1
00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:04,696
My name is Earl.
2
00:00:04,804 --> 00:00:08,262
[Earl Narrating] It used to be the best part
about finishing a meal at the Crab Shack...
3
00:00:08,375 --> 00:00:10,775
was that you were finished
with a meal at the Crab Shack.
4
00:00:10,877 --> 00:00:13,209
But Darnell was makin'
a few changes.
5
00:00:13,313 --> 00:00:16,043
Can I tempt you fellas
with some desserts?
6
00:00:16,149 --> 00:00:18,049
Wow, strawberry shortcake.
Fancy.
7
00:00:18,151 --> 00:00:20,051
We're tryin' to class the place up...
8
00:00:20,153 --> 00:00:22,383
and this was easier than
tryin' to get rid of that smell.
9
00:00:22,489 --> 00:00:24,684
That strawberry shortcake
sure does look good, huh, Earl?
10
00:00:24,791 --> 00:00:27,760
I don't like strawberries.
But I'm gonna take that German chocolate.
11
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:30,193
- [Bell Dings]
- I don't like strawberries too.
12
00:00:30,296 --> 00:00:33,026
I didn't realize
that's what was in it.
13
00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:37,001
Chocolate sounds better.
And German's one of my favorite flavors.
14
00:00:38,304 --> 00:00:40,295
You boys finish up your homework.
15
00:00:40,407 --> 00:00:42,307
Don't do too good a job at it.
16
00:00:42,409 --> 00:00:44,468
Mama needs that summer school
for free day care.
17
00:00:44,577 --> 00:00:46,807
I gotta draw something I think
is beautiful for art class...
18
00:00:46,913 --> 00:00:48,813
and I can't think of anything.
19
00:00:48,915 --> 00:00:50,940
Well, what about a butterfly
or a rainbow...
20
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:53,246
or the small of
Denzel Washington's back?
21
00:00:53,353 --> 00:00:55,048
I drew something beautiful, Mom.
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00:00:55,155 --> 00:00:57,988
- Who is that?
- Her.
23
00:01:01,528 --> 00:01:04,793
Please tell me somebody
slipped you a shot of vodka.
24
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,957
- Oh, yeah. She's mine.
- [Men Chuckling]
25
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,058
[Men Chattering]
26
00:01:09,169 --> 00:01:12,570
[Jasper] That's mine. Right there.
Come on! Hey, check it out.
27
00:01:12,672 --> 00:01:14,572
A dude cheerleader!
[Groans]
28
00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:17,575
They should put a skirt on him,
like the rest of the girls.
29
00:01:17,677 --> 00:01:20,612
And stuff his bra.
And put lipstick on him.
30
00:01:20,713 --> 00:01:24,649
[Earl Narrating] This wasn't the first mob
I had ever seen turn on a male cheerleader.
31
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:27,345
And it reminded me
of somethin'on my list.
32
00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:28,682
- [School Bell Rings]
- Hey, Kenny.
33
00:01:28,788 --> 00:01:31,188
- [Gasps]
- Whoa. Where you goin'?
34
00:01:31,291 --> 00:01:33,987
- Didn't you hear? I'm the new backpack inspector.
- [Zipper Opens]
35
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:37,860
George Orwell,
you sure were right about 1984.
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00:01:37,964 --> 00:01:39,864
[Chuckles]
What's this?
37
00:01:39,966 --> 00:01:43,493
Oh, my God.
Kenny wants to be a cheerleader!
38
00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:47,130
N-N-No, I don't!
I was gonna audition for the football-
39
00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:50,107
A sock, man. Nice, Randy.
40
00:01:50,210 --> 00:01:53,543
But you already crossed Kenny off.
Remember? You made him gay.
41
00:01:53,646 --> 00:01:56,206
Well, I crossed "Always picked
on KennyJames" off my list...
42
00:01:56,316 --> 00:01:59,717
but "Kept Kenny from his dream of cheerleading"
is an entirely different list item.
43
00:01:59,819 --> 00:02:02,447
Well, then "Made Randy
drink toilet water when he was eight"...
44
00:02:02,555 --> 00:02:06,321
and "Made Randy drink toilet water when
he was 10" better be two separate list items.
45
00:02:12,332 --> 00:02:14,630
Keep talkin',
I'm gonna cut off that hair!
46
00:02:14,734 --> 00:02:17,168
[Voice Cracks]
That beautiful, beautiful hair.
47
00:02:17,270 --> 00:02:19,170
[Woman On TV]
At Kimmi Himler Cheer Academy...
48
00:02:19,272 --> 00:02:21,263
you too will be able to tuck,
toe touch, tumble...
49
00:02:21,374 --> 00:02:23,808
fly and basket toss
with the best of them!
50
00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:26,902
Each camp session includes
an end of session cheer-off!
51
00:02:27,013 --> 00:02:28,981
Come for the cheer.
Stay for the friendships.
52
00:02:29,082 --> 00:02:30,982
[Man On TV]
Friendships not guaranteed by camp.
53
00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:33,143
We've got spirit!
Yes, we do!
54
00:02:33,253 --> 00:02:36,120
We've got spirit!
How about you?
55
00:02:36,222 --> 00:02:39,191
[Woman On TV]
How about you? You? You?
56
00:02:39,292 --> 00:02:41,192
So I checked with the camp...
57
00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:44,263
and they said they're okay with a grown man
staying in dorms with teen girls.
58
00:02:44,364 --> 00:02:47,094
You just have to sign
a "no statutory rape" waiver.
59
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:50,328
I told 'em you were gay, but they said
they're not fallin' for that again.
60
00:02:50,436 --> 00:02:53,894
Oh, well, that's so nice of you.
But that cheerleading flyer wasn't mine.
61
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,498
I've been trying to tell you.
That was ac-
62
00:02:56,609 --> 00:02:59,976
[Earl Narrating] There was a reason
Randy kept stickin'socks in Kenny's mouth.
63
00:03:00,079 --> 00:03:03,412
Kenny didn't want to be
a cheerleader. Randy did.
64
00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:05,711
- Turns out, I only knew half the story.
- [School Bell Rings]
65
00:03:05,818 --> 00:03:07,718
Say anything and I'll kill you.
66
00:03:07,820 --> 00:03:10,755
For a gay guy, you sure
do have a good memory.
67
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:13,690
Randy, l-I didn't know
you wanted to be a cheerleader.
68
00:03:13,793 --> 00:03:15,693
Come back so we can talk about this!
69
00:03:15,795 --> 00:03:18,730
That's what girlie guys like to do, right?
Talk about stuff?
70
00:03:21,467 --> 00:03:23,367
[Lock Clicks]
71
00:03:25,805 --> 00:03:29,366
- I'm in here.
- So am I.
72
00:03:29,475 --> 00:03:32,638
[Earl Narrating] Randy wantin'to be
a dude cheerleader seemed kinda crazy.
73
00:03:32,745 --> 00:03:34,975
But lookin'back,
he'd given me plenty of clues.
74
00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:37,743
- [Stomps]
- Cockroach.
75
00:03:37,850 --> 00:03:40,080
[Sighs]
76
00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:44,688
I'll have the number two special.
77
00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:48,227
- What would you like to order, Randy?
- Number one!
78
00:03:52,098 --> 00:03:55,966
- Well, that's the last beer.
- I'll go get another case.
79
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:59,402
## [Girls Vocalizing]
80
00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:06,406
- Randy? Come on. Randy?
- How long do you think you're gonna be in here?
81
00:04:06,512 --> 00:04:09,777
These bubbles are going fast, and Kenny
doesn't like anyone else to see Chester.
82
00:04:09,882 --> 00:04:11,907
Stuart,
put a washcloth over Chester!
83
00:04:12,018 --> 00:04:13,576
[Earl]
Randy, you're on my list now.
84
00:04:13,686 --> 00:04:16,780
And l-I can't cross you off
until I send you to cheerleadin'camp.
85
00:04:16,889 --> 00:04:19,255
So you can make fun of me?
86
00:04:19,359 --> 00:04:22,089
- Tell him you want to go too.
- No! I'm a man.
87
00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:25,062
It's the only way Randy will do it.
He follows whatever you do.
88
00:04:25,164 --> 00:04:27,997
How many years were you
Batman and Big Batman for Halloween?
89
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:31,366
[Earl Narrating] Kenny was right.
Randy does do everything I do.
90
00:04:31,471 --> 00:04:33,530
And if I was gonna cross him
off my list...
91
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:36,165
we were gonna have to be
cheerleader and big cheerleader.
92
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,767
I made fun of dude cheerleaders
'cause-
93
00:04:38,878 --> 00:04:41,210
[Exhales]
I kinda wanted to be one too.
94
00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:43,976
L-I just didn't think I could make it.
95
00:04:44,083 --> 00:04:47,211
- You're just sayin' that.
- I love cheerin'.
96
00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:50,153
My whole life,
I've dreamed of ownin' a pom.
97
00:04:50,256 --> 00:04:52,315
- Pom-poms.
- Y-Two poms.
98
00:04:52,425 --> 00:04:56,156
In fact, l-l-I've been sneakin'off
to cheer for years.
99
00:04:56,262 --> 00:04:59,959
But mostly in the shower, so I've never
tried anything too advanced...
100
00:05:00,066 --> 00:05:02,830
'cause of how slippery
it is in there.
101
00:05:02,935 --> 00:05:05,460
Yeah. That's why I wear
my shoes when I shower.
102
00:05:05,571 --> 00:05:07,471
Do you still want to
be a cheerleader?
103
00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:14,003
Yep. That's why I'm gonna
go to this camp with or without you.
104
00:05:14,113 --> 00:05:17,514
Randy, I don't know much
about cheerleading camp...
105
00:05:17,617 --> 00:05:20,347
but it sounds
[Singsong] spectacular!
106
00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:22,353
Kenny taught me to say it that way.
107
00:05:25,525 --> 00:05:29,188
[Cheering, Indistinct]
108
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:33,465
- Ready?
- Okay.
109
00:05:38,371 --> 00:05:41,772
[Earl Narrating] When we were kids, I'd destroyed
Randy's dream ofbecoming a cheerleader...
110
00:05:41,874 --> 00:05:44,604
which probably kept Dad
from kickin'him out of the house.
111
00:05:44,711 --> 00:05:47,202
But I still needed
to make it up to him.
112
00:05:47,313 --> 00:05:50,009
And while we were
goin'after Randy's dreams...
113
00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:52,584
Joy was tryin'to replace
Catalina in her son's dreams.
114
00:05:56,155 --> 00:05:58,350
Hey, sweetheart.
115
00:05:58,458 --> 00:06:01,120
- Mom-
- Yes, baby?
116
00:06:01,227 --> 00:06:03,787
You look old.
117
00:06:03,896 --> 00:06:05,363
You look old!
118
00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:07,399
[Earl Narrating]
Camp was already a nightmare for me...
119
00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:09,400
but for Randy
it was a dream come true.
120
00:06:09,502 --> 00:06:11,402
My name is Skyler.
121
00:06:11,504 --> 00:06:14,371
If you go high, then I'll go higher.
122
00:06:15,908 --> 00:06:20,538
My name is Randy and I like candy
and I like corn dogs.
123
00:06:20,646 --> 00:06:26,585
[Woman] Hello, cheermates, and welcome
to the Kimmi Himler Cheer Academy!
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00:06:26,686 --> 00:06:28,813
[Cheering]
125
00:06:28,921 --> 00:06:32,584
My name is Kimmi Himler.
126
00:06:32,692 --> 00:06:35,627
What's wrong with your face?
127
00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:39,892
Oh, apparently we have
some new campers with us today.
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00:06:39,999 --> 00:06:41,967
[Earl Narrating]
Turns out Kimmi Himler was once the captain...
129
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:45,469
of the Nathanville Community College
Fightin'Badger cheerleading squad.
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00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:49,473
We are Badgers.
B-A-D-G-E-R-S.
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00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:51,475
We're bad.
We're Badgers.
132
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:55,138
And their senior year, they ditched the guy
in the suit and got a real badger...
133
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:57,443
- which they didn't really think through.
- [Chuckles]
134
00:06:57,550 --> 00:06:58,983
[Pole Clatters]
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00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:01,747
He's gone!
The badger's gone!
136
00:07:03,656 --> 00:07:05,749
Okay, everything's gonna be okay...
137
00:07:05,858 --> 00:07:08,156
as long as none of them girls
are on their period.
138
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:11,662
- [Screaming]
- [Badger Roaring]
139
00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:16,428
Go Badgers! Go. Go!
140
00:07:16,536 --> 00:07:18,595
- [Screaming Continues]
- [Roaring Continues]
141
00:07:18,704 --> 00:07:21,867
The point is,
I never stopped cheering...
142
00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:25,239
even after the attack, when they had to stick
an eight-inch rabies needle...
143
00:07:25,344 --> 00:07:28,108
directly into my stomach
once a week for six months.
144
00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:30,705
[Chuckles]
Who else has that kind of spirit?
145
00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:33,342
Mary Lou Retton!
146
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:36,980
Um, well, anyway,
everyone find your hometown...
147
00:07:37,089 --> 00:07:40,855
- and you'll find your cheer squad! Okay!
- [Girl] Hey, Kimmi!
148
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:46,523
[Chattering]
149
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:54,899
What a team.
150
00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:58,306
Great. Just what this team was missin'-
two old dudes.
151
00:07:58,411 --> 00:08:03,144
Okay, teams.
Ready, set, go!
152
00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:08,152
What's goin' on?
153
00:08:08,254 --> 00:08:10,916
- Supposed to be formin' a pyramid.
- Come on, Earl. Get on.
154
00:08:14,594 --> 00:08:17,722
Don't even bother.
Last place gets last dorm pick.
155
00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:21,664
As usual, looks like last place
is going to go to Camden!
156
00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:24,568
Perfect as usual, Nathanville.
157
00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:26,570
Thanks, Mom.
158
00:08:26,672 --> 00:08:31,666
Maybe they'll give us a nice dorm
because of your... situation.
159
00:08:31,777 --> 00:08:35,076
No, we got the crappy ones last year,
and I was pregnant then too.
160
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,513
[Earl Narrating] Cheer camp was
gonna be harder than I thought...
161
00:08:38,818 --> 00:08:41,013
and so was changing Dodge's mind.
162
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:43,179
Blonde hair and blue eyes is rare...
163
00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:45,621
so it's considered
a treasure of the human race.
164
00:08:45,725 --> 00:08:47,625
It's what World War II was about.
165
00:08:47,727 --> 00:08:50,958
Why do you think theJapanese
bombed Pearl Harbor? Jealous.
166
00:08:56,736 --> 00:09:01,139
Oh, come on! You just like her
'cause she's the same color as pancakes.
167
00:09:03,743 --> 00:09:05,643
[Earl Narrating]
Even though me and Randy...
168
00:09:05,745 --> 00:09:07,770
would be sleeping
in the third floorjanitor's closet...
169
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:10,849
they did let us help our teammates
get moved into their rooms.
170
00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:13,145
It's not that bad.
171
00:09:13,252 --> 00:09:16,744
If it makes you feel better, I don't think
that urine smell's from humans.
172
00:09:16,856 --> 00:09:19,381
[Scoffs] These are the bunks
that Camden gets every year...
173
00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:22,484
because we always
come last at everything.
174
00:09:22,595 --> 00:09:24,563
Randy, you know,
if we're gonna lose anyway...
175
00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:28,156
maybe we should just pack up our tiny,
tight, itchy cheer pants and go.
176
00:09:28,267 --> 00:09:31,395
We can't quit, Earl.
We've got more competitions.
177
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:34,564
And at the end of the week,
we cheer in front of a real crowd.
178
00:09:34,674 --> 00:09:38,235
They'll yell back any letter you ask 'em to.
Even the hard letters.
179
00:09:38,344 --> 00:09:40,972
What's the point of bein' in front
of a crowd when we're gonna suck?
180
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:44,572
Speak for yourself, robo face.
I don't suck.
181
00:09:44,684 --> 00:09:47,482
- [Chuckles]
- Cool it, Juno. You suck worser than she do.
182
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:50,317
Every time you do a split, I'm afraid
your little mistake's gonna pop out.
183
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,323
This pregnancy was not a mistake.
184
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:55,087
At the time, Coach Barnes and I
were in a committed relationship.
185
00:09:55,194 --> 00:09:58,823
- That's not what I heard.
- Oh, eat a chicken, fat ass.
186
00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:02,230
Stop it! Stop callin'
each other names!
187
00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:05,133
Come on. Preggers, Headgear,
Chunk, Black Girl.
188
00:10:05,237 --> 00:10:07,603
You know why Badger Face
treats us so bad?
189
00:10:07,707 --> 00:10:12,167
Because people expect Camden folks
to act this way, to turn on each other.
190
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:16,544
Me and Earl have been dreamin'
about bein' cheerleaders our whole lives...
191
00:10:16,649 --> 00:10:21,245
but we never did anything about it because
we let what other people thought control us.
192
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:23,914
- Right, Earl?
- Yep.
193
00:10:24,023 --> 00:10:26,014
And now I'm gonna
be a cheerleader...
194
00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:29,617
no matter how stupid and girlie
and embarrassin' that is.
195
00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:32,698
Who cares what other people think?
196
00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:37,201
I'm here to do whatever it takes
to be the most best cheerleader I can be.
197
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,931
Me too. Maybe this year
the football team...
198
00:10:40,039 --> 00:10:42,735
will finally invite me to a party
that's actually happening.
199
00:10:42,842 --> 00:10:44,742
That's the spirit, Headgear.
200
00:10:44,844 --> 00:10:47,108
Look at all the good things
about our squad.
201
00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:51,309
Like Preggers is actually
two cheerleaders in one.
202
00:10:51,417 --> 00:10:53,317
And I can lift people really high.
203
00:10:53,419 --> 00:10:56,354
[Earl Narrating] I was impressed with Randy.
He wasn'tjust cheerin; he was leadin'.
204
00:10:58,357 --> 00:11:01,326
- [Gasp]
- [Squeaking]
205
00:11:01,427 --> 00:11:04,590
[Screaming]
206
00:11:04,697 --> 00:11:06,528
[Screams]
207
00:11:06,632 --> 00:11:09,430
[Earl Narrating]
After Randy's speech, a funny thing happened.
208
00:11:09,535 --> 00:11:11,526
#Whoop, there it is
Whoop, there it is #
209
00:11:11,637 --> 00:11:15,198
The girls all went to bed that night as I's
and woke up as a team.
210
00:11:15,307 --> 00:11:17,605
#Whoop, there it is
Whoop, there it is #
211
00:11:17,710 --> 00:11:21,578
After a few hours, we weren't
just a team, we were a squad-
212
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:24,650
which later someone told me
meant the same thing as team.
213
00:11:28,554 --> 00:11:31,546
And our skit could only be
described as raggedy awesome.
214
00:11:31,657 --> 00:11:34,217
- Our team is boom! Dynamite!
- [Laughing]
215
00:11:34,326 --> 00:11:36,294
Tick, tick, tick.
216
00:11:36,395 --> 00:11:39,455
- Boom! Dynamite!
- Tick, tick, tick.
217
00:11:39,565 --> 00:11:43,626
Our team is boom!
Dynamite! Tick, tick, tick.
218
00:11:43,736 --> 00:11:47,297
By the end of the day, we'd put the other
squads on notice: Camden was here to cheer.
219
00:11:47,406 --> 00:11:52,366
- That big guy has the spirit of 10 cheerleaders.
- Mommy will take care of it.
220
00:11:59,418 --> 00:12:02,478
Sorry. I have bad news.
I went through the rule book...
221
00:12:02,588 --> 00:12:04,488
and adult men can't
participate in the camp.
222
00:12:04,590 --> 00:12:06,581
So P-A-C-K up your crap and go!
223
00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:13,997
I guess I won't get to cheer
in front of a real crowd after all.
224
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:16,898
But Kimmi owns the camp.
She can change the rules.
225
00:12:17,002 --> 00:12:20,733
Doesn't matter, Earl. The president owns
the country, but he doesn't make the rules.
226
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,740
The Pilgrims make the rules.
227
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:27,571
I'd argue, but history is
the only subject he's better than me at.
228
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:29,648
[Sighs]
229
00:12:33,819 --> 00:12:35,844
- [No Audible Dialogue]
- [Earl Narrating] I didn't know exactly...
230
00:12:35,955 --> 00:12:39,015
how I was gonna change Kimmi's mind
about kickin'me and Randy out...
231
00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:41,559
but I knew I had to do somethin'.
232
00:12:41,660 --> 00:12:43,685
Nothing is going to change my mind.
233
00:12:43,796 --> 00:12:46,822
Now if you'll excuse me, Meg Ryan's about to
find out who's been sending her mail.
234
00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:48,832
It's Tom Hanks.
235
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,960
Over the years, I've come to know
the signs of a lonely woman:
236
00:12:52,071 --> 00:12:54,835
No wedding ring, sappy movie...
237
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:57,033
half gallon of ice cream, one spoon...
238
00:12:57,143 --> 00:13:00,169
and a face horribly disfigured
by a runaway badger.
239
00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:03,112
I had to do whatever it took
to give Randy his chance to cheer.
240
00:13:03,215 --> 00:13:05,706
Listen, Kimmi.
241
00:13:05,818 --> 00:13:09,310
I'm not really here for my brother.
242
00:13:09,421 --> 00:13:11,855
I'm here 'cause I'm lonely.
243
00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:20,126
L-O-N-E-L-L-Y.
244
00:13:20,232 --> 00:13:22,496
- [Gasps]
- Lonely.
245
00:13:23,602 --> 00:13:26,833
You've got male, if you want it.
246
00:13:31,043 --> 00:13:33,307
And so, I did what had to be done.
247
00:13:33,412 --> 00:13:35,312
Unfortunately, Kimmi was flexible.
248
00:13:35,414 --> 00:13:38,542
So no matter what position we were in,
we were always face to face.
249
00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:40,847
- [Grunts]
- [Growls]
250
00:13:43,455 --> 00:13:46,083
Is your eye gonna drip
every time you blink?
251
00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:50,087
Guess so.
252
00:13:52,131 --> 00:13:55,066
We're back in,
and I need a hug.
253
00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:58,136
I'd resorted to desperate measures,
and I wasn't the only one.
254
00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:01,472
Baby, what are you doing?
255
00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:04,475
Just spraying on some glitter
before I go read Dodge his bedtime story.
256
00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:08,877
- Can you hand me my fishnets?
- Good God, this Catalina thing is making you crazy.
257
00:14:08,981 --> 00:14:12,212
What is so crazy about a mama
wantin' her son to think she's sexy?
258
00:14:12,318 --> 00:14:14,718
Everything! Boys aren't supposed to
think their mothers are sexy.
259
00:14:14,820 --> 00:14:16,720
I mean, maybe
a couple weird dreams during puberty...
260
00:14:16,822 --> 00:14:18,722
you don't tell anyone about, but that's it.
261
00:14:18,824 --> 00:14:22,055
I'm not just gonna sit back and
lose my son to some skeevy senorita.
262
00:14:22,161 --> 00:14:24,061
He's not gonna run off with Catalina.
263
00:14:24,163 --> 00:14:27,690
Even if she was into eight-year-olds,
I doubt she wants you as a mother-in-law.
264
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,700
Catalina's just
the flavor of the week.
265
00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:31,793
Then it'll be some other girl,
then some other girl.
266
00:14:31,904 --> 00:14:35,567
Before you know it, he's 16
and has a family of his own and then-
267
00:14:35,674 --> 00:14:37,869
then he won't need me at all.
268
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,914
Baby, it doesn't matter
how many girls he has.
269
00:14:45,017 --> 00:14:48,453
He only has one mama.
He'll always need you.
270
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:51,216
You don't know that.
271
00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:55,258
[Sighs]
272
00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:58,262
[Earl Narrating]
Darnell fancied himself a good parent.
273
00:14:58,364 --> 00:15:00,832
And sometimes when you wanna help
someone you love who's hurtin'...
274
00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:01,934
you have to hurt
someone else you love to make it right.
275
00:15:01,934 --> 00:15:04,129
You have to hurt
someone else you love to make it right.
276
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:10,902
- [Yells]
- [Blade Whirring]
277
00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:13,171
Baby?
278
00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:17,648
Mommy, Mommy, the fan fell on me
for no reason, and it was on.
279
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:21,880
- Oh, it's okay, sweetie. I'm here.
- [Crying]
280
00:15:21,987 --> 00:15:24,217
I'm always gonna be here.
281
00:15:27,893 --> 00:15:29,793
[Earl Narrating]
It was the final performance...
282
00:15:29,895 --> 00:15:33,831
and after stayin'up for two nights practicing,
the Camden squad was ready to go.
283
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,766
Unfortunately, my stomach was too.
284
00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:38,996
You okay, Earl?
285
00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:41,004
I'm feelin' a little nauseous.
286
00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:43,040
Well, if you have to hurl,
you should go outside.
287
00:15:43,142 --> 00:15:45,667
They'll take away points if they think
you're doin' it to lose weight.
288
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,871
[Earl Narrating] Over the week,
I had gotten used to doin'cheerleading...
289
00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:49,880
around a bunch of other
cheerleaders...
290
00:15:49,982 --> 00:15:53,110
but when I thought about
gettin'up in front of a real audience...
291
00:15:53,218 --> 00:15:55,880
my stomach was the one
doin'backflips.
292
00:15:55,988 --> 00:15:59,185
- 'Sup, loser?
- Joy?
293
00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:01,316
- Hey, Earl.
- Hey, Crabman.
294
00:16:01,427 --> 00:16:05,022
Randy sent us a postcard sayin' y'all
were havin' a lot of fun at cheer camp.
295
00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:07,860
And Earl, I do not say this enough.
296
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,867
You are a douche bag.
297
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:13,234
Sorry about the camera, Earl. But with
all the things Joy has let me record...
298
00:16:13,339 --> 00:16:15,330
it would've been rude
for me to deny her this.
299
00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:16,874
Does anybody else know about this?
300
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:20,412
[Laughing]
301
00:16:23,749 --> 00:16:24,977
Oh, my God!
302
00:16:26,251 --> 00:16:29,015
Randy, Randy, Randy.
I can't do this.
303
00:16:29,121 --> 00:16:31,021
What?
304
00:16:31,123 --> 00:16:33,717
Joy's here and she brought
a ton of people from the Crab Shack.
305
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:37,592
They got camcorders! We're gonna look stupid
and 10 pounds heavier.
306
00:16:37,696 --> 00:16:39,596
So what?
This is our dream, Earl.
307
00:16:39,698 --> 00:16:42,667
Not mine, just yours. I just lied
so I could cross you off my list.
308
00:16:42,768 --> 00:16:44,599
That was a horrible thing to do.
309
00:16:44,703 --> 00:16:47,501
You know what's a horrible thing?
Tryin' to satisfy a double-jointed woman...
310
00:16:47,606 --> 00:16:49,506
while gettin' squirted in the face
with eye milk.
311
00:16:49,608 --> 00:16:53,408
- I did that for you, but that's it. I'm done.
- Well, if you're done, I'm done.
312
00:16:53,512 --> 00:16:57,073
No, Randy, that's how all this started.
313
00:16:57,182 --> 00:16:59,082
Look, all you do is follow me.
314
00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:01,914
You can't just do
what I do your whole life.
315
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:05,855
If this is your dream,
then you do it on your own.
316
00:17:08,327 --> 00:17:10,454
You're right.
I get what you're sayin'.
317
00:17:10,562 --> 00:17:12,291
I'll do it.
318
00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:13,729
But only if you do with me.
319
00:17:13,832 --> 00:17:16,630
Oh, damn it, Randy,
This is what I'm talkin' about.
320
00:17:16,735 --> 00:17:19,533
Randy, we ain't
goin' on without you.
321
00:17:19,638 --> 00:17:23,130
[Chanting]
We got spirit. Yes, we do.
322
00:17:23,242 --> 00:17:26,803
We got spirit. How 'bout you?
323
00:17:26,912 --> 00:17:31,747
[Woman On P.A.] The Kimmi Himler
Cheer Academy presents Team Camden!
324
00:17:31,850 --> 00:17:35,217
- [People] Camden!
- I do got spirit. Yes, I do.
325
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:36,480
Yes!
326
00:17:38,824 --> 00:17:41,258
[Cheering]
327
00:17:43,195 --> 00:17:44,890
[Mouthing Words]
328
00:17:46,098 --> 00:17:47,463
Yeah!
329
00:17:49,935 --> 00:17:52,426
Thank you, Lord,
for the gift we are about to receive.
330
00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:56,838
- [Man] Let's go. Let's go, man.
- [Man #2] Let's go!
331
00:17:56,942 --> 00:17:59,911
Are you pressing play?
Press play!
332
00:18:00,012 --> 00:18:01,639
Randy Hickey for homecoming queen!
333
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:03,510
[Jasper]
Shake your pom-poms, cutie boy!
334
00:18:03,615 --> 00:18:06,015
[Joy] You wouldn't be smilin'
if you knew how stupid you look!
335
00:18:06,118 --> 00:18:09,349
We're gonna put this on YouTube as soon as
one of us figures out how to use a computer!
336
00:18:09,455 --> 00:18:12,652
Hey, Randy.
Your vagina's showing!
337
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:14,658
[Earl Narrating]
My whole life, Randy's followed me.
338
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,785
He's always been by my side.
339
00:18:16,895 --> 00:18:19,090
You could say
he's been my cheerleader...
340
00:18:19,198 --> 00:18:21,598
and, well, I figured
for once I should be his.
341
00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:24,601
## [Pop On Speaker]
342
00:18:27,539 --> 00:18:31,305
Bang, bang, choo-choo train.
Come on, Camden. Do your thing.
343
00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:33,105
- We can't.
- Why not?
344
00:18:33,212 --> 00:18:36,807
My back is aching. My skirt's too tight.
My booty's sagging from left to right.
345
00:18:36,915 --> 00:18:38,815
That don't sound like Camden spirit.
346
00:18:38,917 --> 00:18:40,885
I know you got it.
Come on. Let's hear it.
347
00:18:40,986 --> 00:18:44,786
Bang, bang, choo-choo train.
Come on, Camden. Do your thing.
348
00:18:44,890 --> 00:18:48,951
Get it, get it, get it, get it.
Got it, got it, got it, got it.
349
00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:54,158
C- A-M!
C- A-M-D-E-N. Camden!
350
00:18:54,266 --> 00:18:56,530
[Cheering]
351
00:19:00,172 --> 00:19:02,868
[Earl Narrating] We weren't
the best squad that camp had ever seen...
352
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:05,876
but we were the best squad
Camden had ever seen...
353
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:08,742
and that was all because of Randy.
354
00:19:08,847 --> 00:19:11,475
[Hoots]
355
00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:13,813
Nice job, cowboy.
356
00:19:13,919 --> 00:19:16,581
The veterinarian who
drains my eye is in Camden.
357
00:19:16,688 --> 00:19:20,351
I'm there every Friday.
I'm gonna look you up.
358
00:19:24,463 --> 00:19:25,930
[Spits]
359
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,898
Later that day, I realized
there were probably a lot of other things...
360
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:35,599
Randy would enjoy doin'but didn't try
because of me, like strawberry shortcake.
361
00:19:35,707 --> 00:19:38,540
But fortunately,
I wasn't the only one realizin'that.
362
00:19:38,644 --> 00:19:40,544
Here's your strawberry shortcake.
363
00:19:40,646 --> 00:19:43,809
I put the tartar sauce on the side because
I feared you might regret that decision.
364
00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:47,443
And maybe Randy had
a thing or two to teach me.