1 00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:06,600 It's not his, Holly's kid, she lied, dyed his hair, she's history! 2 00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:10,640 {\an8}This programme contains very strong language. 3 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:14,880 Have you forgotten what he's just put you through? 4 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:14,880 Forgotten, no. Forgiven, perhaps. 5 00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:22,640 I think I'm having a breakdown. 6 00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:22,640 So am I. 7 00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:27,800 Do you ever think that maybe we just weren't supposed to get together? 8 00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:30,240 Ha! I'm here! 9 00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:37,680 (SCREAMS) 10 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:45,720 ♪ THE KINKS: Tired Of Waiting For You 11 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:48,400 ♪ Tired of waiting 12 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:52,480 ♪ Tired of waiting for you... ♪ 13 00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:55,480 Morning Mac. 14 00:00:55,480 --> 00:01:00,640 ♪ I was a lonely soul, I had nobody till I met you 15 00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:07,000 ♪ But you keep me waiting all of the time 16 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,520 ♪ What can I do? ♪ 17 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:12,600 Coming. 18 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:20,400 ♪ Do what you like 19 00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:25,240 ♪ But please don't keep me waiting 20 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:28,880 ♪ Please don't keep me waiting 21 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:31,280 ♪ Cos I'm so tired 22 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:33,520 ♪ Tired of waiting 23 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:37,800 ♪ Tired of waiting for you 24 00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:43,480 ♪ So tired, tired of waiting 25 00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:49,000 ♪ Tired of waiting for you for you... ♪ 26 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:55,200 Nearly there. Nearly. 27 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:00,320 It's all yours. 28 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:01,360 About bloody time. 29 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:02,800 Do you want to... 30 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:04,680 What? 31 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:07,440 Do you want to put some make-up on? 32 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:07,440 Oh, thanks, I'll take that as a compliment. 33 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:10,120 No, I mean, you look great, but... No! 34 00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:12,400 What? 35 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:12,400 Oh, you've spoiled it! 36 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,640 Spoiled what? 37 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:14,640 The mirror, I'd written in it. 38 00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:19,160 Really? What did you write? 39 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:19,160 Well, it doesn't matter now, but if you must know, 40 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:20,680 it was, "I love you." 41 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:27,480 You bloody Narcissus. Now get out! No, go on. 42 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:31,560 Are you going to see ginger nuts today? 43 00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:31,560 We work with ginger nuts, of course I'll see him. 44 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:33,600 Can't we just go to a different hospital? 45 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:33,600 What do you mean? 46 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:37,360 Just you and me, do our stuff somewhere else. 47 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:37,360 No. Go away. 48 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:39,400 Oh. Let me brush your teeth. 49 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:42,000 Get out. 50 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:44,120 I'll do the top and you do the bottom. 51 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:50,960 Sue White. 52 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:52,080 Yeah. 53 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:56,600 Don't mind me. Just feeling a little Morrissey today. 54 00:02:56,600 --> 00:03:00,160 Like an attention-seeking dilettante, wallowing in teenage angst 55 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:03,720 whilst displaying a spurious nostalgia for the working classes? 56 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:04,960 Aye, that's the fella. 57 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:06,480 Yep. For you. 58 00:03:13,640 --> 00:03:16,600 A restraining order? 59 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:18,320 But why, Mac? Why? 60 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:20,520 Because life is too short. 61 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:24,000 Read it, learn it by heart, never bother me again. 62 00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:28,440 What about can I do it if I don't actually touch...? 63 00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:29,800 No, no. 64 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:32,160 What if I spoke in Portuguese? 65 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:35,160 (SPEAKS IN PORTUGUESE) 66 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:39,160 No, not in any language ever. 67 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:45,000 I could sniff your intoxicating trouser fragrance. 68 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:48,400 You sound like an inkjet printer. 69 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:50,960 Go away or go to jail. 70 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:59,440 But what about the wee bairn?! 71 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,600 Harriet! What the fuck?! 72 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:10,280 Ian found out about Lyndon and threw me out. 73 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:12,240 Told me to take what I needed and leave. 74 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:14,400 I couldn't find a suitcase. 75 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:16,120 It's very hot in here. 76 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:25,120 What happened to you? 77 00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:27,640 I got really drunk last night. 78 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:31,880 The hen party padlocked this to my testicles. 79 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,520 Argh! 80 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:35,200 Sorry, it didn't hurt you did it? 81 00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:39,600 Morning, guys. 82 00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:50,800 KNOCK AT DOOR 83 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:54,680 Who's there? 84 00:04:58,040 --> 00:04:59,520 Hmm? 85 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:03,400 Is that you? 86 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:10,480 You back from the grave to wreak your dwarfish vengeance upon me? 87 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:13,040 Well, I won't have it! You... 88 00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:14,560 I won't. So... 89 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:19,200 You're not real. You get out, you're not real. 90 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:21,920 You're just a midgety figment of my imagination. 91 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:23,600 Be gone you... Oh, bloody! 92 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:25,120 Hello, Alan. 93 00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:30,240 I can't go into my office. 94 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:31,440 You're in my cupboard. 95 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:32,760 I can't face people. 96 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:34,120 You're in my cupboard. 97 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:37,280 Oh, Jesus, Alan, we're going to prison! 98 00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:37,280 No we're not! 99 00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:39,400 Do you know what'll happen to me in prison? 100 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:41,560 I'll be lady-bummed. 101 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:44,440 I'll end up some bitch's bitch. 102 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:46,880 I won't let them. You're my bitch. 103 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,160 Criminals always get caught in the end. 104 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:50,880 We're not going to prison! 105 00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:52,520 They'll be looking for us. 106 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:55,200 Why? Where's the motive? Why would we murder a dwarf? 107 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:56,760 Why would you kill a dwarf? 108 00:05:56,760 --> 00:06:02,000 You shut up, with your, I've had it up here with dwarfs! No more dwarf! 109 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,720 Yes, that's right, thanks to you. 110 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:09,200 Alan? (KNOCKS) 111 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:10,800 What?! 112 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:12,320 I'm hungry. 113 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:16,360 And I need a pee. 114 00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:23,360 I'll look after you. 115 00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:27,960 I love you. 116 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,680 Argh. 117 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:41,560 Argh, I love her. 118 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:42,720 I love her. Do you? 119 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:45,200 Yeah. 120 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:46,720 (LAUGHS) 121 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:49,960 Oh, how sweet. No, that's sweet, it's kind of cute. 122 00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:52,000 It's not cute. 123 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:52,000 Oh, it is. 124 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,160 It's, it's... 125 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:55,840 Well, then just let her go. Let her go. Let her go. 126 00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:58,360 I want to keep her. 127 00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:00,760 Right, well suit yourself. Taxidermist. 128 00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:04,200 You'll need to kill her, have her stuffed before she'll stay with you. 129 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,360 You know nothing about love. 130 00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:06,360 Really? 131 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:07,560 You don't know a thing. 132 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,760 Well, why don't you tell me about it? 133 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:09,760 Why don't I? 134 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:13,560 Do you know about it? Go on then, let's hear it. 135 00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:13,560 Right. 136 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:19,080 Love is... 137 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:21,560 waking up in the middle of the night. 138 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,720 That's about as far as I've got at the moment. 139 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:29,720 Is it? 140 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:32,280 Yeah. 141 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,280 It's not great is it? 142 00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:34,560 Well... 143 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:38,800 (GROANS) 144 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,360 Have a chocolate cock. 145 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:50,200 They're quite cheering. 146 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:03,640 No, not both of them. 147 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,360 They are actually quite cheering. 148 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:14,120 Vodka? 149 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:15,760 No my darling, I think not. 150 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:18,680 No vodka for you. Maybe a coffee... 151 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:21,680 Hi. We were wondering if you'd cancelled today's session, 152 00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:27,120 because you weren't there. So we thought maybe it would be in here? 153 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:27,120 Right, yes, cancelled. Hmm. 154 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:29,600 Is that smoke? 155 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:34,200 Yes. It's, it's a smoking, it's my, my smoking cupboard. 156 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:36,640 Oh, right, yes. There might be a fire. 157 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:36,720 No. No. 158 00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:38,640 No smoke without fire. 159 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:41,120 That, Mr Boyce, is precisely what a fool might think. 160 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:46,080 A fool who also thinks I might keep a person in storage, 161 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:49,120 and give them a cigarette to smoke within. 162 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:51,000 < (Alan?) 163 00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:51,000 Shut up! 164 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,720 What? 165 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,720 Shut up! 166 00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:56,480 Well, not you, her. No, him, him. 167 00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:58,000 Did you say anything? 168 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,000 No. 169 00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:59,840 No, well shut up nobody. Just... 170 00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:06,840 Is er... 171 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:08,520 Is that a glass of wee? 172 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:10,560 No, no, it's, that's apple juice. 173 00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:12,880 That's funny, because it smells like wee. 174 00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:17,800 No, it's organic. It's... 175 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:17,800 Chin chin. > 176 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:21,240 Chinny-chin-chin and bottoms. 177 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:24,400 So... Well, well, yes... 178 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:25,920 Oh, just... Hmm. 179 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:30,880 Oh, yes! 180 00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:32,080 Refreshing. 181 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:34,200 Lovely. That's the... 182 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,120 Ooh, oh, yes. 183 00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:44,440 ELECTRIC DRILL 184 00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:59,920 Thank you very much, cupboard lady! 185 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:08,920 (BURPS) 186 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,520 I love it when patients give me things. 187 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:23,840 Apart from venereal disease. 188 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:24,880 Yeah. 189 00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:26,400 You know he's on his last legs? 190 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:27,320 Who, yo-yo man? 191 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:30,400 Well, I'm assuming he had a real name, but... 192 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:30,400 Yeah, but you can't remember what it is. 193 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:34,760 Can you? Well, no, but you're the moral one, so it's worse that you can't remember. 194 00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:38,680 You know yo-yo man died. 195 00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:41,280 Yeah, he had a name actually. 196 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:42,880 I can't remember what it was. 197 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:43,960 Yeah, neither can we. 198 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:48,640 You know the last thing he said to me was, 199 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:51,680 "Don't die alone like me, in a place like this. 200 00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:53,240 "Find someone you love. 201 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:56,800 "Ask them to marry you, raise children together 202 00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:59,040 "and live a full and rich, happy life." 203 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:06,240 I don't get it. 204 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,480 Walk the dog. 205 00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:10,840 Catch the monkey. 206 00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:13,520 Chase the rabbit. 207 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:15,800 Open the fridge. 208 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,600 Rearrange the kitchen. 209 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,040 Wise words. 210 00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:24,080 Yeah. Good old yo-yo man. 211 00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:28,880 Stroke the beaver. 212 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:31,520 Smell the witch. 213 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:33,920 Oh, count the ants. 214 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:51,240 All I'm saying is that you will never be a one-woman man. 215 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:53,120 Well, that's rubbish, I am. I am. 216 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:53,480 Yeah? 217 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:54,240 Yeah. 218 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:56,960 What about that new blonde girl in ENT? Nice or what? 219 00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:58,200 Not interested. 220 00:11:58,200 --> 00:11:59,320 Not interested? 221 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:00,760 No. No, I've changed. 222 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:05,520 Great. How about Graham in dermatology? 223 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:05,520 Changed, as in I think I'm ready for commitment. 224 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:09,880 Fantastic. I'll sign your commitment papers for you today. 225 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:09,880 Commitment with a woman. 226 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:10,240 Ah. 227 00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:13,200 I can see myself with about a dozen children. 228 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:14,600 That's illegal, isn't it? 229 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:15,480 Mac! 230 00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:17,600 What would you do with a dozen children? 231 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:19,960 I'd teach them Guyball. 232 00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:19,960 I'd buy them a train set. 233 00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:24,240 A train set? 234 00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:24,240 I love train sets. 235 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:24,240 Yeah? Ah, you love train sets. It's supposed to be for the children. 236 00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:28,320 I was never allowed one, so... 237 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:28,320 Nothing wrong with wanting a train set. That's a good quality 238 00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:30,440 in a wife... woman... doctor. 239 00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:34,040 If you're looking for a wife-woman-doctor. 240 00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:39,680 Aren't you looking for a wife-woman-doctor? 241 00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:39,680 Well, I haven't placed an advert in Wife-Woman-Doctor Weekly this week. 242 00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:42,160 Which week might you put an ad in, then? 243 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:44,160 Maybe he will never put an ad in. 244 00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:47,840 Is that true? 245 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:47,840 It depends, doesn't it? It's difficult when you're placing 246 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:49,360 an ad, sometimes you get your 247 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:53,880 hopes up and then the person who answers the ad can let you down. 248 00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:56,440 Then suddenly you're back to where you started. 249 00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:59,800 I think you need to be very sure before you place the ad. 250 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:03,240 Suppose you're ready, waiting for the ad, from a specific person? 251 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:08,640 Do you go on waiting for that ad? Or do you go with another ad, one that's maybe got a typo in it orsomething? 252 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:11,680 I think you have to know exactly what you want. 253 00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:12,720 I see. 254 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:16,360 What do you mean by typo, exactly? 255 00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:16,360 I'm not sure. 256 00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:18,200 Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, 257 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:21,560 ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho, ho. Yes, oh, oh, oh, oh. 258 00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:25,000 Ah, ah, ho, ho, ho, ho. And he, he, he, he. 259 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,360 He, he, he, he, he. 260 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:29,120 Oh, um... 261 00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:31,160 You may be thinking, um... 262 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:33,680 Well, there's no need to stare, it's not dirty. 263 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,480 It's not a cupboard, it's a woman. 264 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:39,240 But she won't come out, hence the need for this... 265 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:41,600 Oh, er, er, er... 266 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:48,160 No, sorry, magic has gone. 267 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,720 I think I may have a splinter. 268 00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:57,920 (HUMS) 269 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:09,240 (PANTS) 270 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,040 (SCREAMING) > 271 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:18,520 Two, four, six, eight, 272 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:21,800 we've got a message from your mate. Give us an M. 273 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,040 Excuse me. 274 00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:27,560 Give us an M. 275 00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:31,720 Er, M. 276 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:34,200 Give us an A. 277 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:35,120 A. 278 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:36,240 Give us a... 279 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:37,840 Is it a C? 280 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:39,640 It's an R. 281 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,080 Oh, R. 282 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,720 Give us a T-I-N. 283 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:46,280 Martin. 284 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,640 Yes! 285 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:54,720 Marry him! Marry him! Marry him! Marry him! 286 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:56,240 Marry me. 287 00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:00,040 Sorry, Martin. 288 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:02,360 She said no. 289 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:02,920 What? 290 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:08,280 She said no, she said no, she said no, she said no, she said no. 291 00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:14,960 Yeah! 292 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:19,440 What's that, more apple juice? 293 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,800 No, Mr Boyce, it's coffee. 294 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:26,080 No, it is coffee, look, there. Right. 295 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:30,120 Not that, this. It's about a gentlemen of restricted growth. 296 00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:30,120 Hmm? 297 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:32,560 You mean the, er, thing? 298 00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:36,440 The pixie, dwarf, is it? 299 00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:36,440 Yeah, if you like, yeah. 300 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:36,440 Oh. Well, why is it funny? 301 00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:38,240 Oh, well he owned a small business, 302 00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:42,920 and here they've referred to him as a small businessman, do you get it? 303 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:42,920 Yes. 304 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:42,920 Fantastic journalism. 305 00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:44,240 And then what does it say? 306 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:47,000 It says, "The disappearance of Alistair Taylor took 307 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,800 "an interesting twist today, when it was discovered 308 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:54,200 "that the small businessman had run up debts of over £2.3 million." 309 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:56,080 Oh, ah. 310 00:15:56,080 --> 00:16:00,320 Yeah, "His disappearance is now being treated by police as suicide." 311 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:03,440 Oh! Ah, ah ha ha. 312 00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:07,400 That's very... You made me spill my coffee, it's so funny. That's ha! 313 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:08,520 Are you all right? 314 00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:11,600 Oh, yes. You have it, you have the coffee. Yes. 315 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:14,280 Oh, ha ha! 316 00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:15,760 Oh... 317 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:30,640 Come out. Come on, out, out, out! 318 00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:32,120 We're in the clear. Yes! 319 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:32,440 No. 320 00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:34,720 Come on! Yes, yes. I mean, it's in the paper. 321 00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:36,760 Everything, they think, they think, 322 00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:40,280 they, they think, they think, they, they, think it's a suicide. 323 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:42,320 It's in, it's in the... 324 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:44,080 the dwarf was a bankrupt. 325 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:45,720 I'm not coming out. 326 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:48,760 No, come on, you must come out, come on. Come out, out, out. 327 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:48,760 No, I'm not coming out. 328 00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:51,080 Come on, no, there's no need. Come out! 329 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:53,120 Out! You! 330 00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:56,040 Pull you out. Right, come on. Out, come out. 331 00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:58,560 Right. Now come on, pull yourself together. 332 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,360 Pull yourself together. 333 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:03,160 Let's just, listen. Everything's fine. 334 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:06,800 We've done it. We are beyond the law. 335 00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:07,040 No. 336 00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:09,600 Yes, yes. Come on. 337 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:12,120 Come on. Hmm? Hmm? 338 00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:15,160 Hmm? Come on, this is our time. 339 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:18,480 Yes, come on. Yes? 340 00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:20,400 Yes. 341 00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:23,480 Come on. Come on. Oh! 342 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,440 We've got away with it. 343 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:28,040 Yes, my sweet. 344 00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:30,200 We didn't just cross the line. 345 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:32,480 Maybe there is no line. 346 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:33,400 No rules. 347 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:34,400 No. 348 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:37,280 We could do anything. 349 00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:39,840 Anything. 350 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:42,600 Oh. 351 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:44,760 Oh! 352 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:46,160 No, no, not the pens. 353 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:51,080 Hi. 354 00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:53,320 I wanted to talk to you about earlier. 355 00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,160 Who? 356 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:59,600 You know, as in earlier on today, when you wrote, "I love you" 357 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,160 on the mirror. 358 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:06,440 You know, when you wrote, "I love you" on the mirror. 359 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:13,360 Well, someone who looked and sounded just like you did. 360 00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:15,120 It was meant for me, wasn't it? 361 00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:19,720 Right. 362 00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:23,520 It's a shame, because I realise that I didn't take the person 363 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:26,760 who did it seriously at the time and I wanted to thank them. 364 00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:27,760 Thank them? 365 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:29,480 Yeah. 366 00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:32,320 I, er, I, um, 367 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,400 I liked it. 368 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:37,960 I liked that they wrote that. I like... them. 369 00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:42,960 But, you know, as it wasn't you... 370 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,440 Marry me. 371 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:46,400 What? 372 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:47,640 Marry me. 373 00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:49,360 Is this some sort of bet? 374 00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:53,440 No, no, this is me, here and now, asking you to marry me. 375 00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:54,960 Marry me. 376 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:20,560 Oh, my God. 377 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,240 Yeah, I get that a lot. 378 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:23,280 I'm sure you do. 379 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:25,040 Please don't say no. Don't say no, 380 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:28,720 say maybe, say you'll think about it, but don't say no. 381 00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:28,720 OK. 382 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:33,320 OK, you'll think about it? 383 00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:33,320 OK, I'll think about it. 384 00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:33,320 Really? 385 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:33,320 Really. 386 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:37,360 Kiss me again while I think about it. 387 00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:48,480 Oh, yes. 388 00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:52,320 This is what you've always wanted to do, is it? 389 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:53,480 Yes, yes. 390 00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:56,120 We can do anything. Let's do something exciting. 391 00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:58,240 Come on, make the call. Go on. 392 00:19:58,240 --> 00:19:59,760 All right. 393 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:06,640 Hello, can you tell Mr Boyce he's wanted in Doctor Statham's office 394 00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:07,800 right away, please? 395 00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:09,440 Yeah, thank you. 396 00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:10,880 He's on his way. 397 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:14,360 Oh, good, good. It'll be very funny. This will be very ... oh! 398 00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:16,640 Turn it, turn it so the slit's forward, 399 00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:18,320 so I can see when to jump out. 400 00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:29,640 You are really good at that. 401 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,720 I practise a lot. 402 00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:34,600 Of course, if you say yes, 403 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:36,480 I'll just practise on you. 404 00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:39,600 Too much? 405 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:40,400 A bit. 406 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:41,920 Yeah, sorry. 407 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:53,520 He'll never do that. 408 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:56,080 He never sees anything through. 409 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,320 You'll be waiting for ever. 410 00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:00,640 And he kisses like a newt. 411 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,520 I'm told. 412 00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:18,880 Doctor Statham, you wanted to see me? 413 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,080 Um, yes. 414 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:27,120 Is it about the reports I did last? 415 00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:29,280 I mean, I can do them a lot better. 416 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:31,720 No, they're fine, very good. 417 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:37,080 Right, can I go? 418 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:38,120 Um, yes. 419 00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:39,640 OK, see you. 420 00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:48,880 Karen, are you going to do any work today? 421 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:50,800 Not until I know it's safe. 422 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:55,480 What's the problem? 423 00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:55,480 I thought I saw a Clanger. 424 00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,480 Oh, Jesus! 425 00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:56,600 A what? 426 00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:59,160 A Clanger. 427 00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:01,640 Oh, I thought you said shark. 428 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:04,480 (WHISTLES LIKE CLANGER) 429 00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:07,320 Stop it! 430 00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,080 (PANTS) 431 00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:16,640 Come in. 432 00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:18,800 I am in. Are you blind as well as Scottish? 433 00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:20,080 What do you want? 434 00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:23,560 You're fired! Go on, pack your bags and piss off. 435 00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:28,840 Have you got official confirmation of this, in writing, perhaps? 436 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:29,520 Yeah. 437 00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:31,040 Can I see it? 438 00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:40,400 "I love you." 439 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,240 "Bye bye, bitch." 440 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:45,200 Any particular reason at all? 441 00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:46,600 Yeah, you're fat. 442 00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:48,120 Yep, fair enough. 443 00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:53,680 Hello. How are you? 444 00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:58,360 What, no quips? 445 00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:01,440 No witty asides? No hilarious gags? 446 00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:06,320 Are you feeling all right? Is there something wrong? 447 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:06,320 No. 448 00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:09,480 Oh, God, no! 449 00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:11,600 You bloody, bloody man, you! 450 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:13,600 You had to go and show off, didn't you? 451 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:17,080 Mac, I am so sorry, I don't know what came over me. It just happened. 452 00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:20,080 My brain got fuzzy, but it meant nothing, it was just a kiss. 453 00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:23,360 Quite a long kiss I grant you, and in fact there were two of them, 454 00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:26,600 but I have to assure you that I feel absolutely nothing for Guy. 455 00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:35,000 He didn't tell me. 456 00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:38,400 Oh. 457 00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:39,920 Hmm. 458 00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:58,840 Are you all right with the fact that we kissed? 459 00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:00,240 We never kissed. 460 00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:02,360 No, me and Caroline. 461 00:24:02,360 --> 00:24:04,800 Fine, yeah. 462 00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:07,120 You all right with what she said? 463 00:24:07,120 --> 00:24:09,760 Yeah, fine. It was all a bit vague, really. 464 00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:11,720 "I feel absolutely nothing for Guy." 465 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:13,600 That was vague, was it, that bit? 466 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:18,560 Oh, that bit? Yeah, she was just trying to spare your feelings. 467 00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:24,520 We all work together, she had to be diplomatic. 468 00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:24,520 Sure, right. So if I just went for it one day, say I asked her 469 00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:27,880 to marry me or something, she would just turn me down flat, would she? 470 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:29,680 I know you, you wouldn't do that. 471 00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:31,200 Right. Wouldn't I? 472 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:34,800 Dr Todd, hello. 473 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:39,800 So... 474 00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:43,200 I was wondering if I could ask you something... 475 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:43,200 No, you can't! 476 00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:46,120 What do you mean? 477 00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:49,120 What? What? What, I mean, what do I mean? 478 00:24:49,120 --> 00:24:51,400 No, sorry. Carry on. Fine. 479 00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:54,240 Do you think that... 480 00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:54,240 No, wait! 481 00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:59,400 Just... All right, go on. Be careful. Be careful. 482 00:25:02,360 --> 00:25:04,160 (SCREAM) 483 00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:06,880 (SCREAM) 484 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:10,480 (CLEARS THROAT) 485 00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:21,200 Would you consider an aortal incision to be worth the risk in this case? 486 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:25,200 I don't think I would, no. 487 00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:28,360 She said no! Boo ya! 488 00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:30,840 Although I certainly appreciate Dr McCartney 489 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:34,440 taking a moment to respect my professional opinion. 490 00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:36,600 No, no, no, no, no! 491 00:25:43,360 --> 00:25:44,840 Oh, dear. 492 00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:51,080 You're a bit late. 493 00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:51,080 Yes, I thought it's best not to bother 494 00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:56,640 with your silly little meeting as you're all a bunch of bloody oiks! 495 00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:59,400 Also, the sandwiches you're currently eating 496 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:05,880 have been tampered with. They contain traces of my very own poo. 497 00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:09,400 So, what do you think of that, mmm? 498 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:12,920 You're eating poo-wiches, you're playing Russian poo-lette. 499 00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:17,120 So, mmm-hmm, yes. Ah! 500 00:26:17,120 --> 00:26:20,120 These have just been delivered by Turnbulls. 501 00:26:20,120 --> 00:26:21,800 They arrived five minutes ago. 502 00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:24,560 They're very good, actually. Would you care to try? 503 00:26:26,120 --> 00:26:27,720 Yes, they have! 504 00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:31,920 Yes, exactly. The ones with the cling film on, that I put there? 505 00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:34,880 I think those went to the patients. 506 00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:38,400 The patients, yes! And hopefully they'll all die of poo. 507 00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:41,600 You bloody fucksies! 508 00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:45,320 Joanna? 509 00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:46,840 Charles. 510 00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:54,640 Right, 46B, complaints procedure... 511 00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:12,480 Kiss me. 512 00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:12,480 What?! 513 00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:15,080 Kiss me. I need someone to kiss me now. 514 00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:19,680 I went too far, didn't I? 515 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:27,800 (GASPS) Oh! 516 00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:32,440 (PANTS) 517 00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:44,920 Ah! 518 00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:49,240 (GROANS) 519 00:27:56,120 --> 00:27:58,080 (PANTS QUICKLY) 520 00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:02,680 Oh, it doesn't matter. 521 00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:13,800 Hi. 522 00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:15,600 Hi. 523 00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:18,160 I wanted to ask you something. 524 00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:19,480 Did you? 525 00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:22,480 Hence me standing here saying, "I want to ask you something." 526 00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:26,160 Yeah, what do you want? 527 00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:29,760 Um... you. 528 00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:33,520 You've come to the right place, because here I am. 529 00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:40,480 Yeah, no, I want you. 530 00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:42,000 Oh. 531 00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:45,960 Oh. 532 00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:50,960 Oh, yeah, erm... OK. 533 00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:55,080 Not really sure how this is gonna come out, so... 534 00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:57,040 It's a bit tricky, but... 535 00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:02,480 (SIGHS) Caroline. 536 00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:02,480 Wait. 537 00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:05,240 Are you about to propose? 538 00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:08,560 Umm... 539 00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:08,560 Only it'll be my third today. 540 00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:10,760 Oh, great, right. Quiet day? 541 00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:13,840 Yeah. 542 00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:18,360 So, what did you say to these proposals? 543 00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:22,240 A yes, no and a maybe. 544 00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:24,720 Right. 545 00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:26,440 So what would I be? 546 00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:29,080 Yes, no or maybe? 547 00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:30,880 Oh, you're the yes. 548 00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:39,600 You realise that I didn't actually propose to you just now, don't you? 549 00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:44,560 No, but then you were pacing about and looking nervous... 550 00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:49,920 No, that's cos I was building up to getting round to asking you 551 00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:52,800 whether or not you would swap shifts with me tonight. 552 00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:56,200 Short notice I know, so you don't have to. 553 00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:01,360 Really not a problem, I can ask someone else. 554 00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:02,880 It's cool. 555 00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:06,920 You all right? 556 00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:06,920 Yeah. 557 00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:09,280 Sure? Yeah. 558 00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:09,280 Good. 559 00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:10,960 No, I just thought... 560 00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:13,320 What did you think? 561 00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:15,280 I thought you were going... 562 00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:16,800 No, I was just... 563 00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:18,520 I don't know what I was. 564 00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:21,720 And anyway, who actually wants to get married these days? 565 00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:21,720 Yeah, man! 566 00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:23,080 It's just so...! 567 00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:25,320 Absolutely. 568 00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:35,880 Of course, you could always move in with me. 569 00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:35,880 What? 570 00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:37,760 That's what I was gonna ask you before 571 00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:40,000 I made up the bit about swapping shifts. 572 00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:43,400 Why would you do that? 573 00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:49,640 Cos, um... 574 00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:53,160 I wanted to make really sure that I could live 575 00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:55,680 in the same house as 576 00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:57,360 both your eyebrows. 577 00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:03,080 You can be very cruel sometimes. 578 00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:04,600 Yes. 579 00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,200 I don't think I'd quite finished. 580 00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:30,560 (PUFFS AND PANTS) 581 00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:53,760 Go! Run! 582 00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:55,280 Just get the... 583 00:31:57,360 --> 00:31:59,520 Come on, let's... 584 00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:01,080 Pull yourself together! 585 00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:03,920 There's a car, there's a police car! 586 00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:03,920 Yes, I know. 587 00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:05,800 Oh, my God, they've come for me. 588 00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:21,640 Where are you? No, where are you? Where are you? 589 00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:24,800 I love Fridays because the afternoon doesn't really count. 590 00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:32,040 Then I should be able to see you. 591 00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:34,440 Where? 592 00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:36,320 No, I can't see you. 593 00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:40,560 No, I can't see you. 594 00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:42,240 I can't see you. 595 00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:44,720 Give me a call when you're back in the building. 596 00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:47,480 Yeah, OK. Yeah, all right, bye. 597 00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:02,880 Shh! 598 00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:12,920 PHONE RINGS 599 00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:26,440 Hello. No Dr Statham, he's... 600 00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:28,720 Hello. Is it you? Yes. 601 00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:30,960 Yes, I'm ready. Hmm, what? 602 00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:34,920 Where are they? 603 00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:36,520 Oh, my fuck! 604 00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:38,640 What shall I do? Hmm? 605 00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:44,680 They're here! Wait. You stay, wait for me. 606 00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:54,600 Ah, hi there, I'm Dr McCartney. How are you feeling? 607 00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:58,120 I need to borrow Dr Todd just for a moment because it's rather urgent. 608 00:33:58,120 --> 00:33:59,640 Excuse me. 609 00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:03,880 Hi. 610 00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:03,880 What now? 611 00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:06,520 I need to ask your advice. 612 00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:08,000 Advice about what? 613 00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:11,960 About whether I should apologise verbally or physically. 614 00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:18,560 Physically? 615 00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:20,560 Good. You see? 616 00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:22,560 Unbiased and instinctive. 617 00:34:43,720 --> 00:34:45,520 I accept your apology. 618 00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:47,320 Good, great. 619 00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:50,480 I'd like you to try and get on with this as fast as you can 620 00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:53,720 because we're gonna go away somewhere for the weekend. 621 00:34:53,720 --> 00:34:56,320 OK? 622 00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:56,320 But what about my shift? 623 00:34:56,320 --> 00:35:00,160 Sorted. I've got you cover with Dopey Daniel. 624 00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:02,960 OK? You are gonna be fine, just lose some weight. 625 00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:16,560 (PUFFS AND PANTS QUICKLY) 626 00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:30,960 Um... good luck. 627 00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:30,960 With what? 628 00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:32,600 With everything. Life. 629 00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:36,000 I can't stop now, I'm in a rush. 630 00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:37,240 It's good to see you, 631 00:35:37,240 --> 00:35:39,920 even though you are on the run, as it were. 632 00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:44,160 Oh, no, I'm not on the run, I'm on the... 633 00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:44,160 Game? 634 00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:46,280 No. On the... 635 00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:46,280 Sauce. 636 00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:47,800 No, I'm on the... 637 00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:47,800 Pill. 638 00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:49,320 No! I'm on the... 639 00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:51,880 Blob? 640 00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:53,360 No, on the... 641 00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:54,680 Sunny side of the street. 642 00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:59,080 No, I'm on the... holiday. 643 00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:00,640 Oh, holiday. Oh, right. 644 00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:02,480 Well, have fun. 645 00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:06,560 Yeah, I will. I'd better go, I've got a plane to catch. 646 00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:09,800 Mexico, probably, or Puerto Ventura, or... 647 00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:11,320 Nowhere in England. 648 00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:24,000 (SCREAMS) 649 00:36:27,720 --> 00:36:29,200 Ssh. 650 00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:30,640 Oh, it's you. 651 00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:41,120 Didn't there used to be a yucca here or something? 652 00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:41,120 No. 653 00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:42,880 Oh. 654 00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:53,080 The weasel is still in its cage. The weasel is still in its cage. 655 00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:58,160 The weasel is out of the cage. The weasel is out of the cage. 656 00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:00,480 Fly, pelicans! Go. 657 00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:05,680 The weasel is returning to the cage, so pelicans to the kitchen. 658 00:37:05,680 --> 00:37:08,600 Pelicans, go to the kitchen. 659 00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:13,600 Go to the kitchen! The kitchen! 660 00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:16,320 It's the bush. 661 00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:18,200 The kitchen is the bush. 662 00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:21,640 Just a minute. Where? 663 00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:22,760 There. 664 00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:25,320 Have you said kitchen? 665 00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:25,320 The kitchen is the, look... 666 00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:26,880 Have you said kitchen? 667 00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:26,880 We've arranged all of this. 668 00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:28,680 I've only heard a bush. 669 00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:28,680 Stop. 670 00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:31,320 Well, you keep saying bush. Perhaps... 671 00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:33,280 Look, we worked on this, OK? 672 00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:35,680 There's the policeman! Act normal, kiss me. 673 00:37:43,720 --> 00:37:45,920 No, me. 674 00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:47,440 No! 675 00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:51,760 Wait! 676 00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:53,200 Why don't we just go to a motel? 677 00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:55,240 Oh! 678 00:37:55,240 --> 00:37:57,600 Good idea. Lie low. 679 00:37:57,600 --> 00:37:59,040 Come on. 680 00:37:58,040 --> 00:37:59,040 Lie low. 681 00:37:59,040 --> 00:38:01,160 He meant for us to all have sex together. 682 00:38:01,160 --> 00:38:02,800 Good kisser. 683 00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:05,480 Are you saying sex with Boyce? 684 00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:07,920 (SCREAMS) 685 00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:15,800 (HOWLS) 686 00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:24,040 There's a train coming! A train's coming! 687 00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:26,960 Yeah, of course there is Martin. This is platform 21. 688 00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:28,720 And I've said no. 689 00:38:28,720 --> 00:38:33,360 What? No, this... Look, there's a train coming, I promise! 690 00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:35,320 TRAIN WHISTLE 691 00:38:36,880 --> 00:38:40,920 Look! 692 00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:45,600 Oh, wow! 693 00:38:48,240 --> 00:38:50,200 A map. 694 00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:52,240 "Meet me at the station at 6:43. 695 00:38:52,240 --> 00:38:54,480 "Wear something special." 696 00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:56,320 Actually, Christ, I'd better go! 697 00:38:56,320 --> 00:38:58,640 Martin, I think it's for me. 698 00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:00,000 Are you sure? 699 00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:01,360 Quite sure. 700 00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:03,400 God, I knew it was too good to be true. 701 00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:06,600 Hula Hoop. 702 00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:07,880 A Hula Hoop? 703 00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:10,080 Is that good? 704 00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:14,320 Oh, I think it might turn out to be a very special weekend, Martin. 705 00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:17,280 Yeah, a weekend with lots of snacks, probably. 706 00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:22,560 Special, Martin. 707 00:39:24,880 --> 00:39:27,440 A visit to the Hula Hoop factory! 708 00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:30,200 Cool! Yes! Who is it? 709 00:39:40,360 --> 00:39:44,680 ♪ From the day we arrive on the planet 710 00:39:46,440 --> 00:39:50,600 ♪ And, blinking, step into the sun... ♪ 711 00:39:55,440 --> 00:39:57,280 Which car? 712 00:39:56,240 --> 00:39:57,280 Doesn't matter! 713 00:39:58,360 --> 00:40:00,960 ♪ There's more to be seen 714 00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:08,560 ♪ Than can ever be seen, more to do than can ever be done... ♪ 715 00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:13,200 Get out of the car. Come on, out. 716 00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:15,480 Why? 717 00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:17,280 Why should they? I haven't got a gun. 718 00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:20,480 ♪ Some say eat or be eaten 719 00:40:22,240 --> 00:40:26,160 ♪ Some say live and let live... ♪ 720 00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:29,080 I'm a doc... nurse. And you... 721 00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:31,240 I've got to get to the hospital. 722 00:40:31,240 --> 00:40:32,880 We're at the hospital. 723 00:40:32,880 --> 00:40:35,040 Don't get clever with me, punk! 724 00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:36,120 Oh, brilliant! 725 00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:38,600 Right, come on, get out of the van. 726 00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:38,600 It's a mobile home. 727 00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:40,560 Right, get out of the mobile home, then! 728 00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:43,760 And you, missus, with your... Come on, get them out. 729 00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:46,200 ♪ But all are agreed 730 00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:48,600 ♪ As they join the stampede... ♪ 731 00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:50,440 Stay there. 732 00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:55,120 ♪ You should never take more than you give... 733 00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:02,960 ♪ In the circle 734 00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:08,240 ♪ The circle of life. ♪ 735 00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:30,640 Come on! 736 00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:32,200 (BEEPS HORN) 737 00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:33,720 Come on! 738 00:41:38,200 --> 00:41:41,880 No, I think, I think we've lost them. Do you think we've lost them? 739 00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:45,080 Well, they were on foot! 740 00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:45,080 They were very upset about, about losing their van. 741 00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:48,720 They were more upset that you kept calling it a van. You can slow down. 742 00:41:48,720 --> 00:41:53,760 No! What if they, if they jump into a taxi and say, "Follow that van"? 743 00:41:52,160 --> 00:41:53,760 They wouldn't have said "van". 744 00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:56,760 Well, they can eat dust. I've got this baby between my legs, 745 00:41:56,760 --> 00:42:00,120 I've got my foot on the floor and I'm going to burn some rubbers! 746 00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:01,760 Go on! 747 00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:03,480 Shut up! 748 00:42:12,240 --> 00:42:16,240 Doctor Macartney, what a surprise! Although it isn't, because I followed you. 749 00:42:16,240 --> 00:42:20,640 How are the people of Insania, without their mighty queen? 750 00:42:18,080 --> 00:42:20,640 They're all right. I left them post-it notes with 751 00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:24,920 instructions. Would you like to have a look in my papoose? 752 00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:24,920 As I warned you, that is probably sexual harassment. 753 00:42:24,920 --> 00:42:31,000 Can you excuse me? I need to pop in here. 754 00:42:26,800 --> 00:42:31,000 Yeah, you can look at it later. There's a gift for you, Daddy. 755 00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:33,640 GROWLING 756 00:42:33,640 --> 00:42:35,200 Did you just growl? 757 00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:42,920 Might have done. Could have done. Maybe I did. 758 00:42:42,920 --> 00:42:45,080 OK, decaf, no sugar? 759 00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:47,320 Me. 760 00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:50,440 OK. Herbal, that's Harriet's. 761 00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:53,120 Black, no sugar? 762 00:42:53,120 --> 00:42:56,520 And that one's three sugars, that's mine. 763 00:42:56,520 --> 00:42:58,320 So who's this? 764 00:42:58,320 --> 00:43:00,800 Who has tea, milk, no sugar? 765 00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:06,320 Oh, well. 766 00:43:13,960 --> 00:43:18,640 Fucking cigarettes! 767 00:43:15,920 --> 00:43:18,640 Well, it's better than smoking them. 768 00:43:17,440 --> 00:43:18,640 Yes, very good. 769 00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:23,280 Mac, you've been in the business for a while, what would you say is 770 00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:27,520 the worst thing about this job? 771 00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:27,520 The worst thing I would say is probably the white coats, 772 00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:29,160 cos they make me look quite pale. 773 00:43:29,160 --> 00:43:30,200 Seriously. 774 00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:32,800 Seriously, er, bureaucracy? 775 00:43:32,800 --> 00:43:36,080 No. 776 00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:36,080 No. Er, lack of adequate funding? 777 00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:38,720 No, no, I'm thinking of something more specific, 778 00:43:38,720 --> 00:43:41,560 more patient-orientated. 779 00:43:40,080 --> 00:43:41,560 Got you. Smelly patients. 780 00:43:43,240 --> 00:43:46,720 Not exactly. Suppose you were conducting some routine tests 781 00:43:46,720 --> 00:43:51,080 and you stumbled across something significant, something serious? 782 00:43:51,080 --> 00:43:53,960 Something like this. 783 00:43:53,960 --> 00:43:55,680 Er, hm. 784 00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:02,040 Nasty. I would say that is game over. Yeah? 785 00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:03,440 Yes. 786 00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:05,840 That is definitely game over. 787 00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:07,840 Yes. 788 00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:12,640 Still, you've got to face facts, haven't you? Got to be honest. 789 00:44:12,640 --> 00:44:16,240 Yes. Well, you've got to actually go and tell the patient that he's 790 00:44:16,240 --> 00:44:18,800 going to die, which is... I hate that, I hate it. 791 00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:23,440 Quite. 792 00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:25,800 So, bearing that in mind... 793 00:44:31,240 --> 00:44:34,560 Imagine how I must be feeling right this minute. 794 00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:36,000 Yes. 795 00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:38,720 Yeah, it's very difficult. 796 00:44:38,720 --> 00:44:41,920 I don't actually quite follow what you're... 797 00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:43,600 Whose results are these anyway? 798 00:45:08,440 --> 00:45:09,920 Fuck. 799 00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:13,000 Fuck. 800 00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:16,400 And fuck. 801 00:45:20,960 --> 00:45:24,320 I forget I have a first name sometimes, people always, 802 00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:26,720 they call me Mac. 803 00:45:26,720 --> 00:45:29,720 I'm so very, very sorry. 804 00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:34,680 Are you OK? 805 00:45:37,240 --> 00:45:38,720 OK. 806 00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:44,600 May I? 807 00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:47,400 Of course. 808 00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:50,520 We've explored all the options. 809 00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:56,600 If you need any support... 810 00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:03,760 Are you OK? 811 00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:05,680 Yeah. Thank you. 812 00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:09,720 What's in the box? 813 00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:18,960 Oh, that's nice! 814 00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:26,320 They'll be looking for this vehicle, you know. 815 00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:26,320 No, they won't, there are thousands of vehicles like this. 816 00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:31,880 Not with the same numberplate, being driven by a nurse with a moustache! 817 00:46:29,200 --> 00:46:31,880 Well, we've gone miles, nobody knows where we are. 818 00:46:31,880 --> 00:46:35,760 Least of all you. 819 00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:35,760 Come on, let's not succumb to feeble-minded panic. 820 00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:37,040 Are we nearly there yet? 821 00:46:39,240 --> 00:46:41,000 What the fuck are you doing here?! 822 00:46:41,000 --> 00:46:43,360 Well, I stowed away. I saw you taking the van. 823 00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:46,640 The mobile home. 824 00:46:44,280 --> 00:46:46,640 Get rid of him! Come on, get rid of him! 825 00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:46,640 I was worried about you. 826 00:46:46,640 --> 00:46:50,080 Well, you kept very quiet about it. 827 00:46:47,120 --> 00:46:50,080 Well, I actually nodded off. These beds are really comfy. 828 00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:53,960 We can't have him in here, people will think we've kidnapped him! 829 00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:53,960 What do you suggest we do? 830 00:46:53,960 --> 00:46:56,000 I don't know. We'll have to kill him. 831 00:46:56,000 --> 00:47:00,400 Oh, typical! 832 00:46:56,360 --> 00:47:00,400 Right, because the penalty for murder is much less than kidnapping, isn't it(?) 833 00:47:00,400 --> 00:47:03,920 836 Yes, well we've already killed one pixie. 834 00:47:03,240 --> 00:47:03,920 What?! 835 00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:04,960 Nice work(!) 836 00:47:04,960 --> 00:47:06,640 He tricked me into saying that! 837 00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:06,640 No, he didn't! 838 00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:10,280 He did, he said, he said "typical". He tricked me, that's a trick word. 839 00:47:10,280 --> 00:47:12,280 For Christ's sake get a grip! 840 00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:15,920 ♪ Blow, winds and crack your cheeks! 841 00:47:15,920 --> 00:47:20,200 ♪ Rain, spout till you have drenched our steeples and drowned our cocks! ♪ 842 00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:24,080 Just give me the wheel! 843 00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:24,080 No, I'm in fucking charge of the vehicle! 844 00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:24,080 Liar! 845 00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:31,480 Oh, my fucksy, there's a field in the road! 846 00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:33,320 Get off me! Damn you! 847 00:47:33,320 --> 00:47:34,600 Give me the wheel! Alan! 848 00:47:36,720 --> 00:47:37,720 A sheep! 849 00:47:48,920 --> 00:47:55,960 ♪ So tired, tired of waiting Tired of waiting for you 850 00:47:58,200 --> 00:48:02,640 ♪ So tired, tired of waiting 851 00:48:02,640 --> 00:48:06,360 ♪ Tired of waiting for you... ♪ 852 00:48:20,920 --> 00:48:22,800 Hold on! 853 00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:31,240 Oh! 854 00:48:31,240 --> 00:48:32,880 This is just weird. 855 00:48:32,880 --> 00:48:33,800 What?! 856 00:48:33,800 --> 00:48:36,800 Deja vu. 857 00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:40,120 We're just going to have to sit here and wait. 858 00:48:39,120 --> 00:48:40,120 For what?! 859 00:48:40,120 --> 00:48:41,960 Cliff rescue. 860 00:48:40,800 --> 00:48:41,960 Who? 861 00:48:48,440 --> 00:48:50,680 < Caroline? 862 00:48:50,680 --> 00:48:52,200 Mac? 863 00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:21,480 You? 864 00:49:21,480 --> 00:49:23,000 I thought it was Mac. 865 00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:25,120 No, it's, no, it's definitely me. 866 00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:37,040 I wanted to see what I could have had if I'd been a bit more... ginger. 867 00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:39,280 Sad, isn't it? 868 00:49:39,280 --> 00:49:41,440 A bit, yeah. 869 00:49:41,440 --> 00:49:43,360 Yeah. 870 00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:46,000 Where's Mac? 871 00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:49,960 Well, he's let me down again, hasn't he? 872 00:49:49,960 --> 00:49:52,720 Life's just a game. Bastard. 873 00:49:52,720 --> 00:49:56,760 Well, no, I'm sure he had his reasons. 874 00:49:56,760 --> 00:50:02,120 He's actually not a bastard. He's, um, he's a really good bloke. 875 00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:08,840 Yes. 876 00:50:08,840 --> 00:50:10,600 What? 877 00:50:10,600 --> 00:50:14,040 Yes. Yes, to what you asked me earlier. 878 00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:16,280 Really?! 879 00:50:18,480 --> 00:50:21,600 You had a little snog and some touching with another girl 880 00:50:21,600 --> 00:50:22,960 when you were at school? 881 00:50:22,960 --> 00:50:25,560 No, no, no, yes to the getting married thing. 882 00:50:25,560 --> 00:50:27,240 Oh, oh. 883 00:50:27,240 --> 00:50:30,720 Well, it's hardly pre-pubescent lesbian fumbling, is it? 884 00:50:30,720 --> 00:50:32,080 No, sorry. 885 00:50:32,080 --> 00:50:35,600 That's OK. Are you sure? 886 00:50:38,920 --> 00:50:40,280 Yeah. 887 00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:43,920 I mean, I shared a bed with Marianne Selby when we were 15 and she rolled 888 00:50:43,920 --> 00:50:46,920 over and, um... No, I rolled over and touched her boob, but 889 00:50:46,920 --> 00:50:52,960 she was in a pair of pyjamas, so I don't think it really counts... 890 00:50:50,040 --> 00:50:52,960 No, I meant about the marriage thing. 891 00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:56,640 Oh, oh, um, then yes, I'm sure. 892 00:50:57,560 --> 00:51:01,080 There's always been something between us, I think we both know that. 893 00:51:01,080 --> 00:51:02,600 Oh, my God. 894 00:51:04,280 --> 00:51:08,640 Oh, my God! Did you ever tell Mac? 895 00:51:09,840 --> 00:51:14,680 No. It's very easy to lie when you know that you're trusted implicitly. 896 00:51:14,680 --> 00:51:19,160 So very easy and so very degrading. 897 00:51:16,760 --> 00:51:19,160 No, I meant about the lesbian thing. 898 00:51:18,160 --> 00:51:19,160 Oh, no. 899 00:51:21,880 --> 00:51:23,280 I love you, Doctor Todd. 900 00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:27,520 What? What?! 901 00:51:27,520 --> 00:51:31,360 Sorry, sorry, it's just, you know, I normally do the lunging, so... 902 00:51:31,360 --> 00:51:33,880 Oh. Oh, sorry. 903 00:51:35,680 --> 00:51:36,640 See what I mean? 904 00:51:36,640 --> 00:51:37,880 Yeah, yeah. 905 00:51:37,880 --> 00:51:39,480 We, why don't we... 906 00:51:39,480 --> 00:51:41,000 You go and I'll... 907 00:51:48,480 --> 00:51:51,800 A is for anus. B is for bumhole. 908 00:51:51,800 --> 00:51:52,840 Oh, is he off again? 909 00:51:52,840 --> 00:51:54,960 C is for c... 910 00:51:53,880 --> 00:51:54,960 Oh! 911 00:51:53,960 --> 00:51:54,960 ...t. 912 00:51:54,960 --> 00:51:57,840 D is for dogs' dicks. 913 00:51:57,840 --> 00:52:00,320 E is for ejaculation. 914 00:52:00,320 --> 00:52:03,400 F is for... G is for gonads. 915 00:52:04,960 --> 00:52:06,440 H is for... 916 00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:15,440 Er, yeah. 917 00:52:14,440 --> 00:52:15,440 Quick, quick. 918 00:52:15,440 --> 00:52:17,840 OK. I hope they've got a buffet, I'm starving. 919 00:52:50,520 --> 00:52:53,360 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd