> 00:29:59,498 SHOULD BE DECIDED BY ELECTED OFFICIALS, 634 00:29:59,531 --> 00:30:02,334 BUT AS FOR GUNS--NUH-UH! 635 00:30:02,368 --> 00:30:04,636 THEY SAY WE NEED TO PAY CLOSE ATTENTION 636 00:30:04,670 --> 00:30:07,306 TO THE PRECISE WORDS IN THE CONSTITUTION, 637 00:30:07,339 --> 00:30:08,674 BUT FOR GUNS--NUH-UH! 638 00:30:08,707 --> 00:30:11,443 THEY SAY THEY LOATHE JUDICIAL ACTIVISM, 639 00:30:11,477 --> 00:30:13,980 BUT WHEN IT COMES TO GUNS-- NUH-UH! 640 00:30:14,013 --> 00:30:16,282 DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THESE PREEMIES? McCAIN DOES. 641 00:30:16,315 --> 00:30:19,618 HE WANTS TO GO OUT AND FIND MORE JUDGES EXACTLY LIKE THEM. 642 00:30:19,651 --> 00:30:21,620 HE'S A SMARTY-PANTS, TOO, THAT McCAIN. 643 00:30:21,653 --> 00:30:23,856 HE KNOWS HOW TO BECOME PRESIDENT. 644 00:30:23,890 --> 00:30:26,993 HE ONCE COSPONSORED A BILL CLOSING THE GUN SHOW LOOPHOLE. 645 00:30:27,026 --> 00:30:28,194 BUT NOW? NUH-UH! 646 00:30:28,227 --> 00:30:31,630 HE NOW BELIEVES THE SECOND AMENDMENT MEANS NO GUN CONTROL. 647 00:30:31,663 --> 00:30:34,466 THAT MIGHT MAKE HIM EVEN SMARTER THAN BIG TONY AND THE PREEMIES. 648 00:30:34,500 --> 00:30:36,202 AND OBAMA, HE'S NO DUMMY. 649 00:30:36,235 --> 00:30:38,004 HE ONCE TOOK A STAND ON FIREARMS, 650 00:30:38,037 --> 00:30:41,307 BUT IN HIS BLUEPRINT FOR CHANGE... (laughs) NADA, 651 00:30:41,340 --> 00:30:42,541 NOTHING ON GUN CONTROL. 652 00:30:42,574 --> 00:30:44,843 I GUESS WE DON'T NEED THAT MUCH CHANGE. 653 00:30:44,877 --> 00:30:47,213 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY, 654 00:30:47,246 --> 00:30:49,315 YOU CANNOT CONVICT DENNY CRANE. 655 00:30:49,348 --> 00:30:51,984 IF ANYTHING, THIS MAN SHOULD BE CANONIZED. 656 00:30:52,018 --> 00:30:54,186 OH, DON'T YOU LOVE THAT WORD? CANONIZED. 657 00:30:54,220 --> 00:30:56,889 SOUNDS LIKE A BIG GUN. SHOW OF HANDS, HOW MANY ARE TITILLATED? 658 00:30:56,923 --> 00:30:59,325 DENNY CRANE, LIKE BIG TONY, LIKE THE PREEMIES, 659 00:30:59,358 --> 00:31:02,561 HE DOESN'T LOOK AT THE MEANING OF THE CONSTITUTION AND SAY WHY. 660 00:31:02,594 --> 00:31:05,064 HE SEES MEANINGS THAT NEVER WERE 661 00:31:05,097 --> 00:31:06,899 AND SAYS WHY NOT? 662 00:31:06,933 --> 00:31:10,169 MY CLIENT IS A REAL AMERICAN-- FLAG ON HIS LAPEL, 663 00:31:10,202 --> 00:31:12,871 GUN IN HIS PANTS. 664 00:31:12,905 --> 00:31:15,507 HE SHOOTS BAD GUYS. BOOM, BOOM. BOOM, BOOM. 665 00:31:15,541 --> 00:31:18,510 THERE IS NOTHING MORE RED, WHITE AND BLUE THAN HIM, 666 00:31:18,544 --> 00:31:20,546 A MAN WHO KNOWS, AS DOES OUR PRESIDENT, 667 00:31:20,579 --> 00:31:22,014 AS DO THE BIG FIVE... 668 00:31:22,048 --> 00:31:26,718 HUMAN LIFE IS SIMPLY NO MATCH FOR A GUN. 669 00:31:26,752 --> 00:31:31,523 (military band playing march) 670 00:31:41,067 --> 00:31:42,868 WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! 671 00:31:42,901 --> 00:31:45,871 WAS I NOT COMPELLING? YOU JUST SENT HIM TO JAIL. 672 00:31:45,904 --> 00:31:48,274 WHAT COULD POSSIBLY POSSESS YOU? 673 00:31:48,307 --> 00:31:51,043 YOU DID, FOR STARTERS. YOU SAID TO GIVE DENNY WHAT HE NEEDS. 674 00:31:51,077 --> 00:31:52,744 HE NEEDED TO LOSE. 675 00:31:52,778 --> 00:31:55,747 HE NEEDED TO LOSE. AND YOU MADE THAT DECISION? 676 00:31:55,781 --> 00:31:57,449 DENNY DID. 677 00:31:58,784 --> 00:32:02,121 CARL, MY FRIEND, THE TRICK TO CHANGING A LAW 678 00:32:02,154 --> 00:32:04,090 IS NOT TO BEAT IT, BUT TO GET BEAT. 679 00:32:04,123 --> 00:32:08,060 THEN YOU CAN APPEAL TO A COURT THAT CAN CHANGE IT. 680 00:32:08,094 --> 00:32:10,396 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 681 00:32:10,429 --> 00:32:11,897 THE MASSACHUSETTS LEGISLATURE 682 00:32:11,930 --> 00:32:13,899 IS NEVER GONNA LET US PACK PISTOLS. 683 00:32:13,932 --> 00:32:16,068 YOU GOTTA GET IT TO THE SUPREME COURT. 684 00:32:16,102 --> 00:32:18,470 THEY'LL TAKE CARE OF IT. 685 00:32:18,504 --> 00:32:19,938 YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS. 686 00:32:19,972 --> 00:32:23,942 YOU WANT TO LOSE SO YOU CAN APPEAL TO THE SUPREME COURT? 687 00:32:23,976 --> 00:32:25,277 (laughs) 688 00:32:25,311 --> 00:32:28,280 JERRY, MY BOY, LET ME PRESENT YOU 689 00:32:28,314 --> 00:32:30,149 A WOODEN CIGAR. 690 00:32:30,182 --> 00:32:33,485 YOU EARNED IT, MY FRIEND. 691 00:32:34,786 --> 00:32:37,823 THANK YOU. 692 00:32:37,856 --> 00:32:40,592 I'M A PROFESSIONAL WOMAN. I HAVE KIDS. 693 00:32:40,626 --> 00:32:43,595 THEY UNDERSTAND WHAT I DO. THEY ASK ME ABOUT MY WORK. 694 00:32:43,629 --> 00:32:46,465 THEY'RE PROUD TO HAVE ME COME TO THEIR SCHOOL 695 00:32:46,498 --> 00:32:48,167 FOR CAREER DAY. 696 00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:50,969 AND WHEN I GET THIS PAYCHECK, 697 00:32:51,003 --> 00:32:53,505 THEY CAN FEEL CONFIDENT THAT IT DOESN'T REPRESENT 698 00:32:53,539 --> 00:32:56,608 ONE MINUTE OF ME ENGAGING IN A SEX ACT. 699 00:32:56,642 --> 00:32:59,178 WILL THIS BE THE CASE FOR DANIELLA? 700 00:33:00,679 --> 00:33:02,481 WHAT'S IN HER BEST INTERESTS? 701 00:33:02,514 --> 00:33:06,352 DANIELLA'S BEST INTERESTS LIE WITH HER FATHER. 702 00:33:06,385 --> 00:33:09,955 LET'S NOT BE OUTFOXED BY THE FANCY TALK 703 00:33:09,988 --> 00:33:13,192 AND THERAPY-JARGONIZED ARGUMENT OF MS. MONROE 704 00:33:13,225 --> 00:33:14,793 AND HER SLEAZY LAWYER 705 00:33:14,826 --> 00:33:17,996 AND ALLOW DANIELLA TO BE EXPOSED TO A WOMAN 706 00:33:18,030 --> 00:33:19,998 WHO EMPLOYS QUESTIONABLE PHILOSOPHIES 707 00:33:20,032 --> 00:33:23,869 AND UNFIT MORAL PRACTICES IN HER CHOSEN CAREER. 708 00:33:23,902 --> 00:33:26,638 THE GENERAL LAWS OF MASSACHUSETTS STATE THAT 709 00:33:26,672 --> 00:33:30,809 CUSTODY OF A CHILD INCLUDES THE RIGHT AND RESPONSIBILITY 710 00:33:30,842 --> 00:33:33,812 TO SEE TO THE CHILD'S WELFARE AND MAKE MAJOR DECISIONS 711 00:33:33,845 --> 00:33:37,649 ABOUT HIS OR HER EDUCATION AND MEDICAL CARE 712 00:33:37,683 --> 00:33:44,490 AND EMOTIONAL, MORAL AND RELIGIOUS DEVELOPMENT. 713 00:33:44,523 --> 00:33:49,027 GIVE DANIELLA'S FATHER SOLE CUSTODY. 714 00:33:56,034 --> 00:34:00,172 DON'T MAKE ME HIT YOU. 715 00:34:00,206 --> 00:34:02,074 (Alan) THERE WAS AN INCIDENT 716 00:34:02,108 --> 00:34:04,576 IN A SHOPPING MALL RECENTLY 717 00:34:04,610 --> 00:34:06,578 THAT INCITED A STORM OF PROTESTS 718 00:34:06,612 --> 00:34:08,580 AND WAS WELL-COVERED BY THE MEDIA. 719 00:34:08,614 --> 00:34:12,851 APPARENTLY A WOMAN WAS THROWN OUT OF A LINGERIE STORE 720 00:34:12,884 --> 00:34:15,721 BECAUSE WHILE SHE WAS SITTING NEXT TO A MANNEQUIN 721 00:34:15,754 --> 00:34:19,691 THAT WAS WEARING ONLY A THONG AND A PEEKABOO BRA, 722 00:34:19,725 --> 00:34:21,860 THE WOMAN STARTED TO BREASTFEED HER BABY. 723 00:34:21,893 --> 00:34:24,196 MEANWHILE, BACK IN THE CAPITAL, 724 00:34:24,230 --> 00:34:28,066 ATTORNEY GENERAL JOHN ASHCROFT HAD MAMMOTH DRAPES PURCHASED 725 00:34:28,100 --> 00:34:30,602 TO OBSCURE TWO STATUES 726 00:34:30,636 --> 00:34:33,205 IN THE GREAT HALL OF THE DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE 727 00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:36,375 BECAUSE THE FEMALE STATUE, SPIRIT OF JUSTICE, 728 00:34:36,408 --> 00:34:38,777 HAS ONE BREAST UNCOVERED 729 00:34:38,810 --> 00:34:42,047 AND THE MALE STATUE, MAJESTY OF LAW, 730 00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:44,916 IS BARE-CHESTED AND WEARS A LOINCLOTH. 731 00:34:44,950 --> 00:34:48,720 WHAT IS YOUR POINT? MY POINT IS, THIS COUNTRY 732 00:34:48,754 --> 00:34:52,224 HAS A PROFOUNDLY PARADOXICAL RELATIONSHIP WITH SEX. 733 00:34:52,258 --> 00:34:54,560 WE DAMN INFIDELITY, 734 00:34:54,593 --> 00:34:56,562 BUT OUR PRESIDENTS HAVE HAD EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS 735 00:34:56,595 --> 00:34:58,264 IN AND OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE. 736 00:34:58,297 --> 00:35:01,900 THE MISTRESS KEEPING AND RENDEZVOUSING OF F.D.R., 737 00:35:01,933 --> 00:35:03,269 L.B.J., BILLY BOB CLINTON 738 00:35:03,302 --> 00:35:08,140 AND GRAND CHAMP J.F.K. ARE LEGENDARY, AND OTHER THAN 739 00:35:08,174 --> 00:35:10,409 THE POLITICALLY MOTIVATED IMPEACHING OF BILLY BOB, 740 00:35:10,442 --> 00:35:11,910 WE WENT WITH IT. 741 00:35:11,943 --> 00:35:14,913 WE DIDN'T SAY YOU'VE ENGAGED IN INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL BEHAVIOR 742 00:35:14,946 --> 00:35:17,082 OUR CULTURE FINDS INEXCUSABLE, SO GIVE UP YOUR CHILDREN. 743 00:35:17,115 --> 00:35:20,752 AND BY THE WAY, WHEN IT COMES TO OUR CHILDREN, 744 00:35:20,786 --> 00:35:22,788 WE'VE ENTIRELY LOST OUR HEADS. 745 00:35:22,821 --> 00:35:25,824 WHEN PARENTS WERE SURVEYED 746 00:35:25,857 --> 00:35:27,926 ABOUT WHAT THEY FOUND MOST OFFENSIVE 747 00:35:27,959 --> 00:35:29,828 IN THEIR KIDS' VIDEO GAMES, 748 00:35:29,861 --> 00:35:33,465 A MAN AND A WOMAN HAVING SEX CAME IN FIRST AS MOST OFFENSIVE, 749 00:35:33,499 --> 00:35:37,803 BEATING OUT GRAPHICALLY SEVERED HUMAN HEAD, WHICH CAME IN THIRD. 750 00:35:37,836 --> 00:35:39,938 AND YET WE HAVE MORE AND MORE WOMEN 751 00:35:39,971 --> 00:35:42,007 PROUDLY DECLARING TO THEIR FRIENDS OVER COFFEE, 752 00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:44,443 "I'M A MILF AT MY KID'S HIGH SCHOOL." 753 00:35:44,476 --> 00:35:46,612 M-I-L-F-- MOTHER I'D LIKE TO... 754 00:35:46,645 --> 00:35:48,847 FORGIVE ME FOR SPEAKING THIS WAY IN COURT. 755 00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:50,682 EVIDENTLY, WE'VE DECIDED, 756 00:35:50,716 --> 00:35:52,851 INSTEAD OF OUR TRADITIONAL DESEXING OF MOTHERS, 757 00:35:52,884 --> 00:35:56,622 WE NOW NEED TO SEX THEM UP A BIT. 758 00:35:56,655 --> 00:35:58,790 JUST TALK ABOUT THE FITNESS OF THIS MOTHER. 759 00:35:58,824 --> 00:36:00,959 JOANNA IS A WONDERFUL MOTHER. 760 00:36:00,992 --> 00:36:03,795 AND PART OF HER JOB IS TO HELP PEOPLE 761 00:36:03,829 --> 00:36:08,700 FIND SOME SEMBLANCE OF ORDER IN THIS PARALYZING MESS, 762 00:36:08,734 --> 00:36:11,036 TO HELP PEOPLE FIND SOME CLARITY. 763 00:36:11,069 --> 00:36:13,839 IN TODAY'S WORLD, WE SHOULD ALL BE ASSIGNED SOMEONE 764 00:36:13,872 --> 00:36:18,877 TO HELP US NAVIGATE THE WATERS OF SEX AND SEXISM, 765 00:36:18,910 --> 00:36:21,813 BECAUSE IT'S SO EASY TO GET LOST, 766 00:36:21,847 --> 00:36:25,651 SO WOEFULLY, WOEFULLY LOST. 767 00:36:25,684 --> 00:36:28,720 WE NEED TO BRING SEX OUT OF THE DARK SHADOWS 768 00:36:28,754 --> 00:36:31,990 WHERE IT CAN GET TWISTED AND TORQUED AND... 769 00:36:32,023 --> 00:36:36,395 WE THINK NOTHING OF USING SEX TO SELL PRODUCTS 770 00:36:36,428 --> 00:36:39,698 OR MOVIES, TELEVISION SHOWS, MAGAZINES, 771 00:36:39,731 --> 00:36:41,700 BUT WHEN SOMEONE IS ADDRESSING SEX 772 00:36:41,733 --> 00:36:45,036 IN A REAL, TRUE, HONEST WAY, 773 00:36:45,070 --> 00:36:46,538 THAT'S IMMORAL? 774 00:36:46,572 --> 00:36:48,407 THAT'S INAPPROPRIATE? 775 00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:50,175 THAT'S UNFIT? 776 00:36:50,208 --> 00:36:51,410 ALL RIGHT, YOU WIN. 777 00:36:51,443 --> 00:36:53,845 I AM MAINTAINING DUAL CUSTODY. 778 00:36:53,879 --> 00:36:55,180 WELL, IF YOU DON'T MIND, 779 00:36:55,213 --> 00:36:58,917 I'D STILL LIKE TO FINISH WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. NO. 780 00:36:58,950 --> 00:37:01,853 MR. MONROE, WHAT SHE DOES IS CLEARLY UNCONVENTIONAL, 781 00:37:01,887 --> 00:37:05,757 BUT THERE IS NO SIGN THAT IT'S AN UNSTABLE ENVIRONMENT, 782 00:37:05,791 --> 00:37:08,694 AND THERE'S NO EVIDENCE THAT YOUR EX-WIFE IS UNFIT. 783 00:37:08,727 --> 00:37:11,697 THEREFORE, WE ARE ADJOURNED. 784 00:37:11,730 --> 00:37:14,032 THANK YOU, YOUR HONOR. 785 00:37:14,065 --> 00:37:15,066 YES. 786 00:37:15,100 --> 00:37:16,902 THANK YOU, ALAN. 787 00:37:20,105 --> 00:37:23,975 *** 788 00:37:28,580 --> 00:37:29,948 WILL IT GO STRAIGHT TO THE SUPREME COURT? 789 00:37:29,981 --> 00:37:32,751 WELL, NO. YOU'D HAVE TO LOSE AT THE APPEALS COURT. 790 00:37:32,784 --> 00:37:34,286 THEN YOU'D HAVE TO LOSE AGAIN WITH THE S.J.C. 791 00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:37,589 BUT NOT TO WORRY. JERRY'S CLOSING WILL GET THE JOB DONE. 792 00:37:37,623 --> 00:37:41,793 (Brown) MR. FOREMAN, YOU HAVE REACHED A UNANIMOUS VERDICT? WE HAVE, YOUR HONOR. 793 00:37:41,827 --> 00:37:43,795 WHAT SAY YOU? "IN THE MATTER 794 00:37:43,829 --> 00:37:46,798 "OF THE COMMONWEALTH OF MASSACHUSETTS vs. DENNY CRANE 795 00:37:46,832 --> 00:37:48,934 "ON THE CHARGE OF CARRYING A CONCEALED FIREARM 796 00:37:48,967 --> 00:37:51,269 "WITHOUT A PERMIT, WE THE JURY 797 00:37:51,303 --> 00:37:53,572 FIND THE DEFENDANT, DENNY CRANE, NOT GUILTY." 798 00:37:53,605 --> 00:37:55,741 WE WON? WHAT?! 799 00:37:55,774 --> 00:37:57,943 YOUR HONOR, WE APPEAL. 800 00:37:57,976 --> 00:38:01,079 YOU CAN'T APPEAL AN ACQUITTAL. YOU'RE THE DEFENDANT. 801 00:38:01,112 --> 00:38:03,915 THIS ISN'T RIGHT. WHAT HAPPENED? (gavel bangs) 802 00:38:03,949 --> 00:38:06,818 SORRY, DENNY. GUESS YOU CAN'T LOSE 'EM ALL. 803 00:38:06,852 --> 00:38:09,988 I CAN'T LOSE ANY. 804 00:38:10,021 --> 00:38:13,992 *** 805 00:38:14,025 --> 00:38:16,628 YOU REALLY HAD YOUR HOPES UP. 806 00:38:16,662 --> 00:38:19,498 WELL, IT'S ONE THING TO BE AN ICON... 807 00:38:19,531 --> 00:38:21,667 (laughs) 808 00:38:21,700 --> 00:38:24,302 BUT TO BE A CAUSE CéLèBRE... 809 00:38:24,336 --> 00:38:25,937 A MARTYR EVEN... 810 00:38:25,971 --> 00:38:28,940 THE IDEA OF FAMOUS HOLLYWOOD PEOPLE 811 00:38:28,974 --> 00:38:31,309 WEARING A BUTTON-- "FREE DENNY"... 812 00:38:31,343 --> 00:38:34,145 I DON'T THINK HOLLYWOOD TYPES WEAR BUTTONS FOR GUN NUTS. 813 00:38:34,179 --> 00:38:37,849 YOU ACTUALLY THINK I'M A NUT TO CARRY A GUN? TO CARRY FIVE ALL AT ONCE? 814 00:38:37,883 --> 00:38:40,185 YES, DENNY. THAT RAISES YOU TO LUNATIC STATUS. 815 00:38:40,218 --> 00:38:43,689 OH, AND YOU WOULD NEVER OWN ONE. I DIDN'T SAY THAT. 816 00:38:43,722 --> 00:38:45,824 YOU'RE AFRAID TO EVEN HOLD ONE, YOU GIRL, YOU. 817 00:38:45,857 --> 00:38:48,159 I HAVE ONE, IN A SAFE AT HOME. 818 00:38:48,193 --> 00:38:50,295 A .38. 819 00:38:50,328 --> 00:38:51,963 YOU HAVE A .38? 820 00:38:51,997 --> 00:38:52,864 YES. 821 00:38:52,898 --> 00:38:54,700 I SEE NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. 822 00:38:54,733 --> 00:38:56,702 I SEE A LOT WRONG WITH ASSAULT WEAPONS 823 00:38:56,735 --> 00:38:59,304 AND PEOPLE WALKING AROUND LIKE YOU, WITH GUNS. 824 00:38:59,337 --> 00:39:02,207 HAVE YOU EVER SHOT IT? JUST TARGET PRACTICE. 825 00:39:02,240 --> 00:39:05,210 I CAN'T FATHOM A LIBERAL LIKE YOU OWNING A GUN. 826 00:39:05,243 --> 00:39:06,311 (chuckles) 827 00:39:06,344 --> 00:39:08,980 THAT'S ONE OF THE PROBLEMS IN THIS COUNTRY. 828 00:39:09,014 --> 00:39:11,717 WE HAVE TWO CAMPS--THOSE THAT LIKE GUNS AND THOSE THAT DON'T. 829 00:39:11,750 --> 00:39:13,519 WHY CAN'T THERE BE A MIDDLE? 830 00:39:13,552 --> 00:39:16,888 WHY CAN'T WE SAY OKAY TO GUNS AND OKAY TO GUN LEGISLATION? 831 00:39:16,922 --> 00:39:18,890 WHY DOES IT MAKE SOMEONE A PINKO-LIBERAL-GIRL 832 00:39:18,924 --> 00:39:22,828 IF HE SUPPORTS BACKGROUND CHECKS AND BANS ON ASSAULT WEAPONS? 833 00:39:22,861 --> 00:39:25,897 THAT'S A SEXIST REMARK. YOU REALIZE THAT? WHAT? 834 00:39:25,931 --> 00:39:27,899 "A PINKO-LIBERAL-GIRL." 835 00:39:27,933 --> 00:39:30,536 GIRLS CAN LIKE GUNS. 836 00:39:30,569 --> 00:39:31,737 NEVER MIND. 837 00:39:31,770 --> 00:39:34,406 JUST LET ME DRINK. 838 00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:37,075 FINE. 839 00:39:39,110 --> 00:39:41,179 I AM SEXIST. 840 00:39:41,212 --> 00:39:45,016 WHEN I SEE A WOMAN, MY FIRST THOUGHTS ARE SEXUAL. 841 00:39:45,050 --> 00:39:47,218 IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T RESPECT HER INTELLIGENCE, 842 00:39:47,252 --> 00:39:50,188 IT'S NOT THAT I WOULDN'T WANT A WOMAN TO BE PRESIDENT, 843 00:39:50,221 --> 00:39:53,024 I'LL EVEN ADMIT TO THE POSSIBILITY 844 00:39:53,058 --> 00:39:54,760 THAT WOMEN ARE EMOTIONALLY 845 00:39:54,793 --> 00:39:56,762 AND INTELLECTUALLY SUPERIOR TO MEN, 846 00:39:56,795 --> 00:40:01,232 BUT I CANNOT DENY, THERE'S A PART OF ME THAT... 847 00:40:01,266 --> 00:40:05,937 SEES A WOMAN AS THIS BIG, HUMAN MITTEN, 848 00:40:05,971 --> 00:40:07,906 PERFECTLY DESIGNED TO KEEP MY COCKLES WARM 849 00:40:07,939 --> 00:40:10,041 ON A COLD, WINTER'S NIGHT. 850 00:40:10,075 --> 00:40:12,744 (laughs) 851 00:40:12,778 --> 00:40:14,780 OH, ALAN. IT'S CULTURAL. 852 00:40:14,813 --> 00:40:16,715 IT'S BIOLOGICAL. 853 00:40:16,748 --> 00:40:19,050 AND... IT'S FUN. 854 00:40:19,084 --> 00:40:20,752 (laughs) 855 00:40:20,786 --> 00:40:24,590 THERE ARE MANY WAYS MEN GO DEAD AS THEY AGE. 856 00:40:24,623 --> 00:40:27,392 ONE WAY, THEY START INCORPORATING 857 00:40:27,425 --> 00:40:28,927 ALL THE LEARNED, 858 00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:30,896 POLITICALLY CORRECT BEHAVIOR AND THOUGHTS 859 00:40:30,929 --> 00:40:32,598 INTO WHO THEY ARE, 860 00:40:32,631 --> 00:40:35,734 AND IN THE PROCESS, DENY WHAT THEY ARE. WHAT ARE WE? 861 00:40:35,767 --> 00:40:38,436 ANIMALS. 862 00:40:38,470 --> 00:40:39,738 TODAY'S EVOLVED MEN 863 00:40:39,771 --> 00:40:41,773 TALK TO EACH OTHER ABOUT POLITICS 864 00:40:41,807 --> 00:40:43,809 AND KIDS AND EDUCATION. 865 00:40:43,842 --> 00:40:46,745 THEY TALK ABOUT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING, 866 00:40:46,778 --> 00:40:50,081 AND YET ARE PROFOUNDLY LONELY. WHY? 867 00:40:50,115 --> 00:40:52,317 'CAUSE THEY'RE ASHAMED TO SHARE 868 00:40:52,350 --> 00:40:55,921 THEIR MOST BASE INSTINCT. 869 00:40:55,954 --> 00:40:57,989 YOU AND I ARE NOT LIKE THAT. 870 00:40:58,023 --> 00:41:00,792 WHEN WE'RE 90, WE'LL BE SITTING ON A PARK BENCH, 871 00:41:00,826 --> 00:41:03,629 A PRETTY GIRL WILL GO BY, AND WE'LL SAY, 872 00:41:03,662 --> 00:41:05,964 "LOOK AT THE RACK ON THAT ONE." 873 00:41:05,997 --> 00:41:08,800 YOU AND I WILL NEVER, EVER BE LONELY. 874 00:41:08,834 --> 00:41:11,269 AND IF THE GIRL HAS A BOYFRIEND 875 00:41:11,302 --> 00:41:13,672 WHO COMES TO CONFISCATE OUR WALKERS? 876 00:41:13,705 --> 00:41:15,807 I'VE GOT MY GUN. 877 00:41:15,841 --> 00:41:18,176 I FEEL BETTER. YOU SHOULD. 878 00:41:20,178 --> 00:41:21,780 ALAN... 879 00:41:21,813 --> 00:41:26,685 EMBRACE YOUR INNER WOLF. 880 00:41:26,718 --> 00:41:29,120 YOU LISTEN TO DENNY NOW. 881 00:41:29,154 --> 00:41:30,622 YES. 882 00:41:30,656 --> 00:41:33,992 *** 883 00:41:43,501 --> 00:41:44,970 NEXT ON "BOSTON LEGAL"... 884 00:41:45,003 --> 00:41:47,138 PHOEBE. THE POLICE JUST ARRESTED MY HUSBAND. 885 00:41:47,172 --> 00:41:48,540 ARRESTED HIM FOR WHAT? MURDER. 886 00:41:48,574 --> 00:41:52,143 THE VICTIM IS ONE OF HIS FORMER NURSES. I'M INNOCENT. 887 00:41:52,177 --> 00:41:54,312 I DID HAVE A SHORT-LIVED RELATIONSHIP WITH HER, 888 00:41:54,345 --> 00:41:57,015 WHICH I BROKE OFF. I WAS NOT THERE ON THE MURDER NIGHT, 889 00:41:57,048 --> 00:41:59,150 WHICH MY WIFE WILL CONFIRM. QUESTIONS? 890 00:41:59,184 --> 00:42:01,653 HE CAN BE A BIT CHILLY AT FIRST. 891 00:42:01,687 --> 00:42:04,723 DO YOU TRUST THIS MAN? (Denny) COME ON. YOU'RE GUILTY AS SIN. 892 00:42:04,756 --> 00:42:07,158 YOU DON'T FOOL US. YOU WON'T FOOL A JURY. 893 00:42:07,192 --> 00:42:10,061 (reporters all shouting at once) 894 00:42:10,095 --> 00:42:12,931 ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH MY WIFE, MR. SHORE?