1 00:00:01,283 --> 00:00:02,489 - So... - So... 2 00:00:02,763 --> 00:00:03,924 What do we do? 3 00:00:04,083 --> 00:00:06,768 Do I have to to sit somewhere? Are there seatbelts? Like... 4 00:00:07,043 --> 00:00:09,614 What? You've done this before. This isn't your first trip. 5 00:00:09,923 --> 00:00:11,846 Yeah, but it's proper this time. 6 00:00:13,443 --> 00:00:14,569 Oh, that's a mistake. 7 00:00:14,643 --> 00:00:15,769 What is? 8 00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:17,453 Well, you can't reach the controls from the seats, 9 00:00:17,523 --> 00:00:19,048 what's the point in that? 10 00:00:19,363 --> 00:00:21,365 Or do you have stretchy arms like Mr Fantastic? 11 00:00:21,443 --> 00:00:23,889 Oh, I stand. Like this. 12 00:00:24,123 --> 00:00:26,694 You never thought of bringing the seats a bit closer? 13 00:00:26,803 --> 00:00:27,964 No, not so far, no. 14 00:00:28,643 --> 00:00:30,008 Where's the steering wheel? 15 00:00:30,443 --> 00:00:33,367 Well, you don't steer the TARDIS, 16 00:00:34,123 --> 00:00:35,727 you negotiate with it. 17 00:00:37,443 --> 00:00:40,845 Still point between where you want to go 18 00:00:40,923 --> 00:00:42,334 and where you need to be. 19 00:00:42,523 --> 00:00:44,013 That's where she takes you. 20 00:00:44,203 --> 00:00:45,648 How much did it cost? 21 00:00:45,843 --> 00:00:46,969 Ah. 22 00:00:48,243 --> 00:00:49,404 No idea. 23 00:00:50,043 --> 00:00:51,044 Stole it. 24 00:00:53,163 --> 00:00:54,608 - Seriously? - Yeah. 25 00:00:54,963 --> 00:00:56,374 Why? 26 00:00:57,203 --> 00:00:58,693 Well, actually, because I felt like it. 27 00:00:58,763 --> 00:00:59,889 Oh, what if I steal it from you? 28 00:01:00,163 --> 00:01:01,449 On you go, then. 29 00:01:02,203 --> 00:01:03,443 Well, I don't know how it works. 30 00:01:03,923 --> 00:01:05,254 Oh, neither did I. 31 00:01:07,563 --> 00:01:08,689 Who's that? 32 00:01:11,923 --> 00:01:13,084 Mum. 33 00:01:17,123 --> 00:01:18,727 Excuse me. 34 00:01:19,443 --> 00:01:21,445 Just what is the TARDIS doing down here? 35 00:01:21,523 --> 00:01:23,048 I'm over 2,000 years old. 36 00:01:23,123 --> 00:01:24,613 I don't always want to take the stairs. 37 00:01:24,683 --> 00:01:26,048 Your oath, sir. 38 00:01:26,123 --> 00:01:28,888 You're not supposed to go off-world unless it's an emergency. 39 00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:31,125 - I'm not off-world. - Are you going off-world? 40 00:01:31,243 --> 00:01:32,369 I'm going back to my office. 41 00:01:34,043 --> 00:01:35,533 Could you put the kettle on, please? 42 00:01:35,883 --> 00:01:36,884 Mmm. 43 00:01:39,083 --> 00:01:40,323 Why's she here? 44 00:01:40,843 --> 00:01:43,323 Because she isn't anywhere else. 45 00:01:44,163 --> 00:01:45,449 Kettle. 46 00:01:47,363 --> 00:01:49,411 I'm not making any for her. She can make her own. 47 00:01:49,483 --> 00:01:52,009 Not a slave for a human, I can assure you. 48 00:01:57,243 --> 00:01:58,244 So... 49 00:02:00,883 --> 00:02:02,089 Back up to your office for a cuppa, then? 50 00:02:04,203 --> 00:02:05,409 Between here and my office, 51 00:02:05,923 --> 00:02:07,607 before the kettle boils, 52 00:02:07,683 --> 00:02:09,765 is everything that ever happened or ever will. 53 00:02:11,443 --> 00:02:13,332 - Make your choice. - What choice? 54 00:02:14,763 --> 00:02:16,003 Past or future. 55 00:02:17,323 --> 00:02:18,324 Future. 56 00:02:22,323 --> 00:02:23,324 Why? 57 00:02:23,523 --> 00:02:25,810 Why do you think? I want to see if it's happy. 58 00:02:31,043 --> 00:02:33,649 Kezzia, where are you? 59 00:02:35,403 --> 00:02:37,883 Hey, Goodthing. I'm coming back in. 60 00:02:38,003 --> 00:02:39,448 Kezzia, don't come in just yet. 61 00:02:39,763 --> 00:02:41,447 I've been out since second sunrise. 62 00:02:41,523 --> 00:02:42,729 I'm hungry. 63 00:02:43,683 --> 00:02:45,447 Round them up, big fella. 64 00:02:51,603 --> 00:02:53,446 Kezzia, please don't come in. 65 00:02:53,523 --> 00:02:55,525 We're having a little tiny vard problem. 66 00:02:55,763 --> 00:02:59,131 Me and my vardies have just pollinated three miles of wheat. 67 00:02:59,363 --> 00:03:00,967 You've got to keep smiling. 68 00:03:01,043 --> 00:03:02,329 Got to what? 69 00:03:02,523 --> 00:03:03,524 It's the vardies. 70 00:03:03,603 --> 00:03:05,287 God, what's wrong with you? 71 00:03:05,403 --> 00:03:07,371 Is that smile supposed to look real? 72 00:03:07,443 --> 00:03:09,252 It's like you're standing in a wind tunnel. 73 00:03:10,043 --> 00:03:12,284 Hey, big smiles now. 74 00:03:12,363 --> 00:03:14,092 Brace yourself. 75 00:03:14,163 --> 00:03:15,653 Mum is dead. 76 00:03:16,043 --> 00:03:17,169 Sorry? 77 00:03:17,243 --> 00:03:18,244 Smile, smile, smile. 78 00:03:18,443 --> 00:03:19,808 That's not even funny. 79 00:03:19,883 --> 00:03:20,930 No, it's not a joke. 80 00:03:21,283 --> 00:03:24,526 Mum is dead. Mum is dead. 81 00:03:25,203 --> 00:03:27,331 And Hopeful, she's dead, too. 82 00:03:27,563 --> 00:03:29,884 And her friend, Sunshine, she's dead. 83 00:03:29,963 --> 00:03:31,203 And Eliza 84 00:03:31,283 --> 00:03:33,604 and quite a few other people are dead. 85 00:03:33,683 --> 00:03:35,094 Why are you saying this? 86 00:03:35,643 --> 00:03:39,045 You can't say things like that grinning like an idiot. 87 00:03:39,323 --> 00:03:42,566 Smile, really. Try. If you don't... 88 00:03:43,083 --> 00:03:45,211 I shouldn't have told you. Please smile. 89 00:03:46,803 --> 00:03:49,010 You're on two tears now. 90 00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:51,333 Is it hugging me? 91 00:03:53,123 --> 00:03:54,648 Who programmed that? 92 00:03:54,883 --> 00:03:56,885 Please, give her a moment. 93 00:03:57,603 --> 00:03:59,605 She'll be happy in a moment. 94 00:04:00,003 --> 00:04:01,687 Kezzia! 95 00:04:06,723 --> 00:04:08,054 No, look. 96 00:04:08,243 --> 00:04:09,688 I'm smiling. 97 00:04:10,683 --> 00:04:12,208 Smiling! 98 00:04:53,963 --> 00:04:55,169 Which way is Earth? 99 00:04:55,283 --> 00:04:56,853 Ah, space is bent. 100 00:04:57,683 --> 00:05:00,050 Earth is any way you choose to look. 101 00:05:00,803 --> 00:05:01,929 Why? You're thinking about leaving? 102 00:05:02,643 --> 00:05:05,044 Thinking? I'm not thinking. My brain's overloading. 103 00:05:06,323 --> 00:05:08,405 - Why a phone box? - I told you. 104 00:05:09,403 --> 00:05:11,724 Yeah, well, I get it's a cloaking device. 105 00:05:12,083 --> 00:05:14,450 But why keep it that shape? Why do you like it? 106 00:05:14,563 --> 00:05:15,974 Who said I like it? 107 00:05:16,043 --> 00:05:18,011 - You kept it. - Come along. 108 00:05:20,843 --> 00:05:22,572 This is one of the Earth's first colonies. 109 00:05:22,763 --> 00:05:24,925 They say the settlers have cracked 110 00:05:25,003 --> 00:05:27,165 the secret of human happiness. 111 00:05:30,003 --> 00:05:31,129 One question. 112 00:05:31,683 --> 00:05:33,014 Little fella said you made an oath? 113 00:05:33,563 --> 00:05:35,088 You're not supposed to leave the planet. 114 00:05:36,243 --> 00:05:39,053 Okay, I suppose I owe you an explanation. 115 00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:43,885 A long time ago, a thing happened. 116 00:05:43,963 --> 00:05:45,328 As a result of the thing, 117 00:05:45,683 --> 00:05:48,050 I made a promise. As a result of the promise, 118 00:05:48,123 --> 00:05:49,249 I have to stay on Earth. 119 00:05:49,603 --> 00:05:50,604 Guarding a vault? 120 00:05:50,723 --> 00:05:51,929 Guarding a vault. 121 00:05:53,683 --> 00:05:55,128 Well, you're not guarding the vault right now. 122 00:05:55,283 --> 00:05:58,366 Yes, I am. I have a time machine. I can be back before we left. 123 00:05:59,363 --> 00:06:01,650 But what if you get lost, or stuck or something? 124 00:06:01,723 --> 00:06:03,373 I've thought about that. 125 00:06:03,443 --> 00:06:04,444 And? 126 00:06:04,523 --> 00:06:06,571 Well, it would be a worry, so best not to dwell on it. 127 00:06:06,643 --> 00:06:08,452 Look at this building, look at it. 128 00:06:08,923 --> 00:06:11,005 You know what I really like about humanity? 129 00:06:11,723 --> 00:06:13,009 It's optimism. 130 00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:14,648 Do you know what this building is made of? 131 00:06:14,723 --> 00:06:17,567 Pure, soaring optimism. 132 00:06:23,363 --> 00:06:24,694 What're they? 133 00:06:24,803 --> 00:06:26,168 Alien birds? 134 00:06:28,443 --> 00:06:29,490 Vardies. 135 00:06:30,163 --> 00:06:31,289 Tiny robots. 136 00:06:32,483 --> 00:06:36,533 Work in flocks. They're versatile, hardworking. 137 00:06:38,403 --> 00:06:40,167 Good at learning skills. 138 00:06:40,923 --> 00:06:42,925 The worker bees of the third industrial revolution. 139 00:06:43,323 --> 00:06:45,610 Probably just checking us out for security. 140 00:06:45,683 --> 00:06:48,448 These are robots? These are disappointing robots. 141 00:06:50,563 --> 00:06:51,928 That's a very offensive remark. 142 00:06:52,123 --> 00:06:53,887 Don't make personal remarks like that. 143 00:06:54,723 --> 00:06:56,168 Er, you can't offend the machine. 144 00:06:56,323 --> 00:06:58,052 Typical, wet-brained chauvinism. 145 00:06:58,723 --> 00:07:00,407 Oh, what just happened? 146 00:07:01,483 --> 00:07:02,609 Your ear's on fire. 147 00:07:02,683 --> 00:07:04,890 Argh, your voice just came out in my ear. 148 00:07:05,203 --> 00:07:08,252 I mean, I know voices go into ears, but this is like... 149 00:07:08,443 --> 00:07:10,571 We have been fitted with some kind of communication device. 150 00:07:10,643 --> 00:07:13,328 It is using our own nervous system as hardware. 151 00:07:13,523 --> 00:07:15,764 We've just downloaded an upgrade for our ears. 152 00:07:15,843 --> 00:07:17,129 I'll never lose my phone again. 153 00:07:17,203 --> 00:07:19,251 I'll never run out of battery again! 154 00:07:19,403 --> 00:07:20,814 Welcome to paradise. 155 00:07:20,883 --> 00:07:23,454 Hang on, is there a mute button though? Like, what if we're in the loo? 156 00:07:23,563 --> 00:07:26,134 Who needs loos? There's probably an app for that. 157 00:07:28,203 --> 00:07:29,568 So, where is everyone? 158 00:07:30,523 --> 00:07:32,173 Don't tell me we've come halfway across the universe 159 00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:33,574 and they've all gone out. 160 00:07:33,963 --> 00:07:35,169 Should have texted first or something. 161 00:07:41,123 --> 00:07:42,249 What's that? 162 00:07:43,763 --> 00:07:45,731 That is a robot. 163 00:07:45,963 --> 00:07:48,534 That is not a disappointing robot. 164 00:07:49,363 --> 00:07:51,206 Technically, this isn't a robot at all. 165 00:07:52,123 --> 00:07:54,330 The tiny little things, those are the robots. 166 00:07:54,443 --> 00:07:56,172 This is the interface for them. 167 00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:57,369 Does it speak? 168 00:07:58,283 --> 00:07:59,330 Will we understand it? 169 00:07:59,483 --> 00:08:01,963 Well, depends upon what aspect of your language 170 00:08:02,043 --> 00:08:04,011 has survived over so many thousands of years. 171 00:08:05,203 --> 00:08:07,126 Emoji! It speaks emoji! 172 00:08:07,483 --> 00:08:08,530 Of course, it does. 173 00:08:09,563 --> 00:08:11,213 Aw, it's cute. 174 00:08:16,203 --> 00:08:17,284 What's that? 175 00:08:17,363 --> 00:08:18,489 Blank patches. 176 00:08:21,683 --> 00:08:23,970 Oh, yours isn't blank. It's got a face on the back. 177 00:08:24,283 --> 00:08:25,694 Yours too. 178 00:08:28,763 --> 00:08:29,844 Interesting. 179 00:08:30,203 --> 00:08:32,365 It's never on the side that you're looking at. 180 00:08:33,923 --> 00:08:36,369 What's it doing now? What... What face is it making? 181 00:08:36,443 --> 00:08:38,047 Mmm, sort of puzzled. Me? 182 00:08:38,883 --> 00:08:40,647 - Same. - Hmm. 183 00:08:41,363 --> 00:08:42,649 Do you know what I think? 184 00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:46,045 I think that this is some kind of a mood indicator. 185 00:08:46,163 --> 00:08:48,165 But you're never allowed to see your own mood? 186 00:08:48,523 --> 00:08:50,048 - Makes sense. - Does it? 187 00:08:50,123 --> 00:08:52,933 Well, seeing your own mood might affect your own mood. 188 00:08:53,003 --> 00:08:54,573 It's like a feedback loop, 189 00:08:55,003 --> 00:08:57,529 interfering with the information being collected. 190 00:08:57,963 --> 00:08:59,886 Like a scale weighing itself. 191 00:09:00,483 --> 00:09:02,008 Well, who's collecting the data? 192 00:09:02,603 --> 00:09:03,764 It's the big question. 193 00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:05,049 So, what do we do, then? 194 00:09:05,123 --> 00:09:06,932 Well, if they're badges, then... 195 00:09:09,443 --> 00:09:10,683 What? Where's... 196 00:09:10,763 --> 00:09:12,413 - Where's it gone? - Oh, it's on your back. 197 00:09:15,563 --> 00:09:16,610 Oh, yours too. 198 00:09:18,643 --> 00:09:21,010 So, everyone you walk past can see what you're thinking. 199 00:09:21,123 --> 00:09:22,727 What if you really fancy someone? 200 00:09:23,123 --> 00:09:26,127 Well, I suppose it means that you have to maintain eye contact with them. 201 00:09:26,283 --> 00:09:27,773 Oh, that's brilliant. 202 00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:30,928 Welcome to the future. 203 00:09:36,003 --> 00:09:38,449 Emojis, verbal communications. 204 00:09:38,523 --> 00:09:40,844 We're in the utopia of vacuous teens. 205 00:09:47,963 --> 00:09:49,488 Look at this! 206 00:09:49,563 --> 00:09:51,053 It knew I was starving. 207 00:09:51,163 --> 00:09:53,291 Food from another planet. 208 00:09:53,723 --> 00:09:55,407 What? You gotta have it in. 209 00:09:56,483 --> 00:09:58,212 Smells like fish. 210 00:09:58,683 --> 00:10:00,094 I'm not that fond of fish. 211 00:10:00,803 --> 00:10:03,283 Except socially, which can complicate a meal like this. 212 00:10:04,563 --> 00:10:05,849 Should we eat though? 213 00:10:05,923 --> 00:10:07,527 I mean, what if they're not like us? 214 00:10:07,603 --> 00:10:08,889 Well, the cutlery is human cutlery. 215 00:10:09,123 --> 00:10:11,251 No other species in the universe uses emojis. 216 00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:12,689 Everything here is human. 217 00:10:13,043 --> 00:10:14,124 Except... 218 00:10:15,603 --> 00:10:16,764 No humans. 219 00:10:16,843 --> 00:10:19,050 This is a perfect colony for humans, so, 220 00:10:19,163 --> 00:10:20,813 where are all the colonists? 221 00:10:21,643 --> 00:10:25,329 That's some sort of flavoured algae. 222 00:10:26,203 --> 00:10:28,126 I haven't seen any livestock yet. 223 00:10:28,203 --> 00:10:29,807 That's good, isn't it? 224 00:10:30,763 --> 00:10:33,528 In the future, we don't eat living things, we eat algae. 225 00:10:33,643 --> 00:10:35,884 I met an emperor made of algae once. 226 00:10:38,603 --> 00:10:39,764 He fancied me. 227 00:10:44,243 --> 00:10:45,654 Why aren't you loving this? 228 00:10:45,723 --> 00:10:47,054 Everything is here. 229 00:10:47,563 --> 00:10:49,725 Everything is ready, but there's no one here. 230 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,448 It's like the student union first thing, 231 00:10:51,523 --> 00:10:52,888 before the actual students arrive. 232 00:10:53,443 --> 00:10:54,649 Two portions though. 233 00:10:55,163 --> 00:10:57,086 Well, that's because that one is mine. 234 00:11:00,683 --> 00:11:01,684 That's it. 235 00:11:02,883 --> 00:11:04,328 That it! Of course! 236 00:11:04,723 --> 00:11:06,452 The whole place is waiting. 237 00:11:07,283 --> 00:11:08,409 We're just too early. 238 00:11:08,483 --> 00:11:09,644 So, who's still in bed? 239 00:11:10,443 --> 00:11:12,332 Two portions. One portion. 240 00:11:12,603 --> 00:11:14,810 Is there going to be food sexism even in the future? 241 00:11:15,203 --> 00:11:16,489 Is this bloke utopia? 242 00:11:16,603 --> 00:11:19,368 It's probably reading me as two people. The heartbeats. 243 00:11:19,443 --> 00:11:21,571 If you're going to travel 20 light years, 244 00:11:21,643 --> 00:11:22,883 you're going to want to make sure 245 00:11:22,963 --> 00:11:25,170 that you've got somewhere to sleep at the end of it, aren't you? 246 00:11:25,243 --> 00:11:26,404 So, what do you do? 247 00:11:26,483 --> 00:11:28,212 Sorry. Two hearts? 248 00:11:28,283 --> 00:11:31,685 You send a rocket load of intelligent robots up ahead of you. 249 00:11:31,763 --> 00:11:33,845 They build you a place to live, 250 00:11:33,923 --> 00:11:36,130 so that when you arrive, it's all waiting. 251 00:11:36,243 --> 00:11:37,404 This is brilliant! 252 00:11:37,683 --> 00:11:39,845 You've got two hearts. 253 00:11:39,923 --> 00:11:41,527 Robots, they don't breathe. 254 00:11:41,603 --> 00:11:44,413 They can fix the atmosphere for you, send data back. 255 00:11:44,923 --> 00:11:47,164 So, you know whether to bring your waterproofs or not. 256 00:11:47,643 --> 00:11:51,443 Working, huge robot flocks. 257 00:11:51,643 --> 00:11:55,090 You just send them up ahead and you leave them to it. 258 00:11:55,203 --> 00:11:56,489 Yeah, hearts though, why two? 259 00:11:56,683 --> 00:11:57,684 Oh, why one? 260 00:11:59,363 --> 00:12:01,570 Does that mean you've got really high blood pressure? 261 00:12:02,803 --> 00:12:04,009 Really high. 262 00:12:10,683 --> 00:12:13,846 So, since people aren't here yet. What do we do? 263 00:12:15,203 --> 00:12:16,443 Put a kettle on? 264 00:12:17,923 --> 00:12:20,005 Or are we going to leave before they arrive? 265 00:12:21,443 --> 00:12:23,013 Is that what you're worried about? 266 00:12:26,563 --> 00:12:27,928 I can see you're worried. 267 00:12:28,483 --> 00:12:30,963 Well, you never know what's around the next corner. 268 00:12:36,083 --> 00:12:38,006 Ah, of course. 269 00:12:38,083 --> 00:12:39,494 Wheat fields outside, 270 00:12:39,563 --> 00:12:41,930 now there's something else to eat when they get here. 271 00:12:42,483 --> 00:12:44,884 This is their crops. 272 00:12:46,243 --> 00:12:49,565 Look, they're going to have orchards, olive groves. 273 00:12:49,643 --> 00:12:50,724 This is their nursery. 274 00:12:50,803 --> 00:12:53,454 Look, little robots are doing pollination work. 275 00:12:53,683 --> 00:12:54,764 Oh, this plant! 276 00:12:54,963 --> 00:12:56,727 There's one of these growing outside the student union. 277 00:12:56,803 --> 00:12:58,134 It smells amazing. 278 00:13:01,203 --> 00:13:02,250 Rosemary. 279 00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:04,087 I'm smelling home. 280 00:13:04,163 --> 00:13:06,052 Twenty light years from home. 281 00:13:08,883 --> 00:13:10,248 Thanks for bringing me. 282 00:13:11,323 --> 00:13:12,927 This is a great day out. 283 00:13:14,083 --> 00:13:15,687 I mean, come on, 284 00:13:15,763 --> 00:13:17,253 admit it, you love it. 285 00:13:17,843 --> 00:13:18,969 Did I say I didn't love it? 286 00:13:19,043 --> 00:13:21,694 Yes, I do, it's very... Lovable. 287 00:13:22,323 --> 00:13:23,813 You asked me where all the people were. 288 00:13:23,883 --> 00:13:27,171 I theorised that they hadn't got here yet. 289 00:13:27,243 --> 00:13:28,813 Did I sound convincing? 290 00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:32,289 - Yeah. - And did I convince myself? 291 00:13:33,603 --> 00:13:35,014 - No. - No. 292 00:13:35,283 --> 00:13:37,570 No, and I'll tell you why, because there should be somebody here. 293 00:13:38,843 --> 00:13:41,687 There should be some kind of a... A set up team. 294 00:13:42,083 --> 00:13:43,687 A skeleton crew. 295 00:13:45,363 --> 00:13:46,489 You're thinking. 296 00:13:47,203 --> 00:13:48,443 Tell me what you're thinking about. 297 00:13:48,923 --> 00:13:50,084 A magic haddock. 298 00:13:50,923 --> 00:13:51,924 Obviously. 299 00:13:56,083 --> 00:13:57,847 What is this stuff? Is it snow? 300 00:14:00,403 --> 00:14:02,053 This is fertiliser. 301 00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:04,129 Mineral fertiliser. 302 00:14:05,123 --> 00:14:06,852 Calcium based. Now. 303 00:14:07,323 --> 00:14:09,690 We don't have answers, so let's put together two questions. 304 00:14:09,763 --> 00:14:12,050 What is the source of this mineral fertiliser? 305 00:14:15,683 --> 00:14:16,809 Where are all the people? 306 00:14:22,523 --> 00:14:23,809 Ugh! 307 00:14:24,803 --> 00:14:25,929 Here. 308 00:14:26,723 --> 00:14:27,770 Right here. 309 00:14:28,043 --> 00:14:29,249 In this garden. 310 00:14:29,483 --> 00:14:30,769 Oh, my God. 311 00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:49,204 Despite appearances, they haven't been dead very long. 312 00:14:50,763 --> 00:14:52,049 What? Those are the colonists? 313 00:14:52,883 --> 00:14:54,294 The colonists aren't here yet. 314 00:14:54,683 --> 00:14:55,809 This is the set up team. 315 00:14:56,483 --> 00:14:57,609 The skeleton crew. 316 00:14:57,683 --> 00:14:59,412 Well, why did the robots feed them to the garden? 317 00:14:59,483 --> 00:15:01,247 I don't know. Maybe they ran out of fertiliser. 318 00:15:01,323 --> 00:15:02,404 Let's not ask them. 319 00:15:05,083 --> 00:15:07,131 Hello. 320 00:15:07,203 --> 00:15:09,365 - Er, we were just admiring your garden. - Yes! 321 00:15:09,443 --> 00:15:12,890 We'll be gone now because there's nothing of particular interest here. 322 00:15:12,963 --> 00:15:13,964 Cheerio! 323 00:15:19,883 --> 00:15:21,885 If he's chasing us, he's moving very slowly. 324 00:15:21,963 --> 00:15:24,011 Do you know what it means if something chases you very slowly? 325 00:15:24,083 --> 00:15:25,209 - What? - It means, 326 00:15:25,283 --> 00:15:27,126 there's a reason that they don't have to run. 327 00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:37,893 Okay, they're slow but the city's full of 'em. 328 00:15:37,963 --> 00:15:38,964 So they catch you in the end. 329 00:15:39,043 --> 00:15:40,329 And what do we do? 330 00:15:40,403 --> 00:15:42,690 The question. We've been here for ages. 331 00:15:42,763 --> 00:15:43,969 Why are they taking us now? 332 00:15:44,043 --> 00:15:45,124 Does it matter? 333 00:15:45,203 --> 00:15:46,284 Only if we want to live. 334 00:15:48,643 --> 00:15:49,690 Smile for me. 335 00:15:49,803 --> 00:15:50,804 Smile? 336 00:15:51,803 --> 00:15:53,805 Use your whole face. Right now. Do it. 337 00:15:54,763 --> 00:15:56,253 Er, what good's smiling? 338 00:15:56,363 --> 00:15:57,933 Smiles aren't just smiles. 339 00:15:58,163 --> 00:16:01,451 Psychologically, they have a measurable effect on your mood states. 340 00:16:01,963 --> 00:16:03,044 Yes! 341 00:16:04,283 --> 00:16:07,651 These robots, they built this place, they grew those trees. 342 00:16:08,163 --> 00:16:10,769 Something went wrong, but they were designed to make you happy. 343 00:16:10,883 --> 00:16:13,409 How would massacring hundreds of people make me happy? 344 00:16:13,523 --> 00:16:16,811 "How would massacring hundreds of people make me happy?" Smiley face. 345 00:16:18,363 --> 00:16:19,364 Smiley face. 346 00:16:19,563 --> 00:16:20,644 Magic haddock. 347 00:16:20,803 --> 00:16:23,010 What magic haddock? What's that all about? 348 00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:25,809 The robots want you to be happy but they got the wrong end of the stick. 349 00:16:25,883 --> 00:16:28,693 I think we should give them what they want. 350 00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:38,968 Don't even try without smiling. 351 00:16:39,523 --> 00:16:42,970 What a lovely place you have here! 352 00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:45,364 Thank you so much for your hospitality. 353 00:16:45,603 --> 00:16:48,129 We will come again. 354 00:16:49,083 --> 00:16:53,213 Doctor, I... I was thinking, maybe next time we might go to Wiltshire, 355 00:16:53,283 --> 00:16:54,409 perhaps. 356 00:16:54,483 --> 00:16:55,848 Or Aberdeen. 357 00:16:56,403 --> 00:17:03,207 Ah, yes. Two thumbs up for Wiltshire/Aberdeen. 358 00:17:13,563 --> 00:17:15,327 - Doctor! - Smile! 359 00:17:15,403 --> 00:17:17,087 Smile! 360 00:17:22,363 --> 00:17:23,728 Where did they come from? 361 00:17:23,803 --> 00:17:26,170 Once we're out of the city, we should be safe. 362 00:17:40,363 --> 00:17:41,649 Are they coming after us? 363 00:17:42,443 --> 00:17:45,447 I'm guessing that once we're out, we're not their problem. 364 00:17:47,603 --> 00:17:49,890 Right. You'll be perfectly safe in the TARDIS. 365 00:17:49,963 --> 00:17:51,692 She'll look after you till I get back. 366 00:17:51,763 --> 00:17:52,810 Where are you going? 367 00:17:56,363 --> 00:17:58,809 There's a giant smiley abattoir over there. 368 00:17:58,883 --> 00:18:01,250 And I'm having this really childish impulse to blow it up! 369 00:18:01,323 --> 00:18:02,404 Be right back. 370 00:18:02,483 --> 00:18:04,451 What, you're going back in? We've only just escaped. 371 00:18:04,723 --> 00:18:06,009 I thought we were going home. 372 00:18:08,003 --> 00:18:09,004 Home? 373 00:18:10,683 --> 00:18:12,287 Why would we be going home? 374 00:18:12,363 --> 00:18:14,286 That place is a living death trap. 375 00:18:14,363 --> 00:18:15,888 We can't just leave it with its mouth wide open. 376 00:18:15,963 --> 00:18:17,453 But they're all dead. 377 00:18:17,523 --> 00:18:19,013 We saw them, it's too late. 378 00:18:19,083 --> 00:18:21,973 We have to assume that there is a colony ship on the way. 379 00:18:22,043 --> 00:18:24,125 What do you think is gonna happen when all those people arrive? 380 00:18:24,323 --> 00:18:26,212 They're expecting the new Garden of Eden. 381 00:18:26,283 --> 00:18:28,934 What they are not expecting is to be the fertiliser. 382 00:18:30,123 --> 00:18:32,967 There's broadband in there. Go and watch some movies or something. 383 00:18:33,163 --> 00:18:34,688 Well, I get that someone has to do something, 384 00:18:34,763 --> 00:18:35,969 but why is it you? 385 00:18:36,443 --> 00:18:37,933 Can't you phone the police? 386 00:18:38,523 --> 00:18:40,252 Isn't there a helpline or something? 387 00:18:41,123 --> 00:18:43,524 And stay away from my browser history! 388 00:18:57,403 --> 00:18:59,167 A penguin with his arse on fire. 389 00:19:18,003 --> 00:19:19,004 Huh. 390 00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:31,004 Ah. 391 00:19:32,003 --> 00:19:33,243 Good morning. 392 00:19:34,043 --> 00:19:35,090 I'm happy. 393 00:19:36,003 --> 00:19:39,371 Good morning. Look at me. I'm... I'm happy. happy. happy. happy... 394 00:19:39,563 --> 00:19:42,612 What a lovely, beautiful morning. It makes me so happy. 395 00:19:43,203 --> 00:19:45,205 I'm happy, I hope that you are happy too. 396 00:19:48,683 --> 00:19:49,684 See? 397 00:19:50,163 --> 00:19:51,244 Happy. 398 00:20:13,683 --> 00:20:15,765 Hello, is someone there? 399 00:20:16,723 --> 00:20:17,804 I can hear you breathing. 400 00:20:18,323 --> 00:20:19,449 Why are you Scottish? 401 00:20:21,123 --> 00:20:23,012 I'm not Scottish. I'm just cross. 402 00:20:23,083 --> 00:20:24,494 Is there a Scotland in space? 403 00:20:24,603 --> 00:20:25,570 They are all over the place. 404 00:20:25,683 --> 00:20:27,492 Demanding independence from every planet that they land on. 405 00:20:27,563 --> 00:20:28,644 Why are you here? 406 00:20:28,723 --> 00:20:31,203 Because I figured out why you keep your box as a phone box. 407 00:20:31,283 --> 00:20:32,364 I told you, it's stuck. 408 00:20:32,443 --> 00:20:34,969 "Advice and assistance obtainable immediately." 409 00:20:35,083 --> 00:20:36,573 - You like that. - No, I don't. 410 00:20:36,723 --> 00:20:38,373 See, this is the point. 411 00:20:38,643 --> 00:20:42,853 You don't call the helpline because you are the helpline. 412 00:20:42,963 --> 00:20:44,169 Don't sentimentalise me. 413 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,291 I don't just fly around helping people out. 414 00:20:46,643 --> 00:20:47,724 What are you doing right now? 415 00:20:48,603 --> 00:20:51,174 I happened to be passing by so I'm mucking in. 416 00:20:51,323 --> 00:20:52,768 You never passed by in your life. 417 00:20:53,323 --> 00:20:54,893 You couldn't even leave me serving chips. 418 00:20:54,963 --> 00:20:56,488 So, I'm not gonna leave you. 419 00:20:57,963 --> 00:20:59,044 Look at the wall. 420 00:21:00,323 --> 00:21:01,484 - The wall? - Closely. 421 00:21:06,083 --> 00:21:09,804 Before, when the vardi, the little microbots, were going to attack you, 422 00:21:10,123 --> 00:21:11,568 you asked me where they came from. 423 00:21:13,883 --> 00:21:15,009 Well, they didn't come from anywhere. 424 00:21:16,643 --> 00:21:18,213 They were here all the time. 425 00:21:19,003 --> 00:21:20,892 In the wall? 426 00:21:21,683 --> 00:21:23,651 No. Not in the wall. 427 00:21:28,243 --> 00:21:30,974 They're not in the wall. They are the wall. 428 00:21:31,043 --> 00:21:32,568 They' re all the walls. 429 00:21:32,763 --> 00:21:35,369 These little robots didn't build this place. 430 00:21:35,443 --> 00:21:36,490 They became it. 431 00:21:36,563 --> 00:21:39,043 They can be a part of a wall one minute, flying around the next. 432 00:21:39,123 --> 00:21:43,924 This whole structure is built from interlocking microbots. 433 00:21:47,923 --> 00:21:50,733 Smile. You're in the belly of the beast. 434 00:21:52,203 --> 00:21:53,409 So what do we do? 435 00:21:53,603 --> 00:21:55,446 Well, the obvious. We find a real wall. 436 00:21:57,043 --> 00:21:58,533 Oh, you really are smiling, aren't you? 437 00:21:58,643 --> 00:22:00,008 Do you know why? 438 00:22:01,043 --> 00:22:03,091 You're an awesome tutor. 439 00:22:05,803 --> 00:22:09,489 When the Vikings invaded, they used to pull the longboats out of the water, 440 00:22:09,563 --> 00:22:10,644 turn them upside down 441 00:22:11,123 --> 00:22:12,534 and live in them as houses 442 00:22:12,603 --> 00:22:15,254 until they pillaged and looted enough to build new ones. 443 00:22:16,483 --> 00:22:17,564 So? 444 00:22:17,643 --> 00:22:19,486 You didn't see a spaceship outside, did you? 445 00:22:20,043 --> 00:22:22,091 When the settlers first landed, they must have lived in it 446 00:22:22,163 --> 00:22:24,131 and built out from it, 447 00:22:24,963 --> 00:22:26,089 so it's still here. 448 00:22:26,923 --> 00:22:28,527 Somewhere inside this building. 449 00:22:31,203 --> 00:22:32,648 Ah... 450 00:22:34,923 --> 00:22:36,254 Bits of meteor damage. 451 00:22:36,523 --> 00:22:38,730 Flakes of rust. Rivets. Oh, I love rivets. 452 00:22:38,803 --> 00:22:43,331 A wall. A real, honest wall. Not made of tiny robots but made of any old iron. 453 00:22:43,403 --> 00:22:46,885 Every spacecraft needs... A door! 454 00:22:56,203 --> 00:22:57,250 Not even locked. 455 00:23:03,363 --> 00:23:05,127 They were expecting to live in peace. 456 00:23:11,803 --> 00:23:12,804 Wicked. 457 00:23:12,963 --> 00:23:14,692 We'll lock it after us, shall we? 458 00:23:30,323 --> 00:23:31,973 It's life support systems are starting up. 459 00:23:32,043 --> 00:23:33,329 It knows we're here. 460 00:23:34,563 --> 00:23:36,167 Whoever did the interior decoration in here 461 00:23:36,243 --> 00:23:38,245 needs to take lessons from whoever did the out there. 462 00:23:38,323 --> 00:23:41,532 Ah. This was built by humans. That was built by vardi. 463 00:23:41,603 --> 00:23:43,412 Wet brains, dry brains. 464 00:23:55,963 --> 00:23:56,964 Ah... 465 00:24:01,003 --> 00:24:04,485 Good old, universally-compatible 466 00:24:04,563 --> 00:24:08,363 incorruptible maps. 467 00:24:10,363 --> 00:24:11,444 You are here. 468 00:24:13,443 --> 00:24:14,729 This is the engine room. 469 00:24:15,163 --> 00:24:17,450 That's the target. That's where I'm going. 470 00:24:17,643 --> 00:24:19,372 - Where am I going? - You are staying here. 471 00:24:20,283 --> 00:24:23,890 And you will be guiding me to here using this map. 472 00:24:24,643 --> 00:24:27,886 I'll hear you through the thingamabob. 473 00:24:29,003 --> 00:24:30,334 I'm on a spaceship. 474 00:24:31,203 --> 00:24:32,364 Like, for real. 475 00:24:33,883 --> 00:24:34,930 A proper one. 476 00:24:36,363 --> 00:24:38,843 - Left or right? - Oh! Er... 477 00:24:41,323 --> 00:24:42,324 Right. 478 00:24:42,723 --> 00:24:46,205 Well, they were certainly planning to make themselves at home here. 479 00:24:47,283 --> 00:24:49,854 They brought all their favourite knick-knacks. 480 00:24:50,083 --> 00:24:53,610 Er, there should be a door that leads on to a corridor. 481 00:24:55,123 --> 00:24:58,286 - I really am on a spaceship. - Yes... 482 00:24:58,803 --> 00:25:00,965 Which we are about to blow up. 483 00:25:01,083 --> 00:25:02,209 How are you allowed to do that? 484 00:25:02,963 --> 00:25:06,604 Like, how are you allowed to blow something up and not get into trouble. 485 00:25:06,683 --> 00:25:08,845 I mean, blow something up, get into trouble. 486 00:25:08,923 --> 00:25:11,324 That is a standard sequence. 487 00:25:11,643 --> 00:25:14,533 What do you mean "allowed"? It's a moral imperative. 488 00:25:14,803 --> 00:25:16,248 This is a murder machine. 489 00:25:16,843 --> 00:25:19,414 Beautiful though. I mean, the whole place. 490 00:25:20,403 --> 00:25:23,213 Er, you should be able to see a staircase. 491 00:25:23,483 --> 00:25:25,565 All traps are beautiful. That's how they work. 492 00:25:26,043 --> 00:25:27,807 - Up or down? - Down. 493 00:25:30,643 --> 00:25:32,805 What... What's this big bit in the middle? 494 00:25:33,403 --> 00:25:35,405 There's a big, empty space in the middle. 495 00:25:36,003 --> 00:25:39,086 The engine is in the middle of a big, empty space. 496 00:25:39,523 --> 00:25:40,524 What's that for? 497 00:25:40,683 --> 00:25:41,809 Attention. 498 00:25:41,923 --> 00:25:45,166 Attention. Error one systems initiated 499 00:25:45,243 --> 00:25:48,008 Ship's system's set to respond to human presence. 500 00:25:48,083 --> 00:25:51,610 It was sleeping. We walked in. Now it's waking up. 501 00:25:51,883 --> 00:25:55,126 - Er, there should be a ladder. - Got it. 502 00:26:18,243 --> 00:26:19,244 Pitiful. 503 00:26:19,363 --> 00:26:21,013 Fleischman cold fusion engine. 504 00:26:21,083 --> 00:26:24,804 All I got to do is back the flow into the calorimeter and run. 505 00:26:25,003 --> 00:26:27,051 It's like it wants to get blown up. 506 00:26:30,923 --> 00:26:34,052 Hang on, I'm being thick. I can come with you. 507 00:26:34,483 --> 00:26:36,804 Took that long to think of photographing it? 508 00:26:38,883 --> 00:26:40,408 You'd already memorised it, hadn't you? 509 00:26:40,483 --> 00:26:43,089 - Yep. - Stop trying to keep me out of trouble. 510 00:26:44,643 --> 00:26:46,645 There's no trouble. 511 00:26:47,923 --> 00:26:50,085 This is going to be a stroll in the park. 512 00:28:24,243 --> 00:28:26,564 Doctor, why did people come here? 513 00:28:27,723 --> 00:28:29,293 Did something terrible happen? 514 00:28:29,643 --> 00:28:30,769 I can't hear you. 515 00:28:33,683 --> 00:28:36,004 Oh! Argh! 516 00:28:36,843 --> 00:28:39,733 - This isn't as easy as it looks. - I've got to know. 517 00:28:40,043 --> 00:28:43,968 The people who came here. Were they the last people? 518 00:28:44,763 --> 00:28:46,686 Were they our last hope? 519 00:28:47,003 --> 00:28:48,846 Earth was evacuated. 520 00:28:53,603 --> 00:28:56,891 But there were a number of ships. 521 00:28:56,963 --> 00:28:59,364 I've bumped into a few of them over the years. 522 00:29:00,643 --> 00:29:04,489 Right. I've rerouted the flow. 523 00:29:04,563 --> 00:29:06,804 No.No.No.No.No. 524 00:29:06,883 --> 00:29:08,328 That's not right. Bad noise. 525 00:29:08,403 --> 00:29:10,770 That's not right... No. No! Er... 526 00:29:18,563 --> 00:29:20,850 No. When the calorimeter reaches its peak... 527 00:29:20,923 --> 00:29:22,573 I could do with a hand here! 528 00:29:22,643 --> 00:29:24,327 Okay. On my way. 529 00:29:32,563 --> 00:29:33,610 Oh. 530 00:29:34,043 --> 00:29:35,249 Are we there yet? 531 00:29:37,683 --> 00:29:39,970 Doctor, there's something you need to know. 532 00:29:40,043 --> 00:29:42,774 I'm too busy! 533 00:29:49,523 --> 00:29:50,570 Oh! 534 00:30:01,043 --> 00:30:02,727 Almost with you, Doctor. 535 00:30:03,163 --> 00:30:05,006 You took your time. 536 00:30:05,323 --> 00:30:07,132 When I let this go, 537 00:30:07,243 --> 00:30:08,608 it's gonna spin back. 538 00:30:11,243 --> 00:30:13,450 I want you to hold it tight 539 00:30:13,523 --> 00:30:15,173 while I jam it shut. 540 00:30:25,203 --> 00:30:27,604 Doctor? Doctor, can you hear me? 541 00:30:27,723 --> 00:30:30,203 Oh, don't worry about me. 542 00:30:30,523 --> 00:30:32,207 I'm having the time of my life 543 00:30:32,323 --> 00:30:34,291 making new friends! 544 00:30:34,603 --> 00:30:35,650 Come on. 545 00:30:50,083 --> 00:30:51,847 Get ready to run. Run really fast! 546 00:30:54,403 --> 00:30:55,484 What? 547 00:30:56,803 --> 00:30:57,929 Where did you come from? 548 00:30:58,043 --> 00:30:59,408 Where is everybody? 549 00:31:00,763 --> 00:31:02,891 When you say everybody... 550 00:31:03,403 --> 00:31:05,246 My very good people. 551 00:31:05,323 --> 00:31:08,645 We will soon be beginning an emergency disembarkation. 552 00:31:08,723 --> 00:31:11,966 Good people, please prepare for disembarkation. 553 00:31:13,603 --> 00:31:15,844 We wish you a happy new world. 554 00:31:15,963 --> 00:31:17,124 Doctor? 555 00:31:17,883 --> 00:31:18,884 Pods. 556 00:31:19,803 --> 00:31:21,214 Pods. 557 00:31:21,283 --> 00:31:22,887 What is it? What's happening? 558 00:31:24,523 --> 00:31:26,207 We can't blow up the city. 559 00:31:29,243 --> 00:31:30,290 Why? 560 00:31:30,403 --> 00:31:32,292 Those pods, what's in them? 561 00:31:32,363 --> 00:31:33,649 I got it wrong. 562 00:31:34,763 --> 00:31:37,528 I got it very, very wrong. 563 00:31:40,483 --> 00:31:42,212 The colony ship isn't on the way. 564 00:31:42,603 --> 00:31:43,684 It's right here. 565 00:31:45,163 --> 00:31:47,086 The colonists are all around us. 566 00:31:47,163 --> 00:31:48,324 Cryogenically frozen. 567 00:31:48,403 --> 00:31:53,091 What's in those pods, Bill, is the surviving population 568 00:31:53,163 --> 00:31:54,289 of Earth. 569 00:31:57,003 --> 00:31:58,767 And! nearly killed all of them. 570 00:31:59,403 --> 00:32:01,610 Welcome to your new world. 571 00:32:01,683 --> 00:32:02,809 Be happy. 572 00:32:03,643 --> 00:32:05,168 They're waking up, aren't they? 573 00:32:05,283 --> 00:32:07,251 We must've triggered the process when we came in. 574 00:32:10,283 --> 00:32:11,694 So what happens now? 575 00:32:12,683 --> 00:32:13,969 Now? 576 00:32:15,763 --> 00:32:17,765 Now they're all gonna leave the ship 577 00:32:17,843 --> 00:32:20,494 and find their friends and family mulched in the garden. 578 00:32:22,803 --> 00:32:24,532 And did Earth smile about that? 579 00:32:26,403 --> 00:32:28,451 It's going to be the end of the human race. 580 00:32:41,243 --> 00:32:44,167 Argh. Oh, those pods, eh? 581 00:32:44,243 --> 00:32:45,529 Not much headroom. 582 00:32:45,603 --> 00:32:47,446 Oh. Thought I'd be first up. 583 00:32:47,563 --> 00:32:49,008 Steadfast. I'm at Tech one. 584 00:32:49,123 --> 00:32:51,569 - What day is this? - The end of the world. 585 00:32:51,643 --> 00:32:53,691 Again? We've only just got here. 586 00:32:54,803 --> 00:32:56,043 Bill, with me. 587 00:32:56,123 --> 00:32:57,204 What's happening? 588 00:32:58,843 --> 00:33:02,086 What's happening is nobody leaves this ship until I tell you otherwise. 589 00:33:02,443 --> 00:33:03,854 Clear? Nobody leaves. 590 00:33:06,923 --> 00:33:08,368 - Where are we going? - No idea. 591 00:33:08,443 --> 00:33:10,286 But if I look purposeful, they'll think I've got a plan. 592 00:33:10,403 --> 00:33:11,609 If they think I've got a plan, 593 00:33:11,683 --> 00:33:14,050 at least they won't try to think of a plan themselves. 594 00:33:14,123 --> 00:33:15,852 But you don't have a plan? 595 00:33:15,923 --> 00:33:18,051 I don't know how to stop it happening again. 596 00:33:18,123 --> 00:33:20,205 Because I can't figure out why it happened last time. 597 00:33:20,283 --> 00:33:21,808 What made them do this? 598 00:33:22,563 --> 00:33:24,327 I think I need to show you something. 599 00:33:26,083 --> 00:33:30,054 Section A-34, reanimation sequence commencing. 600 00:33:33,123 --> 00:33:34,363 Spacecraft landed. 601 00:33:35,483 --> 00:33:37,963 Most of the colonists were kept in cryogenic suspension. 602 00:33:38,363 --> 00:33:40,252 A few, the ones with skills... 603 00:33:40,323 --> 00:33:42,132 The best ones. The brave ones. 604 00:33:42,203 --> 00:33:43,853 They were woken 605 00:33:45,323 --> 00:33:47,849 to shepherd the little flocks of vardi robots. 606 00:33:48,603 --> 00:33:51,049 She came here. She was happy. 607 00:33:52,843 --> 00:33:54,174 It was all going well. 608 00:33:56,523 --> 00:33:58,013 Those are the shepherds, aren't they? 609 00:33:59,283 --> 00:34:00,523 And they're all dead. 610 00:34:02,563 --> 00:34:04,565 If we rearrange this data 611 00:34:05,043 --> 00:34:07,125 to reflect the time of death, what do we get? 612 00:34:13,283 --> 00:34:14,284 That's her. 613 00:34:18,843 --> 00:34:21,323 This woman died. There's no sign of violence. 614 00:34:21,403 --> 00:34:23,531 So you know, she just died the way that humans do. 615 00:34:26,163 --> 00:34:27,449 Then a few more people died 616 00:34:28,203 --> 00:34:32,174 all at the same time and then a lot more died just after. 617 00:34:32,283 --> 00:34:35,014 And then the rest. 618 00:34:35,083 --> 00:34:36,289 Dozens. 619 00:34:37,043 --> 00:34:39,171 A virus? A virus that went... 620 00:34:40,083 --> 00:34:41,244 Well, viral? 621 00:34:41,883 --> 00:34:43,726 Grief! Grief! 622 00:34:43,883 --> 00:34:45,453 Grief as plague. 623 00:34:45,523 --> 00:34:46,524 How? 624 00:34:47,043 --> 00:34:50,729 The vardies, well, their job was to maintain happiness. 625 00:34:51,043 --> 00:34:54,013 At first that meant making sure there was enough oxygen and water. 626 00:34:54,083 --> 00:34:56,734 That's what the badges are meant to communicate. 627 00:34:57,363 --> 00:34:58,603 Satisfaction. 628 00:34:58,683 --> 00:35:00,492 A positive mental state. 629 00:35:01,163 --> 00:35:03,052 But the vardi are smart. 630 00:35:03,763 --> 00:35:04,764 They learn. 631 00:35:05,283 --> 00:35:06,773 Try to be good servants. 632 00:35:07,363 --> 00:35:12,051 So they expand the definition of happiness until... 633 00:35:12,843 --> 00:35:14,004 She dies. 634 00:35:15,483 --> 00:35:18,532 No one had ever died here before this lady. 635 00:35:18,603 --> 00:35:21,129 The vardies, they've never heard of grief before. 636 00:35:22,003 --> 00:35:26,486 This place is all about hope and the future and happiness. 637 00:35:26,563 --> 00:35:28,053 No one ever thought about the opposite. 638 00:35:28,123 --> 00:35:30,285 The vardies didn't know what to do with it. 639 00:35:32,003 --> 00:35:36,611 They identified grief as the enemy of happiness 640 00:35:36,683 --> 00:35:40,244 and everyone who was experiencing grief 641 00:35:40,323 --> 00:35:41,654 as a problem, 642 00:35:41,723 --> 00:35:43,134 - as... - Compost. 643 00:35:43,203 --> 00:35:44,534 And all those dead people, 644 00:35:44,603 --> 00:35:46,571 well, you know, they had friends and family, too, so... 645 00:35:46,643 --> 00:35:47,974 Even more compost. 646 00:35:48,043 --> 00:35:50,091 And so on, and so on and so on 647 00:35:50,203 --> 00:35:53,412 and what you get is a whole, like, a grief tsunami. 648 00:35:53,483 --> 00:35:54,973 And all this took how long? 649 00:35:55,203 --> 00:35:56,443 One morning. 650 00:35:56,723 --> 00:35:58,691 All of these people were slaughtered in a day. 651 00:35:59,763 --> 00:36:01,094 Slaughtered for their own good. 652 00:36:01,363 --> 00:36:02,967 Because the vardi think different. 653 00:36:03,203 --> 00:36:04,807 Like the magic haddock. 654 00:36:04,883 --> 00:36:07,329 Not bad, not good, just different. 655 00:36:07,443 --> 00:36:10,128 So what will happen when the new people meet the robots? 656 00:36:21,563 --> 00:36:22,724 That's the boy. 657 00:36:23,683 --> 00:36:25,526 The first to wake up. Where did you get this? 658 00:36:25,603 --> 00:36:27,207 I think it's his mother's, don't you? 659 00:36:27,283 --> 00:36:28,364 Yeah, or his nan's. 660 00:36:29,963 --> 00:36:32,045 Well, you'll find her. When she wakes up in her pod. 661 00:36:32,923 --> 00:36:35,608 I found it in the fruit garden when we first arrived. 662 00:36:37,763 --> 00:36:38,844 Oh. 663 00:36:38,963 --> 00:36:43,048 I would say that a lot of the colonists had friends or family 664 00:36:43,323 --> 00:36:44,973 who were working here as shepherds. 665 00:36:45,043 --> 00:36:46,374 When they find out what happened... 666 00:36:46,443 --> 00:36:48,605 They'll be grief-stricken. 667 00:36:49,563 --> 00:36:50,644 And after that? 668 00:36:51,163 --> 00:36:52,494 A massacre. 669 00:36:57,243 --> 00:36:58,574 Okay, where are we going? 670 00:36:58,643 --> 00:37:00,008 What's the opposite of a massacre? 671 00:37:01,083 --> 00:37:03,814 - Okay, what? - In my experience a lecture. 672 00:37:14,243 --> 00:37:16,086 You brought the vardi here. 673 00:37:16,923 --> 00:37:20,370 Microbots to make your life so easy. 674 00:37:20,443 --> 00:37:22,923 But like every slave class in history, 675 00:37:23,003 --> 00:37:25,893 the vardi are beginning to have ideas of their own. 676 00:37:27,243 --> 00:37:29,245 They wanted to eliminate unhappiness 677 00:37:29,323 --> 00:37:32,964 but to a robot that meant eliminating unhappy people- 678 00:37:33,483 --> 00:37:35,565 They gave you monitors badges, 679 00:37:35,803 --> 00:37:38,613 so they'd know when you were too unhappy to live. 680 00:37:50,323 --> 00:37:52,325 - You need to listen. - I did listen. 681 00:37:52,443 --> 00:37:55,333 What did I miss? The vardi have killed our families. 682 00:37:55,403 --> 00:37:56,814 But you need to understand why that happened. 683 00:37:56,883 --> 00:37:58,009 I don't care why. 684 00:37:58,083 --> 00:38:00,404 Then you will die, too, and so will everyone on your ship. 685 00:38:00,483 --> 00:38:02,804 - The vardi are not your enemy. - They want to kill us. 686 00:38:02,883 --> 00:38:04,408 No, they want to help you. 687 00:38:04,483 --> 00:38:06,372 - Killing you is just the side effect. - Get out of my way. 688 00:38:07,163 --> 00:38:10,372 You've got guns. You think that'll help you against the whole living city? 689 00:38:10,803 --> 00:38:13,124 That little boy, where did he go? 690 00:38:13,723 --> 00:38:15,134 My mum was a gardener. 691 00:38:16,283 --> 00:38:17,489 Have you seen her? 692 00:38:20,763 --> 00:38:22,288 She's supposed to be here. 693 00:38:32,483 --> 00:38:33,609 There he is. 694 00:38:34,123 --> 00:38:35,454 Step away from the kid. 695 00:38:35,523 --> 00:38:37,013 They're not armed. 696 00:38:37,083 --> 00:38:39,324 You don't need to do this. You just need to... 697 00:38:39,403 --> 00:38:40,404 What's wrong? 698 00:38:41,443 --> 00:38:42,933 What's going on? Where's my mum? 699 00:38:43,843 --> 00:38:44,969 Where's everyone? 700 00:38:48,003 --> 00:38:50,085 - Where's everyone? - Oh, no, no, no, no. 701 00:38:50,163 --> 00:38:51,164 Don't cry. Don't cry. 702 00:38:51,603 --> 00:38:52,604 Hey, hey... 703 00:38:53,043 --> 00:38:54,613 Look, everything's gonna be okay. 704 00:38:54,683 --> 00:38:56,447 Look. 705 00:38:56,523 --> 00:38:58,571 This is your new house. Isn't it lovely? 706 00:38:58,643 --> 00:38:59,724 I want Mummy. 707 00:38:59,803 --> 00:39:01,612 Okay. Smile, smile, smile, smile. 708 00:39:02,323 --> 00:39:04,087 Everything's gonna be fine if you just keep smiling. 709 00:39:04,163 --> 00:39:05,528 Get away from the kid! 710 00:39:13,723 --> 00:39:15,691 What's that? 711 00:39:16,243 --> 00:39:18,132 Rage? Revenge? 712 00:39:18,283 --> 00:39:19,569 It's one robot. 713 00:39:19,643 --> 00:39:21,008 It's not one robot. 714 00:39:22,963 --> 00:39:24,294 Doctor, what do we do? 715 00:39:25,683 --> 00:39:26,844 Doctor, what's happening? 716 00:39:27,643 --> 00:39:28,644 Cover fire! Now! 717 00:39:33,043 --> 00:39:34,886 - It's fascinating. - What's fascinating? 718 00:39:34,963 --> 00:39:37,011 The vardi are identifying as under attack. 719 00:39:37,083 --> 00:39:38,892 Which means they identify as a species. 720 00:39:39,083 --> 00:39:40,767 They are self-aware. They... 721 00:39:41,843 --> 00:39:42,890 They're alive! 722 00:39:43,363 --> 00:39:44,489 They're going to kill us. 723 00:39:48,763 --> 00:39:50,811 - What are you doing? - I really hope this doesn't hurt. 724 00:39:51,763 --> 00:39:53,925 Do you know why I always win at chess? 725 00:39:54,603 --> 00:39:56,128 Because I have a secret move. 726 00:39:56,683 --> 00:39:57,684 I kick over the board. 727 00:39:58,563 --> 00:39:59,564 Here it comes. 728 00:40:06,843 --> 00:40:09,449 Once, long ago 729 00:40:09,523 --> 00:40:12,129 a fisherman caught a magic haddock. 730 00:40:12,203 --> 00:40:16,094 The haddock offered the fisherman three wishes in return for his life. 731 00:40:17,083 --> 00:40:18,414 The fisherman said, 732 00:40:18,483 --> 00:40:21,009 "I'd like my son to come home from the war" 733 00:40:21,083 --> 00:40:23,006 "and 100 pieces of gold." 734 00:40:23,643 --> 00:40:27,887 The problem is magic haddock, like robots, 735 00:40:28,043 --> 00:40:29,613 don't think like people. 736 00:40:29,803 --> 00:40:33,444 The fisherman's son came home from the war in a coffin. 737 00:40:33,843 --> 00:40:38,246 The king sent 100 gold pieces in recognition of his heroic death. 738 00:40:38,843 --> 00:40:42,973 The fisherman had one wish left. What do you think he wished for? 739 00:40:43,603 --> 00:40:46,971 Some people say he should've wished for an infinite series of wishes. 740 00:40:47,043 --> 00:40:49,330 But if your city proves anything, 741 00:40:49,403 --> 00:40:52,612 it is that granting all your wishes is not a good idea. 742 00:40:52,683 --> 00:40:54,412 It's okay. 743 00:40:54,883 --> 00:40:56,328 It's not gonna hurt you. 744 00:40:56,803 --> 00:40:58,373 Actually, he doesn't even know who you are. 745 00:40:58,443 --> 00:41:00,332 What happened? What have you done? 746 00:41:00,403 --> 00:41:04,613 In fact, the fisherman wished that he hadn't wished the first two wishes. 747 00:41:04,683 --> 00:41:06,765 Thus, in a way, pressed the reset button. 748 00:41:07,483 --> 00:41:08,723 What the hell did you do? 749 00:41:10,203 --> 00:41:11,568 Aren't you listening? 750 00:41:12,003 --> 00:41:13,493 I pressed the reset button. 751 00:41:14,003 --> 00:41:16,529 Every computer has one and anyone can find it. 752 00:41:16,603 --> 00:41:20,324 Especially if they happen to be a scary, handsome, genius from space. 753 00:41:20,403 --> 00:41:22,610 I re-initialised the entire command structure 754 00:41:23,163 --> 00:41:25,131 retaining all programmed abilities 755 00:41:25,203 --> 00:41:28,286 but deleting the supplementary preference architecture. 756 00:41:29,083 --> 00:41:30,130 He turned it off and on again. 757 00:41:30,203 --> 00:41:31,932 I turned it off and on again. 758 00:41:35,083 --> 00:41:36,528 Course, I wiped their memories. 759 00:41:38,723 --> 00:41:41,374 They no longer have the faintest idea who you are. 760 00:41:41,443 --> 00:41:44,686 And, in fact, they're wondering what you're doing in their very nice city. 761 00:41:45,723 --> 00:41:46,770 Their city? 762 00:41:47,443 --> 00:41:48,444 Yes. 763 00:41:49,163 --> 00:41:50,244 Their city. 764 00:41:50,803 --> 00:41:51,804 It's made of them. 765 00:41:51,883 --> 00:41:53,248 - It's our city. - Oh. 766 00:41:53,323 --> 00:41:55,451 - They're our robots. - They were. 767 00:41:55,923 --> 00:41:57,129 Welcome to your new world. 768 00:41:57,923 --> 00:41:59,129 Meet the vardi. 769 00:41:59,883 --> 00:42:03,092 They are as of now the indigenous life form. 770 00:42:03,163 --> 00:42:04,528 You'd best make friends with them 771 00:42:04,603 --> 00:42:06,685 because there's loads of them. 772 00:42:06,763 --> 00:42:09,084 And they're the only ones who know how anything works. 773 00:42:10,443 --> 00:42:11,444 They killed our people. 774 00:42:14,163 --> 00:42:15,324 Well, look. 775 00:42:16,403 --> 00:42:18,565 They have forgotten about that. 776 00:42:19,003 --> 00:42:20,812 They've forgotten about you. 777 00:42:21,123 --> 00:42:24,491 They've forgotten that you even made them in the first place. 778 00:42:24,763 --> 00:42:27,494 Now, since they have absolute power over this city 779 00:42:27,563 --> 00:42:31,568 and since, I'm assuming, you all don't want to sleep rough tonight, 780 00:42:31,643 --> 00:42:32,724 I have a suggestion for you. 781 00:42:35,123 --> 00:42:36,124 Smile. 782 00:42:37,483 --> 00:42:38,848 You can't be serious. 783 00:42:39,083 --> 00:42:40,653 I am serious. 784 00:42:40,723 --> 00:42:42,532 In fact, I'm willing to be a negotiator. 785 00:42:42,603 --> 00:42:44,128 - Are you now? - Yes. 786 00:42:45,083 --> 00:42:46,209 Watch. 787 00:42:49,123 --> 00:42:51,205 Hello, I'm the Doctor. 788 00:42:52,243 --> 00:42:55,884 A few hours ago, I made the mistake of not recognising your status 789 00:42:56,043 --> 00:42:58,250 as an emergent new life-form. 790 00:42:58,323 --> 00:43:02,806 As recompense for my mistake, please allow me to act as your negotiator 791 00:43:02,883 --> 00:43:06,092 with the migratory conglomerate known as the human race. 792 00:43:06,163 --> 00:43:09,133 They're looking for a place to stay and they've got their eye on your city. 793 00:43:12,163 --> 00:43:13,688 Would you like me to discuss rent? 794 00:43:19,603 --> 00:43:21,367 $0, is it gonna work? 795 00:43:22,483 --> 00:43:23,769 That's up to them. 796 00:43:26,963 --> 00:43:28,203 Did you just... 797 00:43:28,883 --> 00:43:31,090 Well, did we just 798 00:43:32,523 --> 00:43:34,127 jumpstart a new civilisation? 799 00:43:34,283 --> 00:43:36,092 It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it. 800 00:43:36,323 --> 00:43:37,609 Did you do this all the time? 801 00:43:37,683 --> 00:43:38,764 Do what? 802 00:43:38,843 --> 00:43:40,652 Flying around sorting things out like some kind of 803 00:43:40,723 --> 00:43:42,327 intergalactic policeman? 804 00:43:42,403 --> 00:43:44,929 I don't sort things out. I'm definitely not a policeman. 805 00:43:45,523 --> 00:43:47,093 Well, you live in a police box. 806 00:43:47,563 --> 00:43:50,214 - It's a pure coincidence. - Yeah, of course. 807 00:43:54,683 --> 00:43:57,163 Back at the exact moment we left. 808 00:43:58,243 --> 00:44:02,043 Kettle's boiling, and with a vote to God, 809 00:44:02,123 --> 00:44:05,969 and everything is exactly as we left it. 810 00:44:11,163 --> 00:44:12,528 Wasn't snowing when we left. 811 00:44:17,323 --> 00:44:19,246 Maybe I do need a steering wheel. 812 00:44:21,483 --> 00:44:23,804 - Where are we? - London. 813 00:44:26,483 --> 00:44:27,973 And this is 814 00:44:29,003 --> 00:44:30,004 the Thames. 815 00:44:40,763 --> 00:44:42,652 Travel into the past, there's got to be rules. 816 00:44:42,723 --> 00:44:45,010 If I step on a butterfly, it could send ripples through time. 817 00:44:45,083 --> 00:44:46,812 Yeah! 818 00:44:46,883 --> 00:44:49,614 Regency England. Bit more black than they show in the movies. 819 00:44:49,883 --> 00:44:51,487 Are there any side effects to time travel? 820 00:44:52,243 --> 00:44:54,814 Sometimes you see lights under the ice. 821 00:44:54,883 --> 00:44:55,884 Stay back! 822 00:44:55,963 --> 00:44:58,125 There's something frozen under the Thames and it's eating people. 823 00:44:58,203 --> 00:44:59,534 Plan, let's get eaten. 824 00:45:03,403 --> 00:45:05,292 The creature will be fed. 825 00:45:05,363 --> 00:45:06,774 Have you ever killed anyone?