1
00:00:00,901 --> 00:00:04,105
My name is Earl.

2
00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:08,276
[ Earl Narrating ]
When Randy crossed something off
my list and I got better,

3
00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:10,611
he realized that while
I may be out of the reach
of modern medicine,

4
00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:13,747
I wasn't out of
the reach of karma.
The list!

5
00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:19,253
How's Earl gonna pick somethin'
from the list?

6
00:00:19,287 --> 00:00:22,156
All he does is lay there
and drool.
Then I'll pick for him.

7
00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:24,358
How's that any better?
You just stand there and drool.

8
00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:27,628
You're right.
Earl should pick.

9
00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:30,264
[ Earl Narrating ]
Randy and Joy were nervous
about me being in a coma,

10
00:00:30,298 --> 00:00:33,101
but my mind had a trick
for dealing with the stress.

11
00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:35,303
Back when I was a kid
and things were bad,

12
00:00:35,336 --> 00:00:39,273
I would escape into
the comfortable world
of television.

13
00:00:39,307 --> 00:00:43,444
Harriet! What's that kayak
doing in the kitchen?

14
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:45,546
[ Earl Narrating ]
And that's what my mind
was doing again.

15
00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:48,516
So while on the outside,
my body was laying still,

16
00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:52,253
on the inside, I had a life
with Billie that was moving
along great.

17
00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:55,789
I have some exciting news,
but you can't tell Earl.

18
00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:58,092
I'm pregnant.

19
00:00:58,126 --> 00:01:00,228
I know that!
[ Audience Laughing ]

20
00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:03,497
Delivery boy at the
supermarket told me you didn't
buy lady pads this month.

21
00:01:03,531 --> 00:01:06,100
You know what, Randy?

22
00:01:06,134 --> 00:01:09,137
I'm gonna surprise Billie
by ordering in some of
this take-out Chinese food...

23
00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:10,671
that all these
celebrities are talking about.

24
00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:15,743
Well, I am so glad you met
with the gyno I recommended.

25
00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:19,547
Oh, yeah, he's definitely
the guy for me.

26
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:22,483
His hands are warm, and he
doesn't rush through it...

27
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:25,819
and make you feel like
you're just another number.

28
00:01:28,356 --> 00:01:31,359
He is such a catch.
The girls are gonna be
so jealous you got him.

29
00:01:31,392 --> 00:01:34,595
Oh, I know. And I was
so excited when I left,

30
00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:36,597
I forgot to pay his fee.

31
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:38,732
His fee?

32
00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:41,569
Earl, I think your wife's
seeing a gigolo.

33
00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:46,907
Come on, Earl, drool.

34
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,677
I think his mouth is dry.
Maybe we should spit in it.

35
00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:52,112
Shut up.
Here it comes.

36
00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:58,652
"Stole a motorcycle."
Aw, man.

37
00:01:58,686 --> 00:02:01,389
[ Earl Narrating ]
One afternoon, me and Randy were
poking around the neighborhood,

38
00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:03,424
scoping out stuff to steal.

39
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,693
We called it
"taking a crime walk."

40
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:09,197
- Aw, check out the hog.
- Dibs. Where is she?

41
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:15,469
Then you don't have to worry
about it. And I could care
less what you do with it.

42
00:02:15,503 --> 00:02:18,372
You have absolutely no respect
for anybody's stuff.

43
00:02:18,406 --> 00:02:21,542
You know you lost it.
Listen, I didn't lose
the gas tank.

44
00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:23,944
You had it last, because
I remember thinking,

45
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:25,913
"Wow, my father's
actually working."

46
00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:28,816
Well, I know it's not up
your butt, 'cause that's
where your head is.

47
00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:30,884
Guys, check it out.
I'm a speed skater.

48
00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:36,590
You think your brother needs
another shot in the head,
you moron?

49
00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:39,627
[ Earl Narrating ] A motorcycle
with the keys in it was the best
thing to fall in our laps...

50
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:42,496
since Mitzy the stripper
passed out on us at Club Chubby.
Whoo!

51
00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,798
[ Earl ]
Whoo! Jackie!

52
00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:47,935
Once we got the motorcycle,
we decided to have some fun.

53
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:50,271
Life is awesome!

54
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:54,275
And whenever we were having fun,
we loved to add beer...

55
00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:56,744
and rum
and tequila...

56
00:02:56,777 --> 00:03:00,348
and whatever malt liquor
was on sale.
[ Groans ]

57
00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:02,650
Ow.

58
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:04,452
Randy!

59
00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:07,388
[ Both Laughing ]

60
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:12,660
Next thing we knew,
it was morning.

61
00:03:23,471 --> 00:03:27,241
Randy, wake up.
We're on a school bus.

62
00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:29,310
What?
How'd we get here?

63
00:03:29,343 --> 00:03:32,513
I don't remember anything
from last night.

64
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:34,848
Probably best if you don't.

65
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:43,324
Great. Now you just gotta
return that motorcycle.

66
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,359
But I have no idea
what we did with it.

67
00:03:45,393 --> 00:03:47,561
I was black-out drunk
that night.

68
00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:51,432
It's too bad Earl's in a coma,
'cause he was just plain old
wake-up-in-a-school-bus drunk.

69
00:03:51,465 --> 00:03:54,302
He'd remember.
Come on. Think hard.

70
00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:59,440
Something's coming back.
Aw, it left.

71
00:04:00,808 --> 00:04:02,643
It's coming back.

72
00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:05,879
There it goes again.
It's fast.

73
00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:08,416
Now it's just a naked lady.
Oh, it's a dude.

74
00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:11,419
I don't wanna do this
anymore.

75
00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:13,887
[ Earl Narrating ]
While Randy tried to figure out
where to find the bike,

76
00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:16,957
in my coma mind,
I was dealing with
problems of my own.

77
00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:22,696
So, that's the plan.
I'll pretend to go
to work tomorrow,

78
00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:25,366
and when this gigolo
comes over to see my wife,

79
00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:27,701
he'll get a rendezvous
with more than
just Billie.

80
00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:33,541
Off to work, honey.

81
00:04:33,574 --> 00:04:35,543
Won't be back till 5:00.

82
00:04:41,549 --> 00:04:44,585
[ Audience Laughs ]

83
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:48,489
** [ "Yakety Sax" ]

84
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:56,664
[ Screams ]
[ Gasps ]

85
00:04:56,697 --> 00:04:58,732
Earl, what are you doing?

86
00:04:58,766 --> 00:05:01,535
Surprising you, 'cause
you were getting all dolled up,

87
00:05:01,569 --> 00:05:03,937
expecting some gigolo
to come over.

88
00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:07,007
Are you crazy?
The only two things
I'm expecting...

89
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:11,712
are to see my doctor...
and to have your baby.

90
00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:15,449
[ Audience ]
Aww.
We're having a baby?

91
00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:18,986
My own baby,
who'll be my color
and actually looks like me.

92
00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:21,555
[ Laughs ]
[ Audience Applauds ]

93
00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:26,927
But wait a minute.
What about Joy saying
he's a catch...

94
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:30,598
and the other girls are gonna
be so jealous you got him?

95
00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:34,034
Because he's so popular,
he rarely takes on
new patients.

96
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,937
I mean,
even the smallest thing
can make him say no.

97
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:39,039
I got him, Earl,
and he's a real sicko.

98
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:41,008
He said he's been seeing
our mom for years.

99
00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:44,144
[ Audience Laughing ]

100
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,879
[ Earl's Voice ]
The Hickeys will be right back.

101
00:05:47,815 --> 00:05:50,117
[ Earl Narrating ]
Randy didn't remember what
we did with the motorcycle,

102
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:53,020
so he went to see Jasper,
who'd recently been
in the paper...

103
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:55,756
for surviving more gunshot
wounds than 50 Cent.

104
00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:58,726
I remember that day.
It was like, uh,
2:30 in the afternoon.

105
00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:02,830
You and Earl came in, just
brain-dead, butt-ugly wasted.

106
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:05,699
Sorry about saying "brain-dead,"
with your brother
in a coma and all.

107
00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:08,068
[ Earl Narrating ]
Turns out me and Randy
had spent about an hour...

108
00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:10,738
trying to convince Jasper
to buy the motorcycle that day.

109
00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:12,873
Look, I'm sorry, guys,
but I can't resell it.

110
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:15,976
I just think it's wrong to sell
something that jeopardizes
customer safety.

111
00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:19,713
What? You sold hand grenades
to a high school football team.

112
00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:21,715
Hey, they said
that was for a prank.

113
00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:23,951
Hey, how much is
the chicken suit?

114
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:26,053
[ Laughs ]
How's this?

115
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:29,857
You give me the chain off
the motorcycle and it's yours.

116
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:32,826
I didn't need the chain.
Just didn't want you driving
around Camden all wasted.

117
00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:34,928
I have kids, you know.

118
00:06:34,962 --> 00:06:37,565
I mean, I don't know who
they are or if they exist,

119
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:40,067
but I used to have
a lot of unprotected sex.

120
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:42,202
So do you know where
we went next?

121
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:46,106
All I know is, you wanted to
wear the chicken suit to Nickel
Wing Day at the Crab Shack.

122
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:49,209
I believe you said,
and I quote, "People
would be eating their wings,

123
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,479
"then I would come in,
and they'd be like,

124
00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:55,048
'Oh, God!
It's a giant chicken
come for revenge!'"

125
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:58,852
That sounds like me.
My comedy always has a message.

126
00:06:58,886 --> 00:07:02,756
I have to tell you, Randy,
doing Earl's list
to make him better is genius.

127
00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:06,860
That's what Joy said too.
Then she called me "dummy,"
which hurt a little,

128
00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:09,563
but it really made me
value the moment where
she called me "genius."

129
00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:12,466
See, Darnell?
People love it
when I call 'em names.

130
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:14,568
Butt-wipe, douche bag, dummy.

131
00:07:14,602 --> 00:07:18,238
It's like sprinkles
on the ice cream cones
of conversation.

132
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:21,675
Look, I do remember something
about that night
with the motorcycle.

133
00:07:21,709 --> 00:07:24,812
Honestly, I hoped it
would never come up again.

134
00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:27,581
I mistakenly believed you
and your brother's silence
on the matter...

135
00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:30,851
meant you felt appropriately
ashamed of your behavior.

136
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,886
[ Earl Narrating ]
As it turns out,
that afternoon,

137
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:34,922
me and Randy
pushed the motorcycle
into the Crab Shack...

138
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:37,791
and engaged in what my dad calls
"general jackassery."

139
00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:41,028
You're eatin' my baby!
[ Gasps ]

140
00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:43,797
[ Laughs ]

141
00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:45,833
Hey, Earl, you guys
have got to stop!

142
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:48,101
The table in the back
just passed out from exhaust,

143
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:50,170
and the giant chicken thing
is freaking people out!

144
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:52,873
[ Screams ]
[ Gasps ]

145
00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:55,509
Don't worry, Crabman.

146
00:07:55,543 --> 00:07:57,711
I'll stop the chicken.

147
00:07:57,745 --> 00:07:59,980
I know how to speak
their language.

148
00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:02,816
** [ Humming
"The Chicken Dance" ]

149
00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:07,655
Problem solved.

150
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:12,993
Oh. That explains
why that sign is there.

151
00:08:17,264 --> 00:08:21,134
Anyway, when you heard the cops
were coming, you pushed the bike
out and went on the run with it.

152
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:24,137
That's the last
I saw of you.
Man, one clue at a time.

153
00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:28,275
This is like what someone told
me reading a book is like.
Okay, what'd we do next?

154
00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:30,711
Not sure.
But we should talk
to Homeless Joe.

155
00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:33,981
I seem to remember he mentioned
seeing you guys do something
freaky that night.

156
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:36,850
Plus, I haven't visited him
since he got married
to Shopping Cart Kim.

157
00:08:36,884 --> 00:08:38,719
I owe him a congratulations.

158
00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:43,757
I don't know anything
about a motorcycle.

159
00:08:43,791 --> 00:08:45,893
Saw you at midnight.

160
00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:48,128
You and your brother were
driving tiny little cars.

161
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:52,733
[ Earl Narrating ]
Homeless Joe was kinda right.

162
00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:56,269
Randy was driving a tiny
little car, but I was driving
a tiny little plane.

163
00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:58,872
Help! Help!

164
00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:01,742
Damn it, Randy! Pull over!

165
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,711
Pull over!

166
00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:08,949
[ Screams ]
[ Earl Narrating ]
And as good as the day had been,

167
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:11,652
me and Randy
were no longer having fun.

168
00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:13,787
Something had gone
terribly wrong.

169
00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:15,889
[ Man ]
* Woke up this morning
My liver said to me *

170
00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:18,158
* Come on, boy
Let that alcohol be *

171
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:21,061
* Go to detox
Like father, like son *
[ Both Grunting ]

172
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:23,731
* A.A. meetings, here I come
Yeah, I'm a wreck *
[ Randy Groans ]

173
00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:27,334
- * Feel like
a big piece of trash *
- Son of a bitch! Aah!

174
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:29,236
* My whole life's in pieces
Everything around me
smells like feces *

175
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:32,005
- Time to die!
- [ Randy Screams ]

176
00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:36,944
[ Screams ]

177
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:44,284
Earl tried to kill me?
Now, hold on, Randy.
Maybe there's some mistake.

178
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:48,155
Son, I know what I saw.
I can't vouch for what I heard,

179
00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:51,625
'cause there's a beetle
living in my ear,
but I know what I saw.

180
00:09:51,659 --> 00:09:55,729
I can't believe Earl
tried to kill me.

181
00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:59,399
I'm Randy. Earl wouldn't
try to kill Randy.

182
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:02,002
That'd be like peanut butter
trying to kill jelly.

183
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:05,338
Peanut butter
wouldn't kill jelly.

184
00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:07,207
They're in the same sandwich.

185
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:14,815
I can't believe
Earl tried to kill me.

186
00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:18,652
We've been brothers
for I don't know how long,
and now I find out this?

187
00:10:18,686 --> 00:10:21,789
Hold on a second.
We only have Homeless Joe's
word on that.

188
00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:24,658
And Homeless Joe has been known
to exaggerate the truth.

189
00:10:24,692 --> 00:10:28,228
Remember, he's the one who got
the town convinced the Carter
sisters were witches.

190
00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:31,999
I'm still with Homeless Joe on
that. If they weren't witches,
they should have floated.

191
00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:34,968
You got the superstition
backwards. Witches float.

192
00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:38,071
Innocent people, like
the Carter sisters, sink.

193
00:10:38,105 --> 00:10:39,940
Whatever.
They're gone now.

194
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,042
The point is,
we need more information.

195
00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:44,978
We can't go after Earl
with the same kind of
witch-hunt hysteria...

196
00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:47,214
that sweeps through Camden
every two years.

197
00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:51,151
You know what we gotta do?
We gotta work backwards to find
out what really happened.

198
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:54,387
Like when you rewound that
videotape to see if Sharon Stone
really flashed her undersmile.

199
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:57,257
She did show her undersmile.

200
00:10:57,290 --> 00:11:00,728
That's right. And I'm sure
if we rewind the night to where
you were before Homeless Joe,

201
00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:04,064
we'll find out if Earl
showed his undersmile too.

202
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:06,166
Metaphorically speaking.

203
00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:08,936
[ Earl Narrating ]
While Randy, Joy and Darnell
went to retrace our steps,

204
00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:10,738
well, you know what I was doing.

205
00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:23,416
[ Breathing Rapidly ]

206
00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:39,466
Earl, it's time.
My water broke.

207
00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:42,302
I'll call a plumber
in the morning.

208
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:45,338
Oh, my God!
Your water broke!

209
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:48,708
Remember, short breaths.
[ Breathing Rapidly ]

210
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:56,884
[ Breathing Rapidly ]

211
00:11:56,917 --> 00:11:59,953
Hurry, Earl.
I think we're getting closer!

212
00:11:59,987 --> 00:12:04,758
Don't worry.
We're in the hospital.
Everything's gonna be fine.

213
00:12:04,792 --> 00:12:07,027
Uh-oh.
[ Elevator Rumbling ]

214
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:10,363
[ Earl Narrating ] Since Edwin,
the town dwarf, had died,
the only people around...

215
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:13,834
who wore tiny little hats
and drove tiny little cars
were the Knights of Camden.

216
00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:16,369
So Darnell suggested they
stop by to ask some questions.

217
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:19,506
Oh, my God.
Kill me when I'm 50.

218
00:12:19,539 --> 00:12:21,441
Wake up.

219
00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:25,478
Oh, hey, it's you.

220
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,550
[ Earl Narrating ]
They'd come to the right place.

221
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:33,020
It ends up that night,
Randy had staggered his way...

222
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:35,022
into the Knights of Camden's
new member mixer.

223
00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:37,124
Oh, hey, buddy.
Come on in.

224
00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:40,027
We could use a young fellow
like you around here.

225
00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:42,395
We're dying off
like crickets.

226
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:45,465
** [ Rock ]
[ Earl Narrating ] Randy was
drunk when he got there,

227
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:49,036
but after an hour of limbo
and all-you-can-drink
gin rickeys,

228
00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:51,171
he was in full party mode.

229
00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:53,807
Then I showed up.
[ Man ]
* La, la, la, la, limbo

230
00:12:53,841 --> 00:12:55,843
You son of a bitch!
I'll kill you!

231
00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:58,245
[ Screaming ]

232
00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:03,783
Randy!

233
00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:18,398
Randy!

234
00:13:22,069 --> 00:13:24,004
Randy!

235
00:13:25,372 --> 00:13:28,241
I got a picture
of that night right here.

236
00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:30,410
It's between the one
of dead Louie
and dead Frank.

237
00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:35,215
So he did try to kill me.

238
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:38,051
I'm not even sad about it
anymore. I'm angry.

239
00:13:38,085 --> 00:13:41,054
I mean, I'm still kinda sad,
but more angry than sad.

240
00:13:41,088 --> 00:13:43,290
Is there a word for that?
'Cause there should be!

241
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:47,360
I'm feeling pretty
"terrhurtsible."

242
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:51,198
Really, really "terrhurtsible,"
with a touch of "sangry."

243
00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:54,534
Just calm down.

244
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:57,137
Hey, wrinkles, is there
anything else you can tell us
about that night,

245
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:59,506
like where they might
have come from?

246
00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:04,978
Well, the only other thing
I know is, the big guy here
had his foot covered in tar,

247
00:14:05,012 --> 00:14:08,916
and he tracked it
all over our dance floor.

248
00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:11,051
Joy, does this antenna
look familiar?

249
00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:13,987
Looks like panties
hanging on it.

250
00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:16,990
Holy crap.
That's the "pantenna."

251
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:19,659
[ Earl Narrating ]
The "pantenna" used to be
a tradition in the trailer park.

252
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:23,463
After girls hooked up
with a guy, they'd shoot
their panties at the antenna.

253
00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:26,266
Story was, if they stuck,
it was true love.

254
00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:28,601
If they fell,
it was likely the clap.

255
00:14:30,137 --> 00:14:32,039
[ Woman ]
Damn it!

256
00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:38,912
Bingo!
Look at that.

257
00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:41,214
[ Randy ]
More tar footprints.

258
00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:48,588
Great googly moogly!
There's the bike.

259
00:14:56,496 --> 00:15:00,000
Damn. People sure do
have a lot of sex
in this trailer park.

260
00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:03,103
Oh, watch your step.
Those are the clap panties.
Oh!

261
00:15:10,043 --> 00:15:14,614
Oh, no.
I remember what happened.
I remember it all.

262
00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:17,517
[ Earl Narrating ]
Suddenly the whole night
came rushing back to Randy.

263
00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:19,686
After Darnell kicked us
out of the Crab Shack,

264
00:15:19,719 --> 00:15:22,255
we knew the cops were looking
for the stolen bike,

265
00:15:22,289 --> 00:15:24,958
so we decided to hide it where
no one would think to look--

266
00:15:24,992 --> 00:15:27,227
on the roof of
Deaf Charlie's trailer.

267
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:30,230
We took the chain off
an old chainsaw
and put it on the bike.

268
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:34,334
It wasn't gonna last long,
but luckily we only had
to drive 15 feet.

269
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:38,638
Wish me luck.
Be careful. I didn't
build a very wide ramp.

270
00:15:39,739 --> 00:15:42,375
[ Engine Starts ]

271
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:50,150
Earl, you did it!
You made it up the ramp!

272
00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:52,685
I thought for sure
you were gonna--

273
00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:03,430
[ Grunting ]

274
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:06,066
[ Earl Narrating ]
We covered the bike so nobody
would see it from below.

275
00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:09,169
Then I kicked down the ramp
and planned our escape.

276
00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:18,378
Okay, the cops are gonna
be looking for a guy
and a giant chicken.

277
00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:21,714
But they're never gonna be
looking for two giant
half-chickens.

278
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:25,318
Give me your pants.
[ Chuckles ]
Yeah. Cops are dumb.

279
00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:30,057
[ Vehicle Approaching ]

280
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:32,459
- [ Siren Blares ]
- Get down, get down!

281
00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:41,401
All right. They gotta be here
somewhere. There's yellow
feathers everywhere.

282
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:43,603
Fan out.

283
00:16:48,275 --> 00:16:50,577
[ Hiccups ]
Shut up!

284
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:53,380
I can't help it, Randy.

285
00:16:53,413 --> 00:16:57,684
When I'm nervous and drunk,
I get the hic--
[ Hiccups ]

286
00:16:57,717 --> 00:17:00,653
Scotty, I think there's
somebody behind the trailer.

287
00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:07,127
Rock smashes scissors.
Sucks to be you.

288
00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:11,698
[ Hiccups ]
Shh.

289
00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:15,268
[ Hiccups ]
Will you just shut up
already?

290
00:17:15,302 --> 00:17:19,306
[ Muffled Shouting ]

291
00:17:22,109 --> 00:17:24,244
[ Shouting Stops ]

292
00:17:32,152 --> 00:17:34,554
[ Earl Narrating ]
After about 10 minutes,
the cops ran out of steam.

293
00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:36,689
Unfortunately, so did I.

294
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:39,759
All right, they're gone.
Let's get out of here.

295
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,531
Earl!

296
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,433
Earl?

297
00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:49,302
Oh, God! I killed him.
I killed him.

298
00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:52,105
I gotta think of what to do.
Think of what to do.

299
00:17:52,139 --> 00:17:55,775
I gotta make like
a banana and split.
[ Chuckles ]

300
00:17:55,808 --> 00:18:01,181
Aw! Damn it! I finally got
to use that one, and Earl
was too dead to hear it.

301
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:04,551
It just keeps gettin' worse.

302
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,553
[ Earl Narrating ]
Randy was scared
that now the cops...

303
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,521
would be out looking
for a murdering half-chicken,

304
00:18:08,555 --> 00:18:11,090
so he ditched the suit
to go on the run.

305
00:18:12,659 --> 00:18:15,728
Good-bye, Brother.

306
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:25,705
[ Thud ]

307
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,883
[ Gasps ]

308
00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:41,221
That son of a bitch killed me!

309
00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:49,562
That's when I broke off
the pantenna for a weapon...

310
00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:52,765
and followed Randy's
tar-covered footprints
to the Knights of Camden hall.

311
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:55,368
No wonder he tried to kill me.
I deserved it.

312
00:18:55,402 --> 00:19:00,240
I killed him and went to a party
with little old men and played
"try to walk under the stick!"

313
00:19:00,273 --> 00:19:03,876
-Well, everyone
grieves differently.
-No! No! I'm a terrible brother.

314
00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:05,878
I should be the one
in the coma!

315
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,382
[ Thud ]

316
00:19:11,784 --> 00:19:15,288
[ Joy ]
You in a coma?
No.

317
00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:18,525
You wanna go return
the motorcycle so we can get it
crossed off Earl's list?

318
00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:21,561
Yeah.

319
00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:24,497
[ Earl Narrating ]
Those chopper guys were pretty
glad to get their bike back,

320
00:19:24,531 --> 00:19:26,899
but Randy
was still feeling rotten.

321
00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:33,373
That's how they stole it.

322
00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:36,809
Which one of you jackasses
left the keys in the bike?

323
00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:45,452
Well, Earl,
we found the motorcycle.

324
00:19:45,485 --> 00:19:49,689
I also found out I tried
to kill you first.
[ Weeping ]

325
00:19:49,722 --> 00:19:53,460
I'm so sorry.
I'm a terrible brother.

326
00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:56,896
[ Crying ]

327
00:19:56,929 --> 00:20:00,933
[ Crying ]
[ Audience ]
Aww.

328
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:05,204
[ Banging ]

329
00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:10,743
Randy? How'd you
get up there?

330
00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:12,579
Oh, I fell a long way.

331
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:17,284
Well, guess what.
You're an uncle.

332
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:27,026
Okay, Earl. We crossed
"Stole a motorcycle"
off your list.

333
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:29,362
I hope you forgive me.

334
00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:32,365
Okay, Earl.
Billie and the baby are safe.
Now it's your turn.

335
00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:34,967
Grab hold.

336
00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:37,870
[ Audience Applauding ]

337
00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:45,412
He squeezed me!
He squeezed me!

338
00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:47,814
We better get the doctor.

339
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:51,518
I'm gonna keep doing list items
until you're all better, Earl.

340
00:20:51,551 --> 00:20:53,520
[ Whispering ]
I love you.

341
00:20:53,553 --> 00:20:57,624
[ Monitor Beeping Rapidly ]

342
00:20:57,657 --> 00:20:59,626
Hugging's good.

343
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:04,897
I'm gonna keep huggin'
you all night.

344
00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:09,336
[ Monitor Beeping Rapidly ]