1
00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:04,593
My name is Earl.
2
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,434
I can't decide which
list item to do today-
3
00:00:09,542 --> 00:00:11,567
pushed Slow Roger down a hill
in the porta-potty...
4
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:14,169
or got the babysitter pregnant.
5
00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:18,239
- Hey.
- Here's an idea. Here's a crazy idea.
6
00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:20,842
How about for once
we do what I wanna do?
7
00:00:20,954 --> 00:00:24,754
And I might not know what that is right now,
but I know what it's not-
8
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,258
doing another item
on your stupid list!
9
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,294
[Earl Narrating]
Maybe it was my imagination...
10
00:00:29,396 --> 00:00:32,627
but Randy seemed kind of stressed out
this morning, and he wasn't the only one.
11
00:00:32,732 --> 00:00:35,326
How the hell you gonna sit with a straight face
and tell me that MacGyver...
12
00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:37,630
wouldn't be the most awesome
president of the United States of America ever?
13
00:00:37,737 --> 00:00:39,602
He's a fictional character, Joy.
14
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:43,608
No. Fictional characters are in books, Darnell.
MacGyver's on TV.
15
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,803
I'm not gonna argue about this.
16
00:00:45,912 --> 00:00:48,039
"I'm not gonna argue about this."
I hate when you say that.
17
00:00:48,148 --> 00:00:51,049
It makes it sound like you think you could win
the argument if you wanted to...
18
00:00:51,151 --> 00:00:53,210
but I'm too stupid to argue with.
19
00:00:53,319 --> 00:00:55,219
Argue with me!
20
00:00:55,321 --> 00:00:57,619
[Earl Narrating] For some reason,
tensions were higher than normal.
21
00:00:57,724 --> 00:01:02,058
Even laid-back Catalina
had her G-string in a bunch.
22
00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,531
That's it.
23
00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:10,268
Go ahead.
Take a squeeze so I can eat in peace.
24
00:01:10,370 --> 00:01:12,270
Take a squeeze!
25
00:01:12,372 --> 00:01:14,567
[Earl Narrating] Yep. Something
was definitely in the air that morning.
26
00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:17,438
Randy, give me my list back.
27
00:01:17,544 --> 00:01:20,308
Why don't you come and get it?
28
00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:23,177
[Earl Narrating] Maybe it was a coincidence
that people were acting odd.
29
00:01:23,283 --> 00:01:25,808
Or maybe it was like how
animals get freaked out...
30
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:28,615
right before an earthquake
or a tsunami or-
31
00:01:28,721 --> 00:01:30,780
Oh, my God!
It's a giant swirly wind thingy.
32
00:01:30,890 --> 00:01:32,790
Or as they call it on the news-
33
00:01:32,892 --> 00:01:34,985
Tornado!
34
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:38,258
The tornado ditch was
the trailer park version of a storm shelter.
35
00:01:38,364 --> 00:01:40,389
And in Camden, it got a lot of use.
36
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:42,559
Remember, if we get separated...
37
00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:45,035
we all meet back
where the trailer used to be.
38
00:01:45,138 --> 00:01:47,106
[Man]
I got it!
39
00:01:47,207 --> 00:01:49,141
[Earl Narrating]
After the tornado passed...
40
00:01:49,242 --> 00:01:51,710
it became clear
why we called it "nature's game show."
41
00:01:51,811 --> 00:01:53,904
Anything on the ground
is finders, keepers.
42
00:01:54,013 --> 00:01:57,380
- [Joy] Kids, remember. Shiny before heavy.
- [Man] I got it!
43
00:01:57,484 --> 00:01:59,452
That's mine right there.
44
00:02:04,457 --> 00:02:07,085
Earl, look! Steaks!
45
00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:09,161
Finders, keepers.
46
00:02:09,262 --> 00:02:11,355
Just keep an eye out for my list.
47
00:02:16,603 --> 00:02:18,571
[Randy]
Earl! Earl! Earl!
48
00:02:18,671 --> 00:02:20,798
I got a boat.
This is awesome!
49
00:02:20,907 --> 00:02:23,398
Now we can live
just like The Love Boat.
50
00:02:23,510 --> 00:02:28,311
You wanna be Isaac,
Julie or that pervy doctor?
51
00:02:28,414 --> 00:02:31,713
Wait. I take that back.
I wanna be the pervy doctor.
52
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:34,378
[Earl Narrating]
Catalina hadn't lived in Camden that long...
53
00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:36,546
so she wasn't used to tornadoes...
54
00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:38,681
or the finders, keepers rule.
55
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:43,818
- Finders, keepers.
- But that's my purse.
56
00:02:43,930 --> 00:02:46,023
It's imitation imitation Gucci.
57
00:02:46,132 --> 00:02:49,226
Well, it's mine now.
That's the rules.
58
00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:51,667
You don't see me bitchin'
about losing my diaphragm.
59
00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:55,002
- [Sniffs]
- Hey, that's my shoe.
60
00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:57,406
- This isn't fair.
- Fair?
61
00:02:57,510 --> 00:03:01,173
I got 1500 on my S.A.T.'s.
Life ain't fair.
62
00:03:01,281 --> 00:03:03,943
[Earl Narrating]
Catalina didn't like having her stuff stolen...
63
00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:07,076
but she was about to learn the meaning
of that old American saying...
64
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,678
"Don't get mad. Get even."
65
00:03:11,491 --> 00:03:13,391
Everybody freeze!
66
00:03:14,494 --> 00:03:16,485
I am sick of being walked on.
67
00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:19,793
I am walked on as an immigrant.
I am walked on as a maid.
68
00:03:19,899 --> 00:03:21,833
I am walked on as a stripper.
69
00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:25,803
Literally! There's a guy who comes in
on Wednesdays who's into that sort of thing.
70
00:03:25,905 --> 00:03:30,239
So give me back my purse
and my shoe.
71
00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:34,578
And, Patty, I like that watch.
72
00:03:34,681 --> 00:03:38,082
You know what?
Give me everything.
73
00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:42,120
You heard her, folks.
Gun rules trump tornado rules.
74
00:03:44,324 --> 00:03:48,124
Darnell, look. A Bible.
I wonder if this is some kind of sign.
75
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:51,220
Doubtful.
Natural disasters are stressful times...
76
00:03:51,331 --> 00:03:54,425
in which people ascribe heightened meaning
to random events of physics.
77
00:03:54,534 --> 00:03:57,298
I think a Bible
just got blown onto the steps.
78
00:03:57,403 --> 00:04:00,668
Yeah. Okay. And I guess Adam and Eve
just got blown into the Garden of Apples.
79
00:04:00,773 --> 00:04:02,741
Things happen for a reason, Darnell.
80
00:04:02,842 --> 00:04:07,006
- I'm not gonna argue about this.
- There you- Damn it.
81
00:04:07,113 --> 00:04:09,206
Stop treating me like I'm stupid.
82
00:04:12,051 --> 00:04:13,951
I'm not treating you
like you're stupid, baby.
83
00:04:14,053 --> 00:04:17,113
It's just that you have very strong opinions
that you don't seem to wanna change...
84
00:04:17,223 --> 00:04:21,853
and I don't wanna spend all day arguing
with the most beautiful girl in the trailer park.
85
00:04:21,961 --> 00:04:23,986
Don't you talk down to me.
86
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:26,463
I know when I'm
being comprehended to.
87
00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:29,433
- You think you're smarter than me.
- I am smarter than you.
88
00:04:29,535 --> 00:04:31,696
[Gasps]
89
00:04:31,804 --> 00:04:34,534
But that doesn't make me better.
90
00:04:34,641 --> 00:04:38,099
Y-You're stronger and you know all the words
to "Total Eclipse of the Heart."
91
00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:40,179
Not to mention that statistically...
92
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:43,374
you're at a lower risk for heart disease,
so kudos for that, huh?
93
00:04:43,483 --> 00:04:45,542
[Sizzling]
94
00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:48,280
Well, it's gone.
The list is gone.
95
00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:51,357
Great. Now I gotta
rewrite the whole thing.
96
00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:53,687
I think these steaks
came pre-marinated.
97
00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:57,320
I swear this one smells like wine or whiskey
or some kind of alcohol.
98
00:04:57,430 --> 00:05:01,389
I don't think I want those steaks, Randy.
They don't belong to us.
99
00:05:01,501 --> 00:05:04,061
None of this stuff belongs to us.
100
00:05:04,170 --> 00:05:07,162
I bet someone's really missing
those steaks right now.
101
00:05:07,273 --> 00:05:08,831
And that boat.
102
00:05:08,941 --> 00:05:11,967
Yeah. Those people would
be the losers, weepers.
103
00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:14,205
What's the matter with you, Earl?
You love finders, keepers.
104
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:18,910
During the last tornado,
you got that cool blue door for the El Camino.
105
00:05:22,455 --> 00:05:26,221
You know what?
I bet that's why I lost my list.
106
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:30,729
Karma did it- so I'd realize
what losing something feels like.
107
00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:33,424
I gotta add that blue door
to my new list.
108
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,663
- What's this?
- We're gonna find out who's smarter.
109
00:05:37,770 --> 00:05:41,672
I can beat you at any game we own.
Pick one. Uno. Jacks. Twister.
110
00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:45,266
- Those aren't about intellect.
- Fine.
111
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:49,277
Operation. That's a game
made by doctors.
112
00:05:51,617 --> 00:05:53,585
Oh, no. Here comes another one.
113
00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:58,020
Boys, get in here and tie yourselves
to your mother! We're going back to the ditch!
114
00:05:58,124 --> 00:05:59,853
Go! Get!
115
00:05:59,959 --> 00:06:02,723
[Earl Narrating] Catalina was about
to change the way the world treated her.
116
00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:05,195
- But instead, something changed her.
- [Gasps]
117
00:06:10,737 --> 00:06:15,265
Another tornado has been sighted
here in Camden...
118
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,400
and it looks like
there's more to come.
119
00:06:17,510 --> 00:06:19,876
[Screaming]
120
00:06:19,979 --> 00:06:21,446
Was that my daughter?
121
00:06:25,785 --> 00:06:30,222
Randy, they said there's another one coming!
You gotta get inside!
122
00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:34,851
No can do, Earl!
A captain always goes down with the ship!
123
00:06:34,961 --> 00:06:37,759
Fine. Suit yourself!
But don't come crying to me when-
124
00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:40,958
[Screaming]
125
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,659
Randy!
126
00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:49,274
Randy!
Oh, my God! Randy!
127
00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:52,401
My brother got sucked up
into the tornado.
128
00:06:52,512 --> 00:06:56,710
Quick. Everybody drag your mattresses
into the parking lot.
129
00:06:59,018 --> 00:07:00,986
Whoo!
130
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:05,023
- Whoo-hoo!
- [Earl] Randy!
131
00:07:05,124 --> 00:07:07,649
You're not dead.
Thank God.
132
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:10,228
- I'm so sorry.
- Why are you sorry?
133
00:07:10,329 --> 00:07:15,062
I've never felt more alive.
I rode a tornado! I was flying!
134
00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:17,500
And you should see
all this stuff up here...
135
00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:21,471
like a toaster, tennis racket...
136
00:07:21,574 --> 00:07:24,168
skateboard.
137
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,507
A gun.
138
00:07:27,914 --> 00:07:31,111
Damn it, Randy.
What have I told you about throwing guns?
139
00:07:31,217 --> 00:07:33,151
Oh, right.
Not to do it.
140
00:07:33,252 --> 00:07:36,779
Hey, there's a half
a kitty cat up here.
141
00:07:36,889 --> 00:07:40,347
Wow. You wouldn't believe
what they put inside a kitty cat.
142
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:44,157
It's, like, really gross soup
and snakes.
143
00:07:44,263 --> 00:07:46,629
[Retching]
144
00:07:49,168 --> 00:07:53,070
- Check it out. We got a boat.
- Oh, you are so smart.
145
00:07:53,172 --> 00:07:55,072
Is that what that is, a boat?
146
00:07:55,174 --> 00:07:57,540
I didn't know that.
I thought it was a herd of lions.
147
00:07:57,643 --> 00:08:01,044
Actually, a group of lions
is called a pride.
148
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,172
I knew that.
It's in The Lion King.
149
00:08:03,282 --> 00:08:04,749
Shut up!
150
00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:07,081
So you know
a bunch of stuff that's in a cartoon.
151
00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:09,086
I'm the kind of smart
that people care about...
152
00:08:09,188 --> 00:08:11,349
the kind that matters on the street.
153
00:08:11,457 --> 00:08:13,721
- What kind is that?
- Street smart, dumb-ass...
154
00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:15,817
which clearly you're not
or you'd have known that.
155
00:08:15,928 --> 00:08:18,260
"Street smart" is just
something dumb people say...
156
00:08:18,364 --> 00:08:20,889
when they wanna use the word "smart"
to describe themselves.
157
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:24,026
Dumb people, huh?
158
00:08:24,136 --> 00:08:27,697
Okay, Mr. Genius, let's see how brilliant you are
when you don't have a place to sleep tonight...
159
00:08:27,807 --> 00:08:29,968
because you won't be
in the trailer...
160
00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:33,068
and I was smart enough to get my name
on the deed and you weren't.
161
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:35,147
That's not smart.
You just married Earl...
162
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:38,240
and had him sign it over to you
when he was whacked out on morphine.
163
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,615
That's right.
Street smart.
164
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:43,280
[Earl Narrating]
Everybody got their stuff back from Catalina.
165
00:08:43,389 --> 00:08:46,916
She didn't care. She was in the middle
of a religious experience.
166
00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:49,119
God slapped a gun out of my hand.
167
00:08:49,228 --> 00:08:51,560
He knew I had evil in my heart.
168
00:08:51,664 --> 00:08:54,690
I know I say this
all the time to get bigger tips...
169
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,928
but I truly have been
a very bad girl.
170
00:08:58,037 --> 00:09:01,632
And she wasn't the only one
feeling guilty.
171
00:09:01,741 --> 00:09:03,834
I know the Bible hit you...
172
00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:06,935
but there's a decent chance
he was aiming at me.
173
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:10,379
I once got pregnant
with the devil's baby.
174
00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:14,442
The devil's the mascot
at the local junior college, but still.
175
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,853
It was so cool when I was flying.
176
00:09:17,957 --> 00:09:23,020
The only thing I'd change is next time
I'd bring a couple tiny bags of peanuts with me.
177
00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:27,293
You didn't fly, Randy.
You got thrown up on the roof by a tornado.
178
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,368
You're a naysayer...
179
00:09:29,468 --> 00:09:32,301
just like all those people that said
that Orville Redenbacher couldn't fly.
180
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:35,272
[Reporter] Another tornado
has just ripped through Nathanville...
181
00:09:35,374 --> 00:09:37,467
and has been spotted
heading towards Camden.
182
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:41,274
Time to ride the sky, Earl.
Time to ride the sky!
183
00:09:41,380 --> 00:09:42,847
Randy!
184
00:09:44,483 --> 00:09:46,610
Yes, Dodge,
it was very smart of me...
185
00:09:46,719 --> 00:09:51,179
to make these silver-dollar pancakes
with a lighter and a spoon, heroin-style.
186
00:09:51,290 --> 00:09:55,226
Man, Mama made teeny pancakes...
187
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:58,422
and all I did was use the boat's motor
to charge the battery...
188
00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:00,965
so I could hook up a TV, VCR...
189
00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:04,696
for some SpongeBob videos
and this Sno-Kone machine.
190
00:10:04,804 --> 00:10:07,329
Got our favorite flavor- blue.
191
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,533
- [Both Laughing]
- Oh, look.
192
00:10:09,642 --> 00:10:13,100
I guess you love me too much
to run to your father.
193
00:10:13,212 --> 00:10:15,305
- Baby, look what we're doing.
- [Grunts]
194
00:10:15,414 --> 00:10:19,043
I'm pimpin' out a fishing boat. You turned
the boys into some kind of love yo-yos.
195
00:10:19,151 --> 00:10:21,381
This doesn't seem
like good parenting.
196
00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:24,047
Don't you lecture me.
I'm a good parent.
197
00:10:24,156 --> 00:10:27,182
I would never let anything
happen to my boys!
198
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:30,023
Hold on, boys!
199
00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:33,064
- [Both Screaming]
- Mama's got you! Hold on!
200
00:10:33,165 --> 00:10:35,190
[Earl Narrating]
Between the weather and the flying Bible...
201
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:38,361
Catalina and Patty were pretty sure the man
upstairs was trying to tell 'em something.
202
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,439
The question was what.
203
00:10:40,539 --> 00:10:43,235
Please, God, we just need a sign.
204
00:10:43,342 --> 00:10:47,210
- [Wind Howls]
- Was that the sign?
205
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,975
No. That's the sign.
206
00:10:50,082 --> 00:10:53,950
An ark!
Just like in the Bible.
207
00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:56,021
We gotta get in that boat.
208
00:10:56,122 --> 00:11:00,388
Floods are coming!
209
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,393
Randy!
210
00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:07,525
- You gotta come in!
- I'm gonna fly, Earl!
211
00:11:07,633 --> 00:11:10,363
- [Baby Squeals]
- Just like that baby in the stroller.
212
00:11:10,469 --> 00:11:12,699
Lucky baby. Wait up!
213
00:11:12,805 --> 00:11:15,399
Okay, I've tried to be nice.
214
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,601
Now I'm not giving you a choice.
215
00:11:18,978 --> 00:11:21,003
What are you gonna do, shoot me?
216
00:11:21,113 --> 00:11:23,081
I'm gonna shoot you in the leg...
217
00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:25,673
drag you upstairs
and save your life.
218
00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:31,384
Did you shoot me?
Nothing happened.
219
00:11:31,490 --> 00:11:33,685
Do it again.
220
00:11:39,665 --> 00:11:40,723
The hell?
221
00:11:40,833 --> 00:11:43,427
[Wind Howls]
222
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:46,972
[Earl Narrating] There was a reason
those bullets didn't hurt Randy or his pants.
223
00:11:47,073 --> 00:11:50,907
All right, boys,
time for the annual birthday race!
224
00:11:51,010 --> 00:11:54,446
Are you sure you remembered
to put in the blanks this time?
225
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,777
Yes.
226
00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:58,975
I miss Mom.
227
00:11:59,085 --> 00:12:02,418
On your mark,
get set-
228
00:12:02,521 --> 00:12:07,083
[Wind Howls]
229
00:12:09,261 --> 00:12:11,627
Twister!
230
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:14,757
Run! Run! Run!
231
00:12:18,037 --> 00:12:20,528
There's no way I missed you twice.
232
00:12:20,639 --> 00:12:22,800
Something weird's going on.
233
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,545
I know.
234
00:12:26,645 --> 00:12:30,741
I've been sucked up by a tornado,
shot in the leg and nothing's happened to me.
235
00:12:30,850 --> 00:12:33,580
Maybe I'm invincible.
236
00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:37,315
Maybe you are,
or maybe I'm dreaming.
237
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,687
- Ow!
- Nope.
238
00:12:39,792 --> 00:12:42,226
I'm invincible.
But why?
239
00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:44,694
Why am I invincible?
What am I supposed to do?
240
00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:46,958
[Wind Howls]
241
00:12:50,803 --> 00:12:56,469
Randy, I think God
made you invincible to do good.
242
00:12:59,011 --> 00:13:00,979
Cool.
243
00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:06,312
[Earl Narrating] Finding out God
made your little brother invincible...
244
00:13:06,418 --> 00:13:09,148
kind of changes the dynamics
of your relationship.
245
00:13:10,756 --> 00:13:14,214
See, Earl? All we had to do
was take one day off from the list...
246
00:13:14,326 --> 00:13:16,226
and it was the greatest day ever.
247
00:13:16,328 --> 00:13:20,424
For you. You get to be invincible
and go save people.
248
00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:23,127
I gotta rewrite my whole list
and go do it without you.
249
00:13:23,235 --> 00:13:26,830
Forget the list. Come with me
and watch me do awesome superhero stuff.
250
00:13:26,939 --> 00:13:30,500
- We'll get so much ass.
- I can't just forget the list, Randy.
251
00:13:30,609 --> 00:13:33,077
Well, I can't deny my superpowers.
252
00:13:34,613 --> 00:13:36,774
Are you saying we should
do stuff separately?
253
00:13:36,882 --> 00:13:39,077
'Cause that's what it sounds like,
and I don't like it.
254
00:13:39,185 --> 00:13:43,246
Hey, maybe karma
wants us to take turns with our missions.
255
00:13:43,355 --> 00:13:47,382
We can go back and forth
between my list and you helping people.
256
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:49,518
I think God could live with that.
257
00:13:53,699 --> 00:13:55,792
Well, look at that.
258
00:13:55,901 --> 00:13:58,631
Mr. Genius's boat is gone.
259
00:13:58,737 --> 00:14:01,968
Look, Mom.
I found a gun.
260
00:14:02,074 --> 00:14:04,702
Give me that.
You're not 13 yet.
261
00:14:04,810 --> 00:14:06,971
Go look for your daddy.
262
00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:10,914
He's probably off in a ditch
writing a term paper...
263
00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:13,280
about how much smarter
he is than me.
264
00:14:13,385 --> 00:14:17,082
Swear to God, the next time he corrects me
on some nerd crap nobody cares about...
265
00:14:17,189 --> 00:14:19,919
I'm gonna pick him up
and slam his hair right through a-
266
00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:21,754
[Screams]
267
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,829
[Earl Narrating]
With the Brat out of commission...
268
00:14:23,929 --> 00:14:26,659
Joy had to find a more creative way
to get Darnell to the hospital.
269
00:14:26,765 --> 00:14:29,325
Darnell, everything's gonna be okay.
Don't worry about the kids.
270
00:14:29,435 --> 00:14:32,893
I left 'em with Eugenia.
Told her she keeps 'em safe, I'll bake her a pie.
271
00:14:33,005 --> 00:14:36,202
They'll be fine.
Bitch loves her pie.
272
00:14:36,308 --> 00:14:41,007
Mahumbo dogface
to the banana patch.
273
00:14:41,113 --> 00:14:43,741
- Michael Landon.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
274
00:14:43,849 --> 00:14:46,044
No Michael Landon.
You stay away from him.
275
00:14:46,151 --> 00:14:48,813
You can't die.
You're the smart one in the relationship.
276
00:14:48,921 --> 00:14:51,151
What if we have to move
the stereo again?
277
00:14:51,257 --> 00:14:54,021
All those cords.
You fight, damn it.
278
00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:59,689
Lfigure I don't have to help everybody
with my superpowers.
279
00:14:59,798 --> 00:15:02,790
Like, if you're a guy that does experiments
on chimpanzees...
280
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:05,700
and then you're trapped in a tree
by a bunch of chimpanzees...
281
00:15:05,804 --> 00:15:08,705
I'd be, like, "Sorry, bro."
282
00:15:08,807 --> 00:15:10,775
That seems reasonable.
283
00:15:10,876 --> 00:15:12,411
- [Catalina] Earl! Randy!
- Over here!
284
00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:13,469
- [Catalina] Earl! Randy!
- Over here!
285
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:16,013
We need two men
to repopulate the Earth.
286
00:15:16,115 --> 00:15:17,946
No, thanks.
287
00:15:18,050 --> 00:15:20,245
We have steaks.
288
00:15:20,352 --> 00:15:22,320
I could eat.
289
00:15:23,622 --> 00:15:25,852
Yeah, really, it was nothing major.
290
00:15:25,958 --> 00:15:28,586
- I just flew up on a roof, stopped two bullets.
- [Church Bell Pealing]
291
00:15:28,694 --> 00:15:31,663
You know, basic first-day
superhero kind of stuff.
292
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:34,324
Oh, crap. It's Joy.
293
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:36,958
Hold on, baby. Hold on.
294
00:15:37,069 --> 00:15:38,263
Joy!
295
00:15:39,571 --> 00:15:42,096
What happened to Crabman?
296
00:15:42,207 --> 00:15:44,437
- Hey, Earl.
- Hey, Crab-
297
00:15:44,543 --> 00:15:46,977
Bless his heart.
He took a header through the trailer wall.
298
00:15:47,079 --> 00:15:50,014
I gotta get him to a hospital
before his whole brain leaks out.
299
00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:52,777
I don't think you're gonna make it
to the hospital.
300
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:57,612
[Randy]
That's the biggest giant swirly wind thingy yet.
301
00:15:57,723 --> 00:15:59,884
There's a storm cellar
behind the church.
302
00:15:59,992 --> 00:16:02,290
They used to put special kids in there
for Sunday School.
303
00:16:02,394 --> 00:16:05,852
Oh, yeah. I got to go in there.
Earl didn't, 'cause he's not special.
304
00:16:07,266 --> 00:16:09,234
Guys, this is serious.
305
00:16:09,335 --> 00:16:11,530
If you don't get down to that cellar,
you're gonna die.
306
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:14,231
God wants me and Patty
to stay on the boat.
307
00:16:14,340 --> 00:16:16,570
If it means we die, then we die.
308
00:16:16,675 --> 00:16:18,905
- [Electricity Crackles]
- [Wires Vibrate]
309
00:16:19,011 --> 00:16:22,174
- Patty.
- I'm sorry, sweetie.
310
00:16:22,281 --> 00:16:25,478
I've survived too many diseases
to give up now.
311
00:16:36,261 --> 00:16:38,491
- Damn it. It's locked.
- Step aside.
312
00:16:38,597 --> 00:16:40,428
I'm invincible.
313
00:16:45,804 --> 00:16:48,170
I'm vincible!
I'm vincible!
314
00:16:48,273 --> 00:16:50,537
Move, dummy. I'll do it.
315
00:16:54,646 --> 00:16:58,082
Maybe my invincibility
went into the lock when I hit the door.
316
00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:02,381
No. The gun's shooting blanks,
you idiot.
317
00:17:02,488 --> 00:17:05,946
Hey, baby, what's with
the gunshots and whatnot?
318
00:17:06,058 --> 00:17:09,960
Trying to save your ass.
Unscrew that garden hose.
319
00:17:10,062 --> 00:17:13,259
I'm gonna show you a little thing I learned
from the king of street smarts-
320
00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:15,356
Mr. MacGyver.
321
00:17:15,467 --> 00:17:18,368
[Earl Narrating]
Joy had learned enough from MacGyver...
322
00:17:18,470 --> 00:17:21,530
to know you didn't need bullets
to open a locked cellar.
323
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,608
Door's locked.
324
00:17:45,431 --> 00:17:48,457
[Gas Hissing]
325
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:50,967
Are you sure this is gonna work?
326
00:17:58,477 --> 00:18:00,536
Come on, dummies.
327
00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:05,850
- Why are you doing this?
- Because God wants me to.
328
00:18:05,951 --> 00:18:07,942
Oh, so you know what God wants?
329
00:18:08,053 --> 00:18:11,420
Yes. God wants me
to stay in this ark.
330
00:18:11,523 --> 00:18:12,956
[Grunts]
331
00:18:16,228 --> 00:18:18,458
God wants me to go with you.
332
00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:25,096
Dag, that plan you came up with
was way beyond street smart.
333
00:18:25,204 --> 00:18:27,502
That was street genius.
334
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:29,904
They were blanks.
I wasn't invincible.
335
00:18:30,008 --> 00:18:31,976
Probably not.
336
00:18:32,077 --> 00:18:34,545
But you did fly in a tornado.
337
00:18:34,646 --> 00:18:36,614
Nobody can take that away from you.
338
00:18:36,715 --> 00:18:38,615
Yeah, that's true.
339
00:18:38,717 --> 00:18:41,277
You know, at some point,
we're gonna have to talk about the fact...
340
00:18:41,386 --> 00:18:44,082
that you tried to shoot me twice,
but not right now.
341
00:18:44,189 --> 00:18:47,317
I really appreciate you dropping everything
and sticking with me.
342
00:18:47,426 --> 00:18:51,522
It's only fair.
You've always stuck with me.
343
00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:55,896
Next time you get a mission,
it'll be one day your mission, one day my list.
344
00:18:56,001 --> 00:18:57,798
Thanks, Earl.
345
00:18:57,903 --> 00:19:00,394
Oh, my God.
The list.
346
00:19:03,609 --> 00:19:05,577
Well, where-where did you get this?
347
00:19:05,677 --> 00:19:07,645
I found it right away.
It was on the boat.
348
00:19:07,746 --> 00:19:10,306
I was pretty pissed,
so I didn't wanna tell you.
349
00:19:10,415 --> 00:19:14,374
And then with the whole superhero thing,
I guess I just forgot about it.
350
00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:16,852
Wait. This-This doesn't make sense.
351
00:19:16,955 --> 00:19:21,449
I thought karma took the list
to teach me a lesson about finders, keepers.
352
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,687
Now I'm not sure
what any of this meant.
353
00:19:23,795 --> 00:19:27,663
Tell me about it. Why did God give me
and Patty so many conflicting signs?
354
00:19:27,766 --> 00:19:32,362
Yeah. The gun, the Bible,
the boat, the Bible again.
355
00:19:32,471 --> 00:19:35,702
Yeah. And why did he make me think
I was invincible?
356
00:19:35,807 --> 00:19:39,299
You guys don't think
God's losing his mind, do you?
357
00:19:39,411 --> 00:19:42,175
I don't know how old he is,
but he's gotta be getting up there.
358
00:19:42,281 --> 00:19:44,579
Maybe all of it means nothing.
359
00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:46,241
Tornadoes tend to be
stressful times...
360
00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:49,377
in which people ascribe heightened meaning
to random events of physics.
361
00:19:51,056 --> 00:19:54,924
I heard that from a very smart man.
362
00:19:57,196 --> 00:20:01,223
[Earl Narrating] It's tempting to look
for messages when crazy stuff starts happening.
363
00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:04,928
But maybe that's wrong.
Maybe some things are just random.
364
00:20:06,238 --> 00:20:08,502
Hey, Dad! Dad!
365
00:20:08,607 --> 00:20:11,269
- I found our Bible!
- I found your gun and a steak!
366
00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:13,503
- # Dust in the wind #
- Hey, great.
367
00:20:13,612 --> 00:20:15,876
All right.
Fastest runner gets to eat it.
368
00:20:15,981 --> 00:20:17,949
#All we are
is dust in the wind #
369
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:23,044
- Or maybe nothing is random. Hard to say.
- # Dust in the wind #
370
00:20:23,155 --> 00:20:25,749
Excuse me, sir.
371
00:20:25,857 --> 00:20:30,658
- I think I owe you a blue door.
- # Everything is dust in the wind ##