Narrator: This program contains subject
Matter and language that may be disturbing to some viewers.
Viewer discretion is advised.
Eric: It's over there.
Oh, let me load the foil.
Sorry, I was slacking.
My name is sarah.
I'm 29 years old and I'm extremely addicted to opiates.
Cheri: Her drug of choice is fentanyl, which is terrifying.
[music playing]
Using fentanyl and meth at the same time
Really scared me because it could kill her.
How much do you put in?
Just curious.
Uh, this is probably like gram or maybe just a little over a gram
Dang.
Cheri: And most of the friends sarah hangs out
With now are also using drugs.
Do you always shoot your arms?
Yeah, or my hands.
If she doesn't get help, she's going to die.
That hurt a little bit.
It's in.
Laura: She could die today or tomorrow or any time.
Sarah: Balls to the wall.
I know it's extremely dangerous, but I don't know,
I just feel like there's no use in trying to get clean
Anymore because, I don't know, there's
Something just wrong with me.
[music playing]
Laura: My sister sarah was one of the biggest
Models in the bay area.
Billy: She was getting gigs for some of the major stores,
Major makeup companies.
Sarah: I have done everything from benefit cosmetics,
Old navy, the men's wearhouse, charlotte russe,
Amongst many more.
Tonya: She had pictures all over the place.
I was just like, whoa, that's my niece.
Whoa, that's my niece there, too.
Sarah: What I liked the most about modeling
Was how much money you made and like such little time.
Tonya: She was making $10,000 a photo shoot
And she had a rock star boyfriend.
She had the world at her feet.
But right now, my daughter sarah is addicted to fentanyl.
Sarah: I smoke fentanyl laced oxy 30 pills,
Which are also known as blues.
This is a oxycontin 30.
It's not prescription.
It's off the streets, so it's actually a fentanyl press.
Typically, I use between 5 and 15 blues a day.
Cheri: In addition to fentanyl, sarah is also using meth.
Sarah: I'm just going to do a shot.
I'd probably use about half a gram a day,
And I use both to kind of have a balance.
I don't want to be too up and have too much energy,
But I don't also want to be nodding out.
I want to be as normal as possible, but at least be well.
[bleep] that was a lot.
Sarah has never stolen from, I believe, anyone in the family.
She gets her money for drugs, I believe, by lifting
Things from different places.
So I got the perfume that I was trying to help you find,
And this is 35.
That's, like, 120 so far.
So we could get 12 in blues.
Because of her addiction, she has a police record.
Sarah: I've lost count how many times I've been arrested.
Mostly it was because of possessions,
But I also have two id thefts and two theft ones.
Sarah's health has also just deteriorated.
She's so skinny.
She's, like, size double zero pants right now.
Her cheeks are sunken in.
Sarah: Because of my addiction, I've been in the icu
For pneumonia and sepsis of the blood.
And the doctor told me that I was really
Close to my deathbed, and that being this young I
Shouldn't have ever been this sick.
Tonya: Despite everything she has gone through,
She's not able to stop herself.
Hell, yeah.
Tonya: It's just been spiraling out of control.
Ashley: She's at the end of her rope
And I don't know if she's going to survive.
Laura: If something were to happen to sarah,
We would all be completely broken as a family.
We want her to live through this.
[music playing]
Sarah: Did you find anybody with clear or anything?
Sorry, I'm like--
I don't really function in the morning.
I'm currently homeless.
I often stay with friends or in cars, hotels.
And then what-- what do you want to do today?
Me and my friend erick, we're going to go up
The street to grab some clear.
And then I'm going to go to my mom's apartment.
I don't have a car, so we're just going to walk to my mom's.
Cheri: I definitely wrestle with allowing
Sarah to stay at my house.
But if I don't, know where she goes,
I don't know when I'll see her, and that's just even scarier.
Mom.
Hi, honey.
[inaudible]
- Can I have a hug? - Yeah.
I love you.
I love you so much.
I missed you.
Joshua is my 11-year-old son.
I'm so excited you're finally here.
I know.
I missed you.
Cheri: When sarah was 17, she met a boy she really loved.
And about five months into the relationship,
Sarah found out she was pregnant.
[music playing]
Sarah: Holding joshua for the first time was complete bliss.
It was like nothing I've ever experienced.
Cheri: Sarah took to motherhood right away.
She was very protective, very loving.
But because of sarah's addiction,
Right now I have temporary custody of joshua.
That's been almost two years.
I really wanted to be here before you woke up.
It's ok.
Right now, me, my two kids and nephew
All live in my mom's apartment.
What do you want to do today?
I want to play a board game.
Ooh.
Well, let's give it a try, then. You want to?
Yeah.
We could see if auntie laura or nana wants to play, too.
Since her addiction,
Laura: Sarah has sometimes gone without seeing
Joshua for, like, two months, sometimes longer.
Did you have lunch, booby?
Oh, yeah, I had, like, cheeseburgers [inaudible]..
Ok, honey.
It's important for me to see my son
Because, although I'm struggling,
I still wanted him to know that I love him
And I want to be there for him as much as I can.
Is this your favorite game?
Yeah.
Laura: Ok, mine's funny.
So I'm the judge.
I like [inaudible] more.
I win.
Good job, laura.
Of course, I love spending as much time
With my son as possible.
Mama's going to get changed really quick, honey.
Ok? - Ok.
Sarah: But unfortunately, the fentanyl has a half life,
So a lot of my time is spent getting well.
So I'm just taking a shot of clear,
And hopefully this will help.
Joshua: Mom?
Sarah: Just a second, joshy.
Cheri: Oh, she's in the bathroom.
Come on.
No, come here.
We're going to sit down and wait for mommy.
[inaudible]
She'll be out.
She takes around, like, an hour or two hours
In the bathroom, but it's still really fun
To spend time with my mom.
Sarah: It fills me with so much joy that my son and my nephews
Really love spending time with me.
Laura: Since there is three kids in the home,
It does worry me a little bit because, you know, I
Have a toddler and they do get into stuff.
And it does freak me out to think that she could leave
Her drugs in the bathroom.
It's definitely a scary situation.
- Hey, hold on. - What are you doing?
Sarah: Close the door.
Stop.
- What are you doing? - Close the door, please.
I'm going to the potty.
Oh.
Sarah: Ok?
Oh, damn.
Cheri: I know I have to stop enabling,
But if I don't let sarah use in the back, she will leave.
And I just won't know where she goes or when she's coming back
Or if she'll be ok.
So I just wanted to check in with you and see if--
What you wanted to do for us tonight
And what you're ok with.
You can stay here if you want.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
I really appreciate it.
I'm having a really good day with joshy.
Yeah.
Tonya: I think my sister allows her to stay in the house
To help heal her guilt.
What did you want to do for dinner?
I don't know, whatever you guys want.
Tonya: But I think that it's too risky to allow her to stay.
I don't think it's safe.
It doesn't take very much for a child to get a hold of it
And die.
Ok, thank you.
I'm going to give you a hug.
I love you.
[music playing]
Leticia murphy: My name is leticia murphy.
I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist
And a licensed interventionist.
My passion is not only to help the individual,
But also the families because addictions always
Impact the families as well.
So I'm meeting with sarah's mom and sister
Today so that I can get some background
Information to help us understand
How sarah got to this point.
Cheri: Hi. Leticia murphy: Hi.
I'm leticia. Cheri: Nice to meet you.
Leticia murphy: Nice to meet you.
So what we're going to do today is I'm going
To ask you guys questions.
I want to get background information on sarah.
Ok?
Yeah.
Leticia murphy: And so what was your childhood like?
Her childhood was, well, it was a little chaotic.
We grew up with a single mom.
Our dad wasn't in the picture.
Cheri: Sarah was my second child.
Ashley's two years older.
And when sarah was two, I had my third child, billy.
Ashley: Even though my dad wasn't around, we had my mom.
She always was there for us, and my grandma and grandpa.
So we always had that love and support that we needed.
And so, miss cheri, how was it being a single mom with kids
And taking care of them and trying
To take care of yourself?
It was a lot.
But in the beginning, we were doing really good.
We had everything we ever wanted.
We were really happy.
And I think before you guys, like, turned eight
And stuff, that I did have--
I kept the home really organized.
You said, prior to them being eight.
What changed when they became eight?
And it was just really bad.
When sarah was eight, I had met someone.
We were living together for about a year,
And that's when I had my daughter laura.
Sarah and I were super excited to have a little sister.
But laura's dad was an addict, so that
Was not a healthy relationship and he
Wasn't a healthy figure for us.
Cheri: My relationship with laura's father
Was very turbulent.
I did start suffering with some depression
Because he was abusive and he would threaten to kill me
In front of my kids if I ever tried to leave
And just horrible, traumatic stuff going on.
How bad was it?
Laura's dad was a dealer.
He was a dealer.
Mm-hmm.
As soon as I smoked it, I felt better
And I got addicted to meth that quick.
It just went bad fast.
Sarah: There was no structure, rarely
Any groceries in the house.
And I was made fun of a lot at school because my clothes
Would be dirty.
Laura: One time, she had to go on her knees
And pretend to be a dog and beg people for food
Because she was extremely hungry.
It was just, yeah, completely embarrassing.
And then you guys were with your grandparents
While mom was in rehab.
Yeah.
Ok.
And cheri, when you got out of the rehab, what happened?
Cheri: I didn't have a lot of family support at that time,
So we ended up at a family homeless shelter
For a little bit.
Oh, wow.
That definitely had to have been a culture shock.
It was a little scary.
Leticia murphy: It was just dirty,
And I remember, like, maggots coming out of the carpet.
And there was, like, feet of just
"bleep" piled up on the floor.
It was always a disaster.
Ashley: But we were all happy to be reunited with our mom,
And we had a mentor that got us into
A private christian school.
And that was a really cool opportunity.
Sarah was very focused on her education.
She loved to learn.
She was very studious.
Cheri: She was thriving.
She had a lot of friends.
And when sarah was 13, she had gotten a scholarship to go
Into a private high school.
Billy: When sarah was in high school,
She was still super focused on excelling in school.
Sarah: I see now how I used school as a means
To escape my home life, but I'm grateful that I did
That because it really set me up for success
And allotted me opportunities that I wouldn't have had,
Had I not been as educated as I was.
Tonya: As she was getting older, she had two jobs.
She was really together.
Laura: Then when sarah was 18, she
Submitted her modeling picture and she ended up getting
Signed by ford modeling.
Sarah had one of the biggest blow-ups of all time.
She went from being bullied and teased
To becoming one of the biggest models in the bay area.
Ashley: She was very successful and she
Was making a lot of money.
Sarah: There was, like, a life-size poster board
Of me and like every macy's.
And it was funny, my cousin sent me a picture
Of her posing next to it.
Tonya: It felt like she was on top of the world
And there was no stopping her.
Sarah: And then when I was 19, I went
To on my chemical romance concert
And met my favorite band member.
I literally felt like I was struck by lightning that day.
Over the course of a year, we kind of
Just became inseparable.
It wasn't long after that we got engaged.
Billy: And then sarah moved to la to be with him.
They were in love.
They were planning a future together.
Sarah: I signed with an agency in los angeles.
But they were like, if you really
Want to be taken seriously, you need to lose
Weight around your hips.
I tried exercising and stuff like that,
But it just wasn't able to do it.
They felt good.
They suppressed my appetite, and I didn't
Really see it as a problem.
Billy: But looking back on it, sarah and her boyfriend
Had addiction issues.
They would go out and drink and hang out
More than the average person.
Sarah: And then it started to really impact my modeling
Career because I started showing up late,
Was unresponsive to texts, and really started
Losing out on a lot of gigs.
Billy: Then when sarah was 20, our family
Had moved up to bend, oregon.
My brother-in-law had gotten a really good job,
And we just kind of all followed suit.
Both of them seemed a little unhappy living in oregon.
Sarah: Oregon was such a culture shock.
Like, there wasn't any amusement parks, malls, things
That we were used to doing together.
Cheri: And sarah's fiance's fans weren't
Happy with their relationship.
Laura: On social media, a lot of people
Were bullying her and telling her to kill herself.
Sarah: It was pretty scary.
And it was hard to not hate being in my own skin.
So one day, we went to a car dealership
And the guy who sold us our toyota ended
Up selling us our drugs, too.
I noticed sarah was sleeping a lot.
Her fiance was missing flights.
Tonya: She gave it all up for her addiction
And seemed to not look back.
Cheri: I think it helped her to escape
Her past childhood traumas.
Sarah: I started going into hospitals
To get prescriptions because I couldn't find
Them to buy off the street.
And when I was 23, I was blacklisted from hospitals
For faking injuries, and so that's
When I turned to heroin because that was easier to find.
I found out that sarah was using heroin
When she came over to my house and started nodding
Off while we're talking.
And that was pretty disturbing.
Sarah: It wasn't long until I found
Comfort in my drug of choice, and I
Ended up moving on to fentanyl.
[inaudible]
Ever since then, everything has been downhill for her.
Ashley: Right now, sarah's addiction consumes her life.
Tonya: And sarah has lost a modeling career.
She's lost her car.
Her apartment.
Sarah: I'm losing my sense of, like, common decency.
Cheri: I've had a lot of sleepless nights
Because I'm so worried.
Tonya: She's not able to stop herself,
And we need her to be alive.
So it sounds like you guys have been through a lot,
Just as much as she has.
All we want for her is for her to really have a chance
And the support she needs.
In order for this to work, you've got to be strong.
Yeah.
Leticia murphy: Sarah had a very difficult childhood,
And her mom may be currently enabling her because
Of guilt about the past trauma.
But if they cannot come together and stand
Firm and maybe not enable her, this could
End very poorly for sarah.
We have to stick together.
We have to do this for her.
I just really need a break.
Cheri: This morning she wasn't well.
It sounded like she was crying, but I could
Tell that she's just sick.
Sarah: Like, it's so hard to breathe.
I know. I can hear it in your voice.
I could hear it when you were talking yesterday.
Yeah.
It's clogged.
Yeah, the doctor said that you get it from smoking drugs.
Laura: Yeah.
I woke up feeling really "bleep", um just restless.
Anxiety is just off the charts.
Hi.
Hi, sweetheart.
Sarah: So my mom's going to take me to my friend erick's house.
He's a friend that I've known for about a year or so.
He said that he's going to help me feel better
And smoke me out some blues because I'm out.
Cheri: Where are we going, right here?
Sarah: Yeah.
Ok, so I'm going to go inside, and I'll call you and let
You know what the plan is.
Ok.
It's a difficult situation.
It's very confusing for me.
I love her and I don't want to see her hurting
And I don't want to see her desperate.
I just-- I feel helpless.
Ashley: My mom's support is good and bad.
I wouldn't want sarah out on the streets in the cold,
But I also feel like she's enabling.
And that's not good for sarah either.
[phone ringing]
Sarah (on phone): Hello?
Sarah?
What's happening?
Sarah (on phone): I was going to see if I drop you off
At the apartment and my friend here came with me,
And then we just smoked in the car.
What do you think of that?
Why don't you just do that here, right now
While I'm here with the car?
Sarah (on phone): Where would you go?
I can go for a walk.
Sarah (on phone): Ok, and then we'll come out.
Ok.
Erick's family's here right now,
And they don't really know what's been going on.
Are you cool with sitting in the back seat?
Ok.
So don't really want them to find out today.
So we're going to just hang out and smoke in the car.
[music playing]
Thank you.
I'm going to do my shot really quick.
Normally I can hit, but if I have a hard time,
I'll probably ask you, eric.
Yeah, for sure.
Boom.
Yeah, buddy.
It's pretty good.
I think we smoked three altogether.
And I did a shot of clear, so I'm ready to take on the day.
Yeah, and at the light, you'll make a left.
And then we just go to the hotel.
It's right up the street.
We're just pulling up to this motel to meet,
And I guess just pick up some, to be blunt, clear.
I don't really like saying the words
And stuff in front of my mom.
It makes me--
Cheri: Sweetheart.
It'll be ok, sarah.
It's just been kind of like a wake up call, I guess,
Because I've just been like acting like that side of me
Doesn't exist to my mom.
So having it be, like, more real, it has just
Been hard for me to process.
I'm so over living like this.
I'm just over how much this robs me and my son.
How do I allow this to be more important?
It's hard to process sometimes.
It's easier to escape.
Problem is, you're not escaping the traumas and stuff.
You can't process it on your own.
Because mine affected my whole life.
And when you were younger, I made a lot of bad choices.
I just never should have done the things
I did to escape whatever it is that was hitting me.
But I guess what I'm saying is I want to be supportive.
Sarah: And I appreciate that.
I know a lot of moms are out there using with their kids,
Not trying to help them and make sure they're safe.
It's just sad.
No, come here, sweetheart.
[inaudible]
All my son wants is me there with him,
But I'm just, like, doing a lot of the things
My mom did to me and my siblings.
Cheri: We all love you so much.
Sarah: I would say it is a pretty successful day.
You look pregnant [inaudible] right now.
Nice save.
Good job.
How did you pull that off?
Like, how did you put it in your coat?
Cheri: I know sarah is making money for drugs
By going into stores and lifting items.
One time, sarah brought christmas gifts for us
And some of them still had the security tag on it, which
Was shocking because it just made me realize just
How desensitized she is to what she's doing
And how she's living.
Tonya: Everything has been out of control.
No one knows if we're going to see her again.
I mean, we used to worry about her getting arrested
And now we're just praying she will so
That we know she'll be alive.
[inaudible]
Leticia murphy: So I just want to thank you guys for having
Me be a part of this.
Hopefully this will be super successful.
Yeah.
And I just value all of your input.
Now let's get into some tough stuff.
Do we have guilt and shame about where sarah's
At currently in her addiction?
I feel like as a mom I let her down.
I feel like I could have done things so different
And maybe things would have been a different outcome for her.
When she was younger and she asked me to help, I'm sorry.
I should have helped you more.
I should have helped her more.
Thank you.
You don't have to apologize to me.
No, I do.
And I'm sorry.
I let both of you down.
Leticia murphy: You're living in what if.
What if I had done this?
What if I had said that?
It's not serving you today.
So I need you all to let go of the guilt and shame,
And let's focus on the present and getting her
To a place where she's healthy.
Sarah's family is so riddled by guilt
From the past that, if they continue
To live in what if, they're not going to be able to push her
Into having a healthy recovery.
So one of the things that's always concerning when we're
Looking at addictions and we're looking at family
Is enabling behaviors.
Anybody ever given her money?
Yes, I have.
Leticia murphy: Ok, so almost everybody.
Anybody ever given her rides?
Yes.
Paid for a hotel room or let her stay with them?
Yes, I have.
Leticia murphy: Today's the last day for that.
We are going to have to say no.
I want to be there for her.
I don't want her hurting or--
Leticia murphy: I know change is hard,
But losing somebody that you love would hurt a lot worse.
So we have to develop some bottom lines,
And the bottom lines are only going
To be read if she says no.
It's a consequence.
So what do you guys feel that could
Be some of the bottom lines?
It's hard to think about, but, yeah, she wouldn't
Be able to be my kids' life.
Ok.
Cheri?
Cheri: Well, for me, it's like, what if she overdoses
And the last thing she heard from me
Is, I'm not going to help you.
You guys have to stand together.
If one of you doesn't stand together,
It's not going to work.
Tonya: I'm worried about my sisters
Sticking to the bottom lines.
Well, it's hard for all of us, but it's really hard for her.
She doesn't want any of her kids, especially sarah,
To feel that she's not loved.
Questions, concerns, anything else
I need to know before tomorrow?
I'm worried that she might say she needs
To go say goodbye to joshua.
It's been kind of a tactic to delay going.
Cheri: It's too hard for her.
When she has to say goodbye, she doesn't want to leave him.
Leticia murphy: Ok.
And so the bottom line is, we want to be respectful of him
And what's good for his treatment,
So she's not going to have the opportunity.
She may facetime him from the airport.
Ok?
It's going to be hard.
I'm just, like, scared she's not going to snap out of it.
So here's the thing.
I can't take away any of your fears.
But just know that we're all going to be here
And we're going to do the best that we can.
And hopefully tomorrow she will receive that gift of treatment
And get help.
Good morning, everybody.
How's everybody feeling?
Anxious.
Stressed.
Leticia murphy: Nervous, anxious, stressed.
It's normal, because this is a really, really big day.
Has she made it to the car yet?
Ok, thank you.
Sarah: I just drooled everywhere.
Ok, I'm ready.
Yay.
Laura, would you be available to meet her at the front door,
Please? - Yeah.
Ok.
I have a knot in my throat.
My stomach is like--
This anticipation is brutal.
Laura, can you go?
- What are you doing here? - How are you?
How are you?
Oh my gosh.
I need to smoke a cigarette.
You ok?
Good morning.
My name is leticia.
Nice to meet you.
Soon as you finish smoking, can he come in
And greet everybody, please?
Yep.
Ok, thanks.
Can you stay here with her?
Yeah.
Ok.
Is joshy here?
Laura: No.
Is this really an intervention?
It would have been nice to know.
Ok.
Hey, sarah.
Oh my gosh.
Hi, baby.
Ashley: We all love you, ok?
You don't have to have an anxiety attack.
Good to see you.
Are you ok?
I'm going to have you sit between your sister
And your aunt, please.
It's so nice to meet you.
I've been working with your family,
And everybody here has such tremendous love for you.
So what I'm asking for you to do is just
To have an open heart and an open mind
As they read their letters.
So miss ashley, can you start, please?
Sarah, I want you to know how much I love you.
You are my sister, my best friend,
And such an amazing and loving aunt to my kids.
They would love nothing more than to have their auntie back.
We don't want to miss out on any more time with you.
You are more than just beautiful on the outside.
Your heart is full of love.
You are so important to me, but watching you
Hurt yourself is too hard.
We all make mistakes, and your addiction doesn't define you.
It's never too late to turn your life around.
I love you forever and always, no matter what.
Leticia murphy: Ok.
Miss cheri?
Dear sarah, I love you so much,
Your sweet disposition, your generous heart, and kind soul.
You have so much to offer this world.
Your bond and love for your son and his with you
Is something that is beautiful to witness.
This is one reason my heart aches for the two of you.
I've been a witness to you slowly
Killing yourself, all the beautiful pieces of you
Numbing to non-existence.
Please put yourself in recovery, sarah.
I don't want to think about how I will ever tell your son
He will never see you again or hear his mom say, I love you
And I'm so proud of you.
Please don't let these drugs steal that
From him and from yourself.
Leticia murphy: Tonya.
Tonya: Sarah, you and I have always shared a special bond.
We understand each other in a way that no one else does.
Since your addiction has begun, our relationship has changed.
We don't talk like we used to.
You don't call me anymore.
You stopped answering my calls.
I miss you.
I miss us.
I never wanted you to feel disappointed.
I just want you well and healthy.
You have your entire life to live for you and joshy,
And now is the time for you to start living it.
Will you take this gift of treatment today?
Leticia murphy: So sarah, are you going to treatment
To try to get well?
Will I get to say bye to joshy?
[music playing]
Leticia murphy: I know you love him.
But ultimately I always want to make sure that we protect him.
Really?
Do you think you'd be ok when--
Can we facetime him and you could talk to him?
Would it just be, like, a normal 30-day--
Leticia murphy: It is called kemah palms recovery.
It's a 90 day-treatment.
They have a medical detox facility,
And your family will be doing family therapy because this
Isn't just affecting you.
It affects everybody.
So will you accept this gift?
Um, yeah.
Leticia murphy: Awesome.
Thank god.
Oh my gosh, I love you.
[inaudible]
I'm feeling so relieved knowing
That sarah is going to be--
She's going to be herself again.
[inaudible]
It's just such a weight off of my whole family.
I am super proud of sarah because she's
Going to have a good life for her and her son.
I'm just excited for her.
Ok, thank you.
- Love you. - Love you.
Love you guys.
Give joshy my love.
Bye.
Tonya: Love you.
Cheri: Love you.
We got [inaudible].
Leticia murphy: Awesome job, family.
Sarah: I wish I would have spent last night with my son.
But I want to be healthy and present for him,
And I can't do that by continuing to live like this.
[music playing]
Hello, sarah.
Oh my goodness, I'm so glad you made it here.
Thank you.
Sarah, this is mallory.
She came to us through intervention a little
Over three years ago.
Sarah: That's amazing.
So she came down to share with us and give you hope.
And she's a superstar, and you can connect
With her while you're here.
[inaudible]
Kimberly beatty: At kemah palm recovery,
We do recognize it as a family illness, and so every client
Here has individual family therapy.
Thank you so much.
Kimberly beatty: It's about educating, understanding
What support looks like, and so we
Will involve sarah and her family
As part of her ongoing treatment.
Joshua (on facetime): I really miss you
And I'm really happy that you're doing the treatment.
So I love you.
Bye.
My son deserves a healthy and present mom.
And I know, in order to be that, I
Have to just give this my all.
So hopefully this is the last time
That he has to go through that.
[music playing]