It's not his, Holly's kid, she lied, dyed his hair, she's history!
This programme contains very strong language.
Have you forgotten what he's just put you through?
Forgotten, no. Forgiven, perhaps.
I think I'm having a breakdown.
So am I.
Do you ever think that maybe we just weren't supposed to get together?
Ha! I'm here!
♪ THE KINKS: Tired Of Waiting For You
♪ Tired of waiting
♪ Tired of waiting for you... ♪
Morning Mac.
♪ I was a lonely soul, I had nobody till I met you
♪ But you keep me waiting all of the time
♪ What can I do? ♪
Coming.
♪ Do what you like
♪ But please don't keep me waiting
♪ Please don't keep me waiting
♪ Cos I'm so tired
♪ Tired of waiting
♪ Tired of waiting for you
♪ So tired, tired of waiting
♪ Tired of waiting for you for you... ♪
Nearly there. Nearly.
It's all yours.
About bloody time.
Do you want to...
What?
Do you want to put some make-up on?
Oh, thanks, I'll take that as a compliment.
No, I mean, you look great, but... No!
What?
Oh, you've spoiled it!
Spoiled what?
The mirror, I'd written in it.
Really? What did you write?
Well, it doesn't matter now, but if you must know,
it was, "I love you."
You bloody Narcissus. Now get out! No, go on.
Are you going to see ginger nuts today?
We work with ginger nuts, of course I'll see him.
Can't we just go to a different hospital?
What do you mean?
Just you and me, do our stuff somewhere else.
No. Go away.
Oh. Let me brush your teeth.
Get out.
I'll do the top and you do the bottom.
Sue White.
Yeah.
Don't mind me. Just feeling a little Morrissey today.
Like an attention-seeking dilettante, wallowing in teenage angst
whilst displaying a spurious nostalgia for the working classes?
Aye, that's the fella.
Yep. For you.
A restraining order?
But why, Mac? Why?
Because life is too short.
Read it, learn it by heart, never bother me again.
What about can I do it if I don't actually touch...?
No, no.
What if I spoke in Portuguese?
No, not in any language ever.
I could sniff your intoxicating trouser fragrance.
You sound like an inkjet printer.
Go away or go to jail.
But what about the wee bairn?!
Harriet! What the fuck?!
Ian found out about Lyndon and threw me out.
Told me to take what I needed and leave.
I couldn't find a suitcase.
It's very hot in here.
What happened to you?
I got really drunk last night.
The hen party padlocked this to my testicles.
Argh!
Sorry, it didn't hurt you did it?
Morning, guys.
KNOCK AT DOOR
Who's there?
Hmm?
Is that you?
You back from the grave to wreak your dwarfish vengeance upon me?
Well, I won't have it! You...
I won't. So...
You're not real. You get out, you're not real.
You're just a midgety figment of my imagination.
Be gone you... Oh, bloody!
Hello, Alan.
I can't go into my office.
You're in my cupboard.
I can't face people.
You're in my cupboard.
Oh, Jesus, Alan, we're going to prison!
No we're not!
Do you know what'll happen to me in prison?
I'll be lady-bummed.
I'll end up some bitch's bitch.
I won't let them. You're my bitch.
Criminals always get caught in the end.
We're not going to prison!
They'll be looking for us.
Why? Where's the motive? Why would we murder a dwarf?
Why would you kill a dwarf?
You shut up, with your, I've had it up here with dwarfs! No more dwarf!
Yes, that's right, thanks to you.
Alan?
What?!
I'm hungry.
And I need a pee.
I'll look after you.
I love you.
Argh.
Argh, I love her.
I love her. Do you?
Yeah.
Oh, how sweet. No, that's sweet, it's kind of cute.
It's not cute.
Oh, it is.
It's, it's...
Well, then just let her go. Let her go. Let her go.
I want to keep her.
Right, well suit yourself. Taxidermist.
You'll need to kill her, have her stuffed before she'll stay with you.
You know nothing about love.
Really?
You don't know a thing.
Well, why don't you tell me about it?
Why don't I?
Do you know about it? Go on then, let's hear it.
Right.
Love is...
waking up in the middle of the night.
That's about as far as I've got at the moment.
Is it?
Yeah.
It's not great is it?
Well...
Have a chocolate cock.
They're quite cheering.
No, not both of them.
They are actually quite cheering.
Vodka?
No my darling, I think not.
No vodka for you. Maybe a coffee...
Hi. We were wondering if you'd cancelled today's session,
because you weren't there. So we thought maybe it would be in here?
Right, yes, cancelled. Hmm.
Is that smoke?
Yes. It's, it's a smoking, it's my, my smoking cupboard.
Oh, right, yes. There might be a fire.
No. No.
No smoke without fire.
That, Mr Boyce, is precisely what a fool might think.
A fool who also thinks I might keep a person in storage,
and give them a cigarette to smoke within.
<
Shut up!
What?
Shut up!
Well, not you, her. No, him, him.
Did you say anything?
No.
No, well shut up nobody. Just...
Is er...
Is that a glass of wee?
No, no, it's, that's apple juice.
That's funny, because it smells like wee.
No, it's organic. It's...
Chin chin. >
Chinny-chin-chin and bottoms.
So... Well, well, yes...
Oh, just... Hmm.
Oh, yes!
Refreshing.
Lovely. That's the...
Ooh, oh, yes.
ELECTRIC DRILL
Thank you very much, cupboard lady!
I love it when patients give me things.
Apart from venereal disease.
Yeah.
You know he's on his last legs?
Who, yo-yo man?
Well, I'm assuming he had a real name, but...
Yeah, but you can't remember what it is.
Can you? Well, no, but you're the moral one, so it's worse that you can't remember.
You know yo-yo man died.
Yeah, he had a name actually.
I can't remember what it was.
Yeah, neither can we.
You know the last thing he said to me was,
"Don't die alone like me, in a place like this.
"Find someone you love.
"Ask them to marry you, raise children together
"and live a full and rich, happy life."
I don't get it.
Walk the dog.
Catch the monkey.
Chase the rabbit.
Open the fridge.
Rearrange the kitchen.
Wise words.
Yeah. Good old yo-yo man.
Stroke the beaver.
Smell the witch.
Oh, count the ants.
All I'm saying is that you will never be a one-woman man.
Well, that's rubbish, I am. I am.
Yeah?
Yeah.
What about that new blonde girl in ENT? Nice or what?
Not interested.
Not interested?
No. No, I've changed.
Great. How about Graham in dermatology?
Changed, as in I think I'm ready for commitment.
Fantastic. I'll sign your commitment papers for you today.
Commitment with a woman.
Ah.
I can see myself with about a dozen children.
That's illegal, isn't it?
Mac!
What would you do with a dozen children?
I'd teach them Guyball.
I'd buy them a train set.
A train set?
I love train sets.
Yeah? Ah, you love train sets. It's supposed to be for the children.
I was never allowed one, so...
Nothing wrong with wanting a train set. That's a good quality
in a wife... woman... doctor.
If you're looking for a wife-woman-doctor.
Aren't you looking for a wife-woman-doctor?
Well, I haven't placed an advert in Wife-Woman-Doctor Weekly this week.
Which week might you put an ad in, then?
Maybe he will never put an ad in.
Is that true?
It depends, doesn't it? It's difficult when you're placing
an ad, sometimes you get your
hopes up and then the person who answers the ad can let you down.
Then suddenly you're back to where you started.
I think you need to be very sure before you place the ad.
Suppose you're ready, waiting for the ad, from a specific person?
Do you go on waiting for that ad? Or do you go with another ad, one that's maybe got a typo in it orsomething?
I think you have to know exactly what you want.
I see.
What do you mean by typo, exactly?
I'm not sure.
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho,
ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho, ho. Yes, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Ah, ah, ho, ho, ho, ho. And he, he, he, he.
He, he, he, he, he.
Oh, um...
You may be thinking, um...
Well, there's no need to stare, it's not dirty.
It's not a cupboard, it's a woman.
But she won't come out, hence the need for this...
Oh, er, er, er...
No, sorry, magic has gone.
I think I may have a splinter.
>
Two, four, six, eight,
we've got a message from your mate. Give us an M.
Excuse me.
Give us an M.
Er, M.
Give us an A.
A.
Give us a...
Is it a C?
It's an R.
Oh, R.
Give us a T-I-N.
Martin.
Yes!
Marry him! Marry him! Marry him! Marry him!
Marry me.
Sorry, Martin.
She said no.
What?
She said no, she said no, she said no, she said no, she said no.
Yeah!
What's that, more apple juice?
No, Mr Boyce, it's coffee.
No, it is coffee, look, there. Right.
Not that, this. It's about a gentlemen of restricted growth.
Hmm?
You mean the, er, thing?
The pixie, dwarf, is it?
Yeah, if you like, yeah.
Oh. Well, why is it funny?
Oh, well he owned a small business,
and here they've referred to him as a small businessman, do you get it?
Yes.
Fantastic journalism.
And then what does it say?
It says, "The disappearance of Alistair Taylor took
"an interesting twist today, when it was discovered
"that the small businessman had run up debts of over £2.3 million."
Oh, ah.
Yeah, "His disappearance is now being treated by police as suicide."
Oh! Ah, ah ha ha.
That's very... You made me spill my coffee, it's so funny. That's ha!
Are you all right?
Oh, yes. You have it, you have the coffee. Yes.
Oh, ha ha!
Oh...
Come out. Come on, out, out, out!
We're in the clear. Yes!
No.
Come on! Yes, yes. I mean, it's in the paper.
Everything, they think, they think,
they, they think, they think, they, they, think it's a suicide.
It's in, it's in the...
the dwarf was a bankrupt.
I'm not coming out.
No, come on, you must come out, come on. Come out, out, out.
No, I'm not coming out.
Come on, no, there's no need. Come out!
Out! You!
Pull you out. Right, come on. Out, come out.
Right. Now come on, pull yourself together.
Pull yourself together.
Let's just, listen. Everything's fine.
We've done it. We are beyond the law.
No.
Yes, yes. Come on.
Come on. Hmm? Hmm?
Hmm? Come on, this is our time.
Yes, come on. Yes?
Yes.
Come on. Come on. Oh!
We've got away with it.
Yes, my sweet.
We didn't just cross the line.
Maybe there is no line.
No rules.
No.
We could do anything.
Anything.
Oh.
Oh!
No, no, not the pens.
Hi.
I wanted to talk to you about earlier.
Who?
You know, as in earlier on today, when you wrote, "I love you"
on the mirror.
You know, when you wrote, "I love you" on the mirror.
Well, someone who looked and sounded just like you did.
It was meant for me, wasn't it?
Right.
It's a shame, because I realise that I didn't take the person
who did it seriously at the time and I wanted to thank them.
Thank them?
Yeah.
I, er, I, um,
I liked it.
I liked that they wrote that. I like... them.
But, you know, as it wasn't you...
Marry me.
What?
Marry me.
Is this some sort of bet?
No, no, this is me, here and now, asking you to marry me.
Marry me.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, I get that a lot.
I'm sure you do.
Please don't say no. Don't say no,
say maybe, say you'll think about it, but don't say no.
OK.
OK, you'll think about it?
OK, I'll think about it.
Really?
Really.
Kiss me again while I think about it.
Oh, yes.
This is what you've always wanted to do, is it?
Yes, yes.
We can do anything. Let's do something exciting.
Come on, make the call. Go on.
All right.
Hello, can you tell Mr Boyce he's wanted in Doctor Statham's office
right away, please?
Yeah, thank you.
He's on his way.
Oh, good, good. It'll be very funny. This will be very ... oh!
Turn it, turn it so the slit's forward,
so I can see when to jump out.
You are really good at that.
I practise a lot.
Of course, if you say yes,
I'll just practise on you.
Too much?
A bit.
Yeah, sorry.
He'll never do that.
He never sees anything through.
You'll be waiting for ever.
And he kisses like a newt.
I'm told.
Doctor Statham, you wanted to see me?
Um, yes.
Is it about the reports I did last?
I mean, I can do them a lot better.
No, they're fine, very good.
Right, can I go?
Um, yes.
OK, see you.
Karen, are you going to do any work today?
Not until I know it's safe.
What's the problem?
I thought I saw a Clanger.
Oh, Jesus!
A what?
A Clanger.
Oh, I thought you said shark.
Stop it!
Come in.
I am in. Are you blind as well as Scottish?
What do you want?
You're fired! Go on, pack your bags and piss off.
Have you got official confirmation of this, in writing, perhaps?
Yeah.
Can I see it?
"I love you."
"Bye bye, bitch."
Any particular reason at all?
Yeah, you're fat.
Yep, fair enough.
Hello. How are you?
What, no quips?
No witty asides? No hilarious gags?
Are you feeling all right? Is there something wrong?
No.
Oh, God, no!
You bloody, bloody man, you!
You had to go and show off, didn't you?
Mac, I am so sorry, I don't know what came over me. It just happened.
My brain got fuzzy, but it meant nothing, it was just a kiss.
Quite a long kiss I grant you, and in fact there were two of them,
but I have to assure you that I feel absolutely nothing for Guy.
He didn't tell me.
Oh.
Hmm.
Are you all right with the fact that we kissed?
We never kissed.
No, me and Caroline.
Fine, yeah.
You all right with what she said?
Yeah, fine. It was all a bit vague, really.
"I feel absolutely nothing for Guy."
That was vague, was it, that bit?
Oh, that bit? Yeah, she was just trying to spare your feelings.
We all work together, she had to be diplomatic.
Sure, right. So if I just went for it one day, say I asked her
to marry me or something, she would just turn me down flat, would she?
I know you, you wouldn't do that.
Right. Wouldn't I?
Dr Todd, hello.
So...
I was wondering if I could ask you something...
No, you can't!
What do you mean?
What? What? What, I mean, what do I mean?
No, sorry. Carry on. Fine.
Do you think that...
No, wait!
Just... All right, go on. Be careful. Be careful.
Would you consider an aortal incision to be worth the risk in this case?
I don't think I would, no.
She said no! Boo ya!
Although I certainly appreciate Dr McCartney
taking a moment to respect my professional opinion.
No, no, no, no, no!
Oh, dear.
You're a bit late.
Yes, I thought it's best not to bother
with your silly little meeting as you're all a bunch of bloody oiks!
Also, the sandwiches you're currently eating
have been tampered with. They contain traces of my very own poo.
So, what do you think of that, mmm?
You're eating poo-wiches, you're playing Russian poo-lette.
So, mmm-hmm, yes. Ah!
These have just been delivered by Turnbulls.
They arrived five minutes ago.
They're very good, actually. Would you care to try?
Yes, they have!
Yes, exactly. The ones with the cling film on, that I put there?
I think those went to the patients.
The patients, yes! And hopefully they'll all die of poo.
You bloody fucksies!
Joanna?
Charles.
Right, 46B, complaints procedure...
Kiss me.
What?!
Kiss me. I need someone to kiss me now.
I went too far, didn't I?
Oh!
Ah!
Oh, it doesn't matter.
Hi.
I wanted to ask you something.
Did you?
Hence me standing here saying, "I want to ask you something."
Yeah, what do you want?
Um... you.
You've come to the right place, because here I am.
Yeah, no, I want you.
Oh.
Oh, yeah, erm... OK.
Not really sure how this is gonna come out, so...
It's a bit tricky, but...
Caroline.
Wait.
Are you about to propose?
Umm...
Only it'll be my third today.
Oh, great, right. Quiet day?
Yeah.
So, what did you say to these proposals?
A yes, no and a maybe.
Right.
So what would I be?
Yes, no or maybe?
Oh, you're the yes.
You realise that I didn't actually propose to you just now, don't you?
No, but then you were pacing about and looking nervous...
No, that's cos I was building up to getting round to asking you
whether or not you would swap shifts with me tonight.
Short notice I know, so you don't have to.
Really not a problem, I can ask someone else.
It's cool.
You all right?
Yeah.
Sure? Yeah.
Good.
No, I just thought...
What did you think?
I thought you were going...
No, I was just...
I don't know what I was.
And anyway, who actually wants to get married these days?
Yeah, man!
It's just so...!
Absolutely.
Of course, you could always move in with me.
What?
That's what I was gonna ask you before
I made up the bit about swapping shifts.
Why would you do that?
Cos, um...
I wanted to make really sure that I could live
in the same house as
both your eyebrows.
You can be very cruel sometimes.
Yes.
I don't think I'd quite finished.
Go! Run!
Just get the...
Come on, let's...
Pull yourself together!
There's a car, there's a police car!
Yes, I know.
Oh, my God, they've come for me.
Where are you? No, where are you? Where are you?
I love Fridays because the afternoon doesn't really count.
Then I should be able to see you.
Where?
No, I can't see you.
I can't see you.
Give me a call when you're back in the building.
Yeah, OK. Yeah, all right, bye.
Shh!
PHONE RINGS
Hello. No Dr Statham, he's...
Hello. Is it you? Yes.
Yes, I'm ready. Hmm, what?
Where are they?
Oh, my fuck!
What shall I do? Hmm?
They're here! Wait. You stay, wait for me.
Ah, hi there, I'm Dr McCartney. How are you feeling?
I need to borrow Dr Todd just for a moment because it's rather urgent.
Excuse me.
Hi.
What now?
I need to ask your advice.
Advice about what?
About whether I should apologise verbally or physically.
Physically?
Good. You see?
Unbiased and instinctive.
I accept your apology.
Good, great.
I'd like you to try and get on with this as fast as you can
because we're gonna go away somewhere for the weekend.
OK?
But what about my shift?
Sorted. I've got you cover with Dopey Daniel.
OK? You are gonna be fine, just lose some weight.
Um... good luck.
With what?
With everything. Life.
I can't stop now, I'm in a rush.
It's good to see you,
even though you are on the run, as it were.
Oh, no, I'm not on the run, I'm on the...
Game?
No. On the...
Sauce.
No, I'm on the...
Pill.
No! I'm on the...
Blob?
No, on the...
Sunny side of the street.
No, I'm on the... holiday.
Oh, holiday. Oh, right.
Well, have fun.
Yeah, I will. I'd better go, I've got a plane to catch.
Mexico, probably, or Puerto Ventura, or...
Nowhere in England.
Ssh.
Oh, it's you.
Didn't there used to be a yucca here or something?
No.
Oh.
The weasel is still in its cage. The weasel is still in its cage.
The weasel is out of the cage. The weasel is out of the cage.
Fly, pelicans! Go.
The weasel is returning to the cage, so pelicans to the kitchen.
Pelicans, go to the kitchen.
Go to the kitchen! The kitchen!
It's the bush.
The kitchen is the bush.
Just a minute. Where?
There.
Have you said kitchen?
The kitchen is the, look...
Have you said kitchen?
We've arranged all of this.
I've only heard a bush.
Stop.
Well, you keep saying bush. Perhaps...
Look, we worked on this, OK?
There's the policeman! Act normal, kiss me.
No, me.
No!
Wait!
Why don't we just go to a motel?
Oh!
Good idea. Lie low.
Come on.
Lie low.
He meant for us to all have sex together.
Good kisser.
Are you saying sex with Boyce?
There's a train coming! A train's coming!
Yeah, of course there is Martin. This is platform 21.
And I've said no.
What? No, this... Look, there's a train coming, I promise!
TRAIN WHISTLE
Look!
Oh, wow!
A map.
"Meet me at the station at 6:43.
"Wear something special."
Actually, Christ, I'd better go!
Martin, I think it's for me.
Are you sure?
Quite sure.
God, I knew it was too good to be true.
Hula Hoop.
A Hula Hoop?
Is that good?
Oh, I think it might turn out to be a very special weekend, Martin.
Yeah, a weekend with lots of snacks, probably.
Special, Martin.
A visit to the Hula Hoop factory!
Cool! Yes! Who is it?
♪ From the day we arrive on the planet
♪ And, blinking, step into the sun... ♪
Which car?
Doesn't matter!
♪ There's more to be seen
♪ Than can ever be seen, more to do than can ever be done... ♪
Get out of the car. Come on, out.
Why?
Why should they? I haven't got a gun.
♪ Some say eat or be eaten
♪ Some say live and let live... ♪
I'm a doc... nurse. And you...
I've got to get to the hospital.
We're at the hospital.
Don't get clever with me, punk!
Oh, brilliant!
Right, come on, get out of the van.
It's a mobile home.
Right, get out of the mobile home, then!
And you, missus, with your... Come on, get them out.
♪ But all are agreed
♪ As they join the stampede... ♪
Stay there.
♪ You should never take more than you give...
♪ In the circle
♪ The circle of life. ♪
Come on!
No, I think, I think we've lost them. Do you think we've lost them?
Well, they were on foot!
They were very upset about, about losing their van.
They were more upset that you kept calling it a van. You can slow down.
No! What if they, if they jump into a taxi and say, "Follow that van"?
They wouldn't have said "van".
Well, they can eat dust. I've got this baby between my legs,
I've got my foot on the floor and I'm going to burn some rubbers!
Go on!
Shut up!
Doctor Macartney, what a surprise! Although it isn't, because I followed you.
How are the people of Insania, without their mighty queen?
They're all right. I left them post-it notes with
instructions. Would you like to have a look in my papoose?
As I warned you, that is probably sexual harassment.
Can you excuse me? I need to pop in here.
Yeah, you can look at it later. There's a gift for you, Daddy.
GROWLING
Did you just growl?
Might have done. Could have done. Maybe I did.
OK, decaf, no sugar?
Me.
OK. Herbal, that's Harriet's.
Black, no sugar?
And that one's three sugars, that's mine.
So who's this?
Who has tea, milk, no sugar?
Oh, well.
Fucking cigarettes!
Well, it's better than smoking them.
Yes, very good.
Mac, you've been in the business for a while, what would you say is
the worst thing about this job?
The worst thing I would say is probably the white coats,
cos they make me look quite pale.
Seriously.
Seriously, er, bureaucracy?
No.
No. Er, lack of adequate funding?
No, no, I'm thinking of something more specific,
more patient-orientated.
Got you. Smelly patients.
Not exactly. Suppose you were conducting some routine tests
and you stumbled across something significant, something serious?
Something like this.
Er, hm.
Nasty. I would say that is game over. Yeah?
Yes.
That is definitely game over.
Yes.
Still, you've got to face facts, haven't you? Got to be honest.
Yes. Well, you've got to actually go and tell the patient that he's
going to die, which is... I hate that, I hate it.
Quite.
So, bearing that in mind...
Imagine how I must be feeling right this minute.
Yes.
Yeah, it's very difficult.
I don't actually quite follow what you're...
Whose results are these anyway?
Fuck.
And fuck.
I forget I have a first name sometimes, people always,
they call me Mac.
I'm so very, very sorry.
Are you OK?
OK.
May I?
Of course.
We've explored all the options.
If you need any support...
Are you OK?
Yeah. Thank you.
What's in the box?
Oh, that's nice!
They'll be looking for this vehicle, you know.
No, they won't, there are thousands of vehicles like this.
Not with the same numberplate, being driven by a nurse with a moustache!
Well, we've gone miles, nobody knows where we are.
Least of all you.
Come on, let's not succumb to feeble-minded panic.
Are we nearly there yet?
What the fuck are you doing here?!
Well, I stowed away. I saw you taking the van.
The mobile home.
Get rid of him! Come on, get rid of him!
I was worried about you.
Well, you kept very quiet about it.
Well, I actually nodded off. These beds are really comfy.
We can't have him in here, people will think we've kidnapped him!
What do you suggest we do?
I don't know. We'll have to kill him.
Oh, typical!
Right, because the penalty for murder is much less than kidnapping, isn't it
836 Yes, well we've already killed one pixie.
What?!
Nice work
He tricked me into saying that!
No, he didn't!
He did, he said, he said "typical". He tricked me, that's a trick word.
For Christ's sake get a grip!
♪ Blow, winds and crack your cheeks!
♪ Rain, spout till you have drenched our steeples and drowned our cocks! ♪
Just give me the wheel!
No, I'm in fucking charge of the vehicle!
Liar!
Oh, my fucksy, there's a field in the road!
Get off me! Damn you!
Give me the wheel! Alan!
A sheep!
♪ So tired, tired of waiting Tired of waiting for you
♪ So tired, tired of waiting
♪ Tired of waiting for you... ♪
Hold on!
Oh!
This is just weird.
What?!
Deja vu.
We're just going to have to sit here and wait.
For what?!
Cliff rescue.
Who?
< Caroline?
Mac?
You?
I thought it was Mac.
No, it's, no, it's definitely me.
I wanted to see what I could have had if I'd been a bit more... ginger.
Sad, isn't it?
A bit, yeah.
Yeah.
Where's Mac?
Well, he's let me down again, hasn't he?
Life's just a game. Bastard.
Well, no, I'm sure he had his reasons.
He's actually not a bastard. He's, um, he's a really good bloke.
Yes.
What?
Yes. Yes, to what you asked me earlier.
Really?!
You had a little snog and some touching with another girl
when you were at school?
No, no, no, yes to the getting married thing.
Oh, oh.
Well, it's hardly pre-pubescent lesbian fumbling, is it?
No, sorry.
That's OK. Are you sure?
Yeah.
I mean, I shared a bed with Marianne Selby when we were 15 and she rolled
over and, um... No, I rolled over and touched her boob, but
she was in a pair of pyjamas, so I don't think it really counts...
No, I meant about the marriage thing.
Oh, oh, um, then yes, I'm sure.
There's always been something between us, I think we both know that.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! Did you ever tell Mac?
No. It's very easy to lie when you know that you're trusted implicitly.
So very easy and so very degrading.
No, I meant about the lesbian thing.
Oh, no.
I love you, Doctor Todd.
What? What?!
Sorry, sorry, it's just, you know, I normally do the lunging, so...
Oh. Oh, sorry.
See what I mean?
Yeah, yeah.
We, why don't we...
You go and I'll...
A is for anus. B is for bumhole.
Oh, is he off again?
C is for c...
Oh!
...t.
D is for dogs' dicks.
E is for ejaculation.
F is for... G is for gonads.
H is for...
Er, yeah.
Quick, quick.
OK. I hope they've got a buffet, I'm starving.
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd