1
00:00:02,068 --> 00:00:04,502
[Earl Narrating]
Tradition at the Crab Shack was...
2
00:00:04,604 --> 00:00:08,301
if you passed out the week before Christmas,
you got decorated.
3
00:00:08,408 --> 00:00:12,777
I wanted tojoin in, but there were certain times
when I needed to be lookin'after Randy-
4
00:00:12,879 --> 00:00:14,972
- like when he was readin'the comics.
- [Laughing]
5
00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:17,345
Oh, God. That's terrible.
6
00:00:17,450 --> 00:00:19,850
- [Laughing]
- ## [Jukebox: Country Christmas]
7
00:00:19,953 --> 00:00:21,853
That's not funny at all.
8
00:00:21,955 --> 00:00:24,014
Randy, remember,
comics are only on the left.
9
00:00:24,124 --> 00:00:27,184
If you keep readin', you'll run
onto the side with the obituaries.
10
00:00:27,293 --> 00:00:29,784
- So what do we do?
- Fold the paper.
11
00:00:29,896 --> 00:00:31,796
Thanks, Earl.
12
00:00:31,898 --> 00:00:33,798
[Crowd]
Three, two, one!
13
00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:37,199
- [Electricity Crackles]
- [Cheering, Laughing]
14
00:00:37,303 --> 00:00:40,431
People, what have I told you?
If you're going to decorate the drunks...
15
00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:43,634
please have a fire extinguisher
standing by.
16
00:00:45,078 --> 00:00:47,638
My name is Earl.
17
00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:56,452
Uh, excuse me.
My wife and I were just driving home...
18
00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:59,992
from building Nerf playgrounds
for autistic children, and, uh, we ran out of gas.
19
00:01:00,093 --> 00:01:02,084
She would've come with me,
but she's shy...
20
00:01:02,195 --> 00:01:04,254
because we had to sell her hair
for baby formula.
21
00:01:04,364 --> 00:01:07,094
If you'd loan me a 20,
I'll, uh, mail it back to you.
22
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:10,169
Goodness me.
That is such a sad story.
23
00:01:10,270 --> 00:01:12,465
And there were so many details,
it has to be true.
24
00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:14,972
Would you mind sharing it
with my friends inside?
25
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,805
I'm sure they'd love to help.
26
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:20,379
[All Laughing]
27
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:25,146
And then he said he had a bald wife
who sold her hair for-
28
00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:27,219
What was it she sold it for?
29
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:29,311
Baby formula.
30
00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:32,858
[Laughing]
31
00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:35,587
[Laughing]
What an idiot.
32
00:01:35,695 --> 00:01:38,163
The baby formula is "man plus woman."
33
00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:40,960
Everybody knows that.
34
00:01:41,067 --> 00:01:44,525
[Earl Narrating] That hustler comin'in here
reminded me of number 201 on my list-
35
00:01:44,637 --> 00:01:47,037
conned an old man
out of a hundred bucks.
36
00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:51,338
A couple weeks before I discovered karma,
me and Joy were watching TV.
37
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:53,435
[Male Announcer]
There are one million orphans in Africa.
38
00:01:53,546 --> 00:01:56,947
These children do not ask,
"What shall I eat for dinner?"
39
00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:59,541
They ask, "Will I ever eat again?"
40
00:01:59,652 --> 00:02:02,712
Change the channel.
I can't eat while I'm lookin' at that kid.
41
00:02:02,822 --> 00:02:04,790
I'll try, but my hands are saucy.
42
00:02:04,891 --> 00:02:08,952
For pennies a day, you can make sure
little Kwame has rice and broth to eat...
43
00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:12,122
instead of bowl after bowl of mud.
44
00:02:12,232 --> 00:02:16,100
Those kids really pull
at your heartstrings.
45
00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:19,296
- Makes you think, doesn't it?
- [Sucks Teeth] Yep.
46
00:02:19,405 --> 00:02:22,670
We can make a fortune
off those scrawny little tearjerkers.
47
00:02:22,775 --> 00:02:25,869
- [Laughing]
- You got rib meat in your teeth.
48
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:28,504
Well, get it.
49
00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:31,140
Man, that's really in there.
50
00:02:38,124 --> 00:02:42,857
Is this true?
Nine out of 10 African children die every minute?
51
00:02:42,962 --> 00:02:44,987
Africa's hard on kids...
52
00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:47,965
what with the hot sun
and giant leeches...
53
00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:51,002
and no... speed limits.
54
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:53,902
- Suppose you want some cash.
- Oh, no, no, no.
55
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,907
[Earl Narrating]
The first rule of scammin'money out of people...
56
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,909
is to look like
you aren't lookin'for money.
57
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,911
We're not askin' for money.
58
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,277
But if you have trouble
sleepin' tonight...
59
00:03:02,382 --> 00:03:04,782
you can just send a check
to the address on the back.
60
00:03:04,884 --> 00:03:08,513
The second rule of scammin'
was not to tell Randy it was a scam.
61
00:03:08,621 --> 00:03:11,715
'Cause there's no better salesman than
someone who believes he's tellin'the truth.
62
00:03:11,824 --> 00:03:13,724
All they're eatin' is air.
63
00:03:13,826 --> 00:03:15,794
And the orphans' bellies
are really big...
64
00:03:15,895 --> 00:03:17,795
but it turns out
they're totally empty.
65
00:03:17,897 --> 00:03:20,923
And all they're askin' for
is a cup of coffee a day.
66
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,025
Oh, my God!
Nine more just died.
67
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:25,661
Open your eyes, people.
Take a pamphlet.
68
00:03:25,772 --> 00:03:27,865
[Earl Narrating]
We handed out a hundred pamphlets...
69
00:03:27,974 --> 00:03:29,874
and even went down
and got a "po"box...
70
00:03:29,976 --> 00:03:31,967
so the address
would look more official.
71
00:03:32,078 --> 00:03:35,514
Most people saw through our scam,
but we did get one bite.
72
00:03:35,615 --> 00:03:37,981
Ka-ching! It worked!
73
00:03:38,084 --> 00:03:41,451
Some guy in Nathanville sent us
a hundred-dollar check for the orphans.
74
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:46,082
- Sweet.
- Why are you gettin' the money
for the African orphans?
75
00:03:49,095 --> 00:03:51,563
Randy, maybe it's time to tell you.
76
00:03:51,664 --> 00:03:54,189
This was a scam.
77
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:56,291
It was?
78
00:03:56,402 --> 00:03:58,302
You always get me.
79
00:03:58,404 --> 00:04:01,134
[Laughing]
Oh, man. I cried so much.
80
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,971
I didn't even tell you about
the nightmares I've been havin'.
81
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,637
Whew. Wow.
What a relief.
82
00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:09,078
So there's no starvin' children
in Africa then?
83
00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:13,016
No.
84
00:04:13,119 --> 00:04:15,553
[Earl Narrating] And so me and Randy
went to find the guy...
85
00:04:15,655 --> 00:04:18,021
who'd sent us that check
all those years ago.
86
00:04:21,861 --> 00:04:24,887
Did you know Aunt Ramona
wrote a book about barbecue sauces?
87
00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:26,898
Mom says it bought her a condo.
88
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:31,198
I think I'm gonna write a book about
barbecue sauces. Maybe other sauces too.
89
00:04:31,304 --> 00:04:33,329
Randy, you don't know
anything about sauce.
90
00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:35,464
People write books
about things they know.
91
00:04:35,575 --> 00:04:37,873
Think about how much meat
Aunt Ramona eats.
92
00:04:37,977 --> 00:04:41,071
Maybe I could write a book
about how things taste-
93
00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:43,205
- you know, nonfood things.
- [Doorbell Rings]
94
00:04:43,316 --> 00:04:45,284
I have a curious tongue.
95
00:04:45,385 --> 00:04:48,616
- That could be the name of the book.
- [Door Opens]
96
00:04:48,721 --> 00:04:51,053
- Mr. Hill?
- Yes?
97
00:04:51,157 --> 00:04:53,682
I don't know if you remember,
but three years ago...
98
00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:56,853
you sent me a hundred dollars
to help save an orphan kid in Africa.
99
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:59,796
Of course. Mbungo.
100
00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:03,630
[Chuckling]
That little fella. Why, he's changed my life.
101
00:05:03,736 --> 00:05:05,328
'Scuse me?
102
00:05:05,438 --> 00:05:08,566
- ## ["Here Comes Santa Claus"]
- Here are some drawings Mbungo made me.
103
00:05:08,675 --> 00:05:10,575
All his letters...
104
00:05:10,677 --> 00:05:13,612
and his report cards
from the village school.
105
00:05:13,713 --> 00:05:15,613
Teacher comments:
106
00:05:15,715 --> 00:05:18,878
"Plays well with zebras.
Expert stick-thrower."
107
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,545
You can tell he's special.
108
00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:25,988
- So you been sendin' checks this whole time?
- A hundred dollars a month.
109
00:05:26,092 --> 00:05:30,392
But it's worth it.
Take a look at this kid.
110
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:34,364
Knowin'that I make a difference
in Mbungo's life...
111
00:05:34,467 --> 00:05:36,435
it makes me feel-
112
00:05:38,604 --> 00:05:41,232
- Joy.
- Exactly.
113
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,434
- Joy.
- [Randy] Ow!
114
00:05:43,543 --> 00:05:45,875
Oh!
115
00:05:47,814 --> 00:05:51,841
Cactus: Painful, but worth it.
116
00:05:56,956 --> 00:05:58,981
Come on, Darnell.
Let me lick your head.
117
00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:03,188
It'll be in my new book-
right after "all ofJoy and Darnell's spoons."
118
00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:05,594
I guess,
if it's for research purposes.
119
00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:08,098
You been scammin' that poor man
for three years?
120
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:10,101
I can't believe you're not
ashamed of yourself.
121
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:13,036
If I had only fooled him once,
it'd be shame on me.
122
00:06:13,139 --> 00:06:16,131
But I have fooled him a bunch of times,
so, duh, it's shame on him.
123
00:06:16,242 --> 00:06:18,142
It's cruel, Joy.
124
00:06:18,244 --> 00:06:21,270
You didn't just con him out of
thousands of dollars. He loves that kid.
125
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:24,282
How's he gonna feel if he finds out
Mbungo doesn't even exist?
126
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,284
Well, you better not
tell him the truth...
127
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:29,048
'cause you'll ruin Christmas
for a lot of people in this trailer park.
128
00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:31,055
What?
129
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:34,422
[Earl Narrating] Turns outJoy was so proud
ofkeeping the African orphan scheme going...
130
00:06:34,527 --> 00:06:37,087
she couldn't resist bragging
to her friends in the trailer park.
131
00:06:37,196 --> 00:06:42,065
Her friend Sylvia used some barbecue ashes
to fake a disaster photo.
132
00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:44,898
[Sobbing]
133
00:06:45,004 --> 00:06:48,667
Then she sent Mr. Hill
a letter asking for donations...
134
00:06:48,775 --> 00:06:51,300
for families who lost
their homes in wildfires.
135
00:06:52,612 --> 00:06:54,580
Tammy went the other way.
136
00:06:59,452 --> 00:07:01,420
She sent Mr. Hill a letter
asking for donations...
137
00:07:01,521 --> 00:07:04,149
for families displaced by floods.
138
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:07,249
And pretty soon, he was
sending monthly checks to everybody.
139
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:10,158
- This is wrong, Joy, and you know it.
- Says you.
140
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:13,232
Sure I took from one person,
but I gave the idea to two other people...
141
00:07:13,332 --> 00:07:15,800
which means I have given
twice as much as I have taken.
142
00:07:15,902 --> 00:07:18,097
So suck on that.
143
00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:25,642
Hair: Tastes like marijuana.
144
00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:32,416
Joy's not gonna
budge on this, Randy.
145
00:07:32,518 --> 00:07:35,316
I don't want to, but maybe
I should just write Mr. Hill a check...
146
00:07:35,421 --> 00:07:37,821
for all the moneyJoy and her friends
conned him out of.
147
00:07:37,924 --> 00:07:40,222
[Groans]
Snoopy tastes horrible.
148
00:07:40,326 --> 00:07:44,160
I think writing a check is the only way
I can cross Mr. Hill off my list.
149
00:07:44,263 --> 00:07:46,823
Oh, God. That's terrible.
150
00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:49,299
Randy, just fold the paper over, okay?
151
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:56,341
Well, I hope you're happy.
152
00:07:56,442 --> 00:08:00,902
Oh, my God! Mr. Hill had a stroke and died?
This is horrible.
153
00:08:01,013 --> 00:08:04,176
I just took a close-up picture of EarlJunior
with flies in the corner of his eyes.
154
00:08:04,283 --> 00:08:07,810
Do you know how hard it is to get a kid
and a fly to hold still for a picture?
155
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:09,751
Read the rest of the obituary.
156
00:08:09,856 --> 00:08:14,054
"Mr. Hill is leaving everything
to his three favorite charities:
157
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:18,028
"Pimmit Hills African Relief,
Pimmit Hills Wildfire Victims...
158
00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:21,099
and Pimmit Hills Flood Helpers
Give Us Money Fund."
159
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:24,727
Darnell! Mbungo's sugar daddy
just took a dirt nap, and we're rich!
160
00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:26,771
Not if I have anything to say about it.
161
00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:29,239
I'm gonna cross
Mr. Hill off my list...
162
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:32,277
by making sure you and your friends
never get that money.
163
00:08:32,378 --> 00:08:35,677
That's my money, Earl Hickey. Don't you
mess with me. You know what I'm capable of.
164
00:08:35,781 --> 00:08:37,908
You know why you only got nine toes.
165
00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:41,418
[Earl Narrating] So me and Randy
headed over to Mr. Hill's house.
166
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:45,753
This'll be just like old times-
breaking into a house.
167
00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:48,292
You think we can steal
a few things too?
168
00:08:48,394 --> 00:08:50,988
I brought a grocery list
of stuff we're out of.
169
00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:53,224
Deodorant, Fig Newtons, underwear.
170
00:08:53,332 --> 00:08:55,232
Randy, we're not taking anything.
171
00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:57,928
We just have to find something
with Mr. Hill's lawyer's name on it...
172
00:08:58,037 --> 00:09:00,631
so we can tell the lawyer
those charities are fake.
173
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:05,742
I knew it. That bastard's trying
to screw up our inheritance.
174
00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:14,752
Oh, my God. This is it.
175
00:09:14,854 --> 00:09:16,913
It's his will.
176
00:09:17,023 --> 00:09:21,016
"Charities shall receive monies
in the amount of $280,000."
177
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:23,152
[Gasps]
178
00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:27,995
The lawyer's name and address
are right here.
179
00:09:31,470 --> 00:09:35,270
They found the will.
That old coot was holding on to $280,000.
180
00:09:35,374 --> 00:09:38,207
Bling! I'm gonna buy a fur coat
with the little head still on it...
181
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:41,906
so people will stare and I'll be all,
"Yeah, this bitch is real."
182
00:09:42,014 --> 00:09:44,915
Yeah! Get down.
They're comin' out.
183
00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:54,355
We gotta get that will away from 'em.
We'll just keep following 'em real quiet.
184
00:09:56,796 --> 00:09:59,526
- [Engine Starts]
- ## [Stereo: Loud Rock]
185
00:09:59,632 --> 00:10:04,535
It's Joy. She must've figured out
we have the will. We gotta split up.
186
00:10:04,637 --> 00:10:07,197
You take the will and start walking
to the lawyer's office.
187
00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:10,366
Joy will be sure I kept it,
and she'll follow me.
188
00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:13,536
- [Mouthing Words]
- What are you doin'?
189
00:10:13,646 --> 00:10:17,309
I'm pretendin' I'm mad at you,
and that's why I'm gettin' out of the car.
190
00:10:22,521 --> 00:10:24,421
What do you mean you hate our troops?
191
00:10:24,523 --> 00:10:26,423
They're protecting our freedom!
192
00:10:26,525 --> 00:10:29,892
- I'm gettin' outta your car!
- [Door Slams]
193
00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:44,136
- [Gasps]
- Hand me the will, dummy.
194
00:10:44,243 --> 00:10:47,303
Uh, maybe you should
give me the will.
195
00:10:47,413 --> 00:10:51,042
- I don't have the will.
- Well, I do.
196
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:54,551
Not. Not. Not.
Not. Not.
197
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,384
Not. Not. Not. Not.
198
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:03,462
Hello. We're here to pick up our checks
from the dead guy.
199
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,825
You are Mr. Fischer, the lawyer,
aren't you?
200
00:11:06,932 --> 00:11:10,993
Yes, I'm Mr. Fischer,
and I believe you know Mr. Hickey.
201
00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:16,839
- Son of a bitch.
- Hello, Joy.
202
00:11:16,942 --> 00:11:18,842
I knew you'd follow Randy.
203
00:11:18,944 --> 00:11:23,108
That gave mejust enough time to get here
and tell Mr. Fischer everything.
204
00:11:23,215 --> 00:11:25,115
Thank you, Mr. Hickey.
205
00:11:25,217 --> 00:11:27,913
You can cross Mr. Hill
off your list.
206
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:29,749
See ya around, Joy.
207
00:11:32,725 --> 00:11:35,285
You had to stop for tacos.
208
00:11:35,394 --> 00:11:37,294
Uh, counteroffer?
209
00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,265
'Scuse me?
210
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:46,134
I could... do a little paperwork magic
and make your charities legal.
211
00:11:46,238 --> 00:11:48,138
Then you could collect the cash.
212
00:11:49,909 --> 00:11:51,809
And what's your kickback?
213
00:11:51,911 --> 00:11:53,811
Oh, I don't need any money.
214
00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:57,974
It's just that...
I'm a very lonely man.
215
00:11:58,084 --> 00:12:00,814
My wife's dead- to me.
216
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:02,820
She lives in Oregon now
with the kids.
217
00:12:02,922 --> 00:12:05,356
I'm not supposed to know that,
but the cops have slipped up.
218
00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:07,449
I see where you're goin'with this.
219
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:11,121
You'll help us out with the documents
as long as you get to have sex with Sylvia here.
220
00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:14,563
Shut up, Sylvia. That's a lot of money,
and you are not married.
221
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:18,660
Well, actually, what I had in mind
was something in a blonde.
222
00:12:18,771 --> 00:12:21,535
- Oh, I don't have-
- Come on, Joy. That's a lot of money.
223
00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:23,335
Zip it!
224
00:12:24,376 --> 00:12:26,571
Blonde's not on the menu.
225
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:29,807
How about we give you
Sylvia and $6,000?
226
00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:33,282
- Or Tammy and 3,500.
- Can you go to five on Tammy?
227
00:12:33,385 --> 00:12:35,319
- I don't know if I'm down with sleepin' with-
- Deal.
228
00:12:36,722 --> 00:12:41,091
[Scoffs]
For cryin'out loud.
229
00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:43,319
[Table Shaking]
230
00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:49,662
[Earl Narrating] While Tammy and Mr. Fischer
were getting busy under his desk...
231
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,704
Joy and Sylvia were busy
getting the $5,000 in bribe money...
232
00:12:52,805 --> 00:12:54,705
from a local loan shark.
233
00:12:54,807 --> 00:12:58,140
- Five grand.
- Thank you very much.
234
00:12:58,244 --> 00:12:59,939
Here's a check for you.
235
00:13:00,045 --> 00:13:03,503
And one for you.
And one for you.
236
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,379
Pleasure doin' business with you.
237
00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:09,420
[Chortling]
Ah! Yeah!
238
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:11,513
[Phone Beeping]
239
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,649
- [Line Clicks]
- It worked.
240
00:13:13,759 --> 00:13:16,523
- You got all the money?
- Every penny.
241
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:19,598
- What are you gonna do now?
- I'm gonna take it back where it belongs.
242
00:13:19,698 --> 00:13:22,633
[Earl Narrating]
Which was to Mr. Hill, who wasn't really dead.
243
00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:24,862
You see, I'djust pulled a huge scam.
244
00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:28,633
First, I got Mr. Hill
out of town for a few days...
245
00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:32,802
by arranging for him to win a vacation
to the national rodeo championships.
246
00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:35,312
Yahoo!
247
00:13:35,414 --> 00:13:37,848
And the old scam rules still applied.
248
00:13:37,950 --> 00:13:41,886
I knew the best way to convinceJoy it was real
was to make Randy think it was real.
249
00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:44,353
Oh, God. That's terrible.
250
00:13:46,525 --> 00:13:49,653
I also knew hearin'about all that money
would makeJoy greedy.
251
00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:52,925
Darnell! Mbungo's sugar daddy
just took a dirt nap, and we're rich!
252
00:13:53,032 --> 00:13:55,023
I knewJoy wouldn't
let me out ofher sight...
253
00:13:55,134 --> 00:13:58,262
but before we broke into the house,
I had to make sure she'd follow me there.
254
00:14:00,206 --> 00:14:04,006
Then I just had to pretend to find
the will I'd planted in Mr. Hill's house.
255
00:14:04,109 --> 00:14:06,441
Oh, my God.
This is it. It's his will.
256
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,974
I needed to makeJoy think
she was a step ahead of me...
257
00:14:11,083 --> 00:14:13,074
so I gave the fake will to Randy...
258
00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:15,244
knowing she'd get it away from him.
259
00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:18,221
But to actually get these marks
to hand over the money...
260
00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:20,952
I needed someone
to gain their confidence-
261
00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:22,960
somebody willing to scam people...
262
00:14:23,062 --> 00:14:25,223
who also had a grudge againstJoy.
263
00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:29,427
And of course, my first rule
of getting money out of people still applied-
264
00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:31,696
look like you're not
lookin'for money.
265
00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:36,434
Well, actually, what I had in mind
was something in a blonde.
266
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:38,442
And after I knew we had the money...
267
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:41,274
there was only one thing
left to take care of.
268
00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:43,280
I'm gonna take it back
where it belongs.
269
00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:46,749
Mr. Hill gets back from
the rodeo championships next week.
270
00:14:46,852 --> 00:14:48,820
I think he's gonna be very happy.
271
00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:54,583
I'm sorry, Earl,
but I letJoy get the will.
272
00:14:54,693 --> 00:14:58,754
That was my plan, Randy.
This whole thing was a scam.
273
00:14:59,932 --> 00:15:02,423
[Laughing]
Oh, man, Earl!
274
00:15:02,534 --> 00:15:04,764
You got me again.
275
00:15:04,870 --> 00:15:06,861
Wow. This was a long one though.
276
00:15:06,972 --> 00:15:09,133
All that runnin' around, karma.
277
00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:12,642
I believed in that crazy list
for three years.
278
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,509
[Laughing]
Bravo, Earl. Bravo.
279
00:15:17,349 --> 00:15:20,182
[Earl Narrating] And when Mr. Hill
got back from his vacation...
280
00:15:20,286 --> 00:15:23,016
I was there waitin'
to tell him the whole story-
281
00:15:23,122 --> 00:15:27,081
from my original scam all the way up
to gettin'his money back from Joy.
282
00:15:28,827 --> 00:15:32,092
This money covers every nickel
Joy and her friends conned you out of...
283
00:15:32,197 --> 00:15:35,655
plus another hundred
for breaking your front door lock.
284
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,032
And I think Randy took
some of your underwear.
285
00:15:38,137 --> 00:15:40,264
I can't believe it.
286
00:15:40,372 --> 00:15:43,603
There were no hurricanes, no fires?
287
00:15:43,709 --> 00:15:45,802
No Mbungos?
288
00:15:48,747 --> 00:15:50,715
I'm such an idiot.
289
00:15:50,816 --> 00:15:52,716
But-Wait.
290
00:15:52,818 --> 00:15:55,218
The important thing is
you got your money back now.
291
00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:58,222
Well, how's that supposed
to make me feel better?
292
00:15:58,324 --> 00:16:02,385
I'm still the moron who thought
he bought an entire African village...
293
00:16:02,494 --> 00:16:04,394
athlete's foot vaccinations.
294
00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:07,564
You know what you need?
295
00:16:07,666 --> 00:16:10,032
Let's go laugh in their faces.
It'll feel great.
296
00:16:12,404 --> 00:16:14,304
I took Mr. Hill to the trailer park...
297
00:16:14,406 --> 00:16:17,000
so we could laugh at the people
we'd gotten revenge on.
298
00:16:17,109 --> 00:16:19,509
I had hoped that the opportunity
to do a victory dance...
299
00:16:19,611 --> 00:16:23,479
in front of the lowlives who had been
rippin'him off would cheer him right up.
300
00:16:23,582 --> 00:16:27,211
[Water Running]
301
00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:30,311
But when we got there,
things had changed.
302
00:16:30,422 --> 00:16:33,118
What was once
a middle-to-low-end trailer park...
303
00:16:33,225 --> 00:16:36,058
now looked like
a third world country.
304
00:16:38,263 --> 00:16:39,890
[Flies Buzzing]
305
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:44,033
Joy, what happened to all of you?
306
00:16:44,136 --> 00:16:46,070
You happened, you jackass.
307
00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:48,605
Turns out that raisin'the money
to pay back the loan shark...
308
00:16:48,707 --> 00:16:51,574
had hitJoy and her friends
harder than I expected.
309
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:53,577
Since the lawyer's checks bounced...
310
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:55,840
Tammy had no way
to pay the loan shark.
311
00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:58,473
I'm sorry he took
your plumbing truck, baby.
312
00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:01,075
We'll be okay.
What's the worst that could happen?
313
00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:04,451
- [Explosion]
- Answer? A busted water heater.
314
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:09,350
We probably should've kept
a couple of wrenches.
315
00:17:10,996 --> 00:17:12,930
Sylvia gave the loan shark
her furnace...
316
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,932
and had to find other ways
to keep warm.
317
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:19,198
Hey, that's better.
Move over.
318
00:17:25,477 --> 00:17:28,446
And Joy had to hand over
all her appliances.
319
00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:31,846
What do you want me to say, Darnell?
It looked like a sound investment.
320
00:17:31,950 --> 00:17:36,717
Besides, joke's gonna be on him when
he finds out that crisper don't work for squat.
321
00:17:36,822 --> 00:17:39,791
OnceJoy and Darnell
lost their refrigerator...
322
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:44,090
Christmas came early for all
the neighborhood flies-all 10,000 of'em.
323
00:17:46,632 --> 00:17:48,600
Without money for an exterminator...
324
00:17:48,700 --> 00:17:51,328
the Turners had no choice
but to move outside.
325
00:17:54,306 --> 00:17:58,174
So, did you come here to gloat? Or is it
just natural that, after flies, maggots show up?
326
00:17:58,277 --> 00:18:01,735
Excuse me.
How much would it cost...
327
00:18:01,847 --> 00:18:05,510
to hire an exterminator to-
to get rid of all these flies?
328
00:18:05,617 --> 00:18:08,415
- I don't know. Couple hundred bucks?
- [Check Tears]
329
00:18:11,523 --> 00:18:13,423
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doin'?
330
00:18:13,525 --> 00:18:15,322
Excuse me, miss.
331
00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:18,021
Could you use a donation
to help with your flood damage?
332
00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:20,462
Is this some kinda scam?
'Cause if it is...
333
00:18:20,566 --> 00:18:23,558
it's someone else's turn
to have sex with the gross guy.
334
00:18:23,669 --> 00:18:27,002
Don't give me that look, Don.
We already talked about this.
335
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,801
Okay, stop.
336
00:18:28,907 --> 00:18:31,637
I put a lot of effort into gettin' this money
out of these people.
337
00:18:31,743 --> 00:18:33,768
How can you just give it back?
338
00:18:33,879 --> 00:18:36,507
Come on. Laugh at 'em.
They're fools.
339
00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:40,346
Earl, I don't have that much
goin' on in my life.
340
00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:42,352
I mean, I'm a rodeo fan...
341
00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:46,447
and I do like to whittle,
but not that much.
342
00:18:46,558 --> 00:18:48,526
But when I gave to those charities-
343
00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:50,891
even though they weren't real-
344
00:18:50,996 --> 00:18:52,896
I thought I was helpin' people.
345
00:18:52,998 --> 00:18:55,990
And that made me feel good.
346
00:18:56,101 --> 00:18:58,865
Looks to me like these people
really have been through...
347
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,235
some floods and fires and such.
348
00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:04,468
This is a chance for me
to help people for real.
349
00:19:04,576 --> 00:19:06,976
I really think
you're missin' the point.
350
00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:09,343
These are the exact people
who've been rippin' you off.
351
00:19:09,448 --> 00:19:11,916
I know.
352
00:19:21,527 --> 00:19:24,519
[Gasps, Crying]
353
00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:30,796
- [Bell Ringing]
- [Earl Narrating]
I was amazed by Mr. Hill's generosity.
354
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:33,770
And it definitely had an effect
on the people he helped.
355
00:19:33,872 --> 00:19:37,364
When you've been a jerk and someone's
still nice to you, it's a powerful thing.
356
00:19:37,476 --> 00:19:40,172
#Vixen and Blitzen and all his reindeer#
357
00:19:40,279 --> 00:19:42,179
- # Pullin'on the reins #
- Ho, ho, ho.
358
00:19:42,281 --> 00:19:44,306
#Bells are ringin; children singin'#
359
00:19:44,416 --> 00:19:46,543
#All is merry and bright #
360
00:19:46,652 --> 00:19:50,418
Seein'what Mr. Hill had done
really put me in the Christmas spirit.
361
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:53,514
Wakey, wakey,
Christmas snowflakies.
362
00:19:53,625 --> 00:19:56,685
#Here comes Santa Claus
right down Santa Claus Lane #
363
00:19:56,795 --> 00:19:58,922
#He's got a bag
that's filled with toys #
364
00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:02,296
- # For boys and girls again #
- Thanks, Earl.
365
00:20:02,401 --> 00:20:04,301
#Hear those sleigh bells
jinglejangle #
366
00:20:04,403 --> 00:20:06,462
#Oh, what a beautiful sight #
367
00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:08,767
#Sojump in bed
and cover your head #
368
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:11,434
#'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight #
369
00:20:15,514 --> 00:20:17,414
[Knocking]
370
00:20:17,516 --> 00:20:20,974
And to my surprise, he ended up teaching me
something pretty important too.
371
00:20:21,086 --> 00:20:24,613
Merry Christmas, Joy.
372
00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:28,250
Oh, my God.
You got our old refrigerator back.
373
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:31,852
We don't have to keep the kids' antibiotics
up against the air conditioner anymore.
374
00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:34,728
He taught me that being generous
to someone who's done you wrong...
375
00:20:34,833 --> 00:20:36,733
can be the best kind
of charity there is.
376
00:20:39,705 --> 00:20:41,900
Oh. It's empty.
377
00:20:43,642 --> 00:20:46,543
That's okay. It's still nice.
Come on in.
378
00:20:46,645 --> 00:20:48,306
#Hear those sleigh bells
jinglejangle #
379
00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:51,007
#Oh, what a beautiful sight #
380
00:20:51,116 --> 00:20:53,380
#Sojump in bed
and cover your head #
381
00:20:53,485 --> 00:20:58,047
#'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight ##