1 00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:03,671 You know the kind of guy who does nothing but bad things... 2 00:00:03,704 --> 00:00:06,674 and then wonders why his life sucks? 3 00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:11,112 Well, that was me. Every time somethin' good happened to me, 4 00:00:11,145 --> 00:00:13,247 somethin' bad was always waitin' around the corner. 5 00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:17,051 Karma. 6 00:00:17,085 --> 00:00:19,187 That's when I realized I had to change. 7 00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:23,357 So I made a list of everything bad I've ever done, 8 00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:26,327 and, one by one, I'm gonna make up for all my mistakes. 9 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,329 I'm just tryin' to be a better person. 10 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:31,199 My name is Earl. 11 00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:34,802 [ Earl Narrating ] As important as it is for me to cross things off my list, 12 00:00:34,835 --> 00:00:38,306 it's also important to take time out to enjoy the finer things in life, 13 00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:42,476 like jumpin' a tiny motorcycle over my brother's head. 14 00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:46,180 I'm excited. I'm gonna stick my tongue out to see if he touches it. 15 00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:50,218 But you gotta tell me what it looks like 'cause I'm too scared to keep my eyes open. 16 00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:56,357 Earl, we got a problem. 17 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:58,759 - Ow. - Jesse's back. 18 00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:03,131 [ Earl Narrating ] The Jesse Joy was talkin' about was my ex-girlfriend. 19 00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:05,733 She was also number 145 on my list. 20 00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:08,269 I first met Jesse at her workplace. 21 00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:11,239 In business terms, I was what they call a repeat customer. 22 00:01:11,272 --> 00:01:15,576 You keep this up, I'm gonna have to rename this place Hickey Bail Bonds. 23 00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:19,680 Well, as an investor, I'm gonna have to ask you to institute a no nut-kicking policy. Ow! 24 00:01:22,150 --> 00:01:24,552 Ooh! [ Chuckles ] Sorry about that. 25 00:01:26,654 --> 00:01:29,157 Here. You can use my nut ice for your head. 26 00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:31,292 It's only been on the outside of my pants. 27 00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:33,727 Aren't you a gentleman. 28 00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:36,197 [ Earl Narrating ] It was love at first sight. 29 00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:40,201 So we started hangin' out. 30 00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:43,837 In fact, Jesse was the first person to ever let me jump her with a tiny motorcycle. 31 00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,508 She even got along with Randy, 32 00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:50,611 who finally found someone who enjoyed Mad Libs as much as he did. 33 00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:54,315 [ Randy ] Okay, read it back. Okay. 34 00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:59,920 "Once upon a time, there was a butt princess who lived in a beautiful butt castle." 35 00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:04,892 [ Laughing ] "Until one day she was captured by a fire-breathing butt." 36 00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:07,895 [ Gasping ] "A beautiful butt castle." 37 00:02:07,928 --> 00:02:10,464 That's just crazy. 38 00:02:10,498 --> 00:02:12,800 [ Earl Narrating ] Things were goin' so well, 39 00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:15,203 she even gave me a three-week anniversary present. 40 00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:19,640 Oh, my God! Metallica tickets! 41 00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:21,842 Third row! That's close enough to get sweat on. 42 00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:26,414 I know. I'll see you later. 43 00:02:26,447 --> 00:02:28,616 [ Earl Narrating ] Me and Jesse had a good thing goin'. 44 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,818 And it was all happenin' pretty fast. 45 00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:34,255 But, not as fast as it happened later that night with Joy. 46 00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:38,726 In just seven hours, I went from havin' a semi-serious three-week girlfriend... 47 00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:41,895 to bein' the husband of a pregnant woman whose name I kept forgettin'. 48 00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:45,799 I thought about callin' Jesse to talk to her... 49 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,968 and tell her what I had done. 50 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:51,905 But then I realized that I'd have to talk to her and tell her what I had done. 51 00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:53,974 [ Joy ] Oh, snap. 52 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,877 You got us Metallica tickets for our honeymoon? 53 00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:59,780 [ Clears Throat ] Actually, those tickets are for, uh, 54 00:03:01,249 --> 00:03:04,618 our honeymoon. Metallica tickets! 55 00:03:04,652 --> 00:03:07,688 I am so takin' off my panties and sittin' on your shoulders. 56 00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:09,657 That might upset the people behind us. 57 00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,960 There ain't nobody behind us. 58 00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:18,899 [ Earl Narrating ] If tellin' Jesse it was over was difficult before, 59 00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:22,536 our Metallica honeymoon had made it impossible. 60 00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:25,339 Great concert. Baby liked it too. 61 00:03:25,373 --> 00:03:27,808 He's still bangin' his tiny fists on my cootie wall. 62 00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:29,943 He's gonna be a drummer. 63 00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:32,413 [ Earl Narrating ] But Jesse eventually tracked me down, 64 00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:35,949 which wasn't hard because there were two places I like to drink. 65 00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:38,952 And since I wasn't in my El Camino, well, she found me. 66 00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:45,759 Hide me. 67 00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:48,329 Sweetie, where have you been? 68 00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:50,698 Are you okay? I've been tryin' to reach you for days. 69 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,800 Yeah, I, uh-- 70 00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:55,269 You went to the concert without me? 71 00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:58,005 Now, honey, why would he take you? It was our honeymoon trip. 72 00:03:58,038 --> 00:04:01,542 Look, Lars even signed my baby hump. 73 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:03,511 What is she talking about, "honeymoon"? 74 00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:05,779 It's actually a pretty funny story. Uh-- 75 00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:08,816 We got married, sweetheart. Read it and weep. 76 00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:11,051 That's not the funny version. 77 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:14,355 You married... this whore? 78 00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:16,457 I'm sorry. Maybe you need to read it again. 79 00:04:21,329 --> 00:04:23,431 Now, put those teeth under your pillow, 80 00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:26,300 and maybe the tooth fairy will bring you your own man. 81 00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:28,836 [ Earl Narrating ] I felt bad about Jesse, but what was I gonna do? 82 00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:31,439 I was married now, and after seein' my wife's left hook, 83 00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:34,041 I decided it was best to stay on her good side. 84 00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:36,910 And I figured six years later Jesse would have forgotten about me... 85 00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:39,613 and what Joy did to her, but I was wrong. 86 00:04:39,647 --> 00:04:43,584 Okay, we got Hank Lange, broke out of jail. Look's like 10 G's. 87 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:48,356 Our buddy, Ralph Mariano. Larceny of a dog, resisting arrest. 1,200. 88 00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:50,891 Joy Turner, formerly known as Joy Hickey. 89 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:54,795 [ Lisping ] Did you just say Joy Hickey? 90 00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:58,366 Yeah, Joy Hickey. Failure to appear on a traffic ticket. 200. 91 00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:01,969 - I'll take this one. - Not worth our time. 92 00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:03,904 It's worth mine. 93 00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:08,942 [ Earl Narrating ] Even though Joy's bounty was 200 bucks... 94 00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:12,780 and a bounty hunter license was 250, Jesse took the loss. 95 00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:14,915 She wasn't in it for the money. 96 00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:16,950 She could have gone after Joy right then, 97 00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:19,019 but she didn't want to bring her in. 98 00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:21,054 She wanted to bring her down. [ Grunts ] 99 00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:26,794 [ Grunting ] 100 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,597 [ Earl Narrating ] And so she set out to get tough. 101 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:31,765 Tough enough that she wouldn't be humiliated again. 102 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,708 Eighteen. 103 00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:45,613 Nineteen. 104 00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:51,485 [ Meowing ] 105 00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:54,087 I'll feed you in a second, Lolly! 106 00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:57,591 Twenty. 107 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:10,904 - Now finish him! - [ Screams ] 108 00:06:10,938 --> 00:06:12,840 [ Man Groans ] 109 00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:19,179 [ Growling ] 110 00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:22,115 [ Grunts ] 111 00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:24,452 [ Earl Narrating ] And after a few months, 112 00:06:24,485 --> 00:06:27,988 that sweet secretary had turned into an ass-kickin' bounty-huntin' machine. 113 00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:32,460 [ Both Shouting ] 114 00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:48,742 [ Screams ] 115 00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:55,082 I like that Wonderbug. I wish we had a car that flew. Hmm. 116 00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:57,785 I wish we had a car we didn't have to start with a spoon. 117 00:06:57,818 --> 00:07:00,654 It seems a shame to waste your wish on somethin' that small. 118 00:07:00,688 --> 00:07:03,857 [ Man ] Bounty hunter! Bounty hunter? 119 00:07:03,891 --> 00:07:08,095 Bounty hunter! Bounty hunter! 120 00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:11,499 Bounty hunter! Bounty hunter! 121 00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:15,936 Bounty hunter! 122 00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:18,706 Bounty hunter! 123 00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:21,909 Bounty! Bounty hunter! 124 00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,944 Oh, crap. 125 00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,714 - Hey! Hey! - What? 126 00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:29,449 Where's Joy Turner? I got a warrant for her arrest. 127 00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:34,988 I gotta go. Quick, give me the car spoon. 128 00:07:35,022 --> 00:07:37,558 [ Earl Narrating ] Since Joy didn't want to go to jail, 129 00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:39,960 she hightailed it over to me lookin' for some help. 130 00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:43,931 Jesse, huh? Yeah. She looks tough, and she's got a shotgun with her. 131 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:46,099 She could toss me in the air and shoot me like skeet. 132 00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:50,003 [ Earl Narrating ] That's when I knew I had to do number 145 on my list-- 133 00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:52,005 ditched Jesse to marry Joy. 134 00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:54,742 Earl, do we have any scissors? 135 00:07:54,775 --> 00:07:56,844 This motorcycle's startin' to hurt my head skin. 136 00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:07,555 I don't understand this, Joy. How can Jesse take you to jail? 137 00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:10,858 I got a warrant out for not appearin' in court for a stupid traffic ticket. 138 00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:13,126 I mean, just 'cause the car's stuck in reverse... 139 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,228 don't mean the kids don't have to go to school. 140 00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:17,631 This is all your fault, Earl. 141 00:08:17,665 --> 00:08:20,868 I know it is. I shouldn't have left her the way I did. 142 00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:23,136 I guess she never got over me. [ Hair Rips ] 143 00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,573 [ Exhales ] It's probably the mustache. 144 00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:29,543 Don't worry, Joy. I'll go talk to her. 145 00:08:29,577 --> 00:08:33,714 - Maybe you should shave first. - Randy, that is not an option. 146 00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:36,249 You wanna play Mad Libs? 147 00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:40,087 Yeah. Here's a Mad Lib. Shut the blank up. 148 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,956 Shut the "butt" up. Do another one. 149 00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:46,960 [ Earl Narrating ] Meanwhile, Darnell was busy tryin' to stall Jesse. 150 00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:49,863 - Hey, Crab Man. - Hey, Earl. 151 00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:52,566 - Where is she? - She's in the bedroom tearin' things up, 152 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,602 lookin' for clues and whatnot. 153 00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:56,770 I'm totally freakin' out. Can you tell? 154 00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:58,706 - Not really. - I had a little cocktail. 155 00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:09,883 Hey, Jesse. 156 00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:13,687 Wow, you look, uh, intense. 157 00:09:13,721 --> 00:09:16,657 [ No Lisp ] Thank you. 158 00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:20,027 - Where is she, Earl? - I don't know. 159 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,596 You're lying. I'm trained to spot liars. 160 00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:26,033 I'm not lyin'. Seriously, I took a seminar at the Marriott. 161 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,602 I sat in the front row. You're lying. 162 00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:30,604 I'm gonna ask you one more time. 163 00:09:30,638 --> 00:09:34,307 Where is she, Earl? 164 00:09:34,341 --> 00:09:38,846 Look, Jesse, I'm the one who dumped you for another girl, and I'm sorry about it. 165 00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:41,749 I'll make it up to you. I'll pay off your dentist bill. 166 00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:45,085 Or your jeweler bill or whoever put those in. 167 00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:47,187 This isn't about you. 168 00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:51,224 This is about respect for the law... 169 00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:54,094 and me knockin' that bitch's teeth out for resisting. 170 00:09:58,398 --> 00:10:00,200 [ Exhales ] 171 00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:05,405 Are you scared to go to jail? 172 00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:07,675 Wouldn't you be? Not really. 173 00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:10,243 You're goin' to girl jail. That's way different than regular jail. 174 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:13,313 - How so? - 'Cause it's chicks. 175 00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:16,917 It's just truth or dare and pillow fights. Like a slumber party. 176 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:20,053 Did you talk to her? Is she gonna take me to jail? 177 00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:22,823 Not right away. She's plannin' on knockin' your teeth out first. 178 00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:24,992 I can't lose my teeth, Earl. 179 00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:28,095 I'm gonna be the first woman in my family to get to 30 with all my originals. 180 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:31,799 Relax, Joy. She doesn't know where we are. I'll figure somethin' out. 181 00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:37,671 I need to calm down. Give me a light. 182 00:10:37,705 --> 00:10:40,140 If you're gettin' locked up, you should save your cigarettes. 183 00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:44,344 They're like money in jail. And that's the same for boy jail and girl jail. 184 00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:46,413 That's weird. I had a book of matches in here. 185 00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:49,382 [ Banging ] 186 00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:54,354 Joy! 187 00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:56,857 I know you're hiding her in there, Earl! 188 00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:02,195 She picked my pocket. 189 00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:04,397 I know you're in there, Earl. 190 00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:07,735 I can tell by the light flickering behind the peephole every time you move your head. 191 00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:10,971 I learned that at the Marriott too. 192 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:14,307 We're goin' out to the R.V. in the woods. Call us when she's gone. 193 00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:17,911 - How am I supposed to call if she makes me dead? - [ Jesse ] Joy! 194 00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:21,148 Come on, come on, come on! 195 00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:25,418 [ Banging ] 196 00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:35,028 - Hey, Jesse. - Hi, Randy. Nice to see you. 197 00:11:35,062 --> 00:11:37,831 You look great. Are you doing something different with your hair? 198 00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:40,033 I switched shampoo. 199 00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:44,772 Well, it's workin' out for you. 200 00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:51,979 Hey, have you seen your brother or Joy? 201 00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:53,981 No. 202 00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:06,326 [ Earl Narrating ] Back in the day, when Joy and I wanted... 203 00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:08,962 to get away from the hustle and bustle of Camden, 204 00:12:08,996 --> 00:12:11,531 we went to our vacation home we found by the lake. 205 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:15,235 The fact that it was an abandoned R.V. meant there were no bills to pay, 206 00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:19,206 but it also meant there were no keys and it had mushrooms growin' in the carpet. 207 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:27,047 Whoo! It's colder in here than it is outside. 208 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,849 I'll try to find us some blankets. 209 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:37,524 [ Both Screaming ] 210 00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:43,263 [ Earl Narrating ] Turns out a homeless man had claimed our vacation home away from us, 211 00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:45,332 and he wasn't leavin' without a bribe. 212 00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:49,803 I want a pair of shoes and a 35-second hug from the cute one. 213 00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:52,973 All right. Sounds fair. 214 00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:55,442 [ Earl Narrating ] What we didn't realize at the time was... 215 00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:58,345 the shoes he wanted were Joy's, 216 00:12:58,378 --> 00:13:01,148 and the one he wanted a hug from was me. 217 00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:17,931 Thanks for the jacket, Earl. 218 00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:21,268 If anyone deserves to be cold, it's me. 219 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:25,405 [ Cell Phone Ringing ] 220 00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:28,475 It's your brother. Hello? 221 00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:30,944 I wanna start out by sayin' I'm sorry. 222 00:13:30,978 --> 00:13:33,881 No, no, no. Randy, did you tell her where we were? 223 00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:36,884 I'm sorry, Earl. She found my weakness. 224 00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:39,319 [ Screaming ] [ Earl Narrating ] Meanwhile, at the motel, 225 00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:41,989 Jesse was workin' Randy, tryin' to find out where me and Joy were. 226 00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:44,491 They're in the R.V.! They're in the R.V.! 227 00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:46,526 They're in-- [ Grunts ] 228 00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:50,163 Okay. Don't worry. We're not gonna let her take you to jail. 229 00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:52,399 Here's what we'll do. I'll drive you to Goshen. 230 00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:56,203 There's an old barn out there me and Ralph used to hide out in, Ponyboy style. 231 00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:59,472 If I'm gonna sleep in a barn, I might as well go to jail. 232 00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,508 You're right. We'll find you a motel around here. 233 00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:03,944 Earl. No, don't worry. I'll pay. 234 00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:06,113 No, Earl, you're not gonna pay. Yes, I am. 235 00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:08,148 Look, I got enough for the first night. 236 00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:11,084 I'll go back to my place to get more. Earl, just stop. 237 00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:13,153 You don't have to do any more, Earl. 238 00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:15,288 Look, you snuck me all the way up here. 239 00:14:15,322 --> 00:14:17,390 You gave me your jacket and your shoes. 240 00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:21,661 You did some gay stuff with a homeless guy. You've done enough already. 241 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:24,531 But this whole thing's my fault, Joy. It's on my list. 242 00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:27,968 I ditched Jesse to run off with you. 243 00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:29,636 Earl, you didn't run off. 244 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,206 I stole you. 245 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,442 [ Earl Narrating ] It seems Joy's lyin' and deceivin' me... 246 00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:37,310 had started before we even met. 247 00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:39,246 I'll see you later. 248 00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:44,217 Y'all, I'm serious. I don't know how I'm gonna pay for this baby. 249 00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:46,286 I don't even have a place to live. 250 00:14:46,319 --> 00:14:48,655 If I don't find a man soon, I'm screwed. 251 00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:53,393 How about that guy? He looks sweet. 252 00:14:57,197 --> 00:15:00,968 That boy? Y'all, just 'cause I'm pregnant don't mean I'm gonna marry Corky. 253 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,372 What's this? Hold the phone. 254 00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:10,243 Don't do it, baby. Don't do it. 255 00:15:10,277 --> 00:15:13,646 Don't lick the chalk. Put it down. 256 00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:24,191 He's perfect. But y'all gonna have to get him ready for me first. 257 00:15:24,224 --> 00:15:28,028 [ Earl Narrating ] There's only one way to get a guy like me ready to marry a pregnant woman. 258 00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:32,232 [ Crowd Chanting ] Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! 259 00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:35,568 Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! 260 00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:45,145 [ Slurred ] Your girls are great. 261 00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:47,714 You girls are great, 'cause-- 262 00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:50,117 [ Laughs ] 263 00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:52,619 Wait. What were we-- What were we talkin' about? 264 00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:57,590 - I think he's ready. - Boo, if you think we're great, you gonna love our friend Joy. 265 00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:59,659 Joy, huh? 266 00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:02,295 She sounds great. 267 00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:08,568 Oh, no, you didn't! Tell me you didn't just go old school. 268 00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:23,716 Hey. Hey. 269 00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:26,486 [ Earl Narrating ] And that right there was all it took. 270 00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:31,191 The next mornin', I had a hangover and Joy had a husband. 271 00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:36,529 Oh, my God. You're married? 272 00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:40,133 Yeah, sweetie. To you. 273 00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:42,001 Excuse me. 274 00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:53,746 Hey, Robin. 275 00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:56,516 Guess who don't have to move into the shelter with you anymore. 276 00:16:56,549 --> 00:16:59,452 My baby's got a daddy. [ Giggles ] 277 00:16:59,486 --> 00:17:02,355 [ Earl Narrating ] For a minute I wondered if, once again, 278 00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:04,624 I had drunk nine months of my life away. 279 00:17:05,825 --> 00:17:10,263 Wow. I, uh-- Wow. 280 00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:14,201 Look, Earl, you have a lot of bad stuff you done on that list, 281 00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:17,370 but what happened to Jesse was my fault. 282 00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:19,306 It shouldn't be on there. 283 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,582 Thanks, Joy. 284 00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:33,220 I'm sorry for trickin' you into marryin' me... 285 00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:35,722 while I was carryin' another man's baby, 286 00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:38,858 and for havin' yet another man's baby, 287 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,528 and for leavin' you while you were in the hospital, 288 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:44,331 and some other stuff. 289 00:17:45,632 --> 00:17:48,501 You know what? It's okay. 290 00:17:48,535 --> 00:17:52,071 We had a rough six years together, but there were a lot of parts I loved. 291 00:17:54,307 --> 00:17:56,509 There were a lot of parts I loved too. 292 00:18:12,659 --> 00:18:14,827 Earl? Give me another minute. 293 00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:17,464 Just tryin' to get that gay homeless guy out of my mind. 294 00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:22,669 [ Earl Narrating ] I was proud of Joy for turnin' herself in. 295 00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:24,904 She was on the road to a better life. 296 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:28,208 Unfortunately, that road had Jesse's Suburban in it. 297 00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:31,644 Crap, crap, crap. 298 00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:42,822 - Let me go talk to her. - Earl. 299 00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:48,361 You done enough takin' care of me. You stay here. 300 00:18:48,395 --> 00:18:50,463 I'm gonna go take care of this by myself. 301 00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:08,448 Look, Jesse. I'm turnin' myself in. 302 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,717 There is no need for any violence. 303 00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:15,288 We both know this isn't about you going to jail. 304 00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:17,156 Say good-bye to your teeth, bitch. 305 00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:22,595 [ Spits ] 306 00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:54,761 [ Groans ] 307 00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:57,297 [ Shouting, Indistinct ] 308 00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:03,570 [ Screams ] 309 00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:35,835 Where the hell did you learn to fight like that? 310 00:20:35,868 --> 00:20:38,505 I watch a lot of Springer. 311 00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:41,641 Here. Melt these down. Bail me out. 312 00:20:41,674 --> 00:20:45,312 [ Panting ] 313 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,948 [ Engine Starts ]