1 00:00:00,634 --> 00:00:02,061 Desperate Housewives S01E07 Anything You Can Do (VO+STFR&EN) 2 00:00:02,734 --> 00:00:05,061 - What is it you hired me to do? 3 00:00:05,138 --> 00:00:07,606 Someone sent that to my wife. I need to know who. 4 00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:09,335 Some secrets were discovered. 5 00:00:09,409 --> 00:00:12,674 After Mom died, I started remembering what happened to Dana. 6 00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,179 - Dana? - What are you doing? 7 00:00:14,247 --> 00:00:15,976 Some secrets were uncovered. 8 00:00:16,049 --> 00:00:18,415 Could be anyone she's having an affair with. 9 00:00:18,485 --> 00:00:21,181 Don't worry. I'm not letting her out of my sight. 10 00:00:21,254 --> 00:00:25,213 - And some secrets... - Jordana Geist gets her work done. 11 00:00:25,291 --> 00:00:27,555 - How do you cram it all in? ...were shared. 12 00:00:27,627 --> 00:00:29,754 That's ADD medication. 13 00:00:37,504 --> 00:00:39,072 Competition. It means different things to different people. 14 00:00:39,072 --> 00:00:41,472 Competition. It means different things to different people. 15 00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:45,307 In suburbia, it means keping up with the Joneses. 16 00:00:45,378 --> 00:00:50,680 On Wisteria Lane, that means keping up with Bre Van De Kamp. 17 00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:54,846 Everyone knew Bre had the nicest lawn in the neighborhood. 18 00:00:54,921 --> 00:00:56,912 And no one begrudged her this. 19 00:00:56,990 --> 00:01:01,927 No one, that is, except Martha Huber, 20 00:01:01,995 --> 00:01:05,954 whose own lawn paled in comparison. 21 00:01:06,032 --> 00:01:09,331 No matter how carefully she trimmed, 22 00:01:09,402 --> 00:01:12,462 or how lovingly she watered... 23 00:01:13,873 --> 00:01:17,809 or how generously she fertilized, 24 00:01:17,877 --> 00:01:23,179 the grass was always grener on the other side of the fence. 25 00:01:27,487 --> 00:01:30,320 Hello, Victor. How are you today? 26 00:01:30,390 --> 00:01:33,791 - Out jogging again? - I can't... catch my breath. 27 00:01:33,860 --> 00:01:37,261 Would you like a slurp from my hose? 28 00:01:43,069 --> 00:01:45,003 Victor? 29 00:01:45,071 --> 00:01:47,369 Victor? 30 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:50,932 Don't worry. I'm gonna get an ambulance. 31 00:01:53,413 --> 00:01:59,875 Then one day, Mrs. Huber finally got the chance to mow down the competition. 32 00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:16,661 Help! Somebody help! 33 00:02:19,105 --> 00:02:21,835 What happened? 34 00:02:21,908 --> 00:02:25,503 He collapsed on your hydrangeas. Call 911! 35 00:02:40,927 --> 00:02:46,365 Yes, Mrs. Huber understood the first rule of competition: 36 00:02:46,432 --> 00:02:51,233 In order to win, you have to want it more. 37 00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:37,342 When I was alive, my friends and I came together once a month 38 00:03:37,417 --> 00:03:40,318 for a meting of the Wisteria Lane Book Club. 39 00:03:40,386 --> 00:03:44,550 We found the problems of literary characters so absorbing. 40 00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:48,450 The way they dealt with adversity, 41 00:03:48,528 --> 00:03:52,259 conducted illicit affairs, 42 00:03:52,332 --> 00:03:55,096 endured domestic dramas, 43 00:03:55,935 --> 00:03:59,029 and planned romantic conquests. 44 00:03:59,105 --> 00:04:04,509 But since my death, my friends had lost their interest in fiction. 45 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,373 So, what did everybody think? 46 00:04:08,448 --> 00:04:11,417 Their own problems had become absorbing enough. 47 00:04:11,484 --> 00:04:15,352 I thought the character of Madame Bovary was very inspirational. 48 00:04:16,522 --> 00:04:20,720 Inspirational? She poisons herself with arsenic. 49 00:04:20,793 --> 00:04:24,024 - Really? - You didn't read until the end? 50 00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:27,032 I stopped after page 50. 51 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:30,592 - Am I the only one who read the book? - I saw the movie. It was good. 52 00:04:30,670 --> 00:04:35,039 Ladies, I'm sorry, but what is the point of having a book club 53 00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:37,008 if we don't read the book? 54 00:04:37,076 --> 00:04:39,670 - More wine? 55 00:04:39,746 --> 00:04:45,776 Sue, Reba, Emma and Lori, would you girls come and help me with the snacks? 56 00:04:45,852 --> 00:04:48,912 Sure. 57 00:04:48,988 --> 00:04:52,754 I will be right in. 58 00:04:52,825 --> 00:04:56,056 God, I couldn't wait to get rid of them! 59 00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:58,825 OK, so Lynette said that you found Zach. 60 00:04:58,898 --> 00:05:02,800 He's at a rehabilitation center. Julie snuck in and talked to him. 61 00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:04,996 Did he talk about his mother's suicide? 62 00:05:05,071 --> 00:05:08,131 There wasn't time. He said one thing that was mysterious. 63 00:05:08,207 --> 00:05:10,937 He said something happened to someone named Dana 64 00:05:11,010 --> 00:05:13,103 and that he could never talk about it. 65 00:05:13,179 --> 00:05:15,113 - Who's Dana? - That's the mystery. 66 00:05:15,181 --> 00:05:19,117 I figure Dana has something to do with what Mary Alice was trying to hide. 67 00:05:19,185 --> 00:05:21,483 Somebody found out Mary Alice's secret... 68 00:05:21,554 --> 00:05:25,251 - And sent the note. - So who the hell is that? 69 00:05:28,394 --> 00:05:31,795 Stationery is Parcher No.17. 100% cotton. 70 00:05:31,864 --> 00:05:34,628 It's made by Cyprus Office Products. 71 00:05:34,701 --> 00:05:37,932 They have stores in 12 cities, including yours. 72 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:40,905 We traced that postmark back to your local post office. 73 00:05:40,973 --> 00:05:43,203 Meaning? 74 00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:45,972 The blackmailer's probably someone you know. 75 00:05:46,045 --> 00:05:50,982 A neighbor, milkman, pool boy, soccer mom. 76 00:05:51,050 --> 00:05:53,712 Soccer mom? 77 00:05:53,786 --> 00:05:56,914 Mr. Young, sometimes evil drives a minivan. 78 00:05:58,458 --> 00:05:59,755 I had this gig once, 79 00:05:59,826 --> 00:06:03,660 checking on this PTA mom who was hell-bent on landing her daughter 80 00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:06,756 a spot on the parade float. 81 00:06:06,833 --> 00:06:10,769 She fed antifreeze to half the homecoming committee. 82 00:06:12,672 --> 00:06:16,699 - Did you catch her? - Mr. Young... 83 00:06:18,177 --> 00:06:21,704 The people who hired me didn't hire me to catch her. 84 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,848 Wow, honey! This place looks spotless. 85 00:06:30,923 --> 00:06:32,481 Thanks. 86 00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:38,190 So I have come up with this killer idea for the Spotless Scrub campaign. 87 00:06:38,264 --> 00:06:41,995 - Great. Want to run it by me? - No. I'm good. 88 00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:45,060 - But thanks. - Oh. OK. 89 00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:48,174 You know how whenever I pitch Hennessey always tears my ideas down? 90 00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:50,108 You know how whenever I pitch Hennessey always tears my ideas down? 91 00:06:50,176 --> 00:06:54,875 I invited the partners and their wives over so I could pitch to them here. 92 00:06:54,947 --> 00:06:57,882 I thought we could make a formal dinner for six... 93 00:06:57,950 --> 00:07:00,510 When exactly would this take place? 94 00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:03,384 - Ah, the day after tomorrow. - Tom! 95 00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:05,822 - I know it's short notice. - You think? 96 00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:08,690 How can I pull off a formal dinner with no warning? 97 00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:12,026 Bree Van De Kamp does this kind of thing all the time. 98 00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:17,001 - What did you say? - I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. 99 00:07:17,069 --> 00:07:20,505 Forget it. I'll call and cancel. Just don't worry about it. 100 00:07:20,573 --> 00:07:23,440 No. No, let's do it. 101 00:07:24,844 --> 00:07:27,074 Really? 102 00:07:27,146 --> 00:07:30,912 Yeah. It's good for your career. I'll pull it off. 103 00:07:30,983 --> 00:07:33,747 Yes! Honey, thank you. 104 00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:38,450 I promise, I land this account and I am gonna buy you something awful pretty. 105 00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:46,326 Luckily for Tom, Lynette had a recipe for success. 106 00:07:53,773 --> 00:08:00,679 Unfortunately for her, she was missing the secret ingredient. 107 00:08:12,458 --> 00:08:14,289 - Yeah. - It's me. 108 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:16,555 Don't! My mother-in-law can see you. 109 00:08:16,629 --> 00:08:20,395 - I hate that she's watching us. - Meet me at the motel in an hour. 110 00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:26,131 - John? - Uh... I've got plans. 111 00:08:26,205 --> 00:08:27,331 So cancel. 112 00:08:27,406 --> 00:08:31,069 They're with Danielle. We're going to the movies. 113 00:08:31,143 --> 00:08:34,010 - That sounds like a date. - Yeah. 114 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:36,776 Well, I have a problem with you seeing other girls. 115 00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:42,185 I have a problem with you having a husband. We both have to learn to deal. 116 00:09:05,611 --> 00:09:09,604 Don't even try to make it up to me by talking dirty. 117 00:09:09,682 --> 00:09:11,912 Hello? 118 00:09:30,536 --> 00:09:33,562 Mr. And Mrs. Van De Kamp. 119 00:09:33,639 --> 00:09:37,370 So, your son decided to entertain some of his friends yesterday 120 00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:39,809 by shoving a freshman's head into a locker. 121 00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:42,871 - The Johnson boy? - Yes. He broke the boy's nose. 122 00:09:42,949 --> 00:09:46,043 Because of our no tolerance policy, he may face expulsion. 123 00:09:46,118 --> 00:09:48,780 You're gonna ruin his future over roughhousing? 124 00:09:48,854 --> 00:09:51,220 Rex, this was practically assault. 125 00:09:51,290 --> 00:09:54,384 Mrs. Stark, what Andrew did was clearly wrong. 126 00:09:54,460 --> 00:09:57,918 But his mother and I are going through severe marital problems. 127 00:09:57,997 --> 00:10:00,932 - Is that relevant? - Our marriage is disintegrating. 128 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,867 Of course Andrew is acting out. He's angry. 129 00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:08,202 If he's angry about you moving out, he should shove your head into a locker. 130 00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:12,142 All I'm saying is we need to take some of the responsibility here. 131 00:10:12,211 --> 00:10:15,408 So does Andrew. Blaming his actions on our problems, 132 00:10:15,481 --> 00:10:17,711 which are not serious, does not help him. 133 00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:21,981 - Our problems are serious. - Handle this however you see fit. 134 00:10:22,054 --> 00:10:24,113 Bree, I've gone to an attorney. 135 00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:27,785 You're gonna be served with divorce papers later today. 136 00:10:27,860 --> 00:10:30,328 - You went to an attorney? - Yeah. 137 00:10:30,396 --> 00:10:33,559 And a good one, too. 138 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:38,696 He'd better be, 'cause when I'm finished with you, you won't have a cent. 139 00:10:38,771 --> 00:10:40,898 Bring it on. 140 00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:43,806 Perhaps detention is the way to go. 141 00:10:43,909 --> 00:10:46,104 Mom, you're getting too dressed up. 142 00:10:46,178 --> 00:10:48,874 I know, but I wanna look really sexy. 143 00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:51,508 I told Mike I expect him to have you home by 11:00. 144 00:10:51,584 --> 00:10:54,610 - Hm. How about midnight? - All right, but no later. 145 00:10:54,687 --> 00:10:58,418 You know how I worry. So, you got protection? 146 00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:02,621 Oh, my God! We are so not having this conversation. 147 00:11:02,695 --> 00:11:05,687 We are, because I enjoy being an only child. 148 00:11:05,765 --> 00:11:08,893 - Are you finished? - Almost. 149 00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:12,768 I always assumed I'd have sex for the first time before you had it again. 150 00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:15,398 OK, you can leave now. 151 00:11:19,612 --> 00:11:22,479 What do you think? Trying too hard? 152 00:11:22,548 --> 00:11:26,712 What do you know? It's 80 degrees outside and you're wearing fur. 153 00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:39,496 Hiya, Mike. 154 00:11:53,179 --> 00:11:55,409 Hey, Edie. 155 00:11:56,382 --> 00:12:00,876 Wow! Get a load of you! You look so pretty! 156 00:12:00,953 --> 00:12:04,480 - I hardly recognize you. - Oh, this? 157 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:08,789 Well, I have a date. Right now. With Mike. 158 00:12:09,929 --> 00:12:13,592 We kissed, F.Y.I. 159 00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:25,138 Ooh, love that jacket. Good choice. 160 00:12:25,211 --> 00:12:28,908 Um, Susan, I am really sorry, but I've got to cancel. 161 00:12:28,981 --> 00:12:33,418 I have an unexpected house guest. 162 00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:36,455 Coming through. Ooh, sorry. Hi. I'm Kendra. 163 00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:40,720 - Susan. - I'm gonna get my stuff. 164 00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:48,024 I know how this looks, but there's nothing between us. 165 00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:50,864 - Kendra's just an old friend. - Old friend. 166 00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:53,700 - Yeah, you know... - Yeah, yeah. 167 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,638 No, actually, no, I don't know. 168 00:12:55,708 --> 00:12:59,872 By old friend you mean college pal? Saved you from drowning? 169 00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:03,244 - It's hard to explain. - Could you give it a shot? 170 00:13:05,084 --> 00:13:09,077 Mike, I'm gonna go upstairs and take a shower. 171 00:13:11,056 --> 00:13:14,958 Look, I promise I'll make this up to you. 172 00:13:15,027 --> 00:13:22,024 - And... you look amazing. - Mike! Where are the towels? 173 00:13:25,504 --> 00:13:26,801 Thanks. 174 00:13:31,777 --> 00:13:34,678 Hey. How was your big date? 175 00:13:35,781 --> 00:13:37,806 Mike had to reschedule. 176 00:13:37,883 --> 00:13:40,283 Oh. Because of the hot girl? 177 00:13:40,352 --> 00:13:43,321 With the suitcase? Over there? 178 00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:47,887 Gosh, how devastating for you... F.Y.I. 179 00:13:56,635 --> 00:14:00,196 I just want to move this place fast. I'll do whatever we have to do. 180 00:14:00,272 --> 00:14:02,297 That's good to know. 181 00:14:02,374 --> 00:14:06,538 You'll have to disclose the fact that your wife killed herself in the house. 182 00:14:06,612 --> 00:14:10,514 - I will? - Oh, yeah. Legal crap. 183 00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:13,882 People get really freaked out by suicides. 184 00:14:13,953 --> 00:14:17,980 You can't blame them. Hell. I get the willies just standing here. 185 00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:21,925 - Is there any way to get around it? - Off the record? 186 00:14:21,994 --> 00:14:24,189 Yeah. 187 00:14:24,263 --> 00:14:27,164 You could say that she shot herself in the living room 188 00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:29,827 and then crawled out back to die. 189 00:14:31,337 --> 00:14:33,532 I'm just saying. 190 00:14:35,407 --> 00:14:37,466 Oh, I gotta go. I'll call you tomorrow. 191 00:14:43,949 --> 00:14:46,213 Edie, wait! 192 00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:57,354 Paul had always known 193 00:14:57,429 --> 00:15:01,297 Edie Britt was capable of doing anything to close a deal. 194 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:08,639 But now he realized she was capable of so much more. 195 00:15:11,176 --> 00:15:13,736 - Hey, Danielle. - Hey, Mrs. Solis. 196 00:15:15,614 --> 00:15:20,415 Oh, Danielle, remember when you said you wanted to be a model? 197 00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:22,477 You remember? That was last summer. 198 00:15:22,554 --> 00:15:26,456 Perchik Modeling Academy has an opening for their summer program. 199 00:15:26,525 --> 00:15:31,019 - Would you like me to sponsor you? - That's one of the best schools. 200 00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:33,360 - You would do that for me? - I sure would. 201 00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:35,525 I would so love to go to New York. 202 00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:39,401 Oh, and I would so love to help you get there. 203 00:15:47,646 --> 00:15:50,547 - Hey, Jordana. - Hey, Lynette. How are you? 204 00:15:52,217 --> 00:15:54,981 You look a little tired. Is everything OK? 205 00:15:55,054 --> 00:15:58,319 I'm getting ready for a dinner party tomorrow. Six people. 206 00:15:58,390 --> 00:16:00,620 - Sounds fun. - Big fun. 207 00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:04,390 You wouldn't have any of your kids' ADD medication you could spare, 208 00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:09,457 - just to get me over the hump? - Tina! Don't push your sister. 209 00:16:10,536 --> 00:16:14,233 Gosh, Lynette... I'm really running low. 210 00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:16,399 I need all my energy I can get. 211 00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:20,206 My sister Elaine and her kids are flying into town for a week. 212 00:16:20,279 --> 00:16:23,942 That's exciting. I wish my sister would visit more often. 213 00:16:24,016 --> 00:16:26,484 Yeah, sisters are great. 214 00:16:26,552 --> 00:16:28,918 Three or four pills. I'm hitting the wall. 215 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:33,254 Yeah, the comedown can be a real bitch. I wish I could help. 216 00:16:35,894 --> 00:16:39,625 - I'm not gonna forget about this. - What's that supposed to mean? 217 00:16:39,698 --> 00:16:42,963 Come Girl Scout cookie time, don't bring around little Tina 218 00:16:43,035 --> 00:16:45,265 because we won't be home. 219 00:16:50,709 --> 00:16:53,303 What's all this about? 220 00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:57,406 You know your mother and I have been unhappy for a while. 221 00:16:57,483 --> 00:17:01,715 We've decided that it would be better if we got divorced. 222 00:17:01,787 --> 00:17:04,153 But whatever problems we have, 223 00:17:04,223 --> 00:17:07,420 it doesn't change the fact that we love you very, very much. 224 00:17:08,260 --> 00:17:11,752 - I've got a question. - Go ahead. Ask whatever you want. 225 00:17:11,830 --> 00:17:14,822 Can I live with Dad? 226 00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:17,960 Come on, Mom, let's face it. We drive each other crazy. 227 00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:28,403 Danielle, would you prefer to live with your father? 228 00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:31,506 I don't really care, as long as I have my own bathroom. 229 00:17:35,587 --> 00:17:41,287 Um... all this, um... wine is, uh... giving me a... headache. 230 00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:58,567 Six weeks in the suburban jungle, and this is all you got? 231 00:17:58,644 --> 00:18:01,545 There are over 300 families in this subdivision. 232 00:18:01,613 --> 00:18:03,740 It'll take time to check 'em all out. 233 00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:07,843 - Dad said you were ready to quit. - I changed my mind. 234 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:11,788 This is a gigantic waste of your time and my father's money. 235 00:18:11,857 --> 00:18:14,257 Are you afraid he'll spend your inheritance? 236 00:18:14,326 --> 00:18:16,817 That's not funny. 237 00:18:16,895 --> 00:18:20,331 - Mike, here's the thing. - What? 238 00:18:21,333 --> 00:18:23,267 Dad can't chase ghosts alone. 239 00:18:23,335 --> 00:18:25,895 If you stop, he'll have to accept it's over. 240 00:18:25,971 --> 00:18:28,439 Let me have my father back. 241 00:18:28,507 --> 00:18:30,771 If I quit he'll just hire somebody else. 242 00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:34,609 Not if you tell him there's nothing here to find. 243 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:37,444 I can't do that. 244 00:18:40,886 --> 00:18:43,411 What happens when your girlfriend finds out 245 00:18:43,489 --> 00:18:46,754 you're not just the sweet, neighborly plumber? 246 00:18:50,529 --> 00:18:53,020 You're lying to her, Mike. 247 00:18:58,170 --> 00:19:00,400 Oh, here it is. 248 00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:03,168 Great. This'll keep the crab dip warm. 249 00:19:03,242 --> 00:19:05,676 It took forever to shell the little buggers. 250 00:19:05,744 --> 00:19:08,770 You shelled your own crabs? 251 00:19:08,847 --> 00:19:11,816 Are you doing too much? 'Cause you look exhausted. 252 00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:16,287 I'm fine. I just need some coffee. Thank you. 253 00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:21,018 Oh, my God! Look at this embroidery! 254 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:26,863 "Dana." Where did this come from? 255 00:19:26,932 --> 00:19:29,196 Paul Young's garage sale. 256 00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:35,533 Dana. 257 00:19:38,644 --> 00:19:41,112 Dana was a baby. 258 00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,212 Surprise. 259 00:19:50,289 --> 00:19:54,692 - No way! - It's all yours. Here are the keys. 260 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:58,560 - Rex, what's this about? - I went and splurged a little. 261 00:19:58,630 --> 00:20:02,088 Oh, Danielle, here's your present. 262 00:20:02,167 --> 00:20:03,600 - Luggage? - Yeah. 263 00:20:03,669 --> 00:20:07,332 It's to take to the Perchik Modeling Academy. I'm footing the bill. 264 00:20:07,406 --> 00:20:09,931 - I can go to New York? - Wait a minute. 265 00:20:10,008 --> 00:20:14,172 - What's this about a modeling academy? - Mrs. Solis is sponsoring me. 266 00:20:14,246 --> 00:20:16,271 When were you planning on telling me? 267 00:20:16,348 --> 00:20:18,373 I think it's a great idea. 268 00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:22,682 Don't you two see what he's doing? He's trying to buy your love. 269 00:20:22,754 --> 00:20:25,018 For God's sake. Don't be paranoid. 270 00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:27,285 A car? A modeling academy? 271 00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:31,625 You should have discussed these gifts with me first. We cannot accept them. 272 00:20:32,664 --> 00:20:34,097 You can't let her do this. 273 00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:36,964 We just told the kids we're getting divorced. 274 00:20:37,035 --> 00:20:40,266 - It's time to spoil them a little. - I said no. 275 00:20:40,339 --> 00:20:45,208 You know what? They're my kids too, and I can give them anything I want. 276 00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:47,435 There you go. 277 00:20:47,512 --> 00:20:48,945 - Thank you, Daddy. - Yes. 278 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:18,168 Did you offer to help Danielle get into modeling school? 279 00:21:18,243 --> 00:21:21,371 What? Uh... yes... No. 280 00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:24,005 Um... Is that how she heard it? 281 00:21:24,082 --> 00:21:28,075 Yes. Gabrielle, did you or did you not offer to sponsor her? 282 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:31,821 - I just wanted to help out. - It's in New York! 283 00:21:31,890 --> 00:21:33,824 Why would you suggest that? 284 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:38,794 It's her dream. Don't you want her to be happy? 285 00:21:38,864 --> 00:21:43,096 No. And I would appreciate you keeping your ridiculous ideas to yourself. 286 00:21:45,170 --> 00:21:46,933 Bree! 287 00:21:53,912 --> 00:21:56,048 John. 288 00:21:56,948 --> 00:21:58,006 John! 289 00:21:58,083 --> 00:22:01,052 You're so jealous of Danielle you tried to ship her off? 290 00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:04,452 I'm not jealous. I just don't like to share. 291 00:22:04,523 --> 00:22:07,754 Well, you know what? I quit. The yard. Us. Everything. 292 00:22:07,826 --> 00:22:09,885 Oh, don't be that way. 293 00:22:09,961 --> 00:22:13,590 What's the point, if we can never be together? An hour here and there. 294 00:22:14,566 --> 00:22:20,198 I don't want us to end on a bad note. Carlos has this black tie thing... 295 00:22:20,272 --> 00:22:23,264 - Mrs. Solis! - John, please. 296 00:22:24,609 --> 00:22:28,602 What we had was so special. 297 00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:32,377 I think it deserves a proper goodbye. 298 00:22:32,451 --> 00:22:35,284 We'd, um... We'd still be over, though. 299 00:22:35,354 --> 00:22:38,255 Of course. 300 00:22:50,969 --> 00:22:54,837 - I knew this was a good idea. - Thank you for suggesting it. 301 00:22:54,906 --> 00:22:57,773 Your boys are the only ones who could tire out Timmy. 302 00:23:00,178 --> 00:23:03,636 - Yep, he's a feisty one. 303 00:23:03,715 --> 00:23:06,411 Word on the street is, um, you medicate Timmy. 304 00:23:06,485 --> 00:23:08,885 Oh, yeah. For his ADD. 305 00:23:08,954 --> 00:23:13,982 - The pills have been a godsend. - I bet. 306 00:23:14,993 --> 00:23:17,484 Can I use your bathroom? 307 00:23:35,013 --> 00:23:40,178 As Lynette swallowed the stolen medication of an eight-year-old child, 308 00:23:40,252 --> 00:23:43,710 she vowed she'd never again sink to such depths. 309 00:23:48,193 --> 00:23:50,218 Any time soon. 310 00:23:59,938 --> 00:24:02,463 Looks like you've got your blackmailer. 311 00:24:03,675 --> 00:24:08,408 - Is it time to bring in the police? - That's not really an option for me. 312 00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:10,539 Hm. 313 00:24:11,683 --> 00:24:16,347 Before my wife shot herself, we lived a life that I was proud of. 314 00:24:16,421 --> 00:24:20,482 We loved each other. We had values. We went to church. 315 00:24:20,559 --> 00:24:23,585 We gave to charity. We were good people, Mr. Shaw. 316 00:24:23,662 --> 00:24:25,857 Oh, I believe you. 317 00:24:27,632 --> 00:24:32,399 That's why it's so incomprehensible that Edie Britt would try to destroy us. 318 00:24:33,905 --> 00:24:36,066 Well, you've suffered a great loss. 319 00:24:36,141 --> 00:24:39,804 For your pain to heal, that's gonna take some time. 320 00:24:40,679 --> 00:24:43,705 I can't wait. 321 00:24:43,782 --> 00:24:46,546 I need help now. 322 00:24:49,387 --> 00:24:53,824 For five grand she's hurt, ten grand she's gone. 323 00:25:13,378 --> 00:25:16,142 - Mom, what's going on? - Oh, I'm throwing you out. 324 00:25:16,214 --> 00:25:18,478 I've separated all your things. 325 00:25:18,550 --> 00:25:21,815 This side is yours, Danielle, and the other one is Andrew's. 326 00:25:21,887 --> 00:25:25,789 - OK, you've lost it. - Where are we supposed to live? 327 00:25:25,857 --> 00:25:30,954 I don't know. Everything in the north quadrant of yours is clothes and books. 328 00:25:31,029 --> 00:25:33,725 The south side are miscellaneous items. 329 00:25:33,798 --> 00:25:36,665 Mom, this isn't gonna work. I'm not giving up my car. 330 00:25:36,735 --> 00:25:39,966 That's smart. You'll probably have to sleep in it for a while. 331 00:25:41,873 --> 00:25:44,501 You can't stop us from going inside the house. 332 00:25:44,576 --> 00:25:49,741 No? That's Mr. Conlin, the locksmith. He's been very helpful today. 333 00:25:49,814 --> 00:25:53,875 I could give you the new keys if you'd adhere to my rules, 334 00:25:53,952 --> 00:25:57,945 which include giving back your father's gifts. 335 00:26:03,295 --> 00:26:05,786 OK, fine. You win. I won't go to New York. 336 00:26:10,802 --> 00:26:12,929 I'm outta here. 337 00:26:17,142 --> 00:26:21,203 Oh, hello. Welcome. I'm Edie. How do you do? 338 00:26:21,279 --> 00:26:24,510 An open house in the suburbs? This is beyond kitsch. 339 00:26:24,583 --> 00:26:28,075 This is one of the houses I've had a hard time getting into. 340 00:26:28,153 --> 00:26:30,519 God, I wish you would let this go. 341 00:26:30,589 --> 00:26:34,355 I'm taking you out tonight. There's this cowboy bar you need to see. 342 00:26:34,426 --> 00:26:35,450 Why? 343 00:26:35,527 --> 00:26:38,621 It's the last place anybody ever saw your sister. 344 00:26:42,334 --> 00:26:45,428 Susan. What brings you here? 345 00:26:45,503 --> 00:26:48,904 I just wanted to say goodbye to Mary Alice's house 346 00:26:48,974 --> 00:26:51,807 - before somebody else moved in. - Aw. 347 00:26:51,876 --> 00:26:54,902 That sounds almost plausible. 348 00:26:54,980 --> 00:26:57,574 - I beg your pardon? - Oh, come on. 349 00:26:59,284 --> 00:27:01,252 We both know why you're here. 350 00:27:01,319 --> 00:27:04,322 And the answer is yes, they are having sex. No question. 351 00:27:04,322 --> 00:27:05,846 And the answer is yes, they are having sex. No question. 352 00:27:05,924 --> 00:27:09,655 - They're just friends. - Hm. Think so? 353 00:27:09,728 --> 00:27:14,427 They're going to the Saddle Ranch tonight for drinks and dancing. 354 00:27:15,567 --> 00:27:17,831 Friends can do that. 355 00:27:17,902 --> 00:27:21,668 Oh, my God, I just want to slap and shake you. 356 00:27:27,145 --> 00:27:29,773 Where did you say they were going tonight? 357 00:27:39,224 --> 00:27:41,522 Why did I let you talk me into coming here? 358 00:27:41,593 --> 00:27:44,460 There is obviously nothing going on between them. 359 00:27:44,529 --> 00:27:47,123 - Where are you going? - To the bathroom then home. 360 00:27:47,198 --> 00:27:50,326 - I don't want Mike to catch me. - It's only been ten minutes. 361 00:27:50,402 --> 00:27:52,996 She could be waiting to make her move. 362 00:27:55,974 --> 00:27:59,205 You're not gonna beat a girl like that by knocking off early. 363 00:27:59,277 --> 00:28:03,179 - It's not a competition. - The hell it isn't. 364 00:28:03,248 --> 00:28:05,978 Good night, Edie. 365 00:28:06,051 --> 00:28:11,546 Suit yourself. But for the record... I was rooting for you to land him. 366 00:28:11,623 --> 00:28:14,592 And why would you root for me? 367 00:28:14,659 --> 00:28:18,686 I figured it'd be easier for me to steal Mike from you than her. 368 00:28:18,763 --> 00:28:21,527 She seems like fun. 369 00:28:24,335 --> 00:28:27,702 - Just take some antacid. - It's not those kind of cramps. 370 00:28:27,772 --> 00:28:32,402 This is a business dinner. It's important. 371 00:28:32,477 --> 00:28:35,446 - Relax. 372 00:28:35,513 --> 00:28:39,108 You and I can go alone. Gabrielle can stay here and get better. 373 00:28:41,086 --> 00:28:45,045 - Fine. See you in a couple of hours. - OK. 374 00:28:46,224 --> 00:28:50,558 - Take good care of Carlos. - Oh, I always do. 375 00:28:57,669 --> 00:29:01,605 - Yee-hah! - Go, Edie! 376 00:29:07,846 --> 00:29:10,542 Woo-hoo! 377 00:29:12,550 --> 00:29:15,075 Oh, God. 378 00:29:23,461 --> 00:29:25,292 Mike! 379 00:29:25,363 --> 00:29:27,729 What a small, small world. 380 00:29:27,799 --> 00:29:30,825 Yeah, it sure is. I caught Edie hiding in the back. 381 00:29:30,902 --> 00:29:32,665 No kidding. Is she here? 382 00:29:36,207 --> 00:29:41,201 Yeah. Yeah, she said, "The jig is up," and then she went to ride the bull. 383 00:29:41,279 --> 00:29:44,476 - And she said you two came together. - Oh, well, yeah. 384 00:29:44,549 --> 00:29:47,541 We did. I just thought she left. 385 00:29:47,619 --> 00:29:49,917 - Were you following me? - What? 386 00:29:51,055 --> 00:29:54,821 No! No, I just came here, you know, with Edie. 387 00:29:54,893 --> 00:29:57,987 We just love to ride that bull. 388 00:29:58,062 --> 00:30:02,089 - You? Ride the bull? - Yeah. Yeah, it's a real rush. 389 00:30:02,167 --> 00:30:04,692 Come on, Susan. Give me a break. 390 00:30:04,769 --> 00:30:07,465 You give me a break. I did not follow you here. 391 00:30:07,539 --> 00:30:11,202 Even if I did, it's just because you've been secretive about Kendra. 392 00:30:11,276 --> 00:30:14,404 - Kendra and I are friends. - And I came here to ride the bull. 393 00:30:14,479 --> 00:30:18,609 Whoo! We got another one to ride the bull! 394 00:30:24,689 --> 00:30:27,214 OK, little doggie, you're up. 395 00:30:27,292 --> 00:30:30,261 Oh, fun. I'm a doggie. 396 00:30:48,980 --> 00:30:52,211 Oh, yeah. I'm here to ride this bull. 397 00:30:53,818 --> 00:30:56,082 Check it out. Whoo! 398 00:30:57,155 --> 00:30:59,589 Yeah! Whoo! 399 00:30:59,657 --> 00:31:02,524 Baby! Whoo! 400 00:31:12,737 --> 00:31:16,264 Andrew, you promised you'd stay with your mother. 401 00:31:16,341 --> 00:31:19,902 Dad, she wants me out. She put all my stuff on the front lawn. 402 00:31:19,978 --> 00:31:23,641 This is ridiculous. I'm gonna call her and smooth all this out. 403 00:31:23,715 --> 00:31:26,081 - You're going home. - Dad, why? 404 00:31:26,150 --> 00:31:28,209 Now I can live with you without guilt. 405 00:31:28,286 --> 00:31:30,811 It'll be like our own little bachelor pad. 406 00:31:33,758 --> 00:31:36,955 - What? - Son, that's not gonna happen. 407 00:31:37,028 --> 00:31:40,156 - Why not? - Andrew... 408 00:31:41,733 --> 00:31:45,134 These last few months have been incredibly difficult for me. 409 00:31:45,203 --> 00:31:47,797 There are things I've got to work out 410 00:31:47,872 --> 00:31:51,069 and I can't do it if you're living with me. I'm sorry. 411 00:31:52,343 --> 00:31:55,574 I don't care. I'm not going back there. 412 00:31:55,647 --> 00:31:58,707 - I don't think you have a choice. - But, Dad... 413 00:31:58,783 --> 00:32:00,114 Uh-uh. 414 00:32:06,057 --> 00:32:09,458 Oh, come on now. Don't... 415 00:32:15,266 --> 00:32:18,429 Heath? Yeah, it's me. 416 00:32:18,503 --> 00:32:21,336 Do you still have your fake ID? 417 00:32:21,406 --> 00:32:25,706 I've got to go home and kiss my mother's ass and I'm not going to do it sober. 418 00:32:32,951 --> 00:32:36,648 - ... more than I needed to know. 419 00:32:36,721 --> 00:32:39,053 He was in shock. He was totally shocked. 420 00:32:39,123 --> 00:32:43,492 He said, "Congressman, this was not the vote. You voted already." 421 00:32:43,561 --> 00:32:46,462 - That's what it was. - I love that one! 422 00:32:47,332 --> 00:32:49,459 Oh, the desserts look wonderful. 423 00:32:50,668 --> 00:32:53,569 - Do you need any help? - I got it covered. No problem. 424 00:32:53,638 --> 00:32:57,574 OK, Scavo. You're up. Let's hear this genius idea of yours. 425 00:32:57,642 --> 00:33:00,406 OK. Uh... 426 00:33:02,547 --> 00:33:03,980 OK. 427 00:33:04,082 --> 00:33:08,246 The single greatest obstacle facing Spotless Scrub is a lack of visibility. 428 00:33:08,319 --> 00:33:10,378 We need to concentrate ad spending 429 00:33:10,455 --> 00:33:13,788 in places where women spend the majority of their time. 430 00:33:13,858 --> 00:33:17,487 For example, large chain grocery stores. 431 00:33:17,562 --> 00:33:22,795 Picture Spotless Scrub ads on the side of every mother's shopping cart. 432 00:33:23,901 --> 00:33:26,335 - Interesting. - You know what'd be better? 433 00:33:26,404 --> 00:33:28,565 - Dry-cleaning bags. - What? 434 00:33:28,673 --> 00:33:30,300 No, hear me out. 435 00:33:30,375 --> 00:33:33,606 Put a big ad between a woman and her cashmere sweater. 436 00:33:33,678 --> 00:33:37,375 - You'll get her attention. - I'm in the middle of a thing here. 437 00:33:37,448 --> 00:33:39,439 Oh! 438 00:33:39,517 --> 00:33:43,248 She's got a point. I would notice that. 439 00:33:43,321 --> 00:33:46,313 And those dry-cleaning bags hang in our closets forever. 440 00:33:46,391 --> 00:33:50,452 - So it is like constant advertising. - Exactly! 441 00:33:50,528 --> 00:33:55,090 - Maybe we can work that in... - This is a fantastic idea. 442 00:33:55,166 --> 00:33:59,227 - Can we go nationwide with this? - Start by targeting the top chain. 443 00:33:59,303 --> 00:34:03,000 Then branch out from there. Boom, boom, boom. Mass saturation. 444 00:34:03,074 --> 00:34:05,133 And you know what else would be great? 445 00:34:05,209 --> 00:34:08,440 While Lynette was commanding everyone's attention... 446 00:34:09,847 --> 00:34:13,943 Susan was trying to remain inconspicuous. 447 00:34:14,018 --> 00:34:16,316 Everybody's looking at me, aren't they? 448 00:34:16,387 --> 00:34:18,617 Just the slapstick fans. 449 00:34:18,689 --> 00:34:22,386 Oh, God, why couldn't I have just been knocked unconscious? 450 00:34:24,028 --> 00:34:26,588 - Beer? - Absolutely. 451 00:34:28,833 --> 00:34:30,266 Oh. 452 00:34:30,368 --> 00:34:33,701 Ow! Ow, ow. 453 00:34:36,541 --> 00:34:40,136 - Susan, this is Kendra. - We've been introduced. 454 00:34:40,211 --> 00:34:42,406 No. We've been friends for years. 455 00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:44,448 She's here on a visit. 456 00:34:44,515 --> 00:34:47,075 - That's it. - It's true. 457 00:34:47,151 --> 00:34:49,642 I have no designs on this man whatsoever. 458 00:34:51,189 --> 00:34:53,623 I'll be right back. 459 00:34:55,426 --> 00:34:58,589 - Sorry about the misunderstanding. - Me, too. 460 00:34:58,663 --> 00:35:01,154 So how long have you two been seeing each other? 461 00:35:01,232 --> 00:35:04,360 Well, you sort of interrupted our first date. 462 00:35:04,435 --> 00:35:07,529 But up until then, smoking-hot tension. 463 00:35:08,639 --> 00:35:13,133 - Sounds pathetic, I know. - No, it's good to take it slow. 464 00:35:13,211 --> 00:35:16,703 You'd be smart to be careful. 465 00:35:18,683 --> 00:35:20,947 - Any particular reason? - Look... 466 00:35:21,018 --> 00:35:23,782 Mike's a wonderful guy. Really. 467 00:35:23,855 --> 00:35:28,087 But you should ask him why he moved to Wisteria Lane. 468 00:35:28,159 --> 00:35:30,593 It's one hell of a story. 469 00:35:32,230 --> 00:35:34,596 Here. Got some ice. 470 00:35:34,665 --> 00:35:37,031 - There you go. - Thanks. 471 00:35:49,647 --> 00:35:53,048 Well, it's been fun. Thanks, guys. See you later. 472 00:35:53,117 --> 00:35:55,381 Hoo-wee! 473 00:35:56,454 --> 00:35:58,820 - Good evening. - Good evening. 474 00:35:58,890 --> 00:36:00,858 Have a seat. 475 00:36:04,795 --> 00:36:07,229 I could get used to this whole closure thing. 476 00:36:07,298 --> 00:36:09,823 I love long goodbyes. 477 00:36:20,444 --> 00:36:23,504 Wait around the corner. I'll be right back. 478 00:36:32,290 --> 00:36:34,554 Smile, Gabrielle. 479 00:36:50,274 --> 00:36:52,333 Well, that's it, then. 480 00:36:57,248 --> 00:37:00,342 What are you doing? She had a camera. We've got to catch her. 481 00:37:03,487 --> 00:37:07,856 Mrs. Solis, your husband's going to kill us. Come on! 482 00:37:10,127 --> 00:37:13,255 - Leave me alone. - Give me that camera! 483 00:37:13,331 --> 00:37:16,960 - I'm not kidding, old woman! - Stay away from me! Don't touch me! 484 00:38:03,547 --> 00:38:05,378 No. 485 00:38:06,751 --> 00:38:10,016 No, you go home. I'll take care of this. 486 00:38:10,888 --> 00:38:14,380 And you were never here. Go. 487 00:38:14,458 --> 00:38:15,982 Go! 488 00:38:21,432 --> 00:38:25,766 Did you see that? A guy came barreling around the corner and just hit her. 489 00:38:25,836 --> 00:38:27,565 - Do you have a cell phone? - Yeah. 490 00:38:27,638 --> 00:38:29,697 Call 911. 491 00:39:05,076 --> 00:39:07,271 - What happened? - Is she breathing? 492 00:39:07,345 --> 00:39:11,577 As Juanita tetered dangerously close to the white light, 493 00:39:11,682 --> 00:39:15,641 Lynette and Tom were headed into a black hole. 494 00:39:15,720 --> 00:39:17,187 I was just participating. 495 00:39:17,254 --> 00:39:20,746 Your participation was supposed to be limited to making dinner, 496 00:39:20,825 --> 00:39:22,952 not making my ideas look bad. 497 00:39:23,027 --> 00:39:24,892 Maybe you need better ideas. 498 00:39:25,896 --> 00:39:28,194 I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. 499 00:39:28,265 --> 00:39:30,358 No, we both know that your career 500 00:39:30,434 --> 00:39:33,267 was going better than mine before we had kids. 501 00:39:33,337 --> 00:39:36,431 - You never let me forget that. - That is not fair. 502 00:39:36,507 --> 00:39:40,375 You were always competing with me, and judging by tonight, you still are. 503 00:39:40,444 --> 00:39:43,106 Tom, I am sorry about tonight. Truly. 504 00:39:43,180 --> 00:39:46,616 But if I'm competing it's with the Bree Van De Kamps of the world, 505 00:39:46,684 --> 00:39:49,653 with their spotless kitchens and their perfect kids, 506 00:39:49,720 --> 00:39:52,848 who throw fabulous parties where nothing ever goes wrong. 507 00:39:52,923 --> 00:39:55,653 I try so hard to keep up but I can't. 508 00:39:55,726 --> 00:40:00,686 And when you work on a pitch, I am reminded of a world I left behind, 509 00:40:00,765 --> 00:40:03,859 where I was the winner and people tried to keep up with me. 510 00:40:03,934 --> 00:40:06,767 I can't go back, I can't win where I am. 511 00:40:06,837 --> 00:40:10,603 I am stuck in the middle and it is really starting to get to me. 512 00:40:10,674 --> 00:40:15,270 Whoa! For your information, I thought you threw an amazing dinner party. 513 00:40:15,346 --> 00:40:19,646 I was thrilled. I don't know how you pulled it all together. 514 00:40:22,686 --> 00:40:25,917 - Yeah, well... - And whether you believe it or not, 515 00:40:25,990 --> 00:40:29,687 everyone who knows you thinks that you are a great wife and mother. 516 00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:31,853 - No, they don't. - Yes, they do. 517 00:40:33,164 --> 00:40:36,600 Especially me. 518 00:40:36,667 --> 00:40:38,635 Thanks. 519 00:40:40,204 --> 00:40:42,672 What's wrong with your eyes? 520 00:40:42,740 --> 00:40:45,106 Nothing. I'm tired. 521 00:40:46,143 --> 00:40:49,408 - Turn around. I want to look at you. - I'm fine. 522 00:40:51,582 --> 00:40:54,050 What's going on outside? 523 00:41:02,426 --> 00:41:04,087 Right there. 524 00:41:07,998 --> 00:41:12,128 Thank God you're here. Will you take care of Gabrielle for a minute? 525 00:41:12,203 --> 00:41:14,467 All right. 526 00:41:17,741 --> 00:41:20,869 Oh, Andrew. Thank God you're back. I need your help, honey. 527 00:41:20,945 --> 00:41:23,641 There's been an accident. 528 00:41:24,949 --> 00:41:27,247 Andrew? 529 00:41:31,355 --> 00:41:33,619 Mama? 530 00:41:33,724 --> 00:41:37,683 Andrew! 531 00:41:42,333 --> 00:41:44,631 Rex, you need to come home. 532 00:41:44,702 --> 00:41:46,829 Something's happened and we need you. 533 00:41:58,148 --> 00:42:02,346 Competition. It means different things to different people. 534 00:42:02,419 --> 00:42:05,354 But whether it's a friendly rivalry 535 00:42:05,422 --> 00:42:07,390 or a fight to the death... 536 00:42:07,458 --> 00:42:08,948 Cheers. 537 00:42:09,026 --> 00:42:12,928 ...the end result is the same. 538 00:42:12,997 --> 00:42:15,465 There will be winners... 539 00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:19,262 and there will be losers. 540 00:42:26,477 --> 00:42:29,310 Of course, the trick is... 541 00:42:29,380 --> 00:42:31,905 to know which battles to fight. 542 00:42:34,118 --> 00:42:36,484 You se, 543 00:42:36,554 --> 00:42:39,785 no victory comes without a price.