1 00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:03,137 You know the kind of guy who does nothing but bad things... 2 00:00:03,171 --> 00:00:08,476 and then wonders why his life sucks? 3 00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:11,112 Well, that was me. Every time somethin' good happened to me, 4 00:00:11,145 --> 00:00:13,247 somethin' bad was always waitin' around the corner. 5 00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:17,118 Karma. 6 00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:19,220 That's when I realized I had to change. 7 00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:23,424 So I made a list of everything bad I've ever done, 8 00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:26,394 and, one by one, I'm gonna make up for all my mistakes. 9 00:00:26,427 --> 00:00:28,329 I'm just tryin' to be a better person. 10 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:31,399 My name is Earl. 11 00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:34,502 [ Earl Narrating ] One of the perks of being friends with a motel employee... 12 00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:37,105 is gettin' free stuff when someone checks out for good. 13 00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:40,408 - Somebody die again? - Yeah. Room 203. No next of kin. 14 00:00:41,842 --> 00:00:44,545 Either of you guys wear a size 13? 15 00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:47,348 I'm a 12, but an extra pair of socks should bridge that gap. 16 00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:50,251 Cool hat. I'm keepin' this one. 17 00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,821 "Lice medicine." 18 00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:55,856 Anybody want this, or should I throw it away? 19 00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:58,826 - Oh, check this out. - Hey, a porn machine! 20 00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:02,062 My manager saw that already. He called dibs. 21 00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:06,767 Ooh. 22 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,769 Dibs on the laptop! 23 00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:11,705 Damn it! Um-- Uh-- Uh-- 24 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,674 - The TV. - That's the motel's. 25 00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:16,377 Damn it. Um-- Um-- Um-- 26 00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,879 Hey, Earl, remember we had one of these, but it was gray... 27 00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:21,882 - and all the alphabets were all mixed up? - Yeah, I do. 28 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:25,186 Maybe karma's tryin' to tell me it's time to take it back. 29 00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:27,588 Number 37-- stole a laptop. 30 00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:30,858 [ Earl Narrating ] About a year ago, I brought home a laptop I stole out of a car. 31 00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:33,194 Make that fish thingy come back. 32 00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:36,864 I don't know how to. I don't know how to do anything on-- Oh, there it is. 33 00:01:36,897 --> 00:01:40,501 I like that little blue one. Let's call him Pancho. 34 00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:42,570 I'm gonna type "shark" and see if a shark comes out. 35 00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:47,175 Damn it. It's gone again. 36 00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:49,743 [ Earl Narrating ] After we picked up the stolen laptop from Joy's, 37 00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:52,180 we tried to get it workin' again. 38 00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:55,216 Does it say who it belongs to? Says we need a password. 39 00:01:55,249 --> 00:01:57,851 - I'll try "carrot." - Why "carrot"? 40 00:01:57,885 --> 00:02:00,821 - 'Cause who would think of "carrot"? - You did. 41 00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:04,792 You're right. I'll try "carrot88." No. "89." 42 00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:08,862 Damn it. I can only think of things I can think of. 43 00:02:08,896 --> 00:02:11,632 [ Water Bubbling ] Earl, the fish. 44 00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:14,402 - The fish are back. - Is the little blue one there? 45 00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:17,371 There he is. He went behind that treasure chest. 46 00:02:17,405 --> 00:02:19,507 Hey, Pancho. Come on out, buddy. 47 00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:21,475 [ Tires Screeching ] [ Crash ] 48 00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:25,746 [ Chattering ] 49 00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:32,853 You knocked down the bus stop. Yeah, I know, ma'am. 50 00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:35,623 - I'm gonna fix it tomorrow. - But you knocked down the bus stop. 51 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:38,526 I promise, it'll be fixed tomorrow. 52 00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:42,296 Well, you're not allowed to knock down the bus stop. It's a bus stop. 53 00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:46,400 Look, it's on my list. 263-- broke bus stop while looking for Pancho the blue fish. 54 00:02:46,434 --> 00:02:49,737 Earl, I found it. The guy's name is on a sticker on the back. 55 00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:54,608 "Property of Professor Alex Meyers, Frostburg State University." 56 00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:57,911 A college? Oh, man. 57 00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:02,616 [ Earl Narrating ] I wasn't lookin' forward to drivin' all night... 58 00:03:02,650 --> 00:03:05,386 to a college and havin' to talk to an actual professor. 59 00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:08,256 You see, I've never done well around smart people. 60 00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:11,359 [ Man ] Earl Hickey, your word is "knee." 61 00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:15,596 "Knee." Um, N-E-- 62 00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:18,832 - [ Buzzer ] - [ Crowd Groans ] 63 00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:23,437 "Knee." K-N-E-E. "Knee." 64 00:03:23,471 --> 00:03:26,340 [ Crowd Applauding ] The "K" is silent. 65 00:03:26,374 --> 00:03:28,442 - [ Groans ] - [ Crowd Gasps ] 66 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,912 This is cool-- 67 00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:35,316 like when that hobbit in Rud walked on campus for the first time. 68 00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:37,618 Frostburg State University. 69 00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:39,820 Isn't that where Bullwinkle went to college? 70 00:03:39,853 --> 00:03:42,823 Went to Whatsamatta U. Lived in Frostbite Falls. 71 00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:44,958 Let's check that building out over there. 72 00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:47,895 I bet that's where they keep all the bottles filled with bubblin' potions. 73 00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:50,331 They might even have a Frankenstein in there. 74 00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:53,000 Or a smart monkey who can count smoked cigarettes. 75 00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:55,269 We're not gonna have time to find out, Randy. 76 00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:58,038 We're gonna return this laptop and get out of here. 77 00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:00,641 Keep your eyes open for the psychology department. 78 00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:02,876 It's called Dunkle Hall. 79 00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,778 Wait. Didn't we have an Uncle Dunkle? 80 00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:08,482 Randy? 81 00:04:08,516 --> 00:04:10,984 Randy? 82 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:14,588 [ Man ] All-day kegger. 83 00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:16,590 Yeah, bro! [ Laughs ] 84 00:04:16,624 --> 00:04:19,493 [ People Laughing, Chattering ] 85 00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:24,798 [ Men Chanting ] Go! Go! Go! Go! 86 00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:31,705 Randy? Come on. Let's go. 87 00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:35,409 I never thought of drinking beer upside down before. 88 00:04:35,443 --> 00:04:38,879 It tastes the same. Yeah, but it goes to your brain before it gets to your livers. 89 00:04:38,912 --> 00:04:41,649 I always thought a fraternity was just a bunch of old guys... 90 00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:45,953 riding little bikes in parades, but this is way cooler than that. 91 00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:48,055 Can I stay? Can I please stay? 92 00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:52,526 Fine. But I'm comin' right back to get you after I return the laptop. 93 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:54,595 Who wants to do a keg stand? 94 00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:57,030 [ People Cheering ] 95 00:04:57,064 --> 00:05:00,100 [ Earl Narrating ] While Randy was making new upside-down beer drinkin' buddies, 96 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,370 I managed to track down Professor Meyers's office. 97 00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:06,407 Oh, uh, Professor Meyers. 98 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,976 Tom, come on. You know you can call me Alex. 99 00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:13,080 [ Earl Narrating ] As much trouble as I had dealin' with smart guys, 100 00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:15,949 I never quite figured out how to handle smart women. 101 00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:18,986 [ Man ] Earl Hickey, your word is "knowledge." 102 00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:22,356 "Knowledge." N-O-- 103 00:05:22,390 --> 00:05:24,825 [ Buzzer ] [ Crowd Groans ] 104 00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:32,032 "Knowledge." K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E. 105 00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:34,602 - "Knowledge." - [ Applause ] 106 00:05:34,635 --> 00:05:36,670 The "K" is silent. 107 00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:40,408 - [ Grunts ] - [ Crowd Gasps ] 108 00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:46,614 Double knot. "Knot" has a "K." [ Clears Throat ] 109 00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:49,116 "Knot"-- "Knot" has a "K." 110 00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:51,419 The "K" is, uh, silent. 111 00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:53,754 Yeah. Thanks. I'll remember that next time I'm in second grade. 112 00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:56,957 [ Laughs, Grunts ] 113 00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:59,359 [ Groaning ] 114 00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:05,499 What's your name? 115 00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:08,936 [ Earl Narrating ] There were a lot of things making me nervous about confronting Alex. 116 00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:12,673 Not only was she smart and pretty, but I knew from experience she was also... 117 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:16,544 the type of woman who grabbed her purse a little tighter when she saw a guy like me. 118 00:06:18,446 --> 00:06:20,113 [ Screams ] 119 00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:24,685 Here we go. [ Grunting ] 120 00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,820 Ah, that's a bad one. Both sides. 121 00:06:26,854 --> 00:06:29,523 [ Whistle Blowing ] 122 00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:33,060 I'm just returning your laptop. What? God! 123 00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:35,596 Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. Are you okay? You okay? 124 00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:38,932 No, no, no. No, no, no. Never mind. No. Sorry. No rape here. 125 00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:42,002 Great response though. I feel very safe. Thank you. 126 00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:44,037 And I promise, next time I blow that whistle, 127 00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:46,073 it will be for a real rape. 128 00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:49,042 I promise. Real rape. 129 00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:53,847 Again, I'm really sorry, Earl. 130 00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:56,149 It's okay. It was probably just karma giving me... 131 00:06:56,183 --> 00:06:58,686 a little payback for stealing your computer in the first place. 132 00:06:58,719 --> 00:07:01,955 So you really made that list based on a fear of karma? 133 00:07:01,989 --> 00:07:04,925 Yeah, karma's tossed me around a little. 134 00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:07,861 Tried to kill me. Hit me with a car. 135 00:07:07,895 --> 00:07:11,765 Earl, karma is a very complex Buddhist principle. 136 00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:14,668 It's the totality of a person's actions... 137 00:07:14,702 --> 00:07:16,904 which determines the fate of the next stage of their existence. 138 00:07:18,806 --> 00:07:21,509 Do good things, and good things happen. 139 00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:24,077 Do bad things, and bad things happen. 140 00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:27,214 Yeah, I actually like your definition better. 141 00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:32,653 Is there any way you would speak at my class? It would be amazing. 142 00:07:32,686 --> 00:07:37,024 We could put a rat in a cage and assume he found the cheese 'cause he was hungry, 143 00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:40,027 but what if we could actually ask the rat why he found it? 144 00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:41,729 [ Knocking ] 145 00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:44,665 Excuse me. 146 00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:47,535 [ Earl Narrating ] This wasn't the first time a woman kicked me in the cherries... 147 00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:50,270 and called me a rat, but it was the first time I didn't mind. 148 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,773 I'll be your rat. 149 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:57,578 Really? Oh, great. How's tomorrow? Do you have plans? 150 00:07:57,611 --> 00:08:00,280 Tomorrow? Nope. Free as a bird. 151 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,282 [ Earl Narrating ] What I was forgettin' at the time... 152 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,918 was a promise I had made to another little lady. 153 00:08:04,952 --> 00:08:08,722 You knocked down the bus stop. Yeah, I know, ma'am. I'm gonna fix it tomorrow. 154 00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,824 So I guess I'll see you in class. 155 00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:12,826 Great. 156 00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:18,699 Ooh, God! I'm so sorry. 157 00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:21,869 I don't-- I don't know who would have left gum in here. 158 00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:26,239 - Wasn't karma again, was it? - No, no. Some things are just accidents. 159 00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:28,241 [ Earl Narrating ] Blinded by a beautiful woman... 160 00:08:28,275 --> 00:08:31,545 wearin' shoes that make her calves pop out real nice, 161 00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:35,749 well, I forgot that in my world, things are never just accidents. 162 00:08:35,783 --> 00:08:39,587 They happen for a reason. I had promised to take care of something on my list-- 163 00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:41,889 Stop! and until I did it, karma was gonna keep reminding me. 164 00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:49,997 [ People Cheering ] [ Earl ] Randy! 165 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:52,165 Dude, that is so smart, Earl. 166 00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:54,234 They've figured out how to put booze in food. 167 00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:56,336 Except you can't eat too many, or you pass out... 168 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,772 and they write "balls" on your forehead in permanent marker. 169 00:08:58,806 --> 00:09:01,942 Listen, Professor Meyers is a woman. 170 00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:05,846 Is she hot? She's not just hot. She's hot and she's smart. 171 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:09,016 Like a stewardess? Way smarter. And she called me interesting. 172 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,318 No woman like that's ever called me interesting, Randy. 173 00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:14,321 - And I'm speaking at her class tomorrow. - We're staying another day? 174 00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:17,157 Awesome! That means I'm in for the bottle rocket fight tomorrow. 175 00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:20,227 Hey, everybody, Pledge Randy's in for Lolla-Fallujah. 176 00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:24,164 I'm pledging. That means these guys are all gonna be my brothers. 177 00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:27,601 But it's not like I have to get 'em all Christmas presents or anything. 178 00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:29,603 Maybe we'll have a Secret Santa. 179 00:09:29,637 --> 00:09:31,705 If we do, I hope I get Steve. 180 00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:34,642 He's got lots of interests, and we wear the same size. 181 00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:36,910 Hmm. 182 00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:39,112 I know you all have a lot of questions, 183 00:09:39,146 --> 00:09:41,815 but let's keep them brief so we all get a chance to talk... 184 00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:45,619 to this fascinating resource, Mr. Earl Hickey. 185 00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:48,822 - Hello. - [ All Typing ] 186 00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:51,158 Did you guys type what I just said? 187 00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:53,326 [ All Typing ] 188 00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:56,997 - This is kinda freakin' me out. - [ All Typing ] 189 00:09:57,030 --> 00:10:00,868 Okay, guys, how about we don't take notes... 190 00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:03,971 and just listen to what Mr. Hickey has to say? 191 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:10,077 I'm, uh, here to talk about psychology, 192 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:13,380 which, as you all know, is, uh, 193 00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:17,284 the science dealing with the mind and mental and emotional... 194 00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:19,319 processes. 195 00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:26,426 Okay, Earl, how about you tell us about you and your list... 196 00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:29,429 in your own words? 197 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:33,333 Okay. Well, I've been bad. 198 00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:35,235 Really, really bad. 199 00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:41,809 [ Earl Narrating ] I decided to just lay it all out there for 'em. 200 00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:43,911 And their reaction surprised me a little. 201 00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:46,313 And usually the air force would shoot you for doin' that. 202 00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:49,382 But they figured I was too drunk to remember what I saw. 203 00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:52,219 But as we all know now, they were wrong. 204 00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:55,856 [ Laughing ] 205 00:10:55,889 --> 00:10:59,126 [ Earl Narrating ] They were enjoying my stories, so I kept on tellin' 'em. 206 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:02,329 Oh, and there was this other time when I went to the amusement park-- 207 00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:06,900 That's when I realized Ginsu knives would cut cans but not bones. 208 00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:09,369 So now I'm stuck in a trap and bleeding. 209 00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:11,705 [ Students Laughing ] 210 00:11:11,739 --> 00:11:15,175 So, that's when I made the list. 211 00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:17,745 [ Gasping ] 212 00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:23,016 [ Earl Narrating ] I never had anyone clap for me before, and I liked it, 213 00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:24,852 even if I wasn't quite sure what to do. 214 00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:33,426 [ Earl Narrating ] And the fact that Alex was clapping-- well, that felt better than anything. 215 00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:37,397 You were amazing. And-And funny and-and charming... 216 00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:39,767 and so adorable. 217 00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:45,138 [ Earl Narrating ] An amazing thing happened after class. 218 00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:47,174 We just kept walkin' and talkin'. 219 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,242 And we never ran out of stuff to say. 220 00:11:49,276 --> 00:11:51,945 It was like one of those movies where a guy meets a girl... 221 00:11:51,979 --> 00:11:54,281 and they talk and laugh at each other's stories. 222 00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:56,316 I usually don't watch movies like that, 223 00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:58,819 but I was starting to understand why people do. 224 00:11:58,852 --> 00:12:02,389 You know, I have this, um, lunch tomorrow for the regents, 225 00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:05,125 and I hate going to these things alone. 226 00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:07,227 Yeah, me too. 227 00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:10,163 I mean, if I knew what regents were. 228 00:12:10,197 --> 00:12:14,167 Right now I'm picturing 'em as dragons. Yeah, pretty close. 229 00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:18,471 You know, you'd be my knight in shining armor if you came with me. 230 00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:22,843 Y-You want me to go? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could do that. 231 00:12:22,876 --> 00:12:25,378 Yeah. I could be your knight. I'd have to bring my sword. 232 00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,314 [ Laughs ] I didn't mean that dirty. 233 00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:30,083 I-- I'm just-- 234 00:12:30,117 --> 00:12:32,752 So, what time is this thing? It's 2:00. 235 00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:36,356 So, 236 00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:38,358 sure there's nothing I'm taking you away from? 237 00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,162 I'm sure. 238 00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,364 Bus! [ Shouts ] 239 00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:46,499 [ All Shouting ] 240 00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:49,436 So, should I meet you at your-- Ooh, watch out! 241 00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:52,072 Ow! Ooh! Oh! 242 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:54,875 Are you okay? Yeah. 243 00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:01,781 I don't even know where this came from. I-- 244 00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:07,020 [ Women Cheering ] 245 00:13:07,054 --> 00:13:09,056 Randy? [ Horn Honks ] 246 00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:11,524 [ Bell Dings ] Hey, Earl. 247 00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:14,928 - [ Horn Honks ] - Randy, I think she likes me. She asked me to go to a party. 248 00:13:14,962 --> 00:13:17,430 And we talked and we joked around. She even touched my arm. 249 00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:19,066 Really? How'd she do that? 250 00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:23,136 - It feels like she likes you. - That's what I'm sayin'. 251 00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:27,440 So does this mean we're gonna stay another night? 252 00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:30,310 - Would you walk away from that? - No way. I even like when you do it. 253 00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:32,512 This means I get to finish pledging. 254 00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:35,182 I was worried you were gonna want to go home and fix the bus stop. 255 00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:37,550 The what? [ Man ] Watch out! 256 00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:41,188 - [ Gasping ] - Check it out. I almost hit Magnum P.I. 257 00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:43,356 That could've killed ya. 258 00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:45,292 [ Earl Narrating ] And that's when it finally hit me-- 259 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,360 what karma was trying to tell me. 260 00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:50,330 The bus stop. I forgot about the bus stop. 261 00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:54,167 That's what's goin' on, Randy. I told that lady I would cross it off my list, and I haven't. 262 00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:57,437 That's why karma's punishing me, 'cause I've been puttin' off the list to be with Alex. 263 00:13:57,470 --> 00:14:00,107 Maybe I'm supposed to go and fix the bus stop. 264 00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:03,911 Hey. Uh, sorry. I forgot to give this back to you. 265 00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:06,579 Thank you again for today. See you tomorrow? 266 00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:12,419 - We're stayin'. - Yes! 267 00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:14,554 Karma can do whatever it wants to me. 268 00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:17,224 - I can take it. Alex is worth it. - [ Man ] Heads up! 269 00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:19,927 - Ow! - [ People Gasping ] 270 00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:23,330 Still worth it. 271 00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:30,103 [ Earl Narrating ] Although I've had a lot of cocktails in my life, 272 00:14:30,137 --> 00:14:32,072 I've never actually been to a cocktail party. 273 00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:34,141 I have to admit, I was a little nervous. 274 00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:37,344 But the sounds of the fountains were surprisingly calming. 275 00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:40,113 Shrimp kebab? How much for two? 276 00:14:40,147 --> 00:14:42,916 They're free. 277 00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:46,653 Free shrimp, huh? College. Nice. 278 00:14:48,688 --> 00:14:51,591 Well, well. Don't you look handsome? 279 00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:55,128 Nice outfit. Thanks. I borrowed it from a frat brother-- 280 00:14:55,162 --> 00:14:57,197 which is why the pants smell like bong water. 281 00:14:57,230 --> 00:15:00,367 I also found Cheetos and a Ho Ho in one of the pockets. 282 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,435 But they have free shrimp here, so we're good. 283 00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:05,072 Thank you. 284 00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:07,174 [ People Laughing ] 285 00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:11,344 - [ People Gasping ] - [ Groans ] Damn! 286 00:15:11,378 --> 00:15:14,414 Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine. 287 00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:16,649 Nice try, karma. 288 00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:19,686 Excuse me? Oh, nothing. I just, uh-- 289 00:15:19,719 --> 00:15:21,721 [ Earl Narrating ] Karma was still mad at me. 290 00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:24,124 But I was willing to take the punishment. 291 00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:26,626 Although not everyone was as willing as I was to take punishment. 292 00:15:26,659 --> 00:15:28,996 Assume the positions. 293 00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:31,031 [ Water Drips ] 294 00:15:34,101 --> 00:15:37,337 You want me to bend over so you can smack me with that paddle? 295 00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:39,439 Yeah. 296 00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:43,276 Look, I like drinkin', and I love ridin' tricycles, 297 00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:47,614 but if someone hits me with a paddle, I'm gonna knock 'em on their ass. 298 00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,749 - I thought we were friends. - We are. 299 00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:52,419 But the older brothers did it to us when we were pledges, 300 00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:55,355 so now it's our turn to torture somebody. 301 00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:59,092 Well, if you want to get someone back, why don't you paddle the guy who paddled you? 302 00:15:59,126 --> 00:16:02,062 Not some poor guys who didn't do anything to anyone. 303 00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:06,166 - Hmm. - Huh. 304 00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:10,570 [ Grunting ] 305 00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:13,173 [ Earl Narrating ] Randy never thought he'd be so satisfied... 306 00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:15,408 watching guys spank each other on the ass. 307 00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:18,045 But as it turns out, he was. 308 00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:20,647 And that's basically how you get a ballpoint pen out of your neck. 309 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,215 [ Bird Chirping ] 310 00:16:22,249 --> 00:16:25,285 Ew-- Uh-- Oh. Uh-- 311 00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:29,356 I think a-- a bird just got you. 312 00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:31,791 Great. You're pretty unlucky. 313 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:34,527 Yeah, I'm very unlucky. 314 00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:45,172 [ Bee Buzzes ] Ow! Son of a-- 315 00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:49,609 What? What happened? What? A bee just stung my lip. 316 00:16:49,642 --> 00:16:51,778 Really? Bees? That's how we're gonna play? 317 00:16:51,811 --> 00:16:55,448 Huh? Okay, Earl, who are you talking to? 318 00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:58,685 Karma. Karma's been after me for puttin' off my list to be with you. 319 00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:01,388 The champagne cork, the bird crap, the bee. 320 00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:04,591 [ Buzzing ] Earl, that's crazy. They're just accidents. 321 00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:07,660 There's no way karma has anything to do with any of this. Okay? 322 00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:10,830 [ Screams, Groans ] Karma's tryin' to kill me again. 323 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:13,700 I gotta cross something off my list. I'm sorry. I'll be right back. 324 00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:16,469 [ Buzzing Continues ] [ People Murmuring ] 325 00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:22,242 How do you know if it's hitting you? 326 00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:24,744 When it's hitting you, you'll know. 327 00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:26,646 [ Knocking ] 328 00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,323 It's hitting me. Cool. 329 00:17:36,356 --> 00:17:38,491 It is so not cool. 330 00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:40,660 Wait, wait, wait, wait. I need you to punch me. 331 00:17:40,693 --> 00:17:43,396 It wants me to punch it. Punch it. 332 00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:45,465 - Listen to your friend. Punch it. - I will not die tonight! 333 00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:46,533 [ Sputtering ] 334 00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:49,836 [ Man ] Look out! 335 00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:54,174 [ Grunts ] Ow! Sorry. 336 00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:56,476 Again? 337 00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:59,812 Come on. I'm tryin' here! You saw me tryin'. 338 00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:02,482 That guy slammed the door in my face. 339 00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:05,652 You know what? That's it. I'm goin' back to the party. 340 00:18:05,685 --> 00:18:08,755 So if you want to punish me, give me your best shot. 341 00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:11,358 Come on. Give it to me once and for all, 342 00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:14,327 'cause I'm gonna be with her whether you like it or not. 343 00:18:14,361 --> 00:18:18,531 This is my list, and I will cross things off when I choose, not you. 344 00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:20,567 I will not be karma's bitch. 345 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:29,409 That's what I thought. 346 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,844 [ Earl Narrating ] When I got back to the party, Alex wasn't there, 347 00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:34,647 so I hoped I would find her in her office. Good. You're here. 348 00:18:34,681 --> 00:18:38,885 I did it. I looked karma in the eye, and karma backed down. 349 00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:44,624 Son of a bitch! 350 00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:48,695 I think the bees were looking for you, Earl. 351 00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:52,265 - How bad is it? - Uh, it's, uh-- 352 00:18:52,299 --> 00:18:54,601 It's-- It's not too bad. 353 00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,636 They just kept coming after me. 354 00:18:56,669 --> 00:18:58,638 It was like they were on some kind of mission. 355 00:19:00,407 --> 00:19:02,742 It knows it can't get to me, so it's going after you. 356 00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:05,312 - What? - Karma. 357 00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:08,281 It's like the bad guy in Spider-Man. 358 00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:11,284 He can't beat Spider-Man, so he goes after his girlfriend. 359 00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:15,255 - Karma can't get to me, so-- - You think it's going after me. 360 00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:19,592 - I-I know you think I'm crazy, but-- - No. Believe me, I... don't. 361 00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:25,532 I'm sorry, Alex. We can't do this. 362 00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:30,403 I have to get away from you before you really get hurt-- more than this. 363 00:19:30,437 --> 00:19:34,241 Yeah. It's just too bad, 364 00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:36,909 'cause I was just starting to think that we-- 365 00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:39,479 Yeah, me too. 366 00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:42,415 But it's just not in the cards for me right now. 367 00:19:42,449 --> 00:19:45,585 I can't be anyone's boyfriend. 368 00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:47,387 I'm karma's bitch. 369 00:20:04,671 --> 00:20:07,240 [ Earl Narrating ] It was a hard thing to do, walkin' away from Alex. 370 00:20:07,274 --> 00:20:09,409 But it was the right thing. 371 00:20:09,442 --> 00:20:12,679 Just because I met a pretty girl doesn't mean I deserve to be with her yet. 372 00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:16,249 I've done a lot of bad things in my life, and I still need to make up for 'em. 373 00:20:16,283 --> 00:20:19,552 [ Metal Grinding ] 374 00:20:24,991 --> 00:20:27,760 [ Earl Narrating ] And that's what karma was tryin' to tell me. 375 00:20:27,794 --> 00:20:30,897 But I realize I don't need bottle rockets, darts or bee stings to see that. 376 00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:33,032 Hey! All right! 377 00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:35,668 [ Man Laughs ] [ Earl Narrating ] It's the feelin' I get... 378 00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:39,506 when I cross somethin' off my list that reminds me I'm goin' in the right direction. 379 00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:42,342 [ Bus Departs ] And each day, 380 00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:45,745 I'm gettin' a little closer to the kind of man I want to be. 381 00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:51,384 [ Alex's Voice ] Earl, remember what you're working for. 382 00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:53,553 Thinking of you, Alex. 383 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,423 [ Earl Narrating ] And who knows? If I keep doin' what I'm doin', 384 00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:58,791 one day I will deserve a girl like Alex. 385 00:20:58,825 --> 00:21:00,727 [ Bell Dings ] 386 00:21:03,330 --> 00:21:05,465 [ Earl Narrating ] 'Cause that's the way karma works.