1
00:00:17,317 --> 00:00:18,784
It's alive!
2
00:00:37,303 --> 00:00:38,470
We're in luck.
3
00:00:38,472 --> 00:00:40,339
The perp left some semen
in the back of her throat.
4
00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:42,508
Well, you know what they say...
5
00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:45,978
Sometimes the truth
is hard to swallow.
6
00:00:45,980 --> 00:00:49,648
♪ Ohhhh! ♪
7
00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:54,720
♪ I'm the shampoo ♪
8
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:56,488
♪ I'm the shampoo ♪
9
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:57,823
♪ Rub me in your hair ♪
10
00:00:57,825 --> 00:01:00,025
♪ I make it nice and soft ♪
11
00:01:00,027 --> 00:01:01,894
♪ Not just your head ♪
12
00:01:01,896 --> 00:01:03,896
♪ Even your pubes ♪
13
00:01:03,898 --> 00:01:06,198
♪ Squirt, squirt,
squirt, squirt... ♪
14
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:10,002
Okay, Seth, say your line,
take a bite, and smile.
15
00:01:10,004 --> 00:01:12,337
Action.
Just the way I like it...
16
00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:14,173
flame boiled!
17
00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:15,474
Cut.
Back to one.
18
00:01:15,476 --> 00:01:18,777
The line is "flame broiled."
Okay, buddy?
19
00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:20,379
Oh, and use your spit bucket.
20
00:01:20,381 --> 00:01:21,814
But I like cheeseburgers.
21
00:01:21,816 --> 00:01:23,082
Suit yourself.
Action!
22
00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:24,216
Just the way I like it...
23
00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:25,818
frame broiled!
24
00:01:25,820 --> 00:01:27,052
Cut. Back to one.
25
00:01:27,054 --> 00:01:29,521
"Flame broiled," okay?
Action.
26
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:31,223
Just the way I liked it...
27
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:32,724
flame bloiled!
28
00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:33,959
Cut. Nope.
29
00:01:33,961 --> 00:01:35,427
Back to one.
Action.
30
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,129
Just the way I drike it...
31
00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:38,163
drame sploiled!
32
00:01:38,165 --> 00:01:39,731
Jesus!
Back to one.
33
00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:40,933
And action.
34
00:01:40,935 --> 00:01:43,435
Hug a tray hi picret...
sprame braduffled.
35
00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:45,337
Cut, cut, cut!
Seth, you don't look too good.
36
00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:46,638
I don't feel so good.
37
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,340
I told you to use
your spit bucket.
38
00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:49,741
Oh, my tummy hurts.
39
00:01:49,743 --> 00:01:50,909
One more take.
40
00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:53,178
You nail it, you get
to go lie down, okay, pal?
41
00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:55,948
Okay, sir.
And action.
42
00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:57,416
Just a hay bri spra...
43
00:01:58,486 --> 00:02:00,686
Frame...
44
00:02:00,688 --> 00:02:03,122
Blame spoiled!
45
00:02:03,124 --> 00:02:04,957
Thank you for joining me
for another tale
46
00:02:04,959 --> 00:02:06,592
from "Seth's Acting Scrapbook."
47
00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:07,893
You know what's funny?
48
00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:10,176
To this day, I can't even hear
the word "cheeseb..."
49
00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:13,298
Oh, damn it.
50
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:14,733
That was my favorite fake book.
51
00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:17,175
How did you talk me into a
sketch about freakin' cheeseb...
52
00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:22,407
My fellow American Girl dolls,
let's all share our stories.
53
00:02:22,409 --> 00:02:23,609
I'll start.
54
00:02:23,611 --> 00:02:27,613
I'm Molly, from Illinois
and World War II.
55
00:02:27,615 --> 00:02:29,648
I love dancing and ribbons.
56
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,049
My dad is in the Army.
57
00:02:31,051 --> 00:02:32,151
I'm Samantha.
58
00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:34,653
I live in New York in 1904.
59
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:37,689
I love to climb trees,
and I'm very loyal.
60
00:02:37,691 --> 00:02:38,891
I'm Addy Walker,
61
00:02:38,893 --> 00:02:40,626
from Philadelphia
during the Civil War.
62
00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:41,908
I was born a slave.
63
00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:44,129
My dislikes include whips,
64
00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:46,598
and I like tire swings
and cookies!
65
00:02:49,569 --> 00:02:52,037
Uh, oh,
who... who's next?
66
00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:54,673
Um, Marie Grace,
you're from the South...
67
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,275
around the same time period
as Addy.
68
00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:59,211
You must have
some fun stories, right?
69
00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:01,346
Uh... pass.
70
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:04,082
So, pretty excited
for this date.
71
00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:06,285
I live with all dudes
in a metal dome,
72
00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:08,453
and Papa needs to play!
73
00:03:08,455 --> 00:03:10,189
I don't want to be rude, Krang,
74
00:03:10,191 --> 00:03:11,323
but I feel like you lied
75
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:12,891
on your Christian Mingle
profile pic.
76
00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:15,160
Well, might have slapped
a filter on there.
77
00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:17,729
Hi. We'll both have
the oyster platter.
78
00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:19,565
Trust me, hon...
They're so good here.
79
00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:21,533
Plus, oysters make you horny.
80
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,135
Wink, wink.
81
00:03:23,137 --> 00:03:25,270
Jesus Christ,
shellfish give me hives.
82
00:03:25,272 --> 00:03:26,271
No.
83
00:03:26,273 --> 00:03:27,706
Bring her the oysters.
84
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,508
Oh, what just beeped?
85
00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:31,710
Maybe my baller Apple iWatch
86
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,745
that I got
the first day it came out.
87
00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:36,515
Custom color,
areola b-b-brown.
88
00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:40,085
Speaking of areolas, you have
got some grade-A shlobes.
89
00:03:40,087 --> 00:03:41,787
Oh! Me likey!
90
00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:44,523
Next up, for Tuesday Night
Karaoke Slam Jam,
91
00:03:44,525 --> 00:03:47,626
we have Krang and Courtney
singing "I Got You Babe."
92
00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:50,762
Oh, did I secretly
sign us up for karaoke?
93
00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:52,564
I think I did.
94
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,600
Get on up here, Courtney.
95
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:55,934
Come on, cutie.
Come on.
96
00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:57,035
Here she comes, folks.
97
00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:58,704
Give her a big...
Where's she going?
98
00:03:58,706 --> 00:04:01,406
Attention... There's a two-story
tall, bald android man
99
00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:03,475
in a handicapped spot,
and it's being towed.
100
00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:05,444
Oh, no!
Kevin!
101
00:04:10,283 --> 00:04:12,718
KITT, did someone
do this to you?
102
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:14,753
Oh, this?
I, uh...
103
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:15,821
I...
104
00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:17,122
Fell down the stairs.
105
00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:19,057
I fell down the stairs.
106
00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:20,259
Yeah, you did.
107
00:04:20,261 --> 00:04:22,094
♪ And now a story ♪
108
00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:23,695
♪ Of a nice blond woman ♪
109
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:26,365
♪ Who was raising three girls
by herself ♪
110
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,200
♪ All of them were blond,
as well ♪
111
00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:29,701
♪ Just like she was ♪
112
00:04:29,703 --> 00:04:31,670
♪ They were blond and alone ♪
113
00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:33,138
♪ Now here's the story ♪
114
00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:34,806
♪ Of her first husband ♪
115
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:37,509
♪ And why he isn't
in the picture ♪
116
00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:40,379
♪ He died
in a freak workplace accident ♪
117
00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:42,781
♪ That's why he's not around ♪
118
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:45,617
Oh, we don't need to talk
about the girls' father.
119
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,086
♪ Their father was a scientist ♪
120
00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:50,989
♪ Working with
experimental radiation ♪
121
00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:53,925
♪ The core overheated,
and his face exploded ♪
122
00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:55,427
♪ Not his whole head,
just his face ♪
123
00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:56,795
Oh, my God!
124
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:59,231
♪ He did not die instantly ♪
125
00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:01,533
♪ He survived
the explosion of his face ♪
126
00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:03,168
♪ Imagine a human body ♪
127
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:05,237
♪ With just a weird hole
where his face was ♪
128
00:05:05,239 --> 00:05:06,571
♪ Flailing around in shock ♪
129
00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:09,341
We were just
starting to move on.
130
00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:11,710
Mommy, you said
Daddy died in his sleep,
131
00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:13,245
dreaming of us.
132
00:05:13,247 --> 00:05:15,614
No one wants to hear
this part of our back story.
133
00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:18,250
♪ He tripped and fell out
of a plate-glass window ♪
134
00:05:18,252 --> 00:05:20,986
♪ Onto a rusty fence post
down below ♪
135
00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:24,389
♪ He impaled his anus
on that fence post ♪
136
00:05:24,391 --> 00:05:26,358
♪ But he was still alive ♪
137
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:27,926
Bobby, don't laugh at that!
138
00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:31,029
♪ He could still scream even
though he didn't have a face ♪
139
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:33,532
♪ The sound
was absolutely chilling ♪
140
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:36,768
♪ His corpse was never,
never, never found ♪
141
00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:38,810
♪ Some say
his screams fill the night ♪
142
00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:42,341
Aah!
143
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,411
Now do my ex-wife's song.
144
00:05:46,413 --> 00:05:51,183
This is the carpenter ant.
145
00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:53,118
It has made
the ultimate sacrifice,
146
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:56,555
which will inspire billions
of ants for centuries to come.
147
00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:57,823
Look.
148
00:05:57,825 --> 00:06:00,092
This must be the crypt
of the pharaoh himself.
149
00:06:00,094 --> 00:06:01,993
Did you know that
when they mummified a body,
150
00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:04,329
they pulled the brains
out through the nose first?
151
00:06:04,331 --> 00:06:07,432
They also took out all the major
organs and kept them in jars.
152
00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:09,601
Aah!
153
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:12,003
What about dicks?!
154
00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:14,272
What did they do to the dicks?!
155
00:06:16,576 --> 00:06:18,009
Welcome to Earth!
156
00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:19,911
Now, that's what I call
a close encounter.
157
00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:22,080
You've just been deported.
158
00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:24,649
E.T., go home!
159
00:06:24,651 --> 00:06:27,719
Now, stay down, because I'm
running out of dope quips!
160
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,321
"How wude"!
161
00:06:29,323 --> 00:06:32,290
Yo, did I just steal
Stephanie Tanner's catchphrase
162
00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:33,992
from "Full House"?!
163
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:35,994
Man, I wish
he'd stopped popping up
164
00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:37,062
after "Welcome to Earth!"
165
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,697
That one was so awesome.
166
00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:40,532
I've got some Earth food
for you.
167
00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:42,868
It's called my dick.
168
00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:45,070
Not that I'd ever let
you eat my [bleep]
169
00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:47,105
Even if you paid me
a trillion doll...
170
00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:49,007
Well, maybe
for a trillion dollars...
171
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:51,243
'cause I could get
a dope-ass dick transplant
172
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:53,845
and still have $999 billion.
173
00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:00,252
Let's do business.
174
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:06,124
Guys, look what Andy's aunt
175
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:08,627
got him
from Gwyneth Paltrow's website.
176
00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:11,129
Say hi to Pinko!
177
00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:12,230
Hello.
178
00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:13,532
What are you?
179
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:15,367
I am a Swedish creativity object
180
00:07:15,369 --> 00:07:17,502
designed in conjunction
with free-space theory,
181
00:07:17,504 --> 00:07:19,471
which encourages
cognitive freedom.
182
00:07:19,473 --> 00:07:21,373
For instance,
your cowboy concept
183
00:07:21,375 --> 00:07:23,041
restricts imaginative thinking,
184
00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:25,710
whereas I am
conceptually neutral.
185
00:07:25,712 --> 00:07:28,380
Andy chooses what I am,
not the manufacturer.
186
00:07:28,382 --> 00:07:29,815
I already hate this prick.
187
00:07:29,817 --> 00:07:30,882
Hey, stop that!
188
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,317
We're all friends here,
Mr. Potato Head.
189
00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:35,353
Pinko, let me be the first to
welcome you and shake your hand.
190
00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:37,088
How can I shake your hand?
191
00:07:37,090 --> 00:07:38,857
Uh, with your hand right there.
192
00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:40,792
Who said that's a hand?
193
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:44,496
Maybe I'm a magical train
and that "hand" is a wheel.
194
00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:46,565
Maybe I'm
a candy-making machine
195
00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:48,633
or a hotel for tiny clowns.
196
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:52,137
My concept will come
from Andy's brain, not yours.
197
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:53,839
Whoa!
No need to get upset, man.
198
00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:55,607
Man?
How dare you!
199
00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:56,741
Maybe I'm a woman.
200
00:07:56,743 --> 00:07:58,810
Maybe I'm
an asexual space creature.
201
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,212
Andy should decide
202
00:08:00,214 --> 00:08:03,348
and not be forced into your
narrow, violent world view.
203
00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:04,349
Violent?
204
00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:06,885
We are not violent toys.
205
00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:08,820
Really?
What is that holster used for?
206
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,256
Probably not
organic fruit snacks.
207
00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:12,924
And I bet that laser isn't meant
208
00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:15,126
for pointing to things
in a classroom setting.
209
00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:17,062
That is a Tyrannosaurus rex,
210
00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:19,798
a.k.a.
nature's perfect killer.
211
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,367
And you're
the most frightening toy of all.
212
00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:24,402
What, because
of my acerbic point of view?
213
00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:26,238
You keep body parts
in your trunk.
214
00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:27,239
You know who else did that?
215
00:08:27,241 --> 00:08:28,507
Jeffrey Dahmer.
216
00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:30,308
And didn't you strap a bear
to the grille of a truck
217
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:31,843
to teach him a lesson?
218
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,211
Who are you...
the Mafia?
219
00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:34,246
Hey! Shh!
220
00:08:34,248 --> 00:08:35,580
Andy's coming.
221
00:08:35,582 --> 00:08:39,117
I can't wait to begin growing
creatively with Andy.
222
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,153
"I am Pinko.
223
00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:43,955
You decide what I am."
224
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:46,725
Okay, you're trash.
225
00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:49,528
Hey, can someone give me a hand?
226
00:08:49,530 --> 00:08:51,696
Who says these are hands?
227
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:56,167
Death to America!
Death to America!
228
00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:59,304
Oh! Death
to Adobe Reader Updater.
229
00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:01,940
Stop popping up every
three days, you needy bitch.
230
00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:03,441
You are American, yes?
231
00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:06,845
And you also hate
Adobe Reader Update?
232
00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:08,213
You're goddamn right I do.
233
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:11,249
Maybe we are not
so different after all.
234
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:20,725
We now return
to "The Brave Little Toaster."
235
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,794
Oh.
An everything bagel?
236
00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:24,863
Well, I'll certainly do my best.
237
00:09:24,865 --> 00:09:27,365
Hey, I'm Huey Lewis
of Huey Lewis and the News.
238
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:30,168
Everyone remembers my famous
songs from "Back to the Future,"
239
00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:31,570
but for unknown reasons,
240
00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:33,572
one tune was left
on the cutting room floor.
241
00:09:33,574 --> 00:09:36,341
Here's the never-before-seen
music video.
242
00:09:37,477 --> 00:09:39,711
♪ Hey, there, Doc Brown ♪
243
00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:42,647
♪ I got lost
in your time machine ♪
244
00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:44,983
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
245
00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:49,354
♪ Stuck in the '50s,
and my mom's hot and 16 ♪
246
00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:51,790
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪
247
00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:53,024
♪ Under the table ♪
248
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:54,426
♪ She gives my dick a squeeze ♪
249
00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:58,496
♪ My b-b-barometer
is pointing 88 degrees ♪
250
00:09:58,498 --> 00:10:01,433
♪ Inside my Calvins
is a ticking time bomb ♪
251
00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:04,336
♪ So until
that lightning strikes ♪
252
00:10:04,338 --> 00:10:07,772
♪ I'll be whacking it off
to my mom ♪
253
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:10,475
♪ Whacking it off to my mom ♪
254
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:12,243
Um, I don't think
I'm okay with this.
255
00:10:12,245 --> 00:10:14,813
He don't want to be Oedipus Rex.
256
00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:18,216
That's why he's sticking
with hand-to-penis sex.
257
00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:22,253
♪ He's whacking it off
to my wife ♪
258
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:24,556
♪ He's whacking it off
to me ♪
259
00:10:24,558 --> 00:10:27,225
♪ Do the mom-whacking dance ♪
260
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:30,428
♪ D-D-D-D-D-Do
the mom-whacking dance ♪
261
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:32,197
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!
262
00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:35,433
♪ Whacking it off to my mom ♪
263
00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:37,802
♪ Whacking it off to my mom ♪
264
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:38,870
Oh, my God.
265
00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:41,506
I forgot
how much this song just...
266
00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:43,642
[bleep] rocks!
267
00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:46,311
♪ Whacking it off to my mom ♪
268
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:47,345
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
269
00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:48,680
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
270
00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:50,682
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
271
00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:51,850
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
272
00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:53,184
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
273
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:55,020
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
274
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,021
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
275
00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:57,355
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
276
00:10:57,357 --> 00:10:59,357
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
277
00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:01,493
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
278
00:11:03,362 --> 00:11:04,929
I'm sorry.
This check bounced.
279
00:11:04,931 --> 00:11:05,431
What?!