1 00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:03,771 You know the kind of guy who does nothing but bad things... 2 00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:06,707 and then wonders why his life sucks? 3 00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:11,145 Well, that was me. Every time somethin' good happened to me, 4 00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:13,281 somethin' bad was always waitin' around the corner. 5 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,085 Karma. 6 00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:19,220 That's when I realized I had to change. 7 00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:23,391 So I made a list of everything bad I've ever done, 8 00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:26,394 and, one by one, I'm gonna make up for all my mistakes. 9 00:00:26,427 --> 00:00:28,362 I'm just tryin' to be a better person. 10 00:00:28,396 --> 00:00:31,132 My name is Earl. 11 00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:33,667 [ Earl Narrating ] Ever since I made my list... 12 00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:35,703 and got us out of the stealin' business, 13 00:00:35,736 --> 00:00:37,538 Randy doesn't have an income anymore. 14 00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:40,441 Can I have more money for the claw machine? 15 00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:43,177 You're the one who told me to go after Kermit. 16 00:00:43,211 --> 00:00:45,746 He's got those skinny legs. He's not a cheap Muppet to claw. 17 00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,719 Hey, dummy. One of your little butt buddies, 18 00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:54,288 Hank Lange, made it in the newspaper. 19 00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:57,325 Jackass tried to rob a liquor store with a crossbow. 20 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:02,630 "Jackass tries to rob a liquor store with a crossbow." 21 00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:06,134 Wow, I didn't think you could say "jackass" in the newspaper. World's changin', Earl. 22 00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:08,569 You'd be surprised what those asswipes in the media get away with. 23 00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:11,772 There's a picture of the douche bag on the bottom. Shot himself in the arm. 24 00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:14,208 Ow, that's gotta hurt. 25 00:01:14,242 --> 00:01:18,179 Twenty years? They're sendin' him to state prison for 20 years. 26 00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:21,749 Long stretch. But at least he'll be able to spend some quality time with his daddy. 27 00:01:21,782 --> 00:01:24,585 [ Earl Narrating ] As bad as I felt for Hank, I had my own problem. 28 00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:26,854 Hank was on my list. 29 00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:30,624 Number 18-- told an inappropriate story at Hank Lange's birthday party. 30 00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:33,861 So I said, "Well, if you have to tinkle, just do it in the ocean." 31 00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:38,632 He walked to the edge of the water, dropped his tiny trunks and whizzed into the ocean. 32 00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:41,702 - [ All Laugh ] - I got a story about Hank. 33 00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:44,772 It was Steve Coco's bachelor party. 34 00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:49,643 And like all bachelor parties, there was some entertainment. 35 00:01:49,677 --> 00:01:52,546 - Uh, Earl, maybe-- maybe this isn't the best time. - No, no, no. 36 00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:54,848 Come on. Don't worry, I won't tell the bad part. 37 00:01:54,882 --> 00:01:57,618 So Hank goes into the bathroom with this stripper, 38 00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:59,853 and then, uh, you know, some stuff happens. 39 00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:02,523 Anyway, Hank comes out... 40 00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:06,327 about 10 minutes later with his tongue down this stripper's throat, 41 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:09,330 tellin' her how she's gonna be his wife, and then, 42 00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:11,865 all of a sudden, somebody said to Hank, 43 00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:17,405 "I think she'd make a better husband 'cause she's a dude!" 44 00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:20,441 [ Laughs ] 45 00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:24,812 [ Earl ] Whoo! Whoo! 46 00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,747 [ Laughs ] 47 00:02:29,217 --> 00:02:32,520 If I wanna cross him off my list before they send him to state prison, 48 00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:35,589 - I gotta do it by Friday. - Can I have another quarter? 49 00:02:35,623 --> 00:02:39,193 I only got one, and I wanna listen to Skynyrd while I eat my crab cakes. 50 00:02:39,227 --> 00:02:42,863 - Can I have a quarter? - I know your beggin' ass did not just ask me for a quarter. 51 00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:46,600 Hey, Darnell, do you have a quarter I can borrow? I think so. 52 00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:50,738 Yeah, he's got a quarter. You know why he's got a quarter? He's got a damn job. That's why. 53 00:02:50,771 --> 00:02:55,343 I don't have a quarter. Just three nickels and a super-sour gummy worm. Sorry. 54 00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:58,712 When is your lazy ass gonna stop mooching off your brother and get a job? 55 00:02:58,746 --> 00:03:03,484 You're damn near 30 years old. You need to start acting like an adult like the rest of us. 56 00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:07,588 Darnell, don't you go off with my gummy worm! You took it out of my trick-or-treatin' bucket! 57 00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:11,659 One time me and Hank polished off four bottles of Cherry Mad Dog and swore that... 58 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:15,729 if one of us ever got put away for hard time, the other one would break him out. 59 00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:18,466 I hope he doesn't remember that, Randy. 60 00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:20,634 - Should I get a job? - What? 61 00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:24,405 Joy said I should get a job so you don't have to support me anymore. 62 00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:26,607 You know, pay for my food and Muppets and whatnot. 63 00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:28,842 - I don't mind supportin' you. - Okay. 64 00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:33,414 Although, I mean, uh, it wouldn't hurt to get a job, 65 00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:35,449 if you, uh-- if you wanted to. 66 00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:39,019 - So should I get a job? - I don't know. 67 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:42,756 We got the lotto money to live on, but that's only gonna get us so far. 68 00:03:42,790 --> 00:03:45,493 I don't mind supportin' you, but I don't wanna run out of money... 69 00:03:45,526 --> 00:03:47,495 before I can cross everything off my list. 70 00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:49,597 I really think it's my purpose in life. 71 00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:51,899 Then I'm gonna get a job. Really? 72 00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:54,868 Yeah. I want you to be able to do the things on your list. 73 00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:58,372 And, you know, who knows, maybe it is time for me to find my purpose. 74 00:03:58,406 --> 00:04:00,641 I think that's a really good idea, Randy. 75 00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:03,010 A purpose is a great thing to have. 76 00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:05,446 It gives you a reason to wake up every morning. 77 00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:09,350 So a purpose is like a box of powdered doughnut holes? Exactly. 78 00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:16,424 You here to break me out? You remember that, huh? 79 00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:19,360 Yeah, but don't worry about it. I'm cool inside here. 80 00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:22,696 - Hey, Randy. - I'm gettin' a job. 81 00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:28,369 Good for you. So, what's up? You here just for a visit? 82 00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:31,405 Well, uh, actually I have something I need to talk to you about. 83 00:04:31,439 --> 00:04:33,273 See, I've got this list. 84 00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:44,918 Hello. Hey, my wife didn't show up. You wanna chat? 85 00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:47,588 Sure. What's your name? 86 00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:50,758 I wanna cross you off the list, but I just don't know what to do. 87 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,960 All right, how about this? 88 00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:57,898 Since you gave me a bad day, give me one good day before I get transferred upstate. 89 00:04:57,931 --> 00:05:00,100 That seems fair. What do you want me to do? 90 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:04,438 Bring my grandma in for a visit. She can't drive. 91 00:05:04,472 --> 00:05:08,609 And bring a copy of my hometown newspaper so she can read it to me. 92 00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:11,712 That day's copy. Gibtown Journal. 93 00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:14,948 You can get it from my uncle. He gets it in the mail. 94 00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:18,786 And bring some doughnuts. From Yummy's. Fresh ones. 95 00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:20,988 All right, so, uh, Grandma, 96 00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:25,058 uh, Gibtown Journal from your uncle and Yummy's doughnuts. 97 00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:27,461 Done. 98 00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:29,597 Have you tried talkin' to him? 99 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:32,866 Maybe if you just explained you're not a gay, he'd find someone else. 100 00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:35,436 No, I tried that. 101 00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:40,140 My wife was gonna put a razor in her mouth and pass it to me when we made out during our conjugal. 102 00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:42,743 Got anything sharp on you? Just my toenails. 103 00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:45,413 But I won't put 'em in my mouth. They're dirty. 104 00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:49,417 You know what? I think I'm just gonna close my eyes and power through it. 105 00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:52,119 Yeah. I think that's your only choice. 106 00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:03,363 Good luck on your job search. Thanks. 107 00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:16,977 [ Earl Narrating ] Since visiting hours at the jail were over at noon, 108 00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:20,581 I'd have to wait until the next day to give Hank his good day. 109 00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:25,118 Here's one. It says, "Dancers wanted." I love to dance. 110 00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:28,922 That's Club Chubby, Randy. They're looking for strippers. I used to work there. 111 00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:34,127 - You think I could be a pilot? - Keep readin'. 112 00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:38,098 Hey, Randy, if you're lookin' for a job, we need a busboy. 113 00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:40,901 The old guy took a bad spill in the men's room. 114 00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:44,472 Thanks, Darnell, but I was gonna try and find a job where I wouldn't slip in pee-pee. 115 00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:45,939 Okay. Good luck with that. 116 00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:53,647 Here's a good one. "Make your own hours. No experience necessary." 117 00:06:53,681 --> 00:06:55,415 No experience. You got a lot of that. 118 00:06:57,651 --> 00:06:59,787 It's sellin', uh, cleanin' supplies door-to-door. 119 00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:01,955 Sounds cool. 120 00:07:01,989 --> 00:07:06,560 Um, "not only makin' money, but makin' the world a brighter place." 121 00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:09,196 This could be my purpose, Earl. I'm gonna call. 122 00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:14,468 How long did you work at Club Chubby? 123 00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:16,537 - About a month. - You make good money? 124 00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:31,619 I'm guessin' that's a yes. 125 00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:33,521 [ Beeping ] 126 00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:39,627 [ Earl Narrating ] The next day, I got up bright and early to give Hank his good day. 127 00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:41,862 Since Hank's grandma lived on the way to the jailhouse... 128 00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:44,031 and Hank wanted his doughnuts fresh, 129 00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:48,035 I figured the smart thing to do was go by his uncle's and get the newspaper first. 130 00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:51,839 So, I just, uh, need your newspaper, uh, if-- if you don't mind. 131 00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:55,242 I don't mind, but it's in my mailbox down in the lobby. 132 00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:58,045 - Should we go get it? - If you wanna carry me down the stairs. 133 00:07:58,078 --> 00:08:00,681 Well, we'll take the elevator. 134 00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:03,584 I don't trust elevators. They break, fall and paralyze people. 135 00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:06,820 That's crazy. Elevators are perfectly safe. 136 00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:09,022 I mean, they're not just gonna-- 137 00:08:11,725 --> 00:08:15,228 Oh, wow. [ Chuckles ] 138 00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:17,698 "Bar-ba-dos." That's-- That's, uh-- 139 00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:20,801 [ Earl Narrating ] Hank's uncle didn't trust me with his mailbox key, 140 00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:23,671 me being a friend of his criminal nephew and all. 141 00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:26,206 So gettin' the newspaper turned out to be harder than I thought. 142 00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:29,877 Meanwhile, Randy was off at his first day of work. 143 00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:32,680 Rather than startin' out goin' door-to-door with strangers, 144 00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:35,849 he decided to get warmed up with people he knew. 145 00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:39,119 - What? - "Hello, ma'am. 146 00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:42,923 "How would you like to end your daily fight with stubborn stains? 147 00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:44,992 "Half circle. Remember to maintain eye contact. 148 00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,960 Half circle." 149 00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:50,530 [ Earl Grunts ] 150 00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:54,935 I gotta poop. 151 00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:57,037 But, we're almost halfway down. I gotta poop! 152 00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:08,115 You obviously do a fine job cleaning. 153 00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:10,651 Gesture room. 154 00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:13,754 But the Bright Time Cleanin' System could make your job easier and save you time. 155 00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:16,289 Time that you could be using to bake a casserole... 156 00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:18,692 or have tea with your lady friends. 157 00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:22,763 So, you think that one bottle can clean that whole window? 158 00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:26,667 "This one bottle could clean all the windows in your home, 159 00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:28,636 slash apartment, slash trailer." 160 00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:30,904 Now this I gotta see. 161 00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:40,580 Tell Hank I said hello. 162 00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:46,019 Actually, I don't think I'm gonna make it down there to see him today. 163 00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:48,121 Visiting hours are over at noon. 164 00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:50,290 I have to get an earlier start tomorrow. 165 00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:53,861 And try to get your business done before we make it halfway down the stairs. 166 00:09:53,894 --> 00:09:57,330 I'll see what I can do. I'm not exactly runnin' the show. 167 00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:07,908 Ma'am, would you like the deluxe, the mini deluxe or the basic deluxe package? 168 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:11,078 Sorry, honey, but we're just a little bit tight on cash right now. 169 00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:14,314 We usually steal our cleaning supplies from the gas station bathroom down the street. 170 00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:16,817 Oh. 171 00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:18,786 Well, that makes sense. 172 00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:22,990 Thanks anyway. Congratulations on the new job. 173 00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:26,694 Dumb-ass. 174 00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:29,997 [ Earl Narrating ] I felt bad that Randy was havin' trouble finding his purpose in life, 175 00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:32,399 but I was wakin' up to my own problems. 176 00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:37,004 [ Beeping ] 8:00 a.m. is early for a guy like me. Real early. 177 00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:40,240 But I wanted to make sure I got to Hank's uncle's in time to get everything done. 178 00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:49,883 [ Earl Narrating ] And by the time I got to Yummy's, 179 00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:52,252 - I was right on schedule. - [ Rings Bell ] 180 00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:58,726 Didi? I didn't know you worked here. 181 00:10:58,759 --> 00:11:00,728 You son of a bitch! 182 00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:05,365 I told my parents we were getting married! 183 00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:11,338 [ Earl Narrating ] While I was tryin' to figure out how I was gonna get those doughnuts, 184 00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:14,041 Randy was seein' if a new profession might be his purpose. 185 00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:16,443 This is Mr. Parker. You're gonna prep him for surgery. 186 00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:18,746 I never shaved a man's face before. 187 00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,948 I saw Footloose's wife do it in that movie... 188 00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:23,383 where the cool Sweathog could break mirrors with his brains. 189 00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:26,019 It looked easy-- the shaving the Sweathog's face, 190 00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:28,021 not the breakin' mirrors with your brains. 191 00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:30,223 I think they did that with trick photography. 192 00:11:30,257 --> 00:11:33,293 You're not shaving his face. Mr. Parker's having a vasectomy. 193 00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:37,497 I'm out. 194 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:41,168 Hank, I've been tryin' to get someone to buy me doughnuts for the last two hours. 195 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:44,337 People think I'm crazy. Do they have to be from Yummy's? 196 00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,439 [ Sighs ] Okay. All right. 197 00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:49,209 No, I hear ya. Nah, I said I hear ya. 198 00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:17,838 [ Phone Ringing ] 199 00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:49,102 [ Earl Narrating ] With the doughnuts in hand, all I had to do was... 200 00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:51,304 pick up Grandma and get to the jail by noon. 201 00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:53,506 Damn it. 202 00:12:59,847 --> 00:13:02,349 I'm just gonna have to get an earlier start tomorrow, that's all. 203 00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:04,517 Hey, Earl. Hey, Crab Man. 204 00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:09,189 Here's a good one, Earl. "Join the exciting world of science research." 205 00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:11,491 Science, Earl. Do you think that could be my purpose? 206 00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:15,495 I don't know, Randy. Maybe your purpose is stickin' with a job for more than one day. 207 00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:19,967 Do you think when I find my purpose I'll get some sort of sign, like a glowing light? 208 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:23,236 But not like an alien abduction glowing light, like a Jesus light? 209 00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:27,307 - I don't know, Randy. I doubt it. - Hi, Mr. Clean. Where you been? 210 00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,910 Promised my neighbor you'd clean her trailer. 211 00:13:29,943 --> 00:13:32,045 Oh, it turns out that's not my purpose. 212 00:13:32,079 --> 00:13:36,216 I'm gonna work in "the ever-changin' landscape of cosmetic testin'." 213 00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:38,451 Cosmetics? [ Laughs ] 214 00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:42,022 There ain't enough cosmetics in the world to cover your dumb-lookin' face. [ Laughs ] 215 00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:45,158 Seriously. If they send you free testers, you better hook me up. 216 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,497 [ Beeping ] 217 00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:53,533 [ Earl Narrating ] 7:00 a.m. is early for a guy like me. 218 00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:56,203 But sometimes you have to do what you have to do. 219 00:13:57,905 --> 00:14:00,040 [ Grunting ] 220 00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:03,843 [ Ringing ] 221 00:14:12,619 --> 00:14:16,056 As it turned out, much like everything else on this little chore, 222 00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,558 pickin' up Hank's grandma wasn't easy. 223 00:14:18,591 --> 00:14:21,328 I drove around for an hour before I found a parking spot. 224 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,475 [ Earl Narrating ] As disappointed as I was with my day, 225 00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:38,946 Randy was more disappointed with his new career in science. 226 00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:43,050 - Ready to get started? - I guess. 227 00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:52,592 You can go home now. Be sure to call us as soon as you get your sight back. 228 00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:56,096 Thank you, Doctor. [ Chuckles ] Oh, I'm no doctor. 229 00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:58,365 Hey, Darren, this guy just called me "Doctor." 230 00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:01,101 Oh! 231 00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:04,437 I don't think I like the exciting world of science anymore. 232 00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:06,974 It's not fun bein' blind. 233 00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:09,076 Why is Steven Wonder always smilin'? 234 00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:13,546 Maybe he can't see that he's smilin'. Am I smilin', Earl? 235 00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:18,118 - No, Randy. You're not smilin'. - Hey, Earl, could you hand me the want ads? 236 00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:23,256 I'm gonna find another job. 237 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:32,699 Hey, Earl, could you read this for me? No, I'm not gonna read to ya. 238 00:15:32,732 --> 00:15:36,369 I gotta get up at the crack of dawn. I got my own problems I'm dealin' with. 239 00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:38,505 At least you have your sight. 240 00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:42,042 Randy, you were gonna get a job so you could be more independent. 241 00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:45,178 But so far I've had to give you money for cleanin' supplies, play doctor with you, 242 00:15:45,212 --> 00:15:48,281 and after dinner, I'm literally gonna have to help you use the bathroom. 243 00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:52,285 You don't have to hold anything. Just get me on the seat. I'll go like a girl. 244 00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:56,123 Randy, why don't you just take the job as a busboy at the Crab Shack? 245 00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:59,692 I don't wanna be a busboy, Earl. 246 00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:02,595 I want somethin' cool, like you have with your list. I want a purpose. 247 00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:05,498 Well, maybe not everybody has a purpose. 248 00:16:05,532 --> 00:16:08,168 But at least they contribute and pull their own weight. 249 00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:12,439 If you really wanna help, stop trying to do these crazy jobs, and just go be a busboy. 250 00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:16,543 Fine. I'll be a busboy. 251 00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:18,511 [ Earl ] Good. 252 00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:30,157 Who's there? Who's there? 253 00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:34,327 [ Beeping ] 254 00:16:34,361 --> 00:16:37,064 [ Earl Narrating ] 6:00 a.m. is early for a guy like me. 255 00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:41,000 But I was determined that today would be the day that I gave Hank his good day. 256 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,114 [ Ringing ] 257 00:17:14,334 --> 00:17:16,336 All right, let's get goin'. Hank is waitin'. 258 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:18,471 - Okeydokey. - Oh, hey, you have to take her drops. 259 00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:21,741 What? Her eyedrops. You have to put drops... 260 00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:26,213 in her eyes every 10 minutes or they'll dry out and the lids will stick to the balls. 261 00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:28,815 You don't wanna see that. Her watch has a timer on it to remind you. 262 00:17:28,848 --> 00:17:31,218 [ Man ] No, you did it again. Wrong one. 263 00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:34,254 - Oh, and, uh, she hates it, so good luck. - [ Door Closes ] 264 00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:38,325 [ Watch Beeping ] 265 00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:41,361 - Does that mean it's time for your drops? - No. 266 00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:44,697 I think that means it's time for your drops. No, it doesn't. 267 00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:50,570 Come on. I gotta give you your drops, or you'll dry up. 268 00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:53,140 I don't like 'em. I know. Just give me your head. 269 00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:55,442 I don't wanna. Give me you head. 270 00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:57,677 No! You're gonna make me wrestle you, aren't you? 271 00:17:57,710 --> 00:18:00,513 Yes. 272 00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:02,515 All right. Let's do this. 273 00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:04,317 [ Both Grunting ] 274 00:18:04,351 --> 00:18:06,486 No! Come on! 275 00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:09,122 No! I told you, I can't! Just relax! It'll be easy. 276 00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:12,292 No! Come on now. [ Grunts ] 277 00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:14,561 It's just gonna take a second. Stop it! 278 00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:22,469 Thanks. No problem. 279 00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:26,406 Damn it. 280 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:29,242 - Hey, Earl. - Hey, Crab Man. 281 00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:31,444 So, how was your first day? Fine, I guess. 282 00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:35,315 I made some money. And who knows, maybe this is my purpose in life. 283 00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:39,619 I am helpin' people. They can't eat if other people's plates are still on their table. 284 00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:42,922 I mean, they can, but it would be crowded and kinda gross. Hey. 285 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:46,293 Maybe my purpose in life is to make things less crowded and less gross. 286 00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:48,628 Hmm. How was prison? 287 00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:50,863 Didn't get there. Gonna try again tomorrow. 288 00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:53,566 I got the day off. Can I hang out with you? 289 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,569 Sure, but we're gonna have to get up real early. How early? 290 00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:58,938 [ Beeping ] 291 00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,873 [ Grunts ] 292 00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:06,779 [ Snoring ] 293 00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:09,249 Perky, perky, hands off jerky. 294 00:19:09,282 --> 00:19:11,518 Poopie trim. 295 00:19:11,551 --> 00:19:14,221 [ Grunting ] 296 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:53,826 Get off me! No! Let go, you big ape! 297 00:19:56,796 --> 00:20:00,500 It's only 6:30 a.m. Visiting hours don't even start until 8:00. 298 00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,802 Why'd we have to get up so early? 299 00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:06,639 Because what took me four days to try and get done without you... 300 00:20:06,673 --> 00:20:09,442 only took an hour and a half with you. I'm sorry. 301 00:20:09,476 --> 00:20:11,978 No, Randy, it means I need you. 302 00:20:12,011 --> 00:20:15,982 You do? Yeah. I shouldn't have told you to take that job. 303 00:20:16,015 --> 00:20:18,485 If I'm gonna cross off all the stuff on my list, 304 00:20:18,518 --> 00:20:20,553 I'm gonna need you with me, not workin' as a busboy. 305 00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:22,689 Really? Yeah. Think about it. 306 00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:26,459 You were with me when I did most of the things on this list. 307 00:20:26,493 --> 00:20:29,662 Maybe you're supposed to be with me when I fix 'em. 308 00:20:29,696 --> 00:20:33,466 The list is my purpose, but I think you being there to help me is yours. 309 00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:37,304 I sure like that a lot better than pickin' up wadded-up napkins with gross stuff inside. 310 00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:39,572 Well, then you're hired. 311 00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:45,412 Earl, my light. This is my purpose. 312 00:20:47,414 --> 00:20:50,049 Randy, that's just the sun comin' out from behind the clouds. 313 00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:53,586 And it's doin' it just for me. How cool is that? 314 00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:55,455 [ Watch Beeping ] 315 00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:58,725 Grab her feet. I'll pry her eyes open. 316 00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:02,061 Come on, Grandma. No! 317 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:05,665 You know it's time for your drops. No way! Get off of me! 318 00:21:05,698 --> 00:21:07,867 Just put your head back. I don't want them!