1 00:01:12,379 --> 00:01:14,173 So I really think it's important... 2 00:01:14,339 --> 00:01:17,801 ...that we remove all soft drinks from the vending machines... 3 00:01:17,968 --> 00:01:20,387 ...and replace them with bottled water... 4 00:01:20,554 --> 00:01:23,182 ...and naturally sweetened fruit juice. 5 00:01:23,474 --> 00:01:26,477 Are you talking about diet soda too? 6 00:01:26,643 --> 00:01:29,480 Because I don't think we should take away the diet soda. 7 00:01:29,646 --> 00:01:32,649 So many of our girls are watching their "weight... " 8 00:01:32,816 --> 00:01:34,151 Our oldest girls are 11. 9 00:01:34,318 --> 00:01:35,694 They shouldn't be dieting. 10 00:01:35,861 --> 00:01:38,655 I think she got a little Boty between the eyes. 11 00:01:38,822 --> 00:01:40,449 That's just naive. 12 00:01:40,616 --> 00:01:42,534 She probably treated herself, poor thing. 13 00:01:42,701 --> 00:01:44,495 My husband dropped dead, I'd suck out... 14 00:01:44,661 --> 00:01:46,580 ...lift up and inject anything that moved. 15 00:01:46,747 --> 00:01:49,583 I know that you've got boys, so you may not understand. 16 00:01:49,750 --> 00:01:50,959 Understand what? 17 00:01:52,044 --> 00:01:54,546 That our children shouldn't guzzle sugar and chemicals? 18 00:01:54,755 --> 00:01:57,591 No, we are in total agreement about the sugar. 19 00:01:57,758 --> 00:01:59,968 All the "sugary" drinks should go. 20 00:02:00,135 --> 00:02:02,304 So everyone in favor of eliminating... 21 00:02:02,471 --> 00:02:05,516 ...the "sugary" drinks from the vending machines, ladies. 22 00:02:06,558 --> 00:02:07,768 Ladies? 23 00:02:08,727 --> 00:02:11,814 Wonderful. That's done. 24 00:02:11,980 --> 00:02:13,816 Thank you, Nancy Botwin... 25 00:02:13,982 --> 00:02:16,568 ...head of our Healthy Children's Committee. 26 00:02:16,944 --> 00:02:18,404 Now let's take a break. 27 00:02:18,570 --> 00:02:20,072 She's got the big bag. 28 00:02:20,239 --> 00:02:22,783 Guess he left her pretty well fixed, huh? 29 00:02:22,950 --> 00:02:24,243 I heard there was nothing. 30 00:02:24,451 --> 00:02:26,745 They spent all that money on the new kitchen. 31 00:02:26,912 --> 00:02:30,416 Have you seen it? It turned out gorgeous. 32 00:02:30,582 --> 00:02:33,544 So give yourselves a round of applause, everyone. 33 00:02:37,714 --> 00:02:39,341 I wonder how she's getting by. 34 00:02:41,718 --> 00:02:44,680 Nancy, we were all just saying how much we love your purse. 35 00:02:44,847 --> 00:02:47,266 It's a knockoff, but you can't even tell. 36 00:02:47,433 --> 00:02:50,102 Let me see that. Gracia been wanting one of these. 37 00:02:50,310 --> 00:02:52,354 - How much you pay? - Seventy-five bucks. 38 00:02:52,730 --> 00:02:56,358 Gracia take one look at that crooked stitch and she know you a cheap trick. 39 00:02:56,525 --> 00:02:57,776 The stitching is perfect. 40 00:03:00,112 --> 00:03:03,282 - Oh, yeah, right there. I see it. - Goddamn it! 41 00:03:03,449 --> 00:03:05,617 Yeah. Looking in the dictionary the other day... 42 00:03:05,784 --> 00:03:09,538 ...saw your picture sitting up in there right "next" to "dumb-ass white bitch. " 43 00:03:14,251 --> 00:03:15,627 Corn bread. 44 00:03:17,254 --> 00:03:19,298 Oh, that smells good. 45 00:03:19,465 --> 00:03:22,885 - I miss carbs. - My friend Talisha tried that no carbs. 46 00:03:23,051 --> 00:03:25,137 She ate bacon and eggs for a whole month. 47 00:03:25,345 --> 00:03:28,474 I'm talking, like, five dozen eggs and a whole pig a day. 48 00:03:28,849 --> 00:03:30,809 She lost 11 pounds. Shit works. 49 00:03:30,976 --> 00:03:34,021 My sister does this thing where they leave a bag of no-carb food... 50 00:03:34,188 --> 00:03:36,940 ...outside her house every day. She's lost 17 pounds. 51 00:03:37,107 --> 00:03:39,026 We should start that in this neighborhood. 52 00:03:39,193 --> 00:03:42,780 Call it the "I'm Getting Skinny Because Some Nigga Stole My Bag of Food" diet. 53 00:03:42,946 --> 00:03:44,490 Talisha's still fat. 54 00:03:44,698 --> 00:03:47,659 - She look good. - Then why Ronnie dump her ass? 55 00:03:47,826 --> 00:03:51,246 He found out she was spending Little Ron's money on shit for Shariq. 56 00:03:51,413 --> 00:03:53,791 And he all, "Why don't my son got Adidas?" 57 00:03:53,957 --> 00:03:57,169 It's stupid to buy a kid expensive shoes. He'll outgrow them in a day. 58 00:03:57,336 --> 00:03:59,129 You calling black people stupid? 59 00:03:59,296 --> 00:04:01,381 And lazy, and they also steal. 60 00:04:01,548 --> 00:04:03,592 But we sings and dances real good. 61 00:04:03,759 --> 00:04:06,637 White people steal. Enron, WorldCom. 62 00:04:07,012 --> 00:04:10,891 They be stealing billions of dollars, flush it through some overseas bank account... 63 00:04:11,058 --> 00:04:13,185 ...then sit on the beach and count they money. 64 00:04:13,894 --> 00:04:17,773 Somebody been listening to the good Reverend Sharpton. 65 00:04:17,940 --> 00:04:21,026 Maybe black people need to start stealing a little bit bigger. 66 00:04:21,193 --> 00:04:22,444 Maybe fucking so. 67 00:04:23,237 --> 00:04:26,198 Hey, that bag looks a little small. 68 00:04:31,537 --> 00:04:33,122 You did not just say that. 69 00:04:33,288 --> 00:04:37,876 Bitch, I can eyeball an ounce from outer space with my glasses cracked. 70 00:04:38,085 --> 00:04:39,711 Give me. 71 00:04:42,548 --> 00:04:46,802 All acting like you know. Writing checks your ass can't cash. 72 00:04:46,969 --> 00:04:49,179 You never question Heylia's eyeballing. 73 00:04:49,513 --> 00:04:51,181 - That's the Rain Man of weed. - Amen. 74 00:04:51,348 --> 00:04:53,892 I apologize, I'm still new at this. I stand corrected. 75 00:04:54,059 --> 00:04:57,229 - Stand? You on your knees corrected. - Getting all beside herself. 76 00:04:57,396 --> 00:04:59,857 Gonna come up in my house, tell me about my business? 77 00:05:00,023 --> 00:05:03,444 - Girl, you need to recognize. - All right, all right. Fine. 78 00:05:03,610 --> 00:05:05,863 I'm a bitch-ass bitch. 79 00:05:07,656 --> 00:05:09,241 Give me a little respect. 80 00:05:09,408 --> 00:05:12,077 I'm the biggest game in the private community of Agrestic. 81 00:05:12,244 --> 00:05:15,080 Drugs sell themselves, biscuit. You ain't shit. 82 00:05:17,583 --> 00:05:19,376 You still ain't shit. 83 00:05:19,543 --> 00:05:20,836 How much you got there? 84 00:05:23,964 --> 00:05:25,758 Take that crap off my money. 85 00:05:25,924 --> 00:05:28,594 You not giving me a present. You're paying me for weed. 86 00:05:29,261 --> 00:05:32,556 Excuse me for trying to bring a little beauty into an ugly world. 87 00:05:36,310 --> 00:05:39,271 Oh, shit. It's 2:30. 88 00:05:39,438 --> 00:05:41,857 Well, where you rushing off to with your ass on fire? 89 00:05:42,024 --> 00:05:43,525 "Dr. Phil" ain't on till 4. 90 00:05:44,026 --> 00:05:46,278 Shane's got his grief counselor. 91 00:05:46,987 --> 00:05:49,198 Oh, right. I'm sorry. 92 00:05:49,490 --> 00:05:51,950 - Wait, I'll walk you out. - Damn. 93 00:05:52,117 --> 00:05:53,619 Can you imagine, though? 94 00:05:53,786 --> 00:05:56,455 Boy out jogging with his daddy, having a good time... 95 00:05:56,663 --> 00:05:59,917 ...then, boom, Daddy drop. 96 00:06:00,084 --> 00:06:01,418 That will fuck a kid up. 97 00:06:01,585 --> 00:06:05,297 - Well, you show me who ain't fucked up. - Shit. 98 00:06:05,464 --> 00:06:07,633 - Who wants some corn bread? - Right here. 99 00:06:08,175 --> 00:06:11,345 - You all right? - I'm fine. I'm just late. 100 00:06:12,012 --> 00:06:16,767 - You sure? - Conrad, we do business, not personal. 101 00:06:16,934 --> 00:06:18,268 You know I'm full-service. 102 00:06:18,435 --> 00:06:21,271 Andy didn't tell you that when he hooked us up? 103 00:06:21,647 --> 00:06:25,150 I believe my brother-in-law's exact words were: 104 00:06:25,317 --> 00:06:29,029 "Dude, meet the finest jit with the finest shit. " 105 00:06:29,196 --> 00:06:30,697 Jit? 106 00:06:31,657 --> 00:06:33,450 I was just quoting. 107 00:06:33,617 --> 00:06:35,327 - I gotta go. - All right. 108 00:06:35,786 --> 00:06:37,121 Drive safe. 109 00:06:37,287 --> 00:06:39,331 Know where I live at, right? 110 00:06:39,498 --> 00:06:41,375 I do. Bye. 111 00:06:42,543 --> 00:06:44,420 I think I hear something. 112 00:06:44,586 --> 00:06:47,214 Brush is awful thick over there, can you see anything? 113 00:06:47,381 --> 00:06:49,925 He's quartering towards us, but he's obstructed. 114 00:06:50,092 --> 00:06:51,844 I can't get a good shot at the heart... 115 00:06:53,762 --> 00:06:57,141 - What happened in the guest room? - Ask Shane. 116 00:06:58,100 --> 00:07:00,102 I'm asking both of you. 117 00:07:02,104 --> 00:07:05,816 I fell through the skylight. But don't worry, I'm okay. 118 00:07:07,025 --> 00:07:08,485 Turn the show back on. 119 00:07:08,694 --> 00:07:11,697 There's a huge hole in the ceiling. What were you doing up there? 120 00:07:11,905 --> 00:07:13,615 - Lupita told him to get down. - I tell him. 121 00:07:13,782 --> 00:07:15,743 - I didn't hear her. - Come on. 122 00:07:15,909 --> 00:07:17,870 Deaf girl on Dewey Street could hear her. 123 00:07:18,579 --> 00:07:22,458 She's not deaf, she just talks weird. There's something wrong with her tongue. 124 00:07:22,624 --> 00:07:25,544 What? Who told you that? She's totally deaf. 125 00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:28,756 Hey, if Dennis Cling says there's nothing wrong with her "tongue... " 126 00:07:28,922 --> 00:07:30,632 Hey. 127 00:07:30,799 --> 00:07:33,343 What do you mean? What? 128 00:07:33,510 --> 00:07:35,512 Did they French-kiss? 129 00:07:35,679 --> 00:07:38,390 - Hey, Mrs. Botwin. - Hey, Quinn, you want some chili? 130 00:07:38,557 --> 00:07:40,559 - No, I'm good. - That's right, Shane. 131 00:07:40,768 --> 00:07:43,604 - They French-kissed. - Who French-kissed? 132 00:07:43,771 --> 00:07:45,647 Dennis Cling and Megan Beals. 133 00:07:45,814 --> 00:07:48,067 - Oh, they did a whole lot more than... - Quinn! 134 00:07:51,111 --> 00:07:54,364 - Hey, how's your shoulder? - I'm totally okay. 135 00:07:54,531 --> 00:07:57,576 Can I have the remote back now? Please? 136 00:07:57,785 --> 00:07:59,203 You were here when he fell? 137 00:07:59,369 --> 00:08:02,748 Officially, I was at Kim's house working on a science project. 138 00:08:02,915 --> 00:08:05,793 - "Officially. " - Yeah, they were making out. 139 00:08:05,959 --> 00:08:08,462 - But nothing naked. - Shut up. 140 00:08:12,674 --> 00:08:15,135 - I gotta go out for a second. - Where are you going? 141 00:08:15,302 --> 00:08:18,722 It's the neighborhood watch thing. I'll be right back. 142 00:08:22,559 --> 00:08:24,395 - Wanna fool around? - Sure. 143 00:08:25,813 --> 00:08:29,024 One time, I shot this black bear clean between the shoulder blades... 144 00:08:29,191 --> 00:08:32,069 ...with my Browning BLR.308. 145 00:08:33,654 --> 00:08:37,950 Next time, we go bowhunting. Guns are for pussies. 146 00:08:45,666 --> 00:08:48,377 I told you! You can't miss the bear! 147 00:08:48,544 --> 00:08:51,004 I love this show. 148 00:08:55,717 --> 00:08:58,178 Christ. Josh. 149 00:08:58,345 --> 00:09:00,097 You need to relax. 150 00:09:00,264 --> 00:09:03,100 My husband died of a heart attack, you wanna orphan my kids? 151 00:09:03,559 --> 00:09:04,685 So, what's up? 152 00:09:04,852 --> 00:09:08,397 My guy went on this yoga retreat in Redlands. He won't be back for a week. 153 00:09:08,564 --> 00:09:10,482 I was wondering if you could help me out. 154 00:09:10,649 --> 00:09:12,568 He didn't take care of you before he left? 155 00:09:12,735 --> 00:09:16,488 They've been playing "Winged Migration" at the 'Plex for the midnight show all week. 156 00:09:16,697 --> 00:09:20,826 Wiped me out. Shit hasn't gone this fast since "The Passion of the Christ. " 157 00:09:21,034 --> 00:09:24,538 People got stoned for "The Passion of the Christ?" 158 00:09:25,164 --> 00:09:26,373 That's disturbing. 159 00:09:26,540 --> 00:09:28,584 Not as disturbing as watching it not stoned. 160 00:09:28,751 --> 00:09:31,336 Religion, my ass, it's a straight-up snuff film. 161 00:09:31,545 --> 00:09:33,172 Why don't you take the week off? 162 00:09:33,338 --> 00:09:38,343 That just goes so against my Christian work ethic, Miss B. 163 00:09:38,510 --> 00:09:42,514 - Come on, help me out. I'd do it for you. - I don't need you to. 164 00:09:42,973 --> 00:09:46,560 - My guy doesn't do yoga. - Cash. 165 00:09:46,727 --> 00:09:48,896 - Josh. - Come on. 166 00:09:49,063 --> 00:09:51,065 I was at the orthodontist the other week... 167 00:09:51,231 --> 00:09:53,400 ...and I heard all about Shane's overbite. 168 00:09:53,567 --> 00:09:56,904 It's gotta be costing you some serious green. 169 00:10:00,449 --> 00:10:01,742 You gonna play by the rules? 170 00:10:01,909 --> 00:10:05,204 One of your own kind Deal to your own kind 171 00:10:05,412 --> 00:10:08,707 I'm putting the love In the glove 172 00:10:11,335 --> 00:10:14,004 Okay, listen. You stay away from my customer base... 173 00:10:14,171 --> 00:10:17,758 ...you don't deal to kids. Are we clear? 174 00:10:17,925 --> 00:10:20,552 If they're too young to bleed They're too young for weed 175 00:10:20,719 --> 00:10:23,514 No grass on the field No grass will they yield 176 00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:25,516 - You're a poet. - You know it. 177 00:10:28,894 --> 00:10:30,729 It's getting late, you want a ride home? 178 00:10:30,938 --> 00:10:34,358 No, I'll be good. It's the suburbs. Safe to walk the streets and all that. 179 00:10:38,195 --> 00:10:40,197 You should take her easy on the lattes. 180 00:10:40,364 --> 00:10:42,908 Don't kid yourself. Caffeine is a serious drug. 181 00:10:43,367 --> 00:10:44,827 Go away now, Josh. 182 00:10:47,121 --> 00:10:48,705 Later, Miss B. 183 00:11:05,180 --> 00:11:07,558 Let's go, team! Come on, hustle out there! 184 00:11:11,270 --> 00:11:14,273 Foul! Ref, what's the matter with your whistle? 185 00:11:15,441 --> 00:11:18,777 Well, technically, Nancy, ref can't call a foul. 186 00:11:18,986 --> 00:11:21,780 Shane was kicked by his own teammates. 187 00:11:24,199 --> 00:11:25,743 Look at Isabel go. 188 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:28,162 How's she doing with her nutritionist? 189 00:11:28,328 --> 00:11:30,998 Oh, fine. Fine. 190 00:11:31,582 --> 00:11:33,250 She lost three pounds. 191 00:11:33,417 --> 00:11:35,419 In just four months. Good for her. 192 00:11:35,586 --> 00:11:37,671 She has a very slow metabolism. 193 00:11:38,255 --> 00:11:40,799 We're thinking of putting her on thyroid medication. 194 00:11:41,467 --> 00:11:44,636 Why she couldn't take after my side of the family, I will never know. 195 00:11:45,471 --> 00:11:46,889 Did you see my kick? 196 00:11:47,056 --> 00:11:50,100 Yeah, I wanna see more running out there, Isabelly. 197 00:11:50,976 --> 00:11:52,728 Yeah, that's what burns the fat. 198 00:11:52,895 --> 00:11:56,482 - Your kick was great, Isabel. - Yes, it was. 199 00:11:56,690 --> 00:12:00,444 Yeah. I'm just gonna go get a drink. 200 00:12:00,611 --> 00:12:03,030 Water or diet soda only! 201 00:12:03,363 --> 00:12:06,950 You know, I love Dean, but he has ruined my children. 202 00:12:07,159 --> 00:12:09,912 He has. Quinn has his asthma... 203 00:12:10,079 --> 00:12:12,956 ...Isabel has inherited his unfortunate build. 204 00:12:13,123 --> 00:12:16,835 Breaks my heart. Well, we all have our crosses to bear. 205 00:12:17,002 --> 00:12:20,964 All right, bring it on in, Hurricanes. Nice effort out there, huh? Let's go. 206 00:12:21,131 --> 00:12:22,841 Oh, look, I think Shane is bleeding. 207 00:12:26,595 --> 00:12:28,555 Shane just licked his own blood! 208 00:12:31,266 --> 00:12:33,977 You know, maybe he needs more iron in his diet. 209 00:12:34,144 --> 00:12:36,313 Here you go. 210 00:12:38,315 --> 00:12:40,109 Okay. 211 00:12:40,275 --> 00:12:44,530 - Let the healing begin. - Can we go home now? Please? 212 00:12:44,696 --> 00:12:48,867 - It's not even halftime. - I don't feel well. I think I have rickets. 213 00:12:49,076 --> 00:12:52,830 No, you've gotta tough it out, little man. That's what your father would have... 214 00:12:52,996 --> 00:12:56,417 How about this? How about you relax and have a drink... 215 00:12:56,583 --> 00:13:02,047 ...and sit out this quarter, and you'll play again in the second half, okay? 216 00:13:02,631 --> 00:13:05,384 - Okay? - Fine. Can I have fruit punch? 217 00:13:05,592 --> 00:13:07,553 You can even have fruit punch. 218 00:13:07,928 --> 00:13:09,471 I love you. 219 00:13:10,347 --> 00:13:13,892 You know, from all the books I have read... 220 00:13:14,059 --> 00:13:17,312 ...you should really be encouraging Shane and Silas... 221 00:13:17,479 --> 00:13:19,732 ...to talk about Judah's death. 222 00:13:19,898 --> 00:13:24,194 Or down the road, you're looking at two very dysfunctional adults... 223 00:13:24,361 --> 00:13:27,573 ...who will have trouble sustaining healthy relationships. 224 00:13:27,948 --> 00:13:30,159 - Celia. - What? 225 00:13:30,325 --> 00:13:32,703 - I had no idea you read books. - "Well... " 226 00:13:32,870 --> 00:13:35,581 Hey, Nancy. How's it going? 227 00:13:35,789 --> 00:13:39,918 Douglas, do you know where your son Josh is right now? 228 00:13:40,085 --> 00:13:44,047 - And what he's doing? - Yeah, yeah, he's over there somewhere. 229 00:13:44,590 --> 00:13:47,426 - Yeah, and he happens to be... - Hey, Nancy, I was wondering... 230 00:13:47,593 --> 00:13:50,429 - There's some nice stuff in here, Doug. - Okay, that's great. 231 00:13:50,596 --> 00:13:54,266 It's kind of expensive, but I promise you, it's worth every penny. 232 00:13:54,683 --> 00:13:56,643 Really? 233 00:13:57,144 --> 00:14:00,814 Well, you haven't let me down yet, Nance. Thank you. 234 00:14:00,981 --> 00:14:03,567 You're welcome. Catch you later. 235 00:14:05,152 --> 00:14:07,071 I'll see you later, Doug. 236 00:14:07,237 --> 00:14:09,948 Oh, okay. Yeah, later. 237 00:14:13,327 --> 00:14:16,538 He's trying to find something nice for Dana, her birthday's coming up. 238 00:14:16,705 --> 00:14:19,333 If he really wanted to do something nice for his wife... 239 00:14:19,500 --> 00:14:23,504 ...he'd ship that delinquent son of his off to military school. Will you look at that? 240 00:14:25,089 --> 00:14:28,383 The little scumbag sells drugs right on the playground... 241 00:14:28,550 --> 00:14:30,636 ...nobody does anything about it. 242 00:14:31,345 --> 00:14:35,974 - That's it, I'm gonna call the police. - Oh, please. Save your weekend minutes. 243 00:14:36,517 --> 00:14:39,645 The kid will drop whatever he's got by the time he sees them. 244 00:14:39,812 --> 00:14:44,024 - There will be nothing to arrest him for. - Somebody's been watching "Law & Order. " 245 00:14:44,191 --> 00:14:48,320 Just the reruns. I've been finding Jerry Orbach oddly comforting. 246 00:14:48,529 --> 00:14:50,739 You are such a brave widow. 247 00:14:51,490 --> 00:14:55,327 All right, now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna chase that little fucker out of here. 248 00:14:55,953 --> 00:15:02,000 Did you hear? They found a 10-year old with marijuana in his lunch box yesterday. 249 00:15:02,584 --> 00:15:04,336 A 10-year-old? 250 00:15:04,878 --> 00:15:07,923 - Put that on your ankle. - But I wanna play, we're short one! 251 00:15:08,090 --> 00:15:10,884 - I guess I could go back in, coach. - What? 252 00:15:12,136 --> 00:15:15,222 Botwin. There's only a few minutes left in the half... 253 00:15:15,389 --> 00:15:17,891 ...it really wouldn't make a difference. And you... 254 00:15:18,058 --> 00:15:20,978 ...sit there and ice that ankle so you can play after the break. 255 00:15:21,145 --> 00:15:22,479 You hear me, cowboy? 256 00:15:22,646 --> 00:15:26,400 Now, the Hurricanes don't fully blow unless you are out there. 257 00:15:26,567 --> 00:15:28,819 Coach, did you mean to say that to Devon? 258 00:15:28,986 --> 00:15:33,824 Because I think the Hurricanes blow especially hard when I'm out there. 259 00:15:34,658 --> 00:15:36,785 You watch yourself, Botwin. 260 00:15:36,952 --> 00:15:40,831 All right, way to go, Hurricanes! Come on, let's see some hustle! 261 00:15:41,165 --> 00:15:43,959 Actually, you should alternate cold and hot every 20 minutes. 262 00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:48,547 - Don't even talk to me, weirdo. - Fine. I was just trying to help. 263 00:15:48,922 --> 00:15:51,842 - I don't need your help, lipstick. - Lipstick? 264 00:15:52,092 --> 00:15:54,887 Your fruit-punch lipstick, fruit punch. 265 00:15:55,054 --> 00:15:57,389 It's perfect. Fruit for the fruit. 266 00:15:57,848 --> 00:15:59,391 Or are you pretending it's blood? 267 00:15:59,808 --> 00:16:04,396 Because we all know how much you love the taste of blood. Is that it, vampire? 268 00:16:04,563 --> 00:16:09,068 Okay, I'm confused. Am I weirdo, lipstick, fruit punch or vampire? 269 00:16:09,276 --> 00:16:12,404 You really need to pick an insulting nickname and stick to it. 270 00:16:12,613 --> 00:16:14,406 How about orphan boy? 271 00:16:18,660 --> 00:16:21,121 I'm going to kill you! You little freak! 272 00:16:24,333 --> 00:16:26,585 - Shane, where...? - Come here, you! 273 00:16:26,752 --> 00:16:28,420 You are so dead! 274 00:16:29,546 --> 00:16:31,256 Oh, Devon, honey. 275 00:16:31,423 --> 00:16:34,051 You really need to watch where you're going. 276 00:16:34,218 --> 00:16:36,387 Well, it's never gonna happen at my house. 277 00:16:36,553 --> 00:16:40,391 My mom's probably got, like, spy cameras in the light fixtures. 278 00:16:40,557 --> 00:16:42,059 Come on. 279 00:16:42,226 --> 00:16:44,311 You think I'm kidding? 280 00:16:44,603 --> 00:16:48,065 This is a woman who put one of those stuffed-teddy-bear nanny cams... 281 00:16:48,273 --> 00:16:51,276 ...in the pantry so she could see when Isabel was sneaking food. 282 00:16:58,784 --> 00:17:01,453 I am so dead. I am so dead. 283 00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:03,205 Is he coming? 284 00:17:03,580 --> 00:17:05,165 There's no one chasing you, Shane. 285 00:17:06,583 --> 00:17:08,961 Oh, man. What, are you wearing lipstick? 286 00:17:09,128 --> 00:17:10,921 It's not lipstick, it's fruit punch. 287 00:17:11,088 --> 00:17:13,132 I threw a can of soda at Devon Rensler. 288 00:17:13,298 --> 00:17:16,218 - Well, that was stupid. - He called me orphan boy. 289 00:17:16,385 --> 00:17:18,345 - He's a fuckwad. - Did you hit him? 290 00:17:18,512 --> 00:17:20,931 - No, just grazed him. - Oh, that's bad. 291 00:17:21,348 --> 00:17:23,726 - You can't miss the bear. - What bear? 292 00:17:23,892 --> 00:17:27,771 I missed the bear. The shot was nowhere near his optimum kill zone. 293 00:17:27,938 --> 00:17:30,607 - What are you talking about? - Don't you watch "Bear Hunt?" 294 00:17:30,774 --> 00:17:33,819 - On the Wilderness Channel? - Somehow, I've missed it. 295 00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:36,405 It's only the best show in the history of television! 296 00:17:36,572 --> 00:17:39,658 Every week, these guys with gun racks and their monster trucks... 297 00:17:39,825 --> 00:17:42,119 ...go out and they kill a bear. - That's horrible. 298 00:17:42,286 --> 00:17:44,329 - No, it's so awesome! - Right, right. 299 00:17:44,496 --> 00:17:46,749 "You gotta bring enough gun to get the job done. " 300 00:17:47,082 --> 00:17:50,335 - And tell her about C.G. S! - Whoa, Shane. You're gonna wet yourself. 301 00:17:50,544 --> 00:17:52,296 - Shut up. You're just as into it. - C.G. S? 302 00:17:52,463 --> 00:17:55,674 Carter Grizzly Sudkin. The host. At the end of each show, he's got... 303 00:17:55,883 --> 00:17:58,177 He has the head of the bear they shot that week. 304 00:17:58,385 --> 00:18:01,263 And he leaves you with these, like, wise parting words, like: 305 00:18:01,430 --> 00:18:04,099 "You can't miss the bear, or he gonna turn around... 306 00:18:04,266 --> 00:18:08,812 ...and rip you open like a present from your mama on Christmas morning. " 307 00:18:08,979 --> 00:18:11,607 - Okay, we are breaking up. - Come on. 308 00:18:12,232 --> 00:18:14,026 Think of the time this will save on foreplay. 309 00:18:14,318 --> 00:18:18,238 You just whisper, "Shoot me in the optimum kill zone," I'll be good to go. 310 00:18:18,405 --> 00:18:20,699 I could whisper "linoleum" and you'd be good to go. 311 00:18:20,908 --> 00:18:25,037 You're finally gonna do it? Thank God! He's been going crazy. 312 00:18:25,204 --> 00:18:27,206 Shane, shut the fuck up! 313 00:18:57,528 --> 00:18:59,238 - Doug. - Jesus, you weren't kidding. 314 00:18:59,446 --> 00:19:02,574 This stuff is primo. You wanna climb in? 315 00:19:02,783 --> 00:19:05,702 Unless you wanna go back to buying from your housekeeper's cousin... 316 00:19:05,869 --> 00:19:09,081 ...put away the pipe, hide the pot, and get your head out of your ass. 317 00:19:09,248 --> 00:19:10,874 - What are you thinking? - What? 318 00:19:12,292 --> 00:19:16,338 You're on the goddamn city council. What if someone like Celia walked by? 319 00:19:16,505 --> 00:19:17,923 She is such a bitch. 320 00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:21,510 Great tits, but a raging bitch. 321 00:19:22,010 --> 00:19:24,763 - Her husband's boning the tennis pro. - The Asian girl? 322 00:19:25,389 --> 00:19:27,433 She love him long time. 323 00:19:27,599 --> 00:19:30,144 Doug, she's from Anaheim, not Bangkok. 324 00:19:30,310 --> 00:19:32,604 She can't shoot tennis balls out of her twat. 325 00:19:32,771 --> 00:19:35,899 Last week she stuck a racket up Dean's ass when he was plowing her. 326 00:19:36,066 --> 00:19:38,819 He said it felt unbelievable. But you know, if you ask me... 327 00:19:38,986 --> 00:19:41,739 ...any guy who lets anything up there is at least part fag. 328 00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:46,910 - How do you know all this? - He's in the poker game. 329 00:19:47,369 --> 00:19:49,538 And he just shared it with you? 330 00:19:49,705 --> 00:19:52,291 He was losing, drank too much. 331 00:19:54,752 --> 00:19:57,588 Did Judah ever say anything about our sex life at these games? 332 00:19:57,755 --> 00:20:00,466 No, no. The guys who still have sex with their wives... 333 00:20:00,674 --> 00:20:04,094 ...usually don't wanna jinx it by saying something out loud. 334 00:20:04,595 --> 00:20:06,847 He was a great guy, Nance. We miss him a lot. 335 00:20:07,014 --> 00:20:09,141 Yeah. Me too. 336 00:20:09,308 --> 00:20:12,561 If only he'd lived long enough for me to stick objects up his ass. 337 00:20:12,728 --> 00:20:14,313 I never even got a finger up there. 338 00:20:14,521 --> 00:20:16,398 Oh, man. You're an amazing lady. 339 00:20:16,565 --> 00:20:18,067 And you're an idiot. 340 00:20:18,233 --> 00:20:20,986 Air out the van and keep your smoke private. 341 00:20:21,153 --> 00:20:24,448 - You hear me? - Yeah. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. 342 00:20:24,615 --> 00:20:28,035 - We cool? - We're cool when you pay me. 343 00:20:31,955 --> 00:20:33,749 Now we're cool. 344 00:20:34,208 --> 00:20:36,335 Hey, hey, hey, I was just getting into that. 345 00:20:36,543 --> 00:20:38,128 It's all about textures this fall. 346 00:20:38,545 --> 00:20:41,256 - Give my love to Dana. - Oh, right, right, will do. 347 00:20:41,423 --> 00:20:43,842 Dana wants you to call her about taking a class... 348 00:20:44,009 --> 00:20:46,970 ...in vegetable gardening or cooking. Something with vegetables. 349 00:20:47,137 --> 00:20:48,347 Vegetable carvings, maybe. 350 00:20:49,723 --> 00:20:53,185 Excuse me, ma'am, have you heard the good news about Jesus? 351 00:20:53,602 --> 00:20:56,355 - You made me a promise, you little shit. - Hey, take it easy. 352 00:20:56,563 --> 00:20:59,316 - I won't sneak up on you. - I heard a 10-year-old got busted. 353 00:20:59,483 --> 00:21:03,445 - A 10-year-old. You're a fucking liar. - The kid told me he was 37. 354 00:21:03,612 --> 00:21:06,448 - You promised me no kids. - Yeah, but they all want it. 355 00:21:06,615 --> 00:21:08,575 - And they cry if you say no. - Josh! 356 00:21:08,742 --> 00:21:11,286 - I just sold him shake. - He's 10. 357 00:21:11,745 --> 00:21:14,998 Look, when you opened shop here, I was totally cool with you, you know? 358 00:21:15,165 --> 00:21:18,210 And you took away a lot of my parent business, but I let it go. 359 00:21:18,377 --> 00:21:21,380 - It's not okay to sell to kids. - Let their parents worry about it. 360 00:21:21,630 --> 00:21:23,465 I'm selling to whoever's buying, okay? 361 00:21:23,632 --> 00:21:25,342 No, you're not! 362 00:21:28,637 --> 00:21:30,305 No, you're not. 363 00:21:30,472 --> 00:21:33,308 No? What are you gonna do, you gonna tell on me? 364 00:21:33,475 --> 00:21:36,311 My dad's over there getting baked in the minivan. 365 00:21:36,812 --> 00:21:40,065 He'll just be pissed that I was holding out on him. 366 00:21:43,694 --> 00:21:45,404 Don't worry. 367 00:21:45,612 --> 00:21:47,656 I will never sell to Shane, okay? 368 00:21:48,782 --> 00:21:51,452 You're a kid. You're just a stupid, irresponsible kid. 369 00:21:51,618 --> 00:21:53,579 And you're a hypocrite. 370 00:21:54,997 --> 00:21:57,666 "Keep kids off drugs," cries the pot-dealing mom. 371 00:21:57,833 --> 00:22:00,252 But if it gets you through the night, good for you. 372 00:22:00,961 --> 00:22:02,546 I'll see you around. 373 00:22:04,965 --> 00:22:08,761 Can we go now? I hate soccer, and Devon Rensler called me orphan boy. 374 00:22:09,094 --> 00:22:12,473 Devon Rensler's a fuckwad. Get in the car. 375 00:22:14,892 --> 00:22:17,728 - Are you two coming? - Yeah. 376 00:22:26,987 --> 00:22:29,573 Can we have sex in your house? 377 00:22:31,658 --> 00:22:34,703 - So you guys really think you're ready? - Yeah. 378 00:22:35,204 --> 00:22:36,663 I've tortured him enough. 379 00:22:38,123 --> 00:22:41,085 I mean, we've been going out for almost three months already. 380 00:22:42,544 --> 00:22:43,879 A whole three months. 381 00:22:44,046 --> 00:22:46,006 But I trust him. 382 00:22:46,673 --> 00:22:48,759 - And I think he loves me. - Hello? 383 00:22:48,926 --> 00:22:52,721 I think you're right about that, but you guys are only 15. 384 00:22:53,722 --> 00:22:55,682 Mom! 385 00:22:56,683 --> 00:23:00,229 I'm not sure where she is. Can I take a message? 386 00:23:01,605 --> 00:23:05,317 - Okay, bye. - Shane? We're up on the roof. 387 00:23:05,484 --> 00:23:07,486 - Who called? - Quinn's mom. 388 00:23:07,986 --> 00:23:10,697 - She's on her way over. - Great. 389 00:23:10,864 --> 00:23:13,450 - Go warn your brother. - Silas! 390 00:23:13,617 --> 00:23:15,702 She's gonna make you swear that Silas and I... 391 00:23:15,869 --> 00:23:19,081 ...are never in a room without the door open and a foot on the floor. 392 00:23:19,581 --> 00:23:22,584 She's such an uptight prude. 393 00:23:23,085 --> 00:23:25,087 No wonder my dad's screwing Helen Chin. 394 00:23:27,589 --> 00:23:29,258 You know about that? 395 00:23:29,425 --> 00:23:32,594 I had my suspicions. You just confirmed them. 396 00:23:32,886 --> 00:23:34,388 Oh, shit. 397 00:23:34,555 --> 00:23:36,849 - Look, Mrs. Botwin, I think you're really cool. 398 00:23:37,057 --> 00:23:38,600 But Silas and I are ready. 399 00:23:38,767 --> 00:23:41,353 You say that, but you don't know. 400 00:23:41,562 --> 00:23:43,355 You never know. 401 00:23:43,522 --> 00:23:47,151 - When I had sex with my last boyfriend... - Sex with your last boyfriend? 402 00:23:47,317 --> 00:23:48,902 Yeah. 403 00:23:49,153 --> 00:23:50,988 What? Did you think we were virgins? 404 00:23:53,115 --> 00:23:55,367 I'm climbing down. 405 00:23:55,743 --> 00:23:57,453 See you in the house. 406 00:24:00,706 --> 00:24:02,374 Oh, check it out. 407 00:24:03,250 --> 00:24:05,544 Mr. Wells has a new boy toy. 408 00:24:06,795 --> 00:24:10,507 He...? What? I didn't know he had an old one. 409 00:24:10,674 --> 00:24:12,968 Yeah. That guy Raoul from the security patrol... 410 00:24:13,135 --> 00:24:16,221 ...but they broke up a while ago. Hand me the binoculars. 411 00:24:21,769 --> 00:24:23,437 No way! 412 00:24:24,313 --> 00:24:25,981 I know that guy. 413 00:24:26,148 --> 00:24:28,567 His dad would so fully freak if he knew Josh was gay. 414 00:24:28,734 --> 00:24:30,861 - This is so funny. - Josh? 415 00:24:31,028 --> 00:24:34,114 - Josh Wilson, Josh? - Yeah. 416 00:24:36,325 --> 00:24:38,911 I think he's a pot dealer or something. 417 00:24:46,126 --> 00:24:47,961 I know nothing. 418 00:24:56,970 --> 00:25:00,682 If it's Girl Scouts, get the mint cookies. 419 00:25:02,810 --> 00:25:05,604 - Yes? - Just one second. 420 00:25:05,771 --> 00:25:07,231 The minty ones! 421 00:25:08,023 --> 00:25:09,942 - Wait! Who are you? - Hurry up! 422 00:25:10,109 --> 00:25:12,528 - I'll just be a second. - Excuse me? 423 00:25:13,695 --> 00:25:15,614 Your dad may not care about the dealing... 424 00:25:15,781 --> 00:25:18,158 ...but from what I hear, this would really upset him. 425 00:25:18,325 --> 00:25:21,120 Okay. You win. No kids, ever, I promise. 426 00:25:21,328 --> 00:25:22,788 Your promises aren't worth much. 427 00:25:22,996 --> 00:25:25,707 I swear on my life, okay? Just... You can't say anything. 428 00:25:25,874 --> 00:25:28,293 - You don't know what my dad is really like. - I don't. 429 00:25:28,460 --> 00:25:30,879 - What's going on? - You think you know a person. 430 00:25:31,046 --> 00:25:32,464 He said he was 23. 431 00:25:32,631 --> 00:25:34,883 Promise me you're not gonna say anything, please? 432 00:25:35,050 --> 00:25:37,177 - I'll think about it. - What does that mean? 433 00:25:37,344 --> 00:25:39,346 - This is my house! - What does that mean? 434 00:25:39,513 --> 00:25:41,515 See you around, Josh. 435 00:25:42,599 --> 00:25:44,518 See you in church. 436 00:25:44,852 --> 00:25:46,437 I know everything. 437 00:25:46,603 --> 00:25:49,773 I read her diary. 438 00:25:49,940 --> 00:25:53,318 - You read her diary? - They're going to have sex. 439 00:25:53,527 --> 00:25:56,780 Here. Brought you something. 440 00:26:01,368 --> 00:26:04,163 It has a camera in it. 441 00:26:04,455 --> 00:26:10,961 Just slip it into Silas' room, flip the switch right under the tail here. 442 00:26:13,714 --> 00:26:16,341 I think Silas would notice if a big pink bear... 443 00:26:16,550 --> 00:26:20,971 ...suddenly showed up in his room, and I'm not gonna spy on my kids. 444 00:26:21,138 --> 00:26:22,514 Celia, I trust them. 445 00:26:22,723 --> 00:26:25,768 Please, they're all liars and sneaks... 446 00:26:25,934 --> 00:26:30,522 ...and it is our job to discover what they're up to and stop it. 447 00:26:31,148 --> 00:26:33,942 Are you really that naive? 448 00:26:35,277 --> 00:26:39,573 I'm beginning to think I am extremely naive. 449 00:26:39,740 --> 00:26:41,867 - Take the bear. - I'm not gonna take the bear. 450 00:26:42,076 --> 00:26:43,535 - Take the bear. - No. 451 00:26:43,702 --> 00:26:45,829 Okay, fine, fine. 452 00:26:45,996 --> 00:26:49,541 Just promise me, mother to mother... 453 00:26:49,708 --> 00:26:53,962 ...that my daughter and your son will not have sex under this roof. 454 00:26:54,421 --> 00:26:57,674 I know that it's hard for you to understand because you have boys... 455 00:26:57,841 --> 00:27:01,178 ...but I don't want Quinn turning into some little slut. 456 00:27:01,345 --> 00:27:05,474 Like that deaf girl down on Dewey Street who gave fellatio to Dennis Cling. 457 00:27:07,726 --> 00:27:09,561 - Promise me! - Fine, fine. 458 00:27:09,728 --> 00:27:12,481 Not under my roof. You have my word as a mother. 459 00:27:12,648 --> 00:27:14,066 Thank you. 460 00:27:14,233 --> 00:27:16,568 - Pizza's here. - Where's my change? 461 00:27:17,694 --> 00:27:19,321 Here. 462 00:27:22,908 --> 00:27:28,414 Oh, look, Silas. Look at that cute stuffed bear on the table. 463 00:27:28,622 --> 00:27:30,582 We had one just like it in our pantry. 464 00:27:30,791 --> 00:27:33,419 What happened to that bear, Mom? I miss that bear. 465 00:27:33,627 --> 00:27:36,046 You can't miss the bear. 466 00:27:36,547 --> 00:27:39,174 That is the bear from the pantry. 467 00:27:40,134 --> 00:27:42,010 I was just showing it to Nancy. 468 00:27:43,303 --> 00:27:44,722 Why? 469 00:27:45,347 --> 00:27:46,765 Why? 470 00:27:47,224 --> 00:27:50,811 I'm thinking of investing in those make-your-own-bear franchises at the mall. 471 00:27:50,978 --> 00:27:53,480 Oh, right. Well, are you gonna keep him? 472 00:27:53,647 --> 00:27:57,109 Because I'd love to put him in my room. 473 00:27:57,818 --> 00:28:00,404 Give me the bear. Give me the bear. 474 00:28:00,571 --> 00:28:02,531 He's all yours. 475 00:28:09,747 --> 00:28:13,751 Of course he's not here today. He knows he'd get his ass kicked. 476 00:28:21,008 --> 00:28:23,302 - Shit! - I want blood! 477 00:28:23,677 --> 00:28:25,345 Leave me alone, all right? 478 00:28:26,430 --> 00:28:28,307 Quit it! 479 00:28:30,601 --> 00:28:31,894 Quit it! Quit it! 480 00:28:32,061 --> 00:28:34,897 I think pink's really your color, you fuckwad! 481 00:28:35,064 --> 00:28:36,523 Who's "fruit punch" now? 482 00:28:44,364 --> 00:28:46,116 Nice. 483 00:28:46,867 --> 00:28:50,204 Shane goes on a paint rampage, gets suspended. 484 00:28:50,370 --> 00:28:54,833 The two of you ditch school to fuck in my guestroom. 485 00:28:55,042 --> 00:28:56,877 I've got everything under control. 486 00:28:57,044 --> 00:29:00,422 Don't you see? Technically, we're not under your roof. 487 00:29:03,425 --> 00:29:05,219 See? 488 00:29:20,275 --> 00:29:21,693 Hey. 489 00:29:29,159 --> 00:29:30,452 Oh, shit. Come on. Come in. 490 00:29:35,541 --> 00:29:37,251 It's all right. 491 00:29:38,961 --> 00:29:41,422 Heylia, break out that pie you made last night. 492 00:29:41,588 --> 00:29:43,716 The white lady having a time of it here. 493 00:29:43,882 --> 00:29:46,719 Tell her get her skinny ass in here and get her own damn pie! 494 00:29:46,927 --> 00:29:48,887 Slave days is over! 495 00:30:18,625 --> 00:30:19,877 Oh, Dean! 496 00:30:20,043 --> 00:30:22,421 Goddamn it! Come on! 497 00:30:24,048 --> 00:30:25,591 Dean! 498 00:30:29,261 --> 00:30:31,263 Put it in, Helen! Put it in! 499 00:30:31,472 --> 00:30:33,098 Oh, my God! 500 00:30:41,690 --> 00:30:43,067 Fuck you. 501 00:30:45,402 --> 00:30:48,030 That little cunt. 502 00:30:48,781 --> 00:30:50,741 Fuck off! 503 00:30:51,366 --> 00:30:53,952 I should have had an abortion.