1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.BZ 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ 3 00:00:19,987 --> 00:00:20,688 - Hi. 4 00:00:20,921 --> 00:00:23,557 My name's Caveh, and I'm about to be married. 5 00:00:23,791 --> 00:00:25,993 Um, this isn't my first time. 6 00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:27,828 I've actually been married twice before. 7 00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:32,466 Um, but I'm pretty sure it's going to be the last time. 8 00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:34,702 How can I know that for sure? 9 00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:36,971 I can't, obviously. 10 00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:38,272 My last two marriages fell apart 11 00:00:38,506 --> 00:00:40,541 because I used to have this sex addiction problem, 12 00:00:40,775 --> 00:00:42,710 and I don't really have that anymore. 13 00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:46,113 Well, at least not in the way I used to. 14 00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,383 You see, about ten years ago I started going 15 00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:51,719 to these Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings. 16 00:00:51,952 --> 00:00:52,553 Hi. 17 00:00:52,787 --> 00:00:53,554 My name's Caveh. 18 00:00:53,788 --> 00:00:54,955 I'm a sex addict. 19 00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:57,224 - Hi, Caveh. 20 00:00:57,458 --> 00:01:01,395 - For me, it all started in Paris about seven years ago. 21 00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:11,705 Actually, I wasn't able to raise enough money 22 00:01:11,939 --> 00:01:13,941 to go to Paris, so I'm just going to shoot it 23 00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:17,344 here in San Francisco, which is where I live now. 24 00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,447 So if you could just pretend this is Paris. 25 00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:28,956 And that I'm 23 years old. 26 00:01:33,094 --> 00:01:35,362 So anyway, I was walking down the street one day 27 00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:40,968 when I saw this prostitute. 28 00:01:44,071 --> 00:01:47,641 The first thing that struck me was what she was wearing. 29 00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:51,879 But then I noticed her uncanny resemblance to my wife. 30 00:01:52,113 --> 00:01:53,848 I thought it was strange that I should be so turned on 31 00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:55,850 by this woman, and yet no longer 32 00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:58,819 the least bit attracted to my wife. 33 00:01:59,053 --> 00:02:00,721 - You fucking shut the fuck up! 34 00:02:00,955 --> 00:02:03,157 - This is Caroline, my wife. 35 00:02:03,390 --> 00:02:05,659 How I ended up marrying her instead of the person 36 00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:09,463 I was really in love with is a long story. 37 00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:11,599 But I should probably start by explaining 38 00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:13,501 that I never would have married Caroline 39 00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:15,769 if it hadn't been for the fact that she was French. 40 00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:20,541 And that her visa was about to expire. 41 00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:23,477 Actually, let me back up a second. 42 00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:28,382 This is Anna. 43 00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:33,420 She was my first real girlfriend and the love of my life. 44 00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:38,058 We had met in college and had been together for two years. 45 00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:42,163 Now, I should probably explain that ever since I was a kid, 46 00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:45,132 I was obsessed with finding my soul mate. 47 00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:47,801 Every time I would meet a girl I would think, 48 00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:50,671 is she the one? 49 00:02:50,905 --> 00:02:52,640 Or is she the one? 50 00:02:52,873 --> 00:02:56,010 I was constantly falling in love at the drop of a hat, 51 00:02:56,243 --> 00:02:57,011 but the girls I was attracted 52 00:02:57,244 --> 00:03:00,247 to never seemed to be attracted to me. 53 00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:03,717 Things went on like this for years, 54 00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:08,222 and I was starting to despair of ever finding a soul mate. 55 00:03:08,455 --> 00:03:09,990 And then I met Anna. 56 00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:15,196 She had the most beautiful soul of anyone I had ever met. 57 00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:16,430 And the two years we spent together 58 00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:18,899 were the happiest of my life. 59 00:03:21,068 --> 00:03:23,437 It seemed that nothing could ever come between us 60 00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:26,574 and that we would always be together. 61 00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:31,712 The only problem was that I was a philosophy major 62 00:03:31,946 --> 00:03:33,948 and believed in free love. 63 00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:39,687 To me, monogamy was a form of private property, 64 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:41,855 and I was against private property. 65 00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:45,326 Let me try one more a different way. 66 00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:48,295 Our role models at the time were Jean Paul Satre 67 00:03:48,529 --> 00:03:49,964 and Simone de Beauvoir 68 00:03:50,197 --> 00:03:51,665 because they were said to have had a polygamous 69 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:54,602 relationship which had lasted their entire lives. 70 00:03:57,371 --> 00:04:00,107 Anna had had affairs, and so had I. 71 00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:03,711 Of course, we both got jealous at times, 72 00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:04,578 but we believed that jealousy 73 00:04:04,812 --> 00:04:07,081 was something to be transcended 74 00:04:07,314 --> 00:04:08,349 and that it was possible to love more 75 00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:09,817 than one person at a time. 76 00:04:11,986 --> 00:04:16,457 Which is how I ended up becoming involved with Caroline. 77 00:04:17,725 --> 00:04:19,960 We had met in Paris a few months earlier 78 00:04:20,194 --> 00:04:23,097 and had spent three idyllic days together. 79 00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:25,366 I know I said that we couldn't afford to shoot in Paris, 80 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:26,967 and we really can't, 81 00:04:27,201 --> 00:04:30,804 but the actress playing Caroline, her visa expired 82 00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:33,974 and she actually had to go back to France 83 00:04:34,208 --> 00:04:36,243 before we could finish the film. 84 00:04:37,211 --> 00:04:39,613 Actually, let me back up a little. 85 00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:40,914 You see, I had a really hard time finding 86 00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:43,584 a French actress to play my wife. 87 00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:45,352 And then one day I saw this woman on the street 88 00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:47,988 who looked a lot like the real Caroline. 89 00:04:48,222 --> 00:04:49,123 So I started talking to her 90 00:04:49,356 --> 00:04:50,958 and found out that she was French. 91 00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:52,860 So I asked her to audition. 92 00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:54,795 So what do you do for money? 93 00:04:55,029 --> 00:04:56,263 What's your business? 94 00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:58,065 - I have a make-up company. 95 00:04:58,299 --> 00:04:58,966 - Oh, really? 96 00:04:59,199 --> 00:04:59,933 Are you a make-up artist? 97 00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:02,970 - Yeah, well, actually, I teach people to do make-up. 98 00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:03,871 - Really? 99 00:05:04,104 --> 00:05:05,139 So you're a make-up artist teacher? 100 00:05:05,372 --> 00:05:06,373 - Yes, I am. 101 00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:08,442 Now, I should probably explain that 102 00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:11,145 the real Caroline was also a make-up artist, 103 00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:12,913 which I took as a sign that I had found 104 00:05:13,147 --> 00:05:15,783 the perfect person to play the role. 105 00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,685 But then a few months later, 106 00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:19,653 when we were about to do re-shoots, 107 00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:22,089 something really weird happened. 108 00:05:22,323 --> 00:05:24,958 Okay, something really weird just happened. 109 00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:28,095 I was looking for a French prostitute 110 00:05:30,698 --> 00:05:34,068 to act in the movie for the prostitute scene. 111 00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:35,002 Where is it? 112 00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:36,737 There it is. 113 00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:40,207 I found this face that says Rebecca Lord. 114 00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:42,343 So I open it. 115 00:05:45,079 --> 00:05:46,080 And I'm like. 116 00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:49,917 Porn Star Rebecca Lord, French. 117 00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:54,221 And I'm like, wow, she looks so much like Caroline. 118 00:05:56,190 --> 00:05:56,957 I go down. 119 00:05:58,459 --> 00:06:01,161 I'm like, she looks so much like Caroline. 120 00:06:01,395 --> 00:06:05,999 And then it says here, working first as a make-up artist. 121 00:06:07,101 --> 00:06:09,403 That's what Caroline was. 122 00:06:09,636 --> 00:06:11,438 And then it says that she'll be visiting 123 00:06:11,672 --> 00:06:14,174 San Francisco August 7th through 11th. 124 00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:16,844 That's when we're shooting our re-shoots. 125 00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:19,446 And I'm like, wait a minute. 126 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:20,347 Caroline. 127 00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:23,517 Is a prostitute? 128 00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:30,824 And then there's all these movies. 129 00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:33,160 Here's her list of credits. 130 00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:39,800 Sluts of France. 131 00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,806 So I had inadvertently cast a porn star 132 00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:47,775 to play my French wife. 133 00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,577 But anyway, getting back to the story. 134 00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:56,216 We had met in Paris a few months earlier 135 00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:59,787 and had spent three idyllic days together. 136 00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:02,523 I had been totally honest with Caroline about 137 00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:06,360 my relationship with Anna and had even asked her. 138 00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:07,995 Do you ever get jealous? 139 00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:09,430 To which she had answered. 140 00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:12,466 - Life is too short for that. 141 00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:15,169 - I was blown away by her answer 142 00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:19,139 and I found myself starting to fall in love with Caroline. 143 00:07:19,373 --> 00:07:24,077 But I still believed that Anna was the true love of my life. 144 00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:26,647 But then a month later, Caroline flew to the States 145 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:30,484 to see me, and it was then that the trouble started. 146 00:07:30,717 --> 00:07:33,487 You see, Anna became jealous of Caroline 147 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:36,457 and insisted that I choose between them. 148 00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:38,725 I didn't want to choose between them. 149 00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:42,062 I wanted to be able to see them both. 150 00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:44,731 But then Anna got a summer internship in New York, 151 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:48,802 and Caroline and I ended up spending the summer together. 152 00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:52,172 Which is why when her visa expired. 153 00:07:52,406 --> 00:07:55,943 I offered to marry her so that she could stay in the States. 154 00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:57,611 Now, I should probably explain 155 00:07:57,845 --> 00:08:00,380 that I wasn't exactly the marrying type. 156 00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:03,484 In fact, I was totally against marriage. 157 00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:06,920 You see, I had grown up during the Vietnam War 158 00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:09,890 and I saw marriage as pat of the same capitalist system 159 00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:11,859 that had produced the genocide in Vietnam. 160 00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,969 But I was also influenced by performance art. 161 00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:24,771 And by the idea of life itself 162 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,407 as a kind of performance piece. 163 00:08:28,575 --> 00:08:30,611 And to me the institution of marriage 164 00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:33,881 was so inherently absurd that I tried to subvert it 165 00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:36,283 by treating it as performance art. 166 00:08:36,517 --> 00:08:37,317 I do. 167 00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:41,021 Except that the joke, as it turned out, was on me. 168 00:08:41,255 --> 00:08:42,723 Because when Anna found out that I had gotten married 169 00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:46,493 to Caroline, she didn't take it so well. 170 00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:51,832 And then I did something incredibly dumb. 171 00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:56,003 You see, Caroline and I were about to run out of money. 172 00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:58,372 And the idea of having to get a job was, 173 00:08:58,605 --> 00:09:02,142 in my mind, a fate worse than death. 174 00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:03,477 The only occupation I was interested 175 00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:06,179 in was that of famous filmmaker. 176 00:09:07,614 --> 00:09:08,482 But the few experimental films 177 00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:10,617 that I had made hadn't exactly 178 00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:14,588 been greeted with enthusiasm by the film world. 179 00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:26,633 To remedy this situation, I had recently written 180 00:09:26,867 --> 00:09:30,203 a script about the French poet Arthur Rimbaud 181 00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:34,441 which I was convinced would revolutionize cinema. 182 00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:37,210 And which Caroline insisted it would 183 00:09:37,444 --> 00:09:40,213 be easy to raise money for in France. 184 00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:45,018 - It will be easy to raise money for this in France. 185 00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:49,356 - But moving to France turned out to be a disaster. 186 00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:51,058 Most of the film producers 187 00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:54,928 I approached wouldn't even talk to me. 188 00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:58,999 The few that did just told me that I was nobody. 189 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,902 Meanwhile, my relationship with Caroline 190 00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:03,303 had started to unravel. 191 00:10:05,205 --> 00:10:07,641 Caroline was insanely jealous of Anna 192 00:10:07,874 --> 00:10:08,775 and would cry hysterically whenever 193 00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:11,678 I would write her a letter or talk to her on the phone. 194 00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:13,180 Hi, how are you doing? 195 00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:15,048 I was starting to feel trapped, 196 00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,618 and it was hard not to blame Caroline for having gotten 197 00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:20,921 in the way of my relationship with Anna. 198 00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:24,191 And then one day, I got a letter from Anna 199 00:10:24,424 --> 00:10:26,960 saying that she was going to be in Amsterdam 200 00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:29,630 and asking if I would like to meet her there. 201 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,566 I was ecstatic. 202 00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:33,934 I felt that I was finally being given 203 00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:37,337 a chance to get back together with Anna. 204 00:10:37,571 --> 00:10:39,339 But Caroline knew that if I left 205 00:10:39,573 --> 00:10:41,475 I would never come back, 206 00:10:41,708 --> 00:10:44,544 so she decided to jump out a window. 207 00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:48,215 The thought of being responsible for her death 208 00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:49,950 was way more guilt than I could handle. 209 00:10:51,618 --> 00:10:52,219 - Caroline! 210 00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:53,053 Caroline! 211 00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:53,887 - No! 212 00:10:54,121 --> 00:10:54,788 No! 213 00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:58,592 - So I agreed never to see Anna again. 214 00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:09,503 It was by far the most painful decision I ever made. 215 00:11:09,736 --> 00:11:12,072 But I did it because years of going to Sunday school 216 00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:15,976 had taught me to equate virtue with sacrifice. 217 00:11:17,744 --> 00:11:18,512 Can I come down? 218 00:11:18,745 --> 00:11:20,313 - One more time. 219 00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:22,315 - I should probably also explain that 220 00:11:22,549 --> 00:11:26,353 when I was in college I had once asked my friend Arnold. 221 00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:33,093 What's your, like, ultimate goal in life? 222 00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:34,628 And he had said. 223 00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:36,563 - To be a saint. 224 00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:39,933 - I'd been blown away by his answer. 225 00:11:40,167 --> 00:11:44,971 and I decided that I too would try to become a saint. 226 00:11:45,272 --> 00:11:49,142 Which is why, when Caroline asked me to cut all ties 227 00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:53,680 with the only person I had ever truly loved, I agreed. 228 00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:59,386 When I found out much later that Anna 229 00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:04,424 had gotten married to someone else, I was devastated. 230 00:12:04,658 --> 00:12:06,393 I had still been secretly hoping that Caroline 231 00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:09,863 and I would eventually break up and that Anna 232 00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:12,699 and I would one day get back together. 233 00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:16,369 But now I realized that it was really over. 234 00:12:20,474 --> 00:12:23,043 I tried my best to transcend my feelings 235 00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:27,247 and to resign myself to a life of quiet desperation. 236 00:12:27,481 --> 00:12:30,584 But the truth is I was incredibly angry. 237 00:12:30,817 --> 00:12:34,421 I was angry at God, I was angry at Caroline, 238 00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:36,823 and I was angry at myself. 239 00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:39,793 But mostly I was angry at Caroline. 240 00:12:41,695 --> 00:12:45,766 And then one day I was walking down the street when I saw. 241 00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:48,635 This prostitute. 242 00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:54,608 There was something about her that turned me on 243 00:12:54,841 --> 00:12:58,779 in a way that I had never been turned on before. 244 00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:01,581 It was as if I had been hypnotized. 245 00:13:09,356 --> 00:13:11,024 - And then I suddenly found myself saying something 246 00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:13,527 that I had never said before. 247 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:14,661 I said the words. 248 00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:19,166 Now, I should probably explain 249 00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:22,002 that I had always considered myself a feminist 250 00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:26,640 and had even marched in an anti-pornography rally once. 251 00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:31,611 Which is why when I suddenly found myself saying the words. 252 00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:36,082 I half expected the prostitute to run screaming. 253 00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:41,021 Or to slap me in the face. 254 00:13:42,088 --> 00:13:45,892 The fact that she didn't, but smiled instead and said. 255 00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:51,231 - Made my head spin. 256 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:09,950 - Afterwards, I was a nervous wreck. 257 00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:13,653 I couldn't get her out of my mind. 258 00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:27,334 - Hi. 259 00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:28,235 - Hi. 260 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,247 I thought that if I masturbated, 261 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:43,183 I would get her out of my system. 262 00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:44,818 But it didn't work. 263 00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:51,491 So after several days of compulsive masturbation, 264 00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:54,661 I decided that I needed a new strategy. 265 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:07,941 You see, I knew that she was just a regular person. 266 00:15:08,174 --> 00:15:10,310 But in my mind, I had somehow made 267 00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:12,212 her into an image of erotic salvation. 268 00:15:13,947 --> 00:15:15,515 And it seemed that the only way to get her off 269 00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:18,585 the erotic pedestal that I had put her on 270 00:15:18,818 --> 00:15:20,654 was to have a real conversation with her. 271 00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:27,661 Unfortunately, she wasn't there. 272 00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:44,144 I was mad at myself for having wasted so many hours 273 00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:48,481 of my day, but I didn't want to leave empty-handed. 274 00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:21,514 - I asked that same question to every prostitute 275 00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:24,184 that was there that day. 276 00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:27,921 I might even have asked some of them twice. 277 00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:31,157 Afterwards, I felt strangely euphoric. 278 00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:33,860 And I returned home feeling that I had finally 279 00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:36,796 gotten this thing out of my system. 280 00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:40,633 But I was wrong. 281 00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:43,903 Instead of fantasizing about just the one prostitute, 282 00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:48,041 I was now fantasizing about all of them. 283 00:16:48,274 --> 00:16:50,710 I went back the next day. 284 00:16:50,944 --> 00:16:52,178 And the next day. 285 00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:54,781 And the next. 286 00:16:57,283 --> 00:16:59,419 At first it was enough just to talk to them. 287 00:17:01,755 --> 00:17:03,223 And to fantasize about them afterwards. 288 00:17:07,494 --> 00:17:09,095 But after a while, just talking 289 00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:10,697 to them was no longer enough. 290 00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:22,175 Now, I know that a lot of guys in my situation 291 00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:23,243 would have just gone ahead 292 00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:24,844 and had sex with the prostitute 293 00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:26,946 and not told their wife about it. 294 00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:29,749 But I had this thing about honesty. 295 00:17:29,983 --> 00:17:33,019 You see, when I was a kid, my mother found out 296 00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:35,321 that my father had been cheating on her 297 00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:36,356 and made him drive my sister 298 00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:38,892 and me to this other woman's apartment 299 00:17:39,125 --> 00:17:42,228 in order to humiliate him in front of us. 300 00:17:42,462 --> 00:17:44,964 I was too young to know what sex was, 301 00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:47,300 but I knew that it was a very bad thing 302 00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:51,438 and that it was responsible for my parents' divorce. 303 00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:53,873 I was only eight years old at the time, 304 00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:55,909 but I began to hate my father. 305 00:17:56,142 --> 00:18:00,380 And I vowed to myself that I would never be like him. 306 00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:17,831 - You know, if you really need to see a prostitute, you can. 307 00:18:18,064 --> 00:18:19,699 - I don't want to see a prostitute. 308 00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:21,701 I want to try to resist. 309 00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:23,603 But I think I need your help. 310 00:18:23,837 --> 00:18:25,839 - What do you want me to do? 311 00:18:26,072 --> 00:18:28,007 - I just need to be able to talk to you. 312 00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:29,476 I think if I can talk to you about it, 313 00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:33,213 I'll be less tempted, and it'll be easier for me to resist. 314 00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:36,049 - You can talk to me about it. 315 00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:37,250 - I can? 316 00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:38,818 - Yeah, of course. 317 00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:40,854 - Oh. 318 00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:44,924 God, I feel so much better. 319 00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:50,330 - Are you tempted to have intercourse with 320 00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:53,666 a prostitute or just to get a blow job? 321 00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:56,336 - Oh, no. 322 00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:57,570 Just get a blow job. 323 00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,606 I would never want to have intercourse with one. 324 00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:01,174 That would gross me out. 325 00:19:01,407 --> 00:19:02,108 - Really? 326 00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:03,343 - Oh, yeah. 327 00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:04,144 You're the only person I'd ever 328 00:19:04,377 --> 00:19:06,112 want to have intercourse with. 329 00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:07,614 - You promise? 330 00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:09,182 - Yeah, I promise. 331 00:19:14,554 --> 00:19:18,992 - Is there anything I can do to make you less tempted? 332 00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:24,631 - Maybe if you could give me blow jobs more often? 333 00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:25,899 - I don't mind. 334 00:19:26,132 --> 00:19:30,403 I can even give you a blow job right now if you like. 335 00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:32,172 - Okay. 336 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:39,345 I felt guilty accepting her offer, 337 00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:42,582 but I thought it might be a good idea. 338 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,930 I was still fantasizing that she was a prostitute, 339 00:19:57,163 --> 00:19:57,897 but the fact that she knew 340 00:19:58,131 --> 00:20:02,268 and accepted this part of me made it different than before. 341 00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:04,337 It made it something we were sharing, 342 00:20:04,571 --> 00:20:07,106 something that we were doing together. 343 00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:10,243 And I felt that I was seeing Caroline for the first time. 344 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,182 After I came, I was still hard. 345 00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:20,019 This was something that had never happened to me before. 346 00:20:20,253 --> 00:20:23,056 It was as if my no longer having to repress my sexuality 347 00:20:23,289 --> 00:20:27,293 had suddenly unleashed a backlog of repressed sexual energy. 348 00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:29,729 So Caroline offered to give me another blow job. 349 00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:37,870 To my astonishment, I was still hard. 350 00:20:38,104 --> 00:20:40,807 So Caroline offered to give me yet another blow job. 351 00:20:44,978 --> 00:20:47,313 Afterwards, I was still hard. 352 00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:50,416 I had never seen anything like it, 353 00:20:50,650 --> 00:20:52,919 and I actually started to get scared. 354 00:20:53,152 --> 00:20:53,987 I was afraid that my erection had 355 00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:57,724 become permanent and would never go away. 356 00:20:57,957 --> 00:21:00,560 Caroline offered to give me yet another blow job, 357 00:21:00,793 --> 00:21:03,162 but I had recently gotten a job as a film critic 358 00:21:03,396 --> 00:21:07,467 and I didn't want to be late to my first screening. 359 00:21:10,536 --> 00:21:14,307 On the way there my erection finally subsided. 360 00:21:22,015 --> 00:21:23,783 At that moment I was filled with boundless love 361 00:21:24,017 --> 00:21:28,521 for Caroline, and I felt closer to her than ever before. 362 00:21:31,391 --> 00:21:33,092 As part of our newfound intimacy, 363 00:21:33,326 --> 00:21:34,527 I started pointing out to Caroline 364 00:21:34,761 --> 00:21:36,796 the women I was attracted to. 365 00:21:37,030 --> 00:21:38,464 I like that one. 366 00:21:38,698 --> 00:21:39,632 - That one? 367 00:21:39,866 --> 00:21:40,700 She's gross! 368 00:21:40,933 --> 00:21:41,768 - Not to me. 369 00:21:43,069 --> 00:21:45,238 - I like that one, too. 370 00:21:45,471 --> 00:21:46,372 - You're kidding, right? 371 00:21:46,606 --> 00:21:47,173 - No, I'm serious. 372 00:21:47,407 --> 00:21:48,408 She's exactly my type. 373 00:21:48,641 --> 00:21:49,642 - But she's so vulgar. 374 00:21:49,876 --> 00:21:50,443 - I know. 375 00:21:50,677 --> 00:21:52,745 That's what I like about her. 376 00:21:52,979 --> 00:21:53,646 It's true. 377 00:21:55,682 --> 00:21:56,949 Did you see that woman? 378 00:21:57,183 --> 00:21:59,852 I would love to have sex with her. 379 00:22:04,324 --> 00:22:06,159 It was great to be able to be totally honest 380 00:22:06,392 --> 00:22:08,761 with Caroline, and I felt that I was finally having 381 00:22:08,995 --> 00:22:10,330 the kind of open and honest relationship 382 00:22:10,563 --> 00:22:12,632 that I'd always dreamed of. 383 00:22:13,966 --> 00:22:14,901 Whoa! 384 00:22:15,134 --> 00:22:16,169 Look at those lips. 385 00:22:16,402 --> 00:22:18,971 I would love a blow job from her. 386 00:22:21,407 --> 00:22:22,775 Did you see that? 387 00:22:25,778 --> 00:22:28,881 But after a while, Caroline couldn't take it anymore. 388 00:22:47,166 --> 00:22:48,034 What's the matter? 389 00:22:48,267 --> 00:22:49,302 - What do you think? 390 00:22:49,535 --> 00:22:51,070 I'm sick and tired of you staring 391 00:22:51,304 --> 00:22:53,239 at other women all the time! 392 00:22:53,473 --> 00:22:54,507 It's humiliating! 393 00:22:54,741 --> 00:22:55,341 - What do you want me to do? 394 00:22:55,575 --> 00:22:58,378 You want me to hide the fact that I'm attracted to somebody? 395 00:22:58,611 --> 00:23:00,246 - How would you like it if you saw me drooling 396 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:02,682 over every guy I was attracted to? 397 00:23:02,915 --> 00:23:03,616 Huh? 398 00:23:03,850 --> 00:23:04,517 - Well, I'd probably feel a little jealous, 399 00:23:04,751 --> 00:23:06,919 but I'd try to transcend it. 400 00:23:07,854 --> 00:23:09,222 I would! 401 00:23:09,455 --> 00:23:11,457 Didn't you say you wanted me to be totally honest? 402 00:23:11,691 --> 00:23:14,861 - Well, I've changed my mind! 403 00:23:18,231 --> 00:23:19,665 - But my not being able to be totally honest 404 00:23:19,899 --> 00:23:23,269 with her made me feel alienated once again. 405 00:23:23,503 --> 00:23:25,104 And I started obsessing about the various 406 00:23:25,338 --> 00:23:28,141 women I would see on the street. 407 00:23:28,374 --> 00:23:30,877 I remember this one time, I saw a woman on the subway 408 00:23:31,110 --> 00:23:34,046 that I was particularly attracted to. 409 00:23:35,748 --> 00:23:36,716 I don't know what I was thinking. 410 00:23:36,949 --> 00:23:39,852 but I suddenly started following her. 411 00:23:44,991 --> 00:23:47,293 For some reason, I was dying to reach out 412 00:23:47,527 --> 00:23:48,928 and touch her butt. 413 00:23:55,601 --> 00:23:56,769 And I was trying to get up the courage to do 414 00:23:57,003 --> 00:24:00,339 this when her boyfriend suddenly appeared. 415 00:24:04,944 --> 00:24:06,946 But I had been so turned on by her 416 00:24:07,180 --> 00:24:10,283 that all I wanted to do was masturbate. 417 00:24:12,819 --> 00:24:16,689 The only place I could find was a confessional. 418 00:24:21,194 --> 00:24:23,830 There was something about masturbating in a confessional 419 00:24:24,063 --> 00:24:26,899 that appealed to my sense of transgression. 420 00:24:27,133 --> 00:24:28,501 And it wasn't long before I had 421 00:24:28,734 --> 00:24:31,871 masturbated in every cathedral in Paris. 422 00:24:33,206 --> 00:24:35,775 Meanwhile, Caroline and I had started fighting more 423 00:24:36,008 --> 00:24:37,944 and more, and I had started threatening 424 00:24:38,177 --> 00:24:40,246 to have sex with a prostitute in order 425 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:42,248 to get her to stop fighting with me. 426 00:24:42,482 --> 00:24:43,916 I'm going to go have sex with a prostitute! 427 00:24:44,150 --> 00:24:44,917 - Fine! 428 00:24:45,151 --> 00:24:46,619 Go get your dick sucked by a prostitute! 429 00:24:46,853 --> 00:24:47,854 See if I care! 430 00:24:55,328 --> 00:24:56,462 Pssh! 431 00:24:56,696 --> 00:25:00,233 - And then one day I somehow managed to convince myself 432 00:25:00,466 --> 00:25:02,201 that I was hurting her more by constantly 433 00:25:02,435 --> 00:25:04,337 threatening to have sex with a prostitute 434 00:25:04,570 --> 00:25:06,172 than I would by just doing it 435 00:25:06,405 --> 00:25:10,309 and getting it out of my system once and for all. 436 00:25:30,830 --> 00:25:31,797 - I wanted to reach out 437 00:25:32,031 --> 00:25:34,767 and touch her butt, but I felt shy. 438 00:25:36,569 --> 00:25:39,338 I didn't know if that was allowed. 439 00:28:23,602 --> 00:28:25,571 - I was certainly tempted, 440 00:28:25,805 --> 00:28:27,173 but I had every intention of resisting 441 00:28:27,406 --> 00:28:30,810 having intercourse until she said the words. 442 00:28:33,412 --> 00:28:35,481 - For some reason, those words triggered 443 00:28:35,715 --> 00:28:38,350 a chemical reaction in my brain. 444 00:28:38,584 --> 00:28:42,154 And it was suddenly as if I had no choice. 445 00:28:49,595 --> 00:28:50,930 - I'm not sure why. 446 00:28:51,163 --> 00:28:52,131 But the fact that her delivery 447 00:28:52,364 --> 00:28:55,868 was so unconvincing just turned me on even more. 448 00:29:26,232 --> 00:29:27,867 There's something I have to tell you. 449 00:29:28,100 --> 00:29:28,968 - I know. 450 00:29:29,201 --> 00:29:31,537 You had sex with a prostitute. 451 00:29:35,608 --> 00:29:36,976 - How'd you know? 452 00:29:39,645 --> 00:29:40,646 - I can tell. 453 00:29:42,381 --> 00:29:44,817 - You're not mad at me? 454 00:29:45,050 --> 00:29:46,986 - No, I'm not mad at you. 455 00:29:51,690 --> 00:29:53,692 - I think it was the right thing to do 456 00:29:53,926 --> 00:29:58,097 because now I've finally gotten it out of my system. 457 00:30:00,633 --> 00:30:01,500 I love you. 458 00:30:02,635 --> 00:30:03,369 - I know. 459 00:30:03,602 --> 00:30:06,605 Just please, go take a shower. 460 00:30:28,594 --> 00:30:30,696 So, tell me what happened. 461 00:30:35,367 --> 00:30:37,636 - I told her the whole story. 462 00:30:37,870 --> 00:30:40,406 But when I got to the part about the intercourse, 463 00:30:40,639 --> 00:30:41,674 she got pretty upset. 464 00:30:41,907 --> 00:30:43,576 - You had intercourse? 465 00:30:44,643 --> 00:30:46,078 - Yeah. 466 00:30:46,312 --> 00:30:47,546 But I used a condom. 467 00:30:47,780 --> 00:30:50,182 - You promised you weren't going to! 468 00:30:50,416 --> 00:30:51,917 - I know, I'm sorry. 469 00:30:53,752 --> 00:30:57,289 I tried not to, but I couldn't help myself. 470 00:31:00,459 --> 00:31:02,027 She said the words rape me, 471 00:31:02,261 --> 00:31:05,531 and I just got really turned on after that. 472 00:31:05,764 --> 00:31:07,333 Now, I think I should explain that 473 00:31:07,566 --> 00:31:10,336 this was especially difficult for Caroline to hear 474 00:31:10,569 --> 00:31:13,305 because she herself had been raped. 475 00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:16,175 I had hoped that being completely honest 476 00:31:16,408 --> 00:31:18,777 would bring us closer together, 477 00:31:19,011 --> 00:31:21,680 but I had seriously miscalculated. 478 00:31:27,319 --> 00:31:30,222 - I don't want to have sex tonight. 479 00:31:30,456 --> 00:31:32,725 - I wasn't suggesting it. 480 00:31:32,958 --> 00:31:35,394 - It's not to punish you, you know. 481 00:31:35,628 --> 00:31:36,262 - I know. 482 00:31:36,495 --> 00:31:40,032 - It's just, I need more time to get over it. 483 00:31:40,266 --> 00:31:40,900 - I understand. 484 00:31:41,133 --> 00:31:43,569 Take all the time you need. 485 00:31:43,802 --> 00:31:44,470 - Thanks. 486 00:31:51,310 --> 00:31:52,278 - I was surprised at how little time 487 00:31:52,511 --> 00:31:53,879 it took for her to get over it. 488 00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:56,916 It only took three days. 489 00:31:58,517 --> 00:32:02,888 After that, everything seemed pretty much back to normal. 490 00:32:03,122 --> 00:32:04,823 Except for one thing. 491 00:32:05,057 --> 00:32:08,894 Caroline started having fainting spells. 492 00:32:09,128 --> 00:32:10,663 Caroline! 493 00:32:10,896 --> 00:32:11,463 What's the matter? 494 00:32:11,697 --> 00:32:12,865 - I don't know. 495 00:32:13,098 --> 00:32:14,667 I don't feel well. 496 00:32:14,900 --> 00:32:16,201 - We went to see several doctors 497 00:32:16,435 --> 00:32:18,704 to try to figure out what was wrong with her, 498 00:32:18,938 --> 00:32:21,273 but none of them could ever find anything. 499 00:32:21,507 --> 00:32:23,242 - She's perfectly fine. 500 00:32:27,846 --> 00:32:32,618 - You know, it's been over two months since we've had sex. 501 00:32:34,453 --> 00:32:37,189 - If you want me to suck you, I'll suck you. 502 00:32:37,423 --> 00:32:38,958 - That's not why I'm saying it. 503 00:32:39,191 --> 00:32:42,661 I'm saying it because I think maybe you're mad at me. 504 00:32:42,895 --> 00:32:44,763 - I'm not mad at you. 505 00:32:44,997 --> 00:32:47,599 I just haven't been feeling well. 506 00:32:48,801 --> 00:32:49,568 - Okay. 507 00:32:55,908 --> 00:32:58,777 Are you sure you don't want me to give you oral sex? 508 00:32:59,011 --> 00:33:02,181 - Caveh, I really don't feel well. 509 00:33:02,414 --> 00:33:03,048 - Okay. 510 00:33:09,455 --> 00:33:12,057 This went on for a whole year, 511 00:33:12,291 --> 00:33:13,292 during which my desire to have sex 512 00:33:13,525 --> 00:33:16,462 with a prostitute gradually returned. 513 00:33:37,116 --> 00:33:38,283 - I tried to escape my marital 514 00:33:38,517 --> 00:33:41,420 unhappiness by throwing myself into my work. 515 00:33:41,653 --> 00:33:42,321 Higher! 516 00:33:43,922 --> 00:33:44,757 I said higher! 517 00:33:44,990 --> 00:33:47,726 But I was unable to raise money for any of my film projects. 518 00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:48,627 Higher! 519 00:33:51,530 --> 00:33:52,898 What's the matter with you? 520 00:33:53,132 --> 00:33:55,634 Can't you jump higher than that? 521 00:34:00,305 --> 00:34:01,573 Out of desperation, 522 00:34:01,807 --> 00:34:04,176 I had applied to film school back in the States. 523 00:34:12,885 --> 00:34:14,953 Soon after we moved to Los Angeles, 524 00:34:15,187 --> 00:34:16,288 Caroline confessed to me that she 525 00:34:16,522 --> 00:34:20,125 had fallen in love with my friend Gary. 526 00:34:20,359 --> 00:34:23,495 And then she fell in love with my friend Keith. 527 00:34:23,729 --> 00:34:26,965 And then she fell in love with my friend Teddy. 528 00:34:27,199 --> 00:34:30,269 A week later she and Teddy moved in together, 529 00:34:30,502 --> 00:34:33,872 and a year later they were married. 530 00:34:34,106 --> 00:34:36,175 This is the real Caroline. 531 00:34:36,408 --> 00:34:41,180 I asked her to play herself in the movie, but she declined. 532 00:34:41,413 --> 00:34:43,382 I tried to stay in touch over the years, 533 00:34:43,615 --> 00:34:47,953 but after a while Caroline stopped returning my calls. 534 00:34:50,456 --> 00:34:51,924 I realize I haven't made it seem like 535 00:34:52,157 --> 00:34:53,959 I was in love with Caroline, 536 00:34:54,193 --> 00:34:56,995 but the truth is I really was, 537 00:34:57,229 --> 00:34:59,932 as much as I was capable of loving anyone. 538 00:35:00,165 --> 00:35:02,801 I mean, I was only 26 at the time. 539 00:35:07,339 --> 00:35:09,141 After the break-up, all I could think 540 00:35:09,374 --> 00:35:12,778 about was finding someone to have sex with. 541 00:35:26,358 --> 00:35:28,393 - Hi, can I get in? 542 00:35:28,627 --> 00:35:29,561 - How much? 543 00:35:29,795 --> 00:35:32,297 - How much do you want to spend? 544 00:35:33,966 --> 00:35:34,833 - Thirty? 545 00:35:35,067 --> 00:35:35,667 - Okay. 546 00:35:35,901 --> 00:35:37,069 Can I get in? 547 00:35:37,302 --> 00:35:37,970 - Okay. 548 00:35:43,642 --> 00:35:45,043 - Hi, my name's Candy. 549 00:35:45,277 --> 00:35:46,912 - Hi, I'm Bob. 550 00:35:47,146 --> 00:35:48,413 - Hi, nice to meet you. 551 00:35:48,647 --> 00:35:50,015 - Nice to meet you, too. 552 00:36:06,965 --> 00:36:08,333 - Where are we going? 553 00:36:08,567 --> 00:36:09,968 - Pull over right here. 554 00:36:25,951 --> 00:36:27,519 Can I have the money now? 555 00:36:27,753 --> 00:36:28,520 - Oh, sure. 556 00:36:33,258 --> 00:36:34,493 Do you have any change? 557 00:36:34,726 --> 00:36:38,964 - No, but If you give me 40, I'll make it extra good. 558 00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:42,568 - Okay. 559 00:36:46,705 --> 00:36:48,807 - Look out for cops, okay? 560 00:37:05,924 --> 00:37:06,692 Bye. 561 00:37:18,403 --> 00:37:20,839 - Afterwards, I felt euphoric. 562 00:37:23,108 --> 00:37:28,046 But by the time I got home, I felt empty and depressed. 563 00:37:28,380 --> 00:37:32,818 And I vowed never to have sex with a prostitute again. 564 00:37:34,586 --> 00:37:36,822 But then a few days later, I found myself unable 565 00:37:37,055 --> 00:37:39,958 to stop obsessing about that same prostitute. 566 00:37:56,908 --> 00:37:58,310 - Wanna date? 567 00:37:58,543 --> 00:38:00,312 - It was becoming a pattern. 568 00:38:00,545 --> 00:38:03,081 Every time I would have sex with a prostitute, 569 00:38:03,315 --> 00:38:05,717 I would feel empty and depressed afterwards, 570 00:38:05,951 --> 00:38:08,420 and I would vow never to do it again. 571 00:38:08,654 --> 00:38:10,455 And yet I honestly believed that if I just 572 00:38:10,689 --> 00:38:12,891 did it enough times, my desire to have sex 573 00:38:13,125 --> 00:38:15,927 with a prostitute would eventually go away. 574 00:38:42,888 --> 00:38:44,990 And then I met Christa. 575 00:38:45,223 --> 00:38:47,826 I was walking down the hallway at film school 576 00:38:48,060 --> 00:38:49,461 when I saw her for the first time. 577 00:38:49,695 --> 00:38:50,362 - Hi. 578 00:38:52,931 --> 00:38:53,965 - It was unusual for a woman 579 00:38:54,199 --> 00:38:57,269 I had never met to say hi to me. 580 00:38:57,502 --> 00:39:01,506 Because she did, I assumed she wanted to have sex. 581 00:39:06,578 --> 00:39:10,082 And then a few days later, I saw her again. 582 00:39:18,757 --> 00:39:19,524 Excuse me. 583 00:39:21,326 --> 00:39:23,362 Do you know how to open these? 584 00:39:23,595 --> 00:39:25,831 I can't figure it out. 585 00:39:26,064 --> 00:39:26,898 - I can try. 586 00:39:31,770 --> 00:39:32,471 Here you go. 587 00:39:32,704 --> 00:39:34,706 - It just twists off, huh? 588 00:39:38,310 --> 00:39:40,245 You like Capra? 589 00:39:40,479 --> 00:39:41,546 - I love Capra. 590 00:39:42,581 --> 00:39:43,915 - Hi, my name's Caveh. 591 00:39:44,149 --> 00:39:45,183 - Hi, I'm Christa. 592 00:39:45,417 --> 00:39:47,652 - Nice to meet you. 593 00:39:49,354 --> 00:39:51,356 - So anyway, she invited me to a party 594 00:39:51,590 --> 00:39:52,958 she was giving that Friday night. 595 00:39:55,293 --> 00:39:58,463 And I went, hoping to have sex with her. 596 00:40:00,999 --> 00:40:01,700 Is Christa here? 597 00:40:01,933 --> 00:40:02,634 - Yeah, come on in. 598 00:40:10,275 --> 00:40:14,212 - I failed to get her to have sex with me. 599 00:40:14,446 --> 00:40:17,749 But I did get her to lend me a copy of her screenplay. 600 00:40:17,983 --> 00:40:19,751 It was one of the best screenplays I'd ever read. 601 00:40:28,226 --> 00:40:29,127 And I felt that I had finally 602 00:40:29,361 --> 00:40:32,764 found someone that I could relate to. 603 00:40:32,998 --> 00:40:35,267 I called her immediately and asked her out. 604 00:40:47,212 --> 00:40:49,314 It was then that it happened, 605 00:40:49,548 --> 00:40:52,884 I looked into her eyes and I saw her soul. 606 00:40:54,486 --> 00:40:56,154 Until then, she had just been 607 00:40:56,388 --> 00:40:59,291 someone that I wanted something from. 608 00:40:59,524 --> 00:41:01,993 But at that moment I suddenly saw that she was 609 00:41:02,227 --> 00:41:06,631 a real human being, with needs and feelings of her own. 610 00:41:08,033 --> 00:41:09,134 It scared the shit out of me. 611 00:41:19,845 --> 00:41:23,281 And then one night we were watching Vivre Sa Vie 612 00:41:23,515 --> 00:41:28,253 by Jean-Luc Godard, about a woman who becomes a prostitute. 613 00:41:29,187 --> 00:41:31,890 - You know what I heard? 614 00:41:32,123 --> 00:41:32,924 - What? 615 00:41:33,158 --> 00:41:36,394 - I heard that Godard has a prostitute fetish in real life. 616 00:41:36,628 --> 00:41:38,930 Can you believe that? 617 00:41:39,164 --> 00:41:39,831 - Yeah. 618 00:41:42,167 --> 00:41:43,468 - I can't. 619 00:41:43,702 --> 00:41:46,271 He seems so sensitive to women. 620 00:41:46,505 --> 00:41:47,472 - Well, that doesn't mean anything. 621 00:41:47,706 --> 00:41:49,074 I mean, I'm sensitive to women, 622 00:41:49,307 --> 00:41:51,743 and I have a prostitute fetish. 623 00:41:54,379 --> 00:41:56,481 - You're kidding, right? 624 00:41:56,715 --> 00:41:58,049 - No, I'm serious. 625 00:41:59,818 --> 00:42:01,520 - I can't believe that. 626 00:42:01,753 --> 00:42:03,088 - Well, it's true. 627 00:42:04,055 --> 00:42:05,924 - Caveh, how is that possible? 628 00:42:06,157 --> 00:42:08,493 I mean, how can you justify that to yourself? 629 00:42:08,727 --> 00:42:10,428 - Well, I agree it's not super spiritual or anything, 630 00:42:10,662 --> 00:42:13,665 but I don't think it's so terrible either. 631 00:42:13,899 --> 00:42:15,867 - Caveh, it's like rape! 632 00:42:16,101 --> 00:42:17,702 Those women have no choice. 633 00:42:17,936 --> 00:42:19,371 - Everybody has a choice. 634 00:42:19,604 --> 00:42:20,839 Or else nobody does. 635 00:42:21,072 --> 00:42:22,541 - I can't believe you're saying this. 636 00:42:22,774 --> 00:42:24,109 - Well, it's true. 637 00:42:26,845 --> 00:42:28,013 What are you doing? 638 00:42:28,246 --> 00:42:28,847 - I'm sorry. 639 00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:29,781 I have to leave. 640 00:42:30,015 --> 00:42:31,483 I feel like I'm going to be sick. 641 00:42:31,716 --> 00:42:34,352 - Why, because I've had sex with prostitutes? 642 00:42:34,586 --> 00:42:35,620 - Caveh, you don't understand. 643 00:42:35,854 --> 00:42:38,456 I literally feel like I'm going to throw up. 644 00:42:38,690 --> 00:42:39,624 I have to go. 645 00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:42,327 - Christa! 646 00:42:50,802 --> 00:42:52,771 A few days later, I saw her again. 647 00:42:53,004 --> 00:42:54,773 - Hi. 648 00:42:55,006 --> 00:42:55,674 - Hi. 649 00:43:02,247 --> 00:43:03,248 Still feeling nauseous? 650 00:43:03,481 --> 00:43:04,149 - No. 651 00:43:05,150 --> 00:43:07,085 - Sure you don't mind being seen with me? 652 00:43:07,319 --> 00:43:07,986 - Stop it. 653 00:43:09,521 --> 00:43:10,889 - I'm sorry. 654 00:43:11,122 --> 00:43:12,791 I just felt like you thought I was disgusting. 655 00:43:13,024 --> 00:43:14,626 - I don't think that. 656 00:43:15,860 --> 00:43:18,196 - It's not like I'm still doing it. 657 00:43:18,430 --> 00:43:19,397 - I know. 658 00:43:19,631 --> 00:43:20,298 I'm sorry. 659 00:43:21,366 --> 00:43:23,301 - I don't want to have to hide anything from you. 660 00:43:23,535 --> 00:43:24,636 Don't you want me to be honest? 661 00:43:24,869 --> 00:43:25,570 - I do. 662 00:43:27,572 --> 00:43:29,240 Caveh, let's make up. 663 00:43:39,384 --> 00:43:43,088 - A few weeks later it was my birthday. 664 00:43:43,321 --> 00:43:44,055 And I convinced Christa 665 00:43:44,289 --> 00:43:47,192 to take Ecstasy with me to celebrate. 666 00:43:49,928 --> 00:43:50,695 - Okay. 667 00:43:51,596 --> 00:43:52,297 - Thank you. 668 00:43:55,467 --> 00:43:59,871 That night, we felt closer to each other than ever before. 669 00:44:00,105 --> 00:44:02,207 But Ecstasy isn't just a love drug. 670 00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:03,975 It's also a truth ser. 671 00:44:04,209 --> 00:44:05,844 I love you so much. 672 00:44:06,077 --> 00:44:07,479 - I love you, too. 673 00:44:07,712 --> 00:44:08,313 - You do? 674 00:44:08,546 --> 00:44:09,180 - I do. 675 00:44:12,584 --> 00:44:16,955 I don't want there to be any secrets between us. 676 00:44:17,188 --> 00:44:18,256 Caveh, I don't. 677 00:44:20,892 --> 00:44:22,627 - I don't either. 678 00:44:22,861 --> 00:44:23,695 - Can I ask you something? 679 00:44:23,928 --> 00:44:25,363 - Yeah. 680 00:44:25,597 --> 00:44:26,231 - You'll tell me the truth? 681 00:44:26,464 --> 00:44:27,165 - Yeah. 682 00:44:28,633 --> 00:44:31,036 There isn't anything that you've never 683 00:44:31,269 --> 00:44:33,171 told me before, is there? 684 00:44:34,272 --> 00:44:36,107 I can take it. 685 00:44:36,341 --> 00:44:38,043 - Yeah, there's one thing. 686 00:44:38,276 --> 00:44:38,877 - What? 687 00:44:39,110 --> 00:44:41,513 I've been wanting to tell you but I've been scared. 688 00:44:41,746 --> 00:44:43,481 - Caveh, you can tell me anything. 689 00:44:43,715 --> 00:44:44,683 - Okay. 690 00:44:44,916 --> 00:44:45,583 Okay. 691 00:44:47,018 --> 00:44:49,287 Sometimes when we're having sex. 692 00:44:49,521 --> 00:44:50,221 - Yeah? 693 00:44:50,455 --> 00:44:52,791 I fantasize about other women. 694 00:44:57,262 --> 00:44:59,931 Christa was devastated by my confession 695 00:45:00,165 --> 00:45:04,469 and became hyper-sensitive about other women. 696 00:45:04,703 --> 00:45:07,305 She would notice them even before I would 697 00:45:07,539 --> 00:45:11,576 and immediately scrutinize my face for any sign of interest. 698 00:45:11,810 --> 00:45:13,511 It was unnerving after a while. 699 00:45:13,745 --> 00:45:15,246 So I tried to be upfront about it. 700 00:45:15,480 --> 00:45:16,781 - She's pretty sexy. 701 00:45:17,015 --> 00:45:19,551 - She's more your type than I am, isn't she? 702 00:45:19,784 --> 00:45:22,020 - What are you talking about? 703 00:45:27,325 --> 00:45:29,360 And then one day I was on my way to meet Christa 704 00:45:29,594 --> 00:45:33,598 for lunch when I decided to stop and get some gas. 705 00:45:41,139 --> 00:45:41,873 There was something about the way 706 00:45:42,107 --> 00:45:45,677 the woman was bending over that turned me on. 707 00:45:56,154 --> 00:45:56,855 - Hi. 708 00:45:57,088 --> 00:45:57,689 I'm really sorry I'm late. 709 00:45:57,922 --> 00:45:58,523 - Caveh, I've been waiting. 710 00:45:58,757 --> 00:45:59,357 - I know, I'm sorry. 711 00:45:59,591 --> 00:46:00,759 I had a little masturbatory episode. 712 00:46:00,992 --> 00:46:01,659 - What? 713 00:46:03,695 --> 00:46:05,797 - I had to stop for gas, and. 714 00:46:06,030 --> 00:46:08,199 - Did you just say a little masturbatory episode? 715 00:46:08,433 --> 00:46:09,167 - Yeah. 716 00:46:09,400 --> 00:46:10,301 I had to stop for gas, and there was 717 00:46:10,535 --> 00:46:12,203 this woman who was kind of bending over 718 00:46:12,437 --> 00:46:15,607 to put gas in her car, and she was really sexy, 719 00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:18,543 and I just got really turned on at 720 00:46:18,777 --> 00:46:20,912 the way she was bending over, 721 00:46:21,146 --> 00:46:23,348 and I stopped at my apartment 722 00:46:23,581 --> 00:46:26,651 so I could, you know, masturbate. 723 00:46:26,885 --> 00:46:27,685 But it was really no big deal. 724 00:46:27,919 --> 00:46:29,020 I just thought I should tell you. 725 00:46:29,254 --> 00:46:29,921 I just. 726 00:46:37,295 --> 00:46:38,263 - I just don't want to talk about it. 727 00:46:38,496 --> 00:46:39,097 - What about truth? 728 00:46:39,330 --> 00:46:40,698 - I don't want you to tell me every single day. 729 00:46:40,932 --> 00:46:42,367 - Don't you want to know the truth? 730 00:46:42,600 --> 00:46:44,369 - I already know these things are happening, Caveh. 731 00:46:44,602 --> 00:46:46,371 I know you. 732 00:46:46,604 --> 00:46:47,205 I understand you. 733 00:46:47,438 --> 00:46:49,674 And believe me, it will be much better with us. 734 00:46:49,908 --> 00:46:50,909 Don't tell me. 735 00:46:52,610 --> 00:46:54,312 I don't want to know. 736 00:46:54,546 --> 00:46:55,146 - Okay, fine. 737 00:46:55,380 --> 00:46:56,548 - Don't tell me. 738 00:46:59,150 --> 00:47:00,552 - And then one night I happened to watch 739 00:47:00,785 --> 00:47:03,388 a news program on massage parlors. 740 00:47:03,621 --> 00:47:05,356 - Vice investigators say they've recently 741 00:47:05,590 --> 00:47:09,427 found seven brothels masquerading as massage parlors. 742 00:47:09,661 --> 00:47:12,530 Police say these busts are just the tip of the iceberg 743 00:47:12,764 --> 00:47:14,199 and that many massage parlors 744 00:47:14,432 --> 00:47:17,302 are actually fronts for prostitution. 745 00:47:17,535 --> 00:47:21,706 This is Maya Ellington reporting for Channel 3 News. 746 00:47:33,985 --> 00:47:35,420 - Want a massage? 747 00:47:36,321 --> 00:47:37,088 - Yeah. 748 00:47:38,656 --> 00:47:39,424 How much? 749 00:47:40,491 --> 00:47:42,994 - Forty dollars for half-hour. 750 00:47:44,863 --> 00:47:46,931 - Does that include everything? 751 00:47:47,165 --> 00:47:49,434 - That includes a half-hour. 752 00:47:51,135 --> 00:47:52,604 - Who gives the massages? 753 00:47:52,837 --> 00:47:54,339 - Different girls. 754 00:47:54,572 --> 00:47:55,306 - Are you one of them? 755 00:47:55,540 --> 00:47:56,207 - No. 756 00:47:58,076 --> 00:47:59,944 - Can I see what they look like? 757 00:48:00,178 --> 00:48:00,778 - No. 758 00:48:01,012 --> 00:48:02,680 You have to pay first. 759 00:48:05,350 --> 00:48:07,552 Get out of here! 760 00:48:07,785 --> 00:48:08,386 - I'm sorry. 761 00:48:08,620 --> 00:48:09,220 - Get out of here! 762 00:48:09,454 --> 00:48:10,088 - I'm sorry. 763 00:48:10,321 --> 00:48:12,123 - You get out of here! 764 00:48:12,357 --> 00:48:13,524 Get out of here! 765 00:48:16,194 --> 00:48:19,464 - I visited every massage parlor in L.A. 766 00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:24,502 At first, it turned me on just to grab 767 00:48:24,736 --> 00:48:28,840 the receptionists' breasts and get thrown out. 768 00:48:29,073 --> 00:48:33,811 But after a while, even this was no longer exciting enough. 769 00:48:35,113 --> 00:48:37,615 And then one day I had an idea. 770 00:48:47,492 --> 00:48:48,626 I think maybe the reason I haven't 771 00:48:48,860 --> 00:48:51,362 been able to get over my prostitute fetish is 772 00:48:51,596 --> 00:48:54,866 because I've never really gone all the way with one. 773 00:48:55,099 --> 00:48:56,034 - What do you mean? 774 00:48:56,267 --> 00:48:59,070 - Greg was my best friend at the time. 775 00:48:59,304 --> 00:49:01,306 We had met at UCLA and had made 776 00:49:01,539 --> 00:49:03,808 a few student films together. 777 00:49:04,042 --> 00:49:05,710 I mean, I've never really treated 778 00:49:05,944 --> 00:49:08,012 one the way I do in my fantasies. 779 00:49:08,246 --> 00:49:09,514 - Which is how? 780 00:49:09,747 --> 00:49:11,549 - Which is pretty violent. 781 00:49:11,783 --> 00:49:15,420 Like in my fantasies I'll grab whoever it is by the hair 782 00:49:15,653 --> 00:49:18,089 and I'll make her say things like I wanna suck your dick 783 00:49:18,323 --> 00:49:22,293 and stuff, and maybe call her a bitch or a slut, 784 00:49:22,527 --> 00:49:23,761 and then start fucking her really hard 785 00:49:23,995 --> 00:49:26,230 in the mouth and make her gag and stuff. 786 00:49:26,464 --> 00:49:27,632 - Interesting. 787 00:49:27,865 --> 00:49:30,401 - But in real life, I've never done that. 788 00:49:30,635 --> 00:49:31,302 - Why not? 789 00:49:32,437 --> 00:49:35,239 - Because I want them to like me. 790 00:49:35,473 --> 00:49:36,140 - I see. 791 00:49:37,241 --> 00:49:38,676 - So what I'm thinking is that maybe 792 00:49:38,910 --> 00:49:41,412 if I went to a prostitute one last time 793 00:49:41,646 --> 00:49:44,782 and just did everything I always fantasize about doing, 794 00:49:45,016 --> 00:49:47,251 then I think maybe I could 795 00:49:47,485 --> 00:49:49,721 get it out of my system once and for all. 796 00:49:49,954 --> 00:49:52,790 - Will they let you do those things? 797 00:49:53,925 --> 00:49:54,759 - I assume. 798 00:49:57,462 --> 00:49:59,998 - Sounds like it's worth a try. 799 00:50:01,699 --> 00:50:03,267 - It is, right? 800 00:50:03,501 --> 00:50:05,169 - Yeah, give it a try. 801 00:50:06,337 --> 00:50:08,940 - But I couldn't do it behind Christa's back. 802 00:50:09,173 --> 00:50:11,743 I mean, I had to tell her, right? 803 00:50:13,311 --> 00:50:14,712 - Are you serious? 804 00:50:14,946 --> 00:50:16,614 - Christa, I can't keep repressing my lust. 805 00:50:16,848 --> 00:50:17,482 It's not healthy. 806 00:50:17,715 --> 00:50:18,282 - What do you want me to do? 807 00:50:18,516 --> 00:50:19,317 Say okay? 808 00:50:19,550 --> 00:50:20,151 - Yeah. 809 00:50:20,385 --> 00:50:20,985 - Well, it's not okay. 810 00:50:21,219 --> 00:50:23,821 If you have sex with a prostitute, it's over between us! 811 00:50:24,055 --> 00:50:25,523 - Christa, please, try to understand. 812 00:50:25,757 --> 00:50:27,025 It's just something that I have to do. 813 00:50:27,258 --> 00:50:28,192 - I can't believe you'd be willing 814 00:50:28,426 --> 00:50:29,827 to sacrifice our relationship 815 00:50:30,061 --> 00:50:32,630 just in order to fulfill some sick fantasy! 816 00:50:32,864 --> 00:50:34,766 - I have no intention of sacrificing our relationship. 817 00:50:34,999 --> 00:50:38,903 I'd be doing this to strengthen our relationship. 818 00:50:40,038 --> 00:50:42,807 Christa, how is this constructive? 819 00:50:45,143 --> 00:50:48,246 The last thing I wanted was to lose Christa, 820 00:50:48,479 --> 00:50:51,215 so I decided to get professional help. 821 00:50:51,449 --> 00:50:55,787 My mother had like a phobia about changing my diapers. 822 00:50:56,821 --> 00:51:01,092 So she had like this aversion to, you know, diapers. 823 00:51:03,728 --> 00:51:06,731 - Any recent dreams you can remember? 824 00:51:08,166 --> 00:51:12,503 - I had this dream where I was sitting on the toilet, 825 00:51:13,571 --> 00:51:16,374 and then I was getting smaller and smaller, 826 00:51:16,607 --> 00:51:18,009 and then I fell in. 827 00:51:22,346 --> 00:51:24,182 I need you, Mommy! 828 00:51:24,415 --> 00:51:24,982 - Louder. 829 00:51:25,216 --> 00:51:26,617 - I need you, Mommy! 830 00:51:26,851 --> 00:51:27,452 - Harder. 831 00:51:27,685 --> 00:51:28,886 - I need you, Mommy! 832 00:51:29,120 --> 00:51:29,720 - That's it. 833 00:51:29,954 --> 00:51:30,922 - I need you, Mommy! 834 00:51:31,155 --> 00:51:31,756 - That's it. 835 00:51:31,989 --> 00:51:32,990 - I need you, Mommy! 836 00:51:33,224 --> 00:51:33,891 - Louder! 837 00:51:34,125 --> 00:51:35,626 - I need you, Mommy! 838 00:51:37,228 --> 00:51:40,064 But none of it seemed to help. 839 00:51:40,298 --> 00:51:43,868 Finally, after weeks of struggling to resist, I 840 00:51:44,102 --> 00:51:45,703 decided to do what I had been struggling for weeks 841 00:51:45,937 --> 00:51:49,340 not to do, even if it meant losing Christa. 842 00:51:58,816 --> 00:52:00,184 Take off clothes. 843 00:52:01,319 --> 00:52:02,086 - Suck me. 844 00:52:03,254 --> 00:52:05,056 - You give me money? 845 00:52:05,289 --> 00:52:06,057 - Oh, yeah. 846 00:52:07,024 --> 00:52:11,929 Um, twenty now, and twenty later if you do everything I say. 847 00:52:15,633 --> 00:52:16,901 No, standing up. 848 00:52:22,306 --> 00:52:23,074 Yeah. 849 00:52:27,512 --> 00:52:28,279 Yeah. 850 00:52:29,380 --> 00:52:30,081 Oh, wait. 851 00:52:30,314 --> 00:52:31,949 First say, I wanna suck your dick. 852 00:52:32,183 --> 00:52:32,783 No, wait. 853 00:52:33,017 --> 00:52:35,686 First say, I wanna suck your dick. 854 00:52:36,721 --> 00:52:39,323 No understand very good English. 855 00:52:41,159 --> 00:52:43,761 - Say, I want to suck your dick. 856 00:52:48,432 --> 00:52:49,700 - No understand. 857 00:52:51,569 --> 00:52:52,370 - Say I. 858 00:52:54,005 --> 00:52:54,705 No, wait. 859 00:52:54,939 --> 00:52:56,174 Say I. 860 00:52:56,407 --> 00:52:57,041 I. 861 00:52:58,209 --> 00:52:58,910 Say I. 862 00:52:59,143 --> 00:53:01,145 I. 863 00:53:02,413 --> 00:53:03,114 I. 864 00:53:03,347 --> 00:53:03,948 Say I. 865 00:53:04,182 --> 00:53:04,815 I. 866 00:53:05,049 --> 00:53:05,716 Say I. 867 00:53:07,685 --> 00:53:09,987 The fact that she had no idea what I was saying 868 00:53:10,221 --> 00:53:12,823 took a lot of the thrill out of it. 869 00:53:13,057 --> 00:53:14,959 Okay, fine, just suck it. 870 00:53:21,799 --> 00:53:22,700 Oh, yeah. 871 00:53:22,934 --> 00:53:23,901 Yeah. 872 00:53:24,135 --> 00:53:24,869 Suck it. 873 00:53:25,102 --> 00:53:27,038 Yeah, suck it, you bitch. 874 00:53:28,206 --> 00:53:29,807 Yeah, suck it, slut. 875 00:53:31,142 --> 00:53:32,376 Yeah. 876 00:53:32,610 --> 00:53:37,415 Oh, yeah, you love it, don't you? 877 00:53:37,648 --> 00:53:39,150 You little slut. 878 00:53:39,383 --> 00:53:42,853 Hold on, hold on. 879 00:53:46,357 --> 00:53:48,326 Stand over here. 880 00:53:48,559 --> 00:53:49,293 Get over here. 881 00:53:49,527 --> 00:53:50,194 Yeah. 882 00:54:10,314 --> 00:54:14,051 Afterwards, the most amazing thing happened. 883 00:54:14,285 --> 00:54:17,188 She patted me affectionately on the butt and said. 884 00:54:17,421 --> 00:54:18,322 - Come again. 885 00:54:24,295 --> 00:54:25,630 - I had gone there to express that part 886 00:54:25,863 --> 00:54:28,299 of myself which I was most ashamed of, 887 00:54:28,532 --> 00:54:29,900 and yet she had smiled at me afterwards 888 00:54:30,134 --> 00:54:32,570 with acceptance and compassion. 889 00:54:33,537 --> 00:54:36,440 I felt that I had just had a mystical experience 890 00:54:36,674 --> 00:54:41,112 and that something inside me had finally changed. 891 00:54:41,345 --> 00:54:43,848 That night I went over to Christa's to tell her 892 00:54:44,081 --> 00:54:46,917 that I was ready to be in a committed relationship. 893 00:54:47,151 --> 00:54:47,785 - What do you want? 894 00:54:48,019 --> 00:54:50,288 - I want to get back together. 895 00:54:52,256 --> 00:54:53,224 Christa was understandably 896 00:54:53,457 --> 00:54:55,660 skeptical about my transformation. 897 00:55:00,531 --> 00:55:02,566 But I eventually managed to convince her 898 00:55:02,800 --> 00:55:04,702 that I was finally cured. 899 00:55:07,338 --> 00:55:09,273 Now at this point in the film, 900 00:55:09,507 --> 00:55:10,141 there's supposed to be a scene 901 00:55:10,374 --> 00:55:12,877 in which Christa is giving me a blow job. 902 00:55:13,110 --> 00:55:15,513 Not a real blow job, a fake blow job. 903 00:55:15,746 --> 00:55:20,551 But the actress playing Christa has refused to do the scene. 904 00:55:21,152 --> 00:55:26,090 Do you feel like it's domineering or something to women? 905 00:55:26,324 --> 00:55:28,726 - No, it's just something that 906 00:55:28,959 --> 00:55:32,129 I'm not comfortable with doing on screen. 907 00:55:32,363 --> 00:55:34,098 - Could you please do it anyway? 908 00:55:34,332 --> 00:55:35,232 - No. 909 00:55:35,466 --> 00:55:36,534 - So if you could just imagine 910 00:55:36,767 --> 00:55:38,669 that she's giving me a blow job, 911 00:55:38,903 --> 00:55:43,474 and if you could also imagine the following voice-over. 912 00:55:43,708 --> 00:55:46,711 And sex suddenly became very different. 913 00:55:46,944 --> 00:55:49,747 Instead of fantasizing that Christa was a stranger, 914 00:55:49,980 --> 00:55:53,651 I tried to just be present to what was happening. 915 00:55:53,884 --> 00:55:55,786 And it was overwhelming. 916 00:55:56,020 --> 00:55:57,855 I felt almost too loved. 917 00:55:58,856 --> 00:56:01,359 I couldn't believe that another human being 918 00:56:01,592 --> 00:56:05,129 could love me enough to actually want to take my penis, 919 00:56:05,363 --> 00:56:08,299 which I had always considered ugly and dirty, 920 00:56:08,532 --> 00:56:13,037 into her mouth, or would be willing to swallow my semen. 921 00:56:19,844 --> 00:56:20,811 Hey, sweetie. 922 00:56:21,045 --> 00:56:21,645 - Hi. 923 00:56:21,879 --> 00:56:22,980 - I missed you. 924 00:56:23,214 --> 00:56:24,882 How's it going? 925 00:56:25,116 --> 00:56:26,584 - All right. 926 00:56:26,817 --> 00:56:28,719 - Why, what's the matter? 927 00:56:31,255 --> 00:56:35,126 - There's something I have to tell you. 928 00:56:35,359 --> 00:56:36,026 - What? 929 00:56:38,896 --> 00:56:40,030 - Remember I told you I was going 930 00:56:40,264 --> 00:56:42,400 to see a movie with Robby tonight? 931 00:56:42,633 --> 00:56:43,300 - Yeah. 932 00:56:46,370 --> 00:56:47,138 - Well. 933 00:56:49,774 --> 00:56:50,641 Afterwards. 934 00:56:53,778 --> 00:56:57,648 I couldn't help myself, and we started making out. 935 00:56:57,882 --> 00:57:00,351 - What do you mean you couldn't help yourself? 936 00:57:00,584 --> 00:57:01,185 - I don't know. 937 00:57:01,419 --> 00:57:02,019 It just happened. 938 00:57:02,253 --> 00:57:05,222 I wasn't planning it or anything. 939 00:57:05,456 --> 00:57:08,526 - What do you mean by making out? 940 00:57:08,759 --> 00:57:11,262 - We just like kissed and stuff. 941 00:57:12,363 --> 00:57:15,366 - What do you mean and stuff? 942 00:57:15,599 --> 00:57:18,202 - We just fooled around a little. 943 00:57:20,971 --> 00:57:22,973 - And then what happened? 944 00:57:23,874 --> 00:57:26,610 - I'm supposed to see him tomorrow night for dinner. 945 00:57:26,844 --> 00:57:27,878 But I'm going to tell him I made a mistake 946 00:57:28,112 --> 00:57:31,282 and I can't keep seeing him in that way. 947 00:57:32,550 --> 00:57:33,884 Caveh, I'm sorry. 948 00:57:40,825 --> 00:57:43,160 - I felt incredibly jealous, 949 00:57:43,394 --> 00:57:46,997 but I tried my best to transcend my feelings. 950 00:57:47,932 --> 00:57:49,066 I can't do this. 951 00:57:49,300 --> 00:57:51,402 I feel like I'm kissing Robby. 952 00:57:51,635 --> 00:57:55,072 I feel I can taste his saliva in your mouth. 953 00:57:55,306 --> 00:57:55,940 - Well, how do you think I feel 954 00:57:56,173 --> 00:57:59,009 when you have sex with a prostitute? 955 00:58:02,279 --> 00:58:03,981 - I could see her point, 956 00:58:04,215 --> 00:58:05,382 and I knew that I had no right to be jealous 957 00:58:05,616 --> 00:58:07,518 after everything that I had put her through. 958 00:58:07,751 --> 00:58:10,254 But I just couldn't help myself. 959 00:58:11,856 --> 00:58:13,624 That night, I called Robby at three in the morning 960 00:58:13,858 --> 00:58:15,125 and I asked him as a personal favor 961 00:58:15,359 --> 00:58:17,962 to me to please stop making out with Christa. 962 00:58:18,195 --> 00:58:19,196 And he agreed. 963 00:58:20,431 --> 00:58:21,565 Thanks, Robby. 964 00:58:21,799 --> 00:58:23,868 I really appreciate it. 965 00:58:24,101 --> 00:58:25,436 But he lied. 966 00:58:25,669 --> 00:58:27,371 They made out again the next night. 967 00:58:27,605 --> 00:58:28,806 You promised you wouldn't. 968 00:58:29,039 --> 00:58:29,640 - I know. 969 00:58:29,874 --> 00:58:30,941 I'm sorry. 970 00:58:31,175 --> 00:58:32,877 - What were you thinking, Christa? 971 00:58:33,110 --> 00:58:33,711 - I don't know. 972 00:58:33,944 --> 00:58:36,113 I just couldn't help myself. 973 00:58:37,715 --> 00:58:40,718 - She was starting to sound like me. 974 00:58:40,951 --> 00:58:43,153 Christa continued to spend time with Robby, 975 00:58:43,387 --> 00:58:46,724 and I just got more and more jealous, more and more needy, 976 00:58:46,957 --> 00:58:49,059 and more and more insecure. 977 00:58:50,694 --> 00:58:53,364 So we started going to couples therapy. 978 00:58:53,597 --> 00:58:57,167 - So, Caveh, what are you thinking right now? 979 00:59:02,973 --> 00:59:06,477 - I was thinking that I'm attracted to you. 980 00:59:10,514 --> 00:59:13,617 Meanwhile, our fighting started to escalate out of control. 981 00:59:16,921 --> 00:59:18,455 And before I knew it, my desire 982 00:59:18,689 --> 00:59:22,092 to have sex with a prostitute had returned. 983 00:59:28,365 --> 00:59:29,099 How much? 984 00:59:29,333 --> 00:59:30,401 - What do you want? 985 00:59:30,634 --> 00:59:31,735 - How much for a blow job? 986 00:59:31,969 --> 00:59:32,736 - 50 bucks. 987 00:59:33,871 --> 00:59:35,806 - Let me think about it. 988 00:59:43,080 --> 00:59:47,117 After that night, I started cruising regularly, 989 00:59:47,351 --> 00:59:48,953 sometimes until dawn. 990 00:59:51,956 --> 00:59:53,657 And then I met Devin. 991 00:59:55,826 --> 00:59:57,227 - Fuck. 992 00:59:57,461 --> 00:59:59,763 - I had been invited by the Austin Film Society 993 00:59:59,997 --> 01:00:03,634 to show a film that Greg and I had co-directed. 994 01:00:03,867 --> 01:00:05,603 Devin was one of the organizers. 995 01:00:05,836 --> 01:00:06,503 - Hey. 996 01:00:08,072 --> 01:00:11,241 - That night we ended up getting stoned together, 997 01:00:11,475 --> 01:00:14,011 and I found myself suddenly feeling very attracted to her. 998 01:00:21,485 --> 01:00:23,921 And then on my last day in Austin, 999 01:00:24,154 --> 01:00:27,157 we decided to take mushrooms together. 1000 01:00:47,911 --> 01:00:49,213 Tripping with Devin was one of the 1001 01:00:49,446 --> 01:00:52,349 most mystical experiences of my life. 1002 01:00:55,085 --> 01:00:56,620 I felt like we understood each other in a way 1003 01:00:56,854 --> 01:00:59,189 that I had never thought possible between two people. 1004 01:01:14,405 --> 01:01:17,041 After we came down, I told her the whole story 1005 01:01:17,274 --> 01:01:19,276 of my relationship with Christa. 1006 01:01:19,510 --> 01:01:21,912 You know, I bet she's probably fucking Robby right now. 1007 01:01:22,146 --> 01:01:23,914 - Caveh, you're crazy. 1008 01:01:24,148 --> 01:01:24,848 - Why am I crazy? 1009 01:01:25,082 --> 01:01:26,717 - Because you should be happy for her. 1010 01:01:26,950 --> 01:01:29,720 You should hope she's having a good fuck. 1011 01:01:29,953 --> 01:01:31,588 - You know, you're right. 1012 01:01:31,822 --> 01:01:32,690 I should. 1013 01:01:32,923 --> 01:01:34,858 You know, I don't even believe in monogamy. 1014 01:01:35,092 --> 01:01:37,094 - Fuck, man, neither do I. 1015 01:01:39,730 --> 01:01:41,331 - It seemed to me that I had finally found 1016 01:01:41,565 --> 01:01:44,501 the soul mate that I had been searching for all my life. 1017 01:01:44,735 --> 01:01:46,070 Ow! 1018 01:01:46,303 --> 01:01:47,237 What are you doing? 1019 01:01:47,471 --> 01:01:49,473 You see, there's this person here, his name is Caveh. 1020 01:01:49,707 --> 01:01:50,307 He's real. 1021 01:01:50,541 --> 01:01:51,208 He exists. 1022 01:01:53,010 --> 01:01:54,144 - You mean me? 1023 01:01:54,378 --> 01:01:56,046 - Yeah, I mean you. 1024 01:01:56,280 --> 01:01:59,950 Look, as noble as it is to try to sacrifice yourself 1025 01:02:00,184 --> 01:02:01,218 and your needs for her, you have 1026 01:02:01,452 --> 01:02:04,788 to be true to yourself because you're real, too. 1027 01:02:05,022 --> 01:02:08,592 - But the problem is I can't stand to hurt her. 1028 01:02:08,826 --> 01:02:10,861 - You're hurting her more by prolonging a relationship 1029 01:02:11,095 --> 01:02:15,032 that isn't working than by ending it right now. 1030 01:02:15,265 --> 01:02:17,501 - Yeah, but I'm also scared. 1031 01:02:17,735 --> 01:02:20,537 I'm afraid of being lonely and horny 1032 01:02:22,172 --> 01:02:25,275 and desperate and always on the prowl. 1033 01:02:26,176 --> 01:02:27,611 I hate that. 1034 01:02:27,845 --> 01:02:28,579 - Those don't sound like very good 1035 01:02:28,812 --> 01:02:31,048 reasons for staying together. 1036 01:02:32,382 --> 01:02:33,584 - You're right. 1037 01:02:37,254 --> 01:02:39,256 I agreed with everything she said, 1038 01:02:39,490 --> 01:02:41,191 but I wondered whether Devin would be able to accept 1039 01:02:41,425 --> 01:02:45,429 my prostitute fetish any better than Christa. 1040 01:02:45,662 --> 01:02:46,663 But Christa's really been trying. 1041 01:02:46,897 --> 01:02:48,866 I mean, I'm fucked up, too. 1042 01:02:49,099 --> 01:02:53,036 Like, for example, I have this prostitute fetish. 1043 01:02:54,605 --> 01:02:55,739 - Big fucking deal. 1044 01:02:55,973 --> 01:02:59,176 Everybody's got stuff like that. 1045 01:02:59,409 --> 01:03:02,913 - When Devin said those words, it suddenly struck me that 1046 01:03:03,147 --> 01:03:06,283 it wasn't my prostitute fetish that was the problem. 1047 01:03:06,517 --> 01:03:09,019 It was Christa that was the problem. 1048 01:03:23,300 --> 01:03:25,135 On the way back to L.A. 1049 01:03:25,369 --> 01:03:28,806 I made up my mind to break up with Christa. 1050 01:03:29,907 --> 01:03:34,011 We had been together for 3 and a half years. 1051 01:03:34,244 --> 01:03:36,346 This is the real Christa. 1052 01:03:36,580 --> 01:03:38,649 For the first few years after our break-up 1053 01:03:38,882 --> 01:03:41,018 we weren't on the best of terms. 1054 01:03:41,251 --> 01:03:43,754 But now things are better between us. 1055 01:03:43,987 --> 01:03:48,091 She's since gotten married and recently had a baby. 1056 01:03:55,132 --> 01:04:00,070 After the break-up, I couldn't stop thinking about Devin. 1057 01:04:00,571 --> 01:04:04,241 For the next month, I wrote to her every day. 1058 01:04:05,175 --> 01:04:07,010 And when I received an invitation from two European 1059 01:04:07,244 --> 01:04:10,914 film festivals, I invited Devin to come along. 1060 01:04:16,520 --> 01:04:19,756 Our first few days together were idyllic. 1061 01:04:22,159 --> 01:04:25,162 But then things got more complicated. 1062 01:04:33,170 --> 01:04:34,972 - I think she likes you. 1063 01:04:35,205 --> 01:04:36,206 - You think? 1064 01:04:36,440 --> 01:04:37,541 - Definitely. 1065 01:04:37,774 --> 01:04:38,375 - I don't know. 1066 01:04:38,609 --> 01:04:39,443 She's not really my type. 1067 01:04:39,676 --> 01:04:40,677 Not slutty enough. 1068 01:04:40,911 --> 01:04:41,879 - Yeah, right. 1069 01:04:48,552 --> 01:04:50,888 You know, if you want to see prostitutes 1070 01:04:51,121 --> 01:04:53,624 while we're in Europe, feel free. 1071 01:04:53,857 --> 01:04:55,025 You can just go, hey, Devin, 1072 01:04:55,259 --> 01:04:58,595 catch you later, and go and do your thing. 1073 01:05:00,898 --> 01:05:03,433 - You know, I was thinking about what you said earlier, 1074 01:05:03,667 --> 01:05:06,036 and I just wanted to say that I really 1075 01:05:06,270 --> 01:05:09,740 do want to get over my prostitute fetish. 1076 01:05:09,973 --> 01:05:11,074 You know, I do. 1077 01:05:11,308 --> 01:05:14,378 But it did occur to me that maybe if I could get you 1078 01:05:14,611 --> 01:05:16,947 to watch while I had sex with one, 1079 01:05:17,180 --> 01:05:19,283 that might be really healing for me. 1080 01:05:27,991 --> 01:05:31,128 - Caveh, that would be so intense for me. 1081 01:05:31,361 --> 01:05:32,029 - Really? 1082 01:05:33,597 --> 01:05:34,965 - Yeah, it would. 1083 01:05:36,633 --> 01:05:40,237 - It's just that like a lot of it has to do with shame, 1084 01:05:40,470 --> 01:05:43,740 and I think that if you were watching, 1085 01:05:43,974 --> 01:05:46,677 then it would be something that we were doing together. 1086 01:05:46,910 --> 01:05:48,679 And then I think that might help me 1087 01:05:48,912 --> 01:05:51,848 to not feel so much shame about it, 1088 01:05:52,082 --> 01:05:54,318 and then hopefully like I wouldn't 1089 01:05:54,551 --> 01:05:56,353 feel the need to do it as much. 1090 01:05:57,421 --> 01:05:59,723 The next day we rented a car and drove to Milan 1091 01:05:59,957 --> 01:06:03,360 to see Leonardo da Vinci's The Last Supper. 1092 01:06:04,628 --> 01:06:06,229 - Hey, a prostitute! 1093 01:06:07,931 --> 01:06:10,033 - Do you want to stop and check her out? 1094 01:06:10,267 --> 01:06:11,335 - I don't know. 1095 01:06:15,005 --> 01:06:16,373 Well, if you don't mind. 1096 01:06:16,606 --> 01:06:17,841 - Nah, go for it. 1097 01:06:44,835 --> 01:06:46,837 - So what do you think? 1098 01:06:47,070 --> 01:06:48,472 Do you wanna watch? 1099 01:06:49,506 --> 01:06:52,909 - If it's really important to you, I will. 1100 01:06:53,977 --> 01:06:55,912 - Thanks, Devin. 1101 01:06:56,146 --> 01:06:57,914 I really appreciate it. 1102 01:07:11,828 --> 01:07:14,031 - She doesn't want you to watch. 1103 01:07:14,264 --> 01:07:16,433 - So what do you want to do? 1104 01:07:17,801 --> 01:07:18,969 - I don't know. 1105 01:07:23,173 --> 01:07:24,608 Let's just go. 1106 01:07:24,841 --> 01:07:25,509 - Okay. 1107 01:07:46,363 --> 01:07:48,031 - On our last day in Italy, 1108 01:07:48,265 --> 01:07:51,435 I saw the girl from the boardwalk again. 1109 01:07:58,875 --> 01:08:00,844 Her name was Paola, and it turned out 1110 01:08:01,078 --> 01:08:03,680 that she was an aspiring actress. 1111 01:08:03,914 --> 01:08:06,650 She had seen my movie and liked it. 1112 01:08:11,588 --> 01:08:12,956 - Hey. 1113 01:08:13,190 --> 01:08:13,857 - Hey. 1114 01:08:15,092 --> 01:08:15,892 - How'd it go? 1115 01:08:16,126 --> 01:08:16,793 - Great. 1116 01:08:17,027 --> 01:08:17,694 She gave me her shoes. 1117 01:08:17,928 --> 01:08:18,628 - No way. 1118 01:08:18,862 --> 01:08:19,463 Cool. 1119 01:08:19,696 --> 01:08:20,263 - Yeah, she saw my movie. 1120 01:08:20,497 --> 01:08:21,131 We kissed. 1121 01:08:21,364 --> 01:08:22,099 - You kissed? 1122 01:08:22,332 --> 01:08:23,600 Lucky you. 1123 01:08:23,834 --> 01:08:25,035 - It was an okay kiss. 1124 01:08:25,268 --> 01:08:25,936 Not like yours. 1125 01:08:26,169 --> 01:08:26,837 - Ohh. 1126 01:08:28,805 --> 01:08:30,740 Did you even notice how I kept on riding 1127 01:08:30,974 --> 01:08:33,243 when you decided to go and check her out? 1128 01:08:33,477 --> 01:08:34,411 - No, I guess I didn't. 1129 01:08:34,644 --> 01:08:35,479 - Yeah. 1130 01:08:35,712 --> 01:08:36,313 I just wanted to point it out 1131 01:08:36,546 --> 01:08:38,482 'cause I don't think most girlfriends would have done that, 1132 01:08:38,715 --> 01:08:41,017 just take off and let you do your thing. 1133 01:08:41,251 --> 01:08:43,120 - Yeah, I guess you're right. 1134 01:08:43,353 --> 01:08:45,255 - I'd just like a little appreciation, 1135 01:08:45,489 --> 01:08:47,824 'cause most girlfriends wouldn't stand for it, 1136 01:08:48,058 --> 01:08:49,693 let alone make it easier for you. 1137 01:08:49,926 --> 01:08:50,527 - Yeah, that's true. 1138 01:08:50,760 --> 01:08:51,495 Thanks, Devin. 1139 01:08:51,728 --> 01:08:52,329 - Yeah, right. 1140 01:08:52,562 --> 01:08:54,297 - No, I really appreciate it. 1141 01:08:54,531 --> 01:08:55,198 - Yeah. 1142 01:08:56,233 --> 01:08:58,001 But just do me one favor, okay? 1143 01:08:58,235 --> 01:08:58,835 - What? 1144 01:08:59,069 --> 01:08:59,669 - Just one. 1145 01:08:59,903 --> 01:09:00,504 - Okay. 1146 01:09:00,737 --> 01:09:04,007 - Just don't fuck her in our bed, okay? 1147 01:09:04,241 --> 01:09:04,908 - Okay. 1148 01:09:06,343 --> 01:09:08,478 I was surprised that she would care, 1149 01:09:08,712 --> 01:09:12,382 but I chose to be touched rather than alarmed. 1150 01:09:14,518 --> 01:09:15,619 Paola had invited me to have 1151 01:09:15,852 --> 01:09:19,122 a drink with her and her friends that night. 1152 01:09:19,356 --> 01:09:21,625 I had asked Devin if she wanted to come along, 1153 01:09:21,858 --> 01:09:25,162 secretly hoping she would decline. 1154 01:09:25,395 --> 01:09:27,164 But she didn't decline. 1155 01:09:28,465 --> 01:09:30,600 I couldn't decide where to sit, 1156 01:09:30,834 --> 01:09:32,636 I wanted to sit next to Paola, 1157 01:09:32,869 --> 01:09:36,540 but I felt I should sit next to Devin. 1158 01:09:36,773 --> 01:09:39,609 I decided to compromise by sitting next to neither, 1159 01:09:39,843 --> 01:09:42,012 thereby remaining equidistant from both, 1160 01:09:42,245 --> 01:09:44,514 like Christ in da Vinci's The Last Supper. 1161 01:09:58,028 --> 01:09:59,462 - I'm going to head back to the hotel. 1162 01:09:59,696 --> 01:10:01,264 I'll see you later. 1163 01:10:01,498 --> 01:10:02,899 - Don't you want to go swimming? 1164 01:10:03,133 --> 01:10:04,267 - No. 1165 01:10:04,501 --> 01:10:07,404 Why don't you go with your Italian friend? 1166 01:10:07,637 --> 01:10:09,673 - I'd rather go with you. 1167 01:10:09,906 --> 01:10:11,308 - Nah, go with her. 1168 01:10:12,342 --> 01:10:13,243 See ya. 1169 01:10:30,660 --> 01:10:32,162 - Are you sure you don't want to swim naked? 1170 01:10:32,395 --> 01:10:33,563 - Yes, I'm sure. 1171 01:10:34,664 --> 01:10:36,299 - No, it'll be fun. 1172 01:10:36,533 --> 01:10:37,467 - No. 1173 01:10:37,701 --> 01:10:38,368 - Really. 1174 01:10:45,242 --> 01:10:46,743 Are you sure you don't want to sleep together? 1175 01:10:46,977 --> 01:10:48,511 - Yes, I'm sure. 1176 01:10:48,745 --> 01:10:50,513 But maybe when you come to Torino. 1177 01:10:50,747 --> 01:10:52,282 - Great, I'll probably be old by then. 1178 01:10:52,515 --> 01:10:54,050 - I'll write to you. 1179 01:10:55,518 --> 01:10:56,886 - Okay. 1180 01:10:57,120 --> 01:10:58,622 - And if ever you need someone to act 1181 01:10:58,855 --> 01:11:02,259 in one of your movies, just give me a call. 1182 01:11:03,360 --> 01:11:05,595 - That was the line that made me hate myself. 1183 01:11:05,829 --> 01:11:06,896 Okay. 1184 01:11:07,130 --> 01:11:10,734 I felt like a sleazy Hollywood film director. 1185 01:11:15,505 --> 01:11:19,843 On the way home, I had a nightmarish vision of my future. 1186 01:11:20,076 --> 01:11:24,180 I saw myself 20 years later, aging and still alone. 1187 01:11:28,051 --> 01:11:29,953 By the time I got back to the hotel, 1188 01:11:30,186 --> 01:11:33,623 I was feeling empty and depressed. 1189 01:11:33,857 --> 01:11:36,192 All I wanted was to get into bed 1190 01:11:36,426 --> 01:11:38,662 and snuggle up next to Devin. 1191 01:11:49,773 --> 01:11:50,440 Devin! 1192 01:11:54,511 --> 01:11:55,278 Devin! 1193 01:12:07,724 --> 01:12:09,092 - So did you fuck her? 1194 01:12:09,326 --> 01:12:10,427 - No, I didn't. 1195 01:12:10,660 --> 01:12:11,261 - Why not? 1196 01:12:11,494 --> 01:12:12,829 She wanted you. 1197 01:12:13,063 --> 01:12:14,964 - Not enough, apparently. 1198 01:12:15,899 --> 01:12:18,835 - Well, I almost fucked somebody. 1199 01:12:19,069 --> 01:12:20,303 - Who? 1200 01:12:20,537 --> 01:12:22,906 - Some dude that I met in a bar. 1201 01:12:23,139 --> 01:12:24,441 Here. 1202 01:12:24,674 --> 01:12:25,342 Sorry. 1203 01:12:27,477 --> 01:12:29,612 - I felt jealous and insecure, 1204 01:12:29,846 --> 01:12:30,880 but I wanted to believe that Devin 1205 01:12:31,114 --> 01:12:32,515 and I were engaged in a high-minded 1206 01:12:32,749 --> 01:12:35,318 experiment in self-transcendence. 1207 01:12:37,887 --> 01:12:40,557 The next day we flew to Munich. 1208 01:12:42,926 --> 01:12:46,429 - Fuck, I've got such a fucking hangover. 1209 01:12:46,663 --> 01:12:49,899 Excuse me, miss, can I have a scotch, please? 1210 01:12:50,133 --> 01:12:50,734 - One scotch? 1211 01:12:50,967 --> 01:12:51,634 - Yeah. 1212 01:12:54,504 --> 01:12:55,638 - I thought you had a hangover. 1213 01:12:55,872 --> 01:12:56,539 - I do. 1214 01:12:56,773 --> 01:12:58,942 That's why I need a drink. 1215 01:12:59,175 --> 01:13:00,643 - Is that a good idea? 1216 01:13:00,877 --> 01:13:02,379 - It's the only way. 1217 01:13:05,415 --> 01:13:06,549 It's true. 1218 01:13:06,783 --> 01:13:08,451 I know what I'm doing. 1219 01:13:10,186 --> 01:13:10,954 - Okay. 1220 01:13:12,655 --> 01:13:14,224 - But this is my last drink. 1221 01:13:14,457 --> 01:13:15,125 I promise. 1222 01:13:23,066 --> 01:13:24,901 - You promised you weren't going to drink anymore. 1223 01:13:25,135 --> 01:13:27,203 - Well, the guy kept buying me beers. 1224 01:13:27,437 --> 01:13:29,172 I couldn't really turn him down. 1225 01:13:29,406 --> 01:13:30,240 - Why not? 1226 01:13:30,473 --> 01:13:32,475 - Free beers, man. 1227 01:13:32,709 --> 01:13:34,210 - It was starting to dawn on me 1228 01:13:34,444 --> 01:13:36,780 that Devin had a drinking problem. 1229 01:13:37,013 --> 01:13:38,348 Now, I should probably explain that 1230 01:13:38,581 --> 01:13:40,116 the actress playing Devin 1231 01:13:40,350 --> 01:13:43,186 had a drinking problem in real life. 1232 01:13:55,098 --> 01:13:58,168 - The cause of and answer to all of life's problems. 1233 01:13:58,401 --> 01:14:00,904 - But getting back to the story. 1234 01:14:02,672 --> 01:14:03,373 Devin, stop it. 1235 01:14:03,606 --> 01:14:05,975 You said that was going to be your last one. 1236 01:14:06,209 --> 01:14:10,380 - Why don't you go fuck a prostitute and leave me alone? 1237 01:14:10,613 --> 01:14:11,347 - Devin, what are you talking about? 1238 01:14:11,581 --> 01:14:15,452 You said you were going to stop drinking! 1239 01:14:15,685 --> 01:14:18,588 - I guess I changed my mind. 1240 01:14:18,822 --> 01:14:22,225 - Devin, I think you've had enough. 1241 01:14:22,459 --> 01:14:27,130 - Well, that's funny, Caveh, because I don't think I have. 1242 01:14:30,500 --> 01:14:32,001 Fuck! 1243 01:14:32,235 --> 01:14:32,869 You fucking prick! 1244 01:14:33,102 --> 01:14:34,771 That shit's expensive! 1245 01:14:42,545 --> 01:14:45,215 - I was starting to miss Christa. 1246 01:14:48,685 --> 01:14:52,889 That night, I spoke to every prostitute in Munich. 1247 01:15:06,202 --> 01:15:08,771 - After conversing with the street prostitutes, 1248 01:15:09,005 --> 01:15:11,674 I made the rounds of the brothels. 1249 01:15:34,130 --> 01:15:38,501 There was one prostitute I found especially tempting. 1250 01:15:45,909 --> 01:15:49,712 I was dying to have sex with her, but I managed to resist. 1251 01:15:52,015 --> 01:15:54,017 And I returned to the hotel excited 1252 01:15:54,250 --> 01:15:58,221 to tell Devin that I had successfully resisted. 1253 01:16:02,358 --> 01:16:05,528 The next day the film festival organizers 1254 01:16:05,762 --> 01:16:07,664 insisted that we pay a 300 dollar 1255 01:16:07,897 --> 01:16:09,566 fine for damages to the room 1256 01:16:09,799 --> 01:16:14,137 and that we leave town immediately after my screening. 1257 01:16:16,506 --> 01:16:18,274 - I am not having another drink 1258 01:16:18,508 --> 01:16:21,444 for a long time, I can tell you that. 1259 01:16:24,180 --> 01:16:24,881 - Well, good. 1260 01:16:25,114 --> 01:16:25,748 I'm glad. 1261 01:16:31,020 --> 01:16:35,325 Devin had a bad hangover and slept all afternoon. 1262 01:16:35,558 --> 01:16:37,026 It was our last day in Munich, 1263 01:16:37,260 --> 01:16:38,895 so I decided to go sightseeing. 1264 01:16:52,108 --> 01:16:52,875 - Cheers. 1265 01:16:55,278 --> 01:16:56,713 - Fuck you, Devin. 1266 01:17:06,990 --> 01:17:09,492 - Where are you going? 1267 01:17:09,726 --> 01:17:11,861 - I'm gonna get a blow job. 1268 01:17:12,095 --> 01:17:14,163 - Okay, I'll come with you. 1269 01:17:15,865 --> 01:17:17,300 - I don't want you to. 1270 01:17:17,533 --> 01:17:18,201 - Why not? 1271 01:17:18,434 --> 01:17:20,269 I thought you wanted me to watch. 1272 01:17:20,503 --> 01:17:21,304 Didn't you say you wanted your girlfriends 1273 01:17:21,537 --> 01:17:24,440 to watch so you could feel accepted? 1274 01:17:24,674 --> 01:17:26,609 - Well, I'm mad at you right now. 1275 01:17:26,843 --> 01:17:29,946 - Well, hey, pal, it's your big chance. 1276 01:18:07,684 --> 01:18:08,284 - Do you speak English? 1277 01:18:08,518 --> 01:18:09,318 - Yes. 1278 01:18:09,552 --> 01:18:10,953 - Um, hi. 1279 01:18:11,187 --> 01:18:13,489 Um, I'm looking for a woman who was here last night. 1280 01:18:13,723 --> 01:18:14,557 She had black hair. 1281 01:18:14,791 --> 01:18:15,725 Is she here? 1282 01:18:15,958 --> 01:18:17,894 - She's going to be busy for another hour. 1283 01:18:18,127 --> 01:18:19,696 Maybe I can help you. 1284 01:18:22,131 --> 01:18:23,966 - I was really hoping to see her. 1285 01:18:24,200 --> 01:18:25,468 - I am very good. 1286 01:18:25,702 --> 01:18:29,872 - I'm sure that's true, but I need to think about it. 1287 01:18:30,106 --> 01:18:30,740 - Okay. 1288 01:18:35,578 --> 01:18:37,647 I don't see the one I came for. 1289 01:18:37,880 --> 01:18:42,385 - So why don't you get your dick sucked by one of these? 1290 01:18:42,618 --> 01:18:44,821 - Because I liked the other one better. 1291 01:18:45,054 --> 01:18:46,422 - Well, if she's not here. 1292 01:18:46,656 --> 01:18:47,256 - She is here. 1293 01:18:47,490 --> 01:18:48,091 She says she's with a customer. 1294 01:18:48,324 --> 01:18:50,526 She'll be done in an hour. 1295 01:18:50,760 --> 01:18:52,028 - An hour? 1296 01:18:52,261 --> 01:18:54,430 We're going to wait an hour? 1297 01:18:57,033 --> 01:18:59,368 I need another drink. 1298 01:18:59,602 --> 01:19:03,072 - Devin, we can't afford another drink. 1299 01:19:03,306 --> 01:19:05,475 - What do you mean we can't afford another drink? 1300 01:19:05,708 --> 01:19:07,043 You bring your girlfriend to a brothel 1301 01:19:07,276 --> 01:19:09,245 and you won't even buy her a drink? 1302 01:19:09,479 --> 01:19:10,913 - Devin, we only have 200 marks left. 1303 01:19:11,147 --> 01:19:12,482 It's just enough for me to get a blow job. 1304 01:19:12,715 --> 01:19:14,417 It's not enough for a drink and a blow job. 1305 01:19:14,650 --> 01:19:15,818 - Man, fuck you, Caveh. 1306 01:19:16,052 --> 01:19:17,186 I want a drink. 1307 01:19:17,420 --> 01:19:21,891 - Devin, you haven't even finished what's in your glass. 1308 01:19:23,192 --> 01:19:25,061 - There, it's finished. 1309 01:19:34,971 --> 01:19:35,738 - Here. 1310 01:19:37,373 --> 01:19:38,307 - Thank you. 1311 01:19:39,242 --> 01:19:40,510 - Excuse me. 1312 01:19:40,743 --> 01:19:42,945 The woman you wanted is available now. 1313 01:19:43,179 --> 01:19:43,846 Follow me. 1314 01:19:53,055 --> 01:19:54,791 - I'm sorry, I was looking for 1315 01:19:55,024 --> 01:19:57,093 a different woman with black hair. 1316 01:19:57,326 --> 01:19:58,661 She was here last night. 1317 01:19:58,895 --> 01:20:00,797 - She's not here tonight. 1318 01:20:04,967 --> 01:20:06,536 - That wasn't her. 1319 01:20:06,769 --> 01:20:07,637 - What do you mean? 1320 01:20:07,870 --> 01:20:09,839 - The one I wanted isn't here tonight. 1321 01:20:10,072 --> 01:20:14,210 - We waited a fucking hour and she's not here? 1322 01:20:14,443 --> 01:20:15,077 - Yeah. 1323 01:20:17,113 --> 01:20:17,947 - So what do you want to do? 1324 01:20:18,181 --> 01:20:19,515 Do you want to go? 1325 01:20:21,784 --> 01:20:22,985 - I'm not sure. 1326 01:20:24,120 --> 01:20:25,288 I can't decide. 1327 01:20:26,622 --> 01:20:29,525 - Well, why don't you fuck one of those? 1328 01:20:29,759 --> 01:20:30,593 - I don't know. 1329 01:20:30,827 --> 01:20:32,028 I really wanted that one. 1330 01:20:32,261 --> 01:20:35,164 You know, I'm not that attracted to any of the other ones. 1331 01:20:35,398 --> 01:20:36,866 - We came all the way here. 1332 01:20:37,099 --> 01:20:38,935 You might as well do it. 1333 01:20:44,373 --> 01:20:47,743 - So, you want to go upstairs with me? 1334 01:20:47,977 --> 01:20:49,345 - Um, maybe. 1335 01:20:49,579 --> 01:20:50,780 I'm not sure. 1336 01:20:51,013 --> 01:20:53,883 - I can give you very much pleasure. 1337 01:20:54,116 --> 01:20:55,852 - I'm sure that's true. 1338 01:21:00,957 --> 01:21:02,124 - So, are you ready? 1339 01:21:02,358 --> 01:21:04,093 - Um, I don't know. 1340 01:21:04,327 --> 01:21:05,261 I can't decide. 1341 01:21:05,494 --> 01:21:08,464 - Maybe I can help you decide. 1342 01:21:08,698 --> 01:21:09,699 What do you think? 1343 01:21:09,932 --> 01:21:12,835 - Well, it's certainly very tempting. 1344 01:21:14,370 --> 01:21:15,371 Where are you going? 1345 01:21:15,605 --> 01:21:16,339 - Don't worry about her. 1346 01:21:16,572 --> 01:21:17,673 She'll be fine. 1347 01:21:18,841 --> 01:21:20,209 - Where are they going? 1348 01:21:20,443 --> 01:21:22,011 - She won't hurt her. 1349 01:21:23,145 --> 01:21:24,747 - Um, I'm sorry. 1350 01:21:24,981 --> 01:21:25,915 I have to go. 1351 01:21:42,331 --> 01:21:43,032 - Fuck you, Caveh! 1352 01:21:43,266 --> 01:21:45,001 Fuck you! 1353 01:21:45,234 --> 01:21:46,269 - Devin, calm down. 1354 01:21:46,502 --> 01:21:47,670 - Fuck you! 1355 01:21:47,904 --> 01:21:49,238 - What did she say to you? 1356 01:21:49,472 --> 01:21:52,475 - She was actually concerned about me, unlike you! 1357 01:21:52,708 --> 01:21:54,877 She said, come with me, and I'll take care of you 1358 01:21:55,111 --> 01:21:57,446 and I'll make you feel better. 1359 01:21:58,648 --> 01:22:00,349 - Did she mean sexually? 1360 01:22:00,583 --> 01:22:03,586 - It's all you can think about, isn't it? 1361 01:22:03,819 --> 01:22:05,121 - Well, is that what she meant? 1362 01:22:05,354 --> 01:22:06,989 - I'm getting out! 1363 01:22:07,223 --> 01:22:08,291 - Devin, no, wait! 1364 01:22:08,524 --> 01:22:09,125 Stop it! 1365 01:22:09,358 --> 01:22:10,026 Close it! 1366 01:22:18,968 --> 01:22:20,636 When we got back to the hotel, 1367 01:22:20,870 --> 01:22:23,673 Devin insisted on giving me a blow job. 1368 01:22:23,906 --> 01:22:25,574 I told her I didn't want one, 1369 01:22:25,808 --> 01:22:28,577 but she held me down and forced me. 1370 01:22:29,578 --> 01:22:30,513 I was scared the whole time that 1371 01:22:30,746 --> 01:22:32,982 she was going to bite my penis off. 1372 01:22:36,886 --> 01:22:39,422 The next morning we flew to New York. 1373 01:22:51,400 --> 01:22:52,101 How much? 1374 01:23:11,654 --> 01:23:13,990 - Let me pull it out for you. 1375 01:23:15,925 --> 01:23:17,426 - Get down on your knees. 1376 01:23:17,660 --> 01:23:18,728 - I'm not getting down on my fucking knees. 1377 01:23:18,961 --> 01:23:20,396 There's broken glass. 1378 01:23:20,629 --> 01:23:21,230 - Oh. 1379 01:23:21,464 --> 01:23:22,131 Sorry. 1380 01:23:39,548 --> 01:23:42,718 The next day we went our separate ways. 1381 01:23:45,021 --> 01:23:48,557 I wanted to say I love you, but I couldn't. 1382 01:23:49,658 --> 01:23:51,494 But as I headed towards the gate, 1383 01:23:51,727 --> 01:23:54,563 I felt able to say it and wanted to. 1384 01:23:56,932 --> 01:23:58,534 But it was too late. 1385 01:24:01,871 --> 01:24:04,006 This is the real Devin. 1386 01:24:04,240 --> 01:24:06,075 We remained friends over the years, 1387 01:24:06,308 --> 01:24:07,243 and she later appeared in a film 1388 01:24:07,476 --> 01:24:11,614 I made called I Don't Hate Las Vegas Anymore. 1389 01:24:11,847 --> 01:24:13,616 By then she had already been diagnosed 1390 01:24:13,849 --> 01:24:17,686 with cancer and had just undergone chemotherapy. 1391 01:24:19,955 --> 01:24:22,124 She died three years later. 1392 01:24:31,767 --> 01:24:36,705 On the way home, I felt an overwhelming sense of loss. 1393 01:24:37,039 --> 01:24:38,841 Ever since I had met Devin, 1394 01:24:39,075 --> 01:24:40,242 I had believed that I had finally found 1395 01:24:40,476 --> 01:24:44,380 the one person who could accept me the way I was. 1396 01:24:46,248 --> 01:24:49,618 But now I realized that I had been wrong. 1397 01:24:51,287 --> 01:24:53,189 I had once read somewhere that everyone 1398 01:24:53,422 --> 01:24:56,025 who comes into our lives is a mirror 1399 01:24:56,258 --> 01:24:59,762 for something inside us that we're not seeing. 1400 01:24:59,995 --> 01:25:02,531 So I asked myself how Devin might be a mirror 1401 01:25:02,765 --> 01:25:06,869 for something inside me that I wasn't seeing. 1402 01:25:07,103 --> 01:25:09,171 At first I couldn't see it. 1403 01:25:10,206 --> 01:25:13,976 Devin was an alcoholic, I wasn't an alcoholic. 1404 01:25:14,910 --> 01:25:17,213 But then it suddenly occurred to me 1405 01:25:17,446 --> 01:25:19,782 that even though I wasn't an alcoholic, 1406 01:25:20,015 --> 01:25:23,352 I was kind of like an alcoholic about sex. 1407 01:25:30,993 --> 01:25:31,760 - Caveh? 1408 01:25:31,994 --> 01:25:32,761 - Yeah, hi. 1409 01:25:32,995 --> 01:25:34,263 - Hi. 1410 01:25:34,497 --> 01:25:38,167 - Back in L.A. I went to see a therapist who suggested 1411 01:25:38,400 --> 01:25:41,637 I attend a Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting. 1412 01:26:21,744 --> 01:26:22,878 I scanned the faces of the other men 1413 01:26:23,112 --> 01:26:25,948 in the room for signs of perversion, 1414 01:26:26,182 --> 01:26:29,251 but they looked just like anybody else. 1415 01:26:32,188 --> 01:26:34,523 - Good evening, my name is Ken. 1416 01:26:34,757 --> 01:26:36,358 I'm a recovering sex addict. 1417 01:26:36,592 --> 01:26:38,327 - Hi, Ken. 1418 01:26:38,561 --> 01:26:40,229 - Welcome to the Monday night male-only 1419 01:26:40,462 --> 01:26:43,199 meeting of Sex Addicts Anonymous. 1420 01:26:43,432 --> 01:26:45,000 This is a closed meeting. 1421 01:26:45,234 --> 01:26:49,038 Only those desiring their own sexual abstinence, please. 1422 01:26:49,271 --> 01:26:50,639 In S.A.A, we define abstinence 1423 01:26:50,873 --> 01:26:53,175 not as the complete elimination of all sexuality 1424 01:26:53,409 --> 01:26:54,310 from the addict's life, 1425 01:26:54,543 --> 01:26:57,213 but only of those compulsive sexual behaviors 1426 01:26:57,446 --> 01:27:00,583 that lead to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. 1427 01:27:00,816 --> 01:27:02,284 We leave it up to the individual to decide 1428 01:27:02,518 --> 01:27:05,821 which compulsive behaviors he wishes to abstain from. 1429 01:27:06,055 --> 01:27:07,890 I said that I'm a sex addict. 1430 01:27:08,123 --> 01:27:11,293 Are there any other sex addicts present? 1431 01:27:14,697 --> 01:27:15,364 - Hi, everybody. 1432 01:27:15,598 --> 01:27:17,533 My name's Sasha and I'm a sex addict. 1433 01:27:17,766 --> 01:27:18,901 - Hi, Sasha. 1434 01:27:19,134 --> 01:27:21,337 - Last week I finally took all my porn 1435 01:27:21,570 --> 01:27:22,671 and I just put it in a garbage bag 1436 01:27:22,905 --> 01:27:26,308 and I just hauled it out 'cause I was just so sick of it. 1437 01:27:26,542 --> 01:27:27,543 - And I think of all the hundreds 1438 01:27:27,776 --> 01:27:32,548 and thousands of hours I'm wasting in my car cruising. 1439 01:27:32,781 --> 01:27:34,316 - Staying in sex clubs all night when 1440 01:27:34,550 --> 01:27:35,417 there's absolutely nobody 1441 01:27:35,651 --> 01:27:37,519 that I want to have sex with at all. 1442 01:27:37,753 --> 01:27:42,558 - And it really started to affect my work, my marriage. 1443 01:27:42,925 --> 01:27:44,693 - Everyone had a different addiction. 1444 01:27:44,927 --> 01:27:47,162 Ken was into gay bath houses. 1445 01:27:47,396 --> 01:27:50,366 Ron was a compulsive masturbator. 1446 01:27:50,599 --> 01:27:52,201 And Tom was a voyeur. 1447 01:27:53,736 --> 01:27:56,305 But their stories all had one thing in common. 1448 01:27:56,538 --> 01:27:59,141 that the more they had indulged their addictions, 1449 01:27:59,375 --> 01:28:02,311 the stronger their addictions had become. 1450 01:28:02,544 --> 01:28:04,947 - I'm in my hallway and I'm bleeding, 1451 01:28:05,180 --> 01:28:07,583 and I just realized that that's it, 1452 01:28:07,816 --> 01:28:09,351 I'm at fucking rock bottom. 1453 01:28:09,585 --> 01:28:12,121 And I really need some support tonight, 1454 01:28:12,354 --> 01:28:15,424 'cause it's been a really hard week. 1455 01:28:20,095 --> 01:28:20,963 - It's 9:15. 1456 01:28:21,196 --> 01:28:23,732 This is the time we usually set aside for newcomers. 1457 01:28:23,966 --> 01:28:27,202 Would any of the newcomers like to share? 1458 01:28:31,473 --> 01:28:32,241 Yes. 1459 01:28:42,551 --> 01:28:46,021 - As you can see, I'm not very good at crying on camera. 1460 01:28:46,255 --> 01:28:48,190 But I did actually break down 1461 01:28:48,424 --> 01:28:49,491 and cry at that first 1462 01:28:49,725 --> 01:28:51,694 Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting that I went to, 1463 01:28:51,927 --> 01:28:54,797 and I actually happened to tape record the meeting. 1464 01:28:55,030 --> 01:28:56,832 And this is actually the tape 1465 01:28:57,066 --> 01:29:00,402 that I made at that first meeting. 1466 01:29:00,636 --> 01:29:01,870 This was in 1991. 1467 01:29:03,472 --> 01:29:05,607 And I'm just going to play it for you 1468 01:29:05,841 --> 01:29:08,744 so you can hear what it sounded like. 1469 01:29:11,480 --> 01:29:14,616 I feel really moved by what everybody is saying. 1470 01:29:14,850 --> 01:29:15,684 - What's your name? 1471 01:29:15,918 --> 01:29:16,585 - My name's Robert. 1472 01:29:16,819 --> 01:29:18,253 - Hi, Robert. 1473 01:29:19,288 --> 01:29:21,557 - I didn't use my real name. 1474 01:29:23,959 --> 01:29:25,060 I'm blowing my nose. 1475 01:29:25,294 --> 01:29:27,196 I used to be married and. 1476 01:29:31,834 --> 01:29:33,268 It's hard to talk. 1477 01:29:36,372 --> 01:29:39,141 I started seeing prostitutes and. 1478 01:29:40,309 --> 01:29:42,678 It destroyed my marriage and. 1479 01:29:45,114 --> 01:29:46,048 Then I got. 1480 01:29:48,417 --> 01:29:51,086 Involved with somebody else and. 1481 01:29:52,321 --> 01:29:53,722 That just ended recently. 1482 01:29:56,492 --> 01:29:58,527 For the same reason. 1483 01:29:58,761 --> 01:30:01,029 Ooh, I hit the record button. 1484 01:30:02,097 --> 01:30:03,766 Anyway, that was, uh. 1485 01:30:04,933 --> 01:30:06,001 That was that. 1486 01:30:06,235 --> 01:30:08,704 I mean, there's more, but. 1487 01:30:08,937 --> 01:30:10,606 Let's go back to the movie. 1488 01:30:10,839 --> 01:30:11,974 I started going to meetings regularly 1489 01:30:12,207 --> 01:30:15,377 after that and was eventually able to stop having sex 1490 01:30:15,611 --> 01:30:19,615 with prostitutes long enough to get married again. 1491 01:30:21,250 --> 01:30:25,187 Unfortunately, that marriage didn't work out so well. 1492 01:30:25,421 --> 01:30:28,724 Two years later, as our marriage was falling apart, 1493 01:30:28,957 --> 01:30:32,528 I had sex with a prostitute and told my wife. 1494 01:30:33,429 --> 01:30:36,732 She filed for divorce soon after. 1495 01:30:36,965 --> 01:30:38,133 Hi, my name's Caveh. 1496 01:30:38,367 --> 01:30:39,368 I'm a sex addict. 1497 01:30:39,601 --> 01:30:41,203 - Hi, Caveh. 1498 01:30:41,437 --> 01:30:43,739 - It wasn't easy, but after several more years 1499 01:30:43,972 --> 01:30:46,008 of going to meetings at least once a week, 1500 01:30:46,241 --> 01:30:47,376 I was eventually able to stop 1501 01:30:47,609 --> 01:30:50,345 having sex with prostitutes altogether. 1502 01:30:50,579 --> 01:30:54,249 It's hard to explain how I was eventually able to stop. 1503 01:30:54,483 --> 01:30:56,685 It wasn't just one thing. 1504 01:30:56,919 --> 01:30:59,188 But the way I think about it is in terms 1505 01:30:59,421 --> 01:31:02,491 of the story of Orpheus and the Sirens. 1506 01:31:05,093 --> 01:31:07,596 The Sirens were these mythical creatures 1507 01:31:07,830 --> 01:31:10,232 whose singing was so seductive that anyone 1508 01:31:10,466 --> 01:31:13,735 hearing them would go insane with desire. 1509 01:31:15,704 --> 01:31:17,673 Sailors would fling themselves overboard to try 1510 01:31:17,906 --> 01:31:21,743 to reach them, only to die upon the rocks below. 1511 01:31:23,812 --> 01:31:25,781 But when Jason and the Argonauts had to sail past 1512 01:31:26,014 --> 01:31:29,485 the Sirens, Orpheus, the greatest singer 1513 01:31:29,718 --> 01:31:32,855 in ancient Greece, came up with an ingenious idea. 1514 01:31:35,858 --> 01:31:37,960 He simply started singing. 1515 01:31:38,961 --> 01:31:41,330 And because his song was so beautiful, 1516 01:31:41,563 --> 01:31:44,733 the oarsmen had ears only for his song 1517 01:31:44,967 --> 01:31:47,469 and didn't even hear the Sirens. 1518 01:31:48,871 --> 01:31:52,207 And I feel like that's what happened to me. 1519 01:31:52,441 --> 01:31:53,742 I heard a more beautiful song. 1520 01:32:06,722 --> 01:32:08,524 - And then I met Mandy. 1521 01:32:08,757 --> 01:32:09,358 - Hi. 1522 01:32:09,591 --> 01:32:10,492 - This is Mandy. 1523 01:32:10,726 --> 01:32:11,994 - We just went swimming. 1524 01:32:12,227 --> 01:32:13,729 - We met in a dance class 1525 01:32:13,962 --> 01:32:16,532 and fell in love soon afterwards. 1526 01:32:19,001 --> 01:32:21,803 We've been together for seven years now, 1527 01:32:22,037 --> 01:32:26,775 which is by far the longest I've ever been with anyone. 1528 01:32:27,009 --> 01:32:27,843 I love you, sweetie. 1529 01:32:28,076 --> 01:32:29,211 - I love you, too. 1530 01:32:29,444 --> 01:32:30,879 - Now, I'm not saying we never fight. 1531 01:32:31,113 --> 01:32:32,981 Mandy, I was willing to talk about it. 1532 01:32:33,215 --> 01:32:34,049 You weren't. 1533 01:32:34,283 --> 01:32:35,350 We fight a lot. 1534 01:32:36,652 --> 01:32:39,154 - Now he's in here and he's filming me. 1535 01:32:39,388 --> 01:32:40,455 - But fighting no longer makes me want to go 1536 01:32:40,689 --> 01:32:45,160 have sex with a prostitute or look for a new girlfriend. 1537 01:32:45,394 --> 01:32:50,198 Instead, I just hang in there and really try to work it out. 1538 01:32:52,134 --> 01:32:53,669 I could go on and on about how great she is, 1539 01:32:53,902 --> 01:32:57,005 but the wedding's about to begin. 1540 01:32:57,239 --> 01:32:59,675 Greg, let's do the boutonniere. 1541 01:33:26,668 --> 01:33:27,903 Are you ready? 1542 01:33:28,136 --> 01:33:28,904 Here we go. 1543 01:35:26,722 --> 01:35:28,256 - One, two, three. 1544 01:35:43,538 --> 01:35:47,142 ♪ Oh, my baby love, love, loves me now ♪ 1545 01:35:47,375 --> 01:35:50,779 ♪ Even more than I prayed for ♪ 1546 01:35:51,012 --> 01:35:54,416 ♪ My baby love, love, loves me now ♪ 1547 01:35:54,649 --> 01:35:59,488 ♪ Even more than I prayed I prayed I have ♪ 1548 01:36:01,723 --> 01:36:05,393 ♪ But I didn't expect this ♪ 1549 01:36:05,627 --> 01:36:09,131 ♪ My baby love, love, loves me now ♪ 1550 01:36:09,364 --> 01:36:12,634 ♪ Even more than I prayed for ♪ 1551 01:36:12,868 --> 01:36:15,403 ♪ Even more than I prayed ♪ 1552 01:36:15,637 --> 01:36:17,539 ♪ Well, she loves ♪ 1553 01:36:17,773 --> 01:36:19,908 ♪ She does ♪ 1554 01:36:20,142 --> 01:36:23,044 ♪ But I had to be ready for it ♪ 1555 01:36:23,278 --> 01:36:24,513 ♪ She loves ♪ 1556 01:36:24,746 --> 01:36:27,115 ♪ She does ♪ 1557 01:36:27,349 --> 01:36:29,818 ♪ But I had to be ready ♪ 1558 01:36:30,051 --> 01:36:34,256 ♪ And I prayed I have ♪ 1559 01:36:34,489 --> 01:36:38,093 ♪ And I was blessed ♪ 1560 01:36:38,326 --> 01:36:41,797 ♪ Oh, my baby love, love, loves me now ♪ 1561 01:36:42,030 --> 01:36:45,367 ♪ Even more than I prayed for ♪ 1562 01:36:45,600 --> 01:36:48,303 ♪ Even more than I prayed ♪ 1563 01:37:21,069 --> 01:37:24,773 ♪ Oh, my baby love, love, loves me now ♪ 1564 01:37:25,006 --> 01:37:28,243 ♪ Even more than I prayed for ♪ 1565 01:37:28,476 --> 01:37:31,913 ♪ Oh, my baby love, love, loves me now ♪ 1566 01:37:32,147 --> 01:37:34,816 ♪ Even more than I prayed ♪ 1567 01:37:35,050 --> 01:37:36,785 ♪ Well, she loves ♪ 1568 01:37:37,018 --> 01:37:39,120 ♪ She hates ♪ 1569 01:37:39,354 --> 01:37:43,091 ♪ But she communicates ♪ 1570 01:37:43,325 --> 01:37:46,795 ♪ And my baby love, love, loves me now ♪ 1571 01:37:47,028 --> 01:37:50,298 ♪ Even more than I prayed for ♪ 1572 01:37:50,532 --> 01:37:52,734 ♪ Even more than I prayed ♪ 1573 01:37:52,968 --> 01:37:54,936 ♪ Well, she loves ♪ 1574 01:37:55,170 --> 01:37:57,539 ♪ She does ♪ 1575 01:37:57,772 --> 01:38:00,842 ♪ But I had to be ready for it ♪ 1576 01:38:01,076 --> 01:38:02,244 ♪ She loves ♪ 1577 01:38:02,477 --> 01:38:04,980 ♪ She does ♪ 1578 01:38:05,213 --> 01:38:07,549 ♪ But I had to be ready ♪ 1579 01:38:07,782 --> 01:38:12,254 ♪ And I prayed I asked, yeah ♪ 1580 01:38:12,487 --> 01:38:16,091 ♪ And I was blessed love, love, love ♪ 1581 01:38:16,324 --> 01:38:20,095 ♪ My baby love, love, loves me now ♪ 1582 01:38:20,328 --> 01:38:24,499 ♪ Even more than I prayed for ♪ 1583 01:38:24,733 --> 01:38:28,169 ♪ Even more than I prayed ♪