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[ Static ]

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[ Country music plays ]

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♪ My dreams are all
dead and buried ♪

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♪ Sometimes I wish
the sun would just explode ♪

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♪ When God comes and calls me
to his kingdom ♪

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♪ I'll take all you
sons of bitches when I go ♪

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-My turn.
-Hell no.

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Hey, man, let me
drive that thing!

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Do not touch
the trim!

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Dan Halen: Every autumn, car-
loads of well-moneyed urbanites

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storm these mountains
to gawk with idiotic wonder

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at the innocuous

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pigmentation-shift
of the foliage.

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They jam our sad motels
to capacity,

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spend their coin

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on our worthless
bumpkin-crafted trinkets,

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and fill their dripping maws

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with our saccharine
homemade taffy.

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But when the colored leaves

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that camouflage
your abject poverty

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fall from the trees,

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so, too, do the tourists
fall from our grasp.

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[ Clicks ]

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And that's why
this is the time

25
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to build that
gravy museum.

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You know, it could, uh,
be in the shape

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of the world's
largest gravy boat.

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I drew this, um...
mascot -- Groovy Gravy.

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He's sort of a fun way
to introduce people to- gravy --

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Leaf!I'm leaving. Okay, yeah.

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No!
That's my tourism plan.

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LEAF --
Leaves Ever Autumn Forever!

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I've developed a proprietary
chemical compound

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that will permanently
transform the leaves

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to their autumn hues
and prevent them

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from ever dropping
from the trees!

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The foliage fanatics
will stay year-round,

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propping up my failing
hay-ride business,

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and absolutely nothing can,
or ever will, go wrong!

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[ Engine rumbling ]

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Well...
the leaves changed.

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Where's all
the customers?

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We ain't sold a single peach
all day.

44
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Oh, them city slickers
love them fall colors,

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but they don't buy no fruit
from us, do they?

46
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Hell no.

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Hey, y'all.
Look, we got a customer coming.

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Hey --
Get the fuck
off my land

49
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Git!

50
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Get the hell on
out of here.

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Whoa, Early! Hold up.[ Breathing heavily ]

52
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Look, all this
aggressive gunplay

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is really turning off
potential tourists.

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I mean, how are we gonna
sell fruit to people

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if you shoot the people dead
before they can buy the fruit?

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Unless you shot them
after they bought the fruit,

57
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and then we could
just reuse the fruit.

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Hey, y'all.
Everybody look alive.

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Customers!
Interlopers!

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Early, no!

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Instead of telling them
to get the helloff your land,

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why don't you try asking them
to get the hell onyour land?

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Hey. [Chuckles]
You guys selling fruit?

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Get the hell o-- o--

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on...

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my land.There you go.

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[ Chuckling ] This --
This isn't fruit.

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These are, uh, rocks just
painted to look like fruit.

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Well,
they'll never go bad.

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That's our
perma-fresh guarantee.

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We sell it by the pound.
Rocks weigh more.

72
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It's simple math, dumbass!

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[ Whispering ]
Try adding a smile now.

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[ Strained ] They're a good
conversation piece.

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[ Engine revs ]

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[ Chuckling ] Wow!

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You almost closed
a deal, Early.

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You're right.
It's all in the delivery.

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Sheriff: Ooh-whee!

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Just look at those oranges
and yellows and reds!

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These chemicals are
really working, Mr. Halen.

82
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And is that
pumpkin spice?

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Ah, you noticed.
Yes, we're doing flavorings now.

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Gingerbread in December,
barbecued brisket in July.

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Look at that,
would ya?

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♪♪

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Who'da thought
the deep-fried pine booby

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would be matin'
this late in January?

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The colored leaves
make every species

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want to...
bury the sausage.

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Yes, Chattanooga
is a frozen moonscape,

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while we are soaked to the tits
with people and money.

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And it's trickling all
the way down, Mr. Halen.

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Look who just put out a brochure
for his new business.

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♪♪

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Welcome to Cuyler Farms B&B,
my friends,

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poverty-stricken country living
at luxury prices!

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Just look at them leaves!
Y'all see them leaves?

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Coloredly leaves
everywhere!

100
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It's gorgeous.Like a tapestry.

101
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That's boringer
than hell to me,

102
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but y'all seem to be
going crazy for it!

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Hell yeah!

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Here we have the main
living space and kitchen

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and sometimes bathroom
when it's dark or cold

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or I'm drunk or just lazy.

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This is genuine poverty.

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Happy hour is
every night and day

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right here
in this corner,

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over here
by the party liquor bottles.

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Ah!
So authentic.

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Our resort and convention center
sleeps 24 comfortably.

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Perfect for family reunions
and corporate retreats.

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Adorable!

115
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I'll be sleeping in here in
the master suite with your wife,

116
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catering to every
toe-sucking need.

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Wait, you said that
there'd be separate rooms.

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[ Moaning ]

119
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Let me show y'all
the hot tub, huh?

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[ Electricity crackles ]

121
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Heater don't work.

122
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Works on body heat.

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Show 'em the massage jets,
honey.

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Here.

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[ Farts ]
[ Water bubbles ]

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I set it to pulsation.
[ Chuckles ]

127
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[ Chuckles ] Uh-oh.

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[ Squirting ]There's so much
to see and do!

129
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Learn how to make
authentic mountain rock candy

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out of common household
cleaning products.

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First sample is free.
[ Laughs ]

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[ Inhales sharply ]

133
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Lil: [ Coughs ] Yeah!

134
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Is that crystal meth?Yes, it is.

135
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And over here, we have
"Ride You A Possum!"

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Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
Giddyup now! Hya!

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And for you space buffs,
get you an eyeful

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of "The Incredible
Flaming Day Moon."

139
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Early: Available
from Dawn to Dusk.

140
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Man: Awful lot
of planes up here.

141
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What is, uh,
with these purple clouds?

142
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Yeah, it smells
like peppermint mocha.

143
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And bleach.Oh, don't worry.

144
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Uh, that's just,
uh, natural, uh...

145
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farts.

146
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Uh, from a bald eagle.Yeah, just a cloud
of eagle farts.

147
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Yeah, yeah.

148
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Now, y'all just relax,

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take a deep series of
short, shallow breaths,

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and enjoy the beauty --

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[ Shrill growling ]

152
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[ Groaning ]

153
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Look, honey,
a deer.

154
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[ Groaning continues ]

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[ All scream ]Oh, my gosh!

156
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What the hell?Well, that was intense.

157
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Now, I would say
y'all go and wash off

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in a majestic
60-foot waterfall,

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but I lied about having
one of them in the brochure.

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[ Plane engine roars ]And over to your left, everyone.

161
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Ooh, it's a pumpkin
for you to gawk at!

162
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Honey, look at
the pumpkin!

163
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-Oh, my God!
-Get your camera!

164
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Don't lock eyes with it
for crissake.

165
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You'll antagonize it.

166
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Hey, Mr. Halen.

167
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Uh, I was hoping to talk to you
about your chem-trails.

168
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I'm worried they're having
a negative effect

169
00:06:51,514 --> 00:06:54,454
on the --
Uh, Mr. Halen?

170
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This used to be a deer --Put that away!

171
00:06:56,036 --> 00:06:57,586
The hell are you
trying to do?

172
00:06:57,624 --> 00:06:59,664
I was hoping maybe you could
tweak the formula.

173
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You know, something less toxic
and more organic.

174
00:07:01,835 --> 00:07:02,725
Organic, huh?

175
00:07:02,767 --> 00:07:05,177
How about I take
out my organ

176
00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:06,697
and you suck it?

177
00:07:06,736 --> 00:07:08,186
Would that be organic?

178
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[ Horse neigh ][ Woman gasps ]

179
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No, don't -- don't --
don't look at the horses.

180
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Look away.
Look over there.

181
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A family of ducks!

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[ Indistinct talking ]Woman: Oh, my God!

183
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Don't -- don't --
don't look at the ducks.

184
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Hey, everyone, let's look
at down at our phones!

185
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♪♪

186
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Woman: Where are
the vibrant reds?

187
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The bright oranges
and yellows?

188
00:07:28,896 --> 00:07:30,686
I can't even see
the flaming day moon!

189
00:07:30,726 --> 00:07:32,176
Oh, uh, it's up there.

190
00:07:32,210 --> 00:07:34,140
Hey, y'all come over
to the main stage

191
00:07:34,177 --> 00:07:36,037
for a backwoods hoedown!

192
00:07:36,076 --> 00:07:38,796
Hey-but-a-ho-but-a-hey-but-a-ho-
but-a-hey-but-a-ho!

193
00:07:38,837 --> 00:07:41,697
But-a-hey-but-a-ho-but-a-hey-
but-a-ho-but-a-hey-but-a --

194
00:07:41,737 --> 00:07:43,007
Come on, woman!
Get up!

195
00:07:43,048 --> 00:07:45,148
I said a hoe-down,
not a whore, face down!

196
00:07:45,188 --> 00:07:46,538
[ Groans ]

197
00:07:46,569 --> 00:07:48,259
[ Crowd gasps ]Hold on.

198
00:07:48,295 --> 00:07:50,535
Just let me put
my face back on.

199
00:07:50,573 --> 00:07:52,513
Hey-but-a-ho-but-a-hey-but-
a-ho-but-a-hey-but-a-ho --

200
00:07:52,541 --> 00:07:54,201
Rusty: Hey, Daddy.

201
00:07:54,232 --> 00:07:57,582
I think them chemicals Dan Halen
sprayed may not be safe.

202
00:07:57,615 --> 00:07:59,995
-Oh!
-Oh, my God.

203
00:08:00,031 --> 00:08:01,581
Y'all take it easy.
E'rything's fine.

204
00:08:01,619 --> 00:08:04,659
Everything
not fine!

205
00:08:04,691 --> 00:08:06,111
[ Screams ]

206
00:08:06,140 --> 00:08:08,210
Oh, whoops. The trees have
done come to life.

207
00:08:08,246 --> 00:08:10,796
Perfectly normal.
Let's all just cozy inside.

208
00:08:10,835 --> 00:08:12,525
[ Growling ]Step lively, now!

209
00:08:12,561 --> 00:08:15,531
Dylan: Mommy!Dylan? Where's Dylan?

210
00:08:15,564 --> 00:08:17,264
My possum exploded.

211
00:08:17,289 --> 00:08:19,079
[ Growls ]

212
00:08:19,119 --> 00:08:20,909
Dylan?
[ Screams ]

213
00:08:20,948 --> 00:08:21,848
Why?!

214
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:23,950
Daddy, this man wants
his money back.

215
00:08:23,986 --> 00:08:25,816
Help me![ Shotgun cocks ]

216
00:08:25,850 --> 00:08:28,680
Look,
the tree's got a gun!

217
00:08:28,715 --> 00:08:31,955
You did this!
You played God!

218
00:08:31,994 --> 00:08:33,694
[ Woman screaming ]

219
00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:36,830
Nature's not a toy!

220
00:08:36,861 --> 00:08:39,971
I never asked
to be born!

221
00:08:40,002 --> 00:08:42,972
Oh, God!You did this!

222
00:08:43,005 --> 00:08:46,145
Oh, God!I was happy as a tree!

223
00:08:46,180 --> 00:08:47,670
Oh, God!

224
00:08:47,699 --> 00:08:50,359
I never wanted this!Oh, God!

225
00:08:50,391 --> 00:08:52,741
Tell my pinecones
I love them!

226
00:08:52,773 --> 00:08:56,363
Oh, God!Listen to Al Gore!

227
00:08:56,397 --> 00:08:58,677
[ Shotgun clicks ]

228
00:08:58,710 --> 00:08:59,780
It's out
of bullets!

229
00:08:59,815 --> 00:09:03,955
Then beat me to death
with it!

230
00:09:03,991 --> 00:09:05,651
Where the hell
are you going to?

231
00:09:05,683 --> 00:09:07,793
Ain't no refund
for early check-out.

232
00:09:07,823 --> 00:09:09,723
Tell your friends
and family.

233
00:09:09,756 --> 00:09:12,896
We thrive
on the word of mouth!

234
00:09:13,207 --> 00:09:14,307
♪♪

235
00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:15,656
Hello.

236
00:09:15,693 --> 00:09:17,183
I'm here to let you know

237
00:09:17,211 --> 00:09:20,011
that Dougal County's recovery
efforts are complete.

238
00:09:20,042 --> 00:09:23,322
The nightmarish,
Lovecraftian fog has lifted

239
00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:25,185
and we are open for business.

240
00:09:25,219 --> 00:09:26,839
Dougal strong!

241
00:09:26,876 --> 00:09:29,086
I'm also excited
to report that animals

242
00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:31,160
are migrating back
into the region

243
00:09:31,191 --> 00:09:34,681
and are no longer bursting
into toxic goo.

244
00:09:34,712 --> 00:09:36,132
And look at these trees!

245
00:09:36,161 --> 00:09:38,821
Do they look like
they're abducting children

246
00:09:38,854 --> 00:09:41,344
or committing
very public suicide?

247
00:09:41,373 --> 00:09:42,793
[ Chuckling ] No.

248
00:09:42,823 --> 00:09:45,623
No, those days are long gone.

249
00:09:45,654 --> 00:09:49,354
But our most valuable asset
is what's left of our people,

250
00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:54,151
and they will greet you
with open arms and warm,

251
00:09:54,179 --> 00:09:56,039
partial smiles.

252
00:09:56,078 --> 00:09:58,178
And while you're here,
visit Groovy Gravy

253
00:09:58,218 --> 00:10:01,318
at the all-new
Dougal County Gravy Museum

254
00:10:01,359 --> 00:10:03,019
off business route 92.

255
00:10:03,050 --> 00:10:04,090
Hey, man.

256
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,160
Come sop up
the history of gravy.

257
00:10:06,191 --> 00:10:08,641
#OutOfSight.

258
00:10:08,677 --> 00:10:09,917
Thanks, Groovy.

259
00:10:09,954 --> 00:10:12,684
I'm from here,
I'm still here,

260
00:10:12,715 --> 00:10:15,855
and I'm not going anywhere
anytime soon.

261
00:10:15,891 --> 00:10:18,651
Why don't you get
on up here, too?

262
00:10:18,687 --> 00:10:20,787
We'll be waiting.

263
00:10:20,827 --> 00:10:24,237
And cut!
One more, faster.

264
00:10:24,278 --> 00:10:25,998
For safety.

265
00:10:26,039 --> 00:10:27,349
Anything for you,
my timber lord!

266
00:10:27,385 --> 00:10:30,005
Remind them,
bring children.

267
00:10:30,043 --> 00:10:32,293
Children safe here!Mommy, mommy.

268
00:10:32,321 --> 00:10:34,221
Children delicious.

269
00:10:34,254 --> 00:10:36,194
Don't say that part.

270
00:10:36,221 --> 00:10:43,471
♪♪

271
00:10:43,504 --> 00:10:51,134
♪♪

272
00:10:51,167 --> 00:10:59,067
♪♪

273
00:11:01,730 --> 00:11:03,940
Tree: Made in Georgia.