1 00:00:02,580 --> 00:00:04,290 [Mary Alice] Previously on Desperate Housewives: 2 00:00:04,415 --> 00:00:07,042 [man] Until the adoption is legally finalised, 3 00:00:07,126 --> 00:00:10,087 the birth mother can still change her mind. And she has. 4 00:00:10,171 --> 00:00:11,505 Warrants were issued. 5 00:00:11,589 --> 00:00:14,341 - I'm gonna fire Tom. - If you just fire him, he'll sue, 6 00:00:14,425 --> 00:00:16,219 and I'll back him up. You need cause. 7 00:00:16,344 --> 00:00:19,097 - I guess I'll have to find cause. - Decisions were made. 8 00:00:19,181 --> 00:00:23,643 I'm gonna do something so awful, it's going to rock her world. 9 00:00:23,768 --> 00:00:25,020 Threats were spoken. 10 00:00:25,145 --> 00:00:27,439 So, what the hell are we gonna do? 11 00:00:27,564 --> 00:00:29,858 And plans... 12 00:00:29,941 --> 00:00:31,026 Phenobarbital? 13 00:00:31,151 --> 00:00:33,987 It's time to give your brother the peace he deserves. 14 00:00:34,070 --> 00:00:36,281 ... were put into action. 15 00:00:38,325 --> 00:00:41,829 The most successful private investigator in Fairview 16 00:00:41,954 --> 00:00:44,957 was a man named Oliver Weston. 17 00:00:45,041 --> 00:00:46,292 Try though he might, 18 00:00:46,375 --> 00:00:51,339 Oliver couldn't remember the exact moment he stopped believing in love. 19 00:00:52,006 --> 00:00:55,426 Was it the night he caught an executive cheating with his secretary? 20 00:00:55,509 --> 00:00:56,510 [shutter clicking] 21 00:00:56,636 --> 00:01:01,432 Or was it the day he saw a housewife cheating with her delivery boy? 22 00:01:01,515 --> 00:01:02,767 [shutter clicks] 23 00:01:02,892 --> 00:01:06,647 Or was it the time he caught the girl next door 24 00:01:06,730 --> 00:01:09,983 cheating with the couple who lived across the street? 25 00:01:11,151 --> 00:01:15,614 Whenever the moment, Oliver Weston was now officially a cynic... 26 00:01:16,490 --> 00:01:19,993 ... who only believed in betrayal and suspicion. 27 00:01:20,077 --> 00:01:23,747 Luckily for Oliver, that's what paid his bills. 28 00:01:23,830 --> 00:01:26,291 [Susan] OK, you forgot... 29 00:01:26,416 --> 00:01:27,417 What're you doing? 30 00:01:27,542 --> 00:01:29,753 [talking continues over speaker] 31 00:01:29,836 --> 00:01:31,798 Oh, sorry, man. Are these your bushes? 32 00:01:31,881 --> 00:01:35,551 I'll clean that all up when I'm done. It'll be like I was not here. 33 00:01:35,635 --> 00:01:37,595 - You're done now. - Oh, easy, big fella. 34 00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:40,014 I'm a PI doing a domestic surveillance job. 35 00:01:40,139 --> 00:01:41,391 For who? 36 00:01:41,516 --> 00:01:43,643 The blonde lady at the end of the street. 37 00:01:43,726 --> 00:01:45,228 - Edie Britt? - Yeah. 38 00:01:45,311 --> 00:01:49,399 That's her fiancé. Apparently he dumped her for another woman. 39 00:01:49,482 --> 00:01:52,318 - And I just figured out who. - Susan? 40 00:01:52,402 --> 00:01:55,738 [laughs] There's nothing going on there. They used to be married. 41 00:01:55,863 --> 00:01:57,825 They have a kid together. 42 00:01:57,908 --> 00:01:59,785 I heard they're on the way to kid two. 43 00:01:59,868 --> 00:02:03,205 - You don't know. - You don't know these soccer moms. 44 00:02:03,330 --> 00:02:05,207 By day, they bake cookies and carpool. 45 00:02:05,332 --> 00:02:09,962 But dim the lights, and bam, they turn into total pigs. [squeals] 46 00:02:10,045 --> 00:02:13,215 - She's not like that. - Oh, please. Look at her. 47 00:02:13,924 --> 00:02:16,593 That woman clearly knows her way around a mattress. 48 00:02:20,222 --> 00:02:24,144 [Mary Alice] Yes, Oliver Weston had become a cynic, 49 00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:26,521 which is why he couldn't recognise 50 00:02:26,604 --> 00:02:29,941 a man who was still in love. 51 00:02:37,615 --> 00:02:41,911 [Mary Alice] Every family has a way of hiding what it doesn't want seen, 52 00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:46,916 whether it's with a picture that covers a stain on the wall, 53 00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:53,215 or with a closet door that conceals the chaos inside 54 00:02:54,592 --> 00:02:59,555 or with artificial smiles that mask years of pain and heartache. 55 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:05,186 Every family goes to great lengths to hide ugly truths. 56 00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:08,814 Some, of course, go further than others. 57 00:03:16,990 --> 00:03:18,700 So you're gonna do this tonight? 58 00:03:18,825 --> 00:03:22,496 No. The ice cream is for tomorrow. 59 00:03:22,621 --> 00:03:26,458 I'm taking Caleb on a picnic to Rockwater Lake. 60 00:03:26,583 --> 00:03:28,793 I'm preparing all of his favourite foods. 61 00:03:28,919 --> 00:03:31,922 So when you're done, you're just gonna... 62 00:03:32,923 --> 00:03:34,257 ...leave him lying there? 63 00:03:36,843 --> 00:03:38,471 No. 64 00:03:41,057 --> 00:03:43,184 I'll call 911 anonymously. 65 00:03:43,893 --> 00:03:48,147 But I will be watching from a distance to make sure 66 00:03:48,231 --> 00:03:51,400 that... [sobbing] that they pick up his body. 67 00:03:53,819 --> 00:03:55,696 You know, you don't have to do this. 68 00:03:55,780 --> 00:03:58,074 I won't let him hurt another girl. 69 00:03:58,157 --> 00:04:02,453 And I will not turn him over to people who will mock and abuse him. 70 00:04:02,536 --> 00:04:04,122 I just won't. 71 00:04:09,169 --> 00:04:11,546 His last day on this earth 72 00:04:11,630 --> 00:04:14,299 is going to be a perfect one. 73 00:04:15,759 --> 00:04:17,803 [Xiao Mei sobs] 74 00:04:19,888 --> 00:04:21,348 Oh, no, thanks, Xiao Mei. 75 00:04:22,849 --> 00:04:25,060 Poor thing. She was so attached to Lily. 76 00:04:25,143 --> 00:04:29,315 - Where'd all this food come from? - The people from Carlos's church. 77 00:04:29,399 --> 00:04:32,402 So you think you and Carlos will try for another adoption? 78 00:04:32,485 --> 00:04:35,363 I don't think I could go through that pain again. 79 00:04:35,446 --> 00:04:38,616 I did freeze some of my eggs, so we might do the surrogacy thing. 80 00:04:38,700 --> 00:04:41,160 - But I don't know. - You've got to eat something. 81 00:04:41,244 --> 00:04:42,662 I don't have an appetite. 82 00:04:42,745 --> 00:04:45,748 This is all gonna go to waste. You should take something. 83 00:04:45,873 --> 00:04:48,251 - No, no, you should keep it. - I'll take a couple. 84 00:04:51,921 --> 00:04:55,092 What? Karl dumped me, so I'm alone. 85 00:04:55,175 --> 00:04:57,219 Food fills the void. 86 00:04:57,344 --> 00:04:59,722 [Xiao Mei crying] 87 00:04:59,805 --> 00:05:01,765 Xiao Mei, I appreciate your grief, 88 00:05:01,849 --> 00:05:04,852 but you're bringing everybody down. Will you pull it together? 89 00:05:04,935 --> 00:05:05,936 Mrs Solis... 90 00:05:10,023 --> 00:05:12,484 I don't understand. It's from the government. 91 00:05:15,279 --> 00:05:17,072 Gabby, she's being deported. 92 00:05:17,156 --> 00:05:20,493 Xiao Mei, is this the first letter like this you've received? 93 00:05:27,125 --> 00:05:29,335 Oh, my... This can't be happening. 94 00:05:29,461 --> 00:05:33,298 [sobbing] I can't go home! My uncle will sell me again. 95 00:05:33,423 --> 00:05:35,800 Oh, no, no, Xiao Mei, you're not going anywhere. 96 00:05:35,925 --> 00:05:38,052 You're much too important to Carlos and me. 97 00:05:38,178 --> 00:05:40,138 We're gonna fight, and we're gonna win. 98 00:05:40,263 --> 00:05:42,307 Gabby, you can't promise her that. 99 00:05:42,432 --> 00:05:46,187 Bree, you heard what she said. I can't let this poor kid go back to China 100 00:05:46,270 --> 00:05:49,857 - and become someone's slave. - Thank you. 101 00:05:51,567 --> 00:05:54,445 All right. Look, my friends wanna take some of this to go, 102 00:05:54,528 --> 00:05:57,364 so pack it up, and we're a little low on coffee. 103 00:05:58,866 --> 00:05:59,950 [sighs] 104 00:06:03,829 --> 00:06:06,373 You're actually gonna let me eat this? 105 00:06:06,457 --> 00:06:10,127 Well, you've been working so hard, off on business trips all the time. 106 00:06:10,211 --> 00:06:14,382 Tonight, we throw caution and cholesterol to the wind. 107 00:06:14,466 --> 00:06:16,760 You deserve a little comfort food. 108 00:06:17,886 --> 00:06:19,429 Oh, no. You're pregnant. 109 00:06:20,388 --> 00:06:22,599 God, your mind goes to dark places. 110 00:06:23,099 --> 00:06:28,063 Honey, you just served me a plate of full-fat Gouda. What's up? 111 00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:30,649 OK. Well... 112 00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:34,986 Remember I was helping Ed spark up his love life? 113 00:06:35,111 --> 00:06:37,323 Yeah, you sent his wife those sexy IM's. Why? 114 00:06:37,448 --> 00:06:42,411 Well, Fran found out that Ed didn't send them and she blew her top. 115 00:06:42,537 --> 00:06:45,164 She wants the responsible party fired, 116 00:06:45,248 --> 00:06:48,251 and Ed lied and told her... 117 00:06:49,418 --> 00:06:50,795 ...that you sent them. 118 00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:52,838 [stammering] It wasn't me, it was you. 119 00:06:52,922 --> 00:06:54,632 I know. 120 00:06:54,757 --> 00:06:57,385 Oh, oh, but Ed couldn't possibly lose you. 121 00:06:57,468 --> 00:06:59,178 No, no, no. I'm the expendable one. 122 00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:03,809 Look, I know it's ridiculous, but Ed is not a rational person. 123 00:07:03,892 --> 00:07:05,060 Fran has him whipped, 124 00:07:05,185 --> 00:07:08,522 and a whipped husband is someone we must take very seriously. 125 00:07:10,691 --> 00:07:12,401 OK. 126 00:07:13,986 --> 00:07:16,863 - How do we handle this? - You're under contract. 127 00:07:16,947 --> 00:07:19,616 Ed can't fire you unless he has just cause. 128 00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:23,287 So until this blows over, you have to be a model employee. 129 00:07:23,370 --> 00:07:26,373 Show up on time, no more three-martini lunches 130 00:07:26,456 --> 00:07:29,210 and, above all, have ready all your presentations. 131 00:07:29,294 --> 00:07:31,838 I can't believe I'm being victimised like this! 132 00:07:31,963 --> 00:07:34,340 Well, honey, in all fairness, 133 00:07:34,465 --> 00:07:36,926 those are all things you should be doing anyway. 134 00:07:38,052 --> 00:07:39,303 Fine! 135 00:07:49,188 --> 00:07:52,526 Andrew, I am having Peter over for dinner tomorrow night, 136 00:07:52,651 --> 00:07:55,404 and I was wondering if you would like to invite Justin. 137 00:07:55,487 --> 00:07:59,700 Yeah, uh, thanks. I'll... I'll call him tonight. 138 00:07:59,783 --> 00:08:03,203 Since you two are having your boyfriends over, can I invite Matthew? 139 00:08:03,328 --> 00:08:05,873 - Out of the question. - So let me get this straight: 140 00:08:05,956 --> 00:08:08,792 You can date a lush, and he can bring over his gay lover, 141 00:08:08,876 --> 00:08:10,669 but God forbid I date a hot black guy? 142 00:08:10,794 --> 00:08:14,214 Until they lock Caleb up, I don't want you anywhere near that family. 143 00:08:14,339 --> 00:08:15,841 His brother tried to rape you, 144 00:08:15,924 --> 00:08:18,553 and his mother keeps the guy locked up in a basement. 145 00:08:18,636 --> 00:08:21,514 I mean, let's face it, Danielle. Even you could do better. 146 00:08:21,598 --> 00:08:23,892 Since when do you take Mom's side over mine? 147 00:08:23,975 --> 00:08:27,645 Your brother and I had a talk, and we've come to a détente of sorts. 148 00:08:27,729 --> 00:08:30,982 Really? Even after she screwed you out of your trust fund? 149 00:08:31,065 --> 00:08:33,610 Well, he did falsely accuse me of child abuse. 150 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,321 I would say we're even, wouldn't you? 151 00:08:36,404 --> 00:08:38,782 Sure, Mom. We're even. 152 00:08:44,079 --> 00:08:46,457 You can stop smiling. I know your face is tired. 153 00:08:46,582 --> 00:08:48,876 - What? - I'm not stupid. 154 00:08:48,959 --> 00:08:50,920 I know you hate her now as much as ever. 155 00:08:51,045 --> 00:08:54,715 Mom and I are in a good place right now. Why can't you believe that? 156 00:08:57,676 --> 00:08:59,970 Hi. I got your message. What's up? 157 00:09:00,095 --> 00:09:01,096 Come on in. 158 00:09:03,098 --> 00:09:07,394 This is Oliver Weston. He's a PI Edie hired. 159 00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:09,898 Edie hired a... PI? 160 00:09:09,981 --> 00:09:13,485 - He's been spying on you and Karl. - How you doing? 161 00:09:13,568 --> 00:09:15,362 He thinks you're having an affair. 162 00:09:15,487 --> 00:09:16,488 Me and Karl? 163 00:09:17,864 --> 00:09:19,658 Why would you think that? 164 00:09:20,992 --> 00:09:24,746 [Karl] Come on, Suze. You know we're meant to be together. 165 00:09:24,829 --> 00:09:26,373 [Susan] Karl, just stop. 166 00:09:26,456 --> 00:09:32,045 Well, that is Karl being nostalgic. 167 00:09:32,128 --> 00:09:35,716 [Karl] You said yourself, the sex last week was the best you ever had. 168 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,218 [recording stops] 169 00:09:37,301 --> 00:09:41,138 OK, um, first of all, 170 00:09:41,222 --> 00:09:43,182 it was not the best sex I ever had. 171 00:09:43,266 --> 00:09:45,309 I just said that to make him feel better. 172 00:09:45,434 --> 00:09:47,645 Obviously, you were the best sex I ever had. 173 00:09:47,770 --> 00:09:49,647 That explains the punch in the face. 174 00:09:49,730 --> 00:09:51,774 I'm gonna hit you again if you don't shut up. 175 00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:53,276 I know this looks bad... 176 00:09:53,359 --> 00:09:56,529 You were actually fooling around with Karl behind Edie's back? 177 00:09:56,654 --> 00:09:58,155 No, no, no, no! Karl lied to me. 178 00:09:58,239 --> 00:10:00,200 He told me he and Edie split up before... 179 00:10:00,284 --> 00:10:02,578 - You know what? I don't even care. - Mike! 180 00:10:02,661 --> 00:10:04,871 - [Weston] Am I done here? - [Mike] Yeah. 181 00:10:06,582 --> 00:10:07,666 Good night, Susan. 182 00:10:10,502 --> 00:10:12,796 Hey! Hey, you! Wait! Wait! Wait! 183 00:10:12,921 --> 00:10:18,552 Uh, OK, you cannot tell Edie about this. Whatever she's paying, I'll double. 184 00:10:18,635 --> 00:10:21,179 She paid a two-grand retainer plus expenses. 185 00:10:21,305 --> 00:10:23,181 Two thousand dollars? 186 00:10:23,307 --> 00:10:26,311 Jeez, I gotta get into real estate. 187 00:10:26,394 --> 00:10:28,855 OK, I... I don't have that kind of cash. 188 00:10:28,938 --> 00:10:31,399 Well, then I guess I take the tape to Miss Britt. 189 00:10:34,569 --> 00:10:36,529 I have a copy! 190 00:10:37,822 --> 00:10:39,449 Ah! 191 00:10:45,288 --> 00:10:47,415 OK, let's try this another way. 192 00:10:47,540 --> 00:10:51,295 You are about to unleash a nuclear explosion. 193 00:10:51,420 --> 00:10:53,964 Lives are going to be ruined. 194 00:10:54,089 --> 00:10:55,257 I'll tell you what, 195 00:10:55,382 --> 00:10:57,926 I'll hold off till Monday to report to Miss Britt. 196 00:10:58,010 --> 00:10:59,470 - Yes! - That'll give you time 197 00:10:59,553 --> 00:11:02,431 - to scrape together a little cash. - What if I can't? 198 00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:05,017 [imitates explosion] 199 00:11:16,279 --> 00:11:19,616 I'm sorry, but Xiao Mei missed all of her appeal deadlines. 200 00:11:19,741 --> 00:11:23,078 So that's it? You're just gonna send her back to China? 201 00:11:23,203 --> 00:11:24,829 My hands are tied. [sighs] 202 00:11:24,954 --> 00:11:28,041 If your maid were married to an American citizen, 203 00:11:28,124 --> 00:11:30,585 or had a child who was an American citizen, 204 00:11:30,668 --> 00:11:32,962 or if she were a well-known entertainer... 205 00:11:33,046 --> 00:11:37,842 Uh... What if she was pregnant with an American citizen? 206 00:11:43,057 --> 00:11:45,101 Uh, Xiao Mei? [laughs] 207 00:11:45,226 --> 00:11:49,480 We spoke to Homeland Security, and we have good news. 208 00:11:49,563 --> 00:11:51,774 - I can stay? - Mm-hmm. 209 00:11:51,899 --> 00:11:56,195 - Oh, thank you, thank you! - Oh! OK, uh... 210 00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:59,156 Well, there's just one little thing. [chuckles] 211 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:02,660 Um, the immigration laws have gotten really tough in this country, 212 00:12:02,785 --> 00:12:05,079 so we're behind the eight ball going in. 213 00:12:05,162 --> 00:12:08,834 But we pled your case and we fought tooth and nail. 214 00:12:08,959 --> 00:12:12,796 And the law says you can stay... but only if you have our baby. 215 00:12:12,921 --> 00:12:15,465 - [Carlos laughs] - What? 216 00:12:15,549 --> 00:12:20,762 The agent said that if you were pregnant with an American citizen, 217 00:12:20,887 --> 00:12:22,597 then they couldn't deport you. 218 00:12:22,722 --> 00:12:26,226 So we thought, you need a baby in your belly, 219 00:12:26,351 --> 00:12:30,188 we need a surrogate. Win, win, win. 220 00:12:30,313 --> 00:12:33,317 - [Gabby squeals] - Surrogate? 221 00:12:33,442 --> 00:12:36,112 Oh, well, it would be our baby. 222 00:12:36,195 --> 00:12:39,282 It would just be growing inside of you. 223 00:12:40,283 --> 00:12:41,367 I have... Oh... 224 00:12:41,450 --> 00:12:45,580 OK, uh, well... Oh! OK. It's like this. 225 00:12:45,663 --> 00:12:49,667 The three of us are making your famous Szechwan dumplings. [laughs] 226 00:12:49,750 --> 00:12:51,961 And I'm the dough, 227 00:12:52,044 --> 00:12:55,006 and Carlos is the pork 228 00:12:55,089 --> 00:12:57,551 and you're the oven. 229 00:13:01,138 --> 00:13:02,389 I have baby? 230 00:13:02,472 --> 00:13:04,600 We take care of everything. You know, uh... 231 00:13:04,725 --> 00:13:08,645 Hospital bills and maternity clothes and Lamaze classes. 232 00:13:08,770 --> 00:13:11,315 And, of course, you wouldn't have to do any work. 233 00:13:11,398 --> 00:13:15,068 [laughs] Well, uh, maybe just a little light dusting, nothing major. 234 00:13:16,612 --> 00:13:17,613 No! 235 00:13:17,738 --> 00:13:21,158 Xiao Mei, you don't have a choice. It's either this or go back to China. 236 00:13:21,283 --> 00:13:24,954 No to baby! No! [sobbing] 237 00:13:27,290 --> 00:13:30,376 [sighs, moans] 238 00:13:30,460 --> 00:13:32,754 Had to push the dusting, didn't you? 239 00:13:34,839 --> 00:13:37,842 [sighs] Peter, I don't think I'm being unreasonable here. 240 00:13:37,925 --> 00:13:41,095 It's not like I'm gonna advertise my addiction history, 241 00:13:41,179 --> 00:13:44,849 but if your kids ask a direct question, I'm not gonna lie to them. 242 00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:48,395 Right, uh-huh. Good point. 243 00:13:50,481 --> 00:13:54,068 [whispering] Listen, I don't expect you to lie about the alcoholism. 244 00:13:54,193 --> 00:13:56,320 They know that's how we met. It's just... 245 00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:58,697 - You know, the other thing. - Oh. 246 00:13:58,781 --> 00:14:01,533 - The other thing. - They're just getting to know you, 247 00:14:01,617 --> 00:14:03,994 and I want them to focus on your good qualities. 248 00:14:04,119 --> 00:14:08,499 I just don't know how they'll react if they find out that you're a sex addict. 249 00:14:11,460 --> 00:14:13,338 What are you so happy about? 250 00:14:14,339 --> 00:14:17,759 Know how you were mad at Mom about not letting Matthew come to dinner? 251 00:14:17,842 --> 00:14:19,636 Yeah. 252 00:14:19,761 --> 00:14:23,098 I just figured out the funniest way for you to get back at her. 253 00:14:24,974 --> 00:14:26,935 OK, what's on the schedule for today? 254 00:14:27,060 --> 00:14:29,604 I have got the Boston Toy presentation ready to go. 255 00:14:29,687 --> 00:14:33,191 Actually, I don't have time for a full pitch. So just give me the gist. 256 00:14:35,568 --> 00:14:38,489 - Excuse me? - You know. Boil it down. 257 00:14:38,572 --> 00:14:39,573 Give me one line. 258 00:14:41,742 --> 00:14:44,829 OK, basically, it's, "Toys are fun." 259 00:14:44,912 --> 00:14:46,789 - I hate it. - How can you hate it? 260 00:14:46,914 --> 00:14:49,792 - I only gave you three words. - That's three words I hate. 261 00:14:49,875 --> 00:14:53,129 OK, I'm gonna take over the Boston Toy Company account. 262 00:14:53,254 --> 00:14:55,131 - You cannot... - In the meantime, 263 00:14:55,214 --> 00:14:56,382 you should all be aware, 264 00:14:56,507 --> 00:14:59,593 I don't like the way you people have filed expense reports. 265 00:14:59,718 --> 00:15:01,428 There's been a lot of padding. 266 00:15:01,554 --> 00:15:05,142 Meanwhile, this company's haemorrhaging money. 267 00:15:05,225 --> 00:15:09,146 I'm gonna put a stop to it. So I have hired a forensic accountant. 268 00:15:09,271 --> 00:15:11,565 He's gonna make sure everything's kosher. 269 00:15:11,648 --> 00:15:15,068 I find one receipt, one bar tab that's fishy, 270 00:15:15,151 --> 00:15:17,195 it's grounds for dismissal. 271 00:15:19,739 --> 00:15:22,617 Oh, and, Scavo, he's gonna start with you. 272 00:15:24,536 --> 00:15:28,206 I can't believe that son of a bitch hired a forensic accountant. 273 00:15:28,331 --> 00:15:30,209 He's more whipped than I thought. 274 00:15:30,334 --> 00:15:32,628 Well, he has tragically underestimated us. 275 00:15:32,712 --> 00:15:35,965 - The gloves are coming off. - You know, maybe I should just quit. 276 00:15:36,048 --> 00:15:39,468 What? Yesterday you were up in arms. Now... now you're ready to cave? 277 00:15:39,552 --> 00:15:42,096 If Ed is determined to get me, he's gonna get me. 278 00:15:42,221 --> 00:15:44,181 - It's just a matter of time. - No. No. 279 00:15:44,307 --> 00:15:45,766 We are not backing down. 280 00:15:45,850 --> 00:15:48,686 I'm gonna walk over to Ed's office now and make very clear 281 00:15:48,769 --> 00:15:50,980 that if you're out the door, I'm behind you. 282 00:15:51,063 --> 00:15:53,816 - We can't both be unemployed. - Oh, it'll never happen. 283 00:15:53,900 --> 00:15:57,321 He knows this place will go down like a house of cards without me. 284 00:15:57,404 --> 00:15:59,781 - Honey, wait. Just wait! - What? What? 285 00:16:01,283 --> 00:16:03,410 I'm not gonna hide behind my wife's skirt. 286 00:16:03,535 --> 00:16:05,662 We're a team. I'm just lending support. 287 00:16:05,787 --> 00:16:08,540 That's not the way it's gonna look to everybody else. 288 00:16:08,624 --> 00:16:12,377 Look... Let me talk to him, man to man. 289 00:16:12,461 --> 00:16:14,921 If my way doesn't work, then we'll do it your way. 290 00:16:16,715 --> 00:16:19,426 OK. Go get him. 291 00:16:19,509 --> 00:16:21,471 [sighing] 292 00:16:29,270 --> 00:16:31,481 [Tom] I gotta talk to you. 293 00:16:35,568 --> 00:16:38,196 [Tom] This isn't fair. This isn't right. 294 00:16:45,412 --> 00:16:46,497 Oh! 295 00:16:47,039 --> 00:16:48,040 [Tom groans] 296 00:16:48,165 --> 00:16:50,834 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 297 00:16:50,918 --> 00:16:53,128 Tom, what happened? 298 00:16:53,253 --> 00:16:55,464 I think I gave him just cause. 299 00:17:05,182 --> 00:17:07,476 [Mary Alice] Susan knew she couldn't afford 300 00:17:07,601 --> 00:17:11,272 to keep the PI from revealing her affair with Karl. 301 00:17:11,356 --> 00:17:14,776 And since Edie would learn the truth anyway, 302 00:17:14,901 --> 00:17:18,405 Susan felt it would be better if it came from her... 303 00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:24,285 ... which is how she came to write a letter begging Edie for forgiveness. 304 00:17:24,369 --> 00:17:26,913 Her words were so sincere and heartfelt, 305 00:17:27,038 --> 00:17:29,249 from the moment she mailed it, 306 00:17:29,374 --> 00:17:32,460 - Susan knew... - [horn honks] 307 00:17:32,544 --> 00:17:34,671 ... she was a dead woman. 308 00:17:39,385 --> 00:17:41,345 You know, Caleb... 309 00:17:43,055 --> 00:17:45,182 ...since the day you were born, 310 00:17:45,307 --> 00:17:48,060 I've always thought of you as a blessing. 311 00:17:49,145 --> 00:17:51,272 You do know that, right? 312 00:17:52,690 --> 00:17:54,275 I guess. 313 00:17:57,611 --> 00:17:59,155 How come Matty's not here? 314 00:18:00,322 --> 00:18:04,953 Because this is our special day. Just you and me. 315 00:18:06,830 --> 00:18:09,749 Is he mad at me? Because of Danielle? 316 00:18:09,833 --> 00:18:13,670 No. He knows that you didn't mean to scare her. 317 00:18:13,795 --> 00:18:15,922 Because he said it was OK for me to kiss her. 318 00:18:18,216 --> 00:18:21,553 - What did you say? - He said Danielle liked me. 319 00:18:21,678 --> 00:18:24,389 And that she wouldn't fight me if I gave her a kiss. 320 00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,351 Your brother told you that? 321 00:18:27,435 --> 00:18:32,648 Matty said that she was waiting for me, and that she wanted a really big kiss. 322 00:18:37,862 --> 00:18:40,239 What else did your brother tell you? 323 00:18:43,534 --> 00:18:44,785 Xiao Mei? 324 00:18:47,580 --> 00:18:49,290 I made you some hot cocoa. 325 00:18:51,751 --> 00:18:54,630 I guess the baby thing didn't really appeal to you, huh? 326 00:18:56,506 --> 00:19:00,761 I know it's a lot to ask, it's just Carlos and I think of you as family. 327 00:19:00,844 --> 00:19:02,471 Don't you think of us as family? 328 00:19:02,596 --> 00:19:05,599 Oh, yes! 329 00:19:05,682 --> 00:19:08,477 You are like mother to me. 330 00:19:09,561 --> 00:19:11,146 Mm-hmm. 331 00:19:11,229 --> 00:19:15,400 Well, if we are so frigging close, what's the big deal? 332 00:19:15,484 --> 00:19:17,194 It's nine months out of your life. 333 00:19:17,319 --> 00:19:19,197 I will be ruined. 334 00:19:20,365 --> 00:19:21,991 Ruined? 335 00:19:23,993 --> 00:19:25,870 Down there. 336 00:19:28,122 --> 00:19:31,084 Wait. Are you a virgin? 337 00:19:32,919 --> 00:19:33,920 Wow! 338 00:19:34,045 --> 00:19:38,091 If I have baby, I will be shamed. 339 00:19:38,174 --> 00:19:40,301 [laughing] Are you kidding? 340 00:19:40,385 --> 00:19:42,679 No one cares about virginity in this country. 341 00:19:42,804 --> 00:19:45,349 It went out of style in the '50s, and trust me, honey, 342 00:19:45,474 --> 00:19:48,018 it ain't making a comeback. [laughs] 343 00:19:48,936 --> 00:19:50,979 Seriously, no one cares. 344 00:19:51,105 --> 00:19:53,148 Husband would care. 345 00:19:53,273 --> 00:19:55,401 No man want me if I ruined. 346 00:19:56,068 --> 00:19:59,488 I want husband. So much. 347 00:20:01,448 --> 00:20:05,911 Well, what kind of husband do you want? Do you want a rich husband? 348 00:20:06,578 --> 00:20:08,957 Well, then, rich men don't marry virgins 349 00:20:09,082 --> 00:20:12,419 for the same reasons they don't hire chauffeurs who can't drive. 350 00:20:12,502 --> 00:20:14,087 They value experience. 351 00:20:14,921 --> 00:20:15,922 Really? 352 00:20:17,090 --> 00:20:19,050 Would I lie to family? 353 00:20:24,013 --> 00:20:26,933 - Here are the numbers you wanted. - Lynette, wait. 354 00:20:28,476 --> 00:20:31,563 - Have you heard from Tom? - He's not answering his cell phone. 355 00:20:31,646 --> 00:20:34,400 But you don't have to worry, OK? You got what you wanted. 356 00:20:34,483 --> 00:20:38,154 - He's out of the building. - Come in here and close the door. 357 00:20:38,279 --> 00:20:41,532 - You sure? I might punch you too. - I'll take my chances. 358 00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:47,580 If this is where you want me to apologise for my husband, 359 00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:48,747 I'm not gonna do it. 360 00:20:48,873 --> 00:20:51,333 He shouldn't have hit you, but you provoked him. 361 00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:53,377 - Now, wait a minute... - No, I'm sorry. 362 00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:57,256 Tom gets punished because you can't deal with your screwed-up marriage. 363 00:20:57,381 --> 00:20:59,008 It is pathetic, Ed! 364 00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:02,345 If you'd stood up to your wife in the first place, none of... What? 365 00:21:02,471 --> 00:21:05,891 I love it. You're giving me crap about my marriage. 366 00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:08,226 You know what? Here. 367 00:21:09,227 --> 00:21:13,315 The forensic accountant found some stuff in Tom's expense reports. 368 00:21:13,398 --> 00:21:15,358 It seems on his last three trips east, 369 00:21:15,442 --> 00:21:18,945 he cashed in his first-class ticket and took a detour to Atlantic City. 370 00:21:19,070 --> 00:21:21,781 - What? That can't be right. - It's all there. 371 00:21:21,865 --> 00:21:24,159 Hotels. Bar tabs. 372 00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:28,206 Oh, and on this page, two tickets to a show. 373 00:21:30,666 --> 00:21:32,710 And flowers. 374 00:21:35,838 --> 00:21:37,381 That doesn't make any sense. 375 00:21:37,465 --> 00:21:40,176 There's got to be some kind of an explanation for this. 376 00:21:40,259 --> 00:21:44,096 Before you pass judgment on someone else's marriage, 377 00:21:44,222 --> 00:21:46,599 I'd clean up my own house first. 378 00:21:52,606 --> 00:21:55,859 Sorry, I don't know what's taking Danielle so long to get dressed. 379 00:21:56,068 --> 00:21:59,321 Give her a break. I'm sure she's trying to look nice for our company. 380 00:21:59,446 --> 00:22:03,283 Well, I hope she doesn't get too dressed up. I like people to be comfortable. 381 00:22:03,367 --> 00:22:05,327 Oh, I'm comfortable. 382 00:22:07,454 --> 00:22:09,081 Honey, what are you wearing? 383 00:22:09,206 --> 00:22:11,333 You got me this for Christmas, remember? 384 00:22:11,416 --> 00:22:14,169 Yeah, I just am worried you might be a little cold. 385 00:22:14,252 --> 00:22:18,091 Oh, I think it's plenty warm in here. Don't you, Mr McMillan? 386 00:22:19,300 --> 00:22:22,136 Uh... sure. 387 00:22:25,098 --> 00:22:29,143 Well, uh, we should start eating. We don't want our frittatas to get cold. 388 00:22:29,227 --> 00:22:33,147 Right, good, um, sorry. Everybody, dig in. 389 00:22:34,190 --> 00:22:35,775 [coughs] 390 00:22:35,858 --> 00:22:39,112 Wow! Does anybody else think this salsa's a little too spicy? 391 00:22:40,948 --> 00:22:44,201 I always say, the hotter, the better. 392 00:22:48,414 --> 00:22:51,500 So, Mr McMillan, I hear you went to Perkins College. 393 00:22:51,583 --> 00:22:54,545 I'm thinking about going there after I graduate. 394 00:22:54,628 --> 00:22:56,505 Uh, Perkins, huh? 395 00:22:57,047 --> 00:23:01,677 I was there. I made it to every party and I went to classes in my spare time. 396 00:23:01,802 --> 00:23:03,053 [all laughing] 397 00:23:03,137 --> 00:23:06,307 No, actually, it's a great college. I... I think you'd like it. 398 00:23:07,392 --> 00:23:11,938 Isn't this wonderful? Good food. Pleasant conversation. 399 00:23:12,021 --> 00:23:14,774 This really is a very special night. 400 00:23:16,192 --> 00:23:17,360 I feel the same way. 401 00:23:23,742 --> 00:23:25,243 So, Peter, is it growing? 402 00:23:28,413 --> 00:23:30,707 - What? - Uh, the campus. 403 00:23:30,790 --> 00:23:32,668 Has it grown since you've been there? 404 00:23:33,502 --> 00:23:34,503 Um... 405 00:23:36,756 --> 00:23:41,051 Yeah, it's, uh... It's grown con... considerably. 406 00:23:41,135 --> 00:23:43,846 I would just love to get my hands on a brochure. 407 00:23:45,723 --> 00:23:49,143 The alumni association is always sending me stuff, 408 00:23:49,226 --> 00:23:51,687 I'll get you [shouts] something! [clears throat] 409 00:23:51,812 --> 00:23:54,023 Oh, my God, are you OK? 410 00:23:57,444 --> 00:23:59,654 I just remembered, this guy I'm sponsoring, 411 00:23:59,738 --> 00:24:02,532 he said he needed to see me tonight, so I should go to him. 412 00:24:02,616 --> 00:24:04,242 I guess that's important, so... 413 00:24:04,326 --> 00:24:07,078 Yeah. So I should go. No need to show me out. 414 00:24:10,248 --> 00:24:12,542 - [sighs] - [door slams] 415 00:24:12,626 --> 00:24:14,419 What a shame. 416 00:24:14,503 --> 00:24:17,506 I really wanted him to have a chance to get to know you guys. 417 00:24:17,631 --> 00:24:21,051 Don't worry. I... I think we made an impression. 418 00:24:28,267 --> 00:24:30,228 Hey, hey! 419 00:24:31,103 --> 00:24:33,564 I didn't know if you were coming back. 420 00:24:33,648 --> 00:24:36,734 [sighs] I waited until the parking lot cleared. 421 00:24:36,817 --> 00:24:38,778 So, um... 422 00:24:40,154 --> 00:24:43,115 What happened? You said you were gonna go in there and talk. 423 00:24:43,199 --> 00:24:45,993 I know, I know. I know I shouldn't have hit him. [laughs] 424 00:24:46,077 --> 00:24:48,914 But what's done is done. 425 00:24:51,375 --> 00:24:52,626 Anything else going on? 426 00:24:52,709 --> 00:24:55,796 - Like what? - I don't know. 427 00:24:56,255 --> 00:24:58,465 Anything you want to talk about? 428 00:24:58,548 --> 00:25:02,386 Cos there's nothing you couldn't tell me. I would understand. 429 00:25:02,469 --> 00:25:03,845 No. I feel good about this. 430 00:25:03,929 --> 00:25:05,973 It's OK, cos I didn't fit in around here. 431 00:25:06,056 --> 00:25:08,976 I'll get another job someplace else. Everything's good. 432 00:25:10,018 --> 00:25:12,396 And you, I love. 433 00:25:12,521 --> 00:25:14,232 I love you too. 434 00:25:17,735 --> 00:25:21,572 - You know what's weird? - No, what? 435 00:25:22,323 --> 00:25:25,284 In all the years we have been married, 436 00:25:25,368 --> 00:25:29,580 I have never seen you lead with your fists. 437 00:25:30,415 --> 00:25:31,666 Well... 438 00:25:32,917 --> 00:25:36,337 ...maybe I still got some surprises in me. 439 00:25:37,797 --> 00:25:39,299 Maybe you do. 440 00:25:45,305 --> 00:25:46,390 Is it done? 441 00:25:47,224 --> 00:25:49,268 Mm-hmm. 442 00:25:49,351 --> 00:25:51,145 Wow. 443 00:25:51,270 --> 00:25:53,147 We can mourn your brother later. 444 00:25:53,230 --> 00:25:55,983 Right now there are things that still need to be done. 445 00:25:57,234 --> 00:25:59,778 We need to get rid of everything: 446 00:25:59,903 --> 00:26:02,990 Mattress, clothes, all of it. 447 00:26:07,579 --> 00:26:09,539 [door locking] 448 00:26:14,461 --> 00:26:16,045 Mom, the... the door's locked. 449 00:26:16,129 --> 00:26:17,839 I know. 450 00:26:19,632 --> 00:26:22,802 Mom! You need to open this door, right now! 451 00:26:24,012 --> 00:26:26,306 [pounding on door] 452 00:26:26,431 --> 00:26:28,016 Mom! 453 00:26:48,579 --> 00:26:50,623 Honey, why aren't you dressed yet? 454 00:26:50,748 --> 00:26:53,125 We have to be at the fertility clinic in 40 minutes! 455 00:26:53,250 --> 00:26:55,545 Oh, shoot. Is that today? 456 00:26:55,629 --> 00:26:58,965 Uh, give Xiao Mei a kick in the pants. I haven't seen her all morning! 457 00:27:02,469 --> 00:27:04,429 Hey. 458 00:27:04,513 --> 00:27:07,432 Today's the, uh, big day. 459 00:27:07,516 --> 00:27:10,477 You ready to, uh, make a baby? 460 00:27:12,938 --> 00:27:14,105 Ready. 461 00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:30,081 Please. Be gentle. 462 00:27:36,963 --> 00:27:39,799 Honey, come on, we're gonna be late. 463 00:27:42,927 --> 00:27:45,556 Hmm, uh... 464 00:27:45,639 --> 00:27:50,185 I think she's confused as to how we're gonna make this baby happen. 465 00:27:50,978 --> 00:27:54,147 And were you planning on setting her straight? 466 00:27:55,941 --> 00:27:58,402 - Next thing out of my mouth. - Hmm. 467 00:28:01,488 --> 00:28:03,365 Come on! The guy is ready to explode. 468 00:28:03,448 --> 00:28:06,076 I don't care! I'm not sleeping with Mom's boyfriend. 469 00:28:06,159 --> 00:28:10,205 You can't back out. You were great. You got Peter on the hook. He's primed. 470 00:28:10,289 --> 00:28:12,750 I was messing with his head to get back at Mom. 471 00:28:12,834 --> 00:28:15,545 But why stop there? She's keeping you from Matthew. 472 00:28:15,628 --> 00:28:17,338 Now, come on. She deserves this. 473 00:28:17,422 --> 00:28:19,632 I am not that stupid. Go grind your own axe. 474 00:28:19,716 --> 00:28:20,717 [doorbell rings] 475 00:28:20,842 --> 00:28:23,845 I don't have time. Strip down to your bra and panties! 476 00:28:23,970 --> 00:28:25,596 Get out of my room, you psycho. 477 00:28:30,184 --> 00:28:33,354 My mom won't be back for a while. You probably don't want to wait. 478 00:28:33,438 --> 00:28:36,775 That's OK. I just wanted to make sure you got the Perkins catalogue. 479 00:28:36,900 --> 00:28:39,862 Uh, your mom told me you're going on a tour there tomorrow. 480 00:28:39,945 --> 00:28:41,905 - Yeah. - You're gonna love it. 481 00:28:41,989 --> 00:28:44,867 The campus is beautiful, the teachers are amazing 482 00:28:44,950 --> 00:28:47,578 and the student body is such a great mix. 483 00:28:47,661 --> 00:28:49,788 You know, they're all about diversity. 484 00:28:49,872 --> 00:28:53,459 Whatever. All right, well, I'll let my mom know you stopped by. 485 00:28:53,584 --> 00:28:55,210 OK. 486 00:28:58,756 --> 00:29:00,215 Andrew, [clears throat] 487 00:29:00,299 --> 00:29:03,470 I also wanted to apologise for leaving so fast the other night. 488 00:29:03,595 --> 00:29:05,305 I... [laughs] 489 00:29:05,388 --> 00:29:08,349 I started to get the feeling your sister was coming on to me, 490 00:29:08,433 --> 00:29:11,186 - which was upsetting because... - You're a sex addict? 491 00:29:13,188 --> 00:29:16,191 - Your mom told you about that? - Let's just say the word's out. 492 00:29:17,067 --> 00:29:20,028 But, um, I'm curious. 493 00:29:20,111 --> 00:29:23,698 Back in the day, what... what kind of stuff were you into? 494 00:29:24,657 --> 00:29:26,868 I don't know that I want to talk about that. 495 00:29:26,952 --> 00:29:29,497 I wanna make sure you're not into anything too freaky. 496 00:29:29,622 --> 00:29:33,042 I mean, you are dating my mom and I'm kind of protective of her. 497 00:29:33,167 --> 00:29:36,003 Well, you can relax. I wasn't some sort of pervert. 498 00:29:36,086 --> 00:29:39,840 You know, all I can say is I went through a dark period 499 00:29:39,965 --> 00:29:41,926 and I slept with a whole lot of people. 500 00:29:44,762 --> 00:29:45,763 "People"? 501 00:29:46,722 --> 00:29:47,807 What's wrong? 502 00:29:47,932 --> 00:29:52,228 No, it... it's just that when most guys discuss their conquests, 503 00:29:52,312 --> 00:29:54,523 they don't say "people." 504 00:29:55,273 --> 00:29:57,901 [laughs] Oh. Well... 505 00:29:57,984 --> 00:30:00,028 No, it's OK. 506 00:30:00,111 --> 00:30:04,908 I appreciate the fact that you value diversity. 507 00:30:12,582 --> 00:30:14,543 - [Susan] Who is it? - Mike. 508 00:30:18,798 --> 00:30:21,175 - Susan? - Hi. Sorry. 509 00:30:21,259 --> 00:30:23,052 I'm just on the lookout for Edie. 510 00:30:23,177 --> 00:30:26,430 Oh, well, you can relax. Edie won't be coming after you. 511 00:30:26,556 --> 00:30:27,640 Why? 512 00:30:27,723 --> 00:30:30,810 I talked to the PI and he's not gonna tell her anything. 513 00:30:30,935 --> 00:30:33,563 - What did you say? - I paid him off. 514 00:30:33,646 --> 00:30:37,149 So it's over. I just thought you should know. 515 00:30:37,233 --> 00:30:39,443 Well, wait! 516 00:30:39,610 --> 00:30:41,112 Why would you do that? 517 00:30:41,195 --> 00:30:46,243 People will just get hurt if it gets out. I didn't see the point. 518 00:31:01,341 --> 00:31:04,928 Uh... Oh... Uh... 519 00:31:20,486 --> 00:31:23,114 Hey there! You look thirsty. 520 00:31:23,823 --> 00:31:26,284 This is really nice of you, Mrs Mayer. 521 00:31:26,409 --> 00:31:29,287 To be honest with you, I wasn't even sure that you liked me. 522 00:31:29,370 --> 00:31:33,291 And you know why? Because we're all so busy and detached from each other. 523 00:31:33,374 --> 00:31:37,588 You're at my house every day. And sure, we wave and we say hello. 524 00:31:37,671 --> 00:31:40,049 But we barely even know each other. 525 00:31:40,132 --> 00:31:43,385 How long have you been delivering my mail, for God's sake? 526 00:31:43,510 --> 00:31:44,762 Three and a half weeks. 527 00:31:46,013 --> 00:31:49,183 Really? Seems like forever. 528 00:31:49,266 --> 00:31:51,393 - Let me top you off. - Oh, no, I couldn't. 529 00:31:51,477 --> 00:31:54,646 This is my third glass. I... Seriously, I'm sloshing. 530 00:31:56,023 --> 00:31:59,026 You'll probably want to use the bathroom before you leave? 531 00:31:59,109 --> 00:32:01,154 - No, I'm good. - Are you sure? 532 00:32:01,279 --> 00:32:03,156 Uh, I mean, you have such a long route. 533 00:32:03,239 --> 00:32:05,283 That iced tea'll go right through you. 534 00:32:05,408 --> 00:32:09,454 Better here than Mrs McCluskey's hydrangeas. 535 00:32:10,246 --> 00:32:13,249 You know, uh, maybe I will use your bathroom. 536 00:32:13,374 --> 00:32:16,878 Great! The one down here is broken. Why don't you use the one upstairs. 537 00:32:16,961 --> 00:32:18,588 It's right off my bedroom. 538 00:32:20,173 --> 00:32:24,094 Yeah. OK. 539 00:32:24,219 --> 00:32:25,304 Got it. 540 00:32:37,691 --> 00:32:39,568 [sighs] 541 00:32:53,625 --> 00:32:55,585 I still can't believe it. 542 00:32:55,669 --> 00:32:58,839 I mean, why would Xiao Mei just offer herself up to me like that? 543 00:32:58,922 --> 00:33:02,676 Well, honey, she's a virgin. Who knows why virgins do anything? 544 00:33:02,759 --> 00:33:06,972 She's a virgin? Are you serious? 545 00:33:07,055 --> 00:33:10,392 Yeah. I wouldn't just slam her for no reason. 546 00:33:13,186 --> 00:33:15,857 Mr Solis? It's time to collect your DNA. 547 00:33:15,940 --> 00:33:19,694 Oh! OK, honey. Only good swimmers, now. 548 00:33:19,777 --> 00:33:20,778 [chuckles] 549 00:33:23,114 --> 00:33:27,827 If you like, we have a variety of magazines and videos available. 550 00:33:29,370 --> 00:33:32,707 Mmm, I think I'm good. 551 00:33:40,715 --> 00:33:43,677 Gus? You OK up there? 552 00:33:48,599 --> 00:33:51,226 [gasps] Gus! 553 00:33:51,310 --> 00:33:53,186 Uh, do you want me to keep the hat on? 554 00:33:54,438 --> 00:33:57,774 I know it's a fantasy for some women. 555 00:33:57,899 --> 00:34:00,819 Uh... [gasps] 556 00:34:03,322 --> 00:34:04,323 Mom? 557 00:34:08,161 --> 00:34:10,371 Is the mailman here? 558 00:34:12,624 --> 00:34:14,417 That's my daughter! Get dressed! 559 00:34:15,501 --> 00:34:16,961 [Julie] Mom? 560 00:34:17,045 --> 00:34:20,548 Yes, honey! Gus the mailman is here. 561 00:34:20,632 --> 00:34:22,842 He's using the bathroom. He'll be down. 562 00:34:24,052 --> 00:34:26,012 [chuckles] Darn it. 563 00:34:26,137 --> 00:34:28,806 I guess we'll have to take a rain check, huh? 564 00:34:28,890 --> 00:34:30,683 I can come back on Tuesday. 565 00:34:30,808 --> 00:34:33,020 [laughs] Tuesday? 566 00:34:33,103 --> 00:34:34,730 No, no, Tuesday's not good. 567 00:34:34,855 --> 00:34:38,984 Because Tuesday's the day I, uh... become a lesbian. 568 00:34:56,794 --> 00:34:59,589 Andrew? Honey, where are you? 569 00:34:59,672 --> 00:35:02,217 I got your message. What's the emergency? 570 00:35:03,593 --> 00:35:05,303 Andrew! 571 00:35:06,221 --> 00:35:07,847 Andrew? 572 00:35:09,140 --> 00:35:10,725 Andrew? 573 00:35:11,434 --> 00:35:14,229 Honey, what are you doing in my bed? 574 00:35:14,312 --> 00:35:15,897 Have you seen my pants? 575 00:35:22,655 --> 00:35:24,532 Now we're even. 576 00:35:31,580 --> 00:35:35,668 Did you forget that we're supposed to take that tour of Perkins College today? 577 00:35:36,752 --> 00:35:38,379 Seriously? 578 00:35:38,504 --> 00:35:41,423 After last night, I didn't exactly think you'd be too keen 579 00:35:41,507 --> 00:35:43,717 on sitting next to me in a car for three hours. 580 00:35:43,843 --> 00:35:46,720 Consider me a cheerleader for anything that expedites me 581 00:35:46,804 --> 00:35:48,598 getting you out from under my roof. 582 00:35:51,309 --> 00:35:53,186 Glad we can come to an understanding. 583 00:36:14,667 --> 00:36:17,670 Why'd we stop here? We have half a tank left. 584 00:36:17,795 --> 00:36:22,174 There are so many things I want to say to you, Andrew. 585 00:36:22,258 --> 00:36:26,262 But mostly I just want you to know how sorry I am. 586 00:36:26,345 --> 00:36:27,889 Sorry for what? 587 00:36:27,972 --> 00:36:32,935 Every child deserves to be loved unconditionally. 588 00:36:33,019 --> 00:36:36,188 And I thought that was the kind of love that I had for you. 589 00:36:38,650 --> 00:36:41,194 Maybe if I had, it would've been different. 590 00:36:41,737 --> 00:36:44,990 [chuckles] Why do I suddenly get the feeling 591 00:36:45,073 --> 00:36:47,701 we're not gonna make it out to Perkins College today? 592 00:36:56,418 --> 00:36:59,129 - What are you doing? - I packed up some of your things. 593 00:36:59,212 --> 00:37:02,549 There's also, um, an envelope in here with some money, 594 00:37:02,633 --> 00:37:05,178 and that should tide you over until you can get a job. 595 00:37:05,303 --> 00:37:06,846 What, you're gonna? 596 00:37:06,930 --> 00:37:09,891 You're gonna leave me out here, in the middle of nowhere? 597 00:37:11,184 --> 00:37:14,103 I noticed a bus stop about a mile back. 598 00:37:15,855 --> 00:37:17,649 You can go anywhere you want. 599 00:37:18,149 --> 00:37:20,193 Mama... Mom, please don't do this. 600 00:37:22,028 --> 00:37:23,446 I have to. 601 00:37:25,990 --> 00:37:29,243 I can't be around you anymore. I'm just not strong enough. 602 00:37:34,291 --> 00:37:38,587 You know what the good news is? I win. 603 00:37:40,547 --> 00:37:41,715 You win? 604 00:37:43,676 --> 00:37:47,429 I remember the look in your eyes when I told you I was gay. 605 00:37:47,513 --> 00:37:51,725 And I knew that one day you would stop loving me. 606 00:37:54,938 --> 00:37:59,192 So here we are. I was right. 607 00:37:59,275 --> 00:38:01,986 So I... I win. 608 00:38:05,198 --> 00:38:06,908 Well, good for you. 609 00:38:58,503 --> 00:39:01,131 Hi. I made you a "thank you" pie. 610 00:39:01,214 --> 00:39:03,175 And by "made," I mean "bought." 611 00:39:43,383 --> 00:39:46,970 So, what exactly are you thanking me for? 612 00:39:47,095 --> 00:39:49,723 For keeping Edie from smashing my face in. 613 00:39:51,683 --> 00:39:54,311 That's the nicest thing anybody ever did for me. 614 00:39:54,394 --> 00:39:56,939 Just trying to keep peace on the Lane. 615 00:39:57,940 --> 00:40:02,487 Well, you keep telling yourself that. I know why you really paid that guy off. 616 00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:06,324 You still care about me. 617 00:40:06,908 --> 00:40:07,909 What? 618 00:40:10,078 --> 00:40:12,205 You're always worried about Julie and me, 619 00:40:13,289 --> 00:40:16,459 - and you beat up my new boyfriend. - [laughs] 620 00:40:16,542 --> 00:40:19,462 And now you're protecting me from Edie. 621 00:40:19,545 --> 00:40:22,465 Do you know what all that means? 622 00:40:22,548 --> 00:40:25,259 That you're high maintenance? 623 00:40:25,343 --> 00:40:27,638 [laughs] 624 00:40:28,347 --> 00:40:31,684 All right, you go ahead and be coy. Fine. 625 00:40:32,559 --> 00:40:34,144 I'll be the one to break the ice. 626 00:40:36,146 --> 00:40:38,607 I've never stopped caring about you. 627 00:40:40,693 --> 00:40:43,153 That why you jumped in bed with Karl? 628 00:40:43,237 --> 00:40:45,447 I would have never even gone there 629 00:40:45,572 --> 00:40:48,575 if I had thought there was a chance with us. 630 00:40:48,659 --> 00:40:51,578 You just closed the door so completely, I... 631 00:40:53,331 --> 00:40:56,209 [sighs] Can we just not talk about him? 632 00:40:57,502 --> 00:40:59,879 Have some more pie. 633 00:40:59,963 --> 00:41:01,381 I know you like pie. 634 00:41:04,300 --> 00:41:06,010 I know you like me. 635 00:41:09,180 --> 00:41:15,103 Listen, I'm not asking for us to get back together. 636 00:41:15,228 --> 00:41:17,522 I just want us to be friends. 637 00:41:18,858 --> 00:41:21,777 - Susan... - Yes? 638 00:41:23,154 --> 00:41:24,488 Your house is on fire. 639 00:41:25,614 --> 00:41:26,866 [gasps] 640 00:41:30,411 --> 00:41:33,664 My whole house is on fire! Oh! 641 00:41:33,747 --> 00:41:37,418 [Mary Alice] When the truth is ugly, people try to keep it hidden, 642 00:41:37,543 --> 00:41:42,506 because they know if revealed, the damage it will do. 643 00:41:43,300 --> 00:41:46,470 So they conceal it within sturdy walls, 644 00:41:48,054 --> 00:41:51,308 or they place it behind closed doors, 645 00:41:52,809 --> 00:41:56,480 or they obscure it with clever disguises. 646 00:41:57,772 --> 00:42:01,985 But truth, no matter how ugly, always emerges. 647 00:42:02,068 --> 00:42:05,071 [sirens approaching, horn honking] 648 00:42:08,576 --> 00:42:13,456 And someone we care about always ends up getting hurt. 649 00:42:13,873 --> 00:42:15,917 [man] I'm on it! 650 00:42:19,962 --> 00:42:24,175 [Mary Alice] And someone else will revel in their pain. 651 00:42:24,258 --> 00:42:28,262 And that's the ugliest truth of all.