1
00:00:00,901 --> 00:00:03,604
My name is Earl.

2
00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:10,478
[ Earl Narrating ]
When you're in prison,
nobody trusts you...

3
00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:13,614
to do the simplest things
you used to take for granted.

4
00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:19,887
I don't understand why they're
so touchy about us having
our own nail clippers.

5
00:00:19,953 --> 00:00:21,922
[ Chuckles ]
Yeah, seems kind of silly.

6
00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:25,025
But last year an inmate
used a pair to cut off
another guy's arm.

7
00:00:25,093 --> 00:00:28,729
Took a week and a half.
Big lawsuit.

8
00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:32,666
Oh, I forgot. I'm supposed
to take you to the warden.

9
00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:34,502
The warden?
Yeah.

10
00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:37,071
I got so caught up
watching you cut your nails,
I lost track of time.

11
00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:41,275
Hey, do you mind if I tell 'em
we're late 'cause you
resisted a little?

12
00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:44,212
I guess not.
Oh, great. Thank you so much.

13
00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:47,948
[ Shouts, Groans ]
Gotta make it believable.

14
00:00:48,015 --> 00:00:52,220
[ Groaning ]
No, no, no. Don't rub it.
It only makes it worse.

15
00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:54,555
[ Earl Narrating ]
It hurt to get Maced
in the eyes,

16
00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:57,525
but Randy missed me so much,
he felt like he'd been Maced
in the heart.

17
00:00:57,591 --> 00:01:00,128
So, hopin' to join me
in prison, he stole a car.

18
00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:05,065
Oh, my God!
I'm stealin' a car!

19
00:01:05,133 --> 00:01:09,303
I'm stealin' a car!
Come and get me!

20
00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:12,540
[ Earl Narrating ]
Then he waited
to get arrested.

21
00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:14,408
And waited.

22
00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:18,412
[ Sniffs ]

23
00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:30,424
[ Earl Narrating ]
And waited.

24
00:01:31,392 --> 00:01:33,561
And after three days,
he gave up.

25
00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:38,732
Then Randy had another
not-so-good idea.

26
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:42,803
Excuse me, Officer.
What's the name
of that killer...

27
00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:45,139
that's killin'
all the people
at truck stops?

28
00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:49,109
The Truck Stop Killer.
Oh, yeah. That's me.

29
00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:52,213
We already caught
that guy.
Oh.

30
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:54,848
See that graffiti over there?
I did that.

31
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,950
Really?

32
00:01:57,017 --> 00:02:00,454
Hey, that's nice work. My wife's
been looking for somebody to do
a mural in the baby's room.

33
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:02,490
Would you do it
for 50 bucks?

34
00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:05,759
[ Door Buzzes ]

35
00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:08,896
Randy, they're not gonna
send you to prison
for slappin' a cop.

36
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:12,366
Even if they did, you know
the odds you'd be sent
to the same place as Earl?

37
00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:15,436
- Seven.
- Seven what?

38
00:02:15,503 --> 00:02:17,571
Seven going to prisons.

39
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:20,073
- That don't even make sense.
- Twelve?

40
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:23,377
I'm gonna bail you out
because I promised Earl
I'd take care of you,

41
00:02:23,444 --> 00:02:25,979
and I'm a woman of integrity.

42
00:02:26,046 --> 00:02:28,916
Just be thankful
your brother's in prison
for a felony I committed.

43
00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:34,988
My uncle once slapped a cop.
He got 12 years
in a penitentiary.

44
00:02:35,055 --> 00:02:38,359
- Guess what color he was.
- Lucky.

45
00:02:38,426 --> 00:02:40,528
Oh, wait.
That's not a color.

46
00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:44,565
[ Earl Narrating ] As warden,
Jerry Hazelwood was responsible
for overseeing the prisoners.

47
00:02:44,632 --> 00:02:47,134
Thing was, he didn't like
seeing prisoners.

48
00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:50,971
Uh, you wanted to see me,
Warden?

49
00:02:51,038 --> 00:02:54,675
Sir? Sir Warden?

50
00:02:54,742 --> 00:02:56,577
Well, hey.

51
00:02:56,644 --> 00:03:00,681
Nice work on, uh, helping
that Camden Scout fella make
his parole a couple of days ago.

52
00:03:00,748 --> 00:03:06,854
As a reward, I would like to
give you a certificate for one
week off your prison sentence,

53
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:10,391
and a coupon for a 20% discount
at the prison store.

54
00:03:10,458 --> 00:03:13,294
Wow. A week off my sentence.

55
00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:15,963
Plus, I like
those coffee mugs they sell,

56
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,299
and I always thought
they were about 20% too much.

57
00:03:18,366 --> 00:03:21,134
Well, you were a big help.

58
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,637
Lord knows I need
all the help I can get.

59
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:26,707
Don't tell anyone,
but this being a prison warden,
it's hard.

60
00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:28,909
[ Earl Narrating ]
The warden used to have
a pretty sweet life.

61
00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:31,312
Then his wife became governor
and ruined all his fun.

62
00:03:31,379 --> 00:03:35,115
[ Woman ] Jerry and I
are honored to be living
in the governor's mansion...

63
00:03:35,182 --> 00:03:39,219
and to be a part of
its distinguished history.
[ Gasps ]

64
00:03:39,287 --> 00:03:43,357
- Oh, Jerry.
- What? I have underwear on.

65
00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:46,226
[ Earl Narrating ]
And so the governor decided
to get Jerry a job.

66
00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:48,462
Unfortunately, the first job
didn't work out.

67
00:03:48,529 --> 00:03:50,764
Training? These guys
don't need training.

68
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:53,834
We're the National Guard.
We're never gonna fight
in a war.

69
00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:57,070
[ Earl Narrating ]
So his wife made him a warden,

70
00:03:57,137 --> 00:03:59,239
but he just kept
making mistakes.

71
00:03:59,307 --> 00:04:01,642
Like letting a company
hire prison labor
to make something...

72
00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:04,845
that probably shouldn't
be made inside a prison.

73
00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:12,052
And there was his mandatory
"Bring Your Daughter
to Work Day."

74
00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:15,022
[ Screaming ]

75
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:18,025
And I bet with
that ladder incident,

76
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:21,329
nobody talks about
the 740 inmates
that didn't escape.

77
00:04:21,395 --> 00:04:23,631
Oh. I like that.

78
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:25,699
You're a prison half-full
kind of guy.

79
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,936
Anyway, I've got this problem
with these two gangs.

80
00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:33,073
It's kind of
an ebony-ivory sort of thing.

81
00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:36,977
Only the ivory is
a Spanish gang,
so it's ebony-Spanish.

82
00:04:37,044 --> 00:04:39,613
[ Earl Narrating ]
The gangs the warden
was talking about...

83
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,582
had one thing in common--
they hated each other.

84
00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:45,919
So the warden tried to keep
the peace by taking the leader
of the Latin gang, Hector,

85
00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:47,955
and the leader of
the black gang, Jamal,

86
00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:50,891
and locking 'em in solitary
together for a month.

87
00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:54,328
The warden was a big fan of
that TV show The Odd Couple...

88
00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:58,332
and thought if it didn't
work out, at least
there'd be some laughs.

89
00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:00,501
What's up?
[ Grunting ]

90
00:05:04,572 --> 00:05:07,441
All right.
Open it up.

91
00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:11,412
[ Earl Narrating ] Sure enough,
after a month together, they
hated each other more than ever.

92
00:05:11,479 --> 00:05:13,414
The gang violence continued.

93
00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:17,685
You get these two gangs
to stop fighting, I'm gonna
give you another certificate.

94
00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:21,522
This time for one month
off your sentence.

95
00:05:21,589 --> 00:05:25,192
A-A month? I'm in.

96
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:27,928
All right, just
a little word of advice.

97
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:30,998
These fellas can smell fear.

98
00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:33,266
You gotta let 'em know
who's boss from jump street.

99
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:37,538
You gotta stand taller
than they do, you gotta
speak louder than they do.

100
00:05:37,605 --> 00:05:39,407
You gotta be tougher
than they are. You gotta--

101
00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:42,843
[ Shouting ]

102
00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:49,783
[ Earl Narrating ]
The warden was gonna give me
another certificate...

103
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:52,820
for time off my sentence
if I could stop the gangs
from fightin'.

104
00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:55,956
First thing I had to do was
figure out what started it.

105
00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:14,908
* [ Man ] You shake my nerves
and you rattle my brain *
Hey, man, check it out!

106
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:18,546
* Too much love
drives a man insane *

107
00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:21,114
* You broke my will
but what a thrill *

108
00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:24,985
* Goodness gracious
Great balls of fire *

109
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:28,055
* I laughed at love 'cause
I thought it was funny *
Balls.

110
00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:31,258
[ Earl Narrating ]
And so I convinced the warden
to get another ball.

111
00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:34,061
That way both gangs could play
and everyone would be happy.

112
00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:36,630
* Goodness gracious
Great balls of fire *

113
00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:39,099
* Kiss me, baby *

114
00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:42,135
* Mmm
Feels good *

115
00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:45,238
Ah!
* Hold me, baby *

116
00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:48,075
* Well, I want to love you
like a lover should *

117
00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:52,179
- * You're fine *
- More balls.

118
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:55,215
* Got to tell this world
that you're mine, mine
mine, mine *

119
00:06:55,282 --> 00:06:58,519
- * I chew my nails and then
I twiddle my thumbs *
- [ Shouting ]

120
00:06:58,586 --> 00:07:01,288
* I'm real nervous
but it sure is fun *

121
00:07:01,354 --> 00:07:03,491
Too many balls.

122
00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:07,094
Hey, Earl. Your ex-wife
and current brother
are here to see you.

123
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,162
They, uh--
They look mad.

124
00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:11,999
Why can't people just be
nice to each other, Ron?

125
00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:15,669
People need guardin', Earl.
That's all I know about 'em.

126
00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:18,839
* Goodness gracious
Great balls of fire **

127
00:07:18,906 --> 00:07:21,942
I had to go bail out this dummy
and miss my Brazilian wax.

128
00:07:22,009 --> 00:07:24,545
If I go into labor,
I'm gonna be all stubbly
on my home video.

129
00:07:24,612 --> 00:07:27,981
I didn't ask you to bail me out.
You could've gone to Brazil
if you wanted.

130
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:31,652
[ Sighs ]
So humiliatin'. The police
thought Randy was my husband.

131
00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:34,588
Although they thought
Darnell was my driver.
That was kind of flattering.

132
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:38,859
- I miss you, Earl.
- That's all he ever talks
about. He's making me crazy.

133
00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:42,462
Randy, I miss you too,
but you gotta get used
to the fact that...

134
00:07:42,530 --> 00:07:44,665
we can't be together
right now.

135
00:07:45,733 --> 00:07:47,835
I brought us a Sno Ball.
We can unscrew it,

136
00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:50,137
and I'll eat the top
and you can eat the inside,

137
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:52,773
kind of like we used to do
when we were kids.

138
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,342
Oh, God. Somebody turned
the sprinkler on again.

139
00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:57,344
Shut up!
You shut up.

140
00:07:57,410 --> 00:07:59,412
[ Earl Narrating ]
Unfortunately, living in
the trailer together...

141
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:04,017
wasn't any easier for Joy and
Randy than living in solitary
was for Hector and Jamal.

142
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:08,288
[ Joy, Randy Arguing ]
Knock it off, both of you.

143
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:13,126
Randy, I want you to look
at Joy and find one nice thing
to say about her.

144
00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:15,563
Go on.

145
00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:20,668
Well, I suppose
she does have a nice rack.

146
00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:23,671
Was that so hard?

147
00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:26,740
Now, Joy, you say
something nice about Randy.

148
00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:31,579
Well, he has been rememberin'
more to flush the toilet,

149
00:08:31,645 --> 00:08:33,614
especially after a big job.

150
00:08:33,681 --> 00:08:37,117
I'm tryin'.
And I appreciate that.

151
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,853
[ Earl Narrating ]
It was working.
And suddenly I had an idea.

152
00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:41,922
Ron, I have to see the warden.

153
00:08:41,989 --> 00:08:44,191
What? You're leavin'?
What about our snack?

154
00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:46,694
Sorry, Randy.
I'll have to take it with me.

155
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:50,063
Is that a Sno Ball, Earl?
It sure is, Ron.

156
00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:53,000
Oh, I love Sno Balls,
especially the top part.

157
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:57,304
Really? 'Cause I only
like the insides.

158
00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:00,007
Here you go.
Oh, thank you.

159
00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:03,977
Mmm. Mm-hmm.
Mmm.

160
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:07,615
Stupid bad-guy zookeeper's
eatin' my Sno Ball.

161
00:09:07,681 --> 00:09:10,984
[ Earl Narrating ] The warden
was happy to let me use his
office to try my experiment,

162
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,453
mostly 'cause it meant
he could leave
and go see a movie.

163
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:17,257
Thanks for agreeing not to
kill each other while we try
to work this out.

164
00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:21,161
Now, Hector, I want you
to say one nice thing
about Jamal.

165
00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:27,134
[ Whirring ]

166
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,637
Oh, you don't want to be
photographed saying something
nice about your enemy.

167
00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:32,105
Is that it?

168
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:40,480
Fine. I'm not givin' up on
you guys. We're gonna stay here
as long as it takes for--

169
00:09:40,547 --> 00:09:42,650
Oh!

170
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:51,625
So, you're kissin'.

171
00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:54,027
What's with that?

172
00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:56,897
I'm not going to lie
anymore.

173
00:09:56,964 --> 00:09:59,633
Jamal is
my everything.

174
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,802
I can't hear that enough.

175
00:10:01,869 --> 00:10:04,972
[ Earl Narrating ] Then they
explained what really happened
in solitary that month.

176
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:07,207
Come on!
At first, they did fight.

177
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:10,878
[ Groaning ]
But after a few days,
they were worn out.

178
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:13,647
At the beginning,
it was awkward.

179
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:18,218
Eventually they started
talking, and it turned out
they had a lot in common.

180
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:21,188
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
Both of them didn't like spiders
or negative people...

181
00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:23,423
or being startled
while taking drugs.

182
00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:26,026
It sucks.
It does suck.

183
00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:29,529
[ Earl Narrating ]
And a few days later,
well, it was a relationship.

184
00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:32,299
You have incredible eyes.

185
00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:37,370
Fierce, like a eagle,
but soft, like a water bed.

186
00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:41,241
Oh, papi.

187
00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:44,511
[ Earl Narrating ]
When their time
in solitary was up,

188
00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:46,980
they knew they'd have to keep
their feelings secret...

189
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:49,917
so as to not undermine
their authority as
vicious gang leaders.

190
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:54,354
Well, I guess
this is it then.
I'm sad.

191
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:57,224
This time together has been
so special for me.

192
00:10:57,290 --> 00:11:00,728
I'm sad.
[ Guard ]
All right. Open it up.

193
00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:03,931
I'll see you
in my dreams.
I'm sad.

194
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:09,269
[ Groaning ]

195
00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:14,875
[ Earl Narrating ]
And so they pretended
to still hate each other.

196
00:11:14,942 --> 00:11:18,045
[ Mouthing Words ]

197
00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:21,414
[ Earl Narrating ] They
couldn't be together, but they
couldn't stand to be apart.

198
00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:24,151
When their longing for
one another got too great,

199
00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:26,920
well, they got together
the only way they could.

200
00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:32,926
[ Shouting ]

201
00:11:36,663 --> 00:11:40,801
I missed you.
Squeeze my buttocks.

202
00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:45,105
So you make your gangs fight
just so you can have
a few seconds together?

203
00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:48,441
Well, in fairness,
they also enjoy fighting.

204
00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:52,079
You guys should just be honest
about how you feel.

205
00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:54,547
You could be prison
role models.

206
00:11:54,614 --> 00:11:57,484
We could use more of those.
Or one.

207
00:11:57,550 --> 00:12:00,253
You know what, Hector?
I think he's right.
I want to be honest.

208
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:03,256
I'm sick of livin'
in the shadows.

209
00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:06,693
Puss, we've talked
about this. My gang
will never accept you.

210
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:09,863
So what? I'm not
good enough for them?

211
00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:12,833
You're just not
the right color,
Jamal.

212
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:15,635
Plus the gay thing--
They'll think it's icky.

213
00:12:15,702 --> 00:12:20,007
Well, I need more from you
than just an occasional
punch in the throat.

214
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:21,909
If I can't have that,
then I don't want anything.

215
00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:23,911
Jamal--
Don't.

216
00:12:26,546 --> 00:12:30,050
But y-you-you guys aren't
gonna fight anymore, right?
[ Door Closes ]

217
00:12:30,117 --> 00:12:32,619
[ Earl Narrating ]
Unfortunately,
Jamal felt scorned,

218
00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:34,988
and that meant
all-out war.

219
00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:41,428
Oh, man. I got
a spoon last time.

220
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:44,531
Hopefully the guy
you're fightin' has soup.

221
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,666
[ Laughs ]

222
00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:49,803
Now, just so we're clear,
you only get a month-off
certificate...

223
00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:52,272
if you increase the peace,
not decrease it.

224
00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:55,575
That I could've done
on my own.
Sir, I'm doin' my best.

225
00:12:55,642 --> 00:12:58,511
Well, your best has gotten me
an infirmary full of
stab wound victims,

226
00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:01,114
not to mention a guy
with a bucket stuck
on his head.

227
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:03,350
They're not sure
that thing's ever
gonna come off, Earl.

228
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:05,652
Yeah, they're already
callin' him Buckethead.

229
00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:07,855
Lookit,
I'll level with ya.

230
00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:11,558
I have a fraternity reunion
coming up, and if
I'm not employed,

231
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:15,495
Slime Cracker and Man Boobs
are gonna tease
the crap out of me.

232
00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:19,566
I'll fix it.

233
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,601
[ Earl Narrating ]
While things were getting worse
in prison,

234
00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:24,104
they were finally getting better
for Joy and Randy.

235
00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:27,140
Joy, I have a question,
and Darnell won't help me.

236
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:29,809
It's a book, Randy.
I know.

237
00:13:29,877 --> 00:13:34,347
I figure the only way
I can be with Earl is to try
to become a prison guard.

238
00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:38,151
I think it's a dangerous job
for him. I mean, look
at his reaction time.

239
00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:41,521
Randy, I'm going
to slap you.

240
00:13:45,058 --> 00:13:48,161
- Ow.
- He's like a snake
in winter.

241
00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:50,898
Is this a full-time job
that'll get you
out of the house...

242
00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:54,667
so I don't have to stare at you
sittin' on my couch all day
like a uncooked biscuit?

243
00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:58,071
Yes, and part of
what you just said
hurt my feelings.

244
00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:03,610
I'm sorry, Randy.
Let me make up for it
by helping you study.

245
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,446
We'll start slow.

246
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:10,050
"True or false--
If I was held hostage,
I would sue the city."

247
00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:15,022
False?
That's right.

248
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:20,760
[ Earl Narrating ]
If I was gonna fix
the gang problem,

249
00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:22,963
I needed to fix
the romance problem.

250
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:25,865
I started by stealing
Jamal's sweaty shirt.

251
00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:34,607
Since Jamal was the one
feelin' scorned, I had to get
Hector to make the first move.

252
00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:46,319
[ Sniffs ]

253
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:49,923
[ Man ]
* Lord, oh, yeah *

254
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:52,359
[ Man On P.A. ]
Lights out.

255
00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:58,665
[ Earl Narrating ]
Next I talked to Homer,
who works in the prison laundry.

256
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:02,635
Other than once killing
nine people on a party boat,
he's a real nice guy.

257
00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:10,243
* Don't look to
those above you *

258
00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:13,713
* When you're down and out *

259
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:16,183
* There ain't no doubt *

260
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:22,355
* Nobody wants you *

261
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:25,425
* But you're rock candy
baby *

262
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:30,463
* You're hard, sweet
and sticky *

263
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:33,266
- Thanks, man.
- * Yes *

264
00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:37,270
* You're rock candy, baby *

265
00:15:40,007 --> 00:15:44,511
* Hard, sweet and sticky *

266
00:15:44,577 --> 00:15:46,646
[ Earl Narrating ]
While Hector was watching
Jamal lick his ice cream,

267
00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:50,050
Randy was hoping he could
lick his prison guard test.

268
00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:55,488
Then he waited
for the results.

269
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:59,092
* Sticky **
Are you Randy Hickey?

270
00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:01,261
Tell me I didn't
get that one wrong.

271
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:03,696
Mr. Hickey, you scored 55%.

272
00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:08,468
I think I'd like
to play the race card.
How do I do that?

273
00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:10,870
[ Earl Narrating ]
Randy might not have gotten
the results he wanted,

274
00:16:10,937 --> 00:16:13,906
but it looked like
I was starting to get
the results I wanted.

275
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:17,010
I miss Jamal.
Go talk to him.

276
00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:20,980
Tell him you want him back,
and then your gangs
can stop fighting.

277
00:16:21,048 --> 00:16:23,283
[ Hector ]
Nah, I can't go over there.

278
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:25,452
His people
will kill me.

279
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:29,956
You tell him. I'll write down
what I want you to say.

280
00:16:30,023 --> 00:16:34,427
All right, but since
I have to read this,
nothin' too embarrassing.

281
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:38,098
"You're my pouty-lipped
he-slut,

282
00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:42,135
my chocolate-covered
man candy."

283
00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:44,871
You know what? I'm gonna
just cut to the chase.

284
00:16:44,937 --> 00:16:48,208
Hector's sorry
and he wants you back.

285
00:16:48,275 --> 00:16:51,511
He broke my heart, Earl.
I could never trust him again.

286
00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:54,914
Tell him it's over,
and then kiss him hard for me.

287
00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:57,650
And squeeze his nipples.
He likes that.

288
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:03,623
That's all he said--
it's over?
Yep.

289
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:07,827
But that's no reason
to keep fightin'.
These things happen.

290
00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:12,165
Sometimes people
just can't be together.
I can't live without him, Earl.

291
00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:15,335
Well, there's times
we all have to live
without the people we love.

292
00:17:15,402 --> 00:17:18,138
That-That's what sadness
is all about.

293
00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:20,207
Would you want to live in
a world without sadness?

294
00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:24,010
Without sadness,
we wouldn't know joy or love,

295
00:17:24,077 --> 00:17:26,579
and love is what
makes life worth--

296
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:30,383
Ooh.
[ Alarm Buzzes ]

297
00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:35,522
Tell Jamal
I'll always love him.

298
00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:41,694
Hector, where you going?
We're all lining up for lunch.

299
00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:43,563
Come on.
Fish sticks!

300
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:50,303
[ Earl Narrating ] It turned out
Hector would rather die
than live without Jamal.

301
00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:52,405
[ Electricity Crackling ]

302
00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:55,808
And seeing that made Jamal
realize that he couldn't live
without Hector either.

303
00:18:02,449 --> 00:18:06,052
- So he tried to get him
off the fence.
- [ Cheering ]

304
00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:10,056
Jamal's gang assumed he was
just beating a sworn enemy
as he was being electrocuted,

305
00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:12,525
which they thought was cool.
[ Groans ]

306
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:15,828
[ Men ]
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

307
00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:19,399
Hector, you crazy fool.
I can't go on
without you, Jamal.

308
00:18:19,466 --> 00:18:23,603
Then be with me always.
We'll find a way.
I love you.

309
00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:27,307
And you're the first thing
I've ever said that to
that I haven't killed.

310
00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:30,843
Yeah!
[ Men Cheering ]

311
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:35,148
[ Shouting ]

312
00:18:35,215 --> 00:18:38,117
[ Grunts ]
Oh, my God.

313
00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:43,623
[ Earl Narrating ] With Hector
and Jamal back together,
I convinced the warden...

314
00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:47,093
to let 'em use his office
once a month to work out
the gangs' differences,

315
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:48,895
alone and in private.
[ Clattering ]

316
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:52,131
That sounds like
it's gonna be
a tough negotiation.

317
00:18:52,199 --> 00:18:54,201
I would not wanna be
in the middle of those two.

318
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:57,036
Nope, 'cause they're
definitely fightin' in there.
[ Objects Clattering ]

319
00:18:57,103 --> 00:19:00,773
That's-That's what's happening--
Two straight guys fightin'.

320
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,676
[ Earl Narrating ]
And with Hector and Jamal able
to be together every month,

321
00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:07,180
the gang violence stopped,
and I earned another month
off my sentence.

322
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:09,616
Congratulations, Earl.

323
00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:12,719
So what are you gonna do
with your five weeks off?

324
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:16,323
Well, it's almost two
years away, so--
Fine. Don't tell me.

325
00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:20,327
We'll just be work friends.
I get it.

326
00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:22,762
[ Man ]
* Gotta get a message *

327
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:25,532
* Get it on through *

328
00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:28,735
* Oh, now, mama
don't you ask me why *
[ Chattering ]

329
00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:34,173
* Whoa, oh, whoa
Listen to the music *

330
00:19:34,241 --> 00:19:38,411
* Whoa, whoa
Listen to the music *

331
00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:42,949
* Oh, whoa
Listen to the music *

332
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:47,887
* All the time *

333
00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:55,762
[ Earl Narrating ] It felt good
to see everyone on the yard
finally getting along.

334
00:19:55,828 --> 00:19:59,732
It also felt good
to realize that no matter
how difficult it may be,

335
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:03,303
if two people really
wanna be together, well,
they'll somehow find a way.

336
00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:05,472
Hey, Earl.
Hey, Randy.

337
00:20:07,006 --> 00:20:10,610
Randy?
I took the guard test
and got 55 "percents."

338
00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:12,612
That's the highest score
they've had this year.

339
00:20:12,679 --> 00:20:16,082
And my cholesterol tests
were off the charts.
Huh.

340
00:20:16,148 --> 00:20:18,951
Hey, Earl.
Keep walkin', Ron.

341
00:20:19,018 --> 00:20:21,488
* There ain't nothin'
we can do or say *

342
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:25,758
* Feeling good
Feeling fine *

343
00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:30,297
* Oh, baby
let the music play **