1 00:00:00,980 --> 00:00:04,020 (THEME MUSIC) 2 00:00:14,740 --> 00:00:15,940 Hello. 3 00:00:15,940 --> 00:00:16,180 Most of us remember our first teenage relationships. Hello. 4 00:00:16,180 --> 00:00:20,020 Most of us remember our first teenage relationships. 5 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:23,540 They can be exciting, confusing, exhilarating, 6 00:00:23,540 --> 00:00:23,780 They can be exciting, confusing, exhilarating, sometimes heartbreaking. 7 00:00:23,780 --> 00:00:24,980 sometimes heartbreaking. 8 00:00:24,980 --> 00:00:26,860 They're an important part of growing up. 9 00:00:27,980 --> 00:00:30,180 Sadly, though, police are seeing 10 00:00:30,180 --> 00:00:32,620 more instances of young people coming forward 11 00:00:32,620 --> 00:00:38,380 to report relationships marked by coercive control and assault. 12 00:00:38,380 --> 00:00:41,540 When Anna Coutts-Trotter first told her mother, 13 00:00:41,540 --> 00:00:43,780 the Federal Environment Minister, Tanya Plibersek, 14 00:00:43,780 --> 00:00:46,340 what was going on in her relationship, 15 00:00:46,340 --> 00:00:49,940 it was the beginning of both the family's biggest test 16 00:00:49,940 --> 00:00:50,180 it was the beginning and a passionate new cause for Anna. 17 00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:52,780 and a passionate new cause for Anna. 18 00:00:55,740 --> 00:00:59,020 Wow! It's so profesh. 19 00:00:59,020 --> 00:01:00,820 Brenda, come look at how professional we are. 20 00:01:01,860 --> 00:01:02,900 Take it all in. 21 00:01:02,900 --> 00:01:05,660 The last few years has definitely been a bit of a juggle. 22 00:01:05,660 --> 00:01:08,620 I'm most excited about the food! 23 00:01:08,620 --> 00:01:10,020 But even though it's really hard 24 00:01:10,020 --> 00:01:11,700 and it can be really retraumatising, 25 00:01:11,700 --> 00:01:15,900 I...I want to be able to use my voice to make changes. 26 00:01:15,900 --> 00:01:18,420 I still have, like, 10 more to write, but not tonight. 27 00:01:18,420 --> 00:01:19,700 Not tonight. 28 00:01:19,700 --> 00:01:21,220 Presents with us. 29 00:01:21,220 --> 00:01:22,500 Another hamper?! 30 00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:24,420 Anna is incredibly motivated. 31 00:01:24,420 --> 00:01:26,140 She's great at motivating the team. 32 00:01:26,140 --> 00:01:27,420 She's great at getting things done. 33 00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:28,820 She's great at helping people. 34 00:01:28,820 --> 00:01:30,460 Hey! Hey! 35 00:01:30,460 --> 00:01:32,980 How are you? Good! 36 00:01:32,980 --> 00:01:35,020 So good to see you. Thanks for coming. 37 00:01:35,020 --> 00:01:39,340 Anna wants to ensure that not one more person experiences 38 00:01:39,340 --> 00:01:39,580 Anna wants to ensure that even a tenth of what she had to. 39 00:01:39,580 --> 00:01:41,140 even a tenth of what she had to. 40 00:01:41,140 --> 00:01:44,100 That's right. Just do, um, ankles up. 41 00:01:44,100 --> 00:01:45,620 Yes. Keep going. 42 00:01:45,620 --> 00:01:46,940 (LAUGHS) 43 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:47,180 Anna has taken something chaotic (LAUGHS) 44 00:01:47,180 --> 00:01:52,420 Anna has taken something chaotic and hurtful and meaningless 45 00:01:52,420 --> 00:01:52,660 Anna has taken something chaotic and terrible for her... 46 00:01:52,660 --> 00:01:54,100 and terrible for her... 47 00:01:54,100 --> 00:01:55,180 Hello, darling. 48 00:01:55,180 --> 00:01:58,820 ..and turned it into something positive and remarkable. 49 00:01:58,820 --> 00:02:02,300 But for that, this whole thing, I think, 50 00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:03,900 would have fractured our family. 51 00:02:03,900 --> 00:02:06,300 But because of that, 52 00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:10,700 it has deepened the love we feel for each other. 53 00:02:13,940 --> 00:02:16,180 TANYA PLIBERSEK: She told me some of the things 54 00:02:16,180 --> 00:02:19,140 that had been happening to her in the relationship. 55 00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:26,580 I mean, honestly, I wanted to kill him for hurting my child. 56 00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:28,660 It's no surprise it could happen to our daughter. 57 00:02:29,620 --> 00:02:31,060 It can happen to anyone. 58 00:02:46,620 --> 00:02:49,620 Let's see what a good cook you are. OK. 59 00:02:49,620 --> 00:02:52,900 Would be good if you come every... every day and cook for me. 60 00:02:52,900 --> 00:02:56,140 The last few years have been really tough on my family 61 00:02:56,140 --> 00:02:58,380 and they've been really, really supportive. 62 00:02:58,380 --> 00:02:59,500 Is that thin enough? 63 00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:01,020 And you've got to put some oil on your fingers. 64 00:03:01,020 --> 00:03:01,260 I'm very, very close with my family, And you've got to put some oil on your fingers. 65 00:03:01,260 --> 00:03:02,900 I'm very, very close with my family, 66 00:03:02,900 --> 00:03:05,860 particularly my brothers and my parents. 67 00:03:05,860 --> 00:03:06,100 particularly my brothers and my parents. Anna, this is enough now. 68 00:03:06,100 --> 00:03:08,140 Anna, this is enough now. 69 00:03:08,140 --> 00:03:12,980 Probably put a little bit of oil and do with your fingers, OK? 70 00:03:12,980 --> 00:03:13,220 Probably put a little bit of oil My grandmother on my mum's side, 71 00:03:13,220 --> 00:03:15,180 My grandmother on my mum's side, 72 00:03:15,180 --> 00:03:17,700 we still go and visit her very regularly. 73 00:03:17,700 --> 00:03:17,940 we still go and visit her She loves to cook. 74 00:03:17,940 --> 00:03:19,340 She loves to cook. 75 00:03:19,340 --> 00:03:20,860 It looks good watching you do it, Ba. 76 00:03:21,820 --> 00:03:24,900 Michael and I both really value 77 00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:25,140 having those close Michael and I both really value 78 00:03:25,140 --> 00:03:27,860 having those close family relationships. 79 00:03:27,860 --> 00:03:29,900 And if you can cut a little bit off the end, 80 00:03:29,900 --> 00:03:30,140 And if you can cut that will keep them fresh longer. 81 00:03:30,140 --> 00:03:31,220 that will keep them fresh longer. 82 00:03:31,220 --> 00:03:31,460 No, no, not that much. Just take that will keep them fresh longer. 83 00:03:31,460 --> 00:03:34,420 No, no, not that much. Just take about a... two centimetres. 84 00:03:34,420 --> 00:03:34,660 No, no, not that much. Just take Perfect. 85 00:03:34,660 --> 00:03:35,780 Perfect. 86 00:03:35,780 --> 00:03:38,260 No, I should have put some walnuts in... 87 00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:39,660 MICHAEL: Undo it and do it again. 88 00:03:39,660 --> 00:03:41,020 You are... What's wrong with you? 89 00:03:41,020 --> 00:03:42,660 (CHUCKLES) No, no, it's fine. 90 00:03:42,660 --> 00:03:45,300 Are you giving Ba some direction on her strudel, Dad? 91 00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:45,540 Are you giving Ba some direction Oh, that's a... Isn't that clever? 92 00:03:45,540 --> 00:03:47,580 Oh, that's a... Isn't that clever? 93 00:03:47,580 --> 00:03:49,300 TANYA: Both of us work pretty long hours. 94 00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:52,100 I'm away from home quite a lot of the year, 95 00:03:52,100 --> 00:03:52,380 but we try and make sure that there are normal things, I'm away from home quite a lot of the year, 96 00:03:52,380 --> 00:03:55,820 but we try and make sure that there are normal things, 97 00:03:55,820 --> 00:03:56,060 but we try and make sure um, for the kids to look forward to. 98 00:03:56,060 --> 00:03:59,900 um, for the kids to look forward to. 99 00:03:59,900 --> 00:04:00,140 um, for the kids to look forward to. I think I've got a close relationship 100 00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:02,420 I think I've got a close relationship 101 00:04:02,420 --> 00:04:03,700 with all three of the kids. 102 00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,780 Anna and I are very close. 103 00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:07,180 There you go. 104 00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:08,540 Oh! 105 00:04:14,180 --> 00:04:18,260 When I was younger, I loved to go to work with Mum. 106 00:04:18,260 --> 00:04:18,500 When I was younger, When I went to my first protest, 107 00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:20,980 When I went to my first protest, 108 00:04:20,980 --> 00:04:23,180 I was younger than a year old. 109 00:04:25,020 --> 00:04:26,660 MICHAEL: Tanya was extraordinary. 110 00:04:26,660 --> 00:04:30,180 She took all three kids with her to Canberra. 111 00:04:30,180 --> 00:04:30,420 She took all three kids Yes. Oh, terrific. 112 00:04:30,420 --> 00:04:31,580 Yes. Oh, terrific. 113 00:04:31,580 --> 00:04:31,820 Very excited about the new role, Yes. Oh, terrific. 114 00:04:31,820 --> 00:04:33,820 Very excited about the new role, yes. 115 00:04:33,820 --> 00:04:34,060 Very excited about the new role, JULIA GILLARD: Your Excellency, 116 00:04:34,060 --> 00:04:35,060 JULIA GILLARD: Your Excellency, 117 00:04:35,060 --> 00:04:38,580 I present the Honourable Tanya Joan Plibersek MP, 118 00:04:38,580 --> 00:04:42,780 to be Minister for Human Services and Minister for Social Inclusion. 119 00:04:42,780 --> 00:04:43,020 to be Minister for Human Services My parents have always instilled 120 00:04:43,020 --> 00:04:44,900 My parents have always instilled 121 00:04:44,900 --> 00:04:45,140 a sense of social justice principles My parents have always instilled 122 00:04:45,140 --> 00:04:48,980 a sense of social justice principles in me from a very young age, 123 00:04:48,980 --> 00:04:49,220 a sense of social justice principles and I've always been really aware 124 00:04:49,220 --> 00:04:50,940 and I've always been really aware 125 00:04:50,940 --> 00:04:53,020 of the world around me and the people in it. 126 00:04:53,020 --> 00:04:54,900 WOMAN: Ms Plibersek, can we get a photo with your family, 127 00:04:54,900 --> 00:04:55,140 WOMAN: Ms Plibersek, if that's OK? 128 00:04:55,140 --> 00:04:56,100 if that's OK? 129 00:04:56,100 --> 00:04:58,300 Just all nice and close. 130 00:04:59,460 --> 00:05:01,740 TANYA: We've raised our kids, I hope, 131 00:05:01,740 --> 00:05:06,700 to be thoughtful, independent-minded, kind. 132 00:05:06,700 --> 00:05:10,860 And I think Anna has that absolutely in spades. 133 00:05:16,260 --> 00:05:20,540 I was Anna's teacher in high school for...for six years. 134 00:05:22,700 --> 00:05:26,140 Anna had a really strong sense, always, of social justice. 135 00:05:26,140 --> 00:05:29,660 She was actually awarded a... not only a principal's award, 136 00:05:29,660 --> 00:05:29,900 She was actually awarded a... but a Department of Education award 137 00:05:29,900 --> 00:05:32,660 but a Department of Education award 138 00:05:32,660 --> 00:05:35,100 in recognition of her service 139 00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:38,580 at a local aged care facility. 140 00:05:38,580 --> 00:05:42,380 She almost single-handedly ran an International Women's Day 141 00:05:42,380 --> 00:05:42,620 She almost single-handedly at the school. 142 00:05:42,620 --> 00:05:44,020 at the school. 143 00:05:44,020 --> 00:05:46,100 I loved being at high school. 144 00:05:46,100 --> 00:05:46,340 When I started Year 10, everything I loved being at high school. 145 00:05:46,340 --> 00:05:49,700 When I started Year 10, everything was going really well for me, 146 00:05:49,700 --> 00:05:49,940 When I started Year 10, everything and towards the end of the year, 147 00:05:49,940 --> 00:05:51,180 and towards the end of the year, 148 00:05:51,180 --> 00:05:53,980 I started my first teenage relationship. 149 00:05:56,500 --> 00:05:59,060 He was in another year at a different school. 150 00:05:59,060 --> 00:06:01,300 The beginning of the relationship was great. 151 00:06:01,300 --> 00:06:03,540 I felt loved. 152 00:06:03,540 --> 00:06:06,660 I felt as though he cared about me. 153 00:06:09,020 --> 00:06:11,180 MICHAEL: It didn't seem there was anything unusual 154 00:06:11,180 --> 00:06:12,980 or remarkable about it. 155 00:06:12,980 --> 00:06:13,180 The boy seemed... or remarkable about it. 156 00:06:13,180 --> 00:06:14,820 The boy seemed... 157 00:06:16,540 --> 00:06:17,900 ..unremarkable. 158 00:06:17,900 --> 00:06:18,140 ..unremarkable. There was nothing that really signalled great danger. 159 00:06:18,140 --> 00:06:22,460 There was nothing that really signalled great danger. 160 00:06:22,460 --> 00:06:26,740 It was exactly what I thought relationships were at that age. 161 00:06:26,740 --> 00:06:30,100 When we weren't texting, we were calling or FaceTiming. 162 00:06:30,100 --> 00:06:33,740 I shared my location with him on my phone, 163 00:06:33,740 --> 00:06:33,980 I shared my location with him so when I wasn't with him in person, 164 00:06:33,980 --> 00:06:36,220 so when I wasn't with him in person, 165 00:06:36,220 --> 00:06:38,940 I was still constantly available to him. 166 00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:40,780 MAN: At first, I didn't really think much of it, 167 00:06:40,780 --> 00:06:43,300 but as things went on, sometimes she'd panic 168 00:06:43,300 --> 00:06:45,740 if she realised she'd gone more than a couple of hours 169 00:06:45,740 --> 00:06:49,020 without messaging him or letting him know what was happening. 170 00:06:49,020 --> 00:06:49,260 And there was almost a fear without messaging him or letting him know what was happening. 171 00:06:49,260 --> 00:06:50,900 And there was almost a fear 172 00:06:50,900 --> 00:06:51,140 And there was almost a fear if she didn't check in. 173 00:06:51,140 --> 00:06:53,380 of what would happen if she didn't check in. 174 00:06:55,340 --> 00:06:58,180 I spent a lot of time at his house. 175 00:06:58,180 --> 00:06:59,180 It became normal for me 176 00:06:59,180 --> 00:07:00,900 that I needed to ask him for permission 177 00:07:00,900 --> 00:07:01,140 that I needed to ask him to do things that I wanted to do, 178 00:07:01,140 --> 00:07:02,580 to do things that I wanted to do, 179 00:07:02,580 --> 00:07:04,060 or see people I wanted to see. 180 00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:08,580 MICHAEL: A very broad, very social life 181 00:07:08,580 --> 00:07:08,820 MICHAEL: A very broad, became much narrower 182 00:07:08,820 --> 00:07:10,340 became much narrower 183 00:07:10,340 --> 00:07:17,860 until finally she was really only socialising with...with one person. 184 00:07:18,900 --> 00:07:21,780 When my parents would sort of push back and they would say, 185 00:07:21,780 --> 00:07:22,020 "I'm worried about you. push back and they would say, 186 00:07:22,020 --> 00:07:23,220 "I'm worried about you. 187 00:07:23,220 --> 00:07:26,540 "I'm worried about, you know, this relationship that you're in", 188 00:07:26,540 --> 00:07:26,780 I would spend more time with him. this relationship that you're in", 189 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,260 I would spend more time with him. 190 00:07:32,220 --> 00:07:34,780 TANYA: She'd gone from being very close with us 191 00:07:34,780 --> 00:07:35,020 TANYA: She'd gone from being to more distant, more secretive. 192 00:07:35,020 --> 00:07:37,420 to more distant, more secretive. 193 00:07:38,380 --> 00:07:41,260 I don't think I really understood 194 00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:42,540 what she was going through, 195 00:07:42,540 --> 00:07:44,460 and she certainly didn't... 196 00:07:45,540 --> 00:07:48,860 ..um, tell me the...the details of what she was going through. 197 00:07:48,860 --> 00:07:49,100 ..um, tell me the...the details She told me she was unhappy. 198 00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:50,380 She told me she was unhappy. 199 00:07:52,700 --> 00:07:56,100 I was experiencing violence in the relationship that I was in, 200 00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:58,860 but I didn't want to worry my parents. 201 00:07:58,860 --> 00:08:02,780 I thought that I had some kind of control over the situation. 202 00:08:02,780 --> 00:08:05,100 I thought that, you know, this was a temporary thing 203 00:08:05,100 --> 00:08:07,420 that would get better and everything would be OK. 204 00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:07,660 that would get better And I didn't want to upset them. 205 00:08:07,660 --> 00:08:09,620 And I didn't want to upset them. 206 00:08:09,620 --> 00:08:11,420 When I looked at my peers, 207 00:08:11,420 --> 00:08:15,020 what I saw was what I was experiencing very often. 208 00:08:15,020 --> 00:08:15,260 what I saw was And so I kind of just thought, 209 00:08:15,260 --> 00:08:16,860 And so I kind of just thought, 210 00:08:16,860 --> 00:08:17,100 "Maybe this is what And so I kind of just thought, 211 00:08:17,100 --> 00:08:19,340 "Maybe this is what teenage relationships are like." 212 00:08:20,820 --> 00:08:23,060 JAMES: Anna's story is definitely not uncommon. 213 00:08:23,060 --> 00:08:26,020 You notice a culture around some young men 214 00:08:26,020 --> 00:08:30,940 of feeling like they have a right to treat women in that sort of way. 215 00:08:30,940 --> 00:08:34,300 I would make it very clear my views on the relationship 216 00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:34,540 I would make it very clear and how unhealthy it seemed, 217 00:08:34,540 --> 00:08:36,340 and how unhealthy it seemed, 218 00:08:36,340 --> 00:08:40,860 and sort of tried to steer her in the direction of ending it. 219 00:08:42,420 --> 00:08:45,700 It really destroyed her self-confidence 220 00:08:45,700 --> 00:08:47,940 and her sense of self-worth. 221 00:08:47,940 --> 00:08:50,340 I told myself that I wasn't worthy 222 00:08:50,340 --> 00:08:52,340 because he told me I wasn't worthy. 223 00:08:52,340 --> 00:08:54,980 I started to control the way that I was eating 224 00:08:54,980 --> 00:08:57,460 because I thought I could control the way I looked, 225 00:08:57,460 --> 00:08:59,700 because that's what he was telling me about myself. 226 00:09:02,260 --> 00:09:04,260 School was an escape for me. 227 00:09:04,260 --> 00:09:09,140 But there are also times in school where I became really distressed. 228 00:09:09,140 --> 00:09:13,700 KAREN: With Anna, I noticed a change in her, in her demeanour. 229 00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:16,900 She withdrew a little bit in the classroom. 230 00:09:16,900 --> 00:09:20,020 There was one occasion when I noticed her very upset. 231 00:09:20,020 --> 00:09:20,260 I asked her what was wrong. There was one occasion when I noticed her very upset. 232 00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:21,540 I asked her what was wrong. 233 00:09:21,540 --> 00:09:25,020 She...she sort of brushed it off a little bit 234 00:09:25,020 --> 00:09:25,300 She...she sort of brushed it off a little bit as...as, you know, as teenagers often do, 235 00:09:25,300 --> 00:09:28,700 as...as, you know, as teenagers often do, 236 00:09:28,700 --> 00:09:32,340 and said that she was having some boy problems, 237 00:09:32,340 --> 00:09:32,580 and said that but it was nothing, you know. 238 00:09:32,580 --> 00:09:33,780 but it was nothing, you know. 239 00:09:36,100 --> 00:09:37,860 JAMES: As things went on, 240 00:09:37,860 --> 00:09:40,580 it definitely got a lot more tumultuous. 241 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:40,860 I distinctly remember one evening her telling me about it definitely got a lot more tumultuous. 242 00:09:40,860 --> 00:09:45,580 I distinctly remember one evening her telling me about 243 00:09:45,580 --> 00:09:45,820 how, um, aggressive he could be. one evening her telling me about 244 00:09:45,820 --> 00:09:48,940 how, um, aggressive he could be. 245 00:09:50,260 --> 00:09:54,980 I experienced every kind of abuse imaginable. 246 00:09:54,980 --> 00:09:58,500 The abuse became worse and it became more physical. 247 00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:02,540 And there was a time towards the end of the relationship 248 00:10:02,540 --> 00:10:04,500 where I knew that I needed to leave him. 249 00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:07,100 I wanted to tell Mum and Dad what had happened 250 00:10:07,100 --> 00:10:07,340 I wanted to tell Mum and Dad and what I'd experienced, 251 00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:08,340 and what I'd experienced, 252 00:10:08,340 --> 00:10:10,300 and I didn't know how to tell them. 253 00:10:10,300 --> 00:10:10,540 I didn't know exactly and I didn't know how to tell them. 254 00:10:10,540 --> 00:10:12,780 I didn't know exactly what I wanted them to know. 255 00:10:25,980 --> 00:10:30,340 TANYA: It really wasn't until she and I were at dinner one night, 256 00:10:30,340 --> 00:10:30,580 TANYA: It really wasn't until just the two of us, that she, uh, 257 00:10:30,580 --> 00:10:33,740 just the two of us, that she, uh, 258 00:10:33,740 --> 00:10:36,740 told me some of the things that had been happening to her. 259 00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:39,900 She was worried about my reaction. 260 00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:42,500 She was worried about her father's reaction. 261 00:10:42,500 --> 00:10:44,740 I remember being shocked 262 00:10:44,740 --> 00:10:46,580 when she started to describe to me 263 00:10:46,580 --> 00:10:49,140 some of the things that had happened in the relationship. 264 00:10:50,340 --> 00:10:55,740 I probably kept some of how I was feeling from her, 265 00:10:55,740 --> 00:10:59,300 because I didn't want her to be worried about upsetting me. 266 00:11:02,300 --> 00:11:05,900 MICHAEL: I had a period, Tanya had a period, of just asking ourselves, 267 00:11:05,900 --> 00:11:07,300 "What did we miss? 268 00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:07,500 "What were the signs? "What did we miss? 269 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:08,340 "What were the signs? 270 00:11:08,340 --> 00:11:11,900 "What could we have... what should we have picked up on?" 271 00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:12,180 "What could we have... what should we have picked up on?" There were a collection of things, in retrospect, 272 00:11:12,180 --> 00:11:15,260 There were a collection of things, in retrospect, 273 00:11:15,260 --> 00:11:19,420 that seem a lot more sinister now than they seemed at the time. 274 00:11:21,140 --> 00:11:25,700 TANYA: I worked in domestic violence before I went into parliament. 275 00:11:25,700 --> 00:11:28,220 Every experience of abuse is different, 276 00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:32,020 but there are some real common threads. 277 00:11:33,100 --> 00:11:37,940 He deliberately isolated her from her friends and from her family. 278 00:11:37,940 --> 00:11:38,180 He deliberately isolated her from He made her excuse his behaviour. 279 00:11:38,180 --> 00:11:41,060 He made her excuse his behaviour. 280 00:11:41,060 --> 00:11:45,020 He made it her responsibility how he behaved. 281 00:11:45,020 --> 00:11:48,300 And I think that's clearly what was happening here. 282 00:11:48,300 --> 00:11:52,380 Anna was making excuses for the behaviour. 283 00:11:52,380 --> 00:11:56,380 She was making excuses for the bruising I saw on her. 284 00:11:56,380 --> 00:11:56,620 She was making excuses I think that makes her typical 285 00:11:56,620 --> 00:11:58,860 I think that makes her typical 286 00:11:58,860 --> 00:12:02,140 of most people who have a similar experience. 287 00:12:03,340 --> 00:12:06,180 MICHAEL: As a parent, you want to protect your children. 288 00:12:07,220 --> 00:12:10,420 And as a father, particularly, you want to protect your daughter. 289 00:12:10,420 --> 00:12:10,660 And as a father, particularly, The feeling of a parent 290 00:12:10,660 --> 00:12:14,220 The feeling of a parent 291 00:12:14,220 --> 00:12:16,700 to hear from their child 292 00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:22,260 that they've been terribly hurt by somebody else, 293 00:12:22,260 --> 00:12:28,580 you just have an immense feeling of...of anger, of regret 294 00:12:28,580 --> 00:12:33,300 and, inevitably, a feeling of failure as a parent, 295 00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:33,540 and, inevitably, that there is something that is 296 00:12:33,540 --> 00:12:35,940 that there is something that is 297 00:12:35,940 --> 00:12:38,500 a profound responsibility of a parent to a child, 298 00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:43,900 which is to give them a safe home in which to grow up. 299 00:12:43,900 --> 00:12:48,180 And it proved not to be a safe home. 300 00:12:48,180 --> 00:12:50,460 Sometimes, you know, he hurt her here. 301 00:12:51,420 --> 00:12:52,460 So... 302 00:12:54,060 --> 00:12:55,980 Yeah, it was a terrible experience. 303 00:12:57,140 --> 00:13:00,700 Both Mum and Dad had said to me, "How can we show up for you? 304 00:13:00,700 --> 00:13:00,940 Both Mum and Dad had said to me, "How can we support you?" 305 00:13:00,940 --> 00:13:02,100 "How can we support you?" 306 00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:05,900 I never felt, um, as though they didn't understand. 307 00:13:07,860 --> 00:13:11,220 There was the question of whether or not I might report to the police, 308 00:13:11,220 --> 00:13:14,900 and I was really concerned that they wouldn't believe me. 309 00:13:14,900 --> 00:13:17,660 But I did end up speaking to the police, 310 00:13:17,660 --> 00:13:17,900 But I did end up and the police were really helpful 311 00:13:17,900 --> 00:13:19,860 and the police were really helpful 312 00:13:19,860 --> 00:13:22,740 in helping me identify what I'd experienced. 313 00:13:22,740 --> 00:13:24,780 How's that job working itself up? Yeah, good. 314 00:13:24,780 --> 00:13:28,180 Been a detective with the New South Wales Police for over 20 years. 315 00:13:28,180 --> 00:13:28,420 Been a detective with the New South Really appreciate it. Thanks. 316 00:13:28,420 --> 00:13:29,260 Really appreciate it. Thanks. 317 00:13:29,260 --> 00:13:31,180 Police are increasingly seeing 318 00:13:31,180 --> 00:13:31,420 instances of domestic and sexual abuse Police are increasingly seeing 319 00:13:31,420 --> 00:13:34,580 instances of domestic and sexual abuse 320 00:13:34,580 --> 00:13:37,740 in the context of teen relationships. 321 00:13:37,740 --> 00:13:38,020 in the context of teen relationships. Young people are increasingly being exposed to adult concepts 322 00:13:38,020 --> 00:13:41,660 Young people are increasingly being exposed to adult concepts 323 00:13:41,660 --> 00:13:41,900 Young people are increasingly at an earlier age. 324 00:13:41,900 --> 00:13:43,500 at an earlier age. 325 00:13:44,620 --> 00:13:49,300 We know that domestic family and sexual violence is under-reported 326 00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:50,580 as a crime-type generally, 327 00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:52,220 and it's even more so the case 328 00:13:52,220 --> 00:13:54,100 when we're dealing with younger persons. 329 00:13:56,020 --> 00:13:58,220 I think that because I was so young, 330 00:13:58,220 --> 00:13:59,380 it was really hard for me 331 00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:03,420 to identify with the idea of it being domestic violence. 332 00:14:03,420 --> 00:14:06,300 When I thought of domestic violence, like many other people, 333 00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:06,540 I thought about marriages, When I thought of domestic violence, like many other people, 334 00:14:06,540 --> 00:14:07,780 I thought about marriages, 335 00:14:07,780 --> 00:14:10,020 thought about mortgages, I thought about children, 336 00:14:10,020 --> 00:14:13,100 I thought about people who were a lot older than me. 337 00:14:14,260 --> 00:14:17,820 TOM: One of the greatest challenges they face is speaking up. 338 00:14:17,820 --> 00:14:18,060 TOM: One of the greatest challenges We certainly encourage 339 00:14:18,060 --> 00:14:19,780 We certainly encourage 340 00:14:19,780 --> 00:14:24,020 those survivors that want to make a complaint to do so. 341 00:14:24,020 --> 00:14:28,820 But the decision to engage with the criminal justice system 342 00:14:28,820 --> 00:14:29,060 But the decision to engage is a significant one, 343 00:14:29,060 --> 00:14:30,500 is a significant one, 344 00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:34,260 and to some extent involves jumping into the unknown. 345 00:14:34,260 --> 00:14:36,500 Even though I was still terrified 346 00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:39,620 and really uncertain of what it would look like, 347 00:14:39,620 --> 00:14:43,420 I did still decide to report and go to court. 348 00:14:43,420 --> 00:14:46,420 I thought it was an incredibly courageous thing to do, 349 00:14:46,420 --> 00:14:46,660 I thought it was an incredibly and I know that her whole motivation 350 00:14:46,660 --> 00:14:49,300 and I know that her whole motivation 351 00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:50,980 was to stop him hurting other people. 352 00:14:52,700 --> 00:14:55,620 The lead-up to court was horrible. 353 00:14:55,620 --> 00:14:55,860 It wasn't only hard for me, The lead-up to court was horrible. 354 00:14:55,860 --> 00:14:58,940 It wasn't only hard for me, it was also really hard for my family 355 00:14:58,940 --> 00:15:02,820 and it was causing a lot of distress in my family, 356 00:15:02,820 --> 00:15:03,060 and it was causing a lot of distress particularly to my parents. 357 00:15:03,060 --> 00:15:04,900 particularly to my parents. 358 00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:08,260 You know, it was the first time that I'd seen my dad cry. 359 00:15:11,340 --> 00:15:14,780 It was an incredibly complex emotional experience for her. 360 00:15:14,780 --> 00:15:15,020 It was an incredibly complex And so we worried a lot 361 00:15:15,020 --> 00:15:17,460 And so we worried a lot 362 00:15:17,460 --> 00:15:21,020 that she would feel this responsibility 363 00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:21,260 that she would feel for the feelings in the whole family 364 00:15:21,260 --> 00:15:24,420 for the feelings in the whole family 365 00:15:24,420 --> 00:15:28,580 and that anger, that...that pain... 366 00:15:28,580 --> 00:15:29,980 ..that sadness... 367 00:15:30,980 --> 00:15:32,460 ..it's not her responsibility. 368 00:15:32,460 --> 00:15:35,060 It was the responsibility of the person who hurt her. 369 00:15:36,740 --> 00:15:40,580 For this long period of time, while I was waiting for court to start... 370 00:15:41,860 --> 00:15:43,820 ..the police had told me very clearly 371 00:15:43,820 --> 00:15:45,700 that I wasn't allowed to have conversations 372 00:15:45,700 --> 00:15:50,260 with my family and friends who may be called as witnesses. 373 00:15:50,260 --> 00:15:54,620 And so, living in the one house but not able to discuss 374 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:54,900 this enormous thing that's happening for our child, And so, living in the one house but not able to discuss 375 00:15:54,900 --> 00:15:59,580 this enormous thing that's happening for our child, 376 00:15:59,580 --> 00:15:59,820 this enormous thing that's happening for our child, and knowing, you know, 377 00:15:59,820 --> 00:16:02,980 and knowing, you know, 378 00:16:02,980 --> 00:16:08,140 that somewhere someone is coaching the defendant, 379 00:16:08,140 --> 00:16:08,380 that somewhere someone uh, it's a...it's a... 380 00:16:08,380 --> 00:16:10,620 uh, it's a...it's a... 381 00:16:10,620 --> 00:16:14,940 It's an isolating and unequal relationship. 382 00:16:15,980 --> 00:16:19,700 I felt like I had nobody who understood what I was going through. 383 00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:21,820 I felt completely alone in the process. 384 00:16:21,820 --> 00:16:25,260 This huge thing is happening to me and I don't know what to expect 385 00:16:25,260 --> 00:16:27,500 and I don't know how I'm going to survive it. 386 00:16:30,900 --> 00:16:33,820 If you can find good things in this whole experience, 387 00:16:33,820 --> 00:16:37,460 one of the best things that happened for Anna 388 00:16:37,460 --> 00:16:40,180 was she met another young woman, called Bek. 389 00:16:42,140 --> 00:16:44,020 A couple days before court started, 390 00:16:44,020 --> 00:16:47,740 I went to court and I really wanted to familiarise myself 391 00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:47,980 I went to court and I really wanted with what it would look like. 392 00:16:47,980 --> 00:16:49,100 with what it would look like. 393 00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:51,580 I wanted to know where will he be sitting? 394 00:16:51,580 --> 00:16:52,820 Where would I be sitting? 395 00:16:52,820 --> 00:16:53,020 I was sitting outside my courtroom Where would I be sitting? 396 00:16:53,020 --> 00:16:55,660 I was sitting outside my courtroom 397 00:16:55,660 --> 00:17:01,500 as the court was taking place for the trial against my perpetrator, 398 00:17:01,500 --> 00:17:01,780 as the court was taking place for the trial against my perpetrator, and I noticed another younger girl sitting also outside the courtroom, 399 00:17:01,780 --> 00:17:05,020 and I noticed another younger girl sitting also outside the courtroom, 400 00:17:05,020 --> 00:17:08,380 which was unusual that there was someone else hanging around. 401 00:17:10,380 --> 00:17:13,780 So she was very anxious, and she began to ask me questions 402 00:17:13,780 --> 00:17:16,820 about the experience that I'd had up until this point. 403 00:17:18,260 --> 00:17:20,900 Bek and I spoke for a few hours 404 00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:21,140 about what to expect Bek and I spoke for a few hours 405 00:17:21,140 --> 00:17:23,380 about what to expect in the court process 406 00:17:23,380 --> 00:17:26,740 but she also spent so much time just supporting me 407 00:17:26,740 --> 00:17:29,460 and telling me that she knew exactly how it felt 408 00:17:29,460 --> 00:17:29,700 and telling me that she knew to be sitting there in my position. 409 00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:32,060 to be sitting there in my position. 410 00:17:32,060 --> 00:17:35,180 I felt like she knew me at that time 411 00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:37,820 the best that anybody in my life knew me. 412 00:17:37,820 --> 00:17:41,620 I think our conversations and our solidarity 413 00:17:41,620 --> 00:17:44,540 gave her the courage to be able to walk through 414 00:17:44,540 --> 00:17:44,780 gave her the courage to be able what she was about to walk through. 415 00:17:44,780 --> 00:17:46,180 what she was about to walk through. 416 00:17:56,380 --> 00:17:59,140 On the first day of the trial, 417 00:17:59,140 --> 00:18:02,620 Anna was incredibly nervous 418 00:18:02,620 --> 00:18:05,380 and Tanya and I were... 419 00:18:06,540 --> 00:18:11,420 ..deeply worried about what the experience would be like. 420 00:18:14,820 --> 00:18:19,540 The irony was that the job I held at that time gave me, 421 00:18:19,540 --> 00:18:23,380 as the head of the Department of Communities and Justice, 422 00:18:23,380 --> 00:18:27,060 administrative responsibility for supporting the court system. 423 00:18:28,340 --> 00:18:30,740 So I thought I knew about it 424 00:18:30,740 --> 00:18:32,700 but the experience of it 425 00:18:32,700 --> 00:18:35,700 is immensely frustrating on occasions. 426 00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:41,460 It feels like it's not a fair fight. 427 00:18:45,540 --> 00:18:48,020 I think if I had known 428 00:18:48,020 --> 00:18:51,020 how incredibly difficult the process would have been, 429 00:18:51,020 --> 00:18:53,980 I would have begged her not to do it. It's... 430 00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:57,500 ..excoriating. It's, um... 431 00:18:58,780 --> 00:19:01,420 I mean, I gave evidence for three hours 432 00:19:01,420 --> 00:19:06,180 and I came home and was shattered for the rest of the day. 433 00:19:06,180 --> 00:19:06,420 and I came home and was shattered I... It was... 434 00:19:06,420 --> 00:19:07,940 I... It was... 435 00:19:09,380 --> 00:19:13,260 ..emotionally exhausting in a way that took a toll physically. 436 00:19:13,260 --> 00:19:16,140 I've never experienced anything like that before. 437 00:19:16,140 --> 00:19:16,380 I've never experienced She gave evidence for three days. 438 00:19:16,380 --> 00:19:18,260 She gave evidence for three days. 439 00:19:18,260 --> 00:19:20,020 I don't know how she did it. 440 00:19:21,340 --> 00:19:24,140 I felt as though I was on trial. 441 00:19:25,420 --> 00:19:27,980 I felt as though everything I'd done, 442 00:19:27,980 --> 00:19:30,860 all the ways that I had responded, that were natural to me 443 00:19:30,860 --> 00:19:31,100 all the ways that I had responded, and natural to many other survivors, 444 00:19:31,100 --> 00:19:33,860 and natural to many other survivors, 445 00:19:33,860 --> 00:19:36,060 were being used against me. 446 00:19:36,060 --> 00:19:38,540 The fact that I hadn't told people straightaway, 447 00:19:38,540 --> 00:19:41,300 the way I maintained contact with him, 448 00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:41,540 the way I maintained contact they were all used against me. 449 00:19:41,540 --> 00:19:43,780 they were all used against me. 450 00:19:43,780 --> 00:19:47,620 I honestly couldn't believe that, 451 00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:50,060 you know, in this day and age, 452 00:19:50,060 --> 00:19:52,620 there were still questions about what she was wearing 453 00:19:52,620 --> 00:19:55,700 and how she was behaving, what she'd had to drink. 454 00:19:55,700 --> 00:19:55,940 and how she was behaving, The implication that she was lying, 455 00:19:55,940 --> 00:20:00,860 The implication that she was lying, 456 00:20:00,860 --> 00:20:06,060 the implication that she had a, you know, something to gain 457 00:20:06,060 --> 00:20:10,100 from this horrific experience of going to court. 458 00:20:12,820 --> 00:20:16,860 I understand the process and I understand why it is the way it is 459 00:20:16,860 --> 00:20:21,740 but it feels from the side of the person who is making the complaint, 460 00:20:21,740 --> 00:20:24,700 who is the victim survivor and their family, 461 00:20:24,700 --> 00:20:24,940 that you're playing by the rules - who is the victim survivor and their family, 462 00:20:24,940 --> 00:20:28,260 that you're playing by the rules - 463 00:20:28,260 --> 00:20:30,740 and it's important, the rules matter - 464 00:20:30,740 --> 00:20:33,700 and the prosecution is there to uphold the law. 465 00:20:35,100 --> 00:20:40,100 But the defence is there to use anything and everything 466 00:20:40,100 --> 00:20:44,060 to discredit the character, the truthfulness... 467 00:20:45,220 --> 00:20:50,140 ..the believability of someone you love 468 00:20:50,140 --> 00:20:53,380 and you know as a person of honesty and integrity. 469 00:21:10,460 --> 00:21:15,020 I was at home when I heard the verdicts 470 00:21:15,020 --> 00:21:17,420 and I immediately called my parents. 471 00:21:18,580 --> 00:21:24,500 They were both home within 15 minutes and I was in my bed, 472 00:21:24,500 --> 00:21:24,740 They were both home within incredibly distressed, 473 00:21:24,740 --> 00:21:26,380 incredibly distressed, 474 00:21:26,380 --> 00:21:29,420 and they both jumped into bed with me and just held me. 475 00:21:29,420 --> 00:21:32,180 And I just cried for a really long time. 476 00:21:32,180 --> 00:21:36,740 Maybe it's unrealistic to expect a court result 477 00:21:36,740 --> 00:21:36,980 Maybe it's unrealistic to expect to somehow put things right. 478 00:21:36,980 --> 00:21:38,700 to somehow put things right. 479 00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:43,580 But there is this sense of satisfaction... 480 00:21:45,020 --> 00:21:49,020 ..that there is consequence for the person who's hurt someone you love, 481 00:21:49,020 --> 00:21:54,260 and that that is something that will stick with them 482 00:21:54,260 --> 00:21:54,500 and that that is something through life 483 00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:56,100 through life 484 00:21:56,100 --> 00:21:58,180 and that will be known about them. 485 00:22:05,060 --> 00:22:08,260 I was at university while I went through trial 486 00:22:08,260 --> 00:22:11,660 and I'm studying a Bachelor of Arts in Social Work 487 00:22:11,660 --> 00:22:14,460 and I decided to study some criminology classes. 488 00:22:15,900 --> 00:22:18,300 WOMAN: I was teaching a class in criminology. 489 00:22:18,300 --> 00:22:18,540 WOMAN: I was teaching a class in It was about society and punishment. 490 00:22:18,540 --> 00:22:20,540 It was about society and punishment. 491 00:22:20,540 --> 00:22:23,540 So yeah, punishment in the legal system. 492 00:22:23,540 --> 00:22:26,060 I was concerned that maybe some of the content in the class 493 00:22:26,060 --> 00:22:29,700 could be a bit distressing, or even just uncomfortable for me. 494 00:22:29,700 --> 00:22:29,980 She sent me an email just to let me know that she's a survivor. could be a bit distressing, or even just uncomfortable for me. 495 00:22:29,980 --> 00:22:33,900 She sent me an email just to let me know that she's a survivor. 496 00:22:33,900 --> 00:22:34,180 She sent me an email just to let me know that she's a survivor. It gave me the opportunity also then, um, sort of reach out to her 497 00:22:34,180 --> 00:22:37,860 It gave me the opportunity also then, um, sort of reach out to her 498 00:22:37,860 --> 00:22:39,700 and say, "Hey, actually, I completely get it. 499 00:22:39,700 --> 00:22:39,940 and say, "Hey, actually, "I understand because me too." 500 00:22:39,940 --> 00:22:41,380 "I understand because me too." 501 00:22:41,380 --> 00:22:43,860 How are you going? Good. How are you? 502 00:22:43,860 --> 00:22:45,420 We organised to meet one day 503 00:22:45,420 --> 00:22:47,140 just because we wanted to sort of connect. 504 00:22:47,140 --> 00:22:47,380 just because we wanted to sort of ..lot of assignments right now? 505 00:22:47,380 --> 00:22:48,420 ..lot of assignments right now? 506 00:22:48,420 --> 00:22:48,660 Yeah. I've got one more essay to go ..lot of assignments right now? 507 00:22:48,660 --> 00:22:51,140 Yeah. I've got one more essay to go and then I'll be done. 508 00:22:51,140 --> 00:22:52,540 That's exciting. Yes. 509 00:22:52,540 --> 00:22:56,660 I'd been through this horrendous experience, being a survivor, 510 00:22:56,660 --> 00:22:57,820 being through the court system. 511 00:22:57,820 --> 00:22:59,540 I thought that that class was really good 512 00:22:59,540 --> 00:23:02,660 because I felt like it was a really human perspective 513 00:23:02,660 --> 00:23:02,900 because I felt like it of people's experiences of crime. 514 00:23:02,900 --> 00:23:05,260 of people's experiences of crime. 515 00:23:05,260 --> 00:23:08,740 So Brenda and I had this instant connection 516 00:23:08,740 --> 00:23:11,820 where we could talk about what we'd experienced 517 00:23:11,820 --> 00:23:14,940 and what we had in common and what had differed. 518 00:23:14,940 --> 00:23:17,980 Both Anna and I, we both wanted to turn our experiences 519 00:23:17,980 --> 00:23:20,300 into something positive, to be able to help other people, 520 00:23:20,300 --> 00:23:24,300 because we also knew the value of that help and support. 521 00:23:24,300 --> 00:23:28,300 We were talking in that conversation about supporting people 522 00:23:28,300 --> 00:23:31,180 through the court process and supporting survivors in general. 523 00:23:31,180 --> 00:23:34,100 And around that time, I also connected with others 524 00:23:34,100 --> 00:23:37,100 and together, we formed the Survivor Hub. 525 00:23:37,100 --> 00:23:37,340 and together, we formed Hey. 526 00:23:37,340 --> 00:23:38,860 Hey. 527 00:23:38,860 --> 00:23:40,100 Hey, how are you? 528 00:23:40,100 --> 00:23:42,140 The way you walked in. I know. Jazz hands. 529 00:23:42,140 --> 00:23:43,860 How are you? Good. How are you? 530 00:23:43,860 --> 00:23:46,380 Thanks for coming. Thank you for coming. 531 00:23:46,380 --> 00:23:50,940 And so what we do is we run meet-ups, which are peer support groups, 532 00:23:50,940 --> 00:23:54,580 and they're open to all survivors older than 16 years old. 533 00:23:54,580 --> 00:23:57,740 And in meet-up, survivors can talk about anything. 534 00:23:57,740 --> 00:23:59,820 Have you got some toys in your meet-up? 535 00:23:59,820 --> 00:24:00,060 Have you got some toys Not yet. 536 00:24:00,060 --> 00:24:01,140 Not yet. 537 00:24:01,140 --> 00:24:04,060 Do you make a bad choice? I'm gonna take this one. 538 00:24:04,060 --> 00:24:06,020 For some survivors, it will be the first time 539 00:24:06,020 --> 00:24:08,740 they've really sat in the same room as another survivor. 540 00:24:08,740 --> 00:24:11,780 So thanks, everybody, for coming to this meet-up. 541 00:24:11,780 --> 00:24:14,860 Um, my name's Anna and I'll be facilitating the meet-up. 542 00:24:14,860 --> 00:24:17,380 Hi everyone. My name's Harry. ALL: Hi, Harry. 543 00:24:17,380 --> 00:24:20,900 I went to my first Survivor Hub meeting about two years ago now. 544 00:24:20,900 --> 00:24:21,140 I went to my first Survivor Hub Being a man, I remember thinking, 545 00:24:21,140 --> 00:24:22,860 Being a man, I remember thinking, 546 00:24:22,860 --> 00:24:23,100 "Am I even allowed to be here right now? Being a man, I remember thinking, 547 00:24:23,100 --> 00:24:25,660 "Am I even allowed to be here right now? 548 00:24:25,660 --> 00:24:25,900 "Am I even allowed to be here "What if no-one likes me?" 549 00:24:25,900 --> 00:24:27,420 "What if no-one likes me?" 550 00:24:27,420 --> 00:24:27,660 "What if no-one likes me?" But as soon as I walked in and decided to take that chance, 551 00:24:27,660 --> 00:24:33,460 But as soon as I walked in and decided to take that chance, 552 00:24:33,460 --> 00:24:35,060 it was just... 553 00:24:35,060 --> 00:24:37,100 ..a feeling of being understood. 554 00:24:37,100 --> 00:24:40,380 And I think if you're in this cold, dark room with this professional 555 00:24:40,380 --> 00:24:43,900 that doesn't...has no empathy towards you, it's just not the same. 556 00:24:43,900 --> 00:24:46,780 But coming into a room of people that have that lived experience 557 00:24:46,780 --> 00:24:49,580 and know exactly what you're talking about... 558 00:24:49,580 --> 00:24:52,140 ..that's, um, that's like striking gold. 559 00:24:52,140 --> 00:24:54,100 You can't replicate that. Yeah. 560 00:24:54,100 --> 00:24:56,700 I remember going to counsellor after counsellor after counsellor, 561 00:24:56,700 --> 00:24:59,700 therapists, psychologists, whatever it was, 562 00:24:59,700 --> 00:25:01,940 and just feeling like it was so clinical. 563 00:25:01,940 --> 00:25:04,460 I was like the first counsellor I saw, I told them what happened 564 00:25:04,460 --> 00:25:04,700 I was like the first counsellor and like how I was feeling 565 00:25:04,700 --> 00:25:05,660 and like how I was feeling 566 00:25:05,660 --> 00:25:07,940 and she suggested, like, I went on a run. 567 00:25:07,940 --> 00:25:11,900 And I was like, "Yeah, no, not for me." 568 00:25:11,900 --> 00:25:13,940 And then I was like, "Yeah, so therapy doesn't work for me." 569 00:25:13,940 --> 00:25:16,180 And then I didn't go back for, like, another six or so months 570 00:25:16,180 --> 00:25:19,900 until I worked out that, like, "Ah, there's like services FOR me." 571 00:25:19,900 --> 00:25:22,860 Every survivor I come across, they articulate something 572 00:25:22,860 --> 00:25:26,140 that I've been trying to say for years and years and years. 573 00:25:26,140 --> 00:25:28,460 I really invalidated myself because of my age as well. 574 00:25:28,460 --> 00:25:31,180 So I was like, "Oh, no, like those services aren't for me." 575 00:25:31,180 --> 00:25:34,940 And also like, "Oh, am I taking up space from other survivors?" 576 00:25:34,940 --> 00:25:38,420 Some people would be surprised if they haven't been to a meet-up before 577 00:25:38,420 --> 00:25:41,420 to know how joyful it is to be in a meet-up. 578 00:25:41,420 --> 00:25:44,220 WOMAN: Could be 6 to 12 months between dates. (LAUGHS) 579 00:25:44,220 --> 00:25:46,340 Or if they leave! Then they lose interest. 580 00:25:46,340 --> 00:25:49,620 We have just had an overwhelming response. 581 00:25:49,620 --> 00:25:52,620 Over the past 12 months, we've had more than 800 people 582 00:25:52,620 --> 00:25:52,860 Over the past 12 months, register for our meet-ups. 583 00:25:52,860 --> 00:25:55,100 register for our meet-ups. 584 00:25:55,100 --> 00:25:55,340 Sometimes you go through register for our meet-ups. 585 00:25:55,340 --> 00:25:56,820 Sometimes you go through the court process 586 00:25:56,820 --> 00:25:58,500 and the defence attorneys end up being the ones 587 00:25:58,500 --> 00:26:01,260 that you have more nightmares about than the actual perpetrator. 588 00:26:01,260 --> 00:26:01,500 that you have more nightmares about Um, yeah... 589 00:26:01,500 --> 00:26:02,940 Um, yeah... 590 00:26:02,940 --> 00:26:05,220 So often unfortunately. Yeah. 591 00:26:05,220 --> 00:26:08,380 It's nice when you find someone who is cross-examined by the same person. 592 00:26:08,380 --> 00:26:08,620 It's nice when you find someone who Yes! 593 00:26:08,620 --> 00:26:10,020 Yes! 594 00:26:10,020 --> 00:26:13,260 At the moment, it's Brenda and I that run the Survivor Hub together 595 00:26:13,260 --> 00:26:13,500 At the moment, it's Brenda and I full time. 596 00:26:13,500 --> 00:26:14,500 full time. 597 00:26:14,500 --> 00:26:16,500 We do it on a volunteer basis 598 00:26:16,500 --> 00:26:16,740 and we have some incredible We do it on a volunteer basis 599 00:26:16,740 --> 00:26:20,060 and we have some incredible volunteers who support us. 600 00:26:21,860 --> 00:26:23,380 Thank you. 601 00:26:23,380 --> 00:26:25,220 But we've really overstretched. 602 00:26:25,220 --> 00:26:27,780 So last year in the attempt to raise funds, 603 00:26:27,780 --> 00:26:28,020 So last year in the attempt we held a second birthday party. 604 00:26:28,020 --> 00:26:29,340 we held a second birthday party. 605 00:26:29,340 --> 00:26:29,580 I've added them in the bottom we held a second birthday party. 606 00:26:29,580 --> 00:26:31,460 I've added them in the bottom of the speech... 607 00:26:31,460 --> 00:26:35,540 And the goal of the fundraiser was to really raise some money 608 00:26:35,540 --> 00:26:39,260 so that we can fund our existing meet-up locations, 609 00:26:39,260 --> 00:26:42,220 but also because we have some new locations opening. 610 00:26:42,220 --> 00:26:42,460 but also because we have (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 611 00:26:42,460 --> 00:26:45,180 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 612 00:26:45,180 --> 00:26:48,500 I had to rush over and say hello! 613 00:26:48,500 --> 00:26:51,380 Yeah, that was a great event. Yeah. It was. Yeah. 614 00:26:51,380 --> 00:26:51,620 Yeah, that was a great event. Same thing, same thing. 615 00:26:51,620 --> 00:26:52,540 Same thing, same thing. 616 00:26:52,540 --> 00:26:54,500 MICHAEL: I've organised a few events myself 617 00:26:54,500 --> 00:26:58,140 and I just appreciated the hustle of it, 618 00:26:58,140 --> 00:26:59,700 actually putting that together. 619 00:26:59,700 --> 00:27:03,180 WOMAN: One of our co-founders' and directors' mothers. So... 620 00:27:03,180 --> 00:27:03,420 WOMAN: One of our co-founders' (APPLAUSE) 621 00:27:03,420 --> 00:27:04,740 (APPLAUSE) 622 00:27:06,220 --> 00:27:09,380 I wanna say how amazing it is to be here tonight. 623 00:27:09,380 --> 00:27:11,780 I want to acknowledge the co-founders - 624 00:27:11,780 --> 00:27:12,020 I want to acknowledge Brenda, Gemma, Erin 625 00:27:12,020 --> 00:27:14,020 Brenda, Gemma, Erin 626 00:27:14,020 --> 00:27:16,700 and my little baby Anna. 627 00:27:16,700 --> 00:27:18,820 Um, and... (APPLAUSE) 628 00:27:18,820 --> 00:27:20,860 BRENDA: I know it meant a lot to Anna 629 00:27:20,860 --> 00:27:22,340 to have her mum speak at the fundraiser. 630 00:27:22,340 --> 00:27:24,860 There's nothing harder for a parent to hear 631 00:27:24,860 --> 00:27:28,060 that your child has been hurt sometime more than once. 632 00:27:28,060 --> 00:27:28,300 that your child has been hurt It affects a whole family - 633 00:27:28,300 --> 00:27:30,140 It affects a whole family - 634 00:27:30,140 --> 00:27:33,980 siblings, family, friends, grandparents. 635 00:27:33,980 --> 00:27:37,540 Anna's mum spoke really beautifully about the impact 636 00:27:37,540 --> 00:27:37,780 Anna's mum spoke really beautifully of supporting a survivor. 637 00:27:37,780 --> 00:27:39,780 of supporting a survivor. 638 00:27:39,780 --> 00:27:43,100 Well, the thing I know helped me was talking to other parents. 639 00:27:43,100 --> 00:27:45,940 The thing that I saw helped Anna the most 640 00:27:45,940 --> 00:27:46,180 The thing that I saw helped Anna was talking to other survivors. 641 00:27:46,180 --> 00:27:49,140 was talking to other survivors. 642 00:27:49,140 --> 00:27:51,900 I feel like the best thing I can do 643 00:27:51,900 --> 00:27:57,660 is help my daughter help herself and help other people. 644 00:28:02,980 --> 00:28:05,220 Thanks, Mum. (LAUGHTER) 645 00:28:05,220 --> 00:28:08,580 MICHAEL: We didn't stop her being hurt, but... 646 00:28:08,580 --> 00:28:11,300 ..it looks like we've given her... 647 00:28:12,460 --> 00:28:16,580 ..some of the qualities that she needs to get through it. 648 00:28:16,580 --> 00:28:19,660 And, you know, that's... that's of some comfort. 649 00:28:19,660 --> 00:28:19,900 And, you know, that's... (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 650 00:28:19,900 --> 00:28:22,420 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 651 00:28:22,420 --> 00:28:24,780 Thank you. Thanks for taking it. 652 00:28:24,780 --> 00:28:26,980 Hey, congrats. 653 00:28:26,980 --> 00:28:28,140 In some ways, 654 00:28:28,140 --> 00:28:31,740 this has probably brought us closer together as a family. 655 00:28:31,740 --> 00:28:34,500 There is no way that I would have been able to go through it 656 00:28:34,500 --> 00:28:34,740 There is no way that I would without their support. 657 00:28:34,740 --> 00:28:36,300 without their support. 658 00:28:43,100 --> 00:28:45,860 I'm in my final year of university 659 00:28:45,860 --> 00:28:48,700 and I'm doing my final placement in Broken Hill, 660 00:28:48,700 --> 00:28:48,940 and I'm doing my final placement working predominantly with survivors. 661 00:28:48,940 --> 00:28:51,780 working predominantly with survivors. 662 00:28:51,780 --> 00:28:56,980 I'll also be there, co-facilitating the Survivor Hub meet-ups, 663 00:28:56,980 --> 00:28:59,220 which we only established a few months ago. 664 00:28:59,220 --> 00:29:00,980 It's about a 13-hour drive. 665 00:29:12,060 --> 00:29:14,340 I expect that she'll end up working 666 00:29:14,340 --> 00:29:17,420 in the area of sexual assault or domestic violence 667 00:29:17,420 --> 00:29:18,660 as a social worker. 668 00:29:18,660 --> 00:29:24,100 I worry sometimes that it's such a big part of her life. 669 00:29:25,140 --> 00:29:26,660 I feel like at 23, 670 00:29:26,660 --> 00:29:30,260 she should be able to be more carefree than she is. 671 00:29:30,260 --> 00:29:33,060 But however much I worry as a mother, 672 00:29:33,060 --> 00:29:35,940 as a woman, I admire what she's doing. 673 00:29:37,940 --> 00:29:40,900 In the future, whatever role I end up in, 674 00:29:40,900 --> 00:29:44,660 I'll always be in a role where I'm working with people, 675 00:29:44,660 --> 00:29:45,860 supporting people, 676 00:29:45,860 --> 00:29:48,740 and I hope that I can stay working with survivors 677 00:29:48,740 --> 00:29:51,700 for the rest of my career or for a very, very long time. 678 00:29:53,380 --> 00:29:58,060 My hope is that she continues to recover from this, 679 00:29:58,060 --> 00:30:01,820 and my hope is that as her life gets larger and larger 680 00:30:01,820 --> 00:30:02,060 and my hope is that as her life and fuller and fuller, 681 00:30:02,060 --> 00:30:04,020 and fuller and fuller, 682 00:30:04,020 --> 00:30:07,660 this bit of it just gets smaller and smaller and smaller 683 00:30:07,660 --> 00:30:07,900 this bit of it just gets smaller until yes, it happened, 684 00:30:07,900 --> 00:30:11,140 until yes, it happened, 685 00:30:11,140 --> 00:30:14,620 yes, much good has come from it, 686 00:30:14,620 --> 00:30:17,660 but it's just one element 687 00:30:17,660 --> 00:30:22,900 of a rich and fulfilling life. 688 00:30:31,420 --> 00:30:35,660 Captions by Red Bee Media 689 00:30:35,660 --> 00:30:39,100 Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation