1
00:00:10,044 --> 00:00:12,880
I told you-- the light beer
drinks faster.

2
00:00:12,946 --> 00:00:15,483
Well, it only makes sense.

3
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:18,018
My name is Earl.

4
00:00:22,290 --> 00:00:26,094
Check it out. I was in my deaf
lawyer's office, and the most
unbelievable thing happened.

5
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:28,429
She can hear now?
No, you idiot.

6
00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:32,600
- She can see through walls?
- Yeah, that's it, genius.
She can see through walls.

7
00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:34,902
[ Earl Narrating ]
With Joy's court date
gettin' closer,

8
00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:37,705
she was meetin' with
her lawyer's assistant
to go over a few things.

9
00:00:37,771 --> 00:00:39,773
Don't say things
you've seen in the movies,

10
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:43,211
like "You're out of order,"
or "You can't handle the truth."

11
00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:45,379
It's all here,
in this pamphlet.

12
00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:47,648
God, don't you have anything
shorter?

13
00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:51,619
There is nothing shorter.
That's why it's called
a "pamphlet."

14
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:55,356
Technically, there is
a leaflet or a flyer.

15
00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:58,626
Just make sure your
whole family's in court--

16
00:00:58,692 --> 00:01:02,396
parents, husband, cousins,
even your half sister.

17
00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:05,533
Half sister?
[ Scoffs ]
I don't have a half sister.

18
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:08,602
Um, according to our
background check, you do.

19
00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:16,610
That son of a bitch.
[ Earl Narrating ]
Last Christmas,

20
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:20,814
Joy's father admitted
to several multiracial
extramarital affairs.

21
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:24,318
So her havin' a half sister
didn't come as that much
of a shock.

22
00:01:24,385 --> 00:01:27,355
- Wow, a half sister.
- Is it the top half
or the bottom?

23
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:29,323
I'm amazed they even
kept her alive.

24
00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:31,525
I'm amazed
they kept you alive.

25
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,194
Congratulations.
That's great.

26
00:01:33,261 --> 00:01:36,164
Yeah, great like a weenie wart.
You're never gonna
guess who it is.

27
00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:38,266
Liberty Washington.

28
00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:44,638
[ Earl Narrating ] Liberty
Washington was Joy's sworn enemy
ever since kindergarten.

29
00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:47,608
She said I was supposed
to erase it, dummy.

30
00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:51,312
No! She said I could,
you road whore!

31
00:01:51,379 --> 00:01:55,883
Your mama's a road whore!

32
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:59,287
[ Earl Narrating ]
As Joy and Liberty grew, so did
their hatred for each other.

33
00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:02,723
And that's why America should
join the League of Nations.

34
00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:05,092
Thank you, President Wilson.

35
00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:08,095
Mr. Henry Cabot Lodge,
your rebuttal.

36
00:02:08,162 --> 00:02:10,831
Rebuttal?
Or big-buttal?

37
00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:13,934
[ Students Laughing ]
President Wilson smokes
cigarettes down by the creek.

38
00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:18,806
Oh, yeah? Well, I happen to
know that Henry Cabot Lodge
has a condom in her purse.

39
00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:21,108
Bring it!
Let's do this!

40
00:02:21,175 --> 00:02:23,177
Girls.

41
00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:25,879
[ Earl Narrating ]
As time passed, and they saw
each other less and less,

42
00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:28,482
they still managed to hate
each other more and more.

43
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,892
Liberty!

44
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:41,128
Joy.

45
00:02:41,195 --> 00:02:44,998
Parking space says "Compact,"
so unless you want a ticket,
you better move your fat ass!

46
00:02:45,065 --> 00:02:47,201
What'd you just say?

47
00:02:47,268 --> 00:02:49,337
Whoa! Whoa!

48
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:54,342
Oh, hell no!

49
00:02:58,646 --> 00:03:01,715
- Oh, you gonna cut me?
- Oh, yeah.

50
00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:03,551
Okay. What do I got?

51
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:06,387
Enjoy the parking space,
'cause you're gonna be here
for a while!

52
00:03:07,955 --> 00:03:11,592
Liberty, just calm down, okay?

53
00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:14,127
I got hair spray
and a lighter.

54
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:16,397
- Hope your man likes barbecue.
- Bring it.

55
00:03:16,464 --> 00:03:18,732
Don't test her.
I've seen her cook
a turkey that way.

56
00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:22,336
- Just-- Just go.
- Fine. But I'm not leavin'
because I'm scared.

57
00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:26,206
I'm leavin' to find my man
a new parkin' space. Hmph!

58
00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:29,577
I could've taken her.

59
00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:31,845
You've seen
how much damage I can do
with a homemade blowtorch.

60
00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:33,847
I got a better idea.

61
00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:36,984
Let's see how much damage
we can do with her credit card
that I just took.

62
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:41,722
[ Earl Narrating ] Me and Joy
went on a big shoppin' spree
on Liberty's dime.

63
00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:44,292
We even paid for a homeless man
to have laser eye surgery,

64
00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,294
then hired him
as a butler for the day.

65
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:49,297
Sir, madame,
your pockets are hot.

66
00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:54,502
And by the end of the month,
Liberty was up to
her eyeballs in debt.

67
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,504
No, I did not buy tickets
to Graceland.

68
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,539
Elvis stole his music
from the black man.

69
00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:00,908
Why would I want to see what
he bought with the money?

70
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:03,444
And there it was.
Number 101 on my list--
[ Ringing ]

71
00:04:03,511 --> 00:04:05,913
Hello.
stole a girl's identity.

72
00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:08,449
If I was rentin' jet skis
in Tennessee right now,

73
00:04:08,516 --> 00:04:10,651
do you think
I'd be answerin'
this phone call?

74
00:04:10,718 --> 00:04:12,653
Can you believe that
somebody with my blood...

75
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:14,622
runnin' through their veins
could be such a royal bitch?

76
00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:16,390
God!

77
00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:19,693
How come I never got anything
from that stolen card?

78
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,795
How do you think we paid for
your tap dancing lessons?

79
00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:25,098
Oh, yeah.
I was really good at that.

80
00:04:25,165 --> 00:04:28,101
[ Earl Narrating ] When we went
to Liberty's to make up
for stealin' her identity,

81
00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:31,805
I found out she'd always known
there was a white sheep
in her family.

82
00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:34,107
Yeah, my mama told me
she was my half sister,

83
00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:38,346
but I was led to believe
if I kept quiet, there'd be
a college fund when I turned 18.

84
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:43,717
But I think by lookin'
at my house, you can tell
that didn't materialize.

85
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,819
Talkin' about Joy
gets her so agitated,

86
00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:48,622
it even upsets
Mr. Bearded Dragon over there.

87
00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:54,462
Last week, he couldn't even eat
his lettuce and whatnot.

88
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:56,464
Not even the arugula.

89
00:04:56,530 --> 00:05:00,534
Anyway, I was hopin' to do
something to make up for
runnin' up your credit card.

90
00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:03,404
I don't know what you can do.
I got all that debt erased.

91
00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:06,940
They finally realized
a black woman didn't have
any use for a tanning bed...

92
00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:08,942
or Jimmy Buffet tickets.

93
00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:11,745
Hey, Liberty, my sister's
watchin' the twins,

94
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:14,147
so if you want to wrestle,
we gotta do it now.

95
00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:17,050
[ Earl Narrating ]
Turns out Liberty was tryin'
to become a pro wrestler.

96
00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:19,820
Every Saturday at Camden High,
they had amateur
wrestling events,

97
00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:21,955
and Liberty was becoming
the star.

98
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:23,957
She knew that wrestling
needs controversy,

99
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:26,193
so she paid her neighbor
to be her rival.

100
00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:28,396
She also knew she wanted
the crowd on her side,
[ Crowd Booing ]

101
00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:33,801
and it was hard for people
not to root for Liberty when
she was fightin' the Klanimal.

102
00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:36,103
Her neighbor Karen was not only
light enough to throw around,

103
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:39,840
she was a former ice skater,
so she had some good moves.

104
00:05:39,907 --> 00:05:41,475
[ Booing ]

105
00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,777
Even Liberty's husband,
Ray Ray, was in the routine.

106
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:45,879
He played an evil manager
called "Da Man."

107
00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:50,050
Martin Luther King Boulevard?
Not in my town!

108
00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:53,821
It's gonna be
Wayne Newton Avenue!
[ Laughing ]

109
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:56,089
A talent scout from the
Black Ladies of Wrestling...

110
00:05:56,156 --> 00:06:00,461
was coming to see her
at the end of the month,
and Liberty was ready.

111
00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:03,130
That's so cool that
you're a wrestling villain.

112
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,298
Only time I got to be
a villain was in a church play.

113
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:08,769
I got to poke Jesus
with a broomstick spear.

114
00:06:08,836 --> 00:06:11,839
- All right, it's practice time.
- Baby.

115
00:06:11,905 --> 00:06:15,075
I'm still dizzy from that
pile driver on Saturday.

116
00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:17,110
I love you, Ray Ray,
but you're gonna have
to suck it up.

117
00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:20,047
I have an audition,
and I need a villain!
It's pretty outside.

118
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:22,716
When was the last time
we just went for a walk?

119
00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:26,654
Why do you always have
to drop me on my head?
Here we go again.

120
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:29,089
Well, wrestling is your thing.
Waa, waa, waa.

121
00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:31,258
I like picking wildflowers
and guessing what
the clouds look like.

122
00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:35,463
You're squashing
my dreams, Ray Ray!
You're squashing my dreams!

123
00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:38,599
Can I take Ray Ray's place,
Earl? I think it'd be fun
to be a wrestling villain.

124
00:06:38,666 --> 00:06:41,769
Plus, I'd be good at it
'cause I got a really hard head
you can break stuff on.

125
00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:43,871
Remember the bottle
and the shovel...

126
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:47,475
and that thing
they measure your feet
with at the shoe store?

127
00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:50,010
Well, technically,
I should be the person helpin'.

128
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:52,746
But I know how much
you love wrestlin'.

129
00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:55,816
What do you think, Liberty?

130
00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:57,518
Well, let's see.

131
00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:13,767
Hey, Ray Ray!
You can go on that long walk
with your stupid lizard!

132
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:17,671
I found a new white devil!

133
00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:21,241
While Randy's dream of gettin'
beat up by a woman in tights
was finally comin' true,

134
00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:24,945
Joy was tryin' to find ways
to make herself more
sympathetic to her jury.

135
00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:27,280
Come on, Mr. Turtle.
If you're gonna keep
sleepin' with us,

136
00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:29,983
you're gonna have to do
somethin' about your breath.

137
00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:33,420
This pamphlet says
pregnant women have
a 50% higher acquittal rate...

138
00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:35,923
with sympathetic juries.

139
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:37,925
Double snap.

140
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:41,094
Darnell, get your jammy
bottoms off right now.
Why?

141
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:45,465
Because you're gonna get me
impregnated so I won't be
incarcerated.

142
00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:48,035
Damn, I know a lot
of big words.

143
00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:51,038
Joy, that's a terrible reason
to have a baby.

144
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:54,174
A terrible reason?
Darnell, the reason I had my
first child was a broken condom.

145
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:56,510
The reason I had my second one
was because we were standin' up,

146
00:07:56,577 --> 00:07:58,979
you had a cramp in your leg,
prohibitin' you from makin'
a timely exit.

147
00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:01,148
Stayin' out of jail is
the best reason I've ever had.

148
00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:04,785
Now, gimme that thingy
and let's do this.
No, no, no! Stop pullin' on me!

149
00:08:04,852 --> 00:08:07,154
What if the worst case scenario
happens and you go to prison?

150
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:09,557
Then I'll be takin' care of
three kids who miss their mama,

151
00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:11,659
and that's not fair to them
or to me.

152
00:08:11,725 --> 00:08:15,663
Is that all you think about--
you and the kids?

153
00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:18,699
I love you, Joy.
But I'm sorry, I won't do it.

154
00:08:22,402 --> 00:08:24,304
Fine!
But just so you know,

155
00:08:24,371 --> 00:08:27,374
I didn't wash the sheets
from last night yet,
so I may not need you anyway!

156
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:29,543
[ Earl Narrating ]
Since nowadays wrestling
is planned in advance,

157
00:08:29,610 --> 00:08:31,912
I played Liberty
to help Randy learn his lines.

158
00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:36,917
"Step off, 'cause you're about
to get bum-rushed by a black
woman with an attitude.

159
00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:40,153
Bi-otch."
"Well, come at me.

160
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,990
"Even if you knock me down,
you're not gettin' anywhere,

161
00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:47,661
because I made sure the S.A.T.s
are 'rackially' biased."

162
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:51,799
"Oh, no, you 'di-int.'
Bring it on, sucka fool."

163
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:54,768
Hey, Randy, I just saw
a praying mantis...

164
00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:56,737
eating a monster cricket
down by the swimmin' pool.

165
00:08:56,804 --> 00:09:00,540
Cool. I've been waitin'
for someone to step up
and take on that cricket.

166
00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:08,616
Well, looky here.
Looks like we got us
a little private time.

167
00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:14,154
- You want to have sex?
- Joy, are you crazy?

168
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:16,189
Crazy for you.

169
00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:18,291
Made us some sangria.

170
00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:25,265
I'll drink the sangria,
but the days of me
and you havin' sex are over.

171
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:28,401
I need to get knocked up, Earl.
Juries go easier
on pregnant women,

172
00:09:28,468 --> 00:09:31,304
and you know I got a deaf lawyer
and I'm guilty, so I need
all the help I can get,

173
00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:33,540
and Darnell's
not givin' it to me,
so I need it from you.

174
00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:36,810
Look, it sounds
like a perfectly good plan,
but I can't be a part of that.

175
00:09:36,877 --> 00:09:38,746
Besides, I can't do that
to Darnell.

176
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:41,248
Oh, come on, Earl.
You spent a few years taking
care of one of his babies.

177
00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:45,218
Now he can take care
of one of yours.
Joy, just go home.

178
00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:49,790
God. I have never been
0-for-2 in one night.

179
00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:52,192
Two-for-three,
but never 0-for-2.

180
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:57,665
Randy. You know where
babies come from?

181
00:09:57,731 --> 00:10:00,067
Yeah.
The bottom of that fuzzy
lightning bolt.

182
00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:02,770
Joy!

183
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:08,676
Is that sangria?

184
00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:12,079
[ Narrating ] So I went back
to my list item, which meant
more lookin' at girls wrestlin'.

185
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:14,815
Five, six, seven.

186
00:10:14,882 --> 00:10:18,852
And bribe the ref,
turn around,

187
00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:22,455
hit, kick,
gouge the eyes,

188
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:25,125
palm the blood pack,
rake the face.

189
00:10:25,192 --> 00:10:28,729
Blind man reach,
blind man reach.

190
00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:31,598
Hey, baby.
There's a man on the phone...

191
00:10:31,665 --> 00:10:34,167
wants to know
if we're interested in
a mountain time-share.

192
00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:36,970
Says there's only two left,
so we gotta act quick.

193
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:39,673
Not interested.

194
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:43,777
- [ Banging Ground, Ringing ]
- Is that quick enough for you?

195
00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:46,413
My mama was a telemarketer.
They have feelings.

196
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:49,883
Well, so do I.
And right now, I don't feel your
support of my wrestlin' dreams.

197
00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:52,519
Well, support is
a two-way street.

198
00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:55,889
If you're bringin' up
that baby thing right now,
I swear I'm gonna lose my mind.

199
00:10:55,956 --> 00:10:58,458
My daddy was a Ray.
I'm a Ray Ray.

200
00:10:58,525 --> 00:11:00,761
I want a Ray Ray Ray.

201
00:11:00,828 --> 00:11:05,198
Damn it, Ray Ray, you think
I don't want a little mochachino
bambino runnin' around here?

202
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:07,935
Of course I do.
But a girl can't just give up
on her dream.

203
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:11,805
I did.
I could've skated in Nagano,
but Carlos knocked me up.

204
00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:14,808
I want a baby!
We're not talkin' about this.

205
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,810
Oh, yes, we are.
I'll tell you what.

206
00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:20,848
We can talk about it
if you beat me in arm wrestlin'.

207
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:25,052
I hate it when
we decide stuff this way.

208
00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:30,157
[ Earl Narrating ] That's when I
decided to stop bein' a watcher
and start bein' a doer.

209
00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:33,126
Joy wanted a baby in her belly,
but not in her life.

210
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,896
And Liberty wanted a baby in
her life, but not in her belly.

211
00:11:35,963 --> 00:11:38,231
Of course, the catch was
how to convince two sisters...

212
00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:40,734
who hate each other
to make a baby together.

213
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:42,736
[ Groans ]
[ Sighs ]

214
00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:45,973
All right. Let's wrestle.

215
00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:53,080
[ Earl Narrating ]
So I did my research
on surrogate babying.

216
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:56,283
From what I learned
from the drawings,
it was definitely possible.

217
00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:59,419
And boobs look gross
without the skin.

218
00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:02,389
Are you guys done with this gum
on the side of the TV?

219
00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:05,258
Pink gum, yes.
Green gum, no.

220
00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:07,527
This surrogate baby thing
could really work.

221
00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:10,463
I just don't know how
to convince both women
to go for it.

222
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:13,733
Be like tryin' to get Pepsi
to have Coke's baby.

223
00:12:13,801 --> 00:12:15,568
They're just
natural enemies.

224
00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:17,670
You just have to get them
so excited about the idea...

225
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,540
that when they find out
who they have to do it with,
they won't care.

226
00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:24,077
Like how Patty,
the daytime hooker,
uses my picture for her ad.

227
00:12:27,614 --> 00:12:29,950
You're not the girl
in the ad.
You think you're disappointed?

228
00:12:30,017 --> 00:12:34,154
You should've seen the gay guy
who called expecting
a Greg Louganis type.

229
00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:36,456
It's a really good idea,
Catalina.

230
00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:39,960
I'll just get 'em
both so fired up,
they'll have to agree.

231
00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:46,666
[ Beeping ]

232
00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:48,836
[ Sniffing ]

233
00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:55,375
This egg represents you.

234
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:57,410
[ Earl Narrating ]
I started with
Liberty and Ray Ray,

235
00:12:57,477 --> 00:13:00,280
explaining
the scientific process
of surrogate baby-making.

236
00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:02,382
And then you are
the mayonnaise.

237
00:13:05,585 --> 00:13:10,858
And all you do
is mix the two together,
and you got a baby.

238
00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:12,926
It's that simple.

239
00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:15,929
[ Earl Narrating ]
They seemed excited.

240
00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:17,898
Then I explained things
to Joy and Darnell.

241
00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:23,536
It's actually pretty simple.
You just take the stuff like
that and gently insert it.

242
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:28,041
Ah. Like such.

243
00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:30,110
And then you wait
a little while.

244
00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:33,613
Okay, ding, ding, ding.
He's ready to come right out.

245
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:36,249
[ Chuckles ]
And you got yourself
a little baby.

246
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:39,419
[ Earl Narrating ]
Then they were into it too.

247
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:42,155
As crazy as it sounds,
me explaining...

248
00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:45,025
a highly complex medical
procedure was the easy part.

249
00:13:45,092 --> 00:13:49,262
The final step was gettin'
everybody together. And that's
when things got ugly.

250
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:51,698
You?

251
00:13:51,764 --> 00:13:54,667
You? Earl, if this is
who I'm supposed to meet,
we're done.

252
00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:58,405
I'd rather have a pit bull stick
a litter of puppies in me than
carry this woman's demon child.

253
00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:00,974
That pit bull would have to be
pretty drunk to knock you up!

254
00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:04,511
Okay, that's a nice icebreaker.
Now, let's stop right there
while the score is even.

255
00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:06,013
Slut!
Road whore!

256
00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:07,881
Okay, still tied, 2-2.

257
00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:11,484
Look, I know there's history
between you guys, but there's
also a lot at stake.

258
00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:14,988
Liberty, we're talkin' about
the opportunity to have
your dream career.

259
00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:17,857
What, the moon take
a night off so your butt
could eclipse the sun?

260
00:14:17,925 --> 00:14:20,894
For your information,
I'm auditioning for
the Black Ladies of Wrestling.

261
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:24,131
- What's your little man's name?
- Oh, this right here
is Mr. Bearded Dragon.

262
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:26,299
Yours?
Mr. Turtle.

263
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:28,501
Call me if you're ever
interested in settin' up
a playdate.

264
00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:31,604
- Oh, that'd be nice.
- Fellas, stay with me here.

265
00:14:31,671 --> 00:14:34,307
Now, Joy, remember, you're
tryin' to stay out of prison.

266
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:38,979
Prison? I guess I'll be rich
and famous while you're watchin'
me on TV from behind bars.

267
00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:41,481
Come on! Let's go!

268
00:14:43,283 --> 00:14:45,618
Darnell!

269
00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:48,956
I'm sorry, baby.
Sometimes I just respond
to yelling.

270
00:14:50,790 --> 00:14:53,560
[ Earl Narrating ]
My plan to get Liberty's egg
in Joy's turkey had failed.

271
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:56,663
But I still had to do
what I could to help Liberty,

272
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:59,432
so I got myself a seat
next to the talent scout
from BLOW.

273
00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:01,501
This next girl, Liberty,
is great.

274
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:04,771
I'd pay large sums
of money to watch her
wrestle professionally.

275
00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:08,108
I'd buy a calendar
with her on it,
and/or an action figure.

276
00:15:08,175 --> 00:15:13,446
[ Announcer On P.A. ]
Put your hands on your hearts
for Lady Liberty!

277
00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:22,055
Look out, Lady Liberty!
Here comes Da Man!

278
00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:25,258
[ Crowd Booing ]

279
00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:30,330
You!
On the back of the bus!

280
00:15:30,397 --> 00:15:33,166
[ Crowd Booing ]

281
00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:37,837
[ Earl Narrating ]
Randy may have had
the perfect head for wrestling,

282
00:15:37,904 --> 00:15:42,409
but his heart was
a little too soft, and he just
couldn't take the booing.

283
00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:45,745
I'm not really Da Man.
I'm Randy, and I'm nice.

284
00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:50,517
I like black people.
I love Oprah,
especially when she acts black.

285
00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:53,120
[ Crowd Booing ]
[ Man ]
Get off the stage!

286
00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:55,955
Let me outta here.
I don't like it!
I don't like it!

287
00:15:56,023 --> 00:15:58,691
[ Bell Ringing ]

288
00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:03,530
Okay, it's show time.
Let's make this good,
and remember to--

289
00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:06,066
[ Crowd Gasps ]

290
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:08,701
Damn, girl,
you hit me for real!

291
00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:11,504
And you messed up my eyelashes.

292
00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:13,340
[ Screams ]

293
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,708
What the hell
is wrong with you?

294
00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:18,445
I'm makin' sure you don't
get rich and famous.

295
00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:20,747
- Joy!
- Joy?

296
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:23,883
[ Earl Narrating ]
Not wantin' to see
her sworn enemy get famous,

297
00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:27,187
Joy made Liberty's neighbor
an offer she couldn't refuse.

298
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:32,325
Oh, not my weave,
not my weave, not my weave!

299
00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:40,800
Damn. A de-weaving.
Now, you can't fake that.

300
00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:43,936
I better go get that hair.

301
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:47,140
This is for slashing
my tires!

302
00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:50,043
[ Screaming ]

303
00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:52,279
[ Groans ]

304
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:58,085
That's for trashin'
my credit ratin'!

305
00:16:58,151 --> 00:17:00,387
[ Moans, Screams ]

306
00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:04,191
And this is for makin' out
with our math teacher when
you knew he had a crush on me.

307
00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:08,195
Ow!
[ Panting, Gasps ]

308
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:10,097
[ Earl Narrating ]
Strange as it seems,

309
00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:12,599
this was
the longest these women
had ever talked to each other.

310
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:16,403
And it was probably healthy
they were airin' out
their grievances.

311
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:19,239
And that was for payin'
my prom date to stab me.

312
00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:23,976
[ Earl Narrating ]
But as painful as Joy's
prom stabbin' had been,

313
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:26,646
Liberty had a much
deeper pain to share.

314
00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:31,518
This is for gettin' to grow up
with my daddy.

315
00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:35,388
This is for wearin' that
"Daddy's Little Girl" T-shirt
all the time.

316
00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:39,559
And this is for
every birthday he missed!
Get up!

317
00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:45,665
And this is
for every holiday!

318
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:53,440
And this is for knowin'
that the only girl that got
to kiss him good night...

319
00:17:53,506 --> 00:17:56,509
was his precious
little blonde-haired Joy!

320
00:18:02,849 --> 00:18:05,652
[ Earl Narrating ]
Joy suddenly realized that
even though they were sisters,

321
00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:09,021
Joy was the only one
who got to have a dad.

322
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,824
You poor thing.

323
00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:15,094
[ Earl Narrating ]
After swallowin' her pride
and a little blood,

324
00:18:15,162 --> 00:18:17,197
Joy got up to give
her sister a hug.

325
00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:27,307
[ Crowd Gasps ]

326
00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:30,343
I was just trying
to hug away your pain.

327
00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:37,217
[ Narrating ] After the bout,
Joy and Liberty spent time
together nursin' their wounds.

328
00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:39,619
They even worked on some
you couldn't see.

329
00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:42,322
Thanks.

330
00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:46,993
I had no idea.
Well, how could you know?

331
00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:51,164
You know, I used
to always imagine Dad
bein' there with you...

332
00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:54,901
and how happy your house
was with the whole family
together on holidays,

333
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,769
and every day, really.

334
00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:00,673
I guess that's why I always
took it out on you.

335
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:06,413
Liberty, this is Mr. Saticoy
from the Black Ladies
of Wrestling.

336
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:09,516
Hey, bitches.
I like what
you did out there.

337
00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:13,320
If you can do that
three times a night,
I'll make you a BLOW girl.

338
00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:16,055
And I want to hire you as well.
You'll be a team.

339
00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:21,060
You'll play the fine white girl
who starts datin' Mr. Saticoy.
Mm-mm-mm.

340
00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:25,064
Thank you, Mr. Saticoy,
but I can't accept
your offer.

341
00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:28,134
I might--

342
00:19:28,201 --> 00:19:31,338
I might be carrying
a baby soon.

343
00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:37,176
I mean, if you would
want me to.

344
00:19:37,244 --> 00:19:41,781
I need a surrogate.
And I can't think of anybody
better than my half sister.

345
00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:46,853
[ Earl Narrating ]
I finally felt like I deserved
to cross Liberty off my list.

346
00:19:46,919 --> 00:19:50,189
By stealin' her credit card,
I had stolen her identity.

347
00:19:50,257 --> 00:19:52,359
But today I gave her
a new identity.

348
00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:55,094
She was a Black Lady
of Wrestling.

349
00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:59,599
She was also a lovin'
and carin' wife with
a really supportive husband.

350
00:19:59,666 --> 00:20:03,703
And with the help of an actual
doctor who used more than
mayonnaise and an eggbeater,

351
00:20:03,770 --> 00:20:07,274
she soon became
an expectant mother.

352
00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:11,611
And while Joy had just set out
to try and make herself
more sympathetic to a jury,

353
00:20:11,678 --> 00:20:15,282
she got a new identity too--
a surrogate mom.

354
00:20:18,084 --> 00:20:21,621
Even though Joy and Liberty
had called each other just
about every name in the book,

355
00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:25,392
there was one they hadn't
used until now-- sister.

356
00:20:30,196 --> 00:20:32,231
[ Man ]
Congratulations, guys.

357
00:20:34,801 --> 00:20:36,536
[ Burps ]

358
00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:40,373
Whoa. Light beer goes down
the same as milk.

359
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,343
I'm gonna see how it does
against tomato soup.

360
00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:48,415
[ Woman ]
* It's a family affair *

361
00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:50,417
[ Man ]
* It's a family affair *

362
00:20:50,483 --> 00:20:53,453
[ Woman ]
* It's a family affair **