1 00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:57,909 Hey, Andy! What's up, dude? 2 00:01:57,993 --> 00:02:00,119 Hey, Joe. Hey, Sara. How you doing? 3 00:02:00,204 --> 00:02:01,412 When you going to get a car? 4 00:02:01,497 --> 00:02:04,624 Hey, why don't you get a car? I can't afford it. 5 00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:10,129 So, Survivor tomorrow night. We on? See you then. 6 00:02:10,214 --> 00:02:12,006 I'll bring a soda. Hey, enjoy your orange. 7 00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:14,091 Okay, take care. See you. Bye-bye. 8 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:18,638 That guy needs to get laid. Tell me something I don't know. 9 00:02:35,239 --> 00:02:36,489 Good morning. 10 00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:44,163 Excuse me. Pardon me. 11 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:46,624 Sorry. 12 00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:57,426 Excuse me. Thank you. 13 00:02:59,972 --> 00:03:02,265 Good morning. Hey. 14 00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:04,433 Good morning, Paula. Andy. 15 00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:08,354 Excuse me. I have a question. 16 00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:13,776 What is the difference between Hi8 and Digital video tapes? 17 00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:16,445 I'm not a salesman, so, I could probably... 18 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:19,240 Welcome to Smart Tech. How can I be of service to you? 19 00:03:19,408 --> 00:03:20,867 Well, I was just wondering 20 00:03:20,951 --> 00:03:23,452 what is the difference between these? 21 00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:27,206 Well, if I'm photographing someone as fine as yourself 22 00:03:27,291 --> 00:03:29,041 I'd probably go Digital. 23 00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:36,090 Hey, don't worry I've been lied to 24 00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:45,141 My God. Sorry I'm late, man. No problem. 25 00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,518 Oh, man. 26 00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:50,605 I had a weekend. Yeah? 27 00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:54,025 We went to Tijuana, Mexico, you know, 28 00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:57,028 and we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to this show. 29 00:03:57,112 --> 00:03:59,405 Everyone's, "You gotta check out one of these shows. " 30 00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:02,033 And, you know, it's a woman fucking a horse. 31 00:04:02,326 --> 00:04:05,578 We get there, and, you know, we think it's gonna be awesome 32 00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:09,040 and it is not as cool as it sounds like it would be, man. 33 00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,584 It's kind of gross. Yeah. 34 00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:13,336 You think, "A woman fucking a horse" 35 00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:15,004 and you get there and it's 36 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,923 a woman fucking a horse. Yeah. 37 00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:19,008 It was really giving it to her. 38 00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:20,426 And you know what, 39 00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:23,095 to be honest, I felt bad for her. We all just felt bad for her. 40 00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:24,889 Yeah. Kind of felt bad for the horse. 41 00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:28,184 Wow, that's something. So what did you get up to? 42 00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:32,313 You know, I just kind of hung out. I was... 43 00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:34,273 God, Friday, when I went home 44 00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:36,609 I really wanted an egg-salad sandwich. 45 00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:38,694 And I was just obsessing about it and I was like, 46 00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:40,780 "Man, I'm gonna make one of those. " 47 00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:44,325 So Saturday I went out and I got, like, a dozen eggs 48 00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:46,994 and I boiled them all and then I just, 49 00:04:47,079 --> 00:04:50,039 I spent, I don't know, probably three hours, 50 00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:53,709 like, three-and-a-half hours making, 51 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:57,838 you know, the mayonnaise and the onions and paprika 52 00:04:57,923 --> 00:04:59,966 and, you know, all the accoutrement. 53 00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:01,509 And then, by the time I was done 54 00:05:01,593 --> 00:05:03,177 I just really didn't feel like eating it. 55 00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:05,846 I can imagine. And I didn't have any bread. 56 00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:09,725 So, you know, it was pretty good. It was a good weekend. 57 00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:12,853 Sounds pretty awesome. Yeah, it was fine. 58 00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:14,355 Sounds really fun. 59 00:05:15,357 --> 00:05:16,857 Cool. Cool. 60 00:05:16,942 --> 00:05:18,359 Cool, cool. 61 00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:23,030 Hey, Paula. Yeah. 62 00:05:23,115 --> 00:05:25,616 I gotta tell you something. I'm really excited about it. 63 00:05:25,701 --> 00:05:29,078 For the first time today, I woke up, 64 00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:33,499 I came to the store, and I feel confident to say to you 65 00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:36,168 that if you don't take this Michael McDonald DVD 66 00:05:36,253 --> 00:05:38,629 that you've been playing for two years straight, off, 67 00:05:38,714 --> 00:05:40,381 I'm going to kill everyone in the store 68 00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:42,341 and put a bullet in my brain. 69 00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:46,137 David, what do you suggest we play? I don't care. Anything. 70 00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:49,181 I would rather watch Beautician and the Beast. 71 00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:51,851 I would rather listen to Fran Drescher for eight hours 72 00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:53,686 than have to listen to Michael McDonald. 73 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:57,023 Nothing against him, but if I hear Yah Mo B There one more time 74 00:05:57,107 --> 00:05:59,525 I'm gonna yah mo burn this place to the ground. 75 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:02,486 You're such a smart ass. Get back on the floor. 76 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:05,948 Fuck you. 77 00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:09,952 This is a great TV. Nothing beats a plasma. 78 00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:11,620 What are you doing? That's my customer. 79 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:14,874 It certainly is not. When I came upon her, she was unattended. 80 00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:16,625 No, that's my... Wait. 81 00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,753 Go to the checkout there. Pick up there, please. 82 00:06:18,837 --> 00:06:20,629 She was unattended because I went to the back 83 00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,506 to get the brochure that she requested. 84 00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:24,050 I apologize, but it's too late. 85 00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:25,676 The transaction has been completed. 86 00:06:25,761 --> 00:06:27,470 Then you're gonna give me half the commission. 87 00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:29,013 You'll receive none of the commission. 88 00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:30,556 I need to talk to Paula. This is crazy. 89 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:31,640 This is bullshit. 90 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,559 Every time I make a sale, you go crying to Paula. 91 00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:36,937 How about Jesse Jackson? Old Jesse needs a cause. 92 00:06:37,022 --> 00:06:38,564 Sick of you poaching my customers. 93 00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:40,149 I'm sick of your crybaby bullshit. 94 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:43,235 You wanna take this shit outside? Just take it outside and squash it? 95 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:46,572 Let's stay inside, so everybody can see what a pussy you have, okay? 96 00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:50,076 Because when I remove the blade I keep in my boot from its sheath, 97 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,995 I can't return it until it has spilled blood. 98 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:56,332 Look, listen to me. You are fucking with the wrong nigger. 99 00:06:56,958 --> 00:07:00,336 Hey! You're fucking with the wrong sand-nigger, okay? 100 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,922 Dude, I will hang your old ass by your turban. 101 00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:06,175 Turban now? Do you see any fucking turban here? 102 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:07,927 Do I talk like a turban guy? 103 00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:10,888 Do I say, "Hey, Jay, do you want a Slurpee? You want a Slurpee?" 104 00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:14,183 Fuck you, okay? I was born in Brooklyn. 105 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:15,309 Brooklyn, okay? 106 00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:18,979 My accent is a fucking Brooklyn accent, okay? Okay? 107 00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:20,397 All right, man. Calm down, dude. 108 00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:22,608 Look, you still covering my shift on Friday or what? 109 00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:25,611 If I can keep this commission, with pleasure. 110 00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:28,572 Cool, then. All right, pop. No problem. 111 00:07:31,535 --> 00:07:33,202 How about Andy? No. 112 00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:35,121 Come on, man. We need, what, five guys 113 00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:36,705 to play a decent poker game, right? Yeah. 114 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,332 If we cancel this, I'm gonna have to go 115 00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:40,334 to some stupid-ass birthday party with Jill 116 00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:41,669 and that shit ain't happening. 117 00:07:41,753 --> 00:07:43,212 No. Why not? 118 00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:47,133 He's a really nice guy and all but I'm pretty sure that 119 00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:48,551 he is a serial murderer. 120 00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,344 Who cares, man? He's a nice guy. 121 00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:52,721 I just wanna get drunk, fucked up, and play some cards. 122 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,932 That's great. Look, I don't wanna end up a lampshade 123 00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:57,017 in some creepy apartment, that's what I'm saying. 124 00:07:57,102 --> 00:07:59,145 I don't really see any other options. 125 00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:01,772 Andy. My man. 126 00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:04,608 You got any plans later on tonight? 127 00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:06,902 Why, do we have to unload the Sony truck? 128 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:10,072 No, the guys are getting together, we're playing some poker 129 00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:12,158 thought, you know, you'd wanna play. 130 00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:13,701 With you guys? 131 00:08:15,287 --> 00:08:17,746 Yeah, sure. That would be cool. 132 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:21,250 You know how to play, right? Yeah, I play online sometimes. 133 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,627 We're gonna play in the store. Great. 134 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,337 Are we allowed to do that? 135 00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:27,047 Absolutely not. Yeah. 136 00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:28,257 Oh. 137 00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:30,426 Well, so I'm gonna go tell Paula. 138 00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:33,053 I'm just kidding. 139 00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:36,223 I'm kidding. That sounds great. Cool, I'll see you guys tonight. 140 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,391 Okay. All right. 141 00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:39,101 Oops. 142 00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:42,980 I almost feel guilty. No, you don't. 143 00:08:57,495 --> 00:09:01,373 Going down! 144 00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:02,625 Dumbass. 145 00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:04,960 And a full house. 146 00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:06,795 Oh, my dukes! What? 147 00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:09,256 How much fucking online poker do you play, dawg? 148 00:09:09,341 --> 00:09:12,384 For like an hour or two a night, when I'm not playing Halo. 149 00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:15,346 Why did you invite this guy? He's a fucking ringer, man. 150 00:09:15,430 --> 00:09:16,597 This is hog shit. 151 00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:18,891 You, you're a fucking asshole to tell me to come here. 152 00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:20,768 You tell me he was a nice guy, didn't you? 153 00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:23,187 Well, fuck you people, and fuck you, you and you... 154 00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:26,232 fuck and kiss my big brown fucking ass, okay? 155 00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:27,691 I'm gonna see you tomorrow. 156 00:09:27,776 --> 00:09:28,817 Peace. All right, man. 157 00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,069 Fuck a goat. 158 00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,280 Good night. I love that guy. 159 00:09:33,365 --> 00:09:36,283 Dude, you totally... Oh, shit, I gotta go. Damn. 160 00:09:36,368 --> 00:09:38,035 About to go see Ellen in a little bit. 161 00:09:38,119 --> 00:09:39,578 Going now? Late-night action, huh? 162 00:09:39,663 --> 00:09:40,746 Dude, you know how it goes. 163 00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:43,290 Does your girlfriend know about all these late-night visits? 164 00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:44,917 It's like an unspoken agreement. Yeah. 165 00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:48,087 It's like a completely and utterly unspoken agreement. 166 00:09:48,171 --> 00:09:50,297 If you knew her, if you knew who I was dealing with, 167 00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:51,590 you wouldn't be saying this shit. 168 00:09:51,675 --> 00:09:53,592 There's nothing you can't do with this woman 169 00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:55,761 straight up and down. I've done every single thing 170 00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:57,721 I could possibly create. I've literally lubed up 171 00:09:57,806 --> 00:10:00,140 and made love to the arches of her feet. All right. 172 00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:01,308 Wow! Yeah. 173 00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:03,060 Foot fuck! That's sick, man. 174 00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:04,687 Wow. That is not sick. 175 00:10:05,063 --> 00:10:06,981 I will give you sick. Oh, shit. 176 00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:09,858 I was sleeping with a woman recently, she had the... 177 00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:13,237 Her tits were unbelievable. Oh, man, I love titties. 178 00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:16,407 And so we're doing it and I'm about to finish 179 00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:18,492 and her dog starts licking my ass. 180 00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:22,871 I swear to God, I have to decide, do I finish or do I stop the dog? 181 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,832 I know your nasty ass. He finished. 182 00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:27,293 I finished. And then I stole the dog. 183 00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:30,212 No, I didn't, but... 184 00:10:30,505 --> 00:10:32,965 You know, sometimes, Amy and I would make love 185 00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:35,134 till it was almost like we weren't two people 186 00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:37,886 but we were two spirits or something. 187 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:41,140 Our souls were connected in this way, I can't describe it. 188 00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:44,810 Time stood still. It was like we were sharing the same heart. 189 00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:48,689 Stop, man! Why do you always come and kill the vibe with those things? 190 00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:50,733 "Sharing the same heart," that's like some 191 00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:51,942 Britney Spears shit, man. 192 00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:54,987 This is three grown ass men, don't nobody want to hear that shit. 193 00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:57,323 Yeah, man, come on, nobody wants to hear that shit. 194 00:10:57,407 --> 00:10:59,992 Thank you, Andy. Dude, you broke up two years ago. 195 00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:02,494 You get over it at some point. Two years, man. 196 00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,121 You need to get past that 197 00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:07,416 because no ass is worth thinking that much about 198 00:11:07,751 --> 00:11:09,001 I always say. 199 00:11:09,252 --> 00:11:10,669 Andy, do me a favor. 200 00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:14,173 Would you please help him redeem himself by telling a real sex story? 201 00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:15,257 Yes. 202 00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:19,928 I don't... You know what, I'm a gentleman and I don't... 203 00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:21,805 I don't kiss and tell. 204 00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:25,225 Fuck it, I raise you. Nastiest shit you've ever done. 205 00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:27,186 I'm talking about nasty. 206 00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:29,438 Wow. 207 00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:32,608 So many stories are running through my head right now. 208 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,195 I dated this girl 209 00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:40,366 for a while, and she was really a nasty freak. 210 00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:45,287 She just loved to get down with sex all the time. 211 00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:47,915 She was like, any time of day, she was like, 212 00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:50,751 "Yeah, let's go. I'm so nasty. " 213 00:11:50,835 --> 00:11:52,127 And I'd be nailing her. 214 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,420 Oh, shit. She'd be like, 215 00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:55,881 "Oh, you're nailing me. Cool. " 216 00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:59,551 She talk dirty to you? She loved to dirty-talk. 217 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,429 Totally into it. She'd be like, 218 00:12:02,514 --> 00:12:07,476 "Yeah, let's screw, let's... I wanna fuck. " 219 00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:10,145 God, it was so dirty. 220 00:12:10,605 --> 00:12:14,691 She'd be like, "Me so horny, me love you long time. " 221 00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:15,984 So... 222 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,946 So what were the titties like? Yeah, describe her... 223 00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:21,156 Yeah, she had great tits. 224 00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:24,410 No, I mean, like, detailed. Did she have, like, you know, 225 00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:26,245 them little pink teeny nipples. Oh, yeah. 226 00:12:26,329 --> 00:12:28,831 Or like the long National Geograqhic nipples. 227 00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:31,458 You have like the bumpy Braille nipples, the Stevie Wonders. 228 00:12:31,543 --> 00:12:32,918 Yeah, they were nice. 229 00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:36,213 You know, when you, like, you grab a woman's breast and it's... 230 00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:38,757 And you feel it and 231 00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:43,512 it feels like a bag of sand when you're touching it. 232 00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:46,181 Bag of sand? 233 00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:50,436 You know what I mean. Why don't we just play? 234 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,187 Why don't you just deal the cards? 235 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:53,897 What are you talking about? 236 00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:56,024 Have you ever felt a breast before, man? 237 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,109 Yes. 238 00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:59,736 Dude, are you gay? No, I'm not gay. 239 00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:01,488 I've been with tons of women. 240 00:13:01,573 --> 00:13:03,532 I touched a guy's balls at Hebrew school once. 241 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,576 Dude, it's not a big deal. You like to fuck guys. 242 00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:08,287 I'm cool. I got friends who fuck guys, in jail. 243 00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:09,705 No, I'm not gay. 244 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:12,791 No, I've borked a lot of women in my day. 245 00:13:12,876 --> 00:13:14,001 You've "borked"? 246 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:17,045 Hold up. Yo, answer this question, 247 00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:22,384 Are you a virgin? 248 00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:24,803 Yeah, not since I was 10. 249 00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:27,431 It all makes sense. You're a virgin. 250 00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:30,017 I am... Shut up. How does that happen? 251 00:13:30,101 --> 00:13:31,518 He's a fucking virgin. 252 00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:34,897 I knew it. That makes so much sense, man. Look, he's a virgin. 253 00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:37,274 You guys are hilarious. All right, come on, don't be mean. 254 00:13:37,358 --> 00:13:39,443 I'm not being mean. I'm trying to help the partner out. 255 00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:41,236 I'm trying to say I wanna get you laid, dude. 256 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:42,488 I understand what's going on. 257 00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:45,407 You guys are so up your asses. 258 00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:49,036 From now on, your dick is my dick. I'm getting you some pussy. 259 00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:03,926 A bag of sand! Come on, man! You could do better than that. 260 00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:07,804 God, me so horny? Me so stupid! 261 00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:15,437 Oh, come on. 262 00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:21,193 It's gonna be fine. They don't even remember. 263 00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:23,028 Those guys are cool. 264 00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:32,329 This is gonna be bad. 265 00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:35,123 Yeah, well, virgin's not a dirty word. 266 00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,209 You know what's a dirty word, is asshole 267 00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:38,794 and that's what you guys are. 268 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:42,130 You know, I may not have had sex, but I could fuck you up. 269 00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:45,342 Yeah. 270 00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:52,015 Come on. 271 00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:56,853 Hey, David. Hey, Andy. 272 00:15:00,024 --> 00:15:02,109 What's up? Cal, good morning. 273 00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:09,157 Hey, Andy. Hey. 274 00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:11,159 We're gonna have to get you some punani. 275 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:17,082 Andy, it's going down, partner. We're gonna be... 276 00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:21,753 This for you, partner, this for you. 277 00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:24,756 Waves of them coming at you on Friday, Saturday. 278 00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:27,426 By Sunday, your nuts gonna be drained. 279 00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:31,179 Hey, Andy, don't let him bother you. It's okay not to have sex. 280 00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:33,640 Not everybody is a pussy magnet. 281 00:15:33,725 --> 00:15:37,686 What are you? 25? I'm 40. 282 00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:40,439 Holy shit, man. You've got to get on that. 283 00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:44,901 Life isn't about sex. Life is about children and passion. 284 00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:46,194 Yeah. 285 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,363 And spirit. Yeah, life's about passion. 286 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,991 It's not about fucking and balls and pussy. 287 00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:54,369 It's about love. It's about people. 288 00:15:55,163 --> 00:15:57,956 It's about connection. It's all about connections. 289 00:15:58,041 --> 00:16:02,210 It's not about cock and ass and tits and butthole pleasures. 290 00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:04,004 It's not about butthole pleasures at all. 291 00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:07,299 It's not about this rusty trombone and dirty Sanchez. 292 00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:10,385 Please stop. And Cincinnati bowtie. 293 00:16:10,553 --> 00:16:15,307 And your pussy juice cocktail and this shit-stained balls. 294 00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:16,850 Mooj, just please stop. Just relax... 295 00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:19,144 All right. That's enough, party's over. 296 00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:21,313 Let the virgin get back to work. 297 00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:26,735 Andy! 298 00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:29,404 Andy, come on. We were just kidding. 299 00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:30,822 Pointless. 300 00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:33,158 Andy, nobody cares that you're a virgin. 301 00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:35,077 Don't be such a baby. 302 00:16:35,203 --> 00:16:37,537 They were just having fun. They didn't mean anything. 303 00:16:37,622 --> 00:16:39,414 Get away from me, David. Wait a minute. 304 00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,416 Stop following me! Hold up. 305 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,838 Hold on. I'm gonna have to quit my job now. 306 00:16:46,923 --> 00:16:48,173 You don't have to quit your job. 307 00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:50,050 You know what, I don't wanna go out with you guys. 308 00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:51,468 Fine. Okay? I don't need your help. 309 00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:54,012 Okay, fine, you don't have to go out with us if you don't want. 310 00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:56,723 You know what, I respect women, I love women. 311 00:16:57,058 --> 00:17:00,435 I respect them so much that I completely stay away from them. 312 00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:02,896 Okay. I have a very fulfilling life. 313 00:17:06,651 --> 00:17:10,487 And now, I am making your silver pants blue. 314 00:17:11,489 --> 00:17:13,490 Get some roadburn, come on! 315 00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:15,951 Come on, sucker! 316 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:19,371 Now, pretty ladies around the world 317 00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,623 Got a weird thing to show you 318 00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:24,543 Oh, my God! 319 00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:31,550 Hey, Will and Grace, back to work. 320 00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:33,802 Hey, Haziz, can you just give us a second? 321 00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,179 We're just kind of in the middle of something. 322 00:17:36,305 --> 00:17:37,931 I'm on my break, okay? 323 00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:40,434 Fuck off, Haziz. Leave us alone, all right? 324 00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:42,602 Fuck off? Fuck you! Fuck you! 325 00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:44,646 Fuck you! Fuck off. Fuck off. 326 00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:46,440 I'm gonna kick you in the nuts, asshole. 327 00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:49,734 Hey, hey! Watch the language, okay? I have a family. 328 00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:50,902 Watch how you talk to me! 329 00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:53,989 It's a free country, Bambi. I can smoke out here if I want to. 330 00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,323 Smoke my pole. 331 00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,701 You are a very unkind man. Get inside! 332 00:17:57,785 --> 00:17:59,077 This is not professional. 333 00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:01,538 Paula, this asshole over here... 334 00:18:01,539 --> 00:18:03,331 It's okay. Paula! 335 00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:05,917 It's all right. Come on. You know, it's just... 336 00:18:06,461 --> 00:18:08,295 So, how could this not have happened? 337 00:18:08,379 --> 00:18:10,297 It just never happened. 338 00:18:10,715 --> 00:18:14,134 When I was young, I tried, and it didn't happen. 339 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:18,180 And then I got older and I got more and more nervous 340 00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:21,725 because it hadn't happened yet. And I got kind of 341 00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:25,353 weirded out about it. Then it really didn't happen 342 00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,648 and then, I don't know, I just kind of stopped trying. 343 00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:31,359 Do you want to give it another shot? 344 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,195 Maybe it's too late. 345 00:18:34,322 --> 00:18:37,115 Sometimes I feel that it is just too late for me. 346 00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:39,493 No, that's crazy. 347 00:18:39,577 --> 00:18:42,537 You're 40 years old. You know, 40 is the new 20. 348 00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,623 You wanna spend the next 60 years of your life 349 00:18:44,707 --> 00:18:46,166 never experiencing sex? 350 00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:48,293 And not just sex, but love 351 00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:53,340 and a relationship, and laughing and cuddling and all that shit. 352 00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,300 I don't know. 353 00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:59,679 I wouldn't know what to do. Look, you gotta take a risk. 354 00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:01,515 You gotta risk it. Look at me. 355 00:19:01,516 --> 00:19:03,391 I went out with this girl for four months 356 00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:05,227 and it was the greatest, 357 00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:07,604 greatest thing in my life. 358 00:19:08,564 --> 00:19:12,442 Until she went down on this guy in an Escalade, I think. 359 00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:14,653 And, you know, instead of saying, 360 00:19:14,737 --> 00:19:17,697 "Okay, what am I doing that caused this behavior?" 361 00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:19,616 I dumped her. Stupid decision. 362 00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:22,536 I spent the last two years of my life regretting it. 363 00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:24,496 Why don't you get her back right now? 364 00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:26,665 Because she's dating this pot dealer. 365 00:19:26,749 --> 00:19:28,375 Stupid horrible decision. 366 00:19:28,459 --> 00:19:31,628 But, hey, that's her journey, you know. I gotta respect that. 367 00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:32,963 I gotta give her the space. 368 00:19:33,047 --> 00:19:36,967 She wants to be some immature little bitch and blow everybody, 369 00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:39,052 that's love, man. It sounds horrible. 370 00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:41,263 Of course it's horrible. It's suffering 371 00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:43,848 and it's pain and it's... You know, you lose weight 372 00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:45,433 and then you put back on weight 373 00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,602 and then you call them a bunch of times 374 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:51,022 and you try and email and then they move or they change their email 375 00:19:51,107 --> 00:19:52,649 but that's just love. 376 00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:55,026 Do you realize that this is the first time 377 00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:57,404 we've spoken for more than, like, 30 seconds? 378 00:19:57,488 --> 00:19:58,572 Uh-huh. 379 00:19:58,948 --> 00:20:01,783 It's kind of nice. Come out with us this weekend. 380 00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,953 No pressure. We'll just have a good time. 381 00:20:05,162 --> 00:20:07,789 Okay, yeah, I will. I'll give it a shot. 382 00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:08,873 Great. 383 00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:11,167 But I'm not going to have sex with anybody. 384 00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:13,962 Good, sex should be the last thing on your mind. 385 00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:27,851 Logjam. Hi. 386 00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:34,774 Shit. 387 00:20:38,362 --> 00:20:39,529 Oh, God. 388 00:20:43,826 --> 00:20:44,993 Sorry. 389 00:20:46,621 --> 00:20:48,496 See you later. Thanks for the dance. 390 00:20:58,007 --> 00:21:00,008 I'm okay. It's all right. 391 00:21:06,057 --> 00:21:07,932 Oh, come on, bus! 392 00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:16,858 Oh, come on, dogs! 393 00:21:19,987 --> 00:21:21,905 Shit! You gotta be kidding me. 394 00:21:38,214 --> 00:21:41,883 I mean, I'm kind of nervous. I never had oral sex before. 395 00:21:42,385 --> 00:21:47,013 Jennifer told me how to do it. It's gonna kick ass. 396 00:21:53,437 --> 00:21:55,146 What are you doing? 397 00:21:55,231 --> 00:21:56,648 Okay, just... We're almost there. 398 00:21:57,775 --> 00:22:00,151 We have one. Houston, we have one. 399 00:22:00,903 --> 00:22:03,154 You'll pull my fucking hair out! 400 00:22:03,239 --> 00:22:05,115 We did it. God! 401 00:22:05,199 --> 00:22:06,866 Oh, my God, you came in your pants. 402 00:22:06,951 --> 00:22:09,744 What did you do? I had some Cream of Wheat. 403 00:22:10,246 --> 00:22:12,580 You know what else is sexy? What? 404 00:22:13,124 --> 00:22:14,833 Me Yeah? 405 00:22:14,917 --> 00:22:16,084 Sucking 406 00:22:17,461 --> 00:22:20,004 on your 407 00:22:20,589 --> 00:22:21,589 toe. 408 00:22:21,716 --> 00:22:23,591 That's what you want to suck on? Yeah. 409 00:22:23,676 --> 00:22:27,971 It's just so big and thick. Okay. 410 00:22:29,682 --> 00:22:31,015 Yeah. 411 00:22:34,061 --> 00:22:35,019 That tickles. 412 00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:38,231 I'm sorry. Oh, no. 413 00:22:38,315 --> 00:22:40,358 Your nose is bleeding. You think? 414 00:22:40,443 --> 00:22:42,819 I'm sorry. I'm hot. 415 00:22:43,070 --> 00:22:45,113 But, now, you can't have any of this. 416 00:22:45,865 --> 00:22:47,824 You should just give up forever! 417 00:22:56,667 --> 00:22:58,418 Cal, what do you think? Is this too yellow? 418 00:22:58,502 --> 00:22:59,544 No. 419 00:22:59,879 --> 00:23:01,963 What's Curious George like in real life? 420 00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:03,256 Come on, man. 421 00:23:12,975 --> 00:23:15,393 Wow, this is pretty crowded. 422 00:23:15,686 --> 00:23:18,563 Yeah. Well, it's $9 beer night. 423 00:23:19,732 --> 00:23:21,149 Okay, look now. 424 00:23:21,233 --> 00:23:23,443 So, this is what's about to happen, all right? 425 00:23:23,527 --> 00:23:26,237 You about to go run down some drunk chicks, all right? 426 00:23:26,322 --> 00:23:28,740 And don't confuse that with tipsy. We talking about drunk. 427 00:23:28,824 --> 00:23:30,825 I want vomit in the hair, bruised-up knees. 428 00:23:30,910 --> 00:23:32,410 A broken heel is a plus. 429 00:23:32,495 --> 00:23:33,995 That's what you want to find, okay? 430 00:23:34,079 --> 00:23:36,873 No, Dave already told me I didn't have to have sex tonight. 431 00:23:36,957 --> 00:23:37,957 And now he's gone, so... 432 00:23:38,042 --> 00:23:40,043 Dude, just stop thinking for a minute, all right? 433 00:23:40,127 --> 00:23:41,753 You ain't got to think on this one. 434 00:23:41,837 --> 00:23:43,755 All you got to do is use your instinct. 435 00:23:43,839 --> 00:23:45,256 Show me your instincts. 436 00:23:45,341 --> 00:23:48,092 My head, my heart. I follow my heart. 437 00:23:48,177 --> 00:23:50,762 Now, I'm gonna show you this one time, all right? 438 00:23:50,846 --> 00:23:53,598 Instincts. Show me your instincts. 439 00:23:54,183 --> 00:23:56,392 Show me your instincts. They're right here. 440 00:23:56,727 --> 00:23:58,520 Own your instincts. 441 00:23:58,687 --> 00:24:01,606 All you doing is using your instinct. That's it. 442 00:24:01,690 --> 00:24:04,442 That's how a tiger know he got to tackle a gazelle. 443 00:24:04,527 --> 00:24:06,402 There's a code written in his DNA. 444 00:24:06,529 --> 00:24:08,196 It says, "Tackle the gazelle. " Okay. 445 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:11,449 And believe it or not, in every man, there's a code written that says, 446 00:24:11,534 --> 00:24:13,451 "Tackle drunk bitches. " No. 447 00:24:13,536 --> 00:24:17,038 You know what, I don't feel comfortable 448 00:24:18,290 --> 00:24:20,542 hitting on drunk "bitches," you know. 449 00:24:20,626 --> 00:24:21,793 I don't think that's right. 450 00:24:21,877 --> 00:24:23,044 Okay, hold up. 451 00:24:23,128 --> 00:24:25,964 First of all, you making it out to be some kind of bad thing. 452 00:24:26,048 --> 00:24:28,466 I didn't use bitches in a derogatory sense. You did. 453 00:24:28,551 --> 00:24:30,260 It just does... This doesn't feel right. 454 00:24:30,344 --> 00:24:33,179 Of course it don't feel right. What has felt right for you didn't work. 455 00:24:33,264 --> 00:24:35,890 You need to try some wrong, dawg. 456 00:24:38,018 --> 00:24:40,436 Okay, how do I tell which ones are drunk? 457 00:24:40,521 --> 00:24:42,146 Now you're talking. All right, check this out. 458 00:24:42,273 --> 00:24:44,023 You see this redhead over here? Where? 459 00:24:44,108 --> 00:24:47,652 With the big old titties. I'm not gonna stare at a woman. 460 00:24:47,736 --> 00:24:50,363 Dawg, I'm not telling you to stare at nobody. 461 00:24:50,489 --> 00:24:53,241 I'm telling you to use your peripherals. Now look at me. 462 00:24:53,325 --> 00:24:54,784 See. Look. See? Yeah. 463 00:24:55,244 --> 00:24:56,578 I'm not looking at you. 464 00:24:57,288 --> 00:24:59,873 No. I'm looking at... You're looking at her? 465 00:25:01,750 --> 00:25:05,336 What do you want me to do? I want you to use your peripherals. 466 00:25:05,713 --> 00:25:07,630 See? I'm not looking at you. 467 00:25:08,716 --> 00:25:12,927 No. See, I'm looking at the redhead at 3:00 with the big titties. 468 00:25:13,137 --> 00:25:16,014 You see her, racked up right there, see her? 469 00:25:16,432 --> 00:25:17,932 Yes. Yeah. 470 00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:21,436 You find one with the peripherals. Okay. 471 00:25:21,812 --> 00:25:24,939 You see, over by the post. 472 00:25:25,733 --> 00:25:26,941 It looks like a... 473 00:25:27,026 --> 00:25:28,735 It's either a ficus... 474 00:25:28,819 --> 00:25:30,570 It might be a rubber tree plant. 475 00:25:30,863 --> 00:25:33,698 All right, if you're making a joke, dawg, it's not funny. 476 00:25:33,782 --> 00:25:36,367 I see a blonde and she's very pretty. 477 00:25:36,452 --> 00:25:38,870 Better, okay. All right. 478 00:25:38,954 --> 00:25:40,997 Now with your peripherals Yeah. 479 00:25:41,081 --> 00:25:43,541 You got to scope out a hot, drunk chick. 480 00:25:43,709 --> 00:25:45,043 And then you should make your move. 481 00:25:45,127 --> 00:25:46,961 Okay? All right. Yes. 482 00:25:47,129 --> 00:25:49,964 And remember, it's more important that she's drunk than she's hot. 483 00:25:50,049 --> 00:25:52,467 For this first one. Go get her. Peripherals, though. 484 00:25:52,551 --> 00:25:53,718 All the way. 485 00:25:54,845 --> 00:25:56,137 All peripherals. 486 00:26:03,479 --> 00:26:04,771 That boy is stubborn. 487 00:26:07,650 --> 00:26:10,944 Hi, I'm Andy. You look comfortable. 488 00:26:11,153 --> 00:26:13,613 Can I get you another cocktail? 489 00:26:13,697 --> 00:26:14,822 Too drunk. 490 00:26:14,907 --> 00:26:18,326 But you got the right idea. But clinically alive. 491 00:26:20,496 --> 00:26:21,454 Hey! Yo! 492 00:26:21,538 --> 00:26:23,915 I'm having trouble finding the drunk people. 493 00:26:23,999 --> 00:26:26,250 You want to know where there's one? Yeah. 494 00:26:26,335 --> 00:26:30,171 I. I, Captain Yellowshirts. 495 00:26:31,340 --> 00:26:33,424 Okay. Have a good one. 496 00:26:33,509 --> 00:26:34,717 Yo! What? 497 00:26:34,802 --> 00:26:37,929 I met a girl and she's here with a bachelorette party 498 00:26:38,013 --> 00:26:40,056 and they invited us to party with them. 499 00:26:40,349 --> 00:26:43,267 Okay, that's good. It's so good 500 00:26:43,352 --> 00:26:44,978 because no one is hornier than a girl 501 00:26:45,062 --> 00:26:47,689 who's about to watch her friend get married to a guy. 502 00:26:47,773 --> 00:26:49,190 It's so funny. 503 00:26:53,362 --> 00:26:57,115 So we just decided because this is my last night as a free woman 504 00:26:57,199 --> 00:27:00,326 before I marry Dan, that we would just wig out. 505 00:27:00,536 --> 00:27:02,203 We're wigging out! 506 00:27:03,205 --> 00:27:06,040 You guys are hilarious. 507 00:27:07,292 --> 00:27:08,543 Wait a minute. 508 00:27:08,627 --> 00:27:12,130 Yes, Mr. President. Yes, the erection results are in. 509 00:27:13,382 --> 00:27:16,217 Hey, guys, look, it's Dr. Seuss' penis. 510 00:27:16,677 --> 00:27:18,469 I really mean this. 511 00:27:19,388 --> 00:27:21,848 Hey, everybody, who wants penis cake? 512 00:27:22,141 --> 00:27:23,182 I do. 513 00:27:23,308 --> 00:27:26,561 She does. Hey, you guys, Betty Cocker. 514 00:27:28,731 --> 00:27:30,314 What a good guy. What a... 515 00:27:30,399 --> 00:27:32,358 Dan, the guy Robin's marrying 516 00:27:32,443 --> 00:27:35,653 is such a good guy. 517 00:27:35,738 --> 00:27:37,321 He sounds like a good guy. 518 00:27:37,406 --> 00:27:40,450 I hated him for like two years 'cause he cheated on me. 519 00:27:40,743 --> 00:27:41,951 But... 520 00:27:44,413 --> 00:27:46,622 he's really changed now. 521 00:27:47,791 --> 00:27:50,877 He's a really good guy now. Your friends seem nice. 522 00:27:50,961 --> 00:27:53,463 You have really kind eyes, you know that? 523 00:27:53,672 --> 00:27:56,924 Thanks. Your hat has sequins. 524 00:27:59,511 --> 00:28:05,266 Mmm. 525 00:28:11,231 --> 00:28:13,441 Your hands are on my belt. What? 526 00:28:13,525 --> 00:28:15,526 Your hands are on my belt. I'm sorry. 527 00:28:15,611 --> 00:28:16,819 It's good. 528 00:28:17,780 --> 00:28:18,988 You're cute. 529 00:28:19,073 --> 00:28:21,240 This is kind of lame. You wanna get out of here? 530 00:28:21,325 --> 00:28:22,825 Okay, yeah. 531 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:29,457 Yeah. Fuck. 532 00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:31,334 Come on. Okay. 533 00:28:36,715 --> 00:28:38,049 You wanna drive? 534 00:28:38,133 --> 00:28:40,635 I don't have a car with me here, so... 535 00:28:40,719 --> 00:28:42,595 That's cool, I'll just suck it up. 536 00:28:44,556 --> 00:28:45,723 I'm driving. 537 00:28:46,892 --> 00:28:47,892 Are you drunk? 538 00:28:47,976 --> 00:28:49,519 No, I didn't have anything to drink. 539 00:28:49,603 --> 00:28:51,813 Blow into this? Okay. 540 00:28:56,902 --> 00:29:00,738 What is this? The judge recommended I get one. 541 00:29:07,329 --> 00:29:10,832 Whoa, okay. Wow. That's fast. 542 00:29:12,751 --> 00:29:15,253 Okay. Come on, you're in the lasso. 543 00:29:18,382 --> 00:29:20,007 ? Missy be puttin' it down? 544 00:29:20,092 --> 00:29:21,175 ? I'm the hottest round? 545 00:29:21,260 --> 00:29:22,760 ? I told y'all mother-uh? 546 00:29:22,845 --> 00:29:24,011 ? Y'all can't stop me now? 547 00:29:24,096 --> 00:29:25,179 ? Listen to me now? 548 00:29:25,264 --> 00:29:26,514 ? I'm lastin' 20 rounds? 549 00:29:26,598 --> 00:29:28,057 ? And if you want me, people? 550 00:29:28,142 --> 00:29:29,684 ? Then come on get me now? 551 00:29:30,602 --> 00:29:34,647 And Dan's like, "You're such a B-I-T-C-H, bitch!" 552 00:29:35,858 --> 00:29:38,693 And I'm like, "You're the bitch, bitch. " 553 00:29:38,777 --> 00:29:40,486 You know? Yeah. 554 00:29:40,571 --> 00:29:42,280 What was your name again? 555 00:29:42,948 --> 00:29:44,073 Andy. Andy. 556 00:29:44,158 --> 00:29:48,911 Let me tell you something, Andy. Don't ever be named Dan. 557 00:29:49,204 --> 00:29:51,956 Dan rhymes with man, and men jerk off. 558 00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:53,499 And he was a jerk-off. 559 00:29:53,584 --> 00:29:56,294 Do you know what I mean? Look out! The car! 560 00:29:56,587 --> 00:29:59,547 Wow. I like you. 561 00:29:59,965 --> 00:30:01,465 You're not a... 562 00:30:03,802 --> 00:30:04,844 Ugh. 563 00:30:04,928 --> 00:30:07,972 I think I ate some bad shellfish sandwich or something. 564 00:30:09,308 --> 00:30:11,309 You're cute. No. 565 00:30:17,816 --> 00:30:20,818 That tasted good. That tasted like shellfish. 566 00:30:22,112 --> 00:30:24,864 Look out! Sorry. 567 00:30:25,908 --> 00:30:26,991 Watch it! 568 00:30:29,411 --> 00:30:31,913 Do you think I'm pretty? Oh, yes. 569 00:30:32,206 --> 00:30:33,664 Oh, God, yes! 570 00:30:35,125 --> 00:30:39,462 You're not looking at me. Yes, you're pretty. 571 00:30:39,546 --> 00:30:42,215 Do you think I'm pretty? Look at me. 572 00:30:42,299 --> 00:30:45,343 Look at me! I'm looking! You're pretty! 573 00:30:45,427 --> 00:30:47,845 God, I just wanna live! 574 00:30:49,473 --> 00:30:52,016 God, I hope I get my period soon. 575 00:30:52,184 --> 00:30:55,645 I am in a bad mood. Okay. 576 00:30:55,729 --> 00:30:58,564 I'm so tired. 577 00:30:59,316 --> 00:31:00,691 Hey, whoa! 578 00:31:01,860 --> 00:31:04,278 Oh, God! Turn away! 579 00:31:04,613 --> 00:31:06,781 Hey, get off the wheel. 580 00:31:08,492 --> 00:31:11,077 You're not gonna get in my pants acting like that. 581 00:31:11,161 --> 00:31:12,703 I'm starving. 582 00:31:12,955 --> 00:31:15,498 Let's get some fucking French toast. 583 00:31:17,542 --> 00:31:21,170 Okay, here we are. Oh, God, we made it. 584 00:31:21,255 --> 00:31:22,630 Home sweet home. 585 00:31:23,924 --> 00:31:25,591 Oh, mommy! 586 00:31:29,471 --> 00:31:33,266 Are you okay? The fucker came out of nowhere. 587 00:31:34,685 --> 00:31:37,061 Okay. We're okay. 588 00:31:40,274 --> 00:31:41,607 Are you okay? 589 00:31:42,234 --> 00:31:44,402 Well, are you... What's the matter? 590 00:31:50,075 --> 00:31:51,367 I'm sorry. 591 00:31:51,910 --> 00:31:55,413 That's okay. I think I kind of had that coming. 592 00:31:56,164 --> 00:31:58,332 I'll still have sex with you if you want. 593 00:31:58,417 --> 00:32:01,419 You know what, I think I'm gonna pass on the sex, if you don't mind. 594 00:32:01,503 --> 00:32:04,005 At least I don't have to work out tomorrow. 595 00:32:04,756 --> 00:32:06,632 Did you have a daiquiri tonight? Yeah. 596 00:32:06,717 --> 00:32:07,758 I thought you might. 597 00:32:07,926 --> 00:32:09,677 It was a very bad night. 598 00:32:11,596 --> 00:32:12,680 Yeah, laugh. 599 00:32:12,764 --> 00:32:15,099 You know what, you guys wouldn't be laughing right now... 600 00:32:15,183 --> 00:32:18,769 if some girl had just vomited shellfish sandwich into your mouth. 601 00:32:19,896 --> 00:32:21,731 You know what, you're right, it's my bad. 602 00:32:21,815 --> 00:32:23,816 Let me apologize to you first of all... 603 00:32:23,900 --> 00:32:27,695 for not mentioning in detail that when you pick up a drunk woman... 604 00:32:27,779 --> 00:32:30,406 who's falling down on her way out of the bar... 605 00:32:30,532 --> 00:32:33,367 that you should probably drive. I drive a bike. 606 00:32:33,452 --> 00:32:36,996 Okay, Mr. Schwinn-fucking-Armstrong, who asked you to drive a bike? 607 00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:39,206 You know what, I'm not the only person in the world... 608 00:32:39,291 --> 00:32:40,458 who rides a bike. 609 00:32:40,542 --> 00:32:43,210 Yeah, everyone rides a bike, when they're fucking six. 610 00:32:43,295 --> 00:32:45,421 Why don't you kiss something? 611 00:32:45,505 --> 00:32:48,632 Because this is over, you guys, okay? 612 00:32:48,717 --> 00:32:50,384 Can I just interject for a second? 613 00:32:50,469 --> 00:32:51,844 Let me just say... 614 00:32:51,970 --> 00:32:54,305 you're putting the pussy up on this pedestal. 615 00:32:54,389 --> 00:32:55,890 You're just building the pussy up, man. 616 00:32:55,974 --> 00:32:57,391 What are you even talking about? 617 00:32:57,476 --> 00:32:59,393 "Building the pussy up," what does that mean? 618 00:32:59,478 --> 00:33:04,190 You making the pussy into this great big Greek goddess named Pussalia... 619 00:33:04,274 --> 00:33:05,441 and what you're doing is... 620 00:33:05,525 --> 00:33:08,819 you're psyching yourself into thinking it's some impossible feat. 621 00:33:08,904 --> 00:33:10,237 Yeah, I think you're right. 622 00:33:10,322 --> 00:33:12,281 I'm putting the pussy up on a pedestal. 623 00:33:12,366 --> 00:33:13,783 Right. That's it. 624 00:33:13,992 --> 00:33:15,701 It's "Pussalia," right? 625 00:33:15,827 --> 00:33:18,287 Look where you going. I don't wanna say the word anymore. 626 00:33:18,372 --> 00:33:20,623 Say what word? "Pussy. " I don't wanna say it. 627 00:33:20,707 --> 00:33:23,000 Fuck it. "Pussy" is a scientific word. 628 00:33:23,085 --> 00:33:25,169 Dude! New pants, man. 629 00:33:25,712 --> 00:33:26,796 You know what, Dave? 630 00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:29,340 You know, you said there wasn't gonna be any pressure at all. 631 00:33:29,424 --> 00:33:31,050 I'm not pressuring you. Excuse me. 632 00:33:31,134 --> 00:33:32,760 Can one of you guys help me, please? 633 00:33:32,844 --> 00:33:34,387 No hablo English, lady. 634 00:33:35,806 --> 00:33:38,099 I actually am helping a customer right now. 635 00:33:38,183 --> 00:33:40,518 Okay, well... I'm on break. 636 00:33:40,602 --> 00:33:43,145 But our stock supervisor is very knowledgeable. 637 00:33:43,230 --> 00:33:45,731 He can answer all of your questions and he'd love to help you. 638 00:33:45,816 --> 00:33:46,857 Thank you. 639 00:33:46,942 --> 00:33:48,526 Have a nice day. You, too. 640 00:33:49,528 --> 00:33:53,781 Great, okay. Hi, I'm Trish. Hi, Andy is my name. 641 00:33:54,282 --> 00:33:57,368 This one looks pretty good. You don't wanna buy that VCR. 642 00:33:57,452 --> 00:33:58,452 I don't? 643 00:33:58,537 --> 00:34:00,287 No, actually to be totally honest with you... 644 00:34:00,372 --> 00:34:01,705 you don't wanna buy any VCR. 645 00:34:01,790 --> 00:34:03,457 It's a dead technology. 646 00:34:03,542 --> 00:34:07,670 It's like getting an eight-track player. 647 00:34:07,754 --> 00:34:10,131 Yeah. Or a Betamax. 648 00:34:10,215 --> 00:34:12,299 You know what, actually I'd recommend this one. 649 00:34:12,384 --> 00:34:13,467 This is a dual. 650 00:34:13,552 --> 00:34:16,637 You've got the VCR and DVD combo. 651 00:34:16,721 --> 00:34:20,224 So, you know, that technology would be probably pretty good for... 652 00:34:20,517 --> 00:34:21,642 Six months or so? Yeah. 653 00:34:21,726 --> 00:34:23,018 That's good. 654 00:34:23,145 --> 00:34:25,062 At best. Sorry. 655 00:34:25,230 --> 00:34:27,565 No. As good as it gets. 656 00:34:27,732 --> 00:34:28,899 Okay, that sounds good, then. 657 00:34:28,984 --> 00:34:30,067 Okay, all right. 658 00:34:31,236 --> 00:34:32,319 It's perfect. Sorry. 659 00:34:32,404 --> 00:34:33,654 Coming through. 660 00:34:33,989 --> 00:34:35,072 Okay. 661 00:34:35,157 --> 00:34:37,867 God, you know, it's so funny, I work right across the street... 662 00:34:37,951 --> 00:34:39,368 and I've never been in this place. 663 00:34:39,453 --> 00:34:40,870 Really? Where at? Yeah. 664 00:34:40,954 --> 00:34:43,581 The "We Sell Your Stuff On eBay" store. 665 00:34:44,416 --> 00:34:46,083 Yes. And that's the name? 666 00:34:46,334 --> 00:34:48,711 Yeah, I was looking for something... 667 00:34:49,045 --> 00:34:51,797 you know, obvious. So I chose that. 668 00:34:51,923 --> 00:34:54,091 I don't understand. So, what, you do what? 669 00:34:54,384 --> 00:34:56,343 Well, I take the stuff that you don't want... 670 00:34:56,428 --> 00:34:58,512 and then I "sell" it on eBay. 671 00:34:58,597 --> 00:35:01,098 But you don't actually sell anything in the store? 672 00:35:02,184 --> 00:35:03,767 No. I don't. 673 00:35:04,352 --> 00:35:06,437 So why do you have a store? 674 00:35:06,521 --> 00:35:07,813 I don't know. 675 00:35:08,023 --> 00:35:11,150 No, I think it's because, you know, I wanna maybe look professional 676 00:35:11,234 --> 00:35:14,195 and not like a crazy person who's just gonna steal all your shit. 677 00:35:14,279 --> 00:35:16,614 Sure. I didn't mean anything by that. 678 00:35:16,698 --> 00:35:18,157 No, it's okay. 679 00:35:18,450 --> 00:35:22,036 You know what, you should come by sometime if you want, you know 680 00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:23,871 see it for yourself, check it out. 681 00:35:23,955 --> 00:35:25,539 I'll check out your empty store. 682 00:35:25,624 --> 00:35:28,834 Yeah, it's the one across the street that's not empty. 683 00:35:30,170 --> 00:35:31,670 Here's my number. So... 684 00:35:32,214 --> 00:35:34,673 All right. So, just anytime. 685 00:35:35,467 --> 00:35:38,344 Why do I need your number if you're across the street, though? 686 00:35:39,471 --> 00:35:42,473 I don't really have a good answer for that, Andy. I just... 687 00:35:42,557 --> 00:35:44,517 Sorry. Just giving it to you. 688 00:35:44,768 --> 00:35:47,811 So I'll write you up, and I'll meet you over at the register. 689 00:35:47,938 --> 00:35:49,563 Okay. And check you out... Check out. 690 00:35:49,648 --> 00:35:50,981 Okay, see you over there. Okay. 691 00:35:51,066 --> 00:35:52,066 Okay. 692 00:35:52,526 --> 00:35:54,610 Awful chatty. Hey... 693 00:35:54,986 --> 00:35:57,071 Look, I think she gave me her number. 694 00:35:57,155 --> 00:35:59,698 She wrote down her number, but I think she gave me her number. 695 00:35:59,783 --> 00:36:01,116 No, she gave you. Dude, man. 696 00:36:01,201 --> 00:36:02,785 See, you still mad at me? 697 00:36:02,869 --> 00:36:04,745 No, I was never. Right, you see what I mean? 698 00:36:04,829 --> 00:36:06,705 Yeah, we gonna celebrate it, man. Yeah. 699 00:36:06,790 --> 00:36:08,207 This is pretty cool. Yeah. 700 00:36:08,291 --> 00:36:10,209 Unbelievable. Come on, give him some credit, man. 701 00:36:10,293 --> 00:36:11,460 The man pulled a number. 702 00:36:11,545 --> 00:36:14,088 It's just... I was in... I can't believe that happened. 703 00:36:14,172 --> 00:36:15,631 What you did was you zoned in. 704 00:36:15,715 --> 00:36:17,883 Man, she just gave me her number. 705 00:36:18,176 --> 00:36:22,680 That's great, man. I'm telling you, love is a mysterious fig. 706 00:36:22,764 --> 00:36:23,764 It is. 707 00:36:23,848 --> 00:36:26,642 Okay, here's a question. When should I call her? 708 00:36:27,352 --> 00:36:28,477 You like her? Yeah. 709 00:36:28,562 --> 00:36:30,020 You definitely don't want to call her. 710 00:36:30,105 --> 00:36:31,730 When is the next Olympics? 711 00:36:31,815 --> 00:36:33,148 So what you just got to do is... 712 00:36:33,233 --> 00:36:35,109 just get you a bunch of these hood rats... 713 00:36:35,193 --> 00:36:36,610 run through them, just knock them out. 714 00:36:36,695 --> 00:36:37,736 Boom, boom, boom. 715 00:36:37,821 --> 00:36:40,322 And once you've done slayed like 20, 30 of them hood rats... 716 00:36:40,407 --> 00:36:43,117 now you ready to go up to the upper echelon type ho. 717 00:36:43,201 --> 00:36:45,202 You know what I mean? I'm not a big ho runner. 718 00:36:45,328 --> 00:36:47,121 My uncle used to drive a ho runner. 719 00:36:47,205 --> 00:36:49,039 Screw these analogies. What he's saying is... 720 00:36:49,124 --> 00:36:51,125 you are going to be so bad at sex the first time... 721 00:36:51,209 --> 00:36:53,252 you don't want to have sex with someone you like... 722 00:36:53,336 --> 00:36:55,629 'cause they'll think you're a weirdo for being so lame at it. 723 00:36:55,714 --> 00:36:57,798 You want to have sex with hood rats first... 724 00:36:57,882 --> 00:36:59,925 so that by the time you get to the girl you do like... 725 00:37:00,010 --> 00:37:03,470 you're not terrible at sex, you'll be mediocre at it. 726 00:37:03,805 --> 00:37:05,264 Probably still pretty bad, though. 727 00:37:05,348 --> 00:37:07,558 Let's put it up for my man for pulling that number. 728 00:37:07,642 --> 00:37:09,977 Way to go, man. Politicked his ass off. 729 00:37:10,061 --> 00:37:12,396 You did politic. Thanks a lot. 730 00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:14,523 Like a train, round the bend. You ready? 731 00:37:48,725 --> 00:37:49,725 Yeah. 732 00:37:50,852 --> 00:37:52,019 I can't. Do it. 733 00:37:52,103 --> 00:37:53,729 I can't pee in public. Gotta do it. 734 00:37:53,813 --> 00:37:55,397 I've got a mental block about it. 735 00:37:55,482 --> 00:37:58,692 Come on, do it. I'm shy! 736 00:38:02,947 --> 00:38:05,574 I peed in public! 737 00:38:05,867 --> 00:38:08,202 Let me out. I can't hear what you're saying. 738 00:38:08,286 --> 00:38:10,829 I don't want to be in here. It's a soundproof room. 739 00:38:11,539 --> 00:38:13,707 Just learn the techniques. Right on, man. 740 00:38:15,210 --> 00:38:17,086 You guys, this is not funny! 741 00:38:48,326 --> 00:38:49,326 Hello. 742 00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:57,334 Hey, what you watching? 743 00:38:57,419 --> 00:38:59,545 Dawn of the Dead, man. Great. 744 00:38:59,671 --> 00:39:01,839 The store is slow. Paula's gone. 745 00:39:02,006 --> 00:39:04,425 Yo, is Paula back? No. She's not here. 746 00:39:04,718 --> 00:39:06,677 She said we can't watch this in here. You sure? 747 00:39:06,761 --> 00:39:09,096 I know. Can I ask you something in confidence? 748 00:39:09,180 --> 00:39:11,265 I know this is gonna sound weird. 749 00:39:11,975 --> 00:39:13,434 Am I good-looking? 750 00:39:13,518 --> 00:39:15,185 Do you think a woman will find me attractive? 751 00:39:15,353 --> 00:39:16,854 Oh, my God! 752 00:39:17,814 --> 00:39:20,399 Oh, my God, the blood just... Okay, never mind. 753 00:39:20,483 --> 00:39:22,276 Wait, Andy. Hold up. 754 00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:25,320 Listen, this is embarrassing for me. This is hard to talk about. 755 00:39:25,447 --> 00:39:27,906 Are you ready for my honest answer? Yes. 756 00:39:28,366 --> 00:39:30,743 Yeah. I think you're a good-looking cat. 757 00:39:31,453 --> 00:39:32,995 I don't think that anybody knows it... 758 00:39:33,079 --> 00:39:34,663 and I don't think anybody can see it. 759 00:39:34,748 --> 00:39:35,914 Well, that's why I'm asking you. 760 00:39:35,999 --> 00:39:38,500 You seem really well-groomed and really put together. 761 00:39:38,585 --> 00:39:41,295 I mean, look, dude. You think this was an accident? 762 00:39:41,796 --> 00:39:44,131 All of this right here? Premeditated, partner. 763 00:39:44,215 --> 00:39:47,634 You gotta highlight your attributes, like a diamond in the rough. 764 00:39:47,719 --> 00:39:49,428 You willing to make some sacrifices? 765 00:39:49,512 --> 00:39:50,554 Absolutely. 766 00:39:50,638 --> 00:39:53,432 You see that whole Teen Wolf thing you got going right there? 767 00:39:53,516 --> 00:39:55,350 You need to wax that right out. 768 00:39:55,435 --> 00:39:57,311 Does it hurt? No. Waxing don't hurt. 769 00:39:57,395 --> 00:39:59,313 I mean, not unless you're a bitch. You know what I mean? 770 00:39:59,439 --> 00:40:00,939 It didn't hurt me. I get it done all the time. 771 00:40:01,024 --> 00:40:02,691 What the fuck! 772 00:40:06,362 --> 00:40:08,238 Fuck that nigger up! 773 00:40:09,073 --> 00:40:11,533 Bitch, get out of the room! 774 00:40:14,454 --> 00:40:16,497 This is gonna be good. 775 00:40:16,581 --> 00:40:18,832 This the one right here, right? Hi, how are you? 776 00:40:18,917 --> 00:40:21,001 So this is your first time getting body waxed? 777 00:40:21,085 --> 00:40:22,169 Yes, it is. 778 00:40:22,253 --> 00:40:24,338 Take off your shirt. Okay. 779 00:40:27,592 --> 00:40:29,676 We're gonna need more wax. 780 00:40:29,761 --> 00:40:32,095 I'm staying. This is gonna be good. 781 00:40:32,639 --> 00:40:35,432 And clear all my appointments in the afternoon. 782 00:40:35,683 --> 00:40:37,017 Here we go. 783 00:40:37,352 --> 00:40:38,685 That feels warm. 784 00:40:41,815 --> 00:40:44,942 I like your sweater. Does that come in a V-neck? 785 00:40:46,277 --> 00:40:48,779 She starts doing his pubes, I'm out of here. 786 00:40:50,782 --> 00:40:52,366 You gonna look good after this, man. 787 00:40:52,450 --> 00:40:53,659 Thanks, man. 788 00:40:54,035 --> 00:40:55,410 So, ready? Yeah. 789 00:41:01,501 --> 00:41:03,377 You fucker! 790 00:41:04,504 --> 00:41:07,089 I'm sorry. That's just your job. 791 00:41:07,173 --> 00:41:10,634 You want me to stop now? No. It's okay. 792 00:41:12,136 --> 00:41:13,387 Let's do another one. 793 00:41:13,471 --> 00:41:15,097 That one little patch looks sexy though. 794 00:41:15,181 --> 00:41:17,224 Does it look good? Yeah, it looks really good. 795 00:41:18,476 --> 00:41:20,811 It looks man-tastic. 796 00:41:21,980 --> 00:41:23,146 Okay. 797 00:41:24,774 --> 00:41:28,402 Wow! I didn't expect that at all. I really didn't expect that. 798 00:41:28,987 --> 00:41:31,363 You got it. The first one is the only one that hurts. 799 00:41:31,447 --> 00:41:33,907 Yeah. Those hairs are pretty deep. 800 00:41:33,992 --> 00:41:35,075 Okay. 801 00:41:35,368 --> 00:41:36,994 You ready? Yup. 802 00:41:40,832 --> 00:41:42,583 Sucker motherfucker! 803 00:41:43,001 --> 00:41:45,294 You shithead! I hate you! 804 00:41:45,378 --> 00:41:47,170 I hate you so much! 805 00:41:48,339 --> 00:41:49,548 That one hurt. 806 00:41:49,632 --> 00:41:51,967 That one hurt just as much as the first one. 807 00:41:52,051 --> 00:41:54,052 That's great, man. Man! 808 00:41:55,972 --> 00:41:58,223 One, two, three. 809 00:41:59,392 --> 00:42:03,395 Fuck me! 810 00:42:03,855 --> 00:42:07,357 In the asshole! 811 00:42:09,527 --> 00:42:10,652 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 812 00:42:10,737 --> 00:42:12,321 I really don't swear this much. 813 00:42:12,405 --> 00:42:13,822 You know what, I got a weak stomach. 814 00:42:13,907 --> 00:42:15,657 That's all I can really take. I'll see ya'll. 815 00:42:15,783 --> 00:42:18,118 Jay. Be tough, Andy, you got it. 816 00:42:18,202 --> 00:42:20,287 Where did Jay go? He went to throw up. 817 00:42:20,371 --> 00:42:21,663 Ready? Yup. 818 00:42:22,373 --> 00:42:23,415 One, two. 819 00:42:24,626 --> 00:42:26,877 Cocksucker motherfucker! 820 00:42:27,045 --> 00:42:28,712 You pulled on two. 821 00:42:29,964 --> 00:42:31,632 Why didn't you pull on three? 822 00:42:31,716 --> 00:42:33,050 Freddy pie hole! 823 00:42:34,761 --> 00:42:36,678 No! Kelly Clarkson! 824 00:42:41,893 --> 00:42:43,644 Ya'll done or ya'll... 825 00:42:43,728 --> 00:42:45,228 That's fucked up. Oh, shit falls! 826 00:42:45,313 --> 00:42:46,438 That's fucked up. 827 00:42:49,442 --> 00:42:51,360 I hate you. 828 00:42:51,444 --> 00:42:53,820 Stop smiling, you jerk! 829 00:42:53,905 --> 00:42:55,072 You pussy. 830 00:42:55,156 --> 00:42:57,240 Oh, God. What's next? 831 00:42:57,617 --> 00:42:59,785 You're doing the nipple. Not the nipple. 832 00:42:59,911 --> 00:43:01,662 Come on. Not the nipple. 833 00:43:01,746 --> 00:43:03,413 Please, Cal, hold my hand. 834 00:43:03,831 --> 00:43:06,625 You kidding me, man? Hold my goddamn hand, man. 835 00:43:07,210 --> 00:43:09,461 Do it! Just hold. Okay, here we go. 836 00:43:10,755 --> 00:43:11,755 Ready? 837 00:43:12,423 --> 00:43:13,715 No. Yup. 838 00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:15,759 One, two, three. 839 00:43:16,302 --> 00:43:18,762 Nipple fuck! 840 00:43:20,098 --> 00:43:22,557 Mika, you should burn in hell! 841 00:43:23,017 --> 00:43:25,686 Okay, all right. No, seriously, I think I'm done. 842 00:43:25,770 --> 00:43:28,105 I think we're done. I think that's good. 843 00:43:30,274 --> 00:43:31,566 You know what, guys... 844 00:43:31,651 --> 00:43:34,194 this is not a good look for me! 845 00:43:34,612 --> 00:43:36,405 You look like a man-o'- lantern. 846 00:43:36,489 --> 00:43:38,448 Thank you very much. Appreciate it. Thank you. 847 00:43:58,011 --> 00:43:59,720 Thank you very much. You're welcome. 848 00:43:59,804 --> 00:44:01,430 Thank you. Thanks. 849 00:44:01,889 --> 00:44:03,932 Andy, I owe you an apology, man. 850 00:44:04,017 --> 00:44:07,436 I wasn't very nice to you for the past two-and-a-half years. 851 00:44:07,520 --> 00:44:08,645 You were nice to me. 852 00:44:08,646 --> 00:44:11,314 No, I was... I thought you were really boring and 853 00:44:11,399 --> 00:44:13,650 I kind of thought you were a serial killer. 854 00:44:14,986 --> 00:44:16,403 I'm not joking. 855 00:44:16,904 --> 00:44:19,740 Hey! Sorry. Shoot. Sorry, sorry. 856 00:44:19,824 --> 00:44:22,159 Don't worry. There's a lot of padding in these. 857 00:44:22,243 --> 00:44:24,578 I could hurl it off the balcony, it would be fine. 858 00:44:24,662 --> 00:44:26,371 Yeah. It will be fine. We couldn't break this 859 00:44:26,456 --> 00:44:27,497 if we tried. No problem. 860 00:44:27,582 --> 00:44:29,666 Look, you shouldn't listen to Dave and Jay, okay? 861 00:44:29,751 --> 00:44:32,836 Those guys are crazy. You should listen to me, okay? 862 00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:35,881 Look, there is a hot-ass girl who works right there. 863 00:44:35,965 --> 00:44:39,301 There she is, in the bookstore. You should ask her out, man. 864 00:44:41,262 --> 00:44:43,096 Something wrong with her underpants. 865 00:44:43,222 --> 00:44:44,681 Yeah, they're not in my mouth. 866 00:44:44,766 --> 00:44:46,725 You know, I kind of 867 00:44:47,935 --> 00:44:50,145 like the woman from the eBay store. 868 00:44:50,313 --> 00:44:51,354 That's great, but 869 00:44:51,439 --> 00:44:52,689 you're not gonna get with anyone 870 00:44:52,774 --> 00:44:54,399 unless you play the odds on this, man. 871 00:44:54,484 --> 00:44:56,359 You need to plant a lot of seeds. 872 00:44:56,444 --> 00:44:59,946 It's like this. When I was growing pot, I realized 873 00:45:00,490 --> 00:45:03,617 that the more seeds I planted... Thank you. 874 00:45:03,701 --> 00:45:05,994 ...the more pot I could ultimately smoke. 875 00:45:06,079 --> 00:45:09,289 I think I have all the advice that I can handle right now. 876 00:45:09,373 --> 00:45:10,457 Don't get bitter. 877 00:45:10,541 --> 00:45:13,376 I'm not bitter. I almost lost a nipple, okay? 878 00:45:13,461 --> 00:45:15,253 That was Jay's idea, okay? 879 00:45:15,338 --> 00:45:17,923 And I wasn't going to say anything, but waxing your chest is 880 00:45:18,007 --> 00:45:20,509 like the gayest thing you could possibly do, okay? 881 00:45:20,593 --> 00:45:24,304 Look at me. Looks are not important. Really look at me. 882 00:45:24,430 --> 00:45:27,349 I am ugly as fuck by traditional standards 883 00:45:27,433 --> 00:45:29,851 but I get with women. 884 00:45:29,936 --> 00:45:32,062 Aren't you curious as to how that's possible? 885 00:45:32,146 --> 00:45:34,356 I am not ugly as fuck. 886 00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:36,233 I didn't say you were ugly as... 887 00:45:36,317 --> 00:45:37,776 Well, you implied it. Okay. 888 00:45:37,860 --> 00:45:40,445 It doesn't matter if you're ugly as fuck or you're ugly as shit. 889 00:45:40,530 --> 00:45:43,615 It's about talking to women, and I know how to do that 890 00:45:43,699 --> 00:45:47,077 because I observe, because I am a novelist. 891 00:45:47,745 --> 00:45:49,621 What? You never told me that before. 892 00:45:49,705 --> 00:45:52,499 That's because I am not an arrogant prick, Andy. 893 00:45:52,625 --> 00:45:55,001 Okay? The problem most men have is 894 00:45:55,336 --> 00:45:56,837 they don't know how to talk to women. 895 00:45:56,921 --> 00:46:00,632 You know what my problem is? I am not interesting. 896 00:46:00,758 --> 00:46:03,343 What am I supposed to say? "I went to magic camp?" 897 00:46:03,719 --> 00:46:05,512 "I'm an accomplished ventriloquist?" 898 00:46:05,596 --> 00:46:08,723 "I am a seventh-degree imperial yo-yo master. " 899 00:46:09,851 --> 00:46:11,893 Do me, yo-yo master. 900 00:46:11,978 --> 00:46:15,772 I want you to do me, 'cause you're the yo-yo guy. 901 00:46:16,107 --> 00:46:17,315 Are you done? Listen. 902 00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:19,317 The problem most men have is 903 00:46:19,402 --> 00:46:22,863 they just plain straight up have no clue how to talk to women. 904 00:46:23,406 --> 00:46:26,324 Just ask questions, okay? That's it. 905 00:46:26,492 --> 00:46:31,079 Because women do not care about what you have to say at all anyway, you know. 906 00:46:31,163 --> 00:46:33,164 And all they want to do is talk about themselves. 907 00:46:33,249 --> 00:46:34,958 So you're just gonna let them do that. 908 00:46:35,042 --> 00:46:36,668 Okay? So remember. 909 00:46:36,752 --> 00:46:39,963 Questions, be cool, and be kind of a dick. 910 00:46:40,047 --> 00:46:43,174 Here, be David Caruso in Jade. 911 00:46:43,676 --> 00:46:45,927 Okay. I know exactly what you're talking about. 912 00:46:46,012 --> 00:46:47,512 You do. That's good. 913 00:46:49,223 --> 00:46:50,640 There she is. 914 00:46:53,477 --> 00:46:55,186 Go plant that seed, man. 915 00:46:55,813 --> 00:46:57,564 Plant it with your finger. 916 00:47:09,785 --> 00:47:11,202 Can I help you? 917 00:47:13,247 --> 00:47:14,873 I don't know. Can you? 918 00:47:16,542 --> 00:47:18,543 Are you looking for something? 919 00:47:19,879 --> 00:47:22,547 Is there something I should be looking for? 920 00:47:26,844 --> 00:47:28,386 We have a lot of books. 921 00:47:28,804 --> 00:47:31,890 So, maybe it depends on what you like. 922 00:47:36,896 --> 00:47:38,396 What do you like? 923 00:47:38,648 --> 00:47:42,150 We have a great section of... 924 00:47:42,652 --> 00:47:44,110 do-it-yourself. 925 00:47:44,195 --> 00:47:46,571 Do you like to "do it yourself"? 926 00:47:47,490 --> 00:47:49,658 Sometimes. I mean... 927 00:47:50,242 --> 00:47:53,787 if the mood strikes. 928 00:47:55,164 --> 00:47:57,332 How is the mood striking you now? 929 00:48:04,173 --> 00:48:07,550 What's your name? 930 00:48:07,635 --> 00:48:09,719 I'm Beth. 931 00:48:12,431 --> 00:48:15,934 Andy. 932 00:48:18,604 --> 00:48:21,231 Don't tell on me, okay, Andy? I won't. 933 00:48:22,942 --> 00:48:25,276 Unless you want to be told on... 934 00:48:26,112 --> 00:48:27,112 Beth. 935 00:48:29,949 --> 00:48:31,533 Wow. That totally worked! 936 00:48:31,617 --> 00:48:33,702 I literally said nothing. And she found me fascinating. 937 00:48:33,786 --> 00:48:35,620 I would've thought you were doing that for years. 938 00:48:35,705 --> 00:48:37,414 Should I have asked her out? No. That's the key. 939 00:48:37,498 --> 00:48:38,915 You wait for it to grow into a plant... 940 00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:40,500 and then you fuck the plant. 941 00:48:44,588 --> 00:48:45,630 Okay. 942 00:48:46,507 --> 00:48:47,757 This is easy. 943 00:48:48,592 --> 00:48:49,926 All right. 944 00:48:50,428 --> 00:48:53,054 Hello, Trish. How you doing? What's going on? 945 00:48:54,682 --> 00:48:55,849 Good joke. 946 00:48:55,933 --> 00:48:57,684 This is a fun conversation. 947 00:48:57,768 --> 00:49:00,145 Just grow a backbone and call her. 948 00:49:00,271 --> 00:49:02,856 She asked you to call her. She wants you to call her. 949 00:49:10,031 --> 00:49:11,031 Hello. 950 00:49:11,532 --> 00:49:12,907 Hey, how you doing? 951 00:49:14,827 --> 00:49:16,661 How you doing? I'm well. 952 00:49:17,079 --> 00:49:18,496 Who is this? 953 00:49:19,165 --> 00:49:22,333 This is James. Jam es. Do I know you, Jam es? 954 00:49:23,794 --> 00:49:25,795 I was wondering whether you had a few minutes... 955 00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:27,756 to talk about a little laundry detergent. 956 00:49:27,840 --> 00:49:30,008 Are you a telemarketer, James? 957 00:49:30,217 --> 00:49:31,259 Yep. 958 00:49:31,343 --> 00:49:32,802 Are you at the top of a tall building? 959 00:49:32,887 --> 00:49:35,138 Can you get to a roof quickly? Jum p off! 960 00:49:35,222 --> 00:49:36,389 I mean, you people are sick. 961 00:49:36,474 --> 00:49:38,266 Get a real fucking job, why don't you? 962 00:49:38,350 --> 00:49:39,893 Go shoot yourself in the fucking head. 963 00:49:39,977 --> 00:49:42,771 Hey, why don't you just, you know, get a knife and run into it? 964 00:49:42,855 --> 00:49:44,272 Why don't you do that, huh? 965 00:49:44,356 --> 00:49:45,648 Okay. I'll see you later, Jam es. 966 00:49:45,691 --> 00:49:49,027 Nice to talk to you. Fuck your m other, okay? Bye-bye. 967 00:49:50,780 --> 00:49:51,780 Oh. 968 00:49:55,076 --> 00:49:57,452 Hey, man. Got a big box of porn for you. 969 00:49:59,121 --> 00:50:01,456 Can I come in? Yeah. 970 00:50:03,459 --> 00:50:05,376 Sweet video game chair. 971 00:50:09,298 --> 00:50:10,590 So what's in the box? 972 00:50:10,674 --> 00:50:13,051 It's my personal collection of erotica. 973 00:50:13,385 --> 00:50:14,469 I want to give it to you. 974 00:50:14,553 --> 00:50:17,472 I think there might be a few tapes in there that just might open up... 975 00:50:17,556 --> 00:50:19,099 Pandora's box of love. 976 00:50:19,183 --> 00:50:20,183 Okay. 977 00:50:20,267 --> 00:50:23,061 Amy and I, we used to watch Harry Twatter... 978 00:50:23,187 --> 00:50:24,646 and we'd put it on the television... 979 00:50:24,730 --> 00:50:26,648 and then act it out as it was going on... 980 00:50:26,732 --> 00:50:28,399 and it was... 981 00:50:30,402 --> 00:50:31,945 She's adorable. 982 00:50:32,947 --> 00:50:34,322 Fucking bitch. 983 00:50:34,406 --> 00:50:36,407 Well, you know, this is really gracious and kind... 984 00:50:36,492 --> 00:50:37,659 and generous and everything. 985 00:50:37,743 --> 00:50:40,453 But I just don't want a big box of porn in my apartment. 986 00:50:40,538 --> 00:50:42,956 There's some really great stuff in here. 987 00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:45,416 Really great movies in here, man. 988 00:50:45,668 --> 00:50:47,168 Hey, did you ever see School of Rock? 989 00:50:47,253 --> 00:50:48,711 Yeah. Well, this is... 990 00:50:48,796 --> 00:50:50,421 It's called School of... 991 00:50:50,756 --> 00:50:51,923 You know... 992 00:50:52,216 --> 00:50:55,593 That's nice. But it stars Jack Black Cock. 993 00:50:56,428 --> 00:50:57,637 That makes sense. 994 00:50:57,721 --> 00:50:59,514 Dude, here it is. 995 00:50:59,598 --> 00:51:02,183 Boner Jams '03. It's a mixed tape I made. 996 00:51:02,268 --> 00:51:06,354 All these great scenes that I was really into in the summer of 2003. 997 00:51:06,647 --> 00:51:09,399 I think you'd really dig it. Yeah. Now I can see that. 998 00:51:09,483 --> 00:51:11,025 This is... 999 00:51:11,277 --> 00:51:12,694 Everybody Loves Raym ond. 1000 00:51:12,778 --> 00:51:14,195 That's probably not supposed to be... 1001 00:51:14,280 --> 00:51:16,072 This is a good show. I just tape it sometimes. 1002 00:51:16,157 --> 00:51:18,199 Well, I don't think you understand something, Dave. 1003 00:51:18,284 --> 00:51:22,745 I don't want this stuff, okay? Because I don't do that, that much. 1004 00:51:22,830 --> 00:51:24,789 What, masturbate? Yeah. 1005 00:51:25,916 --> 00:51:28,251 Dude, I've jacked it twice since I've been here. 1006 00:51:28,335 --> 00:51:31,421 Are you kidding me? Why not? It's not a hobby of mine. 1007 00:51:31,505 --> 00:51:33,840 Well, then, that's the only hobby you don't have. 1008 00:51:33,924 --> 00:51:36,301 No, seriously, I just don't feel comfortable talking about... 1009 00:51:36,385 --> 00:51:37,468 You need to. You're wound up. 1010 00:51:37,553 --> 00:51:39,137 You're like one of these action figures... 1011 00:51:39,221 --> 00:51:40,930 all hermetically sealed in your box. 1012 00:51:41,015 --> 00:51:43,391 You gotta play with... Don't! 1013 00:51:43,475 --> 00:51:44,559 Don't take it out! 1014 00:51:44,643 --> 00:51:47,270 I'm sorry. You know what, it's just... 1015 00:51:47,396 --> 00:51:50,064 It loses its value if you take it out of its packaging. 1016 00:51:50,149 --> 00:51:53,276 I'm just saying, let it out. Give it some air, man. Play with it. 1017 00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:56,029 Take your porn with you. I'm not taking it. 1018 00:51:56,113 --> 00:51:57,739 Take your box-o-porn. 1019 00:51:57,823 --> 00:52:00,658 It's my gift to you. No. I don't want it. 1020 00:52:00,910 --> 00:52:02,076 David, it's not... 1021 00:52:02,161 --> 00:52:03,203 Andy, for the last time... 1022 00:52:03,287 --> 00:52:05,121 I don't want your giant box of pornography. 1023 00:52:05,206 --> 00:52:07,498 No, no, no! Come on, man. 1024 00:52:07,791 --> 00:52:09,083 So uncool. 1025 00:52:09,668 --> 00:52:10,877 Uncool? 1026 00:52:11,921 --> 00:52:15,715 Uncool is trying to give an honest man a big box of porn, Andy. 1027 00:52:16,550 --> 00:52:18,885 For the last time, I don't want to watch 1028 00:52:18,969 --> 00:52:20,637 School of Cock with you. 1029 00:53:30,708 --> 00:53:32,625 It's nothing official. 1030 00:53:33,585 --> 00:53:36,587 Just a little token of m y appreciation. 1031 00:53:57,484 --> 00:54:00,737 Hi, Andy. I'm gonna talk dirty to you. 1032 00:54:00,821 --> 00:54:05,158 I want to have lots of sexy sex with you. 1033 00:54:05,326 --> 00:54:09,370 I want to touch your big, fat noodle 1034 00:54:09,496 --> 00:54:13,333 'cause I want to have naughty intercourse with you. 1035 00:54:13,584 --> 00:54:17,545 I want you to put your penis on, I mean, in me, Andy. 1036 00:54:17,838 --> 00:54:21,257 I want to do lots of, lots of sexy, 1037 00:54:21,342 --> 00:54:24,010 hot things with you. Shit. 1038 00:54:24,803 --> 00:54:27,889 This really isn't working, Andy. I don't know what to say 1039 00:54:27,973 --> 00:54:29,390 because I am you. 1040 00:54:31,518 --> 00:54:32,852 Okay. New tape. 1041 00:54:35,147 --> 00:54:37,940 Nothing is ever good enough and it's always our fault. 1042 00:54:38,025 --> 00:54:39,901 Hey, you can't speak to your m other like that. 1043 00:54:39,985 --> 00:54:41,861 You do. She's not m y m other. 1044 00:54:46,867 --> 00:54:49,202 I heard Dave gave you the box of porn. 1045 00:54:49,536 --> 00:54:50,620 Yeah, he did. 1046 00:54:52,039 --> 00:54:53,956 You ever watch, like, Primetime Live 1047 00:54:54,041 --> 00:54:56,084 when they take a black light into a hotel room 1048 00:54:56,168 --> 00:54:58,669 and show you all the semen all over the bedspread? 1049 00:54:59,254 --> 00:55:00,254 Yeah. 1050 00:55:00,881 --> 00:55:03,049 You blind someone with that box. 1051 00:55:03,634 --> 00:55:05,468 Could see that thing from space. 1052 00:55:09,014 --> 00:55:11,599 This right here, you looking at the Bentley of big screen TVs. 1053 00:55:11,683 --> 00:55:14,018 I'm talking about, this is the Rolls-Royce of big screen... 1054 00:55:15,646 --> 00:55:18,064 Sometimes, I think these butterflies are in here. 1055 00:55:18,565 --> 00:55:20,483 I think he might be fooling us all, though. 1056 00:55:20,567 --> 00:55:21,609 Really? 1057 00:55:21,693 --> 00:55:23,778 I actually think he might be, like, some genius 1058 00:55:23,862 --> 00:55:25,947 and this is like some big, like, hilarious... 1059 00:55:26,031 --> 00:55:28,991 Like he's bored at work and he just wanted to kick up some shit, 1060 00:55:29,076 --> 00:55:30,451 so he told us all he's a virgin. 1061 00:55:30,536 --> 00:55:32,620 You're seeing that a lot of stuff that's not there. 1062 00:55:32,704 --> 00:55:34,664 You're just projecting all over him. 1063 00:55:34,873 --> 00:55:36,416 He might be an idiot savant 1064 00:55:36,500 --> 00:55:39,502 but he's not, like, clever enough to go that deep. 1065 00:55:39,586 --> 00:55:40,920 But he's got a great body. 1066 00:55:41,004 --> 00:55:43,339 Would you fuck him? In a New York minute. 1067 00:55:43,424 --> 00:55:45,049 You would fuck him? Absolutely. 1068 00:55:47,344 --> 00:55:49,137 Hey, Andy, what are you doing for lunch? 1069 00:55:49,596 --> 00:55:51,764 I don't know. I have a turkey sandwich. 1070 00:55:51,849 --> 00:55:54,684 We're gonna go around the corner. I think you should come with us. 1071 00:55:54,768 --> 00:55:57,562 There's this great place. A lot of cute girls. 1072 00:55:57,938 --> 00:55:59,439 I don't know. Okay. 1073 00:56:00,357 --> 00:56:02,275 We brought you a shirt. 1074 00:56:02,693 --> 00:56:04,485 This place is pretty fancy. 1075 00:56:05,779 --> 00:56:06,821 Something going on? 1076 00:56:06,905 --> 00:56:08,739 Hey, who's ready to have some fun? 1077 00:56:10,784 --> 00:56:12,201 Hey, guys... 1078 00:56:13,620 --> 00:56:16,080 No, don't ignore me. I know what this is. 1079 00:56:16,165 --> 00:56:18,666 Within one hour, you'll each have 20 dates. 1080 00:56:18,792 --> 00:56:22,128 Don't... Please don't do this. I saw this on Primetime Live. 1081 00:56:22,254 --> 00:56:23,963 All right, ninja master. 1082 00:56:24,381 --> 00:56:26,382 We've given you all the advice we have to give. 1083 00:56:26,467 --> 00:56:27,633 Now you gonna put it in action. 1084 00:56:27,718 --> 00:56:29,677 Advice? You guys all gave me different advice. 1085 00:56:29,761 --> 00:56:31,637 He thinks you're a pothead. I am. 1086 00:56:31,805 --> 00:56:34,891 Dude. Hey, partner. What are you whining about? 1087 00:56:34,975 --> 00:56:37,101 You asked for this shit. No, I didn't. 1088 00:56:37,186 --> 00:56:39,020 Will you just quit whining like a bitch? 1089 00:56:39,104 --> 00:56:41,606 I'm not whining like a bitch. You are whining like a bitch. 1090 00:56:41,690 --> 00:56:44,692 And you about to cram like 10 years of pimpage into one day. 1091 00:56:44,776 --> 00:56:47,653 I don't want to cram pimpage. Partner, after that 1092 00:56:48,071 --> 00:56:49,739 you on my level. Come on. 1093 00:56:49,865 --> 00:56:52,325 Just ask questions. This is a bad idea. 1094 00:56:55,329 --> 00:56:56,662 Hi. Hi. How are you? 1095 00:56:56,747 --> 00:56:57,997 I'm fine. 1096 00:56:59,166 --> 00:57:00,333 Are you fine? 1097 00:57:01,168 --> 00:57:02,168 Yeah. 1098 00:57:03,003 --> 00:57:04,670 You're fine then? 1099 00:57:05,339 --> 00:57:08,508 Are you fucking retarded? What the hell's the matter with you? 1100 00:57:08,842 --> 00:57:10,384 Do you want me to be fucking retarded? 1101 00:57:11,553 --> 00:57:13,930 When I look into the eyes of the children and the parents 1102 00:57:14,014 --> 00:57:15,431 and they are smiling and saying, 1103 00:57:15,516 --> 00:57:17,767 "Thank you, Dr. Montalban, you saved my child", 1104 00:57:17,851 --> 00:57:18,935 it was worth it. 1105 00:57:21,813 --> 00:57:22,939 Amy, 1106 00:57:23,607 --> 00:57:25,733 what are you doing here? David. 1107 00:57:27,110 --> 00:57:29,445 And you are Gina? Gina. 1108 00:57:29,530 --> 00:57:31,239 Hey, what's up? Nothing. 1109 00:57:31,365 --> 00:57:33,950 Look, I'm going to be real honest with you. 1110 00:57:34,034 --> 00:57:36,494 It's been a long time since I've been with a man. 1111 00:57:36,578 --> 00:57:39,247 Spent a lot of time with the ladies. 1112 00:57:39,331 --> 00:57:41,749 Looking to get back up on that pogo stick. 1113 00:57:41,833 --> 00:57:43,793 You know what I'm saying? Excuse me. 1114 00:57:43,877 --> 00:57:47,797 Remember that time when we made love and you cried in my arms? 1115 00:57:47,881 --> 00:57:50,299 Please don't reminisce about the times we fucked, please. 1116 00:57:50,384 --> 00:57:52,260 It's so creepy. Let's go to Paris. 1117 00:57:52,344 --> 00:57:55,137 I want to take you underneath the Eiffel Tower and make love to you. 1118 00:57:55,222 --> 00:57:56,472 Cut it out. Cut what out? 1119 00:57:56,557 --> 00:57:59,141 This go to Paris! We've been broken up for like two years, man. 1120 00:57:59,226 --> 00:58:00,643 I don't want to date you anymore. 1121 00:58:00,727 --> 00:58:02,311 You're a whore. I am not a whore. 1122 00:58:02,396 --> 00:58:04,021 I just didn't like you. 1123 00:58:04,106 --> 00:58:05,231 This is so us. 1124 00:58:07,484 --> 00:58:09,068 Psycho talk. What? 1125 00:58:09,152 --> 00:58:10,987 You're a good-looking man. Thank you. 1126 00:58:11,071 --> 00:58:13,447 Very pretty. Real soft, delicate features. 1127 00:58:13,532 --> 00:58:15,992 You're real feminine, you know, which is good for me 1128 00:58:16,076 --> 00:58:18,744 because that would be a simple sort of transition. 1129 00:58:18,829 --> 00:58:19,996 You know what I'm saying? 1130 00:58:20,080 --> 00:58:23,249 Maybe throw a little rouge on you, tuck your sac back. 1131 00:58:23,333 --> 00:58:24,875 You game? No. 1132 00:58:26,044 --> 00:58:29,755 You need to stop fucking around with my friend, okay? 1133 00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:32,675 Because you're giving him hope, and it's driving the man crazy. 1134 00:58:32,759 --> 00:58:35,845 I moved, I changed my e-mail address, my phone number. 1135 00:58:35,929 --> 00:58:37,305 He's practically stalking me. 1136 00:58:37,389 --> 00:58:39,807 Well, I didn't know all that. So, I'm sorry. 1137 00:58:41,101 --> 00:58:42,184 I love Minnesota. 1138 00:58:42,269 --> 00:58:44,854 I grew up in a town outside of Minneapolis 1139 00:58:44,938 --> 00:58:47,815 with a population of, like, 500 people. Really small. 1140 00:58:47,899 --> 00:58:50,151 Yeah, it's like the Land of a Thousand Lakes. 1141 00:58:50,235 --> 00:58:52,987 What about you? You're used to, like, a really big city. 1142 00:58:53,113 --> 00:58:55,323 Really... God, yes. 1143 00:58:56,450 --> 00:58:59,785 The town that I grew up in was really small. I mean, 1144 00:58:59,911 --> 00:59:02,747 you know, it was just so safe. There was no crime. 1145 00:59:02,831 --> 00:59:06,042 I mean, a girl could just walk from one end of town to the other 1146 00:59:06,126 --> 00:59:08,961 and just, you know, feel completely safe. 1147 00:59:12,132 --> 00:59:13,424 You suppose he's had enough? 1148 00:59:13,508 --> 00:59:15,968 Spank bank has once again been filled. 1149 00:59:16,845 --> 00:59:18,387 I'll tell you who's the hottest. 1150 00:59:18,472 --> 00:59:21,557 You're gonna think I'm crazy. Let me tell you. Gina. 1151 00:59:21,975 --> 00:59:24,977 Can't get va-Gina out of my head. Va-Gina all week. 1152 00:59:34,863 --> 00:59:36,238 You know what's a fun game? Huh? 1153 00:59:36,323 --> 00:59:38,240 You take three Excedrin PMs... 1154 00:59:38,325 --> 00:59:41,035 and you see if you could whack off before you fall asleep. 1155 00:59:42,996 --> 00:59:45,539 You always win is the best part about the game. 1156 00:59:48,335 --> 00:59:50,211 Are you Andy? Yeah. 1157 00:59:50,295 --> 00:59:51,879 Is this yours? Did you write this stuff? 1158 00:59:51,963 --> 00:59:54,632 My girlfriend, Jill, found your speed-dating card. 1159 00:59:55,384 --> 00:59:56,676 Yeah, right. 1160 00:59:56,760 --> 00:59:58,886 God, I've been looking for that speed-dating card. 1161 00:59:58,970 --> 01:00:00,763 Thank you so much for bringing it to me. 1162 01:00:00,847 --> 01:00:02,973 So, you actually wrote that one girl looked like... 1163 01:00:03,058 --> 01:00:04,934 she was "hurting for a squirting"? 1164 01:00:05,227 --> 01:00:08,020 Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Hurting for a squirting, I wrote that. 1165 01:00:08,105 --> 01:00:10,439 So you wrote "ho fo show. " 1166 01:00:11,233 --> 01:00:13,734 Yeah, I remember that girl. She was a ho. 1167 01:00:14,403 --> 01:00:15,611 Fo show. 1168 01:00:15,821 --> 01:00:17,863 Let me show you how this device works. 1169 01:00:17,948 --> 01:00:19,657 Right, I'm just looking for a cordless phone. 1170 01:00:19,741 --> 01:00:22,451 Yup, it's great. You can do anything, make video diaries... 1171 01:00:22,536 --> 01:00:26,163 Hey, Amy, how's it going? How you feeling? I'm great. 1172 01:00:26,373 --> 01:00:28,999 I feel fantastic since we broke up. 1173 01:00:29,543 --> 01:00:31,168 I feel awesome! 1174 01:00:31,253 --> 01:00:33,879 Can you just show me the department where there would be phones? 1175 01:00:33,964 --> 01:00:36,132 How have you been? What's been going on... 1176 01:00:36,216 --> 01:00:38,259 I bet... Hey, have you been doing a lot of this? 1177 01:00:40,595 --> 01:00:41,929 Sir, please, sir. 1178 01:00:42,013 --> 01:00:43,472 You are never gonna meet anybody... 1179 01:00:43,557 --> 01:00:46,183 with that kind of mentality about women, you sick son of a bitch. 1180 01:00:46,268 --> 01:00:48,018 Who the fuck are you to put me on trial? 1181 01:00:48,103 --> 01:00:49,729 I've never even met you. 1182 01:00:49,813 --> 01:00:52,022 So why don't you back the shit off, all right? 1183 01:00:52,107 --> 01:00:54,108 And stop with the inquisition. 1184 01:00:54,234 --> 01:00:55,484 That's how you talk? 1185 01:00:55,569 --> 01:00:57,403 You know what, I don't have to answer to you. 1186 01:00:57,487 --> 01:00:59,029 You ain't my bitch. 1187 01:00:59,114 --> 01:01:00,656 Know what I saying? 1188 01:01:00,741 --> 01:01:03,033 So, shit, man. Fuck it. 1189 01:01:03,118 --> 01:01:05,161 You shouldn't even be hanging out with this pervert. 1190 01:01:05,245 --> 01:01:07,371 I don't hang out with him. I work with him and that's it. 1191 01:01:07,456 --> 01:01:09,123 I tried to introduce him to a few nice people... 1192 01:01:09,207 --> 01:01:10,291 he made a fool of himself. 1193 01:01:10,375 --> 01:01:12,042 I don't mess with him, baby. That's not me. 1194 01:01:12,127 --> 01:01:14,336 You should keep your ho on a leash. 1195 01:01:14,421 --> 01:01:16,046 Bro, I can't let you... Hey. 1196 01:01:16,131 --> 01:01:18,299 I can't let you be talking to my woman like that, dawg. 1197 01:01:18,383 --> 01:01:20,551 Know what I'm saying? Bitch is running wild, man. 1198 01:01:20,635 --> 01:01:23,846 You miss that ass? That's the ass of a free man. 1199 01:01:23,930 --> 01:01:26,265 That ass is going out tonight, maybe to a club. 1200 01:01:26,349 --> 01:01:27,933 Maybe to a night club. 1201 01:01:28,143 --> 01:01:29,435 Hey, Andy... 1202 01:01:29,519 --> 01:01:31,854 take a look at your pal. Oh, my God. 1203 01:01:31,938 --> 01:01:34,482 Yeah, he's performing a public colonoscopy. 1204 01:01:34,566 --> 01:01:35,941 Isn't that sweet? 1205 01:01:36,026 --> 01:01:37,526 I'm gonna send David home for the day... 1206 01:01:37,611 --> 01:01:38,736 and you're gonna fill in for him. 1207 01:01:38,820 --> 01:01:40,529 What? Selling things? You got that right. 1208 01:01:40,614 --> 01:01:41,822 I don't think that's a good idea. 1209 01:01:41,907 --> 01:01:43,407 And you're gonna have to talk to people, too. 1210 01:01:43,492 --> 01:01:45,117 I know that's a frightening concept to you... 1211 01:01:45,202 --> 01:01:46,410 but I think you can handle it. 1212 01:01:46,495 --> 01:01:48,245 So get out there and start selling some shit. 1213 01:01:48,330 --> 01:01:49,663 ...thing for Amy. 1214 01:01:49,998 --> 01:01:51,415 Hold it. Check it out. 1215 01:01:51,500 --> 01:01:52,917 I miss her. 1216 01:01:55,796 --> 01:01:57,755 Dude, the floor's the ultimate aphrodisiac. 1217 01:01:57,839 --> 01:01:59,590 All you got to do is go make your pick now. 1218 01:01:59,674 --> 01:02:02,051 Come on, man. Okay. 1219 01:02:02,844 --> 01:02:04,804 And you could act a little enthused about it. 1220 01:02:04,888 --> 01:02:06,013 Yeah. 1221 01:02:07,390 --> 01:02:10,601 That's right. That's right. Gazelle in the pink top. 1222 01:02:11,770 --> 01:02:13,437 Oh, shit. Hi. 1223 01:02:13,522 --> 01:02:15,606 Looks like you're checking out digital cameras. 1224 01:02:15,690 --> 01:02:17,608 You know what, he ain't going to do it willingly. 1225 01:02:17,692 --> 01:02:20,486 No. We need to, like, really facilitate things a bit more. 1226 01:02:20,570 --> 01:02:22,154 Yo, Andy. Yeah. 1227 01:02:22,239 --> 01:02:23,697 What's up, dude? This is Jay, man. 1228 01:02:23,782 --> 01:02:25,032 Hey, Jay. 1229 01:02:25,158 --> 01:02:26,575 I am throwing a party tonight. 1230 01:02:26,660 --> 01:02:28,369 It's gonna be real mellow, just chilled up. 1231 01:02:28,453 --> 01:02:29,829 Now, you really need to be there. 1232 01:02:29,913 --> 01:02:32,456 It's gonna be really, really colorful. 1233 01:02:32,707 --> 01:02:34,041 Are you free? 1234 01:02:34,876 --> 01:02:35,960 Yeah, I think so. 1235 01:02:36,044 --> 01:02:38,420 That was a joke, m an. I know you're free. 1236 01:02:38,713 --> 01:02:40,089 I'm okay. Gotta go, man. 1237 01:02:40,173 --> 01:02:41,257 All right, bye. 1238 01:02:44,052 --> 01:02:46,178 So, tell me, Montel... 1239 01:02:46,555 --> 01:02:49,598 why weren't we invited to the party? What are we, Al-Qaeda? 1240 01:02:49,683 --> 01:02:50,766 No, hold up. 1241 01:02:50,851 --> 01:02:53,018 No, no. It's not that kind of party, y'all. 1242 01:02:53,103 --> 01:02:55,145 You're not coming to our fucking party either, okay? 1243 01:02:55,230 --> 01:02:56,272 Fuck you, okay? 1244 01:02:56,356 --> 01:02:58,107 First of all, it ain't that kind of party. 1245 01:02:58,191 --> 01:03:00,067 Go fuck a goat. Yeah. 1246 01:03:00,193 --> 01:03:01,986 Why you always telling me to fuck a goat, man? 1247 01:03:02,070 --> 01:03:03,112 Fuck a goat! 1248 01:03:19,671 --> 01:03:24,258 Hello? 1249 01:03:26,094 --> 01:03:27,261 Hello. 1250 01:03:28,889 --> 01:03:30,598 Hello. Hi. 1251 01:03:31,558 --> 01:03:34,101 Are you here for Jay's party? Yes. 1252 01:03:34,477 --> 01:03:36,103 I am Jay's party. 1253 01:03:37,939 --> 01:03:41,025 You know what, hiring a transvestite prostitute isn't helping me, man. 1254 01:03:41,109 --> 01:03:43,360 What? Ain't nobody hired no damn transvestite. 1255 01:03:43,445 --> 01:03:44,486 What are you talking about? 1256 01:03:44,571 --> 01:03:46,363 She was really nice, incidentally. 1257 01:03:46,448 --> 01:03:48,198 If that sister was a transvestite... 1258 01:03:48,283 --> 01:03:50,367 that was the Mona Lisa of transvestites. 1259 01:03:50,452 --> 01:03:52,328 You got a hummer from the tranny, didn't you? 1260 01:03:52,412 --> 01:03:55,706 You know, aren't we owed one now? 'Cause technically we paid her. 1261 01:03:55,790 --> 01:03:57,124 She had a dick, man. 1262 01:03:57,208 --> 01:03:58,876 Do you guys even like me? 1263 01:03:58,960 --> 01:04:02,379 Or is this some sort of cruel joke that you're all in on? 1264 01:04:02,464 --> 01:04:04,757 Because I'm not a freak. I'm a good person. 1265 01:04:04,841 --> 01:04:08,344 I always thought that Matt Damon was like a Streisand, but... 1266 01:04:08,970 --> 01:04:10,930 I think that he's rocking the shit in this one. 1267 01:04:11,014 --> 01:04:12,723 Shut up, Dave! 1268 01:04:12,807 --> 01:04:16,685 Hold up. Let's just chill on the aggression for a minute. 1269 01:04:17,103 --> 01:04:21,190 Look at him. He is such a bad ass. 1270 01:04:21,816 --> 01:04:24,193 He looks just like Luke Wilson. 1271 01:04:24,277 --> 01:04:25,277 Mmm-hmm. 1272 01:04:25,362 --> 01:04:27,071 So you saying she was definitely a man? 1273 01:04:27,155 --> 01:04:28,197 Yes. 1274 01:04:28,281 --> 01:04:30,366 Okay, well, how do you know that she was a man? 1275 01:04:30,450 --> 01:04:33,369 Because her hands were as big as André the Giant's. 1276 01:04:33,787 --> 01:04:36,497 And she had an Adam's apple as big as her balls. 1277 01:04:37,165 --> 01:04:38,666 So you have no proof. 1278 01:04:38,875 --> 01:04:40,709 You know what? Just leave me alone. 1279 01:04:40,794 --> 01:04:42,836 Just stay away from me. Or I'm gonna tell Paula... 1280 01:04:42,921 --> 01:04:44,838 that you're all stealing the recordable CDs. 1281 01:04:45,507 --> 01:04:48,175 Come on. That's like we were paid to do it. 1282 01:04:48,259 --> 01:04:50,302 We did this 'cause we're your friends... 1283 01:04:50,387 --> 01:04:53,138 and we didn't think you have the balls to do it yourself. 1284 01:04:53,223 --> 01:04:54,515 Really? Yeah. 1285 01:04:54,724 --> 01:04:56,058 Okay, watch this. 1286 01:04:56,267 --> 01:04:57,726 Yo, Andy, it's just CDs, man. 1287 01:04:57,811 --> 01:04:59,687 That's a third strike for me, dawg. 1288 01:05:23,294 --> 01:05:24,294 Hi. 1289 01:05:25,130 --> 01:05:27,256 Andy. Hi. Right, yeah. 1290 01:05:27,424 --> 01:05:29,049 You remember my name. I did. 1291 01:05:29,175 --> 01:05:31,635 How you doing? I'm great. I like your store. 1292 01:05:31,720 --> 01:05:34,304 That's good, yeah. If you have time, look around. It's... 1293 01:05:34,389 --> 01:05:35,472 Okay. 1294 01:05:35,890 --> 01:05:37,224 How's business been? 1295 01:05:37,308 --> 01:05:40,269 You know, it's coming along. I mean, it takes a while. 1296 01:05:40,353 --> 01:05:43,397 Do you want to go out sometime? Yes. 1297 01:05:43,857 --> 01:05:46,316 Yes, I would like that. That would be great. 1298 01:05:46,401 --> 01:05:50,154 I think I'm maybe free this weekend, if that's okay. 1299 01:05:50,238 --> 01:05:53,032 Or you could call me tomorrow and we can just firm it up. 1300 01:05:53,116 --> 01:05:54,658 Okay. Great. Great. 1301 01:05:54,743 --> 01:05:58,328 Okay, so I'll call you, and yeah, that'll be good. 1302 01:05:58,413 --> 01:05:59,872 How you doing? Congratulations. 1303 01:05:59,956 --> 01:06:01,874 Okay, so I'll... Yeah. 1304 01:06:02,208 --> 01:06:03,500 Can I help you? 1305 01:06:03,585 --> 01:06:06,086 Yeah, these are wonderful. I'll take these. 1306 01:06:06,254 --> 01:06:09,923 Thanks, they are. They're great. The goldfish just crack me up. 1307 01:06:10,050 --> 01:06:11,050 Funny. 1308 01:06:11,134 --> 01:06:12,217 Yeah, they are. Yeah. 1309 01:06:12,302 --> 01:06:13,510 Yeah. They're cute. 1310 01:06:13,595 --> 01:06:16,764 I don't actually sell anything here. I just sell them on eBay. 1311 01:06:17,474 --> 01:06:18,682 I don't get it. 1312 01:06:18,933 --> 01:06:19,933 Okay. 1313 01:06:20,101 --> 01:06:23,020 Can you help me? No, you're on your own here. 1314 01:06:23,104 --> 01:06:26,273 Good luck to you, and to you. And I'll give you a call. 1315 01:06:26,357 --> 01:06:29,359 Great. Nice to see you. Great. Thanks for coming in. 1316 01:06:29,944 --> 01:06:30,944 Bye. 1317 01:06:31,696 --> 01:06:33,614 So, I guess I'll just give you some money... 1318 01:06:33,698 --> 01:06:36,200 and you can give me these shoes and... 1319 01:06:36,284 --> 01:06:38,994 You know, I know it seems so strange... 1320 01:06:39,079 --> 01:06:41,747 Yes. I'd just rather buy them from you straight up. 1321 01:06:41,831 --> 01:06:43,749 Yeah, I know. I wish it could be that easy, but... 1322 01:06:43,833 --> 01:06:47,044 I wish, too, but you're making it extremely difficult for me. 1323 01:06:47,128 --> 01:06:49,296 I'm just trying to get these shoes back to my house... 1324 01:06:49,380 --> 01:06:50,631 so I can wear them. 1325 01:06:51,091 --> 01:06:52,633 I got a corpse in m y way. 1326 01:06:52,717 --> 01:06:53,884 Look out. Just kill it. 1327 01:06:53,968 --> 01:06:56,970 That's just so not fair that you have blades and... 1328 01:06:57,138 --> 01:06:58,972 I'm telling you, man, I feel great. 1329 01:06:59,057 --> 01:07:01,058 I'm so... It's like a weight has been lifted. 1330 01:07:01,142 --> 01:07:04,728 Celibacy is the way to go, man. Andy had it right, you know? 1331 01:07:04,813 --> 01:07:06,688 Look at him. He looks younger than all of us... 1332 01:07:06,773 --> 01:07:08,023 but he's 10 years older. 1333 01:07:08,108 --> 01:07:10,609 Why? Because he's never had a relationship. 1334 01:07:10,902 --> 01:07:13,529 No she-devil sucked his life force out yet. 1335 01:07:29,921 --> 01:07:32,256 Hello? Hey. Hi. Hello. 1336 01:07:32,632 --> 01:07:33,674 Is this Trish? 1337 01:07:34,634 --> 01:07:36,802 Who's calling, please? This is Andy. 1338 01:07:36,886 --> 01:07:39,096 Hi, Andy. Hi, how you doing? 1339 01:07:39,180 --> 01:07:42,141 I'm good. How're you doing? I'm doing great. 1340 01:07:42,934 --> 01:07:44,184 So you're gay, now? 1341 01:07:44,269 --> 01:07:46,186 No, I'm not gay. I'm just celibate. 1342 01:07:46,896 --> 01:07:48,897 I think... I mean, that sounds gay. 1343 01:07:48,982 --> 01:07:51,859 I just want you to know that this is the first conversation... 1344 01:07:51,943 --> 01:07:55,362 of three conversations that leads to you being gay. 1345 01:07:55,822 --> 01:07:58,407 There's this and then in a year it's like, "You know... 1346 01:07:58,491 --> 01:08:01,618 "I'm kind of going to wanna get back out there, but I think I like guys. " 1347 01:08:01,703 --> 01:08:04,538 And then there's the big, "I'm a gay guy now. " 1348 01:08:04,831 --> 01:08:07,249 You're gay for saying that. I'm gay for saying that? 1349 01:08:07,375 --> 01:08:09,960 You know how I know you're gay? How? How do you know I'm gay? 1350 01:08:10,044 --> 01:08:12,504 'Cause you macraméd yourself a pair of jean shorts. 1351 01:08:12,589 --> 01:08:13,672 You know how I know you're gay? 1352 01:08:13,756 --> 01:08:15,799 You just told me you're not sleeping with women anymore. 1353 01:08:15,925 --> 01:08:17,467 You know how I know you're gay? How? 1354 01:08:17,552 --> 01:08:20,596 'Cause you're gay and you can tell who other gay people are? 1355 01:08:20,722 --> 01:08:22,222 Do you know how I know you're gay? How? 1356 01:08:22,307 --> 01:08:23,765 You like Coldplay. 1357 01:08:24,475 --> 01:08:25,809 You're dead. 1358 01:08:27,228 --> 01:08:28,270 Come on. 1359 01:08:28,354 --> 01:08:30,314 Leave my torso alone at least. 1360 01:08:31,191 --> 01:08:32,608 I also wanted to call... 1361 01:08:32,692 --> 01:08:35,402 and see what night you might want to go out. 1362 01:08:35,570 --> 01:08:37,362 I'm actually free tonight. 1363 01:08:39,365 --> 01:08:42,743 Okay. Now, I was thinking maybe this weekend, but that's good. Okay. 1364 01:08:42,827 --> 01:08:43,827 Great. 1365 01:08:43,912 --> 01:08:45,913 Okay, what time do you want to pick me up? 1366 01:08:47,415 --> 01:08:48,749 Let's see. 1367 01:08:49,542 --> 01:08:53,128 That's actually kind of a problem because I ride a bike. 1368 01:08:53,421 --> 01:08:54,796 That's cool. Are you kidding m e? 1369 01:08:54,881 --> 01:08:56,673 I love getting on the back of a motorcycle. 1370 01:08:56,758 --> 01:08:59,426 My boyfriend in college drove a motorcycle. 1371 01:08:59,510 --> 01:09:01,303 So, I mean, I'm cool. 1372 01:09:01,387 --> 01:09:05,474 Yeah, I bet that was cool. I ride a bicycle. 1373 01:09:06,601 --> 01:09:08,185 You know how I know that you're gay? 1374 01:09:08,269 --> 01:09:09,353 How? 1375 01:09:09,437 --> 01:09:11,688 You like the movie Maid in Manhattan. 1376 01:09:11,773 --> 01:09:13,273 You know how I know you're gay? How? 1377 01:09:13,358 --> 01:09:16,526 I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sourdough bread once. 1378 01:09:16,611 --> 01:09:18,362 You know how I know you're gay? How? 1379 01:09:18,446 --> 01:09:21,156 You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says: 1380 01:09:21,241 --> 01:09:23,450 "I love it when balls are in my face. " 1381 01:09:23,534 --> 01:09:24,618 That's gay? 1382 01:09:24,702 --> 01:09:26,078 God damn it! 1383 01:09:26,454 --> 01:09:29,081 I'm ripping your head off right now. It's off. 1384 01:09:29,165 --> 01:09:31,667 And now I'm throwing it at your body. 1385 01:09:32,585 --> 01:09:33,627 Fuck you! 1386 01:09:35,004 --> 01:09:36,129 You guys... 1387 01:09:36,923 --> 01:09:39,091 she's picking me up in an hour. 1388 01:09:40,134 --> 01:09:41,760 Oh, drag, dude. 1389 01:09:42,303 --> 01:09:44,554 She's picking you up from here? Yeah. 1390 01:09:44,639 --> 01:09:46,181 That's fucked up, man. 1391 01:09:46,266 --> 01:09:47,891 Why? Why? 1392 01:09:48,601 --> 01:09:52,020 Seriously. I mean, look at this place, man. 1393 01:09:52,563 --> 01:09:55,816 You gotta see this through the eyes of a woman, you know? 1394 01:09:55,900 --> 01:09:58,235 What is she going to think when she comes in here? Look. 1395 01:09:58,319 --> 01:10:00,737 He's got a billion toys. So what? 1396 01:10:00,822 --> 01:10:03,573 And more video games than a teenaged Asian kid. 1397 01:10:03,658 --> 01:10:05,200 It's all right. 1398 01:10:05,827 --> 01:10:08,662 Is that the Six Million Dollar Man's boss? 1399 01:10:08,997 --> 01:10:10,122 It's Oscar Goldman. 1400 01:10:10,206 --> 01:10:12,416 Why do you have that? That's worth a lot of money. 1401 01:10:12,500 --> 01:10:14,459 That's much more valuable than Steve Austin. 1402 01:10:14,544 --> 01:10:18,797 Well, that may be the case. But none of this shit is sexy, okay? 1403 01:10:18,881 --> 01:10:20,590 I'm not trying to be sexy, man. 1404 01:10:20,675 --> 01:10:22,217 I mean, seriously, Asia? 1405 01:10:22,343 --> 01:10:24,136 You framed an Asia poster? 1406 01:10:24,220 --> 01:10:26,221 How hard did the people at the frame store laugh... 1407 01:10:26,306 --> 01:10:28,307 when you brought this in? They did not laugh at me. 1408 01:10:28,391 --> 01:10:30,267 Know why you're gay? Because you like Asia. 1409 01:10:30,351 --> 01:10:31,601 You guys cool it with the gay. 1410 01:10:31,686 --> 01:10:33,520 You know, she's on her way over here, okay? 1411 01:10:33,604 --> 01:10:35,314 First, you relax, okay? 1412 01:10:35,398 --> 01:10:38,692 Just stop calming me down and tell me what I should do. 1413 01:10:38,776 --> 01:10:40,944 Okay, we just take everything that's embarrassing... 1414 01:10:41,029 --> 01:10:42,112 and we move it out of here. 1415 01:10:42,196 --> 01:10:44,197 So it doesn't look like you live in Neverland Ranch. 1416 01:10:51,622 --> 01:10:52,831 Hi. Hi. How are you? 1417 01:10:52,915 --> 01:10:53,957 Good. 1418 01:10:54,042 --> 01:10:56,001 So, you wanna head out? 1419 01:10:56,085 --> 01:10:57,961 Did you just move in or something? 1420 01:10:58,046 --> 01:11:00,297 No. Actually I'm getting new carpet in. 1421 01:11:00,381 --> 01:11:02,758 I'm having carpet put in tomorrow, so... 1422 01:11:04,218 --> 01:11:05,469 Well, you know. Yeah. 1423 01:11:05,553 --> 01:11:07,220 Okay. Looks good with the floors. 1424 01:11:07,305 --> 01:11:08,722 Yeah. All right. 1425 01:11:09,057 --> 01:11:10,515 I should tear up the hard wood... 1426 01:11:10,600 --> 01:11:12,726 and see if there's carpet underneath. 1427 01:11:12,810 --> 01:11:14,686 That's never the case. 1428 01:11:18,024 --> 01:11:19,649 This is gonna be fun. Yes. 1429 01:11:19,734 --> 01:11:21,651 You know, I drive by this place every day. 1430 01:11:21,736 --> 01:11:23,445 I've never been in before. 1431 01:11:24,072 --> 01:11:25,322 I'm glad you came. 1432 01:11:25,406 --> 01:11:28,658 You know, I never really go out with nice guys like you. 1433 01:11:29,577 --> 01:11:32,454 I think I've avoided nice guys like you my whole life... 1434 01:11:32,538 --> 01:11:33,997 at my own peril. 1435 01:11:35,875 --> 01:11:37,501 My last boyfriend drank a lot. 1436 01:11:37,585 --> 01:11:38,585 Mmm-hmm. 1437 01:11:38,669 --> 01:11:40,170 And so... This is just punch. 1438 01:11:41,464 --> 01:11:43,256 No, it's okay. A little bit's fine. 1439 01:11:43,341 --> 01:11:45,592 Buddha punch. I need some Buddha. 1440 01:11:46,135 --> 01:11:48,595 Excuse me, miss. Could you gather your team... 1441 01:11:48,679 --> 01:11:51,431 and sing happy birthday for my daughter, please? 1442 01:12:09,867 --> 01:12:12,577 That was so good. What? That was great. Happy birthday. 1443 01:12:12,662 --> 01:12:14,621 It's your birthday, too? No. 1444 01:12:14,705 --> 01:12:16,790 It's his birthday, too. No, no, no. 1445 01:12:16,874 --> 01:12:19,459 Could you sing for him and bring him a cake? 1446 01:12:19,544 --> 01:12:21,044 Happy birthday. 1447 01:12:35,143 --> 01:12:37,519 Thanks a lot. Happy birthday, Andy. 1448 01:12:53,703 --> 01:12:56,913 You really like kissing, don't you? Yes. 1449 01:12:59,667 --> 01:13:00,917 I really do. 1450 01:13:01,002 --> 01:13:02,752 Take off your pants, okay? 1451 01:13:04,297 --> 01:13:05,630 Okay. Okay. 1452 01:13:08,134 --> 01:13:10,469 Wow, this is really gonna happen. Oh, yeah. 1453 01:13:10,553 --> 01:13:12,012 Thank God. 1454 01:13:13,431 --> 01:13:16,600 Okay, I'm taking off my pants. Yeah. 1455 01:13:16,976 --> 01:13:18,560 Do you need some help? 1456 01:13:18,811 --> 01:13:22,355 I think I almost got them. It's hooked on my ankle. 1457 01:13:22,940 --> 01:13:24,524 Wow, that's... 1458 01:13:26,068 --> 01:13:27,903 Hey, wait. Do you have protection? 1459 01:13:27,987 --> 01:13:29,654 I don't like guns. 1460 01:13:32,575 --> 01:13:34,117 That's funny. 1461 01:13:34,202 --> 01:13:36,536 I have condoms right here. Okay? 1462 01:13:36,621 --> 01:13:38,455 Okay. There's, you know... 1463 01:13:38,539 --> 01:13:41,625 Check the expiration date because they were from when I was married. 1464 01:13:41,709 --> 01:13:44,503 And we didn't have sex that often. That's why there are so many, okay? 1465 01:13:44,587 --> 01:13:45,712 Okay. 1466 01:13:50,051 --> 01:13:51,426 I got them. 1467 01:13:53,804 --> 01:13:55,430 How does this go? 1468 01:13:55,932 --> 01:14:00,644 Okay. "Roll over the tip and down onto the base. " 1469 01:14:02,563 --> 01:14:04,105 Over the balls? 1470 01:14:04,857 --> 01:14:06,233 It doesn't say. 1471 01:14:09,278 --> 01:14:11,488 Do you mind if I use your magnum? 1472 01:14:12,657 --> 01:14:13,657 Yeah. 1473 01:14:15,535 --> 01:14:17,494 Wow. You got to be kidding. 1474 01:14:18,454 --> 01:14:19,913 I am Aquaman. 1475 01:14:21,916 --> 01:14:23,375 What is that? 1476 01:14:41,435 --> 01:14:42,519 Mom? 1477 01:14:43,688 --> 01:14:44,938 What's going on here? 1478 01:14:45,022 --> 01:14:46,940 Who the hell are you? It's Andy. 1479 01:14:47,024 --> 01:14:48,066 Hi, I'm Andy. 1480 01:14:48,150 --> 01:14:49,651 God! What are you doing? 1481 01:14:49,735 --> 01:14:51,736 Marla, get the fuck out of my room! 1482 01:14:51,821 --> 01:14:52,862 You know what... 1483 01:14:52,947 --> 01:14:55,490 I cannot believe that you're allowed to have sex when I'm not! 1484 01:14:55,575 --> 01:14:57,492 That is so unfair. I'm gonna head out. 1485 01:14:57,577 --> 01:14:58,577 You should go. 1486 01:14:58,661 --> 01:15:01,621 Oh, Jesus! How many times did you just do it? 1487 01:15:01,706 --> 01:15:02,831 Oh, my God! 1488 01:15:05,376 --> 01:15:06,835 I'm so sorry. 1489 01:15:13,759 --> 01:15:15,677 Dude, teach me. 1490 01:15:26,022 --> 01:15:26,980 Hotline. 1491 01:15:27,064 --> 01:15:30,567 Hi, yes, I'm calling because it's more than four hours 1492 01:15:30,651 --> 01:15:33,695 and your ad said to call if it's been more than four hours. 1493 01:15:33,779 --> 01:15:35,697 How much of the medicine have you taken, sir? 1494 01:15:36,240 --> 01:15:39,117 I haven't taken any, but your ad said 1495 01:15:39,201 --> 01:15:43,079 that if you've had an erection for more than four hours, you call. 1496 01:15:43,205 --> 01:15:46,583 You're only supposed to call if you've taken the m edicine. 1497 01:15:46,667 --> 01:15:50,045 Okay. I'm sorry. I must not have heard that part. 1498 01:15:50,129 --> 01:15:52,589 Yes. If you haven't taken the m edicine, you don't call. 1499 01:15:52,673 --> 01:15:54,716 Right. I'm sorry. Right. 1500 01:15:54,842 --> 01:15:57,052 So, there's nothing you can do? 1501 01:15:57,511 --> 01:15:59,554 I just don't wanna... There's nothing I can do. 1502 01:15:59,638 --> 01:16:00,722 I'm in Bom bay, India. 1503 01:16:00,806 --> 01:16:03,558 Okay. No, not you personally. I just don't want... 1504 01:16:03,851 --> 01:16:05,727 I just don't want to have an erection anymore. 1505 01:16:06,896 --> 01:16:09,064 You know, you could have sex. 1506 01:16:09,190 --> 01:16:10,190 Okay. Yup. 1507 01:16:10,858 --> 01:16:14,694 That's one thing people do when they have an erection. 1508 01:16:14,779 --> 01:16:17,322 Yeah, that's not an option. I don't have sex. 1509 01:16:17,406 --> 01:16:19,741 Okay, well, then you can m asturbate. 1510 01:16:19,825 --> 01:16:21,493 I'd rather not masturbate. 1511 01:16:21,577 --> 01:16:24,537 If you'd like the erection to go away, you can light a m atch, 1512 01:16:24,622 --> 01:16:28,708 blow out the flame and put the hot em ber on your wrist. 1513 01:16:29,418 --> 01:16:31,461 And that will focus the brain elsewhere 1514 01:16:31,587 --> 01:16:34,130 and you will lose your erection. Really? That'd work? 1515 01:16:34,215 --> 01:16:37,008 Take your finger and flick your testicle 1516 01:16:37,093 --> 01:16:38,510 and if you do that till it hurts 1517 01:16:38,594 --> 01:16:40,804 your erection will go away. Okay, all right. 1518 01:16:40,888 --> 01:16:42,263 It sounds unpleasant and it is. 1519 01:16:42,348 --> 01:16:44,057 It is a trick we use in India. 1520 01:16:44,141 --> 01:16:47,894 Okay, those are all good pieces of advice. I really appreciate it. 1521 01:16:47,978 --> 01:16:50,021 We appreciate your business. 1522 01:16:50,189 --> 01:16:52,232 Oh, no. We didn't get your business... 1523 01:16:52,316 --> 01:16:55,777 No, not this time. I guess I didn't need you this time. Thank you. 1524 01:17:24,306 --> 01:17:26,850 My goodness, Andy, you are a terrific salesman. 1525 01:17:26,934 --> 01:17:29,227 Thank you. Gosh, you really got it down. 1526 01:17:29,311 --> 01:17:31,146 Thanks. And your numbers are good. 1527 01:17:31,230 --> 01:17:32,230 Thanks. 1528 01:17:32,314 --> 01:17:34,190 I'm going to put you out on the floor full time. 1529 01:17:34,275 --> 01:17:35,233 Really? Yeah. 1530 01:17:35,317 --> 01:17:36,317 Wow. Okay. 1531 01:17:36,402 --> 01:17:38,570 Good. We're gonna get you a blue shirt and tie, all right? 1532 01:17:38,654 --> 01:17:39,696 Great. Thanks. 1533 01:17:39,780 --> 01:17:42,699 You know, Andy, I've been thinking about your problem. 1534 01:17:42,783 --> 01:17:44,951 I think I might have a solution for you. 1535 01:17:46,162 --> 01:17:49,247 You ever heard of the term "fuck buddy"? 1536 01:17:51,000 --> 01:17:52,125 What? 1537 01:17:52,251 --> 01:17:54,711 It's a special friend 1538 01:17:55,671 --> 01:17:56,880 who you fuck. 1539 01:17:57,840 --> 01:17:59,924 No, haven't heard that term. 1540 01:18:00,009 --> 01:18:02,969 When I was a little girl, I developed early. 1541 01:18:03,637 --> 01:18:06,681 By the time I was 14, I had this body you're looking at. 1542 01:18:06,765 --> 01:18:09,851 Can you imagine that? I don't want to, no. 1543 01:18:10,436 --> 01:18:13,480 Well, needless to say, a lot of male attention. 1544 01:18:13,564 --> 01:18:14,731 Like men, yes. 1545 01:18:14,815 --> 01:18:18,818 Especially from our Guatemalan gardener, Javier. 1546 01:18:18,986 --> 01:18:20,111 Okay. 1547 01:18:20,488 --> 01:18:22,197 You know, Javier, 1548 01:18:23,073 --> 01:18:27,869 before he made passionate yet gentle love to me for the first time, 1549 01:18:29,205 --> 01:18:33,333 he serenaded me with a beautiful old Guatemalan love song. 1550 01:18:33,417 --> 01:18:35,084 Really, that's... 1551 01:18:35,461 --> 01:18:37,837 That sounds nice. 1552 01:19:05,241 --> 01:19:06,324 Okay. 1553 01:19:07,952 --> 01:19:09,202 My goodness. 1554 01:19:09,495 --> 01:19:11,663 I think we better get back to work. Yeah. 1555 01:19:11,789 --> 01:19:14,123 Yeah, I better go back to work. Yeah. 1556 01:19:14,208 --> 01:19:16,042 So, okay. All right. 1557 01:19:16,126 --> 01:19:17,961 So, you mull it over and I'll talk to you soon. 1558 01:19:18,087 --> 01:19:19,921 All right, I will. Thank you. Okay. 1559 01:19:25,010 --> 01:19:28,012 What's up, dawg? What happened? How was the date with Trish? 1560 01:19:28,097 --> 01:19:30,390 It was a disaster. Really? 1561 01:19:30,474 --> 01:19:33,268 Yes. I've never been more embarrassed in my life. 1562 01:19:33,477 --> 01:19:35,520 Couldn't get the condoms to work. 1563 01:19:35,604 --> 01:19:38,356 And one of them exploded on my balls. 1564 01:19:38,691 --> 01:19:40,441 And then her kid walked in the room. 1565 01:19:40,526 --> 01:19:41,526 Wait. Hold up. 1566 01:19:41,610 --> 01:19:43,027 She was hiding the kid from you, dawg? 1567 01:19:43,112 --> 01:19:44,445 You know what, it doesn't matter 1568 01:19:44,530 --> 01:19:46,864 because it was going downhill straight from there. 1569 01:19:46,949 --> 01:19:49,117 Listen, you don't want no baby-daddy drama. 1570 01:19:49,201 --> 01:19:50,410 Trust me on this one, all right? 1571 01:19:50,494 --> 01:19:52,537 For all you know, he in prison right now. 1572 01:19:52,621 --> 01:19:53,997 Let's say y'all living together. 1573 01:19:54,081 --> 01:19:57,041 Next thing you know, you the one going on the 1 st and the 15th 1574 01:19:57,126 --> 01:19:58,334 to pick up the government check. 1575 01:19:58,419 --> 01:20:00,503 What if he got boys that's on the outside 1576 01:20:00,588 --> 01:20:01,671 and they stalking you? 1577 01:20:01,755 --> 01:20:03,631 You see what I'm saying? You got to think, partner... 1578 01:20:03,716 --> 01:20:05,383 What the fuck are you talking about? 1579 01:20:05,467 --> 01:20:07,927 Here's what you do. You tell her you're a virgin. 1580 01:20:08,012 --> 01:20:10,138 You test her with this shit, okay? 1581 01:20:10,222 --> 01:20:12,974 Here, tell me. Tell me. This is how it's gonna go. Tell me. 1582 01:20:13,058 --> 01:20:14,851 I'm a virgin. Sweet. 1583 01:20:15,352 --> 01:20:18,771 I like that because you don't have chlamydia. 1584 01:20:19,982 --> 01:20:22,734 And I know that, and that shit is everywhere. 1585 01:20:23,277 --> 01:20:25,069 What if she laughs at me, though? 1586 01:20:25,154 --> 01:20:27,322 Then you punch her in the fucking head if she laughs. 1587 01:20:27,406 --> 01:20:29,949 I'm not going to punch her in the head. She's really sweet. 1588 01:20:30,034 --> 01:20:33,578 No. I mean, you punch her in her fucking head emotionally. 1589 01:20:33,662 --> 01:20:36,664 She's different. She's someone I felt like I had 1590 01:20:36,749 --> 01:20:38,082 a connection with. 1591 01:20:38,167 --> 01:20:41,419 All you trying to do right now is bust off this first nut. 1592 01:20:41,503 --> 01:20:44,005 You got a whole lot of semen back up in you. 1593 01:20:44,089 --> 01:20:45,214 I am going to tell her. 1594 01:20:45,341 --> 01:20:47,133 You should totally tell her, man. I'm going to. 1595 01:20:47,217 --> 01:20:49,427 'Cause I watched this movie called Liar Liar 1596 01:20:49,511 --> 01:20:52,180 and the message was, "Don't lie. " 1597 01:20:52,264 --> 01:20:53,931 And that was a smart movie. 1598 01:20:54,016 --> 01:20:55,516 Yeah, that's the right thing. Yeah. 1599 01:20:56,268 --> 01:21:00,188 Really? All your girlfriends wanted to have sex with virgins, too? 1600 01:21:00,856 --> 01:21:04,484 That's funny. I didn't even know you girls talked like that. 1601 01:21:05,110 --> 01:21:08,237 I think my first time might be your best time, too. 1602 01:21:09,073 --> 01:21:10,448 Well, I knew it. You know what, 1603 01:21:10,532 --> 01:21:13,618 I knew that you'd react that way and I knew that, 1604 01:21:13,869 --> 01:21:18,373 you would want to lead me through my first sexual encounter 1605 01:21:18,666 --> 01:21:23,169 with all the compassion and care that someone 1606 01:21:23,420 --> 01:21:25,046 would give to their soul mate. 1607 01:21:25,130 --> 01:21:27,006 Oh, my God. I'm in trouble. 1608 01:21:30,302 --> 01:21:31,511 Hey, Andy. 1609 01:21:32,179 --> 01:21:33,805 You watching Survivor tonight? 1610 01:21:33,889 --> 01:21:36,349 No, actually I'm going out to dinner with somebody. 1611 01:21:36,433 --> 01:21:37,433 Hi. 1612 01:21:37,851 --> 01:21:38,893 This is her. 1613 01:21:38,936 --> 01:21:40,978 Trish, this is Joe and Sara. Hi. 1614 01:21:41,063 --> 01:21:42,355 Hi, Trish. Hey. 1615 01:21:42,439 --> 01:21:43,981 But tape it for me, okay? 1616 01:21:44,066 --> 01:21:45,692 Will do. All right. Thanks. 1617 01:21:45,818 --> 01:21:46,943 So long. Bye-bye. 1618 01:21:47,027 --> 01:21:48,695 See you later. Have a good night. 1619 01:21:48,779 --> 01:21:51,197 Yeah, my man's gonna get it on tonight. 1620 01:21:51,281 --> 01:21:52,240 Yes, sir. 1621 01:21:52,324 --> 01:21:54,867 Yeah, and you better get on me, too. 1622 01:21:55,160 --> 01:21:57,036 What is wrong with this woman? 1623 01:21:57,121 --> 01:21:58,413 Mercy, mercy, mercy. 1624 01:22:04,712 --> 01:22:06,379 I'm so sorry that happened the other night. 1625 01:22:06,463 --> 01:22:07,505 No, I'm sorry. 1626 01:22:07,589 --> 01:22:09,257 Oh, my God. That was me. 1627 01:22:09,341 --> 01:22:10,341 No. 1628 01:22:11,051 --> 01:22:13,761 Let me... I have something I want to tell you. 1629 01:22:14,638 --> 01:22:16,597 Kind of hard to talk about. 1630 01:22:17,558 --> 01:22:18,558 But... 1631 01:22:19,309 --> 01:22:22,311 you know, there are certain things... 1632 01:22:22,646 --> 01:22:25,022 about who I am that... 1633 01:22:25,524 --> 01:22:28,526 I'm sorry. I just have to get this off my chest. 1634 01:22:28,610 --> 01:22:31,320 I am so sorry, I didn't tell you I had kids. 1635 01:22:32,030 --> 01:22:33,865 Yeah, what was that about? 1636 01:22:33,949 --> 01:22:36,325 Gosh. You know, that really surprised me. 1637 01:22:39,163 --> 01:22:41,080 No, you should have told me probably, but... 1638 01:22:41,165 --> 01:22:42,165 I'm sorry. I know. 1639 01:22:42,249 --> 01:22:44,333 What do I care if you have a kid? 1640 01:22:44,835 --> 01:22:46,502 Well, I have two kids. 1641 01:22:47,337 --> 01:22:49,756 Wow. Okay. How old are they? 1642 01:22:50,758 --> 01:22:51,841 Six. 1643 01:22:52,551 --> 01:22:53,801 Sixteen. 1644 01:22:54,261 --> 01:22:55,636 Twenty-one. 1645 01:22:56,513 --> 01:22:57,847 Forty-two. 1646 01:22:58,724 --> 01:23:00,641 Fifty-six. How many kids do you have? 1647 01:23:00,726 --> 01:23:02,560 I have three. Okay, three. 1648 01:23:02,644 --> 01:23:04,604 Yeah, and one of them has a kid. 1649 01:23:04,688 --> 01:23:06,022 A one-year-old. 1650 01:23:06,356 --> 01:23:08,065 That's cool. That's great. 1651 01:23:10,068 --> 01:23:13,571 I'm really glad we're doing this. Me, too. 1652 01:23:17,951 --> 01:23:19,494 Listen, Andy... 1653 01:23:19,870 --> 01:23:22,872 I don't want to send you running for the hills or anything, but... 1654 01:23:22,956 --> 01:23:27,668 I really feel like if we decide to do this again, then... 1655 01:23:29,797 --> 01:23:33,049 maybe we should hold off on the physical part for a while. 1656 01:23:34,927 --> 01:23:37,261 That is a fantastic idea. 1657 01:23:38,055 --> 01:23:39,514 Why didn't I think of that? 1658 01:23:39,598 --> 01:23:40,807 Really? Totally. 1659 01:23:40,891 --> 01:23:44,185 No sex? No. Why do that? 1660 01:23:44,269 --> 01:23:46,062 Because here's the thing. 1661 01:23:46,230 --> 01:23:47,396 From personal experience... 1662 01:23:47,481 --> 01:23:50,149 I found that sex can really complicate things. 1663 01:23:50,234 --> 01:23:53,319 And what we should be doing right now is getting to know each other. 1664 01:23:53,403 --> 01:23:54,403 Yeah. 1665 01:23:54,780 --> 01:23:56,781 Well, I never thought you'd go for it. 1666 01:23:56,865 --> 01:23:58,241 I'm going for it. 1667 01:23:58,325 --> 01:24:01,244 Well, that just is a great, great notion. 1668 01:24:02,204 --> 01:24:03,287 Are you serious? 1669 01:24:03,372 --> 01:24:06,165 Look at my face. Look at how serious I am. 1670 01:24:06,458 --> 01:24:08,167 Can you see my nostrils? 1671 01:24:08,252 --> 01:24:10,086 Yes. That's serious. 1672 01:24:10,295 --> 01:24:11,754 That's more angry. 1673 01:24:12,214 --> 01:24:14,423 Yeah, you know what, most guys would be saying: 1674 01:24:14,508 --> 01:24:17,718 "Yeah," right now, but, like, by the third date, it would be: 1675 01:24:17,803 --> 01:24:21,347 "Hey, baby, I really need to physically express how I feel"... 1676 01:24:21,431 --> 01:24:23,766 and all that stuff. Well, hey, baby... 1677 01:24:23,851 --> 01:24:26,936 you know, three dates... Make it 10, 10 dates. 1678 01:24:28,814 --> 01:24:30,106 How about 15? 1679 01:24:30,190 --> 01:24:33,943 Fifteen. Screw your 15. 20 dates. 1680 01:24:34,194 --> 01:24:36,279 Okay, 20 dates. Twenty dates. 1681 01:24:36,697 --> 01:24:38,906 Okay. This is genius. 1682 01:24:39,283 --> 01:24:40,616 It's gonna hurt. 1683 01:24:42,619 --> 01:24:44,620 Not as much as you think. 1684 01:24:46,331 --> 01:24:48,457 We can really get to know each other this way. 1685 01:24:48,542 --> 01:24:49,542 Yeah. 1686 01:24:49,960 --> 01:24:52,545 This is one, right? No, next one. 1687 01:24:58,552 --> 01:25:00,386 Is it safe to come in, or are you guys doing it? 1688 01:25:00,470 --> 01:25:02,138 Honey, it's safe. 1689 01:25:04,641 --> 01:25:05,641 Great. 1690 01:25:05,726 --> 01:25:07,393 Well, good timing. 1691 01:25:07,728 --> 01:25:09,395 Yeah. You remember Marla. 1692 01:25:09,479 --> 01:25:12,398 Hi, we met. And this is my little bunny rabbit. 1693 01:25:12,482 --> 01:25:13,900 Julia. Hey. 1694 01:25:13,984 --> 01:25:16,360 This is Andy. Julia, how you doing? 1695 01:25:17,321 --> 01:25:20,907 You know what, do you by any chance like magic? 1696 01:25:21,366 --> 01:25:23,868 Yeah. I thought that you might. 1697 01:25:23,952 --> 01:25:25,411 Because I noticed on the way in... 1698 01:25:25,495 --> 01:25:28,080 that you had something shiny behind your ear. 1699 01:25:28,165 --> 01:25:30,583 Marla, did you see that? Something behind her ear? 1700 01:25:30,667 --> 01:25:32,168 You think you do? Could I check? 1701 01:25:32,252 --> 01:25:34,545 Do you mind if I check behind your ear? 1702 01:25:34,796 --> 01:25:36,130 Big money! 1703 01:25:37,591 --> 01:25:40,259 That's amazing. Wow, it is amazing. 1704 01:25:40,344 --> 01:25:42,428 There's something else, too, behind your ear, I think. 1705 01:25:42,512 --> 01:25:45,139 No, actually it's not behind your ear. I think it is your ear. 1706 01:25:45,223 --> 01:25:46,223 Rip! 1707 01:25:46,308 --> 01:25:49,769 It is your ear. There is your ear. 1708 01:25:49,853 --> 01:25:51,145 I ripped it off. 1709 01:25:51,229 --> 01:25:52,772 Gross! Yeah, that's... 1710 01:25:52,856 --> 01:25:55,816 All right. Wait. Okay, but that means that you... 1711 01:25:55,901 --> 01:25:58,861 walk around with a rubber ear in your pocket all day? 1712 01:25:59,863 --> 01:26:01,572 Yeah, like half the time. 1713 01:26:01,865 --> 01:26:03,699 You know, I can come to your high school... 1714 01:26:03,784 --> 01:26:05,743 and do it for your friends if you want. 1715 01:26:05,827 --> 01:26:07,620 You know what, I should head out. 1716 01:26:07,704 --> 01:26:09,038 Really? Yeah. 1717 01:26:09,122 --> 01:26:10,998 I have to give you a ride home. 1718 01:26:11,083 --> 01:26:12,291 Right. Yes, you do. 1719 01:26:12,376 --> 01:26:14,627 Yeah, 'cause you don't have a car or anything, right? 1720 01:26:14,711 --> 01:26:16,253 Right, I don't have a car. 1721 01:26:16,338 --> 01:26:18,965 'Cause he doesn't have a car, and he does magic. 1722 01:26:19,299 --> 01:26:20,383 Awesome. 1723 01:26:20,550 --> 01:26:23,135 And sarcasm is like a second language to me. 1724 01:26:23,220 --> 01:26:25,304 So, I'm right there with you. 1725 01:26:28,183 --> 01:26:29,558 But, Dad, 1726 01:26:30,310 --> 01:26:33,604 I don't know how to love. 1727 01:26:34,481 --> 01:26:35,982 You never 1728 01:26:36,066 --> 01:26:40,111 taught me how... 1729 01:26:43,448 --> 01:26:45,324 Hello. Hey, Cal. 1730 01:26:45,492 --> 01:26:47,702 Hey. I just got back from a date. 1731 01:26:47,786 --> 01:26:49,912 Did you tell her you're a virgin? 1732 01:26:50,247 --> 01:26:52,373 No. I haven't gotten to that yet. 1733 01:26:52,457 --> 01:26:54,667 Really? Are you having sex right now? 1734 01:26:54,876 --> 01:26:57,086 No. She was incredible. 1735 01:26:57,421 --> 01:26:59,672 She was amazing. She didn't pressure me. 1736 01:26:59,756 --> 01:27:02,758 And she has three kids. 1737 01:27:02,843 --> 01:27:04,844 And one of her kids has a kid. 1738 01:27:07,097 --> 01:27:08,347 You all right? 1739 01:27:08,765 --> 01:27:13,019 Did you just say she has three kids, one of whom has a kid? 1740 01:27:13,103 --> 01:27:15,563 Yeah. So, so, she's a grandm a? 1741 01:27:15,772 --> 01:27:16,731 No. 1742 01:27:16,815 --> 01:27:18,566 I'm not a doctor or anything like that 1743 01:27:18,650 --> 01:27:20,818 but she's a fucking grandma. 1744 01:27:21,653 --> 01:27:23,237 Yeah, whatever, you know. 1745 01:27:23,321 --> 01:27:24,697 She's the hottest grandma I ever saw. 1746 01:27:24,781 --> 01:27:26,198 Yeah, she is. She's a hot grandm a. 1747 01:27:26,283 --> 01:27:29,035 That's a good-looking grandma. My grandma looks like Jack Palance. 1748 01:27:29,119 --> 01:27:30,119 Well, she's no Jack Palance. 1749 01:27:30,203 --> 01:27:31,912 No. If Jack Palance looked like that lady, 1750 01:27:31,997 --> 01:27:33,956 I would want to fuck Jack Palance right now. 1751 01:27:34,041 --> 01:27:35,082 Yeah, me, too. 1752 01:27:35,625 --> 01:27:36,751 She's a hot grandma. 1753 01:27:36,835 --> 01:27:38,711 Heck, yeah. No, do a grandm a, m an. 1754 01:27:38,795 --> 01:27:41,589 You should fuck her on her plastic-covered couch. 1755 01:27:42,340 --> 01:27:44,383 Fuck her while she watches Murder, She Wrote. 1756 01:27:44,468 --> 01:27:46,052 She would probably find that very erotic. 1757 01:27:46,136 --> 01:27:47,344 Yeah, whatever, you know. 1758 01:27:47,429 --> 01:27:50,931 Fuck her and then have her send you a check for $12 on your birthday. 1759 01:27:51,600 --> 01:27:53,851 I'm the dude with the hot granny. 1760 01:27:55,062 --> 01:27:57,021 What did you want to talk to me about? 1761 01:27:57,105 --> 01:27:58,814 Well, Andy, the numbers just came in... 1762 01:27:58,899 --> 01:28:02,610 and you are by far our best salesman. 1763 01:28:02,986 --> 01:28:05,321 So, I am promoting you to floor manager. 1764 01:28:05,739 --> 01:28:07,573 This is the bullshit of all bullshits! 1765 01:28:07,657 --> 01:28:09,617 You scumbag! Ass kisser! 1766 01:28:11,953 --> 01:28:13,662 Thank you. That's great. 1767 01:28:13,997 --> 01:28:17,708 I understand you have a girlfriend. Yeah, kind of seeing somebody. 1768 01:28:18,168 --> 01:28:20,795 I'm very happy for you. Thanks. She's great. 1769 01:28:20,921 --> 01:28:22,546 Are you still a virgin? 1770 01:28:23,673 --> 01:28:25,091 You know, I don't really... 1771 01:28:25,175 --> 01:28:27,093 talk about my personal life. You're a virgin. 1772 01:28:27,177 --> 01:28:28,511 Yes, I am. Yeah. 1773 01:28:29,888 --> 01:28:31,639 My door is always open. 1774 01:28:32,224 --> 01:28:34,016 So to speak. Great. 1775 01:28:35,519 --> 01:28:36,894 Great. Thank you. 1776 01:28:37,395 --> 01:28:39,355 I'm very discreet. 1777 01:28:42,192 --> 01:28:44,610 But I'll haunt your dreams. 1778 01:28:46,530 --> 01:28:47,863 Okay. Okay. 1779 01:28:53,203 --> 01:28:54,620 Wow. 1780 01:28:56,498 --> 01:29:00,543 So who's gonna take my job? Cal will be taking over your job. 1781 01:29:00,627 --> 01:29:02,461 And he's interviewing people right now... 1782 01:29:02,546 --> 01:29:03,796 for his old job. 1783 01:29:03,880 --> 01:29:05,923 So, have you ever worked with electronics before? 1784 01:29:06,007 --> 01:29:07,133 No. No? 1785 01:29:07,384 --> 01:29:10,594 But I have electronics in my home. 1786 01:29:11,680 --> 01:29:15,641 Perfect. That's the job pretty much. You're very well-qualified. 1787 01:29:16,268 --> 01:29:17,810 More than these other losers. 1788 01:29:19,354 --> 01:29:21,981 I could do that... Wait, last thing. 1789 01:29:22,065 --> 01:29:24,108 I'm also gonna need that extended warranty on it... 1790 01:29:24,192 --> 01:29:26,527 for the price of "on the house. " 1791 01:29:28,488 --> 01:29:29,780 That I can't do. 1792 01:29:29,865 --> 01:29:32,533 Hey, don't be a Negro. Be my nigger. All right? Help me out. 1793 01:29:32,617 --> 01:29:34,702 Hold up. I ain't nobody's nigger. 1794 01:29:35,662 --> 01:29:38,414 I mean, you somebody's nigger wearing this nigger tie. 1795 01:29:38,498 --> 01:29:39,999 Now you being condescending. 1796 01:29:40,083 --> 01:29:43,586 See, you've been warned, all right? Just move forward amicably. 1797 01:29:43,670 --> 01:29:45,004 Okay. Well, check this out. 1798 01:29:45,088 --> 01:29:47,173 First of all, you're throwing too many big words at me. 1799 01:29:47,257 --> 01:29:48,966 Okay, now because I don't understand them... 1800 01:29:49,050 --> 01:29:50,509 I'm gonna take them as disrespect. 1801 01:29:50,594 --> 01:29:52,928 Watch your mouth, and help me with the sale. 1802 01:29:53,013 --> 01:29:55,681 Okay, see, now you found yourself a nigger. 1803 01:29:55,765 --> 01:29:58,601 You were looking for a nigger? Nigger here now. See? 1804 01:29:58,685 --> 01:30:01,979 Today's forecast: Dark and cloudy, and chance of drive-by. 1805 01:30:02,272 --> 01:30:04,148 You want to go? I suggest you move back. 1806 01:30:04,232 --> 01:30:05,858 Then, nig, fire on. 1807 01:30:05,942 --> 01:30:07,234 What are we gonna do? 1808 01:30:07,777 --> 01:30:10,529 What are you gonna do, Mr. Floor Manager? 1809 01:30:11,948 --> 01:30:13,157 Go, get them, tiger. 1810 01:30:13,241 --> 01:30:14,867 This shit just got rigged. 1811 01:30:14,951 --> 01:30:16,869 What are you gonna do, bitch? I'll tell you what. 1812 01:30:16,953 --> 01:30:18,871 You know Luca Perry from 20th and 25th? 1813 01:30:18,955 --> 01:30:20,706 You ever heard of, Rolling 20s, nigger? 1814 01:30:20,790 --> 01:30:23,167 Since I was 16, nigger, I'm saying "frosty. " 1815 01:30:23,251 --> 01:30:24,877 You know what I'm saying, "spoon", nigger. 1816 01:30:24,961 --> 01:30:26,629 We fucked dwarfs in the ass. 1817 01:30:26,713 --> 01:30:28,631 Nigger, this dwarf here don't got to be tall... 1818 01:30:28,715 --> 01:30:30,466 to pull the trigger off in somebody face! 1819 01:30:30,592 --> 01:30:32,801 Come on nigger, back up. What's up? Hey... 1820 01:30:32,886 --> 01:30:34,094 Welcome to Smart Tech. 1821 01:30:34,179 --> 01:30:35,554 Is this your boy? What can I help you with? 1822 01:30:35,639 --> 01:30:37,348 Yeah, nigger, we will both mash you! 1823 01:30:37,432 --> 01:30:39,141 How can we help you, sir? Nigger, what? 1824 01:30:39,225 --> 01:30:41,560 No, he don't need no help. He's already been served. 1825 01:30:41,645 --> 01:30:44,521 I served him. He's taken care of. He's a little slow, but he got it. 1826 01:30:44,606 --> 01:30:47,274 See, what he thought was he can come up in here and make the rules. 1827 01:30:47,359 --> 01:30:49,735 But now he see that Jay make the rules at Smart Tech 1828 01:30:49,819 --> 01:30:52,696 that I run this bitch and now he bought the bounce. 1829 01:30:54,074 --> 01:30:55,240 This your boy? 1830 01:30:55,367 --> 01:30:57,910 Yeah, that's my boy. We represent Smart Tech. 1831 01:30:57,994 --> 01:30:59,411 You just got fucked up with him. 1832 01:30:59,496 --> 01:31:02,039 Both y'all niggers going get clapped up when I get back. 1833 01:31:03,083 --> 01:31:04,333 Both of you all niggers. 1834 01:31:04,417 --> 01:31:06,543 What did I do? It don't fucking matter! 1835 01:31:06,795 --> 01:31:09,964 Yeah, aim high, Willis. Aim high! 1836 01:31:10,048 --> 01:31:11,507 Please don't do this. 1837 01:31:12,467 --> 01:31:14,468 Jay, what's going on? 1838 01:31:16,638 --> 01:31:17,930 Jill broke up with me. 1839 01:31:18,014 --> 01:31:20,516 I'm so sorry. What happened? 1840 01:31:20,767 --> 01:31:22,851 I came home a little tipsy. 1841 01:31:23,144 --> 01:31:25,521 And I had one of my condoms on still. 1842 01:31:27,565 --> 01:31:30,859 Woke up the next morning and jumped in the shower with her. 1843 01:31:31,528 --> 01:31:33,445 I don't know what I was thinking. 1844 01:31:33,530 --> 01:31:34,738 Why did you cheat on her? 1845 01:31:34,823 --> 01:31:37,116 Because I'm insecure! You can't tell? 1846 01:31:37,200 --> 01:31:39,576 I know, man. It's gonna be okay. 1847 01:31:39,661 --> 01:31:41,787 I'm cold. It's gonna be all right, man. 1848 01:31:41,871 --> 01:31:43,497 Seriously, man, I'm sorry. 1849 01:31:43,790 --> 01:31:45,499 I apologize to you. I know. 1850 01:31:45,583 --> 01:31:47,418 If you wanna have a meaningful relationship... 1851 01:31:47,502 --> 01:31:49,712 you've got to leave the sex out of it, man. You're right. 1852 01:31:49,796 --> 01:31:50,963 It's all right. You're good. 1853 01:31:51,047 --> 01:31:52,881 I'm sorry. Come here. I love you, man. 1854 01:31:52,966 --> 01:31:54,466 Man, I love you, too. 1855 01:31:55,677 --> 01:31:57,344 You're a good guy. 1856 01:31:59,472 --> 01:32:01,890 Do you know how I know you guys are gay? 1857 01:32:01,975 --> 01:32:04,393 You're holding each other ever so gently. 1858 01:32:04,477 --> 01:32:05,477 Cabrón. 1859 01:32:11,985 --> 01:32:13,068 Bravo. 1860 01:32:13,570 --> 01:32:15,154 At least he can cook, Mom. 1861 01:32:15,530 --> 01:32:19,241 ? playing) 1862 01:32:19,325 --> 01:32:21,952 I love... Spiderman. 1863 01:32:35,258 --> 01:32:37,509 Pull out slowly and go straight ahead. 1864 01:33:06,122 --> 01:33:07,289 I'm all right. 1865 01:33:07,791 --> 01:33:08,916 Nobody's there. 1866 01:33:09,084 --> 01:33:11,335 I want to know everything about you. 1867 01:33:11,419 --> 01:33:12,461 I want to tell you. 1868 01:33:12,545 --> 01:33:13,545 You do? Yeah. 1869 01:33:13,630 --> 01:33:16,465 Like, what do you want to do? What are your dreams? 1870 01:33:16,883 --> 01:33:19,885 You don't wanna work at Smart Tech for the rest of your life. 1871 01:33:20,470 --> 01:33:22,554 I've been working there for a long time. 1872 01:33:22,639 --> 01:33:26,308 And I've been thinking lately that maybe I should open my own store. 1873 01:33:26,601 --> 01:33:27,643 Really? Yeah. 1874 01:33:27,727 --> 01:33:31,146 What kind of store? Well, like a stereo store. 1875 01:33:31,231 --> 01:33:33,565 Oh, my God, that is... Why don't you do that? 1876 01:33:33,650 --> 01:33:35,317 I don't have enough money to do that. 1877 01:33:35,401 --> 01:33:36,860 What about those collectibles? 1878 01:33:36,945 --> 01:33:39,196 I bet if you sold those, you could make a lot of money. 1879 01:33:39,280 --> 01:33:43,117 I just sold a guy's G. I. Joe for $1,000. 1880 01:33:43,451 --> 01:33:44,910 Really? Do you have any of those? 1881 01:33:44,994 --> 01:33:46,120 Yeah. You do? 1882 01:33:46,204 --> 01:33:47,246 I have 47 of them. 1883 01:33:47,330 --> 01:33:48,497 No, you don't. 1884 01:33:48,623 --> 01:33:50,582 Yeah, in their original boxes. You do? 1885 01:33:50,667 --> 01:33:52,751 I could help you sell them on eBay. 1886 01:33:52,836 --> 01:33:55,921 I would not take a commission, I swear to God. 1887 01:33:56,005 --> 01:33:59,091 You could do it. You could totally pull it off. 1888 01:34:00,552 --> 01:34:02,594 Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. 1889 01:34:20,738 --> 01:34:21,947 Aquaman. 1890 01:34:22,365 --> 01:34:23,490 Here. 1891 01:34:23,950 --> 01:34:25,325 Clothes on. 1892 01:34:27,120 --> 01:34:29,037 I'll send you off to... 1893 01:34:30,081 --> 01:34:33,000 a farm with lots of land. 1894 01:34:33,084 --> 01:34:35,878 So, you and other Aquamen can run around... 1895 01:34:37,005 --> 01:34:39,464 and play in the Aquafields. 1896 01:34:49,684 --> 01:34:51,727 Godspeed, Col. Steve Austin. 1897 01:34:54,147 --> 01:34:56,565 You don't wanna go, do you? Okay, you can stay. 1898 01:34:56,649 --> 01:34:58,525 Steve Austin can stay. 1899 01:35:02,197 --> 01:35:03,989 Hey, Cal. David. 1900 01:35:04,199 --> 01:35:06,408 Way to sell a big TV. 1901 01:35:06,492 --> 01:35:07,993 She likes you, man. 1902 01:35:08,203 --> 01:35:10,204 Too bad I retired my penis. 1903 01:35:10,496 --> 01:35:13,707 Mooj, we try to be fair with the schedule but it's hard. 1904 01:35:13,875 --> 01:35:17,419 Okay, but why every damn schedule comes up, I get most early shift? 1905 01:35:17,503 --> 01:35:20,339 It's bullshit. Nobody buys stereo at 10:00 in the morning. 1906 01:35:20,423 --> 01:35:21,465 No, I understand. 1907 01:35:21,549 --> 01:35:24,468 People buy stereo between 6:00 and 8:00. 1908 01:35:24,552 --> 01:35:25,552 Mmm-hmm. 1909 01:35:25,637 --> 01:35:29,097 Rich men get off work, then buy stereo. 1910 01:35:29,182 --> 01:35:31,683 Right. Not after fucking brunch. 1911 01:35:31,768 --> 01:35:33,393 Okay. Here's what we're gonna do. 1912 01:35:33,478 --> 01:35:36,063 I'm going to give you a couple of Jay's shifts. 1913 01:35:36,189 --> 01:35:38,774 And then I'll give you a couple of mine and that way 1914 01:35:38,858 --> 01:35:42,027 we'll all be equal, okay. Thank you, Andy. 1915 01:35:42,362 --> 01:35:43,487 It's okay. 1916 01:35:43,863 --> 01:35:45,447 You're a good man, Andy. 1917 01:35:47,617 --> 01:35:50,535 By the way, what date are you on, now? 1918 01:35:50,912 --> 01:35:53,497 I think it's around 17. 1919 01:35:53,581 --> 01:35:56,333 It's hard to tell what actually constitutes a date, though. 1920 01:35:56,417 --> 01:36:00,295 Three to go. So that means you're gonna have sex in three days. 1921 01:36:01,005 --> 01:36:03,382 Maybe, I might try to space them out a little bit. 1922 01:36:03,466 --> 01:36:06,009 I'll pray for your cock. Okay, thanks. 1923 01:36:06,219 --> 01:36:08,262 Thanks. Thank you. Have a good cocky. 1924 01:36:08,429 --> 01:36:11,014 Trish is on the phone. Here is a shock. 1925 01:36:11,099 --> 01:36:13,058 Girlfriend with a problem. Hello. 1926 01:36:13,267 --> 01:36:15,477 I have done everything but sex! 1927 01:36:15,561 --> 01:36:18,021 I'm a wom an, okay? Deal with it! 1928 01:36:18,106 --> 01:36:20,190 I'm gonna start taking you back to church. 1929 01:36:20,274 --> 01:36:22,192 We are gonna start going to church. 1930 01:36:22,276 --> 01:36:23,777 Hello? You know what? 1931 01:36:23,861 --> 01:36:25,195 What the hell are you talking about? 1932 01:36:25,279 --> 01:36:27,906 Oh, my God, I cannot believe this. Thank God you're here. 1933 01:36:27,991 --> 01:36:31,034 Jesus Christ. Marla locked herself in the bathroom. 1934 01:36:31,119 --> 01:36:32,035 What happened? 1935 01:36:32,120 --> 01:36:33,870 She wants to go to the family health clinic. 1936 01:36:33,955 --> 01:36:35,998 She wants birth control. But she's too young. 1937 01:36:36,082 --> 01:36:39,251 I want to have sex with my boyfriend! But I can't, Mom! 1938 01:36:39,335 --> 01:36:40,627 So, you want me to take her? 1939 01:36:40,670 --> 01:36:42,754 No, I don't want you to take her. Okay, all right. 1940 01:36:42,839 --> 01:36:45,674 I want her to keep it in her pants until she gets to college. 1941 01:36:45,758 --> 01:36:46,800 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 1942 01:36:46,884 --> 01:36:48,135 "Keep it in my pants"? 1943 01:36:48,219 --> 01:36:50,846 Okay, you didn't keep it in your pants, Mom. 1944 01:36:50,930 --> 01:36:54,391 I know. I don't want you to make the same mistakes as me, Marla. 1945 01:36:54,475 --> 01:36:57,477 Mistakes? Okay, so I was a mistake then. 1946 01:36:57,562 --> 01:37:01,481 No, you're not a mistake. Your sister was the mistake. 1947 01:37:02,191 --> 01:37:03,692 Oh, my God! 1948 01:37:04,110 --> 01:37:06,903 Her older sister, I mean, she wasn't planned, you know what I mean? 1949 01:37:06,988 --> 01:37:09,531 Because I was such a... Oh, God, you wanna run away, don't you? 1950 01:37:09,615 --> 01:37:10,657 No. 1951 01:37:10,742 --> 01:37:13,577 You and your boyfriend have sex all the time! 1952 01:37:13,661 --> 01:37:15,370 Oh, my God! Are you kidding? 1953 01:37:15,455 --> 01:37:17,247 We never have sex. Do we ever have sex? 1954 01:37:17,331 --> 01:37:18,665 No, we don't. 1955 01:37:18,958 --> 01:37:20,751 What? Yes, you do! 1956 01:37:20,835 --> 01:37:23,503 You're such a liar! Why do you lie to me? 1957 01:37:23,588 --> 01:37:24,588 Why? 1958 01:37:28,176 --> 01:37:30,093 I didn't hear anything after "a liar. " 1959 01:37:30,219 --> 01:37:33,055 What did she say after "a liar"? She sounds like a tea kettle. 1960 01:37:33,139 --> 01:37:35,015 Fuck you! 1961 01:37:37,351 --> 01:37:39,811 Maybe I should take her. No, I don't think so. 1962 01:37:39,896 --> 01:37:42,355 You know, a little information never hurt anybody. 1963 01:37:56,370 --> 01:37:57,454 Cool. 1964 01:37:58,539 --> 01:37:59,581 Wow! 1965 01:38:02,043 --> 01:38:04,169 Where do you put the penis? 1966 01:38:05,171 --> 01:38:06,505 Oh, shit. 1967 01:38:16,891 --> 01:38:18,558 It is 1968 01:38:19,393 --> 01:38:21,019 not a Rubik's Cube. 1969 01:38:23,689 --> 01:38:24,689 Shit. 1970 01:38:26,400 --> 01:38:28,485 God, how much longer are they gonna make us wait? 1971 01:38:28,569 --> 01:38:31,113 I don't know. They should be out in a second. 1972 01:38:31,531 --> 01:38:32,614 Now, you're all here 1973 01:38:32,698 --> 01:38:35,075 because you're interested in obtaining birth control. 1974 01:38:35,159 --> 01:38:36,409 Any questions? 1975 01:38:37,036 --> 01:38:39,329 Here's a cute story. I came home the other day 1976 01:38:39,413 --> 01:38:42,415 and he is with his girlfriend in my marital bed 1977 01:38:42,500 --> 01:38:45,418 doing things that are illegal in Alabama. 1978 01:38:45,545 --> 01:38:48,880 Sex acts, right? Things that my wife won't do, okay? 1979 01:38:49,298 --> 01:38:52,134 Did you have a question? How do I get my wife to do that? 1980 01:38:52,218 --> 01:38:53,635 Does anybody else have a question? 1981 01:38:53,719 --> 01:38:57,055 My daughter is, for lack of a better word, 1982 01:38:57,431 --> 01:38:58,557 dumb. 1983 01:38:58,808 --> 01:39:00,976 How do I stop her menstrual cycle? 1984 01:39:01,060 --> 01:39:03,311 You want her to stop having a menstrual cycle? 1985 01:39:03,396 --> 01:39:06,022 I want to stop it, maybe just for a few years. 1986 01:39:06,107 --> 01:39:08,275 Yeah, I don't think that's a good idea. 1987 01:39:08,401 --> 01:39:11,486 Does anybody else have a question? I have a question. 1988 01:39:11,571 --> 01:39:15,407 I think some of the people here might be sexually inexperienced. 1989 01:39:16,033 --> 01:39:19,077 Is it true that if you don't use it, you lose it? 1990 01:39:19,453 --> 01:39:21,037 Is that a serious question? 1991 01:39:21,164 --> 01:39:22,789 No. It wasn't. Okay. 1992 01:39:23,416 --> 01:39:27,002 Now, there are a lot of activities that you can engage in 1993 01:39:27,086 --> 01:39:29,921 without having sex that are both fun and safe. 1994 01:39:30,006 --> 01:39:32,090 What sort of activities? I think 1995 01:39:32,175 --> 01:39:34,384 everybody wants to know about the activities. 1996 01:39:34,468 --> 01:39:39,055 Well, instead of having intercourse, you could have outer-course. 1997 01:39:39,515 --> 01:39:41,641 Outer-course? What's that? 1998 01:39:41,767 --> 01:39:43,101 Yeah, what is that? 1999 01:39:43,186 --> 01:39:47,314 Outer-course is anything that isn't vaginal intercourse. 2000 01:39:47,607 --> 01:39:49,608 I prefer vaginal intercourse. 2001 01:39:51,277 --> 01:39:52,611 He really does. 2002 01:39:52,945 --> 01:39:56,489 Now, there are ways of having sex without intercourse. 2003 01:39:57,617 --> 01:40:01,036 Let's see, there are things like body rubbing or dry humping. 2004 01:40:01,120 --> 01:40:02,412 You could dry hump. 2005 01:40:02,496 --> 01:40:05,624 There is masturbation. Masturbation. Play with yourself. 2006 01:40:05,708 --> 01:40:07,709 Mutual masturbation. Play with a friend. 2007 01:40:07,793 --> 01:40:11,379 Deep kissing. There is erotic massage. 2008 01:40:11,464 --> 01:40:13,340 That sounds like it would be nice. 2009 01:40:13,424 --> 01:40:16,009 Oral sex play. Sounds like my Friday night. 2010 01:40:16,093 --> 01:40:17,969 Shut up, Seth. We went to temple. 2011 01:40:18,054 --> 01:40:19,846 Okay, are there any virgins here 2012 01:40:19,931 --> 01:40:22,641 who are thinking about having sex for the first time? 2013 01:40:23,893 --> 01:40:24,893 Oh. 2014 01:40:25,311 --> 01:40:27,479 Wait. So you're a virgin? 2015 01:40:30,024 --> 01:40:32,901 I'd tap that. Oh, yeah, you'd "tap that"? 2016 01:40:32,985 --> 01:40:35,904 Seth, what, you think you're cool with your little Jew fro? 2017 01:40:35,988 --> 01:40:39,241 We don't say, "tap that. " What are you talking about, Seth? 2018 01:40:39,325 --> 01:40:41,576 You know what, I'm a virgin, too. 2019 01:40:43,663 --> 01:40:44,746 That's... 2020 01:40:44,830 --> 01:40:46,706 We're virgins, too. Yeah. 2021 01:40:48,668 --> 01:40:51,586 No, you know what, it's a personal choice 2022 01:40:51,671 --> 01:40:53,213 and I don't think it's weird at all. 2023 01:40:53,297 --> 01:40:54,547 You know what your problem is? 2024 01:40:54,632 --> 01:40:56,341 You're putting the pussy on a pedestal. 2025 01:40:56,425 --> 01:40:58,134 That's the second time I've heard that. 2026 01:40:58,219 --> 01:41:00,136 What is the "pussy on a pedestal" thing? 2027 01:41:00,221 --> 01:41:04,099 Okay, I can't listen to anymore of this, 'cause it's making me sick. 2028 01:41:04,183 --> 01:41:05,141 So, bye. 2029 01:41:05,226 --> 01:41:07,352 You can get this information on your website, right? 2030 01:41:07,478 --> 01:41:09,187 Yes. Thanks. Nice meeting everybody. 2031 01:41:09,272 --> 01:41:10,397 Any other questions? 2032 01:41:10,481 --> 01:41:12,399 Do you have any extra-large condoms? 2033 01:41:12,483 --> 01:41:14,317 Seth, you got a tiny penis. 2034 01:41:18,406 --> 01:41:21,533 So, I made that all up to help you out. 2035 01:41:23,619 --> 01:41:25,161 No, you didn't. 2036 01:41:25,371 --> 01:41:28,707 But thank you for doing that. 2037 01:41:31,585 --> 01:41:33,211 How can you tell? 2038 01:41:33,379 --> 01:41:35,797 Well, you know, I go to school with, like, 400 guys 2039 01:41:35,881 --> 01:41:37,299 who are all trying to have sex. 2040 01:41:37,383 --> 01:41:39,342 And, yeah, so I can tell who's done it. 2041 01:41:39,427 --> 01:41:40,468 Of course. 2042 01:41:40,553 --> 01:41:43,471 And you really haven't? No, I really haven't. 2043 01:41:43,973 --> 01:41:46,349 Please don't tell your mom, okay? 2044 01:41:46,434 --> 01:41:48,184 Yeah, I won't. Thanks. 2045 01:41:48,269 --> 01:41:51,438 But when are you gonna tell her? 2046 01:41:51,647 --> 01:41:53,606 Believe me, I'm working on it. 2047 01:41:54,984 --> 01:41:56,568 I am working on it. 2048 01:41:59,739 --> 01:42:00,947 Do you have any weed? 2049 01:42:02,908 --> 01:42:04,159 Yeah. You do have some. 2050 01:42:04,243 --> 01:42:06,369 Can spare any or is it all spoken for? 2051 01:42:07,079 --> 01:42:09,080 I mean, like what are we talking? Are we... 2052 01:42:09,165 --> 01:42:11,624 Just enough to get me baked for like a week. 2053 01:42:11,876 --> 01:42:12,917 That's a lot of weed. 2054 01:42:13,002 --> 01:42:14,919 Yeah, I am taking vacation next week, so... 2055 01:42:15,004 --> 01:42:16,838 Where are you going? I'm not going anywhere. 2056 01:42:16,922 --> 01:42:18,673 I'll stay in my apartment. Just getting baked? 2057 01:42:18,758 --> 01:42:20,258 I want to be baked the whole time. 2058 01:42:20,343 --> 01:42:22,719 Watch TV, I'll probably re-watch Gandhi. 2059 01:42:23,346 --> 01:42:25,263 Gandhi baked is good. Yes, isn't it? 2060 01:42:25,348 --> 01:42:26,973 I always feel bad when I watch it baked 2061 01:42:27,058 --> 01:42:28,975 'cause I get really hungry and I'm eating a lot 2062 01:42:29,060 --> 01:42:30,060 and poor Gandhi is 2063 01:42:30,144 --> 01:42:31,853 fucking starving his ass off. Starving, I know. 2064 01:42:35,483 --> 01:42:36,983 Sounds good. Yeah. 2065 01:42:37,068 --> 01:42:39,778 I'm going to take her to capacity. Are you okay with that? 2066 01:42:39,862 --> 01:42:41,196 Give it a shot. 2067 01:42:41,280 --> 01:42:43,406 Freak! Oh, yeah! 2068 01:42:45,117 --> 01:42:47,702 Michael McDonald, man, I haven't heard this in years. 2069 01:42:47,787 --> 01:42:49,954 Yeah, I haven't heard it in like 48 minutes. 2070 01:42:50,664 --> 01:42:53,375 If I get the set, will you throw in the DVD? 2071 01:42:53,459 --> 01:42:55,752 You don't get the set. I'll throw in the DVD. 2072 01:42:56,253 --> 01:42:57,295 I'll take it. 2073 01:42:57,380 --> 01:42:59,172 Really? Yeah. 2074 01:43:00,299 --> 01:43:02,258 Y'all want to see something beautiful? Come here. 2075 01:43:02,343 --> 01:43:05,512 You want to see the most beautiful thing in the world? Check this out. 2076 01:43:05,596 --> 01:43:09,307 This is my baby right here. That's my baby's dick right there. 2077 01:43:09,934 --> 01:43:11,684 Looks like a poltergeist. 2078 01:43:11,977 --> 01:43:13,269 That is his foot. 2079 01:43:13,354 --> 01:43:15,688 Look at his dick. That's not even four months. 2080 01:43:15,773 --> 01:43:17,065 Extrapolate that. 2081 01:43:17,149 --> 01:43:19,526 By the time he's 30, what's gonna happen? 2082 01:43:19,610 --> 01:43:21,861 Yo, Andy! Come check this out, dawg. 2083 01:43:21,946 --> 01:43:24,531 Is this the movie about babies that are geniuses? 2084 01:43:24,615 --> 01:43:27,075 No, this is my child, dude. Jill is pregnant. 2085 01:43:27,159 --> 01:43:28,284 That's yours? Yeah. 2086 01:43:28,369 --> 01:43:30,370 That's why she broke up with me in the first place... 2087 01:43:30,454 --> 01:43:32,705 'cause she just thought that I wouldn't be a good father... 2088 01:43:32,790 --> 01:43:35,083 in light of the fact that I'd be cheating on her all the time. 2089 01:43:35,167 --> 01:43:36,876 But she got over all that. It's cool now. 2090 01:43:36,961 --> 01:43:38,878 Congratulations, man. That is great. 2091 01:43:39,130 --> 01:43:40,713 We having a party tonight, Andy... 2092 01:43:40,798 --> 01:43:42,340 and I really want you to be there, man. 2093 01:43:42,425 --> 01:43:44,884 We celebrating and I really, really want you to be there. 2094 01:43:44,969 --> 01:43:47,470 It looks like the Doppler radar. 2095 01:43:47,555 --> 01:43:48,596 Can you believe that? 2096 01:43:48,681 --> 01:43:50,306 This child ain't even four months old. 2097 01:43:50,391 --> 01:43:52,642 He ain't four months old yet. Look at what he's packing. 2098 01:43:52,726 --> 01:43:55,228 Everybody dick looks big on 60-inch TV. 2099 01:43:55,312 --> 01:43:57,897 My sister's dick looks big on TV, okay? 2100 01:43:58,858 --> 01:44:01,526 Oh, my God, this guy, Eric Gilliland... 2101 01:44:01,986 --> 01:44:04,571 he has bought, like, 15 of these. Really? 2102 01:44:04,655 --> 01:44:07,615 Yeah, I think he likes action figures even more than you. 2103 01:44:07,700 --> 01:44:10,243 That is impossible. I think so. 2104 01:44:11,120 --> 01:44:14,414 Andy, the way these things are flying off your shelf... 2105 01:44:14,498 --> 01:44:17,459 you know, I think you could actually make like... 2106 01:44:17,960 --> 01:44:19,502 maybe like $100,000. 2107 01:44:19,587 --> 01:44:21,754 Really? Yeah, you could open your store. 2108 01:44:21,839 --> 01:44:23,214 Wow. Honey... 2109 01:44:23,340 --> 01:44:25,508 That's a lot of money. I know. 2110 01:44:25,593 --> 01:44:28,261 That's incredible. I wouldn't have done it without you. 2111 01:44:28,345 --> 01:44:29,512 Thanks. 2112 01:44:30,181 --> 01:44:33,016 And that's not the only good news. What? 2113 01:44:33,434 --> 01:44:36,394 You know what tonight is? Survivor is on? 2114 01:44:37,688 --> 01:44:39,230 No. I know. 2115 01:44:39,857 --> 01:44:42,400 Is it The Aqqrentice? 2116 01:44:43,360 --> 01:44:44,360 No. 2117 01:44:45,196 --> 01:44:46,196 What? 2118 01:44:48,908 --> 01:44:53,244 It's our 20th date. 2119 01:44:59,793 --> 01:45:01,211 Wow. Yeah. 2120 01:45:01,295 --> 01:45:02,629 Really? Uh-huh. 2121 01:45:02,713 --> 01:45:05,965 Seriously? I think we're at 18. 2122 01:45:06,050 --> 01:45:07,759 'Cause there were a couple of dates there... 2123 01:45:07,885 --> 01:45:09,719 that don't really count as dates. No. 2124 01:45:09,803 --> 01:45:12,472 I'll give you a free pass on those other ones. 2125 01:45:13,516 --> 01:45:14,641 Thank you. 2126 01:45:14,725 --> 01:45:15,850 Listen. What? 2127 01:45:15,935 --> 01:45:17,185 Listen. Mmm-hmm. 2128 01:45:18,687 --> 01:45:20,313 I really like you. 2129 01:45:26,278 --> 01:45:28,071 I think I'm falling for you. 2130 01:45:28,906 --> 01:45:32,700 I don't know. I kind of see this going somewhere. 2131 01:45:33,035 --> 01:45:34,244 I do, too. 2132 01:45:34,328 --> 01:45:37,539 I just think we should just go crazy on each other. 2133 01:45:38,749 --> 01:45:40,750 Okay. Okay? 2134 01:45:41,627 --> 01:45:42,919 Oh, thank God! 2135 01:45:45,714 --> 01:45:46,714 Oh! 2136 01:45:47,383 --> 01:45:49,801 Okay, I should... I gotta pick those up. 2137 01:45:49,885 --> 01:45:51,010 Don't pick them up now. 2138 01:45:51,095 --> 01:45:52,387 No, I have to pick those up right now. 2139 01:45:52,471 --> 01:45:54,556 Wait, we'll get them later. Listen, no, I can't, no. 2140 01:45:54,640 --> 01:45:56,266 Listen, it's really important because... 2141 01:45:56,350 --> 01:45:58,601 once the integrity of the box gets compromised... 2142 01:45:58,686 --> 01:46:00,979 This is original packaging and that's why these things... 2143 01:46:01,063 --> 01:46:03,147 are so valuable. So you don't screw with that. 2144 01:46:03,274 --> 01:46:05,275 You really don't screw with that. All right. 2145 01:46:05,359 --> 01:46:07,402 We can wrap them again later, you know. 2146 01:46:07,486 --> 01:46:08,861 Yeah, I know. But you know what... 2147 01:46:08,946 --> 01:46:11,030 this is very important that we don't lose the value... 2148 01:46:11,115 --> 01:46:12,448 and compromise the integrity of it. 2149 01:46:12,533 --> 01:46:14,742 Andy, I'm throwing myself at you and... 2150 01:46:14,827 --> 01:46:16,869 all you can think about is a fucking toy. 2151 01:46:16,954 --> 01:46:20,039 They're not fucking toys! This is Iron Man, okay? 2152 01:46:20,124 --> 01:46:22,542 I got this when I was in second grade. 2153 01:46:22,751 --> 01:46:25,420 Do you know how hard it is for a kid to not open that? 2154 01:46:25,504 --> 01:46:26,713 This is important. 2155 01:46:26,797 --> 01:46:28,089 These are my things... 2156 01:46:28,173 --> 01:46:31,467 and you are trying to make me sell them and I don't want to. 2157 01:46:31,552 --> 01:46:32,885 No. And you're making me. 2158 01:46:32,970 --> 01:46:35,054 I'm not making... You are encouraging me... 2159 01:46:35,139 --> 01:46:37,265 to quit my job. I'm not! I'm not trying to... 2160 01:46:37,349 --> 01:46:40,059 You want me to open a store. You want me to sell everything. 2161 01:46:40,144 --> 01:46:41,894 You know what, I'm gonna tell you something. 2162 01:46:41,979 --> 01:46:45,189 I don't just change like that. I can't just change for you. 2163 01:46:45,274 --> 01:46:48,067 I don't... I'm not trying to change you. I like you. 2164 01:46:48,152 --> 01:46:50,278 I'm just... I'm trying to help you grow up, Andy. 2165 01:46:50,362 --> 01:46:52,030 Well, thanks a lot. 2166 01:46:52,114 --> 01:46:56,117 I mean, my God, you ride a bicycle to work in a stockroom. 2167 01:46:56,201 --> 01:46:58,536 You know what, I'm not in the stockroom anymore. 2168 01:46:58,621 --> 01:47:00,079 I'm a floor manager. Okay. 2169 01:47:00,164 --> 01:47:03,207 And I ride a bike because I like to. Einstein rode a bike. 2170 01:47:03,292 --> 01:47:06,002 He had a wife who he fucked, by the way. 2171 01:47:06,670 --> 01:47:08,921 What do I have to do for you to have sex with me? 2172 01:47:09,006 --> 01:47:11,507 Do you want me to dress up like Thor? I'll dress up like Thor. 2173 01:47:11,592 --> 01:47:13,176 I'll dress up like Iron Man. 2174 01:47:13,260 --> 01:47:14,969 What do they do? I'll do it. 2175 01:47:15,054 --> 01:47:16,929 What? Everything's always about sex. 2176 01:47:17,014 --> 01:47:18,598 Why don't you want to have sex with me? 2177 01:47:18,682 --> 01:47:21,100 Why not? Tell me. You tell me the truth. 2178 01:47:21,185 --> 01:47:23,394 Is it because I have a kid who has a kid? Is that why? 2179 01:47:23,479 --> 01:47:24,979 No, it's cool that you're a grandmother. 2180 01:47:25,064 --> 01:47:26,689 I love the fact that you're a grandmother. 2181 01:47:26,774 --> 01:47:29,317 Oh, God! You are. You're a hot grandma. 2182 01:47:29,401 --> 01:47:30,568 Oh, my God! 2183 01:47:30,653 --> 01:47:32,737 You are so mean! Get out! 2184 01:47:32,821 --> 01:47:35,531 Okay, fine. Good! Good, fine. You're gonna go. 2185 01:47:35,616 --> 01:47:38,993 I didn't ask for any of this. You asked for all of it, Andy. 2186 01:47:39,370 --> 01:47:40,787 Okay. Great. 2187 01:47:43,957 --> 01:47:44,957 Okay. 2188 01:47:45,334 --> 01:47:46,918 That's the way you want it 2189 01:47:47,002 --> 01:47:49,921 that's the way homie's gonna play it. 2190 01:47:51,048 --> 01:47:52,715 Yeah. Truth be told. 2191 01:48:10,150 --> 01:48:12,318 Baby, you better enjoy yourself tonight 2192 01:48:12,403 --> 01:48:14,696 'cause once this baby's born, you ain't going out again 2193 01:48:14,780 --> 01:48:15,822 till that baby is in college. 2194 01:48:15,906 --> 01:48:17,115 Me? Yeah. 2195 01:48:17,199 --> 01:48:19,534 You the club rat. I'm not the one that be going out. 2196 01:48:19,618 --> 01:48:21,369 I'm not a club rat. 2197 01:48:21,453 --> 01:48:24,205 You're gonna get up, you march over there 2198 01:48:24,289 --> 01:48:26,791 and I want you to hit on Bernadette now. 2199 01:48:27,042 --> 01:48:29,043 Dude, I'm not gonna hit on Bernadette. 2200 01:48:29,128 --> 01:48:30,253 Yes, you are, man, 2201 01:48:30,337 --> 01:48:32,922 'cause your depression is boring me for one thing 2202 01:48:33,006 --> 01:48:34,966 and it's actually making me a little depressed 2203 01:48:35,050 --> 01:48:37,009 which is then in turn making me more depressed 2204 01:48:37,094 --> 01:48:38,845 that you're actually affecting my mood. 2205 01:48:38,929 --> 01:48:42,265 Look, I'm not in any kind of place to talk to a woman, all right? 2206 01:48:42,349 --> 01:48:44,517 I'm just... I'm fragile. 2207 01:48:44,643 --> 01:48:46,519 I hired her for you. 2208 01:48:46,603 --> 01:48:50,189 I hired a 90-pound girl to work in the stockroom at Smart Tech 2209 01:48:50,274 --> 01:48:51,816 for you, okay? 2210 01:48:51,900 --> 01:48:53,401 I should have hired a 300-pound guy 2211 01:48:53,485 --> 01:48:55,069 who could lift a 60-inch flat screen. 2212 01:48:55,154 --> 01:48:57,655 But instead I hired a hot girl 2213 01:48:57,740 --> 01:49:01,117 who can't lift an iPod to bring you out of your funk. 2214 01:49:01,910 --> 01:49:03,411 You hired her for me? Yes. 2215 01:49:03,495 --> 01:49:04,912 So will you go talk to her? 2216 01:49:04,997 --> 01:49:06,831 Yeah, I'm meeting somebody. 2217 01:49:06,999 --> 01:49:07,999 No. 2218 01:49:11,628 --> 01:49:13,755 Did you just flick me in the nuts? No. 2219 01:49:13,839 --> 01:49:16,841 Flicked you in the fleshy patch where your nuts used to be. 2220 01:49:18,010 --> 01:49:19,802 Quit flicking my balls, man. 2221 01:49:19,887 --> 01:49:22,430 Okay, I'll stop flicking your balls. 2222 01:49:22,514 --> 01:49:24,932 But I'll start punching your nuts. 2223 01:49:25,851 --> 01:49:26,851 Oh! 2224 01:49:27,519 --> 01:49:28,686 Okay. 2225 01:49:32,399 --> 01:49:33,858 Well played, sir. 2226 01:49:34,234 --> 01:49:35,401 Okay. Thank you. 2227 01:49:35,486 --> 01:49:37,612 No problem, man. Go get 'em. 2228 01:49:38,197 --> 01:49:39,947 Mooj, you done see my son, 2229 01:49:40,032 --> 01:49:41,657 you know his foot gonna be bigger than this. 2230 01:49:41,742 --> 01:49:44,952 If that baby looks Pakistani, don't fucking look at me, okay? 2231 01:49:45,037 --> 01:49:48,623 I wouldn't mind. You got good genes. How old are you? What, 138? 2232 01:49:48,707 --> 01:49:51,626 When your son is born, is he already in parole? 2233 01:49:59,968 --> 01:50:03,346 I need some poon. 2234 01:50:03,680 --> 01:50:06,682 You guys were so right, right from the beginning. 2235 01:50:06,975 --> 01:50:11,646 I need genital to genital connection and that's all I need. 2236 01:50:12,105 --> 01:50:15,650 You know, the thing about relationships is that they 2237 01:50:15,859 --> 01:50:17,568 make one person go... 2238 01:50:19,154 --> 01:50:21,364 And the other person go, "What are you talking about?" 2239 01:50:21,448 --> 01:50:22,657 And then one person goes... 2240 01:50:24,284 --> 01:50:25,910 How much have you had to drink, man? 2241 01:50:25,994 --> 01:50:29,497 How much have I had to drink? How many pots have you smoken? 2242 01:50:29,581 --> 01:50:30,706 What are you talking about? 2243 01:50:30,791 --> 01:50:34,043 How many times have you gone to the bathroom in your life? 2244 01:50:34,127 --> 01:50:35,336 Let me ask you that. 2245 01:50:35,420 --> 01:50:38,381 You know what, you don't have an answer for that, do you? 2246 01:50:38,465 --> 01:50:40,049 Fuck you, man! I'm sorry. 2247 01:50:40,133 --> 01:50:43,344 No, you're such a good guy, and I appreciate you. 2248 01:50:43,428 --> 01:50:45,388 What's up, baby, I didn't know you had came already. 2249 01:50:45,472 --> 01:50:47,640 Hey, motherfucker! 2250 01:50:50,018 --> 01:50:52,103 Man, you know what, tonight is the night. 2251 01:50:52,187 --> 01:50:56,899 You know what, you were totally right and I was wrong. 2252 01:50:57,109 --> 01:51:01,696 You were right all along. You cannot have a relationship 2253 01:51:01,780 --> 01:51:03,948 with somebody until 2254 01:51:04,616 --> 01:51:07,034 you have sex and that's the long... 2255 01:51:07,119 --> 01:51:08,870 That's the long and short of it. 2256 01:51:08,954 --> 01:51:12,415 So, thank you. That's good. 2257 01:51:12,749 --> 01:51:15,710 And now I have to go hunt for some hos. 2258 01:51:18,589 --> 01:51:21,883 He going to be all right? No, I don't think he is. 2259 01:51:22,009 --> 01:51:24,343 Cal's a good guy. Yeah, he's a great guy. 2260 01:51:24,428 --> 01:51:26,178 It's so funny, because, you know, 2261 01:51:26,263 --> 01:51:29,056 when I first met him and I thought you were cute at the store, 2262 01:51:29,141 --> 01:51:32,143 he told me you were gay. I'm not gay. 2263 01:51:32,477 --> 01:51:35,104 Cal says that I'm gay because he has a real problem 2264 01:51:35,188 --> 01:51:37,523 with his own gayness. 2265 01:51:37,608 --> 01:51:40,902 But seriously, I'm going to lay it out for you, right now. 2266 01:51:41,528 --> 01:51:43,863 I was a little reticent to come over and talk to you. 2267 01:51:43,947 --> 01:51:46,741 You're very pretty and you seem very nice. The truth is 2268 01:51:46,825 --> 01:51:50,494 I dated this woman, let me rephrase that, I dated this whore 2269 01:51:51,038 --> 01:51:52,622 who stomped all over my heart. 2270 01:51:52,706 --> 01:51:55,583 And it's just taking me a little while to kind of, 2271 01:51:55,667 --> 01:51:57,251 you know, get back in the game. 2272 01:51:57,336 --> 01:51:58,753 Oh, my God. Say no more. 2273 01:51:58,837 --> 01:52:01,464 My last boyfriend Sal junior, is a scum bag. 2274 01:52:01,548 --> 01:52:03,716 I would totally pay people to have him killed. 2275 01:52:03,800 --> 01:52:05,927 That's how much I fucking hate that damn scum bag. 2276 01:52:06,011 --> 01:52:08,179 God, you're fucking awesome. You too. 2277 01:52:10,015 --> 01:52:11,933 Hey, you! 2278 01:52:14,019 --> 01:52:15,728 Hey. Hey. 2279 01:52:16,021 --> 01:52:17,521 How you doing? 2280 01:52:17,981 --> 01:52:20,524 Much better, now that I'm talking to you. 2281 01:52:20,776 --> 01:52:23,361 Hey, lookie, I can see through your shirt. 2282 01:52:24,154 --> 01:52:25,404 Nice. 2283 01:52:26,615 --> 01:52:29,325 So, you think we should 2284 01:52:29,618 --> 01:52:32,203 take this party to my apartment or what? 2285 01:52:32,704 --> 01:52:35,748 I am RSVPing "yes. " 2286 01:52:39,461 --> 01:52:42,672 Hope you have a big trunk because I'm putting my bike in it. 2287 01:52:45,509 --> 01:52:47,009 Yeah, let's go! 2288 01:52:52,099 --> 01:52:54,725 Mom, I left my phone somewhere and I... 2289 01:52:55,435 --> 01:52:56,560 Thank you. 2290 01:52:57,896 --> 01:53:01,190 What's the matter? Where is Andy? 2291 01:53:01,316 --> 01:53:04,235 We had a big fight, just... Oh, Mom. 2292 01:53:04,736 --> 01:53:06,821 He just stormed out of here. 2293 01:53:06,905 --> 01:53:07,989 What happened? 2294 01:53:08,073 --> 01:53:10,700 Well, I just... Wait a minute, I thought you hated him. 2295 01:53:10,784 --> 01:53:14,328 I don't hate him. I mean, he does do magic, but, 2296 01:53:14,413 --> 01:53:16,789 you know, he's a big dork 2297 01:53:17,207 --> 01:53:19,500 and I like seeing you happy. 2298 01:53:21,253 --> 01:53:22,378 I do. 2299 01:53:24,297 --> 01:53:26,799 That's sweet, that's really sweet. Mom. 2300 01:53:27,467 --> 01:53:30,428 Why don't you just go talk to him, work it out. 2301 01:53:30,512 --> 01:53:33,347 'Cause if the thing is that important, you can't just stop. 2302 01:53:34,099 --> 01:53:36,308 Let me dance for you. I would love it. 2303 01:53:37,561 --> 01:53:41,397 Look at your bra and your breasts and everything. That's so great. 2304 01:53:42,399 --> 01:53:45,901 Wow! You know what? You're so hot. You're so hot. 2305 01:53:46,194 --> 01:53:47,820 I'm smoking hot. 2306 01:53:47,904 --> 01:53:50,740 You know what? I'm just going to have sex with you. 2307 01:53:50,824 --> 01:53:52,908 Yes! Let's have sex. 2308 01:53:52,993 --> 01:53:55,202 It's going to happen. That's why we are here. 2309 01:53:55,287 --> 01:53:57,663 That's totally what's going to happen. 2310 01:53:57,914 --> 01:54:00,041 We could do it in the... 2311 01:54:01,043 --> 01:54:02,710 Butt, if you want to. 2312 01:54:04,421 --> 01:54:06,338 But, if I want to what? 2313 01:54:06,798 --> 01:54:09,842 Butt. But what? What? 2314 01:54:09,968 --> 01:54:11,969 Do it. Do it? 2315 01:54:12,137 --> 01:54:13,137 What? 2316 01:54:13,638 --> 01:54:16,474 I don't know what you're talking about. 2317 01:54:16,600 --> 01:54:18,642 Butt. But... 2318 01:54:18,894 --> 01:54:20,227 What? ... what? 2319 01:54:23,231 --> 01:54:25,524 But, it still feels so right. 2320 01:54:38,330 --> 01:54:39,455 Yeah! 2321 01:54:41,958 --> 01:54:45,795 Yeah. Right! Okay. Yeah. 2322 01:54:47,214 --> 01:54:48,964 That was a fun day. 2323 01:54:50,509 --> 01:54:53,594 You are so kinky. 2324 01:54:54,304 --> 01:54:56,013 Yeah, I'm so kinky. 2325 01:54:56,556 --> 01:54:59,767 That's why I did this because I thought it looks... 2326 01:54:59,851 --> 01:55:02,353 You like to shave, don't you? 2327 01:55:02,437 --> 01:55:05,231 Let's shave each other. I don't think you have any hair. 2328 01:55:05,315 --> 01:55:07,108 You know where to shave me. 2329 01:55:07,192 --> 01:55:09,276 Yeah. Because I want to shave you. 2330 01:55:09,361 --> 01:55:11,028 I want to shave your head. 2331 01:55:12,280 --> 01:55:14,156 I wanna give you a buzz cut. 2332 01:55:15,158 --> 01:55:16,867 Let's get in the bath. 2333 01:55:17,202 --> 01:55:18,702 In the bath? 2334 01:55:18,787 --> 01:55:23,165 Yes. We're gonna get dirty. Dirty, dirty. Sudsy. 2335 01:55:23,250 --> 01:55:25,292 It's just about time I got really dirty. 2336 01:55:25,377 --> 01:55:26,418 Yeah. 2337 01:55:29,214 --> 01:55:33,968 Hey. Hi, it's me, and I'm on my way to your house. 2338 01:55:34,052 --> 01:55:36,387 I want to do whatever you want to do, okay? 2339 01:55:36,555 --> 01:55:40,432 Fifty dates. 100. I hope not, but whatever. 2340 01:55:41,059 --> 01:55:43,811 I'm gonna see you soon, okay? Bye. 2341 01:55:47,858 --> 01:55:50,776 Wow. Okay, well, that was fast. Okay. 2342 01:55:53,238 --> 01:55:56,198 Wow! Holy shit! 2343 01:55:56,449 --> 01:55:59,034 Wow. This is just the right thing to happen. 2344 01:55:59,536 --> 01:56:02,913 Yeah, yeah, yeah! Wow! Almost got my penis. 2345 01:56:02,998 --> 01:56:04,415 Come to mama. 2346 01:56:06,001 --> 01:56:08,794 I'm gonna really take care of you tonight. 2347 01:56:09,045 --> 01:56:11,589 You're never gonna forget Beth. 2348 01:56:21,725 --> 01:56:23,767 I just want to please you. 2349 01:56:24,603 --> 01:56:26,187 What do you like? 2350 01:56:27,022 --> 01:56:30,107 I don't know. What do you like? 2351 01:56:30,650 --> 01:56:32,776 Can I show you what I like? 2352 01:56:33,278 --> 01:56:34,361 Okay. 2353 01:56:48,001 --> 01:56:50,794 It's so hot in here. 2354 01:56:51,546 --> 01:56:53,923 I wanna introduce you to my friend. 2355 01:56:58,261 --> 01:57:00,304 Your friend is so shiny. 2356 01:57:01,306 --> 01:57:04,308 This guy knows exactly what I like. 2357 01:57:09,648 --> 01:57:11,357 Where's you friend going? 2358 01:57:13,193 --> 01:57:15,819 This is how I'm gonna warm up for you. 2359 01:57:17,113 --> 01:57:20,950 That's always good to warm up. You don't wanna pull something. 2360 01:57:38,593 --> 01:57:40,970 Wow, this is graphic. 2361 01:57:54,818 --> 01:57:56,277 I can't do it. 2362 01:57:57,904 --> 01:58:00,572 God, what are you doing here? 2363 01:58:00,657 --> 01:58:03,284 We came here because we were concerned about you and Trish 2364 01:58:03,368 --> 01:58:05,494 and now I could not give a fuck. 2365 01:58:05,578 --> 01:58:08,205 How did you even know where she lives? 2366 01:58:08,331 --> 01:58:10,624 I hit it like eight months back. What? 2367 01:58:10,709 --> 01:58:13,460 Never gave her back the key, man. You have no idea 2368 01:58:13,545 --> 01:58:15,587 where this is going, all right? That girl is a freak. 2369 01:58:15,672 --> 01:58:19,133 Oh, it's happening! It's happening! Andy! 2370 01:58:19,551 --> 01:58:20,759 You think? 2371 01:58:21,052 --> 01:58:23,304 We've been talking, and look, 2372 01:58:23,722 --> 01:58:26,015 if you love Trish, you can't do this. 2373 01:58:26,099 --> 01:58:29,143 Look, you guys, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. 2374 01:58:29,227 --> 01:58:31,812 I don't even know who I am. All I know is 2375 01:58:31,896 --> 01:58:35,399 that woman scares the shit out of me 2376 01:58:35,567 --> 01:58:37,776 and I just wanna go home, okay? 2377 01:58:37,986 --> 01:58:40,279 Let's go. We should all get out of here. 2378 01:58:40,363 --> 01:58:42,072 Okay. We should all go. 2379 01:58:42,157 --> 01:58:43,532 It wasn't that good for me. 2380 01:58:43,616 --> 01:58:45,492 We should totally get out of here. 2381 01:58:45,577 --> 01:58:47,786 We should run away from here. 2382 01:58:54,252 --> 01:58:55,294 Hey. 2383 01:58:56,796 --> 01:58:57,880 Cal. 2384 01:59:00,633 --> 01:59:02,343 Go around! 2385 01:59:03,261 --> 01:59:05,346 Come on, just go around me! 2386 01:59:08,558 --> 01:59:10,225 Can't you hear me? 2387 01:59:17,734 --> 01:59:20,778 Hey, there. Hi, Trish. 2388 01:59:22,405 --> 01:59:24,907 Man, I'm really sorry about tonight. 2389 01:59:24,991 --> 01:59:26,408 What's this? 2390 01:59:27,410 --> 01:59:29,078 Those are David's. 2391 01:59:31,164 --> 01:59:32,956 I think he has a problem. 2392 01:59:33,041 --> 01:59:35,542 These are David's? He's into that. 2393 01:59:35,668 --> 01:59:39,129 David's Boner Jams '03? 2394 01:59:39,756 --> 01:59:41,799 Yeah, it's so sad. 2395 01:59:42,300 --> 01:59:45,302 He compiled all the best boner scenes, I guess. 2396 01:59:46,221 --> 01:59:48,555 This isn't what it looks like, okay? 2397 01:59:49,015 --> 01:59:52,142 What does this look like? A vagina. 2398 01:59:53,186 --> 01:59:54,728 And what do you do with this vagina? 2399 01:59:54,813 --> 01:59:57,773 To learn. It's for medicinal purposes. 2400 01:59:57,857 --> 01:59:58,857 Ugh. 2401 01:59:58,942 --> 02:00:01,276 Hey, I'm sorry. God... What's this? 2402 02:00:01,945 --> 02:00:04,905 This your date drug? Your roofie? 2403 02:00:05,240 --> 02:00:06,740 It's a Mentos. 2404 02:00:07,492 --> 02:00:09,410 They're "The Freshmaker. " 2405 02:00:09,494 --> 02:00:10,869 Yeah, right. 2406 02:00:11,121 --> 02:00:13,080 What are you, some kind of sex pervert? 2407 02:00:13,164 --> 02:00:14,498 Are you a deviant or something? 2408 02:00:14,582 --> 02:00:17,292 No, I'm not a sexual deviant! What is all this? 2409 02:00:17,377 --> 02:00:19,795 I haven't even tried to have sex with you, so... 2410 02:00:19,879 --> 02:00:22,798 What are you trying to do? What are you buttering me up for? 2411 02:00:22,882 --> 02:00:23,966 Come on. 2412 02:00:24,050 --> 02:00:25,801 You're not gonna try and kill me, are you? 2413 02:00:25,885 --> 02:00:28,554 Look, Trish. You didn't get a new carpet. 2414 02:00:28,847 --> 02:00:32,141 I'm not trying to kill you. I love you. 2415 02:00:32,559 --> 02:00:34,977 I love you. Oh, God! 2416 02:00:35,228 --> 02:00:36,395 Trish. 2417 02:00:44,988 --> 02:00:47,197 Trish. No! 2418 02:00:48,074 --> 02:00:50,617 No. Trish, stop. 2419 02:00:55,123 --> 02:00:56,415 Come on, Trish! 2420 02:00:59,878 --> 02:01:01,795 I need to talk to you! 2421 02:01:01,880 --> 02:01:02,921 No! 2422 02:01:05,091 --> 02:01:06,133 Damn it. 2423 02:01:37,957 --> 02:01:39,291 Oh, my God! 2424 02:01:42,295 --> 02:01:45,172 Andy! Oh, my God! 2425 02:01:45,256 --> 02:01:46,632 Call 911. 2426 02:01:46,799 --> 02:01:48,717 Oh, my... Andy. 2427 02:01:49,511 --> 02:01:51,220 Oh, my God! 2428 02:01:51,304 --> 02:01:54,097 I'm gonna need a minute. I'm in a lot of pain right now. 2429 02:01:54,182 --> 02:01:55,849 Oh, my God. Are you okay? 2430 02:01:55,934 --> 02:01:57,059 Not bad. 2431 02:01:57,143 --> 02:01:59,520 There were two sides to that billboard. 2432 02:01:59,604 --> 02:02:01,480 And they both hurt equally. 2433 02:02:01,773 --> 02:02:04,399 Andy. Andy. 2434 02:02:06,486 --> 02:02:08,654 Are you okay? I'm okay. 2435 02:02:09,155 --> 02:02:10,822 No, I'm not okay. 2436 02:02:12,116 --> 02:02:13,492 I'm a virgin. 2437 02:02:15,662 --> 02:02:16,828 A what? 2438 02:02:17,789 --> 02:02:20,165 I'm a virgin. I always have been. 2439 02:02:21,543 --> 02:02:24,878 Andy, is that what all this was about? 2440 02:02:25,838 --> 02:02:27,172 I'm sorry. 2441 02:02:27,257 --> 02:02:29,633 You're just a virgin, that's all? 2442 02:02:29,759 --> 02:02:32,427 Yeah. That's good. That's a good thing. 2443 02:02:34,180 --> 02:02:36,056 I feel stupid. 2444 02:02:37,725 --> 02:02:40,435 It's okay. I thought you were trying to kill me. 2445 02:02:42,188 --> 02:02:43,188 No. 2446 02:02:44,065 --> 02:02:45,357 Oh, my God. 2447 02:02:46,442 --> 02:02:49,027 No, I'm not trying to kill you. 2448 02:02:52,865 --> 02:02:55,534 That's why I never tried to have sex with you. 2449 02:02:55,952 --> 02:02:58,412 I was scared, okay? I just... 2450 02:02:59,122 --> 02:03:00,956 'Cause I didn't know what I was doing. 2451 02:03:01,040 --> 02:03:02,874 I just didn't think it would be good. 2452 02:03:02,959 --> 02:03:05,919 Of course it'll be good. We love each other. 2453 02:03:07,547 --> 02:03:08,714 Really? 2454 02:03:10,383 --> 02:03:11,717 I love you. 2455 02:03:13,219 --> 02:03:14,386 Yeah. 2456 02:03:19,058 --> 02:03:21,602 Get the fuck out of the road, virgin! 2457 02:03:23,396 --> 02:03:24,896 Shut up, you fucking jerk! 2458 02:03:24,981 --> 02:03:27,899 No, that's okay. That's all right. Sorry. 2459 02:03:29,527 --> 02:03:30,611 You know what... 2460 02:03:30,695 --> 02:03:33,488 for so long I thought that there was something wrong with me... 2461 02:03:33,573 --> 02:03:36,408 because it had never happened, but... 2462 02:03:38,870 --> 02:03:42,664 I realize now that it was just because I was waiting for you. 2463 02:04:07,690 --> 02:04:10,442 This was some wedding. How could they afford it? 2464 02:04:10,526 --> 02:04:13,820 Dude sells his toys and makes like a half a million dollars. 2465 02:04:13,946 --> 02:04:16,114 It's crazy, right? That's fucking crazy. 2466 02:04:16,199 --> 02:04:18,158 We're gonna get some fucking toys. 2467 02:04:18,242 --> 02:04:20,452 We are all so happy for you. 2468 02:04:20,662 --> 02:04:23,413 I am delighted to say these words. 2469 02:04:24,290 --> 02:04:25,457 Andy... 2470 02:04:26,042 --> 02:04:27,918 you may kiss the bride. 2471 02:04:41,140 --> 02:04:44,309 And for God's sake, consummate the thing. 2472 02:04:49,273 --> 02:04:52,150 No! Stop it. I have the key. 2473 02:04:59,033 --> 02:05:01,326 I'm not gonna be done buffing the marble... 2474 02:05:01,411 --> 02:05:03,078 for about a half an hour, but... 2475 02:05:03,162 --> 02:05:05,706 you can come in and sit down if you want... 2476 02:05:05,790 --> 02:05:08,041 or wait in the lobby. It's okay. 2477 02:05:08,126 --> 02:05:09,626 It's up to you. 2478 02:05:16,801 --> 02:05:19,136 Dude, get the fuck out of here. 2479 02:05:30,148 --> 02:05:31,648 Ready? Yeah. 2480 02:05:37,780 --> 02:05:39,156 Yes. Yeah. 2481 02:05:45,830 --> 02:05:46,830 Whoa. 2482 02:05:47,373 --> 02:05:49,666 You're officially not a virgin. 2483 02:05:50,501 --> 02:05:51,585 Cool. 2484 02:05:59,677 --> 02:06:01,011 Wow. 2485 02:06:08,478 --> 02:06:10,103 Wanna do it again? 2486 02:06:11,189 --> 02:06:12,731 Yeah. Good. Okay. 2487 02:06:12,815 --> 02:06:14,024 Sure. 2488 02:06:14,650 --> 02:06:16,860 That was good. That was okay. 2489 02:06:20,198 --> 02:06:21,281 Okay. 2490 02:06:21,407 --> 02:06:22,449 You ready? Yeah. 2491 02:06:22,533 --> 02:06:25,160 Are you ready? Yeah, I'm fine, yeah. 2492 02:06:37,924 --> 02:06:39,925 So, how was that for you? 2493 02:06:44,805 --> 02:06:47,307 When the moon 2494 02:06:47,391 --> 02:06:50,644 Is in the Seventh House 2495 02:06:50,895 --> 02:06:55,398 And Jupiter aligns with Mars 2496 02:06:56,400 --> 02:07:01,363 Then peace will guide the planets 2497 02:07:01,739 --> 02:07:04,991 And love will steer the stars 2498 02:07:05,076 --> 02:07:09,538 This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius 2499 02:07:09,747 --> 02:07:14,042 Age of Aquarius 2500 02:07:14,627 --> 02:07:24,219 Aquarius 2501 02:07:24,887 --> 02:07:26,972 Harm ony and understanding 2502 02:07:27,306 --> 02:07:29,849 Sym pathy and trust abounding 2503 02:07:29,934 --> 02:07:31,810 No more falsehoods or derisions 2504 02:07:31,894 --> 02:07:34,854 Golden living dream s of visions 2505 02:07:34,939 --> 02:07:37,190 Mystic crystal revelations 2506 02:07:37,275 --> 02:07:40,277 And the mind's true liberation 2507 02:07:40,361 --> 02:07:49,953 Aquarius 2508 02:07:50,371 --> 02:07:54,624 When the moon is in the Seventh House 2509 02:07:55,418 --> 02:07:59,713 And Jupiter aligns with Mars 2510 02:08:00,965 --> 02:08:05,760 Then peace will guide the planets 2511 02:08:06,012 --> 02:08:09,264 And love will steer the star 2512 02:08:09,348 --> 02:08:13,602 This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius 2513 02:08:13,853 --> 02:08:18,481 The age of Aquarius 2514 02:08:18,816 --> 02:08:25,989 Aquarius 2515 02:08:26,073 --> 02:08:27,949 It's Aquarius, baby 2516 02:08:28,034 --> 02:08:30,619 We ain't talking about no Scorpio 2517 02:08:30,703 --> 02:08:32,203 We ain't talking about no 2518 02:08:32,288 --> 02:08:35,290 No, we ain't talking about no Scorqio 2519 02:08:39,503 --> 02:08:49,346 Aquarius 2520 02:08:54,977 --> 02:08:58,688 Let the sunshine 2521 02:09:00,191 --> 02:09:02,442 Let the sunshine in 2522 02:09:02,526 --> 02:09:05,904 The sunshine in 2523 02:09:06,906 --> 02:09:10,241 Let the sunshine 2524 02:09:10,826 --> 02:09:14,204 Let the sunshine in 2525 02:09:14,288 --> 02:09:17,832 The sunshine in 2526 02:09:18,709 --> 02:09:22,379 Let the sunshine 2527 02:09:22,463 --> 02:09:25,965 Let the sunshine in 2528 02:09:26,050 --> 02:09:30,178 The sunshine in Let it shine, let it shine 2529 02:09:30,429 --> 02:09:33,765 Let the sunshine 2530 02:09:33,849 --> 02:09:35,684 Let it shine 2531 02:09:35,768 --> 02:09:37,769 Let it shine, yeah 2532 02:09:37,853 --> 02:09:41,690 The sunshine in 2533 02:09:42,149 --> 02:09:45,610 Let the sunshine 2534 02:09:45,986 --> 02:09:49,406 Let the sunshine in 2535 02:09:49,490 --> 02:09:52,450 The sunshine in