1 00:00:01,518 --> 00:00:04,448 [ Static ] 2 00:00:04,487 --> 00:00:09,767 ♪ My dreams are all dead and buried ♪ 3 00:00:09,802 --> 00:00:11,602 ♪ Buried 4 00:00:11,632 --> 00:00:16,402 ♪ Sometimes I wish the sun would just explode ♪ 5 00:00:16,430 --> 00:00:18,710 ♪ Dead and buried 6 00:00:18,742 --> 00:00:25,782 ♪ When God comes and He calls me to his kingdom ♪ 7 00:00:25,818 --> 00:00:30,718 ♪ I'll take all you sons of bitches when I go ♪ 8 00:00:30,754 --> 00:00:33,274 Come on!Do not touch the trim! 9 00:00:33,895 --> 00:00:36,615 [ Scooter whirring ] 10 00:00:38,417 --> 00:00:40,207 Hey, hot stuff. 11 00:00:40,247 --> 00:00:42,147 Aw, hell no. 12 00:00:42,180 --> 00:00:44,630 You best get on unless you wanna get bit by my dog. 13 00:00:44,665 --> 00:00:45,735 You ate your dog. 14 00:00:45,769 --> 00:00:48,429 It was Thanksgiving, damn it. Don't you judge me. 15 00:00:48,462 --> 00:00:50,122 Now get the hell off my land 16 00:00:50,153 --> 00:00:52,643 or I'll make up something else to bluff your ass with. 17 00:00:52,673 --> 00:00:56,883 Oh, baby, I can see you're hurtin'. 18 00:00:56,918 --> 00:00:59,748 I miss having all your stringy green arms 19 00:00:59,783 --> 00:01:03,583 wrapped around my bosom, my -- my front butt, 20 00:01:03,615 --> 00:01:06,335 my back butt, and my neck 21 00:01:06,376 --> 00:01:10,756 during them special times when I requested a choking. 22 00:01:10,794 --> 00:01:14,254 I'd be a fool to take you back. A stone cold fool. 23 00:01:14,281 --> 00:01:16,321 Now, you just get the hell on, right now! 24 00:01:16,352 --> 00:01:18,772 Well, I had to try. 25 00:01:18,802 --> 00:01:20,912 Hey, now. Whoa, whoa, whoa, now. 26 00:01:20,942 --> 00:01:23,842 Truth is I been lonely, little gal. 27 00:01:23,876 --> 00:01:25,456 Once the bar lights comes on 28 00:01:25,499 --> 00:01:27,669 and womans see I got all these wiggly danglers 29 00:01:27,708 --> 00:01:30,258 and I'm filled with this wobbly jelly, 30 00:01:30,297 --> 00:01:32,507 I'm banished to the friend zone. 31 00:01:32,540 --> 00:01:37,750 Well, I'm here to invite you to my friends-with-benefits zone. 32 00:01:37,787 --> 00:01:39,377 [ Grunts ]Hell yeah! 33 00:01:39,409 --> 00:01:41,379 Whee. Hell yeah.Whoo! Let's do it, baby! 34 00:01:41,411 --> 00:01:42,761 Bye, Daddy. She ain't no good for you. 35 00:01:42,792 --> 00:01:44,382 Don't marry her again. 36 00:01:44,414 --> 00:01:47,664 Hey, don't be crotch-blocking me, you damn turd. 37 00:01:48,729 --> 00:01:52,909 Sometimes a hand-milf needs more than just hands. 38 00:01:52,940 --> 00:01:56,220 She needs the slippery, suckery touch... 39 00:01:56,254 --> 00:01:58,884 of squid wigglers from outer space -- 40 00:01:58,911 --> 00:02:01,711 space...space...space...sp-- [ Wheezes ] 41 00:02:01,742 --> 00:02:03,472 [ Eerie music playing ] 42 00:02:03,502 --> 00:02:05,682 Uh, I don't mind role-playing, 43 00:02:05,711 --> 00:02:09,301 but these fellers ain't even dressed up. 44 00:02:09,336 --> 00:02:12,676 Oh, don't mind Alphonso and Lucas. 45 00:02:12,718 --> 00:02:15,888 I'm just so proud we're back together, 46 00:02:15,928 --> 00:02:19,658 I want to broadcast it to the whole world. 47 00:02:19,691 --> 00:02:21,311 Now talk them words. 48 00:02:21,348 --> 00:02:25,968 Uh, glorp glorp gleepy... glork. 49 00:02:26,007 --> 00:02:30,247 Now... take me to your wiener. 50 00:02:30,288 --> 00:02:31,808 Gloop gloop dippity doo. 51 00:02:31,841 --> 00:02:33,431 There. That's got it. 52 00:02:33,463 --> 00:02:35,193 Hell yeah! I mean glork -- glork -- glo-o-o-rk! 53 00:02:35,224 --> 00:02:38,504 Mm, yeah.Glorkity glork glork, baby! 54 00:02:38,537 --> 00:02:39,467 Yeah! 55 00:02:39,504 --> 00:02:43,684 Who has seven wigglers and just got laid? 56 00:02:43,715 --> 00:02:44,985 Granny: This guy! 57 00:02:45,026 --> 00:02:46,676 What? 58 00:02:46,718 --> 00:02:49,338 Who the hell would put their damn pecker up in you? 59 00:02:49,376 --> 00:02:51,756 That guy! 60 00:02:51,792 --> 00:02:53,732 I'll call ya. No, you won't. 61 00:02:53,759 --> 00:02:54,899 Later, Gibby. 62 00:02:54,933 --> 00:02:56,423 [ Door closes ]The answer is me. 63 00:02:56,452 --> 00:02:58,972 This guy! Whoo! 64 00:02:59,006 --> 00:03:00,866 Daddy, I don't think you and Mama are good together. 65 00:03:00,904 --> 00:03:03,534 Well, too bad, 'cause we're together forever this time, son. 66 00:03:03,562 --> 00:03:05,222 This time, it's love. 67 00:03:05,254 --> 00:03:06,954 It sure looks like you're in love in this one. 68 00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:09,469 Early: Glork glork glork glork!BigWigglers.com? 69 00:03:09,499 --> 00:03:12,569 Yep. Homemade hentai tentacle porn. 70 00:03:12,606 --> 00:03:14,256 Some real freak shit. 71 00:03:14,297 --> 00:03:16,607 She told me she was filming this just to have something 72 00:03:16,644 --> 00:03:17,924 to show to our grand-youngrins! 73 00:03:17,956 --> 00:03:19,716 Give me a peek of that beak. 74 00:03:19,751 --> 00:03:21,891 Don't be reaching for the beak.Show me the beak! 75 00:03:21,925 --> 00:03:23,755 I'm -- I'm a little sensitive about it. 76 00:03:23,789 --> 00:03:26,759 Are we rolling on this?My beak! Oh, no! 77 00:03:26,792 --> 00:03:28,552 I opened up to her! 78 00:03:28,587 --> 00:03:30,487 You sure did. 79 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:31,660 All the way up. 80 00:03:31,694 --> 00:03:33,804 I'm no beak freak myself. 81 00:03:33,834 --> 00:03:37,254 I only go to this site when nothing else will get it done. 82 00:03:37,286 --> 00:03:39,426 [ Insects chirping ]Open up! 83 00:03:39,460 --> 00:03:43,400 Where you been? Get your ass in wardrobe. 84 00:03:43,430 --> 00:03:45,780 Your love for me was no more real 85 00:03:45,811 --> 00:03:47,811 than this toy version of downtown Tokyo 86 00:03:47,848 --> 00:03:49,328 you's had me destroy! 87 00:03:49,367 --> 00:03:52,397 [ Hinge squeaks ]Oh, I've hurt you. 88 00:03:52,439 --> 00:03:54,749 And that's the last thing I wanted. 89 00:03:54,786 --> 00:03:58,616 But I also like subscriber-driven revenue, 90 00:03:58,652 --> 00:04:00,342 and that's the firstthing I wanted. 91 00:04:00,378 --> 00:04:02,348 Wha-ho! Get your fingers out of my B-hole. 92 00:04:02,380 --> 00:04:04,590 But I'm weak for dat beak. 93 00:04:04,623 --> 00:04:06,593 You're just feeding me a damn line. 94 00:04:06,625 --> 00:04:08,415 I ain't just a life-support system 95 00:04:08,455 --> 00:04:09,625 for these sexy-ass wigglers. 96 00:04:09,663 --> 00:04:11,773 I got a soul! I'm a person here! 97 00:04:11,803 --> 00:04:13,433 [ Door opens, closes ][ Sighs ] 98 00:04:13,460 --> 00:04:16,530 I guess we're back to fartin' on cakes. 99 00:04:16,566 --> 00:04:19,596 Lucas, switch to the telephoto. 100 00:04:20,467 --> 00:04:22,607 ♪ Happy birthday, Mr. President ♪ 101 00:04:22,641 --> 00:04:25,611 [ Sniffs, sobs ] 102 00:04:25,644 --> 00:04:28,104 [ Sighs, sobs ][ Farting ] 103 00:04:28,129 --> 00:04:29,789 [ Crying ] 104 00:04:29,821 --> 00:04:31,511 Daddy, this video is still up. 105 00:04:31,547 --> 00:04:33,447 Your beak is hanging out for the whole world to see. 106 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:34,620 I know! 107 00:04:34,653 --> 00:04:36,073 I should have circumcised your ass 108 00:04:36,103 --> 00:04:37,833 when I had the chance, you son of a bitch! 109 00:04:37,863 --> 00:04:39,453 What are you doing? No! No! 110 00:04:39,486 --> 00:04:42,726 Oh, don't cut your beak off! That's your moneymaker! 111 00:04:42,765 --> 00:04:45,005 Yeah. That's right. Listen to the purple one. 112 00:04:45,043 --> 00:04:47,013 Just checked your comments. They're blowing up. 113 00:04:47,045 --> 00:04:49,315 "Buff Beakman scores a direct hit 114 00:04:49,358 --> 00:04:51,638 for this beak-seeking missile." 115 00:04:51,670 --> 00:04:54,980 CalamariCop just posted raindrops...and eggplants? 116 00:04:55,018 --> 00:04:58,638 That's a really good sign when they start putting up veggies. 117 00:04:58,677 --> 00:05:00,467 Ooh. Somebody done some fan art. 118 00:05:00,507 --> 00:05:01,917 A tattoo! Well, looky there! 119 00:05:01,956 --> 00:05:04,646 About damn time the Internet started talking about me! 120 00:05:04,683 --> 00:05:07,003 Daddy, this is a fetish thing for weirdos with problems. 121 00:05:07,030 --> 00:05:09,720 Looks like somebody's got a touch of beak envy. 122 00:05:09,757 --> 00:05:10,997 Please don't embrace this. 123 00:05:11,034 --> 00:05:12,974 Keep clutching your pearls, ya puritan! 124 00:05:13,002 --> 00:05:14,422 I'm gonna keep doing me! 125 00:05:14,452 --> 00:05:15,902 Mama is just using you, Daddy. 126 00:05:15,936 --> 00:05:17,586 I know, and she's out. 127 00:05:17,627 --> 00:05:19,837 People don't come to Big Wigglers to be chubby chasin'. 128 00:05:19,871 --> 00:05:21,671 They come for my big and naturals. 129 00:05:21,700 --> 00:05:23,360 Ain't that right, beaky? 130 00:05:23,392 --> 00:05:26,602 That's right! Beaks out, freaks out! 131 00:05:26,636 --> 00:05:30,426 I mean, nobody goes to that site anyway, right? 132 00:05:30,468 --> 00:05:32,368 Early: Ooh. Rising from the briny deep... 133 00:05:32,401 --> 00:05:35,091 Mm. This is gonna crash my computer, ain't it? 134 00:05:35,127 --> 00:05:38,437 You was warned not to come into these waters. 135 00:05:38,476 --> 00:05:39,676 Ha ha. 136 00:05:39,718 --> 00:05:41,168 Don't forget to hit like and subscribe! 137 00:05:41,202 --> 00:05:42,622 It really helps us out! 138 00:05:42,652 --> 00:05:45,902 Wow. Early's normally very beak-shy. 139 00:05:45,931 --> 00:05:47,761 Even when he exposes hisself to women, 140 00:05:47,795 --> 00:05:49,755 he makes sure to hide the beak. 141 00:05:49,797 --> 00:05:52,077 Hell, he won't even let me cavity-search the thing. 142 00:05:52,110 --> 00:05:53,700 That ain't the point, Sheriff. 143 00:05:53,732 --> 00:05:56,912 He's making pornography in Dougal County. 144 00:05:56,942 --> 00:05:58,812 We got standards in this community! 145 00:05:58,841 --> 00:06:01,461 Well, you're part of the community, too, Detective -- 146 00:06:01,499 --> 00:06:03,639 or should I say TheCalimariCop? 147 00:06:03,673 --> 00:06:06,093 I-I got hacked! Somebody hacked me! 148 00:06:06,124 --> 00:06:08,204 Member since 2007? 149 00:06:08,229 --> 00:06:09,959 That -- That there's a friend's log-in! 150 00:06:09,990 --> 00:06:11,650 I don't get off on this! 151 00:06:11,681 --> 00:06:15,581 [ Mid-tempo music plays ] 152 00:06:15,616 --> 00:06:17,446 A samurai sword? 153 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:19,900 Yeah. That's from my online wish list. 154 00:06:19,931 --> 00:06:21,901 The fans just wanna give back. 155 00:06:21,933 --> 00:06:24,733 There's a fortune for you in this business, too, son. 156 00:06:24,763 --> 00:06:26,463 You got the assets. 157 00:06:26,489 --> 00:06:27,969 I'm down to clown!Yeah. 158 00:06:28,008 --> 00:06:30,738 I got a wealthy fan flying in from J-Pan tomorrow 159 00:06:30,769 --> 00:06:33,429 for a live and in-person tentacle tsunami. 160 00:06:33,462 --> 00:06:35,602 I sure could use some extra stunt wigglers. 161 00:06:35,636 --> 00:06:37,086 I said I'm down to clown. 162 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:38,780 Did you hear me when I just said that? 163 00:06:38,812 --> 00:06:40,232 [ Sighs ] I don't think so, Daddy. 164 00:06:40,261 --> 00:06:41,851 It's just the Internet. 165 00:06:41,884 --> 00:06:43,754 It ain't like it's gonna be up there forever. 166 00:06:43,782 --> 00:06:45,442 So they just send you this sword? 167 00:06:45,474 --> 00:06:46,684 For free? 168 00:06:46,716 --> 00:06:48,576 You like it? Keep it. It's yours. 169 00:06:48,615 --> 00:06:50,615 And there's plenty more where that come from. 170 00:06:50,651 --> 00:06:52,861 You just come on down to the motel tomorrow afternoon, 171 00:06:52,895 --> 00:06:54,715 and bring you wigglers. 172 00:06:54,759 --> 00:06:57,799 We can finally, you know, bond like you keep carrying on about. 173 00:06:57,831 --> 00:06:59,701 Wait a minute. You ain't sayin' that we're gonna -- 174 00:06:59,729 --> 00:07:02,009 Oh, no, no. Not that way. 175 00:07:02,042 --> 00:07:04,112 It ain't like we're pulling a beak train. 176 00:07:04,147 --> 00:07:06,047 She said she's down to clown! 177 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:08,600 I heard ya, and it's a hard pass! 178 00:07:08,635 --> 00:07:10,705 Pastor: And they sewed fig leaves together 179 00:07:10,740 --> 00:07:13,120 and made themselves loincloths. 180 00:07:13,156 --> 00:07:16,506 And the Lord said, "Who told you that you were naked? 181 00:07:16,539 --> 00:07:17,989 Have you eaten from the tree 182 00:07:18,023 --> 00:07:20,063 of which I commanded you not to eat?" 183 00:07:20,094 --> 00:07:21,724 Early: Couple of prudes, right? 184 00:07:21,751 --> 00:07:23,511 I mean, if you got it, flaunt it. 185 00:07:23,546 --> 00:07:25,616 You know what I'm saying?Early, do you need something? 186 00:07:25,652 --> 00:07:27,032 Just attention. That's all. 187 00:07:27,067 --> 00:07:28,717 I love what the Lord done give me, 188 00:07:28,758 --> 00:07:30,548 and so do others, apparently. 189 00:07:30,588 --> 00:07:33,138 You may have seen my vidjas -- "Beak Freaks on the Street," 190 00:07:33,176 --> 00:07:35,276 "Beak-a-Boo," "Weak for Dat Beak"... 191 00:07:35,316 --> 00:07:37,076 Oh, we're well aware, Early. 192 00:07:37,111 --> 00:07:39,941 In fact, we're going down to the motel this afternoon to protest. 193 00:07:39,976 --> 00:07:41,836 Plug the site. 194 00:07:41,875 --> 00:07:44,015 Did I mention that I'm adding on-demand customized videos 195 00:07:44,049 --> 00:07:46,499 at TheresSuckerPornEveryMinute. com? 196 00:07:46,535 --> 00:07:48,805 Okay, folks. I think we're done for today. 197 00:07:48,847 --> 00:07:51,127 Okay. We'll see everybody at 2:00, all right? 198 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:52,510 [ Gong sounds ] 199 00:07:52,541 --> 00:07:54,031 Buff Beakman! He's here! 200 00:07:54,059 --> 00:07:55,749 You honor us, Buff Beakman! 201 00:07:55,785 --> 00:07:57,505 Buff Beakman!Yes, yes, it is he. 202 00:07:57,546 --> 00:07:59,816 Which one of y'all lucky mans paid for the experience? 203 00:07:59,858 --> 00:08:02,758 The Wiggler Tsunami is for my beloved father, 204 00:08:02,792 --> 00:08:04,972 but perhaps you would honor us with your autograph 205 00:08:05,001 --> 00:08:06,521 on our butt cheeks. 206 00:08:06,555 --> 00:08:08,825 Oh, sure. Of course. Anything for the fans. 207 00:08:11,870 --> 00:08:13,980 You mentioned some mystery wiggler? 208 00:08:14,010 --> 00:08:15,530 That's right. 209 00:08:15,564 --> 00:08:17,604 My son Rusty's getting into the business. 210 00:08:17,635 --> 00:08:18,735 Oh! [ Laughs ] Oh! 211 00:08:18,774 --> 00:08:20,054 Yes! 212 00:08:20,085 --> 00:08:22,705 Oh-ai-ha! 213 00:08:22,743 --> 00:08:24,783 I can't believe I'm gonna do this. 214 00:08:24,814 --> 00:08:26,304 At least he'll have you. 215 00:08:26,333 --> 00:08:28,233 I'd give anything to be in that room. 216 00:08:28,266 --> 00:08:30,576 They call me grave bait. 217 00:08:30,613 --> 00:08:32,343 Ah, let's go in there and have some fun! 218 00:08:32,373 --> 00:08:34,623 Let your beak flag fly! 219 00:08:34,652 --> 00:08:37,762 It ain't my call, but I wouldn't do it. 220 00:08:37,793 --> 00:08:39,733 All: Heck no! No porno! 221 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:42,180 Go somewhere else to suck and blow! 222 00:08:42,211 --> 00:08:44,181 Heck no! No porno! 223 00:08:44,213 --> 00:08:46,113 There's the sodomite right there! 224 00:08:46,146 --> 00:08:47,596 Sexual deviant! 225 00:08:47,630 --> 00:08:49,740 Oh, come on, Pastor. It's just me. 226 00:08:49,770 --> 00:08:52,010 Yeah, I know, Rusty. It's just part of the job. 227 00:08:52,048 --> 00:08:53,328 Smut peddler! 228 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:55,640 [ Crowd shouting ]That's right! He is! 229 00:08:55,673 --> 00:08:57,613 Welcome to the family business, son! 230 00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,920 Purveyors of filth! Whoremongers! 231 00:08:59,953 --> 00:09:01,263 Hey, y'all keep it down. 232 00:09:01,299 --> 00:09:03,299 We're trying to get clean audio in here. 233 00:09:03,335 --> 00:09:05,745 There ain't nothing clean going on in there! 234 00:09:05,786 --> 00:09:08,886 Easy, Pastor. Let's not kink-shame the man. 235 00:09:08,927 --> 00:09:12,377 When it comes to sex, who's to say what's right or wrong? 236 00:09:12,413 --> 00:09:14,113 The Bible, Sheriff! 237 00:09:14,139 --> 00:09:17,069 But Kinsey tell us that we're all somewhere 238 00:09:17,108 --> 00:09:19,248 on a broad spectrum of desire -- 239 00:09:19,282 --> 00:09:22,982 hetero, homo, BDSM leather daddies. 240 00:09:23,010 --> 00:09:27,010 I mean, me personally, I like to be sealed up in a latex bag 241 00:09:27,049 --> 00:09:28,839 with an air hose up my nose. 242 00:09:28,878 --> 00:09:32,048 What does your precious Bible have to say about that? 243 00:09:32,088 --> 00:09:34,258 [ Cellphones beeping ] 244 00:09:34,297 --> 00:09:36,887 Now, I-I told y'all that in confidence, 245 00:09:36,921 --> 00:09:39,991 so don't run off to your message board with that little tidbit. 246 00:09:40,027 --> 00:09:42,057 Y'all -- Glen, put your phone down. 247 00:09:42,098 --> 00:09:43,308 Stop recording me. 248 00:09:43,341 --> 00:09:45,071 All of you, put your phones down. 249 00:09:45,101 --> 00:09:46,241 Everyone, p-please -- 250 00:09:46,275 --> 00:09:48,415 please disperse. 251 00:09:48,449 --> 00:09:50,759 I-I've said way too much now. 252 00:09:50,797 --> 00:09:53,177 About goddamn time you showed up. 253 00:09:53,213 --> 00:09:55,353 Be sure to frame his face out. 254 00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:57,177 [ Chuckles ] He don't likedoin' porno. 255 00:09:57,217 --> 00:10:00,877 Ooh, yes. Time for my wiggler tsunami. 256 00:10:00,910 --> 00:10:02,640 Wiggle 'em, Rusty. Come on. Let's go. 257 00:10:02,671 --> 00:10:03,841 Make 'em bounce. Like this here. 258 00:10:03,879 --> 00:10:05,429 Oh! Give his man his show. 259 00:10:05,466 --> 00:10:07,156 Ohh. Yes. 260 00:10:07,192 --> 00:10:08,302 I-I'm sorry, Daddy. 261 00:10:08,331 --> 00:10:09,331 Sorry for what? 262 00:10:09,367 --> 00:10:11,707 Wah! Ha! Wah! 263 00:10:11,749 --> 00:10:13,059 Aah! 264 00:10:13,095 --> 00:10:14,335 Oh! My wigglers! 265 00:10:14,372 --> 00:10:15,962 Wah! 266 00:10:15,994 --> 00:10:17,724 I ain't saying what you're doing is right or wrong! 267 00:10:17,755 --> 00:10:19,305 I'm just saying it's really weird and embarrasses me 268 00:10:19,342 --> 00:10:20,862 and I had to put a stop to it! 269 00:10:20,896 --> 00:10:22,066 [ Door opens, closes ] 270 00:10:22,104 --> 00:10:24,144 This has turned me off greatly. 271 00:10:24,175 --> 00:10:26,965 I will accept these as restitution. 272 00:10:27,005 --> 00:10:29,795 Wait! No, no, no! Come back! I still got the beak! 273 00:10:29,836 --> 00:10:31,906 That's right! Beaks out, freaks out! 274 00:10:31,941 --> 00:10:34,981 Mm. Yeah. Not a beak man. 275 00:10:35,013 --> 00:10:36,813 [ Insects chirping ]Yoo-hoo! 276 00:10:36,843 --> 00:10:39,333 Hey! Where you going?I'm down to clown! 277 00:10:39,362 --> 00:10:42,852 Hey, y'all want me to fart on your California roll? 278 00:10:42,883 --> 00:10:44,403 Fried rice? 279 00:10:44,436 --> 00:10:47,366 What exactly do y'all fart on over there? 280 00:10:47,405 --> 00:10:49,675 [ Up-tempo music plays ] 281 00:10:49,718 --> 00:10:55,028 ♪♪ 282 00:10:55,068 --> 00:11:00,348 ♪♪ 283 00:11:00,383 --> 00:11:05,843 ♪♪ 284 00:11:05,872 --> 00:11:11,222 ♪♪