1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

1
00:00:00,333 --> 00:00:02,634
<i>Previously on
"Desperate Housewives"...

2
00:00:02,635 --> 00:00:04,036
There was flirtation.

3
00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:07,072
Here's my card.
If you see anything suspicious,

4
00:00:07,107 --> 00:00:08,341
I want you to call me...

5
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,709
- or even if you don't.
- There was confrontation.

6
00:00:10,744 --> 00:00:13,178
After all those years
that I supported you,

7
00:00:13,213 --> 00:00:16,482
took a backseat to your career,
you couldn't do the same for me.

8
00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:18,050
- Oh! Aah!
- There was a fight.

9
00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:20,319
Leave me alone!

10
00:00:21,421 --> 00:00:24,590
And...
there were consequences.

11
00:00:30,596 --> 00:00:34,933
Susan Delfino was charitable
to a fault.

12
00:00:34,967 --> 00:00:39,104
She just couldn't resist
lending a hand.

13
00:00:39,138 --> 00:00:44,042
There wasn't a lost pet
she could ignore...

14
00:00:44,076 --> 00:00:48,913
A girl in uniform
she could refuse...

15
00:00:50,416 --> 00:00:54,386
Or a struggling artist
she could say no to.

16
00:00:57,390 --> 00:01:00,291
So when it came
to a neighbor in need...

17
00:01:00,326 --> 00:01:03,695
Oh, my god. Paul, what happened?

18
00:01:03,729 --> 00:01:06,865
Susan was only
too eager to help.

19
00:01:06,899 --> 00:01:09,134
I started having chest pains,

20
00:01:09,168 --> 00:01:11,943
Passed out, came to, dialed 9-1-1.

21
00:01:12,387 --> 00:01:14,112
They've been
running tests all night.

22
00:01:14,183 --> 00:01:17,808
Well, I'm gonna be here
for you till they figure it out.

23
00:01:18,887 --> 00:01:21,204
I brought you these--
magazines, water.

24
00:01:21,272 --> 00:01:23,354
You're unbelievable.

25
00:01:23,429 --> 00:01:25,017
I've got a street
full of neighbors,

26
00:01:25,089 --> 00:01:27,420
And the only one who comes
to see me is the woman I yelled at.

27
00:01:27,486 --> 00:01:29,904
- Sorry about that.
- It was my fault.

28
00:01:29,976 --> 00:01:32,627
I shouldn't have asked you
about getting my house back.

29
00:01:32,670 --> 00:01:33,983
I sounded like a vulture.

30
00:01:34,024 --> 00:01:37,351
Mr... Young,
we've got your test results.

31
00:01:37,411 --> 00:01:39,557
Could you excuse us
for a moment, Susan?

32
00:01:39,596 --> 00:01:41,516
Oh, yeah. I'll wait outside.

33
00:01:44,233 --> 00:01:47,025
Well, good news.
Your E.K.G. came back normal.

34
00:01:47,071 --> 00:01:50,310
- So it's not a heart attack?
- It's not a heart attack.

35
00:01:50,344 --> 00:01:53,376
Says here you've been experiencing
dizziness, nausea, stomach cramps.

36
00:01:53,377 --> 00:01:56,213
 That's right.
What do you think it is?

37
00:01:56,264 --> 00:01:59,221
I think unless
you've been poisoned

38
00:01:59,269 --> 00:02:01,384
or you're pregnant,
it's probably just stress.

39
00:02:03,196 --> 00:02:04,826
Poisoned?

40
00:02:04,876 --> 00:02:08,110
Yeah. I remember this case
when I was an intern.

41
00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:10,477
A man came in
with the same symptoms.

42
00:02:10,504 --> 00:02:13,425
Turns out his wife was putting
antifreeze in his oatmeal.

43
00:02:13,474 --> 00:02:15,925
Little bit every day
so it wasn't obvious.

44
00:02:15,973 --> 00:02:17,716
But eventually, it killed him.

45
00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:21,682
Good lesson for all of us--
don't piss off the old lady.

46
00:02:37,227 --> 00:02:39,204
What did he say?

47
00:02:39,266 --> 00:02:41,127
He thinks it's stress.

48
00:02:41,180 --> 00:02:43,266
Just stress?

49
00:02:43,313 --> 00:02:47,415
That's a relief.
So you must be starving.

50
00:02:47,460 --> 00:02:49,050
What can I make you
for dinner tonight?

51
00:02:50,117 --> 00:02:53,650
Yes, Susan Delfino
just couldn't resist

52
00:02:53,693 --> 00:02:56,139
lending a hand
to a neighbor in trouble.

53
00:02:56,186 --> 00:02:59,399
I'm sure anything you bring
will be a huge help to me.

54
00:02:59,426 --> 00:03:06,121
Which was about to cause her
some trouble of her own.

55
00:03:11,402 --> 00:03:15,702
Sync by YYeTs.net
Corrected by MY-SUBS
www.MY-SUBS.com

56
00:03:16,268 --> 00:03:20,112
No matter how secure we are,

57
00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:22,868
we all experience
moments of dread.

58
00:03:25,101 --> 00:03:29,106
It may be just before
we open our credit card bill...

59
00:03:31,266 --> 00:03:34,297
or hand over a note
from our teacher...

60
00:03:36,893 --> 00:03:41,480
or step on the scale
after a week away from the gym.

61
00:03:43,916 --> 00:03:47,503
Yes, we all experience
moments of dread,

62
00:03:47,562 --> 00:03:49,281
and sometimes

63
00:03:49,337 --> 00:03:52,247
we have no one to blame...

64
00:03:52,297 --> 00:03:54,232
but ourselves.

65
00:03:56,905 --> 00:04:00,463
Daddy's home.
How are my--

66
00:04:05,914 --> 00:04:08,397
"Bloody Stranger 2"?
She can't watch this!

67
00:04:08,444 --> 00:04:09,964
Daddy, no!

68
00:04:10,007 --> 00:04:14,156
Look, this is about some...
stranger who comes to town

69
00:04:14,179 --> 00:04:16,298
and starts murdering
slutty teenagers!

70
00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:18,853
Yeah. It's a good lesson
for when she's older.

71
00:04:18,882 --> 00:04:20,358
Don't be a slutty teenager.

72
00:04:20,410 --> 00:04:22,681
Gaby, this is way too violent.

73
00:04:22,713 --> 00:04:25,223
Oh, the kid's used to violence.

74
00:04:25,270 --> 00:04:27,566
You've seen me
make her eat carrots.

75
00:04:27,612 --> 00:04:29,991
Besides, Juanita knows
the movie's fake.

76
00:04:30,045 --> 00:04:31,741
Right, honey?

77
00:04:31,787 --> 00:04:35,068
Duh. There's no way one speargun

78
00:04:35,095 --> 00:04:37,018
could shoot through
three heads in real life.

79
00:04:37,077 --> 00:04:39,325
Exactly.
Two, maybe.

80
00:04:39,370 --> 00:04:41,097
Maybe.

81
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:44,504
Oh, Carlos, relax.

82
00:04:45,566 --> 00:04:48,138
Juanita's tough.
She'll be fine.

83
00:04:51,085 --> 00:04:53,067
Aah! He's out there!

84
00:04:53,094 --> 00:04:56,596
Oh! Calm down, sweetie.
Who's out there?

85
00:04:56,610 --> 00:04:57,830
The bloody stranger.

86
00:04:57,881 --> 00:05:00,573
He was standing on our lawn
looking at our house.

87
00:05:00,619 --> 00:05:03,360
The bloody stranger. Nice.

88
00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:05,302
No, honey, we talked
about this, remember?

89
00:05:05,330 --> 00:05:07,112
How it was all pretend?

90
00:05:07,165 --> 00:05:08,840
Can I sleep in here with you guys?

91
00:05:10,286 --> 00:05:12,485
You can sleep with her.
I'm gonna sleep in your bed.

92
00:05:12,531 --> 00:05:14,373
Celia's in my bed.

93
00:05:14,425 --> 00:05:16,638
Then I'll sleep in Celia's bed.

94
00:05:16,676 --> 00:05:17,842
She wet her bed.

95
00:05:19,229 --> 00:05:21,098
Come on in.

96
00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:35,221
- Hey!
- Hey!

97
00:05:35,249 --> 00:05:37,064
Look who's home in time for dinner!

98
00:05:37,114 --> 00:05:39,254
Yeah, well, I couldn't miss
spaghetti night.

99
00:05:39,326 --> 00:05:41,477
Spaghetti night's tuesday, dad.

100
00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:44,645
- You made it home for taco night.
- Taco night?

101
00:05:44,700 --> 00:05:46,305
Ay, caramba!

102
00:05:47,413 --> 00:05:50,843
Hey--no. I'm kidding.
Mwah.

103
00:05:50,903 --> 00:05:52,827
Hey, your mom made
a lovely dinner,

104
00:05:52,871 --> 00:05:57,291
so the least that I could do
was bring home dessert.

105
00:05:57,364 --> 00:05:59,774
- Plane tickets?
- That's right.

106
00:05:59,806 --> 00:06:03,602
- I planned the family vacation this year.
- You did what?

107
00:06:03,634 --> 00:06:05,550
Seven days, six nights

108
00:06:05,603 --> 00:06:08,118
at the Royal Kailua spa and resort

109
00:06:08,172 --> 00:06:10,463
In... Hawaii.

110
00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:11,897
- Whoo!
- Dad!

111
00:06:11,927 --> 00:06:15,277
- Well done, sir!
- I've never been there!

112
00:06:15,336 --> 00:06:17,657
You bought the tickets
without talking to me first?

113
00:06:17,712 --> 00:06:19,786
Okay. Not exactly

114
00:06:19,827 --> 00:06:22,433
"wow, Tom, you're the greatest
husband in the world."

115
00:06:22,488 --> 00:06:25,048
But I told you, I already
planned our vacation,

116
00:06:25,107 --> 00:06:27,764
Just like I've been doing
for the last 16 years.

117
00:06:27,823 --> 00:06:30,660
Well, there you go.
You deserve a year off.

118
00:06:30,714 --> 00:06:31,562
Wait until you see

119
00:06:31,619 --> 00:06:34,309
- the waterslides at this place.
- Cool!

120
00:06:35,533 --> 00:06:39,629
Yeah. Yeah, cool.
Except I just spent two weeks

121
00:06:39,695 --> 00:06:41,488
mapping out a route
for a camping trip,

122
00:06:41,523 --> 00:06:44,794
- And I put a deposit down on an R.V.
- Okay, so we eat the deposit.

123
00:06:44,850 --> 00:06:46,514
Wish I could eat it right now.

124
00:06:48,058 --> 00:06:52,062
And I told my sister
we'd stop by and visit on the way.

125
00:06:55,550 --> 00:06:57,514
We get back from Hawaii,

126
00:06:57,571 --> 00:06:59,927
we fly her out to see us here--

127
00:06:59,983 --> 00:07:01,248
Boom! Problem solved.

128
00:07:04,874 --> 00:07:06,487
And yet still no

129
00:07:06,541 --> 00:07:09,301
"You're the greatest
husband in the world"?

130
00:07:11,900 --> 00:07:12,993
Oh, my god.

131
00:07:13,063 --> 00:07:14,942
First class?

132
00:07:14,998 --> 00:07:18,151
You are the greatest
husband in the world!

133
00:07:18,209 --> 00:07:20,959
Aah! Oh, my god!
We're going to Hawaii! Aah!

134
00:07:21,024 --> 00:07:23,437
Yes! So lucky! Ohh.

135
00:07:23,493 --> 00:07:24,523
Yeah.

136
00:07:24,933 --> 00:07:27,090
Hawaii.

137
00:07:32,087 --> 00:07:34,505
Principal Hobson!

138
00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:38,785
Principal Hobson?

139
00:07:39,767 --> 00:07:41,219
Principal Hobson!

140
00:07:43,659 --> 00:07:46,485
Uh-- Susan! Hey!
Great to see you!

141
00:07:46,556 --> 00:07:49,723
Did you get my e-mails?
I sent you, like, ten.

142
00:07:49,780 --> 00:07:52,225
E-mails? No.

143
00:07:52,298 --> 00:07:55,099
- Oh. Well, in the first one-- 
- All right. I got them.

144
00:07:57,023 --> 00:07:59,257
And I would be glad
to give you your job back,

145
00:07:59,316 --> 00:08:01,667
- but I'm afraid it just
isn't gonna happen. - Oh...

146
00:08:02,346 --> 00:08:03,618
Why not?

147
00:08:03,703 --> 00:08:07,839
Susan, you can't be surprised
that there are consequences

148
00:08:07,905 --> 00:08:10,746
when you show up on the internet
holding a feather duster

149
00:08:10,802 --> 00:08:12,392
and wearing a purple bra?

150
00:08:12,462 --> 00:08:14,573
That was very specific.

151
00:08:15,961 --> 00:08:19,138
Well, I-I had to verify
the claims in order to--

152
00:08:20,229 --> 00:08:23,329
My point is, the damage was done.

153
00:08:23,387 --> 00:08:25,833
I know. I made a mistake.

154
00:08:25,893 --> 00:08:28,412
But I feel like I deserve
a second chance.

155
00:08:28,478 --> 00:08:31,038
If it were up to me,
I would give you that chance.

156
00:08:31,097 --> 00:08:32,968
But you know private schools.

157
00:08:32,998 --> 00:08:35,396
The parents' council
has all the power.

158
00:08:35,453 --> 00:08:38,942
So... if I were to win them over...

159
00:08:38,975 --> 00:08:40,670
Well, it would be a start.

160
00:08:40,741 --> 00:08:43,534
Thank you.
I'll take it from here.

161
00:08:43,587 --> 00:08:45,013
Oh, and I promise,

162
00:08:45,070 --> 00:08:47,184
No feather duster, no purple bra.

163
00:08:47,241 --> 00:08:49,646
And no black bustier.

164
00:08:52,732 --> 00:08:54,640
Nice talking to you.

165
00:09:02,969 --> 00:09:07,100
Oh, Detective Vance.
I was just, um, heading out.

166
00:09:07,157 --> 00:09:09,816
I won't keep you. I just stopped by
to give you another card,

167
00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:12,502
- to replace the one you lost.
- What makes you think I lost it?

168
00:09:12,534 --> 00:09:14,723
I gave it to you two days ago.
You never called me,

169
00:09:14,752 --> 00:09:18,222
- So I'm assuming you lost it.
- No. I didn't.

170
00:09:18,251 --> 00:09:19,790
Now, is that nice?

171
00:09:19,830 --> 00:09:22,287
I give you a graceful way
to spare my feelings,

172
00:09:22,322 --> 00:09:24,158
and you clobber me with facts.

173
00:09:24,192 --> 00:09:26,372
You sure you didn't lose it?

174
00:09:26,403 --> 00:09:30,192
Quite sure. In fact,
it's right here in my purse.

175
00:09:30,247 --> 00:09:32,032
You didn't throw it away.

176
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,437
That must mean
you were thinking of calling.

177
00:09:35,131 --> 00:09:36,484
Look...

178
00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:39,318
this is my second try.
I can't ask you again.

179
00:09:39,378 --> 00:09:42,623
- Is that an ultimatum?
- It's a fact of courtship--

180
00:09:42,679 --> 00:09:45,795
Twice is charmingly persistent.
Once more and I'm stalking you.

181
00:09:45,855 --> 00:09:48,322
- So you're courting me?
- I'm trying to.

182
00:09:48,375 --> 00:09:50,197
When will you stop
playing hard to get?

183
00:09:50,235 --> 00:09:52,209
Maybe when you stop
playing hard to want.

184
00:09:53,345 --> 00:09:56,669
- You see how much you enjoy
smacking me down? - Mm.

185
00:09:56,702 --> 00:09:58,657
Why pass up a chance
to do it all night?

186
00:09:58,705 --> 00:10:01,315
Come on. One dinner.

187
00:10:04,737 --> 00:10:08,173
Fine. This thursday, 8:00 P.M.

188
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:09,738
Great. See you then.

189
00:10:12,299 --> 00:10:14,367
I thought you were heading out.

190
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:19,076
Right.

191
00:10:33,026 --> 00:10:36,333
You... want me to test
a tuna noodle casserole?

192
00:10:37,177 --> 00:10:39,283
Is that a problem?

193
00:10:39,891 --> 00:10:41,534
Well, normally we test stuff

194
00:10:41,571 --> 00:10:43,066
like soil samples
and ground water,

195
00:10:43,131 --> 00:10:45,502
But sure, I can do it.
What are you looking for?

196
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:48,979
Antifreeze.

197
00:10:54,395 --> 00:10:56,630
Hey. What are you doing tonight?

198
00:10:56,664 --> 00:10:58,508
A friend of mine's
playing at a jazz club.

199
00:10:58,509 --> 00:11:00,134
Oh, thanks, Renee,
but I have a date.

200
00:11:00,168 --> 00:11:02,503
If you don't want to come,
just say so.

201
00:11:02,537 --> 00:11:05,739
- You don't have to make stuff up.
- No! I really do have a date.

202
00:11:05,773 --> 00:11:08,975
- Is that so hard to believe?
- Uh, slightly.

203
00:11:09,046 --> 00:11:10,144
So who is he?

204
00:11:10,213 --> 00:11:13,272
He's a detective.
His name is Chuck.

205
00:11:13,347 --> 00:11:14,925
Chuck Vance.

206
00:11:15,948 --> 00:11:18,139
Well, don't stop.
I want to hear it all.

207
00:11:18,192 --> 00:11:19,641
Actually, that's all I know.

208
00:11:19,694 --> 00:11:22,650
That's it? And you agreed
to go out with him?

209
00:11:22,686 --> 00:11:24,591
I never date a guy

210
00:11:24,627 --> 00:11:26,334
until I've done a complete
background check.

211
00:11:26,374 --> 00:11:29,581
- Maybe I should just google him.
- Amateur.

212
00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:32,384
Give me his name and I will find out
everything worth knowing--

213
00:11:32,437 --> 00:11:35,932
Marital history, net worth,
results of his last physical.

214
00:11:35,988 --> 00:11:37,395
The physical seems excessive.

215
00:11:37,455 --> 00:11:38,733
That's what I thought

216
00:11:38,798 --> 00:11:41,734
till I spent a weekend pinned
under a dead linebacker.

217
00:11:45,777 --> 00:11:46,853
Why would you let her watch

218
00:11:46,911 --> 00:11:48,872
something called
"Bloody Stranger 2"?

219
00:11:48,930 --> 00:11:53,194
I know, I know. I'm an idiot.
Now she's having nightmares

220
00:11:53,248 --> 00:11:54,742
And crawling into
our bed every night.

221
00:11:54,798 --> 00:11:56,506
When I was a kid,
I had bad dreams

222
00:11:56,561 --> 00:11:58,814
like you wouldn't believe--
jumping-out-of-bed,

223
00:11:58,867 --> 00:12:00,658
running-down-the-hall-screaming
kind of dreams.

224
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,826
- So what'd you do?
- Guess I outgrew 'em.

225
00:12:02,852 --> 00:12:04,098
You did?

226
00:12:05,641 --> 00:12:07,107
Juanita, come here!

227
00:12:07,162 --> 00:12:09,993
- What are you doing?
- I figured you could talk to her.

228
00:12:10,043 --> 00:12:12,261
You know, give her one of those
"it gets better" speeches

229
00:12:12,316 --> 00:12:13,730
you gays love so much.

230
00:12:16,323 --> 00:12:19,313
Sweetie, Lee wants to talk to you.

231
00:12:20,305 --> 00:12:22,076
So your mom says
you've been having nightmares.

232
00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:23,558
What are they about?

233
00:12:23,591 --> 00:12:25,827
I see this creepy guy
standing on our lawn.

234
00:12:25,857 --> 00:12:27,374
Oh, you poor thing.

235
00:12:27,402 --> 00:12:30,574
You know, when I was little,
I had nightmares, too.

236
00:12:30,631 --> 00:12:32,503
- Really?
- Yeah.

237
00:12:32,540 --> 00:12:36,106
My brother told me
that there was a hospital

238
00:12:36,138 --> 00:12:38,597
for the criminally insane
on the outskirts of town.

239
00:12:38,651 --> 00:12:41,460
And at night,
the inmates would escape

240
00:12:41,491 --> 00:12:43,466
and kidnap little boys and girls.

241
00:12:43,502 --> 00:12:47,387
But it's not real. His brother
was just trying to scare him.

242
00:12:47,418 --> 00:12:49,259
Oh, no. It was totally real.

243
00:12:49,287 --> 00:12:51,459
One summer,
three kids went missing.

244
00:12:51,487 --> 00:12:53,668
- Until they found them...
- Right.

245
00:12:53,679 --> 00:12:56,872
About a month later...
in a ravine.

246
00:12:56,904 --> 00:12:58,831
Alive!

247
00:12:58,857 --> 00:13:00,842
No. Come on.
They were in a ravine.

248
00:13:00,910 --> 00:13:02,784
What good ever
comes out of a ravine?

249
00:13:06,926 --> 00:13:08,404
What the hell was that?

250
00:13:08,462 --> 00:13:10,535
I'm just showing her there's
nothing to be frightened of.

251
00:13:10,563 --> 00:13:12,487
My story's way scarier than hers.

252
00:13:15,310 --> 00:13:17,505
Okay. So Cindy's
in charge of decorations,

253
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,968
Abby, you're handling music...

254
00:13:21,138 --> 00:13:24,009
Oh, sorry. Sorry.
Don't let me interrupt.

255
00:13:41,477 --> 00:13:44,838
Susan, what are you doing here?

256
00:13:44,903 --> 00:13:47,327
I heard you guys were planning
an open house night,

257
00:13:47,386 --> 00:13:49,721
and I'd love to pitch in.
How can I help?

258
00:13:49,753 --> 00:13:52,873
Let's see. You're legendary
for your cleaning abilities.

259
00:13:53,964 --> 00:13:56,522
That didn't take long.

260
00:13:56,576 --> 00:13:59,827
Do you need any refreshments?
I could make something.

261
00:13:59,859 --> 00:14:02,114
Thanks, but if we need
any help, we'll call you.

262
00:14:02,169 --> 00:14:04,291
Is it still 99 cents a minute?

263
00:14:05,347 --> 00:14:07,301
Okay, uh...

264
00:14:07,353 --> 00:14:09,890
looks like we should
just get this out there.

265
00:14:09,944 --> 00:14:14,061
My family had a really crappy year.

266
00:14:14,122 --> 00:14:17,842
Uh, I did some things
that I am not proud of.

267
00:14:18,881 --> 00:14:22,928
But I was a damn good teacher
when I was at this school.

268
00:14:23,903 --> 00:14:27,649
And I was hoping that
you ladies might eventually

269
00:14:27,707 --> 00:14:30,139
support hiring me back.

270
00:14:30,193 --> 00:14:32,035
You want to teach here again?

271
00:14:33,107 --> 00:14:35,251
I think the parents' council

272
00:14:35,277 --> 00:14:37,594
might have a big problem with that.

273
00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:41,626
Look, I-I'm not asking
for your forgiveness--

274
00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:43,621
just a chance to earn it.

275
00:14:43,652 --> 00:14:46,916
Let me do something
for open house.

276
00:14:46,948 --> 00:14:48,854
I really do wanna help.

277
00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:53,542
Okay. How about you
pick up the streamers?

278
00:14:53,608 --> 00:14:55,143
Streamers?

279
00:14:55,210 --> 00:14:56,792
If you can handle it.

280
00:14:56,821 --> 00:15:00,073
Just be careful
not to confuse them with tassels.

281
00:15:01,313 --> 00:15:03,094
Meeting adjourned.

282
00:15:09,048 --> 00:15:10,415
I shouldn't even look at this.

283
00:15:10,416 --> 00:15:12,452
It feels like such an intrusion.

284
00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:14,347
And besides,
he'll be here any minute.

285
00:15:14,348 --> 00:15:16,410
Then I'm just in the nick of time.

286
00:15:16,850 --> 00:15:18,622
You found something bad?

287
00:15:18,623 --> 00:15:21,881
Well, for me, his salary alone
makes him a non-starter.

288
00:15:21,882 --> 00:15:25,163
But you may be more interested
in what's on page three.

289
00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:28,622
Is he a dirty cop?
Or a democrat?

290
00:15:28,623 --> 00:15:30,021
Worse.

291
00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:49,675
Hello, Chuck.

292
00:15:49,676 --> 00:15:51,960
I was afraid I was early,
but, uh...

293
00:15:51,961 --> 00:15:53,482
looks like you're all ready.

294
00:15:53,483 --> 00:15:57,150
Oh, I'm ready, all right.
Shall we?

295
00:16:02,904 --> 00:16:05,118
Hope this is okay.
You like Italian, right?

296
00:16:05,119 --> 00:16:06,697
Everybody likes Italian.

297
00:16:06,698 --> 00:16:10,531
Oh, it's fine.
So let's talk.

298
00:16:10,532 --> 00:16:13,526
Tell me about yourself.
Tell me everything.

299
00:16:14,518 --> 00:16:16,199
Okay, what do you want to know?

300
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:19,298
Oh, whatever you think is,
hmm... pertinent.

301
00:16:19,647 --> 00:16:22,143
Okay. Um, I was born
in Pennsylvania.

302
00:16:22,373 --> 00:16:24,799
I played some ball in college.

303
00:16:24,989 --> 00:16:26,805
Um, I have a degree in criminology.

304
00:16:26,806 --> 00:16:28,170
Interesting.

305
00:16:31,066 --> 00:16:32,797
Anything else?

306
00:16:33,139 --> 00:16:35,222
Well, I have two kids.

307
00:16:35,223 --> 00:16:36,798
Oh. So you've been married.

308
00:16:36,799 --> 00:16:39,050
Yeah. Didn't work out.

309
00:16:39,439 --> 00:16:41,238
I hope you don't
judge me for that.

310
00:16:41,239 --> 00:16:43,403
Oh, no. Not for that.

311
00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:46,681
Is something wrong, Bree?

312
00:16:46,682 --> 00:16:48,564
I'm just wondering when
you were going to tell me

313
00:16:48,565 --> 00:16:51,403
that you're still married.

314
00:16:53,877 --> 00:16:56,775
I see you've done due diligence.

315
00:16:56,827 --> 00:16:58,168
Did your source happen to mention

316
00:16:58,223 --> 00:17:00,072
that I filed for divorce
last spring?

317
00:17:00,124 --> 00:17:01,442
And that it hasn't gone through,

318
00:17:01,443 --> 00:17:03,437
So technically,
you're still married.

319
00:17:03,438 --> 00:17:06,164
- You should have told me.
- We haven't even ordered yet.

320
00:17:06,165 --> 00:17:07,501
You expect me to lead with that?

321
00:17:07,502 --> 00:17:09,830
"Hey, I'm technically married.
The chicken looks good."

322
00:17:09,831 --> 00:17:12,820
You shouldn't be dating at all
until your divorce is final.

323
00:17:12,821 --> 00:17:16,371
- What if you and your wife reconcile?
- I haven't spoken to my wife

324
00:17:16,372 --> 00:17:18,542
In a year without
my lawyer present.

325
00:17:18,543 --> 00:17:21,072
You can't blame me for doing
a simple background check.

326
00:17:21,688 --> 00:17:24,651
Hell, no. I'm sure you want
to avoid another mistake

327
00:17:24,652 --> 00:17:27,791
like your second husband,
the hit-and-run driver.

328
00:17:28,013 --> 00:17:29,603
Orson, was it?

329
00:17:30,052 --> 00:17:31,150
What?

330
00:17:31,282 --> 00:17:34,264
Tell me, who was creepier--
him or that pharmacist

331
00:17:34,265 --> 00:17:36,043
who killed himself
while you were dating?

332
00:17:38,443 --> 00:17:39,951
Where did you hear that?

333
00:17:39,952 --> 00:17:41,499
I pulled your police file.

334
00:17:42,211 --> 00:17:43,682
I have a file?

335
00:17:44,478 --> 00:17:46,037
And you pulled it.

336
00:17:47,465 --> 00:17:50,267
How dare you investigate me
before our date!

337
00:17:50,438 --> 00:17:53,550
Say that again, and this time,
listen for the irony.

338
00:17:53,551 --> 00:17:55,771
There is no comparison
to what I did.

339
00:17:55,772 --> 00:17:58,340
You could have been dangerous!
I have to protect myself.

340
00:17:58,393 --> 00:18:00,137
Oh, women can be dangerous, too,

341
00:18:00,138 --> 00:18:02,129
Especially ones who own
four handguns

342
00:18:02,130 --> 00:18:04,863
and a .30-06 hunting rifle.
What's up with that?

343
00:18:04,864 --> 00:18:06,039
This is outrageous.

344
00:18:06,097 --> 00:18:08,039
You are treating me
like a common criminal!

345
00:18:08,198 --> 00:18:09,707
What can I get
you folks to start?

346
00:18:09,762 --> 00:18:14,461
I will not be ordering.
I want to go home now.

347
00:18:14,678 --> 00:18:17,721
Come on, Bree.
Calm down. Have a drink.

348
00:18:17,774 --> 00:18:19,933
I don't drink.
Wasn't that in my file?

349
00:18:19,934 --> 00:18:21,810
Someone's slipping.

350
00:18:30,998 --> 00:18:32,100
What are you doing?

351
00:18:32,178 --> 00:18:34,263
Hmm? What do you
think I'm doing?

352
00:18:34,264 --> 00:18:36,479
I think you're wasting your time,

353
00:18:36,551 --> 00:18:39,466
much as I did when I planned
this year's vacation.

354
00:18:41,005 --> 00:18:42,812
We should have discussed this.

355
00:18:42,936 --> 00:18:44,989
I wanted to surprise you.

356
00:18:45,044 --> 00:18:46,912
I wasn't surprised.
I was blindsided.

357
00:18:46,913 --> 00:18:49,007
You may call all the shots at work,

358
00:18:49,058 --> 00:18:51,471
But you're not the C.F.O.
of this family.

359
00:18:52,053 --> 00:18:53,236
Ugh.

360
00:18:54,906 --> 00:18:56,203
You're right.

361
00:18:57,921 --> 00:19:01,585
For what it's worth,
your road trip sounds amazing.

362
00:19:02,781 --> 00:19:05,645
I just don't think it's gonna
pan out for this summer.

363
00:19:06,373 --> 00:19:08,922
But you made a hell of
a great start for next year's trip.

364
00:19:11,442 --> 00:19:13,409
Don't pull that
management trick on me.

365
00:19:13,410 --> 00:19:15,733
- What trick?
- The "Yes" sandwich.

366
00:19:15,734 --> 00:19:17,504
Start with a compliment,
lower the boom,

367
00:19:17,505 --> 00:19:19,559
end with a compliment.
It's the oldest trick in business,

368
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:21,067
- And I taught it to you.
- Lynette,

369
00:19:21,123 --> 00:19:24,049
I already promised Hawaii
to the kids.

370
00:19:24,441 --> 00:19:27,724
You want me to take it away?
You saw how excited they were.

371
00:19:27,725 --> 00:19:30,385
Only because they've never
had a lavish vacation before.

372
00:19:30,386 --> 00:19:32,323
Give me the same budget,
and I'll make my trip

373
00:19:32,324 --> 00:19:36,246
- Sound twice as good as yours.
- Oh, I would love to see you try.

374
00:19:37,737 --> 00:19:40,971
Okay, then.
Game on.

375
00:19:41,184 --> 00:19:44,021
We'll, um,
we'll sit the kids down,

376
00:19:44,073 --> 00:19:46,746
We'll each make our presentation.
Let them decide.

377
00:19:46,747 --> 00:19:49,378
Sounds fair to me.
Game on.

378
00:19:49,379 --> 00:19:51,890
Okay.
Game on.

379
00:19:52,598 --> 00:19:53,131
Uh...

380
00:19:55,029 --> 00:19:56,286
Honey.

381
00:20:00,845 --> 00:20:03,607
I'm not turned on.
You're a very handsome man.

382
00:20:03,750 --> 00:20:05,461
We're not gonna have sex.

383
00:20:05,787 --> 00:20:07,972
That's a "No" Sandwich.

384
00:20:17,801 --> 00:20:19,068
Level with me, Bree.

385
00:20:19,069 --> 00:20:22,437
- Do I still have a chance with you?
- None whatsoever.

386
00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:24,667
Then this can't make
things any worse.

387
00:20:30,404 --> 00:20:32,736
That's right.
Keep driving, buddy.

388
00:20:42,807 --> 00:20:45,561
- Why'd you do that?
- Get in, Violet.

389
00:20:47,250 --> 00:20:49,600
Oh, my god.
You couldn't have dropped me off

390
00:20:49,601 --> 00:20:52,053
before you pick up a prostitute?

391
00:20:56,002 --> 00:20:57,737
You arresting me, Chuck?

392
00:20:57,738 --> 00:21:00,075
Just taking you
to the women's shelter.

393
00:21:00,612 --> 00:21:03,055
So what is this,
your good deed for the night?

394
00:21:03,548 --> 00:21:05,450
You trying to impress your date?

395
00:21:05,595 --> 00:21:09,405
No. That ship has sailed.
She hates me more than you do.

396
00:21:09,848 --> 00:21:11,657
Why? What's wrong with him?

397
00:21:11,658 --> 00:21:14,986
My opinion isn't
any of your concern, miss.

398
00:21:15,502 --> 00:21:16,718
You're better off
without her, Chuck.

399
00:21:16,719 --> 00:21:18,836
This one's got a stick up her ass.

400
00:21:19,541 --> 00:21:22,342
And what qualifies you to make
such snap judgments

401
00:21:22,343 --> 00:21:27,010
- about people you've just met?
- I'm a hooker. It's what I do.

402
00:21:39,056 --> 00:21:42,277
Here we are, and I'm watching
to make sure you go in.

403
00:21:43,197 --> 00:21:44,976
You know I'm just gonna be back
on that corner tomorrow.

404
00:21:45,028 --> 00:21:46,976
Yeah, well,
that's tomorrow's problem.

405
00:21:46,977 --> 00:21:48,387
When are you gonna give up?

406
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:52,382
What I am now...
that's all I'm ever gonna be.

407
00:21:55,190 --> 00:21:57,035
You think so?

408
00:21:59,915 --> 00:22:01,370
Did you know that ten years ago,

409
00:22:01,371 --> 00:22:04,432
Bree here was turning tricks
just like you?

410
00:22:06,564 --> 00:22:07,758
How dare you.

411
00:22:07,759 --> 00:22:10,255
Bree, she needs to hear this.

412
00:22:12,525 --> 00:22:15,407
I must have hauled
her ass in 50 times.

413
00:22:16,858 --> 00:22:19,396
Then one day, she said,
"I'm better than this."

414
00:22:19,688 --> 00:22:21,592
She got herself to school.

415
00:22:22,006 --> 00:22:24,910
Before you knew it, she had
a first class catering company,

416
00:22:24,911 --> 00:22:26,152
So don't try to tell me

417
00:22:26,153 --> 00:22:28,727
that you can't make
a better life for yourself.

418
00:22:33,409 --> 00:22:35,015
You were really on the street?

419
00:22:35,162 --> 00:22:36,549
Actually, I...

420
00:22:42,621 --> 00:22:45,736
I don't like to talk
about that part of my life.

421
00:22:46,785 --> 00:22:48,113
I get it.

422
00:22:50,084 --> 00:22:52,026
Look at you now, huh?

423
00:22:54,789 --> 00:22:56,937
It was really nice to meet you.

424
00:22:57,415 --> 00:22:58,948
Likewise.

425
00:22:58,949 --> 00:23:00,559
Thank you, Chuck.

426
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:02,222
Don't mention it.

427
00:23:08,095 --> 00:23:10,488
I know. Way outta line.

428
00:23:10,489 --> 00:23:13,539
You said I had no chance,
so I figured, what the hell.

429
00:23:14,404 --> 00:23:15,575
Home?

430
00:23:17,869 --> 00:23:19,283
Yes, please.

431
00:23:29,044 --> 00:23:31,654
You were right.
Found trace amounts of antifreeze,

432
00:23:31,655 --> 00:23:33,560
but don't worry.
Wouldn't have killed you.

433
00:23:34,342 --> 00:23:34,935
What would happen

434
00:23:34,936 --> 00:23:37,960
if I ate one of these
casseroles every day?

435
00:23:38,406 --> 00:23:41,484
Well, for one thing,
you'd get tired of tuna casserole.

436
00:23:43,484 --> 00:23:46,568
Ahem. If you repeatedly
consumed ethylene glycol,

437
00:23:46,569 --> 00:23:47,904
your heart would start to fail,

438
00:23:47,905 --> 00:23:51,325
your kidneys would give out.
Eventually, you'd die.

439
00:23:51,547 --> 00:23:53,065
It'd be a nasty way to go.

440
00:23:54,513 --> 00:23:55,883
Huh.

441
00:23:55,884 --> 00:23:57,371
I can only imagine.

442
00:24:07,145 --> 00:24:08,410
What are you doing?

443
00:24:10,310 --> 00:24:12,100
I thought I was borrowing
Lynette's tent.

444
00:24:12,101 --> 00:24:14,325
Turns out I borrowed
a nylon bag of death.

445
00:24:15,125 --> 00:24:16,997
Why are you setting up the tent?

446
00:24:16,998 --> 00:24:18,377
For Juanita.
I wanna prove to her

447
00:24:18,473 --> 00:24:20,316
there's no scary guy on the lawn.

448
00:24:20,581 --> 00:24:23,888
I figured if she spends
the night camping out here,

449
00:24:23,889 --> 00:24:25,107
she'll get over it.

450
00:24:25,281 --> 00:24:26,194
So the kid is scared

451
00:24:26,195 --> 00:24:27,852
there's a killer lurking
outside at night,

452
00:24:27,853 --> 00:24:29,885
and your solution is
to make her sleep out here?

453
00:24:30,267 --> 00:24:32,503
Not alone, you dope.
You'll be with her.

454
00:24:32,855 --> 00:24:33,702
Me?

455
00:24:34,063 --> 00:24:35,625
Yeah. What if she's right?

456
00:24:35,626 --> 00:24:38,260
What if there is a killer...
or it's cold?

457
00:24:38,261 --> 00:24:39,644
Oh. Forget it.

458
00:24:40,408 --> 00:24:43,165
I got an early meeting tomorrow,
and I'm not going in half asleep

459
00:24:43,166 --> 00:24:44,595
Because I slept on my lawn.

460
00:24:44,765 --> 00:24:47,258
You caused this problem.
You fix it, tonight.

461
00:24:47,829 --> 00:24:51,370
And stop pouting.
It's fun to sleep outside.

462
00:24:52,551 --> 00:24:53,777
I'm sure it is.

463
00:24:53,778 --> 00:24:56,907
That must be why the homeless
are always so cheery!

464
00:25:01,987 --> 00:25:03,024
Come in.

465
00:25:05,742 --> 00:25:06,666
Hey.

466
00:25:07,278 --> 00:25:09,967
After our date--
or rather, non-date--

467
00:25:09,968 --> 00:25:11,881
I was very confused.

468
00:25:12,265 --> 00:25:13,750
Makes two of us.

469
00:25:14,196 --> 00:25:16,947
I was... offended when
you didn't tell me the truth

470
00:25:17,011 --> 00:25:19,297
about your marriage
and oddly touched

471
00:25:19,467 --> 00:25:20,708
when you told
a complete stranger

472
00:25:20,709 --> 00:25:22,220
I was a whore.

473
00:25:22,916 --> 00:25:23,870
Well, if you like that,

474
00:25:23,871 --> 00:25:25,933
you should wait
till valentine's day.

475
00:25:27,180 --> 00:25:29,168
I wanted to know
your secrets right away,

476
00:25:29,218 --> 00:25:30,478
and I didn't want
to tell you mine

477
00:25:30,479 --> 00:25:33,893
until I felt I could trust you,

478
00:25:33,894 --> 00:25:36,522
and that... wasn't fair.

479
00:25:37,696 --> 00:25:39,125
I was no better.

480
00:25:39,448 --> 00:25:42,243
When did dating
become so complicated?

481
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:44,033
We're not kids anymore.

482
00:25:44,034 --> 00:25:47,065
We've both had
our hearts kicked around.

483
00:25:49,185 --> 00:25:51,383
I guess it's made us
a little gun-shy...

484
00:25:52,343 --> 00:25:54,170
If "gun-shy" is
the right word for a woman

485
00:25:54,171 --> 00:25:55,925
with an arsenal as big as yours.

486
00:26:00,174 --> 00:26:01,967
So what do we do?

487
00:26:02,236 --> 00:26:03,392
I say...

488
00:26:04,602 --> 00:26:07,211
we forget about
the crazy digging for dirt

489
00:26:07,212 --> 00:26:08,712
that we both did

490
00:26:09,343 --> 00:26:11,468
and just have
a normal first date.

491
00:26:12,205 --> 00:26:13,330
All right.

492
00:26:14,327 --> 00:26:15,297
When?

493
00:26:15,517 --> 00:26:17,588
Well, it is lunchtime.

494
00:26:17,975 --> 00:26:19,239
Why not?

495
00:26:20,188 --> 00:26:22,796
I know this little Indian place

496
00:26:22,797 --> 00:26:24,992
That does an amazing
lamb vindaloo.

497
00:26:25,038 --> 00:26:26,676
How'd you know
I like Indian food?

498
00:26:27,054 --> 00:26:28,754
I'd rather not say.

499
00:26:33,182 --> 00:26:36,048
I don't even know why
I wanna work at that school again.

500
00:26:36,049 --> 00:26:38,217
Ugh, those smug cliquey moms.

501
00:26:38,267 --> 00:26:41,666
I mean, can you believe
that Dana gave me streamer duty?

502
00:26:42,019 --> 00:26:44,676
It's positively awful.

503
00:26:44,677 --> 00:26:47,949
So tell me, how is Paul?

504
00:26:47,950 --> 00:26:49,992
I hear he went to the hospital?

505
00:26:50,562 --> 00:26:51,932
He thought he was
having a heart attack,

506
00:26:51,933 --> 00:26:53,719
But the test results
came back negative.

507
00:26:54,822 --> 00:26:56,619
Do the doctors know
what caused it?

508
00:26:56,620 --> 00:26:58,363
They think it's stress,

509
00:26:58,712 --> 00:27:00,259
But I'm worried about him.

510
00:27:00,505 --> 00:27:01,877
Oh, don't be.

511
00:27:02,059 --> 00:27:04,842
Well, I think he should go back
and have more tests done.

512
00:27:05,259 --> 00:27:06,458
He'll be fine.

513
00:27:06,817 --> 00:27:08,843
As a nurse, I saw time and again

514
00:27:08,844 --> 00:27:10,387
that the best
prescription for stress

515
00:27:10,388 --> 00:27:13,486
Is rest and good food.

516
00:27:15,301 --> 00:27:17,642
So sweet of you to make
these cookies for him.

517
00:27:18,182 --> 00:27:20,832
Well, yeah,
I hope it cheers him up.

518
00:27:21,977 --> 00:27:24,741
I'm sure it's just
what the doctor ordered.

519
00:27:30,623 --> 00:27:32,796
Well... I wish I could do more.

520
00:27:34,445 --> 00:27:36,375
Oh, Susan.

521
00:27:36,952 --> 00:27:41,050
You're doing more for Paul
than you can possibly know.

522
00:27:46,761 --> 00:27:48,412
The Grand Canyon.

523
00:27:48,785 --> 00:27:50,392
Over a mile deep.

524
00:27:50,393 --> 00:27:53,787
It took six million years to form.

525
00:27:58,789 --> 00:28:00,715
Sequoia National Forest--

526
00:28:00,876 --> 00:28:03,889
A soaring monument
to nature's majesty.

527
00:28:04,019 --> 00:28:05,544
So that's our vacation?

528
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,409
Looking at trees and
a hole in the ground?

529
00:28:08,452 --> 00:28:12,293
Now, now, kids, your mom
worked hard on this. Be kind.

530
00:28:13,216 --> 00:28:16,525
Yeah. Yeah, if the Grand Canyon
isn't your scene...

531
00:28:17,041 --> 00:28:18,110
Did she say "scene"?

532
00:28:18,111 --> 00:28:21,096
You're bound to love
our next stop...

533
00:28:22,476 --> 00:28:24,283
The screaminator.

534
00:28:24,543 --> 00:28:28,457
Seven minutes of sheer
roller coaster terror.

535
00:28:28,507 --> 00:28:30,267
"Responsible parenting" magazine

536
00:28:30,309 --> 00:28:34,727
calls it the worst idea since
the caffeinated juice box.

537
00:28:35,288 --> 00:28:36,599
- That's awesome.
- Ooh.

538
00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:38,484
- That sounds really...
- Oh, me likey that.

539
00:28:38,647 --> 00:28:41,016
- That's very sweet!
- Any and all

540
00:28:41,017 --> 00:28:44,047
of these thrilling destinations
are available to us.

541
00:28:44,103 --> 00:28:47,026
We just point the R.V...
and drive.

542
00:28:47,179 --> 00:28:48,570
- All right!
- Whoo!

543
00:28:48,571 --> 00:28:50,716
- Yes!
- Oh, man, I can't wait.

544
00:28:50,761 --> 00:28:52,412
Ooh, I forget about the R.V.

545
00:28:52,413 --> 00:28:54,676
Won't it be a little cramped
now that we have Paige?

546
00:28:54,677 --> 00:28:58,785
Oh, maybe your dad's right.
Maybe we shouldn't take the R.V.

547
00:28:58,834 --> 00:29:00,747
Maybe we should take...

548
00:29:02,347 --> 00:29:05,115
the Road Juggernaut 8000.

549
00:29:05,116 --> 00:29:08,131
State-of-the-art
entertainment system,

550
00:29:08,132 --> 00:29:10,831
six private
sleeping compartments,

551
00:29:10,832 --> 00:29:13,480
and two full baths,

552
00:29:13,521 --> 00:29:17,221
One of which Justin Bieber
used on his last tour to make...

553
00:29:17,222 --> 00:29:18,547
water balloons.

554
00:29:18,590 --> 00:29:21,190
- Shut up!
- Shut up!

555
00:29:21,662 --> 00:29:24,374
- I'm blown away right now!
- We are going on vacation!

556
00:29:25,543 --> 00:29:27,396
Follow that, Hawaii.

557
00:29:32,884 --> 00:29:34,280
Will you take that off?

558
00:29:34,433 --> 00:29:35,392
No.

559
00:29:35,576 --> 00:29:37,570
Juanita, you look ridiculous.

560
00:29:38,768 --> 00:29:40,156
I don't care how I look.

561
00:29:40,157 --> 00:29:43,101
- I don't want that killer guy to
chop off my head. - First of all,

562
00:29:43,102 --> 00:29:45,576
a helmet wouldn't keep him
from chopping off your head.

563
00:29:45,577 --> 00:29:47,064
It would just mean
I'd have to clean it

564
00:29:47,065 --> 00:29:52,322
before I gave it back to Parker.
Second, there is no killer guy.

565
00:29:52,323 --> 00:29:55,840
- It's an actor in a movie.
- But I'm still scared.

566
00:29:55,885 --> 00:29:59,010
It's okay to be scared.
It's even fun sometimes.

567
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:02,349
But you can't let that scared
come from inside your own head,

568
00:30:02,350 --> 00:30:04,700
and you have to be able
to calm it down if it does.

569
00:30:06,140 --> 00:30:07,390
What's that?

570
00:30:09,520 --> 00:30:12,019
It's people walking by, juanita.

571
00:30:12,020 --> 00:30:13,089
This is what I'm talking about.

572
00:30:13,090 --> 00:30:15,360
This is where you take
charge of your fear.

573
00:30:16,290 --> 00:30:18,460
Mama, I think it's the killer.

574
00:30:19,010 --> 00:30:21,039
No, it's not, Juanita.

575
00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:22,330
Mom, look!

576
00:30:24,300 --> 00:30:25,360
Aah!

577
00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:29,090
Oh! Who's out there?!
Go away!

578
00:30:34,190 --> 00:30:35,350
Gotcha!

579
00:30:36,300 --> 00:30:38,189
What the hell is wrong with you?!

580
00:30:38,190 --> 00:30:39,580
I'm trying to help.

581
00:30:39,630 --> 00:30:40,539
By giving me a heart attack--

582
00:30:40,540 --> 00:30:43,690
- You thought that would help?
- Kinda did.

583
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:48,359
Oh, mom,
you should've seen your face.

584
00:30:48,360 --> 00:30:49,279
I just wanted to show you

585
00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:52,190
that not everything that
looks scary actually is. See?

586
00:30:52,990 --> 00:30:54,360
Plastic.

587
00:30:54,450 --> 00:30:57,640
It's like the movie.
It looks scary, but it's fake.

588
00:30:57,680 --> 00:31:01,540
Exactly. I have to go.
Bob's in the shower...

589
00:31:01,570 --> 00:31:03,739
and he's about to pay
for not liking my...

590
00:31:03,740 --> 00:31:05,290
chicken pot pie.

591
00:31:08,140 --> 00:31:11,570
So when you cast
your vote tonight, kids,

592
00:31:11,590 --> 00:31:13,950
cast it for adventure...

593
00:31:14,190 --> 00:31:17,010
luxury, nature.

594
00:31:17,500 --> 00:31:21,159
'cause Hawaii has something
for every Scavo,

595
00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:23,489
whether it is circling

596
00:31:23,490 --> 00:31:25,819
a smoking volcano in a helicopter

597
00:31:25,820 --> 00:31:30,029
or swimming in crystal-clear
waters with the dolphins.

598
00:31:30,030 --> 00:31:33,580
It is the vacation of a lifetime.

599
00:31:46,270 --> 00:31:49,109
I didn't wanna do this.
You know who else

600
00:31:49,110 --> 00:31:51,800
loves swimming in those
crystal-clear waters?

601
00:31:53,390 --> 00:31:56,470
Nature's hungriest predator--
the great white shark.

602
00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:01,849
Come on. There hasn't been
a shark attack on the island

603
00:32:01,850 --> 00:32:03,220
in forever.

604
00:32:03,550 --> 00:32:07,329
Really? Or did they just fail
to find the evidence?

605
00:32:07,330 --> 00:32:10,119
Great whites tend
to eat their victims.

606
00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:11,260
What?

607
00:32:12,180 --> 00:32:15,459
This is very,
very unlikely to happen.

608
00:32:15,460 --> 00:32:16,739
You're right. You're right.

609
00:32:16,740 --> 00:32:20,860
I mean, especially
if we all die first in...

610
00:32:22,550 --> 00:32:25,070
a gruesome helicopter crash.

611
00:32:28,530 --> 00:32:30,239
Now you see

612
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:34,270
why the natives
call them death birds.

613
00:32:35,210 --> 00:32:36,769
You-- you think
you're gonna be safer

614
00:32:36,770 --> 00:32:38,429
driving across country?

615
00:32:38,430 --> 00:32:40,669
Who knows the number one
cause of accidental death?

616
00:32:40,670 --> 00:32:43,169
- Oh, I do. It's the car crash.
- Don't worry, kids.

617
00:32:43,170 --> 00:32:44,889
We're gonna hire
a professional driver.

618
00:32:44,890 --> 00:32:46,220
It won't be your dad.

619
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:49,989
Guys, can we go upstairs
and talk about this

620
00:32:49,990 --> 00:32:51,180
before we vote?

621
00:32:51,350 --> 00:32:52,560
You bet.

622
00:32:55,930 --> 00:32:57,389
We await your verdict.

623
00:32:57,390 --> 00:32:58,200
-  Yeah.
- Aloha!

624
00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:08,540
God, you are a hypocrite.

625
00:33:08,750 --> 00:33:09,790
How?

626
00:33:11,620 --> 00:33:13,219
Ten years ago, Christmas,

627
00:33:13,220 --> 00:33:15,019
we are standing
in the scooter aisle

628
00:33:15,020 --> 00:33:17,550
at the toy store
when I wanna choose

629
00:33:17,790 --> 00:33:19,500
the twins' big present.

630
00:33:20,100 --> 00:33:24,659
You say, "Tom, when you start
making the money,

631
00:33:24,660 --> 00:33:27,240
you can start
making the decisions."

632
00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:30,009
You've been sitting on that
for a decade? Wow.

633
00:33:30,010 --> 00:33:32,679
Well, guess what.
I make the money--

634
00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:35,369
Big money--
more money than you ever did,

635
00:33:35,370 --> 00:33:39,719
so I get to decide
how we spend it!

636
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:41,609
We're supposed to be
equal partners.

637
00:33:41,610 --> 00:33:42,879
I just wanted a say
in the process.

638
00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:44,459
No, you don't.
You wanna control the process

639
00:33:44,460 --> 00:33:46,459
- Like you always do.
- Watch it.

640
00:33:46,460 --> 00:33:48,129
And then you feel
that power slipping away,

641
00:33:48,130 --> 00:33:49,979
and you can't stand it.

642
00:33:49,980 --> 00:33:54,029
You can't stand that
I am running the show.

643
00:33:54,030 --> 00:33:56,699
Running the show?
Are you kidding me?

644
00:33:56,700 --> 00:33:58,429
We're talking about
a family vacation--

645
00:33:58,430 --> 00:34:00,590
Not anymore we are not!

646
00:34:02,180 --> 00:34:05,799
This is about how you
can't handle my success.

647
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:08,129
No, you can't handle your success.

648
00:34:08,130 --> 00:34:09,909
You've turned into a pompous ass!

649
00:34:09,910 --> 00:34:13,120
Maybe because it's turned you
into a raging bitch.

650
00:34:45,090 --> 00:34:47,829
Lee! I am warning you.

651
00:34:47,830 --> 00:34:50,779
Once was funny.
This time, I will kill you.

652
00:34:50,780 --> 00:34:52,220
Get out of here!

653
00:35:18,270 --> 00:35:19,219
How's Penny?

654
00:35:19,220 --> 00:35:20,550
Really upset.

655
00:35:20,690 --> 00:35:24,379
She kept crying and saying
how she didn't wanna choose.

656
00:35:24,380 --> 00:35:27,139
I don't care where we go.

657
00:35:27,140 --> 00:35:28,749
We'll take the road trip.

658
00:35:28,750 --> 00:35:29,889
Not the vacation, Tom.

659
00:35:29,890 --> 00:35:32,930
She doesn't wanna choose
which one of us to live with.

660
00:35:33,870 --> 00:35:38,059
That is awful.
Why would she think that?

661
00:35:38,060 --> 00:35:41,120
Why wouldn't she? She's seen it
happen to three of her friends.

662
00:35:42,130 --> 00:35:45,089
We have always fought,
Tom, but never like that.

663
00:35:45,090 --> 00:35:47,339
I know.
It's gotta stop.

664
00:35:47,340 --> 00:35:48,410
I agree.

665
00:35:48,500 --> 00:35:49,849
I mean, I'm scared
to open my mouth

666
00:35:49,850 --> 00:35:51,570
for fear you're gonna
bite my head off.

667
00:35:53,100 --> 00:35:55,790
I'm sorry.
Was that an olive branch?

668
00:35:59,010 --> 00:36:00,790
I'm no better, okay?

669
00:36:02,670 --> 00:36:04,219
I miss dinner
four nights a week,

670
00:36:04,220 --> 00:36:05,700
and even when I am here...

671
00:36:07,580 --> 00:36:10,070
my mind is back at the office.

672
00:36:16,770 --> 00:36:19,450
I think we're the ones
who need a vacation.

673
00:36:23,930 --> 00:36:25,250
Alone.

674
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:27,030
Yeah.

675
00:36:28,410 --> 00:36:31,409
Not a big trip.
Just a weekend.

676
00:36:31,410 --> 00:36:33,919
We can... get a chance
to be together

677
00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:36,400
and work through all of this.

678
00:36:36,490 --> 00:36:37,700
You're right.

679
00:36:39,110 --> 00:36:40,760
We should do it this weekend.

680
00:36:41,930 --> 00:36:43,260
You mean it?

681
00:36:43,450 --> 00:36:44,550
Yeah.

682
00:36:47,310 --> 00:36:49,250
I just have to check
with the office.

683
00:36:49,270 --> 00:36:50,670
Okay.

684
00:36:58,080 --> 00:36:59,709
But we are gonna do it, right?

685
00:36:59,710 --> 00:37:00,439
You're not gonna get all

686
00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:02,639
- busy at the last minute?
- I said we'll do it,

687
00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:05,710
- and we'll do it, okay?
- Okay. Okay.

688
00:37:13,860 --> 00:37:15,209
Hello, Susan.

689
00:37:15,210 --> 00:37:18,170
Hey, Dana.
I got you your streamers.

690
00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:21,889
I splurged and bought the good ones--
flame-retardant.

691
00:37:21,890 --> 00:37:25,170
Good. Oh, my god. Are those
cookies for the open house?

692
00:37:26,130 --> 00:37:27,479
Oh, well, actually--

693
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:30,710
You are a lifesaver.
I just had two moms flake out on me.

694
00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:31,840
Really?

695
00:37:33,150 --> 00:37:35,350
Uh... well...

696
00:37:36,970 --> 00:37:40,549
I thought that might happen,
so I baked some just in case.

697
00:37:40,550 --> 00:37:42,919
It's one of the things
that makes a great teacher--

698
00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:44,470
Being ready for anything.

699
00:37:45,170 --> 00:37:46,420
Thank you.

700
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:52,020
You know, Susan,
I haven't been your biggest supporter,

701
00:37:52,140 --> 00:37:54,040
but maybe I misjudged you.

702
00:37:54,390 --> 00:37:55,930
Thanks for these.

703
00:37:56,090 --> 00:37:58,619
Let's find some time to sit down
with Principal Hobson

704
00:37:58,620 --> 00:38:00,700
and talk about you coming back.

705
00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:04,700
Yes!

706
00:38:09,610 --> 00:38:10,989
Hello, Susan.

707
00:38:10,990 --> 00:38:13,389
- Come on in.
- Meals on wheels.

708
00:38:13,390 --> 00:38:16,740
Well, shoes. But "Food on shoes"
doesn't sound as good.

709
00:38:17,010 --> 00:38:19,609
Today's special is lasagna.

710
00:38:19,610 --> 00:38:21,149
Would you like me
to put it on a plate for you,

711
00:38:21,150 --> 00:38:22,429
or do you wanna eat it later?

712
00:38:22,430 --> 00:38:23,930
I think I'll have it now.

713
00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:28,760
In fact, I'd love
for you to join me.

714
00:38:29,770 --> 00:38:31,489
Oh, I can't.

715
00:38:31,490 --> 00:38:34,309
Actually, I'm on my way
to a function at M.J.'s school.

716
00:38:34,310 --> 00:38:36,920
I'm sure you have
a few minutes. Sit down.

717
00:38:37,020 --> 00:38:39,749
Uh... I'm kind of in a rush.

718
00:38:39,750 --> 00:38:41,039
But it's not fair.

719
00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:42,219
You go to all this trouble
to bring me

720
00:38:42,220 --> 00:38:45,050
these delicious meals,
and we never share them.

721
00:38:46,180 --> 00:38:50,540
- It pains me.
- Uh... Paul, what's... going on?

722
00:38:53,200 --> 00:38:55,750
Fine. You're in a hurry.

723
00:38:56,890 --> 00:38:59,749
Why don't you stab me
with this? It'll be faster.

724
00:38:59,750 --> 00:39:02,589
Or are you getting your kicks
watching me die slowly?

725
00:39:02,590 --> 00:39:06,129
Okay, I have no idea
what you're talking about.

726
00:39:06,130 --> 00:39:09,329
The food you're bringing me, Susan.
It's poisoned.

727
00:39:09,330 --> 00:39:11,509
What? That's not possible.

728
00:39:11,510 --> 00:39:15,060
I had it tested.
Come on. Have a bite.

729
00:39:15,230 --> 00:39:16,189
Paul.

730
00:39:16,190 --> 00:39:17,780
How could you do this to me?

731
00:39:18,150 --> 00:39:19,679
Is it because
you want the house?

732
00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:21,570
Is it-- is it because
you hate me?

733
00:39:22,010 --> 00:39:25,399
Okay, you have to believe me.
I never put poison in your food.

734
00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:27,919
Well, somebody did.
Was it Mike?

735
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:31,530
No! It was just me.
I-I'm the only one who...

736
00:39:32,100 --> 00:39:33,190
What?

737
00:39:34,450 --> 00:39:35,910
Oh, my god.

738
00:39:37,060 --> 00:39:40,680
The cookies. I-I've gotta go.
I've gotta get to the school!

739
00:39:51,070 --> 00:39:53,449
Oh, Cindy, Cindy.
The desserts--

740
00:39:53,450 --> 00:39:56,289
The desserts, my cookies--
have they put them out yet?

741
00:39:56,290 --> 00:39:57,900
Oh! Yeah.

742
00:39:58,180 --> 00:40:00,720
They're... just...

743
00:40:09,610 --> 00:40:12,109
I'm so sorry.
Try the oatmeal raisin.

744
00:40:12,110 --> 00:40:14,959
Kathy, um, do you know
how many points these are?

745
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:16,690
You'll thank me tomorrow.

746
00:40:16,810 --> 00:40:20,729
Susan? What did you do
to the parents' council?

747
00:40:20,730 --> 00:40:21,659
They love you.

748
00:40:21,660 --> 00:40:24,150
Oh, great!
Thanks for the cookie.

749
00:40:35,060 --> 00:40:37,239
Uh, which one of these is--is mine?

750
00:40:37,240 --> 00:40:40,390
Ooh, I have no idea.
We just put 'em all together.

751
00:40:40,730 --> 00:40:41,790
Oh!

752
00:40:42,750 --> 00:40:45,380
Whoops! Sorry.
Oh, silly me.

753
00:40:47,390 --> 00:40:49,059
If I can have
everyone's attention

754
00:40:49,060 --> 00:40:51,119
for a moment, please?

755
00:40:51,120 --> 00:40:54,379
Hi. I wanna welcome
all our wonderful parents.

756
00:40:54,380 --> 00:40:56,879
And I wanna thank
the decorating committee

757
00:40:56,880 --> 00:40:59,250
and those who made
the refreshments.

758
00:41:00,660 --> 00:41:02,689
Oh, including Susan Delfino.

759
00:41:02,690 --> 00:41:05,069
Thank you, Susan,
for those chocolate chip cookies.

760
00:41:05,070 --> 00:41:06,889
Oh. Uh... you're welcome.

761
00:41:06,890 --> 00:41:11,020
And about those cookies I made--
don't eat them.

762
00:41:11,150 --> 00:41:12,530
They're poison.

763
00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:18,590
No, no, this isn't a joke.
My cookies will kill you.

764
00:41:23,370 --> 00:41:24,670
Oh, god.

765
00:41:25,980 --> 00:41:27,720
That's her, officers.

766
00:41:30,550 --> 00:41:33,809
Yes, no matter who we are,

767
00:41:33,810 --> 00:41:36,960
we all experience
moments of dread...

768
00:41:41,240 --> 00:41:43,510
When we ask ourselves,

769
00:41:43,550 --> 00:41:46,770
will anyone believe I'm innocent?

770
00:41:49,520 --> 00:41:52,900
Will my daughter
be a child of divorce?

771
00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:59,090
Will this man break my heart?

772
00:42:02,090 --> 00:42:05,680
Are there things that
go bump in the night?

773
00:42:09,750 --> 00:42:11,660
And sometimes...

774
00:42:13,180 --> 00:42:14,820
the answer...

775
00:42:16,270 --> 00:42:17,930
is yes.

776
00:42:18,930 --> 00:42:22,730
Sync by YYeTs.net
Corrected by MY-SUBS
www.MY-SUBS.com