1 00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:05,731 [Earl Narrating] With gas prices so high, I try not to drive too much. 2 00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:09,570 But when Catalina is so late for work she's gonna have to change in the car... 3 00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,871 it's hard to say no. 4 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:17,511 Can you drive a little faster? It's disabled discount day at work... 5 00:00:17,617 --> 00:00:19,585 and the last girl there gets stuck with Jed. 6 00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:23,417 He's paralyzed from the waist down, so you never know if you're doing a good job. 7 00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:26,424 Sorry. The engine starts coughin' if I go over 40. 8 00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:29,689 I think it has something to do with Randy spittin' his gum in the gas tank. 9 00:00:29,796 --> 00:00:32,390 I told him bubbles wouldn't come out of the exhaust, but... 10 00:00:32,499 --> 00:00:34,899 sometimes he has to not see things to believe 'em. 11 00:00:38,138 --> 00:00:40,436 - Is that a hot tub? - [Earl Narrating] A used hot tub... 12 00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:44,271 laying on the side of the road may not seem like somethin'to be excited about... 13 00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:46,777 but there was someone on my list I owed one to. 14 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,509 Number 72- costJoy a hot tub. 15 00:00:56,122 --> 00:01:00,286 Hey, baby. Wakey, wakey, hands on snakey? 16 00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:04,056 No morning bang today. Got a job doin' some spokesmodeling... 17 00:01:04,164 --> 00:01:06,132 down at the Camden Barbecue and Hot Tub Convention. 18 00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:08,166 Barbe-Tub-a-Con is today? 19 00:01:08,268 --> 00:01:10,429 - Mm-hmm. - Well, how 'bout a quick one before you go? 20 00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:14,735 You know I can't resist you when your hair's all classy and up high like that. 21 00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:19,039 I know. When I see myself lookin' this good, I get horny too. 22 00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:21,113 But I don't wanna be late. 23 00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:24,581 - Did I tell you they're payin' me with a free hot tub? - Seriously? 24 00:01:24,684 --> 00:01:26,914 Yep. So just hold on to your stiffy... 25 00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:30,421 and when I get back, we'll fill that thing up and do it fishy-style. 26 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:35,528 [Explosion] 27 00:01:39,399 --> 00:01:42,163 Randy, come in here! We look like cartoons! 28 00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:45,829 My name is Earl. 29 00:01:49,008 --> 00:01:51,602 [Earl Narrating] Catalina was nice enough to help me with a list item- 30 00:01:51,711 --> 00:01:53,338 gettin'a hot tub forJoy. 31 00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:55,437 All right. Let's try liftin' it again. 32 00:01:55,548 --> 00:01:58,483 This time I'll try not to fart, and you make sure your top doesn't fall off. 33 00:01:58,585 --> 00:02:01,713 - [Sighs] - Ready? Go! 34 00:02:01,821 --> 00:02:05,848 - [Both Grunting] - Hey! Does anybody knock around here anymore? 35 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,894 Sorry. We didn't know somebody lived here. 36 00:02:08,995 --> 00:02:11,555 It's an upside-down hot tub layin' on the side of the road. 37 00:02:11,664 --> 00:02:13,564 Of course somebody's livin' in here. 38 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,833 [Earl Narrating] Homeless Joe drove a hard bargain. 39 00:02:16,936 --> 00:02:20,201 He traded the hot tub to us for a bar of deodorant that he promptly ate. 40 00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:23,400 It was the most exciting thing to come through the trailer park... 41 00:02:23,510 --> 00:02:27,378 since Mr. Henson tried to teach his pet monkey to drive stick. 42 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,710 [Children Screaming, Chattering] 43 00:02:32,585 --> 00:02:35,383 Sweet babyJesus. 44 00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:51,396 Mm-mmm. 45 00:02:51,504 --> 00:02:54,166 My whole body's relaxed. 46 00:02:54,274 --> 00:02:59,268 Earl, for the first time ever, you have satisfied me in a way Darnell never could. 47 00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:02,906 - Go, Earl. - Guess that means I can cross you off my list. 48 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:05,985 For sure. And the timin' is perfect. 49 00:03:06,085 --> 00:03:09,384 I've been havin' to soak my ingrown toenail in an old Cool Whip container. 50 00:03:09,489 --> 00:03:13,550 Which means Mr. Turtle gets his swimming pool back. He'll be thrilled. 51 00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:15,685 He can't really stretch out in the Country Crock tub. 52 00:03:15,795 --> 00:03:20,960 Darnell, get in here. There's a bubble jet in a place I know you're gonna like. 53 00:03:21,067 --> 00:03:24,332 No, thanks. I boil animals to death all day long. 54 00:03:24,437 --> 00:03:27,702 If I get in there, God may strike me down just for the irony of it. 55 00:03:27,807 --> 00:03:31,868 My Uncle Thoroughgood, the fisherman, choked to death at a sushi restaurant. 56 00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:35,106 Big man's got a sense of humor. 57 00:03:40,253 --> 00:03:43,689 ## [Women Vocalizing] 58 00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:47,487 [Earl Narrating]Joy loved her hot tub so much, she swore she'd never leave it. 59 00:03:47,594 --> 00:03:51,758 And, unlike most ofher promises, she had already kept this one for 24 hours. 60 00:03:51,864 --> 00:03:55,322 - Baby, you sat in that thing all night. You ever comin' out? - ## [Continues] 61 00:03:55,435 --> 00:03:58,871 - [Man] # Rock lobster# - I expect around noon I'm gonna need to buy another 40. 62 00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:01,736 Unless you wanna try sendin' Dodge to the liquor store with a note again. 63 00:04:01,841 --> 00:04:06,141 Well, you wanna put these on? Eugenia says the loud music is makin' her baby cry. 64 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,840 I already put my top back on. Now you want me to wear headphones? 65 00:04:08,948 --> 00:04:11,109 Besides, I don't care what these neighbors think. 66 00:04:11,217 --> 00:04:14,948 She's the dumb-ass that sold her Pontiac to pay for the in vitro! 67 00:04:15,054 --> 00:04:16,954 Now she's livin' with the consequences! 68 00:04:17,056 --> 00:04:21,083 You don't hear me complainin'about how loud that baby's dialysis machine is. 69 00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:23,958 I mean, how many signs do you need that somethin' ain't meant to be? 70 00:04:24,063 --> 00:04:26,531 I wish you could see your foot from up here. 71 00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:31,036 The way the light is hittin'the water, it makes it look like you've got a giant toe. 72 00:04:31,137 --> 00:04:33,970 No, I can see it from here. [Chuckles] That is funny. 73 00:04:34,073 --> 00:04:36,598 Hey, watch this: 74 00:04:36,709 --> 00:04:39,507 Big toe, regular- 75 00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:43,742 [Both Screaming] 76 00:04:43,983 --> 00:04:46,645 Well, looks like your toe's infected. 77 00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:48,983 So, what, drink a little cranberry juice? 78 00:04:49,088 --> 00:04:52,649 Mrs. Turner, you have a very contagious, flesh-eating staph infection. 79 00:04:52,759 --> 00:04:55,853 - What? - Oh, God. I helped you squeeze your flip-flop on. 80 00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:57,520 How the hell did I get that? 81 00:04:57,630 --> 00:05:00,690 Darnell, if this is some kind of mad crab disease, I'm gonna kill you. 82 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,462 [Doctor] It's not shellfish related. I've only seen one case of this in Camden. 83 00:05:03,569 --> 00:05:05,730 It was in a homeless man. 84 00:05:05,838 --> 00:05:09,672 The closest I ever come to the homeless is buyin' those videos where they fight. 85 00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:13,234 I mean, I like to be charitable, but I don't wanna just hand 'em the money. 86 00:05:13,346 --> 00:05:15,940 Well, the patient was a gentleman named Joe... 87 00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:18,415 and he lives out on Route 4 in an old hot tub. 88 00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:23,918 Earl, you son of a bitch. 89 00:05:24,023 --> 00:05:27,857 I'm sorry. I didn't know he was infected. He seemed like he was into hygiene. 90 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:29,894 He had a soup can full of toothbrushes. 91 00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:32,328 But, to be fair, it was also full of soup. 92 00:05:32,432 --> 00:05:34,593 Look what you did. 93 00:05:34,701 --> 00:05:38,102 - [All] Oh! - Hell, yeah, "Oh." 94 00:05:38,204 --> 00:05:43,141 Wow. Looks like one of them fancy hot dogs that plumps in the micro oven. [Sniffing] 95 00:05:45,745 --> 00:05:49,408 You are payin' for my doctor bills, my pedicure bills and my pill bills. 96 00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:53,246 And no generics either. I want top-shelf meds like the kind that celebrities O.D. On. 97 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:56,948 Listen, Joy. Whatever you need, l-I'll do. Maybe I can come over and- 98 00:05:57,056 --> 00:06:00,890 No, no, no, no, no. You stay the hell away from me. All I wanna see is your money. 99 00:06:00,993 --> 00:06:03,621 Someone spill milk on the floor? 100 00:06:04,731 --> 00:06:08,189 [Clicks Tongue] Oh, man! Popped again. 101 00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:10,201 [Earl Narrating] Darnell had spent time... 102 00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:12,203 workin'with something he called "bio weaponry"... 103 00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:14,239 so he knew to take infection seriously. 104 00:06:14,340 --> 00:06:16,501 Can I come in now? 105 00:06:18,010 --> 00:06:20,706 Okay. Ready. 106 00:06:23,483 --> 00:06:25,610 What the hell is all this? 107 00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:29,984 You keep to the foil. The boys, myself and Mr. Turtle will walk on the regular carpet. 108 00:06:30,089 --> 00:06:32,557 Well, did you have to put it shiny-side up? 109 00:06:32,658 --> 00:06:35,456 Now I gotta wear my underwear when the boys are home. 110 00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:43,864 Man, what a day. 111 00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:47,667 I've been lookin' forward to- to getting into bed and... 112 00:06:47,774 --> 00:06:51,574 forgettin' about this stupid foot for the next 14 hours. 113 00:06:51,677 --> 00:06:53,645 [Sighs] 114 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,679 What the hell? 115 00:06:57,784 --> 00:07:02,346 It gets chilly in here. Plus, one of us has to stay alive for the kids. 116 00:07:02,455 --> 00:07:04,923 [Exhales] 117 00:07:05,024 --> 00:07:08,653 [Sports Announcer Chattering On TV] 118 00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:09,762 [Sighs] 119 00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:10,660 [Sighs] 120 00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:12,663 You happy? Put a bag on it... 121 00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:15,666 so now you don't have to worry about anybody else catching this. 122 00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:20,102 Yeah, 'cause what germ could make it past a produce bag and electrical tape? 123 00:07:22,308 --> 00:07:25,607 - You're uncomfortable even touchin' me, aren't you? - No. 124 00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:27,611 No. 125 00:07:27,713 --> 00:07:30,546 No. N- N- 126 00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:34,181 You know what? I'm gonna go make us some iced tea. 127 00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:36,255 [Pats Leg] 128 00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:42,827 [Cookware Clattering Quietly] 129 00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:48,299 [Clattering Continues] 130 00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:50,301 What are you doin' in there? 131 00:07:51,838 --> 00:07:55,865 - Are you boilin' your clothes? - I'm makin' iced tea. 132 00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:58,569 Lord love a duck, Darnell. 133 00:07:58,678 --> 00:08:02,045 I'm wearin' a bag. I'm walkin' on foil. 134 00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:05,515 I'm glazed up in Purell like a damn Christmas ham. 135 00:08:05,618 --> 00:08:09,486 What do I have to do to not feel like a filthy leper in my own house? 136 00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:18,826 Bring me Earl Hickey! 137 00:08:22,401 --> 00:08:25,700 Not too shabby. It's like you're livin' in a snow globe... 138 00:08:25,805 --> 00:08:27,898 but in the summer 'cause... there's no snow. 139 00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:32,034 Which is good because- [Imitates Shivering] 140 00:08:32,144 --> 00:08:36,171 Darnell, since I'm kinda stuck here, would you kick Earl in the side of the knee for me? 141 00:08:36,282 --> 00:08:38,216 Listen, Joy. I feel terrible- 142 00:08:38,317 --> 00:08:40,911 - Ow! - Sorry, Earl. 143 00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:44,820 I got to appease her. She'll break out of that thing like a tiny pink Hulk. 144 00:08:44,924 --> 00:08:46,949 Anyway, I gotta go to work. 145 00:08:47,059 --> 00:08:49,084 - Bye, baby. - Bye. 146 00:08:57,236 --> 00:09:00,433 - I feel terrible. - Stuck in a bubble with a flesh-eating disease terrible... 147 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,440 or just a little case of the blues? 148 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:05,511 Well, the second one. But I'm ready to make it up to you. 149 00:09:05,611 --> 00:09:08,876 - So if there's anything you can think of that you want- - Oh, I've been thinkin'. 150 00:09:08,981 --> 00:09:12,041 You're not the only one that can make a list. 151 00:09:12,151 --> 00:09:15,314 These are the things that I do all week but can't since I'm stuck in here. 152 00:09:15,421 --> 00:09:18,948 You've deprived me of my freedom, and more important, you've deprived the world of me. 153 00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:22,459 So, until I'm free, you gotta be me. 154 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:25,861 [Earl Narrating] I never thought ofJoy as someone who has a to-do list... 155 00:09:25,965 --> 00:09:28,900 but it turns out she was a pretty busy lady. 156 00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:33,961 At 3:00 every Tuesday, she'd go buy meat out of the trunk of some guy's car. 157 00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:36,234 What part of the animal is this? 158 00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:39,175 I don't even know what animal it's from. 159 00:09:39,278 --> 00:09:41,974 - [Women Chattering] - [Earl Narrating] On Wednesdays... 160 00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:46,814 she'd spend four hours at the salon just to catch up on the latest gossip. 161 00:09:49,021 --> 00:09:51,922 [Dryer Whirring] 162 00:09:53,993 --> 00:09:57,292 And I couldn't quite hear this part, but Fran said her babysitter... 163 00:09:57,396 --> 00:10:00,456 is addicted to "hooch," "pooch" or "cooch." 164 00:10:00,566 --> 00:10:06,300 [Laughs] That sitter's a crazy slut, so it could've been all three. 165 00:10:06,405 --> 00:10:08,305 [Earl Narrating] And, always one to hold a grudge... 166 00:10:08,407 --> 00:10:12,036 every Thursday she'd track down the local ice cream man. 167 00:10:12,144 --> 00:10:14,874 Don't buy ice cream from this man. He's a cheat. 168 00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:16,881 If you ask for a rocket pop... 169 00:10:16,983 --> 00:10:20,441 he'll charge you for a double rocket pop and say it's an accident. 170 00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:22,578 It's a scam. 171 00:10:22,688 --> 00:10:25,020 She really does this every week? 172 00:10:26,692 --> 00:10:29,024 [Earl Narrating] But it wasn'tjustJoy I learned things about. 173 00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:33,929 Spendin'so much time with the Turners, I discovered stuff about the whole family... 174 00:10:34,033 --> 00:10:37,469 like the fact that Darnell gets migraines. 175 00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:42,803 Two boys, a demanding job, makin' 2.95 an hour- 176 00:10:42,908 --> 00:10:46,571 These are the things that weigh heavily on the Crabman, Earl. 177 00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:49,739 Earl, I'm done with my shower. Bring me some fresh clothes and new hair. 178 00:10:51,117 --> 00:10:53,017 Go ahead. 179 00:10:53,119 --> 00:10:56,885 If you don't, and she starts yellin', all your rubbing is for naught. 180 00:11:00,593 --> 00:11:02,493 [Earl Narrating] And the most important thing I learned... 181 00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:06,292 was that Dodge and Earl Junior were the ones with the biggest problem in the family. 182 00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:10,165 Okay, tomorrow the boys get out of school early, so you need to hang out with 'em. 183 00:11:10,269 --> 00:11:13,761 I usually take 'em to the arcade or somethin', since they don't have any friends. 184 00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:16,068 No friends? Are you sure? 185 00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:19,110 Yesterday, Dodge said him and his friend Roger... 186 00:11:19,211 --> 00:11:22,112 played dress-up and made funny faces at each other. 187 00:11:22,214 --> 00:11:24,739 "Roger" is what he named his wiener. 188 00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:30,149 That's sad that the boys don't have any friends. 189 00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:33,714 There's a man downstairs who's friends with lots of young boys. 190 00:11:33,826 --> 00:11:36,192 We should introduce 'em. 191 00:11:36,295 --> 00:11:39,093 I do wish there was somethin' I could do. 192 00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:42,099 What'd you do that year in junior high when you couldn't make any friends? 193 00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:45,136 Oh, Mom got me deodorant. And then I met Bill. 194 00:11:45,237 --> 00:11:49,139 - Bill was imaginary. - But our friendship was real. 195 00:11:49,241 --> 00:11:53,177 - And didn't Bill eventually move to Canada? - Ah, it wasn't his fault. 196 00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:55,509 His dad got transferred. 197 00:11:55,614 --> 00:11:59,516 Then his parents got divorced, and... Bill started drinkin'. 198 00:11:59,618 --> 00:12:02,246 I had to pull myself out of that situation. 199 00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:07,423 - [School Bell Rings] - [Earl Narrating] I went to pick up Dodge and Earl Junior... 200 00:12:07,526 --> 00:12:10,086 prepared to do anything to help them get friends. 201 00:12:10,196 --> 00:12:14,257 See you at the party. Everyone's gonna be there. See you at the party. 202 00:12:17,169 --> 00:12:19,069 - What the hell? - See you at the party. 203 00:12:20,172 --> 00:12:22,299 Wait in the car. And put this on. 204 00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:25,104 Look. I don't know what's goin'on here... 205 00:12:25,211 --> 00:12:27,611 but if this is just a B.O. Problem, I've got it covered. 206 00:12:27,713 --> 00:12:31,410 - Excuse me? - Dodge and EarlJunior should be able to come to your party. 207 00:12:31,517 --> 00:12:34,782 - Who are you? - I'm their mother's ex-husband. 208 00:12:34,887 --> 00:12:38,379 Oh, her ex. [Chuckles] Well, then you know. 209 00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:43,258 I'm Phyllis Woohoo. We've had some issues with Joy. 210 00:12:43,362 --> 00:12:45,796 [Earl Narrating] Turns out the boys weren't the problem at all. 211 00:12:45,898 --> 00:12:48,833 Mmm. Damn! This punch is better than sex. 212 00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,596 What's in it, sherbet? I'm gonna need a cigarette after this. 213 00:12:51,704 --> 00:12:54,537 - I need a cigarette. - Better than sex. 214 00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:57,370 Damn! 215 00:12:57,476 --> 00:12:59,967 - Over the years, she made quite a name for herself. - # Evil woman # 216 00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:03,048 That's how you get popular. Once your boobies grow in, that's gonna look good. 217 00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:08,951 - # Evil woman # - Just don't let that ass get any bigger. 218 00:13:09,054 --> 00:13:12,820 [Earl Narrating] And while some parents wanted to giveJoy a chance to change, she didn't. 219 00:13:12,925 --> 00:13:17,157 Hey, Mom. Check it out. She got these really cool water balloons that won't pop. 220 00:13:17,263 --> 00:13:21,563 Oh, they'll pop. If they didn't, you wouldn't have those two playmates there. 221 00:13:21,667 --> 00:13:25,626 They got into my nightstand. You should've seen 'em playin' with the lubricated ones. 222 00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:29,640 Looked like they were wrestlin' a greased pig. [Chuckles] 223 00:13:29,742 --> 00:13:33,508 - # Evil woman ## - Those boys are fine. It's Joy that's the problem. 224 00:13:33,612 --> 00:13:36,080 Well, Joy won't be a problem right now. 225 00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:38,707 She's stuck in a bubble 'cause she has a contagious infection. 226 00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:41,048 About time she got a real disease. 227 00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:43,917 She comes down with cancer every time we need parents for a field trip. 228 00:13:44,023 --> 00:13:47,186 The first couple of times, we raised money for her. 229 00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:50,660 Makes you feel any better, I think she bought cigarettes with that money. 230 00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:57,397 Listen. As-As long as Joy's out of the picture, here's directions for Dennis's party. 231 00:13:57,503 --> 00:14:02,372 Well, this sounds fantastic. And I'll still put the deodorant on 'em just in case. 232 00:14:02,474 --> 00:14:05,932 Uh, you're not gonna tellJoy what I said about her, are you? 233 00:14:06,045 --> 00:14:11,176 You see this? She pierced it with a kebab after I complained the steak was too dry. 234 00:14:11,283 --> 00:14:14,446 I wore a hoop for a while, but it made me a little too cocky. 235 00:14:14,553 --> 00:14:17,113 Anyway, I've learned to keep my mouth shut. 236 00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:25,993 I got your shoes fixed. The repair guy said to tell you to quit kickin' so many things. 237 00:14:26,098 --> 00:14:29,226 Yes! MyJessica Simpsons. 238 00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:33,066 You see what you're missin'? You would look so good in these. 239 00:14:33,172 --> 00:14:38,701 That's right, foot. You think about that the next time you wanna get infected. 240 00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:42,303 - Where are the boys? - At the park for Dennis's birthday party. 241 00:14:42,414 --> 00:14:44,814 - Dennis who? Dennis Woohoo? - Yeah. 242 00:14:44,917 --> 00:14:49,877 I think we were wrong about how unpopular the boys are. They've got friends. 243 00:14:49,989 --> 00:14:53,948 Earl, I know my kids. They never get invited to anything. This's gotta be a prank. 244 00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:57,654 You know, you invite some loser to your party, then tie him up, throw dog poo on him? 245 00:14:57,763 --> 00:15:00,323 I mean, that's hilarious, but not if it's my kids. Go get 'em. 246 00:15:00,432 --> 00:15:03,333 Joy, it's not a prank. Kids like 'em. 247 00:15:03,435 --> 00:15:07,633 EarlJunior has cool hair, and Dodge does wiener tricks. Just let 'em have fun. 248 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:12,234 They're not gonna have fun because kids don't like 'em! And if you won't go get 'em, I will. 249 00:15:12,344 --> 00:15:14,278 Joy, trust me. Just leave it alone. 250 00:15:14,380 --> 00:15:17,406 Trust the guy who used to leave Dodge at doggy day care so he could go drinkin'? 251 00:15:17,516 --> 00:15:19,746 I don't think so. I'm goin' to get my boys. 252 00:15:19,852 --> 00:15:23,618 Damn it, Joy. It's not the kids. It's you! 253 00:15:23,722 --> 00:15:25,622 People just don't like you. 254 00:15:25,724 --> 00:15:28,693 - Says who? - Phyllis Woohoo. 255 00:15:28,794 --> 00:15:31,194 She says that you make the other moms uncomfortable. 256 00:15:31,297 --> 00:15:34,198 You act trashy and wild. People don't wanna be around you. 257 00:15:39,238 --> 00:15:43,470 Joy, don't beat yourself up over this. Some people- 258 00:15:51,817 --> 00:15:53,842 [Earl Narrating] It was the worst-case scenario. 259 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:58,049 I'd unleashed a tiny pink Hulk to go infect the world. 260 00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:03,360 I knew where she was goin', and I knew I had to stop her. 261 00:16:06,932 --> 00:16:09,526 - Don't do it! - Oh, it's gonna be did! 262 00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:14,034 [Yelps] Joy, what the hell are you doin'? 263 00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:17,700 - Ah! Slow down! - # No right, no wrong Selling a song # 264 00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:21,041 - You got a dangerous disease! Innocent people- - # A name # 265 00:16:21,146 --> 00:16:23,114 - [Yells, Grunts] - # Whisper game # 266 00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:28,308 #And if the real thing don't do the trick # 267 00:16:28,420 --> 00:16:32,083 - # You better make up somethin'quick # - Joy! 268 00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:34,955 - # You gonna burn, burn # - [Earl Narrating] Joy couldn't wait to get to Phyllis Woohoo. 269 00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:38,461 - She had a lot ofbig plans in store for her. - # Burn, burn it to the wick # 270 00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:41,590 - # Ooh, barracuda # - [Crowd Gasps] 271 00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:44,760 #Oh, yeah ## 272 00:16:44,870 --> 00:16:46,770 What's up, P.T.A. Hos? 273 00:16:46,872 --> 00:16:49,841 Looks like I saved you the trouble of unwrappin'these. 274 00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:52,672 You're welcome. [Chortling] 275 00:16:52,778 --> 00:16:57,715 - [Laughing] - Who wants a piece of me? You? You? 276 00:16:57,816 --> 00:17:00,444 You, Woohoo? Huh? 277 00:17:00,552 --> 00:17:02,884 Who else? Hah! 278 00:17:02,988 --> 00:17:06,185 [Shouting] 279 00:17:06,291 --> 00:17:10,523 Hah! [Cackling] 280 00:17:10,629 --> 00:17:13,291 [Laughing] 281 00:17:13,399 --> 00:17:16,562 - [Chuckles] - Come on! Lick it! 282 00:17:16,668 --> 00:17:19,432 - Lick the toe! - Joy! [Muffled Scream] 283 00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:21,802 Oh, come on, Phyllis. Don't cry. 284 00:17:21,907 --> 00:17:26,105 I know this ain't the worst thing you ever had in your mouth. [Cackles] 285 00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:28,111 [Earl Narrating] Joy had horrible thoughts in her head. 286 00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:30,704 And those same thoughts were goin'through mine. 287 00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:34,117 Don't do it! Don't do it! 288 00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:41,689 - Don't do what? - Uh, don't, uh... 289 00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:44,490 forget to make a wish. 290 00:17:46,198 --> 00:17:48,530 [Boy] I wish I was a girl! 291 00:17:48,634 --> 00:17:51,626 [Children Cheer] 292 00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:56,231 ## [Slow Folk Rock On Radio] 293 00:17:56,341 --> 00:17:58,866 You run like a fairy. 294 00:17:59,978 --> 00:18:01,946 Okay. 295 00:18:03,782 --> 00:18:07,912 ## [Continues] 296 00:18:11,957 --> 00:18:15,950 I'm not afraid of those stuck-up bitches. I'll go down there and make a scene up in their faces. 297 00:18:16,061 --> 00:18:19,155 I don't care what they think of me. 298 00:18:19,264 --> 00:18:21,232 I know, Joy. 299 00:18:26,338 --> 00:18:32,140 It's not fair that they're gonna let some opinions they may have about me victimize my children. 300 00:18:32,244 --> 00:18:36,374 - It's just not fair. - Nope. It's not. 301 00:18:41,653 --> 00:18:43,553 You know, there's a lot of times... 302 00:18:43,655 --> 00:18:45,555 when my big personality is good for my children. 303 00:18:45,657 --> 00:18:47,750 Like when we were late to the movie. 304 00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:51,023 I scared the projectionist into replayin' the first 20 minutes of Ratatouille. 305 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:54,327 - They loved that. - # Tonight as I stand inside the rain # 306 00:18:55,601 --> 00:18:58,866 #Everybody knows # 307 00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,872 #That baby's got new clothes # 308 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:05,205 - # But lately I see # - You think I'm a bad mom? 309 00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:07,608 #Her ribbons and her bows # 310 00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:10,273 If you were a bad mom, you wouldn't be sittin' in this car... 311 00:19:10,382 --> 00:19:14,045 lettin' the boys enjoy a party with their friends. 312 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:19,420 #Ah, you fake just like a woman # 313 00:19:19,525 --> 00:19:22,323 - # Yes, you do, And you make love # - Thanks. 314 00:19:22,427 --> 00:19:26,830 #Just like a woman Yes, you do # 315 00:19:26,932 --> 00:19:32,199 #Then you ache just like a woman # 316 00:19:32,304 --> 00:19:37,901 #But you break just like a little girl ## 317 00:19:39,211 --> 00:19:42,044 [Joy] You may wanna... wipe off the gas pedal. 318 00:19:42,147 --> 00:19:45,048 I was toein' it pretty good. 319 00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:52,152 [Randy Laughing] 320 00:19:52,257 --> 00:19:54,589 - What's so funny? - Nothin'. 321 00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:56,888 Just somethin' Bill said the other day. 322 00:19:56,995 --> 00:19:59,486 - Your imaginary friend Bill? - Yeah. 323 00:19:59,598 --> 00:20:03,967 You were spendin' so much time with Joy 'cause her toe got sick that I reconnected with him. 324 00:20:04,069 --> 00:20:06,970 He's workin' at a gas station, and he's about to get married. 325 00:20:07,072 --> 00:20:08,972 - Good for him. - I hope. 326 00:20:12,344 --> 00:20:14,244 plus I'm pretty sure he's drinkin' again. 327 00:20:14,346 --> 00:20:19,374 You know, Randy, since Bill's imaginary, you could imagine him sober if you wanted. 328 00:20:19,484 --> 00:20:22,647 If only it were that easy, Earl. 329 00:20:22,754 --> 00:20:26,246 It's not enough for me to want it. Bill's gotta want to be sober for himself. 330 00:20:28,694 --> 00:20:30,594 Good night, Randy. 331 00:20:30,696 --> 00:20:32,664 Good night, Earl.