1 00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:03,771 You know the kind of guy who does nothing but bad things... 2 00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:06,707 and then wonders why his life sucks? 3 00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:11,145 Well, that was me. Every time somethin' good happened to me, 4 00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:13,281 somethin' bad was always waitin' around the corner. 5 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,085 Karma. 6 00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:19,220 That's when I realized I had to change. 7 00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:23,391 So I made a list of everything bad I've ever done, 8 00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:26,394 and, one by one, I'm gonna make up for all my mistakes. 9 00:00:26,427 --> 00:00:28,362 I'm just tryin' to be a better person. 10 00:00:28,396 --> 00:00:32,233 My name is Earl. 11 00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:35,336 [ Earl Narrating ] Joy and Darnell had recently learned a few tips on how to fight... 12 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,471 while watchin' Dr. Phil on TV. 13 00:00:37,505 --> 00:00:42,576 You are making me feel very angry because my needs aren't bein' met. 14 00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:47,248 And you are making me feel angry because your needs don't make sense. 15 00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:50,118 [ Earl Narrating ] Unfortunately, one episode of Dr. Phil... 16 00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:52,720 couldn't undo years of watchin' Springer. 17 00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:55,623 Don't be a dummy, damn it! Just do what I tell you to! 18 00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:59,093 Throw me a surprise party for my birthday next month. But you won't be surprised. 19 00:00:59,127 --> 00:01:02,296 I can act surprised. Look. 20 00:01:02,330 --> 00:01:05,533 [ Earl Narrating ] Not only was the two of them arguing fun to watch, 21 00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:08,369 but it also gave me a chance to do number 183 on my list-- 22 00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:11,439 never took Joy's side. 23 00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:13,641 When we were married, I wasn't very good... 24 00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:15,609 at backing up my wife in arguments with strangers. 25 00:01:15,643 --> 00:01:17,578 Twelve ball, side pocket. 26 00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:23,817 Okay, do it again, and I'm gonna pop those booby implants of yours... 27 00:01:23,851 --> 00:01:26,520 and make you fly around this bar like a loose balloon. 28 00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:29,157 It was an accident, Joy. 29 00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:31,425 And I think they're real. 30 00:01:31,459 --> 00:01:34,228 Oh, so you're on her side? 31 00:01:34,262 --> 00:01:37,631 [ Narrating ] And I definitely didn't take her side when it came to arguments with family. 32 00:01:40,368 --> 00:01:43,204 Oh, I know you did not just monkey-grab a chip out of that bowl. 33 00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:47,575 That actually takes quite a bit of skill, Joy. Try to dip one in the salsa. 34 00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:50,378 Oh, so you're on his side? 35 00:01:50,411 --> 00:01:52,646 [ Earl Narrating ] I didn't even take her side in arguments with things... 36 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,682 that couldn't argue back. 37 00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:56,784 Dang it! Got crab juice in my eye. 38 00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:59,453 That's 'cause you cracked it the wrong way. You should always crack away from you. 39 00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:01,789 Oh, so you're on the crab's side now? 40 00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:04,325 [ Earl Narrating ] I was. And it was time to make up for it. 41 00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:06,727 I've been waitin' my whole life for somebody to throw me a surprise party. 42 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:09,597 I'm sick of waitin'. This year I want one. 43 00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:12,333 She's got a good point, Darnell. You hear that? 44 00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:14,335 And that's comin' from the husband I left. 45 00:02:14,368 --> 00:02:16,870 You can only imagine what kind of thin ice you're on. 46 00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:19,340 Fine. I'll throw you a surprise party for your birthday. 47 00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:23,211 [ Cell Phone Rings ] Gotta take that. 48 00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:26,814 It's about damn time you called me back. I am in a bind here. 49 00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:29,683 [ Earl Narrating ] The bind she was talkin' about was complicated. 50 00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:32,186 It started 'cause Joy was obsessed with some TV show... 51 00:02:32,220 --> 00:02:34,388 called Britney and Kevin: Chaotic. 52 00:02:34,422 --> 00:02:37,291 I swear, those two are like American royalty. 53 00:02:37,325 --> 00:02:39,460 Oh, snap! 54 00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:42,596 Look at that big-ass TV disappear into that entertainment center. 55 00:02:42,630 --> 00:02:44,932 I want a disappearin' TV. Yeah. 56 00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:49,537 With a bottle of Cristal sittin' on top. That's how the Federlines roll. 57 00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:54,708 We're gonna get us one of those disappearin' TV furniture things. I mean it. I want it. 58 00:02:54,742 --> 00:02:57,611 [ Earl Narrating ] So about a week ago, Joy finally saved up enough money... 59 00:02:57,645 --> 00:02:59,813 to get that disappearin' TV. 60 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:02,650 But unfortunately, she ran into a big problem. 61 00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:05,353 [ Grunting ] 62 00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:08,822 I got an idea. 63 00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:11,659 Come on. You got it. Push. 64 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,561 Come on. It's almost in there. 65 00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:15,896 Push. 66 00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:18,699 I got an idea. 67 00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:21,669 Damn it! How did Britney and Kevin do it? 68 00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:24,438 [ Grunting ] 69 00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:29,543 [ Earl Narrating ] When Joy went to return it, she ran into yet another problem. 70 00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:31,845 - You can't return this. - What? 71 00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:34,648 - The receipt has gum in it. - I know. It's Fruit Stripe. Just pull it off. 72 00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:37,285 I'm sure you can still see the disappearin' TV furniture thing on there. 73 00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:39,553 The gum took off half the item number. 74 00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:42,423 Sorry. The system won't take it back without an item number. 75 00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:45,526 What? Uh-uh. Oh, hell, no. 76 00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:48,562 [ Earl Narrating ] After 45 minutes of arguin' and throwin' a shoe, 77 00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:52,866 Joy realized she was just gonna have to make the best of her situation. 78 00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:58,038 [ TV Turns On ] 79 00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:01,742 So much glare out here, I can't tell if that's the white lady judge or the black lady judge. 80 00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:09,583 Hey, get out of my damn livin' room! [ Thunderclap ] 81 00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:13,321 Oh, God, please, no. 82 00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:18,626 I need a third umbrella! Maybe we should unplug the cord before-- 83 00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:21,762 Son of a bitch. 84 00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:28,302 Okay, I'm leavin' it here. It's yours. I have returned it. 85 00:04:28,336 --> 00:04:30,571 And somehow or another, I'm gonna get my $3,000 back. 86 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,306 - No, you won't. - Yes, I will. 87 00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:35,876 - No. You won't. - Yes, I will. 88 00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:37,878 ** [ Rock ] 89 00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:46,487 [ Man ] * Ooh-hoo 90 00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:55,496 * Billy Joe shot a man while robbin' his castle * 91 00:04:55,529 --> 00:04:57,565 Cha-ching! 92 00:04:57,598 --> 00:04:59,833 * Ooh-hoo 93 00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:04,438 * Go on Take the money and run * 94 00:05:04,472 --> 00:05:08,108 * Go on Take the money and run * 95 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,544 * Ooh-hoo 96 00:05:10,578 --> 00:05:13,581 I got my $3,000! [ Laughing ] 97 00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:17,885 * Go on Take the money and run * 98 00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:21,855 [ Earl Narrating ] Joy stashed the truck in the woods until today, 99 00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:24,958 when she finally got a call from the one guy in Camden County who would buy anything. 100 00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:27,895 - It's too risky. - Too risky? 101 00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:30,431 You sold a damn Iranian baby. 102 00:05:30,464 --> 00:05:34,502 Yeah, but it didn't have "Iranian Baby" painted on the side of it in big letters. 103 00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:36,937 Like they're not gonna know he's Iranian once he's old enough to talk. 104 00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:41,041 Look, this is a great deal. All I want is the $3,000 that they owe me. 105 00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:43,777 Whatever. I don't buy stolen trucks from amateurs. 106 00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:46,580 - Why not? - Same reason I don't let amateurs cut my hair. 107 00:05:46,614 --> 00:05:48,582 They make mistakes. 108 00:05:48,616 --> 00:05:51,385 It was not mistake. 109 00:05:51,419 --> 00:05:53,086 Yeah, well, you better pray I find that earlobe. 110 00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:58,559 He won't find. 111 00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:01,595 Jasper is too much sissy to be real criminal. 112 00:06:01,629 --> 00:06:05,399 This is why we live in cement closet. Bring me to this truck. 113 00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:08,536 I will buy with my own money I steal from Jasper. 114 00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:10,638 I like you. If I could ever get used... 115 00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:13,841 to staring at that thing on your face, we could hang out. 116 00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:19,647 This is no truck. This is giant camper. 117 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,583 Something is fishes. You are police. I know it. 118 00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:25,052 Oh, calm down. I just gotta pick up the truck keys. 119 00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:28,756 So jumpy all of a sudden. I just don't like surprises. 120 00:06:30,458 --> 00:06:32,760 [ All ] Surprise! 121 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,931 [ Panting ] 122 00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:41,569 - What the hell are you doing? - Throwing you a surprise birthday party. 123 00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:44,472 - My birthday is not until next month. - That's the surprise part. 124 00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,707 - Idiot. - It was Earl's idea. 125 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,509 Y'all are all idiots! 126 00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,418 I think you should go talk to her. Dumb dummies! 127 00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:02,089 Yeah, that's not gonna happen. 128 00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:08,896 That lady dropped her purse, and some stuff rolled out. 129 00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:13,634 Cool. It's an earlobe. 130 00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:17,471 So you planned all this because of some list thing? 131 00:07:17,505 --> 00:07:20,741 Number 183-- never took Joy's side. Now, come back in. 132 00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:23,611 We got a whole piñata full of cigarettes for you to swing at. 133 00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:26,213 - I don't feel like it. - Why? You're the one that wanted a party. 134 00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:28,716 Not when it's gonna cost me $3,000. 135 00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:41,161 [ Balloon Squeaking ] 136 00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:47,868 [ High-pitched ] * We represent the Lollipop Guild * 137 00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:50,938 * The Lollipop Guild The Lollipop Guild * 138 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:54,274 Randy, those aren't helium balloons. 139 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,810 [ Normal Voice ] Oh, too bad. [ Balloon Squeaking ] 140 00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:05,252 - You stole a truck? - Because they wouldn't give me my money back. 141 00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:08,121 It was a crime of principle, like when Rosa Parks stole that bus. 142 00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:10,624 - They wouldn't even give you store credit? - No. 143 00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:13,827 - That doesn't seem fair. - Thank you. 144 00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:16,129 Which is why you have to help me sell the truck. 145 00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:18,899 Sell the truck? Joy, that's against the law. 146 00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:21,268 Earl, this is not about the law. It's about right and wrong. 147 00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:24,738 Isn't that what your list is about? Rightin' wrongs? Do unto others? 148 00:08:24,772 --> 00:08:27,074 All that Robin Hood, Batman, Jesus stuff? 149 00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:30,711 Well, you got a good point. The store did do you wrong. 150 00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:35,649 I don't know if Jesus or Batman would sell the truck, but Robin Hood might. 151 00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:38,652 Okay, I'll do it. 152 00:08:38,686 --> 00:08:41,188 But you're not gettin' a penny more than $3,000. 153 00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:43,624 Of course not. That would be wrong. 154 00:08:43,657 --> 00:08:46,159 [ Earl Narrating ] The first thing you have to do with a stolen truck... 155 00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:49,096 is make sure it can't get traced back to its owner. 156 00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:51,799 Randy was especially excited about this. 157 00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:54,334 Somethin' about the combination of fumes and bright colors... 158 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:57,838 made Randy love to spray paint. 159 00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:00,107 In fact, he made a name for himself... 160 00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:03,243 as one of Camden County's most gifted graffiti artists. 161 00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:08,716 It's perfect, Earl. Yeah, it really is. 162 00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:10,818 I just don't know if it's a good idea... 163 00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:13,086 to paint your name in six-foot letters on the side of a stolen truck. 164 00:09:15,823 --> 00:09:18,325 I'm gonna go into town and get some more white paint to cover up my name. 165 00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:20,861 Good idea. 166 00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:23,631 If the cops come while I'm gone, tip it on its side. 167 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:31,839 That's pretty. I'd probably read more often if people wrote like that all the time. 168 00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:34,041 What's in there, anyway? I don't know. 169 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:36,810 You haven't even looked yet? No. 170 00:09:36,844 --> 00:09:39,246 I just want my three grand. I don't really care what's back there. 171 00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:41,214 But there could be $3,000 worth of stuff in here-- 172 00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,784 TVs, stereos, nunchakus. 173 00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:47,054 Be a lot easier to sell that stuff than this stolen truck. 174 00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:52,392 Oh. 175 00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:55,162 Wait! 176 00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:58,265 [ Man ] Ow! 177 00:09:58,298 --> 00:10:00,801 [ Screams ] 178 00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:06,640 There's a man in there, Joy! There's a man in the truck. 179 00:10:06,674 --> 00:10:09,242 I know. A hairy one. 180 00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:18,018 Why is there a man in the truck, Joy? I don't know! 181 00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:19,953 Maybe he was in there when you stole it. 182 00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:23,056 Do I look stupid enough to steal a truck with a man in the back of it? 183 00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:25,192 [ Earl Narrating ] Turns out Joy was that stupid. 184 00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:30,363 Some poor guy was unloadin' boxes when Joy decided to get her revenge on the store. 185 00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:32,733 After she ran off, he tried to get out, but the door was locked. 186 00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:37,270 Okay, you got me. 187 00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:40,908 Let's get back to work now. Eric! 188 00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:47,214 Help! 189 00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:51,118 [ Earl Narrating ] Luckily, this truck was from a store that sold a little bit of everything. 190 00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:55,255 So he had plenty to eat and plenty to keep him entertained. 191 00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:02,863 Yes! Nice. 192 00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:13,707 Help! Anybody? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 193 00:11:13,741 --> 00:11:17,377 Why did I help you? Why? Why? Why? 194 00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:20,313 All right, all right. Look. We'll leave him in the back of the truck. 195 00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:23,216 We'll make an anonymous call so they know where to find him. 196 00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:26,053 I am not leavin' this truck. I still need to sell it. 197 00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:28,822 With a man locked in the back? Don't you think that's gonna be problem? 198 00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:31,859 - For the person who buys it. - We're not sellin' a truck with a man in the back! 199 00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:34,194 Look, if we let him out, he's gonna see what we look like. 200 00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,931 Maybe not. 201 00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:40,801 [ Earl Narrating ] We finally figured out a way to release the guy Joy stole. 202 00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:42,970 We just had to stay out of sight. 203 00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:45,238 [ British Accent ] All right, love, I want you to listen to me carefully... 204 00:11:45,272 --> 00:11:47,808 and do everything I say, and everything'll be okay. 205 00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:51,111 Why are you talking funny? 'Cause I don't want him to identify my voice. 206 00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:54,281 Yeah, but it sounds weird. It's British. That's how they sound. 207 00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:57,150 British people don't steal trucks. They drink tea and live in castles. 208 00:11:57,184 --> 00:12:00,320 You still out there? [ British Accent ] Uh, I-- I'm here, ma'am. 209 00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:02,956 Uh, here's what I want you to do. 210 00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:05,793 I want you to take off your shirt and use it as a blindfold. 211 00:12:05,826 --> 00:12:07,928 You sound like a gay Kermit the Frog. 212 00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:10,898 Okay! Blindfold's on! 213 00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:14,134 Right, then. Now, when the back door opens, I want you to start running, 214 00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:16,269 and don't look back or I'll shoot you. 215 00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:21,241 And by the way, what you call soccer, we call football. 216 00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:28,215 See? This worked out okay. 217 00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:31,484 [ Grunts ] 218 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:39,526 Crap, crap, crap! Why me? Why do bad things always happen to good people? 219 00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:42,796 Seems like most of the bad things are happening to this guy. 220 00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:45,498 Let's just get out of here before he wakes up. We can't go, Joy. 221 00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:47,835 What if a wild animal comes along and mauls him while he's out? 222 00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:50,003 Just pee a circle around him. That'll keep the animals away. 223 00:12:50,037 --> 00:12:53,173 I'm not gonna pee a circle around him. What if he wakes up and sees me? 224 00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:56,409 So I gotta do everything? Look, we're not leavin' him. 225 00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,812 Help me get him in the back of the truck. We gotta get him to a hospital. 226 00:12:58,846 --> 00:13:01,414 We'll get caught. No, we won't. 227 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:06,019 We'll drop him off and drive away like people do with babies and grandparents. 228 00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:13,226 So me and Joy put the passed-out guy in the back of the truck and headed to the hospital. 229 00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:20,868 You like my earrings? 230 00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:23,536 Yeah, I do like those earrings. I was about to say something earlier, 231 00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:26,239 but then I got distracted by the hostage and all. 232 00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:30,243 Where'd you get 'em? Flea market. You know the guy who sells the tube socks? 233 00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:34,147 The guy with the regular tube socks or the guy with the irregular tube socks? 234 00:13:34,181 --> 00:13:37,084 Irregular. Guy with regular went out of business. Good. He was a jerk. 235 00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:39,452 Thought his socks made the world go around. 236 00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:42,355 Yeah. Anyway, I got the earrings from irregular tube sock's wife. 237 00:13:42,389 --> 00:13:44,391 - They're nice. - Thanks. 238 00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:49,262 - One's bigger than the other. - Yeah, I wasn't gonna say anything. 239 00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:53,366 Look, Earl, I know this hasn't been a great day, 240 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:56,569 but I really appreciate you helpin' me out. 241 00:13:56,603 --> 00:13:59,572 Who knows? Maybe one day we'll look back on this as an adventure. 242 00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:02,409 Yeah, maybe so. 243 00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:04,477 [ Engine Chugging ] 244 00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:06,546 Outta gas? 245 00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:11,051 Yep. 246 00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:18,191 The plan was for me to walk to a gas station while Joy stayed behind to guard the truck. 247 00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:20,327 Hey, bring me somethin'. What? 248 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,362 I don't know. Somethin' fun. 249 00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:25,265 Surprise me. But with chocolate and peanuts. 250 00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:28,468 - Snickers? - Damn it, Earl, I said surprise me! 251 00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:33,640 [ Earl Narrating ] So I headed off. 252 00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:36,143 ** [ Rock ] 253 00:14:36,176 --> 00:14:41,481 [ Man ] * I got to run to keep from hiding * 254 00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:46,053 * And I'm bound to keep on riding * 255 00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:48,055 [ Earl Narrating ] It was four miles of walking, 256 00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:53,426 but I got the gas and made it back to the truck. 257 00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:56,163 * But I'm not gonna let 'em catch me, no * 258 00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:58,531 * Not gonna let 'em catch the midnight rider * 259 00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:02,302 Hey, Earl. How'd you know where to find us? 260 00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:05,538 I went back to the woods and the truck was gone, but I found the note you left. 261 00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:07,975 I didn't leave a note. I know, Earl. 262 00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:10,477 I was being sarcastic. You should've left a note. 263 00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:13,446 You don't have to add it to your list or anything, but it would've been nice. 264 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:16,083 I'm sorry, Randy. Where's Joy? 265 00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:18,918 I don't know. I figured she was with you. 266 00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:22,455 Come here! Come here! 267 00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:29,662 [ Grunts ] 268 00:15:29,696 --> 00:15:31,631 There she is. 269 00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:43,510 - What the hell happened? - Well-- 270 00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:46,013 Apparently Joy was too hungry to wait for me to get back, 271 00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:48,982 and she remembered seein' snacks in the truck. 272 00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:51,951 [ British Accent ] Yoo-hoo. You still knocked out? 273 00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:56,123 Jolly good, then. 274 00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:24,484 Son of a bitch Ferris Bueller'd me. 275 00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:33,193 Hey, Earl, how come we got a guy in his underpants? 276 00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:36,296 'Cause he was in the back of the truck and was accidentally kidnapped. 277 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,431 You know how Mom used to say, 278 00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:41,434 "Always wear clean underwears, 'cause you never know what's gonna happen?" 279 00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:43,536 I bet she was talkin' about stuff like this. 280 00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:47,374 Probably. Randy, can you put him in the truck? 281 00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:58,385 What do you hate more, flies or mosquitoes? 282 00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:02,289 Why? Just making conversation. Damn, never mind. 283 00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:04,791 Mosquitoes. 284 00:17:04,824 --> 00:17:07,127 Me too. 285 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,696 You know, they say mosquitoes in Africa kill people. 286 00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:12,099 Can you imagine the size those things gotta be? 287 00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:14,201 - Pretty big. - [ Engine Starts ] 288 00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:21,708 - Randy, where's the guy? - I put him in the truck, like you said. 289 00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:24,544 I meant the back of the truck! 290 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:38,191 Drive faster! He's gettin' away. This is great, Earl. 291 00:17:38,225 --> 00:17:40,193 You never drive this fast when I ask you to. 292 00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:43,230 Hey, ask him if we can have bubble gum for dinner. 293 00:17:43,263 --> 00:17:45,465 Would you just hurry up? We gotta catch him. Relax. 294 00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:48,335 He'll run out of gas sooner or later-- 295 00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:51,271 Wait a minute. What are we gonna do when we catch him? He saw our face. 296 00:17:51,304 --> 00:17:53,806 - I think she has to kill him. - She's not gonna kill him, Randy. 297 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,876 You're not gonna kill him, are you? No, I'm not gonna kill him! 298 00:17:56,909 --> 00:18:00,247 You could cut out his tongue. He couldn't tell anyone what you looked like with no tongue. 299 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,549 Oh, wait, he could still draw you. Unless you cut off his fingers too. 300 00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,751 - Randy-- - Hey, at least he's thinkin'. 301 00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:07,287 - It's not his fault he's bad at it. - I got it. 302 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:10,323 -You could stab him in the eyes. -We're not stabbin' him in the eyes. 303 00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:12,359 I just gotta make sure he doesn't squeal on me. 304 00:18:12,392 --> 00:18:14,561 So we'll just snatch him up and put him in a little cage in the trailer. 305 00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:18,465 What? Just until he becomes our friend and promises not to tell. 306 00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:21,201 Joy, we're not puttin' him in a cage. 307 00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:25,438 Well, what else should we do, Negative Nancy? I don't hear you givin' us any ideas. 308 00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:29,509 [ Earl Narrating ] That's when I got the only decent idea I had all day. 309 00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:33,613 This whole thing had gotten so outta hand that there was only one thing left to do. 310 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,485 [ Joy ] What are you doin'? Are we outta gas? 311 00:18:38,518 --> 00:18:41,354 It's over, Joy. 312 00:18:41,388 --> 00:18:44,691 What do you mean, "it's over"? It's not over. What are you talkin' about? 313 00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:49,229 What are you doin'? You said you were on my side! 314 00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:51,831 [ Earl Narrating ] Joy didn't realize it, but I was on her side. 315 00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:54,534 She asked me for my help sellin' a stolen truck, 316 00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:58,238 but that turned into a kidnapping and assault. 317 00:18:58,271 --> 00:19:01,508 And my past experience as a criminal told me it was time to call it off. 318 00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:03,843 Besides, my guess was that the guy was so scared... 319 00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:06,513 he probably didn't even get a good look at Joy. 320 00:19:06,546 --> 00:19:09,282 Unfortunately, my guess was wrong. 321 00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:11,684 [ Camera Shutter Clicks ] She was charged with grand theft auto, 322 00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:13,753 kidnapping and assault. 323 00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:15,855 Which would've been my second guess. 324 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,633 Randy, do you think it's my fault Joy went to jail? 325 00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:32,339 Randy? 326 00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:34,974 I'm tryin' to sleep, Earl. Can't this wait till morning? 327 00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:39,346 You woke me up last night to ask if I thought monkeys ever worried about their looks. 328 00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:41,381 Oh, yeah. Sorry. 329 00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:45,285 Do you think they do? 330 00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:48,921 I already told you, if they worried about their looks, they'd wear pants. 331 00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:51,524 Yeah. 332 00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:57,697 Night, Randy. Good night, Earl.