I didn't get married.
You didn't get married?
Adams isn't good enough for you.
If you decide to be with him, your whole trajectory changes.
- Congratulations, Dr. Ndugu. - Head of Cardio?
- You need a dentist. - Maxine.
She has a DNR and DNI.
Get me an intubation tray so I can save her life.
We have to question everything we know about Alzheimer's if we're gonna cure it.
This is huge. And you can't tell anyone outside of this room.
I do believe that we have been focused on-on the wrong thing.
Your vodka tonic, sir.
Oh, I was just coming to check on you but I guess you're covered.
What the hell happened? Chest tube started pouring blood.
His aorta must have transected.
I need you to work as quickly as you can.
Page Hunt. Page everyone.
I'm in love with you, Jo. How do you not see that?
I want to live a whole life with love and mess and pain and you.
You saved my favorite person.
So now I don't get to just hate you.
I have to love you too.
Teddy. Clear.
Researchers say the average length of a dream is two to three minutes.
Do not do anything until an attending gets here.
Paged everyone, no one's coming and we don't have time.
But many people experience their dreams as hours.
I just lost her pulse.
She's DNI. Why is she intubated?
Help me fight to get her back.
Simone, he's dying.
If they can remember them at all.
The science of dreaming has been questioned for hundreds of years.
Chief Altman, you do not die on me.
Teddy, stay with me.
Clear.
Some hypothesize that dreams are our way of processing real events
that occur when we're awake.
They may also serve as an outlet for repressed hopes and desires.
Neuroscientists introduce a new theory every few years.
But honestly, no one knows why we dream.
Gown and glove me.
Or why we have nightmares.
Dr. Altman, we've got you.
We just hope that after the dream,
we wake up.
Morning.
So, which one of you am I firing?
Owen, we are so sorry.
- Are you okay? - I'm fine.
She collapsed in the OR and went into V-fib.
We resuscitated her and an echo revealed bacterial endocarditis.
Caused by what?
Most likely a dental infection.
The bacterial growths caused severe aortic valve insufficiency,
so Beckman and Schmitt did an emergent valve replacement.
We still need to follow up on blood and tissue cultures,
consult ID and cardiology.
All right. Thank you.
Why don't you go get some rest?
I'm not going anywhere.
Teddy's now my patient and you're my patient's husband.
I need to focus on her and I can't do that with you here.
Owen... ...we should check on the kids.
Okay.
- You too. - Oh.
All right. We might as well stay and work,
but let us know the minute something changes.
All right. I'll need to see her post-op CT scans.
- I haven't scanned her yet. - Why not?
I didn't think that was standard protocol.
The first 24 hours after surgery
are just as important as the surgery itself, Schmitt.
It's not about standard. It's about being hypervigilant.
- Get her to CT ASAP. - Okay.
How long was I gone?
- You left in the morning and-- - Nope. Not a real question, Millin.
What I mean is, I approved you all to attend Griffith's wedding.
Yeah, it didn't happen. Ask Adams.
- What is that supposed to mean? - Means home-wrecker.
Tell me what DNI means?
Stop, stop.
You all had specific assignments for your shift afterwards.
But when I read the notes this morning, no one was where they were supposed to be.
Why were you with Sam Sutton?
Yasuda and I switched services.
Because Adams got punched by his patient.
Griffith's ex-fiancé.
At least he didn't conveniently forget about someone's medical directive.
Maxine is stable now--
Great, but Adams filleted a patient. Okay, so--
Shut up. Shut up!
Shut up, all of you.
A patient died.
You understand? Their life is over.
That and the disrespect of someone's medical directive,
you all just opened up this hospital to about five different lawsuits
which, as your teacher, I could be named. So now you're risking my career.
And right now none of you is worth that to me.
Wait, so you're firing all of us?
I just want to ex-- I didn't--
Stop. I'm needed in the ICU, but we're not done.
Stay here. Do not move.
Do not practice medicine.
You made me get on your plane in the middle of the night
and fly across the country for a conversation.
How long do I have to wait?
I've spent every minute on the phone since your antics last night
doing damage control with the donors.
I know. I sat by you on the plane.
Oh, don't be snide.
I haven't had to dance like that since the '80s.
I had to spin your lunacy into dehydration and exhaustion.
- You lied. - I saved your career.
You made my foundation look like a joke.
You hired a batch of interns that are clearly only interested
in sinking this hospital's reputation.
They're foolish and dangerous.
And frankly, the only reason they're here is because of you.
In 12 hours you have potentially caused me two PR nightmares
that would take thousands of dollars to fix.
Firing you would just add to a media storm,
so you have two options.
Shut up about your theories on Alzheimer's,
or I shut down your lab.
You can go back to Boston now.
But not on my plane.
I can't believe you're practicing knots, when we might all be fired.
Well, can't get rusty. We might be looking for new jobs.
- It's Ndugu from the CCU. - Dr. Marsh said we can't leave the room.
So you want me to ignore the new chief of cardio?
Yeah, I don't need this.
What?
You said a thing last night.
I said a lot of things.
Wanna talk about it?
I wanna go check on Maxine, see if she's ready to be extubated.
- Dr. Marsh? - Yeah.
I wanna assure you,
I can carry out whatever plan you have in mind for the interns.
Ooh, that's okay. I've got it.
Right, well, as chief resident, or technically cochief...
- Yeah. - ...if I could know what the plan is?
Well, I don't know what that is yet. And once I do, I will handle it myself.
I couldn't be in three places at once last night--
Excuse me. You're a chief resident. Act like it.
Dr. Sally to Psychiatry. Dr. Sally to Psychiatry.
Lucas, can you wait? Lucas, damn it.
You have barely said two words to me since last night.
- We need to talk about what happened. - I'm fine.
I am not.
There's gonna be an investigation.
They're gonna ask whose decision it was to open Sam up.
Tell 'em it was mine.
Hey, can you give us a hand? Engine crapped out.
Patient's 43, male. MVC. GCS nine. Intubated in the field.
Prominent seat belt sign. borderline.
We gave him 500 cc bolus of LR en route.
We called for another rig, but SFD is stuck in an industrial fire.
- Can you help us get him to the ER? - We're not technically-- Hey.
Adams, no practicing medicine.
The longer this patient has to wait, the higher the chance he could decompensate.
Do you mind bagging? - Actually, I do.
Marsh cannot find out about this.
Get out of the way. Get out of the way.
Y-You okay?
Oh, it's superficial.
Okay.
You're doing good.
Thank you.
Okay.
Whoa, he's desatting. - Oh, crap, the Ambu.
What was that?
I don't know.
Um, his blood pressure is starting to drop.
- Can you open the doors? - Yeah.
It's stuck.
Oh, no. We ha-- We have to get out of here.
Help! Hey!
Somebody help! Hey! Hey!
Hey.
Did you get some sleep?
Um, a little bit, yeah.
What is it?
Sam Sutton's mom is here.
Teddy is stable so far.
I'll do a neuro exam on her once they wean her off sedation.
I'll go check on Owen.
- I'm gonna keep an eye on him. - Okay.
- Meredith. - Yes?
I read it all.
Your research. I went through your data.
Transcripts on the image tampering, the inconsistencies in the drug trials.
And? You see what I see.
Hey, sorry. Uh, I'm on my way to the OR. How'd it go with Catherine?
I'm gonna check on Owen. Okay.
Uh, you know, if I don't shut up, I'll be fired.
- Yeah. - What about the interns?
Uh, no one's giving me a straight story and the notes are indecipherable.
Look, if they stay, the whole surgical department,
they're gonna need to be evaluated.
You're thinking about getting rid of them?
Well, I don't know yet, but none of them will go near a patient today
and maybe even for a very long time, especially Adams.
- What happened to second chances? - It's not a second chance anymore.
With Adams it's more like an eighth.
I'm gonna text you when I'm out of surgery.
Okay.
Mer, come with me. Interns are in trouble.
- Please tell me it isn't Adams. - Uh...
Leo, please, will you just get dressed?
Well, tell Grandma that Dad said you can wear whatever you want.
Oh, and remember that it's sharing day at school.
Soon. Yeah. Mommy will be home soon.
I was on my way to Teddy's office to check her calendar.
- I don't wanna miss anything for the kids. - Does it matter?
It's okay to miss something today.
I mean, let the kids stay home from school.
Let them eat ice cream for breakfast.
Today is not a normal day. You don't have to pretend that it is.
When is the last time you ate something?
Come on.
So, um,
I did a thing,
and maybe you already know because you were in the room,
but I kinda told Blue that I love him while crying
and not in a "oh, it's just allergies" kind of way, and I know what you'd say.
"Who cares what you did? You're getting a good lay."
But that's not why I'm here.
I'm here to work.
And now my job is on the line because of what he did.
But I am also really glad that you're still alive.
You about done?
I need to check her lungs.
Uh, yeah.
Her ABG has improved.
Well, hopefully we can pull the tube soon.
- Thank you, sir. - Mm-hmm.
Uh, Dr. Webber, um,
Dr. Marsh mentioned that there would be consequences for last night.
I was not as involved as the others.
You can check the charts, check the nurses, check everything.
Well, Dr. Millin, your name is all over this patient's chart.
Doctors cannot make objective decisions on care when it comes to family.
You are this patient's medical proxy and doctor.
You are absolutely involved.
Excuse me.
CT scans show no further source of infection.
Blood cultures and path report, Yasuda?
Both should be updated now.
- Did Marsh assign you to this case? - I did.
Yasuda, let's proceed with vascular checks.
Dr. Ndugu, I should tell you that the interns are under review at the moment.
That is not my problem. Dr. Altman is in critical condition.
We need surgeons watching this room at all times.
No. Damn it.
It's cold. There's no pulse.
Give me the Doppler. Uh-huh.
Nope. No signal.
- Should I call for a CT angio? - No, there's no time.
Schmitt, call up to IR. Tell them to prep for an endovascular embolectomy.
We need to get her in there before she loses her leg.
- What should I do? - You need to find Hunt. Let's move.
No one go near the car.
What in the world? Obstacle detected.
We got three in the rig, one unstable, and the car's obviously malfunctioning.
Until we can deactivate it,
we can't safely extricate the patients
without putting them or ourselves in danger.
- Okay. Well, where's the driver? - Why is he in the back seat?
No, no, no. I'm not the driver.
Malfunction. - It's a RoGo.
- A what? - It's a RoGo. It's a driverless rideshare.
I work for the company and we're beta testing a new SUV model.
Can someone get me out?
My arm is throbbing and Wayne locked the doors and the window.
What-- Oh, no. Oh, no. No, it's happening again.
- Can you shut it off? - The car's name is Wayne.
- They all have names. - Turn Wayne off!
I've tried. Clearly he's not listening.
Wayne, power down. Okay. Call inside.
Tell them that we need someone on standby for his head lac and his arm.
Griffith, Adams. Are you okay? Can you hear me?
- Dr. Grey? - Yes, unexpected visit.
We're fine, but... Mr.-- Mr. Campbell isn't.
His blood pressure's tanking.
Okay. Well, heads up! There's gonna be another impact.
- Hey, when are we getting out of here? - Car company's headed here.
This is the third accident we've reported to them in the last week.
- No, how long? - Maybe 20 minutes?
Okay, we don't have 20 minutes.
Have either one of you run a trauma before?
- No. - Why?
You seen one?
Of course. - Time to do one.
The ambulance is now your trauma room.
It started as a small tear in his aorta caused from his accident.
And normally these things only need to be closely monitored,
but in rare cases, they can rapidly bleed before we're able to repair it.
I worried for years.
Every time the phone rang, my stomach would lurch
and I'd wonder if it was the air force calling to tell me that he was dead.
He spent his life doing death-defying things.
I know. He seemed in-incredible.
Yeah. He was.
So when I hear that he died in a hospital surrounded by medical professionals
because you didn't catch a tear in his aorta on time,
I just don't understand.
Uh, Mrs. Sutton, I know this is very difficult for you--
Do you two have kids?
I do. Yes.
Then I don't need to tell you how I ache inside,
knowing that I'm still here and my son is not.
Sam hated being in the hospital.
But he mentioned the two of you and...
When he did, it was clear that the two of you meant something to him.
But--
Um... Oh.
For you, he was just another patient, wasn't he?
I-- I have to take this. It-- It's an emergency.
Mrs. Sutton, I am deeply sorry for your loss.
- Okay. I ate. Feel better? - Do you?
- I will after I check on the pit. - Owen, you can't go to work.
I need to make sure my department's okay.
Your department is aware of what's happening. They're fine.
The ER is never fine, okay?
Owen, you can't treat patients right now.
I-I gave her a smoothie, Amelia.
The last moment I had with Teddy was I gave her a stupid smoothie.
- Owen. - She had a toothache from an infection
that went directly to her heart, and I gave her a smoothie
and now she could die.
Dr. Ndugu sent me to find you.
You're still here?
I follow instructions.
Since when?
I'm not an idiot.
I wouldn't have ignored any other patient's DNI,
but you love Maxine, and I know what it feels like to lose someone you love.
I don't want you to have to go through that.
What?
We'll talk later.
Pedestrian... What is happening?
Stupidity. Brace for impact! It's happening again!
Obstacle detected.
Cones usually work by blocking the sensors.
The signal's interrupted, and the system's shut down.
His arm is swollen, but I'm not sure how you're gonna examine him.
I used to have to worry about teenagers driving.
Now we have to worry about nobody driving?
It has collision avoidance systems.
There is no driver.
Hey, can I help?
Look, you get this RoGo to stop, and you can do whatever you want.
Talk to us!
He's about to code. Adams is bolusing him with fluids.
Is his abdomen rigid, distended?
Uh. Y-Yes.
Okay, low BP, distended, rigid.
- He's bleeding internally. - Yeah.
Okay, he needs an emergency ex lap. You're gonna have to find a scalpel and--
Oh, damn it. How fast can you cut?
Because it appears that you have about 30 seconds between--
That!
You-You want us to open him? Yeah.
In here? Yes!
And then what?
You're gonna buy us some time, so we can get him to the OR and save his life.
Okay.
All right.
It's likely a vegetation that showered off
from the infected heart valve.
So, we'll do an angio and locate the occlusion.
We'll fish out the clot and reestablish blood flow.
Obviously, there's a risk that the clot could break into pieces,
but we'll do everything in our power so that that won't happen.
You don't have a lot of time.
Owen, Winston needs your consent.
Hunt.
I've done hundreds of embolectomies.
And if you don't trust me right now, I get it.
So trust your wife.
She's the one who made me chief of cardio.
Do the procedure.
Sir! Oh, no.
I need you to keep your arm-- keep your arm as still as possible.
It's most likely fractured.
These cars were supposed to have an override function,
like a button you push.
Yeah, uh-huh. Wayne seems to be malfunctioning.
I've honestly never had to use it. Wayne has always stopped when I need him to.
- He must be going through something today. - Sensors offline.
Okay, did you find any towels or ABD Pads?
Yes, a whole box. - Okay, good.
You're gonna need to identify the xiphoid process,
and then make an abdominal incision.
And whoever cuts, the other one has to alternate
between bolusing fluids and bagging.
Wayne! - Okay, impact.
In a true trauma ex lap,
you should be able to get into the abdomen with three quick cuts,
but it's going to take you longer.
Because we're not in an OR?
Because you're an intern.
Uh, uh, right.
Um, of course. Uh, yeah. Okay, I'm ready.
- Wait. I don't think we should do this. - He's dying.
Okay, brace for impact.
Lucas, please. We don't have the right tools, light.
We don't have blood.
Think about Sam. Think about what happened last night.
If we hadn't opened him, could he be alive?
I can't do nothing!
I can't have another death on my hands because of you!
No, no, no. Come on.
We designed the AI tech to simulate human decision-making.
Um, but of course there's the whole ethical issue of the trolley problem.
It looks more like a car problem.
No, the-the trolley problem.
Does the, uh, trolley stop to save one pedestrian,
thereby risking the passengers inside?
Or does it prioritize the passengers and kill the pedestrian?
You know?
Dr. Bailey, Dr. Grey? He's in hemorrhagic shock.
Can we keep buying him time with fluids without cutting?
If he codes, we'll start CPR.
Okay, only you two can answer that. You have eyes on the patient.
Well, he's bleeding out. We have to open him to try and stop it.
Impact!
Lucas.
If you're gonna cut, do it now. - Lucas.
No.
Obstacle detected.
You're going to encounter a lot of blood.
Don't panic. Just keep packing.
Everyone, heads up! - Okay, impact!
His BP's bottoming out. He's-- He's not perfusing.
I'm starting compressions.
Don't put too much pressure on the small bowel. You can injure--
It doesn't matter if he's bled out before then.
Uh, bleeding's coming from the liver, but holding pressure isn't helping.
Okay, then do a Pringle maneuver.
- You ever done one? - No. Have you?
Do they know how to do a Pringle maneuver?
Okay. Clamp the hepatoduodenal ligament.
It runs from the duodenum to the liver.
- We have no clamps. - Uh, two fingers can do it.
- All right. Just... - I got it. Take over.
Okay.
Portal vein, hepatic artery, common bile duct.
I think I'm there. How do I know if I'm there?
Well, once you apply pressure, the BP should slowly start to rise.
There it is. Okay. Impact! No.
No! Turn the engine off.
Systolic's holding in the 90s.
You doin' okay?
...sensors in the tires. - I won a Fox Award last night,
and today, I'm in the damn parking lot teaching interns how to do an ex lap.
Well, as someone who learned how to do an ex lap from you,
you're very good at it.
Wait. What is-- What is he doing?
Low tire pressure.
Hey! Low tire pressure.
The sensors work! - That worked?
Somebody get a gurney over here. Right here. Come on.
Okay, we're gonna get you out of there.
- Say something. - What?
Anything. Because I'm obsessing over every possible complication,
so please just say something so I stop visualizing Teddy having a stroke,
whatever's in your head.
An infection in Teddy's mouth led to severe damage to her heart.
Two parts of the body completely separate from one another.
You told me to say whatever's in my-- I'm sorry.
I-- It was making me think that maybe Meredith isn't insane.
This is not making me feel better.
Meredith is hypothesizing that Alzheimer's might not be singularly connected
to plaque formation in the brain.
What if it's not caused by anything in the brain at all?
- So what's it caused by then? - Well, I don't know.
And the person I want to talk to about it is not here anymore.
Let go of the smoothie, Owen.
I said awful and frustrating things to Derek the last time I saw him,
and I agonized over it constantly...
until someone convinced me to stop.
Yeah.
There. The clot's causing a cutoff at the right common femoral artery.
Is it? It's huge.
It's too big. I can't get it in there vascularly.
It's too risky. We need to do an arteriotomy.
I'm opening up her leg. Yasuda, take the catheter out.
Please don't die. Please don't die. Please don't die.
Yasuda. - Can-- Can you repeat what you said?
No. Schmitt, take out the catheter and hold pressure here.
Yasuda, step back, take the vest off and go.
Where?
Once I get into the artery, I'll need a Fogarty catheter, Schmitt.
Yasuda.
I'm gonna do this fast. If I don't, there won't be a happy outcome.
So, if you're feeling distracted by personal feelings about this patient,
I need you gone too.
- I'm good. - Scalpel.
Okay. Griffith, as soon as we get in there,
they will place a vascular clamp, and you can let go.
Type and cross for blood and activate MTP.
We're probably looking at a high-grade liver injury.
So we'll need a hybrid room for possible angioembolization.
Hey, you scrubbing in?
- I am scrubbing in. - Ah!
Okay.
I really don't understand what happened.
Wayne failed the test.
But the algorithms were working.
Well, your arm is fractured into pieces,
and it'll be weeks of recovery after surgery.
Also, does your company know how many car accident victims
pass through the hospital every day?
Actually, it's part of our research. Very depressing.
Well, that number will significantly increase with self-driving cars.
- More people will be injured, if not dead. - Or the opposite.
Automation doesn't just bring improved customer satisfaction and efficiency.
It's about safety.
How many drivers get in accidents because they're tired,
distracted, angry at someone who just cut them off?
Humans have feelings and feelings don't belong behind the wheel.
I-It only leads to bad decision-making, errors and pain.
No, it leads to compassion and connection.
Nobody cares about those things anymore.
They do if they save lives.
Do you think you've saved more lives than surgical robots?
- OR's prepped and ready. - Could someone check on Wayne?
Because no one has told me where they're towing him.
Kwan, track him down.
It's not a "him." It's a car.
It's a car.
Thank you. Dr. Lloyd to Radiology.
Um, I finished the rest of your patient's progress notes.
Oh. Thank you, Millin.
I also removed my name from Maxine's chart as her doctor.
It was completely unprofessional
and I used bad judgment. It won't happen again.
Is there something else you needed?
I was wondering if you had reconsidered
putting in a good word for me with Dr. Marsh.
No. I mean, you're taking accountability.
That's not an easy thing. I know that more than you know.
Accountability is what will allow you to move forward after the mistake.
Ideally, you'll never make the same mistake again
because if you do, your career might not survive it.
After what Kwan and Adams did,
I might not have a career.
You know what goes hand in hand with accountability, don't you?
Forgiveness.
Could you maybe tell that to Dr. Marsh?
Dr. Webber, she's ready.
Maxine's ready to be extubated.
Oh, I-I-I will-- I will stay out here.
Okay.
Teddy's in IR. Clot in the femoral.
Well, I trust Ndugu.
Marsh doesn't know what he wants to do with these interns.
Been there. That job is like parenting,
but interns won't take care of your things when you die.
Oh, I'm sorry, you think your class wasn't as bad as this one?
You all cut an LVAD wire and that's just one example.
You sabotaged clinical trials. And look at me now.
Remember how you got there.
Hey! I'm lead, you're assisting.
The patient's prepped and ready. Massive transfusion protocol activated.
After you place the clamp, you want us to leave?
No.
Dr. Marsh said we weren't to-- Forget about Marsh.
How are you supposed to learn to do better if you're not in the room, right?
Grey, you don't work here.
Adams, go scrub.
Still giving me trouble.
Let me get in here.
Okay. Hold that there. Good.
All right, let's get a clamp.
All right, on my count, Griffith.
Here.
One.
Two. And three.
Got it.
♪ When the truth is wrapped Around my neck ♪
♪ What happens now ♪
Fogarty catheter.
♪ What happens then ♪
We don't have much time. We have to reperfuse this leg.
Deploy the balloon.
♪ It's a cruel game Of cause and effect ♪
♪ Such a cruel game ♪
♪ But it's not over yet ♪
Ah! There. You were right. Liver lac.
Griffith, suction.
We need to try to do a primary vascular repair.
♪ No stopping it, stopping it Once it starts ♪
Hey.
Are you okay?
- Mika? - I-- I don't think I can sit.
♪ It gets me high Yeah, it gets me low ♪
♪ It's a war Between my head and my heart ♪
♪ It's a war ♪
♪ Between my head and my heart ♪
♪ It's a war ♪
♪ Between my head and my heart ♪
Yasuda. Is-Is Doctor Altman-- Is-Is she--
Where were you?
- Are you okay? - Am I okay?
No. No, I'm not okay.
Where have you been?
You were one of Sam's doctors.
You constantly reminded me of it, and you weren't there.
- Yasuda, I'm-- - No!
Where were you? I-I genuinely want to know.
I need to know.
His blood is still on my shoes.
And my hands-- my hands kept Dr. Altman's heart beating last night.
And I don't even know if she's alive right now
because Ndugu kicked me out of the IR suite.
I-- I can't focus.
I-- I can't think, and I also might be fired.
From the only place that would hire me as a surgeon.
We are interns.
You were supposed to be there when we called, but we-we called and we paged,
and we hoped that someone would come through those doors
and no one did until it was too late.
People keep asking me what's next.
I thought I'd at least get 24 hours of taking it all in.
Well, how about taking over my surgical cases for the next few days?
Uh. Everything okay?
You knocked a drink out of my hand, yesterday on the plane.
And then last night I ordered one after the awards. I didn't drink it.
I almost did.
And it's been in my mind ever since it happened, and...
I don't trust myself in the OR right now.
I'm not sure I ever will.
Oh, you will.
And you've been here before, and you know how to get back.
And starting over can be hard...
...but it'll remind you why you have made it this far.
And don't worry about your surgeries.
Thanks, Bailey.
I successfully removed the clot and restored circulation to her leg.
So we'll keep her on heparin for now, and then we'll monitor her closely.
Thank you, really. Thank you.
I'll go get you some coffee. Okay.
All right, I've got the cue on vascular checks and the coags, so you can go home.
Oh, but I'm the resident on the case, and it's Dr. Altman.
And you've been up all night, so go home and get some rest.
Are you going to?
Go home before I change my mind, Schmitt.
Hey. - Hey.
How's Teddy?
Uh, she still hasn't woken up yet.
You're mad?
No.
Now you're lying, and you're mad.
Look, I told them not to move, okay?
I said they couldn't touch patients or practice medicine,
but instead of listening to me, they screwed up again.
And this was different.
Yeah, right, this time, they actually performed an ex lap.
Right, because the patient was dying.
And I was right there guiding them through it.
Yeah, Meredith, you don't get it.
If they keep screwing up over and over and over again, I can't move to Boston.
What?
If the program's falling apart, I can't leave in good conscience. Okay?
Even if it is to be with you, I can't do it.
You hate Boston.
Yes, I do. But, you know, second chances.
Well, I don't even know if I still have a job in Boston.
Well, you do if you shut up about your research.
Look, hey, you'll find a way. You always do.
You just talked two interns through an ex lap inside of a crushed ambulance.
- You'll find a way. - I had help.
Mmm. Mmm.
What's happening?
I have an idea. Oh.
Okay.
Dr. Webber extubated Maxine.
She is hungry, talking and annoyed.
Hey, uh.
You wanna come over tonight?
I said I hated you.
I mean, I also said that I love you, but I said that I hated you.
So what?
One cancels the other out?
What I'm saying is that I clearly wasn't making sense.
I was an emotional mess because of Maxine
and vulnerability leads to emotional extremes.
And I say both of those things to a lot of people.
Like, as in now?
I don't subscribe to mononormativity.
And also I-- I can't be walking around
worrying about disappointing the one person I'm supposed to love.
I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea.
No.
It's-- It's a relief. You know, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.
I agree. It's better.
Hmm.
You know, so things won't be weird.
Oh.
Well.
Great.
- Great. - Mmm.
Do you or do you not check your texts? Marsh's on his way back to the lab.
Hey, uh, Bailey wants us to check on the patient's labs in an hour.
I've wanted one thing my entire life.
This.
To be a surgeon.
And I could lose everything.
All I've worked for-- once again-- because...
Say it, Simone.
Because of me.
Why did you agree to help me last night?
You could've said no.
You could've run out of the room and grabbed an attending,
but instead you grabbed a pair of gloves.
Because I can't say no to you, Lucas.
We killed a man in less than two minutes.
Good surgeons own their failures. They apologize.
Why can't you? Why can't you...
admit that what we did was wrong?
Because it wasn't.
I won't apologize for it, Simone.
I-- I won't ever apologize for trying.
I don't live with regrets.
I guess that's where you and I are different.
Do you regret us?
No, I just--
You and me last night--
Everything's happened so fast, and I think I need a minute.
Yeah.
Do you feel guilty about Sam?
I feel badly about him. Sam was our patient.
I know that I could've been a better version of myself
around him, at moments, but--
But...
we weren't there.
We weren't.
But Sam didn't die because of something we did or didn't do.
He had a terrible complication
that some of the most talented cardiothoracic surgeons can't fix.
It just feels...
so wrong to be this happy when other people will never get that chance again.
Why-- Why do I deserve all this?
Deserve you?
It's just--
You have had a lifetime of hard.
And every time I've seen you go through something awful, it broke my heart.
Because you are the fiercest,
kindest...
smartest, most loyal person. You're--
Those years when we weren't in each other's lives, those were dark years.
And I thought of you every single day.
So we've been through too much, together and apart.
You deserve this.
We deserve this.
And what if we don't work out?
Uh, we're gonna work out.
I just wasted 20 years of my life not acting on it.
Some people spend their lives trying to make a dream come true.
♪ Ooh, time is ♪
On the outside, um...
♪ Always on the run ♪
...I didn't break my sobriety.
But it feels like I did.
So I'm here to ask for your help with a reset.
Tonight...
I'm one day sober.
We set a goal and make a plan on how to achieve it.
Catherine. I'll focus the research back on the black.
Excuse me?
You gave me an opportunity to make a difference,
and that is what I will do.
I will stick with what's being funded.
You win.
It works for some people.
I always do.
But for others, it's not so easy.
Hey. - Hi.
Well, I got your text.
What is this mysterious favor?
My research.
I have, uh-- I have papers, I have proposals.
I have notes from phone calls with neuroscientists from around the country.
I've gotten a little further than I'd led you to believe.
And what do you want from me?
I need you to help me keep it going.
But nobody can know.
As hard as you work toward the dream,
it can feel like the whole world has plotted against you.
♪ We only go in one direction ♪
As you get further away from it, you cling to any sign of hope.
Hey. Teddy.
♪ Hold me steady ♪
What, um--
What happened?
♪ Hold me steady ♪
Hey.
And the longer it takes and the more it costs you...
Hey. Hi.
...you start to consider whether you should give up.
You all still work here. Oh, thank God.
Uh, but I no longer do. I'm leaving, but it's not because of you.
I, uh-- Despite what I said this morning, I-I still believe in you. I always will.
And I'm not worried because I'm leaving you in very capable hands.
Who? Do you find a new dream?
Or do you stick to the one that started you on this journey in the first place?
I have five rules.