1 00:00:00,368 --> 00:00:03,531 Last week on... The Venture Brothers/ 2 00:00:03,571 --> 00:00:07,598 Part One of... Escape to the House of Mummies/ 3 00:00:07,642 --> 00:00:10,805 Created by Tim, the self-created. 4 00:00:10,845 --> 00:00:14,508 Hatched by the same egg from which emerged raw. 5 00:00:14,549 --> 00:00:17,245 Behold the Perfect Man! 6 00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:20,550 Praise ye who will reign over all. 7 00:00:20,588 --> 00:00:23,352 That's very impressive. It looks like he hates his foot. 8 00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:26,451 Still, he's been doing that all day. 9 00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:30,653 You boys have to get Caligula and Dr. Freud back to the time machine. 10 00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:31,892 Don't let him ask about me. 11 00:00:31,933 --> 00:00:34,902 - Will do! - Wait! Where's the Hand of Osiris? 12 00:00:34,936 --> 00:00:36,904 We told the Caligula guy to hide it. 13 00:00:39,073 --> 00:00:40,062 Oh, dear Lord. 14 00:00:41,776 --> 00:00:45,177 No, no. Just drop it there. I'll get it later. 15 00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:49,809 I command you to release them! 16 00:00:49,851 --> 00:00:53,548 Drop to your knees, you ignorant savages! 17 00:00:53,588 --> 00:00:56,557 I am your giant four-armed God! 18 00:00:56,591 --> 00:00:59,719 And I make light from one of my two slightly smaller hands! 19 00:01:01,963 --> 00:01:04,557 It's just a flashlight! Kill them! 20 00:01:09,437 --> 00:01:13,203 Dean, stop riding the Perfect Man. Brock has to kill him now. 21 00:01:13,241 --> 00:01:15,971 - Can't we keep him? - Yeah, dad, can't we? 22 00:01:16,010 --> 00:01:19,002 We'll feed the Perfect Man and clean up after him and everything. 23 00:01:19,046 --> 00:01:20,775 Super swear. Please? 24 00:01:20,815 --> 00:01:23,409 No. He's an abomination. Go ahead, Brock. 25 00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:37,254 We have more bullets, you know. You got to stop doing that. 26 00:01:37,298 --> 00:01:39,630 Yeah, I know. It just looks so cool. 27 00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:41,658 Well, go get it. 28 00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:42,930 Fine. 29 00:01:43,838 --> 00:01:46,329 Give me the Hand of Osiris! 30 00:01:46,374 --> 00:01:48,308 - Give me head. - You didn't just say that. 31 00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:50,810 I absolutely did. What are you gonna do about it? 32 00:01:50,845 --> 00:01:53,746 - But I'm about to kill your sons. - Join the club. 33 00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:56,579 Bring them to the Hall of Sorrows! 34 00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:57,982 And now... 35 00:01:58,019 --> 00:02:02,513 tonight's dramatic Part Two of The Venture Brothers, in... 36 00:02:02,557 --> 00:02:05,651 Escape to the House of Mummies/ 37 00:02:31,452 --> 00:02:34,046 Is anybody else not impressed by the Hall of Sorrows? 38 00:02:34,088 --> 00:02:36,420 Yeah. It looks more like a basement than a hall. 39 00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:37,754 Can you fit through there? 40 00:02:37,792 --> 00:02:40,454 I can't get my shoulders in. I bet you could fit. 41 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:42,291 Great! Way to be useless, Dean. 42 00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:45,493 When I was your age, all I did was crawl through holes. 43 00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:47,364 Holes half that size, mind you. 44 00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:50,461 If you want a job done right, I have to do it. 45 00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:53,530 Boy adventurers, what do you need? A road map? It's simple! 46 00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:56,270 Don't get shot by the enemy, stumble on the robot factory... 47 00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:59,211 pull up a couple of rubber masks, and crawl through holes! 48 00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:02,309 Is that sound what I think it is? 49 00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:05,376 Oh, yeah. These guys are playing it by the book. 50 00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:07,216 We need to come up with a plan fast. 51 00:03:07,255 --> 00:03:10,349 I have an idea. You should call Dr. O! He's magic! 52 00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:13,656 That is the fifth time you suggested that stupid idea. 53 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:16,219 We're not possessed, we're trapped. 54 00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:18,494 I'll go back in that hole. I think better in holes. 55 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:21,433 That's all we got, Doc. You might as well try Hank's idea. 56 00:03:21,469 --> 00:03:23,198 Will you listen to what you just said? 57 00:03:23,237 --> 00:03:27,469 I know it sounds insane, but Hank has the only idea. 58 00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:30,272 I would rather die than call that snake charmer for help. 59 00:03:30,311 --> 00:03:33,576 - He'll never let me hear the end of it! - All right, boys, you heard your father. 60 00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:36,174 We're all gonna die, so you might want to line up... 61 00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:38,742 so that the spikes will pierce your brain or heart. 62 00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:42,654 All right, let's start positioning ourselves. No fun bleeding to death. 63 00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:45,056 All right, all right, all right, all right. Fine. 64 00:03:46,761 --> 00:03:49,491 Dr. Orpheus, master of mysticism. 65 00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:52,863 Orpheus, it's your landlord. We're trapped in a cliché. 66 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:55,198 Use your fake, impossible magic to get us out of here. 67 00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:59,195 What? Mr. Venture... I don't think I can do that. 68 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:01,538 - Well, what can you do? - Let's see... 69 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,442 I could astral-project myself there? 70 00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:07,709 That's it? Super! Yeah. Come on over and watch us die. 71 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:11,115 Spiked walls are closing in on us and you want to put on a puppet show. 72 00:04:11,152 --> 00:04:14,019 Hold on a second. Hank, get off those spikes! 73 00:04:14,055 --> 00:04:16,046 It's not a ride! 74 00:04:16,090 --> 00:04:18,217 Spiked walls? How fast? 75 00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:20,625 Slower than haunted house spiked walls... 76 00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:23,687 but not quite as slow as evil scientist's spiked walls. 77 00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:24,720 Good! 78 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:27,131 - Dean, can you hear me? - Yes! 79 00:04:27,168 --> 00:04:30,467 Dean, picture my daughter naked. 80 00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:32,404 - Think of her as yours. - Look, you lunatic... 81 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:35,102 stop worrying about inheriting my estate and get us out of here! 82 00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:37,610 Venture family, you must trust me! 83 00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:40,341 Dean, think only of my daughter kissing you. 84 00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:42,212 Kissing you on the mouth. 85 00:04:42,249 --> 00:04:43,580 Think harder, boy! 86 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:46,950 She's using her tongue! 87 00:04:46,988 --> 00:04:49,616 There! I have located you! 88 00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:09,166 - Didn't expect that. - All right. 89 00:05:09,210 --> 00:05:12,236 I'm getting out of here before Dean wakes up crying. 90 00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:15,339 I'll be back soon with expensive crap to get you all out of here. 91 00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:28,350 Wake up! 92 00:05:28,396 --> 00:05:30,990 Which one of you broke the Hall of Sorrows? 93 00:05:31,032 --> 00:05:33,193 Don't know. Why? What was supposed to happen? 94 00:05:33,234 --> 00:05:35,464 Those walls are supposed to crush you... 95 00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:38,700 and then scolding hot oil comes out of the jackal's mouth. 96 00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:40,297 Sorry. We missed it. 97 00:05:40,341 --> 00:05:43,902 Oh, yeah, of course! Oil! Yeah. Makes sense now. 98 00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:46,208 Thought you told me to fill it with hot voil. 99 00:05:46,247 --> 00:05:48,875 What? What the hell is voil? 100 00:05:48,916 --> 00:05:51,976 It's a soft sheer fabric. I warmed some up in the dryer. 101 00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:55,045 What the? Are you insane?! What kind of torture is that? 102 00:05:55,089 --> 00:05:59,355 Get out of here! I'm serious. I don't even want to look at you anymore. 103 00:06:00,394 --> 00:06:04,626 Believers these days! What happened to the annoying one? 104 00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:07,293 - We ate him. - I'm losing my patience. 105 00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:10,861 Wait. Hold on. I got a... 106 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,507 - Bless you. - Oh, great! 107 00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:18,569 It's all full of spit now, and it smells like a wet cat. 108 00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:20,512 Mr. Venture! 109 00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:22,675 Are you in need of assistance? 110 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:25,378 It is I, Dr. Orpheus! 111 00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:28,855 - Mr. Venture! - Lab. I'm in the lab. You windbag. 112 00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:31,050 I was quite concerned for your well-being! 113 00:06:31,092 --> 00:06:33,026 I have not slept a wink. 114 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:34,527 You're safe! 115 00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:36,530 I am pleased that I could help. 116 00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:38,930 Help schmelp. Brock and the boys are still trapped. 117 00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:39,955 Probably dead by now. 118 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,831 - We must help them! - No, duh. 119 00:06:41,869 --> 00:06:45,862 I have the zero point magnets somewhere that'll take the pyramid walls down in a jiff. 120 00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,498 - So, thanks for nothing. - Pyramid? 121 00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:49,441 Yeah. We were trapped in a pyramid! 122 00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:51,775 Some stupid cult made a time machine. 123 00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:53,609 What pyramid cult? 124 00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:56,673 I don't know. Papyrus, Osiris, something like that. 125 00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:58,742 - You ever heard of him? - Osiris cult?! 126 00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:01,983 Osiris?! Firstborn son of the womb of Nut... 127 00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:04,490 begotten of Seb, the lord of a Akert... 128 00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:07,289 whose existence is for everlasting! 129 00:07:07,328 --> 00:07:11,059 Yes, I've heard of him. Do you even know what I do for a living?! 130 00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:13,794 I don't know. Card tricks and children's birthday parties? 131 00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:17,167 No, sir! You stand not on solid ground. 132 00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:21,163 Below this earth you trust to be solid is a net. 133 00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:24,905 This unknowable safety net keeps your soft pink insignificance... 134 00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:27,812 from plunging eternally towards oblivion! 135 00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:32,342 My job, sir, is to repair that net! 136 00:07:32,386 --> 00:07:34,616 Now thank me! 137 00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,555 Thank you for saving me from the boogie man. 138 00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:39,115 I saved your life from half-away around the globe. 139 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:42,357 Look, Kreskin, I have 20 devices in this lab that can do that. 140 00:07:42,396 --> 00:07:43,988 I'm a super scientist. 141 00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:47,660 My father was a super scientist, his father was a super scientist... 142 00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:50,761 and his father was... No, wait. No, I think he was a milliner. 143 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,897 Either way, I'm not impressed with your tricks. 144 00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:57,639 Tricks? How dare you?! With just a thought, I could rise into the air! 145 00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,976 Or you could put on these anti-gravity boots. 146 00:08:00,014 --> 00:08:02,482 I could incinerate this entire lab! 147 00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:06,350 Make you believe that you are a very special episode of Blossom/ 148 00:08:06,387 --> 00:08:09,515 And shoot lightning from my hands! 149 00:08:10,291 --> 00:08:14,489 Laser ray, mind control helmet, Tesla coil. Anything else? 150 00:08:20,234 --> 00:08:23,635 Any time, any place. You name the contest. 151 00:08:23,671 --> 00:08:27,129 We shall celebrate your inflated sense of self... 152 00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,438 with the ultimate contest! 153 00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:30,966 Shrinking! 154 00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:33,445 And I, like the Puss in Boots... 155 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:35,311 shall gobble you up... 156 00:08:35,349 --> 00:08:36,816 bones and all! 157 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:39,546 Fine! Eight o'clock tomorrow! Right here. 158 00:08:39,587 --> 00:08:42,715 - Smallest man is the biggest man. - Fine! 159 00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:45,520 - Good day, sir. - Good blah blah, sir. 160 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:49,086 And I wouldn't bother looking for that shrink ray your father built. 161 00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:52,530 He sold it to the albino and his tiny companion. Ta-ta! 162 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,189 Crap. 163 00:08:54,235 --> 00:08:55,532 Dean? 164 00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:58,970 - Dean?! - I'm over here. 165 00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:02,202 - What happened? - Yeah, Clarissa, explain it all. 166 00:09:02,243 --> 00:09:04,871 That guy with the bird head, he has this mummy army. 167 00:09:04,912 --> 00:09:07,278 And one of the mummies has a magic scepter. 168 00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:08,406 Don't move, Hank! 169 00:09:08,449 --> 00:09:10,542 - He's right behind you! - What?! 170 00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:16,551 Him? That's just Mummy Mum Muggy. He's a good mummy, Deano. 171 00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:19,058 Right? Muggy friend. 172 00:09:19,093 --> 00:09:22,062 Muggy like his chin rubbed. Who's a good mummy? 173 00:09:22,096 --> 00:09:25,759 Get your brother's head and follow me. There has to be a way out of here. 174 00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:29,098 Muggy might know. Where's the exit? Tell us, boy. 175 00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:33,937 This is getting stupid! Where the hell is your father?! 176 00:09:33,974 --> 00:09:37,933 You that is tall, go to the small! 177 00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:42,711 I command you by the intimate whispers of vulgary... 178 00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:45,446 shrink! 179 00:09:45,486 --> 00:09:47,317 Oh, come on! 180 00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:53,048 No use crying over spilled magic. 181 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:56,551 Pumpkin, do you still have that dollhouse meemaw gave you? 182 00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:59,191 No, no. You're thinking of Roger Lawn. 183 00:09:59,233 --> 00:10:03,465 Joe Rogan is the host of Fear Factor... You're kidding me! 184 00:10:03,504 --> 00:10:06,871 Bad news, Billy. Our place has been trashed. 185 00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:10,934 - What? Holy cow! Great news! - Getting burglarized is great news? 186 00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:13,538 Come on, White. This is clear evidence of an arson. 187 00:10:14,515 --> 00:10:18,246 Our own archenemy. We have arrived. 188 00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:21,015 I'm going to change into my Quizboy costume. 189 00:10:21,055 --> 00:10:23,148 - He's still here. - All right, Nemesis. 190 00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:26,387 Show yourself and you'll be spared a blast from my laser hand. 191 00:10:28,429 --> 00:10:31,125 Dr. Venture? You're our archenemy? 192 00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:38,563 It's industrial espionage! You've come to steal our great ideas. 193 00:10:38,605 --> 00:10:41,665 - You've been foiled. We have none. - What the hell, Rust? 194 00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:44,803 What kind of dick breaks into his friend's house? 195 00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:46,972 - I need that shrink ray I sold you. - Yeah. 196 00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:50,177 Don't call us and ask for it, just break into our home and steal it back. 197 00:10:50,217 --> 00:10:52,014 I already apologized for that! 198 00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:53,178 - When? - No, you didn't. 199 00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:55,085 Man, I almost killed you with my hand. 200 00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:58,489 Enough, Billy. Everybody knows your hand doesn't shoot lasers. 201 00:10:58,525 --> 00:11:02,222 - What's this all about, Rust? - I bet that pompous loudmouth Orpheus... 202 00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:05,595 that I could shrink better with science than he could with magic. 203 00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:08,624 Aren't you friends? I mean, I've seen him mowing your lawn. 204 00:11:08,669 --> 00:11:11,160 - So, you break into our trailer? - Do you have it or not? 205 00:11:11,205 --> 00:11:14,470 - Here it is. - What'd you do? Drive over it? 206 00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:16,271 Don't look at me. Ask Captain Kid over there. 207 00:11:16,310 --> 00:11:17,277 It didn't work! 208 00:11:17,311 --> 00:11:20,212 So I thought maybe there was a treasure map or something stuck in... 209 00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:23,045 Don't bother. I've been over this with him, like, a thousand times. 210 00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:24,812 Well, you two have to help me fix it! 211 00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:27,184 Rusty, you broke into our house and trashed it. 212 00:11:27,221 --> 00:11:29,781 All right, fine. I'll pay you. 213 00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:32,519 - That's all I needed to hear. - And I get paid for lunches, you know. 214 00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:34,993 - Think on, spirit. - Come on, Mr. Poe. 215 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:38,361 Just tell me where you put the Hand of Osiris and I'll let you go. 216 00:11:38,399 --> 00:11:40,799 Basement. Under the floorboards. 217 00:11:41,969 --> 00:11:45,496 I got to admit, I always wanted to get Edgar Allan Poe in a headlock. 218 00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:47,370 That thing is like a pumpkin! 219 00:11:47,408 --> 00:11:51,003 We just completely screwed up that guy's life with our time machine! 220 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:54,878 - You think we messed up the past? - I wouldn't worry about that. 221 00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:01,376 I knew it! 222 00:12:01,422 --> 00:12:05,085 Pumpkin, what are you doing in your room? 223 00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:07,150 Shouldn't you be not in your room? 224 00:12:07,194 --> 00:12:11,255 My whole life I've been afraid of that closet. There's always these weird lights... 225 00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:13,823 and something that smells like a burning Band-Aid. 226 00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:17,928 Brimstone. OK, fine. Porthole to the burning nowhere. You got me. 227 00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:23,170 Dad, I thought I was going crazy! I mean, I'm still afraid of the closet. Still! 228 00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:26,373 I wear the same thing every day because of that closet! 229 00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:28,608 Well, how was I to know? Come now. 230 00:12:28,649 --> 00:12:32,676 Archie and his indolent companion Jughead wear the same clothes every day. 231 00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:35,210 I thought it was an adolescent phase of yours. 232 00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:38,247 - Great! My closet is the door to hell. - The Necropolis! 233 00:12:38,292 --> 00:12:42,422 A porthole to the Necropolis. It had to be on the south side of the apartment. 234 00:12:42,463 --> 00:12:45,296 And since you had to have a private bathroom... 235 00:12:45,332 --> 00:12:48,893 Oh, this is never... Sleep! 236 00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:51,905 In your sleep, all is forgotten. 237 00:13:04,718 --> 00:13:06,709 Got it! Why didn't I think of that before? 238 00:13:06,753 --> 00:13:08,914 I need more time. There's too many variables. 239 00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:11,925 OK. I'm done here. Much more difficult than I expected. 240 00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:15,588 What have you guys come up with for, let's say, number two? 241 00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:18,496 Number two? Rhea Perlman. What'd you put down? 242 00:13:18,532 --> 00:13:22,832 Joyce DeWitt was number two. Number one, Bonnie Bedelia. 243 00:13:22,870 --> 00:13:24,269 The mother from Die Hard? 244 00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:28,104 The stone fox from A Mother"s Right: The Elizabeth Morgan Story. Yes. 245 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,666 - What'd you put down? - I misunderstood the question. 246 00:13:30,711 --> 00:13:32,941 - Give it here. - I was confused with the wording. 247 00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:36,074 I'm serious! I didn't realize what you meant by "guilty pleasure." 248 00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:40,018 Jeez, Billy. Oiled garbage bag? Sweat sock? 249 00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:43,580 Oh, my God, number three. "Melon heated in a microwave." 250 00:13:43,624 --> 00:13:46,821 That's very creative, Billy. I'm sure your mother is proud of you. 251 00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:50,421 - Give me that, White. - Hilarious. OK, let's get back to work. 252 00:13:50,464 --> 00:13:53,729 - We're having fun here. - No, no. Fun is number five... 253 00:13:53,767 --> 00:13:57,828 which simply states, "dust buster with corner attachment." 254 00:13:57,871 --> 00:13:59,304 That sounds dangerous. 255 00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:01,466 I didn't understand the question! 256 00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:04,577 Hello?! 257 00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:06,169 Master?! 258 00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:12,549 Right on the nose. 259 00:14:13,587 --> 00:14:16,112 - You have no idea how much that stings. - Master? 260 00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:19,592 Yes. Man! Right on the f... tip of my snout. 261 00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:22,823 God! My eyes are watering. All six of them. 262 00:14:22,863 --> 00:14:24,694 - So sorry, master! - All right. 263 00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:27,495 I did not recognize you in your random form. 264 00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:30,662 So you shoot lightning at my face? Way to think it out, Orpheus. 265 00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:32,171 No wonder you have no friends. 266 00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:37,575 - That's a bit harsh. I have many friends. - Name one, and Dr. Venture doesn't count. 267 00:14:37,611 --> 00:14:39,738 Look, Orpheus, I know why you're here... 268 00:14:39,780 --> 00:14:42,681 and I chose the form of Argos to teach you a little lesson. 269 00:14:42,716 --> 00:14:45,378 Don't you mean Cerberus? Correct me if I'm wrong... 270 00:14:45,419 --> 00:14:48,354 abut Argos was Ulysses' dog. He had only one head. 271 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:51,448 See? There you go. Right there. That's what I'm talking about. 272 00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:53,925 You're a know-it-all. And no one likes a... Wait. 273 00:14:53,961 --> 00:14:56,930 - Hold on a second. - I only know that I know nothing. 274 00:14:56,964 --> 00:15:00,559 Way to quote something I said, like, a year ago. But I'm serious. Hold on. 275 00:15:00,601 --> 00:15:03,536 This other head likes to clean my genitals with his mouth. 276 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,037 I know it sounds weird. 277 00:15:05,072 --> 00:15:08,439 I let him do it, 'cause it feels great. Oh, yeah. 278 00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:11,911 The problem is I can taste it. So... 279 00:15:11,945 --> 00:15:13,913 I taste my own genitals. 280 00:15:13,947 --> 00:15:16,177 In my mouth. 281 00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:18,241 It's... a conundrum. 282 00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:22,278 - Master, what bearing does this? - Would you let me enjoy this? 283 00:15:22,322 --> 00:15:25,086 Damn, don't you know how good this feels?! Wait. I'm sorry. 284 00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:28,026 Your wife left you because you don't know how good this feels! 285 00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:31,622 My wife left me because of the persistent advances of a younger man! 286 00:15:31,665 --> 00:15:34,862 No. She left you because you spent most of your time working. 287 00:15:34,901 --> 00:15:38,860 Well, yes. I was saving the world from a secret peril! 288 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:43,167 And your precious free time was spent, like, Mr. Rogers in a cape. 289 00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:45,508 She left you because you're a wussy! 290 00:15:46,747 --> 00:15:49,648 - There's dad! - Well, it's about damn time. 291 00:15:49,683 --> 00:15:53,244 - Looks like he's been captured again. - And there's your body, Deano! 292 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:56,778 It has an extra head on it. Oh, no! They captured me, too. 293 00:15:56,823 --> 00:16:00,850 Hank, what year did you set the time machine to? 294 00:16:00,894 --> 00:16:03,658 The year 1230 A.D. 295 00:16:03,697 --> 00:16:08,828 Yeah, I'm pretty sure that you set it to 12:30 A.M. 296 00:16:10,237 --> 00:16:11,829 I've done it again. 297 00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:21,678 All right. She's ready to test. Who is the guinea pig? 298 00:16:21,715 --> 00:16:25,014 I'm an albino. I can't even go to the beach without exploding. 299 00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:27,646 No way I'm standing in front of an anything-ray. 300 00:16:27,688 --> 00:16:30,452 Single parent. Those boys need me. I am their rock. 301 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,856 Don't look at me! I have not lived enough... 302 00:16:32,893 --> 00:16:35,293 for I have never tasted the flower of a woman. 303 00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:36,317 What do you mean? 304 00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:38,627 "Tasted a flower?" Is that a direct metaphor? 305 00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,792 'Cause I don't take many trips down south myself. 306 00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,165 You guys are disgusting. 307 00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:44,864 No, I mean I haven't sampled the fruits of the fairer sex. 308 00:16:44,905 --> 00:16:48,773 What's with the poetry, Wordsworth? Just say it! Say, "I am a virgin." 309 00:16:48,809 --> 00:16:49,798 I knew it! 310 00:16:49,843 --> 00:16:52,607 That makes you the best candidate to take a ray blast. 311 00:16:52,646 --> 00:16:55,843 You have nothing to lose. You've never done anything. 312 00:16:55,882 --> 00:16:59,545 The way I look at it, it's not even murder. It's a very late abortion. 313 00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:02,111 Wait! Give me 24 hours to experience love. 314 00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:06,558 Let me know the gentle caress of a woman, let me sleep in the shade of love's bow. 315 00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:10,029 I will return to you. I will return knowing the sweet taste... 316 00:17:10,063 --> 00:17:11,462 - I vote Billy. - Seconded. 317 00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:13,466 All right, virgin. Get on the target. 318 00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:15,991 Oh, get behind the ear. Oh, yeah, that rules. 319 00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:17,799 You really think she doesn't respect me? 320 00:17:17,838 --> 00:17:19,066 How can she respect you... 321 00:17:19,106 --> 00:17:21,700 when she sees you get treated like dirt by Dr. Venture? 322 00:17:21,742 --> 00:17:23,972 And then you let her stay out all night partying. 323 00:17:24,010 --> 00:17:28,447 Party?! My daughter drinks? She told me her friends do, but she... 324 00:17:28,482 --> 00:17:30,848 Man, you are such a sucker! 325 00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:34,650 Look at the leg. Look at the back leg. There's nothing I can do about it. 326 00:17:34,688 --> 00:17:36,986 It just keeps kicking. Is that amazing? 327 00:17:39,593 --> 00:17:42,653 Well, at least you hit him this time. Anything happen? 328 00:17:42,696 --> 00:17:46,291 No. Nothing. Told you the phosphates were too old. 329 00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:47,527 It worked. 330 00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:50,195 You shrank my lungs. 331 00:17:51,972 --> 00:17:54,031 Rusty! Oh, man! 332 00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:57,441 What? I can't breathe over here. 333 00:17:57,477 --> 00:18:01,436 It's gonna get worse. You remember that sound my chair made a second ago? 334 00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:02,709 That wasn't the chair. 335 00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:06,344 It'll be there in a minute, Billy. Think deviled eggs. 336 00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:09,287 I hate you guys. 337 00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:15,116 Hank, you and Caligula keep up the rear. 338 00:18:15,162 --> 00:18:18,290 No. On second thought, you and Freud should do it. 339 00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:22,062 Caligula, you take the second wave alone. 340 00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:23,228 Ready, Dean? 341 00:18:24,671 --> 00:18:27,435 Steady, Perfect Man! Ready, Brock! 342 00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:31,570 When the gates open, me, Poe, and me, rush in. 343 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,442 You got that? 344 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:36,540 - You'll kill him when he shows up, right? - You know it. 345 00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:37,880 Charge! 346 00:18:40,387 --> 00:18:41,786 - My ear! - Sorry. 347 00:18:41,822 --> 00:18:44,484 - What happened? - We shrank your head. 348 00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:48,051 - I told you we should've mounted it. - Nice shot, William Burroughs. 349 00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:51,996 You hold a gun like a guy that plays Riven. Now switch to reverse and fix me! 350 00:18:52,032 --> 00:18:53,260 White, are you even aiming? 351 00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:56,599 Do you want me to go in the backyard and shrink some cans or something first? 352 00:18:56,636 --> 00:19:01,073 - I've never done this before, you know. - Fix me. Put it in reverse and fix me! 353 00:19:01,107 --> 00:19:03,803 All right, Billy, you need to relax. 354 00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:08,174 Nice. You shrank the whole room. 355 00:19:09,216 --> 00:19:12,515 - I got to get a camera. - You look like Tobey Maguire... 356 00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:14,110 in a bad Hulk costume. 357 00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:15,314 I need a mirror. 358 00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:18,415 I am a rube. 359 00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:22,155 I have been fooling myself my whole life. 360 00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:25,494 - Makes you feel pretty small, huh? - I am an insect. 361 00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:27,363 Look at that. 362 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:33,964 We are nothing in the eyes of the cosmos. Tiny men going about our tiny days... 363 00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:36,168 believing we mean something. 364 00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:37,904 We are nothing. 365 00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:41,471 Orpheus, you are my best and brightest pupil... 366 00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:43,607 even if you do taste a little salty. 367 00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:47,450 You're ready, Orpheus. Now, get the hell out of this closet... 368 00:19:47,487 --> 00:19:52,322 and go win that incredibly gay contest! Go! Go! 369 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:55,157 Are you sure this was the size of my head before? 370 00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:58,255 Positive. What if we cross circuit the accelerator? 371 00:19:58,298 --> 00:20:01,734 Might give us more... ohms or something? 372 00:20:02,636 --> 00:20:04,900 Give up, White. I lose. It's eight o'clock. 373 00:20:04,938 --> 00:20:06,735 Come on. You're Rusty Venture! 374 00:20:06,773 --> 00:20:09,435 - Never say die. - Die. I said it. 375 00:20:09,476 --> 00:20:13,572 Forget it. I'm not my dad! I can't even fix something that he invented! 376 00:20:13,613 --> 00:20:16,241 I was a good boy adventurer, but I suck at this. 377 00:20:16,283 --> 00:20:19,548 You weren't a good boy adventurer. You were the best. 378 00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:22,817 - Hold on. Let me show you something. - Hello? Mr. Venture? 379 00:20:22,856 --> 00:20:24,721 Lab! 380 00:20:24,758 --> 00:20:25,850 - You win. - What? 381 00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:28,759 I cannot make myself any smaller than I am now. 382 00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:31,662 - You win. - Knew it, you charlatan! 383 00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:33,996 How much was the bet for? A million dollars, right? 384 00:20:34,034 --> 00:20:36,730 Nothing. It was a gentleman's bet. How small did you get? 385 00:20:36,770 --> 00:20:39,534 Me? It never worked right. Complete waste of time. 386 00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:42,234 If you'd kept your mouth shut, you would've won the gentleman. 387 00:20:42,275 --> 00:20:45,039 - Snacks! - Good call, Billy, I'm starved over here. 388 00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:47,046 No. Dr. Venture. Look at the box. 389 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,275 I haven't seen one of those in years. 390 00:20:49,316 --> 00:20:51,216 A Rusty Venture lunchbox. 391 00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:53,947 Not the one I had when I was a kid. This one I got on eBay. 392 00:20:53,987 --> 00:20:56,581 I can't use the thermos because it smells like old milk... 393 00:20:56,623 --> 00:20:58,887 plus some kid put Thundercats stickers all over it. 394 00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:02,292 - Why do you have one of these? - Can't you see, Mr. Venture? 395 00:21:02,329 --> 00:21:05,127 You were the little boy-man's hero. 396 00:21:05,165 --> 00:21:07,759 You were the reason I became a boy genius. 397 00:21:07,801 --> 00:21:10,065 Yeah, Rust. Every kid wanted to be you. 398 00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:12,469 Yeah. I was pretty cool. 399 00:21:13,506 --> 00:21:17,033 That's me on the pterodactyl. Took him down myself. 400 00:21:17,077 --> 00:21:20,046 Yes. You were pretty cool. 401 00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:22,173 Let us retire to my sitting room! 402 00:21:22,215 --> 00:21:26,117 I shall whip up a batch of my famous rice pudding! 403 00:21:27,020 --> 00:21:29,181 I feel like we have forgotten to do something. 404 00:21:29,222 --> 00:21:31,019 Oh, my God. You're right! 405 00:21:31,057 --> 00:21:32,786 I forgot to turn off the lights. 406 00:22:02,455 --> 00:22:06,152 Next week on... The Venture Brothers/ 407 00:22:09,062 --> 00:22:10,757 I can't make it. 408 00:22:10,797 --> 00:22:12,321 I want to die. 409 00:22:12,966 --> 00:22:14,433 I want the caveman to eat me. 410 00:22:14,467 --> 00:22:16,992 Hang on, Hank! Cut him open! 411 00:22:17,037 --> 00:22:19,699 We're gonna put the boy in there! 412 00:22:24,244 --> 00:22:26,337 I thought he smelled bad... 413 00:22:26,379 --> 00:22:28,108 on the outside.