Previously on Desperate Housewives...
With Mike working in Alaska,
Susan took a job as a nanny.
Bree's relationship with Keith's mother...
Is Bree the one who's gonna be giving me my grandchildren?
...got off to a rocky start.
That was a million years ago.
Tom and Renee had a secret.
She can never know what happened between us.
Paul's wife had a change of heart...
I wanna make love again.
...and a very big secret of her own.
Baby.
Mama.
Felicia Tillman knew many things.
She knew Paul Young had killed her sister.
She knew she had to find proof.
And she knew she would need help.
Felicia also knew she was lucky
to have a daughter who did what she was told.
He's said nothing to you?
You've been living there for months now.
Well, I've tried to ask him questions,
but he refuses to discuss Aunt Martha.
Did you look through his things?
- Maybe he has some sort of journal. - Well, I've looked some.
Look again.
Is he still bothering you for sex?
N-not really.
I'm surprised.
He seems like the type who wouldn't take no for an answer.
You slept with him, didn't you?
Beth!
He was going to kick me out. I had to do something.
Oh, please don't be angry.
We always knew
getting justice for Aunt Martha would require sacrifices.
But this...
I allowed my own daughter to be defiled by that man.
It wasn't that bad, mama.
Are you saying you enjoyed it?
No! Of course not.
It just wasn't as unpleasant as I thought it... would be.
Well, if you've got the stomach for it...
This could work to our advantage.
Well, what do you mean?
Sex makes men stupid.
They say things in the dark they can barely remember come sunrise.
You want me to ask about Aunt Martha's murder
in the middle of--
I'm not saying use it as foreplay.
But afterwards, when you're both just lying there,
when he's...
spent...
Get him talking about the past.
Maybe he'll let some detail slip,
something we can use, okay?
I'll try, mama. I should go.
And, Beth?
Sex makes women stupid, too.
They start feeling things that
they have no business feeling.
Do you understand?
I do, mama.
Yes, Felicia Tillman knew many things,
And if her daughter were stupid enough
to fall in love with Paul Young,
Felicia knew she would have to punish them both.
Thanksgiving--it's a time for defrosting turkeys...
For visiting families...
For performing in pageants.
Thanksgiving is also a time for shopping...
Well, don't just sit there scratching yourself. Help me.
And stress.
Frijoles, tamales?
Babe, I think you got the wrong bags.
Where are the yams and the cranberry sauce?
Hector and Carmen have a big Mexican dinner
every Thanksgiving.
Since we invited them over,
I told them I'd serve their favorite dishes, like...
Chorizo stuffing, bollitos,
Jalapeno corn bread.
I thought it'd be nice for Grace.
It's our first holiday we're together as a family.
That was very sweet of you.
Yeah. So good luck. We eat at 2:00.
Wait, wait.
I'm cooking?
Yeah. You're the one who knows about Mexican stuff.
You roll your r's, you call soccer football...
You're mocking me because I'm proud of my culture?
No! I'm celebrating it.
And there's two bags of your culture right there.
Start the party.
- So, Lynette. - Hi.
What are your plans for Thanksgiving?
Same as always--
cook by myself for four hours,
clean by myself for three hours,
eat with my family for eight minutes.
- Well, this year, how about coming to-- - We're in.
I haven't even invited you yet.
You can invite me over for turkey
and a punch in the face.
If it gets me out of cooking, I'm there.
Oh. Wonderful.
Oh. Wait. Susan was already coming to our place.
Is it okay if she comes, too?
Well, I suppose she'll want overtime,
but I could use the extra kitchen help.
As a guest.
Oh, come on.
What have you got against Susan?
She's always so perky and poor.
It's an annoying combination.
She's my friend, and it is Thanksgiving.
I suppose it is a time to be thankful...
And I'm thankful I'm not her.
Oh, what the hell. She can come.
There's been a change of plans.
We're all having Thanksgiving over at Renee's.
You, too.
She's okay with me and M.J. Coming?
Of course. You know how she loves children.
Yeah. Medium rare.
What are we doing?
Oh, I'm trying to get Paige to sleep,
and if I stop...
That happens.
I figure 12 more laps, and she'll be asleep,
and then I can put her down.
You know what?
I'm thinking it's about time we sleep-trained her.
Sleep train?
Yeah, yeah. Here. You put 'em in their crib,
and essentially, you let 'em cry it out. Come on.
Yeah, I know what it is.
I just never really got the point of it.
The point is she learns to put herself to sleep.
The first night she cries for 20 minutes,
The second, ten.
Before long, everyone's happy.
Except the lonely little person
who was crying and now thinks she was abandoned.
I know it sounds harsh,
but it's really a gift you're giving the child.
The gift of a tear-stained pillow.
What a lucky little girl.
Something wrong?
No.
You sure?
You seem like you were a million miles away
while we were making love.
Well...
It's just that...
Talk to me.
I met a woman today a-at the store,
and when I told her who I was married to...
She said you killed Martha Huber.
What have I told you about idle gossip?
She said you had a motive.
Martha was blackmailing your wife.
This is ridiculous.
You are a passionate man.
I know that firsthand,
but sometimes our emotions
can make us do crazy things.
If Martha was responsible
for Mary Alice's suicide --
Stop it.
Do you honestly believe that I am capable
of killing another person?
Martha's sister sure thinks you are.
Well, her opinion doesn't matter.
Why not?
Everybody knows Felicia Tillman is crazy.
Martha said to my wife
that she couldn't trust a thing
that her sister said
due to her severe mental problems.
Really?
You're surprised?
The woman cut off her own fingers
to frame me for murder.
Who does that?
That's a good point.
Bree?
I brought these so if you saw me coming,
you wouldn't shoot me.
Uh, Keith told me you have guns?
Thank you for letting me off the hook.
In my defense,
I'm an ugly drunk.
Well, you found out your son was dating
a slightly older woman.
Of course you were thrown off balance.
It wasn't just that.
I, uh, I've been going through some stuff lately.
Oh. Is, uh, everything okay?
Ever since Richard retired from the army,
things have been... strained.
Well, there's always a period of adjustment.
It's more than that.
He was always thousands of miles away.
We got so good at being apart,
we forgot how to be together.
Well, have you discussed this with him?
I want to, but every time we talk,
it turns into a fight.
Trying to pick a movie friday night--
that--that turned into a 3-hour screaming match.
Well, holding it inside isn't the solution.
You need to tell him how you feel.
Trust me. You'll be glad you did.
Well, it's just so much easier
when Keith is around.
He's the one thing we agree on.
I mean, I'm glad you two are
spending Thanksgiving together,
but we're sure gonna miss him at our table.
Hmm. Hey, why don't you join us?
Oh, oh, no. No, no, no. No.
I-I wasn't fishing for an invitation.
I know you weren't.
We would love to have you.
You are so sweet.
And I promise to be on my best behavior.
I know you will, because as Keith told you,
I have guns.
Hey. Sorry I'm late.
I was trying to get Mike on the phone,
but between the time change and his schedule,
we weren't able to connect.
Aw, that's too bad.
I just put Paige down for a nap.
Come. Have some iced tea.
Maybe you can try Mike tonight after work.
Maybe.
Wow. She sounds really unhappy.
Shouldn't we do something about that?
You're right.
So... what's the weather like in Alaska
This time of the year?
Cold.
Good tea.
Really, really good tea.
Although it could use some lemon.
Um, I'll be right back.
Susan.
We stopped keeping lemons
under the baby a while ago.
I'm sorry. I couldn't take it.
Look, it's not fun for me
to hear Paige cry either,
But in the long run,
it's going to be better for her.
It's not better for me.
I tried letting her cry yesterday.
It was too upsetting. Look at my nails.
They're gone.
I hate to say it because you're my friend,
but this is your job.
I need you to do it my way.
I get it. You're the boss.
The mean, cold --
Susan.
Sorry.
Unfeeling boss.
Oh, I thought you were the cable guy.
I'm trying to get free premium channels.
No, no, just me.
Lynette wanted me to bring this over
for thursday.
She didn't think it'd stand a chance at our place.
Okay. Bye.
Uh, Tom?
Oh. Oh, oh, right. Here.
Do you mind putting that in the kitchen?
My hands are kinda...
Sure. Sure.
So... here you go.
Chocolate cream thigh-- p-pie.
I said "Pie."
Are you blushing?
Tom, you've seen it before.
I seem to remember you caught me
in a towel then, too.
Well, you probably don't even remember.
Blue towel, white stripes.
Coney Island Beach Club.
I-it was a good towel.
Uh, Tom.
What do you think?
What?
Oh, relax. I'm not hitting on you.
It's just...
Well, come on. I'm divorced. I'm vulnerable.
I'll take my compliments where I can.
I know it's been over 20 years,
but how do I look?
You look incredible.
I gotta go.
Table.
Oh, that reminds me.
I invited your parents to Thanksgiving dinner.
What about the last ten minutes
reminded you of my parents?
I was working up the menu in my head.
So when you were moaning--
I thought of a new recipe
for chestnut stuffing with pancetta.
That does sound good.
I wish it was just you and me for Thanksgiving.
I had a whole night planned.
How about we do something special next weekend?
Just you and me?
Yes. We'll go some place romantic,
and I will plan the whole thing.
Great.
Just don't do it while we're making love.
I am famished.
How about I rummage around in your kitchen
and find us something to eat?
Hey! Look who's here.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Hey, happy Thanksgiving.
Ay, it all smells so wonderful.
Well, Carlos and I
have been working our butts off all day.
She did her hair for two hours
and told me where the can opener was.
Who set the table?
- Juanita. - Under my supervision.
Well, we're happy to be here.
Grace, sweetie,
you wanna go up and play with Juanita and Celia
- before we eat? - Yeah.
So who wants a drink?
I made margaritas.
She is very proud of her culture.
Hey. Carlos, what's spanish for
"No sex for a month"?
Ah, Carmen knows.
So, Gaby, what'd you do with the pies?
What?
I kinda forgot to pick 'em up.
I cooked this entire meal, and you forget dessert?
You had one thing to do.
It was your whole "Where's the can opener?" thing.
It just threw me. Well,
Go throw yourself in the car and get the pies.
I can't drive. I just had a glass of wine.
We'll just have something else for dessert.
I think I have some leftover Halloween candy...
and pudding mix. Who doesn't love pudding?
Gaby... get the pies.
Uh... I can drive you.
Thank you, Hector.
Oh, fine. Let's go get your precious pies.
And lose the attitude. This is your screwup, not mine.
Carlos, what's spanish
for "You're sleeping on the couch tonight"?
Carmen's got that one, too.
She...
Hey, renee.
Happy, happy Thanksgiving.
Okay, you live in an apartment. Take it down a notch.
Oh. Hello, M.J.
M.J., what do you say to Mrs. Perry?
She needs medication?
That's what we say about her.
What do we say to her?
Thank you for having us.
Precious.
What's this chalk line?
No kids beyond this point.
Your mommy can bring your food to you.
Seriously? The kids' table's in the driveway?
I put it in the street, but the cops made me move it.
Hey, happy Thanksgiving.
Oh. Where's my little Paige?
Oh, we are trying to keep her on her sleep schedule,
so Porter and Preston are watching her.
But don't worry, Susan.
I told them if she cries,
they can pick her up after 20 minutes.
20 minutes. You're up to 20 minutes now.
If they even hear her over the football game.
What?
Happy Thanksgiving.
What?
Told you she forgot. Let's go.
No. No. Remember how awful you felt when you found out
Roy and I spent last Thanksgiving
at Pancake Castle and you invited us to your house
for the next year?
It's next year.
I'm... sorry. It slipped my mind.
Well, that's okay. We can go back to Pancake Castle.
No, we can't.
The Board of Health shut 'em down.
Those weren't blueberries.
Wait, wait, wait.
Of course you're welcome to eat with us.
- Well, thank you, Bree. - Hey. We're here.
Oh, look. Invited guests. We'll get out of the way.
Keith. Happy Thanksgiving.
Richard, Mary.
They were honking at you because
you were driving slow in the fast lane.
No. I was driving the legal speed limit in the left lane.
Otherwise known as the fast lane.
Happy Thanksgiving. We'd have been here sooner.
Drop it, Richard.
Come on. Move!
I think it's an accident.
Well, they better be dead.
The bakery closes in ten minutes.
Maybe we should just forget the pies.
Are you crazy? If I show up empty-handed,
Carlos will go all Ricky Ricardo on my ass.
Take the shoulder.
What?
It's totally clear, and we can pass by this whole mess.
Gaby, it's against the law.
Hector, I am sweating in a pickup,
and my buzz is wearing off. You do not wanna tangle with me.
Punch it!
Maybe he didn't see us.
Sir...
You do realize that the shoulder is used just for emergencies?
Officer, hi. Are we glad to see you.
We could really use a police escort to the bakery.
It closes in ten minutes.
That's not an emergency, ma'am.
"Ma'am"? Ow. Talk about police brutality.
License and registration, please.
I-I have the registration.
And do you have a driver's license?
Sir... are you a citizen of the United States?
Hey! Racist much?
Just because he's got dark skin and drives a clunker
and has a coat hanger for an antenna
doesn't make him illegal.
Gaby, please!
He has rights. He pays taxes.
We're getting your name,
officer... Martinez.
Damn!
Just give him your license so we can get outta here.
Hector?
Sir, step out of the vehicle
and put your hands on the car, please.
Hector.
Isn't that your truck?
Why is it moving like that?
Where's my husband?
Where's the pie?
Gaby, what happened?
Please don't yell at me.
That was my first time driving stick shift,
- and my nerves are shattered. - Well, where's Hector?
- He got arrested. - Arrested? Why?
Well, traffic was awful, and the bakery was closing,
so Hector-- a-and I begged him not to,
drove up on the shoulder,
and the police caught us.
Police?
- Grace, get in the truck now. - But we haven't eaten yet.
I don't care. Let's go! Where's my purse?
What the hell is going on?
I think they're illegals.
Are they gonna deport Hector?
I don't know. They just took him and left me in a car
that I don't know how to drive.
Okay, Carmen, wait.
We can get your husband out of this. We'll hire a lawyer.
They will have him on a bus back to Mexico by tomorrow.
I have to move out of our house
- before they track down our address. - Where are you going?!
I have relatives in Texas.
We'll stay with them
until I can think of what to do next.
But what about Grace?
When will I see her again?
I don't know.
Say good-bye, Grace.
Good-bye, Gaby.
Hey, kids, I put some snacks on the table.
Mrs. Perry slapped the caterer,
so dinner's gonna be a little late.
Do you hear crying?
Maybe it's the caterer.
No, I think it's Paige.
Oh, yeah. She's been crying for a long time.
She has?
Who wants to play some football?
Okay. Go long, go long.
Oops! That's my bad!
I'll get it!
Oh! Look! Ha! Did it again.
I'll get it!
Let's go, boys. Come on!
3rd and 6. You gotta throw it.
Oh, he's not gonna.
Come on! Throw the ball!
Ugh. It's like they're trying to lose.
Now 3rd and 16 from the 16 to give to Blake on the draw,
and Blake is hammered at the line for no gain.
So, uh, Richard, tell us,
what are your plans for retirement?
We're, uh, we're still discussing that.
He wants to sail down the coast of South America by himself.
Bree, this cranberry sauce is delicious.
What is your secret?
Might I remind you,
The plan was always for us
to sail down the coast of South America. Oh.
Please tell us that secret, Bree. I'd love to hear it.
Is it cinnamon?
If it isn't, can we talk about cinnamon?
I knew a stripper in Baltimore
named cinnamon.
Nice broad.
You changed the plan.
You were the one that said you wanted to keep working.
Well, I'm sorry if I built up a successful practice
- while you were traipsing around the world. - Traipsing?
- Yes. - Like when I traipsed through Iraq.
Iraq! My goodness. What was that like?
When I think about it now, doesn't seem so bad.
So... Richard, we know that you like sailing.
What about you, Mary? Do you have any hobbies?
Ask him.
Excuse me?
He has known me for 35 years.
I'd be curious if he could name even one thing I like to do.
Bitch?
No. The stripper's name was Ginger.
Cinnamon was her sister. Killed by a cab.
You're not happy unless you have something to complain about.
Dad, mom. Come on. You're guests here.
Why do I even bother? It's like talking to a wall.
A wall that paid for your medical school
after your homemade wooden puzzle business went belly-up.
And everything you ever did was a success?
Iraq? Nice job!
I caught some shrapnel in Korea.
came this close to being a lady.
See, Bree? This is just what we talked about.
You--you talked to my mother?
Bree said I should tell you how I feel.
Well, here is how I feel. I want a divorce.
What?
Thank you, Bree. I do feel better.
You told my mom to get a divorce?
I never said "Divorce."
You want out of this? Fine! I'm happy to oblige!
Dad! Mom, wait!
And you didn't wanna come.
I love the stuffing.
Are you sure? Not too dry?
No. It's yummy. Hmm.
Did you use pecans?
Yes. It's my mother's recipe.
It's probably a lot different from the stuffing
you had as a kid.
Actually,
mama and I didn't really celebrate Thanksgiving.
What?
Daddy left when I was very young.
After that, mama said
we didn't have anything to be thankful for.
So you never had people over?
No. It was always just...
Mama and me.
That's too bad.
When I was 12, I did ask mama
if I could have a friend from school to eat with us.
Danny Sullivan.
I didn't tell her I'd invited a boy
until Thanksgiving morning.
Well, what happened?
She started screaming at me...
saying boys were only after one thing.
When he showed up and knocked on the door,
she wouldn't let me answer it.
We just... sat there and ate
while he knocked and... knocked.
Finally, it stopped.
Your mother sounds like a very unhappy woman.
I didn't notice it so much when I was a child.
But now I'm starting to realize just how...
damaged she is.
Is that why you never introduced us?
I just never thought you two would have much in common.
I can think of one thing.
We both love you.
You know, I think it's good
I waited this long
to have a real Thanksgiving.
Why's that?
Because now I actually have something to be thankful for.
Hey, guys.
I brought you some turkey.
Can I have some?
Well, sure, but... where's your mom?
I thought you guys were throwing the football around.
I haven't seen her
since she kicked it down to your house.
And how long ago was that?
A while ago, before the baby stopped crying.
And 1:35 left here in the 2nd.
...at their own 42-yard line, trailing 21 to 3.
Hey, guys, how's it goin'?
Uh, Dallas is losing.
Where's the baby?
- They have no passing game. - Guys!
Susan?
Ahh. Well, now I'm not suspicious at all.
Come on, Susan!
God, you scared me.
You... stay right there. Guys?
Will you watch the game upstairs?
I need to talk to Susan.
- When did susan get here? - Beats me.
What the hell?
I could hear her crying four houses away.
Yes. And last night, she cried just as loud,
but two minutes later, she put herself to sleep.
She was self-soothing. The system was working.
I don't care. I think it's a crappy system for lazy moms.
Lazy moms? Who are you to talk?
You have one kid every... 18 years.
Me--I've got five in the house at the same time.
It's a war.
So if I need to put my baby on a schedule
to stop my life from spiraling out of control,
That's what I'm gonna do.
Well... you're gonna have to do it alone,
'cause I quit.
Whoa. Hold on. Isn't that a little extreme?
Lynette, I'm sorry.
I cannot stand by and listen to that baby cry.
Even for five minutes?
Even for one minute. It's more than I can handle.
I listen to M.J. crying himself to sleep
every night... because he misses his dad.
I cry myself to sleep because my kid is crying.
There's just too much crying in my life. I can't take it.
Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry.
I had no idea.
I'm sorry to dump all this on you.
I have been emotional all day.
God...
It's Thanksgiving, and I...
I haven't even gotten to speak to Mike.
You wanna call him? You can use my phone.
Talk as long as you like.
Are you sure? It... it's expensive.
Well... it's either talking to your husband
or self-soothing,
And I know how much you love that.
Oh! Thank god you haven't left.
What are you doing here?
You don't have to leave.
Carlos and I hired our friend Bob.
He's a lawyer. He'll find a way to help you.
How? We're breaking the law.
Well, at least talk to him.
You can't just pack up and go.
We always knew this day might come.
This was the plan.
I'm sticking to it.
Carmen, we should talk about this.
Hi, Gaby.
Mama, am I supposed to pack all my clothes and books?
Uh, just your favorite things,
mija, for a nice, long visit.
I'm going to meet my cousins.
I heard.
Look, Carmen, I know you're a proud woman,
but you have to let us help you.
We're family. I'm afraid if I let you go,
I'll never see Grace again.
And you might not see Juanita.
Stay with us until we can figure things out.
They'll never look for you there.
At the very least,
We can have a few more days with the girls.
Please.
I'm not ready to say good-bye yet.
- Top you off? - Thanks. I'm good.
Where the heck did Lynette go?
She can't be that far.
So the house looks great.
Thanks.
You like living here?
Uh, yeah. Sure.
That didn't sound very convincing.
Well, it's nothing against Fairview.
It's just... I'm surrounded by couples and married people.
And I'm alone.
Would you believe for the first time?
Well, if I know you, that's not gonna last.
I don't know.
You know, people used to say I was a beautiful woman.
Now they say
I'm a beautiful woman for my age.
Please.
I just saw you in a towel.
Did you get your premium channels?
I did...
And high-speed internet.
There you go.
Oh, you know, there was a time
where I could have any man I wanted,
and... I did.
But I did not choose wisely.
I went for the rich guys, the famous guys,
The ones who bought me pretty things.
I should've been looking for a man who was kind and gentle,
The kind of man you'd actually wanna raise a family with.
I gotta hand it to Lynette.
She sure knows how to pick 'em.
Hmm. What are you guys talking about?
You, actually.
I hope it was complimentary.
Uh, very.
- Hey. - Come on in.
My dad's here. He's in the other room.
Oh. How's he doing?
Weirdly okay.
And how about you?
Freaked out.
Guess it doesn't matter if you're 4 or 34
when your mom and dad aren't together anymore.
It's horrible, I know.
You know what's ironic?
Thanksgiving, big family holiday.
That's the day I start thinking
there's no point in being married.
- You can't think like that. - Why not?
They were married for 35 years.
If it could fall apart that quickly...
It didn't.
It's been a long time coming, Keith.
You just haven't been around to see it.
Hmm. Like that would have made it easier.
Son, all I'm saying is try not to be cynical about marriage.
Really? 'cause I see a lot of divorced people in this room.
Sorry.
No. You're right. I'm divorced.
But I will never give up on marriage.
Because when it works, it's great.
And I still believe it could happen again for me.
And I cannot believe
I just said that to my boyfriend
in front of his father.
You wanna take a walk?
Maybe I can salvage one nice
Thanksgiving memory out of this day?
I'd love to.
All right. I'll get my coat.
I hope he's gonna be okay.
Well, it'll take some time,
But I promise I'll help him through it.
Keith's a lucky guy to have you.
Thank you.
I knew you were special from the moment I met you.
You ready to go?
All set.
How's it going? What have you found out?
Nothing.
He still insists he didn't do it.
Clearly, it's too soon.
You haven't gained his trust yet.
You know what you should do?
Join some wine-of-the-month club.
Start getting him drunk on a regular basis.
Maybe he'll let something slip.
What's wrong?
Mama...
Have you ever considered the possibility that...
That what?
That Paul didn't kill Aunt Martha.
No.
Have you?
No one actually saw him do it.
Oh, my god.
He swears he didn't kill her.
And you believe him.
I want you out of that house.
- Mama. - You will leave here, get your things,
and get out of that house today.
I can't.
Why not?
He's my husband.
What?
He's nice to me.
Who cares?!
He's a cold-blooded killer!
Mama, the guards.
I didn't raise you to be this stupid!
Sit down,
- Or your visit's over. - Don't touch me!
- Mama! - I will not allow you
to fall in love with a monster!
Do you hear me?!
Beth!
Mom, we want breakfast.
Okay, I'll be there in a second.
Bob, there has got to be some way
we can get Hector his papers.
Isn't there somebody that we can throw money at?
Guys, it's too late for Hector, and as long as Carmen is here,
she runs the risk of being deported, too.
She either turns herself in, or...
I have to disappear.
You said Carmen's at risk. What about Grace?
She was born here. She's an American citizen.
Mom!
I should go.
Wow. This is great. Waffles are my favorite.
Good. You can have them anytime you want.
Really? Wow. I wish I could live here all the time.
Well, you never know.
There might be a way we can make that happen.
Once a year,
we remember to stop and count our blessings.
We give thanks for the friends who understand us...
The lovers who makes us happy...
The children who do our bidding...
Yes, we must always be thankful for what we've been given...
even if it's just an opportunity.