1
00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:05,731
[Earl Narrating]
With gas prices so high, I try not to drive too much.
2
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:09,570
But when Catalina is so late for work
she's gonna have to change in the car...
3
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,871
it's hard to say no.
4
00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:17,511
Can you drive a little faster?
It's disabled discount day at work...
5
00:00:17,617 --> 00:00:19,585
and the last girl there
gets stuck with Jed.
6
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:23,417
He's paralyzed from the waist down,
so you never know if you're doing a good job.
7
00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:26,424
Sorry. The engine starts coughin'
if I go over 40.
8
00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:29,689
I think it has something to do with Randy
spittin' his gum in the gas tank.
9
00:00:29,796 --> 00:00:32,390
I told him bubbles wouldn't come out
of the exhaust, but...
10
00:00:32,499 --> 00:00:34,899
sometimes he has to not see things
to believe 'em.
11
00:00:38,138 --> 00:00:40,436
- Is that a hot tub?
- [Earl Narrating] A used hot tub...
12
00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:44,271
laying on the side of the road may not seem
like somethin'to be excited about...
13
00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:46,777
but there was someone on my list
I owed one to.
14
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,509
Number 72- costJoy a hot tub.
15
00:00:56,122 --> 00:01:00,286
Hey, baby.
Wakey, wakey, hands on snakey?
16
00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:04,056
No morning bang today.
Got a job doin' some spokesmodeling...
17
00:01:04,164 --> 00:01:06,132
down at the Camden
Barbecue and Hot Tub Convention.
18
00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:08,166
Barbe-Tub-a-Con is today?
19
00:01:08,268 --> 00:01:10,429
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, how 'bout a quick one before you go?
20
00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:14,735
You know I can't resist you when your hair's
all classy and up high like that.
21
00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:19,039
I know. When I see myself lookin' this good,
I get horny too.
22
00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:21,113
But I don't wanna be late.
23
00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:24,581
- Did I tell you they're payin' me
with a free hot tub?
- Seriously?
24
00:01:24,684 --> 00:01:26,914
Yep.
So just hold on to your stiffy...
25
00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:30,421
and when I get back, we'll fill that thing up
and do it fishy-style.
26
00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:35,528
[Explosion]
27
00:01:39,399 --> 00:01:42,163
Randy, come in here!
We look like cartoons!
28
00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:45,829
My name is Earl.
29
00:01:49,008 --> 00:01:51,602
[Earl Narrating] Catalina was nice enough
to help me with a list item-
30
00:01:51,711 --> 00:01:53,338
gettin'a hot tub forJoy.
31
00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:55,437
All right.
Let's try liftin' it again.
32
00:01:55,548 --> 00:01:58,483
This time I'll try not to fart,
and you make sure your top doesn't fall off.
33
00:01:58,585 --> 00:02:01,713
- [Sighs]
- Ready? Go!
34
00:02:01,821 --> 00:02:05,848
- [Both Grunting]
- Hey! Does anybody knock around here anymore?
35
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,894
Sorry.
We didn't know somebody lived here.
36
00:02:08,995 --> 00:02:11,555
It's an upside-down hot tub
layin' on the side of the road.
37
00:02:11,664 --> 00:02:13,564
Of course somebody's livin' in here.
38
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,833
[Earl Narrating]
Homeless Joe drove a hard bargain.
39
00:02:16,936 --> 00:02:20,201
He traded the hot tub to us
for a bar of deodorant that he promptly ate.
40
00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:23,400
It was the most exciting thing
to come through the trailer park...
41
00:02:23,510 --> 00:02:27,378
since Mr. Henson tried
to teach his pet monkey to drive stick.
42
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,710
[Children Screaming, Chattering]
43
00:02:32,585 --> 00:02:35,383
Sweet babyJesus.
44
00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:51,396
Mm-mmm.
45
00:02:51,504 --> 00:02:54,166
My whole body's relaxed.
46
00:02:54,274 --> 00:02:59,268
Earl, for the first time ever, you have satisfied me
in a way Darnell never could.
47
00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:02,906
- Go, Earl.
- Guess that means I can cross you off my list.
48
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:05,985
For sure.
And the timin' is perfect.
49
00:03:06,085 --> 00:03:09,384
I've been havin' to soak my ingrown toenail
in an old Cool Whip container.
50
00:03:09,489 --> 00:03:13,550
Which means Mr. Turtle
gets his swimming pool back. He'll be thrilled.
51
00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:15,685
He can't really stretch out
in the Country Crock tub.
52
00:03:15,795 --> 00:03:20,960
Darnell, get in here. There's a bubble jet
in a place I know you're gonna like.
53
00:03:21,067 --> 00:03:24,332
No, thanks.
I boil animals to death all day long.
54
00:03:24,437 --> 00:03:27,702
If I get in there, God may strike me down
just for the irony of it.
55
00:03:27,807 --> 00:03:31,868
My Uncle Thoroughgood, the fisherman,
choked to death at a sushi restaurant.
56
00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:35,106
Big man's got a sense of humor.
57
00:03:40,253 --> 00:03:43,689
## [Women Vocalizing]
58
00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:47,487
[Earl Narrating]Joy loved her hot tub so much,
she swore she'd never leave it.
59
00:03:47,594 --> 00:03:51,758
And, unlike most ofher promises,
she had already kept this one for 24 hours.
60
00:03:51,864 --> 00:03:55,322
- Baby, you sat in that thing all night.
You ever comin' out?
- ## [Continues]
61
00:03:55,435 --> 00:03:58,871
- [Man] # Rock lobster#
- I expect around noon
I'm gonna need to buy another 40.
62
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:01,736
Unless you wanna try sendin' Dodge
to the liquor store with a note again.
63
00:04:01,841 --> 00:04:06,141
Well, you wanna put these on?
Eugenia says the loud music is makin' her baby cry.
64
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,840
I already put my top back on.
Now you want me to wear headphones?
65
00:04:08,948 --> 00:04:11,109
Besides, I don't care
what these neighbors think.
66
00:04:11,217 --> 00:04:14,948
She's the dumb-ass that sold her Pontiac
to pay for the in vitro!
67
00:04:15,054 --> 00:04:16,954
Now she's livin' with the consequences!
68
00:04:17,056 --> 00:04:21,083
You don't hear me complainin'about
how loud that baby's dialysis machine is.
69
00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:23,958
I mean, how many signs do you need
that somethin' ain't meant to be?
70
00:04:24,063 --> 00:04:26,531
I wish you could see
your foot from up here.
71
00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:31,036
The way the light is hittin'the water,
it makes it look like you've got a giant toe.
72
00:04:31,137 --> 00:04:33,970
No, I can see it from here.
[Chuckles] That is funny.
73
00:04:34,073 --> 00:04:36,598
Hey, watch this:
74
00:04:36,709 --> 00:04:39,507
Big toe, regular-
75
00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:43,742
[Both Screaming]
76
00:04:43,983 --> 00:04:46,645
Well, looks like your toe's infected.
77
00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:48,983
So, what, drink a little cranberry juice?
78
00:04:49,088 --> 00:04:52,649
Mrs. Turner, you have a very contagious,
flesh-eating staph infection.
79
00:04:52,759 --> 00:04:55,853
- What?
- Oh, God. I helped you squeeze your flip-flop on.
80
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:57,520
How the hell did I get that?
81
00:04:57,630 --> 00:05:00,690
Darnell, if this is some kind
of mad crab disease, I'm gonna kill you.
82
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,462
[Doctor] It's not shellfish related.
I've only seen one case of this in Camden.
83
00:05:03,569 --> 00:05:05,730
It was in a homeless man.
84
00:05:05,838 --> 00:05:09,672
The closest I ever come to the homeless
is buyin' those videos where they fight.
85
00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:13,234
I mean, I like to be charitable,
but I don't wanna just hand 'em the money.
86
00:05:13,346 --> 00:05:15,940
Well, the patient
was a gentleman named Joe...
87
00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:18,415
and he lives out on Route 4
in an old hot tub.
88
00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:23,918
Earl, you son of a bitch.
89
00:05:24,023 --> 00:05:27,857
I'm sorry. I didn't know he was infected.
He seemed like he was into hygiene.
90
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:29,894
He had a soup can
full of toothbrushes.
91
00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:32,328
But, to be fair,
it was also full of soup.
92
00:05:32,432 --> 00:05:34,593
Look what you did.
93
00:05:34,701 --> 00:05:38,102
- [All] Oh!
- Hell, yeah, "Oh."
94
00:05:38,204 --> 00:05:43,141
Wow. Looks like one of them fancy hot dogs
that plumps in the micro oven. [Sniffing]
95
00:05:45,745 --> 00:05:49,408
You are payin' for my doctor bills,
my pedicure bills and my pill bills.
96
00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:53,246
And no generics either. I want top-shelf meds
like the kind that celebrities O.D. On.
97
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:56,948
Listen, Joy. Whatever you need, l-I'll do.
Maybe I can come over and-
98
00:05:57,056 --> 00:06:00,890
No, no, no, no, no. You stay the hell away from me.
All I wanna see is your money.
99
00:06:00,993 --> 00:06:03,621
Someone spill milk on the floor?
100
00:06:04,731 --> 00:06:08,189
[Clicks Tongue]
Oh, man! Popped again.
101
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:10,201
[Earl Narrating]
Darnell had spent time...
102
00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:12,203
workin'with something
he called "bio weaponry"...
103
00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:14,239
so he knew to take infection seriously.
104
00:06:14,340 --> 00:06:16,501
Can I come in now?
105
00:06:18,010 --> 00:06:20,706
Okay. Ready.
106
00:06:23,483 --> 00:06:25,610
What the hell is all this?
107
00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:29,984
You keep to the foil. The boys, myself
and Mr. Turtle will walk on the regular carpet.
108
00:06:30,089 --> 00:06:32,557
Well, did you have to put it
shiny-side up?
109
00:06:32,658 --> 00:06:35,456
Now I gotta wear my underwear
when the boys are home.
110
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:43,864
Man, what a day.
111
00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:47,667
I've been lookin' forward to-
to getting into bed and...
112
00:06:47,774 --> 00:06:51,574
forgettin' about this stupid foot
for the next 14 hours.
113
00:06:51,677 --> 00:06:53,645
[Sighs]
114
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,679
What the hell?
115
00:06:57,784 --> 00:07:02,346
It gets chilly in here.
Plus, one of us has to stay alive for the kids.
116
00:07:02,455 --> 00:07:04,923
[Exhales]
117
00:07:05,024 --> 00:07:08,653
[Sports Announcer Chattering On TV]
118
00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:09,762
[Sighs]
119
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:10,660
[Sighs]
120
00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:12,663
You happy?
Put a bag on it...
121
00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:15,666
so now you don't have to worry
about anybody else catching this.
122
00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:20,102
Yeah, 'cause what germ could make it past
a produce bag and electrical tape?
123
00:07:22,308 --> 00:07:25,607
- You're uncomfortable
even touchin' me, aren't you?
- No.
124
00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:27,611
No.
125
00:07:27,713 --> 00:07:30,546
No.
N- N-
126
00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:34,181
You know what?
I'm gonna go make us some iced tea.
127
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:36,255
[Pats Leg]
128
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:42,827
[Cookware Clattering Quietly]
129
00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:48,299
[Clattering Continues]
130
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:50,301
What are you doin' in there?
131
00:07:51,838 --> 00:07:55,865
- Are you boilin' your clothes?
- I'm makin' iced tea.
132
00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:58,569
Lord love a duck, Darnell.
133
00:07:58,678 --> 00:08:02,045
I'm wearin' a bag.
I'm walkin' on foil.
134
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:05,515
I'm glazed up in Purell
like a damn Christmas ham.
135
00:08:05,618 --> 00:08:09,486
What do I have to do to not feel like
a filthy leper in my own house?
136
00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:18,826
Bring me Earl Hickey!
137
00:08:22,401 --> 00:08:25,700
Not too shabby.
It's like you're livin' in a snow globe...
138
00:08:25,805 --> 00:08:27,898
but in the summer
'cause... there's no snow.
139
00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:32,034
Which is good because-
[Imitates Shivering]
140
00:08:32,144 --> 00:08:36,171
Darnell, since I'm kinda stuck here, would you
kick Earl in the side of the knee for me?
141
00:08:36,282 --> 00:08:38,216
Listen, Joy.
I feel terrible-
142
00:08:38,317 --> 00:08:40,911
- Ow!
- Sorry, Earl.
143
00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:44,820
I got to appease her. She'll break out
of that thing like a tiny pink Hulk.
144
00:08:44,924 --> 00:08:46,949
Anyway, I gotta go to work.
145
00:08:47,059 --> 00:08:49,084
- Bye, baby.
- Bye.
146
00:08:57,236 --> 00:09:00,433
- I feel terrible.
- Stuck in a bubble
with a flesh-eating disease terrible...
147
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,440
or just a little case of the blues?
148
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:05,511
Well, the second one.
But I'm ready to make it up to you.
149
00:09:05,611 --> 00:09:08,876
- So if there's anything
you can think of that you want-
- Oh, I've been thinkin'.
150
00:09:08,981 --> 00:09:12,041
You're not the only one
that can make a list.
151
00:09:12,151 --> 00:09:15,314
These are the things that I do all week
but can't since I'm stuck in here.
152
00:09:15,421 --> 00:09:18,948
You've deprived me of my freedom, and
more important, you've deprived the world of me.
153
00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:22,459
So, until I'm free, you gotta be me.
154
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:25,861
[Earl Narrating] I never thought ofJoy
as someone who has a to-do list...
155
00:09:25,965 --> 00:09:28,900
but it turns out
she was a pretty busy lady.
156
00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:33,961
At 3:00 every Tuesday, she'd go buy meat
out of the trunk of some guy's car.
157
00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:36,234
What part of the animal is this?
158
00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:39,175
I don't even know
what animal it's from.
159
00:09:39,278 --> 00:09:41,974
- [Women Chattering]
- [Earl Narrating] On Wednesdays...
160
00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:46,814
she'd spend four hours at the salon
just to catch up on the latest gossip.
161
00:09:49,021 --> 00:09:51,922
[Dryer Whirring]
162
00:09:53,993 --> 00:09:57,292
And I couldn't quite hear this part,
but Fran said her babysitter...
163
00:09:57,396 --> 00:10:00,456
is addicted to "hooch,"
"pooch" or "cooch."
164
00:10:00,566 --> 00:10:06,300
[Laughs] That sitter's a crazy slut,
so it could've been all three.
165
00:10:06,405 --> 00:10:08,305
[Earl Narrating]
And, always one to hold a grudge...
166
00:10:08,407 --> 00:10:12,036
every Thursday she'd track down
the local ice cream man.
167
00:10:12,144 --> 00:10:14,874
Don't buy ice cream from this man.
He's a cheat.
168
00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:16,881
If you ask for a rocket pop...
169
00:10:16,983 --> 00:10:20,441
he'll charge you for a double rocket pop
and say it's an accident.
170
00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:22,578
It's a scam.
171
00:10:22,688 --> 00:10:25,020
She really does this every week?
172
00:10:26,692 --> 00:10:29,024
[Earl Narrating]
But it wasn'tjustJoy I learned things about.
173
00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:33,929
Spendin'so much time with the Turners,
I discovered stuff about the whole family...
174
00:10:34,033 --> 00:10:37,469
like the fact
that Darnell gets migraines.
175
00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:42,803
Two boys, a demanding job,
makin' 2.95 an hour-
176
00:10:42,908 --> 00:10:46,571
These are the things that weigh heavily
on the Crabman, Earl.
177
00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:49,739
Earl, I'm done with my shower.
Bring me some fresh clothes and new hair.
178
00:10:51,117 --> 00:10:53,017
Go ahead.
179
00:10:53,119 --> 00:10:56,885
If you don't, and she starts yellin',
all your rubbing is for naught.
180
00:11:00,593 --> 00:11:02,493
[Earl Narrating]
And the most important thing I learned...
181
00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:06,292
was that Dodge and Earl Junior were the ones
with the biggest problem in the family.
182
00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:10,165
Okay, tomorrow the boys get out of school early,
so you need to hang out with 'em.
183
00:11:10,269 --> 00:11:13,761
I usually take 'em to the arcade or somethin',
since they don't have any friends.
184
00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:16,068
No friends? Are you sure?
185
00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:19,110
Yesterday, Dodge said
him and his friend Roger...
186
00:11:19,211 --> 00:11:22,112
played dress-up
and made funny faces at each other.
187
00:11:22,214 --> 00:11:24,739
"Roger" is what he named his wiener.
188
00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:30,149
That's sad that the boys
don't have any friends.
189
00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:33,714
There's a man downstairs
who's friends with lots of young boys.
190
00:11:33,826 --> 00:11:36,192
We should introduce 'em.
191
00:11:36,295 --> 00:11:39,093
I do wish there was somethin'
I could do.
192
00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:42,099
What'd you do that year in junior high
when you couldn't make any friends?
193
00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:45,136
Oh, Mom got me deodorant.
And then I met Bill.
194
00:11:45,237 --> 00:11:49,139
- Bill was imaginary.
- But our friendship was real.
195
00:11:49,241 --> 00:11:53,177
- And didn't Bill eventually move to Canada?
- Ah, it wasn't his fault.
196
00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:55,509
His dad got transferred.
197
00:11:55,614 --> 00:11:59,516
Then his parents got divorced,
and... Bill started drinkin'.
198
00:11:59,618 --> 00:12:02,246
I had to pull myself
out of that situation.
199
00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:07,423
- [School Bell Rings]
- [Earl Narrating]
I went to pick up Dodge and Earl Junior...
200
00:12:07,526 --> 00:12:10,086
prepared to do anything
to help them get friends.
201
00:12:10,196 --> 00:12:14,257
See you at the party. Everyone's gonna be there.
See you at the party.
202
00:12:17,169 --> 00:12:19,069
- What the hell?
- See you at the party.
203
00:12:20,172 --> 00:12:22,299
Wait in the car.
And put this on.
204
00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:25,104
Look. I don't know what's goin'on here...
205
00:12:25,211 --> 00:12:27,611
but if this is just a B.O. Problem,
I've got it covered.
206
00:12:27,713 --> 00:12:31,410
- Excuse me?
- Dodge and EarlJunior
should be able to come to your party.
207
00:12:31,517 --> 00:12:34,782
- Who are you?
- I'm their mother's ex-husband.
208
00:12:34,887 --> 00:12:38,379
Oh, her ex. [Chuckles]
Well, then you know.
209
00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:43,258
I'm Phyllis Woohoo.
We've had some issues with Joy.
210
00:12:43,362 --> 00:12:45,796
[Earl Narrating] Turns out the boys
weren't the problem at all.
211
00:12:45,898 --> 00:12:48,833
Mmm. Damn!
This punch is better than sex.
212
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,596
What's in it, sherbet?
I'm gonna need a cigarette after this.
213
00:12:51,704 --> 00:12:54,537
- I need a cigarette.
- Better than sex.
214
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:57,370
Damn!
215
00:12:57,476 --> 00:12:59,967
- Over the years, she made quite a name for herself.
- # Evil woman #
216
00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:03,048
That's how you get popular. Once your boobies
grow in, that's gonna look good.
217
00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:08,951
- # Evil woman #
- Just don't let that ass get any bigger.
218
00:13:09,054 --> 00:13:12,820
[Earl Narrating] And while some parents
wanted to giveJoy a chance to change, she didn't.
219
00:13:12,925 --> 00:13:17,157
Hey, Mom. Check it out. She got these
really cool water balloons that won't pop.
220
00:13:17,263 --> 00:13:21,563
Oh, they'll pop. If they didn't,
you wouldn't have those two playmates there.
221
00:13:21,667 --> 00:13:25,626
They got into my nightstand. You should've
seen 'em playin' with the lubricated ones.
222
00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:29,640
Looked like they were wrestlin' a greased pig.
[Chuckles]
223
00:13:29,742 --> 00:13:33,508
- # Evil woman ##
- Those boys are fine. It's Joy that's the problem.
224
00:13:33,612 --> 00:13:36,080
Well, Joy won't be a problem right now.
225
00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:38,707
She's stuck in a bubble
'cause she has a contagious infection.
226
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:41,048
About time she got a real disease.
227
00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:43,917
She comes down with cancer
every time we need parents for a field trip.
228
00:13:44,023 --> 00:13:47,186
The first couple of times,
we raised money for her.
229
00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:50,660
Makes you feel any better,
I think she bought cigarettes with that money.
230
00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:57,397
Listen. As-As long as Joy's out of the picture,
here's directions for Dennis's party.
231
00:13:57,503 --> 00:14:02,372
Well, this sounds fantastic. And I'll still
put the deodorant on 'em just in case.
232
00:14:02,474 --> 00:14:05,932
Uh, you're not gonna tellJoy
what I said about her, are you?
233
00:14:06,045 --> 00:14:11,176
You see this? She pierced it with a kebab
after I complained the steak was too dry.
234
00:14:11,283 --> 00:14:14,446
I wore a hoop for a while,
but it made me a little too cocky.
235
00:14:14,553 --> 00:14:17,113
Anyway, I've learned
to keep my mouth shut.
236
00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:25,993
I got your shoes fixed. The repair guy said
to tell you to quit kickin' so many things.
237
00:14:26,098 --> 00:14:29,226
Yes! MyJessica Simpsons.
238
00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:33,066
You see what you're missin'?
You would look so good in these.
239
00:14:33,172 --> 00:14:38,701
That's right, foot. You think about that
the next time you wanna get infected.
240
00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:42,303
- Where are the boys?
- At the park for Dennis's birthday party.
241
00:14:42,414 --> 00:14:44,814
- Dennis who? Dennis Woohoo?
- Yeah.
242
00:14:44,917 --> 00:14:49,877
I think we were wrong about how unpopular
the boys are. They've got friends.
243
00:14:49,989 --> 00:14:53,948
Earl, I know my kids. They never get invited
to anything. This's gotta be a prank.
244
00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:57,654
You know, you invite some loser to your party,
then tie him up, throw dog poo on him?
245
00:14:57,763 --> 00:15:00,323
I mean, that's hilarious,
but not if it's my kids. Go get 'em.
246
00:15:00,432 --> 00:15:03,333
Joy, it's not a prank.
Kids like 'em.
247
00:15:03,435 --> 00:15:07,633
EarlJunior has cool hair, and Dodge
does wiener tricks. Just let 'em have fun.
248
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:12,234
They're not gonna have fun because kids
don't like 'em! And if you won't go get 'em, I will.
249
00:15:12,344 --> 00:15:14,278
Joy, trust me.
Just leave it alone.
250
00:15:14,380 --> 00:15:17,406
Trust the guy who used to leave Dodge
at doggy day care so he could go drinkin'?
251
00:15:17,516 --> 00:15:19,746
I don't think so.
I'm goin' to get my boys.
252
00:15:19,852 --> 00:15:23,618
Damn it, Joy.
It's not the kids. It's you!
253
00:15:23,722 --> 00:15:25,622
People just don't like you.
254
00:15:25,724 --> 00:15:28,693
- Says who?
- Phyllis Woohoo.
255
00:15:28,794 --> 00:15:31,194
She says that you make the other moms
uncomfortable.
256
00:15:31,297 --> 00:15:34,198
You act trashy and wild.
People don't wanna be around you.
257
00:15:39,238 --> 00:15:43,470
Joy, don't beat yourself up over this.
Some people-
258
00:15:51,817 --> 00:15:53,842
[Earl Narrating]
It was the worst-case scenario.
259
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:58,049
I'd unleashed a tiny pink Hulk
to go infect the world.
260
00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:03,360
I knew where she was goin',
and I knew I had to stop her.
261
00:16:06,932 --> 00:16:09,526
- Don't do it!
- Oh, it's gonna be did!
262
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:14,034
[Yelps]
Joy, what the hell are you doin'?
263
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:17,700
- Ah! Slow down!
- # No right, no wrong
Selling a song #
264
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:21,041
- You got a dangerous disease!
Innocent people-
- # A name #
265
00:16:21,146 --> 00:16:23,114
- [Yells, Grunts]
- # Whisper game #
266
00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:28,308
#And if the real thing
don't do the trick #
267
00:16:28,420 --> 00:16:32,083
- # You better make up somethin'quick #
- Joy!
268
00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:34,955
- # You gonna burn, burn #
- [Earl Narrating]
Joy couldn't wait to get to Phyllis Woohoo.
269
00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:38,461
- She had a lot ofbig plans in store for her.
- # Burn, burn it to the wick #
270
00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:41,590
- # Ooh, barracuda #
- [Crowd Gasps]
271
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:44,760
#Oh, yeah ##
272
00:16:44,870 --> 00:16:46,770
What's up, P.T.A. Hos?
273
00:16:46,872 --> 00:16:49,841
Looks like I saved you the trouble
of unwrappin'these.
274
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:52,672
You're welcome.
[Chortling]
275
00:16:52,778 --> 00:16:57,715
- [Laughing]
- Who wants a piece of me? You? You?
276
00:16:57,816 --> 00:17:00,444
You, Woohoo? Huh?
277
00:17:00,552 --> 00:17:02,884
Who else? Hah!
278
00:17:02,988 --> 00:17:06,185
[Shouting]
279
00:17:06,291 --> 00:17:10,523
Hah!
[Cackling]
280
00:17:10,629 --> 00:17:13,291
[Laughing]
281
00:17:13,399 --> 00:17:16,562
- [Chuckles]
- Come on! Lick it!
282
00:17:16,668 --> 00:17:19,432
- Lick the toe!
- Joy! [Muffled Scream]
283
00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:21,802
Oh, come on, Phyllis.
Don't cry.
284
00:17:21,907 --> 00:17:26,105
I know this ain't the worst thing
you ever had in your mouth. [Cackles]
285
00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:28,111
[Earl Narrating]
Joy had horrible thoughts in her head.
286
00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:30,704
And those same thoughts
were goin'through mine.
287
00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:34,117
Don't do it!
Don't do it!
288
00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:41,689
- Don't do what?
- Uh, don't, uh...
289
00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:44,490
forget to make a wish.
290
00:17:46,198 --> 00:17:48,530
[Boy]
I wish I was a girl!
291
00:17:48,634 --> 00:17:51,626
[Children Cheer]
292
00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:56,231
## [Slow Folk Rock On Radio]
293
00:17:56,341 --> 00:17:58,866
You run like a fairy.
294
00:17:59,978 --> 00:18:01,946
Okay.
295
00:18:03,782 --> 00:18:07,912
## [Continues]
296
00:18:11,957 --> 00:18:15,950
I'm not afraid of those stuck-up bitches. I'll go
down there and make a scene up in their faces.
297
00:18:16,061 --> 00:18:19,155
I don't care what they think of me.
298
00:18:19,264 --> 00:18:21,232
I know, Joy.
299
00:18:26,338 --> 00:18:32,140
It's not fair that they're gonna let some opinions
they may have about me victimize my children.
300
00:18:32,244 --> 00:18:36,374
- It's just not fair.
- Nope. It's not.
301
00:18:41,653 --> 00:18:43,553
You know, there's a lot of times...
302
00:18:43,655 --> 00:18:45,555
when my big personality
is good for my children.
303
00:18:45,657 --> 00:18:47,750
Like when we were late to the movie.
304
00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:51,023
I scared the projectionist into replayin'
the first 20 minutes of Ratatouille.
305
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:54,327
- They loved that.
- # Tonight as I stand inside the rain #
306
00:18:55,601 --> 00:18:58,866
#Everybody knows #
307
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,872
#That baby's got new clothes #
308
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:05,205
- # But lately I see #
- You think I'm a bad mom?
309
00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:07,608
#Her ribbons and her bows #
310
00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:10,273
If you were a bad mom,
you wouldn't be sittin' in this car...
311
00:19:10,382 --> 00:19:14,045
lettin' the boys enjoy a party
with their friends.
312
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:19,420
#Ah, you fake
just like a woman #
313
00:19:19,525 --> 00:19:22,323
- # Yes, you do, And you make love #
- Thanks.
314
00:19:22,427 --> 00:19:26,830
#Just like a woman
Yes, you do #
315
00:19:26,932 --> 00:19:32,199
#Then you ache
just like a woman #
316
00:19:32,304 --> 00:19:37,901
#But you break
just like a little girl ##
317
00:19:39,211 --> 00:19:42,044
[Joy]
You may wanna... wipe off the gas pedal.
318
00:19:42,147 --> 00:19:45,048
I was toein' it pretty good.
319
00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:52,152
[Randy Laughing]
320
00:19:52,257 --> 00:19:54,589
- What's so funny?
- Nothin'.
321
00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:56,888
Just somethin' Bill said
the other day.
322
00:19:56,995 --> 00:19:59,486
- Your imaginary friend Bill?
- Yeah.
323
00:19:59,598 --> 00:20:03,967
You were spendin' so much time with Joy 'cause
her toe got sick that I reconnected with him.
324
00:20:04,069 --> 00:20:06,970
He's workin' at a gas station,
and he's about to get married.
325
00:20:07,072 --> 00:20:08,972
- Good for him.
- I hope.
326
00:20:12,344 --> 00:20:14,244
plus I'm pretty sure
he's drinkin' again.
327
00:20:14,346 --> 00:20:19,374
You know, Randy, since Bill's imaginary,
you could imagine him sober if you wanted.
328
00:20:19,484 --> 00:20:22,647
If only it were that easy, Earl.
329
00:20:22,754 --> 00:20:26,246
It's not enough for me to want it.
Bill's gotta want to be sober for himself.
330
00:20:28,694 --> 00:20:30,594
Good night, Randy.
331
00:20:30,696 --> 00:20:32,664
Good night, Earl.