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Robin Williger.
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He is a 15-year-old freshman
from Racine, Wisconsin.
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He enjoys studying history.
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He's on the debate team.
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Robin's future looked
very, very bright,
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but recently he was
diagnosed with cancer,
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a very tough kind of cancer.
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and he no longer thinks
that cigarettes are cool.
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Whoo!
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00:03:11,958 --> 00:03:15,223
And our final guest today
is Nick Naylor.
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Mr. Naylor is the vice president
of the Academy of Tobacco Studies.
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Now, they are the tobacco
industry's main lobby
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in Washington, D.C.
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And Mr. Naylor is
their chief spokesman.
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Few people on this planet know
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what it is to be truly despised.
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Can you blame them?
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I earn a living
fronting an organization
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that kills 1,200 human beings a day.
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1,200 people.
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We're talking
two jumbo jet plane loads
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of men, women and children.
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I mean, there's Attila,
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Genghis,
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and me,
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Nick Naylor,
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the face of cigarettes...
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the Colonel Sanders of nicotine.
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This is where I work,
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the Academy of Tobacco Studies.
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It was established
by seven gentlemen
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You may recognize from C-SPAN.
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These guys realized quick
if they were going to claim
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that cigarettes were not addictive,
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they better have proof.
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This is the man they rely on,
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Erhardt Von Grupten Mundt.
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They found him in Germany.
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I won't go into the details.
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He's been testing the link
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between nicotine
and lung cancer
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for 30 years and hasn't found
any conclusive results.
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The man's a genius.
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He could disprove gravity.
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Then we've got our sharks.
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We draft them out
of Ivy League law schools
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and give them time-shares
and sports cars.
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It's just like
a John Grisham novel-
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You know, without all the espionage.
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00:04:55,428 --> 00:04:58,659
Most importantly,
we've got spin control.
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That's where I come in.
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I get paid to talk.
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I don't have an MD or law degree.
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I have a bachelor's in
kicking ass and taking names.
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You know that guy
who can pick up any girl?
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I'm him
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on crack.
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This is obviously a heated issue
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and we do have a lot
that we want to cover today.
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Nick, do you have a question?
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Joan,
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how on earth would
Big Tobacco profit
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off of the loss of this young man?
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Now, I hate to think
in such callous terms,
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but, if anything,
we'd be losing a customer.
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It's not only our hope,
it's in our best interest
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to keep Robin alive and smoking.
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- That's ludicrous.
- Let me tell you something,
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Joan, and please,
let me share something
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with the fine, concerned
people in the audience today.
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The Ron Goodes of this world...
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want the Robin Willigers to die.
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- What?
- You know why?
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So that their budgets will go up.
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This is nothing less than
trafficking in human misery,
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and you, sir, ought
to be ashamed of yourself.
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I ought to be ashamed of myself?
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As a matter of fact,
we're about to launch...
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a $50 million campaign
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aimed at persuading kids
not to smoke.
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Because I think
that we can all agree
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that there is nothing
more important
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than America's children.
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All right, now,
that's something that
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we're going to want
to know more about.
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But I have to take a short break.
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Hang on, a lot more coming.
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$50 million?! Are you
out of your fucking mind?!
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Everyone has a boss.
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BR just happens
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to be mine.
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He came from the vending
machine world.
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This made him tough.
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The name BR came
from his tour in Vietnam.
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The people who know
its meaning are all dead.
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The deal was five million!
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$5 million will get you
a couple of subway posters.
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It's not going to impress anyone.
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That's the idea, Nick.
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You'll be thanking me soon.
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This'll probably get you great press.
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I gotta call the captain
and see if this is gonna fly.
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Get your ass back to D.C.
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Thank you so much for coming.
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Mr. Naylor?
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It's your turn.
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Ah.
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Joey is such a bright young man.
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We all look forward
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to his coming out
of his shell a little.
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He's a bit shy.
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Yeah, he gets that from his mother.
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Hey, Joey.
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Please don't ruin my childhood.
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Come on, Joey. Trust me.
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How many of you want to be
lawyers when you grow up?
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Right.
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How about...
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movie stars?
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How about lobbyists?
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What's that?
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It's kind of like being a movie star.
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It's what I do.
I talk for a living.
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What do you talk about?
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I speak on behalf of cigarettes.
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My mom used to smoke.
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She says that cigarettes kill.
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Really? Now, is your mommy a doctor?
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No.
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A scientific researcher of some kind?
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No.
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Well, she doesn't exactly sound
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like a credible expert,
now, does she?
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Don't feel bad.
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It's okay to listen to your mom.
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I mean, it's good to listen
to your parents... Joey.
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All I'm suggesting
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is that there will always
be people trying to tell you
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what to do and what to think.
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There probably already are
people doing that.
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Am I right?
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Yes.
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I'm here to say
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that when someone tries to act
like some sort of an expert,
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you can respond, "Who says?"
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So, cigarettes are good for you?
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- No!
- No, that's not...
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00:09:01,641 --> 00:09:02,801
That's not what I'm getting at.
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My point is that you have
to think for yourself.
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You have to challenge authority.
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00:09:07,179 --> 00:09:09,443
If your parents told you
that chocolate was dangerous,
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would you just take their word for it?
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No.
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Exactly.
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So perhaps instead of acting
like sheep
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when it comes to cigarettes,
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you should find out for yourself.
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Okay, then.
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00:09:19,258 --> 00:09:21,624
Thank you, Mr. Naylor,
for joining us.
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Every week we meet here at Bert's.
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Together, we represent
the chief spokespeople
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for the tobacco, alcohol and
firearms industries.
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We call ourselves the MOD Squad.
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All right.
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M-O-D, Merchants of Death.
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So, my day's ruined.
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Why?
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00:09:46,218 --> 00:09:47,446
Dateline's doing a segment
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on fetal alcohol syndrome.
Thank you.
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Polly works
for the Moderation Council.
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A casual drinker
by the age of 14,
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Polly quickly developed
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a tolerance usually reserved
for Irish dockworkers.
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In our world, she's the woman
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that got the pope
to endorse red wine.
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We're gonna get creamed.
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Any ideas?
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I don't know.
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00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,774
Deformed kids are tough.
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I'm lucky my product only makes
them bald before it kills them.
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You could hug the kids.
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00:10:16,248 --> 00:10:18,216
They're not going
to let me hug the kids.
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00:10:18,317 --> 00:10:19,875
Who's doing the segment,
Donaldson or Sawyer?
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00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:20,884
Sawyer, probably.
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You're fucked.
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00:10:21,988 --> 00:10:22,886
Why?
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Cause she's gonna hug them.
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00:10:24,223 --> 00:10:26,418
Look, if you see her going in
for a hug,
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00:10:26,525 --> 00:10:29,358
maybe just box her out,
get in there before she does.
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00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,054
Bobby Jay works for SAFETY,
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00:10:31,163 --> 00:10:33,393
the Society for the Advancement of Firearms
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00:10:33,499 --> 00:10:35,296
and Effective Training for Youth.
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You want me to smile?
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00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,872
After watching the footage
of the Kent State shootings,
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00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:44,807
Bobby Jay, then 17, signed up
for the National Guard
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so he, too, could shoot
college students.
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00:10:47,113 --> 00:10:49,581
But the National Guard
recruiter was out to lunch,
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00:10:49,682 --> 00:10:52,845
so Bobby Jay ended up
shooting Panamanians instead,
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00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:54,613
which was almost as good
as college students.
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Only they shoot back.
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00:10:57,757 --> 00:10:59,418
You know, you can beat
a Breathalyzer
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00:10:59,525 --> 00:11:02,517
- by sucking on activated charcoal tablets?
- Really?
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00:11:02,628 --> 00:11:04,186
Maybe we should change
our campaign to
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00:11:04,296 --> 00:11:06,264
"If You Must Drink and Drive,
Suck Charcoal."
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00:11:06,365 --> 00:11:07,423
Yeah, but don't the police wonder
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00:11:07,533 --> 00:11:08,431
why you're sucking on charcoal?
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00:11:08,534 --> 00:11:10,331
There's no law against charcoal.
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00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:11,926
- Yet.
- Yet.
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00:11:16,809 --> 00:11:19,801
Dad, why is the American
government the best government?
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00:11:19,912 --> 00:11:21,436
Because of our
endless appeals system.
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00:11:24,550 --> 00:11:27,075
Joe, you're not writing down
what I just said are you?
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00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:28,346
Mm-hmm.
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00:11:28,454 --> 00:11:30,445
Joey, stop for a second.
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00:11:30,556 --> 00:11:32,046
What is the subject of your essay?
215
00:11:32,158 --> 00:11:34,956
Why is American government
the best government in the world.
216
00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:36,688
Your teacher crafted that question?
217
00:11:36,796 --> 00:11:38,559
Yeah. Why?
218
00:11:38,664 --> 00:11:41,462
Well... I'll look past
the obvious problems
219
00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:42,864
in syntax for a moment,
220
00:11:42,968 --> 00:11:45,061
and I'll focus more on the core
of the question.
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00:11:45,171 --> 00:11:46,365
I mean, "A,"
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00:11:46,472 --> 00:11:49,100
does America have
the best government in the world?
223
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:50,869
And "B," what constitutes
a "best government"?
224
00:11:50,976 --> 00:11:53,410
Is it crime, is it poverty, literacy?
225
00:11:53,512 --> 00:11:54,945
Hmm?
226
00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:55,979
And America - definitely not best.
227
00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:57,276
Perhaps not even better than most.
228
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:58,748
We do have a very
entertaining government...
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00:11:58,851 --> 00:12:00,148
Dad.
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00:12:00,252 --> 00:12:02,083
I'm sorry.
231
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:05,823
Are you familiar with the term "B.S."?
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00:12:05,925 --> 00:12:07,483
Bullshit.
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00:12:07,593 --> 00:12:08,855
Yes, exactly.
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00:12:08,961 --> 00:12:11,862
B.S., if I may, is what
questions like the one
235
00:12:11,964 --> 00:12:13,864
your teacher posed are made for.
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00:12:13,966 --> 00:12:15,900
Because even if America
had the best government,
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00:12:16,001 --> 00:12:17,525
there'd be no way to prove it.
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00:12:17,636 --> 00:12:18,967
And how many pages are you writing?
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00:12:19,071 --> 00:12:19,969
Two pages.
240
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:21,664
Two pages...
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00:12:21,774 --> 00:12:23,332
Definitely not in two pages.
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00:12:23,442 --> 00:12:25,603
So what am I supposed to write?
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00:12:25,711 --> 00:12:27,406
You can write whatever you want.
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00:12:27,513 --> 00:12:28,912
Okay.
245
00:12:29,014 --> 00:12:30,003
Write about...
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00:12:30,116 --> 00:12:32,516
write about America's
amazing ability
247
00:12:32,618 --> 00:12:35,610
to make profit by breaking down
trading tariffs
248
00:12:35,721 --> 00:12:38,087
and bringing American jobs
to Third World countries.
249
00:12:38,190 --> 00:12:40,124
Or how good we are
at executing felons.
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00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:41,853
They're all correct answers.
251
00:12:41,961 --> 00:12:43,929
I can do that?
252
00:12:44,029 --> 00:12:45,553
See, Joey, that's the beauty
of argument.
253
00:12:45,664 --> 00:12:48,064
'Cause if you argue correctly,
you're never wrong.
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00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:58,676
Dad, if I finish
this essay within an hour,
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00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,541
can we stay up all night?
256
00:13:00,646 --> 00:13:05,310
That's a negotiation,
not an argument.
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00:13:05,417 --> 00:13:08,147
Well, Conway, see you made it.
258
00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:10,279
Yeah, I guess that little
voice was wrong.
259
00:13:10,389 --> 00:13:11,481
I feel better.
260
00:13:11,590 --> 00:13:12,750
I feel a lot better, too.
261
00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:15,418
As a matter of fact, I never
felt so good in my life.
262
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:17,120
How about a cigarette?
263
00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:35,071
Is he...?
264
00:13:35,181 --> 00:13:36,273
Yeah.
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00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:41,820
Hey.
266
00:13:41,921 --> 00:13:45,357
Nick, you still own a watch, don't you?
267
00:13:45,457 --> 00:13:46,651
Jill, I can't help feeling
268
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:48,283
Joey's getting the wrong idea
about his dad.
269
00:13:48,394 --> 00:13:49,918
It would be great if I could spend
270
00:13:50,029 --> 00:13:51,553
a little more time with him,
you know?
271
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:55,156
To give him a fair
and balanced perspective.
272
00:13:55,267 --> 00:13:57,132
Nick, you had plenty
of time for that.
273
00:13:57,236 --> 00:13:58,703
Now you're his weekend guardian.
274
00:13:58,804 --> 00:14:00,829
Besides, he has Brad.
275
00:14:00,940 --> 00:14:02,032
He still needs his father.
276
00:14:02,141 --> 00:14:04,336
Nick.
277
00:14:04,443 --> 00:14:05,535
You have a second?
278
00:14:07,246 --> 00:14:08,577
Sure, Brad.
279
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:12,447
Nick, your job
and everything aside,
280
00:14:12,551 --> 00:14:14,485
I hope you understand
that secondhand smoke's
281
00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:16,282
a real killer.
282
00:14:16,388 --> 00:14:18,253
What are you talking about?
283
00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:19,984
I just hope you're providing
284
00:14:20,092 --> 00:14:22,652
a smoke-free environment
for Joey, that's all I'm saying.
285
00:14:22,761 --> 00:14:24,956
Brad, I'm his father.
286
00:14:25,064 --> 00:14:27,396
You're the guy fucking his mom.
287
00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:32,100
That was unnecessary.
288
00:14:32,271 --> 00:14:35,707
Thank you all.
Thank you all for coming.
289
00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:38,276
Tobacco is winning the war.
290
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:41,574
The war against our children.
291
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:44,979
They like to use cartoons
and symbols to hook our kids.
292
00:14:45,084 --> 00:14:47,951
Well, now we have
a symbol of our own.
293
00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:50,248
Doctor.
294
00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:53,120
It is my hope that
within the year
295
00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:54,920
every cigarette package
296
00:14:55,027 --> 00:14:58,053
sold in America
will carry this symbol.
297
00:14:58,163 --> 00:15:00,393
Perhaps then, cigarettes
will finally be labeled
298
00:15:00,499 --> 00:15:03,593
appropriately as poison.
299
00:15:03,702 --> 00:15:05,567
I will be holding
a congressional hearing
300
00:15:05,671 --> 00:15:08,401
to discuss the inclusion
of the skull and crossbones
301
00:15:08,507 --> 00:15:09,974
in the next two weeks.
302
00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:11,474
As usual, I extend
an open invitation
303
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:14,068
to big tobacco.
304
00:15:14,179 --> 00:15:18,172
Perhaps this time they will
grace us with their presence.
305
00:15:18,284 --> 00:15:19,581
And their answers.
306
00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:21,084
Thank you very much.
307
00:15:25,791 --> 00:15:29,227
People, what is going on out there?
308
00:15:29,328 --> 00:15:32,957
I look down this table,
all I see are white flags.
309
00:15:33,065 --> 00:15:35,693
Our numbers are down
all across the board.
310
00:15:35,801 --> 00:15:37,666
Teen smoking-
our bread and butter,
311
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,499
is falling like a shit from heaven.
312
00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:43,301
We don't sell Tic Tacs,
for Christ's sake.
313
00:15:43,409 --> 00:15:45,070
We sell cigarettes.
314
00:15:45,177 --> 00:15:49,113
And they're cool and available
and addictive.
315
00:15:49,214 --> 00:15:50,841
The job is almost done for us.
316
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:57,521
This environmentalist
is challenging us.
317
00:15:57,623 --> 00:16:00,183
We have to have an answer.
318
00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:01,987
I'm asking you,
319
00:16:02,094 --> 00:16:03,925
when this cocksucker puts
Captain Hook on our products,
320
00:16:04,029 --> 00:16:05,553
what the fuck are we going to do?
321
00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:08,224
- BR.
- Yeah, Nick.
322
00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:09,528
If I may.
323
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:12,069
In 1910,
324
00:16:12,171 --> 00:16:14,662
the U.S. Was producing
ten billion cigarettes a year.
325
00:16:14,773 --> 00:16:15,899
By 1930,
326
00:16:16,008 --> 00:16:17,976
we were up to 123 billion.
327
00:16:18,077 --> 00:16:20,045
What happened in between?
328
00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:21,806
Three things.
329
00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:22,881
A world war,
330
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:26,850
dieting... and movies.
331
00:16:26,952 --> 00:16:28,180
Movies?
332
00:16:28,287 --> 00:16:31,313
1927- talking pictures are born.
333
00:16:31,423 --> 00:16:33,653
Suddenly, directors need to give
their actors
334
00:16:33,759 --> 00:16:35,693
something to do
while they're talking.
335
00:16:35,794 --> 00:16:38,490
Cary Grant, Carole Lombard
are lighting up.
336
00:16:38,597 --> 00:16:40,064
Bette Davis- a chimney.
337
00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:41,462
And Bogart-
remember the first picture
338
00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:42,625
with him and Lauren Bacall?
339
00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:45,203
Well, yea... not specifically.
340
00:16:45,304 --> 00:16:46,566
Oh, she sort
341
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:48,765
of shimmies in
through the doorway,
342
00:16:48,874 --> 00:16:50,967
19 years old.
343
00:16:51,076 --> 00:16:52,543
Pure sex.
344
00:16:52,644 --> 00:16:53,542
She says,
345
00:16:53,645 --> 00:16:55,875
"Anyone got a match?"
346
00:16:55,981 --> 00:16:58,676
And Bogie* throws the matches at her...
(*Humphrey Bogart)
347
00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:01,084
and she catches them.
348
00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:04,747
Greatest romance of the century.
349
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:07,018
How'd it start?
Lighting a cigarette.
350
00:17:07,126 --> 00:17:09,594
These days when someone
smokes in the movies,
351
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:12,926
they're either a psychopath
or a European.
352
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,932
The message Hollywood
needs to send out
353
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,002
is smoking is cool.
354
00:17:17,102 --> 00:17:19,400
We need the cast of Will and Grace
355
00:17:19,505 --> 00:17:20,870
smoking in their living room.
356
00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:23,203
Forrest Gump puffing away
between his box of chocolates.
357
00:17:23,308 --> 00:17:26,709
Hugh Grant earning back
the love of Julia Roberts
358
00:17:26,812 --> 00:17:31,112
by buying her favorite brand-
her Virginia Slims.
359
00:17:31,216 --> 00:17:34,743
Most of the actors smoke already.
360
00:17:34,853 --> 00:17:37,083
If they start doing it on-screen,
361
00:17:37,189 --> 00:17:39,885
we can put the sex
back into cigarettes.
362
00:17:39,992 --> 00:17:42,552
Well, it's a thought.
363
00:17:42,661 --> 00:17:44,458
I was hoping for something
a little more inspiring,
364
00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:45,587
but at least you're thinking.
365
00:17:45,697 --> 00:17:47,062
Rest of you people,
slam your fucking brains
366
00:17:47,166 --> 00:17:48,064
against your desks
367
00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:50,761
until something useful comes out.
368
00:17:50,869 --> 00:17:52,769
That was awesome.
369
00:17:52,871 --> 00:17:53,895
Thank you.
370
00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:55,997
Nick, you've been summoned.
371
00:17:56,108 --> 00:17:57,097
Captain wants to see you.
372
00:17:57,209 --> 00:17:58,540
He saw the Joan show.
373
00:17:58,644 --> 00:17:59,736
What'd he think?
374
00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:01,642
Get your ass on the next flight
to Winston-Salem.
375
00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:07,118
Most people have this image
in their heads
376
00:18:07,219 --> 00:18:09,312
of tobacco executives
jet-setting around the world
377
00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:11,616
on private planes,
eating foie gras
378
00:18:11,723 --> 00:18:13,088
as they count their money.
379
00:18:13,192 --> 00:18:15,319
Not me.
380
00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:17,725
I like to ride with the people.
381
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:19,354
Know your clients.
382
00:18:19,465 --> 00:18:21,660
My people cram themselves
into a tiny seat,
383
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,632
pop a Xanax and dream
of the moment
384
00:18:23,735 --> 00:18:26,670
they can stuff their face
with fresh tobacco.
385
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:29,536
If I can convince just one of
these kids to pick up smoking,
386
00:18:29,641 --> 00:18:31,905
I've paid for my flight-round-trip.
387
00:18:40,352 --> 00:18:44,152
The Captain is the last great
man of tobacco.
388
00:18:44,256 --> 00:18:45,985
He introduced filters
389
00:18:46,091 --> 00:18:49,549
when cigarettes first got
slammed by Reader's Digest.
390
00:18:49,661 --> 00:18:54,030
Later, he founded
the Academy of Tobacco Studies.
391
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:57,000
The club was founded
by the tobacco barons in 1890
392
00:18:57,102 --> 00:19:00,538
so they'd have a place
to get away from their wives.
393
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:06,502
Here, the Captain is a legend-
394
00:19:06,612 --> 00:19:08,944
a self-made man who started
from nothing,
395
00:19:09,047 --> 00:19:11,845
and ended up with everything...
396
00:19:11,950 --> 00:19:15,147
except, evidently, a son.
397
00:19:15,254 --> 00:19:17,484
Nick, my boy.
398
00:19:17,589 --> 00:19:20,683
You're just in time for mud.
399
00:19:20,792 --> 00:19:22,384
Thank you.
400
00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:24,189
Sit down there. Yeah.
401
00:19:26,532 --> 00:19:28,727
Yeah.
402
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:30,825
You know the secret
to a really good julep?
403
00:19:30,936 --> 00:19:32,631
No, sir.
404
00:19:32,738 --> 00:19:35,104
Well, you crush the mint
405
00:19:35,207 --> 00:19:38,301
down onto the ice with your thumb
406
00:19:38,410 --> 00:19:40,844
and you grind it in, see?
407
00:19:40,946 --> 00:19:43,574
And it releases the menthol.
408
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,173
Hmm.
409
00:19:46,285 --> 00:19:47,684
Now you know who taught me that?
410
00:19:47,786 --> 00:19:48,718
No, sir. Who?
411
00:19:48,820 --> 00:19:50,617
Fidel Castro.
412
00:19:55,093 --> 00:19:57,186
Do you remember 1952?
413
00:19:57,296 --> 00:20:00,527
Well, sir, I wasn't alive in 1952.
414
00:20:00,632 --> 00:20:05,365
Good Lord, I was in Korea
shooting Chinese in 1952.
415
00:20:05,470 --> 00:20:07,631
Really?
416
00:20:07,739 --> 00:20:10,003
Today they're our best customer.
417
00:20:10,108 --> 00:20:12,736
Next time we won't have to shoot
so many of them, will we?
418
00:20:12,844 --> 00:20:14,573
No, sir.
419
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:18,673
1952 was the year
Reader's Digest
420
00:20:18,784 --> 00:20:21,651
nailed us with
the whole health aspect.
421
00:20:21,753 --> 00:20:24,244
As Churchill said,
422
00:20:24,356 --> 00:20:26,620
that was perhaps the end
of our beginning.
423
00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:30,058
Tell me,
424
00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:32,096
do you enjoy your current work, Nick?
425
00:20:32,197 --> 00:20:33,164
Yes, sir.
426
00:20:33,265 --> 00:20:34,698
It's challenging...
427
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:38,395
If you can do tobacco,
you can do anything.
428
00:20:38,503 --> 00:20:41,336
Yes, sir, I like that.
429
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:43,840
You know, Nick, you remind me
430
00:20:43,942 --> 00:20:46,172
just a little bit
of myself when I was your age.
431
00:20:46,278 --> 00:20:48,906
Well, thank you, sir.
432
00:20:49,014 --> 00:20:50,845
Like that Joan Lunden show you did.
433
00:20:50,949 --> 00:20:53,213
You could have given up,
cried, apologized,
434
00:20:53,318 --> 00:20:54,307
but you didn't.
435
00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:56,353
You stayed loyal.
436
00:20:56,455 --> 00:21:01,324
And you gave it
to that son of a bitch good.
437
00:21:01,426 --> 00:21:03,986
My pleasure.
438
00:21:07,132 --> 00:21:10,295
Now, BR's come under the idea
439
00:21:10,402 --> 00:21:13,166
that we should start bribing
producers in Hollywood
440
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:16,935
to make the actors smoke on screen.
441
00:21:17,042 --> 00:21:20,034
You know, like in the old days.
442
00:21:20,145 --> 00:21:22,409
Say, that's, uh...
443
00:21:22,514 --> 00:21:24,778
that's a great idea.
444
00:21:24,883 --> 00:21:26,316
Mm-hmm.
445
00:21:26,418 --> 00:21:27,942
Smart man, that BR.
446
00:21:28,053 --> 00:21:29,577
Oh, yeah, yeah.
447
00:21:29,688 --> 00:21:31,212
And loyal.
448
00:21:50,842 --> 00:21:51,774
Yes, sir?
449
00:21:51,877 --> 00:21:53,742
Have a seat, Ron.
450
00:22:04,489 --> 00:22:08,892
You, see, Ron, I can't be
everywhere I'm needed.
451
00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:10,894
That's why I send
people like you
452
00:22:10,996 --> 00:22:12,327
to speak on my behalf.
453
00:22:12,431 --> 00:22:16,094
When you're there,
you're not Ron Goode,
454
00:22:16,201 --> 00:22:18,169
the guy your friends probably like,
455
00:22:18,270 --> 00:22:20,830
you're Senator Finistirre's aide,
456
00:22:20,939 --> 00:22:24,204
and your name really doesn't matter.
457
00:22:24,309 --> 00:22:26,209
So, when
458
00:22:26,311 --> 00:22:29,007
Ron Goode acts
like a complete asshole
459
00:22:29,114 --> 00:22:31,810
on the Joan Lunden Show,
460
00:22:31,917 --> 00:22:35,011
I am being an asshole
on the Joan Lunden Show.
461
00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:36,781
Senator, sir, he sprang on me like...
462
00:22:36,888 --> 00:22:40,085
Where in the hell
did you find cancer boy?
463
00:22:40,192 --> 00:22:42,626
He was supposed to be quite reliable.
464
00:22:42,728 --> 00:22:45,561
The Pulmonary Council
was one of his references.
465
00:22:45,664 --> 00:22:47,359
Fucking nonprofits.
466
00:22:51,103 --> 00:22:53,833
When you're looking
for a cancer kid,
467
00:22:53,939 --> 00:22:55,236
he should be hopeless.
468
00:22:55,340 --> 00:22:56,898
He should have a wheelchair.
469
00:22:57,008 --> 00:22:59,169
He should have trouble talking.
470
00:22:59,277 --> 00:23:02,007
He should have
a little pet goldfish
471
00:23:02,114 --> 00:23:03,706
he carries around
in a ziplock bag-
472
00:23:03,815 --> 00:23:04,873
hopeless.
473
00:23:04,983 --> 00:23:07,247
I apologize, sir, but if it wasn't
474
00:23:07,352 --> 00:23:08,683
- for Nick Naylor...
- Nick Naylor?
475
00:23:10,589 --> 00:23:14,958
Don't you even think
of using him as an excuse.
476
00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:17,051
The man shills bullshit for a living.
477
00:23:17,162 --> 00:23:19,130
You work for a fucking senator.
478
00:23:19,231 --> 00:23:21,495
A senator who is supposed
to be tough on tobacco.
479
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:24,467
Have a little... pride,
for God's sake.
480
00:23:24,569 --> 00:23:28,801
It won't happen again, sir,
I promise.
481
00:23:31,443 --> 00:23:34,970
All right, you're excused.
482
00:23:40,852 --> 00:23:42,183
Sometimes I feel like
483
00:23:42,287 --> 00:23:44,983
a Colombian drug dealer.
484
00:23:46,792 --> 00:23:51,354
The other day, my own granddaughter,
flesh of flesh of my own loins,
485
00:23:51,463 --> 00:23:54,830
asked me, "Granddaddy, is it true
486
00:23:54,933 --> 00:23:57,800
cigarettes are bad for you?"
487
00:24:00,205 --> 00:24:02,765
We got to do something, Nick.
488
00:24:02,874 --> 00:24:04,136
I think you're our man.
489
00:24:04,242 --> 00:24:05,971
Thank you, sir.
490
00:24:06,077 --> 00:24:08,341
I want you to work
on this Hollywood project.
491
00:24:08,447 --> 00:24:10,938
Get out there the next
few weeks, stir things up
492
00:24:11,049 --> 00:24:14,985
and report directly to me.
493
00:24:15,086 --> 00:24:16,144
Sir, about the,
494
00:24:16,254 --> 00:24:19,314
the $50 million.
495
00:24:19,424 --> 00:24:22,325
Anti teen-smoking advertising.
496
00:24:22,427 --> 00:24:25,919
Well, shit, I sure hope
it's not too persuasive.
497
00:24:27,599 --> 00:24:28,725
I hope.
498
00:24:40,245 --> 00:24:41,177
Nick,
499
00:24:41,279 --> 00:24:43,144
you're family now.
500
00:24:43,248 --> 00:24:45,876
Tobacco takes care of its own, eh?
501
00:24:45,984 --> 00:24:47,918
Thank you, sir.
502
00:25:00,832 --> 00:25:01,764
Mr. Naylor?
503
00:25:01,867 --> 00:25:02,856
Hi.
504
00:25:02,968 --> 00:25:04,401
Hi. Welcome to Tobacco One.
505
00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:05,765
Thank you.
506
00:25:05,871 --> 00:25:08,499
The captain told me to take
extra special care of you today.
507
00:25:08,607 --> 00:25:11,041
So if there is anything
at all I can do
508
00:25:11,142 --> 00:25:12,404
to make your flight
more pleasant,
509
00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:15,776
you be sure and let me know now.
510
00:25:27,959 --> 00:25:29,051
BR.
511
00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:30,058
Pleasant flight?
512
00:25:30,161 --> 00:25:32,254
Oh! You could say that.
513
00:25:32,364 --> 00:25:34,127
Came up on the Captain's plane.
514
00:25:34,232 --> 00:25:36,132
Oh, it's quite the way to travel.
515
00:25:36,234 --> 00:25:38,099
I wouldn't know.
516
00:25:38,203 --> 00:25:39,465
No? You never been on Tobacco One
517
00:25:39,571 --> 00:25:42,802
with those seats, that kitchen,
518
00:25:42,908 --> 00:25:44,569
that stewardess, Tiffany?
519
00:25:44,676 --> 00:25:46,701
Haven't had the chance yet.
520
00:25:46,811 --> 00:25:48,108
Oh, well, you really must try it.
521
00:25:48,213 --> 00:25:50,272
It's the only way to travel.
522
00:25:50,382 --> 00:25:53,613
What'd he think of your $50 million
anti-smoking campaign?
523
00:25:53,718 --> 00:25:55,652
Oh, the $50 million
anti teen-smoking campaign?
524
00:25:55,754 --> 00:25:56,652
Yeah.
525
00:25:56,755 --> 00:25:57,915
Yeah, he gave that the go-ahead.
526
00:25:58,023 --> 00:25:59,183
Oh, and he loved your idea
527
00:25:59,291 --> 00:26:00,588
to put cigarettes back into movies.
528
00:26:00,692 --> 00:26:03,252
- That was your idea.
- Oh, yeah?
529
00:26:03,361 --> 00:26:05,488
- He must have gotten confused.
- Hmm.
530
00:26:05,597 --> 00:26:10,000
Yeah. Well, either way,
he was pretty blown away.
531
00:26:10,101 --> 00:26:12,763
Right. Well, get a flight to L.A.
532
00:26:12,871 --> 00:26:13,963
I'll get you a meeting
with Jeff Megall.
533
00:26:14,072 --> 00:26:15,096
Who?
534
00:26:15,206 --> 00:26:16,468
Hollywood super agent.
535
00:26:16,575 --> 00:26:20,238
Runs the agency EGO:
Entertainment Global Offices.
536
00:26:20,345 --> 00:26:21,903
This guy is the entertainment business.
537
00:26:22,013 --> 00:26:24,277
And you are cigarettes, BR.
538
00:26:24,382 --> 00:26:26,247
Whatever.
539
00:26:27,852 --> 00:26:29,979
Yeah, but it's not a vacation,
it's a learning experience.
540
00:26:30,088 --> 00:26:32,147
And California is one
of the fastest-growing
541
00:26:32,257 --> 00:26:33,451
states, it's got
542
00:26:33,558 --> 00:26:35,253
the largest number of electoral
votes in the country.
543
00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:38,158
I mean, this could be
a very good trip for Joey.
544
00:26:38,263 --> 00:26:39,594
You know what?
Don't smooth-talk me.
545
00:26:39,698 --> 00:26:40,687
You're not going to
take him sightseeing.
546
00:26:40,799 --> 00:26:41,857
You're probably going
547
00:26:41,967 --> 00:26:43,958
to take him
to some lung cancer symposium
548
00:26:44,069 --> 00:26:46,003
where a guy with an electronic
voice box will tell him
549
00:26:46,104 --> 00:26:47,264
that his father is the devil.
550
00:26:47,372 --> 00:26:48,532
That's unfair.
551
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:49,937
Unfair? What about Virginia?
552
00:26:50,041 --> 00:26:51,406
And what about Virginia?
553
00:26:51,509 --> 00:26:53,272
You took him to a cigarette factory.
554
00:26:53,378 --> 00:26:55,243
No, I took him to a tobacco farm.
555
00:26:55,347 --> 00:26:56,541
That's hardly the same thing.
556
00:26:56,648 --> 00:26:58,639
This conversation's over.
557
00:27:02,587 --> 00:27:04,612
Oh, fuck.
558
00:27:04,789 --> 00:27:07,451
Last week we had another
disgruntled postman.
559
00:27:07,559 --> 00:27:08,548
Of course,
560
00:27:08,660 --> 00:27:09,820
an hour later the Washington Post
561
00:27:09,928 --> 00:27:12,726
is calling me on the phone-
godless swine.
562
00:27:12,831 --> 00:27:14,355
I said to 'em, I says,
563
00:27:14,466 --> 00:27:18,493
"Now if a plane crashes
on account of pilot error,
564
00:27:18,603 --> 00:27:19,968
do you blame the Boeing Corporation?"
565
00:27:20,071 --> 00:27:21,060
Nice.
566
00:27:21,172 --> 00:27:22,537
- That's a good one.
- Thank you.
567
00:27:22,641 --> 00:27:25,201
If some booze-besotten drunk
runs someone down,
568
00:27:25,310 --> 00:27:27,244
do you go banging on the doors
at General Motors?
569
00:27:27,345 --> 00:27:28,676
Tell me you didn't say that.
570
00:27:28,780 --> 00:27:30,145
Mm-hmm.
571
00:27:30,248 --> 00:27:32,239
Have either of you heard of a
reporter named Heather Holloway?
572
00:27:32,350 --> 00:27:35,513
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Irish type.
573
00:27:35,620 --> 00:27:36,985
Brown hair, big blue eyes.
574
00:27:37,088 --> 00:27:38,180
Nice skin.
575
00:27:38,289 --> 00:27:39,313
Amazing tits.
576
00:27:39,424 --> 00:27:42,188
Tits? Why are tits relevant?
577
00:27:42,293 --> 00:27:43,624
Hmm, let's see.
578
00:27:43,728 --> 00:27:46,492
World-class tits on a reporter
interviewing a man
579
00:27:46,598 --> 00:27:49,431
with privileged information
are relevant.
580
00:27:49,534 --> 00:27:51,525
How about it, Nick?
Are you a tit man?
581
00:27:51,636 --> 00:27:53,433
Don't answer that.
That's a trap.
582
00:27:53,538 --> 00:27:56,336
Depends whose tits.
583
00:27:56,441 --> 00:27:58,238
Look, just don't get screwed,
all right?
584
00:27:58,343 --> 00:28:01,312
Bobby, I think I can handle
a good-looking girl reporter.
585
00:28:01,413 --> 00:28:03,040
Thank you.
586
00:28:12,257 --> 00:28:13,281
Heather Holloway.
587
00:28:13,391 --> 00:28:15,120
Nick Naylor, big tobacco.
588
00:28:16,828 --> 00:28:19,023
Is this kosher?
589
00:28:19,130 --> 00:28:21,064
Only if I can call you "Heather."
590
00:28:21,166 --> 00:28:23,430
By all means.
591
00:28:26,037 --> 00:28:27,026
So, Mr. Naylor...
592
00:28:27,138 --> 00:28:29,231
- Nick.
- Nick.
593
00:28:29,340 --> 00:28:31,365
Let's start with...
594
00:28:31,476 --> 00:28:32,807
An '82 Margaux.
595
00:28:32,911 --> 00:28:34,936
Okay. Is it good?
596
00:28:35,046 --> 00:28:38,482
Good? It'll make you believe in God.
597
00:28:52,230 --> 00:28:54,721
So what is the focus of your piece?
598
00:28:54,833 --> 00:28:56,664
- You.
- Really?
599
00:28:56,768 --> 00:28:58,599
You want to know how I live
with myself.
600
00:28:58,703 --> 00:29:02,434
No. I don't imagine
that's much of a problem.
601
00:29:02,540 --> 00:29:04,770
I want to know how you see yourself.
602
00:29:04,876 --> 00:29:06,070
I'm...
603
00:29:06,177 --> 00:29:08,941
a mediator between two sects
of society
604
00:29:09,047 --> 00:29:10,742
that are trying
to reach an accommodation.
605
00:29:10,849 --> 00:29:12,714
Interesting.
606
00:29:12,817 --> 00:29:16,480
My other interviews have pinned
you as a mass murderer,
607
00:29:16,588 --> 00:29:19,648
bloodsucker, pimp,
profiteer, child killer,
608
00:29:19,758 --> 00:29:23,023
and my personal favorite
"yuppie Mephistopheles."
609
00:29:23,128 --> 00:29:26,256
Wow, that sounds
like a balanced article.
610
00:29:26,364 --> 00:29:28,423
Who else should I talk to?
611
00:29:28,533 --> 00:29:30,660
55 million American smokers,
for starters
612
00:29:30,769 --> 00:29:33,636
or perhaps
the American tobacco farmer
613
00:29:33,738 --> 00:29:35,865
who is constantly being treated
like a drug smuggler.
614
00:29:35,974 --> 00:29:37,373
I actually do plan on speaking
to a tobacco farmer.
615
00:29:37,475 --> 00:29:38,464
Good.
616
00:29:38,576 --> 00:29:40,635
They're fine people,
salt of the earth.
617
00:29:40,745 --> 00:29:43,145
Nick, why do you do this?
618
00:29:43,248 --> 00:29:44,909
What motivates you?
619
00:29:51,422 --> 00:29:53,515
You really want to know?
620
00:29:53,625 --> 00:29:54,785
Mm-hmm.
621
00:29:54,893 --> 00:29:55,917
Really?
622
00:29:56,027 --> 00:29:57,824
Mm-hmm.
623
00:29:57,929 --> 00:30:02,559
Population control.
624
00:30:06,504 --> 00:30:07,596
You're bad.
625
00:30:10,041 --> 00:30:12,168
Everyone's got a mortgage to pay.
626
00:30:12,277 --> 00:30:14,507
The yuppie Nuremberg defense.
627
00:30:14,611 --> 00:30:18,138
So is a mortgage that much
of a life goal?
628
00:30:18,247 --> 00:30:22,547
Well, 99% of everything done
in the world, good or bad,
629
00:30:22,652 --> 00:30:25,177
is done to pay a mortgage,
so perhaps the world
630
00:30:25,288 --> 00:30:27,313
would be a better place
if everyone rented.
631
00:30:27,423 --> 00:30:29,516
Then why don't you rent?
632
00:30:29,626 --> 00:30:31,423
Mm. Well, I rent as well.
633
00:30:31,527 --> 00:30:32,994
- Really?
- Yeah.
634
00:30:33,096 --> 00:30:35,360
My son and his mother
and her boyfriend
635
00:30:35,465 --> 00:30:36,432
live in my house.
636
00:30:36,532 --> 00:30:37,658
I live in my apartment.
637
00:30:37,767 --> 00:30:41,259
What does Nick Naylor's
apartment look like?
638
00:30:41,371 --> 00:30:43,805
I don't know.
It's nothing impressive.
639
00:30:43,906 --> 00:30:45,271
It wouldn't make
the real estate section.
640
00:30:46,376 --> 00:30:48,139
Can I see it?
641
00:30:50,780 --> 00:30:52,509
You want to see my apartment?
642
00:30:52,615 --> 00:30:55,516
I'd like to see
where the devil sleeps.
643
00:31:01,824 --> 00:31:03,951
I know what
You're probably thinking.
644
00:31:06,529 --> 00:31:08,656
This is a bad idea, right?
645
00:31:11,401 --> 00:31:13,028
I mean, come on.
646
00:31:13,136 --> 00:31:14,228
It's not that bad of an idea.
647
00:31:28,885 --> 00:31:30,443
Mom, why can't I go
648
00:31:30,553 --> 00:31:32,612
to California?
649
00:31:32,722 --> 00:31:36,158
Because California's
just not a... safe place.
650
00:31:36,259 --> 00:31:38,784
And besides,
I'm not sure it's appropriate
651
00:31:38,895 --> 00:31:42,126
for your father to bring you
on a business trip.
652
00:31:42,231 --> 00:31:43,664
Appropriate for who?
653
00:31:43,766 --> 00:31:45,734
What?
654
00:31:45,835 --> 00:31:48,133
Mom, is it possible that
you're taking the frustration
655
00:31:48,237 --> 00:31:50,102
of your failed marriage out on me?
656
00:31:51,174 --> 00:31:53,642
Excuse me?
657
00:31:53,743 --> 00:31:56,007
This California trip seems like
a great learning opportunity
658
00:31:56,112 --> 00:31:58,910
and a chance for me
to get to know my father.
659
00:31:59,015 --> 00:32:00,744
But if you think it's more important
660
00:32:00,850 --> 00:32:02,715
to use me to channel your frustration
661
00:32:02,819 --> 00:32:04,719
against the man you no longer love,
662
00:32:04,821 --> 00:32:06,482
I'll understand.
663
00:32:11,527 --> 00:32:13,461
How'd you convince her?
664
00:32:13,563 --> 00:32:15,758
It was an argument,
not a negotiation.
665
00:32:15,865 --> 00:32:17,492
That's my boy.
666
00:33:03,813 --> 00:33:05,474
Nick?
667
00:33:05,581 --> 00:33:07,708
Nick, Jack, Jeff's assistant. Hey.
668
00:33:07,817 --> 00:33:10,081
How was your flight?
Are you jet-lagged at all?
669
00:33:10,186 --> 00:33:11,881
It's, like, 2:00 in D.C.
Right now.
670
00:33:11,988 --> 00:33:13,455
You know what?
Take some vitamin B.
671
00:33:13,556 --> 00:33:14,784
Jeff swears by it- in fact,
672
00:33:14,891 --> 00:33:16,552
I'm gonna hook you up
with an injection.
673
00:33:16,659 --> 00:33:18,058
Who's this with you?
How are you, dude? What's going on?
674
00:33:18,161 --> 00:33:19,253
You guys ever been to L.A. Before?
675
00:33:19,362 --> 00:33:21,193
You want to head back
to Jeff's office?
676
00:33:21,297 --> 00:33:23,663
In fact, we probably should-
He's a punctual being.
677
00:33:23,766 --> 00:33:26,599
We actually had some problems at first
with the exterior mirrored glass.
678
00:33:26,702 --> 00:33:29,262
The reflection of the sun was causing
head-on collisions on Wilshire.
679
00:33:29,372 --> 00:33:30,964
Oh, is everybody all right?
680
00:33:31,073 --> 00:33:33,234
Yeah, they got three-picture deals
at Paramount- I'm sure they'll live.
681
00:33:33,342 --> 00:33:34,570
- It's a nice building.
- Yeah?
682
00:33:34,677 --> 00:33:36,542
Hey, tell Jeff you think so, okay?
683
00:33:36,646 --> 00:33:39,171
'Cause he just put a lot
of himself into this building.
684
00:33:39,282 --> 00:33:42,718
And you know something?
It really shows.
685
00:33:42,819 --> 00:33:44,377
What's up, Hiroshi?
686
00:33:44,487 --> 00:33:48,253
Keep going- that sand's
not gonna rake itself.
687
00:33:48,357 --> 00:33:50,382
All right, come here,
this is my favorite part.
688
00:33:50,493 --> 00:33:53,724
That one right there?
It's $7,000.
689
00:33:53,830 --> 00:33:55,855
- $7,000 for a fish?
- Yep.
690
00:33:55,965 --> 00:33:57,865
Kind of makes you want
to stop eating sushi,
691
00:33:57,967 --> 00:33:59,594
but I guess you kind of have to.
692
00:33:59,702 --> 00:34:01,533
Hey, you see that
big white one right there?
693
00:34:01,637 --> 00:34:04,401
Swear to you- $12,000,
gift from Oprah.
694
00:34:04,507 --> 00:34:08,307
It's a Chamberlain- office-warming gift
from Matthew McConaughey.
695
00:34:08,411 --> 00:34:09,776
Generous gift.
696
00:34:09,879 --> 00:34:11,904
Yeah. Right!
697
00:34:12,014 --> 00:34:14,847
Don't get me wrong, Matthew is
a tremendously talented individual
698
00:34:14,951 --> 00:34:16,441
and an extremely decent human being,
699
00:34:16,552 --> 00:34:19,077
however, before Jeff
took him on, he was a face.
700
00:34:19,188 --> 00:34:20,416
Now he's a name.
701
00:34:24,060 --> 00:34:26,961
Do you hear that?
702
00:34:30,199 --> 00:34:31,530
No.
703
00:34:32,602 --> 00:34:34,832
Exactly.
704
00:34:43,713 --> 00:34:45,078
Hey, Neal.
705
00:34:45,181 --> 00:34:47,445
Neal, I'm gonna impale
your mom on a spike,
706
00:34:47,550 --> 00:34:50,212
and I'm gonna feed her dead body
to my dog with syphilis.
707
00:34:50,319 --> 00:34:52,082
Aw, Jack, you got me!
708
00:34:52,188 --> 00:34:53,849
That guy!
709
00:34:53,956 --> 00:34:56,652
It's an inside joke.
710
00:34:56,759 --> 00:34:59,023
So, as you can see,
711
00:34:59,128 --> 00:35:01,323
Jeff just really loves Asian shit.
712
00:35:01,430 --> 00:35:03,159
Uh, Candace, is he ready?
713
00:35:03,266 --> 00:35:04,927
- Mm-hmm.
- Fantastic.
714
00:35:05,034 --> 00:35:07,298
Okay, Joey,
I'm gonna bring your dad in now.
715
00:35:07,403 --> 00:35:09,428
Is there anything I can get
you while you're waiting,
716
00:35:09,538 --> 00:35:11,733
like an orange juice
or a coffee or a Red Bull?
717
00:35:11,841 --> 00:35:14,241
- No, thanks.
- Okay.
718
00:35:16,746 --> 00:35:18,714
Wow, it's a great office.
719
00:35:18,814 --> 00:35:20,805
Yeah. Jeff basically designed
the whole thing.
720
00:35:20,917 --> 00:35:22,817
The architect just made the drawings.
721
00:35:22,919 --> 00:35:25,285
Jack, stop it.
722
00:35:25,388 --> 00:35:26,685
Next you're gonna be telling him
723
00:35:26,789 --> 00:35:28,279
what position I played
for the Bruins.
724
00:35:28,391 --> 00:35:29,289
Quarterback.
725
00:35:29,392 --> 00:35:30,654
Jeff Megall.
726
00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:31,988
Nick Naylor.
727
00:35:32,094 --> 00:35:34,324
Mr. Naylor's here to see
if we can't get cigarettes
728
00:35:34,430 --> 00:35:36,955
- into the hands of somebody
other than the usual RAVs.
- Sure.
729
00:35:37,066 --> 00:35:39,557
- RAVs?
- Russians, Arabs and Villains.
730
00:35:39,669 --> 00:35:41,398
Oh, well, then yes, I guess
that is why I'm here.
731
00:35:41,504 --> 00:35:43,699
Good. I think we can help.
732
00:35:43,806 --> 00:35:45,899
Jeff invented product placement.
733
00:35:46,008 --> 00:35:47,976
I feel I have to ask, uh...
734
00:35:48,077 --> 00:35:51,069
Are you concerned at
all about the, um...
735
00:35:51,180 --> 00:35:52,738
about the health element?
736
00:35:52,848 --> 00:35:55,715
I'm not a doctor, I'm a facilitator.
737
00:35:55,818 --> 00:35:57,080
I bring creative people together.
738
00:35:57,186 --> 00:35:59,381
Whatever information there is,
exists, it's out there.
739
00:35:59,488 --> 00:36:00,682
People will decide for themselves.
740
00:36:00,790 --> 00:36:03,224
They should. It's not
my role to decide for them.
741
00:36:03,326 --> 00:36:05,226
It'd be morally presumptuous.
742
00:36:05,328 --> 00:36:07,888
I could learn a lot
from this man.
743
00:36:07,997 --> 00:36:10,363
Now, what we need is
a smoking role model,
744
00:36:10,466 --> 00:36:11,398
a real winner.
745
00:36:11,500 --> 00:36:13,195
Indiana Jones meets Jerry Maguire.
746
00:36:13,302 --> 00:36:14,360
Right, on two packs a day.
747
00:36:14,470 --> 00:36:16,495
Only he can't live
in contemporary society.
748
00:36:16,605 --> 00:36:17,503
Why not?
749
00:36:17,606 --> 00:36:19,597
The health issue's way too prevalent.
750
00:36:19,709 --> 00:36:21,643
People would constantly
be asking the character
751
00:36:21,744 --> 00:36:24,008
why he's smoking-
and that should go unsaid.
752
00:36:24,113 --> 00:36:26,047
How do you feel about the future?
753
00:36:26,148 --> 00:36:28,343
The future?
754
00:36:28,451 --> 00:36:30,180
Yeah, after the health thing's
blown over.
755
00:36:30,286 --> 00:36:31,617
A world
where smokers and nonsmokers
756
00:36:31,721 --> 00:36:33,120
live together in perfect harmony.
757
00:36:33,222 --> 00:36:35,588
Sony has a futuristic sci-fi movie
they're looking to make.
758
00:36:35,691 --> 00:36:37,625
Message From Sector Six.
759
00:36:37,727 --> 00:36:39,752
All takes place in a space station.
760
00:36:39,862 --> 00:36:41,727
They're actively looking
for some co-financing.
761
00:36:41,831 --> 00:36:43,298
So cigarettes in space?
762
00:36:43,399 --> 00:36:45,526
It's the final frontier, Nick.
763
00:36:45,634 --> 00:36:47,625
But wouldn't they blow up
in an all-oxygen environment?
764
00:36:48,704 --> 00:36:50,433
Probably.
765
00:36:50,539 --> 00:36:53,133
But it's an easy fix-
one line of dialogue:
766
00:36:53,242 --> 00:36:55,210
"Thank God we invented the..."
you know,
767
00:36:55,311 --> 00:36:56,608
whatever device.
768
00:36:56,712 --> 00:36:58,577
Brad Pitt.
769
00:36:58,681 --> 00:37:00,239
Catherine Zeta-Jones.
770
00:37:00,349 --> 00:37:01,748
They've just finished ravishing
771
00:37:01,851 --> 00:37:04,445
each other's bodies
for the first time.
772
00:37:04,553 --> 00:37:06,578
They lie naked, suspended in air
773
00:37:06,689 --> 00:37:08,122
underneath the heavens.
774
00:37:08,224 --> 00:37:10,590
Pitt lights up.
775
00:37:10,693 --> 00:37:12,422
He starts blowing smoke rings
all around
776
00:37:12,528 --> 00:37:14,325
Catherine's naked, flawless body,
777
00:37:14,430 --> 00:37:17,593
as the galaxies go whizzing
by over the glass-domed ceiling.
778
00:37:17,700 --> 00:37:19,759
Now, tell me that
doesn't work for you.
779
00:37:19,869 --> 00:37:21,166
I'd see that movie.
780
00:37:21,270 --> 00:37:22,532
I'd buy the goddamn DVD.
781
00:37:22,638 --> 00:37:25,334
You know, if the academy
didn't send them to me for free.
782
00:37:25,441 --> 00:37:26,908
You know,
783
00:37:27,009 --> 00:37:29,170
you guys ought to think
about designing a cigarette
784
00:37:29,278 --> 00:37:31,007
to be released simultaneously
with the movie.
785
00:37:31,113 --> 00:37:32,671
Sector Sixes.
786
00:37:32,782 --> 00:37:34,340
No one's ever done it
with a cigarette.
787
00:37:34,450 --> 00:37:35,576
Wow.
788
00:37:35,684 --> 00:37:37,584
Well, where do we go from here?
789
00:37:37,686 --> 00:37:40,519
You enjoy the rest of your day
in L.A. with your son
790
00:37:40,623 --> 00:37:42,557
while I find out
the answers to these questions.
791
00:37:42,658 --> 00:37:45,286
Hey, where can I get
a bite to eat with my son?
792
00:37:45,394 --> 00:37:46,918
You ought to try Nobu's new place.
793
00:37:47,029 --> 00:37:49,429
- He only serves food that's white.
- Oh, great.
794
00:37:50,699 --> 00:37:52,929
So, you go to an office,
795
00:37:53,035 --> 00:37:55,663
then you go on TV
and talk about cigarettes.
796
00:37:55,771 --> 00:37:57,602
Then you fly out to L.A.
797
00:37:57,706 --> 00:38:00,174
To talk to some guy who
works with movie stars.
798
00:38:00,276 --> 00:38:03,575
- What is that?
- That's my job; I'm a lobbyist.
799
00:38:03,679 --> 00:38:06,341
I know, but did you study to do that?
800
00:38:06,449 --> 00:38:08,940
No. No, I just kind of figured it out.
801
00:38:09,051 --> 00:38:11,144
Then can't anyone just do that?
802
00:38:11,253 --> 00:38:15,189
No, it, uh, requires a...
803
00:38:15,291 --> 00:38:19,022
a moral flexibility
that goes beyond most people.
804
00:38:20,129 --> 00:38:22,962
Do I have flexible morals?
805
00:38:23,065 --> 00:38:25,761
Well, let's say
you became a lawyer, right?
806
00:38:25,868 --> 00:38:27,495
And you were asked
to defend a murderer.
807
00:38:27,603 --> 00:38:29,127
Worse than that- a child murderer.
808
00:38:29,238 --> 00:38:30,535
Now,
809
00:38:30,639 --> 00:38:33,631
the law states that every person
deserves a fair trial.
810
00:38:33,742 --> 00:38:35,835
Would you defend them?
811
00:38:35,945 --> 00:38:37,640
I don't know.
I guess every person
812
00:38:37,746 --> 00:38:39,577
- deserves a fair defense.
- Yeah, well,
813
00:38:39,682 --> 00:38:41,809
so do multinational corporations.
814
00:38:41,917 --> 00:38:45,216
So, what happens when you're wrong?
815
00:38:45,321 --> 00:38:46,982
Well, Joey, I'm never wrong.
816
00:38:47,089 --> 00:38:48,556
But you can't always be right.
817
00:38:48,657 --> 00:38:51,592
Well, if it's your job to be right,
then you're never wrong.
818
00:38:51,694 --> 00:38:53,889
But what if you are wrong?
819
00:38:53,996 --> 00:38:56,157
Okay, let's say that
you're defending chocolate
820
00:38:56,265 --> 00:38:57,596
and I'm defending vanilla.
821
00:38:57,700 --> 00:39:00,100
Now, if I were to say to you,
822
00:39:00,202 --> 00:39:03,103
"Vanilla's the best flavor
ice cream," you'd say...?
823
00:39:03,205 --> 00:39:05,264
- "No, chocolate is."
- Exactly.
824
00:39:05,374 --> 00:39:06,966
But you can't win that argument.
825
00:39:07,076 --> 00:39:09,636
So, I'll ask you-
So you think chocolate
826
00:39:09,745 --> 00:39:12,543
is the end-all and be-all
of ice cream, do you?
827
00:39:12,648 --> 00:39:14,707
It's the best ice cream;
I wouldn't order any other.
828
00:39:14,817 --> 00:39:16,717
Oh. So it's all chocolate
for you, is it?
829
00:39:16,819 --> 00:39:18,411
Yes, chocolate is all I need.
830
00:39:18,521 --> 00:39:19,818
Well, I need more than chocolate.
831
00:39:19,922 --> 00:39:21,913
And for that matter,
I need more than vanilla.
832
00:39:22,024 --> 00:39:23,787
I believe that we need
freedom and choice
833
00:39:23,893 --> 00:39:26,384
when it comes to our ice cream,
and that, Joey Naylor,
834
00:39:26,495 --> 00:39:28,019
that is the definition of liberty.
835
00:39:28,130 --> 00:39:30,064
But that's not what
we're talking about.
836
00:39:30,166 --> 00:39:32,566
Ah, but that's what
I'm talking about.
837
00:39:32,668 --> 00:39:35,603
- But... you didn't prove that vanilla's the best.
- I didn't have to.
838
00:39:35,704 --> 00:39:38,537
I proved that you're wrong-
and if you're wrong, I'm right.
839
00:39:38,641 --> 00:39:39,608
But you still didn't
840
00:39:39,708 --> 00:39:40,766
convince me.
841
00:39:40,876 --> 00:39:42,207
'Cause I'm not after you.
842
00:39:42,311 --> 00:39:45,610
I'm after them.
843
00:40:01,697 --> 00:40:03,164
Hello?
844
00:40:03,265 --> 00:40:05,165
Thought I'd give you a little update.
845
00:40:05,267 --> 00:40:07,235
Jeff. You still at the office?
846
00:40:07,336 --> 00:40:09,861
Do you know what time it is
in Tokyo right now?
847
00:40:09,972 --> 00:40:11,735
- No.
- 4:00 p.m. Tomorrow.
848
00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:13,637
It's the future, Nick.
849
00:40:14,843 --> 00:40:16,572
Anyway, for Pitt to smoke,
850
00:40:16,679 --> 00:40:18,909
it's $10 million;
for the pair, it's 25.
851
00:40:19,014 --> 00:40:22,177
25?! Usually when I buy two
of something, I get a discount.
852
00:40:22,284 --> 00:40:23,478
What's the extra five for?
853
00:40:23,586 --> 00:40:24,746
Synergy.
854
00:40:24,853 --> 00:40:27,617
These are not stupid people;
they got it right away.
855
00:40:27,723 --> 00:40:29,953
Pitt and Zeta-Jones lighting up
after some cosmic fucking
856
00:40:30,059 --> 00:40:32,527
in the bubble suite's
gonna sell a lot of cigarettes.
857
00:40:32,628 --> 00:40:34,061
Well, for that kind of money,
858
00:40:34,163 --> 00:40:36,063
my people will expect
some very serious smoking.
859
00:40:36,165 --> 00:40:37,655
Can Brad blow smoke rings?
860
00:40:37,766 --> 00:40:39,165
I don't have that information.
861
00:40:39,268 --> 00:40:40,963
Well, for $25 million,
we'd want smoke rings.
862
00:40:41,070 --> 00:40:42,560
Oh, one other thing-
you'll be cofinancing
863
00:40:42,671 --> 00:40:44,605
the picture
with the Sultan of Glutan.
864
00:40:44,707 --> 00:40:45,901
The Sultan of Glutan?
865
00:40:46,008 --> 00:40:48,033
The one who massacred
and enslaved his own people?
866
00:40:48,143 --> 00:40:50,634
Aren't they calling him
the Hitler of the South Pacific?
867
00:40:50,746 --> 00:40:53,180
No, I can't speak to that-
All my dealings with him,
868
00:40:53,282 --> 00:40:55,011
he's been a very reasonable
and sensitive guy.
869
00:40:55,117 --> 00:40:56,345
He's fun. You'll like him.
870
00:40:56,452 --> 00:40:57,646
I better run it by my people.
871
00:40:57,753 --> 00:40:58,845
No problem.
872
00:40:58,954 --> 00:41:00,319
Oh, that's London calling.
873
00:41:00,422 --> 00:41:02,549
7:00 a.m. In the Old Empire.
874
00:41:02,658 --> 00:41:04,216
Jeff, when do you sleep?
875
00:41:04,326 --> 00:41:05,554
Sunday.
876
00:42:07,690 --> 00:42:10,181
- Operator.
- Yeah, my light is blinking.
877
00:42:10,292 --> 00:42:13,523
- There's a package downstairs for you.
- Okay, send it up.
878
00:42:16,065 --> 00:42:19,262
Captain, I'm sitting in front
of an open briefcase.
879
00:42:19,368 --> 00:42:21,393
I don't suppose this is a raise.
880
00:42:21,503 --> 00:42:25,303
Now, Nick, do you know
who Lorne Lutch is?
881
00:42:25,407 --> 00:42:27,102
Yeah, of course.
He's the original Marlboro Man.
882
00:42:27,209 --> 00:42:29,677
He's dying.
He was on Sally last week.
883
00:42:29,778 --> 00:42:31,973
Not exactly our biggest fan.
884
00:42:32,081 --> 00:42:33,309
Well, the money's for him.
885
00:42:33,415 --> 00:42:36,043
Now, he has a ranch
out there in California.
886
00:42:36,151 --> 00:42:37,812
I want you to bring it to him.
887
00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:41,754
He's a cowboy, sir,
and cowboys don't like bribes.
888
00:42:41,857 --> 00:42:44,018
It's not a bribe. No, sir.
889
00:42:44,126 --> 00:42:46,890
You're going out there
on wings of angels, son.
890
00:42:46,995 --> 00:42:49,930
You mean we're just going
to give him the money?
891
00:42:50,032 --> 00:42:51,431
Well, I think Christ himself
would say,
892
00:42:51,533 --> 00:42:53,763
"That's mighty white of you boys."
893
00:42:53,869 --> 00:42:55,928
No gag agreement?
894
00:42:56,038 --> 00:42:58,438
Hopefully, he'll be so damn
overcome with gratitude
895
00:42:58,540 --> 00:43:00,872
he'll... he'll have to shut up.
896
00:43:11,620 --> 00:43:13,952
Hey, kiddo, I got to go do
a little bit more work
897
00:43:14,056 --> 00:43:15,148
this afternoon, all right?
898
00:43:15,257 --> 00:43:16,155
Can I come?
899
00:43:16,258 --> 00:43:17,691
No. Not this time.
900
00:43:17,793 --> 00:43:19,954
But I want to see what you do.
901
00:44:01,270 --> 00:44:02,862
You stay here, okay?
902
00:44:22,024 --> 00:44:24,584
What the fuck are you doing here?
903
00:44:24,693 --> 00:44:27,287
Uh... uh...
904
00:44:27,396 --> 00:44:29,091
Do you have a minute?
905
00:44:34,236 --> 00:44:35,897
What do you want?
906
00:44:36,004 --> 00:44:37,232
Dad!
907
00:44:37,339 --> 00:44:38,465
Joey, get back in the car.
908
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:47,071
Just want to talk.
909
00:44:48,417 --> 00:44:50,476
All right.
910
00:44:50,586 --> 00:44:52,053
Let's talk.
911
00:45:08,470 --> 00:45:10,904
Pearl, we got company.
912
00:45:13,542 --> 00:45:16,739
Mister, you got a lot of nerve
walking in here after...
913
00:45:16,845 --> 00:45:20,212
Honey, why don't you show
this young man some iced tea?
914
00:45:23,352 --> 00:45:24,842
I'll be right back, tiger.
915
00:45:41,270 --> 00:45:43,830
Saw you on...
916
00:45:43,939 --> 00:45:47,431
Weren't you on that TV show?
917
00:45:47,543 --> 00:45:50,341
Yeah. Yeah, that was me.
918
00:45:50,445 --> 00:45:54,006
You're lucky you made it
out of there alive.
919
00:45:54,116 --> 00:45:56,414
Yeah. Tobacco used to be
all over the television.
920
00:45:56,518 --> 00:46:00,511
Now TV is leading the witch hunt.
921
00:46:00,622 --> 00:46:02,487
Strange business.
922
00:46:02,591 --> 00:46:05,492
Last year, after I was diagnosed,
923
00:46:05,594 --> 00:46:11,123
flew east to attend the
annual stockholders' convention.
924
00:46:12,901 --> 00:46:14,869
Stood up and told them
I thought
925
00:46:14,970 --> 00:46:19,600
they ought to cut back
on their advertising.
926
00:46:19,708 --> 00:46:22,302
You know what your boss said to me?
927
00:46:25,547 --> 00:46:28,607
He said, "We're certainly sorry
928
00:46:28,717 --> 00:46:32,483
"to hear about your medical problem.
929
00:46:32,588 --> 00:46:36,024
"However, without
knowing more
930
00:46:36,124 --> 00:46:39,787
"of your medical history,
931
00:46:39,895 --> 00:46:41,988
we can't comment further."
932
00:46:44,566 --> 00:46:46,796
But then they tried to pretend
933
00:46:46,902 --> 00:46:48,631
I never worked for 'em.
934
00:46:50,572 --> 00:46:52,802
Yeah, I got the pay stubs.
935
00:46:52,908 --> 00:46:55,672
But, hell,
I was on the damn billboards.
936
00:46:57,412 --> 00:46:59,141
I never
even smoked
937
00:46:59,247 --> 00:47:01,272
Marlboro.
938
00:47:01,383 --> 00:47:03,851
I smoked Kools.
939
00:47:08,256 --> 00:47:11,384
You look like a nice-enough fella.
940
00:47:11,493 --> 00:47:13,791
What are you doing
working for these assholes?
941
00:47:15,697 --> 00:47:17,756
I'm good at it.
942
00:47:17,866 --> 00:47:19,094
Better at doing this
943
00:47:19,201 --> 00:47:20,862
than I ever was
at doing anything else.
944
00:47:20,969 --> 00:47:22,903
Aw, hell, son.
945
00:47:23,005 --> 00:47:25,565
I was good at shooting VC*.
(* Viet-Cong)
946
00:47:25,674 --> 00:47:27,642
I didn't make it my career.
947
00:47:29,945 --> 00:47:33,608
I suppose we all
got to pay the mortgage.
948
00:47:37,452 --> 00:47:39,613
Your dad always bring
you along like this?
949
00:47:39,721 --> 00:47:42,451
No. I live with my mom.
950
00:47:42,557 --> 00:47:44,286
He tell you why he's here today?
951
00:47:44,393 --> 00:47:48,227
He said that your husband
was the Marlboro Man.
952
00:47:49,831 --> 00:47:53,631
Yeah, well, not anymore.
953
00:47:53,735 --> 00:47:55,202
Hello.
954
00:47:55,303 --> 00:47:57,464
Yeah. Hey, can you hold on a second?
955
00:47:57,572 --> 00:48:01,668
You need anything else,
grab it out of the fridge.
956
00:48:01,777 --> 00:48:03,438
So I'm standing here
minding my own business,
957
00:48:03,545 --> 00:48:05,410
filling up pill bottles...
958
00:48:05,514 --> 00:48:11,419
So you're here to talk me
into shutting up?
959
00:48:13,288 --> 00:48:15,552
That what's in that case of yours?
960
00:48:15,657 --> 00:48:18,319
Yeah, basically.
961
00:48:19,528 --> 00:48:20,927
No, not basically.
962
00:48:21,029 --> 00:48:23,259
That's... that's exactly it.
963
00:48:25,367 --> 00:48:26,994
My dignity ain't for sale.
964
00:48:27,102 --> 00:48:29,570
It's not an offer.
It's a gift.
965
00:48:29,671 --> 00:48:30,797
Taxes have all been paid.
966
00:48:30,906 --> 00:48:33,636
You get to keep it
no matter what you do.
967
00:48:33,742 --> 00:48:35,175
The idea is that, somehow,
968
00:48:35,277 --> 00:48:37,905
your guilt will prevent you
from bad-mouthing us.
969
00:48:38,013 --> 00:48:39,810
Are you supposed to be
970
00:48:39,915 --> 00:48:41,610
telling me all that?
971
00:48:41,717 --> 00:48:44,242
No, sir. Just apologize,
972
00:48:44,352 --> 00:48:46,115
give you the money, and leave.
973
00:48:46,221 --> 00:48:47,984
Why are you telling me this?
974
00:48:50,525 --> 00:48:52,493
Because, this way,
you'll take the money.
975
00:48:52,594 --> 00:48:53,856
Why would I do that?
976
00:48:53,962 --> 00:48:54,951
Because you're mad.
977
00:48:55,063 --> 00:48:56,496
Damn straight I am.
978
00:48:56,598 --> 00:48:57,587
The first thing you'll do,
979
00:48:57,699 --> 00:48:59,792
is you'll call the L.A. Times,
and CNN...
980
00:48:59,901 --> 00:49:01,300
- Huh?
- And insist on Bonnie Carlton.
981
00:49:01,403 --> 00:49:02,301
She does really good
982
00:49:02,404 --> 00:49:03,302
controlled outrage.
983
00:49:03,405 --> 00:49:04,633
Tell them, "No Bonnie, no story."
984
00:49:04,740 --> 00:49:05,764
Watch it on MSNBC.
985
00:49:05,874 --> 00:49:07,171
- Okay.
- When they get here,
986
00:49:07,275 --> 00:49:10,210
you open up the case...
987
00:49:12,914 --> 00:49:16,077
and you pour all the cash
out onto the floor.
988
00:49:16,184 --> 00:49:17,242
- Why?
- Trust me.
989
00:49:17,352 --> 00:49:18,546
It'll look more effective that way.
990
00:49:18,653 --> 00:49:22,714
Don't forget to shake
every last bundle out.
991
00:49:24,459 --> 00:49:26,120
If you can, you know,
give a cough or two.
992
00:49:26,228 --> 00:49:29,129
Once it's all
out on the floor,
993
00:49:29,231 --> 00:49:30,698
tell them what you're
going to do with it.
994
00:49:30,799 --> 00:49:31,766
What am I going to do with it?
995
00:49:31,867 --> 00:49:32,891
You're going to donate it.
996
00:49:33,001 --> 00:49:35,196
Yeah. Start the Lorne Lutch
Cancer Foundation.
997
00:49:35,303 --> 00:49:36,634
You're going to have
a ranch and a fair
998
00:49:36,738 --> 00:49:39,366
and a 5K.
A 5K is a must. Television...
999
00:49:39,474 --> 00:49:40,498
Wait a minute.
1000
00:49:40,609 --> 00:49:42,839
What about my family?
1001
00:49:45,280 --> 00:49:47,475
But, Lorne, you can't keep the money.
1002
00:49:47,582 --> 00:49:49,072
Why the hell not?
1003
00:49:49,184 --> 00:49:50,412
What do you mean?
1004
00:49:50,519 --> 00:49:53,113
Denounce us,
and then keep the blood money?
1005
00:49:53,221 --> 00:49:54,518
I mean, look at it.
1006
00:50:01,797 --> 00:50:02,695
I got to think this over.
1007
00:50:02,798 --> 00:50:03,662
Lorne, whoa.
1008
00:50:03,765 --> 00:50:05,756
News doesn't work that way.
1009
00:50:05,867 --> 00:50:07,892
You can't denounce us next week.
1010
00:50:14,509 --> 00:50:17,774
I don't suppose I can
denounce you for half of it.
1011
00:50:17,879 --> 00:50:21,246
No, Lorne. Either you keep
all the money,
1012
00:50:21,349 --> 00:50:24,113
or you... you give it all away.
1013
00:50:34,563 --> 00:50:36,724
Dad, how did you know
1014
00:50:36,832 --> 00:50:38,697
he would take the money?
1015
00:50:41,036 --> 00:50:43,937
You'd have to be crazy
to turn down all that money.
1016
00:50:44,039 --> 00:50:46,507
When I saw he wasn't crazy,
I knew he'd take it.
1017
00:50:48,009 --> 00:50:50,477
Would you have taken it?
1018
00:50:50,579 --> 00:50:53,139
If I were him? Sure.
1019
00:50:55,884 --> 00:50:57,351
So would I.
1020
00:51:08,897 --> 00:51:09,955
I don't think you understand, sir.
1021
00:51:10,065 --> 00:51:11,362
He's like a wild animal.
1022
00:51:11,466 --> 00:51:13,127
You'll have to be
on your guard at all times.
1023
00:51:13,235 --> 00:51:14,224
He has this trick.
1024
00:51:14,336 --> 00:51:15,530
Ron, shut up.
1025
00:51:15,637 --> 00:51:17,468
I've tangoed with presidents,
lawyers and Indian chiefs.
1026
00:51:17,572 --> 00:51:20,132
I think I can handle Mr. Nick Naylor.
1027
00:51:22,110 --> 00:51:23,304
All right, welcome back, kids.
1028
00:51:23,411 --> 00:51:25,311
We've got two guests
on the show tonight.
1029
00:51:25,413 --> 00:51:27,404
First, joining us
from our Washington studio...
1030
00:51:27,515 --> 00:51:29,449
I must have that tie clip!
1031
00:51:29,551 --> 00:51:32,145
...is the senator from
the great state of Vermont.
1032
00:51:32,254 --> 00:51:34,415
Please welcome Ortolan Finistirre.
1033
00:51:34,522 --> 00:51:35,420
Welcome, Senator.
1034
00:51:35,523 --> 00:51:37,081
Good to be here, Dennis.
1035
00:51:37,192 --> 00:51:38,887
And, joining us here
in our Los Angeles studio,
1036
00:51:38,994 --> 00:51:40,859
he is the chief spokesperson
1037
00:51:40,962 --> 00:51:43,157
for the Academy of Tobacco Studies.
1038
00:51:43,265 --> 00:51:44,755
Quite an august chamber, might I add?
1039
00:51:44,866 --> 00:51:46,629
- Nick Naylor. Nick, welcome.
- Pleasure to be here.
1040
00:51:46,735 --> 00:51:49,465
All right, I understand you were
on Joan Lunden's show recently.
1041
00:51:49,571 --> 00:51:51,163
Didn't make a lot
of friends over there, did you?
1042
00:51:51,273 --> 00:51:52,638
I will say that I don't think
1043
00:51:52,741 --> 00:51:54,038
I'll be getting
my annual invitation
1044
00:51:54,142 --> 00:51:56,906
to the Finistirre Labor Day Barbecue.
1045
00:51:57,012 --> 00:51:59,412
Well, I continue to offer
an open invitation to Mr. Naylor
1046
00:51:59,514 --> 00:52:01,846
to join us in Congress
to talk about the inclusion
1047
00:52:01,950 --> 00:52:04,680
of our new poison label which,
if I might say...
1048
00:52:04,786 --> 00:52:06,947
Nick, ready to trek up
the Hill and testify
1049
00:52:07,055 --> 00:52:08,249
before Congress?
1050
00:52:08,356 --> 00:52:10,517
Well, I'd love to, Dennis,
but not as long as the senator
1051
00:52:10,625 --> 00:52:11,990
is calling for me to be fired.
1052
00:52:12,093 --> 00:52:14,391
It's not exactly
a welcome invitation.
1053
00:52:14,496 --> 00:52:17,021
Yeah. Bit of a mixed message,
Senator.
1054
00:52:17,132 --> 00:52:19,396
Well, not as mixed as the stance
that Big Tobacco has taken
1055
00:52:19,501 --> 00:52:21,264
about the dangers
of smoking cigarettes.
1056
00:52:21,369 --> 00:52:22,802
- Oh, no.
- Now what are you laughing...?
1057
00:52:22,904 --> 00:52:24,997
You're a wind-up artist.
Give the man his due.
1058
00:52:25,106 --> 00:52:26,903
He's got a bit of a point there,
doesn't he?
1059
00:52:27,008 --> 00:52:28,873
Sorry. I just can't
help myself, Dennis.
1060
00:52:28,977 --> 00:52:30,638
I... I... I'm just tickled by the idea
1061
00:52:30,745 --> 00:52:32,440
of the gentleman from Vermont
1062
00:52:32,547 --> 00:52:35,107
calling me a hypocrite
when, uh... this same man,
1063
00:52:35,216 --> 00:52:37,081
in one day, held a press
conference where he called
1064
00:52:37,185 --> 00:52:39,676
for the American tobacco fields
to be slashed and burned,
1065
00:52:39,788 --> 00:52:41,380
then he jumped on a private jet
1066
00:52:41,489 --> 00:52:43,980
and flew down to Farm Aid
where he rode a tractor onstage
1067
00:52:44,092 --> 00:52:47,084
- Oh, come on.
- As he bemoaned the downfall
of the American farmer.
1068
00:52:47,195 --> 00:52:48,992
Care to comment, Senator?
1069
00:52:49,097 --> 00:52:51,031
He... I... No.
1070
00:52:51,132 --> 00:52:53,362
Eloquent in its brevity.
1071
00:52:53,468 --> 00:52:54,594
Emotional issue.
1072
00:52:54,703 --> 00:52:55,931
Let's take some phone calls now.
1073
00:52:56,037 --> 00:52:58,335
Herndon, Virginia.
Go ahead. You're on the show.
1074
00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:00,931
Dennis, has anyone ever
announced that they're going
1075
00:53:01,042 --> 00:53:02,805
to kill someone live on your show?
1076
00:53:02,911 --> 00:53:06,142
My demo's been called quirky
but, no, at this point,
1077
00:53:06,247 --> 00:53:08,340
we're not skewing
to the emotionally unstable.
1078
00:53:08,450 --> 00:53:10,577
Then it's your lucky day.
1079
00:53:10,685 --> 00:53:12,346
Because I'm here to tell
you that, within a week,
1080
00:53:12,454 --> 00:53:15,048
we're going to dispatch
Mr. Naylor from this planet
1081
00:53:15,156 --> 00:53:18,853
for all the pain and suffering
he's caused in the world.
1082
00:53:22,630 --> 00:53:25,121
As I said, emotional issue.
We're going to break now.
1083
00:53:25,233 --> 00:53:26,996
I got to fire a call screener.
1084
00:53:53,928 --> 00:53:55,395
Let's go.
1085
00:54:31,066 --> 00:54:33,728
This is Nick Naylor
telling you kids,
1086
00:54:33,835 --> 00:54:37,032
"Don't do drugs, smoke cigarettes."
1087
00:54:37,138 --> 00:54:38,298
That's really great.
1088
00:54:38,406 --> 00:54:40,033
It's like I'm looking in a mirror.
1089
00:54:40,141 --> 00:54:42,268
New idea:
1090
00:54:42,377 --> 00:54:44,743
Cigarettes for the homeless.
1091
00:54:44,846 --> 00:54:45,938
We'll call them "hobos."
1092
00:54:47,482 --> 00:54:48,847
Uh, that's awful.
1093
00:54:48,950 --> 00:54:50,474
Any better than "Sector Sixes"?
1094
00:54:50,585 --> 00:54:52,553
Right.
1095
00:54:52,654 --> 00:54:55,487
Oh, my God, Nick, you're on TV.
1096
00:54:56,658 --> 00:54:59,286
"Lobbyist on the lookout."
1097
00:54:59,394 --> 00:55:02,591
You got to be kidding me.
1098
00:55:03,865 --> 00:55:07,562
I want to fuck you
while I watch you on TV.
1099
00:55:07,669 --> 00:55:09,398
And they call me sick.
1100
00:55:09,504 --> 00:55:10,402
Hurry.
1101
00:55:10,505 --> 00:55:12,496
Before your segment ends.
1102
00:55:12,607 --> 00:55:14,541
All right.
1103
00:55:20,315 --> 00:55:22,442
Tell me more about Los Angeles, baby.
1104
00:55:22,550 --> 00:55:23,710
Huh?
1105
00:55:27,922 --> 00:55:29,719
He says he wants
to trail me everywhere,
1106
00:55:29,824 --> 00:55:30,984
I said, "Who's paying for it?"
1107
00:55:31,092 --> 00:55:32,582
He says the tobacco company's
paying for it.
1108
00:55:32,694 --> 00:55:34,218
I said, "I don't need a bodyguard."
1109
00:55:34,329 --> 00:55:35,887
I'm a man of the people.
1110
00:55:35,997 --> 00:55:37,862
Rock on, Kennedy.
1111
00:55:37,966 --> 00:55:39,661
Listen, we're all going to
need bodyguards soon enough.
1112
00:55:39,767 --> 00:55:41,564
Did you see the coverage
the fetal alcohol people
1113
00:55:41,669 --> 00:55:42,727
got themselves over this weekend?
1114
00:55:42,837 --> 00:55:44,668
They made it seem like
we were encouraging
1115
00:55:44,772 --> 00:55:45,898
pregnant women to drink.
1116
00:55:46,007 --> 00:55:47,099
I'm surprised I didn't get kidnapped
1117
00:55:47,208 --> 00:55:48,539
on my way to work this morning.
1118
00:55:48,643 --> 00:55:52,135
I don't think people from
the alcoholic beverage industry
1119
00:55:52,247 --> 00:55:54,238
need to worry about
being kidnapped just yet.
1120
00:55:55,850 --> 00:55:57,442
Pardon me?
1121
00:55:57,552 --> 00:55:58,849
Look, I mean,
1122
00:55:58,953 --> 00:56:00,944
nothing personal,
but tobacco generates
1123
00:56:01,055 --> 00:56:03,285
a little more heat than alcohol.
1124
00:56:03,391 --> 00:56:04,858
Oh, this is news.
1125
00:56:04,959 --> 00:56:08,588
My product puts away 475,000 a year.
1126
00:56:08,696 --> 00:56:11,358
Oh, okay, now 475 is a legit number.
1127
00:56:11,466 --> 00:56:12,694
Okay, 435,000.
1128
00:56:12,800 --> 00:56:13,858
That's 1,200 a day.
1129
00:56:13,968 --> 00:56:15,299
How many alcohol-related deaths
a year?
1130
00:56:15,403 --> 00:56:17,530
- Well, does that...
- 100,000 tops?
1131
00:56:17,639 --> 00:56:21,268
That's, what, 270 a day?
1132
00:56:21,376 --> 00:56:22,536
Wowee.
1133
00:56:22,644 --> 00:56:25,010
270 people, a tragedy.
1134
00:56:25,113 --> 00:56:27,104
Excuse me if I don't exactly see
terrorists getting excited
1135
00:56:27,215 --> 00:56:28,842
about kidnapping anyone
from the alcohol industry.
1136
00:56:28,950 --> 00:56:30,212
- Well, you haven't even
- Okay,
1137
00:56:30,318 --> 00:56:32,149
- taken into account the number of deaths
- let's just
1138
00:56:32,253 --> 00:56:34,949
- breathe.
- How many gun deaths a year in the U.S.?
1139
00:56:35,056 --> 00:56:36,785
11,000.
1140
00:56:36,891 --> 00:56:39,223
11,000, are you kidding me?
1141
00:56:39,327 --> 00:56:41,261
30 a day.
1142
00:56:41,362 --> 00:56:42,795
That's less than passenger car
mortalities.
1143
00:56:42,897 --> 00:56:44,489
No terrorist would bother
with either of you.
1144
00:56:58,179 --> 00:56:59,942
Okay, look...
stupid argument.
1145
00:57:00,048 --> 00:57:02,073
I'll say.
1146
00:57:02,183 --> 00:57:05,152
I'm sure both of you warrant
vigilante justice.
1147
00:57:05,253 --> 00:57:07,016
Thank you.
1148
00:57:27,875 --> 00:57:29,137
Hey... please.
Stop... hey.
1149
00:57:29,244 --> 00:57:30,336
Who are you guys?
1150
00:57:34,249 --> 00:57:36,547
And freedom means
that we can do what we want.
1151
00:57:36,651 --> 00:57:39,017
And that's really important.
1152
00:57:39,120 --> 00:57:42,715
Because otherwise,
we couldn't be free.
1153
00:57:42,824 --> 00:57:46,851
And that's why America is
the best government in the world.
1154
00:57:46,961 --> 00:57:48,519
Whoa, hey, hey, hey.
1155
00:57:48,630 --> 00:57:51,326
Hey, no need for that,
no need for that.
1156
00:57:51,432 --> 00:57:52,797
Whoa, whoa, hey.
1157
00:57:52,900 --> 00:57:53,867
Hey, wait.
1158
00:57:53,968 --> 00:57:55,162
Can we get a dialogue going here?
1159
00:57:55,270 --> 00:57:58,034
Nick, we want you
to stop killing people.
1160
00:57:58,139 --> 00:57:59,868
So many people.
1161
00:57:59,974 --> 00:58:01,532
Half a million people a year
in the U.S.
1162
00:58:01,643 --> 00:58:03,338
That, there's no data
to support that.
1163
00:58:03,444 --> 00:58:05,571
Nick... you're not on TV anymore.
1164
00:58:08,983 --> 00:58:10,678
Okay, Joey, it's your turn.
1165
00:58:13,288 --> 00:58:14,550
Hey!
1166
00:58:14,656 --> 00:58:16,055
Nick, how much do you smoke a day?
1167
00:58:16,157 --> 00:58:17,715
Hey, what are you doing?
1168
00:58:17,825 --> 00:58:20,089
According to the box,
each one of those patches
1169
00:58:20,194 --> 00:58:22,355
contains 21 milligrams of nicotine.
1170
00:58:22,463 --> 00:58:23,430
That's, like, what?
1171
00:58:23,531 --> 00:58:24,930
One pack?
1172
00:58:25,033 --> 00:58:27,331
Our industry has been working
hand in hand with...
1173
00:58:27,435 --> 00:58:29,369
Nick! Just listen, all right?
1174
00:58:29,470 --> 00:58:31,028
What makes America
the best government?
1175
00:58:31,139 --> 00:58:33,437
The passion that doesn't exist
anywhere in the world.
1176
00:58:33,541 --> 00:58:35,441
Says here there are
many adverse reactions
1177
00:58:35,543 --> 00:58:36,601
from those things.
1178
00:58:36,711 --> 00:58:38,611
Let's see, "arrhythmia,
1179
00:58:38,713 --> 00:58:40,180
"constipation, dyspepsia,
1180
00:58:40,281 --> 00:58:42,806
- "nausea...
- My industry does $48 billion in revenue.
1181
00:58:42,917 --> 00:58:44,612
Pharyngitis, sinusitis..."
1182
00:58:44,719 --> 00:58:47,552
Sure you can call it capitalism,
a free market,
1183
00:58:47,655 --> 00:58:49,282
a celebration of tariff breakdowns...
1184
00:58:49,390 --> 00:58:52,052
"dysmenorrhea..."
1185
00:58:52,160 --> 00:58:54,128
I don't even want to know
what that means.
1186
00:58:54,228 --> 00:58:55,991
Hey, look, I guess you could
start by, you know,
1187
00:58:56,097 --> 00:58:57,894
asking for five million,
working your way up from there.
1188
00:58:57,999 --> 00:58:59,432
But I don't want any money, Nick.
1189
00:58:59,534 --> 00:59:00,466
Well, what do you want?
1190
00:59:00,568 --> 00:59:01,865
I mean, I'm all ears here.
1191
00:59:01,969 --> 00:59:05,097
I have another word for it-
1192
00:59:05,206 --> 00:59:06,434
love.
1193
00:59:06,541 --> 00:59:08,168
What does any man want?
1194
00:59:08,276 --> 00:59:09,834
The love of a woman,
1195
00:59:09,944 --> 00:59:11,138
crisp bacon...
1196
00:59:11,245 --> 00:59:16,114
an average life span over 80 years.
1197
00:59:16,217 --> 00:59:18,583
Oh, Nick...
1198
00:59:20,755 --> 00:59:22,814
...you don't look so good.
1199
00:59:29,831 --> 00:59:31,594
If you should smell smoke,
1200
00:59:31,699 --> 00:59:34,167
please dial zero for the operator.
1201
00:59:34,268 --> 00:59:38,398
Before leaving the room,
check the door for heat.
1202
00:59:38,506 --> 00:59:41,168
Find your nearest
emergency exit,
1203
00:59:41,275 --> 00:59:45,336
then soak a washcloth
and cover your nose and mouth.
1204
00:59:46,714 --> 00:59:48,909
Do not remove your washcloth.
1205
00:59:49,016 --> 00:59:52,782
Try at all times to avoid
breathing in the smoke.
1206
00:59:52,887 --> 00:59:56,152
If necessary, crawl on
Your hands and knees
1207
00:59:56,257 --> 00:59:58,555
to avoid the inhalation of smoke.
1208
00:59:58,659 --> 01:00:00,354
Do not be alarmed.
1209
01:00:00,461 --> 01:00:02,759
There are still
no conclusive studies
1210
01:00:02,864 --> 01:00:05,594
that link smoking to emphysema.
1211
01:00:12,140 --> 01:00:14,165
You woke up.
1212
01:00:14,275 --> 01:00:16,436
Perhaps a bad choice of inflection.
1213
01:00:16,544 --> 01:00:20,207
Is she implying that I
could've just as easily not?
1214
01:00:31,426 --> 01:00:32,620
I was so scared.
1215
01:00:32,727 --> 01:00:33,989
Hey, Joey.
1216
01:00:35,596 --> 01:00:36,858
What happened?
1217
01:00:36,964 --> 01:00:39,694
No nonsmoker
could've ever withstood
1218
01:00:39,801 --> 01:00:41,792
the amount of nicotine
you had in your bloodstream.
1219
01:00:41,903 --> 01:00:43,871
Hate to say it, but...
1220
01:00:43,971 --> 01:00:46,531
cigarettes saved your life.
1221
01:00:48,810 --> 01:00:50,334
Can I quote you on that, doc?
1222
01:00:50,445 --> 01:00:52,709
You're a real trooper, my boy.
1223
01:00:52,814 --> 01:00:54,645
Hey, Captain,
1224
01:00:54,749 --> 01:00:56,080
where are you?
1225
01:00:56,184 --> 01:00:57,913
Winston-Salem General.
1226
01:00:59,420 --> 01:01:01,854
Damn heart failing me again.
1227
01:01:01,956 --> 01:01:03,685
I thought we could be roommates.
1228
01:01:03,791 --> 01:01:05,019
Nick, before
we get sidetracked,
1229
01:01:05,126 --> 01:01:06,821
there is one thing.
1230
01:01:06,928 --> 01:01:09,419
All right, don't get
all dramatic on me, doc.
1231
01:01:09,530 --> 01:01:11,555
You can't smoke.
1232
01:01:15,336 --> 01:01:16,394
That's no problem.
1233
01:01:16,504 --> 01:01:18,028
I've quit before.
1234
01:01:18,139 --> 01:01:20,039
I did during the pregnancy.
1235
01:01:20,141 --> 01:01:21,199
How long, you think?
1236
01:01:21,309 --> 01:01:23,368
I don't think you understand.
1237
01:01:23,478 --> 01:01:26,038
It's a miracle you came
out of this alive.
1238
01:01:26,147 --> 01:01:27,739
Any smoking- one cigarette-
1239
01:01:27,849 --> 01:01:29,942
could put you right back
into a paralytic state.
1240
01:01:30,051 --> 01:01:32,645
Your body just can't handle it.
1241
01:01:37,959 --> 01:01:39,950
Nick, I don't want to put
any more pressure on you,
1242
01:01:40,061 --> 01:01:41,892
but we got a camera crew
waiting out there.
1243
01:01:41,996 --> 01:01:44,021
If we want to make
the evening news...
1244
01:01:44,131 --> 01:01:46,691
You want to unhook me here?
1245
01:01:46,801 --> 01:01:50,703
This just goes to prove what
I've been saying for so long.
1246
01:01:50,805 --> 01:01:54,935
These nicotine patches
are just deadly.
1247
01:01:55,042 --> 01:01:56,805
Smoking saved my life.
1248
01:01:56,911 --> 01:01:59,505
Considering your condition,
will you still be able to appear
1249
01:01:59,614 --> 01:02:01,673
before Senator Finistirre's
subcommittee hearing
1250
01:02:01,782 --> 01:02:03,807
on the usage of poison labels
on cigarette packaging?
1251
01:02:03,918 --> 01:02:05,510
Oh, I think now more than ever
1252
01:02:05,620 --> 01:02:07,451
it is imperative that I be there.
1253
01:02:07,555 --> 01:02:09,580
Nothing will keep me from testifying.
1254
01:02:09,690 --> 01:02:12,750
Fucking kidnapping.
1255
01:02:12,860 --> 01:02:14,259
I don't understand, sir.
1256
01:02:14,362 --> 01:02:17,627
Aren't we considering
the kidnapping a good thing?
1257
01:02:17,732 --> 01:02:19,393
Well, he didn't die.
1258
01:02:19,500 --> 01:02:21,832
He was almost killed, sir.
1259
01:02:21,936 --> 01:02:23,096
That's the point.
1260
01:02:23,204 --> 01:02:25,297
Now he looks like a victim,
lucky bastard.
1261
01:02:27,208 --> 01:02:29,335
The way I heard it,
D.C. Police found you naked
1262
01:02:29,443 --> 01:02:31,104
laying in Lincoln's crotch
1263
01:02:31,212 --> 01:02:34,909
covered in nicotine patches
with a sign across your chest
1264
01:02:35,016 --> 01:02:37,507
- that said...
- He doesn't need to hear the details.
1265
01:02:37,618 --> 01:02:39,950
It was some pretty fucked up shit.
1266
01:02:40,054 --> 01:02:41,021
Shh!
1267
01:02:41,122 --> 01:02:42,111
How are you feeling?
1268
01:02:42,223 --> 01:02:45,556
I don't know.
1269
01:02:45,660 --> 01:02:48,185
First time I'm thinking these
cigarettes are pretty dangerous.
1270
01:02:48,296 --> 01:02:50,264
You might be right about that.
1271
01:02:50,364 --> 01:02:51,797
What are you doing?
1272
01:02:53,568 --> 01:02:55,502
It may be small,
but it'll do the trick.
1273
01:02:55,603 --> 01:02:56,729
One shot, bam.
1274
01:02:56,837 --> 01:02:59,101
Listen, Nick is not
going to shoot anyone.
1275
01:02:59,206 --> 01:03:00,332
Cool.
1276
01:03:00,441 --> 01:03:01,373
Yeah, huh?
1277
01:03:01,475 --> 01:03:02,703
I mean, uh...
1278
01:03:02,810 --> 01:03:04,641
guns are to be treated with
respect, you understand that?
1279
01:03:04,745 --> 01:03:06,713
You'll make a great father.
1280
01:03:06,814 --> 01:03:08,179
Thanks.
1281
01:03:12,153 --> 01:03:13,643
Hey, there he is!
1282
01:03:13,754 --> 01:03:15,449
Hey, he's back!
1283
01:03:15,556 --> 01:03:16,989
Hey!
1284
01:03:17,091 --> 01:03:18,524
Welcome back.
1285
01:03:18,626 --> 01:03:20,719
- You okay?
- Great.
1286
01:03:20,828 --> 01:03:22,557
Good, 'cause you're booked on
all the Sunday talk shows.
1287
01:03:22,663 --> 01:03:25,461
For once we got public sympathy
on our side.
1288
01:03:25,566 --> 01:03:28,228
We can start our own little
celebrity victim tour.
1289
01:03:28,336 --> 01:03:30,702
I mean, we couldn't have planned
this thing better ourselves.
1290
01:03:30,805 --> 01:03:32,636
Oh, maybe next time
I can lose a lung.
1291
01:03:34,275 --> 01:03:36,743
Oh. Uh, I heard the, uh...
1292
01:03:36,844 --> 01:03:39,039
Heather Holloway article
is coming out tomorrow.
1293
01:03:39,146 --> 01:03:41,080
Really?
1294
01:03:41,182 --> 01:03:42,308
Yeah, anything I should be
worried about?
1295
01:03:42,416 --> 01:03:44,884
Uh, yeah, the Cancer Association.
1296
01:03:44,986 --> 01:03:46,351
Apparently, they have it in for us.
1297
01:03:46,454 --> 01:03:48,684
Fuckers.
1298
01:03:59,100 --> 01:04:00,067
What?
1299
01:04:00,167 --> 01:04:02,829
I got a call from the paper.
1300
01:04:02,937 --> 01:04:05,098
Really?
What'd they want?
1301
01:04:05,206 --> 01:04:08,266
They wanted the correct spelling
of my name and job title.
1302
01:04:08,376 --> 01:04:10,207
You didn't tell her
about us, did you?
1303
01:04:10,311 --> 01:04:11,972
Who?
1304
01:04:12,079 --> 01:04:13,273
Heather?
1305
01:04:13,381 --> 01:04:15,246
No.
1306
01:04:17,018 --> 01:04:19,213
I mean, maybe in passing, I...
1307
01:04:19,320 --> 01:04:20,947
In passing.
1308
01:04:21,055 --> 01:04:22,283
Oh, God, he fucked her.
1309
01:04:22,390 --> 01:04:23,755
I tried to warn you.
1310
01:04:23,858 --> 01:04:26,292
Hey, he didn't fuck her.
You didn't fuck her, did you?
1311
01:04:28,729 --> 01:04:30,196
When?
1312
01:04:30,297 --> 01:04:31,229
In passing.
1313
01:04:31,332 --> 01:04:32,458
Look, she's a really nice girl.
1314
01:04:32,566 --> 01:04:33,590
Oh, God.
1315
01:04:33,701 --> 01:04:35,692
We're really fucked.
1316
01:04:54,055 --> 01:04:56,819
'Nick Naylor,
lead spokesman for big tobacco,
1317
01:04:56,924 --> 01:04:59,950
'would have you believe he
thinks cigarettes are harmless.
1318
01:05:00,061 --> 01:05:03,497
'But really, he's doing it
for the mortgage.
1319
01:05:03,597 --> 01:05:07,624
The MOD squad-meaning,
of course, merchants of death-
1320
01:05:07,735 --> 01:05:11,000
is comprised of Polly Bailey
of the Moderation Council
1321
01:05:11,105 --> 01:05:12,504
and Bobby Jay Bliss
1322
01:05:12,606 --> 01:05:16,542
of the gun business's
own advisory group, SAFETY.
1323
01:05:16,644 --> 01:05:20,171
As explained by Naylor,
the sole purpose of their meetings
1324
01:05:20,281 --> 01:05:22,181
is to compete for
the highest death toll
1325
01:05:22,283 --> 01:05:23,841
as they compare strategies
1326
01:05:23,951 --> 01:05:26,977
on how to dupe the American people.
1327
01:05:27,088 --> 01:05:29,682
The film, Message from Sector Six,
1328
01:05:29,790 --> 01:05:31,985
would emphasize the sex appeal
of cigarettes
1329
01:05:32,093 --> 01:05:34,084
in a way that only floating, nude,
1330
01:05:34,195 --> 01:05:37,858
copulating Hollywood stars could.
1331
01:05:37,965 --> 01:05:41,196
This did not stop Nick
from bribing the dying man
1332
01:05:41,302 --> 01:05:44,271
with a suitcase of cash
to keep quiet on the subject
1333
01:05:44,371 --> 01:05:48,501
of his recent lung cancer diagnosis.
1334
01:05:48,609 --> 01:05:52,136
Nick's own son, Joey Naylor,
seems to be being groomed
1335
01:05:52,246 --> 01:05:54,237
for the job as he joins his father
1336
01:05:54,348 --> 01:05:57,283
on the majority of his trips.
1337
01:06:03,958 --> 01:06:06,051
I have Heather Holloway on line one.
1338
01:06:06,160 --> 01:06:07,286
Heather.
1339
01:06:07,394 --> 01:06:09,191
Hey, Nick, what did you think?
1340
01:06:09,296 --> 01:06:10,957
Heather, uh... I...
1341
01:06:11,065 --> 01:06:13,556
I mean, there's a lot
of information in here, Heather,
1342
01:06:13,667 --> 01:06:15,157
that is off the record.
1343
01:06:15,269 --> 01:06:17,533
You never said anything
about off the record.
1344
01:06:17,638 --> 01:06:22,075
I presumed anything said while
I was inside you was privileged.
1345
01:06:22,176 --> 01:06:23,643
Nick...
1346
01:06:23,744 --> 01:06:25,871
If you wanted to talk on a plane
1347
01:06:25,980 --> 01:06:29,347
or at a movie or over dinner,
that would have been fine.
1348
01:06:29,450 --> 01:06:31,475
But you wanted to fuck.
1349
01:06:31,585 --> 01:06:33,018
That's fine by me.
1350
01:06:33,120 --> 01:06:35,145
You used me.
1351
01:06:35,256 --> 01:06:36,883
Oh, Nick, come on.
1352
01:06:36,991 --> 01:06:39,016
Now we're being children.
1353
01:06:39,126 --> 01:06:41,185
Look, we both love our jobs.
1354
01:06:41,295 --> 01:06:43,855
I'm just a reporter,
and you're just a lobbyist.
1355
01:06:43,964 --> 01:06:46,194
How can you do this to me?
1356
01:06:48,469 --> 01:06:50,494
For the mortgage.
1357
01:06:58,913 --> 01:06:59,880
Bitch.
1358
01:06:59,980 --> 01:07:01,038
Whore.
1359
01:07:01,148 --> 01:07:04,379
You should have been
more careful, Nick.
1360
01:07:04,485 --> 01:07:07,283
You've destroyed all the good
will created by your kidnapping.
1361
01:07:07,388 --> 01:07:08,685
Well, we'll work up a rebuttal.
1362
01:07:08,789 --> 01:07:11,519
Heather Holloway isn't
the only reporter in town.
1363
01:07:11,625 --> 01:07:12,785
No, there isn't going
to be any rebuttal.
1364
01:07:12,893 --> 01:07:13,951
What do you mean?
1365
01:07:14,061 --> 01:07:15,392
Don't talk to anyone.
1366
01:07:15,496 --> 01:07:17,259
We're pulling you
from the congressional hearing.
1367
01:07:17,364 --> 01:07:18,922
No, no, no. You can't pull me
from the congressional hearing.
1368
01:07:19,033 --> 01:07:20,364
All you'll be doing is giving
credence to her article.
1369
01:07:20,467 --> 01:07:21,695
I'm ready to testify.
1370
01:07:21,802 --> 01:07:23,463
Look, Nick, half of my job
is damage control.
1371
01:07:23,571 --> 01:07:24,663
Today, that consists
1372
01:07:24,772 --> 01:07:27,400
of distancing ourselves
from you entirely-
1373
01:07:27,508 --> 01:07:31,239
letting you take
all the heat on this article.
1374
01:07:31,345 --> 01:07:33,074
Your job relied on your ability
to keep secrets
1375
01:07:33,180 --> 01:07:34,272
and spin the truth.
1376
01:07:34,381 --> 01:07:36,076
I just cannot imagine a way
1377
01:07:36,183 --> 01:07:37,810
in which you could have fucked
up more.
1378
01:07:37,918 --> 01:07:40,751
There's just no way I could
possibly keep you on staff.
1379
01:07:40,855 --> 01:07:42,652
Then I assume you've run this
by the captain.
1380
01:07:42,756 --> 01:07:44,690
Captain died this morning.
1381
01:08:42,616 --> 01:08:44,550
Mr. Naylor,
this is Pete in Security from the Academy.
1382
01:08:44,652 --> 01:08:46,517
Your things are waiting for you
1383
01:08:46,620 --> 01:08:48,281
at the information kiosk
in the lobby.
1384
01:08:48,389 --> 01:08:49,583
Look, if you don't pick your
stuff up by Friday,
1385
01:08:49,690 --> 01:08:52,022
we're instructed to throw it out.
1386
01:08:53,794 --> 01:08:56,661
Mr. Naylor, this is Special
Agent Johnson with the FBI.
1387
01:08:56,764 --> 01:08:59,426
Having not found any leads in
Your kidnapping investigation,
1388
01:08:59,533 --> 01:09:00,830
we're going to be
handing over the case
1389
01:09:00,935 --> 01:09:01,993
to the local D.C. Police,
1390
01:09:02,102 --> 01:09:04,297
so please refer to them
in the future
1391
01:09:04,405 --> 01:09:05,997
for any updates and questions.
1392
01:09:07,942 --> 01:09:10,536
Nick, Jack in Jeff Megall's office.
1393
01:09:10,644 --> 01:09:14,080
Jeff really enjoyed
meeting you the other day
1394
01:09:14,181 --> 01:09:16,240
and he's just... he's torn up
about the fact
1395
01:09:16,350 --> 01:09:18,113
that you two couldn't find
a project to work on.
1396
01:09:18,218 --> 01:09:20,345
He's really just... I don't know.
1397
01:09:20,454 --> 01:09:22,217
So, listen,
but we should hang, at least,
1398
01:09:22,323 --> 01:09:24,291
so you drop me a line
whenever you're in town.
1399
01:09:24,391 --> 01:09:27,849
Uh... my e-mail is, uh...
1400
01:09:43,444 --> 01:09:45,071
Who is it?
1401
01:09:45,179 --> 01:09:47,079
It's me, Nick.
1402
01:09:49,016 --> 01:09:51,541
Jill, this is a bad time.
1403
01:09:51,652 --> 01:09:53,244
Let me in.
1404
01:09:54,588 --> 01:09:56,351
No.
1405
01:09:56,457 --> 01:09:59,426
I brought someone
who needs to talk to you.
1406
01:10:04,631 --> 01:10:05,928
Hey, buddy.
1407
01:10:06,033 --> 01:10:07,967
Hey, Dad.
1408
01:10:08,068 --> 01:10:10,093
Coke in the fridge.
1409
01:10:16,543 --> 01:10:21,310
So, this Heather Holloway,
she must have been pretty hot.
1410
01:10:21,415 --> 01:10:24,316
Yes. She's pretty hot.
1411
01:10:24,418 --> 01:10:26,443
Don't take it so hard.
1412
01:10:26,553 --> 01:10:29,181
A few flaws can be appealing.
1413
01:10:29,289 --> 01:10:30,381
Makes you human.
1414
01:10:30,491 --> 01:10:31,924
Who wants to be human?
1415
01:10:32,026 --> 01:10:33,391
Well, I know one person
1416
01:10:33,494 --> 01:10:36,463
who still thinks you're a God.
1417
01:10:52,980 --> 01:10:55,676
Why did you tell that reporter
all your secrets?
1418
01:10:58,919 --> 01:11:01,547
You're too young to understand.
1419
01:11:01,655 --> 01:11:04,749
Mom says it's because
you have dependency issues
1420
01:11:04,858 --> 01:11:06,348
and it was all just
a matter of time
1421
01:11:06,460 --> 01:11:08,621
before you threw it all away
on some tramp.
1422
01:11:08,729 --> 01:11:12,028
Well, that's one theory.
1423
01:11:12,132 --> 01:11:13,963
Why are you hiding from everyone?
1424
01:11:14,068 --> 01:11:19,665
It has something to do with
being generally hated right now.
1425
01:11:19,773 --> 01:11:21,263
But it's your job to be
generally hated.
1426
01:11:21,375 --> 01:11:24,139
It's more complicated
than that, Joey.
1427
01:11:24,244 --> 01:11:26,508
You're just making it
more complicated
1428
01:11:26,613 --> 01:11:28,171
so that you can feel
sorry for yourself.
1429
01:11:28,282 --> 01:11:30,011
Like you always said,
1430
01:11:30,117 --> 01:11:33,416
"If you want an easy job,
go work for the Red Cross."
1431
01:11:33,520 --> 01:11:35,147
You're a lobbyist.
1432
01:11:35,255 --> 01:11:38,349
Your job is to be right, and
you're the best at what you do.
1433
01:11:39,993 --> 01:11:41,392
You're the sultan of spin.
1434
01:11:42,596 --> 01:11:43,995
"Sultan of spin"?
1435
01:11:44,098 --> 01:11:45,622
Mom subscribes to Newsweek.
1436
01:11:47,067 --> 01:11:48,398
Who cares what the Brads
1437
01:11:48,502 --> 01:11:49,526
of the world think?
1438
01:11:49,636 --> 01:11:50,898
He's not my dad.
1439
01:11:52,606 --> 01:11:54,073
You are.
1440
01:11:54,174 --> 01:11:57,405
And right there,
looking into Joey's eyes,
1441
01:11:57,511 --> 01:12:00,912
it all came back in a rush.
1442
01:12:01,014 --> 01:12:03,482
Why I do what I do-
defending the defenseless,
1443
01:12:03,584 --> 01:12:05,882
protecting the disenfranchised
corporations
1444
01:12:05,986 --> 01:12:08,045
that have been abandoned
by their very own consumers-
1445
01:12:08,155 --> 01:12:10,419
the logger...
1446
01:12:10,524 --> 01:12:12,754
the sweatshop foreman...
1447
01:12:12,860 --> 01:12:14,885
the oil driller...
1448
01:12:14,995 --> 01:12:17,156
the land mine developer...
1449
01:12:17,264 --> 01:12:20,563
the baby seal poacher...
1450
01:12:20,667 --> 01:12:22,066
Baby seal poacher?
1451
01:12:22,169 --> 01:12:23,534
Even I think that's kind of cruel.
1452
01:12:23,637 --> 01:12:25,730
All right, you're missing the point.
1453
01:12:25,839 --> 01:12:27,602
I must be, because I thought
you were apologizing.
1454
01:12:27,708 --> 01:12:28,675
I'm getting to that.
1455
01:12:28,775 --> 01:12:30,538
When?
1456
01:12:30,644 --> 01:12:33,112
Look.
1457
01:12:33,213 --> 01:12:38,048
The two of you, you're
basically my only friends,
1458
01:12:38,152 --> 01:12:40,450
and the last thing that
I would ever want to do
1459
01:12:40,554 --> 01:12:42,249
would be to hurt you.
1460
01:12:42,356 --> 01:12:44,221
And, I can only imagine...
1461
01:12:44,324 --> 01:12:45,348
Why are you smiling?
1462
01:12:45,459 --> 01:12:47,120
Why is he smiling?
1463
01:12:47,227 --> 01:12:49,320
He won a hundred bucks off of you.
1464
01:12:49,429 --> 01:12:52,455
I bet Polly you'd spill the beans
to that reporter.
1465
01:12:52,566 --> 01:12:55,034
That goes against everything
that we stand for.
1466
01:12:55,135 --> 01:12:57,399
Oh, please! You've ratted us out
to some reporter with tits!
1467
01:12:57,504 --> 01:12:59,404
Glorious tits.
1468
01:12:59,506 --> 01:13:01,804
Only after you created a betting
pool testing my incompetence?
1469
01:13:01,909 --> 01:13:03,968
Do you have any idea the beating
I'm taking at Moderation?
1470
01:13:04,077 --> 01:13:06,807
Well, look, I'm sure both of
you are under a lot of scrutiny.
1471
01:13:06,914 --> 01:13:09,109
You know what?
You can stop using the plural.
1472
01:13:09,216 --> 01:13:12,413
The guys at Safety actually liked
the name "Merchants of Death."
1473
01:13:12,519 --> 01:13:13,816
They're gonna have
some bumper stickers made up.
1474
01:13:13,921 --> 01:13:15,821
I'll make sure you get one.
1475
01:13:15,923 --> 01:13:17,857
Thank you.
1476
01:13:20,027 --> 01:13:21,858
That is disgusting.
1477
01:13:23,230 --> 01:13:24,959
It's American.
1478
01:13:25,065 --> 01:13:26,623
Can I have a bite?
1479
01:13:26,733 --> 01:13:28,257
Mmm.
1480
01:13:28,368 --> 01:13:30,427
So I guess this means
1481
01:13:30,537 --> 01:13:33,768
you won't be appearing
at Finistirre's subcommittee.
1482
01:13:33,874 --> 01:13:36,104
Hmm. I was kind of looking
forward to it, too.
1483
01:13:36,210 --> 01:13:38,974
It's kind of cool in
a Jimmy Stewart sort of way.
1484
01:13:39,079 --> 01:13:41,604
More like an Ollie North sort of way.
1485
01:13:41,715 --> 01:13:43,945
Finistirre would have
torn you a new asshole
1486
01:13:44,051 --> 01:13:45,575
in a House of Parliament, no less.
1487
01:13:45,686 --> 01:13:46,983
I could have taken him.
1488
01:13:47,087 --> 01:13:48,748
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah? What would you have said?
1489
01:13:48,855 --> 01:13:50,083
I don't know.
1490
01:13:50,190 --> 01:13:53,421
I'd just like him to feel
immeasurable pain,
1491
01:13:53,527 --> 01:13:54,994
humiliation.
1492
01:13:55,095 --> 01:13:56,562
Yeah, well, that would be
kind of tough.
1493
01:13:56,663 --> 01:13:58,028
I mean, he's already a Senator.
1494
01:13:59,967 --> 01:14:02,162
I mean, how would you get
back in even if you wanted to?
1495
01:14:06,206 --> 01:14:07,366
Uh-oh.
1496
01:14:13,313 --> 01:14:14,610
You're not gonna like this.
1497
01:14:17,718 --> 01:14:18,844
Hello.
Thanks very much for coming.
1498
01:14:18,952 --> 01:14:21,284
First of all, I'd like to say
a few words
1499
01:14:21,388 --> 01:14:22,514
to all the people who
are mentioned
1500
01:14:22,623 --> 01:14:24,682
in the recent newspaper article.
1501
01:14:24,791 --> 01:14:26,281
Please take comfort in knowing
1502
01:14:26,393 --> 01:14:30,159
that I will not rest until
your names are cleared.
1503
01:14:30,264 --> 01:14:32,357
This experience has taught me
an important lesson-
1504
01:14:32,466 --> 01:14:34,263
having sexual affairs
with members of the press
1505
01:14:34,368 --> 01:14:35,858
is just unfair.
1506
01:14:35,969 --> 01:14:37,800
It's not unfair to me, mind you,
1507
01:14:37,904 --> 01:14:41,362
but to all the people in my life
whose only crime is knowing me.
1508
01:14:41,475 --> 01:14:44,672
It was your names, not mine,
that suffered
1509
01:14:44,778 --> 01:14:47,303
from a meaningless affair
with a seductress
1510
01:14:47,414 --> 01:14:50,872
in the form of a young
brunette Washington reporter
1511
01:14:50,984 --> 01:14:52,542
whose name I won't mention
1512
01:14:52,653 --> 01:14:54,587
because I have dignity.
1513
01:14:56,490 --> 01:14:57,514
Mr. Naylor!
1514
01:14:57,624 --> 01:14:59,421
Are you still planning
on testifying
1515
01:14:59,526 --> 01:15:01,619
at tomorrow's subcommittee
hearing on tobacco?
1516
01:15:01,728 --> 01:15:03,992
I'm glad you asked that question.
1517
01:15:04,097 --> 01:15:05,860
There have been wide accusations of me
dropping out of tomorrow's hearing.
1518
01:15:05,966 --> 01:15:07,194
Let it be known
1519
01:15:07,301 --> 01:15:09,030
that unless Senator Finistirre
has withdrawn my invitation
1520
01:15:09,136 --> 01:15:10,569
- to speak, it is my plan
- It's called a subpoena.
1521
01:15:10,671 --> 01:15:12,502
To be in Congress tomorrow
to share my knowledge
1522
01:15:12,606 --> 01:15:14,870
of big tobacco and all those
who enjoy its products.
1523
01:15:14,975 --> 01:15:16,237
Thank you very much.
I'll see you tomorrow.
1524
01:16:15,902 --> 01:16:18,496
Still feel like Jimmy Stewart?
1525
01:16:29,516 --> 01:16:30,505
Good.
1526
01:16:38,592 --> 01:16:39,684
Why don't you all go ahead?
1527
01:16:39,793 --> 01:16:41,317
This could be a while.
1528
01:16:46,199 --> 01:16:51,227
If we could, um... if we could
take our seats, please.
1529
01:16:53,974 --> 01:16:56,534
Gentlemen, ladies.
1530
01:16:56,643 --> 01:16:59,373
If I may call this meeting to order.
1531
01:16:59,479 --> 01:17:04,246
We'll do everything we can to
keep things brief and concise
1532
01:17:04,351 --> 01:17:05,875
so that we can all
get out of here on time.
1533
01:17:05,986 --> 01:17:09,478
The skull and crossbones
means one thing:
1534
01:17:09,589 --> 01:17:11,056
Poison.
1535
01:17:11,158 --> 01:17:13,854
Thus, the message is quite clear.
1536
01:17:13,960 --> 01:17:16,121
Like any other product
that carries the branding,
1537
01:17:16,229 --> 01:17:19,460
if you take it, you will die.
1538
01:17:19,566 --> 01:17:22,626
Yes, but isn't this overkill?
1539
01:17:22,736 --> 01:17:26,001
Why don't we just use words,
as we currently do?
1540
01:17:26,106 --> 01:17:29,906
Something that describes the
dangers of cigarette smoking.
1541
01:17:30,010 --> 01:17:31,034
Well, the American public
is not affected
1542
01:17:31,144 --> 01:17:32,611
by masthead anymore.
1543
01:17:32,712 --> 01:17:33,872
They need images.
1544
01:17:33,980 --> 01:17:36,346
We've done studies
which show that consumers react
1545
01:17:36,450 --> 01:17:39,010
up to 80% more to imagery
rather than words.
1546
01:17:39,119 --> 01:17:40,416
The stats are there.
1547
01:17:40,520 --> 01:17:42,317
It's just sad
1548
01:17:42,422 --> 01:17:44,754
that the Academy ofTobacco
Studies did not release
1549
01:17:44,858 --> 01:17:46,257
this type of information earlier.
1550
01:17:46,359 --> 01:17:49,328
When you say
the Academy of Tobacco Studies,
1551
01:17:49,429 --> 01:17:50,760
you're referring to...
1552
01:17:50,864 --> 01:17:51,990
Yes.
1553
01:17:52,098 --> 01:17:53,827
To the coalition...
1554
01:17:53,934 --> 01:17:54,866
Yes, the coalition.
1555
01:17:54,968 --> 01:17:56,560
The big... big tobacco...
1556
01:17:56,670 --> 01:17:57,932
...that is represented by...
1557
01:17:58,038 --> 01:17:59,266
By, um...
1558
01:17:59,372 --> 01:18:00,498
And specifically
1559
01:18:00,607 --> 01:18:01,505
Mr...
1560
01:18:01,608 --> 01:18:02,666
Um...
1561
01:18:02,776 --> 01:18:04,368
Mr., uh, Nick Naylor.
1562
01:18:04,478 --> 01:18:05,376
Nick Naylor?
1563
01:18:05,479 --> 01:18:06,446
Thank you very much.
1564
01:18:08,448 --> 01:18:09,346
The current use
1565
01:18:09,449 --> 01:18:11,076
of words instead of imagery
1566
01:18:11,184 --> 01:18:14,779
is an obvious move against
the non-English-speaking population
1567
01:18:14,888 --> 01:18:16,355
of the United States.
1568
01:18:16,456 --> 01:18:18,583
The skull and crossbones
1569
01:18:18,692 --> 01:18:22,059
speak loudly in all languages.
1570
01:18:22,162 --> 01:18:24,756
By not using it,
they're saying
1571
01:18:24,865 --> 01:18:28,892
they want those who can't
read English to die.
1572
01:18:29,002 --> 01:18:30,765
Hmm. Senor Herrera,
1573
01:18:30,871 --> 01:18:33,704
could you clarify "they"?
1574
01:18:33,807 --> 01:18:35,104
Let it be known,
1575
01:18:35,208 --> 01:18:37,676
the public beating
has not gone out of style.
1576
01:18:45,018 --> 01:18:47,179
Nick Naylor, please step forward.
1577
01:18:56,897 --> 01:18:59,525
You go sit with him.
1578
01:19:07,908 --> 01:19:10,900
Please state your name,
address and current occupation.
1579
01:19:11,011 --> 01:19:12,137
My name is Nick Naylor.
1580
01:19:12,245 --> 01:19:14,008
I live at 6000
Massachusetts Avenue
1581
01:19:14,114 --> 01:19:16,014
and I am currently unemployed,
1582
01:19:16,116 --> 01:19:18,243
but until recently,
I was the vice president
1583
01:19:18,351 --> 01:19:19,841
of the Academy of Tobacco Studies.
1584
01:19:19,953 --> 01:19:20,851
Mr. Naylor,
1585
01:19:20,954 --> 01:19:24,412
as vice president
of the Academy
1586
01:19:24,524 --> 01:19:26,492
ofTobacco Studies,
what was required of you?
1587
01:19:26,593 --> 01:19:27,821
What did you do?
1588
01:19:27,928 --> 01:19:31,420
I informed the public
of all the research performed
1589
01:19:31,531 --> 01:19:33,522
in the investigation
on the effects of tobacco.
1590
01:19:33,633 --> 01:19:34,759
Mm-hmm,
and what,
1591
01:19:34,868 --> 01:19:37,428
so far,
has the Academy concluded
1592
01:19:37,537 --> 01:19:39,971
in their investigation
into the effects of tobacco?
1593
01:19:40,073 --> 01:19:42,337
Well, many things, actually.
1594
01:19:42,442 --> 01:19:44,205
Why, just the other day
they uncovered evidence
1595
01:19:44,311 --> 01:19:46,142
that smoking can offset
Parkinson's disease.
1596
01:19:48,081 --> 01:19:49,309
I'm sure the health
community
1597
01:19:49,416 --> 01:19:50,542
is thrilled.
1598
01:19:50,650 --> 01:19:53,551
Mr. Naylor, who provides
the financial backing
1599
01:19:53,653 --> 01:19:55,621
for the Academy of Tobacco Studies?
1600
01:19:55,722 --> 01:19:58,987
Uh... Conglomerated Tobacco.
1601
01:19:59,092 --> 01:20:00,787
That's the cigarette companies.
1602
01:20:00,894 --> 01:20:02,953
For the most part, yes.
1603
01:20:03,063 --> 01:20:05,964
Do you think that...
1604
01:20:06,066 --> 01:20:08,034
might affect their priorities?
1605
01:20:08,134 --> 01:20:09,465
No, just as I'm sure
1606
01:20:09,569 --> 01:20:11,400
campaign contributions
don't affect yours.
1607
01:20:11,504 --> 01:20:12,528
Ohh.
1608
01:20:14,507 --> 01:20:17,738
Senators, Mr. Naylor is not here
to testify on the goings-on
1609
01:20:17,844 --> 01:20:19,641
of the Academy of Tobacco Studies.
1610
01:20:19,746 --> 01:20:21,805
We're here to examine
the possibility
1611
01:20:21,915 --> 01:20:23,314
of a warning logo on cigarettes.
1612
01:20:23,416 --> 01:20:24,383
Now, Mr. Naylor,
1613
01:20:24,484 --> 01:20:26,008
I have to ask you,
out of formality,
1614
01:20:26,119 --> 01:20:28,087
do you believe that smoking
cigarettes, over time,
1615
01:20:28,188 --> 01:20:31,419
can lead to lung cancer and
other respiratory conditions
1616
01:20:31,524 --> 01:20:32,718
such as emphysema?
1617
01:20:34,594 --> 01:20:36,084
Yes.
1618
01:20:38,932 --> 01:20:39,830
In fact, I think you'd be
hard-pressed
1619
01:20:39,933 --> 01:20:41,025
to find someone
who really believes
1620
01:20:41,134 --> 01:20:43,102
that cigarettes are not
potentially harmful.
1621
01:20:43,203 --> 01:20:45,433
I mean, show of hands,
who out here thinks
1622
01:20:45,538 --> 01:20:47,028
- that cigarettes aren't dangerous...
- Mr. Naylor.
1623
01:20:47,140 --> 01:20:50,268
There's no need for theatrics.
1624
01:20:50,377 --> 01:20:52,937
Sir, I just don't see the point in a warning
label for something people already know.
1625
01:20:53,046 --> 01:20:54,343
The warning symbol
1626
01:20:54,447 --> 01:20:58,076
is a reminder, a reminder of the
dangers of smoking cigarettes.
1627
01:20:58,184 --> 01:21:00,015
Well, if we want to remind
people of danger,
1628
01:21:00,120 --> 01:21:01,644
why don't we slap
a skull and crossbones
1629
01:21:01,755 --> 01:21:02,722
on all Boeing airplanes,
1630
01:21:02,822 --> 01:21:04,255
Senator Lothridge?
1631
01:21:04,357 --> 01:21:05,289
And all Fords, Senator Dupree?
1632
01:21:05,392 --> 01:21:07,724
That is ridiculous.
1633
01:21:07,827 --> 01:21:10,125
The death toll from airline
and automobile accidents
1634
01:21:10,230 --> 01:21:12,289
doesn't even skim the surface
of cigarettes.
1635
01:21:12,399 --> 01:21:13,457
They don't even compare.
1636
01:21:13,566 --> 01:21:15,625
Oh, this from a senator
who calls Vermont home.
1637
01:21:15,735 --> 01:21:17,862
I don't follow you, Mr. Naylor.
1638
01:21:17,971 --> 01:21:19,632
Well, the real
1639
01:21:19,739 --> 01:21:22,299
demonstrated number one killer
in America is cholesterol,
1640
01:21:22,409 --> 01:21:23,398
and here comes
Senator Finistirre,
1641
01:21:23,510 --> 01:21:25,740
whose fine state is,
I regret to say,
1642
01:21:25,845 --> 01:21:28,871
clogging the nation's arteries
with Vermont cheddar cheese.
1643
01:21:30,517 --> 01:21:33,247
If we want to talk numbers,
how about the millions of people
1644
01:21:33,353 --> 01:21:34,320
dying of heart attacks.
1645
01:21:34,421 --> 01:21:35,683
Perhaps Vermont cheddar
1646
01:21:35,789 --> 01:21:38,155
should come
with a skull and crossbones.
1647
01:21:38,258 --> 01:21:40,089
That is lud...
1648
01:21:40,193 --> 01:21:41,160
The great state of Vermont
1649
01:21:41,261 --> 01:21:42,819
will not apologize for its cheese.
1650
01:21:42,929 --> 01:21:43,896
Mr. Naylor,
1651
01:21:43,997 --> 01:21:45,487
we are here to discuss cigarettes.
1652
01:21:45,598 --> 01:21:49,227
Not planes, not cars- cigarettes.
1653
01:21:49,335 --> 01:21:51,997
Now, as we discussed earlier,
these warning labels
1654
01:21:52,105 --> 01:21:55,302
are not for those who know, but
rather for those who don't know.
1655
01:21:57,277 --> 01:21:59,268
What about the children?
1656
01:21:59,379 --> 01:22:01,404
Gentlemen...
1657
01:22:01,514 --> 01:22:03,448
it's called education.
1658
01:22:03,550 --> 01:22:05,415
It doesn't come off the side
of a cigarette carton.
1659
01:22:05,518 --> 01:22:06,576
It comes from our teachers,
1660
01:22:06,686 --> 01:22:08,745
and more importantly, our parents.
1661
01:22:08,855 --> 01:22:11,983
It is the job
of every parent
1662
01:22:12,092 --> 01:22:15,721
to warn their children of all
the dangers of the world,
1663
01:22:15,829 --> 01:22:18,389
including cigarettes, so that
one day, when they get older,
1664
01:22:18,498 --> 01:22:20,329
they can choose for themselves.
1665
01:22:22,569 --> 01:22:25,732
I look at my... son
1666
01:22:25,839 --> 01:22:27,238
who...
1667
01:22:27,340 --> 01:22:29,171
was kind enough
to come with me today,
1668
01:22:29,275 --> 01:22:31,766
and I can't help but think
1669
01:22:31,878 --> 01:22:34,142
that I am responsible
for his growth
1670
01:22:34,247 --> 01:22:36,374
and his development.
1671
01:22:36,483 --> 01:22:38,007
And I'm proud of that.
1672
01:22:38,118 --> 01:22:39,380
Well, having
said that,
1673
01:22:39,486 --> 01:22:42,046
would you condone him smoking?
1674
01:22:42,155 --> 01:22:44,487
Well, of course not.
He's not 18.
1675
01:22:44,591 --> 01:22:45,649
That would be illegal.
1676
01:22:46,926 --> 01:22:49,019
Yes, I-I heard you deliver
that line on 20-20,
1677
01:22:49,129 --> 01:22:50,494
but enough dancing.
1678
01:22:50,597 --> 01:22:52,929
What are you going to do
when he turns 18?
1679
01:22:54,601 --> 01:22:56,159
Come on, Mr. Naylor.
1680
01:22:56,269 --> 01:22:59,830
On his 18th birthday, will
you share a cigarette with him?
1681
01:22:59,939 --> 01:23:02,169
Will you spend
a lovely afternoon,
1682
01:23:02,275 --> 01:23:04,436
like one of your ludicrous
cigarette advertisements?
1683
01:23:04,544 --> 01:23:06,068
You seem to have a lot to say
1684
01:23:06,179 --> 01:23:07,510
about how we
should raise our children.
1685
01:23:07,614 --> 01:23:08,581
What of your own?
1686
01:23:08,681 --> 01:23:11,149
What are you
going to do
1687
01:23:11,251 --> 01:23:13,549
when he turns 18?
1688
01:23:20,160 --> 01:23:23,823
If he really wants a cigarette,
I'll buy him his first pack.
1689
01:23:28,568 --> 01:23:31,401
Thank you for your testimony,
Mr. Naylor. You're excused.
1690
01:23:38,244 --> 01:23:39,677
I'll meet you outside, okay?
1691
01:23:52,258 --> 01:23:53,816
Great.
1692
01:23:53,927 --> 01:23:55,053
Well done, my boy.
1693
01:23:55,161 --> 01:23:57,288
Were you in the same room as me?
1694
01:23:57,397 --> 01:23:58,489
The whole personal choice thing?
1695
01:23:58,598 --> 01:23:59,724
They ate that shit up.
1696
01:23:59,833 --> 01:24:01,664
Just checked the whip count.
1697
01:24:01,768 --> 01:24:03,167
That bill is going down in flames.
1698
01:24:03,269 --> 01:24:06,102
Your speech was unorthodox,
but you did it, boy.
1699
01:24:06,206 --> 01:24:07,104
You crushed the fucker.
1700
01:24:07,207 --> 01:24:08,333
That's good news for you guys.
1701
01:24:08,441 --> 01:24:09,840
Oh. Whoa, whoa.
1702
01:24:09,943 --> 01:24:12,844
We're still a team, right?
1703
01:24:12,946 --> 01:24:14,914
What about damage control?
1704
01:24:16,416 --> 01:24:17,781
Look, Nick.
1705
01:24:17,884 --> 01:24:21,479
Winston-Salem is ready
to do whatever it takes
1706
01:24:21,588 --> 01:24:23,112
to keep you onboard.
1707
01:24:31,364 --> 01:24:34,424
Nick, will you continue
fighting for cigarettes?
1708
01:24:34,534 --> 01:24:35,865
Of course he will.
1709
01:24:35,969 --> 01:24:37,937
This man here is our general.
1710
01:24:38,037 --> 01:24:39,800
We're not just gonna let him retire.
1711
01:24:39,906 --> 01:24:40,930
Is that correct, Nick?
1712
01:24:41,040 --> 01:24:42,530
You're sticking with tobacco?
1713
01:24:46,579 --> 01:24:50,071
Now, I know what
you're probably thinking.
1714
01:24:50,183 --> 01:24:51,343
What a great opportunity for me
1715
01:24:51,451 --> 01:24:53,043
to teach Joey
how to use leverage against
1716
01:24:53,152 --> 01:24:54,744
a backstabbing boss.
1717
01:24:54,854 --> 01:24:58,290
But I actually meant what
I said about responsibility.
1718
01:24:58,391 --> 01:25:02,020
Some things
are just more important
1719
01:25:02,128 --> 01:25:03,288
than paying a mortgage.
1720
01:25:03,396 --> 01:25:05,990
So I did the only responsible
thing I could.
1721
01:25:06,099 --> 01:25:08,863
I turned down the job.
1722
01:25:08,968 --> 01:25:11,300
And my timing
couldn't have been better.
1723
01:25:11,404 --> 01:25:13,702
Within a few months,
the cigarette companies
1724
01:25:13,806 --> 01:25:15,205
settled
with the American smoker
1725
01:25:15,308 --> 01:25:17,970
to the tune of $246 billion.
1726
01:25:19,145 --> 01:25:21,477
And the Academy
of Tobacco Studies
1727
01:25:21,581 --> 01:25:23,344
was permanently dismantled.
1728
01:25:23,449 --> 01:25:25,747
For the first time in decades,
1729
01:25:25,852 --> 01:25:27,547
BR found himself out of work.
1730
01:25:29,322 --> 01:25:31,415
Otherwise, not much has changed.
1731
01:25:31,524 --> 01:25:33,685
The MOD squad still meets every week.
1732
01:25:33,793 --> 01:25:35,090
Nice.
1733
01:25:35,194 --> 01:25:37,458
We even added a few new members.
1734
01:25:37,563 --> 01:25:40,361
The things I could learn
from you, Bobby Jay.
1735
01:25:40,466 --> 01:25:41,455
Right.
1736
01:25:41,567 --> 01:25:43,000
Stick around. Stick around.
1737
01:25:43,102 --> 01:25:45,832
Senator Finistirre is still
fighting for his causes.
1738
01:25:45,939 --> 01:25:47,702
What do you say
to the people who claim
1739
01:25:47,807 --> 01:25:49,741
you are destroying cinema classics?
1740
01:25:49,842 --> 01:25:51,469
Mmm, no. All
we're doing
1741
01:25:51,577 --> 01:25:53,238
is using
digital technology
1742
01:25:53,346 --> 01:25:56,509
to tastefully update
movies of the past...
1743
01:25:56,616 --> 01:25:58,174
by removing cigarettes.
1744
01:25:58,284 --> 01:26:01,515
I believe that if these
stars were alive today,
1745
01:26:01,621 --> 01:26:04,055
they would agree that
we're doing the right thing.
1746
01:26:04,157 --> 01:26:05,886
But, in essence, aren't
you changing history?
1747
01:26:05,992 --> 01:26:09,928
No, I think we're improving history.
1748
01:26:11,798 --> 01:26:13,129
Even Heather is still reporting.
1749
01:26:13,232 --> 01:26:14,597
The whole town has been evacuated.
1750
01:26:14,701 --> 01:26:20,003
They're calling this
the storm of the century.
1751
01:26:20,106 --> 01:26:21,437
Not much changes at all.
1752
01:26:21,541 --> 01:26:26,240
And this year's Foggy Bottom
Debating Society Champion is...
1753
01:26:26,346 --> 01:26:27,335
Joey Naylor.
1754
01:26:27,447 --> 01:26:28,607
- Yay!
- Yay!
1755
01:26:28,715 --> 01:26:29,613
Joey!
1756
01:26:29,716 --> 01:26:30,614
Joey!
1757
01:26:30,717 --> 01:26:31,615
Joey, Joey!
1758
01:26:31,718 --> 01:26:33,242
That's my boy.
1759
01:26:33,353 --> 01:26:34,911
Hold it up. Hold it up.
1760
01:26:38,558 --> 01:26:40,583
And me?
1761
01:26:40,693 --> 01:26:43,389
Well, there's still a place
for guys like me.
1762
01:26:43,496 --> 01:26:46,124
So, be straight with me.
1763
01:26:46,232 --> 01:26:48,962
Is it true?
1764
01:26:49,068 --> 01:26:50,467
- It could be.
- Come on.
1765
01:26:50,570 --> 01:26:52,663
We know of very few cases.
1766
01:26:52,772 --> 01:26:53,898
There's no scientific proof at all.
1767
01:26:54,007 --> 01:26:54,905
There was an unfortunate
incident out in Iowa...
1768
01:26:55,008 --> 01:26:55,975
It's really a complicated situation.
1769
01:26:56,075 --> 01:26:57,269
Gentlemen,
1770
01:26:57,377 --> 01:26:59,971
practice these words
in front of the mirror.
1771
01:27:00,079 --> 01:27:03,048
"Although we are constantly
exploring the subject,
1772
01:27:03,149 --> 01:27:05,845
"currently,
there is no direct evidence
1773
01:27:05,952 --> 01:27:07,351
"that links cell phone usage
1774
01:27:07,453 --> 01:27:09,318
to brain cancer."
1775
01:27:15,828 --> 01:27:17,625
Michael Jordan plays ball.
1776
01:27:17,730 --> 01:27:19,288
Charles Manson kills people.
1777
01:27:19,399 --> 01:27:20,866
I talk.
1778
01:27:22,535 --> 01:27:23,661
Everyone has a talent.