1 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,106 [ Earl Narrating ] Like most month-old vegetables, 2 00:00:05,139 --> 00:00:07,275 the hospital wanted to throw me out. 3 00:00:07,308 --> 00:00:11,545 We can put him in county-run, long-term care, or... 4 00:00:11,579 --> 00:00:17,351 you can take him off our hands and receive a one-time payment of $2000 in Camden Cash, 5 00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:20,288 redeemable at more than six local businesses. 6 00:00:20,321 --> 00:00:26,127 Paintball! Karma wouldn't dangle paintball in front of us if it weren't a sign. We'll take it. 7 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:28,129 [ Earl Narrating ] Randy felt he'd made the right choice, 8 00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:30,664 and everywhere he looked, he saw proof of that. 9 00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:34,502 How cool is it that right when I got tired of carrying you, karma made a supermarket? 10 00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:37,138 Karma rocks. 11 00:00:37,171 --> 00:00:39,107 Brace yourself. 12 00:00:44,312 --> 00:00:46,847 That's good, Earl. You didn't pee that time. 13 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,383 My name is Earl. 14 00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:55,689 [ Earl Narrating ] When you're in a coma, 15 00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:58,392 gettin' pushed down the street in a shopping cart, things go pretty slow. 16 00:00:58,426 --> 00:01:00,494 But in my mind, time was flyin' by. 17 00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:03,364 Fifty years in this old house. 18 00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:07,101 We sure do have a lot of memories. Speak for yourself. 19 00:01:07,135 --> 00:01:10,771 I can't remember what I had for breakfast. [ Audience Laughing ] 20 00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:13,607 Do you remember the time that we got into that huge fight, 21 00:01:13,641 --> 00:01:15,443 and neither one of us wanted to move out? 22 00:01:15,476 --> 00:01:17,445 Yeah. 23 00:01:20,248 --> 00:01:23,451 [ Crying ] 24 00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:25,686 [ Sniffs ] 25 00:01:29,357 --> 00:01:32,326 Your side needs its diaper changed. 26 00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:37,565 Remember when our own kids stopped bein' cute, 27 00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:40,834 and Cousin Wendall came and stayed with us? 28 00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:46,740 Why, Cousin Wendall, what a surprise. 29 00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:48,876 What are you doing here? 30 00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:52,780 My parents are dead, so I'm movin' in with my favorite cousins... 31 00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:54,882 on the honky side. 32 00:01:56,850 --> 00:02:00,754 That irrepressible scamp certainly turned our world upside down. 33 00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:02,723 - [ Earl Chuckles ] - Earl! 34 00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:06,227 Hey, Earl! Randy, wait up. 35 00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:08,329 Hey, Patty. Look what I bought at the store. 36 00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:11,165 Just kiddin'. It's Earl. I just brought him home from the hospital. 37 00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:12,933 He's still got a touch of the coma. 38 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,603 Yeah, they're a tough thing to shake. 39 00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,605 I missed a lot of my 30s like that. 40 00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,673 Well, he's not gonna be in it that long. 41 00:02:19,707 --> 00:02:22,576 I mean, he's almost back to normal already. Watch. 42 00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:28,582 Every opening I stick my finger in, I get a different reaction. 43 00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:31,419 Huh. Sounds a lot like my job. 44 00:02:31,452 --> 00:02:34,422 Hey, I got a wheelchair I can sell you. 45 00:02:34,455 --> 00:02:39,193 Does it have a shelf underneath? 'Cause this shopping cart's got a real good shelf underneath. 46 00:02:39,227 --> 00:02:41,329 Well, it's a pretty nice chair. 47 00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:43,597 It used to belong to this pimp friend of mine, Snooky. 48 00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:46,634 He got rid of it 'cause he thought people didn't respect the chair. 49 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:50,204 Now he has one of his bitches carry him around on a backpack, Yoda style. 50 00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:52,373 ** [ Hip-hop ] 51 00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:54,475 [ Earl Narrating ] Randy loved the Yoda backpack idea, 52 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:57,411 but once he saw Snooky's wheelchair, that looked even better. 53 00:02:57,445 --> 00:02:59,680 It had everything a crippled pimp could want: 54 00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:04,318 a bumpin' sound system, spinner hubcaps, a hook for a sock full of batteries-- 55 00:03:04,352 --> 00:03:07,255 - It even had a little shelf. - ** [ Continues ] 56 00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:11,959 Oh, snap! Darnell, I'm tempted to cripple you just to get one of those. 57 00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:14,828 - I'm tempted to let you do it. - ** [ Switches Off ] 58 00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:18,766 Did the hospital need the bed? It's nice to see they throw white folks out too. 59 00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:21,435 Actually, I could have sent him to long-term care, 60 00:03:21,469 --> 00:03:25,005 but karma offered us paintball, Camden Cash and a wheelchair. 61 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,541 So, obviously, I'm doin' the right thing. 62 00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:30,978 So, you're just going to take care of Earl by yourself? 63 00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:34,448 Remember when you turtle-sat the first Mr. Turtle and he ended up outside of his shell, 64 00:03:34,482 --> 00:03:36,617 and you shoved him back in like I wouldn't notice? 65 00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:38,752 These are the things that make me worry. 66 00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:43,023 Randy, you can't do this. Trust me. I know what it takes to take care of somebody. 67 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:46,394 I've proven that three times to Child Services. 68 00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:50,398 Would you guys leave me alone? He's fine. I've already been lookin' after him a whole day. 69 00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:59,006 It's your favorite, Earl: Chubby's Chicken with fries and a couple of beers. 70 00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:01,575 It's gonna taste so good in your blood. 71 00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:12,653 [ Women ] * Bye-bye, blues 72 00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:16,290 * Bye-bye, blues 73 00:04:16,324 --> 00:04:19,493 * Don't cry, don't sigh [ Shower Running ] 74 00:04:19,527 --> 00:04:23,297 * The sun is shinin' No more pinin' * 75 00:04:23,331 --> 00:04:26,834 * Smilin' through 76 00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:30,538 * Don't sigh, don't cry 77 00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:35,042 * Bye-bye Bye-bye, blues ** 78 00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:40,614 Plus, the best part about Earl bein' out of the hospital... 79 00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:43,417 is he can start doin' stuff from the list on his own. 80 00:04:43,451 --> 00:04:46,554 If karma was makin' him a little bit better when we were crossing things off, 81 00:04:46,587 --> 00:04:49,523 just think how much better he'll get if he starts crossing 'em off himself. 82 00:04:49,557 --> 00:04:54,528 Randy, is this a gum wrapper in his mouth? 83 00:04:54,562 --> 00:04:57,698 Yeah, I wasn't near a trash can. 84 00:04:57,731 --> 00:05:01,702 Here's one he could definitely do on his own: number 241-- 85 00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:04,372 "Made Derrick Stone late for work." 86 00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:07,908 [ Earl Narrating ] In every neighborhood, there's people... 87 00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:10,511 that annoy everybody else by working odd hours. 88 00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:13,481 In the trailer park, those hours are 9:00 to 5:00. 89 00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:16,917 [ Engine Starts ] 90 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:21,389 How about a little respect, jackass? 91 00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:23,924 It's not even 9:00 in the mornin'. 92 00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:27,895 You know we were up until 5:00. You yelled at us at 4:30. 93 00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:30,798 I'm really sorry, guys. I just don't wanna be late for work. 94 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,369 [ Earl Narrating ] So to make sure we got a good day's sleep, 95 00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:37,805 me and Randy decided to put in a good night's work. 96 00:05:39,407 --> 00:05:40,874 [ Car Alarm Chirps ] 97 00:05:40,908 --> 00:05:43,611 Son of a bitch! 98 00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:45,879 [ Chirp ] 99 00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:47,981 [ Earl Narrating ] Randy talked to Derrick... 100 00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:50,818 and found out being late was just the start of his problems. 101 00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,986 I showed up late for work, got fired. 102 00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:56,824 My girlfriend said she didn't date losers, so she broke up with me. My own personal 9/11. 103 00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,059 And it was actually September 11. I'm not being dramatic. 104 00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:02,430 Well, you won't be late anymore. Now you can drive in the car pool lane, 105 00:06:02,463 --> 00:06:04,432 'cause I put Earl in your backseat. 106 00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:07,134 So can I cross you off the list? I guess. 107 00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:10,604 I take the bus now. Sold that car to the lady next door. 108 00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:20,548 [ Screaming ] 109 00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:29,457 [ Screaming, Whimpers ] 110 00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:32,460 [ Thuds ] You're right, Earl. 111 00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:34,662 Your mother's dress is see-through in this picture. 112 00:06:34,695 --> 00:06:38,198 What kind of 95-year-old woman doesn't wear underwear? 113 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,734 [ Earl Narrating ] After finding a bitchin' pair of truck stop sunglasses... 114 00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:42,803 to cover up my red, swollen eyes, 115 00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:45,506 Randy tried to find a list item I could do in a coma. 116 00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:47,641 That turned out to be a lot harder. 117 00:06:47,675 --> 00:06:52,613 Number 116-- "Rolled John Fenster down a hill in a porta-potty." 118 00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:55,115 Do you think Earl would mind if we did that to him? 119 00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:58,919 If you were in a coma, would you want someone rollin' you down a hill in a porta-potty? 120 00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:01,154 Let me think. 121 00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:03,591 Huh. Huh. 122 00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:06,159 Oh. Oh. Oh! 123 00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:07,961 Oh, no. No, I would not. 124 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,900 Here we go. Earl could do this on his own. It's perfect. 125 00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:16,904 Number 126-- "Stole from the Henson kids." 126 00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:22,810 [ Earl Narrating ] Me and Randy were jealous of our neighbors Brett and Tiffany Henson... 127 00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:24,912 'cause their folks took 'em on such great vacations. 128 00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:28,482 - Oh, man. They got to go to Hawaii. - We'll do it next week. 129 00:07:28,516 --> 00:07:31,552 Man, they got to go to Mystery Fun Land. 130 00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:33,787 [ Man ] Who wants pizza? 131 00:07:33,821 --> 00:07:37,658 Oh, man. They got to go skydiving. 132 00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:39,927 [ Earl Narrating ] Not only did they get to go on cool vacations, 133 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,962 now they didn't have to walk places either. 134 00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:44,665 That's when I decided I wanted in on their fun. 135 00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:48,669 Let's go! 136 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:54,642 Excuse me. Could you at least roll us into the shade? 137 00:07:57,945 --> 00:08:01,248 Anyway, I didn't know where I could find you, so I thought-- 138 00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:04,652 What, that you'd look for us in the wheelchair bar? 139 00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:07,220 We're in wheelchairs, so we have to be in the wheelchair bar? 140 00:08:07,254 --> 00:08:10,023 - Is that it? - But you are here. 141 00:08:10,057 --> 00:08:15,696 Only 'cause it's ladies' night. In an hour, this place is gonna be wheel-to-wheel bitches. 142 00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:18,599 Frankly, Earl deserves to be in a coma after what you did to us. 143 00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:20,801 We fried like bacon out there. 144 00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:23,170 Which is why I left Earl outside on the blacktop. 145 00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:24,772 [ Bird Shrieks ] 146 00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:32,813 So you had to lie in the sun, now he has to lie in the sun. That seems pretty even. 147 00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:35,015 I got leg-humped by a Doberman. 148 00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:37,651 I got shoulder-humped by a Doberman... 149 00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:39,620 to completion. 150 00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:43,523 Oh, yeah. [ Laughing ] 151 00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:05,545 [ Continues Laughing ] 152 00:09:15,823 --> 00:09:17,858 Oh. Oh. 153 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,793 So can I cross you off the list now? 154 00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:25,733 [ Chuckling ] 155 00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:37,878 [ Earl Narrating ] Randy had failed to charm the pants off Brett and Tiffany, 156 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:40,080 but a homeless guy was havin' much better luck with me. 157 00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:42,916 Hey! Get away from here! 158 00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:47,755 You need nicer pants so bad, go home and get a pair. 159 00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:50,958 And get a haircut while you're at it. You look like a bum. 160 00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:54,795 [ Sighs ] Oh, man, you look thirsty, Earl. 161 00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:58,331 Let's go inside and see if they got a nice sponge you can suck on. 162 00:09:58,365 --> 00:10:00,400 [ Earl Narrating ] I was burnin' up. 163 00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,335 Fortunately, in my coma mind, things were more comfortable. 164 00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:05,806 Wakey, wakey... 165 00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:07,675 before the arthritis makes you achy. 166 00:10:09,677 --> 00:10:13,046 [ Applause, Cheers ] Hey, Earl. Hey, Mrs. Earl. 167 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:15,248 [ Woman In Audience ] Randy! 168 00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:20,187 Randy, we're lookin' at photo albums. Have a seat. 169 00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:25,025 Okay. But the doctor said I have to be careful so I don't sit on my balls again. 170 00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:28,361 [ Chuckling ] 171 00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,901 [ Sighs ] [ Chuckles ] 172 00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:37,905 Randy, you remember that? The time you got hit in the head? 173 00:10:39,707 --> 00:10:41,709 Hey, where's the bologna? 174 00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:44,377 E = mc2. E pluribus unum. 175 00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:47,380 In a right triangle, the sum of the squared sides equal the hypotenuse squared. 176 00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:53,220 Hey, where's the bologna? 177 00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:55,455 [ Snoring ] Remember this one? 178 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,357 That was a very special time. 179 00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:05,398 Okay, Randy. Show me on the bear where the bad neighbor touched you. 180 00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:11,939 He doesn't have one. [ Audience ] Aw! 181 00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:16,176 Can I get a refill on this? 182 00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:20,213 Wow. He really is in a coma. 183 00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:22,249 That's horrible... 184 00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:24,785 and funny all at the same time. 185 00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:28,155 You know, for someone in a wheelchair, you're not very inspirational. 186 00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:34,061 Well, well, well. Who's your friend? 187 00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:36,997 What do you care? You broke up with me. 188 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:40,233 [ Sighs ] I told you, Tiffany. I don't get close. 189 00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:44,204 People leave, or in my case, they run over your legs with a Ford Bronco, 190 00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:47,407 take the kids... and then leave. 191 00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:50,443 [ Chair Bangs ] 192 00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:53,446 What you lookin' at, Risky Business? 193 00:11:56,383 --> 00:12:00,253 I bet you just added a pint to your catheter bag, huh. 194 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,993 You know what, Randy? There is somethin' Earl can do for me. 195 00:12:06,026 --> 00:12:07,828 To cross you off his list? 196 00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:11,064 Yeah. I am dyin' to get back together with T.R. 197 00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:14,534 I-I know he's rough around the edges, but when he kisses me, 198 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:17,971 he sends shivers halfway down my spine. 199 00:12:18,005 --> 00:12:20,207 Help me make him jealous. Earl's in. 200 00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:23,510 [ Referee ] Play ball! 201 00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:25,813 [ Earl Narrating ] Tiffany figured the best way to make T.R. jealous... 202 00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,981 was to show me off in front of all his friends. 203 00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:29,549 And all his friends were at killerball. 204 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:33,520 That's a game where people who are already hurt try to hurt each other much worse. 205 00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:36,523 Oh, yeah, and sometimes they try to score a goal. 206 00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:40,227 [ Crowd Exclaims ] 207 00:12:42,529 --> 00:12:45,532 [ Crowd Whistling, Clamoring ] [ Referee ] Break it up! 208 00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:48,501 [ Earl Narrating ] Tiffany was workin' hard to make it look like I was quite a catch. 209 00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:52,205 [ Laughing Loudly ] Oh, Earl, 210 00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:55,175 you are so funny. 211 00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:57,210 [ Grunting ] [ Referee ] Break it up, guys. 212 00:12:57,244 --> 00:13:00,814 Earl looks bad, Randy. His skin is piqued, he's wheezin'-- 213 00:13:00,848 --> 00:13:04,084 And his mustache-- Where's its normal body and bounce? 214 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:07,220 You don't think it kills me to see his mustache like that? 215 00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:11,358 But crossin' things off the list is the only way he's gonna start to get better again. 216 00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:13,393 Besides, he's not that bad. See? 217 00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:23,136 Maybe he got used to my finger. Gimme your keys. 218 00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:25,906 Randy, he doesn't need a car key shoved in his ear. 219 00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:28,008 How do you know? You're not a doctor. 220 00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:30,243 He just needs to cross somethin' off the list again. 221 00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:34,414 Tiffany, make out with him, but stop if he starts to choke. 222 00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:37,017 Yes, please have her stick her tongue in the zombie's mouth, 223 00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:39,319 'cause this situation ain't quite wrong enough as it is. 224 00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:40,620 [ Whistle Blows ] [ Referee ] Play ball! 225 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,923 [ Earl Narrating ] Randy had high hopes, 226 00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:45,458 but unfortunately, T.R. was havin' such a great game, 227 00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:47,560 he didn't seem to notice us at all. 228 00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:57,070 [ Referee ] Goal, the red team. [ Whistle Blows ] 229 00:13:57,104 --> 00:14:00,473 - Look at him out there, showboatin'. - Yeah! 230 00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:04,411 That kind of showboatin' got you in that chair, you jerk! 231 00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:06,546 I love you. 232 00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:09,016 [ Earl Narrating ] As captain of the other team, 233 00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:11,551 Tiffany's brother, Brett, wasn't takin' things so well. 234 00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:15,255 I didn't jump out of an airplane with what turned out to be a torn parachute, 235 00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:20,027 land spine-first on a tractor-- miraculously unharmed-- 236 00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:24,965 only to have my sister fall out of the sky and snap my C7... 237 00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:28,435 so I could end up playing on a team full of wussies! 238 00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:32,539 Now get out there and kick some chair, damn it! 239 00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:35,608 Yeah! Whoo! Yeah! 240 00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:38,478 [ Crowd Murmuring ] [ Man ] What's he doing? 241 00:14:38,511 --> 00:14:41,548 Oh, uh, yeah. I forgot to tell you guys. 242 00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:44,317 Um, I can sort of walk. 243 00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:46,319 [ Blows Whistle ] [ Man ] You're a cheater! 244 00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:49,089 [ Crowd Protesting, Booing ] 245 00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:59,099 You're down a man, ace. Looks like you gonna have to forfeit. 246 00:14:59,132 --> 00:15:01,969 Over my half-dead body. [ Scoffs ] 247 00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:10,978 Look, we need another player or we're out of the game. 248 00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:13,947 Your brother helps me win this, he can cross me off his list. 249 00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:16,149 How's he gonna play in a game? 250 00:15:16,183 --> 00:15:19,086 He can't even hold a lit cigarette in his mouth to take a funny picture. 251 00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:22,455 Without the cigarette, he was just a naked guy layin' in the mud. 252 00:15:22,489 --> 00:15:24,557 I feel it's only fair to tell you, Randy. 253 00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:27,094 I've decided if this ends the way I think it's going to, 254 00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:29,196 I will be testifying against you. 255 00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:32,299 - No hard feelings. - This has to be what karma wants, 256 00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:35,535 otherwise all the decisions I made up till now would have been terrible. 257 00:15:35,568 --> 00:15:37,437 [ Blows Whistle ] One minute! 258 00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:40,007 - Well, is he in or out? - Put him in, Randy. 259 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:45,045 If T.R. loses to my new boyfriend, it'll drive him insane. 260 00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:48,048 I'm sorry, guys. But if Earl's gonna die, he's gonna die like a man-- 261 00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:49,983 tryin' to cross things off his list... 262 00:15:50,017 --> 00:15:52,085 while he's playin' a stupid game he doesn't even understand. 263 00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:54,487 - Let's do this! - [ Man ] Yeah! 264 00:15:54,521 --> 00:15:56,723 [ Crowd Cheering ] 265 00:15:56,756 --> 00:16:00,393 [ Earl Narrating ] I was about to do somethin' crazy, and I wasn't even awake for it. 266 00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:04,364 But in my mind, I'd lived through a whole lifetime of wacky stuff. 267 00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:07,400 There's Joy and Darnell before they moved to Florida. 268 00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:12,172 Remember how she used to burst in and insult us for no reason? 269 00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:15,142 Huh. Sure glad that never happens anymore. 270 00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:18,745 Howdy-ho, you dried-up old bastards. 271 00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:23,083 [ Audience Cheering ] 272 00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:25,785 - Hey, old Earl. - Hey, old Crabman. 273 00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:29,489 Remember when Earl's twin brother from the city came to visit? 274 00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:35,462 [ Audience Applauds ] Oh, thanks for lettin' me stay here, Earl. 275 00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:39,499 I so needed a vacay. Things are not going well with the missus. 276 00:16:42,169 --> 00:16:45,572 [ Earl Narrating ] In real life, it didn't look like I'd make it to old age. 277 00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:49,242 But lucky for me, Randy had a degree in joystick from the University of Pac-Man. 278 00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:51,211 [ Imitating Pac-Man Game Sounds ] 279 00:16:56,383 --> 00:17:01,088 - He kept me safe. - ** [ Humming Pac-Man Theme ] 280 00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,659 And, in a moment I wish I remembered, 281 00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:08,528 Randy even helped me score the game-tying goal. 282 00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:12,399 - [ Whistle Blows ] - Yeah! 283 00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:14,301 [ Player Grunting ] Geez! 284 00:17:17,104 --> 00:17:20,173 [ Earl Narrating ] The clock was runnin' down. The score was tied, and we had the ball. 285 00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:24,511 Come on! Let's cut 'em off at the knees! No offense, Paul. 286 00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:28,448 [ Earl Narrating ] Pressure was on, and we needed all the help from karma we could get. 287 00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:31,084 But karma works in mysterious ways. 288 00:17:31,118 --> 00:17:34,387 [ Sneezes ] 289 00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:38,391 Suddenly it seemed like Randy's chance to cross Brett and Tiffany off my list... 290 00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:41,561 - was slippin' just out of his reach. - [ Beeping ] 291 00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:44,731 ** [ Hip-hop On Player ] But knockin' that remote around... 292 00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:48,101 did activate the dancing bubbles function on my pimp chair. 293 00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:50,437 ** [ Hip-hop Continues ] 294 00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:53,840 - Randy! - Hold on, Earl! 295 00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,746 ** [ Switches Off ] 296 00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:03,082 [ Crowd Cheering ] 297 00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,621 -Somebody get him! -[ Earl Narrating ] If someone was gonna stop T.R., 298 00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:11,224 it would have to be me, with some help from Tiffany-- 299 00:18:11,258 --> 00:18:15,728 -I love you, Earl! -who finally found the magic words to get under T.R.'s skin. 300 00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:18,598 I love you and your fully functioning penis! 301 00:18:21,301 --> 00:18:23,370 [ Earl Narrating ] And that's when T.R. realized... 302 00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:26,973 that there was something he cared about more than killerball-- Tiffany. 303 00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:32,745 I did it. I made him jealous. 304 00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:35,315 [ Roars ] 305 00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:37,550 And thanks to the ricochet off my face, 306 00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:39,719 I also helped my childhood neighbor win the game. 307 00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:41,854 [ Whistle Blows ] Yea! 308 00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:47,260 Yeah! He did it! Earl crossed the Hensons off his list. 309 00:18:47,294 --> 00:18:49,596 Karma's gonna love this. 310 00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:51,631 [ Earl Narrating ] Crossin' those two people off my list... 311 00:18:51,664 --> 00:18:53,733 scored me a few points with karma, but it wasn't enough. 312 00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:58,938 Turns out, karma's a little like killerball. 313 00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:02,375 Sometimes you just need one more point to win the game. 314 00:19:02,409 --> 00:19:05,745 And Randy had helped me score a point across town without even knowin' it. 315 00:19:05,778 --> 00:19:10,217 Hey, Derrick? Since that guy snuck in my car, 316 00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:12,519 I've been kinda scared driving alone. 317 00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:14,954 Wanna carpool? 318 00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:17,724 [ Earl Narrating ] By puttin' me in the backseat of that woman's car, 319 00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:19,859 Randy not only helped Derrick get to work on time, 320 00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:23,796 but also got him a little closer to gettin' a new girlfriend. 321 00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:28,268 Sometimes when you try to do good things, you don't see any results at all. 322 00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:30,403 But that doesn't mean you should stop doin' 'em. 323 00:19:30,437 --> 00:19:33,673 That last boost of karma pushed me over the edge. 324 00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:39,379 Suddenly, coma world didn't feel like the right place to be. It wasn't real. 325 00:19:41,281 --> 00:19:44,951 It was time to get back to my life, and karma came to give me a lift. 326 00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:48,655 And just like that, I was home. 327 00:19:51,924 --> 00:19:54,961 - Earl! - Randy? 328 00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:58,265 Well, I'll be damned. 329 00:19:58,298 --> 00:20:01,234 Oh, my God. Somebody get him some gum. 330 00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:02,969 You got some bangin' coma breath, baby. 331 00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:05,305 Earl, you're back. Are you back? 332 00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:07,374 I-I think so. 333 00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:10,377 I was havin' this crazy dream. 334 00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:14,281 We were all real old, and we had spent our whole lives together. 335 00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:17,317 That doesn't sound crazy. That sounds just about perfect. 336 00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:20,887 And I was married to Billie. 337 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,989 "Billy"? Who's he? 338 00:20:23,022 --> 00:20:25,425 Oh, crap. I think the coma made him gay.