Sync & corrected by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com
Previously on "Weeds"...
Marci: Ms. Botwin, you are to be released to a halfway house,
where you will serve out the rest of your sentence
or until you have proven yourself rehabilitated.
Nancy: Zoya, they're releasing me.
I've been saving these for myself.
I want you to have them.
Make a plan for both of us.
Andy: We are standing in the Free State of Christiania.
You will never puppeteer in Copenhagen again!
Gunder: Go home. There will not be any good photos today.
Come on, Gunder.
I've doubled the sales of your weird flower water.
Shane: She's out?
She's in a halfway house in Washington Heights.
Nancy Botwin? You have a visitor.
Lipschitz.
They found Esteban's body in prison. You're safe now.
I'm Counselor Ed.
We can perform supervised random drug tests.
You come in late, you seal your fate.
What are you doing? Scavenger hunt.
Thank you, Zoya.
She said, "Don't tell anyone I'm out."
So, you called us right away?
Isn't it enough I'm raising her child?
Annancy!
What did he call me?
Aunt Nancy.
She went to jail for me.
Now she's out, so I'm going to find her.
I should come, too. Ticket.
One for you, too, Doug.
I'm not left behind?
You're all going?
She's just gonna fuck you up again.
Shane: No, she's not.
She's been rehabilitated.
[ Chicken clucking ]
Luce: Shut the fuck up and get your naked ass in the kitchen.
Now grab the blender.
That's right.
Put in some yogurt and frozen fruit and some apple juice.
Yeah.
Now stick your dick in it and mix it up.
You feel them fruit chunks
crashing all up against your balls?
Now get your cock in that hole right in the middle there
where it su--
Hi.
New roommate here.
Sorry to get in the way of romance,
but it's been a long day, and I need to sleep.
Egg beater. Wow. Ouch.
But...if it gets you there, fine.
Do it. Amen.
Don't forget to turn off all appliances when you're done.
Safety first.
Bye, battery.
Bitch! That was a big mistake.
I get crazy when I'm tired.
[ Car alarm blares ]
[ Indistinct shouting ]
Third time this month our phone has gone missing.
New girl probably took it.
Sadly, I have no one to call and make phone smoothies with.
Ed...can I talk to you for a sec?
Um...
I need more time out of here.
I have to go and look for a job, right?
I-I have to...go find a job.
Yes. Yes, you do.
And we happen to have an interview
lined up for you this morning.
You do?
Midtown. Mandatory attendance.
You go straight there, straight back, no stopping.
Give you two hours.
Four? Three.
And a half? I'm new to the city.
I could get on the wrong train.
I really have to get my bearings.
You need to get a time-stamped signature
from the interviewer,
both time of arrival and time of departure.
And if you land the job, which I surely hope you will,
you sign over 25% of your salary for living expenses.
And if I don't...land it? [ Chuckles ]
Got to pay your way if you want to stay.
Don't you...want to know what it's for?
The interview. Yes.
So curious. Duh.
Lamp repair.
Love lamps, radios, anything electrical...
Except chairs.
[ Chuckles ]
Electric chair...
Um...
Does it pay well, the lamp-repair business?
It pays shit.
That said, it's better than actually cleaning shit,
which is what most inmates end up doing.
You can't wear that.
What?
Whatever this slinky, fancy hooker thing is.
The man's a religious Jew.
What am I supposed to wear?
Compliments of the women at new light Korean baptist.
1:30. No excuses.
Come back even a half a bajilli-second late...
You seal your fate. I-I get it.
Do you have anything without shoulder pads?
[ Telephone keys clicking ]
[ Ringing ]
You've reached the sarge.
I'm knee-deep in the muck. Leave a message.
[ Beep ] Hi.
Y-you don't know me,
but I have something that belongs to you,
something with a-a bang.
I'm coming to your apartment in an hour
or, uh, an hour and a half,
so I would be there if I were you, okay?
Goodbye.
[ Sighs ]
Andy: Botwin -- B-O-T-W-I-N.
Might be under Reyes.
Doug: Ask them if there's a bathroom.
Shane: No, ask them if we can have breakfast with her.
Okay. Could everybody just quit hounding me?
Trying to talk to Clayman here.
Silas: This place smells worse than Christiania.
Whatever. You're not even supposed to be here.
I came for work.
Right. Suddenly, when we leave,
you decide to remake your career in New York.
Please, just admit you miss mom.
Be a man.
[ Alarm blares ]
Think it's a fire drill?
Maybe someone's trying to climb out of the sewer pipe
like in "Shawshank"!
No, it happens all the time.
Uh, take a seat in the common room. [ Blaring stops ]
We'll let her know you're here.
Downstairs only.
Upstairs is off-limits for non-residents. [ Door buzzes ]
Should we sit or stand? [ Chuckles ]
I'm actually a little nervous.
Don't be. She's not coming.
How do you know?
She bolted out the back door.
What? Nance?
Who do you think set off the alarm?
She saw me. She made direct eye contact.
Did she see all of us? What do you think?
Well, you know, it's daunting,
the whole family-reunion thing.
She probably just needed to take a walk, get a little fresh air.
Or doppelganger.
My doppelganger works at a Blimpie's in St. Louis.
Well, whatever. I'm leaving. I got to do stuff.
What stuff? Uh, career stuff.
Modeling for a gay flower water isn't a career.
Oh, right.
Putting on puppet shows with your girlfriend
is way more legitimate.
Marionettes.
See you guys later.
Oh, hold on. I'm going, too.
[ Scoffs ]
I'm sorry, man, but this place,
it just reminds me too much of that freaky whore house
we went to in Amsterdam.
What the hell? What happened to Team Botwin?
We made a collective decision to greet the woman we love.
Sure.
Maybe she possibly -- let's say probably -- fled from us.
Who in this room hasn't fled? Hmm?
It's a family flaw -- fleeing --
which is why I say we stick it out,
set up camp, play some jenga, maybe make a sign.
"Willkommen hjem, Nancy."
Who's with me?
I got a college buddy.
We used to get high and streak the special-collections library.
I think he lives in Manhattan.
Split a cab?
I'm taking the subway, Doug.
[ Door buzzes ]
Maybe we should have stayed in Copenhagen.
Oh, you too, now?
You know what? Come with me.
Where are we going?
Just keep your head down.
Follow Uncle Andy.
[ Buttons clicking, buzzing ]
Woman: Hello?
[ Muffled mumbling ]
Who?
Me.
[ Door buzzes ]
Do you think that jacket is ironic?
It's totally not ironic.
You have no idea how ironic this jacket is.
What did you say you were in prison for?
Oh, I thought you weren't allowed to ask me that.
I'm not judging.
A tax break is a tax break is a tax break.
So long as you're reformed, right?
Let me guess.
Some schnook boyfriend got you into trouble?
Could you not, um, play with that?
It's delicate.
If I leave my stuff up at the house, it gets stolen,
so it's -- it's my stuff.
You seem nervous. No.
M-maybe just don't rock it back and forth...like that.
Okay? It's an old bag.
Can't afford a new one.
My nephew got caught smuggling ecstasy out of Canada.
Used suitcases like this one.
The zipper on the one was bad,
and it popped open right in front of security.
Ah, so stupid.
How's your zipper? No, don't!
[ Sighing ] Oy.
I take it I'm not getting the job.
You're too nervous for the lamp business.
You make me nervous. I'm sorry.
Right.
Find anything?
Yeah. Mom wears glasses now.
They're real. Yeah.
It's probably a defense move
'cause you can't hit a girl with glasses.
What is this girl, a collector?
Geez.
I thought you weren't allowed to have this much stuff in prison.
Apparently mom has all her stuff -- clothes, shoes.
Hmm.
Isn't this a puzzle?
Puzzled solved.
Wow. What? A vibrator?
Makeshift vibrator carved out of soap? Shiv?
Letters I wrote mom from Copenhagen.
Ohh! That's so sweet.
See? Aren't you glad we came here?
Oh, let's hang this up for her.
If she wanted to hang pictures of us, she would have.
Unh-unh.
She just hasn't had time to decorate.
Here.
There.
[ Sighs ]
Much better. Luce: You touching my shit?
Hi. Andrew Botwin.
Uh, brother-in-law. General misfit.
You're Nancy's roommate?
You're not supposed to be in here.
She's gonna get a strike if they find you. You open that?
No, definitely not. Why would I need to?
I have most of those recipes memorized.
Beef bourguignon -- two cups beef stock, one sprig --
You tell anybody what you saw in there,
and I'm gonna stick a blade in your sister's liver.
All right. That's a little extreme.
How's Nancy doing?
Yeah, yeah.
We want anecdotes, funny details, new habits.
Bitch fucked my boyfriend with an egg beater last night.
How's that?
What? Hmm.
Um...
This is Nancy's son, Shane.
Very close to his mother.
I'm sorry. Did you say egg beater?
Yeah. She did it with a nice, quiet, soft voice, like this.
[ Teeth chatter ]
You're disgusting.
Huh. Okay. Hi, there.
I'm late for my anger management.
We're making vision boards.
Got to...cut out pictures of my hopes and dreams.
You better get the fuck out!
All right.
See you around?
Yeah. You'll be seeing much more of me.
I'll be here for Nancy, obviously,
but, you know, maybe if there's extra time...
Cool.
Oh, boy. I miss American women.
I'm sure she was kidding about the blade comment.
She's a fellow foodie, for Christ's sake. She stole your wallet.
What?! Holy crap, my tour-guide license was in there.
Mr. Botwin.
[ Thud, clinking ]
[ Doorbell rings ]
[ Lock disengages ]
Hi. I'm Nancy.
I'm Zoya's -- I know who you are.
I was hoping we could make a trade.
You were hoping or Zoya was hoping?
I'm here as a free agent.
Means "pomegranate" in French.
Grenade.
Where's the rest of them?
Somewhere safe. Far away.
[ Glass clinks ]
You know how dangerous something like this can be?
M26 high-velocity frag
with a 15-meter kill radius.
Does that send a shiver down your spine?
Uh, nerves of steel.
Steel's fine.
But enough about me. Let's talk business.
You trying to fuck with me?
Hmm?
Free agent?
What the fuck is that?!
Don't get mad at me. Zoya's the one who stole your shit.
Think I didn't know that?
[ Scoffs ]
She's a klepto with sociopathic tendencies, but I love her.
If she hadn't have set that cheating asshole on fire,
I would have done it myself.
Well, FYI, she wanted me to sell your grenades
to some...guy in the mob named Yev -- Yevgeny.
So, you should be thanking me.
I could be in Brighton Beach right now.
[ Sighs ]
So...
What do you want? You want money?
You want a microwave?
I got motorcycles in the garage.
[ Chuckles ]
I want weed.
I traffic Sony PSPs, ramen noodles, not drugs.
Oh, okay. What's that?
Personal. Recreational.
I hear you get great shit from Afghanistan.
Ha. I got a buddy over there.
He puts a little extra on the plane for me
and the guys in admin, but...that's gone.
Down to my last couple joints.
Can you get more?
If I felt like it was worth my while...
Maybe.
I figure 40, 50 pounds
should be enough to start.
After I move that,
we can talk about opening up a permanent pipeline.
We split 70/30. How does that sound?
It sounds like you got a lot of plans.
No. [ Chuckles ]
I have no plans.
I-I have, uh, a halfway house
that wants 25% of an imaginary salary.
I have a family that decided to ambush me this morning.
I have a 4-year-old who thinks I'm his aunt.
Social status lower than homeless people
and crack addicts.
No. No, I have no plans.
[ Inhales deeply ] One pound. That's all I can get.
10. One.
Zero if you don't bring me that suitcase.
And 60/40.
[ Sighs ]
What choice do I have?
Free taste?
It's on the house.
No, no. I really have to go.
[ Sighs ]
I really, really have to get going.
[ Telephone ringing ]
Oh, that's Hans Christian Andersen's house.
[ Inhales deeply ]
So, how can I help you today, Mr. Guinard?
Guinard. [ Babbles ]
Is that Danish?
No. It's an homage.
Fascinating.
Continue.
Well, I just got into town, like, literally today.
I haven't even checked into a hotel.
Adorable! Go on.
And Jorgen --
Do you know Jorgen? He was my agent in Europe.
He's the one who gave me your name.
Love Jorgen!
That fucking scarf he wears?
[ Chuckles ] Yeah.
Love!
Get to the point.
So, I guess...
I was just hoping that maybe --
and I know that you're really busy --
but maybe you would consider taking me on as a client.
And I know that I'm new to the whole New York scene,
but I do have tons of experience --
Not just the elderflower thing.
I did a-a P.S.A. for domestic violence.
Well, not for. Duh. [ Chuckles ]
Uh, against, definitely. Anti-violence.
Wow.
[ Laughing ] I am really jet-lagged right now.
Did you, uh, want a-a reel?
'Cause I could totally get one together for you --
Let me stop you right there.
Okay.
How old are you?
24.
And you've been modeling for how long?
3 years -- 2 1/2.
In Copenhagen.
And other small European cities.
[ Clears throat ] Mr. Guinard...
I am sure the whole
"naive farmboy meets teen heartthrob" vibe
worked for you in the Nordic hinterlands,
but you're in New York City now.
You're but a wee tin soldier in a land of chiseled he-gods.
Yeah, I will, uh, I will start at the bottom.
Shitty mail-order catalogs --
I think we're done here. Come back five years ago.
Wait, wait, wait. I'm not usually this...
And plus my mom just got out of prison,
which I know is no excuse,
but I'm a really, really hard worker,
and I really do photograph well,
and I know that this industry is all...
Yeah, whatever, vanity and massive egos,
but that's not me.
I'm not like that.
I will work my ass off,
and I think it's a nice ass,
and I'm maybe a type that you don't already have,
something different --
Someone different.
[ Sighs ]
Right.
I...can take that.
I'll hold onto this,
circulate it around,
see if anyone bites.
Yes, yes! Bite me!
Right. Fluster. Time to go.
Are we in trouble?
No.
Oh, okay, 'cause your face --
It's just my default face.
I'm actually glad you boys snuck in.
Oh, no, no. We -- we didn't --
Please.
It's sweet, your concern.
You want to know what happened,
if Nancy's still the same old Nancy.
Is she?
Highly unlikely.
Well, we know about the glasses.
What else?
A haircut? Knuckle tattoos?
Think about it this way.
Nancy just got back from three years living in a cage
eating nothing but liver and Lima beans.
She's had daily "bend, squat, spread, and cough" checks.
She's probably witnessed rape, torture,
face rape, gang rape...
Lots of rape.
Okay, we get it.
I don't think you do.
"Your inmate: What to expect."
When I got out, I was angry, distant, aggressive.
You were in prison?
Yes.
And it changes a man... Woman.
Nancy.
[ Breathes deeply ]
So...what?
You're saying we should be wearing helmets around her now?
I'm saying,
from trauma cometh...
Something.
Uh...
Drama?
From trauma cometh...
Oh, I'm off today.
I'm gonna go put in the video.
Do you think mom's gonna be different -- like, hardened?
[ Indistinct shouting ] I'm sure he's just talking about men's prison.
Lady prison's all hair-braiding --
Wallet stealing. Pillow fighting.
[ Clatter ] What the hell's that?
[ Shouting continues ]
Officer: Knock it off!
Knock it off! Looks like Pigtails is in trouble.
[ Grunts ]
I ran away.
I was just, like, instinctual,
because -- 'cause they were doing so well, you know?
And Silas -- can you believe Silas is a model?
It makes sense. He was always the hot one.
He was always way better-looking than all of his friends.
Shane -- Shane is old.
Shane is, what, like 18?
Probably shaves every day. Dates women.
Wears...
musky cologne.
You smell like Zoya.
Is that weird that I can smell you?
Doug "Rocket-Man" Wilson!
Whit "The Toad" Tillerman!
Hey, come here! Shit!
[ Laughs ]
Whoa, whoa, whoa! [ Laughs ]
Hey, I thought you disappeared on me, dude.
Hey!
You play?
You know, I got the travel bug.
I had to get out of the 'burbs.
Lived in a beach cottage for a while, surfed,
did the Copenhagen thing, you know.
Fucking iconoclast.
Freewheeling Dougie Wilson, huh?
Living the dream.
Oh...
Fucking "A"!
Nice one!
Hey.
Are you still in the game?
Nah. No, man.
Tapped myself out. Retired.
Oh, I envy you, man.
I can't get out. I'm too addicted.
It's like -- it's like crack, making money.
Fuck, you are too fucking good, man.
Like I could ever beat the rocket-man at a sport.
Ah, no, it's beginner's luck.
Good hand-eye coordination, that's all.
Yeah, right.
Hey, what are you doing tomorrow?
I'm getting baked, eating Italian subs,
banging bridge and tunnel chicks.
Sweet. [ Laughs ]
But I want you to come by my office, all right?
Promise me that you will come by my office.
It's not really my scene anymore.
Suit-and-tie thing totally depresses me.
Dougie, please. Come on, it's me.
I'm begging you. Just stop by.
I want you to meet some people, I'll introduce you around.
We got a killer lunch spread. Huh?
Yeah, all right. Why not?
Doug fucking Wilson! [ Laughs ]
Ooh, yeah! We're back! [ Laughs ]
I never smoke.
By the way, why don't you have an accent?
I watched more TV.
I think you should slow down.
What am I doing here?
I'm -- they're probably at the house, like, like,
waiting for me,
or they've gone away, like, like...birds.
What time is it?
What does -- what does that say?
It's almost 1:00.
No. Hmm?
No.
Want more noodles?
No. Oh, God.
How long does it take to get from Queens
to Washington Heights?
40 minutes.
Oh, shit. I got to go.
Don't forget my grenades.
What? Oh, yeah. I can't forget. "Grenades."
Weed for grenades,
'cause you're gonna give me weed for grenades.
You remind me of her.
Who?
Your sister.
[ Door closes ]
Every year,
over 600,000 criminals are released back into society.
For many inmates,
life in the outside world can be disorienting.
Even simple tasks like going to the grocery store
or riding the bus can feel foreign, unfamiliar.
And don't worry if your inmate appears preoccupied,
shut off, easily aggravated.
This is a result
of what's called "prison survivalist mentality."
Be patient.
Reopening the doors of emotion can take time.
The ultimate goal, however,
is to break the cycle of criminality,
to prevent a relapse
into the self-destructive behavior
that initially led to your inmate's incarceration.
Okay.
Nancy Botwin...
Reporting for duty.
Look at that. 1:30.
On...the dot.
Remember --
Physical contact can be jarring at first.
Learn to respect your inmate's boundaries,
and they'll learn to respect yours.
Shane!
Oh, my God!
I missed you so much.
Come here. Come give me a hug.
Come here.
Oh, God, you're so tall!
Oh, look at your hair! [ Laughs ]
It's so soft. Where -- where's Silas?
He's resting. Uh... [Sighs]
Nance, we have to get you out of here.
Oh, I know, huh? [ Laughs ]
They're taking Pigtails back to prison.
I don't know what happened exactly,
but there was fighting,
and then they zip-tied her, and now she's gone.
And also, did you know
67% of all criminals get re-arrested?
Wait a second.
Are you, uh...
What?
[ Sniffs ]
No. No. Cut it out.
Since when do you smoke?
It's just a little bit, okay?
[ Chuckles ] Oh. [ Laughs ]
Nance, so, is that --
is that why you were avoiding us all day,
to smoke a bowl with some new crime buddies or...
Did you? What?
Avoid us? Yes.
Mommy was a little embarrassed,
so I smoked a little bit of pot
with a very nice guy from the army.
Mom. What?
How was Europe? Did I ask you that already?
Mom.
Do you want to come look at the vending machines?
Mom. What?
Mm.
Hi.
I made it, my curfew -- right on the dot.
I even signed a little heart next to my name.
Did you see it?
It's time to go.
Well, where am I going?
Urine sample, drug-test kit, in my office -- now.
♪ I'm dead and gone ♪
♪ I'm buried deep ♪
♪ I pray the lord ♪
Sync & corrected by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com