Previously on Desperate Housewives...
Will you do me the honor of moving in with me?
Proposals were made.
I think starting an interior design business is...
It's genius.
- Juanita learned the truth. - You're not my mommy.
She told me about this guy that she had a fling with.
Susan revealed she knew a secret.
His name was Tom Scavo.
That was none of your damn business.
I am Lynette's friend, and I'm not gonna stand by
and watch you screw up her marriage.
- Help! - And when a neighborhood protest got violent...
Juanita! Get off the car!
Juanita was saved...
Susan was hurt...
and later, someone...
got revenge.
Something happened
in the suburbs last night.
A man was shot outside his home.
Detectives were called to investigate.
And they soon learned this man had enemies.
Detectives, I'm an expert marksman.
If I'd been aiming for Paul Young,
he'd be dead.
I have no idea who shot Paul.
All I know is I need a chiropractor
for all the cartwheels I've been doing.
If you find out who did it, let me know.
I want to send them flowers.
Yes, the police had many suspects
in the shooting of Paul Young.
But his wife...
had only one.
I was surprised you wanted to see me.
Our last visit ended less than... pleasantly.
Are you here to apologize?
You know exactly why I'm here.
No, I don't.
Obviously, you didn't do it yourself.
So who did you hire?
Beth, I don't know what you're talking about.
Paul's been shot.
What?
- Is he dead? - No.
Sorry. He's in the hospital.
When did this happen?
Oh, stop it, mama.
Just stop it. I know you had something to do with this.
Beth, you have to believe me.
- I-I don't know anything about it. - You're a liar.
Look, I'm not going to pretend I don't hate the man. I do.
But my goal all along has been to prove
that he murdered my sister.
Why would I have him killed before I could do that?
Then who shot him?
I don't know.
I don't know what to believe anymore.
I have to go to the hospital.
Word on the yard is that you can get me a clean cell phone.
For a price.
Get it.
Somebody's been a naughty boy.
I guess you changed your mind about that proposal I made.
Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm thrilled.
I just wish you'd waited till I gave you the signal.
Yes, Paul Young had enemies.
I can't talk right now.
More than he knew.
It's something we need to be reminded of
whenever our world has been turned upside down.
Come the morning, life goes on.
We pull ourselves together and go on shopping sprees...
or reignite a love affair...
or go back to work.
Yes, we must remember life will get better...
unless it doesn't.
You took out my kidney?
It had ruptured.
You were bleeding internally. We had no choice.
Oh, my God.
But you can get by on one kidney, right?
Usually. But in your case, it's a little more complicated.
The other one is deformed.
Well, fine. I won't enter it in any kidney beauty contests.
The point is, it's only operating at about 5%.
If that number drops any lower,
you're at serious risk of renal failure.
How do I not know this?
I-I've never had any serious health problems.
That's because the other kidney was doing such a great job
of taking up the slack.
You mean the one you took?
Yes.
So what are you saying? Do I need a transplant?
Eventually. But we need to get you on dialysis.
That requires a minor surgical procedure
to install an A.V. shunt,
- going... - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down.
Y-you said if it goes any lower.
Maybe it won't. Maybe it'll go up.
Anything is possible.
But you need to come to terms
with the reality of what's happened to you.
Your life has changed.
I have some information here on dialysis.
I suggest you read it...
today.
Welcome to Miss Charlotte's Doll Academy.
I'm Miss Charlotte.
How can I serve you today?
We are here to buy a doll.
Oh, I'm sorry. We don't sell dolls here.
Really?
Wow. This place got creepy fast.
But I do let good little girls adopt some of my friends.
Are you ready to be a mommy?
I don't care.
Oh, she's kidding.
She would love a doll, and I want to do
something special for her birthday.
So let's get this adoption going.
Very good. I have someone in our royalty cabinet
I'd love for you to meet.
Look, I am sorry about everything you've been through
the past few days.
But I'm trying to show you how much I love you.
Can't you meet me halfway?
This is Lady Catherine.
She's the toast of Buckingham Palace.
The trim on her cloak is real ermine.
Ooh! Isn't she gorgeous?
Wow.
I'll go prepare her papers.
- Are you happy, sweetie? - Yeah!
Oh. Let me get my phone out
so I can take a picture of my two princesses.
Why are you looking at Grace?
O-oh, I wasn't. I was, uh... I must have scrolled too far.
Why do you even have that picture?
And what name shall I put under "mother"?
Put whatever you want. I hate this stupid place.
Oh... Juanita!
Juanita, wait!
Susan, hi.
I heard about your kidney.
And I just want you to know I have two.
So let's talk deal.
Relax. I'm not telling Lynette.
You're not?
Thing about having something like this happen to you...
you start to think about what's important and what's not.
And I realized it's not up to me to tell Lynette
about something that happened 20 years ago.
Oh. Thank God.
It's up to you.
Hey.
Y-you okay?
You've been standing out here for, like, 20 minutes.
I saw Susan at the hospital.
How's she doing?
She's not gonna tell Lynette about our 20-year-old mistake.
Oh, thank God.
What a relief!
W-why aren't you relieved?
There's one thing she said I can't get out of my head.
If I never tell Lynette what happened,
then my friendship with her is not real.
- Sure it's real. - Ugh.
All my life, people I thought were my friends have left me.
People from college, friends I had with Doug...
they're all gone.
And Lynette stayed.
I think I owe her the truth.
No. No, no, no, no, no!
Sometimes being a friend requires you to lie.
I mean, come on.
We've all seen McCluskey in those jogging shorts
and yelled, "lookin' good!" That's being a friend.
Renee...
You can't tell Lynette.
She would be devastated.
I know.
I just have to live with what that says about me.
Great. We got a plan.
Thought you might want a cold root beer to cool you down.
I like the "cold" and "beer" part.
I know living with a woman who doesn't drink...
it must be torture.
- How's the replanting coming? - It's taking a little while.
Yard got pretty messed up by the riot.
- I'll work on the sprinklers later. - There's no rush.
Ah, look who's drinking out of the bottle.
See what you've done to me?
The next thing you know, I'll be flossing only once a day.
Hey. You started unpacking my stuff?
Yes. Your, uh, books are on the shelf.
Sports trophies are in the den.
And on a sad note, your beanbag chair accidentally ripped
when I stuck a knife in it and stuffed it in the trash.
Hmm. My lava lamp?
Accidentally broke when I pushed it off the counter.
Man, my stuff is clumsy.
I may not love all your things, but I love that you're here.
Everything that happened over the last few days
made me realize how important you are to me.
Mm! Whew!
Steer manure's not your favorite aphrodisiac?
It's only slightly worse than your aftershave,
which accidentally got poured down the drain.
Well, hold your breath. I'm kissing you anyway.
There is a God.
Mm. Can I help you?
Someone to see you.
Orson.
Judy kicked me out.
Can I stay here with you?
I never saw it coming.
One minute, Judy and I were enjoying a nice Pinot Noir,
and the next, she was wheeling me to the cab,
- and telling me it was over. - That's terrible.
Well, don't you worry. You can stay here with us.
Are you sure?
I mean, I had no idea that Keith had just moved in with you.
I mean, you're a new couple.
The last thing you need around here
is a third and... fourth wheel.
Nonsense. We insist. Stay as long as you want.
Isn't that right, Keith?
Oh, yeah. Sure.
Any idea how long that might... be?
I just want to know how long we'll be enjoying his company.
I gather as soon as I can find a new place to live
and a caregiver. Would you mind backing up a bit?
Your cologne is making my eyes water.
Actually, it's steer manure.
To each his own.
Uh, Keith, why don't you go shower?
And I'll, uh, get Orson settled.
Would you like some tea?
Mm, no. I'm fine.
So...
Keith.
Interesting choice.
Just... sort of happened.
Hmm.
But moving in together?
I mean, aren't you taking this rebound relationship
a little too seriously?
It's not a rebound relationship.
What Keith and I have is very... special.
And I know what you're thinking. He is a bit young.
Oh, no. Not at all. I notice he has all of his big boy teeth.
- But he and I have a lot in common. - Really?
Hmm.
I'm just... curious.
Which Lil Wayne song is your favorite?
"Fo Sheezy" or "Ask Them Hoes"?
Joke if you must, but I am not the woman you once knew.
I have changed, and Keith is responsible.
What I'm wondering is why would someone change
something that was already perfect?
God, I never thought we'd have a kid in therapy.
Well, I did. I just thought it'd be Celia.
I wish we weren't doing this.
You know the shrink always blames the mother.
The husband blames the mother, too.
How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?
You know what? It is not about us anymore.
Juanita's world is collapsing around her,
and the only thing that I care about is healing the damage
that's been done to that poor little girl.
I took her doll shopping.
Juanita, if you'd like to go through the magazines,
I'll talk to your mom and dad for a minute.
- Okay. - Okay? Please.
Obviously, this is a very... unusual situation.
Juanita understands now
that her birth parents are Hector and Carmen.
But she feels nothing for them.
And because of that, she doesn't understand
why you feel so much for Grace.
Well, it's a different kind of love.
It doesn't mean we love Juanita any less.
What should we do?
Remove Grace from your life.
We told you. She's already gone.
Juanita says there are photos of her.
Her artwork is on your refrigerator.
You're saying get rid of all that.
Yes. Once Juanita feels she is again
the most important thing in your life,
she will start to heal.
Well, obviously, I want to help my daughter.
But all the photos?
We'll do whatever it takes.
Good.
So we canvassed your neighborhood
to determine if anyone had any motive.
And, uh...
They all did.
Yes. But so far, all of them have an alibi.
So... what's the next step?
Well, we'd like to ask Mrs. Young a few questions.
What kind of questions?
Well, for starters, we'd like to know where exactly you were
- when your husband was shot, and... - I'm gonna stop you right there.
My wife is not a suspect in this investigation.
She is the one person in that whole corrupt,
backstabbing street that I can trust.
Okay. Uh...
Is there anyone else who might harbor a grudge against you
- or wish you harm in any way? - Not that I can think of.
What about you, Mrs. Young?
No.
No one I can think of.
Well, then, uh, if you can think of anyone,
please let us know.
Did you catch the look on the wife's face?
Yeah.
- Gaby! - What?
What are these photos of Grace still doing here?
- Oh. Right. Sorry. - You should have gotten rid of these
the second we got back from the doctor's.
I've been busy. Here, give them to me.
- What are you gonna do with them? - Hide them in the closet.
No. We have to throw these away.
Why?
Juanita could find them.
She and Celia play in your closet all the time.
Fine. I'll put them in our safety deposit box.
The girls don't play at the bank.
Why are you not taking this seriously?
Dr. Lunt never said
we had to throw Grace's photos in the trash.
The doctor said we have to remove Grace from our lives.
You understand what that means? As far as we are concerned,
Grace no longer exists. Now give me your phone, please.
Why?
I'm going to delete every photo of Grace.
Oh, you can't be serious. Juanita is in pain!
Do you not get that?!
She is no longer a happy little girl
because you did not protect her!
So what am I supposed to do?
Just pretend Grace doesn't exist?
Yes! And that is the last time
you will mention her name in this house!
Oh, please, no more meds.
I'm good for what ails ya.
Mike! Oh!
Oh...
Oh! Oh!
Oh, I need to look at you. No, I need to hug you.
How's my girl? Hmm?
Hear you're about a half-pound lighter.
They told you about the kidney?
Yeah. But it's gonna be okay. We're gonna get through this.
Dialysis is not as bad as it sounds.
I'm not doing dialysis.
What? It's like six hours a day, four times a week.
There's not enough gossip rags in the world
to fill up that kind of time.
Plus, I have a job and a kid to raise.
But the doctor said...
Mike, you know what?
The doctors... they don't know everything.
Look at this. There's herbal remedies and alternative diets.
There's a lot of other ways to handle this
than being hooked up to a machine.
Mike, I-I feel great.
And I just want to handle this my own way.
Well, I'd feel a lot better
if you'd listen to the doctors.
And I'd feel a lot better if I had your support.
Okay.
God, I can't believe you're back.
So the overall approach is craftsman,
but with Japanese accents, including the lighting....
The vases, the calligraphy. The two styles...
Work perfectly together.
And for your hotel, we think it would look...
Just gorgeous.
Well, I usually run everything past my board...
but not this time.
I love it.
And I love the way you two are so in sync.
Well, we should be. We've been best friends for 25 years.
- Well, actually, uh, 26. - Oh.
You can tell.
So, let's see what you have in mind for the lighting.
You guys keep talking. I'm gonna go get the water pitcher,
'cause the waiter won't refill my glass.
So... the lighting.
Uh, yeah, I have a company
that does these Japanese paper lanterns.
Mm. They're beautiful.
And you know we have other hotels.
So we may need some more conversations.
Hey. Look what I found next to the water pitcher. Tee... ta-da!
Oatmeal raisin.
She's always been crazy about them.
Remember freshman year, when you broke up with that boyfriend?
I kept her on a steady diet of these and tequila
for two weeks.
The bar is one of my favorite areas.
Those lanterns with these...
Are you okay?
It's just, uh...
oatmeal raisin.
Yeah?
You've been such a good friend to me.
Hey...
Hey, relax!
There was, like, a hundred of 'em on a tray.
So, take the drawings home.
Live with them. And we will check in next week.
Renee, are you...
Yeah, no, she's fine. She's fine.
And we'll call you next week.
And thank you so much. We are so excited.
What the hell?
I have to tell you something.
20 years ago...
I did something awful.
God, who cares?
Ten minutes ago, you did something amazing.
I slept with Tom.
When?
It was that weekend you went to visit your parents.
And it was just the one time, and it meant nothing.
And I've been carrying this around
ever since I moved here.
And it's been eating me up.
That was after we were engaged.
Yeah, but you had... broken up...
for the week.
God, I'm so sorry.
I don't want to hear it.
In fact, I can't even look at you right now.
I can't even...
be in the same room as you right now.
But you are my ride, so let's go.
Do you hate me?
Shut up.
Lynette, I just need to...
Shut up.
Yes.
I hate you...
a lot.
But I do foresee a day far in the future
when I might only hate you a little.
You know what the worst part is? For the last 20 years,
you two have been walking around knowing this, and...
I...
didn't.
I'm such an idiot.
You're not, you're not. And I am so sorry...
Oh, my God, you really need to stop saying that.
But I do need you to do me a favor.
Anything.
Don't tell Tom we talked about this.
Why?
You slept with my husband.
Can we just leave it at "'cause I said so"?
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday, dear Juanita ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
Yay!
Hi. We haven't met yet. I'm Tina's mother.
Juanita came to our house last week.
Oh, right. Thanks for coming.
Of course.
Mom.
I know. You want some cake.
Hold on. We'll get you some.
Sorry. That's my youngest, Celia.
Oh, she's adorable.
Do you have any other children?
No.
I don't have any other children.
I am finally home.
And just so you know, I had the worst day ever.
Did you?
Yeah, I-I-I had to meet with one surly client after another.
Our computers went down. I spilled coffee on my shoe.
Sounds like you went through a lot.
But I'm much better now.
Oh, m... Oh, oh, oh, God!
Uh, I forgot to ask... How did the pitch go?
Good. We got the job.
That is fantastic!
Oh, my God. You guys are just getting started,
and you're already kicking ass! I am so proud of you!
Well, it was mostly Renee.
She did the lion's share of the work.
She's an amazing woman.
Yeah.
Everything okay?
Yes, of course. I, um...
I made so much chocolate for the kids, would you like some?
That sounds great.
Yeah? Might be a little cold. Do you want me to heat it up?
No. It's okay.
Mm!
Aah!
- It's... it's... it's boiling! - Is it?
I-I-I burned my tongue!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Here we are.
Oh, Bree, you didn't. Coq au vin?
Well, I know it's your favorite,
and considering the rough few days you've had...
You are amazing.
Hello.
Oh, good, you're here.
We can eat.
What that? I thought, uh, we were having sloppy joes.
Oh... uh, well... Since we're having a guest,
I thought I'd serve something more elegant.
You know what?
Tomorrow night, you and I should make our bouillabaisse.
Of course. Oh, Keith, you'll love it.
If it's French for "sloppy joes," then have at it.
Bree, this looks wonderful.
Mm.
If I may.
"Show me another pleasure like dinner"
"which comes every day and lasts an hour."
Talleyrand.
"Shut up and eat, varmints!"
Yosemite Sam.
Well, this is quite a thrill.
I didn't know Stanley Kowalski was joining us for dinner.
Is he a friend of you guys?
Um, actually, um...
it's a character in "A Streetcar Named Desire."
He wore a lot of t-shirts and...
You probably haven't heard of him because Will Ferrell hasn't done a remake.
Um...
Sweetheart, why don't you go up and put a shirt on?
After all, it is dinner, and we do have company.
If it's all the same to everyone, I'm comfortable,
so I'd like to stay in this.
Why don't I just go up and grab you one?
- It will only take a sec. - Bree, sit.
Please. I'm sure our company can endure one night of bare arms.
Quite right. Though I don't know what the fuss is.
Seems like such a reasonable request.
Guess I just like dressing the way I want to dress
in my own home. Here's an idea.
Why don't you take off your jacket,
see how much more comfortable it is?
Well, if it's all the same to you, I'd prefer not to.
Aren't you afraid of getting food on it?
Not really.
I'm planning on eating with utensils, not my hands.
Keith.
Whoops.
Accidents happen.
Well, I suppose I should be happy
it wasn't his own feces.
Orson, I'm so sorry. Keith, what were you thinking?
Let's just put this behind us, shall we?
And enjoy the lovely meal that you've prepared.
Oh, and please pass the peas.
Stop it this instant! You're acting like children,
and I will not stand for it! Do you hear me?!
Ahh!
Ohh!
Bree.
Hi, Judy. I'm sorry to just come over here without calling,
but I need to speak with you.
Come in.
How's Orson?
You know he's, um, staying with me?
Figured as much.
Well, I need a favor.
It's, uh, just too difficult
for Orson to live with me and my new boyfriend,
and I know you broke up with him, but...
is there any way he could stay here until he finds a new place?
Look, I don't know what he's been telling you,
but Orson left me.
What? Why?
Because he's still in love with you.
Beautiful, isn't she?
Oh.
She's just perfect.
I'll take her.
I must say, your daughter's a lucky little girl.
My daughter?
I assumed you were buying her a present.
Oh, no.
This is for me.
Hey.
I'm really sorry about last night.
But there is something about your ex...
- Keith... - I get it. You had a relationship,
it's over, it's totally platonic,
and I'm cool with it.
Actually, I just spoke with his ex-girlfriend.
Orson is still in love with me.
I knew it. I knew it.
Let's wheel his ass to the curb right now.
Keith, Keith, calm down. Before we wheel his...
anywhere, I need to talk to him.
I'm sure I can get him to make other arrangements.
Well, get him to make 'em now.
I don't want that guy in our home another night.
Fine. Just give me 15 minutes.
I spoke with Judy.
She told me that you were the one who left...
because you still have feelings for me.
Is that true? Is that... why you're here?
Leaving you was the biggest mistake I could have made.
I know that now.
Orson...
Tell me you don't feel the same way.
Just tell me you feel nothing, and I will go away. I promise.
Do you know how easy it would be for me to...
become that woman again?
To slide back into the role of your wife?
Then do it.
We have a connection, Bree, and you know it.
We used to.
But I've made a new connection.
Please, with that tattooed Neanderthal?
Yes, and I will always have feelings for you,
but I've... changed.
How have you changed?
I... I can't articulate it to you
because I don't understand it myself.
All I know is that being with Keith
has made me a different person.
I don't believe it.
Orson...
you will always have a piece of my heart,
but you have to understand that this is over.
I'm not giving up.
I'm not.
So?
Did you tell him?
Does he need help packing his stuff?
Um... actually, Orson's gonna be staying with us a little longer.
What?
Just, um, for a few more days
until he finds a place of his own.
Please? He's very fragile right now.
I don't believe this.
Well, I can't just throw him out.
You know why? Because you don't want to.
I don't blame you.
It's not your fault you're still in love with him.
What?!
Wait! Please stop and talk to me!
Bree, there's nothing to talk about!
Why would you wanna be with sloppy Joe
when you can be with coq au vin in there?
Let's just cut our losses.
You listen to me.
That's who I was, not who I am now.
I have never worked harder in my life to keep a relationship,
and if I have to in a pile of steer manure
to prove it to you, then I'll do it!
Mmm.
Mike, just hang up.
I don't wanna deal with any more doctors.
He's a top kidney specialist.
I really want you to talk to him.
I can't get any reception in here.
I'm gonna go downstairs. M.J., take care of your mom.
Mom, this pudding's gross.
I wish they had ice cream.
Well, I think they do in the cafeteria downstairs.
When your dad comes back, maybe he can take you.
How much longer are you gonna be in the hospital?
I don't know. A little longer.
Is a kidney like a heart? Do you need it to live?
Uh, well... yes.
So... you could die?
You know what?
Why don't you and I go down to the cafeteria
right now and get you some ice cream?
Mrs. Delfino, you're in no condition
to be getting out of bed.
Just taking him for ice cream.
Let me at least call you an orderly
- and get you a wheelchair. - I don't need a wheelchair.
Look, I need to do this. He's scared.
So how long till you're able to play basketball with me?
Oh, not too long. Trust me, sweetie.
I can't wait to kick your butt in a little game of one-on-one.
Oh!
- Are you okay? - Sure.
So, what... what kind of ice cream do you want, sweetie?
Can I have an ice cream sandwich?
Oh. You bet.
You know what's cool?
When I was at my friend Jerry's birthday party,
we made our own ice cream and put graham crackers in it.
That sounds... great.
Oh. You know what else was cool? On St. Patrick's Day at school,
they gave us green ice cream.
There were green M&M's in it, too.
Everyone else thought it was gross.
Mommy!
So you're having surgery to put in a shunt.
It's for the dialysis.
And how long will you need to have this?
Till they find me a donor.
Well, that won't take very long, will it?
Three to five years.
It's weird.
I'm going through this whole thing like it was a movie.
It was happening to someone else.
But now...
It's real.
So I need to ask you guys something.
Of course. What is it?
If something happens to me...
I need to know if you'll be there
to help... Mike with M.J.
Honey, you'll come through this with flying colors.
Yeah, nothing's gonna happen to you.
Absolutely. Yes. We'll be there.
My hero.
Save it. I had nothing to do with what happened.
Could you do me a favor next time?
A little down... and to the right.
There's not gonna be a next time.
There wasn't a this time.
I thought you said you'd think about it.
That's what you said, and I told you "no."
I didn't do it.
Then who did?
Something happened in the suburbs last week.
A man was shot outside his home.
Detectives were called to investigate...
and they soon learned this man had enemies...
some he was not even aware of.
We're sorry to disturb you again, sir.
Not at all. Any luck with the investigation?
Is your wife here?
She's in the cafeteria.
Do you mind? It's a bit of a delicate matter.
- What's going on? - Sir, when we questioned you
about any enemies you might have,
you didn't mention your mother-in-law.
My mother-in-law? What are you talking about?
Uh, we did a little checking into your wife's background.
Why didn't you tell us
her mother framed you for her own murder?
I mean, come on. We know she's in jail,
but Felicia Tillman has gone to some extraordinary lengths
to cause you harm.
Are you sure there isn't a possibility
that she somehow was involved in this?
Not at all. That's water under the bridge.
With love and prayer,
Felicia and I have resolved the issues between us.
Okay. If anything else turns up, we'll let you know.
I appreciate it.
Oh, and, officers?
Thank you for not bringing this up in front of my wife.
Her mother is something that we never really discuss.
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