1
00:00:06,300 --> 00:00:09,929
My dreams are all dead and buried
2
00:00:11,639 --> 00:00:15,803
Sometimes I wish the sun
would just explode
3
00:00:16,944 --> 00:00:20,937
When God comes
and calls me to His kingdom
4
00:00:21,749 --> 00:00:25,515
I'll take all you sons of bitches
when I go
5
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- My turn.
- Come on!
6
00:00:32,359 --> 00:00:33,621
Don't touch the trim!
7
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Talking to your lover
8
00:00:45,973 --> 00:00:51,104
Pour me a glass of rum
9
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Open the door
10
00:00:55,316 --> 00:00:58,513
I need a lover
11
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There's nothing more stupid on Earth...
12
00:01:00,788 --> 00:01:05,384
than the love between an uneducated squid
and his illegitimate son.
13
00:01:08,395 --> 00:01:10,955
- Do it again, boy!
- I'll do it right again right now.
14
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Right. Look here. Make sure
you checkify and lookifize your blind spot.
15
00:01:14,769 --> 00:01:15,758
Yes, sir!
16
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Hell, yeah! Did you like that?
Did I do it, daddy?
17
00:01:22,143 --> 00:01:25,203
I'm so damn proud of you, son.
Hell, do it again. Let's go.
18
00:01:25,246 --> 00:01:27,976
Early, come in here.
I fried up a mess of mud.
19
00:01:28,015 --> 00:01:31,815
Look here. Guess who just learned
hisself some parallel parking?
20
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- Rusty?
- What the...?! Me, you dumb bitch.
21
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Mud's getting cold.
22
00:01:39,059 --> 00:01:41,960
I don't want no more fried mud.
I want a grape popsicle.
23
00:01:41,996 --> 00:01:44,931
- I don't want no mud...
- Settle down, Rusty.
24
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I told you once,
I don't want no more mud.
25
00:01:47,401 --> 00:01:50,029
- Give me something different.
- Rusty!
26
00:01:50,838 --> 00:01:52,271
Grape damn popsicle.
27
00:01:52,306 --> 00:01:55,639
Lil, looks like we got us
a damn connoisseur over here.
28
00:01:55,676 --> 00:01:59,077
- So you want a grape popsicle?
- Yes, sir.
29
00:01:59,113 --> 00:02:02,207
How about I shove a pine stick up your ass
and make you a boysicle?
30
00:02:02,249 --> 00:02:06,276
- How'd you like that mess?
- No, sir.
31
00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:09,380
Well, Rusty, you want yourself
some real gourmet food...
32
00:02:09,423 --> 00:02:12,551
then why don't you try
working yourself a real damn job.
33
00:02:12,593 --> 00:02:15,391
Ain't you got a real job, daddy?
34
00:02:17,131 --> 00:02:19,622
- What time is it?
- About 2:30.
35
00:02:20,434 --> 00:02:22,163
What the...?! Damn!
36
00:02:22,203 --> 00:02:24,967
I'm two days
and six hours late for work.
37
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Work, work, work, work
38
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Ready, going to work
39
00:02:36,250 --> 00:02:39,014
You're late, you're late, you're late
40
00:02:42,590 --> 00:02:45,081
Even an ex-con needs a second chance.
41
00:02:45,125 --> 00:02:48,686
Fortunately for Early,
his boss believed in forgiveness.
42
00:02:48,729 --> 00:02:52,165
And this here
is the Immaculate Conceptor.
43
00:02:52,199 --> 00:02:56,568
It's got special heavenly coils
that'll make you sleep for three days.
44
00:02:56,604 --> 00:03:01,132
Then you will arise rested and refreshed.
And if you ain't completely satisfied...
45
00:03:01,175 --> 00:03:04,633
you will experience the second coming
of your cash or store credit.
46
00:03:04,678 --> 00:03:08,409
- Great. We're just looking, thanks.
- Well, look at this here. Yeah!
47
00:03:08,449 --> 00:03:10,679
Look at this.
Egyptian cotton.
48
00:03:10,718 --> 00:03:13,414
I know the slaves made it
but hell, they got away.
49
00:03:13,454 --> 00:03:16,514
That's OK. You know,
we're not big, you know, sleepers.
50
00:03:16,557 --> 00:03:18,024
You could be, believe it.
51
00:03:18,058 --> 00:03:22,392
Baptimize yourself in total comfort
as you part the bad seed...
52
00:03:22,429 --> 00:03:25,523
- OK, well, we need to go.
- Come on back here, Jerry. Looky here.
53
00:03:25,566 --> 00:03:28,057
- Steve, actually.
- What's this look like?
54
00:03:29,036 --> 00:03:31,027
- Water?
- Yes, yes.
55
00:03:31,071 --> 00:03:33,733
But it could be wine.
You know, the kind she makes...
56
00:03:33,774 --> 00:03:35,639
when the mood is getting just right?
57
00:03:35,676 --> 00:03:37,906
- Yeah, I know...
- What I'm saying, Jerry...
58
00:03:37,945 --> 00:03:41,676
When she gets to saying,
"Ooh, Daddy! Big Daddy Jerry, yeah!"
59
00:03:41,715 --> 00:03:44,445
- Well, we got to go.
- Gimme this here!
60
00:03:44,485 --> 00:03:47,283
- Now, we gonna give it a test spank.
- You hold on just a minute.
61
00:03:47,321 --> 00:03:50,347
You gotta watch, otherwise,
I ain't gonna get off!
62
00:03:50,391 --> 00:03:54,088
Before we do this,
I am gonna need a major credit card.
63
00:03:54,128 --> 00:03:57,495
Brother Early, a word, please.
64
00:03:57,531 --> 00:03:59,999
Preacher says, "It ain't working out."
So I said...
65
00:04:00,034 --> 00:04:03,265
"Read the Bible?
I'll feed you the damn Bible!"
66
00:04:03,304 --> 00:04:07,502
- Hot damn, Daddy, you did that?
- You did not.
67
00:04:07,541 --> 00:04:09,532
Then what happened?
68
00:04:10,577 --> 00:04:14,206
Oh, yeah. That's when I brought him down
with the riot baton.
69
00:04:14,248 --> 00:04:17,342
I run for a spell, but...
You caught me, didn't you, old man?
70
00:04:17,384 --> 00:04:20,751
Sure did, Early.
Your legs ain't what they used to be.
71
00:04:20,788 --> 00:04:23,382
- I can still kick.
- All right, all right.
72
00:04:23,424 --> 00:04:25,449
Get the keys, Rusty!
Get the damn keys!
73
00:04:25,492 --> 00:04:28,052
- I'm wild!
- Of course you are.
74
00:04:28,095 --> 00:04:32,464
But, Early, you know you're violating
parole if you're not gainfully employed.
75
00:04:32,499 --> 00:04:35,832
Take his ass back to jail, Sheriff.
He's too damn dumb to be free.
76
00:04:35,869 --> 00:04:37,928
- Mind your mouth, woman.
- I ain't afraid of you.
77
00:04:37,972 --> 00:04:39,997
- You want to die, woman?
- Come on!
78
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:41,200
Just let me at her.
79
00:04:41,241 --> 00:04:45,041
- Come on, Froggy, jump!
- Knock it off, you two.
80
00:04:45,079 --> 00:04:47,138
Law is law...
81
00:04:47,181 --> 00:04:48,910
All right, I've seen enough.
82
00:04:50,050 --> 00:04:54,043
- Come on, let's go back into town.
- Daddy, you ain't going back to prison?
83
00:04:54,088 --> 00:04:58,388
At that moment, Early realized
it was too late to get an abortion.
84
00:04:58,425 --> 00:05:02,521
Well, hell, I reckon not, Rusty.
85
00:05:02,563 --> 00:05:05,327
Fetch me my formal attire.
86
00:05:05,366 --> 00:05:09,598
The time has come
to matriculate myself unto a real job.
87
00:05:10,571 --> 00:05:15,304
- "Where do I see myself in five beers?"
- Years. Years.
88
00:05:15,342 --> 00:05:17,537
I don't know. Jail?
89
00:05:17,578 --> 00:05:20,172
- Well...
- Don't say jail.
90
00:05:20,214 --> 00:05:21,806
Prison.
91
00:05:21,849 --> 00:05:25,148
Well, hell, how hard could it be?
It ain't brain surgery.
92
00:05:25,185 --> 00:05:29,519
- It is brain surgery.
- I got a knife. Where's the brain at?
93
00:05:29,556 --> 00:05:31,148
Early!
94
00:05:31,191 --> 00:05:34,752
- How hard could this be? It ain't rocket...
- Let's just go.
95
00:05:34,795 --> 00:05:37,992
Early. Hey, Early. Stop it!
96
00:05:38,032 --> 00:05:40,660
That there's my first impression,
right there!
97
00:05:40,701 --> 00:05:43,568
Early, meeting.
98
00:05:44,772 --> 00:05:48,970
- Meeting?
- Oh, well. Damn, I'm sorry.
99
00:05:49,009 --> 00:05:52,706
Good morning. My name's Early,
and I'm a real book nut.
100
00:05:52,746 --> 00:05:56,182
As you can tell by your face there,
I'm very highly motivated.
101
00:05:56,216 --> 00:05:58,878
- I got boundless energy...
- Yeah, maybe we should go.
102
00:05:58,919 --> 00:06:01,615
When can I expect to hear something?
103
00:06:01,655 --> 00:06:03,088
Hello?
104
00:06:03,123 --> 00:06:06,217
So I debarked
from my previous emploratorium...
105
00:06:06,260 --> 00:06:12,062
to encrotch upon more moneyfied
situlations like this here opportronity.
106
00:06:12,099 --> 00:06:14,033
- I seen your sign...
- Brother Early!
107
00:06:14,068 --> 00:06:16,798
I fired you!
108
00:06:17,671 --> 00:06:19,229
Just yesterday.
109
00:06:20,274 --> 00:06:22,765
Wonderful.
So you have an opening, then.
110
00:06:22,810 --> 00:06:28,373
I have a restraining order.
May God have mercy on your soul.
111
00:06:28,415 --> 00:06:30,906
Who's the sumbitch told you that?
112
00:06:30,951 --> 00:06:32,782
Where do you keep getting these things?
113
00:06:32,820 --> 00:06:35,516
Mind your business.
This here's a tense negotionation.
114
00:06:36,256 --> 00:06:41,216
I do apprecianate the generous offer,
but knifery is the tool of a idiot.
115
00:06:41,261 --> 00:06:44,697
I listen to my gut,
and my gut tells me that this ain't a fit...
116
00:06:44,731 --> 00:06:48,258
but my heart says
this could work and gut's a damn moron.
117
00:06:48,302 --> 00:06:51,601
So they get to carrying on,
and then my brain chimes in...
118
00:06:51,638 --> 00:06:56,268
and sayin' I got to try my hand at
the fast sex-paced world of adult literature.
119
00:06:56,310 --> 00:07:00,542
This here's a four-figure opportunity.
You sure you don't want to sleep on it?
120
00:07:00,581 --> 00:07:03,641
You want to sleep forever?
I said adult literature.
121
00:07:16,230 --> 00:07:19,757
Read this erotic sumbitch here.
Read it slow.
122
00:07:22,469 --> 00:07:25,438
I believe that's an ampersand.
123
00:07:28,008 --> 00:07:29,566
Does that get you hot?
124
00:07:29,610 --> 00:07:34,013
- You know, I prefer mysteries.
- Damn computers!
125
00:07:34,748 --> 00:07:37,239
"Just stay perfectly still."
126
00:07:38,285 --> 00:07:41,015
What the hell kind of job is that?
127
00:07:41,955 --> 00:07:43,081
Let's talk benefits.
128
00:07:44,892 --> 00:07:48,794
Look at my damn mouth.
Hell, I ain't paying for dental.
129
00:07:49,796 --> 00:07:52,162
So, under experience...
130
00:07:52,199 --> 00:07:55,726
you've listed here,
on your hat-shaped resume...
131
00:07:55,769 --> 00:08:01,002
that you can skin a buck, run a trout line,
and that all your rowdy friends...
132
00:08:01,742 --> 00:08:03,710
Are coming over tonight. Yes, sir.
133
00:08:03,744 --> 00:08:07,510
Early, you're the most impressive squid
I've interviewed for this position.
134
00:08:07,548 --> 00:08:10,517
Let's talk briefly about your work ethic.
135
00:08:10,551 --> 00:08:14,419
Well, I don't think ethnics do no work.
I mean, that's they problem, really.
136
00:08:14,454 --> 00:08:16,752
If you ain't like me,
go hang from a damn tree.
137
00:08:16,790 --> 00:08:19,190
Overt racial prejudice.
138
00:08:19,226 --> 00:08:20,921
Impressive, Early.
139
00:08:20,961 --> 00:08:22,622
- I thank you kindly.
- Certainly.
140
00:08:22,663 --> 00:08:26,064
And your reference checks out.
141
00:08:26,099 --> 00:08:28,067
Hello, over there.
142
00:08:28,101 --> 00:08:33,038
I think what most impresses me,
Early, is the effort in detail...
143
00:08:33,073 --> 00:08:36,873
which you've clearly shown
in urinating on my laptop.
144
00:08:36,910 --> 00:08:39,606
I don't care to consort
with those of the robot race.
145
00:08:39,646 --> 00:08:42,843
And why would you?
I think that covers it.
146
00:08:42,883 --> 00:08:46,580
Early, welcome
to Dan Halen Sheetrock International.
147
00:08:46,620 --> 00:08:50,454
- Congratulations.
- What I gotta do?
148
00:08:50,490 --> 00:08:52,390
Well, you're my boss...
149
00:08:52,426 --> 00:08:57,830
and as CEO you'll have
certain responsibilities, like showing up...
150
00:08:57,864 --> 00:08:59,855
and leaving...
151
00:08:59,900 --> 00:09:04,599
and accepting liability
for certain class-action lawsuits...
152
00:09:04,638 --> 00:09:08,836
that may or may not,
and in fact currently are being levied...
153
00:09:08,875 --> 00:09:10,843
against new products such as...
154
00:09:10,877 --> 00:09:12,902
The pocket surgeon!
155
00:09:12,946 --> 00:09:15,915
Just scrape the rust
from the collapsible tumor scoop and...
156
00:09:15,949 --> 00:09:18,679
Look, you won't have
to know any of this stuff.
157
00:09:18,719 --> 00:09:21,847
- The point is, people are dumb.
- Is my mind going on me...
158
00:09:21,888 --> 00:09:25,153
or am I watching you jibber jabber
like some sort of jibberty box?
159
00:09:25,192 --> 00:09:27,854
- Jibber jabber on, jibber jabber on.
- I'm sorry.
160
00:09:27,894 --> 00:09:32,160
I'm just a brash intern.
It won't happen again, sir.
161
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:36,233
Well, damn, now I feel bad.
162
00:09:36,270 --> 00:09:38,465
Tell you what, take the day off.
163
00:09:38,505 --> 00:09:40,336
Working with me, fire and ice.
164
00:09:40,374 --> 00:09:42,706
I gotta warn you, fire and ice.
165
00:09:43,810 --> 00:09:46,301
He's a new CEO...
166
00:09:46,346 --> 00:09:48,439
What Dan Halen didn't tell Early...
167
00:09:48,482 --> 00:09:52,009
was that he was hired to fill
a minority management quota.
168
00:09:52,052 --> 00:09:54,680
Oh, hell, hell, no
169
00:09:54,721 --> 00:09:59,624
The previous token squid
left to pursue other opportunities.
170
00:09:59,660 --> 00:10:03,756
Hello, excuse me.
Can you help me, please? Look, sorry.
171
00:10:03,797 --> 00:10:06,322
Something smells like...
172
00:10:06,366 --> 00:10:09,802
Zesty ranch baby tacos!
Now in man flavor.
173
00:10:09,836 --> 00:10:13,294
Product may or may not contain
ground up remains of man in squid suit.
174
00:10:13,340 --> 00:10:15,001
10by volume. Results may vary.
175
00:10:15,042 --> 00:10:17,306
It's so delicious,
I was glad to die for it.
176
00:10:17,344 --> 00:10:19,608
This is a paid actor
who may or may not reflect...
177
00:10:19,646 --> 00:10:23,082
the feelings of the dead Mexican in squid
suit you may or may not be eating.
178
00:10:23,116 --> 00:10:24,105
Enjoy responsibly.
179
00:10:25,218 --> 00:10:27,118
Early was bursting with pride...
180
00:10:27,154 --> 00:10:30,988
to announce his new management
position with Dan Halen Sheetrock.
181
00:10:31,024 --> 00:10:35,484
Daddy's home and he done
been jobulated and occupatized!
182
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:44,359
- Mud's on the stove.
- Lil, put it back in the yard.
183
00:10:44,404 --> 00:10:45,996
We goin' out tonight.
184
00:10:46,039 --> 00:10:49,008
Except for you and you.
185
00:10:50,811 --> 00:10:54,144
Life is unexpected.
186
00:10:54,181 --> 00:10:56,274
No. Drop 'em.
187
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:05,000
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BloodLogic