1 00:00:07,258 --> 00:00:08,718 "Previously on" Weeds: 2 00:00:08,885 --> 00:00:09,886 Can you imagine? 3 00:00:10,053 --> 00:00:13,473 Boy out jogging with his daddy. Boom, daddy drop. 4 00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:15,683 If my husband died, I'd suck out, lift up... 5 00:00:15,892 --> 00:00:17,477 ... and inject anything that moved. 6 00:00:17,644 --> 00:00:18,978 I heard there was nothing. 7 00:00:19,145 --> 00:00:20,688 I wonder how she's getting by. 8 00:00:20,897 --> 00:00:22,524 Drugs sell themselves, biscuit. 9 00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:24,984 Keep kids off drugs, cries the pot-dealing mom. 10 00:00:25,151 --> 00:00:27,028 Gets you through the night, good for you. 11 00:00:27,195 --> 00:00:29,155 Can we have sex in your house? 12 00:00:30,532 --> 00:00:31,699 Nice. 13 00:00:31,908 --> 00:00:34,869 - Her husband's boning a tennis pro. - Helen Chin? 14 00:00:36,162 --> 00:00:38,373 That little cunt. 15 00:01:31,134 --> 00:01:33,344 And five, six, seven, "eight..." 16 00:01:36,222 --> 00:01:37,807 Sell it, ladies. 17 00:01:37,974 --> 00:01:39,601 And, go! 18 00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:41,478 Give me shoulders. Give me attitude. 19 00:01:42,228 --> 00:01:43,646 Heads down, ladies. 20 00:01:44,814 --> 00:01:48,026 - You know about Celia's husband. - Sleeping with the tennis pro. 21 00:01:48,193 --> 00:01:50,653 - He's homosexual? - Not Victor, the oriental girl. 22 00:01:50,820 --> 00:01:53,573 Helen Chin? She completely transformed my serve. 23 00:01:53,740 --> 00:01:55,992 - I hope they don't fire her. - Ladies. 24 00:01:56,159 --> 00:01:59,370 - Throwing stones in a glass room? - We're gossiping about Celia. 25 00:01:59,537 --> 00:02:00,538 Lovely. 26 00:02:00,705 --> 00:02:03,625 - Come on, Nancy, it's harmless fun. - Probably not for Celia. 27 00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:06,252 Oh, please. Celia wasn't programmed to feel. 28 00:02:06,419 --> 00:02:08,797 Why not chat about who your husbands are fucking. 29 00:02:08,963 --> 00:02:11,716 Oh, look, here come the girls. 30 00:02:11,883 --> 00:02:15,595 You take care, Nancy. It must be so hard for you being all alone. 31 00:02:15,762 --> 00:02:17,180 God bless. 32 00:02:18,598 --> 00:02:19,891 Mom? 33 00:02:21,059 --> 00:02:23,478 I thought Blanca was picking me up after school. 34 00:02:23,645 --> 00:02:26,773 Yes, well, surprise. 35 00:02:26,940 --> 00:02:29,734 Blanca had to take your sister to the airport. 36 00:02:29,901 --> 00:02:33,321 The airport? Where's she going? 37 00:02:33,488 --> 00:02:37,992 Quinn is on her way to boarding school in Mexico. 38 00:02:38,201 --> 00:02:41,287 - She didn't say anything. - Yeah, not a sentimentalist, your sister. 39 00:02:41,454 --> 00:02:43,039 Can we talk about this in the car? 40 00:02:43,206 --> 00:02:44,457 - But... - In the car. 41 00:02:44,624 --> 00:02:46,960 Go change your clothes. I'll meet you at the desk. 42 00:02:47,418 --> 00:02:48,878 Karate class will be starting. 43 00:02:49,045 --> 00:02:51,172 Mr. St. Denis, so nice to see you. 44 00:02:51,381 --> 00:02:54,592 Always a pleasure, Mrs. Botwin. Shane's doing very well in karate. 45 00:02:54,759 --> 00:02:57,095 I'm so glad to hear that. 46 00:02:57,262 --> 00:02:59,722 Mom, the lady at the desk says you need to pay. 47 00:02:59,889 --> 00:03:03,226 - I wrote a check last week. - She said it didn't clear. 48 00:03:03,393 --> 00:03:04,894 There must be some explanation. 49 00:03:05,061 --> 00:03:07,438 You don't have any money in your checking account. 50 00:03:07,605 --> 00:03:10,275 I'll go to the desk, straighten it out. Go back to class. 51 00:03:10,441 --> 00:03:12,819 - I gotta pee. - Fine, hurry up. Hold up the belt. 52 00:03:12,986 --> 00:03:15,530 - Hold up the belt, so it doesn't get wet. - Mom! 53 00:03:15,738 --> 00:03:17,991 - Hey, Nancy. - Hi, Celia. 54 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:26,374 Nancy, hey. Check this out. 55 00:03:27,917 --> 00:03:29,669 Oh, shit! Nancy, I am so sorry. 56 00:03:29,836 --> 00:03:32,046 What did you just chuck at my face? 57 00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:34,799 It's called a "Roomerang." And when you throw it... 58 00:03:34,966 --> 00:03:38,636 It's supposed to come back to you, when someone's face doesn't get in the way. 59 00:03:38,803 --> 00:03:41,473 - Not saying you did that on purpose. - Can I have a tissue? 60 00:03:41,639 --> 00:03:43,600 Sure. Here. 61 00:03:45,268 --> 00:03:46,603 Doug, we need to talk. 62 00:03:46,769 --> 00:03:49,105 Oh, no. No, no. Don't tell me you're dry. 63 00:03:49,272 --> 00:03:53,026 - I'm not dry, Doug. I'm broke. - Thank God. 64 00:03:53,193 --> 00:03:55,904 Maybe I should save some money by firing my accountant. 65 00:03:56,112 --> 00:03:58,948 Let's not get carried away. We should brainstorm on this. 66 00:03:59,115 --> 00:04:02,702 - Have some dialogue, confab, powwow. - Can't believe I trust you with my money. 67 00:04:02,869 --> 00:04:05,413 - You're an idiot. - I'm an idiot savant. 68 00:04:05,622 --> 00:04:09,250 Say what you will about me personally, but I am a great fucking CPA. 69 00:04:09,459 --> 00:04:11,836 You won't let me deposit cash in my checking account. 70 00:04:12,003 --> 00:04:14,464 I'm running all over town paying my bills with cash. 71 00:04:14,631 --> 00:04:18,092 Because I can't have a paper trail of cash deposits. Trust me on this. 72 00:04:18,301 --> 00:04:21,471 - Am I supposed to sell my house? - How about Lupita, your housekeeper? 73 00:04:21,638 --> 00:04:26,601 She's like family. And since her daughter's still in court reporting "school..." 74 00:04:26,810 --> 00:04:31,189 I started selling so I could maintain my lifestyle, not dismantle it. 75 00:04:31,356 --> 00:04:34,526 You'll have to sell more. Nancy, it's the oldest rule in business: 76 00:04:34,692 --> 00:04:36,820 Buy low, sell high. 77 00:04:39,030 --> 00:04:40,698 You get it? Sell high. 78 00:04:40,865 --> 00:04:44,118 If you ever make a business card, you could use that. 79 00:04:44,577 --> 00:04:45,995 Doug. 80 00:04:46,913 --> 00:04:49,791 Okay. All right, listen. I've been working on setting up... 81 00:04:49,958 --> 00:04:53,419 ...a business loan for you so we can have a front to launder money through. 82 00:04:53,586 --> 00:04:56,381 You can replenish your checking account, pay some bills. 83 00:04:56,548 --> 00:04:57,799 And boom: Bob's your uncle. 84 00:04:58,007 --> 00:05:00,176 - What's my legitimate business? - I don't know. 85 00:05:00,343 --> 00:05:03,304 Pick something. Paperwork's the same. Let me know what you want. 86 00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:06,391 Could my cover business eventually become my real business? 87 00:05:06,558 --> 00:05:09,060 In this economy, small business is fucked. 88 00:05:09,227 --> 00:05:12,021 But that'll be good for us. Don't worry. Pick something... 89 00:05:12,188 --> 00:05:14,190 ...with a low inventory, okay? 90 00:05:14,357 --> 00:05:15,608 I am so screwed. 91 00:05:15,775 --> 00:05:17,569 Stop that. Everything's gonna be great. 92 00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:20,947 I'm guaranteeing you at least seven customers at tomorrow's game. 93 00:05:21,114 --> 00:05:24,075 And if you could be here by 8, that would be perfecto. 94 00:05:26,327 --> 00:05:28,580 How about a little cash up front? 95 00:05:29,038 --> 00:05:30,540 Sure. 96 00:05:33,293 --> 00:05:37,380 Shit, I'm all tapped out. I'll hit the ATM later. I promise. 97 00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:42,135 I'd offer to write you a check, but that seems insensitive. 98 00:05:42,302 --> 00:05:44,596 Not to mention unwise. If you should get caught... 99 00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:46,639 ...I can't have it coming back to me. 100 00:05:47,265 --> 00:05:51,144 Silas, is there a phone off the hook upstairs? 101 00:05:51,311 --> 00:05:53,354 - It's dead. - What? 102 00:05:54,022 --> 00:05:56,608 It's dead. All the phones are dead. 103 00:05:56,774 --> 00:05:58,943 Oh, shit. 104 00:06:00,570 --> 00:06:02,280 Don't worry. 105 00:06:03,323 --> 00:06:05,533 I'll go on-line, pay it right now. 106 00:06:09,412 --> 00:06:13,249 - Why can't I get on-line? - DSL is connected through the phone. 107 00:06:13,416 --> 00:06:15,043 I'll give you 50 bucks right now... 108 00:06:15,210 --> 00:06:17,587 ...if you don't give me any grief about this. 109 00:06:18,713 --> 00:06:20,423 Cool. 110 00:06:20,590 --> 00:06:23,343 You haven't talked to Quinn's mom lately, have you? 111 00:06:23,510 --> 00:06:27,096 - I saw her at karate. - Well, you didn't say anything to her, right? 112 00:06:27,263 --> 00:06:28,681 About what? 113 00:06:28,848 --> 00:06:30,934 You know, about how you caught me and Quinn. 114 00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:32,602 Why would you think that? 115 00:06:32,769 --> 00:06:36,731 Because I haven't heard from Quinn, and she wasn't at school. 116 00:06:36,940 --> 00:06:38,650 I don't know. I "just..." 117 00:06:38,817 --> 00:06:42,111 - I don't get it. - She didn't say goodbye? 118 00:06:42,487 --> 00:06:44,364 - Goodbye? - What do you mean, goodbye? 119 00:06:44,531 --> 00:06:48,576 I heard Celia saying something about Quinn going to Mexico. 120 00:06:49,452 --> 00:06:50,912 Mexico? 121 00:06:51,079 --> 00:06:53,289 I don't know, I overheard. 122 00:06:54,749 --> 00:06:56,209 Quinn... 123 00:06:56,376 --> 00:06:59,170 Quinn wouldn't go to Mexico without telling me. 124 00:06:59,963 --> 00:07:02,799 I'm sorry, honey. I don't know the whole story. 125 00:07:02,966 --> 00:07:06,177 You're sorry? She's probably been trying to call me. 126 00:07:06,344 --> 00:07:08,471 What the hell is the matter with this family... 127 00:07:08,638 --> 00:07:11,141 ...that we can't even have a goddamn working phone? 128 00:07:11,307 --> 00:07:12,642 Such a fucking mess. 129 00:07:12,809 --> 00:07:14,561 - Silas. - Hi, missus. 130 00:07:14,727 --> 00:07:17,480 Hi, Lupita. How you doing? 131 00:07:17,647 --> 00:07:19,274 I think I have the menopause. 132 00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:22,861 I'm thinking I'm gonna have another baby, and I cry. 133 00:07:23,027 --> 00:07:25,822 And then I hear, "No, it is the menopause." 134 00:07:25,989 --> 00:07:27,615 And I say, "Thank you, God." 135 00:07:29,826 --> 00:07:31,703 So you no pay me last week. 136 00:07:32,996 --> 00:07:34,622 - I didn't? - You no pay me. 137 00:07:34,831 --> 00:07:37,542 - Are you sure? - You pay me now? 138 00:07:45,258 --> 00:07:47,177 Okay, "gracias." 139 00:07:49,304 --> 00:07:52,682 Good morning, I am Shane Botwin and I am 10 years old today. 140 00:07:52,849 --> 00:07:55,560 And I have been told that these are the people responsible. 141 00:07:55,727 --> 00:07:58,771 - "Turn it off." - "To celebrate this, my natal day..." 142 00:07:58,938 --> 00:08:01,399 ... I have asked for the Megatech radio-controlled... 143 00:08:01,566 --> 00:08:04,777 ... blimp-UFO combo, a night-vision binocular... 144 00:08:04,944 --> 00:08:09,866 ... and the DVD of Stephen Chow's "cinematic masterpiece," Shaolin Soccer. 145 00:08:10,033 --> 00:08:12,660 I wonder if these so-called parents of mine... 146 00:08:12,869 --> 00:08:15,205 ... have purchased any of these items. 147 00:08:15,371 --> 00:08:18,541 Let's see what the alleged parental units have to say. 148 00:08:18,708 --> 00:08:20,043 Honey. 149 00:08:20,210 --> 00:08:21,711 Show Shane your stretch marks. 150 00:08:21,878 --> 00:08:23,004 Show him yours. 151 00:08:25,381 --> 00:08:26,800 You know, you were not born... 152 00:08:26,966 --> 00:08:29,719 ... until 4:00 in the afternoon, so you, my friend... 153 00:08:29,886 --> 00:08:32,347 ... are not officially 10 years old yet. 154 00:08:32,514 --> 00:08:34,307 Will you make me pizza eggs? 155 00:08:36,893 --> 00:08:40,188 - "Hey, we got any leftover pizza?" - "Yes." 156 00:08:41,523 --> 00:08:45,318 Then I will make you pizza eggs, but not because it's your birthday. 157 00:08:45,485 --> 00:08:48,154 But because I'm feeling a little bit peckish myself... 158 00:08:48,321 --> 00:08:51,658 ... and your mother's not a morning person. And I love you. 159 00:08:51,825 --> 00:08:55,203 - "And it's my birthday." - "And it's your birthday." 160 00:08:55,370 --> 00:08:56,579 Do you think I'm weird? 161 00:08:56,746 --> 00:08:59,958 - "Yes!" - "Totally weird. But you're awesome." 162 00:09:00,125 --> 00:09:03,920 And I wouldn't trade you in for any other almost-10-year-old on earth. 163 00:09:04,087 --> 00:09:07,799 What if there's life on other planets, and there's an unbelievable, amazing... 164 00:09:07,966 --> 00:09:09,968 ... 10-year-old out there? 165 00:09:12,095 --> 00:09:13,471 Why would I trade down, man? 166 00:09:13,638 --> 00:09:15,723 To me, you're the best, dude. 167 00:09:15,890 --> 00:09:20,353 You are the amazing, unbelievable Shane Botwin. 168 00:09:22,188 --> 00:09:25,400 - "amazing, unbelievable Shane Botwin." 169 00:09:26,943 --> 00:09:30,238 - "amazing, unbelievable Shane Botwin." 170 00:09:35,285 --> 00:09:38,121 It's amazing the guy would even consider a plea of not guilty. 171 00:09:38,621 --> 00:09:41,624 - Amazing. - Part of me thinks he actually... 172 00:09:41,791 --> 00:09:44,294 ...believes his own bullshit, which is just scary. 173 00:10:02,145 --> 00:10:05,815 You think it's safe I take two Ambien? Could really use some good sleep tonight. 174 00:10:05,982 --> 00:10:08,109 I think you should take the whole bottle. 175 00:10:10,028 --> 00:10:11,404 Funny. 176 00:10:19,078 --> 00:10:20,788 Night, dear. 177 00:10:51,027 --> 00:10:52,779 Dean? 178 00:10:53,488 --> 00:10:55,448 You awake? 179 00:11:05,375 --> 00:11:07,836 Did your hair go to boarding school in Mexico too? 180 00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:24,602 I don't know what you're talking about. 181 00:11:24,769 --> 00:11:26,646 Where is she? 182 00:11:26,813 --> 00:11:29,941 Silas, come over here and hold this sign, so I can staple. 183 00:11:30,108 --> 00:11:32,068 Were you so threatened... 184 00:11:32,235 --> 00:11:35,488 ...by your daughter's sexuality that you had to ship her off? 185 00:11:35,655 --> 00:11:38,366 - Pardon me? - Who told you we had sex? 186 00:11:40,743 --> 00:11:43,037 Young man, this is the first that I'm hearing... 187 00:11:43,246 --> 00:11:46,833 ...that you and my daughter had sex. Although now that I've been made aware... 188 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:50,044 ...l'm tempted to bring her home, just so I can ship her off again. 189 00:11:50,253 --> 00:11:52,797 The little slut. How dare you! 190 00:11:52,964 --> 00:11:55,550 - Tell me where she is! - Why? 191 00:11:55,758 --> 00:11:57,677 So you can fly down to Mexico... 192 00:11:57,844 --> 00:11:59,762 ...and spring her from Casa Reforma? 193 00:11:59,929 --> 00:12:04,476 - I love her. - You stuck your penis in her. 194 00:12:08,646 --> 00:12:10,857 That's not love, believe me. 195 00:12:11,024 --> 00:12:13,943 If you didn't know about us, then why is she in Mexico? 196 00:12:14,110 --> 00:12:16,654 - That's a private family matter. - I am her family. 197 00:12:16,821 --> 00:12:18,406 Oh, God. 198 00:12:18,573 --> 00:12:20,074 Poor thing. 199 00:12:20,283 --> 00:12:24,996 Do you really think that my daughter had deep romantic feelings for you? 200 00:12:25,163 --> 00:12:26,790 Is that what you think? 201 00:12:26,956 --> 00:12:31,002 Now I'm sure that you were a fun and sweaty diversion for her. 202 00:12:31,169 --> 00:12:34,881 But the truth is, Quinn had a day and a half to get all of her ducks in a row... 203 00:12:35,048 --> 00:12:38,468 ...before going to Mexico, and she didn't call you. 204 00:12:39,302 --> 00:12:43,556 She didn't write or IM or e-mail you either, did she? 205 00:12:43,723 --> 00:12:48,353 But I'll tell you what she did do. She downloaded 2000 songs into her iPod... 206 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:51,314 ...and dyed her hair pink with black on the tips. 207 00:12:51,481 --> 00:12:55,276 Because all that Quinn cares about is Quinn. 208 00:12:55,443 --> 00:12:58,112 She takes after her father that way. 209 00:13:01,199 --> 00:13:03,076 Poor schmuck. 210 00:13:05,328 --> 00:13:07,997 Oh, you poor schmuck. You just played wrong. 211 00:13:09,165 --> 00:13:11,668 That's a boat. Mark that. 212 00:13:11,835 --> 00:13:15,255 So wait, a boat is when the four ends add up to 20? 213 00:13:15,421 --> 00:13:17,507 A boat is when I spank this boy's black ass... 214 00:13:17,674 --> 00:13:20,468 ...for thinking he all that with his three switchin' bitches. 215 00:13:20,677 --> 00:13:24,180 - Three switchin' bitches? - It's 15. And a boat is 20. 216 00:13:24,347 --> 00:13:26,850 Stop fucking with her. She's trying to learn the game. 217 00:13:27,016 --> 00:13:29,227 Then log off of "Hot Asian Chicks Suck Ass"... 218 00:13:29,394 --> 00:13:32,689 ...and you teach her. - I'm bidding for rims on eBay. 219 00:13:32,856 --> 00:13:36,651 Just like a nigga to buy new rims for his bucket before it's got a steering wheel. 220 00:13:36,818 --> 00:13:39,779 Kiss my ass. I just put a steering wheel in there two days ago. 221 00:13:39,946 --> 00:13:41,281 Okay, well, then. 222 00:13:42,699 --> 00:13:45,827 Tennis-shoe pimp. That's 200. 223 00:13:46,035 --> 00:13:47,787 And break out the peppermint lotion... 224 00:13:47,954 --> 00:13:50,540 ...because you're gonna massage my feet. 225 00:13:51,416 --> 00:13:55,128 - What would you have gotten if you won? - She was gonna baby-sit. 226 00:13:55,295 --> 00:13:58,006 - What am I gonna tell Horatia? - Tell her the truth, baby. 227 00:13:58,173 --> 00:14:00,633 That you a stinky, foot-rubbing loser. 228 00:14:01,259 --> 00:14:03,219 - I'll watch the kids. - For nothing? 229 00:14:03,386 --> 00:14:05,638 - It's his anniversary. - Oh, that's so sweet. 230 00:14:05,805 --> 00:14:08,641 - How long have you been married? - Since she got big with Shea... 231 00:14:08,808 --> 00:14:12,020 ...and her daddy told Keeyon he'd be all bun if he didn't do right. 232 00:14:12,187 --> 00:14:15,273 - All bun? - You know... 233 00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:16,524 ...hotdog. 234 00:14:17,734 --> 00:14:19,944 You need to pay Veneeta if she gonna baby-sit. 235 00:14:20,111 --> 00:14:22,697 - Is this your business? - Everything is my business. 236 00:14:24,491 --> 00:14:26,534 Speaking of "business..." 237 00:14:26,701 --> 00:14:28,286 Yes? 238 00:14:28,453 --> 00:14:30,955 I was... I was wondering what your credit policy was? 239 00:14:31,122 --> 00:14:35,001 What you think? This ain't fucking Macy's. You get what you pay for. 240 00:14:35,168 --> 00:14:36,711 Because... 241 00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:39,672 I'm a little short this week... 242 00:14:40,673 --> 00:14:44,135 ...but there are people waiting, and I promise I'll come right back. 243 00:14:44,302 --> 00:14:46,805 You bet your sweet ass you'll come right back. 244 00:14:46,971 --> 00:14:49,265 You want weed on credit, leave some collateral. 245 00:14:49,432 --> 00:14:51,059 - You believe this girl? - Like what? 246 00:14:51,267 --> 00:14:53,937 You got some nice shoes. What size you wear? 247 00:14:54,103 --> 00:14:56,940 - How much you need? - An ounce, maybe two. 248 00:14:57,106 --> 00:15:00,235 Hell, no. Shoes ain't gonna cover that shit. 249 00:15:00,443 --> 00:15:02,987 How about I hold on to that nice rock you wearing? 250 00:15:06,199 --> 00:15:08,827 All right, all right, I'm not unreasonable. 251 00:15:08,993 --> 00:15:10,745 Sentimental value and all that. 252 00:15:12,956 --> 00:15:16,918 - Leave your car instead. - My car? I'm leasing it. 253 00:15:17,085 --> 00:15:20,547 Then you really gonna want to get it back then, aren't you? 254 00:15:20,755 --> 00:15:22,298 How am I gonna get home? 255 00:15:22,924 --> 00:15:25,343 Take Conrad's bucket. 256 00:15:27,011 --> 00:15:30,348 White lady in the hooptie? Oh, you gotta let me get a picture. 257 00:15:30,515 --> 00:15:32,725 - Not my baby. - That's it. 258 00:15:32,892 --> 00:15:35,061 Range Rover for stony clover. 259 00:15:35,228 --> 00:15:39,190 - I've been working on that car for a year. - And it still looks like shit. 260 00:15:39,858 --> 00:15:42,443 So, what's it gonna be? 261 00:15:46,072 --> 00:15:48,867 Conrad, give her the keys to the hooptie. 262 00:15:51,494 --> 00:15:53,079 - It's a classic. - I promise... 263 00:15:53,246 --> 00:15:56,291 ...l'll treat her like she was my very own. - It only takes super. 264 00:15:56,499 --> 00:15:58,334 - You gotta check the water. - Okay. 265 00:15:58,501 --> 00:16:00,503 - And the oil. - You should leave those shoes. 266 00:16:00,670 --> 00:16:04,174 - And the coolant. - Get out of here before Veneeta strip you. 267 00:16:20,190 --> 00:16:24,611 From Public Radio International, "this is" The World. 268 00:16:41,294 --> 00:16:43,713 Nice doing business with you guys. 269 00:16:48,384 --> 00:16:50,094 Have a good game. 270 00:16:50,261 --> 00:16:52,597 Hey, does anybody have any money left to play with? 271 00:16:52,764 --> 00:16:54,349 - Not me. - I'm done. 272 00:16:54,557 --> 00:16:57,644 Fuck it then. Let's get high and make fun of Dean's bald head. 273 00:17:11,241 --> 00:17:13,284 - Celia? - Nancy? 274 00:17:14,536 --> 00:17:15,495 Hello. 275 00:17:16,204 --> 00:17:17,580 What are you doing out here? 276 00:17:17,747 --> 00:17:21,751 Oh, I had to sign some papers in Doug's office. 277 00:17:25,713 --> 00:17:27,966 I followed Dean here. 278 00:17:28,716 --> 00:17:31,136 - Did you see him? - Yes, I did. 279 00:17:31,302 --> 00:17:32,595 They were... 280 00:17:32,762 --> 00:17:34,472 ...playing poker. - Oh, great. 281 00:17:34,639 --> 00:17:39,227 Now he's gonna come home broke and stinking of marijuana. 282 00:17:39,435 --> 00:17:42,689 - Guess that's better than oriental pussy. - Excuse me? 283 00:17:42,856 --> 00:17:44,774 Oh, come on, Nancy. I know you know. 284 00:17:44,941 --> 00:17:46,359 Everybody knows. 285 00:17:46,526 --> 00:17:48,987 There are no secrets in this town. 286 00:17:49,154 --> 00:17:50,780 - Maybe a few. - No. 287 00:17:50,947 --> 00:17:54,784 None. You're having money problems. Our children had sex. 288 00:17:54,951 --> 00:17:57,871 Judy Gordon orders OxyContin over the Internet... 289 00:17:58,037 --> 00:18:01,082 ...and has developed quite the habit. - "Jesus-Loves-You" Judy? 290 00:18:01,291 --> 00:18:05,587 "Jesus-Loves-You" Judy loves her hillbilly heroin. 291 00:18:05,753 --> 00:18:09,466 But you didn't hear that from me. I don't like gossip. 292 00:18:09,632 --> 00:18:11,551 Where's your car? 293 00:18:14,304 --> 00:18:15,972 I don't know, I "parked..." 294 00:18:16,139 --> 00:18:20,894 I think I parked on the other side of the building. This place is so confusing. 295 00:18:21,060 --> 00:18:23,146 Do you want a lift? 296 00:18:24,147 --> 00:18:25,940 No, you know. 297 00:18:26,149 --> 00:18:28,985 Not now. You know, I'd rather walk. 298 00:18:30,195 --> 00:18:33,948 What about you? You're not gonna sit here all night, are you? 299 00:18:34,157 --> 00:18:36,868 Well, I was thinking of tracking down the tennis whore... 300 00:18:37,035 --> 00:18:39,078 ...and beating her to death with a tire iron. 301 00:18:39,245 --> 00:18:43,458 But I forgot to set my TiVo for "The Shield," so I think I'll go home. 302 00:18:44,501 --> 00:18:46,044 Love Michael Chiklis. 303 00:18:48,087 --> 00:18:50,924 - Goodnight, Nancy. - See you, Celia. 304 00:18:57,472 --> 00:18:58,723 Hello? 305 00:18:59,849 --> 00:19:00,892 Hello? 306 00:19:02,018 --> 00:19:03,269 Lupita. 307 00:19:04,395 --> 00:19:07,065 You hungry? I can warm up some pasta. 308 00:19:07,232 --> 00:19:08,691 No, thanks. 309 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,861 Silas. Honey? 310 00:19:12,654 --> 00:19:15,990 He been like that since after school, all day. 311 00:19:16,157 --> 00:19:19,077 He don't eat. He don't move. 312 00:19:19,244 --> 00:19:22,956 Right, isn't this cool? This is better than Silas' Polarium. 313 00:19:23,123 --> 00:19:24,374 Oh, my God. 314 00:19:24,541 --> 00:19:27,710 - "Dad, Vorilium." - "Maybe just one..." 315 00:19:27,877 --> 00:19:30,380 - "Mom!" - "Oh, no!" 316 00:19:30,547 --> 00:19:32,757 Shane, Shane, Shane, relax. We can fix it. 317 00:19:32,924 --> 00:19:33,925 No. 318 00:19:34,092 --> 00:19:38,054 Shane, look at me. We can fix this. Everything's gonna be okay, buddy. 319 00:19:38,346 --> 00:19:40,098 You got that, Mom? 320 00:19:40,890 --> 00:19:43,351 Dad made it all better. 321 00:19:43,768 --> 00:19:45,186 Silas, honey. 322 00:19:46,563 --> 00:19:48,481 What's going on? 323 00:19:48,648 --> 00:19:50,275 I don't wanna talk about it. 324 00:19:52,944 --> 00:19:56,406 Silas, I know things have been a little bumpy around here lately... 325 00:19:56,573 --> 00:20:00,326 - She didn't even give a shit about me. - She? 326 00:20:04,581 --> 00:20:07,375 - Honey, of course she did. It's just... - No. 327 00:20:07,584 --> 00:20:10,795 She just took off without even bothering to say goodbye. 328 00:20:12,464 --> 00:20:15,216 My whole fucking life, people just go away. 329 00:20:19,512 --> 00:20:20,847 Mom! 330 00:20:24,559 --> 00:20:26,519 Jesus, Shane. 331 00:20:26,686 --> 00:20:31,107 - What happened? I call 911! Hello? Hello? - I think I broke my arm. 332 00:20:31,524 --> 00:20:35,570 - Fucking perfect, the phone's still dead. - You don't say "fucking" to your mother! 333 00:20:37,113 --> 00:20:39,949 Dr. Hoffman, extension 4-2-1-7. 334 00:20:40,116 --> 00:20:41,618 Ma'am? 335 00:20:41,784 --> 00:20:44,204 Ma'am, how will you be paying? 336 00:20:45,246 --> 00:20:46,623 Cash. 337 00:20:47,332 --> 00:20:49,209 I know what you did! 338 00:20:51,711 --> 00:20:54,672 - I know you stole that goat. - Mr. Norman. 339 00:20:55,256 --> 00:20:58,176 - Goat thief! - Mr. Norman, step back into your line. 340 00:20:58,343 --> 00:21:02,722 I know, it's the economy, stupid. But that goat didn't belong to you. 341 00:21:02,889 --> 00:21:04,265 He was a free goat. 342 00:21:04,474 --> 00:21:06,976 Mom, it really hurts. It's throbbing. 343 00:21:07,143 --> 00:21:10,438 - It's throbbing, Mom. - Back off, nutty! 344 00:21:13,691 --> 00:21:15,151 You're a crybaby. 345 00:21:19,906 --> 00:21:23,326 I'm gonna take your free goat and shove it straight up your ass! 346 00:21:23,493 --> 00:21:24,994 What goat? 347 00:21:25,161 --> 00:21:27,705 Woman, you are light. 348 00:21:27,872 --> 00:21:30,500 You are lighter than Michael Jackson, you so light. 349 00:21:30,667 --> 00:21:34,129 - Where is my money? - Shane broke his arm last night. 350 00:21:36,172 --> 00:21:38,091 Sorry to hear that. 351 00:21:38,383 --> 00:21:40,969 - Where is my money? - I'll get it, I swear. 352 00:21:41,177 --> 00:21:44,139 I need more inventory. I'll pay everything back. 353 00:21:44,347 --> 00:21:45,890 Sure, you will. 354 00:21:46,057 --> 00:21:50,395 But until then, it's time to give it up, the shiny bits. 355 00:21:50,979 --> 00:21:52,730 You have my car. 356 00:21:52,897 --> 00:21:55,024 I can't sell no leased car. 357 00:21:55,191 --> 00:21:57,360 Now, you want more, you got to leave more. 358 00:21:57,527 --> 00:22:00,572 And you got a shitty watch, and you're buying knock-off handbags. 359 00:22:00,738 --> 00:22:03,616 It's just business, baby. Now I know you got troubles... 360 00:22:03,783 --> 00:22:06,703 ...but like my mamma always said, tough shit. 361 00:22:06,870 --> 00:22:10,206 - Do you have a cover business? - Of course I do. 362 00:22:10,373 --> 00:22:14,210 A Jew out in Century City set me up. I know he's skimming cream off the top... 363 00:22:14,377 --> 00:22:16,713 ...but he makes everything seem real nice on paper. 364 00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:20,425 You looking at the president and chief executive officer of Tidy Up Inc. 365 00:22:20,592 --> 00:22:23,803 - Got me a van out back and everything. - Maid service? 366 00:22:23,970 --> 00:22:26,556 Housecleaner. I ain't nobody's maid. 367 00:22:26,723 --> 00:22:30,393 You ain't no housecleaner neither. You a weed dealer with a front. 368 00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:32,145 And these are my employees. 369 00:22:32,312 --> 00:22:35,315 What do you do if somebody calls to get his house cleaned? 370 00:22:35,482 --> 00:22:39,402 Then I refer him to my cousin Zondra, who cleans for real. She don't make shit. 371 00:22:39,569 --> 00:22:41,654 But Zondra found the Lord, so she don't care. 372 00:22:41,821 --> 00:22:44,741 One day we gonna all retire to a beach house in the Caribbean. 373 00:22:44,908 --> 00:22:47,243 Till some "wrath of God" type shit happens... 374 00:22:47,410 --> 00:22:49,621 ...and washes everything away in a tidal wave... 375 00:22:49,788 --> 00:22:51,873 ...like those poor fuckers in Indonesia. 376 00:22:52,081 --> 00:22:55,543 - Not me. - Tsunami. It's called a "tsunami." 377 00:22:55,877 --> 00:22:57,921 I love the sound of that word. 378 00:22:58,087 --> 00:23:00,840 Knowing you, you'd probably name the baby Tsunami. 379 00:23:01,007 --> 00:23:03,343 I don't care what you say, that's a pretty name. 380 00:23:03,510 --> 00:23:06,721 You are not naming my grandbaby after some killer wave. 381 00:23:07,388 --> 00:23:10,058 And we ain't getting no beach house neither. 382 00:23:10,266 --> 00:23:12,393 I can't stand the sand. 383 00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:16,564 Sand, blood and relatives, can't never get rid of them. 384 00:23:19,567 --> 00:23:20,985 See y'all later. 385 00:23:23,947 --> 00:23:27,200 - How much you think we get for that? - Nothing. 386 00:23:29,202 --> 00:23:30,662 She'll be back. 387 00:23:43,383 --> 00:23:46,469 - Oh, shit. - Oh, you have no idea. 388 00:23:46,928 --> 00:23:49,180 Wait. Let's not do this here. 389 00:23:49,347 --> 00:23:52,183 No? Where should we go? A motel? 390 00:23:52,350 --> 00:23:57,188 My pool house, maybe. How about up my husband's ass? 391 00:23:58,314 --> 00:24:01,526 We need to go somewhere where we can get very, very drunk. 392 00:24:02,152 --> 00:24:04,946 I'm a mean drunk. Let's go. 393 00:24:09,325 --> 00:24:11,911 He's cute, funny, clean... 394 00:24:12,078 --> 00:24:14,456 Married. To me. 395 00:24:14,664 --> 00:24:17,292 It's not like we're running off together. It was sex. 396 00:24:18,001 --> 00:24:20,295 Very hot sex. 397 00:24:21,254 --> 00:24:23,756 He went down on me for days. 398 00:24:23,923 --> 00:24:26,134 Always did excellent work down there. 399 00:24:27,886 --> 00:24:29,345 Piece of shit. 400 00:24:29,512 --> 00:24:31,681 Is that what you think? He's shit? 401 00:24:33,057 --> 00:24:35,518 You know, when you stop being cute... 402 00:24:35,685 --> 00:24:39,731 ...and clean and funny at home, and start spending afternoons... 403 00:24:39,898 --> 00:24:43,485 ...with your head buried in the snatch of the tennis pro... 404 00:24:43,693 --> 00:24:45,820 ...yeah, you're a piece of shit. 405 00:24:46,029 --> 00:24:48,448 - Are you going to divorce him? - Divorce? 406 00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:51,242 He can't support two households. 407 00:24:51,409 --> 00:24:54,829 And I am not living in a townhouse again. 408 00:24:56,539 --> 00:24:58,750 So, what did you do that was so special? 409 00:25:00,001 --> 00:25:04,964 I did everything he ever wanted: Costumes, role-playing. 410 00:25:05,590 --> 00:25:08,927 - I bought a fucking swing. - Listen, most guys cheat. 411 00:25:09,093 --> 00:25:12,806 And it's not because the wife is some horrible, frigid bitch... 412 00:25:13,389 --> 00:25:16,893 ...but it's because they all have this primal urge... 413 00:25:17,060 --> 00:25:19,229 ...to seek variety. - Pieces of shit. 414 00:25:19,395 --> 00:25:22,065 - Dean's a good guy. - You know, shut up. 415 00:25:22,690 --> 00:25:24,609 I'm very mad at him. 416 00:25:25,443 --> 00:25:28,196 He's just not what I thought he'd be, you know? 417 00:25:28,404 --> 00:25:31,199 - Which was? - Rich. 418 00:25:31,491 --> 00:25:32,867 Powerful. 419 00:25:33,076 --> 00:25:34,953 Faithful. 420 00:25:35,120 --> 00:25:39,040 He just turned out to be another mid-level asshole. 421 00:25:39,207 --> 00:25:41,668 And that makes me Mrs. Mid-level Asshole. 422 00:25:41,835 --> 00:25:45,255 - That's why I'll never marry. - No, you just fuck the married... 423 00:25:45,421 --> 00:25:47,757 ...and then I have to watch it on video. 424 00:25:48,049 --> 00:25:51,928 Now I have to fucking deal with it, and I don't like dealing with things. 425 00:25:52,095 --> 00:25:56,141 I'd much prefer to pretend they don't exist. 426 00:25:56,808 --> 00:25:58,268 I'm sorry. 427 00:25:59,185 --> 00:26:00,645 You're a big whore. 428 00:26:03,106 --> 00:26:07,193 - I think I should go now. - Oh, sit your flat ass back down. 429 00:26:08,361 --> 00:26:11,990 - You know, you're a good listener. - Thanks. 430 00:26:12,157 --> 00:26:14,826 Fuck you. Let's get another round. 431 00:26:33,636 --> 00:26:35,680 Hey, Nancy! 432 00:26:39,392 --> 00:26:41,060 Where's your...? 433 00:26:41,227 --> 00:26:42,979 Where's your ring? 434 00:26:44,105 --> 00:26:45,315 My ring? 435 00:26:45,482 --> 00:26:48,651 Yeah, your pretty little diamond ring. 436 00:26:50,820 --> 00:26:52,030 It's in the shop. 437 00:26:53,740 --> 00:26:56,034 Well, I hope they can fix it. 438 00:26:57,118 --> 00:27:00,497 Yes. Me too, Celia. 439 00:27:00,663 --> 00:27:02,957 - Thanks. - Yeah. 440 00:27:22,393 --> 00:27:24,771 We can fix this. Everything's gonna be okay, buddy. 441 00:27:24,938 --> 00:27:26,606 You got that, Mom? 442 00:27:27,690 --> 00:27:29,442 Dad made it all... 443 00:27:43,373 --> 00:27:44,582 Mom. 444 00:27:44,749 --> 00:27:46,292 Yeah, honey, what is it? 445 00:27:46,501 --> 00:27:48,253 What happened? 446 00:27:53,007 --> 00:27:55,218 I guess when you fell, the camera got smashed. 447 00:27:58,054 --> 00:27:59,848 Yeah. 448 00:28:00,056 --> 00:28:03,059 Yeah, I guess that's what happened. 449 00:28:04,269 --> 00:28:06,813 Don't worry, we'll get another one. 450 00:28:08,523 --> 00:28:09,732 Okay. 451 00:28:22,495 --> 00:28:23,872 Ambien? 452 00:28:24,956 --> 00:28:26,791 Take them. You need rest. 453 00:28:27,959 --> 00:28:30,253 - What are you gonna do? - Nothing. 454 00:28:30,420 --> 00:28:31,921 Really. 455 00:28:32,088 --> 00:28:34,549 I'm not going to do a thing. 456 00:28:36,468 --> 00:28:39,971 Look, I'll take one myself. 457 00:28:47,312 --> 00:28:49,063 See? 458 00:28:51,441 --> 00:28:52,567 Night. 459 00:29:05,330 --> 00:29:07,540 I am your father, Shane. 460 00:29:07,707 --> 00:29:09,918 Join me on the dark side, and together... 461 00:29:10,126 --> 00:29:12,670 - "... we can rule the universe." - "Never!" 462 00:29:12,837 --> 00:29:15,924 - "Then prepare to die!" - "No!" 463 00:29:20,970 --> 00:29:24,098 Get back in here right now. We are not done talking. 464 00:29:24,265 --> 00:29:27,227 Just say goodnight, Dad, and shut off the camera. 465 00:29:30,104 --> 00:29:31,147 Goodnight, Dad.