1 00:00:01,235 --> 00:00:03,737 You know the kind of guy who does nothing but bad things... 2 00:00:03,771 --> 00:00:06,574 and then wonders why his life sucks? 3 00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:11,145 Well, that was me. Every time somethin' good happened to me, 4 00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:13,281 somethin' bad was always waitin' around the corner. 5 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,118 Karma. 6 00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:19,220 That's when I realized I had to change. 7 00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:23,424 So I made a list of everything bad I've ever done, 8 00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:26,394 and, one by one, I'm gonna make up for all my mistakes. 9 00:00:26,427 --> 00:00:28,362 I'm just tryin' to be a better person. 10 00:00:28,396 --> 00:00:30,764 My name is Earl. 11 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:36,404 Some people might be surprised to see me wearing a fancy jacket... 12 00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:39,207 with leather elbows and teachin' a class. 13 00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:41,342 All right. Let's get started. 14 00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:44,545 But how hard can it be to teach foreigners to speak American? 15 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:49,550 Hi. 16 00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:54,488 My name is Earl. 17 00:00:54,522 --> 00:00:58,159 My name is Earl. 18 00:00:58,192 --> 00:01:02,263 Really? Well, hello, Earl. [ Chuckles ] 19 00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:05,599 In my country, Earl's a boy's name. 20 00:01:05,633 --> 00:01:08,836 [ Earl Narrating ] So why am I here? Number 27 on my list-- 21 00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:10,871 made fun of people with accents. 22 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:14,408 Ooh. Not good. That is berry, berry infected. 23 00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:16,677 [ Suppressed Chuckle ] 24 00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:19,547 Sir, you could lose your arm. This is berry, berry serious. 25 00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:23,417 Berry, berry? You can't say "V"s. 26 00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:31,592 Pardon to interrupt. We are looking for the station of the busses, ja? 27 00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:33,827 Ah, ja, ja. 28 00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:36,497 Erch-kie, birch-kie, fart in church-kie. 29 00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:39,833 [ Both Laughing ] 30 00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:45,473 You "vant" I take your plate? 31 00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:49,910 No. I "vant" to suck your blood. 32 00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:53,547 [ Earl Narrating ] I wasn't sure how to make up for all the teasin' I had done, 33 00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:56,217 so I asked the one person I know who also talks funny. 34 00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:59,487 I mean, speaks with an accent. 35 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:03,224 You made fun of the way people talk? You should be ashamed of yourself. 36 00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:05,626 I am. I just-- I don't know how I'm gonna make up for it. 37 00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:07,795 You wanna make up for laughing at people... 38 00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:10,364 who can't speak your language, teach them your language. 39 00:02:10,398 --> 00:02:13,367 I could do that. Does the manager know... 40 00:02:13,401 --> 00:02:16,337 you wash off the plastic cups and put 'em back in the rooms? 41 00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:19,407 It was his idea. He told me not to waste my time trying to be so clean... 42 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:21,475 now that Triple "A" took away our half a star. 43 00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:25,446 [ Earl Narrating ] So here I am, teachin'. 44 00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:29,583 The last time I stood in front of a room full of foreigners, I was robbing the D.M.V. 45 00:02:29,617 --> 00:02:33,454 All right, guys. Let's try some basic directions. 46 00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,689 To get to the library, 47 00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:38,726 you need to take a left at the light. 48 00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:42,596 Okay? You. How do you get to the library? 49 00:02:42,630 --> 00:02:46,834 My name is Earl. 50 00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:49,837 [ Earl Narrating ] These people were not gonna find the library. 51 00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:52,940 Man, that's crazy. How do you come to this country... 52 00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:56,744 and expect to be able to find the "liberry," and you can't even speak English? 53 00:02:56,777 --> 00:03:00,414 - Here's the food. - Thanks, Crab Man. 54 00:03:00,448 --> 00:03:04,518 Hey, I've been thinking about coming up with another phrase for when I drop off the food. 55 00:03:04,552 --> 00:03:07,621 I have no opinion on that. Yeah. 56 00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:11,492 It's tricky. 57 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,927 I like "Here's the food," 'cause that's what's happening. 58 00:03:17,331 --> 00:03:20,868 Guess who just got out of prison not a day early for good behavior? 59 00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:23,537 Ralph, my man! 60 00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:26,407 [ Earl Narrating ] Ralph Mariano. Before he went to prison, 61 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:31,245 me, Randy and Ralph used to hang out together and steal stuff. 62 00:03:31,279 --> 00:03:34,348 Sometimes, we'd have so much fun, Hey, I made some nachos-- 63 00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:36,717 [ Siren Wails ] we'd forget to steal. 64 00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:45,759 Yeah. Eighteen months. I missed you, buddy. Yeah. Me too, man. 65 00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:48,996 It feels good to hug a man and know it doesn't have to go anywhere. 66 00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:54,535 How was prison? Did they make you go to sleep real early? 67 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:57,271 Well, they turned the lights off around 9:00, 68 00:03:57,305 --> 00:03:59,773 but you can lay there in the dark as long as you want. 69 00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:02,376 Hey, let me buy you a beer. 70 00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:04,545 No, no, no. Hey, man, it's on me. You know, in the joint, 71 00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:07,881 the guards paid me 12 cents an hour to do their taxes for 'em. 72 00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:11,619 Man, those guys are gonna be screwed! 73 00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:13,754 Listen, don't tell Ralph about me turning my life around... 74 00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:15,856 and my list and everything, okay? 75 00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:18,058 - Why not? - 'Cause I don't know how he's gonna react. 76 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,294 I mean, I was the one who taught him to steal. 77 00:04:20,328 --> 00:04:23,497 I'm like his "wax on, wax off," "paint the fence" guy. 78 00:04:25,533 --> 00:04:27,901 Mr. Miyagi. 79 00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:35,976 What you doin', Ralph? Hey, Earl. Hi, Randy. 80 00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:38,479 I was just thinking about how much I wanted a gum ball. 81 00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:40,714 But my mom won't give me a nickel until I clean my room. 82 00:04:40,748 --> 00:04:42,516 Watch this. 83 00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:50,758 We call that a street piñata. 84 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:55,529 Nice. I'll go get us some sodas. 85 00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:05,639 [ Earl Narrating ] I knew I'd have to tell Ralph about the list sooner or later. 86 00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:08,776 But for now, I just wanted to have fun like the old days. 87 00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:10,778 Yeah. 88 00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:12,913 Earl? 89 00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:16,384 My name is Earl. 90 00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:21,389 - Hey, there, buddy. - Hey, there, buddy. 91 00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:24,792 - Shh. - Shh. 92 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:27,761 Nothin' for me, Tonto. 93 00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:30,364 [ Randy Chuckling ] 94 00:05:30,398 --> 00:05:32,433 Sorry about that. He's been in prison. 95 00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:35,669 He doesn't know you're supposed to say "Native American." 96 00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:44,412 [ Earl Narrating ] Not wantin' to tell Ralph I'd gone straight... 97 00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:47,381 put me in somewhat of a pickle. 98 00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:49,082 The guy just loves to steal. 99 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:57,691 It got me thinkin'. What am I supposed to do... 100 00:05:57,725 --> 00:06:00,561 when someone around me loves doin' bad things? 101 00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:06,767 Check it out, man. Runaway bride. 102 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,570 Does karma expect me to stop him? 103 00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:16,677 I think I'm gonna let my sister use this dress. 104 00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:20,714 You know, I bet you some guys would pay a lot of money for a lap dance from a bride. 105 00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:32,092 [ Earl Narrating ] Even though I'm tryin' to be a better person, 106 00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:35,829 will karma hold me responsible for the bad things that my friends do? 107 00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:40,801 Since the last time karma punished me... 108 00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:44,204 I was hit by a car and ate steak out of a straw for three weeks, 109 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:47,441 I didn't wanna find out. 110 00:06:47,475 --> 00:06:50,210 So I spent the rest of the night going back and making up... 111 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:53,514 for all the bad things Ralph had done. 112 00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:58,519 My friend ran out of here without paying for some hair gel or somethin'. 113 00:07:00,988 --> 00:07:03,156 My name is Earl. 114 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:15,636 Hey, ass-wipe, I don't know what the hell was on your touched-by-an-angel list... 115 00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:18,105 that's making you teach people English, but you need to stop. 116 00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:20,941 Excuse me? You got a Chinese girl in your class named Kim Lee? 117 00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:23,877 She's not Chinese, she's Vietnamese. 118 00:07:23,911 --> 00:07:25,979 I don't care if she's Vietnamese, Chinese or Chuck E. Cheese. 119 00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:28,048 She don't need to be learnin' no English. Why? 120 00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:30,651 Because it's gonna cut into my premium nail decoratin' business. 121 00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:33,053 [ Earl Narrating ] My ex-wife Joy... 122 00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:36,023 runs a premium nail decoratin' business out of her trailer. 123 00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:38,526 Now, did you want me to paint the zodiac signs on here? 124 00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:41,194 I mean, there's 12, but I could paint the extra two on your big toes. 125 00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:45,833 Business was good until Kim Lee opened a similar operation three trailers over. 126 00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:55,543 Joy hated competition, so she had to find a way to give herself an edge. 127 00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:02,115 Look, Earl, you can't teach her how to talk. I got kids to feed. 128 00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:05,653 These are good people, Joy. I mean, they have a right to learn whatever they want. 129 00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:07,688 No, they don't. There is nothing in the Bible... 130 00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:09,823 that says that people have a right to learn stuff. 131 00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:11,925 I have read it. Look, I'm sorry, Joy. It's on my list. 132 00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:14,862 I made fun of people who can't talk. I gotta do it. 133 00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:18,832 What list? Well, hey, Ralph! 134 00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:22,803 - How was prison? - I'd say about a five. What list? 135 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:26,574 It's nothin'. This idiot hasn't told you about his stupid list yet? 136 00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:29,176 Shut up. Yeah, he's a real Goody Two-shoes now. 137 00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:32,079 He's gone straight, and the rest of us have to pay for it. 138 00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:35,683 [ Scoffs ] Gone straight? Earl, what is she talkin' about? 139 00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:39,319 - Look, I was gonna tell you. I just didn't-- - Wait, wait, wait. 140 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,622 Is that why my sister's wedding dress is gone? 141 00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:44,858 Did you take it back? I'm sorry. I had to. I don't steal anymore, Ralph. 142 00:08:49,597 --> 00:08:52,299 I don't even know what to say. 143 00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:58,038 Is his sister gettin' married? 144 00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:01,575 Is she? Cause if she didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid, I swear to God, 145 00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:04,878 I will march right down there to that Club Chubby, and I will wrap her neck around that pole. 146 00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:10,918 [ Earl Narrating ] I explained everything to Ralph over breakfast-- 147 00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:13,887 karma, the list, turning my life around. 148 00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:15,923 He seemed more interested in his French fries... 149 00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:18,291 until I got to the part about the lottery money. 150 00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:22,663 You won $100,000? Yep, 'cause I started doin' good things. 151 00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,698 And I'm usin' the money to cross things off my list. 152 00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:28,301 I'm tellin' you, this karma stuff works. Karma, huh? 153 00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:31,038 Yep. Like that tattoo on your arm. 154 00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:35,008 And I thought that was two tadpoles doin' it. 155 00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:38,145 That's what I used to think. Turns out, that's karma. 156 00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:41,882 Hmm. All right, good buddy, I'm in. 157 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,852 What? Look, I'm in. 158 00:09:44,885 --> 00:09:48,088 The only reason I steal is so I can have a better life. 159 00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:51,759 And if you're sayin' I can have that with this here karma, then I'm in. 160 00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:53,794 All right. Yeah. 161 00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:57,931 Hey, this is two cougars doin' it, right? 162 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,035 Yeah, that's two cougars doin' it. 163 00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:04,204 [ Earl Narrating ] If Ralph was gonna go straight, 164 00:10:04,237 --> 00:10:06,339 the first thing he needed was a job. 165 00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:09,309 Luckily, I was friendly with the manager of a local lamp store. 166 00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:11,945 I mean, look at him. It's like he was born to work with lamps. 167 00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:18,018 [ Earl Narrating ] With Ralph squared away, I went back to class. 168 00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:20,020 Gettin' people to learn is hard work. 169 00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:21,955 No wonder teachers make so much money. 170 00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:25,192 One block, then right. 171 00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:29,229 Two blocks, then left. You see? 172 00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:32,332 And that's how you get to where Earl lives. 173 00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:35,736 Who wants to tell me how to get where Earl lives? 174 00:10:35,769 --> 00:10:41,108 How about Nescobar-A-Lop-Lop? 175 00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:45,412 Erections lasting more than four hours, 176 00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:49,149 while rare, require immediate medical attention. 177 00:10:49,182 --> 00:10:52,052 [ Earl Narrating ] Having 'em watch TV as homework wasn't working out. 178 00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:54,021 And then I think he cursed me in his native language. 179 00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:56,223 Seacrest out. 180 00:10:56,256 --> 00:11:00,193 Thank you, Mr. A-Lop-Lop. Uh-- 181 00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:03,430 Kim Lee. Can you tell me how to get to Earl's? 182 00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,768 Where's Kim? 183 00:11:10,270 --> 00:11:12,806 Okay. So when you're doin' somebody's nails, you say, 184 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:15,408 "I do good job." 185 00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:18,178 I do good job. 186 00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:22,783 Okay, now, "I give you big infection." 187 00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:26,019 I give you big infection. 188 00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:29,757 That is so good. Uh-huh. 189 00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:32,760 [ Earl Narrating ] Class was frustratin', and I was looking forward... 190 00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:36,463 to hanging out with people who knew how to speak our native tongue. 191 00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:38,866 Hey, Earl, look where I moved in at. 192 00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:42,169 You got your own place. Good for you. Yeah, damn straight. 193 00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:45,438 You got a job, and-- Yeah. 194 00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:53,413 Wow. Uh, you got a lot of lamps in here. 195 00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:57,084 Yeah, I stole 'em from work. I figured that. Why? 196 00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:58,986 Well, 'cause that's what I do, Earl. I steal things. 197 00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:01,421 But I thought you were gonna change? I know. 198 00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:04,524 I tried your way. I did. I was good all mornin'. 199 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:07,027 And then I went and bought 20 lottery tickets at lunch. 200 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,496 I scratched them all, and I didn't win a damn thing. 201 00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:12,132 Man, this karma stuff just don't work on me. 202 00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:14,134 You gotta give it time, man. I don't think so, man. 203 00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:16,203 Hey, I'm a thief, not a lamp salesman. 204 00:12:19,306 --> 00:12:24,077 Ralph, uh, I hate to say it, but I don't think I can hang out with you anymore. 205 00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:26,213 Oh, come on, man. You serious? 206 00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:28,381 I'm sorry, but I just-- 207 00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:32,385 I can't be around you if you're gonna be stealing things and being bad. 208 00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:35,088 I'm definitely gonna be stealin' things and bein' bad. 209 00:12:35,122 --> 00:12:38,258 Yeah, I can see that. Look, I'm-I'm sorry. 210 00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:44,397 I don't know. I-- I guess this means good-bye. 211 00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:48,201 Yeah, I guess so. 212 00:12:48,235 --> 00:12:50,137 You wanna take a lamp with you? 213 00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:53,073 No, that's a nice offer, Ralph, but I-I can't. 214 00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:56,944 I can't do that. Come on, Randy. 215 00:12:56,977 --> 00:12:59,479 Uh, I'm gonna hang out. 216 00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:02,515 - What? - Ralph stole this hand dolly from work. 217 00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:05,052 He's gonna push me around on it in the parking lot real fast. 218 00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:08,155 Randy, we gotta go. 219 00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:11,124 We got some, uh-- some things on the list to do. 220 00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:15,128 Earl, you got some things on the list to do. 221 00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:17,397 I don't have a list. I wanna have fun. 222 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:21,234 All right, yeah. 223 00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:26,073 You guys have a good time. You know, have a good time. 224 00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:29,576 [ Laughing, Shouting ] 225 00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:40,487 Why aren't you playing with your friends? 226 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:43,957 'Cause that dolly's stolen property. I can't be a part of that. 227 00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:47,127 Why is Randy out there? 'Cause Randy doesn't have a list, okay? 228 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,163 Randy's a big boy who's allowed to make his own decisions in life. 229 00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:52,900 And if that decision is to choose a fast ride in a parking lot... 230 00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:57,237 on a stolen hand dolly over his own brother, then that's his "pergovadid." 231 00:13:57,270 --> 00:14:01,041 I meant, "provoka"-- What's the word? 232 00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:03,076 I learned English a year ago. 233 00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:05,212 Well, whatever it is, it's his. 234 00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:13,586 "Peranajid"? Maybe. 235 00:14:16,589 --> 00:14:18,591 [ Earl Narrating ] The next couple days, 236 00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:21,261 Randy spent almost all his time hanging out with Ralph. 237 00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:23,931 And the truth is, I really started to miss him. 238 00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:33,073 But I didn't have time to mope. 239 00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:39,512 I had a classroom full of new Americans eager to not understand a word I said. 240 00:14:43,150 --> 00:14:45,352 [ Phone Ringing ] 241 00:14:49,456 --> 00:14:52,525 Hello? Earl, it's Ralph. We got a big problem. 242 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:56,029 Randy and I were trying to break into a house, and he got stuck in the chimney. 243 00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:58,665 We went in Santa style, took a shot. Damn it, Ralph! 244 00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:01,001 I knew something like this was gonna happen. 245 00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:03,636 This is the karma I was telling you about. Where are you? 246 00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:11,979 [ Toilet Flushing ] 247 00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:16,349 Who were you talking to? Ah, that was my mother. 248 00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:18,651 A little bitty squirrel got into her house, and, uh, 249 00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:22,922 she tried to chase it around and hit it in the head with a lamp. 250 00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,295 Sorry 'bout that, man. 251 00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:42,209 Oh, good. You're awake. 252 00:15:42,242 --> 00:15:48,148 - How'd we get in my room? - Hey, where does Earl keep that hundred grand he won? 253 00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:50,417 You hit me in the head with a lamp. 254 00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:54,554 Oh, yeah. I'm sorry about that, man. I really am. 255 00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:58,358 Money does bad things to people. There ain't no excuse for it. 256 00:15:58,391 --> 00:16:00,460 People are just weak, don't you think? 257 00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:02,629 I guess, yeah. 258 00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:04,597 So where does Earl keep that money? 259 00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:07,234 I'm not gonna help you steal from my brother. 260 00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:11,038 See, Randy, I was hopin' you wouldn't say that. 261 00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:17,377 Where's the money? I'm not tellin'. 262 00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:21,048 I'm sorry, man. I really am. I'm a bad person. I can't help myself. 263 00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:23,783 I know. It's not your fault. 264 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,419 Okay. [ Flushing ] 265 00:16:26,453 --> 00:16:29,189 [ Screaming ] 266 00:16:36,263 --> 00:16:38,398 But I didn't call anyone about my chimney. 267 00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:41,201 Just a routine check, ma'am. Randy? 268 00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:43,470 Why are you calling my chimney Randy? 269 00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,605 Oh, I-I call all chimneys Randy. 270 00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:48,041 It's how the chimney sweeps in London refer to them. You know, 271 00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:51,111 [ English Accent ] "Clean your Randy for you, ma'am?" 272 00:16:51,144 --> 00:16:53,180 Yeah, this chimney was made in England. Randy? 273 00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:55,548 [ Sighs ] Randy? 274 00:16:55,582 --> 00:16:59,086 I'm gettin' my gun. 275 00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:04,757 Oh, let's not do that. 276 00:17:04,791 --> 00:17:08,261 I don't want to. I really don't. You're a good friend of mine. 277 00:17:08,295 --> 00:17:10,330 I don't wanna burn your testicles. 278 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,832 Then let's just stop now and forget this whole thing ever happened. 279 00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:17,537 Well, I'd like that, as soon as you tell me where Earl keeps his money. 280 00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:20,173 All right, all right! It's not in the room. It's in a safe-deposit box. 281 00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:23,176 You'll never find the key, 'cause Earl keeps it on him. Please don't burn my cherries! 282 00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:27,647 [ Earl Narrating ] Clearly, Randy was not stuck in a chimney, which was good... 283 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,150 because it meant he learned his lesson from the last two times. 284 00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:32,552 But something weird was going on. 285 00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:36,323 Randy? B-Bam! 286 00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:43,630 Earl? Ow. 287 00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:46,499 That hurt. What happened? 288 00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:49,336 Ralph set us up. 289 00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:52,105 He took your safe-deposit key and your driver's license, 290 00:17:52,139 --> 00:17:55,142 and he's on his way down to the bank to steal your lottery money. 291 00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:58,345 They're not gonna give him my money. He doesn't look anything like me. 292 00:17:58,378 --> 00:18:00,413 He did before he left. 293 00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:04,784 Yeah. 294 00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:07,487 Hey, man, what do you think? 295 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,356 [ Mimicking Earl ] I believe in karma. Do good things, 296 00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:11,291 and good things happen. 297 00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:15,762 I'm sorry, Earl. It's my fault. 298 00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:17,797 I was bad, and something bad happened to me. 299 00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:20,667 Karma. It's like you're always telling me. 300 00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:23,536 It just doesn't make sense, though. Why is karma punishing me? 301 00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:25,838 You were the one doin' bad things with Ralph. I've been good. 302 00:18:25,872 --> 00:18:28,908 Yeah, you have been good. Hey, 303 00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:31,544 maybe if you call karma, it'll come and save us. 304 00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:34,281 Call it. Randy, it doesn't work like that. 305 00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:37,584 It's karma, not Lassie. Come on. You can just try it. 306 00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:40,220 I'm not gonna call-- Come on, Earl. 307 00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:42,422 We're about to lose everything, and it's all my fault. 308 00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:45,392 Can't you just try it? Fine. 309 00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:47,594 Karma? 310 00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:51,898 See? It doesn't work. Try it louder. 311 00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:54,534 Karma! 312 00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:56,736 [ Knocking ] Hello. 313 00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:00,940 Son of a bitch. Look, Earl. 314 00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:06,279 It's karma's army, made up of people from all the lands of all the worlds. 315 00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:09,449 - What are you guys doing here? - Earl no come class. 316 00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:12,852 - Well, how'd you find me? - [ All ] One block, then right. 317 00:19:12,885 --> 00:19:17,224 Two blocks, then left. That's how you get to where Earl lives. 318 00:19:18,791 --> 00:19:21,528 Well, look at that. I did teach ya something. 319 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:25,232 Thanks, karma! 320 00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:32,505 [ Earl Narrating ] When I got untied, I called the bank to stop Ralph. 321 00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:34,374 And they called the police. 322 00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:46,486 [ Earl Narrating ] They might have caught him if they had another cop, 323 00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:49,256 but Officer Lee was busy with a family emergency. 324 00:19:49,289 --> 00:19:50,923 [ Shouting In Foreign Language ] 325 00:19:53,593 --> 00:19:56,863 "Big infection." 326 00:19:56,896 --> 00:19:59,932 Look, I don't even know if what she's talkin' is a real language, 327 00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:01,801 but if it is, it's a lie. 328 00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:06,839 [ Earl Narrating ] Thanks to karma, my money was safe... 329 00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:08,908 and things were back to normal. 330 00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:11,578 And thanks to my students, I was able to cross... 331 00:20:11,611 --> 00:20:13,880 "make fun of people with accents" off my list. 332 00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:18,585 - Time to get your grub on. - It looks delicious. 333 00:20:18,618 --> 00:20:20,820 Thank you very much, Crab Man. 334 00:20:20,853 --> 00:20:22,689 No problem, Nescobar-A-Lop-Lop. 335 00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:27,594 [ Earl Narrating ] And as for Ralph, well, 336 00:20:27,627 --> 00:20:29,596 I could have told the police where to find him, 337 00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:32,999 but as crazy as it sounds, he's still my friend. 338 00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:37,036 Besides, nobody should get their third strike for assault with a lamp. 339 00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:40,640 Hey, Earl, here's your, uh, safe-deposit key back. 340 00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:43,310 I wanna apologize for everything. I got a little crazy there. 341 00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:45,445 But, uh, you know how these things go. 342 00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:47,847 - No problem. - Hey, Randy, you wanna play a little pool? 343 00:20:49,549 --> 00:20:51,684 No, I'm good. 344 00:20:51,718 --> 00:20:54,354 Me and Earl got some stuff we gotta take care of on his list. 345 00:20:55,522 --> 00:20:57,457 Okay. 346 00:20:59,058 --> 00:21:01,694 Thanks, man. No problem, Earl. 347 00:21:01,728 --> 00:21:03,596 Seacrest out.