1 00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:36,684 Win a trip for 12 to anywhere in the free world, 2 00:02:36,756 --> 00:02:40,658 or win a working oil well and have money flowing in for years. 3 00:02:40,727 --> 00:02:44,424 That's the grand prize in Dial Soap's big contest. 4 00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:47,625 Write a two line jingle starting, "I'm glad I use Dial..." 5 00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:49,930 The last word in both lines must rhyme. 6 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:53,302 For example: "I'm glad I use Dial..." 7 00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:58,910 How hard is it to put it across the plate? You idiot. 8 00:02:58,978 --> 00:03:01,503 There once was a time, believe it or not, 9 00:03:01,581 --> 00:03:04,607 when skill and a reasonable amount of luck 10 00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:08,142 could actually feed a family of 12. 11 00:03:08,221 --> 00:03:11,486 Come on! Strike 'em out, you dog-faced bastard! Play ball! 12 00:03:11,558 --> 00:03:13,685 Contesting, if you haven't heard of it, 13 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:17,787 was a lucrative way for overworked housewives to use their underused wits. 14 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:22,828 It wasn't that I was any more gifted than your average contester, 15 00:03:22,902 --> 00:03:24,870 I was simply more determined. 16 00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:28,339 I was so prolific, in fact, that I borrowed my children's names 17 00:03:28,408 --> 00:03:30,399 so I could submit more than one entry. 18 00:03:30,476 --> 00:03:33,741 This was a perfectly legal tactic in the contesting world, 19 00:03:33,813 --> 00:03:37,806 and as far as I could see, one of the advantages of having so many kids. 20 00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:47,356 My creative output usually corresponded directly to our needs. 21 00:03:47,427 --> 00:03:50,260 - Hey, Mom. The toaster's broke. - Broken. 22 00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:52,764 All right. Hold on. 23 00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:56,362 "Kraft's Parkay won't tear fresh bread. 24 00:03:56,436 --> 00:03:59,405 Even ice cold, it will smoothly spread." 25 00:04:04,711 --> 00:04:07,202 - Here you go, honey. - Thanks, Mom. 26 00:04:08,114 --> 00:04:11,550 Small household adversities were my steady inspiration. 27 00:04:11,618 --> 00:04:14,712 But whenever fate handed one of my kids an unfair blow, 28 00:04:14,787 --> 00:04:17,722 it would set my muse on fire. 29 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,663 - Mom. - What, honey? 30 00:04:25,732 --> 00:04:27,666 The landlord's here. 31 00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:30,328 Oh, hello, Mr. Stubbs. Come on in. 32 00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:36,768 - Dad! - Hey, Dad! 33 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,683 Dad, we're being evicted! 34 00:04:45,752 --> 00:04:48,721 - Come on, let me out. - Dad! 35 00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:51,279 - We're being evicted. - Oh, yeah? 36 00:04:51,357 --> 00:04:53,825 The landlord came by. He wants the house back. 37 00:04:53,893 --> 00:04:55,724 His daughter's getting married. 38 00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:57,854 - How long do we have? - Three weeks. 39 00:04:58,398 --> 00:05:01,663 - What are we gonna do? - Don't you worry, sweetheart. 40 00:05:01,734 --> 00:05:04,066 Mom always figures something out. 41 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,731 - Do you know the capital of Alaska? - No. 42 00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:09,969 - Juneau... get it? - Oh, yeah. Good one. 43 00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:14,042 - Hello, Mother. - Hello, Dad. I suppose you heard? 44 00:05:14,113 --> 00:05:17,310 Yep. Can't seem to catch a break, can we? 45 00:05:18,851 --> 00:05:21,342 Here, I brought you something. 46 00:05:21,421 --> 00:05:24,447 - Thank you. - Don't choke up so much on the bat. 47 00:05:24,524 --> 00:05:26,685 - All right, Dad. - Attaboy. 48 00:05:51,651 --> 00:05:54,211 Mom! The men are here to kick us out! 49 00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:02,356 May I help you? 50 00:06:03,796 --> 00:06:05,957 - Mrs. Ryan? - Yes. 51 00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,659 Is your son, Dick, here? 52 00:06:08,801 --> 00:06:11,235 This is Dick. What is this about? 53 00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:13,204 Congratulations, son. 54 00:06:13,272 --> 00:06:15,740 - You've just won $5,000. - I did? 55 00:06:15,808 --> 00:06:18,504 I'm Mr. Forrest, this is Mr. Bravey and Mr. Kramer 56 00:06:18,578 --> 00:06:20,512 of the Western Auto Supply Company. 57 00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:23,413 Out of 65,000 entries in our national bike contest, 58 00:06:23,483 --> 00:06:25,110 you have won the grand prize. 59 00:06:25,184 --> 00:06:28,176 - Oh, my goodness. - And that's not all. 60 00:06:28,254 --> 00:06:30,688 You've won a brand new Western Flyer bicycle 61 00:06:30,757 --> 00:06:32,782 and a Westinghouse washer and dryer. 62 00:06:32,859 --> 00:06:35,419 - A washing machine? Oh, my Lord. - That's right. 63 00:06:36,763 --> 00:06:38,560 Are you all right? 64 00:06:38,631 --> 00:06:42,067 I just have to sit down and have myself a happy cry. 65 00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:45,533 I love that bike. 66 00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:48,540 Dad! We won! 67 00:06:50,543 --> 00:06:52,977 We won $5,000! 68 00:06:53,045 --> 00:06:55,809 - No kidding. - Isn't it marvelous? 69 00:06:55,882 --> 00:06:58,976 - It's awesome! - I told you everything would be OK. 70 00:06:59,051 --> 00:07:01,884 Congratulations, Kelly. You got quite a wife there. 71 00:07:01,954 --> 00:07:03,581 Yep, looks like she got lucky. 72 00:07:03,656 --> 00:07:06,523 Mom says she's gonna put the money down on a new house. 73 00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:09,026 - Yeah? - Looks like you got lucky. 74 00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:12,895 Oh, now, Kelly was all set to do it, I just beat him to the punch. 75 00:07:13,699 --> 00:07:15,189 Alrighty. 76 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:19,364 Just need you to sign Dick's check over to Defiance Home Saving and Loan. 77 00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,373 - Does it matter which of us...? - No. 78 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,375 Whoever is over 21. 79 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,435 Although, you don't look a day over 19, Mrs. Ryan. 80 00:07:26,512 --> 00:07:29,709 Well, in that case, I'd better sign it. 81 00:07:37,924 --> 00:07:39,448 Here you go. 82 00:07:39,759 --> 00:07:41,351 Okey-doke. 83 00:07:42,061 --> 00:07:44,461 And, now the mortgage papers... 84 00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:46,725 You need both our signatures, correct? 85 00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:48,562 Some married couples do that. 86 00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,966 But it's really not necessary. 87 00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:54,438 And, after all, I'm the guy who has to pay the mortgage, 88 00:07:54,507 --> 00:07:56,771 seems I'm the only one who needs to sign it. 89 00:07:56,843 --> 00:07:59,403 And since the bank account's under my name... 90 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,276 Sure, that's how most folks do it. 91 00:08:01,347 --> 00:08:03,747 Well, that seems right to me. 92 00:08:04,517 --> 00:08:06,815 Well, I guess it's all on me then. 93 00:08:06,886 --> 00:08:09,116 Unless Mother here wants to start... 94 00:08:10,356 --> 00:08:13,883 ...punching in at the shop. - Only if you'll do the ironing. 95 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,523 We just need your John Hancock there. 96 00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:21,293 Ryan. 97 00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:25,694 Well, congratulations, Mr. Ryan. 98 00:08:26,205 --> 00:08:28,230 You are a homeowner, sir. 99 00:08:28,307 --> 00:08:29,831 Thank you. 100 00:08:36,282 --> 00:08:38,648 All right, watch that curb. 101 00:08:47,293 --> 00:08:49,284 - Good, yes. - Oh, my goodness. 102 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:50,693 Is that what I won? 103 00:08:50,763 --> 00:08:53,789 - Yes, ma'am. - They're just beautiful. 104 00:08:53,866 --> 00:08:55,458 - Watch out. - Excuse me, sir. 105 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,298 Dad, can you believe it? 106 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,930 No more boiling diapers on top of the stove. 107 00:09:00,006 --> 00:09:03,567 Yep, gonna miss it. It made a nice soup. 108 00:09:03,643 --> 00:09:05,042 The cost of modern living. 109 00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:07,011 Sir, we're looking for Mrs. E. Ryan. 110 00:09:07,079 --> 00:09:09,707 - There. - Oh, hello. I'm up here. 111 00:09:09,782 --> 00:09:11,613 This is your new home freezer. 112 00:09:11,684 --> 00:09:13,242 Mikey, honey, get down. 113 00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:15,184 "Ask any Eskimo and they'll say, 114 00:09:15,254 --> 00:09:17,848 frozen keeps the freshness in every day." 115 00:09:17,924 --> 00:09:21,826 My gosh. I forgot all about that one. When it rains, it pours. 116 00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:23,225 Down. 117 00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:24,558 Well, bring it on in. 118 00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:26,927 How's it going, Pop? 119 00:09:26,999 --> 00:09:29,832 Don't make your old man carry this couch. 120 00:09:31,103 --> 00:09:32,661 Come on. 121 00:09:35,641 --> 00:09:39,407 OK, on the count of three. One, two, three. 122 00:09:39,478 --> 00:09:42,208 Tuff, keep that cat out of the house. 123 00:09:46,719 --> 00:09:48,846 What are you doing? 124 00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:50,784 Here. 125 00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:53,754 A little bit of this? 126 00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:55,454 Good? 127 00:10:00,466 --> 00:10:04,562 Dad, isn't this the biggest freezer you ever seen in your life? 128 00:10:04,637 --> 00:10:06,537 It's like the ones in restaurants. 129 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:09,837 The deliveryman told me it would hold two sides of beef. 130 00:10:09,909 --> 00:10:11,774 Seems like overkill to me. 131 00:10:12,845 --> 00:10:16,576 Besides, it's dangerous. A kid could fall in there and suffocate. 132 00:10:16,649 --> 00:10:20,779 - No, we won't. - I don't want to say I told you so. 133 00:10:20,853 --> 00:10:23,253 - I'd like to keep it. - What the heck for? 134 00:10:23,322 --> 00:10:25,882 Do you know how much electricity this will eat? 135 00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:28,358 It inspires me. It's something to be filled. 136 00:10:28,427 --> 00:10:29,621 Good luck with that. 137 00:10:29,695 --> 00:10:32,493 Even Howard Hughes couldn't fill that thing. 138 00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:34,533 We got plenty in it already. 139 00:10:36,502 --> 00:10:39,699 - Only dishes, but something's in there. - Yeah. 140 00:10:39,772 --> 00:10:42,240 That'll take up some of the room, at least. 141 00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:48,105 The Red Sox, three, Cleveland, two. 142 00:10:48,180 --> 00:10:50,648 - The Indians have one last out. - God's sakes! 143 00:10:50,716 --> 00:10:53,514 Bunch of bums, is what you are. 144 00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:57,022 - Bunch of bums. - The bases are loaded. 145 00:10:57,089 --> 00:11:00,252 Writing a winning entry not only requires a modicum of wit, 146 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:03,887 it also requires careful product focus. 147 00:11:03,963 --> 00:11:07,956 Notice I have not one, but two brand names I need to use. 148 00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:10,127 You want to know where this is headed? 149 00:11:10,202 --> 00:11:12,693 Niagara Falls, straight down. 150 00:11:12,772 --> 00:11:15,002 Here's what I have so far. 151 00:11:15,074 --> 00:11:17,269 "Wide selections, priced to please her. 152 00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:20,073 Scads of Seabrook's in their freezer. 153 00:11:20,146 --> 00:11:22,410 Warmth that scorns the impersonal trend, 154 00:11:22,481 --> 00:11:25,541 stamps Big Chief as the housewife's friend." 155 00:11:26,652 --> 00:11:29,485 Mom, I left my spelling book in the kitchen. 156 00:11:30,923 --> 00:11:32,515 All right, honey. 157 00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:36,620 - Strike two. - God damn it. 158 00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,561 - Where is it? - What's the matter? 159 00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:40,223 Take the bat off your shoulder. 160 00:11:40,299 --> 00:11:43,291 - Who's ahead? - The Red Sox. 161 00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:45,836 All right. 162 00:11:45,905 --> 00:11:48,567 Come on, you moron. Hit the ball! 163 00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:52,737 ...gets the sign... on third... 164 00:11:52,812 --> 00:11:54,404 ...here's the pitch... 165 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:56,573 Cold! Strike three. 166 00:11:56,649 --> 00:12:00,415 God damn it to holy fucking hell! 167 00:12:00,486 --> 00:12:03,421 You're killing us, you stupid bastard! 168 00:12:03,489 --> 00:12:05,389 Hey, shut up over there! 169 00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:08,048 You shut up! 170 00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:10,755 This is a family neighborhood. Clean your mouth. 171 00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:14,197 I'll clean you up! Who are you, the Pope? 172 00:12:14,266 --> 00:12:17,030 Oh, for crying out loud. I can't believe we got... 173 00:12:18,003 --> 00:12:21,131 Goddamn piece of shit! 174 00:12:23,008 --> 00:12:24,908 Where you trying to go with that? 175 00:12:24,977 --> 00:12:27,741 This goddamn thing is too big for this goddamn house! 176 00:12:27,813 --> 00:12:30,907 You're gonna hurt your back. Why not wait until morning? 177 00:12:30,983 --> 00:12:34,384 I want this goddamn thing out of the house right now! 178 00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:37,422 I want it out! 179 00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:41,051 - I never wanted it! - All right, I'll see what I can do. 180 00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:58,833 You'll enjoy... 181 00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:02,508 The clean, tangy taste of Dr. Pepper. 182 00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:06,181 - Nice try. - Sorry, Mrs. Bidlack. 183 00:13:06,819 --> 00:13:08,480 Watch it. 184 00:13:10,222 --> 00:13:13,316 Maybe we should talk on the radio. 185 00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:26,135 Indians. I can't believe the Indians... 186 00:13:26,205 --> 00:13:28,298 Problem is they got no clean-up batter. 187 00:13:28,374 --> 00:13:31,036 - Clean up what? - Half the team's in a slump. 188 00:13:31,110 --> 00:13:33,601 Best move to make is get rid of that manager. 189 00:13:33,679 --> 00:13:36,375 You can't blame him. Pitching, I'm telling you... 190 00:13:36,448 --> 00:13:39,679 - What a world. - Yeah. There's always... 191 00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:42,619 - We're gonna take off now. - Take it easy. 192 00:13:42,688 --> 00:13:45,418 Hey, thanks, Tim. 193 00:13:48,594 --> 00:13:50,653 He won't give you anymore trouble. 194 00:13:50,729 --> 00:13:53,027 Best thing to do is let him sleep it off. 195 00:13:57,036 --> 00:13:59,231 Hey, Dick, how's the pitching arm? 196 00:13:59,305 --> 00:14:01,296 Going for a no-hitter next season? 197 00:14:01,373 --> 00:14:03,432 - You bet. - Go get 'em, kiddo. 198 00:14:11,317 --> 00:14:13,842 Here you go. I made this for you. 199 00:14:13,919 --> 00:14:15,944 Thank you, Dad. 200 00:14:18,657 --> 00:14:19,988 I'm tired. 201 00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:22,220 Your pajamas are on the bed. 202 00:14:22,294 --> 00:14:23,522 Thank you. 203 00:14:32,304 --> 00:14:33,828 Mom? 204 00:14:33,906 --> 00:14:36,033 Father McCague's here. 205 00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:41,977 I don't think that you need to worry. 206 00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:45,141 I'm sure that he's learned his lesson. 207 00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:48,084 This has been going on for a very long time. 208 00:14:48,153 --> 00:14:52,214 Every night he drinks a six pack and a pint of whiskey. 209 00:14:52,291 --> 00:14:54,953 By the end of the week nothing's left of his check. 210 00:14:55,027 --> 00:14:56,824 It's all gone to the liquor store. 211 00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,989 Kelly has a big family to take care of. 212 00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:03,296 I'm sure he's carrying around the weight of the world. 213 00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:08,631 But the more he drinks, the less he's able to pay the bills, 214 00:15:08,707 --> 00:15:10,868 which is one reason he's so unhappy. 215 00:15:10,943 --> 00:15:12,934 But it's up to you, you see, 216 00:15:13,012 --> 00:15:16,812 - to make him a good home. - But I do. 217 00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:20,418 Well, you'll have to try a little harder. 218 00:15:23,055 --> 00:15:27,549 No one says that life is easy. 219 00:15:33,699 --> 00:15:35,758 Thank you for coming by, Father. 220 00:15:38,203 --> 00:15:40,933 Yes, indeed. 221 00:15:51,016 --> 00:15:54,884 Are you being obedient and saying all your prayers? 222 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,615 Yes, Father. 223 00:15:57,189 --> 00:16:00,955 Good boy. I'll see you in church. 224 00:16:05,564 --> 00:16:08,829 His breath smells like Dad's. 225 00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:12,837 Well, maybe that's why Father likes to use so much incense. 226 00:16:15,374 --> 00:16:17,774 All right, kids. 227 00:16:17,843 --> 00:16:21,006 Let's go to bed. I'm tired of this day. 228 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:22,147 I need a new one. 229 00:16:22,147 --> 00:16:22,806 I need a new one. 230 00:16:22,881 --> 00:16:25,042 If I may pause in the story for a moment, 231 00:16:25,117 --> 00:16:27,745 I'd like to briefly explain my marriage. 232 00:16:28,854 --> 00:16:33,052 As a young scribe, I was a resident wit for the Sherwood Weekly Chronicle. 233 00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:35,650 Queen Elizabeth invented ladies' stockings. 234 00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:39,027 Since her time, they've covered a multitude of shins. 235 00:16:39,098 --> 00:16:41,362 Evelyn, that's top-notch. 236 00:16:41,433 --> 00:16:43,867 I had potential, as they say. 237 00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:48,229 I was also in sore need of adventure. 238 00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:51,401 And Kelly Ryan was loads of fun. 239 00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:08,059 He loved music as much as I loved words. 240 00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:11,619 And we were just the perfect match. 241 00:17:23,442 --> 00:17:28,744 Then one night, Kelly's career as a crooner came to a terrible end. 242 00:17:33,752 --> 00:17:36,915 And so, our life in Defiance began... 243 00:17:39,158 --> 00:17:42,252 ...where my husband joined the ranks of ordinary men. 244 00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:51,799 So if he seems unhelpful at times 245 00:17:51,870 --> 00:17:53,804 or selfish or mean, 246 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:57,803 please remember that he lost his voice, 247 00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:00,241 while I kept mine. 248 00:18:03,649 --> 00:18:05,048 Here you go, Dick. 249 00:18:05,117 --> 00:18:07,551 There's a soldier on this glass, look at that. 250 00:18:07,619 --> 00:18:09,382 Who's winning the battle? 251 00:18:14,159 --> 00:18:15,683 Drink your milk, baby. 252 00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:18,229 Morning, Mother. Morning, kids. 253 00:18:18,297 --> 00:18:19,958 Morning, Dad. 254 00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:24,059 What do you say I fix everyone some pancakes? 255 00:18:24,136 --> 00:18:27,731 You can't. We're out of milk. I need some money, by the way. 256 00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:31,538 How about coffee? You guys are old enough. 257 00:18:31,610 --> 00:18:33,840 - No, thanks. - No. 258 00:18:37,516 --> 00:18:40,041 Who the heck did this? One of you kids? 259 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,882 You did, Daddy. 260 00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:45,651 No, siree. I think it was... 261 00:18:45,724 --> 00:18:46,816 ...you. 262 00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:49,787 No, I did not. 263 00:18:51,363 --> 00:18:52,455 Yeah. 264 00:18:52,531 --> 00:18:56,490 Well, you can't sell it now. Looks like we're stuck with it. 265 00:18:56,568 --> 00:18:58,763 It seems like we are. 266 00:18:58,837 --> 00:19:00,498 How about I take up hunting, 267 00:19:00,572 --> 00:19:02,665 fill that thing full of duck and deer? 268 00:19:02,741 --> 00:19:04,436 No, Daddy! 269 00:19:04,510 --> 00:19:06,808 You don't like that idea, OK. 270 00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:08,904 Well, how about I just go shoot 271 00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:11,848 some squirrels and little bunny rabbits? 272 00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:14,886 How about you don't spend so much at the liquor store. 273 00:19:24,796 --> 00:19:26,320 Tell you what. 274 00:19:27,266 --> 00:19:29,996 Every night, when I come home, 275 00:19:30,769 --> 00:19:33,329 I'll bring something from the grocery store. 276 00:19:33,405 --> 00:19:37,637 I'm gonna fill that to the very top, even if it takes me a year. 277 00:19:38,744 --> 00:19:42,544 - What do you think of that? - I think that's a wonderful idea. 278 00:19:45,117 --> 00:19:47,608 I gotta go to work so I can bring home the bacon. 279 00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:51,281 - And a porterhouse steak. - Hey, I'm not kidding. 280 00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:53,347 You just watch your old man. 281 00:19:53,425 --> 00:19:55,518 I need money for the milkman. 282 00:20:05,404 --> 00:20:07,065 That's not enough. 283 00:20:07,673 --> 00:20:09,334 That's all I have. 284 00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:12,741 OK. 285 00:20:13,612 --> 00:20:15,102 Bye, kids. 286 00:20:17,115 --> 00:20:18,776 Bye. 287 00:20:20,786 --> 00:20:23,812 How's Dad gonna fill the freezer when he can't pay for milk? 288 00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:26,255 I have no idea, honey. 289 00:20:26,825 --> 00:20:29,020 But at least he has a goal. 290 00:20:29,494 --> 00:20:29,561 Now the moment is here 291 00:20:29,561 --> 00:20:31,426 Now the moment is here 292 00:20:31,496 --> 00:20:33,964 when Queen for A Day makes your wish come true. 293 00:20:34,032 --> 00:20:36,364 We're going to the Everson-Jennings company 294 00:20:36,435 --> 00:20:39,404 and order one of their sturdy, folding wheelchairs. 295 00:20:39,471 --> 00:20:40,904 There's a sample. 296 00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:43,066 - Mommy. - Yes, honey? 297 00:20:44,776 --> 00:20:48,405 Davey messed his diaper and I tried to change him. 298 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:50,914 Oh, show me. 299 00:20:54,219 --> 00:20:56,278 Oh, Barbie. 300 00:20:56,355 --> 00:21:00,257 The trick is to hold the baby's legs up while you take the diaper off. 301 00:21:00,325 --> 00:21:03,761 - I got it on my hands. - I know you did, sweetheart. 302 00:21:03,829 --> 00:21:06,354 OK, now, here we go. Follow me. 303 00:21:06,431 --> 00:21:09,594 All right, don't touch anything. Come on, Betsy, you too. 304 00:21:09,668 --> 00:21:13,104 Let's wash your hands. Yeah. Come on, come on. 305 00:21:13,171 --> 00:21:14,934 All right, everybody. Come on. 306 00:21:17,309 --> 00:21:20,005 OK, put your hands under the faucet. 307 00:21:25,217 --> 00:21:28,914 - Milk delivery! - Just a minute, I'll be right there. 308 00:21:30,188 --> 00:21:32,418 Come on. I've got deliveries to make. 309 00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:34,524 Just a minute, please. 310 00:21:38,196 --> 00:21:41,063 - I'm leaving. - No, you aren't. 311 00:21:43,068 --> 00:21:45,036 I'm on my way. 312 00:21:47,673 --> 00:21:51,302 OK, girls. Stay in the kitchen till I can clean this up. 313 00:21:55,614 --> 00:21:57,946 You know that I got a schedule to keep. 314 00:21:58,016 --> 00:22:00,644 I know you do, Ray. What a life you lead. 315 00:22:00,719 --> 00:22:03,210 - Three dollars. - I'm a little short this week. 316 00:22:03,288 --> 00:22:04,414 Can I owe you? 317 00:22:04,489 --> 00:22:07,151 I got three other families on credit this week. 318 00:22:07,225 --> 00:22:10,126 - You know I'm always good for it. - I'm not a bank. 319 00:22:10,195 --> 00:22:12,459 You could start charging interest. 320 00:22:12,531 --> 00:22:14,294 Don't get smart with me. 321 00:22:14,366 --> 00:22:16,800 - Smart people know their budget. - Right. 322 00:22:16,868 --> 00:22:19,359 That's why I don't have a problem paying bills. 323 00:22:19,438 --> 00:22:21,429 Hello, Vernon. Anything for me today? 324 00:22:21,506 --> 00:22:24,669 You want something in life, you got to pay for it. 325 00:22:24,743 --> 00:22:26,540 - Here you go. - Thank you. 326 00:22:26,611 --> 00:22:27,805 Hey, Ray. 327 00:22:27,879 --> 00:22:29,506 Oh, hold on. 328 00:22:31,283 --> 00:22:33,410 How do you like that? 329 00:22:33,485 --> 00:22:36,716 I won two dollars in the poetry contest for The Toledo Blade. 330 00:22:36,788 --> 00:22:37,812 There you go. 331 00:22:45,063 --> 00:22:46,826 There he goes. 332 00:22:48,633 --> 00:22:51,363 Yeah. You want the money? 333 00:22:51,903 --> 00:22:54,872 I'm sorry I made such a mess, Mommy. 334 00:22:56,108 --> 00:22:58,508 Well, actually, honey, 335 00:22:58,577 --> 00:23:01,375 if I had gotten the door any sooner, 336 00:23:01,446 --> 00:23:04,973 then the milkman would have left before the mailman arrived, 337 00:23:05,050 --> 00:23:08,247 and we wouldn't have had any milk for our dinner tonight. 338 00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:10,345 So, there you go. 339 00:23:10,422 --> 00:23:12,219 It was all meant to be. 340 00:23:18,530 --> 00:23:23,024 This is what happens to one's literary efforts once placed in the mailbox. 341 00:23:26,104 --> 00:23:30,302 For the big contests, they go sailing off to New York City to be judged. 342 00:23:30,375 --> 00:23:34,243 The average count is a million and a half entries. 343 00:23:34,312 --> 00:23:37,645 A million and a half. Imagine that! 344 00:23:39,251 --> 00:23:44,211 Each entry is first checked to make sure it's accompanied by proof of purchase. 345 00:23:44,289 --> 00:23:47,087 You don't pay, you don't play. 346 00:23:47,159 --> 00:23:48,956 Next they go to the junior judges. 347 00:23:49,027 --> 00:23:50,824 College English majors, mind you, 348 00:23:50,896 --> 00:23:53,364 who are instructed to eliminate the trite, 349 00:23:53,432 --> 00:23:56,924 the obvious and the inept. Oh, dear. 350 00:23:57,002 --> 00:24:00,267 And so, the final judging begins. 351 00:24:00,338 --> 00:24:03,466 Every syllable of every word is scrutinized and analyzed, 352 00:24:03,542 --> 00:24:06,943 the merits of each debated until a few of the worthiest remain. 353 00:24:07,012 --> 00:24:10,743 The ballots are cast, the points are added up 354 00:24:10,816 --> 00:24:13,979 and the grand prize winner is declared. 355 00:24:22,961 --> 00:24:25,395 Oh, my gosh! 356 00:24:25,464 --> 00:24:29,457 - Mommy won a shopping spree! - Oh, yeah? 357 00:24:29,534 --> 00:24:31,434 They time her as she runs in the store. 358 00:24:31,503 --> 00:24:35,303 She can get whatever she wants. She's gonna get us a bunch of candy... 359 00:24:35,373 --> 00:24:38,831 And fancy nuts. I'm gonna eat a cashew. 360 00:24:39,644 --> 00:24:41,373 Can you believe it? 361 00:24:41,446 --> 00:24:43,141 That's terrific, Mother. 362 00:24:43,215 --> 00:24:45,547 Now, I only get ten minutes and one cart, 363 00:24:45,617 --> 00:24:48,814 so what I did was, I walked to the market to plot my strategy. 364 00:24:48,887 --> 00:24:52,345 - Wait till you hear this. - The carts are smaller than at the A&P. 365 00:24:52,424 --> 00:24:55,757 - Mom talked to the butcher. - He's gonna wrap up bacon and ribs. 366 00:24:55,827 --> 00:24:59,991 - I can build up the cart that way. - Sounds pretty clever. 367 00:25:00,065 --> 00:25:03,762 I asked him to set aside a prime rib, a chateaubriand, what do you think? 368 00:25:03,835 --> 00:25:06,531 - We each get our own filet mignon. - Absolutely. 369 00:25:06,605 --> 00:25:08,596 Tuff, honey, would you set the table? 370 00:25:08,673 --> 00:25:11,642 I had filet mignon once. It ain't that great. 371 00:25:11,710 --> 00:25:13,769 When have you started saying "ain't"? 372 00:25:13,845 --> 00:25:16,678 Get off your high horse. It's a perfectly good word. 373 00:25:18,216 --> 00:25:21,151 - Here. - Oh, thank you. 374 00:25:21,753 --> 00:25:24,244 This is perfect. I was gonna put on fish sticks, 375 00:25:24,322 --> 00:25:26,290 but now I can make sloppy joes. 376 00:25:27,225 --> 00:25:28,920 Might as well cook it up now. 377 00:25:28,994 --> 00:25:32,896 Looks like hamburger's not gonna be good enough for this family anymore. 378 00:25:32,964 --> 00:25:35,899 Oh, of course it is. It just won't be the only thing we know. 379 00:25:35,967 --> 00:25:38,902 I asked the kids to make a list of what they want me to grab. 380 00:25:38,970 --> 00:25:42,906 - What would you like? - Don't waste any space on me. 381 00:25:42,974 --> 00:25:46,740 Oh, now stop. Think. What have you always wanted to try? 382 00:25:46,811 --> 00:25:48,745 - I don't know. - Sure you do. 383 00:25:52,150 --> 00:25:54,448 Shrimp cocktail. 384 00:25:54,519 --> 00:25:57,920 The kind they have in those little jars. 385 00:25:57,989 --> 00:26:01,755 I like the way they look, kind of elegant. 386 00:26:02,460 --> 00:26:04,553 I always wanted one of those. 387 00:26:04,629 --> 00:26:06,654 You shall have it. 388 00:26:10,235 --> 00:26:11,862 Thank you, Mother. 389 00:26:16,741 --> 00:26:18,675 Proud of the old lady. 390 00:26:34,893 --> 00:26:37,293 - But I think you should... - Oh, no. 391 00:26:42,767 --> 00:26:44,428 Are all these kids yours? 392 00:26:45,737 --> 00:26:48,604 - Hi, Mom. - Yes. If it's all right, 393 00:26:48,673 --> 00:26:52,040 they were going to call out the time so I could stay on schedule. 394 00:26:52,110 --> 00:26:54,670 Oh, I don't know. 395 00:26:56,081 --> 00:26:58,072 I don't see any problem with that. 396 00:26:59,818 --> 00:27:03,345 And any help you happen to give Mrs. Ryan in filling her cart 397 00:27:03,421 --> 00:27:05,082 won't be seen by me. 398 00:27:07,192 --> 00:27:09,353 So, then, are you ready? 399 00:27:09,427 --> 00:27:10,758 Hold on. 400 00:27:26,244 --> 00:27:29,839 - Didn't like the way that sounded. - Thank you. 401 00:27:32,150 --> 00:27:33,481 All set? 402 00:27:35,620 --> 00:27:37,019 Go! 403 00:27:41,192 --> 00:27:43,990 Go! Faster! 404 00:27:44,062 --> 00:27:45,757 - I think we should split up. - OK. 405 00:27:45,830 --> 00:27:49,197 I'll take the frozen section, you take the European food aisle. 406 00:27:49,267 --> 00:27:52,259 - What do you want, hon? - Oh, caviar, expensive things. 407 00:27:52,337 --> 00:27:54,362 The good stuff, not the ordinary. 408 00:27:54,439 --> 00:27:55,963 Gotcha. 409 00:27:56,041 --> 00:27:57,565 Marge, go! 410 00:28:04,983 --> 00:28:07,952 Seven minutes to go! 411 00:28:24,135 --> 00:28:26,535 Three minutes. Come on! 412 00:28:40,118 --> 00:28:42,177 One minute left! 413 00:28:44,355 --> 00:28:47,119 I got you some goose pate. You ever had that? 414 00:28:47,192 --> 00:28:49,422 - No. - Let me know what it's like. 415 00:28:49,494 --> 00:28:52,395 I got all the after-dinner mints, the Swiss chocolate, 416 00:28:52,464 --> 00:28:55,592 two bags of English toffees and a couple bags of coffee mints. 417 00:28:55,667 --> 00:28:58,192 Grab and move on. Where to? 418 00:28:58,269 --> 00:28:59,964 - Produce! - What for? 419 00:29:00,038 --> 00:29:02,404 Exotic, anything grown in a foreign country. 420 00:29:02,474 --> 00:29:04,874 - Does Hawaii count? - Yes. 421 00:29:04,943 --> 00:29:07,173 Thirty seconds! 422 00:29:19,758 --> 00:29:21,055 Time! 423 00:29:33,071 --> 00:29:36,632 I got your shrimp cocktail! I got your shrimp cocktail! 424 00:29:36,708 --> 00:29:39,199 That was... great. 425 00:29:40,044 --> 00:29:42,274 - We're gonna eat good tonight. - Yep. 426 00:29:42,347 --> 00:29:44,781 Well done. 427 00:29:44,849 --> 00:29:48,012 Look at all this food and candy and sugar and sweets! 428 00:29:48,086 --> 00:29:50,145 And lobster! 429 00:29:55,727 --> 00:29:57,592 Let's see, what else? 430 00:29:57,662 --> 00:30:00,130 Anybody want an artichoke heart? 431 00:30:00,198 --> 00:30:02,564 - What do you think? - This is really good. 432 00:30:02,634 --> 00:30:05,660 - Here, try it. - Yeah, they're really good. 433 00:30:05,737 --> 00:30:07,364 What's this? 434 00:30:08,673 --> 00:30:10,231 Litchi nuts from China. 435 00:30:10,308 --> 00:30:12,367 - Oh, I see. - What do they taste like? 436 00:30:12,443 --> 00:30:15,071 Go get the can opener and let's try one. 437 00:30:15,580 --> 00:30:18,276 Litchi nuts, who the hell would want to eat that? 438 00:30:18,349 --> 00:30:20,112 What are you looking for? 439 00:30:20,852 --> 00:30:23,184 I'm looking for hamburger. 440 00:30:23,254 --> 00:30:25,154 I have a steak all ready for you. 441 00:30:25,223 --> 00:30:28,317 I don't want steak. I want hamburger. 442 00:30:31,629 --> 00:30:32,891 Oh, look at this. 443 00:30:32,964 --> 00:30:36,058 Hearts of palm, from a palm tree, can you believe it? 444 00:30:37,669 --> 00:30:40,433 These are capers. 445 00:30:40,505 --> 00:30:42,598 They come from Spain. 446 00:30:43,107 --> 00:30:44,233 Try one. 447 00:30:45,009 --> 00:30:46,476 No, thank you. 448 00:30:46,544 --> 00:30:48,273 Oh, come on. It's an adventure. 449 00:30:48,346 --> 00:30:50,576 But they're green and yicky. 450 00:30:52,617 --> 00:30:54,744 Please put that food back in the freezer. 451 00:30:54,819 --> 00:30:56,753 I don't want everything to thaw. 452 00:31:10,568 --> 00:31:13,128 Capers, my ass. 453 00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:18,932 I think it's time we tried some caviar. 454 00:31:19,010 --> 00:31:20,602 Now... 455 00:31:20,678 --> 00:31:24,375 ...caviar is one... 456 00:31:24,449 --> 00:31:28,146 ...of the finest delicacies... 457 00:31:28,219 --> 00:31:29,811 ...in... 458 00:31:30,622 --> 00:31:33,182 ...the Western world. 459 00:31:33,258 --> 00:31:36,250 It comes from Russia. 460 00:31:36,327 --> 00:31:39,888 And we are about to become... 461 00:31:39,964 --> 00:31:43,365 ...the very first Ryans... 462 00:31:43,434 --> 00:31:45,197 ...to ever taste it. 463 00:31:45,270 --> 00:31:47,261 - What is it? - Fish eggs. 464 00:31:47,338 --> 00:31:49,806 Dick, Bub, Rog, would you like to try it? 465 00:31:49,874 --> 00:31:52,775 - No, I'll stick with coconut. - No, thank you. 466 00:31:55,013 --> 00:31:58,449 - Tuff? - No, thanks. 467 00:31:59,550 --> 00:32:03,509 Do you know that U.S. Army research has shown a relationship 468 00:32:03,588 --> 00:32:08,423 between intelligence and a willingness to eat unfamiliar foods? 469 00:32:10,361 --> 00:32:12,989 Are those really fish eggs? 470 00:32:16,401 --> 00:32:18,392 I just can't. 471 00:32:18,469 --> 00:32:21,370 Oh, well. More for me then. 472 00:32:40,425 --> 00:32:42,154 It's marvelous. 473 00:32:52,737 --> 00:32:55,968 Oh, my goodness. 474 00:32:57,008 --> 00:32:58,669 My sweet goodness. 475 00:33:00,545 --> 00:33:01,978 How is your supper? 476 00:33:16,094 --> 00:33:17,561 Not very good. 477 00:33:21,399 --> 00:33:23,924 Your shrimp cocktail is in the fridge. 478 00:33:32,810 --> 00:33:36,211 They say it's good if you squeeze a little lemon on top. 479 00:33:41,753 --> 00:33:43,380 Thank you, Mother. 480 00:33:43,855 --> 00:33:45,652 Enjoy it, Dad. 481 00:33:46,591 --> 00:33:49,822 All right, what will we open next? 482 00:33:49,894 --> 00:33:52,727 Anybody here like lobster? 483 00:33:53,831 --> 00:33:56,061 We'll try a little of that. 484 00:33:56,134 --> 00:33:58,159 And... what else do we have? 485 00:33:58,236 --> 00:34:01,637 We have some button mushrooms... 486 00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:04,806 Come on over here. Sit down with us. 487 00:34:05,510 --> 00:34:07,205 Let's see, what else do we have? 488 00:34:07,278 --> 00:34:09,974 An artichoke heart, want an artichoke heart? 489 00:34:10,048 --> 00:34:12,380 - Sure. - Very good. 490 00:34:12,450 --> 00:34:14,850 Come on. You can share my seat. 491 00:34:14,919 --> 00:34:16,409 Sit down. 492 00:34:16,487 --> 00:34:18,819 Oh, yeah. Look at those little pickles. 493 00:34:18,890 --> 00:34:20,187 Look at that. 494 00:34:20,258 --> 00:34:23,750 Dad, you gotta try this. It's amazing. 495 00:34:23,828 --> 00:34:26,763 Should I open the sardines? Who's gonna eat those? 496 00:34:26,831 --> 00:34:28,822 - I won't. - All right, these are mine. 497 00:34:28,900 --> 00:34:31,767 Let's see, what else do we have here? 498 00:34:31,836 --> 00:34:35,169 - Can I try this? - Do try it. It's just delicious. 499 00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:36,900 Put it on the little cracker. 500 00:34:36,974 --> 00:34:38,669 - These are good. - Aren't they? 501 00:34:39,177 --> 00:34:41,577 Are you sick of candy yet, honey? 502 00:34:42,180 --> 00:34:44,614 - No, I will never be sick of candy. - Not yet. 503 00:34:44,682 --> 00:34:47,242 - It's good. - Yes, I know. 504 00:34:47,318 --> 00:34:48,945 That one's mine. 505 00:34:49,020 --> 00:34:52,114 What about these little white thingies? 506 00:34:52,190 --> 00:34:55,455 - Thanks, sweetheart. - This stuff isn't too cracked. 507 00:34:56,594 --> 00:34:59,358 - Mom, it's yesterday's paper. - Oh, throw that out. 508 00:35:05,503 --> 00:35:08,995 For the next four years I would win a steady stream of small prizes 509 00:35:09,073 --> 00:35:11,541 that would keep us functioning, never flush. 510 00:35:11,609 --> 00:35:15,170 I won two ice buckets, ten pairs of galoshes, 511 00:35:15,246 --> 00:35:18,613 one sled, which arrived just in time, I might add, 512 00:35:18,683 --> 00:35:21,948 fifteen ice crushers, a case of dog food, 513 00:35:22,019 --> 00:35:24,920 a pair of Arthur Murray dancing shoes, 514 00:35:24,989 --> 00:35:26,786 a Brownie camera, 515 00:35:28,259 --> 00:35:30,454 one free window installation, 516 00:35:30,528 --> 00:35:32,996 an outboard motor, 517 00:35:33,064 --> 00:35:34,793 eight pogo sticks, 518 00:35:34,866 --> 00:35:38,632 a palm tree, which promptly died, 519 00:35:38,703 --> 00:35:40,898 a lifetime supply of bird seed... 520 00:35:44,142 --> 00:35:45,575 ...and a pony, 521 00:35:46,310 --> 00:35:49,279 which we had to sell to pay the electric bill. 522 00:36:06,731 --> 00:36:08,824 In the meantime, my eldest, Lea Anne, 523 00:36:08,900 --> 00:36:10,868 left home to go to nursing school. 524 00:36:10,935 --> 00:36:14,803 "Travel handsome, travel light. Travel always with Samsonite." 525 00:36:17,141 --> 00:36:18,665 And my sons, Dick and Bub, 526 00:36:18,743 --> 00:36:21,211 both got signed to play with the Detroit Tigers. 527 00:36:21,279 --> 00:36:23,213 How do you like that? 528 00:36:28,286 --> 00:36:31,778 So far, three of my chicks have found their wings 529 00:36:31,856 --> 00:36:34,222 and I am so very proud of them. 530 00:36:35,960 --> 00:36:38,019 That is where my prayers went. 531 00:36:39,163 --> 00:36:41,063 That's where they all went. 532 00:36:42,433 --> 00:36:42,533 Give a little back. 533 00:36:42,533 --> 00:36:44,626 Give a little back. 534 00:36:44,702 --> 00:36:46,863 Let me get serious. It's for a good cause. 535 00:36:46,938 --> 00:36:48,872 You know why they left? 536 00:36:50,374 --> 00:36:52,604 'Cause we live in a hole. 537 00:36:53,578 --> 00:36:55,341 A hole without a ladder. 538 00:36:56,447 --> 00:36:58,244 I like Beech-Nut so much, 539 00:36:58,316 --> 00:37:00,546 I'm going to help them sponsor a contest. 540 00:37:00,618 --> 00:37:04,418 With the folks out there, they can win all kinds of big prizes. 541 00:37:04,488 --> 00:37:08,015 - Do you want your notebook? - Yes, thank you. 542 00:37:08,092 --> 00:37:11,323 You want to know who dug that hole? I did. 543 00:37:11,395 --> 00:37:14,159 Holy moley. Are you gonna eat that, Jerry? 544 00:37:14,232 --> 00:37:16,166 Nope, but I'm gonna sing about it. 545 00:37:16,234 --> 00:37:18,930 And the folks out there are gonna fill in the words. 546 00:37:19,003 --> 00:37:20,561 Well, all right. 547 00:37:20,638 --> 00:37:22,936 It's my dum-dee-dum-dee-dum 548 00:37:23,007 --> 00:37:25,737 Dum-dee-dum-dee-dum sandwich 549 00:37:27,545 --> 00:37:29,103 Dum-dee-dum-dee-dum 550 00:37:29,180 --> 00:37:32,843 Dum-dee-dum-dee-dum sandwich 551 00:37:32,917 --> 00:37:34,714 Hole in the ground 552 00:37:34,785 --> 00:37:37,948 Don't make a sound sandwich 553 00:37:39,056 --> 00:37:40,819 My stuff it in the mouth 554 00:37:40,891 --> 00:37:44,122 Chomp and swallow south sandwich 555 00:37:44,195 --> 00:37:46,925 - That's a good one, Mom. - You can have it. 556 00:37:46,998 --> 00:37:52,026 I'm jerk and a dope and I ain't got a hope sandwich. 557 00:37:52,803 --> 00:37:54,737 My back the deli truck 558 00:37:54,805 --> 00:37:57,706 To the lips and suck sandwich 559 00:37:58,709 --> 00:38:00,438 I'm a moron and a mutt 560 00:38:00,511 --> 00:38:03,207 And I made you a nut sandwich 561 00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:04,578 Good one, Dad. 562 00:38:04,649 --> 00:38:06,674 I'm a chump in a slump 563 00:38:06,751 --> 00:38:09,879 And I live in a dump sandwich 564 00:38:10,488 --> 00:38:12,422 My frisk the Frigidaire 565 00:38:12,490 --> 00:38:15,323 Clean the cupboards bare sandwich 566 00:38:16,994 --> 00:38:20,088 - Are you listening to me? - Yes, I'm listening. 567 00:38:20,164 --> 00:38:23,497 - You know what your problem is? - No, I don't. 568 00:38:23,567 --> 00:38:26,035 You're too damn happy. 569 00:38:36,514 --> 00:38:40,006 How do you come up with these things? 570 00:38:41,986 --> 00:38:45,854 I don't know. They just... come to me, I guess. 571 00:38:46,924 --> 00:38:49,859 That was really funny. 572 00:38:59,570 --> 00:39:02,198 - Hey, kids. - Hi, Daddy. 573 00:39:03,708 --> 00:39:07,166 - You're home early. - I don't feel so hot. 574 00:39:07,244 --> 00:39:08,905 My head hurts. 575 00:39:08,979 --> 00:39:11,243 Did they pay you for the full day? 576 00:39:11,315 --> 00:39:13,215 I don't know. I didn't ask. 577 00:39:13,751 --> 00:39:15,810 I felt so lousy I had to get out of there. 578 00:39:15,886 --> 00:39:17,547 Milk delivery! 579 00:39:17,621 --> 00:39:20,613 I'm glad you're here. I need four dollars for the milkman. 580 00:39:20,691 --> 00:39:23,091 What's he showing up so late in the day for? 581 00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:25,526 I don't know. What difference does it make? 582 00:39:25,596 --> 00:39:27,689 What happened to the money I gave you? 583 00:39:27,765 --> 00:39:30,632 What do you think happened? I used it to pay the bills. 584 00:39:30,701 --> 00:39:33,534 - I'm leaving. - I'll be right there. 585 00:39:33,604 --> 00:39:36,232 We're out of milk, would you please give me money? 586 00:39:42,079 --> 00:39:44,047 I don't have any. 587 00:39:44,115 --> 00:39:47,084 Of course you don't. It's all in those bottles. 588 00:39:53,691 --> 00:39:57,525 - I'm sorry. I'll have to owe you. - I'm not going to leave the milk. 589 00:39:57,595 --> 00:40:00,894 - I always pay you back. - That's not the point, is it? 590 00:40:00,965 --> 00:40:04,401 Listen, I'm not a rich man, but I never owed anyone anything. 591 00:40:04,468 --> 00:40:06,197 You're a better person than I am. 592 00:40:06,270 --> 00:40:09,364 We're in the same boat. But I am not going to do the paddling 593 00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:11,908 while you sit back with your hand in the water. 594 00:40:13,043 --> 00:40:15,238 You're absolutely right. 595 00:40:15,312 --> 00:40:17,803 But my children need milk. 596 00:40:17,882 --> 00:40:19,509 Please don't make them suffer 597 00:40:19,583 --> 00:40:22,518 because I am delinquent in my payments. 598 00:40:22,586 --> 00:40:23,917 Please. 599 00:40:26,123 --> 00:40:29,217 If you don't pay me next week I'm cutting you off my route. 600 00:40:30,161 --> 00:40:31,822 I understand. 601 00:40:32,997 --> 00:40:34,259 Thank you. 602 00:40:39,570 --> 00:40:42,038 - That was pleasant. - Hey. 603 00:40:42,106 --> 00:40:43,937 You think money grows on trees? 604 00:40:44,008 --> 00:40:47,136 I work my ass off in that stinking sweatshop all day long. 605 00:40:47,211 --> 00:40:49,907 - You get to do whatever you want. - Whatever I want? 606 00:40:49,980 --> 00:40:52,505 Sit around writing in your stupid notebooks. 607 00:40:52,583 --> 00:40:56,644 Those notebooks are the only reason this family isn't living on the street. 608 00:40:56,720 --> 00:40:59,018 Do you want to trade places with me? 609 00:41:03,661 --> 00:41:05,561 - Mommy! - Jesus! 610 00:41:05,629 --> 00:41:08,598 - What was that? - What happened? 611 00:41:08,666 --> 00:41:10,065 Oh, Jesus! She slipped. 612 00:41:10,134 --> 00:41:12,830 - Daddy was yelling at her. - What did you do to her? 613 00:41:12,903 --> 00:41:14,427 It was an accident! 614 00:41:14,505 --> 00:41:16,200 I wouldn't hurt your mother! 615 00:41:16,273 --> 00:41:18,764 I think somebody should get Mrs. Bidlack. 616 00:41:18,843 --> 00:41:20,435 We don't need Mrs. Bidlack. 617 00:41:20,511 --> 00:41:24,072 Get away from the glass. Would somebody please help me up? 618 00:41:24,148 --> 00:41:26,946 Sweet Christ, Mother. 619 00:41:27,017 --> 00:41:29,417 - Would somebody help me up? - Stay back. 620 00:41:31,689 --> 00:41:33,520 For goodness sakes, just move. 621 00:41:39,029 --> 00:41:41,793 Hold on. I'll take you to the hospital. Let me get my... 622 00:41:41,866 --> 00:41:44,061 No, you are not! You almost killed her! 623 00:41:44,134 --> 00:41:45,726 I didn't do anything! I swear! 624 00:41:45,803 --> 00:41:47,703 I think it's best if you just stay put. 625 00:41:47,771 --> 00:41:49,830 Oh, my God! My sweet God! What...? 626 00:41:49,907 --> 00:41:53,172 Would you get a towel so I don't make a mess in the car? 627 00:41:53,244 --> 00:41:55,974 - I'll get it. - Where's my purse? 628 00:41:56,046 --> 00:41:59,573 - Would you like me to call the police? - That won't be necessary. 629 00:41:59,650 --> 00:42:02,050 - Here. - Honey, could you hook it over my arm? 630 00:42:02,119 --> 00:42:03,279 Thank you. 631 00:42:03,354 --> 00:42:05,117 - Here, Mother. - For Pete's sake. 632 00:42:05,189 --> 00:42:07,419 What am I supposed to do with that? 633 00:42:07,491 --> 00:42:10,460 If you wouldn't mind mopping so it doesn't warp the wood, 634 00:42:10,528 --> 00:42:12,792 I'll go over the rest of it later. 635 00:42:12,863 --> 00:42:16,355 - I'll take your mother to the hospital. - I'm all right. 636 00:42:16,433 --> 00:42:18,298 - You know the worst part? - What? 637 00:42:18,369 --> 00:42:20,769 A quart of milk got sucked up inside my girdle. 638 00:42:20,838 --> 00:42:22,533 Oh, my dear. 639 00:42:22,606 --> 00:42:26,770 - Please don't die, Mommy. - It was an accident. 640 00:42:28,379 --> 00:42:30,609 Everything all right in there? 641 00:42:39,490 --> 00:42:39,557 The question is... 642 00:42:39,557 --> 00:42:41,582 The question is... 643 00:42:41,659 --> 00:42:44,423 This is a presidential election year. 644 00:42:44,495 --> 00:42:48,932 If a qualified woman were running for president, 645 00:42:48,999 --> 00:42:51,900 how would you feel about voting for her 646 00:42:51,969 --> 00:42:53,231 and why. 647 00:42:53,304 --> 00:42:56,102 If the men candidates were qualified, 648 00:42:56,173 --> 00:42:58,835 I feel I would vote against her. 649 00:42:58,909 --> 00:43:02,367 My reasons being that women are very high-strung 650 00:43:02,446 --> 00:43:04,038 and emotional people. 651 00:43:04,114 --> 00:43:06,207 They aren't knowledgeable enough... 652 00:43:06,283 --> 00:43:09,411 - Mom! - Here we go, special delivery. 653 00:43:09,486 --> 00:43:14,219 - Oh, we missed you so much. - Be careful of her. 654 00:43:14,291 --> 00:43:16,191 I'm not that fragile. 655 00:43:16,260 --> 00:43:17,887 Thank you for taking me. 656 00:43:19,263 --> 00:43:21,163 - Any time. - See, it's not so bad. 657 00:43:21,231 --> 00:43:23,392 Hello, Mother. How's it going? 658 00:43:23,467 --> 00:43:25,662 Well, I got lucky. 659 00:43:25,736 --> 00:43:29,331 Doctor said I was half an inch away from severing a ligament. 660 00:43:29,406 --> 00:43:32,239 Oh, see, kids. Your mother's as good as new. 661 00:43:32,309 --> 00:43:35,938 I have dinner set, here's a cup of tea. Why don't you sit down? 662 00:43:36,013 --> 00:43:38,846 First thing I'd like to do is take off this wet girdle, 663 00:43:38,916 --> 00:43:41,578 if you could help me, I can't use my hands just yet. 664 00:43:41,652 --> 00:43:44,883 OK. Go on, kids, supper's on the table. 665 00:43:44,955 --> 00:43:47,822 - Are you OK? - I'm fine, sweetheart. 666 00:43:47,891 --> 00:43:49,825 'Course she's OK. 667 00:43:51,095 --> 00:43:54,428 It's all right, boys. Go ahead, get something to eat. 668 00:44:01,472 --> 00:44:03,906 I think what... 669 00:44:03,974 --> 00:44:07,466 ...hurt more than anything was the dig you made about my contesting. 670 00:44:10,748 --> 00:44:13,842 You know, I couldn't be prouder of you. 671 00:44:13,917 --> 00:44:15,748 You know that? 672 00:44:15,819 --> 00:44:18,549 It's just... the thing is... 673 00:44:19,356 --> 00:44:21,654 ...the guys at the shop... 674 00:44:22,660 --> 00:44:25,185 Anytime you win something, it's... 675 00:44:25,262 --> 00:44:28,060 ..."Oh, we know who the breadwinner is." 676 00:44:28,132 --> 00:44:29,599 - It ain't me. - Goodness. 677 00:44:29,667 --> 00:44:32,795 They're just jealous. Why do you even listen to them? 678 00:44:34,905 --> 00:44:39,274 All I want in this world is to make you happy. 679 00:44:42,079 --> 00:44:44,673 I don't need you to make me happy. 680 00:44:44,748 --> 00:44:48,240 I just need you to leave me alone when I am. 681 00:45:03,701 --> 00:45:06,727 Spilled milk? Don't cry. 682 00:45:06,804 --> 00:45:10,570 Unless, of course, it's hip high. 683 00:45:11,542 --> 00:45:14,602 I don't cry over milk, spilled or otherwise. 684 00:45:14,678 --> 00:45:18,114 I just wish I had spilled a smaller other size. 685 00:45:19,983 --> 00:45:22,042 Spilled milk can't be poured, 686 00:45:22,119 --> 00:45:24,110 if it's spreadin' 'cross the floor. 687 00:45:24,188 --> 00:45:26,520 But no need for tears or sorrow. 688 00:45:26,590 --> 00:45:29,582 There's always more to spill tomorrow. 689 00:45:51,548 --> 00:45:53,209 - Hello? - Hello. 690 00:45:53,283 --> 00:45:56,878 I'm calling on behalf of Beech-Nut Gum "Name That Sandwich" contest. 691 00:45:56,954 --> 00:45:58,888 May I speak to Mr. Bruce Ryan? 692 00:45:58,956 --> 00:46:00,753 Yes, hold on one moment, please. 693 00:46:00,824 --> 00:46:02,223 Bruce! 694 00:46:02,292 --> 00:46:04,658 My frisk the Frigidaire 695 00:46:04,728 --> 00:46:07,219 Clean the cupboards bare sandwich 696 00:46:07,297 --> 00:46:09,390 Oh, baby 697 00:46:09,466 --> 00:46:11,934 You have won a Triumph TR3 sports car 698 00:46:12,002 --> 00:46:15,631 and an all expenses paid weekend trip to New York City 699 00:46:15,706 --> 00:46:17,230 for you and one parent. 700 00:46:17,307 --> 00:46:19,969 - Can I bring my mom? - You sure can, son. 701 00:46:24,014 --> 00:46:26,505 Everyone move in a little. 702 00:46:27,985 --> 00:46:29,612 Enjoy that car. 703 00:46:36,927 --> 00:46:41,193 I think my church dress will do for our dinner at Sardi's. 704 00:46:41,265 --> 00:46:45,167 But for sightseeing, I'm gonna need something a little more casual. 705 00:46:45,235 --> 00:46:47,601 Mom, there's a man on the phone about Rog. 706 00:46:47,671 --> 00:46:50,731 My goodness. Don't tell me he won something too. 707 00:47:00,050 --> 00:47:02,143 I only took a few dollars from the purse. 708 00:47:02,219 --> 00:47:06,019 I put the wallet back so she wouldn't miss her driver's license or nothing. 709 00:47:06,089 --> 00:47:07,579 Stealing is stealing. 710 00:47:07,658 --> 00:47:10,320 Don't you dare try to justify it. Don't you dare! 711 00:47:11,094 --> 00:47:12,356 Sorry, Mom. 712 00:47:14,431 --> 00:47:16,160 Do we have to tell Dad? 713 00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:19,025 You thieving little bastard! 714 00:47:19,736 --> 00:47:23,263 - Get back here! - Stop! Calm down. 715 00:47:23,340 --> 00:47:25,968 He's a criminal and he won't get away with it. 716 00:47:26,410 --> 00:47:28,378 Next time you set foot in this house, 717 00:47:28,445 --> 00:47:30,640 I'll teach you a lesson you won't forget! 718 00:47:30,714 --> 00:47:33,877 Mommy, please. 719 00:47:33,951 --> 00:47:36,181 Don't go to New York City. 720 00:47:55,405 --> 00:47:57,771 I'm sorry you didn't get to go to New York. 721 00:47:59,142 --> 00:48:01,702 Let's just get you through this next week. 722 00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:05,207 I talked to a friend of mine. 723 00:48:05,282 --> 00:48:07,375 He said the judge gives guys a choice 724 00:48:07,451 --> 00:48:09,248 between jail and joining the Army. 725 00:48:09,319 --> 00:48:12,254 The Army wouldn't be too bad, would it? 726 00:48:13,590 --> 00:48:15,217 No. 727 00:48:15,292 --> 00:48:17,886 At least you'd learn how to make your bed. 728 00:48:28,605 --> 00:48:31,233 I wonder what it would be like to drive this thing. 729 00:48:31,308 --> 00:48:34,106 - You want me to teach you? - No. 730 00:48:34,177 --> 00:48:36,372 Then I couldn't bear to sell it. 731 00:48:36,446 --> 00:48:38,641 Want me to teach you how to drive Dad's car? 732 00:48:38,715 --> 00:48:40,012 Better not. 733 00:48:40,083 --> 00:48:43,314 Not enough gas in this world for all the places I'd like to go. 734 00:48:46,657 --> 00:48:49,558 Go inside and eat your dinner. It's on the table. 735 00:49:10,013 --> 00:49:12,038 Hi, Mr. Quigley. 736 00:49:12,449 --> 00:49:14,178 Lady friend's writin' ya. 737 00:49:14,785 --> 00:49:16,480 I don't have a lady friend. 738 00:49:16,553 --> 00:49:18,282 Give it time. 739 00:49:18,755 --> 00:49:21,588 - I'm gonna tickle you. - Careful, it's slippery. 740 00:49:22,192 --> 00:49:23,682 Mom, I think this is for you. 741 00:49:23,760 --> 00:49:25,785 Oh, thank you, Bruce. 742 00:49:30,467 --> 00:49:31,991 Dear Bruce, 743 00:49:32,069 --> 00:49:34,333 I saw your name on the Beech-Nut win list. 744 00:49:34,404 --> 00:49:36,031 Well, what do you know? 745 00:49:36,106 --> 00:49:40,202 My daughter, Mary Kay, who's also 16, won second prize. 746 00:49:40,277 --> 00:49:42,905 Gee, what clever kids your mother and I have. 747 00:49:42,980 --> 00:49:45,175 Watch it! 748 00:49:45,248 --> 00:49:48,877 I live in Payne, Ohio, just 85 miles away from you 749 00:49:48,952 --> 00:49:52,945 and I'm part of a group of contesting gals called the Affadaisies. 750 00:49:53,023 --> 00:49:56,754 This is probably not of interest to a strapping teenage boy as yourself, 751 00:49:56,827 --> 00:49:59,159 but perhaps your mother would like to join us. 752 00:49:59,229 --> 00:50:01,527 I don't care who did it, just clean it up! 753 00:50:01,598 --> 00:50:04,328 Well, gotta go before the house comes down. 754 00:50:04,401 --> 00:50:06,198 Hope we hear from one of you soon. 755 00:50:06,269 --> 00:50:09,238 Sincerely, Dortha Schaefer. 756 00:50:09,306 --> 00:50:11,934 PS. Since they don't publish the winning entries, 757 00:50:12,009 --> 00:50:13,772 I'd love to know what yours was. 758 00:50:13,844 --> 00:50:16,745 Here's mine, my daughter's, that is: 759 00:50:16,813 --> 00:50:19,179 My stack it thick and quick 760 00:50:19,249 --> 00:50:21,843 Snack until I'm sick sandwich 761 00:50:24,721 --> 00:50:27,212 Dear Dortha, I love your entry. 762 00:50:27,290 --> 00:50:30,157 You have a true gift for inner rhyme and alliteration. 763 00:50:30,227 --> 00:50:34,960 I was particularly impressed by your cross-rhyming with "stack" and "snack." 764 00:50:35,032 --> 00:50:36,932 Here's my entry, for what it's worth: 765 00:50:37,000 --> 00:50:39,093 My frisk the Frigidaire 766 00:50:39,169 --> 00:50:41,603 Clean the cupboards bare sandwich 767 00:50:44,474 --> 00:50:48,137 Dear Evelyn, those judges judged right. 768 00:50:48,211 --> 00:50:50,270 No wonder I came in second. 769 00:50:50,347 --> 00:50:53,373 Talk about a gift for imagery. You have it, gal. 770 00:50:53,450 --> 00:50:56,351 And you must come to my house for an Affadaisies meeting. 771 00:50:56,420 --> 00:50:59,082 We've got the creme de la creme of contesters. 772 00:50:59,156 --> 00:51:02,557 Gladys Tierney, she is smart as a whip 773 00:51:02,626 --> 00:51:05,993 and won two cars in the Stay-Puft his and hers contest. 774 00:51:06,063 --> 00:51:08,497 Then there's Betty Yearling and Betty White. 775 00:51:08,565 --> 00:51:10,192 Cooks extraordinaire. 776 00:51:10,267 --> 00:51:14,704 Betty Y. Is a Pillsbury bake-off winner with her famous party pork barbeque. 777 00:51:14,771 --> 00:51:17,706 Betty W. Won first place in the Midwest kitchen cook-off 778 00:51:17,774 --> 00:51:20,641 with her double delight strawberry cake. 779 00:51:20,710 --> 00:51:23,178 And Emma Hartzler, who's won three fridges 780 00:51:23,246 --> 00:51:26,147 and matching stoves and a trip to Hawaii. 781 00:51:26,216 --> 00:51:28,411 All from her iron lung. 782 00:51:28,485 --> 00:51:31,511 Kleenex is so handy, I use it every day. 783 00:51:31,588 --> 00:51:34,955 Cost so little, helps so much, 784 00:51:35,025 --> 00:51:37,721 just blow, then throw away. 785 00:51:37,794 --> 00:51:39,318 Now, listen, Evelyn Ryan. 786 00:51:39,396 --> 00:51:42,797 You are the most notable of us all and you must be at my house 787 00:51:42,866 --> 00:51:45,426 in two weeks for the first meeting of the spring. 788 00:51:45,502 --> 00:51:46,901 No excuses. 789 00:51:46,970 --> 00:51:49,803 Now strap on those wings and fly on over here. 790 00:51:58,414 --> 00:52:02,111 Do you remember that group of contesters I told you about? 791 00:52:02,785 --> 00:52:04,946 They've invited me to their meeting. 792 00:52:06,855 --> 00:52:09,153 - Where is it? - Over in Payne. 793 00:52:10,225 --> 00:52:12,853 - Payne's a long way. - It's only 85 miles. 794 00:52:12,928 --> 00:52:15,055 Yeah, but it still takes gas. 795 00:52:15,798 --> 00:52:19,791 I gotta drive to work, drive you to the grocery store, 796 00:52:20,436 --> 00:52:22,233 drive the garbage to the dump... 797 00:52:23,138 --> 00:52:26,107 How much do you think I'm left with at the end of the week? 798 00:52:26,175 --> 00:52:28,473 In fact, I had to enter a football pool 799 00:52:28,544 --> 00:52:31,411 at the gas station just to win myself some extra fuel. 800 00:52:31,480 --> 00:52:34,938 - You're contesting? - Yeah. 801 00:52:35,017 --> 00:52:37,451 - Why not? - You need any hints? 802 00:52:37,953 --> 00:52:39,921 I know how to do a pool. 803 00:52:40,522 --> 00:52:44,253 Well, if you win, you'd have enough gas to drive me to Payne. 804 00:52:45,527 --> 00:52:48,257 I can’t just sit in the car 805 00:52:48,330 --> 00:52:51,299 while you gab with a bunch of jingle writers 806 00:52:51,367 --> 00:52:53,597 and forget I'm even there. 807 00:52:54,703 --> 00:52:57,672 My Saturdays are precious to me. 808 00:52:57,740 --> 00:53:00,140 Well, all right. I won't ask again. 809 00:53:11,019 --> 00:53:13,920 - That was my entry. - No, it wasn't. It was mine. 810 00:53:13,989 --> 00:53:16,822 Mom, I won 25 gallons of gas today in a football pool. 811 00:53:16,892 --> 00:53:19,986 - He didn't win. That was my entry. - I used Barb's name. 812 00:53:20,062 --> 00:53:23,259 - Barb Ryan was the one that won. - That was my Barb Ryan. 813 00:53:23,332 --> 00:53:25,357 - I had dibs on her name first. - Says who? 814 00:53:25,434 --> 00:53:27,834 We made an agreement. I got Barb, Tuff and Mike. 815 00:53:27,903 --> 00:53:30,599 - I never said you could use my name. - Don't get smart. 816 00:53:30,672 --> 00:53:33,664 - Did you write this down? - It was a gentlemen's agreement. 817 00:53:33,742 --> 00:53:35,266 You'll have to split the gas. 818 00:53:35,344 --> 00:53:37,539 He didn't know about the contest until... 819 00:53:37,613 --> 00:53:39,808 What are you talking about? I told you! 820 00:53:39,882 --> 00:53:41,747 Split the gas. 821 00:53:45,287 --> 00:53:47,278 Oh, for Christ's sake. 822 00:53:52,494 --> 00:53:56,692 - I hope you were telling the truth. - Honest, Dad's just a sore loser. 823 00:53:56,765 --> 00:53:58,892 All right. I'd like to ask you a favor. 824 00:53:58,967 --> 00:54:01,561 I want to go somewhere. 825 00:54:01,637 --> 00:54:03,036 Would you drive me? 826 00:54:03,906 --> 00:54:06,500 Sure, Mom. I'll take you anywhere you want to go. 827 00:54:06,575 --> 00:54:09,009 Thank you. 828 00:54:10,612 --> 00:54:15,276 There's tuna fish for sandwiches and you'll find coleslaw in the fridge. 829 00:54:15,350 --> 00:54:18,114 - What are you doing? - Just checking the radiator. 830 00:54:18,187 --> 00:54:20,280 Come on, Dad. We're ready to go. 831 00:54:20,355 --> 00:54:22,721 And if your father decides to make his chili, 832 00:54:22,791 --> 00:54:24,520 make sure he doesn't burn the pot. 833 00:54:24,593 --> 00:54:26,356 Right. Yeah, I got it. 834 00:54:26,428 --> 00:54:28,658 Plenty of water, oil's fine. 835 00:54:29,531 --> 00:54:30,930 Watch the clutch. 836 00:54:30,999 --> 00:54:34,400 - I know, Pop. - Get your mother back in one piece. 837 00:54:35,838 --> 00:54:37,567 Bye. 838 00:54:41,510 --> 00:54:43,375 Bye, Mom. 839 00:54:43,445 --> 00:54:46,414 - Bye, sweetie. - Have fun. 840 00:54:46,482 --> 00:54:48,279 - Thank you. - Mommy, wait. 841 00:54:48,350 --> 00:54:51,478 - What is it? - I got a surprise for you. 842 00:54:51,553 --> 00:54:53,714 You did? Show me. 843 00:54:57,493 --> 00:55:01,953 Oh, honey. Where did you get these? 844 00:55:02,030 --> 00:55:05,659 They grow all over. I got them from Mrs. Bidlack's yard, 845 00:55:05,734 --> 00:55:09,261 and Mrs. Zitfeld's, and Mrs. Zamone. 846 00:55:09,338 --> 00:55:11,806 Cripes' sakes, what did you go and go that for? 847 00:55:12,207 --> 00:55:16,007 Jesus. Sorry, Mother. I'm not good with that woman. 848 00:55:19,648 --> 00:55:22,742 - Turn off the motor. - Oh, brother. 849 00:55:25,120 --> 00:55:26,951 Oh, my God. My sweet God. 850 00:55:27,022 --> 00:55:28,580 Did you see what your boy did? 851 00:55:28,657 --> 00:55:30,488 I am so sorry. 852 00:55:30,559 --> 00:55:33,619 - Why would you do that? - He didn't know it was wrong. 853 00:55:33,695 --> 00:55:36,994 He's just a little boy. Tell me what I can do to make it better. 854 00:55:37,065 --> 00:55:41,161 There is nothing. Do you know how long I've waited for those tulips to bud? 855 00:55:41,236 --> 00:55:43,670 Tell me what they cost, I'll reimburse you. 856 00:55:43,739 --> 00:55:47,436 - $40 worth of bulbs. - Mom, are we going or not? 857 00:55:47,509 --> 00:55:50,137 No, honey, I'm afraid the trip is off. 858 00:55:50,212 --> 00:55:53,375 My gas is already in Dad's car. How am I going to get that out? 859 00:55:53,448 --> 00:55:57,111 Tell him to use his half now and you'll use your half later. 860 00:55:57,185 --> 00:56:00,120 I didn't know it was bad. 861 00:56:00,188 --> 00:56:02,281 I thought they were beautiful. 862 00:56:02,357 --> 00:56:04,848 They are beautiful. 863 00:56:04,927 --> 00:56:07,589 They truly are. 864 00:56:08,730 --> 00:56:10,698 All right. 865 00:56:11,466 --> 00:56:14,026 Now let's go make amends. 866 00:56:14,102 --> 00:56:15,569 Good boy. 867 00:56:41,296 --> 00:56:42,991 Give it gas. 868 00:56:47,936 --> 00:56:50,905 OK, put it in first and try again. 869 00:56:54,943 --> 00:56:57,070 Nice and easy. 870 00:56:59,114 --> 00:57:00,581 What are you doing? 871 00:57:00,649 --> 00:57:03,550 - Stop yelling. - I'm not yelling. You're not listening. 872 00:57:03,619 --> 00:57:06,520 Evelyn, we are all thrilled and elated to hear 873 00:57:06,588 --> 00:57:08,715 that daughter Tuff has learned to drive 874 00:57:08,790 --> 00:57:11,088 and she'll be delivering you to us, at last. 875 00:57:11,159 --> 00:57:14,094 We've moved our meetings to Emma's in Goshen, Indiana, 876 00:57:14,162 --> 00:57:16,130 which is 100 miles from where you are. 877 00:57:16,198 --> 00:57:17,893 Sorry it's such a hike. 878 00:57:17,966 --> 00:57:21,060 But our gal is eager to show off her new summer outfit. 879 00:57:21,136 --> 00:57:24,003 Evelyn, I await your arrival... 880 00:57:25,540 --> 00:57:27,405 ...with bated breath. 881 00:57:27,476 --> 00:57:29,068 There's bologna for lunch. 882 00:57:29,144 --> 00:57:31,908 If I'm not back for dinner, heat up some fish sticks, 883 00:57:31,980 --> 00:57:33,607 there's Jell-O in the fridge. 884 00:57:33,682 --> 00:57:35,877 - Yep. - Mom, we should probably get going. 885 00:57:35,951 --> 00:57:38,283 All right, off we go. 886 00:57:39,421 --> 00:57:41,685 - Don't overuse the brakes. - You told me. 887 00:57:41,757 --> 00:57:44,191 - No speeding. - This car barely goes over 40. 888 00:57:44,259 --> 00:57:48,093 - I want your mother back in one piece. - That's enough. 889 00:57:48,163 --> 00:57:50,256 Miss you already. 890 00:57:50,332 --> 00:57:52,493 - Bye, Mommy. - Bye, Betsy. 891 00:57:52,567 --> 00:57:53,932 I love you. 892 00:57:55,170 --> 00:57:56,501 Bye, Davey. 893 00:57:57,339 --> 00:57:59,170 - Bye, Mom. - Bye, Barb. 894 00:57:59,241 --> 00:58:02,267 - You have fun. - Be good. Listen to your father. 895 00:58:02,344 --> 00:58:05,438 - Be good. - Bye, Mommy. Bye, Tuff. 896 00:58:07,616 --> 00:58:11,177 More gas. 897 00:58:11,253 --> 00:58:12,982 Bye. 898 00:58:17,726 --> 00:58:20,286 Well, what do you want to do now, kids? 899 00:58:25,467 --> 00:58:28,800 Defiance, a nice place to leave. 900 00:58:37,145 --> 00:58:40,239 Honey, you can drive a little faster now. 901 00:59:05,140 --> 00:59:06,334 Oh, my goodness. 902 00:59:09,244 --> 00:59:11,474 We've crossed the state line. 903 00:59:12,314 --> 00:59:14,612 Doesn't look any different. 904 00:59:14,683 --> 00:59:17,880 The grass is much greener on this side. 905 00:59:17,953 --> 00:59:20,387 It is much greener. 906 00:59:26,495 --> 00:59:28,292 Oh, boy. 907 00:59:31,833 --> 00:59:34,859 You can relax, honey. You're doing just fine. 908 00:59:38,440 --> 00:59:42,069 Gonna be hot today. The girls will have to wipe me off the floorboards. 909 00:59:42,144 --> 00:59:45,045 Yeah, I'm starting to broil. 910 00:59:47,215 --> 00:59:49,206 Doesn't feel that hot outside. 911 00:59:49,284 --> 00:59:52,219 - Do we have the heater on? - No. 912 00:59:52,287 --> 00:59:54,118 Let me put the fan on. 913 00:59:56,491 --> 00:59:59,187 That's even worse. Turn it off. 914 01:00:03,732 --> 01:00:05,927 I think the car's overheated. 915 01:00:06,701 --> 01:00:10,102 - Oh, my Scott. - Maybe we should pull over. 916 01:00:11,873 --> 01:00:15,206 There's a town in a few miles. I'm sure there's a gas station. 917 01:00:15,277 --> 01:00:18,405 I don't think we're supposed to drive when the engine's hot. 918 01:00:18,480 --> 01:00:20,004 I say we keep going. 919 01:00:21,383 --> 01:00:23,977 Car's gonna be just fine. 920 01:00:38,200 --> 01:00:40,395 - Hello? - Ma'am. 921 01:00:44,940 --> 01:00:47,408 - Overheated? - Yes. 922 01:00:50,178 --> 01:00:53,272 Fan belt's gone. When's the last time you had it replaced? 923 01:00:53,348 --> 01:00:55,942 Oh, I don't know. It's my husband's car. 924 01:00:56,017 --> 01:00:58,611 How long will it take to fix? 925 01:00:58,687 --> 01:01:02,953 Take at least an hour for the radiator to cool down enough for me to open it. 926 01:01:03,525 --> 01:01:05,390 After that, who knows. 927 01:01:05,460 --> 01:01:07,121 Depends on what the damage is. 928 01:01:07,195 --> 01:01:08,753 Make yourself at home. 929 01:01:08,830 --> 01:01:12,960 Alrighty. Well, come on, Tuff. I'll buy you a pop. 930 01:01:16,171 --> 01:01:19,971 I bet Dad knew that fan belt was rotten and didn't replace it on purpose. 931 01:01:20,041 --> 01:01:22,407 Oh, honey, 932 01:01:22,477 --> 01:01:25,105 your father's careless but he's not mean. 933 01:01:25,180 --> 01:01:27,876 I'm sure he just didn't bother to check. 934 01:01:32,821 --> 01:01:35,517 Do you ever wish you'd never married him? 935 01:01:35,590 --> 01:01:38,058 My gosh, Tuff. 936 01:01:38,960 --> 01:01:40,257 Do you? 937 01:01:51,873 --> 01:01:55,400 - No, I don't have any regrets. - Come on, Mom. 938 01:01:55,477 --> 01:01:57,809 You've been stuck in a house for 20 years 939 01:01:57,879 --> 01:02:00,677 cooking and cleaning and taking care of crappy kids. 940 01:02:00,749 --> 01:02:03,650 Don't use that word. Especially in regards to yourself. 941 01:02:03,718 --> 01:02:06,687 But you could be living in a city, writing for a newspaper, 942 01:02:06,755 --> 01:02:08,416 having an interesting life. 943 01:02:08,490 --> 01:02:10,685 I do have an interesting life. 944 01:02:10,759 --> 01:02:12,624 Your life stinks. 945 01:02:12,694 --> 01:02:14,662 Gosh, Mom, just look at today. 946 01:02:14,729 --> 01:02:19,189 You finally get a chance to go somewhere and the lousy car breaks down. 947 01:02:19,267 --> 01:02:20,894 It's not fair. 948 01:02:20,969 --> 01:02:23,062 If I were you, I'd be angry all the time. 949 01:02:23,138 --> 01:02:26,164 Well, that wouldn't do me any good now, would it? 950 01:02:26,241 --> 01:02:29,108 For gosh sakes, you're only human. 951 01:02:29,177 --> 01:02:31,771 Oh, sweetheart. 952 01:02:35,350 --> 01:02:37,841 Maybe I'm meant to make it to the Affadaisies, 953 01:02:39,254 --> 01:02:41,586 and maybe I'm not. 954 01:02:42,023 --> 01:02:45,720 But right now, I'm sitting here in the shade 955 01:02:45,794 --> 01:02:49,355 having a conversation with my wonderfully feisty daughter, 956 01:02:49,431 --> 01:02:53,834 and I intend to enjoy this moment to the fullest. 957 01:02:53,902 --> 01:02:58,669 And I suggest, for your own well-being, 958 01:02:58,740 --> 01:03:01,834 that you do the same. 959 01:03:30,105 --> 01:03:32,437 Dortha Schaefer, is that really you? 960 01:03:32,507 --> 01:03:35,032 Oh, honey, get into these arms. 961 01:03:35,110 --> 01:03:38,273 Yes, Virginia, there is an Evelyn Ryan! Oh, look at you. 962 01:03:39,347 --> 01:03:42,145 I can't believe it, hello! 963 01:03:42,751 --> 01:03:46,653 Welcome to Emma's Ranch for housework escapees! 964 01:03:46,721 --> 01:03:49,087 Oh, God, it's so good to see you. 965 01:03:49,157 --> 01:03:51,682 Thank you for delivering your mother to us. 966 01:03:51,760 --> 01:03:54,228 - No problem. - You have no idea what this means. 967 01:03:54,295 --> 01:03:57,526 Now, you come in too. That was a big, long drive for you. 968 01:03:57,599 --> 01:04:01,057 - Sure was. - New driver. Congratulations. 969 01:04:01,136 --> 01:04:04,230 Look who we found outside on the curb. 970 01:04:04,305 --> 01:04:07,331 We got a stray bird back in the nest, girls. 971 01:04:07,409 --> 01:04:10,674 Evelyn Ryan, as I live... and breathe. 972 01:04:10,745 --> 01:04:14,647 Emma Hartzler, you are a vision. 973 01:04:14,716 --> 01:04:17,651 She looks like a giant corn on the cob, doesn't she? 974 01:04:18,420 --> 01:04:22,857 I finally found my soul mates with the Affadaisies. 975 01:04:22,924 --> 01:04:26,416 They were the sharpest group of gals I'd ever met. 976 01:04:26,494 --> 01:04:29,554 We mostly talked shop, and critiqued each other's work. 977 01:04:29,631 --> 01:04:32,293 - Evelyn, you get on over here. - Here I come. 978 01:04:32,367 --> 01:04:34,426 With Pillsbury, rhyme doesn't pay. 979 01:04:34,502 --> 01:04:36,060 Only if it's in verse. 980 01:04:36,137 --> 01:04:38,867 But inner rhyme is still valid, don't you think? 981 01:04:41,676 --> 01:04:44,270 If you spell Pillsbury flour like the bud, 982 01:04:44,345 --> 01:04:47,337 and not the baking kind, then you've got a homophone 983 01:04:47,415 --> 01:04:48,939 and don't... need the rhyme. 984 01:04:49,017 --> 01:04:50,416 Oh, love it! 985 01:04:50,485 --> 01:04:52,851 - What's super potato salad? - Pickle juice. 986 01:04:53,354 --> 01:04:56,585 What's the consensus on hyphenated words for 25 words or less? 987 01:04:56,658 --> 01:04:59,855 Technically, it is one word. Don't trust judges to know that. 988 01:04:59,928 --> 01:05:01,896 They count a contraction as two words. 989 01:05:01,963 --> 01:05:06,195 I'm in trouble. I'll have to knock off a couple of articles. 990 01:05:06,267 --> 01:05:09,236 Why waste space on an article? Use something with zest. 991 01:05:09,304 --> 01:05:12,034 "The" and "antidisestablishmentarianism" 992 01:05:12,107 --> 01:05:15,440 are both one word, but which one packs the bigger punch? 993 01:05:16,244 --> 01:05:18,508 What? 994 01:05:18,580 --> 01:05:20,571 Anti-what? 995 01:05:20,648 --> 01:05:24,084 Did anyone else just hear that word come out of her mouth? 996 01:05:26,855 --> 01:05:29,016 This is why she wins the big prizes. 997 01:05:29,090 --> 01:05:31,558 Can you sing that? Let's hear what it sounds like. 998 01:05:31,626 --> 01:05:34,754 We debated whether our days as contesters were coming to an end. 999 01:05:34,829 --> 01:05:39,960 Did you see this? No skill involved. 1000 01:05:40,034 --> 01:05:42,468 This is the death of literacy, ladies. 1001 01:05:42,537 --> 01:05:45,267 I don't want to hear that. It'll never happen. 1002 01:05:48,143 --> 01:05:51,169 This is the last big contest. Everybody snapped these up. 1003 01:05:51,246 --> 01:05:52,804 I got you the last one. 1004 01:05:52,881 --> 01:05:55,281 Oh, no, you keep it. 1005 01:05:55,350 --> 01:05:58,513 Honey, you've got more kids at home. Now, you take that. 1006 01:06:00,188 --> 01:06:01,450 OK? 1007 01:06:07,328 --> 01:06:09,489 So, what do you have to do for this one? 1008 01:06:09,564 --> 01:06:13,625 Oh, it's a one-liner. They want you to finish a limerick. 1009 01:06:13,701 --> 01:06:15,396 "The time of your life you can win 1010 01:06:15,470 --> 01:06:17,461 with Dr. Pepper, the flavor that's in. 1011 01:06:17,539 --> 01:06:21,134 It's distinctive and bright, it's lively and light. 1012 01:06:23,278 --> 01:06:26,213 There's no time like now to begin." 1013 01:06:27,415 --> 01:06:29,542 Oh, leave me alone. I'm just warming up. 1014 01:06:37,392 --> 01:06:40,657 - Evening, Rita, Nancy. - It was a hot one today. 1015 01:06:40,728 --> 01:06:42,889 There was a wonderful breeze in Goshen. 1016 01:06:42,964 --> 01:06:44,898 Well, it was a hot one here today. 1017 01:06:46,000 --> 01:06:48,594 Five minutes to supper, sweetheart. 1018 01:06:49,337 --> 01:06:52,033 Oh, for Pete's sake. Who locked the door? 1019 01:06:52,106 --> 01:06:56,270 - Hey, you guys, let us in. - Honey, let's go around the back. 1020 01:06:56,344 --> 01:06:58,039 Row row row your boat 1021 01:06:58,112 --> 01:06:59,943 Gently down the stream 1022 01:07:00,014 --> 01:07:03,506 Throw your dad overboard and listen to him scream 1023 01:07:03,585 --> 01:07:05,746 Mom's home! 1024 01:07:05,820 --> 01:07:08,812 What are you kids doing outside? 1025 01:07:08,890 --> 01:07:11,188 Well, we went to the movies this afternoon. 1026 01:07:11,259 --> 01:07:13,784 When we got back, Dad locked us out of the house. 1027 01:07:13,861 --> 01:07:16,728 He what? 1028 01:07:16,798 --> 01:07:18,163 Kelly! 1029 01:07:20,768 --> 01:07:22,030 Open the door! 1030 01:07:28,243 --> 01:07:31,303 - Where the hell have you been? - I told you, I might be late. 1031 01:07:31,379 --> 01:07:34,314 - Not this late. - You locked your kids out of the house? 1032 01:07:34,382 --> 01:07:37,249 Good grief! Tuff set the table, please. 1033 01:07:37,318 --> 01:07:39,218 You left at the crack of dawn. 1034 01:07:39,287 --> 01:07:41,312 You don't come back until almost dark. 1035 01:07:41,389 --> 01:07:43,254 What were you doing all this time? 1036 01:07:43,324 --> 01:07:45,451 I was gone for ten hours. 1037 01:07:45,526 --> 01:07:48,757 If you can't take care of your kids for less than half a day, 1038 01:07:48,830 --> 01:07:50,695 you might as well leave this house. 1039 01:07:50,765 --> 01:07:52,733 You can goddamn be the one to leave. 1040 01:07:52,800 --> 01:07:55,166 Get off of my mother! 1041 01:08:05,380 --> 01:08:08,247 "For picnic or party, Jell-O's a boon. 1042 01:08:08,316 --> 01:08:10,910 Made by nine, all set by noon. 1043 01:08:10,985 --> 01:08:13,510 With taste and shimmer-shake appeal, 1044 01:08:13,588 --> 01:08:17,115 Jell-O jollies any meal." 1045 01:08:28,102 --> 01:08:30,570 Christ, Mother. 1046 01:08:30,638 --> 01:08:32,299 You've killed me. 1047 01:08:32,373 --> 01:08:34,432 Death by Jell-O is highly unlikely. 1048 01:08:34,509 --> 01:08:37,273 And I want you to know, I am not cleaning up this mess. 1049 01:08:39,614 --> 01:08:41,309 Could you get me some towels? 1050 01:08:41,382 --> 01:08:44,078 Not on your life. She's not cleaning up after you. 1051 01:08:44,152 --> 01:08:46,746 Now kids, go ahead and watch TV while I make dinner. 1052 01:08:47,889 --> 01:08:49,220 Go on. 1053 01:08:54,862 --> 01:08:58,389 By the way, the fan belt fell off the car 1054 01:08:58,466 --> 01:09:00,331 and that is why we are so late. 1055 01:09:01,936 --> 01:09:04,029 Yeah, I was waiting for that to happen. 1056 01:09:07,342 --> 01:09:08,604 What's this? 1057 01:09:09,744 --> 01:09:12,645 Steak. I went shopping today. 1058 01:09:12,714 --> 01:09:14,682 I wanted to make a dinner for the kids. 1059 01:09:14,749 --> 01:09:16,114 Why didn't you feed them? 1060 01:09:16,184 --> 01:09:19,278 I was crying and didn't want them to see me. 1061 01:09:19,354 --> 01:09:21,322 Why on earth were you crying? 1062 01:09:22,223 --> 01:09:25,317 I thought you decided to go away and never come back. 1063 01:09:26,694 --> 01:09:30,460 For goodness sakes. You know I'd never leave the kids with you. 1064 01:09:37,572 --> 01:09:39,301 I got you something too. 1065 01:09:40,241 --> 01:09:42,402 It was supposed to be a surprise. 1066 01:09:42,944 --> 01:09:44,809 It's in there. 1067 01:09:46,414 --> 01:09:48,143 Here you go. 1068 01:09:48,783 --> 01:09:50,876 I found it at a secondhand store. 1069 01:09:50,952 --> 01:09:53,716 I paid a guy at the shop to fix it up. 1070 01:09:54,555 --> 01:09:57,581 It is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. 1071 01:09:58,259 --> 01:10:02,753 I thought it was about time you had a proper desk. 1072 01:10:02,830 --> 01:10:04,821 How did you pay for it? 1073 01:10:04,899 --> 01:10:07,629 Oh, don't you worry about that. 1074 01:10:10,238 --> 01:10:12,502 Thank you. 1075 01:10:14,709 --> 01:10:16,176 I love you. 1076 01:10:31,559 --> 01:10:34,153 - Hello? - Hello, Mrs. Ryan? 1077 01:10:34,228 --> 01:10:38,289 It's Cutter Murphy, down here at Defiance Home Saving and Loan. 1078 01:10:38,366 --> 01:10:40,891 Just a friendly reminder 1079 01:10:40,968 --> 01:10:44,768 to let you know that the second mortgage is coming due on your house. 1080 01:10:44,839 --> 01:10:48,605 Mr. Murphy, we've never taken out a second mortgage. 1081 01:10:48,676 --> 01:10:50,200 Oh yes, you did. 1082 01:10:50,278 --> 01:10:52,906 Yes, Mr. Ryan came down here three years ago 1083 01:10:52,980 --> 01:10:55,448 and signed the papers. 1084 01:10:55,516 --> 01:10:57,279 How much do we owe? 1085 01:10:57,351 --> 01:11:02,880 $4,000, due in 30 days. 1086 01:11:04,192 --> 01:11:05,784 See ya, fellas. 1087 01:11:19,140 --> 01:11:22,701 Hello, Mother. What are you doing out here? 1088 01:11:22,777 --> 01:11:25,769 When were you gonna tell me about the second mortgage? 1089 01:11:30,885 --> 01:11:32,614 It's due? 1090 01:11:34,322 --> 01:11:37,655 I had a feeling that day might be coming up. 1091 01:11:37,725 --> 01:11:39,659 Is there anything left? 1092 01:11:40,561 --> 01:11:42,153 I was gonna pay it back 1093 01:11:42,230 --> 01:11:45,597 without anyone ever knowing about it. 1094 01:11:49,170 --> 01:11:51,604 Is there anything left? 1095 01:11:53,174 --> 01:11:54,835 No. 1096 01:11:56,244 --> 01:11:59,008 It's all... gone. 1097 01:12:06,420 --> 01:12:09,947 They're gonna repossess the house. 1098 01:12:14,896 --> 01:12:17,660 Do the kids know? 1099 01:12:17,732 --> 01:12:20,200 I told them as soon as I got the call. 1100 01:12:20,268 --> 01:12:24,637 I didn't want them to hear it from anybody else. 1101 01:12:26,607 --> 01:12:28,370 Are they angry with me? 1102 01:12:29,343 --> 01:12:31,675 Right now they're just scared. 1103 01:12:33,180 --> 01:12:36,616 Guess we could always rent another place. 1104 01:12:36,684 --> 01:12:41,018 At least we wouldn't have to worry about repairs anymore. 1105 01:12:41,088 --> 01:12:43,181 This is my house. 1106 01:12:44,025 --> 01:12:45,720 My house. 1107 01:12:51,399 --> 01:12:53,230 I just... 1108 01:12:55,036 --> 01:12:57,266 ...felt like a drowning man. 1109 01:12:57,338 --> 01:13:01,001 Never being able to catch up... 1110 01:13:01,075 --> 01:13:03,100 I just wanted, for once, 1111 01:13:04,478 --> 01:13:06,912 to have a few extra dollars in my pocket. 1112 01:13:11,652 --> 01:13:14,553 Well, that's water under the bridge now, isn't it? 1113 01:13:15,489 --> 01:13:16,717 Where you going? 1114 01:13:16,824 --> 01:13:19,315 I have to make dinner. 1115 01:13:20,761 --> 01:13:23,286 Do you hate me? 1116 01:13:24,899 --> 01:13:27,766 I'm still in shock. I'll have to let you know. 1117 01:13:39,413 --> 01:13:42,007 We need to talk about what will happen 1118 01:13:42,083 --> 01:13:44,142 if we have to leave this house. 1119 01:13:44,218 --> 01:13:46,584 We may not be able to stay together. 1120 01:13:46,654 --> 01:13:48,212 What do you mean? 1121 01:13:48,289 --> 01:13:51,383 Aunt Lucy said she could take Betsy and Dave. 1122 01:13:51,892 --> 01:13:54,452 You kids like the farm, don't ya? 1123 01:13:54,528 --> 01:13:57,088 No, I don't. 1124 01:13:57,164 --> 01:14:00,691 What about that old horse of theirs? You love that horse. 1125 01:14:00,768 --> 01:14:03,328 I really don't. 1126 01:14:03,404 --> 01:14:06,305 - Where am I gonna go? - Mrs. Bidlack has an extra room. 1127 01:14:06,374 --> 01:14:08,638 There is no way in heck I am staying with her. 1128 01:14:08,709 --> 01:14:11,701 You'll be right next door. It'll be like living here. 1129 01:14:11,779 --> 01:14:14,475 No it won't. There'll be another family here. 1130 01:14:14,548 --> 01:14:16,948 There will be someone sleeping in my room! 1131 01:14:26,127 --> 01:14:29,824 - How's that steak, kids? - Don't be rude, answer your father. 1132 01:14:35,102 --> 01:14:37,195 It's good, Daddy. 1133 01:14:37,271 --> 01:14:40,297 Well, it's the last one, eat up. 1134 01:15:20,681 --> 01:15:22,308 What are you kids doing? 1135 01:15:23,017 --> 01:15:26,384 We're praying that you win something very big. 1136 01:15:27,788 --> 01:15:29,312 All right. 1137 01:15:31,592 --> 01:15:33,685 Don't let me disturb you. 1138 01:15:43,404 --> 01:15:45,338 Times are hard again? 1139 01:15:45,406 --> 01:15:47,966 Yes, they are. 1140 01:15:48,042 --> 01:15:50,704 I'll tell you what. 1141 01:15:50,778 --> 01:15:54,805 I'll leave you the milk, you don't have to pay me until next week. 1142 01:15:56,283 --> 01:15:57,875 Thank you, Ray. 1143 01:15:57,952 --> 01:15:59,647 Thank you so much. 1144 01:16:01,055 --> 01:16:04,115 I got a bag of laundry in the truck, just a couple of shirts. 1145 01:16:04,191 --> 01:16:05,852 You know, if you do a good job, 1146 01:16:05,926 --> 01:16:08,258 I could even recommend you to my customers. 1147 01:16:09,897 --> 01:16:11,956 I don't take in laundry. 1148 01:16:13,000 --> 01:16:15,059 Could somebody please get that? 1149 01:16:15,136 --> 01:16:17,730 Hey, I'm just trying to do you a favor, OK? 1150 01:16:17,805 --> 01:16:20,774 - Don't get uppity. - I have enough for two bottles of milk, 1151 01:16:20,841 --> 01:16:22,672 and that will have to suffice. 1152 01:16:22,743 --> 01:16:25,610 Mommy, it's the detective from Toledo. 1153 01:16:25,679 --> 01:16:28,705 A detective? There's nothing more I can do for you. 1154 01:16:28,783 --> 01:16:32,150 Count out the money for the milkman, please. 1155 01:16:36,223 --> 01:16:37,520 More. 1156 01:16:39,727 --> 01:16:41,319 - Hello? - Mrs. Evelyn Ryan? 1157 01:16:41,395 --> 01:16:42,555 Yes, this is she. 1158 01:16:42,630 --> 01:16:46,498 I'm interviewing finalists for the Dr. Pepper "Time of Your Life" contest. 1159 01:16:46,567 --> 01:16:48,899 - Of course. - Will you be in this afternoon? 1160 01:16:48,969 --> 01:16:50,334 Yes, certainly. 1161 01:16:50,404 --> 01:16:52,531 - 3:00? - That'll be fine. 1162 01:16:52,606 --> 01:16:56,133 - Do you have our address? - Yes, I do. That's my job. 1163 01:16:56,210 --> 01:16:57,700 Right. We'll see you then. 1164 01:16:57,778 --> 01:17:00,212 - I look forward to it. - Thank you. 1165 01:17:00,281 --> 01:17:02,272 What? What is it? 1166 01:17:02,349 --> 01:17:04,010 - What's going on? - Get out here! 1167 01:17:04,084 --> 01:17:06,416 It's way too soon to be excited, 1168 01:17:06,487 --> 01:17:08,978 - but I am a possible winner... - What is it? 1169 01:17:09,056 --> 01:17:12,457 Kelly, a detective is on his way to Defiance right now. 1170 01:17:12,526 --> 01:17:15,359 I'm in the running for the "Time of Your Life" contest. 1171 01:17:15,429 --> 01:17:17,761 - Is this a big one? - It's very big. 1172 01:17:17,832 --> 01:17:20,630 We need to clean up. Pick up your toys. 1173 01:17:20,701 --> 01:17:22,794 Get all that stuff off the table. 1174 01:17:22,870 --> 01:17:26,465 Give Mike some money, send him to the store for some Dr. Pepper. 1175 01:17:26,540 --> 01:17:28,167 What for? 1176 01:17:28,242 --> 01:17:30,574 To show that we're using the product. 1177 01:17:30,644 --> 01:17:34,102 This is my last dollar. What if we don't win? 1178 01:17:34,181 --> 01:17:36,513 - That's a problem for another day. - Go, Mike. 1179 01:17:36,584 --> 01:17:40,145 - Get it from the refrigerator case. - OK, Mom. 1180 01:17:40,221 --> 01:17:43,486 Take all this stuff and put it on the back porch. 1181 01:17:43,557 --> 01:17:47,516 Stop crying, honey, and get me a broom for goodness sake. 1182 01:17:54,535 --> 01:17:57,231 Are you employed outside the home? 1183 01:17:57,304 --> 01:18:00,796 Goodness, no. I have enough to do here. 1184 01:18:01,976 --> 01:18:04,001 And your husband, what does he do? 1185 01:18:04,078 --> 01:18:06,842 He's a machinist. 1186 01:18:07,381 --> 01:18:10,942 Do you own or... rent your home? 1187 01:18:11,018 --> 01:18:13,486 We own it. 1188 01:18:13,554 --> 01:18:16,614 One car or a two car family? 1189 01:18:16,690 --> 01:18:18,385 One car. A Chevy. 1190 01:18:18,459 --> 01:18:21,724 - The one parked out front? - Yes. 1191 01:18:21,795 --> 01:18:24,491 You need to put some more air into those tires. 1192 01:18:26,533 --> 01:18:29,093 OK, final question. 1193 01:18:30,437 --> 01:18:32,564 If you were stuck on a desert island 1194 01:18:32,640 --> 01:18:35,632 and you only had one beverage to drink... 1195 01:18:37,177 --> 01:18:39,577 ...what would the beverage be? 1196 01:18:42,116 --> 01:18:43,481 Orange juice. 1197 01:18:43,550 --> 01:18:45,541 Orange juice? 1198 01:18:46,987 --> 01:18:48,454 To prevent scurvy. 1199 01:18:48,522 --> 01:18:51,753 But my beverage of choice is Dr. Pepper, of course. 1200 01:18:54,295 --> 01:18:57,753 - Thanks for the honesty. - A pleasure, Detective Feeney. 1201 01:18:57,831 --> 01:18:59,958 When the final decision's made, 1202 01:19:00,034 --> 01:19:02,298 you'll be notified immediately. 1203 01:19:05,306 --> 01:19:08,833 - And when might that be? - Two weeks to a month. 1204 01:19:08,909 --> 01:19:10,774 Oh, I see. 1205 01:19:10,844 --> 01:19:15,372 - Thank you for coming by. - The pleasure's all mine. 1206 01:19:20,287 --> 01:19:21,584 Orange juice. 1207 01:19:21,655 --> 01:19:24,317 What kind of crazy answer was that? 1208 01:19:25,259 --> 01:19:29,195 I think your mother did a heck of a job, what do you think, kids? 1209 01:19:29,263 --> 01:19:32,357 - What if we win and it's too late? - What's with the gloom? 1210 01:19:32,433 --> 01:19:33,695 We're halfway there. 1211 01:19:33,767 --> 01:19:37,533 Mom, will me and Davey still have to go to the farm? 1212 01:19:37,604 --> 01:19:41,165 We don't know yet, honey. It's something we have to prepare for. 1213 01:19:41,241 --> 01:19:43,971 Don't listen to Mom. She's being modest. 1214 01:19:44,044 --> 01:19:47,070 None of those entries are as good as hers. She's a shoo-in. 1215 01:19:47,147 --> 01:19:50,480 I'm not a shoo-in. There could be 20 other people up for this. 1216 01:19:50,551 --> 01:19:53,111 Don't worry, kids. Everything is gonna be OK. 1217 01:19:53,187 --> 01:19:55,985 No, it isn't. Even if we do win, so what? 1218 01:19:56,056 --> 01:19:57,717 We'll be as poor as we were before 1219 01:19:57,791 --> 01:20:00,055 because of all the money you stole from us. 1220 01:20:00,127 --> 01:20:01,856 I didn't steal anything! 1221 01:20:01,929 --> 01:20:04,159 I made an error in judgment. 1222 01:20:04,231 --> 01:20:06,028 Heck of an error. 1223 01:20:06,100 --> 01:20:08,432 You all think this isn't tearing me apart? 1224 01:20:08,502 --> 01:20:12,734 I did it to pay the bills. I wanted you kids to eat steak. 1225 01:20:12,806 --> 01:20:15,832 I wanted your mother to have one decent piece of furniture 1226 01:20:15,909 --> 01:20:18,139 that didn't look like a thrift store. 1227 01:20:18,212 --> 01:20:19,839 I don't care! 1228 01:20:19,913 --> 01:20:22,780 - I want our house back! - It isn't gone yet! 1229 01:20:22,850 --> 01:20:25,478 So, have a little faith, for Christ's sake. 1230 01:20:29,189 --> 01:20:31,680 Now you've upset your mother. 1231 01:20:36,897 --> 01:20:38,296 You OK? 1232 01:20:49,777 --> 01:20:52,371 If you don't win this one, there'll be another... 1233 01:20:52,446 --> 01:20:55,347 No, there won't. 1234 01:20:55,416 --> 01:20:59,216 In another year, there won't be any of these contests left. 1235 01:20:59,286 --> 01:21:01,982 If we lose this house, that's it. 1236 01:21:02,823 --> 01:21:06,657 I can't buy another house with a three-dollar poetry prize, now can I? 1237 01:21:09,797 --> 01:21:12,595 - You'll think of something. - You think of something! 1238 01:21:12,666 --> 01:21:16,295 It's your turn to make things right because I'm out of ideas. 1239 01:21:18,539 --> 01:21:22,373 - Please don't fall apart. - For God's sakes, I'm not a saint. 1240 01:21:23,677 --> 01:21:26,646 If you can't stand to see me upset, then go away. 1241 01:21:26,713 --> 01:21:28,772 Let me do it in peace. 1242 01:21:34,555 --> 01:21:36,045 All right. 1243 01:22:27,307 --> 01:22:29,002 Thanks. 1244 01:22:30,878 --> 01:22:34,314 Mom, there are bugs in the soup. 1245 01:22:34,381 --> 01:22:36,781 - I have them too. - Me too. 1246 01:22:40,454 --> 01:22:43,651 - Those aren't bugs. They're spices. - They have legs. 1247 01:22:43,724 --> 01:22:46,249 Don't be silly. Spices don't have legs. 1248 01:22:50,964 --> 01:22:53,228 There are no bugs in the soup. 1249 01:22:53,967 --> 01:22:55,696 Listen to your mother, kids. 1250 01:23:15,122 --> 01:23:17,147 - Hello? - Hello. Mrs. Kelly Ryan? 1251 01:23:17,224 --> 01:23:19,852 - Yes, yes, this is she. - Congratulations. 1252 01:23:19,927 --> 01:23:23,055 You have won a free offer from Bright Way Rug Cleaners. 1253 01:23:23,130 --> 01:23:26,429 We will give you our special living room discount. 1254 01:23:26,500 --> 01:23:30,368 Plus, we will clean one area rug, absolutely free. 1255 01:23:31,638 --> 01:23:33,105 Hello, ma'am? 1256 01:23:33,173 --> 01:23:36,165 We're not interested, thank you. 1257 01:23:37,477 --> 01:23:38,967 It's all right. 1258 01:23:54,461 --> 01:23:56,656 Mommy, what do we do with this? 1259 01:23:56,730 --> 01:23:59,722 Just put it all on the front porch. Thank you, girls. 1260 01:24:01,735 --> 01:24:04,533 Davey, go outside with that. 1261 01:24:43,210 --> 01:24:44,472 - Hello? - Hello. 1262 01:24:44,544 --> 01:24:47,945 - Is this Mrs. Evelyn L. Ryan? - This is she. 1263 01:24:48,015 --> 01:24:50,984 Mrs. Ryan, it's my pleasure to inform you 1264 01:24:51,051 --> 01:24:52,951 that you are our first-prize winner 1265 01:24:53,020 --> 01:24:55,648 in the Dr. Pepper "Time of Your Life" contest. 1266 01:24:56,423 --> 01:24:57,685 Oh, my word. 1267 01:24:57,758 --> 01:24:59,919 You've won a trip for two to Switzerland, 1268 01:24:59,993 --> 01:25:03,053 a Ford Mustang, his and hers Longines watches 1269 01:25:03,130 --> 01:25:07,396 and cash in the amount of $3,440.64. 1270 01:25:07,467 --> 01:25:09,196 Goodness, well... 1271 01:25:09,269 --> 01:25:12,830 ...these prizes couldn't come at a better time for my large family. 1272 01:25:12,906 --> 01:25:15,602 - Kids, get in here! - I'm glad to hear that. 1273 01:25:15,676 --> 01:25:18,236 - Come here. - You have every reason to be proud. 1274 01:25:18,312 --> 01:25:22,214 Your entry beat out 250,000 others. 1275 01:25:22,282 --> 01:25:24,750 Thank you for telling me that. 1276 01:25:24,818 --> 01:25:27,582 You've brightened my day considerably. 1277 01:25:27,654 --> 01:25:30,088 Thank you, Mrs. Ryan. Good day. 1278 01:25:32,526 --> 01:25:34,118 We won! 1279 01:25:45,205 --> 01:25:47,002 Mom, can we go tell the neighbors? 1280 01:25:47,074 --> 01:25:49,008 You can tell whoever you want! 1281 01:26:01,488 --> 01:26:03,820 Tuffy, it's OK. 1282 01:26:03,890 --> 01:26:06,859 Everything's going to be OK. We're all going to be OK. 1283 01:26:06,927 --> 01:26:09,919 No, we aren't. 1284 01:26:11,932 --> 01:26:15,231 - For cripe's sake. - You go outside, I'll take care of her. 1285 01:26:16,703 --> 01:26:19,900 Come on, let's go tell everybody. Come on. 1286 01:26:23,677 --> 01:26:25,770 We won! We won the big contest! 1287 01:26:32,953 --> 01:26:35,513 He's never gonna change. 1288 01:26:35,589 --> 01:26:37,955 You're absolutely right. 1289 01:26:39,059 --> 01:26:40,651 He's not. 1290 01:26:45,532 --> 01:26:49,332 Do you know what that man said to me on the phone just now? 1291 01:26:49,403 --> 01:26:50,802 No. 1292 01:26:50,871 --> 01:26:55,433 He said that I beat 250,000 other entries. 1293 01:26:56,877 --> 01:26:58,902 And do you know what else? 1294 01:26:59,813 --> 01:27:02,043 It wasn't even my best one. 1295 01:27:05,185 --> 01:27:06,550 Honey... 1296 01:27:07,788 --> 01:27:10,586 Honey, you have your whole life in front of you, 1297 01:27:10,657 --> 01:27:14,252 and you can make of it whatever you want. 1298 01:27:14,928 --> 01:27:17,419 You have a marvelous mind. 1299 01:27:18,865 --> 01:27:20,856 And a beautiful heart. 1300 01:27:22,803 --> 01:27:25,465 And you can accomplish anything. 1301 01:27:27,207 --> 01:27:30,040 Everything is possible. 1302 01:27:30,110 --> 01:27:32,169 Do you know that? 1303 01:27:41,054 --> 01:27:43,045 Forgive him. 1304 01:27:45,625 --> 01:27:48,492 Forgive him so you can embrace this... 1305 01:27:49,029 --> 01:27:51,623 ...truly remarkable day. 1306 01:28:05,946 --> 01:28:08,471 I love you, Mom. 1307 01:28:11,985 --> 01:28:13,782 I love you. 1308 01:28:44,184 --> 01:28:46,118 I never made it to Switzerland. 1309 01:28:46,186 --> 01:28:49,178 Naturally, I cashed in the trip to pay off the mortgage. 1310 01:28:50,457 --> 01:28:53,722 However, I did get my chance to travel. 1311 01:28:54,261 --> 01:28:58,163 To Dallas, Texas where Dr. Pepper made me their own queen for a day. 1312 01:28:59,199 --> 01:29:01,190 However, I was annoyed by the hat, 1313 01:29:01,268 --> 01:29:03,828 as my hair was flattened for the rest of the day. 1314 01:29:05,472 --> 01:29:08,635 It was the first time I ate a meal I didn't have to cook, 1315 01:29:08,708 --> 01:29:11,176 on a plate that I didn't have to wash. 1316 01:29:12,512 --> 01:29:16,312 Or soaked in a tub that I didn't have to scrub. 1317 01:29:16,383 --> 01:29:21,548 Or slept in a bed that I didn't have to make. 1318 01:29:21,621 --> 01:29:24,590 I never won another major contest after that. 1319 01:29:25,325 --> 01:29:29,352 Nor did I ever travel much beyond the Ohio-Indiana state line. 1320 01:29:33,433 --> 01:29:34,730 Drive safely. 1321 01:29:34,801 --> 01:29:37,634 But I'm happy to report that every one of my children 1322 01:29:37,704 --> 01:29:40,332 got the chance to see the world beyond. 1323 01:29:43,243 --> 01:29:45,473 I saw them off to California, 1324 01:29:45,545 --> 01:29:47,775 Colorado, Virginia, 1325 01:29:48,548 --> 01:29:50,379 Texas, Florida, 1326 01:29:50,917 --> 01:29:52,384 New York. 1327 01:29:52,452 --> 01:29:55,046 I've watched them graduate college, play ball, 1328 01:29:55,121 --> 01:29:57,419 practice nursing, practice law. 1329 01:29:57,490 --> 01:29:59,253 Bye, Mom. 1330 01:30:01,795 --> 01:30:06,061 And yes, some of them have even written books. 1331 01:30:16,109 --> 01:30:20,307 My husband, Kelly, bless his soul, found his peace, at last. 1332 01:30:20,380 --> 01:30:25,044 He left a legacy of atonement that, frankly, took my breath away. 1333 01:30:25,952 --> 01:30:28,978 He deposited his pension checks in a secret account 1334 01:30:29,055 --> 01:30:32,286 that he had opened just for me. 1335 01:30:32,926 --> 01:30:36,225 I never had to worry about earning another nickel again. 1336 01:30:41,434 --> 01:30:45,097 - Does anyone want these? - You can have it. 1337 01:30:45,171 --> 01:30:47,731 When it was my time to take leave of this world, 1338 01:30:47,807 --> 01:30:50,867 all my chicks were there to see me off. 1339 01:30:50,944 --> 01:30:53,105 It was a lovely day, indeed. 1340 01:31:02,355 --> 01:31:06,018 Tuff, you want to take Mom's typewriter? 1341 01:31:34,020 --> 01:31:36,011 Oh, my goodness. 1342 01:31:36,089 --> 01:31:38,523 I believe this was the last thing I ever wrote. 1343 01:31:40,193 --> 01:31:43,390 "Every time I pass the church, I stop and make a visit. 1344 01:31:43,463 --> 01:31:45,556 So when I'm carried in feet first, 1345 01:31:45,632 --> 01:31:48,396 God won't say, 'Who is it?"' 1346 01:31:49,769 --> 01:31:51,703 Well, it's not my best. 1347 01:31:51,771 --> 01:31:53,864 But the sentiment is right. 1348 01:38:46,771 --> 01:38:47,864 [[[ the end ]]]