1
00:00:02,250 --> 00:00:03,581
Previously on Weeds:

2
00:00:03,751 --> 00:00:05,378
-Uncle Andy!
-Hey!

3
00:00:05,553 --> 00:00:08,818
-How long you planning on staying?
-Just till I figure some things out.

4
00:00:08,990 --> 00:00:10,355
-Like?
-My life.

5
00:00:10,525 --> 00:00:13,426
Just lM'ing my girlfriend. She's deaf.

6
00:00:13,595 --> 00:00:16,291
This girl sounds like a keeper, Silas.
Don't mess it up.

7
00:00:17,165 --> 00:00:20,362
You know, I read somewhere
that killing small animals...

8
00:00:20,535 --> 00:00:22,867
...is the first sign of psychotic behavior.

9
00:00:23,171 --> 00:00:25,537
-Leave your car.
-How am I gonna get home?

10
00:00:25,707 --> 00:00:26,696
Take Conrad's bucket.

11
00:00:26,975 --> 00:00:30,502
White lady in the hooptie?
Oh, you gotta let me get a picture.

12
00:00:30,678 --> 00:00:32,009
It's a classic car.

13
00:00:32,180 --> 00:00:33,704
I went to my friend Conrad's...

14
00:00:33,882 --> 00:00:37,841
...and imagine my surprise when
I was handed a giant bag of weed...

15
00:00:38,019 --> 00:00:39,145
...for you.

16
00:00:47,395 --> 00:00:49,420
I have cancer.

17
00:02:02,437 --> 00:02:03,665
Shit.

18
00:02:07,041 --> 00:02:09,100
"My name is Shane
I bring the pain

19
00:02:09,277 --> 00:02:11,370
Up from the streets
Of Agrestic

20
00:02:11,546 --> 00:02:13,480
Bitch
You don't wanna sweat this

21
00:02:13,648 --> 00:02:15,639
I cap any motherfucker

22
00:02:15,817 --> 00:02:17,876
You don't wanna test this,
Be.... "

23
00:02:18,052 --> 00:02:19,713
"Beyotch."

24
00:02:20,054 --> 00:02:23,353
I got rage in me.
This is my way of venting.

25
00:02:23,524 --> 00:02:26,084
You made a lot of people
around the school very nervous.

26
00:02:26,261 --> 00:02:28,957
That's because they're a bunch
of bitch-ass white boys.

27
00:02:29,130 --> 00:02:32,622
I hate to break this to you,
but you're also a bitch-ass white boy.

28
00:02:33,234 --> 00:02:35,293
Whatever. I don't care.

29
00:02:35,470 --> 00:02:37,335
I think you do care. A great deal.

30
00:02:37,505 --> 00:02:41,032
-Yeah? About what?
-You want approval from your peer group.

31
00:02:41,209 --> 00:02:43,837
And when you don't get it,
when they call you weirdo...

32
00:02:44,012 --> 00:02:46,879
...or Strange Botwin,
then you wanna lash out.

33
00:02:47,715 --> 00:02:49,546
In this case, through your rap.

34
00:02:49,717 --> 00:02:53,153
Yeah. That's it.

35
00:02:53,321 --> 00:02:55,755
I just wanna fit in. Can I go now?

36
00:02:56,124 --> 00:02:58,649
Shane, you're here
because there's some concern...

37
00:02:58,826 --> 00:03:00,817
...that you might act on these emotions.

38
00:03:00,995 --> 00:03:03,361
I'm not gonna cap any motherfuckers.

39
00:03:04,032 --> 00:03:05,499
How do I know that?

40
00:03:06,367 --> 00:03:09,495
Because my therapist says
I'm just acting out because my dad's dead.

41
00:03:10,238 --> 00:03:11,865
You may go.

42
00:03:13,508 --> 00:03:16,568
-These walls were just wallpapered.
-The paper looks old.

43
00:03:16,744 --> 00:03:19,975
Yeah, well, that was the look
we were going for.

44
00:03:20,248 --> 00:03:21,545
With all due respect, sir...

45
00:03:21,716 --> 00:03:24,207
...this is not the first time
a crate of carbonated beverages...

46
00:03:24,385 --> 00:03:26,945
...fell from a low-flying Cessna
and devastated a house.

47
00:03:27,121 --> 00:03:28,554
You're kidding?

48
00:03:31,459 --> 00:03:33,256
Is this a bad time?

49
00:03:33,428 --> 00:03:35,760
No, it's just her faith healer.

50
00:03:35,930 --> 00:03:37,864
Well, okay. Look at this bed.

51
00:03:38,032 --> 00:03:40,694
I mean, it's an antique.
A family heirloom.

52
00:03:40,868 --> 00:03:42,995
My children were conceived on this bed.

53
00:03:43,171 --> 00:03:44,798
It's got a lot of history.

54
00:03:44,972 --> 00:03:47,941
-Could I trouble you for a drink?
-Yeah.

55
00:03:53,181 --> 00:03:55,172
Stand up.

56
00:04:07,995 --> 00:04:11,192
Hey, Nance.
This is lrma, the faith healer.

57
00:04:11,366 --> 00:04:12,628
She's sniffing me...

58
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:14,893
...to see if my cancer has spread.

59
00:04:15,069 --> 00:04:18,038
Hi. Would you like me
to smell you next?

60
00:04:18,206 --> 00:04:21,334
No, thank you, I was smelled yesterday.

61
00:04:21,509 --> 00:04:24,842
This was not my idea.
The PTA ladies sent her over.

62
00:04:25,012 --> 00:04:28,709
Personally, I would have preferred
one of those cookies on a stick.

63
00:04:29,584 --> 00:04:31,245
Perhaps you are not ready.

64
00:04:31,753 --> 00:04:32,981
I should leave.

65
00:04:35,556 --> 00:04:37,922
Well, namaste.

66
00:04:38,192 --> 00:04:40,752
-This place is a wreck.
-Yep.

67
00:04:40,928 --> 00:04:42,953
See what consumer culture
has done to me?

68
00:04:43,131 --> 00:04:46,225
-How are you holding up?
-Better than my ceiling.

69
00:04:46,401 --> 00:04:48,369
I was toying with a Snapple motif...

70
00:04:48,536 --> 00:04:50,800
...but God said, "Coke!"

71
00:04:50,972 --> 00:04:53,031
Miss Celia, I come for dry clean.

72
00:04:53,207 --> 00:04:55,971
Oh, I really don't feel like sorting
through those clothes.

73
00:04:56,144 --> 00:04:58,305
You know what, Blanca? You take it.

74
00:04:58,479 --> 00:05:00,140
Okay, I go to dry clean.

75
00:05:00,314 --> 00:05:03,977
No, no, I want you
to take all of the clothes.

76
00:05:04,152 --> 00:05:06,313
Go ahead. Take them.

77
00:05:06,988 --> 00:05:07,977
I cannot take.

78
00:05:08,156 --> 00:05:10,124
Well, you must know
somebody in my size.

79
00:05:10,291 --> 00:05:13,385
Aren't there, like, 18 people
living in your house?

80
00:05:15,863 --> 00:05:18,696
Coming up next
on the Raw Skin Channel...

81
00:05:18,866 --> 00:05:20,595
...the lncredahoes.

82
00:05:20,768 --> 00:05:23,293
Incredahoes.

83
00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:27,130
-How about that?
-Yeah.

84
00:05:27,308 --> 00:05:28,297
Fuck!

85
00:05:30,578 --> 00:05:31,840
-Hey, Doug.
-Hi, Randy.

86
00:05:32,447 --> 00:05:33,675
Andy. It's Andy.

87
00:05:33,848 --> 00:05:35,611
Oh, really? I thought--
It's not Randy?

88
00:05:37,919 --> 00:05:40,979
-I've always thought of you as a Randy.
-Pretty sure.

89
00:05:42,089 --> 00:05:44,080
Okay.

90
00:05:45,126 --> 00:05:47,424
-Looking for Nancy?
-Yeah, I am. Is she around?

91
00:05:47,595 --> 00:05:49,222
Nope.

92
00:05:50,465 --> 00:05:51,830
You could try her cell phone.

93
00:05:51,999 --> 00:05:55,025
Oh, no, she needs to sign some stuff.
Papers and things, you know.

94
00:05:55,203 --> 00:05:56,670
Do you--?

95
00:05:57,505 --> 00:05:58,904
Are you watching Incredahoes?

96
00:05:59,974 --> 00:06:01,168
Yeah.

97
00:06:01,342 --> 00:06:03,310
That's good.
I started it seven or eight times.

98
00:06:03,478 --> 00:06:06,572
-I've never seen the whole thing.
-That's a strong endorsement.

99
00:06:06,747 --> 00:06:08,271
Yeah.

100
00:06:08,950 --> 00:06:10,941
I don't suppose you'd
let me watch with you?

101
00:06:11,219 --> 00:06:13,119
That'd be kind of weird.

102
00:06:13,488 --> 00:06:14,716
Yeah, I guess you're right.

103
00:06:15,490 --> 00:06:17,890
Well, enjoy. Orgasma Girl's a squirter.

104
00:06:18,059 --> 00:06:19,856
-Hey! Spoiler.
-Oh, right.

105
00:06:20,328 --> 00:06:21,818
Right, sorry.

106
00:06:21,996 --> 00:06:23,896
I got about an eighth of Romulan on me.

107
00:06:24,065 --> 00:06:26,124
-Come on in.
-All right.

108
00:06:27,935 --> 00:06:31,166
-What happened to you last night?
-What do you mean? I was with Megan.

109
00:06:31,539 --> 00:06:33,837
-When are you gonna get over that?
-Excuse me?

110
00:06:34,008 --> 00:06:37,409
You're in your prime. You really wanna
tie yourself down to the deaf girl?

111
00:06:37,645 --> 00:06:39,237
She's actually pretty cool.

112
00:06:39,413 --> 00:06:41,574
-You fuck her yet?
-Come on, man.

113
00:06:41,749 --> 00:06:44,582
Think about it. You're always
gonna have to read television.

114
00:06:44,752 --> 00:06:47,277
If you pass out drunk
and your house catches on fire...

115
00:06:47,455 --> 00:06:50,015
...she's won't hear the smoke alarm
and you'll both die.

116
00:06:50,558 --> 00:06:54,153
Last night, while you weren't fucking
deaf girl, you missed Tiffany's party.

117
00:06:54,328 --> 00:06:56,660
Jessica, Lauren, Chelsea,
they were all there.

118
00:06:56,831 --> 00:07:00,790
Hot, ready, they can hear.
And one of them's into you.

119
00:07:01,335 --> 00:07:02,563
Re-- Which one?

120
00:07:03,170 --> 00:07:05,001
-Chelsea.
-You're such a liar.

121
00:07:05,172 --> 00:07:06,332
No, man, I'm serious.

122
00:07:06,507 --> 00:07:09,408
You need to dump the damaged goods,
see what's up with Chelsea.

123
00:07:17,885 --> 00:07:22,185
Oh, my God, I forgot about these.

124
00:07:22,623 --> 00:07:25,023
But these baby clothes are new.
Were you...?

125
00:07:25,192 --> 00:07:26,784
I had a miscarriage. Last year.

126
00:07:26,961 --> 00:07:28,553
-I'm sorry.
-Don't be.

127
00:07:28,729 --> 00:07:31,254
With my track record, it was a blessing.
Trust me.

128
00:07:31,432 --> 00:07:34,959
-Blanca, do you need baby clothes?
-I know someone who could use them.

129
00:07:35,136 --> 00:07:37,263
Miss Celia, give clothes to me.
You don't need.

130
00:07:37,438 --> 00:07:39,201
No, I know someone who needs them.

131
00:07:39,373 --> 00:07:41,204
-Please!
-Please let go!

132
00:07:41,375 --> 00:07:43,206
Blanca, let her have them.

133
00:07:45,580 --> 00:07:48,708
Don't worry,
I have something better for you.

134
00:07:49,817 --> 00:07:51,648
This?

135
00:07:51,819 --> 00:07:54,219
Oh, my God.

136
00:07:54,889 --> 00:07:57,585
I haven't seen these since high school.

137
00:07:57,758 --> 00:08:00,192
Oh, God, I used to be so hot.

138
00:08:00,394 --> 00:08:04,262
My feathered hair, satin hot pants on.

139
00:08:04,432 --> 00:08:07,560
I was high on ludes,
queen of the roller disco.

140
00:08:07,735 --> 00:08:10,363
I could fuck against a wall
with my skates on.

141
00:08:10,538 --> 00:08:12,403
No easy feat.

142
00:08:12,573 --> 00:08:14,541
I could cum in a heartbeat.

143
00:08:14,909 --> 00:08:16,137
Then, you keep?

144
00:08:16,310 --> 00:08:18,335
Oh, yeah. I keep.

145
00:08:19,113 --> 00:08:22,082
So, Blanca,
how are you set for furniture?

146
00:08:25,419 --> 00:08:26,750
"Runway"?

147
00:08:26,921 --> 00:08:29,981
That piece of skin that runs between
your asshole and your balls...

148
00:08:30,157 --> 00:08:32,057
...or asshole and vagina.
That's a runway.

149
00:08:32,226 --> 00:08:35,855
That's called a taint.
Taint ass, taint equipment.

150
00:08:36,998 --> 00:08:38,966
What the hell does that mean?

151
00:08:39,266 --> 00:08:42,133
No, I think "runway" is much more
of a visual description.

152
00:08:42,903 --> 00:08:43,995
It's a taint.

153
00:08:44,171 --> 00:08:45,661
Runway.

154
00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:48,104
-This is a taint.
-Runway.

155
00:08:48,275 --> 00:08:51,438
Hey, Lupita.
Settle an argument for us.

156
00:08:52,046 --> 00:08:54,810
What do you call the thing
between the dick and the asshole?

157
00:08:54,982 --> 00:08:56,313
The coffee table.

158
00:09:06,761 --> 00:09:08,752
I'm telling you,
they could've been killed.

159
00:09:08,929 --> 00:09:13,389
When bottles fall from the sky like that,
it's like little torpedoes.

160
00:09:13,567 --> 00:09:15,125
And they were everywhere.

161
00:09:15,302 --> 00:09:17,634
Coke in the carpet,
they were stuck in the walls...

162
00:09:17,805 --> 00:09:20,296
...furniture was destroyed.
It was a mess.

163
00:09:20,474 --> 00:09:23,375
Please, that white girl gonna
make out like Halliburton.

164
00:09:23,544 --> 00:09:25,068
How much you want for this stuff?

165
00:09:25,246 --> 00:09:27,373
No, nothing,
she was giving it away, so....

166
00:09:27,848 --> 00:09:31,306
Like I'm some charity case that needs
your free white lady hand-me-downs?

167
00:09:31,986 --> 00:09:33,544
No! I thought--

168
00:09:33,721 --> 00:09:36,519
You got no problem going to church
and getting free cheese.

169
00:09:36,691 --> 00:09:38,352
Heylia makes me go down there.

170
00:09:38,526 --> 00:09:40,926
First of all, I don't make you
do shit, little girl.

171
00:09:41,095 --> 00:09:42,892
And second of all, I ain't ashamed.

172
00:09:43,064 --> 00:09:46,431
If it's free, it's me. And I don't turn down
nothing but my collar.

173
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:48,932
Third, don't act like
you don't like free cheese...

174
00:09:49,103 --> 00:09:51,367
...just because this white child's here.
Fuck her!

175
00:09:51,539 --> 00:09:54,372
-Yeah, fuck me.
-No, I mean...

176
00:09:54,542 --> 00:09:56,772
...I'll take them, since you brought them.

177
00:09:56,944 --> 00:09:58,434
This is for you, snowflake.

178
00:09:58,612 --> 00:10:01,080
This is my special blend.
I call this here Clark Kent.

179
00:10:01,248 --> 00:10:03,739
Just sniff this, right here. Sniff that.

180
00:10:04,885 --> 00:10:05,874
Sniff good, huh?

181
00:10:06,053 --> 00:10:08,715
Yo, you smoke this shit,
and you wanna just...

182
00:10:08,889 --> 00:10:12,985
...rip your clothes off in a phone booth
and fight crime. I'm serious. Take that.

183
00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:15,355
Yo, just give a brother his keys,
you can roll.

184
00:10:15,830 --> 00:10:19,129
It's a big day!
Barbie getting her dream car back.

185
00:10:19,300 --> 00:10:21,768
-I know.
-I added a little twist to it for you.

186
00:10:21,936 --> 00:10:24,200
I think you gonna like it too. All right?

187
00:10:24,371 --> 00:10:26,032
Okay.

188
00:10:26,207 --> 00:10:29,142
Conrad, I just wanted to talk to you
about one thing.

189
00:10:29,310 --> 00:10:30,937
This morning, I was in the garage--

190
00:10:31,112 --> 00:10:32,204
-Okay, just--
-And l--

191
00:10:32,379 --> 00:10:34,313
-What happened to my car?
-No, no, no.

192
00:10:34,482 --> 00:10:36,473
A trunk fell on the hood.

193
00:10:36,650 --> 00:10:39,517
-A trunk fell on my baby?
-It's just on the hood of the car.

194
00:10:39,687 --> 00:10:41,211
-But just the hood--
-So a trunk--

195
00:10:41,388 --> 00:10:43,948
-lf you pound it out, it'd be fine.
-So you gonna do it?

196
00:10:44,125 --> 00:10:45,353
-No.
-But you'll pay for it?

197
00:10:45,526 --> 00:10:47,426
-I'm gonna pay for it.
-I know you'll pay.

198
00:10:47,595 --> 00:10:49,563
-I just said I was gonna pay.
-I heard you.

199
00:10:49,730 --> 00:10:51,994
Hey! Hey!
Stop all that damn arguing.

200
00:10:52,166 --> 00:10:53,428
This is a house of peace.

201
00:11:06,981 --> 00:11:08,778
-Shit.
-Everybody all right?

202
00:11:08,949 --> 00:11:11,417
-Yeah.
-I'm cool.

203
00:11:11,585 --> 00:11:13,553
Snowflake.

204
00:11:13,721 --> 00:11:15,154
Snowflake?

205
00:11:15,322 --> 00:11:16,914
She's in shock. Slap her.

206
00:11:17,291 --> 00:11:20,283
-I ain't slapping no white woman.
-Move, I'll do it.

207
00:11:20,461 --> 00:11:21,553
No, I'm okay!

208
00:11:21,729 --> 00:11:22,855
-You sure?
-Yeah.

209
00:11:23,597 --> 00:11:24,996
Yeah.

210
00:11:26,333 --> 00:11:29,234
All right, let's clean this shit up.

211
00:11:38,846 --> 00:11:41,314
Is somebody gonna call the police?

212
00:11:42,483 --> 00:11:44,974
Baby, that probably was the police.

213
00:11:50,324 --> 00:11:52,053
I'm gonna go.

214
00:11:56,964 --> 00:11:58,659
So wait. I need my keys.

215
00:11:58,833 --> 00:12:00,824
-I need my keys.
-We got unsettled business.

216
00:12:01,001 --> 00:12:03,970
You ain't talked to me about my car,
how you gonna get your keys?

217
00:12:04,138 --> 00:12:07,505
Boy, the girl just had her shooting
cherry broke. Give her the keys.

218
00:12:10,444 --> 00:12:12,776
-We still gotta talk, though.
-Yeah, okay.

219
00:12:12,947 --> 00:12:16,144
Shit. White folks get soda pop...

220
00:12:16,317 --> 00:12:17,875
...niggas get bullets.

221
00:13:04,565 --> 00:13:05,554
Hey.

222
00:13:05,900 --> 00:13:07,663
Doug left these papers for the bakery.

223
00:13:07,835 --> 00:13:11,168
He says, when you sign on the line,
it is all ours.

224
00:13:11,338 --> 00:13:13,772
-Ours?
-Yeah! I cook, you sell.

225
00:13:13,941 --> 00:13:16,205
Come on, I don't mind
you being out in front.

226
00:13:16,377 --> 00:13:18,572
I'm totally liberated.
It's me and you, babe.

227
00:13:18,746 --> 00:13:21,010
-Team Botwin.
-Please leave.

228
00:13:21,181 --> 00:13:24,673
I will, just as soon as you sign these
papers. There's no water in this tub!

229
00:13:24,852 --> 00:13:26,183
I can't do this right now.

230
00:13:26,353 --> 00:13:30,050
You have to. Doug says if you don't hurry,
they're gonna put a vitamin store in.

231
00:13:30,224 --> 00:13:32,249
This town does not need
more ginkgo biloba...

232
00:13:32,426 --> 00:13:34,553
...it needs pot brownies.
Come on, sign.

233
00:13:34,728 --> 00:13:37,424
Andy, today it was brought
to my attention...

234
00:13:37,598 --> 00:13:40,089
...that the downside
of this business is death.

235
00:13:40,267 --> 00:13:43,600
So right now,
I'm not thinking about the bakery...

236
00:13:43,771 --> 00:13:46,205
...I'm thinking about enrolling
in dental school...

237
00:13:46,373 --> 00:13:48,307
...so my children aren't orphans.

238
00:13:48,676 --> 00:13:50,075
If anything happens to you...

239
00:13:50,244 --> 00:13:53,338
...I will raise Silas and Shane
as my own.

240
00:13:54,782 --> 00:13:56,750
Now I pledge never to die.

241
00:13:56,917 --> 00:13:58,680
We're gonna have to
get a longer lease.

242
00:13:59,353 --> 00:14:02,254
Andy, this is my business,
it has nothing to do with you.

243
00:14:03,290 --> 00:14:07,192
Go downstairs, do what you do best.
Patrol the couch in your underwear.

244
00:14:07,361 --> 00:14:09,420
Look, this is different.

245
00:14:09,596 --> 00:14:12,190
This is my moment.
I was born to cook drugs.

246
00:14:12,366 --> 00:14:16,097
Since you started the business, I will
settle for only 40 percent. That is fair.

247
00:14:16,270 --> 00:14:19,137
Oh, God, I can feel it in my body.
I can feel it in my bones.

248
00:14:19,306 --> 00:14:21,035
Feel my hands, they're vibrating!

249
00:14:21,208 --> 00:14:23,768
-Feel it in the living room. I said, no!
-Why?

250
00:14:23,944 --> 00:14:26,674
Andy, if you wanna sell drugs,
do it on your own.

251
00:14:26,847 --> 00:14:29,111
Get your own bakery,
find your own customers...

252
00:14:29,283 --> 00:14:30,910
...get the fuck out of my bathroom!

253
00:14:33,854 --> 00:14:35,549
Yeah, fine.

254
00:14:37,524 --> 00:14:39,014
Fine.

255
00:15:18,766 --> 00:15:22,600
I love the fact that everyone
put her best foot-- Or food.

256
00:15:22,770 --> 00:15:26,570
--forward in making our bake sale
the greatest ever.

257
00:15:29,076 --> 00:15:31,704
Oh, my God, look at Celia.
What's she wearing?

258
00:15:31,879 --> 00:15:33,676
Look who's here, everyone, it's Celia.

259
00:15:33,947 --> 00:15:36,507
Down, Maggie. I have cancer,
I'm not retarded.

260
00:15:37,184 --> 00:15:40,779
Of course. Would you like
to take your place at the podium?

261
00:15:40,954 --> 00:15:42,785
No, please, keep going.

262
00:15:42,956 --> 00:15:45,220
PTA needs your enthusiasm.

263
00:15:49,997 --> 00:15:52,261
-"Foxy lady."
-I was.

264
00:15:52,433 --> 00:15:54,958
I was "hot stuff." Red satin.

265
00:15:55,135 --> 00:15:57,035
I-- I was "big fun."

266
00:15:57,971 --> 00:16:00,940
-Green...polyester.
-Celia...

267
00:16:01,108 --> 00:16:04,134
-...you can't smoke in here.
-Because...?

268
00:16:04,311 --> 00:16:05,608
Secondhand smoke kills.

269
00:16:06,346 --> 00:16:08,814
Celia, did you bring your muffins?

270
00:16:09,116 --> 00:16:10,447
I didn't feel like baking.

271
00:16:10,617 --> 00:16:12,778
None of us ever feels like baking.

272
00:16:13,020 --> 00:16:15,386
-I love baking.
-Except Pam.

273
00:16:15,789 --> 00:16:18,724
But we do it anyway,
for the sake of our children.

274
00:16:18,892 --> 00:16:22,259
Oh, give me a break.
You're raising money for a swim team.

275
00:16:22,429 --> 00:16:24,294
How much do swimming trunks
cost, anyway?

276
00:16:24,465 --> 00:16:26,399
18.95.

277
00:16:27,534 --> 00:16:29,229
I'll tell you what....

278
00:16:31,305 --> 00:16:32,636
Keep the change.

279
00:16:32,806 --> 00:16:35,673
So we're really not getting
the muffins, are we?

280
00:16:35,843 --> 00:16:37,674
I have in my hands...

281
00:16:37,845 --> 00:16:40,837
...the last pharmaceutical Quaalude
on Earth.

282
00:16:43,951 --> 00:16:45,213
See you, ladies.

283
00:16:46,153 --> 00:16:48,144
Down, Pammy.

284
00:16:48,322 --> 00:16:49,846
Down.

285
00:16:54,361 --> 00:16:55,487
Hi, Silas.

286
00:16:55,662 --> 00:16:57,425
-Hey, Chelsea.
-Hey.

287
00:16:57,598 --> 00:17:01,056
So I heard you were asking for me
at Tiffany's last night?

288
00:17:01,768 --> 00:17:04,362
Really? I don't remember that.

289
00:17:04,538 --> 00:17:06,506
Someone said
you were bringing more beer...

290
00:17:06,673 --> 00:17:10,541
...so I was all, "Where's Silas?
Where's Silas? Where's the beer?"

291
00:17:10,711 --> 00:17:13,145
What happened?
Did you get carded or something?

292
00:17:14,081 --> 00:17:15,639
Yeah.

293
00:17:16,283 --> 00:17:18,683
Yeah, that's right, I got carded.

294
00:17:19,286 --> 00:17:22,153
-Bummer.
-Yeah.

295
00:17:23,724 --> 00:17:26,056
-Here comes trouble.
-Hey, family.

296
00:17:26,226 --> 00:17:28,888
You ain't no family of mine.
State your business.

297
00:17:29,062 --> 00:17:31,155
Does a guy need a reason
to visit his friends?

298
00:17:31,331 --> 00:17:34,300
Man, you really got to cut that
shit out. You making me sick now.

299
00:17:35,068 --> 00:17:36,535
-What's up?
-Well...

300
00:17:36,703 --> 00:17:38,694
...I decided to go into business
for myself.

301
00:17:39,206 --> 00:17:40,332
Have you, now?

302
00:17:40,507 --> 00:17:42,873
Is there a big market
for horseshit these days?

303
00:17:44,912 --> 00:17:46,243
No, I'm gonna sell marijuana.

304
00:17:46,413 --> 00:17:50,372
I was wondering if you might know where
I could procure some, would you?

305
00:17:50,551 --> 00:17:54,078
Well, where are you planning to unload
this "marijuana" that you speak of?

306
00:17:54,254 --> 00:17:57,485
Why, in the wide open community
of Agrestic, California.

307
00:17:57,658 --> 00:17:59,421
There's not enough pot in the world...

308
00:17:59,593 --> 00:18:03,085
...to get those people stoned enough
to forget where they live.

309
00:18:03,263 --> 00:18:04,992
So I figure I got a pretty good shot.

310
00:18:05,432 --> 00:18:09,664
Okay. So you gonna mess
with your sister-in-law's shit.

311
00:18:09,836 --> 00:18:11,303
Damn, that's-- That's cold.

312
00:18:11,471 --> 00:18:14,099
I feel there is enough room
for both of us.

313
00:18:14,274 --> 00:18:17,732
Yeah, but Nancy's been working
really hard to lock that area down. If you--

314
00:18:17,911 --> 00:18:21,142
And that's her problem, not yours.

315
00:18:23,217 --> 00:18:24,275
You got cash?

316
00:18:32,259 --> 00:18:33,658
Get the boy an ounce.

317
00:18:36,697 --> 00:18:37,925
I love you, Mommy.

318
00:19:08,262 --> 00:19:11,197
Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

319
00:19:14,534 --> 00:19:17,298
Sir, you realize you just
rolled through a stop sign, right?

320
00:19:17,604 --> 00:19:20,300
-Nice bike. Did your horse die?
-Sir.

321
00:19:20,474 --> 00:19:22,806
You must be in killer shape.
Let me see your quads.

322
00:19:22,976 --> 00:19:25,206
Can I see your driver's license
and registration?

323
00:19:25,379 --> 00:19:28,143
When you arrest people, do you
ride them in on your handlebars...

324
00:19:28,315 --> 00:19:30,078
...or do they sit
with their arms around you?

325
00:19:30,350 --> 00:19:32,409
-Step out of the car.
-Oh, come on.

326
00:19:32,586 --> 00:19:34,417
Seriously? I'm just having fun.

327
00:19:34,588 --> 00:19:39,457
I mean you're a cop in bike shorts.
It's adorable.

328
00:19:39,626 --> 00:19:42,186
-I have a gun.
-Cool. I'm cool.

329
00:19:47,668 --> 00:19:48,930
What's that smell?

330
00:19:49,102 --> 00:19:51,866
Come on, man, just give me my ticket
so I can go. Please?

331
00:19:52,406 --> 00:19:55,136
All right, turn around,
put your hands behind your head.

332
00:19:55,876 --> 00:19:59,073
-All right, come on.
-I don't think you're adorable anymore.

333
00:19:59,846 --> 00:20:01,939
Can I be homeschooled?

334
00:20:02,115 --> 00:20:04,982
Honey, if I had my way, none of us
would ever leave the house.

335
00:20:05,152 --> 00:20:08,417
But that's not healthy, so no. Why?

336
00:20:08,588 --> 00:20:10,453
I got sent to the school shrink.

337
00:20:10,624 --> 00:20:13,218
-They'll probably be calling you.
-Oh, not again.

338
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,084
Why, this time?

339
00:20:15,262 --> 00:20:18,789
I wrote a gangster rap about
killing Devon Rensler with my gat.

340
00:20:19,566 --> 00:20:20,794
You did what?

341
00:20:20,967 --> 00:20:23,731
He's got the whole school
calling me Strange Botwin.

342
00:20:23,904 --> 00:20:25,166
It was just a joke.

343
00:20:25,906 --> 00:20:28,568
You think that's a joke?!
This isn't a joke!

344
00:20:28,742 --> 00:20:31,711
Bullets whizzing by his head,
scared shitless?!

345
00:20:31,878 --> 00:20:33,573
-That is not a joke!
-But I didn't--

346
00:20:34,147 --> 00:20:36,672
-You should know that!
-ls Andy for you.

347
00:20:36,850 --> 00:20:39,512
-I can't talk to him. What else did you say?
-She no here.

348
00:20:39,686 --> 00:20:41,244
-Tell me what else.
-Nothing.

349
00:20:41,421 --> 00:20:44,185
-Oh, okay, I give her message.
-What?

350
00:20:44,358 --> 00:20:46,121
He say he in jail.

351
00:20:49,062 --> 00:20:50,825
Shane!

352
00:20:54,434 --> 00:20:57,835
Why didn't I just take off?
The guy was on a bike, for God's sake.

353
00:20:58,004 --> 00:21:02,839
Because you're stupid. So,
Mrs. Greenstein, what happens now?

354
00:21:03,009 --> 00:21:07,378
Incarceration in a medium-security prison
for a period no longer than 10 years.

355
00:21:08,782 --> 00:21:09,806
Ten years?

356
00:21:10,050 --> 00:21:11,449
Joke!

357
00:21:12,285 --> 00:21:14,344
Loosen up,
there's nothing to worry about.

358
00:21:14,521 --> 00:21:18,252
You're looking at a fine
and probably an anti-drug class.

359
00:21:18,425 --> 00:21:19,551
So no jail time?

360
00:21:19,726 --> 00:21:22,194
You've obviously never sat
through an anti-drug class.

361
00:21:22,362 --> 00:21:25,160
You had less than an ounce on you,
there's no jail for that.

362
00:21:25,332 --> 00:21:28,859
-Oh, that's bullshit.
-I don't understand, that's good news.

363
00:21:29,035 --> 00:21:31,697
I paid for a full ounce.
They fucking cheated me!

364
00:21:31,872 --> 00:21:34,033
They fucking saved your ass
from going to jail.

365
00:21:34,608 --> 00:21:38,044
Still, that's very uncool. There used
to be an unbroken spiritual bond...

366
00:21:38,211 --> 00:21:40,543
...between dealer and buyer.
I feel your pain...

367
00:21:40,881 --> 00:21:43,349
...and I return it
with a renewed sense of outrage.

368
00:21:43,517 --> 00:21:45,280
So less than an ounce
is a misdemeanor?

369
00:21:45,452 --> 00:21:48,353
That's only if the cop's an asshole.
Most cops just let you go.

370
00:21:48,522 --> 00:21:52,515
What if the marijuana is in baked goods,
say candy or chocolate...?

371
00:21:52,692 --> 00:21:55,252
If you can eat it, you can beat it.

372
00:21:57,230 --> 00:22:00,927
-What would get their attention?
-lf I sued them. Can I sue them?

373
00:22:01,368 --> 00:22:04,201
-You were saying...?
-All right, you asked for it, you get it.

374
00:22:04,371 --> 00:22:06,100
The lay of the land:

375
00:22:06,273 --> 00:22:08,639
Marijuana currently exists
in a legal gray area.

376
00:22:08,809 --> 00:22:11,937
It's not illegal to have weed--
Less than an ounce, that is, Andrew.

377
00:22:12,112 --> 00:22:14,205
--but it's illegal to buy it.

378
00:22:14,381 --> 00:22:17,111
-What about growing?
-Botany.

379
00:22:17,284 --> 00:22:19,809
As long as it's not broken down,
non-specific weight...

380
00:22:19,986 --> 00:22:22,420
...we're talking a slap on the wrist.
Three to five.

381
00:22:22,722 --> 00:22:24,212
-Years?
-Probation.

382
00:22:24,391 --> 00:22:26,086
I'm hungry.

383
00:22:27,594 --> 00:22:29,789
So you can grow it,
but you can't break it down?

384
00:22:29,963 --> 00:22:31,260
Unless you wanna go to jail.

385
00:22:31,431 --> 00:22:35,231
Or flee to Mexico.
Or Canada. Canada rocks.

386
00:22:35,402 --> 00:22:38,303
Primo weed. Really good Chinese food.

387
00:22:38,638 --> 00:22:41,402
Do you have a card?
Because you never know in my business...

388
00:22:41,575 --> 00:22:43,042
...when you might need a lawyer.

389
00:22:43,343 --> 00:22:46,039
-What's your business?
-I own a bakery.

390
00:22:46,213 --> 00:22:49,205
Smart cover. Call anytime.

391
00:23:13,106 --> 00:23:15,131
Hey, I was fucking around today,
all right?

392
00:23:15,308 --> 00:23:17,833
I didn't mean it.
Okay, look, I made a mistake, okay.

393
00:23:18,011 --> 00:23:21,378
I don't want Chelsea, I don't want
any other girl, all right. I want you.

394
00:23:34,861 --> 00:23:36,692
-ls your mom home?
-Not yet.

395
00:23:36,863 --> 00:23:39,195
She went to bail Uncle Andy out of jail.

396
00:23:39,366 --> 00:23:41,596
-Well, tell her I stopped by.
-Okay.

397
00:23:41,768 --> 00:23:46,296
-I like your jacket.
-Well, thank you, Shane.

398
00:23:48,341 --> 00:23:50,434
Everyone thinks I've lost my mind.

399
00:23:50,610 --> 00:23:52,271
Everyone thinks I'm weird.

400
00:23:52,445 --> 00:23:55,437
Well, I can see how
you might give that impression.

401
00:23:55,615 --> 00:23:59,176
-I really don't care what they think.
-Good for you.

402
00:23:59,352 --> 00:24:02,344
Let your freak flag fly.

403
00:24:02,522 --> 00:24:04,114
-Really?
-Really.

404
00:24:04,491 --> 00:24:07,051
I've recently stopped giving
a shit what anyone thinks.

405
00:24:07,227 --> 00:24:10,219
And I gotta tell you, I feel great.

406
00:24:10,597 --> 00:24:13,794
-But you have cancer.
-And you have a dead father.

407
00:24:14,634 --> 00:24:17,228
Both of us make people
really uncomfortable.

408
00:24:17,404 --> 00:24:19,269
There's no way around it.

409
00:24:19,439 --> 00:24:22,806
Either we can feel all self-conscious
and pretend everything is normal...

410
00:24:22,976 --> 00:24:25,604
...or we can just be our strange selves.

411
00:24:27,213 --> 00:24:28,805
Thanks, Mrs. Hodes.

412
00:24:29,316 --> 00:24:30,544
For what?

413
00:24:30,717 --> 00:24:32,708
For telling me the truth.

414
00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:35,083
You're welcome.

415
00:24:37,123 --> 00:24:38,590
It's a bitch, though, ain't it?

416
00:24:46,633 --> 00:24:49,431
I'm really gonna miss my babies.

417
00:24:49,603 --> 00:24:52,436
We had some good times together.

418
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:57,337
After reconstructive surgery,
you're gonna feel good as new.

419
00:24:57,510 --> 00:25:00,604
Better! You're gonna have
the tits of a 1 9-year-old girl.

420
00:25:00,780 --> 00:25:03,578
I was thinking of going bigger.

421
00:25:03,750 --> 00:25:07,277
-Bigger?
-Really big, like freak-show big.

422
00:25:07,454 --> 00:25:09,422
Forty-seven triple-Fs.

423
00:25:09,589 --> 00:25:12,581
So large that other, smaller breasts...

424
00:25:12,759 --> 00:25:15,125
...will want to orbit them.

425
00:25:15,528 --> 00:25:19,828
I think--
I think you've had one too many.

426
00:25:21,735 --> 00:25:23,862
Do you like me?

427
00:25:25,372 --> 00:25:27,237
Really?

428
00:25:27,841 --> 00:25:29,365
Yeah.

429
00:25:30,543 --> 00:25:32,443
Mostly.

430
00:25:34,247 --> 00:25:36,078
Thank you.

431
00:25:37,117 --> 00:25:39,108
I have to go pee.

432
00:25:47,260 --> 00:25:49,888
Sorry, Mrs. Hodes, I didn't
realize anyone was in here.

433
00:25:50,063 --> 00:25:52,429
Can I ask your opinion
about something?

434
00:25:53,133 --> 00:25:54,122
Sure.

435
00:25:54,801 --> 00:25:56,826
What do you think about these?

436
00:25:57,003 --> 00:25:59,096
Celia, what are--?

437
00:25:59,272 --> 00:26:01,399
Celia, what are you doing?

438
00:26:01,574 --> 00:26:05,101
I just wanted to show my breasts
to someone who would appreciate them.

439
00:26:09,416 --> 00:26:11,884
I don't give a flying fuck
if you do have cancer...

440
00:26:12,052 --> 00:26:14,077
...put your tits away in front of my kid.

441
00:26:14,487 --> 00:26:16,216
Sorry.

442
00:26:16,956 --> 00:26:19,117
I took a lude.

443
00:26:16,956 --> 00:26:19,117
I took a lude.