CLOCK CHIMES
Whoever those aliens, they've been here for a while.
Harriet Jones, MP for Flydale North.
I thought I was Prime Minister now.
Aaaaagh!
Thank you all for wearing your ID cards.
They'll help to identify the bodies.
THE DOCTOR SCREAMS
Deadly to humans, maybe. . .
ALIEN SCREAMS
ALIEN SCREECHES
Ah!
Jackie!
ALIEN ROARS
ALIEN SCREECHES
You want aliens, you've got them. They're inside Downing Street.
Reinstate my disguise me! Hurry up, hurry!
Wait! They're still in there - the Emergency Protocols, we need them.
Aaaagh!
Where've you been?
I called for help, I sounded the alarm. . .
there was this. . .lightning, this kind of, um, electricity, and they all collapsed.
I think they're all dead. That's what I'm saying.
He did it! That man there!
The Prime Minister is an alien in disguise.
That's never gonna work, is it? No.
Fair enough.
Down there!
Under the jurisdiction of the Emergency Protocols, I authorise you to execute this man!
Well, now, yes, you see, er, the thing is. . .
If I was gonna execute someone by backing him up against the wall,
little word of advice - don't stand him against the lift.
ALIEN GROWLS
LIFT BELL PINGS
ALIEN HISSES Hello!
Hide!
I repeat, the upper floors are under quarantine.
You will disregard all previous instructions, you will take your orders directly from me.
LIFT BELL PINGS
Mr Green, sir, sorry, but you've got to come with me.
We should evacuate the building.
Sergeant, have you, um, read the Emergency Protocols?
No, sir. Then don't question me.
Seal off Number Ten, secure the ground floor,
and if the Doctor makes it downstairs, shoot on sight!
You heard him, move out!
Let the sport begin. JOSEPH FARTS
I'm getting poisoned by the gas exchange.
I need to be naked. Rejoice in it.
Your body is magnificent.
Oh, such fun.
Little human children, where are you?
Sweet little human kins, come to me.
Let me kiss you better.
Kiss you with my big green lips.
SHOUTING
Go and check it out!
LIFT BELL PINGS
It does us good to hunt, it purifies the blood.
We'll keep this floor quarantined as our last hiding ground before the final phase.
My brothers. Happy hunting?
It's wonderful.
The more you prolong it, the more they stink.
Sweat and fear!
I can smell an old girl.
Stale perfume and brittle bones.
And a ripe youngster, all hormones and adrenalin.
Fresh enough to bend before she snaps.
Ah! No! Take me first, take me!
Out! With me!
Who are you? Harriet Jones, MP for Flydale North. Nice to meet you. Likewise.
We need the Cabinet Rooms.
The Emergency Protocols are in there.
Harriet Jones, I like you. I think I like you too.
One move and my device'll triplicate the flammability of this alcohol.
Woof, we all go up. So back off.
Right, then, question time.
Who exactly are the Slitheen?
They're aliens. Yes, I got that, thanks.
Who are you, if not human?
Who? He's not human. He's not? Could I have a bit of hush? Sorry.
So, what's the plan?
But he's got a northern accent. Lots of planets have a north. Hush!
Come on!
You've got a spaceship hidden in the North Sea.
You've murdered your way to the top, what for, invasion?
Why would we invade this godforsaken rock?
Something's brought your race here.
The Slitheen race? Slitheen is not our species.
Slitheen is our surname.
Jocrassa Fel Fotch Pasameer-Day Slitheen at your service.
So you're family? A family business.
Then you're out to make a profit.
How can you do that on a rock?
Aaaaaaah, excuse me. Your device will do what - "triplicate the flammability"?
That's what I said? You're making it up. Oh, well. Nice try.
Have a drink. You're gonna need it.
You pass it to the left first. Sorry.
Thanks. Now we can end this hunt. . .with a slaughter.
Don't you think we should run?
Fascinating history, Downing Street.
2, 000 years ago, this was marshland.
1730, it was occupied by a Mr Chicken. He was a nice man.
1796, this was the Cabinet Room.
If the Cabinet's in danger,
these are about the safest walls in Britain. End of lesson.
Installed in 1991. Three inches of steel, lining every single wall.
They'll never get in. And how do we get out?
Ah.
He's safely contained.
Now cut off the communications, then summon up the family!
It's time we finished with this insane planet for good.
SIRENS WAIL
And there's still no word from inside Downing Street, though we are getting even more new arrivals.
That's Group Captain Tennant James of the RAF, though why he's been summoned, we've no idea.
And that's Ewan McAllister,
Deputy Secretary for the Scottish Parliament.
And this is most unusual -
I'm told that is Sylvia Dillane, chairman of the North Sea Boating Club.
Quite what connects all these people, we have no idea.
Group Captain.
Delighted you could make it. We're meeting upstairs.
HE FARTS That's the spirit, off you go.
Good to see you. Come on through.
Ah, Sergeant. Now that the Doctor's been neutralised, the upper levels are out of bounds to everyone.
Then who are they? Need to know, Sergeant, need to know.
I want you to liaise with Communications.
The Acting Prime Minister will be making an address.
He will speak to the nations of the world!
If you'd just like to go through and get changed.
Now, if you'd like to head down to the end of the corridor,
it's first on the left.
Thank you.
Got anything stronger? No chance.
This ain't time for a conga!
We've gotta tell someone!
Who do we trust? For all we know, they've all got big bog monsters inside of 'em.
I mean this is what he does, Jacks.
That Doctor bloke, everywhere he goes, death and destruction, and he's got Rose in it.
Has he got a great big green thing inside him, then?
I wouldn't put it past him.
But he's the only person who knows how to fight these things!
I thought I was gonna die.
Come on, yeah?
If anyone's gonna cry, it's gonna be me.
Now, you're safe in my flat.
No-one's gonna look for you here, since you hate me so much!
You saved my life! God, that's embarrassing!
Telling me!
He wanted me dead.
And he's still out there, Mickey.
That policeman. . .that thing!
Right, you head off.
Inform control I've one or two things that still need doing.
I haven't quite finished with Mrs Tyler yet.
Is that all of us?
All the family except Sip Fel Fotch. He's found a hunt of his own. Ah.
What was his name?
Who? This one. The, er, secretary, or whatever he was called.
I don't know. I talked to him.
I brought him a cup of coffee.
I never asked his name.
Sorry.
Right, what have we got? Any terminals, anything?
Nope, this place is antique.
When they killed the Prime Minister, why didn't they use him as a disguise? He's too slim.
They need to fit inside big humans.
But the Slitheen are eight feet. How do they squeeze inside?
That's the device round their necks, it shrinks them down a bit.
That's why there's all that gas.
Wish I had a compression field.
Excuse me, people are dead! This is not the time for jokes.
You get used to this stuff when you're friends with him.
Well, that's a strange friendship.
Harriet Jones. I've heard that name before.
You're not famous for anything, are you?
Hardly! Rings a bell. Harriet Jones?
Lifelong backbencher and a fat lot of use of I am now.
The Protocols are redundant.
They list people who could help and they're dead.
Couldn't we just launch a nuclear bomb at them?
You're a very violent young woman.
I'm serious, we could! There's nothing like that in here.
Nuclear strikes do need a release code, yes, but it's kept secret by the United Nations.
Say that again. What, about the codes?
Anything, all of it.
The British Isles can't gain access to atomic weapons without a Special Resolution from the UN.
Like that's ever stopped 'em. Exactly, given our past record. . . and I voted against that.
The codes have been given to the UN. Is it important?
Everything's important. If only we knew what the Slitheen wanted.
I'm saying Slitheen as if it's normal! What do they want, though?
They're just one family, so it's not an invasion.
They're out to make money. They want to use something on Earth.
Some kind of asset. Like gold?
Oil? Water?
You're very good at this.
Thank you. Harriet Jones, why do I know that name?
PHONE BEEPS Oh, that's me. How did you get a signal?
He zapped it. Super phone.
Then we can phone your contacts!
Dead downstairs, yeah.
It's Mickey.
Oh, tell your stupid boyfriend we're busy.
Yeah, he's not so stupid after all.
No, no, not just alien,
but like, proper alien, all stinking and wet and disgusting,
and more to the point, it wanted to kill us!
I could have died! Is she all right though?
Don't put her on, just tell me.
Is that Ricky? Just go to your computer.
It's Mickey, and why should I?
Mickey, the idiot, I might just choke before I finish this sentence, but. . .I need you.
It says "password?"
Say again.
It's asking for the password.
Buffalo. Two Fs, one L.
So what's that website?
All the secret information known to mankind.
See, they've known about aliens for years. They just kept us in the dark.
Mickey, you were born in the dark.
Oh, leave him alone. Thank you.
Password again. Just repeat it, every time.
Big Ben. Why did the Slitheen go and hit Big Ben?
You said to gather the experts, to kill them.
That lot would've gathered for a weather balloon. You don't need to crash-land in the middle of London.
The Slitheen are hiding, but then they put the entire planet on red alert. Why?
Oh, listen to her(!) Oi! At least I'm trying.
I'VE got a question, if you don't mind.
Since that man walked into our lives, I've been attacked in the streets,
I've had creatures from the pits of hell in my own living room
and my daughter disappear off the face of the Earth. I told you what happened. I'm talking to HIM!
Cos I've seen this life of yours, Doctor, and maybe you get off on it,
and maybe you think it's all clever and smart, but you tell me - just answer me this -
is my daughter safe?
I'm fine.
Is she safe? !
Will she always be safe, can you promise me that?
Well, what's the answer?
We're in.
Now, then. On the left, at the top,
there's a tab, an icon, little concentric circles, click on that.
What is it? The Slitheen have got a spaceship in the North Sea
transmitting that signal. Now, hush, let me work out what it's saying.
He'll have to answer me one day. Hush! It's some sort of message.
What's it say? Don't know, it's on a loop, keeps repeating.
BUZZ! Hush! That's not me!
Go and see who that is. It's three o'clock in the morning. Well, go and tell THEM that!
It's beaming out into space. Who's it for?
DOORBELL BUZZES All right!
Mrs Tyler.
Ooh!
It's him, it's the thing! It's the Slickeen! They've found us!
Mickey, I need that signal. Never mind the signal, get out! Mum just get out!
We can't, it's by the front door.
Oh, my God.
It's unmasking. It's gonna kill us.
There's got to be some way of stopping them! You're supposed to be the expert - think of something!
I'm trying!
RUMBLES AND SQUELCHES I'll take it on, Jackie. You just run.
Don't look back. Just run.
CLATTERS AND THUDS That's my mother.
Right! If we're gonna find their weakness, we need to find out where they're from, which planet.
Their basic shape, that narrows it down to 5, 000 nearby planets.
What else do we know about them? Information! They're green! Narrows it down. Good sense of smell.
Narrows it down. They can smell adrenaline. Narrows it down. Pig technology. Narrows it down.
Spaceship in the Thames. Slipstream engine. Narrows it down.
It's getting in!
They hunt, like a ritual. Narrows it down. Wait, did you notice. . . ?
When they fart, if you'll pardon the word, it doesn't just smell like a fart, if you'll pardon the word,
it's something else? What? It's more like, um. . . Bad breath! That's it! Calcium decay! THAT narrows it down!
We're getting there, Mum! Too late!
Calcium phosphate, organic calcium, living calcium, creatures made out of living calcium. What else?
Hyphenated surname! YES! That narrows it down to one planet!
Raxacoricofallapatorius!
Great, we can write 'em a letter(!)
Get into the kitchen!
Oh, God, it's going to rip us apart!
Calcium weakened by the compression field. . . Acetic acid! Vinegar!
Just like Hannibal! Just like Hannibal! Mickey, have you got any vinegar? How should I know?!
It's your kitchen! Cupboard by the sink, middle shelf!
Oh, give it here. What d'you need? Anything with vinegar.
Gherkins!
SLITHEEN ROARS
Yeah, pickled onion!
Pickled eggs! .You KISS this man?
IT SCREECHES
IT HISSES
PHRRRRRT!
Hannibal?
Hannibal crossed the Alps by dissolving boulders with vinegar.
Oh. Well, there you go, then.
He's dead. Sip Fel Fotch Pasameer-Day Slitheen is dead.
I felt it.
How could that happen?
Somebody must've got lucky.
That's the last piece of luck anyone on this rock will ever have.
Ladies and gentlemen. . .
nations of the world.
Humankind.
The greatest experts in extraterrestrial events came here tonight.
They gathered in the common cause.
But the news I bring you now is grave indeed.
The experts are dead.
Murdered, right in front of me, by alien hands.
Peoples of the Earth, heed my words.
These "visitors" do not come in peace.
Listen to this!
'Our inspectors have searched the sky above our heads.'
And they have found. . .
MASSIVE weapons of destruction
'capable of being deployed within 45 seconds. . .' What?
Our technicians can baffle the alien probes,
but not for long.
'We are facing extinction.
'Unless we strike first!'
'The United Kingdom stands directly beneath the belly of the mothership.'
I beg of the United Nations.
Pass an emergency resolution. Give us the access codes.
A nuclear strike at the heart of the beast is our only chance of survival.
Because. . .
from this moment on,
it is my solemn duty to inform you. . .
planet Earth is at war.
He's making it up! There's no weapon up there, no threat. He invented it! Do you think they'll believe him?
You did last time. That's why the Slitheen went for spectacle. They want the whole world panicking
cos you lot, you get scared, you lash out. . . Release the defence codes. The Slitheen go nuclear. Why?
You get the codes, release the missiles. But not into space -
there's nothing there. You attack every other country on Earth. They fight back.
World War Three. Whole planet gets nuked.
And we sit through it, safe in our spaceship, waiting in the Thames.
Not crashed, just parked. Barely two minutes away.
But you'll destroy the planet. This beautiful place. What for?
Profit. That's what the signal is, beaming into space. An advert.
Sale of the century! We reduce the Earth to molten slag, then sell it.
Piece by piece.
Radioactive chunks
capable of powering every cut-price starliner and budget cargo ship.
There's a recession out there, Doctor. People are buying cheap.
This rock becomes raw fuel.
At the cost of five billion lives.
Huh! Bargain.
I give you a choice. Leave this planet, or I'll stop you.
What? You?
Trapped in your box?
Yes. Me.
Yesterday saw the start of a brave new world.
Today might see it end.
The streets are deserted.
Everyone's home, just waiting,
as the future is decided in New York.
AMERICAN REPORTER: It's midnight here in New York.
The United Nations has gathered.
England has provided them with absolute proof that the massive weapons of destruction do exist.
'The Security Council will make the resolution in a matter of minutes.
'And once the codes are released,
'humanity's first interplanetary war begins.'
Sergeant!
We'll take the call in the Prime Minister's office.
Maintain your positions.
Good luck.
EXCITED BUSTLE
Look at that! The telephone is actually red!
PHRRRT!
How long till they phone?
Counting down. . .
OK, Doctor. I'm not saying I trust you, but there must be something you can do.
If we could ferment the port, we could make acetic acid.
Mickey, any luck? There's loads of emergency numbers.
They're all on voicemail. Voicemail dooms us all.
If we could just get out of here. There's a way out. What? There's always been a way out.
Then why don't we use it?
Because I can't guarantee your daughter will be safe. Don't dare! Whatever it is, don't you dare!
That's the thing. If I don't dare, everyone dies. Do it.
You don't even know what it is. You'd just let me? Yeah.
Please, Doctor, please! She's my daughter, she's just a kid.
Do you think I don't know that? Cos this is my life, Jackie. It's not fun, it's not smart,
it's standing up and making a decision. Because nobody else will. Then what are you waiting for?
I could save the world, but lose you.
Except it's not your decision, Doctor. It's mine.
And who the hell are you? Harriet Jones, MP for Flydale North.
The only elected representative in this room. Chosen by the people for the people,
and on behalf of the people, I command you. Do it.
Victory. . .
should be naked!
How do we get out? We don't. We stay here.
The Council is voting. The result should be known any second now.
Use the buffalo password, it overrides everything.
What are you doing?
Hacking into the Royal Navy.
We're in! Here it is, HMS Taurean, Trafalgar Class submarine,
ten miles off the coast of Plymouth. Right, we need to select a missile.
We can't go nuclear. We don't have the defence codes.
We don't need it, just an ordinary missile. What's the first category?
Sub harpoon, UGM-84A. That's the one! Select!
I could stop you.
Do it then.
Ready for this?
Yeah.
Mickey the idiot, the world is in your hands.
Fire!
(Oh, my God.)
STEADY BLIPS
How solid are these?
Not solid enough. Built for short-range attack, nothing this big. All right. . .
I'M making a decision. I'm not gonna die. We're gonna ride this one out.
With earthquakes, you can survive by standing under a doorframe.
This cupboard's small, so it's strong. Come and help. Come on!
The vote is in.
The Council says. . .
yes.
They are releasing the codes.
Ring, damn you!
RAPID BLIPS It's on radar!
Counter defence 556.
Stop them intercepting it! I'm doing it now! Good boy.
556 neutralised.
What do you mean, "incoming"?
ALARM SHRIEKS Everybody out! Now! Now!
What the hell is that for?
Sir, there's a missile. . .
Sorry!
That's mine. You've got mine!
Disguise me, disguise me!
No, you're the blonde. I want the other one, take it off!
GUNSHOT Everybody, run!
Run! Let's get out of here!
MISSILE SCREECHES
Here we go.
Well, nice knowing you both.
Hannibal!
Oh, bol. . .
Made in Britain!
Oh, my God. Are you all right?
Harriet Jones, MP, Flydale North. Contact the UN immediately.
Tell the ambassadors the crisis is over, they can step down. Go on, tell the news!
Yes, ma'am. Someone's got a hell of a job sorting this lot out.
Oh, Lord! We haven't even got a Prime Minister!
Maybe you should have a go. Me! I'm only a backbencher.
I'd vote for ya. Now, don't be silly.
I'd better go and see if I can help.
EMERGENCY SIRENS APPROACH Hang on!
We're safe - the Earth is safe!
Sergeant!
I thought I knew the name.
Harriet Jones.
Future Prime Minister, elected for three successive terms. The architect of Britain's Golden Age.
THE CRISIS HAS PASSED!
Ladies and gentlemen, I have something to say to you all. . .
Here today. . .
.mankind stands tall -
proud and undefeated!
God bless the human race.
TARDIS CLANKS AND WHEEZES
HARRIET ON TV: 'Mankind stands tall. . .'
Harriet Jones - who does she think she is?
Look at her, taking all the credit. It should be you on there.
MY DAUGHTER saved the world! I think the Doctor helped a bit(!)
All right, then, him too.
You should be given knighthoods. It's not the way he does things.
No fuss, he just moves on. He's not that bad, if you gave him a chance.
He's good in a crisis, I'll give him that. Oh-h-h! The world HAS changed.
You're saying nice things about him. I've no choice. There's no getting rid of him, since you're infatuated.
I'm not infatuated!
What does he eat? How d'you mean?
I was gonna do shepherd's pie. All of us, proper sit-down.
Cos. . .
I'm ready to listen. I wanna learn about you and 'im and that life you lead.
Only, I dunno, he's an alien. For all I know he eats grass and safety pins and things.
He'll have shepherds pie. . . You're gonna cook for him? What's wrong with that?
He's finally met his match.
You're not too old for a slap, you know!
We can go and visit your gran tomorrow.
PHONE RINGS Better learn some French. I told her you were in France.
I said you were au-pairing. . .
Hello?
Right, I'll be a couple of hours, then we can go. You've got a phone!
You think I can travel through space and time and I haven't got a phone? Like I said, couple of hours.
I've just got to send a dispersal. . .
There, that's cancelling out the Slitheens' advert in case any bargains hunters turn up.
Um, my mother's cooking.
Good, put her on a slow heat and let her simmer. She's cooking tea. For us. I don't do that.
She wants to get to know you. Tough, I've better things to do. It's just tea. Not to me, it isn't.
She's my mother. Well, she's not MINE. That's not fair. Well, you can stay there if you want.
But here's this plasma storm brewing in the Horsehead Nebula.
Fires are burning, ten million miles wide.
I could fly the Tardis into the heart of it then ride the shockwave all the way out,
hurtle right across the sky and end up anywhere.
Your choice.
Rose? I was thinking,
I've got that bottle of Amaretto from New Year's Eve. Does he drink?
I was wondering whether he drinks or not. Yeah, he does.
Don't go, sweetheart.
Please don't go.
Good lad. Graffiti that again and I'll 'ave ya. Now, beat it.
I just went down the shop.
And I was thinking, y'know, like, the whole world's changed.
Aliens and spaceships all in public.
And here it is.
How can they do that? They SAW it! You're just not ready.
You're happy to believe in something that's invisible, but if it's staring you in the face - "Nope,
"can't see it!" There's a scientific explanation for that - you're thick.
We're just idiots. Well, not all of you. Yeah?
Present for you, Mickey.
That's a virus. Put it online, it'll destroy every mention of me. I'll cease to exist.
What d'you wanna do that for? Cos you're right. I AM dangerous. I don't want anybody following me.
How can you say that, and then take her with you?
You could look after her. Come with us.
I can't.
This life of yours. . .
it's just too much, I couldn't do it.
Don't tell her I said that.
I'll get a proper job. I'll work weekends, I'll pass my test.
If Jim comes round again, I'll say no, I really will. I'm not leaving cos of you.
I'm travelling, that's all, and then I'll come back. But it's not safe.
Mum. If you saw it out there, you'd never stay home.
Got enough stuff(? ) The first time I stepped in there, it was spur-of-the-moment.
Now I'm signing up. You're stuck with me.
Come with us. There's plenty of room.
No chance. He's a liability, I'm not having him on board.
We'd be dead without him. My decision is final.
Sorry.
Good luck, yeah?
You still can't promise me. What if she gets lost? What if something happens to YOU, Doctor,
and she's left all alone, standing on some moon a million light years away? How long do I wait then?
Mum, you're forgetting - it's a time machine.
I could travel round suns and planets all the way out to the edge of the universe,
and by the time I get back, yeah, ten seconds would've passed. Just ten seconds.
So stop worrying.
I'll see you in ten seconds' time, yeah?
Ten seconds.
.It's a great big museum. An alien museum. Someone's got a hobby.
The cage contains my one living specimen. . . . .It must've fallen through time, the only survivor.
It's killing him. Do something!
I swear no-one on this base is safe. .You've gotta keep it in that cell.
.It can't get out. That lock's got a billion combinations. . .
.Civilians - let 'em through!
.That thing is gonna kill every one of us!
The nearest town? Salt Lake City. Population? One million. All dead.
If you want orders, follow this one.
.Why don't you just DIE? !
.We're nearly there! Two seconds.
I've come to help. I'm The Doctor.
DALEK: Exterminate!
Impossible. DALEK: EXTERMINATE!