Man: It's alive!
Shh, shh.
I thinkit's a Velociraptor.
No. It's a Veloci-rapper!
♪ One, two, one, two, look who's coming through ♪
♪ Veloci-rapper, so what you want to do? ♪
♪ Oh, snap, I just seen a little boy ♪
♪ So it's time to attack, bust a rap, and destroy ♪
♪ You could run, but I'll follow you ♪
♪ I'll chew you up and swallow you ♪
♪ And if there's more people
♪ Then I'm-a eat up all of you
♪ I'm from a park called Jurassic ♪
♪ My rhymes are classic
♪ I'll wrap you with plastic, douse you with gas ♪
♪ And toss a matchstick
♪ Guarantee once I find you, you'll be in my submission ♪
♪ And if you think I'll let you live ♪
♪ Then, boy, you must be wishing ♪
Yeah, Jurassic Park all day!West side raptor!
Mother...World star!
Meteors. We out.
Tim, get up! You got to wake up!
Dr. Grant, the dinosaurdidn't even touch him.
Ah, the Veloci-rapper simply shreds
all of its victims with dope lyrics.
Sorry for your loss, homes.
Harry, how can you be so relaxed?
Snape's potion test is tomorrow!
Oh, because I'm the chosen one.
Nobody saidI'm the "chosen as long
as he gets good grades" one, eh?
And the chosen one's friends
should be exempt from exams, too.
Will you be quiet?
I need to be well-rested forour big potions test tomorrow.
Why don't you just write the answers
on the back of those cucumbers?
Nobody's doing anything gay in here, are they?
Because that would be okay with me.
Oh, Dumbledore.
♪ Come on to Hogwarts
♪ Learn a charm that is new
♪ Where the spells are a curse or a hex or jinx ♪
♪ At Harry's wizardry school
Can anyone play goalie?
You! New guy.
You're up.
Yeah,new guy is the balls!
-Yeah! -Yeah!
Together: Boo!
Aah!
Crowd: Do it! Do it!
New guy! New guy! New...
Ah, can anyone play goalie?
Can you describe the attackers?
Well, they were these giant humanlike turtles
that were doing all kinds of karate, and...
I don't know.
Maybe they were teenagers or something.
They had weapons. Ninja weapons.
Anything else?
They smelled like pizza, and they said "Dude" a lot.
Oh, dude, they had this rat with them.
I don't know if he was their petor, like, their master
or whatever, but, like, they had something going on.
I don't know. I'm just speculating.
Did you get a look at their faces?
No, Officer. I didn't see it.
They had these colorful little masks over their eyes,
so I'm like, "What do they look like, man?"
I don't even know.
Without the faces, we'vegot nothing!
Come on, Abe.Show us what's under that hat.
We want to see why it's so tall.
I wanted a tall hat. That's it, honestly.
No one needs a hat that tall.
What are you hidingunder there, freak?!
I'm not hiding anything!
Now, if you'll excuse me.
Not so fast, Abe! Rip!
Aah! Aah!
You must not let thishappen again.
Yes, my lord.
A girl is ready to jointhe game of thrones.
She must choose a face.
That one.
Perhaps a girl would likea face more like this?
No. I want that one.
Ugh. No. Not this one.
A girl wanted the one next to it!
Come on.
Man really needs to rethink the design of this place.
Gritty: Every mascot has their own truth.
I just danced my heart out to "Whoomp! "!
What more do you want from me?!
Real mascots are racist caricatures
and animals like Hunter, not fuzzy blobs like you.
I was the best mascot in the world at one time.
Now I can't stand the face I see
when I look in the mirror.
They don't care. No one cares.
I wasn't a perfect purebred mascot like the others.
Not me.
Did you just hit me
in the knee with a crowbar?
Couldn't feel anything. Thick padding.
I, uh...
No!
Ha! Huh!
Why?!
You always hated Hunter, didn't you?
I didn't do it.
But we all watched it on the JumboTron, didn't we?
That could've been anyone!
America, they want something to love.
You never loved me.
You tortured me into greatness.
That's how I love, stupid!
But they also want a gigantic orange nightmare creature.
Showtime!
I'm Gritty.
Thank you so much for hiring me
as your assistant, Nostradamus.
What can I do for you?
Please, go to the market andfetch me some ink for my quill.
Yes, sir. God damn it!
You're gonna buy brown ink!
I wanted black!
I'm sorry I yelled.
I've just got a lot of prophecies
to write, and I'm stressed.
Sir, I understand.
Why don't you goto the kitchen and fetch me
some hot, relaxing tea?
As you wish. Aah!
You're gonna spill iton my lap and burn my dick.
Oh, my goodness!
I'm so sorry! It's fine.
I'm just a little sensitiveabout my dick.
Understood. Can I...
You're gonna fuckmy wife!
Aah! Oh.
What?! I would never.
Yeah, you will, right there onthat couch and behind that door.
That's where I'll watch.
Wait. You'll watch? Yeah.
I'll enjoy watching for reasons
I won't understand, and then, one day,
I'll open the door, try to join in.
You'll be cool.She'll get upset, call it off.
Humiliated, I slash both of your throats
and hang my nude bodyabove your corpses right here.
I'm going to leave now.
Wait! What?
Okay, now go. Okay, bye.
Aah!
"Buy Apple...stock."
Another great show, Jonas Brothers.
Let's celebrate with some light hugging with some girls!
But what about our purity rings?
What are purity rings?High five.
Sexy boys, come with me.
Something terrible has happened.
-Ooh, it's kind of dark. -Whoa!
Boys, the United States needs your help.
America needs the Jonas Brothers?
You're not the Jonas Brothers.
You're actually the Jonas clones.
-Aah! -Gasp!
Years ago, the government was alerted
to the existence of a teen heartthrob
who was far too heartthrob-y.
His looks were killer.
His music was boppin'.
And his hair was floppy.
He was called Jonas.
-Like us! -Quiet!
You are horse shit compared to him.
He could blow a kiss at a fan,
and their G.D. vagina would explode!
Their heterosexual fathers needed to give him a BJ.
And to restore world order,
the government had to step in and take Jonas captive.
Nooooo!
We experimented on his genes
to study the limits of his allure,
but there were no limits.
We couldn't study Jonas directly,
so we created clones of him.
We spliced in some frog DNA to limit his allure.
I had recently watched "Jurassic Park,"
and that's how you three were born.
-But we're not clones. -Oh, no?
Simply this. And there. Hm.
Aah! Wait!
Which one am I?! Kevin? Nick? Jack?
There is no Jack Jonas.
Both: There isn't? I thought I was Jack!
-No! -Aah!
And the final piece of evidence. Here.
Why tell us now?And do you have more flies?
Today, Jonas Prime escaped.
We need your help to track him down.
No! He's...
He's still here!
-Ohh! -Oh!
So...much...allure.
Thanks for tracking down my clothes for me, fools.
Now leave us.
He winked at us!
I'm blushing!
I'm blushing to death!
Now, my clones, together, we shall rule the world!
Being a Jonas isn'tabout ruling humanity.
It's about loving your fans,playing great music,
and being toldto wear purity rings
until you get old enough thatit's weird to wear purity rings.
Aw, come on, babe.
You can't resist. We're the same.
Oh, arewe?
Ribbit motherfucker!
What are you doing?
No! S.O.S.! S.O.S.!
Oh! We did it!
Hooray! Murder!
Now can we lock down whether I'm Kevin or Nick?
Together: Huh?!
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
Yeah!
Motherfucker!
Stupid Monkey.