- Move it. Faster. - Parks, quit slacking.
I'm not slacking. I can't.
How dare you talk to your drill instructor?
Sir, I'm not slacking.
You stand up and you look me in the eye.
I feel lousy. I can't...
"Can't" doesn't exist here.
Now you finish this course or you're in isolation the rest of the day.
You hear me?
MacDonald, you ready to make Parks eat your dust?
Sir, yes, sir.
Ready? Go!
Are your ears malfunctioning? I said go.
Go! Go!
Get down! Get down!
Belly down. Belly down.
Move it!
Get up over there. Grab those bars.
Move ahead. You grab them bars. Faster. Move it!
Move it. Knees up. Knees up! Move it!
Grab the wall! Hit that wall! Hit that wall!
Move it. Get up over there.
Keep it going. Don't you fall on me. Faster! Move it.
What's the matter, Parks? You got a boo-boo?
Sir, I'm bleeding, sir.
Is your life in immediate danger? No.
Then you get your ass up over that wall.
I said get your ass over that...
What's going on?
My back hurts. I can't move.
Help. Help! I can't get up.
"Can't" doesn't exist here.
We should not be looking at this.
He sent out an alert. It'd be rude not to look.
Though I am straining my eyes.
What are we checking out?
Your profile page.
Why? I haven't...
That is not me.
That is you.
That's me, but that is not.
Whoever did this made it smaller. Much, much smaller.
Whoever did this has a bone to pick with you.
Ironic, since your bone...
Is not in that picture.
My proof is right here. You really want to see?
Whoa, convinced.
You have any idea who did this?
I don't even know where the original picture is from.
Bathroom at the Carleton Hotel.
Towel, hotel logo's reversed.
Shot must've been taken in the mirror.
We were there for Sanford Wells' wedding.
That must narrow it down.
He slept with three women there.
Ah, you're a whore.
38-year-old former Marine. Came to the ER with back pain,
now his bladder aches as much as his back 'cause he can't empty it.
What are we looking at this morning?
Upskirt celebrity, endearingly funny cat?
Another study about gays being better parents.
We were lured in by the word "lesbian."
Has he taken any antihistamines or anticholinergics?
Nope, and the ER ruled out enlarged prostate,
stuffed colon and spinal injury.
Military history. In suspiciously good shape for his age,
makes a living bullying kids.
I'm thinking steroids.
Fascinating.
Thanks. We can wean him off...
Steroids isn't fascinating, it's moronic.
There's no other sign of hormonal imbalance.
What's fascinating is that you equate discipline with bullying.
Which means that your parents either
disciplined you too much or too little.
I'm guessing too little.
It's hardly surprising you agree with our patient's philosophy.
You run your department like a boot camp,
as if cruelty ensures performance.
Is this where I'm supposed to disagree with you?
Diagnosis of urinary retention depends on
the particular mechanical cause.
We need to know if there's a blockage in the urethra
versus a nerve or a muscle problem with the bladder.
Fascinating without misdirect.
Cath him, and see what's stopping him from emptying his bilge.
Oh, not you, Chase.
Sending Captain Micropenis to deal
with what's probably normal-sized equipment?
That's too cruel even for me.
Good morning.
And what brings the lesser Cuddy to these parts?
Pediatrician appointment for an S-H-O-T.
Waldenwood insists vaccination reports go in with the application.
Honey, finish your oatmeal.
- Waldenwood. - Is that by any chance a boarding school?
Or a work camp?
It's our first choice preschool.
- Blocks made of gold? - Kids don't have to pick their own noses?
Great facilities and teachers,
and they're known for their gifted program.
You sure that's the right place for her?
Sounds a little snobby.
I've done my research, we've visited. It's a perfect fit.
You feel pressure,
we need you to tell us when the urge to void becomes unbearable.
Sorry, can't make you feel better till we make you feel worse.
I get it. Goes for what I do, too.
We cause pain when it's the only option.
The kids I work with at the camp are there because a judge sent them.
I can't teach them good behaviors
without first getting rid of all their bad ones.
That's not gonna happen unless I push them.
I don't see why metaphorical pushing has to involve actual pushing.
I may work these kids hard, but I never hit them.
You march them into the ground instead of knocking them there.
Yeah, well, it beats the alternatives
which is ending up in jail or a gang, or a coffin.
How often do you pull that off?
Two-thirds never re-offend.
It's better numbers than juvie.
She's brilliant, but new to the real world.
Yeah.
Doc, I gotta go.
Let's empty you out.
Take the urine to Taub. Have him screen it for bacteria.
I'll analyze this data.
A half-hour on the phone, no go.
Website won't take down the picture.
I thought their policy doesn't allow nude photos.
Now tap the tube gently against the table to re-suspend the cells.
They don't, but technically, I'm no longer nude.
Maybe you should shut down your account.
I tried but whoever did this changed my password
so I can't even prove it's my page.
There's a clue, she's got serious tech skills.
My password was "password."
You're a dumb whore.
Do any of the three seem like a more likely suspect?
Maybe one was clingier.
I can't even remember their names.
Listen, this is a tough time for me,
breaking up with Rachel, moving into a hotel.
I want you to know how much your humiliation has eased my burden.
Urine is clean for bacteria.
Not surprising, since his bladder test showed
that his peeing problem is really
a nerve problem, neurogenic bladder.
Could mean spinal cord tumor, cerebral palsy.
House is gonna go right for syphilis.
How can you be so sure?
Rare complication of an embarrassing illness,
practically a House special.
I want to get ahead. Let's go test his blood for syphilis.
Okay, I'm gonna take some blood.
This will only hurt for a second. Ready?
Stop it. Stop trying to kill me.
Hey, let her go.
You're trying to kill me. Let her go.
Security. Need some help in here.
Let me go! Let me go!
She's fine. How about we get back to someone who isn't?
The patient's in restraints and on Haldol,
which seems to have made him lucid.
Differential diagnosis, back pain, neurogenic bladder, psychosis.
A symptom which we learned about when he choked me.
Hate to slow us down by acknowledging it.
And yet you have.
Tertiary syphilis fits.
Test came back negative.
Several meds could cause those symptoms.
Tricyclic antidepressants, ritalin.
Also other native plants, wormwood, jimsonweed...
With the amount of jimsonweed or ritalin you'd have to ingest,
seems like he would've mentioned it.
Unless he didn't know about it.
Maybe one of those kids at the camp
got tired of Driscoll's lessons and poisoned him.
Go to the camp, check for potential poisons.
I all but ignored your assault,
showed you no compassion whatsoever,
and you came up with a good idea.
Score one for tough love.
Glad to hear you met someone you liked. Weddings are good for that.
I was hoping to get in touch.
Thing is, I'm a bit fuzzy on names.
Sorry, open bar.
She was sitting at Dr. Simpson's table,
brunette, purple dress, low-cut.
That's my niece, Winn Phillips.
Your niece?
Fantastic.
Her info is in your e-mail.
Also, there was a blonde, green dress.
You want me to hook you up with two women?
Actually, three.
How do you cheat on a test when there's no test?
Sorry, not playing.
Go away, House.
I'm not giving you advice just so you can
distort it to suit your own warped world view.
But it's been working so well.
Cuddy wants to get Rachel into Waldenwood Preschool.
Problem is Rachel's dumber than a paste sandwich.
And her not getting in bothers you. You care about Rachel.
That was not advice.
Cuddy cares about her,
which means when Rachel gets rejected, Cuddy will be upset.
Then, as the boyfriend, I will be expected
to be supportive and consoling.
Not your strengths, I grant you.
Leave it alone. It's just a play date. It'll be fine.
"Play date" being their code for
"way to weed out the paste sandwiches."
They'll hand her puzzles and counting games
and Rachel will just sit there and eat the pieces.
Crap! Crap. I'm such a sucker.
Thanks for the advice.
That's the isolation area.
Kids that behave badly go there, sometimes 23 hours a day.
Sounds like a pretty good incentive to behave.
They're treating the symptom instead of the disease.
Basic systems theory,
troubled kids are produced by troubled families.
This place doesn't even attempt to change the environment
that damaged them in the first place.
So there are no bad kids, only bad parents?
Then why is my brother an ex-con?
Treating kids decently doesn't mean identically.
Some kids need more structure or discipline.
Nobody needs this place.
Maybe we're coming at this wrong.
We find the poisoner, let them point us toward the poison.
Driscoll's got 24 kids in his troop.
You want to interview all of them?
Maybe we don't need to.
Driscoll sent me to isolation all the time. Doesn't mean I poisoned him.
He's the psycho, not me.
Tell him.
DI Driscoll's way harder on him than the rest of us.
Maybe because he's a bigger pain in the ass.
What are you in here for? Shoplifting.
You ready to upgrade to second-degree murder?
Spend 10 years in jail?
If he dies because of whatever you gave him, that's what'll happen.
That supposed to scare me?
My mom's dead, my dad's never been around,
and after this I'll get bounced to another foster hole.
My future's not exactly bright.
Prison, now or later, doesn't make that much of a difference to me.
Dude, I'm not mopping the whole floor by myself.
Your eyes are red.
Might be an allergic reaction to the cleaning solution.
It's just my allergies.
Do you take anything for them?
Not right now.
Why not?
These IV fluids will help flush the drugs out of your system.
You know which of the kids dosed me?
It's not medically relevant.
Look, I'm not gonna hurt him, but I get why you're scared of me.
I'm real sorry about this morning.
No apology necessary.
You're ill, you didn't know what you were doing.
I used to be a real screw-up.
The military taught me that actions always have consequences,
part of being a man is accepting them.
After all the times I've said that to the kids, apology is necessary.
Are you okay?
No, my heart's kind of racing.
I got it.
Heart rate is 170, PAT until proven otherwise.
We got to slow it down. Six milligrams of adenosine, IV bolus.
Tell the nurse to get in here with the crash cart.
Pushing fluid sent his heart into overdrive.
It took three doses of adenosine to get it under control.
Treating him for antihistamine toxicity revealed a new symptom.
Which revealed that he didn't have
antihistamine toxicity in the first place.
House, where are you? Playground.
Great place to meet chicks. Their moms, too.
Tachycardia could be a humoral effect, mastocytosis.
We'd see either GI or cutaneous symptoms.
Pancreatic insulinoma...
Wouldn't cause bladder problems.
Unlike pheochromocytoma.
Well done, Chase. Now turn off your phone.
You heard that? It's on vibrate.
I'm assuming it's been ringing almost non-stop
since you changed your status update to,
"Nothing lights my fire like a lady-of-size.
"Less than three bills, don't bother calling."
Followed by your cell number.
No, no, no, you're right. This is in no way clever and hysterical.
Before you start rolling anyone in flour,
work the patient up for a pheo.
Adrenal and pituitary scans, 24-hour urine collection.
How soon after the admissions session did the child get sick?
Kid barely got home before she collapsed.
Her parents are a wreck, desperate for answers.
Have you experienced any symptoms?
Or does someone else oversee these sessions?
The teachers supervise. No one's mentioned feeling sick.
I'd love to call the family, offer my support.
Sorry, I can't reveal names.
Doctorlpatient confidentiality.
So this is where all the admissions play dates happen?
She wouldn't have been in another room?
This is where we have them all.
Maybe to be safe we get rid of these toys and...
No, no, no. Don't do that.
I'll tell you if anything's toxic.
For now, you should minimize your exposure.
I'm supposed to be supervised.
The scan is pre-programmed. There's no risk to the patient.
You're literally gonna sit here, watch the monitor
and chat with him if he gets lonely.
Still... Report me.
How are you doing in there?
You shouldn't bother trying to protect Landon.
I know he's the one who drugged me.
The antihistamines aren't what got you sick.
Doesn't change the fact that he did it.
I tried everything with that kid , I just can't break through.
It's clear you care about him.
Have you tried telling him that?
You gotta understand something.
These kids, they're all manipulators.
As much as I care about all of them, I can't...
I can't show them that unless there's some mutual respect, otherwise...
Forget those other kids. Think about this kid.
He watched his mother get sick and die,
he's never known his dad.
Who knows how long it's been since anyone's taken care of him,
or if there's ever been a man around
with any degree of consistency.
I believe that you're on his side.
I'm betting it would help if he did.
You are a beautiful man. Can I leave now?
I know where all three women are,
but I'd like to avoid the additional humiliation
of falsely accusing any of them.
You ID'd the hotel off this. Hoping there's another clue in it somewhere.
We could enhance the image,
maybe her face is reflected in that gleam off your butt cheek.
Or maybe it's time to chalk this up
to the hazards of being a player.
Your zipper problem just blew up your marriage.
Don't move.
Unlike me, you've had the decency not to cheat on anyone,
but you haven't been giving much thought to who these women are,
how they might feel.
Obviously you hurt one of them. Emotionally hurt her,
because physically, how would you even know.
Looks like your shorty is a shorty.
You're early, dinner's not ready.
Oh.
Okay. Rachel and I will go play in her room.
Really?
I'm hungry, go cook.
All right, you little lump of clay.
Rachel? Rachel!
It's a new toy. What kid doesn't like new toys?
A moron, that's who.
Okay, look at the pretty colors. Now, what color is this?
Orange.
Yes, that is orange. What color is this?
Okay, blocks going away. Bye-bye, blocks.
Next time, reinforce the levees.
Bad corps of army engineers, bad.
But what's this?
- Rings. - Look at the rings.
Now the goal of this game is...
To not kill you.
Why are you here? Wait, did you give me an STD?
No, I did not. Don't deflect.
That picture was taken by someone your height.
Just take it down.
What picture?
Fine.
Play it that way.
So...
You really like kittens, huh?
Yeah, you said you did, too.
No wonder you're pissed, because that is not you.
And I didn't take it.
Did you mean my height with heels or without?
You weren't wearing heels when we were in that room, so...
Oh, yes, you were.
I started to take them off, and then you asked me very nicely not to.
Why would I do this?
I'm not mad about what happened with us,
or apparently with you and any other women at that wedding.
Sorry, I guess my forensic analysis
wasn't as advanced as I thought.
Wait. You know, you don't have to rush off. I still have those heels.
Everywhere you looked, gingham and stuffed animals.
How did you get out of there?
I didn't, right away.
Wasn't anything wrong with her physically.
One down, two members of a threesome to go.
You should flip a condom to choose.
We checked his adrenal, pituitary and thyroid glands,
monitored his catecholamines. It's not a pheo.
We had to put him on a diltiazem drip to regulate his heart.
Means he's running out of time.
Means you are, too.
Your campaign to soften him up so he'll go easier on the kids,
all in a pointless attempt to validate your own upbringing.
Another cardiac arrhythmia?
It's not our patient. It's the ER.
That patient House admitted with back pain and urinary retention?
How do you feel about a matched set?
We need to track your common exposures. What shampoo do you use?
Whatever crap the camp gives us.
Same here.
We need things exclusive to you but not the rest of the camp.
Otherwise, a lot more people would be sick. Toothpaste, deodorant?
Can't be deodorant making him sick.
He doesn't wear any. Smells like a...
Parks, shut your mouth.
You're not my drill instructor here, okay?
Doesn't mean you get to be disrespectful.
I can do whatever the hell I want. You're not in charge.
There's gotta be a link.
Diet, sexual history, drug abuse.
No, and believe me, I asked.
Those were some fun conversations.
Did you believe the answers?
I know the answer to that is always supposed to be no,
but I did.
Not like the kid has had much unsupervised time lately.
Delivery for a Dr. Robert Chase.
That's me.
Camp is in the woods.
There are tons of opportunities for infection
that not every person will pick up.
Legionellosis from water, toxoplasmosis from dirt,
brucellosis from animals.
Too bad none of those explain his symptoms.
Casey and Sanford Wells thank me
for my extraordinarily generous donation to their wedding charity.
Aw!
Oh, God. She must have gotten access to my credit card.
Nocardia fits.
The bacteria lives in the dirt. They both spent plenty...
Nocardia starts in the lungs, not the bladder.
How generous is extraordinarily generous?
Call the charity, explain the donation's a fraud.
And take back Wells' wedding gift?
You are extraordinarily screwed.
Bushes can make a happy hunting ground for ticks. Lyme disease.
Neither of our patients have a rash or a tick bite.
40% of Lyme patients don't develop a rash. Bite is easy to miss.
Start them on doxycycline for Lyme.
$2,500!
Cancel your credit card, find that girl and marry her.
Go back, that was Jersey Shore.
I'm not watching that crap.
No, let him be your guinea pig.
You can dose me after you're sure you're right.
The side effects are fairly limited,
and it would be better to treat you
before you develop any more symptoms.
I want to wait.
I'm not your drill instructor,
I'm not trying to break you.
My only job is to make you better.
I truly believe this medicine is our best shot.
But whether or not you take it is up to you.
Is there anything else I can do for you?
Another pillow would be cool, if you don't mind.
Hey.
Your turn to pick.
Ready, set, feed the monkey.
This isn't weird at all.
She's got the fine motor skills of the Hulk in oven mitts.
Do you want a doodle? Do you? Feed the monkey.
Cuddy puts her to bed at 7:30, which cuts way into our training time.
Her play date's on Friday.
What is that?
Dog training clicker.
Gives immediate positive reinforcement,
bridging the precious seconds between
the desired behavior and treat delivery.
House, she's not a dog.
That really seems to be working.
Does Cuddy know that Rachel's here,
and that you're turning her into a schnauzer?
I told Maria that Rachel and I are working on
a secret art project for Mommy.
Which means that some paede's patient
is about to be short one art project.
The sacrifices we make for our children's education.
Who's a good girl? Who's a good girl?
It had to be you. I gave you my credit card to pay for drinks.
And I gave it back. I didn't take the picture, now go away.
Forgive me if I'm not convinced.
You're obviously pissed at me.
Because I thought we totally had a connection.
And then when you didn't ask me for my number...
A connection?
It was a threesome.
Yeah, but you were obviously more into me than you were into Nika.
- Kenzie, honey. - You have a phone call.
Just a minute, Dad.
I didn't want to say anything in front of her, but you could have.
You live with your parents?
Just until graduation.
College?
How old are you?
Eighteen.
Next month.
Relax, it's not illegal or anything.
Look, I just need this to stop.
Would you give it up, already? I told you it's not me.
My parents won't even let me on social networking sites.
Too many sexual predators.
Stop him!
Hey. Hey. Where are you going?
Hey. You're sick, you need to be in a hospital.
There's a million hospitals. Ones that won't send me back to that camp.
Landon, what's going on?
Please help me, don't send me back.
Those are my car keys. You stole them out of my pocket?
"No bad kids," huh?
Did you stop Landon?
Yeah. Yeah. What's wrong?
My legs, they hurt. Muscles are in a vise.
What does it mean?
Not sure yet.
10 diazepam, 40 potassium.
The leg pain was caused by a muscle cramp from low sodium,
which was caused by kidney dysfunction.
Landon didn't respond to doxycycline either. I think we can rule out Lyme.
I thought I was getting through to him,
but he just wanted to steal my car keys.
If only his previous behavior had given you a reason to expect that.
Why are you putting hot sauce on a toy?
Maybe you don't care if children chew on your caterpillar.
I think it's wrong.
What causes kidney dysfunction on top of everything else?
Arsenic poisoning.
And people do change.
Driscoll took it to heart when I asked him
to think about Landon's history.
He was much nicer and then...
Wow, two ideas that don't make any sense.
If it was arsenic, they'd be puking and pooping.
And conversations with moralizing strangers
do not make people change their behavior.
Rachel is not gonna do that more than once.
Whipple's could affect the brain, kidneys, heart.
Not without GI involvement.
Why is it impossible to believe
I made a compelling argument and he...
If he changed, it's because something
besides you made that argument compelling.
Compromised kidneys secondary to bladder issues points to botulism toxin,
which lives in soil.
Got into the kid's bloodstream
through the cut on his forehead,
got into the drill instructor's
through some abrasions on his feet.
Good idea. Give them both the antitoxin.
I saw my chance to get out of here. I had to take it.
Don't make excuses. You tried to steal from me.
All these kids are manipulators.
You can't let your guard down.
What do you mean "all these kids"?
Don't lump me in with the losers at that camp.
Seems like you belong there. It may be your only chance.
Look, I've screwed up but I've never been in trouble with the law.
You said you were in for shoplifting.
The store owner caught me trying to boost some chips and stuff,
called my DCS caseworker.
I thought all the kids were there under court order.
That's usually how it works.
So why is he different?
Why would I take a naked picture of you?
You're cute, but you're not that cute. Now please, go.
You're the only one left. You're pissed off.
I'm pissed off because you're in my apartment,
and my boyfriend might be here any minute.
Boyfriend.
The last thing I want to do is publicize that I cheated on him,
so why would I prank you?
And where was this boyfriend at the wedding?
Out of town.
Conveniently.
It's from my sister's birthday last month.
And before you suggest he's my brother, note how I'm kissing him.
You used me, I used you. It was a mistake.
Now I just want to forget about it.
I just got off the phone with Landon's DCS caseworker.
You were right. I'm not what made my argument compelling.
Where are we going?
To give your bladder an antibiotic wash to protect against infection.
Who are you?
I'm Dr. House.
And that boy is the spitting image of his mother.
Of course I've never seen her.
But his care worker told my lackey
that you paid his enrolment fee at the camp.
Now that could mean that you're a family friend,
but then why hide it?
The only person who'd want to hide it
is his deadbeat dad who's decided not to be a deadbeat anymore.
Please don't tell him.
We spend days looking for a link between them.
He doesn't tell us the kid is his son.
We were looking for exposures.
He didn't think it was medically relevant.
Soon he won't have to worry about his kid finding out.
Being dead makes keeping secrets much easier.
Neither one is responding to botulism treatment.
And the boy started having seizures.
And Driscoll might have been right that
their biological relationship doesn't matter.
Genetic illness emerges when people are the same age,
not during the same week.
Unless there's a trigger.
Genetic conditions can be set off by things in the surroundings,
and these two obviously have shared surroundings.
That's a relatively rare phenomenon,
which is our specialty, I know.
Our patients are related. That can't be a coincidence.
I just had an idea.
Relevant to our case?
No. Sit.
Wegener's can be brought on by exposure to heavy metals.
You see anything at the camp?
Near the isolation hut, there were some old generator batteries.
Could've leaked into the soil.
Seems like someone else at the camp would've had lead poisoning.
You got anything better?
Treat with cyclophospamide.
Go find your bliss.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have a play date.
Why didn't you step forward when his mom died?
I found out she'd passed months later.
By then, Landon was already in the foster system.
I was figuring out a way to approach him when he got into trouble,
so I brought him to the camp.
You need to tell him.
I can't. Not now.
If I die, the only thing I'll ever be to him
is the hard-ass who made him run obstacle courses.
You apologized to me for something done in a psychotic state,
but you won't own up to being his father.
What happened to actions have consequences, a man accepts them?
I'm in his life, and I am working
to get him on the right path.
He doesn't need a drill instructor.
He needs a dad.
It's so sweet of you, coming to this.
Just trying to be supportive.
I heard that's what boyfriends do.
Hi, honey. Hi. Did you have fun?
Yeah?
Rachel had a great time, played with everything.
She's a very clever girl.
I'm sorry to ask this,
but we've had some problems with parents coaching kids.
Rachel caught on to our toys unusually quickly,
and she even knew the game was called Feed the Monkey.
Well, as eager as I am to have her go here,
I promise you, I would never do that.
Hey, Rachel, have you ever played Feed the Monkey before?
No, Mama.
She seems so dumb.
But when the pressure was on, she knew what had to be done and she did it.
You're pumped because your kid lied?
She's not my kid. She's a pain in the ass.
And she's a better liar than you are.
You didn't cut your leg getting into your truck.
The abrasion has dirt and gravel in it,
A bit of fertilizer, too.
I tripped in my greenhouse.
Growing my own organic veggies.
Didn't ask, not gonna tell.
She didn't hesitate. She didn't oversell.
Took me years to learn how to lie like that. Rachel has it on instinct.
Sounds like you're real fond of that kid.
You're really not good with nuance, are you?
I admire her talent.
I'm just gonna numb you up.
I gotta go.
Latest kidney function test shows no improvement.
Nice stitches. Did they hurt?
No, they gave me a shot of something.
That was lidocaine.
It triggered an underlying genetic condition called variegate porphyria.
That would explain their symptoms.
But I didn't have any lidocaine.
But you had a handful of antihistamines,
courtesy of the deviant in the next bed.
It's also a porphyria trigger.
Wait. So we have the same genetic thing?
Yeah. Small world.
- This is good news. - We can manage the condition with haematin.
Liver transplant could cure it.
Sometimes two patients share one donated liver.
Would that work for us?
Possibly.
We'd have to test your blood, tissue type, if they match.
Why would they?
Just because we have the same thing making us sick...
Also...
I'm your father.
I don't believe you.
What, you don't think a white guy can be a bad father?
Happy to check your DNA,
but do you really think he'd say he's your dad if he isn't?
It's not like you're a catch.
You're evil.
Barely recognize you with your clothes on.
You were at the wedding with your sister.
Shared a room with her, too.
I came by to change my shoes and found you in my bathroom.
Took you long enough to find me.
Because when someone starts pranking you, the logical suspect
is the overly protective sister
of a woman you slept with once.
This has nothing to do with my sister.
Then what does it have to do with?
If you really have no clue, then you so deserved this.
All that creativity and energy you put into pranking me,
seems like you were trying to make a point.
You really don't want to tell me what it was?
You're a really big fan of John Hughes movies.
You inexplicably prefer Some Kind of Wonderful to Sixteen Candles
though that's probably because...
Mary Stuart Masterson looked hot in those leather gloves.
We talked at the reception. That's why you hate me?
It was fun. It was great.
Until I mentioned that I don't sleep with guys on the first date,
and then you said you had to go to the bathroom and you never came back.
Actions have consequences.
Do you take vengeance on every guy who acts like an ass?
Could be a full-time job.
When we were talking, you seemed like a nice guy.
So either you're a great actor or you're a nice guy who lost his way.
Whatever the reasons,
a little negative reinforcement seemed to be warranted.
Oh, currently your password is "great big ho."
Change it back to anything but "password."
I'm sorry.
Let me prove it to you by taking you out for dinner,
followed by not sleeping with you.
I'm serious.
Not on your life.
We need to talk.
Nothing to say.
Okay.
I'll wait till you're ready.
You're my son.
I'm not going anywhere.
- Wait a minute. - What is that?
A doggie. What does it say?
That's right.
Waldenwood called.
They love Rachel but they have no room.
Something about more siblings than usual. We should apply next year.
She's a smart kid. She'll be fine.
You mean that?
Yeah, I do.