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MARY ALICE: It had been 14 years
since Katherine Mayfair had been in a police station.
But she remembered the conversation like it was yesterday.
- Would you like some water, honey? - Thanks.
So... I take it this isn't the first time your husband's hit you?
He keeps promising to stop, but it just gets worse.
And I'm afraid he's gonna do something to my daughter.
Please, you have to help me.
Have you reported him before?
Once. But when I called, they said they couldn't find the paperwork.
Oh.
Your husband's Wayne Davis. One of our patrolmen.
You want some advice?
Wayne's got a lot of friends around here.
Of course, you can press charges,
but I can't guarantee that one of his friends won't lose
the paperwork again.
Then what should I do?
Get as much money as you can lay your hands on,
grab your daughter, and run.
MARY ALICE: And so she did.
To a place she thought would be safe.
MAN: Mrs Mayfair?
I'm Detective Romslow. Can I help you?
And why exactly would you think that Dr Mayfair was kidnapped?
No one in the school parking lot heard or saw anything suspicious.
That's because the man responsible for this, my ex,
knows a little something about how to commit a crime.
He's a cop.
What's his name?
Wayne Davis.
(SIGHS)
What?
(CHUCKLES)
Well, it's just... I know Wayne.
We've hung out together. He's a hell of a golfer.
Well, believe me when I tell you he wasn't a hell of a husband.
Is that what this is about?
Some payback for an ancient domestic dispute?
Please. You have to do something.
Because once Wayne is done with Adam,
he's going to come after me. And this time, he's gonna kill me.
I know it.
I'll look into it.
If you would just fill out this paperwork.
In that moment,
Katherine knew exactly what she had to do again.
Mom, stop, you're not making any sense.
There's no time. Wayne is coming. He took Adam. We're next.
But why? Why would he do that? If we're in so much danger,
- then why aren't we calling the police? - The police will not help.
Dylan, please. Go pack your things.
We need to be gone before he gets here.
Stop! I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on.
Why do I have to be afraid of my father?
Katherine Mayfair had been running from the truth
for a long time.
Okay. I'll tell you.
- D YLAN: No! - Dylan,
I'm sorry. I had no choice.
Stop!
Dylan!
And it had finally caught up with her.
There is a ritual my friends have observed for years.
Once a week, they meet to play a game of cards
and talk about their lives.
There's always laughter and wine
and talk about the neighbours.
No way, Bree. I don't want Katherine in our game.
- She bums me out. - I'm with Gabby.
I mean, you know me, I always like to give people the benefit of the doubt...
No, you don't.
No, I don't. But let's say I did. Katherine has this aloof quality.
It's like she's always trying to keep us at arm's length.
Well, I have to agree. She's changed. She's not that fun any more.
Ladies, I don't know what you're talking about.
Katherine has all sorts of wonderful qualities.
Name one. And keep in mind that
aloof and un-fun have already been taken.
Well, I admit she plays her cards close to the vest.
But some of you could benefit from that kind of quiet dignity,
Miss l-Chew-Gum-Like- a-1930s-Gun-Moll.
(POPS GUM)
Bree, you can talk Katherine up all you want,
but she is just never going to be one of us.
(DOOR OPENING)
KATHERINE: Anybody home?
(EX CLAIMS)
Hi, we were just talking about you.
Random chitchat, nothing specific.
That's nice. Can I talk to you for a minute?
Hey, what's going on?
Okay, I know it's last-minute, but I have to leave town,
so I'm not going to be able to help you cater the commitment ceremony.
It's tomorrow!
A hundred gay men are descending on this street,
and they're expecting a fabulous party.
I feel awful. But I wouldn't bail on you if it weren't important.
- Okay, well, what's going on? - I can't tell you.
Again, I'm so sorry. Good luck.
All right, you can all wipe those smug looks off your faces,
because every one of you has just become my employee.
(POPS GUM)
Hey, got any plans tomorrow at 5 a. m? 'Cause now you do.
Bree needs about two truckloads of flowers picked up from... What?
Guess who got off the wait list at Princeton?
Oh, my God. Oh, my God! I am so proud of you!
Okay, I am going to need a bumper sticker right away
so I can start annoying all the other parents.
Sure, I'll snag you one when I get there on Tuesday.
Tuesday? What are you talking about?
Okay, you know that professor who read my senior thesis?
Well, he was so impressed that he asked me to come out
and do a summer internship. I'm leaving next week.
Next week? Well, that is a big...
No.
No, Mom, I have to. It's a huge honour.
Yes. To be chosen.
And you have been chosen.
So congratulations, and you're staying home.
What, you're not letting her go?
But it's a huge honour.
Yes, we've established that. It's huge. It's an honour. We get it.
Give me one good reason why I can't go.
Well, the first thing, off the top of my head...
We can't afford it.
Susan, can I talk to you for a sec?
You know, I just inherited five grand from Grandpa Maynard.
And I'd really like to help Julie do this.
Mike, that is so sweet.
Mike makes another good point.
Who is this professor? I don't know him.
I am certainly not going to give my daughter to him for a summer.
I'm sorry, Julie, this is not happening.
- This totally sucks. - Well, yes,
but don't forget, it is a huge honour.
Hey. You know what we haven't done in a really long time?
Made 250 mini pizzas in one afternoon.
What are you talking about?
Bree's in a horrible jam, and I told her we'd help cater
the commitment ceremony tomorrow.
I can't. I'm busy, remember? I'm taking this stuff to Kayla,
my daughter, who lives four and a half hours away now.
Okay. So at the risk of cracking these eggshells
I've been walking on all week,
any idea when you're going to stop being so angry?
I'm not angry at you.
'Cause you know we didn't have a choice, Tom.
We had to get her out of the house.
I know! I am angry at the situation. Can you please just let me be angry?
Fine. You can be as angry and sulky and pissy as you want,
just so long as you're here tomorrow, helping me crank out 250 mini pizzas.
You know, I've been told that some wives ask their husbands for favours
and actually say "please."
(CHUCKLING) Oh, Tom.
Don't you know an urban myth when you hear one?
Okay, so here's the deal.
Bree needs all of these wedding favours wrapped by tomorrow.
And she's really counting on me, so I'm going to need you to hurry.
I just got off the phone with the credit card company.
Do you have something that you want to tell me?
Well, it would be easier if I knew what you knew.
Damn it, Gabby, enough shopping!
You've maxed out every credit card we own.
I mean, we are so broke right now,
it's gonna be a miracle if we don't end up on the street.
Okay, when you yell at me, I get upset.
And you know what I do when I get upset? I shop.
So if we do end up homeless, guess whose fault it will be?
Whatever. I'm gonna go read porn.
In Braille.
(PHONE RINGING)
- Hello? - Gabby, it's Ellie.
Ellie, you can't call me!
The cops are all over my ass because they think I helped you escape.
I'm sorry. I just need one more favour and then I'll never bother you again.
Ellie, I don't know. What is it?
I left my teddy bear in the coat closet. I need you to bring it to me.
Teddy bear? What is that, code for a pound of blow?
No, it's an actual teddy bear.
My dad gave it to me when I was five.
And it's the only thing I have left to remember him by.
Crap. You had to play the daddy card.
Hmm.
So after the ceremony, we'll open up the buffet...
Mmm-hmm. Chicken Marsala and pasta for the vegetarians.
Then dancing, roll out the cake, you leave for your honeymoon,
and I will collapse in a tasteful heap.
Hold it. You didn't say anything about the ice sculpture.
Yes, I'm sorry. One cherub delivered at 1:30.
Cherub? No, I specifically told Katherine
we were gonna go with the enchanted castle.
And I told her we'd go with the cherub because we are not eight-year-old girls.
Bob, all my life I have dreamt of having a wedding reception
in which I would serve drinks from a vodka moat
surrounding an enchanted castle rendered in ice.
And I don't think that's too much to ask.
Remember when you asked me to tell you when you start acting
like Faye Dunaway from the boardroom scene in Mommie Dearest?
Why don't I let you two work this out?
Fine. We'll go with the stupid baby angel.
I need some coffee.
Why are you here? And don't say for the pizza,
because I know you're lactose-intolerant.
I heard Katherine left you in the lurch. I'm here to offer my assistance.
Oh, I get it. So I'm desperate and vulnerable
and you're going to swoop in and save the day.
Well, thank you very much, I'm fine.
Darling, don't be stubborn. You're gonna need place cards.
And you know I have excellent penmanship.
Don't you dare throw your calligraphy skills in my face
when you know I'm at a low point.
Now go, and stop following me.
(SIGHS)
You're doomed.
Excuse me?
The way you just caved on that sculpture thing,
you're setting the tone for your entire marriage.
- I am? - Yeah.
You got to dig in your heels.
Otherwise, you're going to be pushed around for the next...
Let's see, how long have I been married?
Ten and a half years.
I want my castle.
- Lee... - It is the only thing I've asked for,
and damn it, I'm entitled to it.
Fine.
Oh.
Thank you.
Nice.
All right, so I will call the ice sculptor and see if we can...
Forget it. We're sticking with the cherub.
And later, when he bitches about it, I'll just buy him some jewellery.
Are you sure you haven't been married before?
- Hey, Gabby? - Over here, Carlos.
You know, I got a theory as to why all this bad stuff has happened to us.
My blindness, and losing all our money.
It's karma.
We've been selfish and greedy, and the universe is telling us
to start being better people.
I just found $ 118,000 in Ellie's teddy bear.
Hey, Universe? Bite me!
- WA YNE: Hello? - Hey, Wayne? It's Pete Romslow.
Pete. How's tricks?
Listen, I'm just calling to give you a heads-up.
I finally met your ex. She came in to file a report.
Apparently, you kidnapped her husband.
No kidding? Am I asking for ransom?
(LAUGHS)
Well, you always said she was crazy. Now I feel your pain.
Anyway, I just thought you should know, huh?
- Take care. - Thanks.
Okay, enough kidding around.
Tell me where my daughter is.
Oh, for...
Did you die on me?
(SIGHS)
Damn it!
BREE: Okay, so you have another one of those in the truck? Thank you.
Lynette, I wish I had time to be more tactful, but I don't.
Your swan is pathetic and I'm firing you from napkin duty.
No, no, give me another chance. I will get it.
(PHONE RINGING)
Yes. There you are. Where is my ice sculpture?
No, no, 6:00 is too late. I need it now.
Forget it, I'll pick it up myself.
Why don't you fill water glasses? That's an important job, too.
Andrew, look, I'm on my way back. But it's imperative that you...
(PHONE BATTERY BEEPING)
Andrew? Oh, dear God.
Oh, no. Don't die on me now!
(TYRE POPS)
(EX CLAIMS)
Oh, dear God.
(HONKING HORN)
Help! Help me! Help!
I'm just saying we should pay off all of our bills and put the rest in savings.
Savings? Nobody does that any more.
Well, I mean, you never know. We might have kids...
Oh, Carlos, we're never gonna have kids. Shoes are my kids.
Let me be the mother I was meant to be.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello.
Where's my bear?
Oh, right, the bear.
Well, I looked all over and just couldn't find it.
I guess the cops took it. I'm really sorry, Ellie.
I know it was a gift from your dad. It just breaks my heart.
You found the money, didn't you?
Money? What money?
You're lying. I can hear it in your voice.
- What's wrong with my voice? - Okay. Listen, bitch.
You do not want to screw with me.
How about we split it 50-50?
I'm coming to get my money.
And if one dime is missing, I will throw acid in your face.
Okay. We really need to get caller ID.
(SIGHS)
(GROANS)
(MOANING)
What more can you do to me?
Need a lift?
- Hey. - Hi.
Is Dylan here, by any chance?
- No, I haven't seen her. - Okay. Thanks.
Hey, Katherine, are you all right?
Dylan and I, we had a big fight.
Well, I'm sure she's just upset and she'll come home after she cools off.
Not this time. I lied to her.
Well, we all lie to our kids sometimes, right?
I've been doing it her whole life. One lie on top of another.
And the thing I learned too late is that eventually,
they all come crashing down on you.
Anyway, if you see her, let me know.
Thanks.
(SIGHS)
WAYNE: What's your hurry, Kathy?
(YELPS)
What happened to my daughter?
I'm not telling you anything. So you might as well kill me.
I don't care.
I believe you. I do.
But what about Dylan?
Or should I say, "that girl that lives here with you"?
I bet you'd care if I killed her.
There are no wings.
Yes, and the Venus de Milo is missing two arms. What's your point?
It's stunning.
(SIGHS)
(CHUCKLES)
Well, I suppose I should say "thank you."
No, it's no big deal. You're just lucky I was there.
Was I lucky, or were you following me?
I thought you might need my help.
And you were right. I did.
You just think I'm being stubborn, don't you?
Making you jump through hoops, when it's so clear we belong together.
I don't think anything, Bree. I'm just trying to be there for you,
and hoping eventually you'll forgive me.
But that's just it, Orson. If I forgive you, then I'm forgiving what you did to Mike.
I can't do that.
And you wouldn't want me to.
I mean, be honest with yourself. If I took you back now,
I wouldn't be the woman you love.
Then what can I do?
I've already told you. Turn yourself in to the police
and let justice run its course.
I can't do that, Bree.
I want to, for you, more than anything.
But I don't think I could survive it.
Well. So here we are.
(SIGHS)
- What is this? - It's your ice sculpture.
No, it's not. I see no turrets.
I see no flags. I see no moat full of vodka.
What I see is a giant, icy slap in the face!
Bob!
What's that?
I want to be able to reach you this summer
when you're doing that internship.
You changed your mind?
Here's the thing.
You and I have always had kind of an unconventional relationship.
And
the reason that worked was because we always tell each other the truth.
Until yesterday.
Julie, I lied about not having enough money to send you.
Why?
(SIGHS) Because I just freaked out about you leaving.
But you knew I was going away to college.
Yes, in the fall. And I needed those extra three months to get ready.
I still have not figured out
how I'm going to get by without you.
- Mom... - Seriously.
I just lean on you in ways you don't even know.
I think you're stronger than you give yourself credit for.
Well, I spend more time with me than you do. And I'm a mess.
Well, you were when Dad left.
I had my hands full then,
but you've grown so much these last five years.
Really?
You are a secure, confident woman now.
You're ready to spread your wings and fly.
Frankly, my work here is done.
Thanks.
Now I want you to have that phone on you at all times.
Because I'm still not sure how to work the dishwasher.
For God's sake, Lee,
- it's just an ice sculpture! - It is not just an ice sculpture!
It's the sculpture, and making me move to the suburbs,
and forcing me to be nice to your homophobic boss!
You know what, Tom's right.
If I don't start standing up for myself, I'm doomed!
I don't believe I used the word "doomed."
You're always overruling me. You treat me like a child.
Well, I've had it. Ceremony's off, mein Führer!
It's a chunk of ice, you drama queen!
Okay, all I said was...
I don't care what you said. We have to fix this!
Or do you want to tell Bree that you torpedoed her ceremony?
I did not tell you to put mums in that arrangement!
And don't point your finger at me, or I will snap it right off!
- I'll find Bob. - I'll get Lee.
- You can't make me talk to him. - Yeah, I can. Sit down.
Earlier, my husband, in an attempt to help you
with your relationship, mistakenly gave you some advice.
Which he would now like to take back. Tom?
Actually, I stand by everything I said. My mistake was in
- not going far enough. - What?
If you're willing to break up over an ice sculpture,
you guys should absolutely not get married.
Where the hell are you going with this?
Because, who gets to choose the ice sculpture,
who should take out the trash, who has to stay home
and make the mini pizzas, that's the little stuff.
What are you gonna do when the big stuff comes along?
Could you give us a second?
What are you gonna do when a tornado hits your house?
Or you have problems with your kids?
Or one of you gets cancer?
At some point,
the crap is going to hit the fan. And that is why now,
before you make the commitment, you have to ask yourself,
is that person in bed next to you
worth the trouble?
Do you love him or her so much that no disease,
no disaster could possibly pull you apart?
Answer him!
- Sure. - Of course I do.
Good. Good, then
get out there and get committed, you crazy kids.
Oh, my God, are you okay?
- Do you need some help? - Yes.
Thanks for stopping.
GABRIELLE: Yes, Officer, I see you. Thank you for coming.
Now remember, Ellie's dangerous, so if she shows up,
feel free to use excessive force.
Carlos, are you almost ready?
Carlos! Did you hear me?
I'm just getting my jacket.
Oh, honey, can you carry the house keys?
They don't fit in my purse.
Ellie's upstairs.
- What? - She's in our bedroom.
I heard her breathing. Call the cops.
Wait, she's gonna steal our money!
You can't go up there. It's too dangerous.
Well, not as dangerous as poverty!
Gabby!
Gabby? What's going on?
(GABRIELLE YELLING)
(SCREAMING)
Carlos! Carlos, don't just stand there! Go get help!
- Help! Police! - That's the closet!
(DOG GROWLING)
(YELPS)
Police! Police!
Get in here, now!
(ALL CHATTERING)
Wayne.
I don't think you've thought this through.
Shut up.
If I tell you what happened,
if I don't tell you,
you're going to kill me anyway. But who are you going to pin it on?
We have history. Right now I'm just your bitter, crazy ex.
But if I turn up dead, and you have no alibi...
You let me worry about that.
(DOOR OPENING)
Look, I'm having a little problem right now.
I just need to hide here for a sec.
But I don't want to hurt you. So don't make me. All right?
Good. I'm glad we understand each other.
(GASPS)
Huh.
And with your gun, too.
I guess I just found my alibi.
And now we will do the exchanging of the rings.
Snappy ceremony, Bree.
You and Katherine really did a bang-up job.
No, I did a bang-up job.
Katherine bailed on me and left town last night.
I think you got hosed. I just saw her an hour ago.
She was on the run, she broke in, she stabbed you, you shot her.
Case closed.
It's like the alibi fairy left me a present.
But I do wonder...
What if Dylan doesn't come back?
We had a fight.
She said she hated me.
Said she was leaving. For good.
Is that the best you can do, Kathy?
I know it sounds convenient.
But what happens if it's true?
Because you don't have another plan.
She was the only way you could make me tell you the truth.
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
Katherine! It's Bree. We need to talk. Now.
That girl that was living with the Solis'... Actually,
I thought I saw her heading down that way.
I hope you find her.
I'd hate to think there was some maniac running around our neighbourhood.
I'm so sorry about this.
Shut it. So let me catch you up.
I need to know something that only my ex-wife can tell me.
But she doesn't want to. She needs a little incentive.
So that's where you come in.
Wayne. Please don't.
Yeah? How is it gonna feel knowing that you could have stopped this?
(GASPS)
All right!
I'll tell you.
After I left you,
a few months passed
and I convinced myself
that you'd forgotten about us.
But I was wrong.
How was Dylan? Did she behave herself?
She's an angel.
I just hope I didn't do something wrong.
What do you mean?
Well, your ex-husband was here earlier.
And of course, I didn't know it was him until Dylan called him "Daddy."
I'm sorry, I should've called you.
But Dylan was just so happy to see him.
He brought her a bicycle and a doll.
And she won't let that doll out of her sight.
Katherine, what's going on?
I was going to run again. But you didn't give me enough time.
Wayne just drove up. Should we call the police?
No. Let him in.
I knew it was time to face you,
and let you know you were not welcome in my home
and neither were your gifts.
Do you know how much money I spent looking for you?
Well, I'm sure you still had enough to buy liquor by the caseload.
Wow. Look who's gotten sassy while she's been away.
- I think I like it. - What do you want, Wayne?
I want my daughter back.
Why? You gotten lazy in your old age?
You need somebody smaller to pound on?
I never touched a hair on her head.
Yeah, but now that she's gotten older and sassier,
I'm sure you'll find all sorts of reasons to hit her.
I don't have to ask, you know. I can just go up there if I want.
She is asleep! Get the hell out!
- I'm her father! - I said no!
(GRUNTING)
- I'm bleeding. - Profusely. You should see a doctor.
I'll be back for my daughter.
You just understand this,
there is nothing that I will not do to keep you away from her. Nothing.
Are you all right? I heard a crash.
Yeah. I hit him with a candlestick. And he went down pretty hard.
Thank God.
You know, I think now would be a good time to break out
the 10-year-old scotch I've been saving.
I honestly thought it was finally over.
I don't know how I could have been so wrong.
(MRS SIMS SCREAMING)
MRS SIMS: Katherine!
I came in to give her another blanket.
Her hand is ice-cold.
(SCREAMING)
Aunt Lilly told me I couldn't go to the police.
She said you'd make it seem like I killed Dylan
to keep you from taking her.
So I let her bury my baby in the woods.
I knew I'd have to run away again,
but I also knew you'd never stop looking for me.
So I came up with a plan.
I found a girl in a Romanian orphanage who looked just like Dylan.
The resemblance was uncanny. Her mother had died in childbirth
and her father had been murdered.
As I looked into those big blue eyes, I knew right then
she needed me as much as I needed her.
I've never told that to anyone.
I lied to Adam and said it was your fault.
And that's how I've spent the last 12 years,
just telling one lie after another.
Hold it, hold it. I'm sorry, sir.
We're having a party. You can't park here.
So you let her die.
If you don't mind, I need you to park around the corner, okay?
Thank you.
(ALL SCREAMING)
You let my daughter die like a dog.
It was an accident.
And you buried her like one.
Because I had to. I knew if you found out...
That I'd kill you.
(DOOR OPENING)
ADAM: Katherine! Where are you?
Adam, get out! He's got a gun!
(ADAM YELLS)
(THUDDING)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
Can you just watch him for a sec, okay? I'm gonna call the cops.
First, we have to do something to stop that bleeding.
Go ahead, you call the cops.
Ask for my buddy Romslow. Or Captain McMurphy.
We play softball together.
Those guys will take care of me.
And even if I do a little time,
you know this isn't over.
I'll get out and I'll find you.
And I'll make you pay.
I know you will.
(GUNSHOT)
(GASPS)
- Oh, my God, Bree. Are you all right? - What the hell is going on?
Look, we don't have much time before the police get here.
We need to talk.
Excuse me. Susan.
- Come here. - What's going on?
Okay, just listen to me.
Ma'am, you have to talk to us.
We need to know what happened. Ma'am?
Then he raised the gun and came toward us.
Thank God Katherine grabbed his arm and got the gun away.
That lunatic would have killed us all.
I knew Wayne was the reason she moved away.
And the second she moved back, he started stalking her again.
She was always telling us how terrified she was.
We always knew he'd do something like this eventually.
And he did.
Look, this was obviously self-defence.
Take the cuffs off, get her to the hospital.
- Mom? Mom! - Oh, my God!
I'm so sorry, Mom.
MARY ALICE: There is a ritual my friends have observed for years.
Once a week, they meet to play a game of cards
and talk about their lives.
Of course, there's another aspect
to these gatherings that has nothing to do with gossip or poker.
Every seven days, my friends are reminded
of a basic human truth.
There is nothing more important than friendships that endure.
Especially in a world that insists on changing.
Okay. My friends are gone. I'm ready to fix you dinner.
What the hell are you doing?
Hey, Mommy, we're playing fashion model!
Look at this mess.
You are lucky I got in here before you touched my dresses.
Run, Celia, run!
My Vera Wang!
I'm home.
Oh, thank God.
The publisher sent over the galleys for the cookbook.
He needs you to proof them tonight.
I've also got the woman from The New York Times on the phone.
She wants to do the interview now.
ORSON: Is that you, Bree? The water's getting cold.
Leave the galleys in my office
and tell the woman from the Times to call me back in the morning.
I'm going to have a nice bubble bath with my husband.
Coming, Orson!
Why is there a police car in our driveway?
I was telling your husband we just picked up your son.
He broke into a car at the mall and took it for a joyride.
Again? I am so sorry, Officer.
We have talked to Porter till we're blue in the face.
It's like he's determined to go back to juvenile hall.
Honey, it wasn't Porter this time. They arrested Preston.
D YLAN: It's me, Mom. I'm back from Paris.
It was just as gorgeous as you said it would be.
And you're not gonna believe this...
Bradley finally asked me to marry him right there under the Eiffel Tower.
I'm so happy! Call me back.
(MACHINE BEEPS)
Honey, I'm home.
Did you miss me?
You know I did.