Keep breathing. Nice and slow.
Now, the first couple shots will show you if the sights are off or the barrel's bent.
Let me make this real easy for you.
The sights are off, and the barrel's bent.
Mmm... You're off to the left about an inch.
That's it. Shoot around the star, not at it.
Yes! Yes! You did it!
I didn't.
You just won your girlfriend a teddy bear.
Cool. Which one do you think she'd like best?
And then Thursday night this physicist is giving a lecture in Brooklyn.
It's about time travel and the grandfather paradox.
I don't know if you're busy... Okay, Henry. Henry.
Um...
Can we talk for a second? Yeah.
I'm really happy that we've been hanging out so much.
Yeah, I like you, too.
Can you put down the bear?
Henry.
What?
I can't.
I know.
You have a girlfriend.
It's just she never seems to want to do anything with you.
Are you crying?
No' I have allergies. I must just be, like, tearing up.
Henry, I think that's blood.
What? I...
Thirty-five year old male cries blood, and he's not Vampire Bill. Go.
Should we ask? Nope.
What, her?
Yeah. My favorite companion is retiring from companning.
So I'm interviewing her replacements.
Thank you, Butter Scotch.
Is that a family name?
How long are you gonna be using the office for sex games?
Just so I can plan my day.
Sex'? At work'? I'm not a savage.
I asked for a cappuccino. That's what this is.
No, cappuccino's got a nice, stiff foam on it. This is wetter than... Oh...
Almost slipped there.
Well, thank you, Ms. Scotch, but poor foaming's a deal breaker.
Could you ask the next candidate to come in'?
Initial exam showed no sign of trauma or subconjunctival hemorrhage.
Lymphocytosis? ALC's in the normal range, but it's in the high end of normal.
Please take a seat, Fawn.
And tell me what's your favorite Woody Allen movie'?
Annie Hall.
You're interviewing hookers but not going to talk to them about sex?
Sex is a given. They're hookers.
Defend your choice.
It's the most popular.
Oh, so close.
We would have accepted "Diane Keaton looks great in suits.“
Or, "It's a trenchant commentary on today's mores."
Or, "I needed the eggs." Thanks for your interest.
To get the gig, a call girl...
Sorry, "call woman" needs a combination of skills that I find useful/entertaining
for the remaining 57 minutes of the hour I pay for.
Lymphocytosis works. Maybe we should take another look at the blood.
Could also be cavernous sinus thrombosis.
Clot builds up pressure at the base of the brain.
Re-run the patient's blood panel and get a CT venogram of his head.
See which one of you is right.
How are you with small appliance repair?
This cavernous sinus thing, is it dangerous?
If Henry's got it, we can treat with a combo of drugs and surgery.
The success rate is over 70%.
Do you want me to call Amy again? No, it's fine.
Amy's his girlfriend.
I'm the neighbor. I did leave a message at their number.
Do you want to try her cell? You'll be here for a few more hours at least.
She doesn't have one. She worries about radiation.
I could stop by on my way home.
She knows who I am, right?
You don't need to, but thanks.
Good luck. Okay.
Have you ever paid for sex?
Every guy who's ever seen a Merchant Ivory movie has paid for sex.
No. It just seems too demeaning to women.
Given the things you've done to women, that seems arbitrary.
You're Chi Park, right? Who's asking?
You called about my guitar flyer. You're Micah.
This guy's selling a 1974 Gibson SG Standard in tobacco for $1,250.
Yeah, actually, I came in to tell you I already sold ll. Sorry.
Oh, uh... Thanks anyway.
Blood panel results seem pretty much the same as before.
And that guy likes you.
Maybe we should check for diabetes. Could weaken conjunctival vessels.
And shut up.
If I'm wrong, then why is he coming back?
My band is rehearsing tomorrow night. You should come by and jam with us.
That sounds fun. I'll think about it.
Great. Call me.
Park has a boyfriend.
I'll break your face.
This is the talent portion of the interview. Okay.
You like cards, but you can juggle.
I fail to see how this would be a benefit to you.
What if I'm busy?
You got anything else? Sure.
CT showed no clots or malformations.
Park and Taub ruled out lymphocytosis and diabetes.
Well, since you have nothing of relevance to report,
I assume that you're here to toss your panties in the ring.
Patient's got a mysterious girlfriend he really wants to see.
She's unreachable by phone, and the neighbor's never even seen her.
What do you think? He's gay.
I think he's a junkie. The girlfriend is a fix. If the guy's inhaling glue...
Can you repair a blender?
Can you bite me?
Go search the patient's home.
Well, thank you, ladies. I've seen a lot of very talented candidates.
Got a tough decision in the next few days.
This is the part I hate.
Well, it's not exactly a crack den.
Doesn't exactly look like a woman lives here either.
"To Amy. I love you."
Okay, she exists. Doesn't mean he's not a drug addict.
It's good you're playing it cool with House. Once he gets a rise out of someone...
I'm not crazy about the whole hooker thing, but I get it.
Other than the fact that ifs exploitative and dangerous for women,
you get what you need without any of the emotional baggage.
You're not seeing anyone, I take it?
I've been volunteering at the Trenton Free Clinic. Keeps me busy.
You volunteer every night and every weekend?
No time to grab dinner?
What's more important? Making small talk over ravioli
or helping people who are less fortunate?
By that rationale, none of us should ever eat again.
Well, let's just say I'm not hungry right now.
Oh, God.
I don't think she's breathing.
You think she OD'd?
That or he killed her. Pulse?
No. I'll call the coroner.
I don't think that's going to be necessary.
This one works in financial district.
She can get tips. Give you leg up in market.
What is Fudgey Gonzalez?
Ah. Imagine a Vanilla Gonzalez from the other side.
I'm about to make a decision, but there's still time for you to sneak under the wire.
My favorite Woody Allen movie is Melinda and Melinda.
Our patient is not a junkie, but he does have a girlfriend.
I call her my girlfriend, because people understand that.
If I explained it, they'd just think I was a weirdo.
We're not here to judge anyone's fetish.
I'm not a pervert.
It's not like I'm more attracted to dolls than humans.
So you don't have sex with her?
It's not just about that.
Does the doll talk to you?
I know she's not a real person.
In a lot of ways, she's better than a person.
I can tell her things, and she won't argue with me or make fun of me.
I come home every night and I know she'll be there waiting.
So is your toaster.
No one in the world has an emotional attachment to a toaster.
But a lot of people are willing to spend $7,000 on women like Amy.
Have you ever tried an actual...
Yeah, I'm 35. I've been in relationships. Just none of them fulfilled me.
And one day, I saw this website, and...
Maybe the perfect woman is out there somewhere,
but it's not worth going through what it would take to find her.
Amy makes me happy.
You're sweating. It's sort of hot in here.
Not that hot.
Bleeding plus two new symptoms, fever and neurological.
I'm not sure about that last one. I think he's just weird.
He wasn't hallucinating. He didn't have a thought disorder.
You don't think it's disordered to talk to...
It's not all that different from talking to your cat or a teddy bear.
You don't have sex with your cat or teddy bear.
If you did, you'd probably talk to them more.
Guy loves an imaginary being who's never going to respond to him.
He's no crazier than millions of churchgoers.
You think anything off about any patient is a symptom.
This guy buys ﬂowers, real flowers, for a piece of plastic in a dress.
You know what's really crazy?
Living with a human being. Someone with opinions and feelings
who gets mad just because you wanna take salsa classes with them one night a week.
One night.
He's just running away.
He hangs out with a doll. He never needs to fear rejection.
It's sad. HOUSE: You do understand the irony here.
Every person in this room has a sex doll.
At least the patient has the stones to be honest about it.
Ooh! A metaphor.
What you didn't foresee is that I actually do have a sex doll.
Your doll is your kids. Yours is your parents. Yours is your charity.
They're all excuses for not being in a relationship.
He's not wrong. And you...
I have meaningless sex with random strangers.
Thanks for the insight, but I stopped that months ago.
I actually had a relationship. With a patient.
You just date whoever happens to cross your path.
My dating is getting in the way of my dating?
You don't go looking for the right person.
You just shack up with whoever's in the room.
And then you get surprised and/or divorced when it doesn't work out.
I'm surprised you haven't asked Adams out yet.
Uh...
For your information, I've got a date tonight.
I'll be jamming with a cute guy and his band.
- You'll bail. - He's right.
The obvious solution is for me to hand my kids over to your parents.
Can we stop trying to argue the premise
and move on to figuring out why it is you're all social morons?
You do understand the irony here.
You're mocking us for avoiding relationships,
but you can't handle losing your doll.
You're spending all this time and energy interviewing for a new one.
You're right. Thai is stupid.
What about the patient?
Dude's banging a sex doll,
a festering cesspool of bodily fluids and associated bacteria.
Swab her out and find out which one.
I need you.
Please don't quit. You're the only hooker I know who can tune a piano.
If it's about the money, then I can up you to three nights a week.
I'm getting married, House.
His name's Harris. He's a certified accountant.
He loves schlocky horror movies, and he just moved in.
We're very happy...
Well, you're happy. Yeah, you're happy,
because he doesn't know about your employment history.
He knows.
We've talked about ii, and he accepts me for who I am.
No. He's...
If he accepted who you were, he would not be making you give up your career.
Women need their own identities, their own livelihoods.
Otherwise, why was I smoking all those 'Virginia Slims'?
I know this is weird for you.
But you need to figure out a way to be okay with it.
I'll miss you, too.
I feel like the stirrups are overkill.
I've never done a pelvic on a doll before. I'm unfamiliar with the protocol.
I'm pretty skeeved out right now. I'm not gonna lie.
What House said back there... House says a lot of things.
I don't just date whoever shows up.
I mean, I did meet women in the hospital, but they weren't just flings.
Basically, you're explaining why you're not gonna ask me out.
That's not what I was.“
Did you want me to ask you out'?
Yeah. I told Park to tell Taub to tell House to pass you that note.
It's completely clean in there.
He said he had just bathed her.
Adams, there's a swelling beneath the skin, a three-inch mass.
Is it part of the doll's skeleton?
It feels like a tumor.
CT showed an air-filled mass in the doll's abdomen.
It's probably just a chemical reaction.
Henry left her too close to a heating pipe or something.
This guy brushes her hair every morning,
brings home movies for them to watch together.
You think he tosses her in a broom closet at the end of each day'?
More likely than it getting stomach cancer.
How about clostridium?
Bacteria got trapped in an airtight cavity, produced gas.
Doesn't explain the neurological issue.
We can explain that the same way we explain the tooth fairy.
Oh...
I get to play Solomon.
Cut the doll open.
We can't just destroy the patient's property. That thing cost seven grand.
Exactly. Ask him for consent.
If he says yes, then we get to go hunting bacteria.
If he says no, there's no need,
'cause he's crazy, and we need a different theory.
See you. Gotta go build a temple.
Okay.
You're sure?
It won't be able to heal when we're done.
But you think she could tell you what's wrong with me.
Yes.
Okay.
Should we take her to the procedure room?
It's not a "her," which means we can do this anywhere.
Adams.
You can know somethings not real and still love it.
I think the procedure room might be better for this.
You are a horrible person.
All I need is to break up one marriage. You've broken up three of your own.
You're like the Stephen Hawking of killing relationships.
Actually, no, Stephen Hawking is the Stephen Hawking of...
Okay, I have work to do.
Your computer is off.
Sorry, I can't hear you over my stereo.
Why do you assume that marriage is better than hooking?
We don't know anything about the guy. He could be a serial killer.
Even if that were true, it would still be a tossup.
What kind of guy marries a hooker?
Someone who hires hookers.
And someone who hires hookers is not exactly the monogamous type.
If we expose him as a cheater... You're a coward.
Would a coward fight to the end to save a damsel in soon-to-be-proved distress?
Absolutely. If what he's afraid of is other damsels.
Your last relationship failed so miserably, you ended up in jail.
Now you're clinging to this hooker
when there are about three billion other women out there who aren't call girls.
Some of whom are attractive and intelligent.
One of whom is living in your apartment and is married to you.
You're right.
Why am I asking you for help?
You shouldn't sleep with Chase.
Oh, thank God, you got here just in time.
What do you have against him?
Nothing. But House has a way of getting in people's heads.
Just like last week when he was prying into your relationship with Chase'?
It was silly then, and it's silly now.
Why was it silly then?
I'm not 5' 9" with curves and flowing hair,
so it's impossible for me to get it on with a good-looking guy'?
Wow. Do you resent me?
You're the quirky, hard-working sophomore,
and I'm the evil cheerleader who steals boys?
If you're not getting any, it's not my fault.
Should we get the one with the panda on ii or the bird?
Good choice.
Pandas eat only bamboo. They know nothing about cereal.
Your little girl is adorable.
Thanks. She keeps me very busy.
You and her mom must be very proud.
Her mother died in childbirth.
Amy!
How'd it go?
We're growing cultures now,
but she looked clean, and there was no telltale smell.
I'm guessing the lump was just an air bubble that got trapped in the mold.
You bandaged her up.
I threw in some stitches, too. Just wanted to make her look her best.
Do you want me to put her in her chair?
Henry.
Call a code!
Are you looking at the apartment with those or the transit of Mercury?
If night comes, you will be thanking me.
They are seeking heat.
He's an accountant. How late do you think he's gonna party?
I brought jar to pee in.
Yeah. JESSICA: We heard crackles in Henry's lungs.
We diuresed him, but he still needs oxygen.
Echo shows normal heart function. Could be high output failure from anemia.
Hematocrit was rock normal.
What is this, mushroom? Say mushroom, charge two dollars.
Say truffle, charge five dollars.
Is that the man who wants to marry hooker?
Probably. But he's not the one we're after.
Should we ask? Nope.
Oh! How rude of me not to situate you.
I'm doing Emily a favor.
We're gonna track her fiancé until Dominika can seduce
and expose him as the lying cheater I need him to be.
I'm guessing she didn't ask for this favor.
You know, the noblest gifts are the ones we give anonymously.
Crackles are non-specific.
Hypoxia plus bleeding could indicate DIC or some other...
No neurological symptoms?
I knew your bleeding heart would bring you around.
Too bad it's also taking you off the market,
and by market, I mean Chase.
Come on, buck up, Chase. There's always Park. Unless...
How did band practice go? Great.
Does it look like she's lying? Kind of.
Popo needed a ride to the doctor, and my mother couldn't, so...
You're terrified of dating,
because a previous relationship ended
because your latent rage made you vicious in arguments, or...
Or reincarnation.
- In a past life she was Anne Boleyn. - Interesting.
Taub feels confident enough to turn the spotlight on himself.
It's almost as if he wants me to ask...
- What's her name'? - Wendy Jacobson.
Thirty three, Brown grad, family therapist, HOUSE: Nice choice.
Since you've got two families to therapize.
First date, we didn't discuss everything important.
It was just a one-night stand.
You're wrong. I actually like her.
- I'm gonna see her again. - Mazel tov.
Great relationships often start with snap decisions aimed at proving me wrong.
Air bubble in the doll could mean the silicone is degrading.
If he inhaled some particles... Silicone deposition.
That could work. Start him on plasmapheresis.
Now, turning to Adams, my theory is tripartite.
Wanna hear my thesis? It's kind of interesting.
No man comes oui.
But old naked lady in 3-C is eating a whole block of cheese.
No, might feel a little cold, though. Will {his hurt?
- Crap. - Hey.
I only have a second, but I went to that time travel lecture.
Whoa.
That is awesome.
What is it?
It's so... Ugh... Realistic.
And it's all bandaged up.
Is it one of those CPR things? No.
We're starting a procedure, a little privacy...
No, no. It's good that she's here.
Molly.
I would like you to meet Amy.
What?
I'm serious.
I know it seems a little strange,
but she means a lot to me.
I gotta get back to work.
You just got here. Sit down.
Yeah, but I said that I only had a second.
Enjoy the handouts.
Whoa.
Listen, I have to admit something.
Okay.
Her mom isn't dead.
We're separated.
You're the first person I've asked out since then.
I'm not used to explaining. I panicked.
Which I regret, because now that I've gotten to know you,
I like you.
It was a really stupid lie. I'm sorry.
Was that a different baby?
No.
That was a different baby.
It's nice having you here.
I wish you could come over and get in bed with me.
Like this?
You're talking.
That's not all I can do.
Amy, there are doctors... Shh...
I don't know.
Just put your hands on me.
It hurts.
Ah!
Pushing lorazepam.
If it wasn't neurological before, it sure is now.
Right upper quad rant's distended.
He's hallucinating because his liver is failing.
Elevated transaminases confirm liver failure.
We'll have to put him on the transplant list in a couple of days.
It's clearly not the silicone. Could be vasculitis.
Serologies were negative.
Yeah. If you want Adams to hear,
you might wanna not stand so conspicuously far away.
I'm making coffee.
And sometimes I date co-workers. Like everyone else on the planet.
Hepatic fibrosis. If it damaged his platelets, it'd explain the bleeding.
Unexpected. I actually thought you might agree with my theory.
Because that would mean nothing's your fault.
You fell into relationships based on proximity. Of course they'd fail.
But I guess I was wrong. You picked perfect women. You just screwed it up.
How about all five of us sleep together and the $7,000 sex doll?
It'll solve all of our hang-ups. $7,000?
Adams suggests that we all sleep together, and your issue is high prices.
- Pretty sure she was joking. - Yes.
I'm 99% sure that you're right, but I would never forgive myself...
Those dolls are only $5,000. He must have had it customized somehow.
Oh, like you didn't check the website.
Guess we don't need to ask how your dating life is going.
I was curious.
Hepatic fibrosis wouldn't cause difficulty breathing.
It would if liver failure opened pulmonary AV shunts.
Fibrosis fits. Start the patient on steroids. And find out how he pimped his ride.
Why? Because I don't know the answer.
HEY...
- Foosball? - Can't.
Marriage to destroy. Okay.
"Okay," as in passive-aggressive reverse psychology?
Or as in depressed resignation?
"Okay," as in I changed my mind.
Expand.
It's morally reprehensible and bound to fail,
but in a weird way, it's a step forward, this thing with Emily.
Contract. It's real without being real.
It's a long term relationship that can't actually hurt you.
It's a stepping stone. It means you want more.
So passive-aggressive reverse psychology. Got it.
Try not to come on too strong, okay. Just get to know him a little. Ease into it.
Why would I ease?
True, you could just walk up and stick your hand down his pants,
but I've heard there's a middle step.
Men want to have sex.
Not with crazy people.
Well, yes, a lot with crazy people, but not that kind of crazy.
Well, yeah, that kind of crazy, but...
They don't care how crazy if she looks like me.
Okay. Easing.
Hi. Hey.
I'm Jennifer, new to Marketing Department.
Harris. Accounts receivable. Interesting.
Do you want to get out of here and have sex?
Sure.
You know, I've got 45 minutes left on my lunch break. Mmm-hmm.
Where do you want to go?
Off to a place where men don't cheat on the women they love.
You're not invited, obviously.
Cheating? What are you talking about?
Well, I hope you're speaking out of some deep kind of moral relativism.
Because if... Who are you people?
You're not Emily's fiancé.
Emily's my sister.
We called the company that made Amy.
They said they modeled her after some photos you sent them.
Who is she?
We met last Christmas. She's a yoga instructor.
Totally different from me. She loved Chopin, hated Indian food.
She changed my entire life for 17 weeks.
My husband cheated on me.
With a girl he met on the plane coming back from our honeymoon.
It's not easy to get past things like that.
She wasn't unfaithful. She didn't betray me. She just...
Just wasn't in love with me.
I know Amy's not going to break your heart,
but she's also not going to change your life.
That light's bright.
Sorry. What's happening to me?
Is your neck stiff? Yeah.
I think you have meningitis.
I'm not leaving the business. I'm just leaving you.
I didn't want you to feel bad.
So, let me get this straight.
I'm being dumped by a hooker who's worried about my feelings.
You're married. Half your clients are married.
And you're a hooker.
My other guys sneak around.
But you'll take me into the bedroom while your wife's in the next room.
That's just mean.
Oh, thank God.
The marriage, it's a sham.
The only real thing about it is the Green Card she's gonna get at the end of it.
So, if you wanna get the meter running...
It's still mean.
It's not a marriage. It's a felony.
I've seen how she looks at you when you're together.
Trust me, she likes you.
And I've seen how you look at her.
Fever's up to 105. He's not responding to meds
At this rate, he'll be dead by the time we get the cultures back.
Spinal fluid was full of white cells. Meningitis could be carcinomatous.
Cytology showed nothing.
An amoebic infection would cause fever and meningitis.
But not liver failure. It could if he had a clot.
How would amoebas get past his cribriform plate?
He went swimming in a frozen lake in New Jersey?
Adams said his ex-girlfriend was a yoga instructor.
Maybe he sprained his chakras.
Yoga nuts are way more likely to be into alternative medicine.
He had this weird little teapot in his house.
What was it like?
I don't know. Little, weird, teapot-ish.
Was it like that? Yeah.
You think he drank some sort of toxic herbal tea?
Yes, if by tea you mean salted tap water,
and by drank you mean poured up his nose.
His girlfriend didn't just leave him with a broken heart.
She left him with a neti pol.
It's an Indian method of clearing the sinuses during allergy season,
also known as now.
With distilled water, it can act as a snot-flushing system.
With tap water, it can act as an amoeba-delivery system
to the fluids around the brain.
Start him on metronidazole.
If he's lucky, he'll get to see his plastic children walk down the aisle.
My neck feels much better.
Your fever's gone, and your liver function's almost back to normal.
You should be able to go home soon.
I'm going to have some hospital bills to pay.
I don't suppose used sex dolls go for anything online'?
Dr. Adams?
Can I get your email?
What for?
I just thought maybe we could see each other again.
I can't.
No, I know it's a professionalism thing,
but you won't be my doctor when I get out of here.
It's not that. It's... What is it?
You said I should change my life.
You were talking about yourself, too. I know you were.
Henry. I think you should ask Molly out.
I should have known this would happen.
You're a good guy, Henry. You deserve more than a doll.
Promise me you'll keep trying.
Okay.
Date tonight? No.
So she can't deal. There's someone out there who can.
You just got to find her.
I'd love to prove House wrong, but...
I ruined my marriage, broke two people's hearts,
had two kids who are always gonna wonder why I didn't love their mommy enough.
It's better if I just focus on what I do have.
Give that band guy a call.
I'm not that good at guitar.
Or flirting or small talk?
I'm not as pretty as Adams. I have stuffy clothes, and I hate my hair.
Adams works 80 hours a week fixing bunions on hobos,
because she can't face getting to know someone new.
Trust me, you find a boyfriend, she'll be the jealous one.
See you tomorrow.
Do you
want to get a drink?
To annoy Park? Or to prove House wrong?
Oh, I...
It's just I think it's time for a change.
I don't really think that's a good idea for me right now.
House has a way of getting in people's heads.
Yeah. Yeah.
No, Mom. I'm still at work.
I'll be home in a couple of hours. Love you, too.
Ready? One, two, three, four.
I fixed blender.
So I see.
I had fun seducing hooker's fake fiancé.
Sorry it didn't work.
Yeah. I thought I'd take a break from the whole hooker thing.
I think maybe you need milkshake. ls pistachio.
Well, I'm going to go to bed. See you tomorrow.